by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany
After what happened on Friday 12 October, 2012 in Australia, I felt to share that I am actually glad not to live in Australia at the moment but in Germany, which is quite far away. But I have also felt that I am not really involved in doing something about all the horrible attacks against Serge Benhayon and the Australian esoteric students – and really against us all, no matter if we live in Germany, UK, Holland, Belgium, Spain, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, USA, Canada, New Zealand or in other parts of Australia.
Even though I have written an article for the blog site ‘Truth about Serge Benhayon’ (which has not been published yet), I can feel my tendency not to show me or to stand out too much in any way. This is also the way I have lived my life until now, keeping myself in the background, supporting others in what they do, but not stepping up to do what I can actually do or share with others. Instead keeping myself small and not living my potential and my true me; not rocking my position, even in the esoteric community, so I don’t make others uncomfortable by shining my light. Or, as I just realised, being afraid that I might not have a place in the esoteric community if I shine bright.
Half my life I have had this nightmare that I am being chased by someone who wants to kill me… for some time I haven’t had this nightmare. Instead came dreams in which I miss my airplane or train because I keep myself involved in packing my luggage, being distracted and not focussing on what is really important.
So what is really important?
That we claim ourselves and the love that we are, and take the position we are best at, and that we support each other as best as possible. That means that we give our best support in regards to what is going on in Australia at the moment!
Supporting other people in expressing themselves through sharing my experience is what I have done and learned. For example: today I offered my help to an esoteric friend who felt uncomfortable in expressing in another language; the other day I met a friend and brought my guitar and we sang together beautifully – I encouraged her to sing on her own… and the kind of songs she could use for that.
So really it is about communication and expressing your truth. And I’ve now learned what strength and beauty there is in expressing yourself: and to trust in myself – and in the way I do that.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
The situation of the media ambush with David Millikan that happened to Universal Medicine is much bigger than this one event, it reflects the corruption in the media, legal systems and politics worldwide. So yes Janina, stepping up and speaking the truth and being love in this world is very needed, not just in our personal lives, but because of the realities of what is happening worldwide.
We are all very familiar with stepping down and stepping aside. Time to practice stepping up and stepping in.
Very powerful, in the end we only hurt ourselves and each other if we do not allow our beauty of expression to come out. .
Serge Benhayon is leading the way in many regards, and the foundation of all that he lives and presents is the fact that we are love, and being who we are through our living day and in all we do, the love we innately are, is what will free us all to live the harmony that is our true way of being.
When what is bringing wellness into your life gets attacked, this calls for revising your pattern of movements. Keeping our way of engaging with the world is no longer possible.
Thank you Janina, if we don’t step up we are saying that it’s ok for the world to accept untruths, and when we stand up for truth and love, people get an opportunity to see that there is something different.
A beautiful, powerful reminder, Janina. Even though something might be happening somewhere far away from where I am, it affects me – likewise, what I do affects someone far from where I am, actually everyone everywhere – good and bad. When we hold back expressing ourselves, we are allowing something else to take its place.
Yes stepping into ourselves and expressing our truth is something I am learning more and more. When I do the purity of my expression has absolute power, the exquisiteness of my sweetness palpable.
“keeping myself in the background, supporting others in what they do, but not stepping up to do what I can actually do or share with others. Instead keeping myself small and not living my potential and my true me; not rocking my position, even in the esoteric community, so I don’t make others uncomfortable by shining my light. Or, as I just realised, being afraid that I might not have a place in the esoteric community if I shine bright.” These words resonate deeply for me as I know this feeling intimately and have lived in great delay because of it.To be too afraid to shine bright, playing small, not stepping up, not living my potential. These areas need constant reviewing.
I know I have definitely played it safe and been in hiding for fear of challenging the status quo but I also know that because I now know a lot about life through my experiences that it is not responsible to not share with the world all that I am and all that I know. How else is the world going to change?
It’s so great that you wrote this. I can relate to feeling relief when I see that something atrocious isn’t happening in my backyard…but I now understand that it’s a complete illusion. For every single thing that happens, no matter where, is affecting everyone – the whole world – all of the time. And we can live in denial of that fact which ultimately means we contribute to it, or we can stand up, acknowledge it and remind others that it’s safe to speak up.
Thanks Janina, yes it is important for us all to not hold back in any way, we all have valuable contributions to make.
Every single one of us plays a part in expressing truth and no matter where we are in the world it effects all of us. Your love and support is felt in Australia Janina (and even if it is 4 years later).
When we hold back we confirm to everyone to also hold back, when we step up and claim our power imagine the ripple effect this has on others around us to also embrace this true and loving way.
Our reflection matters.
Let’s face it – and squarely so… holding back never did anyone any favours. We have allowed violent atrocities including genocide to occur under our own noses. We have allowed sectors of our media to run roughshod over the people and ‘truth’ (seriously?) they purportedly represent – abusing people, intimidating, publishing and broadcasting mistruths, hate-driven slurs and worse…
We have created a world that cultivates the seeking of personal gain, and where we seek to build walls around ourselves, to protect ourselves from the endemic levels of abuse that occur 24/7. We all know within, that this is happening…
This, clearly, is no answer, and we are called to step up to a plate where the way in which we conduct ourselves and live our lives is not just self-driven, but becomes in respect of all and eventually FOR all.
As Serge Benhayon has unrelentingly led the way on, without question. The inspiration is here, should we seek to meet its reflection.…
You never know what a difference a few words or heartfelt encouragement can make to another and the knock on affect this can have out in the world. There is great strength and beauty in expressing ourselves all of which is denied when we hold back.
That is true Janina it does not matter where in the world attacks like this occurred – we are always all involved – if we want to believe it or not – as all is energy and therefore we are all connected. It is only very uncomfortable to allow ourselves to be aware of it but even then we all will feel it.
For too long we have accepted many things in our society it starts with how we treat our colleges and family and is obvious when we look in the news how much hate and war is going on. People have to leave their countries because they are no longer safe. So it is up to us to speak up and no longer accept less than love.
It doesn’t matter where we are geographically in the world, because abuse of any kind affects us all whether we choose to know and accept this or not. Abuse when not confronted, has a habit of becoming the accepted norm – and from there the stakes are skewed heavily against a society of truth and freedom. Without speaking out or up, across or from under, we only have ourselves to call to account when we suddenly find ourselves up against the very same, just this time closer to home.
“So really it is about communication and expressing your truth. And I’ve now learned what strength and beauty there is in expressing yourself: and to trust in myself – and in the way I do that.” Yes Janina – time for us all to stand and express our truth, even if it feels uncomfortable. As we practise this it does become easier – as I have learned during the amazing expression programme facilitated by the awesome woman who is Simone Benhayon.
I agree Sue, the more we practise expressing the easier it becomes and it has a great effect on our life once we allow to express how we feel and no longer hold back.
Well I know that I don’t want to miss the plane – in truth we can’t but it does highlight how we can choose to make every moment count and not leave it until the next flight.
I love this Luke, “choose to make every moment count”.
For too long our society has accepted too many things and didn’t say ‘no’. Now it is for each of us to nominate what feels supportive for the whole and what does not.
Even i express and speak up more than ever before and not hold back. There are situation where i find very challenging to express my truth than there comes a old fear of getting destroyed and badly attacked. I can see this tendency still i am learning… that i am safe today to express everything i feel and that i am able to handle and deal with my own hurts and the situation. Wow that is amazing Janina!
To be so straight forward as you are, Janina, is an inspiration. To feel choices of the past, that haven’t been supporting yourself and others and then taking a different choice as you go forward, is not an easy thing to do, but so simple.
Your blog is gorgeously honest and frank, I enjoyed reading it. It is great how you expose what you feel has held back your expression in the past, you would not be alone in feeling a tension between what you feel is true and having the self worth and courage to express it. I also appreciate your honesty concerning your experience in terms of being part of the Esoteric community, in expressing that it is your choice whether you hold back your light and expression is very powerful and it is true regardless of the group or situation we choose to be in. Being a Esoteric Student for me concerns developing a Livingness in all of Life that is all about true expression. When we fall into issues and hang ups within a group, it is not different from any where else in life, as there is no difference in being a part of the Esoteric community or not, ‘expression is everything’ Serge Benhayon. Your support and ‘stepping up’ for what you feel is true regardless of where you are in the world, or any fears you may have had, is wonderful. It is important “That we claim ourselves and the love that we are, and take the position we are best at and that we support each other as best as possible”. Thank you Janina.
I agree Janina that so often we put the comfort of others above the uneasiness and tension that we feel in ourselves by not shining and living our full potential, our full authority on love.
Yes how long do we spend packing only to miss the train or plane? Not literally that often, but in reality we can still be delaying the progression of our work and our projects simply by not choosing in full to commitment and express all that we are in it.
Thank you Janina for sharing how important it is for everyone to step up and claim their truth and how this has evolved for you. I can relate to the responsibility of not allowing myself to be distracted and getting past my fear of shining my light and just getting on with whatever presents itself for me to do and supporting others in the process.
Beautiful expressed Laura “We can all step it up and be more of our natural self every day and very easily support those around us, this has a ripple effect and then we can see the power of our natural self and how we can change the world.”
Is that no such a healing if we allow ourselves to be our natural self everyday and just do what is up to us do and bring. Without putting any strain on us going into comparison or competition with others. Everybody has a unique quality and job to do here naturally so.
Absolutely love the ripple effect of just being ourselves and how powerful that can be as a force for positive change in the world.
This is such a loving piece of writing. Ive noticed It is common to feel overwhelmed by the harm that is taking place in the world, and feel like there is nothing we can do to change it. I love how you have simply asked yourself that question ‘what can I do?’ and allowed yourself to simply do what you can and what is natural for you. We can all step it up and be more of our natural self every day and very easily support those around us, this has a ripple effect and then we can see the power of our natural self and how we can change the world.
So true Janina – we all need to stand up and express our truth – we were made to shine!
Your support is felt Janina. Holding back our true selves in fear is only making ok for others to do the same. When we shine, our rays of light spark inspiration in another; now that’s the sort of life I want to live.
Thank you Janina. You describe exactly what I have been doing for a long time. Encouraging people to be all that they are, but making sure I stay in the shadows, for fear of shining to brightly. Enough is enough though, it’s time to accept the the truth, and just be me, without a filter.
To express what we feel without holding back is so important. The key really is to express in an open and loving way as is suggested in this blog by Janina, that way we can learn from each other and evolve together.
Learning to ‘trust’ that initial impulse to express, that somehow gets buried under ‘self doubt’ – holding back. The self doubt just escalates till the initial impulse just ebbs away leaving in its place a feeling of ‘let down’ and in my case an emptiness – instead of ‘claiming it and the love that I am’ which could have been so inspiring for another (or others) also. Awesome blog Janina and one that shares that we all have a voice and its the way we choose to use this gift which is important too.
Great blog Janina and one that I feel that I could have written myself – so that goes to show that I too have been holding back from truly expressing. In your words “Keeping myself in the background” and actually not stepping up to do more and supporting others or to follow up in what I truly believe needs to be expressed.
I find myself withdrawing at the times when I feel I have something to say. Where does this reaction come from? Does it come from not having the right answer at school or being in trouble for speaking uncomfortable truths?
I don’t have to be right and I don’t have to defend myself. All I need to do is be all of me and to speak solidly connected to myself. I have an experience of the world and I speak from my own experience. It is important that I catch myself when that doubt creeps in and step up.
We are all valuable parts of the same whole and whilst one holds back what one has to offer… However small, we all miss out. No holding back 🙂
Well said Lucy, we all equally have the same choice to be the love we naturally are.
It is inspiring to feel you stand up and be yourself Janina, in a way that feels true for you.
I found it quite incredible what David Millikan did, an appalling assault and I appreciate what you share here Janina because No one in there true heart would have any reservations in standing up for the truth. This is who we naturally are, and it feels amazing to claim.
Thank you Janina for reminding us all that if we each step up and shine our own light the worlds darkness and shadows will be illuminated.
Thanks for sharing your honestly Janina, It’s great that you have had this realisation and now support from afar.
Shining your light is a beautiful gift for a world that is going through a new version of supremacist attacks on human beings just to avoid any one shining the light so no one will notice that there is another way
The illusion is indeed thick for some, yet our light can defuse and clear this fog for those who are ready to walk a way of love.
I can so relate to what you write here Janina, I too have been playing it small rather than claiming my voice and truth and bringing my expression to the world. Thank you for writing your truth, it inspires me to step out of the shadows and into the light.
What David Millikan did was so appalling that it has woken many up to the importance of standing up and speaking out and saying this is not okay. The way people have expressed their truth through these articles with such strength and beauty has not only been gorgeous and very healing to read but has been extremely supportive to those who were affected by the event.
Thanks for your support Janina.
A great reminder for all of us… there is always another step on the way up, we just have to step up.
Power-fully said Janina!
You have definitely inspired me to keep voicing my truth (in a way to bridge people, and
at the same time recognizing where people are at).
Yes it is time to be united and speak truth about Universal Medicine from love.
Yes we can not stand idly by while humanity is attacked, after all we are all members of the one humanity, it is time we formed a unified goal of truth and Love. when we stand united we stand in our true nature, this is one of absolute power and Love….
Well done Janina… at first it takes great courage to express what we truly feel and then as our confidence increases it becomes easier and easier. I know because this has been my experience also. I am no longer afraid to speak up as my voice has value and equal worth… there is such liberation in expression and an opportunity for great wisdom to be shared – to express from the heart brings exquisite joy…
It feels beautiful reading your expressions Janina – Vielen Dank
Thank you Janina! I agree… – it is an opportunity for us all to step up – because the attack on 12/10/12 at Lennox Head by David Millikan, was not only on Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Universal Medicine community, but on all of humanity. What has been highlighted for me by this particular event (and of course the other recent media attacks and mis-allegations) is the mess that humanity is truly in, and how important it is for us all to step up and take responsibility for this. As Universal Medicine students, we ‘have’ experienced another way to be in the world, and it is now our opportunity (and dare I say responsibility) to express and live this truth.
I don’t suppose David Millikan would be very pleased to hear this, but the results of his dishonest antics are many of us stepping up and claiming it. Thank you for posting a great blog.
Good point Doug – Millikan and Co might have shot themselves in the foot here 😉
Absolutely Doug it was a absolute “Eigentor” as everybody was rocked in their comfort and stood up against the abuse.
Janina, you are right saying the horrible attacks against Serge Benhayon and the Australian esoteric students are in fact against all associated with Universal Medicine, no matter which country on this globe they live. What has been overlooked in these attacks is that our Truth and Love will not be stopped and they are there to be seen and felt by those around us – wherever we are in the world.
I love the way we all have such different expressions and how each of us, in our own way, can inspire others through the simplest things. It can be a word, a smile, some help in an area where perhaps we feel confident and they don’t yet, and sometimes just be-ing there. How great it can be when we all share our light, letting it be seen and felt by everyone we meet.
Thanks Janina for showing us the importance of our responsibility to step up and not hold back. Holding back harms our bodies, while stepping up is incredibly liberating.
Yes, Rod just in reading your comment i could feel an expansion in my spine “stepping up is incredibly liberating” absolutely!
Yes Janina and Rod, it is a true ‘responsibility’ that we all can choose!
It is great that you have exposed the hiding away which comes from a fragmented, separated self – many of us here is Australia saw the same in ourselves – we just wanted to hide until the whole horrible thing went away. But, as you have so well said, we can’t do that any more -the love for truth and for all humanity is too strong and so we must speak.
Absolutely Lyndy Summerhaze, It is time to claim our true power and not hold back!
I love it Janina: clear, true and powerful! And you have inspired me to step and let myself be heard, since I am also part of humanity and this is also an attack on me, which I won’t allow by keeping silent.
Thank you for that.
BEAUTY-FULLY put Janina… I felt all the wisdom and support over here in OZ!!
Thank you Janina !
Awesome Janina – claim every bit of it!
Thank you Janina, I really love what you have written. I share many of your experiences. Far from being an insular cult, what I have learnt through Universal Medicine has helped me to commit much more to life and everyone in it.
I have discovered for myself that every one of us can and does make a big difference. I have experienced the joy of communicating and sharing my love even if it just be a hello to someone at the supermarket checkout or in the post office. I have learnt that inaction is an action and therefore if I do not say ‘no’ to evil then I am saying ‘yes’ to it. I have chosen to say ‘no’ to hate, lies and giving up and ‘yes’ to love and humanity.
So important what you have said Nicola :”I have learnt that inaction is an action and therefore if I do not say ‘no’ to evil then I am saying ‘yes’ to it.” We us a society need to learn that we can just let things happen or ignore them.
Yes absolutely! I’m starting to really appreciate that to now, that saying nothing is an act, that is equally as strong on saying something. So, if we are in fact constantly expressing, then what are we actually saying when we say nothing at all? We accept and allow behaviours to continue. Pretty powerful.
Yes Janina – well put – this attack is an attack on humanity not just a few people in Australia. We must stand up against any human rights violations. It is not ok to go along and think – “oh well its not affecting me … so I don’t do anything about it”. This attack has brought this home for us all – we have voices and we must make sure we use them and are being heard.
It is just these days that I’m starting to get it – these attacks are not just about Universal Medicine and the loving people who are for us the core of Universal Medicine.
Being born in Germany I always wondered, how could this war have ever happened here 70-80 years ago? How was it possible that all that the Germans didn’t speak up as a whole against the vicious acts of the few wielding their power? I feel now how it is possible. I find the same “oh well it’s not affecting me … so I don’t need do anything about it” energy in me as well.
“I’m not a Jew/gay/woman/associated with Universal Medicine/…, so it’s not against me, so no need for action.” Isn’t it so clear, how wrong this kind of thinking is, and how it is a reflection of what this same energy has done to our minds and thinking already? This is pure separation, it is the essence of why wars happen again and again.
And again we are confronted with a very few – in combined group force – who wield their power against a group of others. So for me, I feel stepping up to open my eyes to what is really happening in truth, and calling it out, will not only support me in my well-being, but also serve all of humanity; after all, we are all in this together, equally so!
A powerful comment Felix, that exposes the kind of consequences we allow if we don’t make a stand for what we know to be true, but just allow this kind of abuse to proliferate.
Agreed simonwilliams8. This is a powerful statement Felix. Our lessons – in regards to ‘protecting our own patch’, holding back and essentially apathy – have been repeated over and over again. There comes a point where we can no longer remain silent, and must recognise the part we ourselves have played in the horrors that have occurred, and that are yet occurring. Our own reclaiming of truth and its expression in our lives becomes paramount when we consider the whole that we are intrinsically ever a part of.
Beautifully said Janina. It is time the world stood up for Love and Truth and accepted nothing less. We can do this exactly as you say by being Love to the best of our ability in our own lives everyday, and saying NO to anything less.