I have changed my life for the better since participating in Serge Benhayon’s and Universal Medicine’s workshops.
What Serge has shared with me about relationships is that I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first – in turn letting them feel that they are love and can share this also.
I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.
Universal Medicine has also shared with me that there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside… such that I am a truly loving person, full of joy, full of confidence and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life. Not only did Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon suggest that this was in all of us, but they and he offered a true way of how to connect to this, and I thank them deeply for this.
Once I began to connect to this place more regularly, I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished. This was very foreign to me at first, because I had spent most of my life not truly liking who I was, with a deep lack of self-worth, a deep self-loathing, never feeling enough and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this up by excelling at everything I did, from school and sports and careers to heavy and abusive binge drinking from the age of 15, experimentation with drugs, risky adrenaline-based activities as well as many so-called ‘random’ partners – oh dear!
I soon came to realise that the alcohol, drugs and adrenaline behaviours were a way to try and cope with life, and the fact that deep down I didn’t like who I was, never felt enough, and was never truly happy with the so-called ‘fantastic and successful life’ that I had created for myself on the outside by excelling at everything.
I also saw that the many partners were a way to try and feel loved, to get touched or get affection to confirm that I was enough, that I was adorable and delicate and worth cherishing – but the truth was that I was never touched in a loving, adoring or cherishing way, so in fact it was just another way to accept abuse in my body and confirm that I was horrible. How ironic.
As my self-worth, self-love and an awareness of how to be another way with myself grew, I began to say no to these unloving behaviours and self-abuse. In particular this process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they spoke with me and touched me, especially my partner. This was very difficult at first because of the deep self-loathing that was still there, along with an uncomfortable lack of confidence to speak up, because on the inside the self-abuse and self-loathing would speak to me and say “Who’s going to listen to you?” or “Why is what you feel so important?” It is at these times, I’m afraid to admit, when I was very likely to pull out the “Serge (Benhayon) said this” or “Natalie (Benhayon) said that” card, because deep down I didn’t trust that my words, my expressions and my feelings were enough – or would be heard.
This is how and when the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is and was abused, and is commonly done so by other women with the same lack of self-worth. What I was truly trying to express in those moments was what I felt, so it wasn’t a case of doing what I was told – it was more a case of me needing something or someone to back me up, to make sure my partner heard me, because I didn’t feel that I was enough. And for this I am sorry, for it was never truly love that I was expressing.
Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another being loving with me.
As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all. And the crazy thing is, I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. How ironic.
173 thoughts on “Relationships: It’s Now About What I Feel, Not What Serge Benhayon Says”
I loved your sharing it kind reminded me of me and how I used to be once upon a time. There were a couple of gold statements, ‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another’; ‘to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us’.
This has to begin with you, otherwise what’s the point as everything has been developed from one big fast lie. When we truly look within, we realise the things that are of importance and it naturally unfolds to developing a relationship that is from truth, and then that is offered to others, for either to take, or leave it, simple.
As our self love and appreciation of self as well as self worth grows, then it is that much easier to establish boundaries and say no to abusive behaviour or to say no to choices that are not loving. However, this does not happen overnight and is a process that I have had to work on over a period of time, and it is also an on-going process of continual refinement and growth and adjustment.
I agree, we then develop a radar for abuse and we also have the choice of saying yes or no to it. We are constantly refining just like the way our bodies develop from a baby to a geriatric, everything that goes within a body is the same too…
How can we truly love another if we do not love ourselves first? This is a wise thing to ponder on indeed, for the chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
This is very foreign to a lot of women, so great that this is now a part of your life, ‘ I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.’
Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine courses have offered me a black belt in feeling more, but the words to those feelings have to come from my own expression. That is the bit I can find challenging… truly understanding those feelings (and not the reaction that often get interlaced with them) and giving them a voice. It takes practise, I make mistakes, but the understanding grows and I learn to live more of my life in truth.
I love how everything simply points back at loving ourselves deeply. We try going somewhere without it, but it’s actually all about coming back with it to let out more.
Yes it makes it simple, loving ourselves first, then we do not have needs of others, ‘As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.’
It can be tempting to hide behind something or someone else but it is so liberating to express the truth of how we are really feeling about something.
Love is like an eternal ladder that we have to climb at our own pace, so as we re-connect to our essences we can imagine each run has a mirror that reflects where we are ‘at’ for us to feel and then also to be a reflection to everyone else. And those first few runs are for all of us all about understanding Gentleness at-least because for us all being gentle is the starting foundation as even Self-Love is not at the bottom as we have drifted so far away from where being at-least-self-loving that we have to all start at the bottom, which is gentleness. So if we are left behind at times it is because of the difficulties we have in seeing the uplifting reflections that is offered by others this is because we are addicted to our old ways but now a divine reflection is always their and it is up to us all to be responsible for taking the next step in Lifes-evolutionary-ladder when we are ready so no judgement or critique on an-others-ladd-ery-experiences!
Stop for a minute and ask yourself (be absolutely honest) what do I truly treasure? Whatever the answer, this will help.
Honesty is a key to the treasure-trove of Love that is within our essences.
“because of the deep self-loathing that was still there, along with an uncomfortable lack of confidence to speak up”. This leads to so much that is unexpressed that when it is expressed it either comes with a persuasive or justifying edge, neither of which come from the deep knowing that has been lived and is known as a truth in the body.
The lack of self-worth is a pernicious virus that eats away at us and results in a lack of confidence that leads to needing someone else’s words to validate what we want to say, just so someone will listen to us.
If you listen carefully, a feeling is a consistent nudge that we can learn to trust. It comes from inside and is the gold we have to offer the world by reflection.
So many cases of abuse like domestic violence are incresing all over the world. It has become normal being dismissive, speaking harshly to someone when we are frustrated and not being responsible of the energy that we carry with along the day. Blaming men about being aggressive with their partners is not the way. There is something that we as women forgot that is the self-abuse that have infliged towards ourselves in the first place. Allowing self-critical thoughts, being good and nice, compromising ourselves, saying yes when we deep down inside feel no…all of that is also abuse. So maybe we could start to build enough self-worth within us to say no, to put stop to all the abusive behaviours that we feed in the relationship with ourselves first, then we will be truly strong to not allow less than love in any relationship. We will emanate enough decency and respect that there will be no place to any abusive behaviour towards us in our presence.
Something that inspires me very much about Serge and Natalie Benhayon is the steadyness and authority in what they live. There is a delicateness and strength that they emanate that shows me how we all can be in life. The way they present is very alive, playful, real…are all words shared from their lived experience which makes it very accesible. They remind me how love really works and can be lived in my everyday life. I can relate how much beauty and joy I can experience thanks to the work with Universal Medicine, a true blessing that starts within me.
This is such an adorable blog as I can feel how you have honestly turned your life around, yes you tried and did many things in order to cope and get through life as best you could. But really how many of us haven’t done those same things or similar. So what I am reading is that we all have our coping mechanisms and then we come across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and the support that it offered is so caring and understanding that it is possible to let go of the coping mechanisms that have us hanging onto life and re learn how to fully commit to life and find that actually life is very grand when it is lived in full and not from the anxiousness or nervous tension that normally runs our bodies.
I know the pulling out the ‘Serge or Natalie said this card’ out of lack of self-worth. And the irony is I was not heard of course because I was only just regurgitating words without them having lived or experienced myself.
I love your conclusion: ‘there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.’ This was such a revelation for me that I didn’t have to convert another or try to persuade them to make the choices I make that simple being me is enough for them to feel.
When we don’t love ourselves first we are plagued with insecurity lack of self-worth, a lack of inner confidence and when we start to find our inner-truth and continue to feel the connection from within we build our self-worth and our confidence and realise that we do have a huge amount of love for ourselves from within and the more consistent we become with our loving choices the greater our foundation is.
The thing is that there is so much we can bring to the world with our solidness and presence. And, yet, we spend most of our vital time fighting ourselves, not liking ourselves. That guarantees not leaving enough time to share our innate virtues with the world.
It is beautiful to read your words so honest, with your deeply felt apology.
When we know the truth but do not live it yet but want this truth to be lived by all it is easy to fall for the demand towards others to be that way. But then comes the revelation, as you so beautifully describe here, that all we need to do is start with ourselves, all that it takes is learn to love and care deeply for ourselves and the tides are turned how we are met by the world as we have changed how we meet the world.
Forcing ourselves to excel at everything in human life including ‘alcohol, drugs and adrenaline behaviours’ is a really harsh way to treat our bodies.
It is amazing how we find it hard to be the authority of truth even though we know it so. In justification, we make ourselves small, we measure the living out of the truth we know so not to be seen or felt in full.
Learning to take responsibility for ourselves and to be self loving is quite a process, as self disregard and dishonouring of ourselves are pervasive and deep patterns that seem quite normal because so many people are disregarding themselves. We are even taught to put others before ourselves and that sacrifice is “good”. But this just doesn’t work because self love needs to become our foundation before love in its true quality can truly be shared with others (and not the emotional love). This must be one of the most important things our global population needs to reinstate into daily living and education if we are to truly eradicate disharmony and the various maladies we have worldwide that come from the lovelessness we all currently live.
The honesty in this article is refreshing, it is also bringing an awareness to the harm we bring upon ourselves and others don’t live in full the grace of our authority. A very deeply humbling wisdom, one I so greatly understand, and am working with daily to wipe away any doubts and fears that halt my authority from being expressed.
Having completely closed down from feeling in the past, it is now amazing in just how much I can feel and read situations accurately now that I honour and respect myself and my body.
I have also found that the more I love myself and express that love out to everyone around me the less I need or expect others to be loving.
Its interesting when I read about all the drugs that we experiment with / use… I think of alcohol or the illicit drugs. But what about the more mundane, everday one’s that we use – caffeine and out whole endocrine system – choosing to get off on adrenaline or anxiety? The more normal they are the more we unconsciously allow them rather than stopping and realising they are not a natural day to day experience.
The love we deserve is out of this world! Luckily, we have bodies that can express as vehicles of this universal Love.
This is the key difference between so many other forms of self help or religion that I have found. Not only does Serge talk the talk (anyone can tell you how to do things better), but he walks and in that provides a very clear example as well as his teaching in bringing it to life and making it an absolutely relevant way of living.
Thank you Anonymous, this blog spoke to me deeply today in particular ‘if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first’ … so in fact it’s about building that love and strength in us, and allowing ourselves to be and speak from there as we do, no images or expectations here, just a simple, loving, lived way.
Yes and as I have deepened that way of living in myself, I have had less ‘need’ for this from others but have found that it is simply how I am in all areas of my life. My job is to build that consistency so it is a foundation upon which I can stand on from the inside, not the outside.
“Universal Medicine has also shared with me that there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside… such that I am a truly loving person, full of joy, full of confidence and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life.” A beautiful gift when we choose to appreciate and accept this truth.
Living from the inside out is living in connection to the truth of our love, and as such we are guided by our inner-wisdom to live with the confidence to stand strong and be who we are in the world.
Feeling the true love that is within us allows us to appreciate the fragile petals of a rose and breathe the delicate fragrance rather than grab at the stem and get caught on the thorns.
Love builds love, and love welcomes more love. The more we allow and surrender to love, the fuller we become, and the more we offer the gift of love without wanting or expecting another to do the same.
This is a real turn around from not liking who you are, ‘with a deep lack of self-worth, a deep self-loathing, never feeling enough and never having true confidence in life.’ to now, ‘I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.’ This is so true and gorgeous.
What you share here is key, yes we have to love self first, without that as a foundation how can we love another, ‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first ‘. Absolutely.
It’s a divine equation where, when we love ourselves more, then we love others and the less we need others to love us.
Well said Lucy – love this ‘divine equation’ as the purpose is always for the love of all.
I can really relate to the ‘so and so said…’ card – and yes, definitely, there’s the lack of confidence, and for me there is also the lack of willingness to be responsible for the choice I am making. I can feel how I was happy to give my authority away if it was to avoid any possible attack. Instead I am nominating something/someone as a scapegoat just in case if it turns out what I am choosing was not right/good. Very exposing how unloving the loving choices I thought I was making.
To love ourselves first before we can love another makes not only sense but is so very possible to live and has an enormous effect on how we are with each other. When we start with ourselves, caring and loving ourselves, we naturally take this to everything we do and everyone we meet.
This is great and a confirmation to read “I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.” We all need this kind of love for ourselves and it does not matter how much love you receive from another if your not committed to loving yourself first because, at the end of the day the love you feel is the love you are.
This says it all “As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” So, for me to be more loving with myself is to accept all I feel in my body and stay with it tuning into what I know that supports me. This includes letting go what does not support me.
The greatest relationship we can ever have is with self- first and then all our relationships are a beautiful and loving reflection of what lives within us.
It is not with knowledge when we speak with authority but when we speak from self-worth and love.
“I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.” This is such an eloquent description of how ‘to be love’.
The quality that Serge Benhayon engenders is not blind following but self-worth, love and appreciation, not from beliefs and ideals but through practical ways to live that reconnect us to true nature, which is this.
“As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it.” This is what I am finding too if we express lovingly with tenderness and honesty there is nothing for someone else to connect to other than to feel the love we are expressing. Express anything less than love and it gives others the opportunity to express less too. It is amazing to put this into action and feel how simple and uncomplicated life can be.
I have pulled the “Serge said” or “Natalie said” card many times with my family, and when I’ve done that, it doesn’t’ come with the lived wisdom of either of them because I’ve used it to not speak up or to control or manipulate something I would like changed. It just pushes others away more and sets up a incorrect perception of Serge and Natalie or any others we use.
So true Aimee. I have done it, too, and it is abusive of both them and myself.
I recall learning the same thing about commitment to love in a relationship Anonymous and it had a very powerful impact on me too. Understanding what it really means to love another, and that love is a state of being we hold and can express from, changes everything… there is nothing to seek or ask of another, only the ever-deepening potential of our own love to be. The rest takes care of itself in that another will choose to do the same, and hence offer back the same reflection of love, or say no, and choose to leave the relationship. Very simple really.
Thank-you for sharing this anonymous. Pulling the ‘Serge said’ or ‘Natalie said’ card needs to be exposed for all that it is in full, and how deeply dishonouring it is of people such as Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who present true wisdom for all. The understanding that we may resort to this, due to a lack of foundational worth in ourselves is important for all to not only consider, but take home and deeply so.
If I were on the receiving end of such a statement, when feeling emotionally reactive, it would steer my focus to blame the influence of others on why my partner may be changing and/or trying to say that something wasn’t ok, for example, rather than having the opportunity to go deeper and actually look at the ill-dynamics that have been raised in the relationship.
‘Ironic’, or might we say ‘deeply confirming’… that the the love we know within ourselves is tantamount to determining what we will or won’t accept from others, and how we are impacted upon (or not) by another’s actions and behaviours.
SO true – when we love ourselves we are less needy of receiving that love from others. That is such a freedom to others in our lives and means our relationships are brimming with love!
“the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also” This is great wisdom Anonymous and is great to try this way of being out – give it a test run. It brings in self-responsibility to because we begin to see more deeply all of the reflections on offer, rather than looking outwardly and perhaps blaming someone or wanting someone to change (which I know I have been caught in myself).
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine constantly supports me to feel my inner qualities such as beauty, sensitivity, clarity and so much more including the grandness, continuously helping me to be and live the true me which I have always known but chose to be unaware. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is showing me that we hold a wisdom within our inner heart that is far greater than we ever imagined.
We don’t love ourselves enough and feel incomplete and then seek others on the outside to fulfil us or complete us and then they don’t or can’t love us as we know we deserve to be loved because they in turn do not love themselves enough and so we are confirmed as being unlovable! What a set up and so great to expose this merry go round and break the cycle once and for all.
What is on the outside is a reflection of what is on the inside so if I want to be adored, cherished, respected, listened to and loved then it makes absolute sense to me that I give all of these qualities to myself first.
I have never considered that people with lack self worth or lack of confidence from not living the wisdom Serge presents, would use ‘Serge says’ as a way of backing up what has been said, but it makes complete sense. How gorgeous that you can come to a place where you can look back and see what you were doing and why and now live in a way that no longer needs to do that for you speak the truth through the way you live.
I used my relationships in the past to fill gaps or needs and actually had that expectation on others. Now I take responsibility, full responsibility, for my own love, and my relationships (with friends, family colleagues etc) are oh so different. They have breathing space to allow for what is naturally there between us, instead of me filling it with my imposed expectations.
We are less bothered and expecting of other people’s love when we love ourselves how very true, so if we do react then the question becomes how are we in loving ourselves in that moment and how can we bring more love to ourselves from us.
That is what we do on many levels: get in other peoples views or opinions because we don’t feel that our opinion is enough as we don’t claim our own authority.