Going To Bed At 9 pm Makes So Much Sense

by Jane Keep, UK

Ever since I was a teenager I always got so tired by mid-evening. I would see my parents fall asleep on the couch around 9pm, and I too felt very sleepy at that time. I would hear other parents joking with each other that they fell asleep around 9pm too, in front of the TV…  yet they would continue their evenings until 11pm or maybe later. In fact, my parents used to get a coffee and cake at 9pm so as to stay awake for a further few hours. 

As I grew up I found that most social things happened in the evenings, and as I got into my twenties, the social nights out actually never started until 9pm: so I used to follow the crowds and do the same. In order to do this I needed to use something to keep me awake, such as drinking tea or eating chocolate. I did, however, find that I was always struggling to stay awake after 9pm, even with chocolate, cake or tea. I even tried a little alcohol to keep me awake, but that didn’t help me either. I would sit watching my friends leaping about when we were out, while my whole body just felt like going to bed.

Then came my relationships, my two marriages. Again, by 9pm I was always struggling to stay awake, and my partners would say “but if you go to bed now we won’t have the evening together”, so I would override what I felt by using tea, chocolate or cake so that I could stay awake and keep them company – whether watching TV or going out to a pub or movie.

It was always a strange feeling for me to be up or out after 9pm; it was as though my body had begun to shut down, yet I was still using it. It always felt like the ‘twilight zone’ after 9pm – a kind of eerie feeling. I found it hard to focus, and caught myself on a number of occasions falling asleep while driving after this time. The push to stay up made me feel constantly on edge, and by the time I got to bed I was so overtired I often needed to eat something to put me to sleep. But this put me in a constant daily cycle of sleeping restlessly, feeling exhausted when I awoke, and over time feeling resentful towards myself and others for doing this.

During all of this I would often say to myself, why am I not going to bed when I am tired? Yet it kept on going; it continued to place a toll on my wellbeing, and I was irritable too. What I found was that, when I tried to stay up later, the quality of my sleep was always deeply affected, as was the quality of my day, and the next day.

Then one day, at one of the first presentations I attended by Serge Benhayon, he talked about taking care of ourselves, our bodies, and that the most natural sleep rhythm for our bodies was to be in bed by 9pm, this being the time when our bodies were able to rest and gain optimum healing during the night: being in bed by 9pm and then waking up when our body was ready. This for me was one of my life changing moments, and made so much sense. I could now feel that my body, since being a teenager, had always been asking me to go to bed around 9pm. My body sighed hugely with relief. What I had always known, but had over-ridden, I now realised was my natural rhythm – I realised I wasn’t the one who was abnormal, as there was a natural truth in our biological make up whereby being in bed by 9pm was normal.

From that day forward I gave myself permission to go to bed when I was tired, and in particular to go to bed around 9pm. At first, friends, relatives and my family would nag me, but over time they all just got used to me going to bed early. If I was going out for supper with girly friends they would meet me at 6.30pm, and when I went out for meals with my mum we would go for lunches, or when I went to the movies with anyone it would be a Sunday afternoon.

I absolutely love being in bed by 9pm, and I love taking the time early in the evening to go into a restful phase prior to going to bed. I love the mornings whether it is 4 am or 5 am; to hear the birds singing, or to hear the quiet crispness of the day beginning before all of the usual daily noise/traffic sounds. It really is the simple things that make a huge amount of difference. Nowadays, I feel so much less tired than I ever did, and my body so much appreciates snuggling up by 9pm.

I now absolutely know I would never change my now normal sleep rhythm. I am always appreciative of the inspiration I have had from Serge Benhayon in confirming my natural sleep rhythm, that which my body had been telling me for so long.

1,347 thoughts on “Going To Bed At 9 pm Makes So Much Sense

  1. I too felt the struggle to stay away after 9/10pm – my days are so much simpler without ending it with a struggle and the 1hour, sometimes more, trying to get to sleep. These days I shut my eyes and gone, this is amazing.

  2. If I go beyond when my body is tired by distracting myself the knock on effect on the next day is huge. I am bringing far more attention these days to winding down at the end of the day so that I wake up feeling ready for the day the next day.

    1. I find the same Fiona. It is not just the time to go to bed, but how you prepare yourself well before going to bed. Each day I am learning more about what stimulates me and what winds me down to sleep.

  3. I’ve always been in bed early, ever since I was child I would not enjoy late nights and remember being out late in restaurants in the Mediterranean with my parents on holiday longing for my bed. The thing is now, I dont flinch at the concept as I’ve given myself permission to go to bed whenever I feel tired, regardless how early it may seem to others.

  4. Getting enough quality rest for me makes such a difference to my day the next day that if I end up having a few late nights then I do my best get to bed early in the nights in between, the problem is I can often get caught in what ‘needs to be done’ rather than honouring the rest that I need.

  5. This is my favourite blog as I too so love the honouring and living of going to bed early and how it effects my life and the quality of this is so beautiful and is a basic stability for me always.

  6. It is true that my body tells me it wants to be nourished with sleep by around 9pm. I could still be feeling energetic at 8pm, but once it hits 9pm, my body changes. And yet, our choice and commitment in our rhythm is a special relationship we have with ourselves and with the world, relationship is the key. So this is something I am being aware of and learning every day. There is no perfection and definitely no rules, but every choice there is an intention and there are consequences, in being patient in accepting my choices, this is a deepening of relationship with myself.

  7. Oh to be in bed by 9 pm consistently or have truly restful sleeps every night.. I used to very consciously prepare myself for bed and would definately be in bed by 9 – but sometimes things just take priority and this can’t be achieved although the benefits are amazing.

    1. I find that if I know I’m going to have some longer days then I prepare myself leading up to them with earlier nights or getting to bed early the following night so that I don’t end up exhausted.

  8. I remember when I was a teenager, going out for the evening/night around 9pm when my parents were cosied up by the fire in front of the TV and often feeling I would actually have rather stayed in, in the warmth of the house and gone to bed around that time rather than gone out. But I allowed the pull of the excitement and entertainment that lay ahead of me to always take over, and eventually became a night owl, sleeping late and then feeling pretty wrecked for most of the following day to do it all over again the next night. This pull to restfully go to sleep around 9pm is so innatley within us all, yet we put so much effort into overriding it, and for what? Crazy when you think about it.

  9. How readily we compromise on our body’s core rhythm, the very basis of supporting ourselves in daily life and rather, negate, push through or override the very clear feedback our body is constantly supplying. How different our day, and life will be when we live in accord to our bodies true rhythm, flow and heed our true calling and impulses.

  10. When we over ride the body’s natural rhythms such as the sleep cycle we put many other body systems out, such as the nervous and hormonal systems, we can also become quite emotionally reactive and lose brain function.

  11. Winding down before bed is indeed just plain common sense. What we have to be careful about however is how we wind down because I know from experience that getting involved in a TV story line for example is not winding down. In fact it brings more nervous energy, which does not support the body at all.

  12. Simply knowing ahead of time the 9pm time to go to bed offers such a solid beat of the rhythm that consequently, everything pre and post this choice drops into a natural state of order and flow.

  13. Jane, I agree with you here; ‘It really is the simple things that make a huge amount of difference. Nowadays, I feel so much less tired than I ever did, and my body so much appreciates snuggling up by 9pm.’ What I have found since I have been going to bed early and waking early is that I rarely get tired in the day, I generally feel well and have noticed that people around me often say they are tired, even exhausted and I just don’t have this anymore. I love going to bed around 9.00pm, it feels truly and lovingly supportive.

  14. It is quite sad to really when we consider just how much we lose our connection to our natural rhythms that in fact truly guide us knowing what is best for us to live who we are and with the utmost vitality possible. For when we are young we respond to the rhythms of our bodies without question such as going to sleep when we are tired. However, our society today fosters a culture of disregard by overriding these innate rhythms resulting us losing the sense of who we are. When we begin honouring these rhythms once again, such as going to bed when we feel tired, we begin to honor the relationship with a communication that guides us to be in connection to who we really are in essence.

  15. I find if I have an early start then it is really supportive to go to bed early rather than saying up late to try and get everything done. I feel fresher and less racy in the mornings whereas in the evening if I stay up late then the quality of my sleep really suffers.

  16. I love the feeling of self honouring and nurturing that I feel when I go to bed at a time that feels true, yes nine o’clock is a good marker for a time to go to bed, but equally so, I can go earlier, or a little later if something has come up that warrants that. But I do find how I wake up the next day can be really clear indicator of how and what time I went to bed.

  17. When I follow the natural rhythm of my body it loves to go to bed around 9pm. I remember being out in the desert some years back and I use to love being more in touch with natures rhythm, sunset and sunrise; the wisdom of natures reflections. With electricity (which we wouldn’t be without) and other inventions and screens to distract us, it can be easy to loose touch with the inner rhythms. The body though always lets us know if we are listening.

  18. It makes so much sense to go to bed when we are tired and I am tired by 8.30 and ready to jump into bed at 9pm. This title caught my eye as I am very tired tonight and it has inspired me to make my way to bed even though it is only 7.30pm. I should have made it to bed by 8pm. Thank you Jane and goodnight.

  19. It’s not all to do with numbers and times but the world has its own inbuilt flow and rhythm to live to. It’s easy to feel as you observe the birds fly home to nest or cows retreat back to the shed, they all obey the cycle of the day and respect that each phase has come to an end. We are the only ones who override and try to defy this natural clock – heavens we even regard ourselves as ‘developed’ because we have made strong lights and 24/7 internet so now we can work all night. If you were an animal looking on, you’d have to think these human beings are so crazy that they even fight their sleep. Thankfully many like you are Jane are beginning to realise how far we have wondered in all aspects of our life, from what is actually natural and right.

  20. The overriding to keep others company is the biggest blow to the body when we are often craving to listen and just get to bed. Often not taken into consideration that this is the quality that we would wake up in the morning and how this would play out in the connections we would make with everyone in the day.

  21. Not listening to our bodies and overstimulating or draining them so we don’t get restorative sleep does not make sense when we realise that we take that quality into our next day.

  22. I went to an old friends place for dinner and he did not fire up the barbeque till 9.00 in the evening to cook the evening meal for his family, one of his boys was 3 years old. This was the ‘norm’ for them and in the past would have been for me too, but it was not my ‘normal’ any more. He thought I was ‘abnormal’ wanting to eat earlier and fortunately I had brought my own food, as he had a very different diet to me and I did eat earlier and I left as he was about to put the meat on the barbie. We had a great evening as I did what I needed to and he did what he wanted to and experienced how we had very different standards of ‘normal’

    1. You raise a great point Marylouise about what is ‘normal’ about daily living – and who made the rules? I know when I allow my body to show me it really does know what is needed and how best it needs to live – no matter what the so called ‘norm’ is.

  23. I too love going to bed about 9pm and waking up earlier than I used to, it just feels natural and rather than loosing out on anything, it supports the most delicious quality in my whole day.

  24. For most of my life I have watched my mum sit on the sofa and despite coffee and tea, nod off at 9 o’clock as if by magic. She stirs from her sleep slightly annoyed and disappointed, thinking her body has failed her again in some way. Your words here Jane have got me thinking – how often are we upset and attempting to fix things that are actually there to help us? How many of our issues are truly strengths viewed from the wrong lens? When you consider this you start to see that as one humanity, we’ve been sleeping on the job, wilfully misinterpreting what our body has to say.

    1. I agree Joseph – Im sure you and I aren’t the only ones who observed our mum or a parent/s dozing off around 9 pm – or that we ourselves felt tired at that time and ready for bed (even if we resisted going to bed).

  25. Last night I felt tired and made sure that I went to bed instead of catching up on emails reminding myself that nothing was going to happen after 8pm that could not wait until the morning and as a result I ended up waking up naturally before my alarm clock with plenty of space to get the work done.

  26. It has been many, many years now that I have gone to bed around 9pm and I honestly do not know how I could have ever lived in any other way. I was just recently recalling the days of my youth, before I had children, some 40 years ago when we would stay up until the sun came up and then sleep until 2pm the next day and this seemed such a waste of my youth not to mention the tax this put on my body .

    1. I was reflecting on this too reading this blog and remembering the enormous amounts of alcohol I needed to stay awake and if i was getting tired I would just drink more to stay awake. seems nuts to me looking back on this behaviour. Now if I am tired I simply go to sleep no matter what time it is.

  27. The rare times I delay going to bed when my body feels to, reveals a stubbornness in me to override what has been felt even if it is at my own expense and affect how I feel and deal with the next day.

  28. I now go to bed when I am tired and if I have had a hard physical day I have been known to go to bed at 7.30pm so am sound asleep way before 9pm. I remember that mind set I had thinking I can’t go to bed yet it is far too early and now I seriously don’t care if people think I’m weird for doing it. I have one mate that generally goes to bed when I am getting up and we used to Skype at this time.

    1. Yesterday I went to bed and fall sleep at 730pm Kev! I had a full on day today, very very busy and just before reading your comment I was thinking that honouring going to bed super early yesterday (earlier that I usually go) has supported me immensely today. The body’s intelligence never ceases to amaze me!

  29. It seems crazy and yet that is what we can do as humans, drink coffee and eat stimulating sugary foods to stay awake past when our body is indicating it needs rest. Each time we over ride the bodies communication we disrupt its natural order and harmony.

  30. It makes no sense for us to keep ourselves up on stimulants when our body is tired. Why would we do this? It’s like we judge ourselves for being tired and deny ourselves the gift of sleep thinking we shouldn’t need it. It’s crazy.

  31. When I’m starting to rush and my rhythm changes it does effect everything and I find I choose to go to bed that little bit later than what my body has felt to do.

  32. I can relate to the strange feeling you are referring to Jane in pushing through tiredness to stay up later. I used to do this a lot too many years ago but now instead of listening to others and forcing my body to stay awake I now listen to my body when it feels tired and treat it with far more care, going to bed when needed. Waking up the next morning I feel far more refreshed and rejuvenated and this feels supportive throughout the whole day.

  33. I was exhausted from just reading your blog about all the eating you needed to do to stay awake after 9.00 pm!! You must have felt awful in the morning.

  34. I love giving myself the gift of early nights. It feels so supportive for my body. It’s such a regular rhythm for me now that it’s strange to go to bed any later than 9pm. I would much rather wake early to do the things that need to be done than keep myself up in the evening dragging myself around.

  35. I love feeling of the welcome of my bed and going to sleep, not to shut the world away but allow the time for my body to restore and heal for the next day ahead.

  36. From the number of comments on this thread, it would seem that getting a good night’s sleep is dear to our hearts. So many of struggle to rest well and simply going to bed earlier is a great place to begin.

  37. Interesting how we learn to over-ride the signals that the body gives us hence dulling out our relationship with the body. No wonder there is such a rise in insomnia and fatigue and anxiety – as sleep is one of our main regenerators and a simple way for the body to signal what it needs. Babies have a very strong relationship with their body, and they will fall asleep when they are tired even if out and about or even if they are sitting up at the table eating! This is something we can all learn to come back to – our relationship with the body and honouring it fully. As adults it is the ‘peer pressure’ that can be our downfall and the repercussions can be felt immediately. What a great article to remind us that what naturally lies within is our greatest source of wisdom.

  38. The beauty and real normality of going to bed early is beautiful and very honouring of all we are as the saying goes “early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise ” This is something i am really appreciating in my life and as it really does allow a quality health and awareness i every way.

  39. I wonder why we consider going to bed at 9 pm as early? Perhaps it was different in the past when the light of the day had faded after a full day’s work and we had shared an evening meal that we retired to bed.

  40. There was a time when I went to bed at 9pm and I really enjoyed it…when I did not push myself to fit into this picture but listened to my body. Now I am most of the time unable to sleep at 9pm, and sometimes I judge myself that I have lost my past rhythm and what I find is this judgement I have of myself is very harming.

  41. When we start to realise and respect that our bodies integrally respond to rhythms, our perception and relationship with our bodies can dramatically change. It is clear that our bodies are not a functional piece of machinery that takes us from A to B and back again. They are actually part of the universal order itself. How this order brings itself to the human fleshy sense as it were is through rhythm, through us sleeping in accordance to these rhythms, eating in accordance etc. When we do this, our bodies immediately respond because they are a part of this harmonious rhythm, it is what they are naturally designed to do and respond to – and hence the harmony we feel within ourselves and in our lives. We are simply not fighting or swimming upstream any longer but going in accordance with the flow.

  42. From time to time I take myself to bed earlier than usual, and the benefits of doing this are outstanding, its like a re-boot for the whole body… well rested, relaxed, and a feeling of being at ease with oneself. It really does make sense to put the body first.

  43. Most people live by the rhythm societal life sets up like working times, eating times, shopping times, movie times etc. These times do not necessarily match the rhythms of nature, our body. To develop a genuine sense for and then honouring one´s body´s rhythms can take a while but eventually we recognize how natural it feels and how supportive it is for our overall well-being. Who knows (we all do!), maybe one day societal life may be in synch with the natural rhythms again.

  44. Learning to listen to my body during the day is something that I am constantly focussing on and changing, and it’s amazing when you change the detail of something ever so slightly, the huge difference it can make on so many levels.

  45. We really do try to override the natural need to sleep at 9pm to fit in with the life of late night socialising we have created. Going to bed at 9pm makes a lot of sense, especially when I see what happens to our hormone levels during the day and how clearly it is rest time at 9pm when the sleep hormone kicks in. Why we fight this is the interesting part.

  46. It is interesting that all of us feel tired around 9pm but that we have gotten so used to overriding this with all kind of rituals in the evening like coffee with cake, a glass of wine with some snacks or chocolate so we feel awake again. This is a perfect example of how we are not used to listen to our body and seek solutions instead of true answers to what is going on.

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