by Mariette, The Netherlands
As long as I can remember, people around me told me that one day I would be a great mum. Up till this very day, people still tell me this and ask me regularly if I have children. As a child I had this strong belief that later I would be a mother, not even knowing that there was such a thing as a choice. I always played ‘mother and father’ with other kids; I just loved to mother my stuffed animals or I was cooking in my fantasy ‘kitchen’ in the back of our garden. I guess all these three combined would actually make me the most perfect mother…
As I grew older, I still had this strong belief that one day I would get married and have children. For me there was no other option. This was also something I saw reflected in other women’s lives. Women without children were a rare species, and to be honest, I always thought there must be something wrong with them. I have always loved children, even when I was still a teenager myself, and I have this natural attraction towards children and vice versa. It never occurred to me that there was a chance that I would not be a mother.
I have however, always had this far away feeling that maybe there is something else for me to do in this life. For so long I did not want to allow this feeling in. This was too painful, too confronting, too abnormal: I could not imagine being fulfilled in life as a woman without having your own children. I have always heard these wonderful stories (and still do) of how great the unconditional love between a mother and child is, that having children is the best thing that can happen to you and that being a mother really gives a meaning to your life. And yes, I wanted all of that. I not only wanted that, but I can say now, I needed that. Let’s say I had quite some expectations, and our child was not even conceived yet…
There is a huge difference in wanting something from neediness (to better or fulfil your life) or wanting something from your inner heart. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting things in life; I guess it’s quite human. But what if the outcome is different from what I want, I have asked myself. Can I accept this and still have a wonderful life? I have always been searching outside of myself for love. There has always been that aching feeling that something was missing, and I have always thought that having a child would bring fulfillment in my life.
Over the past two years, I have had a lot of loving and honest support from Universal Medicine. Not only from Serge Benhayon, but from his whole family, the practitioners Natalie Benhayon, Mary-Louise Myers and Carolien, and from all my fellow students.
I have turned 40 this year, and my partner and I have recently decided not to choose an IVF procedure at the hospital. This feels like the most loving and honest decision towards myself and my body. Four years ago, I had some cells removed from the opening of my uterus, with the unfortunate result that there was now only a small chance to become pregnant the natural way. This is the reason that we had gone to the hospital to get some help (inseminations). After the third time, I became pregnant and we were both very happy. Our child was not healthy though, and at 14 weeks we decided to end the pregnancy. This has been a profound life changing experience which has asked me to really turn inside and start connecting with myself. It was shortly after that I was introduced to esoteric healing and I had my first session with the Dutch practitioner Carolien Braakenburg. Amazing how life takes care of me.
Serge is the first person I have met in my life who has presented to me that it’s more than ok for a woman to not have children. I remember when he shared this in one of his presentations, I was deeply touched: that having a life where you can work on the relationship with yourself, starting to truly love yourself and deepen the connection with yourself is actually a true gift. At this moment I am experiencing that I can have an amazing life just by being me more and more, without the role of being a mother. I am not saying it has always been easy but wow, I can honestly say… yes! The answer is: yes, I can be fulfilled in life without being a mother. I have to admit, I do feel like a rare species myself now, although I know now that there is nothing wrong with me. But women in my situation who have, or have had a longing for a child but do not have a child of their own, are seen as a victim or someone to feel sorry for. This is not at all how I feel. Maybe it’s time that we reflect something different…? How about empowering us women, and let us feel that it’s ok to live our life without being a mother? That I am enough, just by being me.