My Relationship With My Husband: Choosing Honesty Instead Of Blame

by P.F., Australia

Around seven years ago my partner came home from a seminar he had attended about the stock market (of all things), telling me about a couple he had met there and who he felt a real connection with. He arranged to meet up with them again, and came home talking about going to a healing course they were attending run by Serge Benhayon. My partner worked hard in a very mentally challenging job: he often came home stressed and tired at the end of the day and at first I thought it would be good for him to do something relaxing. I had no idea however what was to follow.

After the first workshop my partner returned home very calm and relaxed. He did not really explain to me what he had done all weekend (communication not being our strong point), but he did know he wanted to explore this more. Before I knew it he was off attending weekend healing workshops, doing healing swaps and going to meditation evenings. This is when things turned ugly.

At this time in my life I had a four month-old baby and a toddler to care for, as well as two older children in late primary school and early high school. I was studying part-time to finish a degree and my partner worked five or six days a week. I was tired and grumpy and longed for some time to myself. As you can imagine, I was not impressed by what I perceived in my exhaustion as my partner abandoning me and our family in favour of some sort of personal ‘spiritual awakening’. In my lack of understanding I scoffed at the idea that a tennis coach could become a healer, and I was jealous of my partner’s freedom and the new friends that he was making.

My partner struggled to explain to me what he had found and quite frankly I did not make it easy for him to do so. After several months of unrest in our household, my partner asked me to come along to a talk that Serge was holding in Byron Bay about the sutras of Patanjali. I had no idea who this Patanjali guy was, but I sure wanted to check out this Serge guy, who I was blaming for the disruption in my family life.

I don’t really know what I expected to find, but it sure wasn’t the man who greeted me. Serge Benhayon was not the self-styled spiritual ‘guru’ type that I had created in my mind, but a rather ordinary and gentle man. I remember his warm open smile and his eyes, and I had a profound sense that I had met him before. This all stirred confusion in me because I was all set to dislike this person who was disrupting my comfortable (if rather unhappy) existence.

Serge began to talk. I do not actually recall any of the words that he spoke that night but I do recall a sense of familiarity with all that he said, and an awesome sense that for the first time in my life I had stumbled on to something true. I left in confusion. I was still angry with my partner and jealous of his freedom and new friendships, but was this all Serge’s fault?

It would have been so easy to override what I felt that night and continue to blame Serge for the issues in our relationship, but in all honesty the issues were already there, long before my partner attended that first course.

The biggest issue for us has been communication. I had never truly communicated to my partner how it was for me. I had moaned about being tied down by the kids and feeling like I did not have a life, but all he could hear was blame and that he wasn’t good enough, when in his mind he was working so hard for us. He would shut down and I would keep nagging. Not a pretty picture.

Relationships break down for a myriad of reasons. While some people can be open and honest about their part in the issues that led to relationship breakdown, many don’t want to go there and will blame anything or anyone but themselves for the reasons that the relationship failed. I could have chosen this path and blamed Serge for all my own issues, and no doubt my partner and I would not be together today.

I cannot say that all our problems were solved overnight… we still at times struggle with true communication. What I have found though is that I blame less and less. How liberating it is that I now know that I am responsible for my own life, that I am not a victim of circumstance, and that my life is up to me and my choices.

I am so glad that I chose to be honest after that first meeting with Serge Benhayon. I am very aware that sometimes the loving thing to do is to go your separate ways, so while I am so glad that I chose honesty instead of blame, it is not because of the fact that our family has stayed together. Rather, I am glad that I made this choice because as a result of the last seven years I have become more me than I ever was. I am more confident and comfortable in my own skin, more present with my family and others, and more vital and alive. I am still most definitely a work in progress, but generally, I love being me.

The stock market seminar my partner attended cost him a couple of thousand dollars and he has never used any of the information he learned (I don’t think the two people he met there have either). However, every cent we have spent on Universal Medicine courses has enriched our lives in ways that cannot be measured.

130 thoughts on “My Relationship With My Husband: Choosing Honesty Instead Of Blame

  1. I love your honesty P.F.
    ‘It would have been so easy to override what I felt that night and continue to blame Serge for the issues in our relationship, but in all honesty the issues were already there, long before my partner attended that first course.’
    It is so easy to blame others for the problems we have or, in my case the miserable life I was leading. But to be honest and admit that there were issues with your relationship before your partner attended the first course is so honest; being honest opens up the possibility of change.

  2. If we apply to our lives what has been presented at a Universal Medicine course the return is unimaginable in so many different ways. I agree it’s worth every penny.

  3. I agree, money spent on Universal Medicine courses are the best investments I have made, ‘However, every cent we have spent on Universal Medicine courses has enriched our lives in ways that cannot be measured.’

  4. When we avoid taking responsibility the common substitute is blame and we see a lot of this in our world hence why there are so much conflict and misery.

  5. Its a game changer when we take responsibility for our own part in any given situation. Suddenly the view changes, and rather than being a victim of circumstances we start to see the choices we have made along the way.

  6. So true – being responsible frees us from the victimhood we often retreat into when there’s a so-called issue.

  7. What you have shared here goes to show we can be presented with seminars and workshops and it is not until we are ready to implement the guidance or advice into our own lives and test it to the hilt, that we can determine for ourselves if what we have learnt has been relevant or of interest to us.

  8. When we quit a relationship or when we are left, we come up with the reason of why this happened. The reason we choose (which may be true or not) tells us much regarding what are we choosing to keep in relationship with.

  9. “I am so glad that I chose honesty instead of blame” This is our choice in every moment and is far more empowering than blaming another for what we do not want to understand. At some point we start to see that nothing in life is solved or understood through blame.

  10. I laugh at your line about the confusion you felt when you were all set to hate a guy because you blamed him for your overwhelm and yet the man you met was not the monster you have created or convinced yourself about.

  11. Gee, it’s so refreshing to read such honesty, blame is such an enormous problem in society. We see blame everywhere from family and work situations to the wider scale of politics, in the media, entertainment (TV etc), and in global events. The lack of communication and insight into what’s really going on can block us reaching understanding, which can then lead to the dead end of blame. Taking responsibility and having a dedication to harmony in our lives would be great medicine for eliminating blame.

  12. “However, every cent we have spent on Universal Medicine courses has enriched our lives in ways that cannot be measured.” I very much agree with you, any event by Universal Medicine is invaluable and always enriching.

  13. Absolute honesty in conversations is the start of a process of learning, growth and deepening the relationship. It invites our soul to connect to us and show us the way back to our multidimensionality.

  14. When we choose not to communicate, we nonetheless communicate. Yet, what we communicate is our will and ability to reduce life to a point of a specific size and swim around.

    1. Thank you very much Eduardo, you gave me a big smile and a laugh, it’s very true, everything is a communication even when we don’t think we are communicating! A bad mood for example is heard loud and clear.

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