For the last 34 years I have been in a relationship with the same man. Our first two years together were quite harmonious and supportive… but then we got married. Once the contract was signed everything changed, and we started to live out the roles and expectations we had learnt from our individual perceptions and experiences. I became the responsible wife who organised our lives and he became the provider, even though we both worked full-time.
The playing of these roles was further reinforced when we became parents. Over time, and with the birth of seven (7) children, a wedge developed between us. From my perspective, I never truly felt supported and deeply resented that I was left to carry out most of the parenting and domestic organisation. From my husband’s perspective, he felt I should be grateful that he earned a reasonable living and did some jobs around the house.
My resentment resulted in my blaming my husband for his lack of support and withdrawing myself from him. In reaction to my rejection, he was either aggressive or totally withdrawn from the family. So a cycle developed with each of us protecting our hurts, which resulted in more hurt for ourselves and our children.
Just over three years ago, with some health issues presenting, I started seeing some Esoteric Practitioners and attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. In this period, I began to address how I invested in my role as a mother, and how I was the one who was not truly supporting me.
Slowly I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts. In the beginning, my husband found some of my self-loving choices hard to deal with and wanted me to stop attending Universal Medicine. This was definitely not helped by my judgment of his choices.
In the last year, the relationship has been less tense, but still there was no true commitment to develop true responsibility in the relationship. From my perspective, this was because I felt my husband was not willing to step up to what it meant to have a truly loving relationship (judgment and blame again). So I decided that I needed to end the relationship, which saw my husband reluctantly agreeing to move out.
This presented a level of sadness that surprised me. I discovered that I felt devastated that he appeared not willing to do whatever it took to address the wedge that had been created 30 years earlier.
With a new place rented, all the necessary purchases made, and one week to go before the separation, I had the amazing opportunity to speak to Serge Benhayon at a workshop. In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.
I came to feel that I truly loved my husband and that I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore. This had resulted in my husband feeling rejected by me in spite of all the changes I had made within myself.
After a deeply honest conversation with my husband, we decided to commit to developing our relationship, so he did not move out.
Each day since is offering me another opportunity to be more responsible for my choice to not close down to love in the face of the hurts that present. This is not always easy, as sometimes I want to avoid feeling the hurt and go back into my pattern of blame. There are even times when the old way of being seems like it will never truly change and the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape. When this presents I know I am in resistance, and that there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship.
In the end, I understand there are no guarantees as each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship.
I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love. I understand that my commitment to the embracing of all that Serge presented allowed me to be truly honest about where I was in my relationship.
What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.
With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with. I cannot express enough the deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s continuous reminder – that life is about love.
by Sharon, Brisbane, Australia
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
‘Each of us need to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship’ – what a statement! This clearly makes me realise that it is our individual responsibility that makes others live responsibly too.
There is no victim when we take responsibility of how we play the game out too. It is beautiful how things play out when we truly connect to life and the playground we live in. Life is an experiment, everything is an offering of evolution for the purpose of growth, it is that simple if we allow it to be.
“In the end, I understand there are no guarantees as each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship.” If we make the issue all about the other then separation is certain. Take responsibility for ourselves and then we can deal with our part that led us to feel hurt, we then don’t blame the other.
Wow Leigh your comment just confirmed to me a current situation playing out, that I need to take responsibility for. Its not always about the other person, it has to begin with me first – ouch of a realisation.
Sharon what you have shared in full honesty is a classic scenario that so many of us can relate to in terms of relationship issues – the kind where we fall into a role and play that role, and then place expectations on ourselves and our loved ones. This instantly caps us and does not allow for growth. This leaves me to consider all the ways (big or small, subtle or less subtle) that I might be doing this too.
It is easy to want to blame another for their choices or behaviours rather than looking at our part to play in each situation. However, it is the most refreshing and growth-offering experience to stop the blame and then see what lies underneath this in terms of hurts that we can hold ourselves lovingly with and allow the space to heal.
Sharon, thank you for this amazing sharing – a sharing that speaks volumes as there is the willingness to bare it all, and be honest in what you were and are feeling. You do not say that everything is rosy but you share how a real relationship asks for a real approach and one that holds an open heart. A true inspiration for any couple and any relationship.
This scenario is very common in a lot of relationships, and can easily lead to divorce, ‘My resentment resulted in my blaming my husband for his lack of support and withdrawing myself from him. In reaction to my rejection, he was either aggressive or totally withdrawn from the family. So a cycle developed with each of us protecting our hurts, which resulted in more hurt for ourselves and our children.’
Sharon thank you, it’s so touching reading this again, it offers a lot of insight and potential for growth for the reader. For something so important we are given so little understanding of relationships. Like yourself I’ve learnt a lot since studying with Universal Medicine and responsibility for self and seeking support to understand and heal deeper issues and hurts are so important in all kinds of relationships. I could also relate to this line particularly in friendships “I began to address how I invested in my role as a mother, and how I was the one who was not truly supporting me.” That is gold, thank you.
It’s a real stop moment reading your blog, how much do we circulate tales of blame and being a victim in relationships, your story instead highlights the power in taking responsibility for ourselves, and that love is waiting to enter every situation if we allow it in.
I love what you share about it being our responsibility to not close down to love because we have been hurt, ‘I came to feel that I truly loved my husband and that I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore. This had resulted in my husband feeling rejected by me in spite of all the changes I had made within myself.’
How great when our patterns get exposed, and we become more aware of what is truly going on, ‘Slowly I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts.’
Expectations are a killer, I know when I put expectations on anyone I am close to it can completely take the natural magic away.
Magic happens when we open up to the innate Love from our essence and as you have shared Sharon we can all deepen in the expression of that Love then others feel that reflection and can simply join us on this magical journey we call life as your amazing husband has.
When anyone chooses to deepen their own relationship with love, the world and everyone in it is the winner.
Great to hear how your love for each other as well as yourselves has deepened and you can enjoy the changes in your relationship. Serge helped me take responsibility for how I was with my family as well, in just saying a few words I realised something and from that point, slowly started to contact my family again and heal the rift I had caused between us. My relationship with them has never been stronger and more loving than it is now.
So True Vicky, when we express Lovingly anything becomes possible, and in the process we are aligning our bodies to heal those resistances we have held about family.
“Once the contract was signed everything changed, and we started to live out the roles and expectations we had learnt from our individual perceptions and experiences”. I often hear people say that things can become stale once they marry. You could put this down too just settling into a routine or time spent with each other but I can also see there are so many stereotypes, expectations and beliefs that we take on ‘being married’ that can peg us into a hole and not allow the marriage to keep flourishing and growing.
Yes, living from pictures instead of from our innate love and wisdom.
It is so so easy to go into blame and look at what another has done before we look at ourselves. Problem is when we do this no one truly wins and we all miss out.
Endeavouring to fulfill and conform to roles and expectations that are not ours but those of society never lead to truth, only to living lies and in lies there is no love.
Every relationship is a lesson, we choose what to do with that lesson – are we going to grow from it or contract, make a drama and muddle up the teaching just so we don’t have to change our ways.
“My resentment resulted in my blaming my husband for his lack of support and withdrawing myself from him. In reaction to my rejection, he was either aggressive or totally withdrawn from the family.” I have experienced this and am sure its quite common in long term relationships. Having expectations and pictures are a killer in any relationship and can lead to (maybe self-inflicted but non-intended ) unhappiness.
I know I have read this before but I feel so pleased to be able to read it again today. As you share, you could so easily have lived a different life, you could have walked away and never had the opportunity to see what a commitment to a deeper relationship looks or feels like. It may still not work but without a willingness to even consider there may be more available within a relationship we close our heart to ourselves and all others.
Great points Lucy which leads me to wonder – how often do we walk away from an opportunity to grow and evolve and instead choose our old ways that keep us ingrained? What will it take for us to finally face up to those fears and hurts that we harbour within and know that we actually hold an enormous love deeper inside that simply is waiting for us to connect to?
I love this part, and it is so beautifully written, when you talk about separation being thought of as a welcome relief, and how this situation comes about for you, through blame. And I too have seen and experienced how blame is such a strong driving force when it gets in the way of allowing and accepting love between people. It tears apart connections and, in my view, it de-humanises the other person because it sees only their behaviour today and does not take in to account all of their love and sweetness and the many many challenges and hurts that they have experienced which have caused those qualities to become temporarily hidden. Blame is an expression of judgement, and as such it is devastatingly insidious.
Blame dehumanises – so true Shami. A behaviour on a certain day doesn’t equate with who a person is in essence.
Being resent-ed does not rhyme well with being present. With resentment is the past that moves us. We move in the past; never in the present. In that way, we ensure that our body is totally locked in a highly emotional state while we move.
Thank you Sharon, what I am feeling after reading your story is how easy we can get trapped into cycles of hurts, and the enormous stop that happens when we can open to and surrender to love. Allowing others to support us can also be so helpful as the deeper we go into hurts and reactions the more we may need an outside perspective. What I was appreciating was your ability to stay committed to learning, and to being honest and open to how to truly connect to your partner through love.
And current hurts are often a throwback to our unhealed hurts from childhood. “Allowing others to support us” – be they in a professional capacity or a good listening friend – we all want to be heard, to be met for who we truly are. Serge Benhayon is a beautiful example of this.
Love your words here too Melinda – surrendering deeper to love is the key, and always being open to truth and the opportunities being presented for growth.
We are human beings seem to have an endless list of things to do “to avoid feeling the hurt”, but all that happens is that the hurt is buried deeper and deeper. But, from my experience, there will come a time when the hurt, which has probably been sitting there festering, will explode out of us usually at the most inappropriate time and often at someone who has nothing to do with what we have buried. Taking responsibility for our every behaviour and every choice does away with the blame game and is much more gentle on our body and being.
Beautifully expressed Elizabeth. Making life about love is it exactly.
“What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about what we had bought into and lived.” I too had expectations that weren’t communicated, so we did end up separating. Knowing what I know now this could have been prevented. A learning that has served me well since that time.
Life, an particularly one that we construct to be busy, can mean we keep our nose in the air to not address what is staring us squarely in the face. How much do we do that could have been prevented and how glorious that we are living in a world that constantly offers another opportunity to re-imprint.
‘I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love.’ This is so beautifully honest and a beautiful turn around in your marriage. This is also a testament to the wisdom of Serge Benhayon, who brings so much understanding to so many.
It is great that you have found a way to stay together and to deepen your relationship. That is not easy but very worthwhile.
It seems the most avoided ever thing on this planet is true responsibility. And second to that is honesty.
True responsibility can not be lived unless we are willing to go from absolute honesty first.
Loved reading this blog today. I can see how important it is to look at our own expectations of others when we feel hurt. When I do this I gain new insight into my hurts and have more understanding for why the situation that is presenting has occurred.
We can carry around our own stories of how we think life should be and feel hurt when those things don’t play out, and the other person may have no idea about these expectations whatsoever.
Yes, I can really see this is important. The hurt is a trigger and opportunity for greater self-awareness. This is never a negative but always an opportunity for us to take or not.
So true. If we are willing to look at ourselves first when are triggered we are always being offered an opportunity to learn. If we embrace the learning it can initially be somewhat scary as one never knows what the outcome can be. However, with practice trust grows and life becomes increasingly flowing and harmonious and the expectations drop away.
Blaming is a very distinct pattern of movement that refuses to move forward. It is going in circles around a hurt that has engulfed us and is all the time trying to pull the blamed one into that inferno. It is a way of confirming the worst we have said yes to.
So true Eduardo – Blame can feel like a relief at times but it is always accompanied by an uneasy feeling that intensifies the longer we hang on to it. When we take responsibility for our part in life we empower ourselves.
Wow Sharon, thank you for sharing your amazing journey. It is very supportive for me to read your blog as I can see similarities in what you’ve experienced playing out in my life. I realise I am holding onto some hurts which leads to resentment and closing down of my heart which is stopping me from being love and being who I am in full.
It is fascinating how good we are at convincing ourselves of what we think is the situation. And yet – one moment of truth totally changes this and allows us to take a step back and see the whole picture. That is what Serge Benhayon constantly offers – the opportunity to see things not out of hurt or blame or reaction, but from simply observing.
It’s a great comment HM, thank you. I know that my hurts, beliefs and ideals can lead me to have perceptions about things that aren’t true, but seem true to me, and observation is the clarity of the innermost heart receiving life exactly as it is. Serge is an amazing observer and very inspirational in that sense, and as a result he is able to bring through words of clarity, love and wisdom to support others to truly heal.
And his ability to help us take that step back to get a different perspective is legendary.
If we are not willing to truly nurture and support ourselves to the fullest, then how can we accept that same amount of love and care from another in our relationships? When you throw in to the mix all the pictures of what we think marriage should or could be and look like, then of course we are destined for disappointment and set ourselves up to then blame others for not living up to our expectations. This is a cycle that can only be broken when we approach life in a different way, as Sharon has demonstrated with her taking responsibility for her own part in her marriage’s difficulties.
I agree and also when are we truly married though? Is it when we have a piece of paper or is it earlier? From experience it can be well before the ‘I do’s’ that there is a bound called marriage there. If we take life on how it looks then we will always set ourselves up to be blind well before anything actually physically happens. Like we are saying there is a marriage before an official marriage so to do things ‘happen’ well before they officially happen.
Yes that old chestnut as they say and it is old, all is energy before it is matter. I think it was also taught to me at school in science. Funny how it is or how we are in that we can say this but the reality of the way we live is far far different. I can put my hand up there with this in that I can certainly say this and then bring this level of care in somethings and then in others almost dismiss it. All is the all no matter the heading and this is a thing I am slowly growing back into.
There are many points to love about this article including, “and how I was the one who was not truly supporting me.” We can look into most corners of our life for the reason why things are like they are or not like the way we feel they should be and when truly look you see that it always comes back to ‘our’ relationship with how we are with everything.
Hurts come to the surface. Do we harden our body in protection and shut down or do we feel them? In feeling them we remain open and can read what is truly going on within ourselves and within another. If we shut down we cannot feel, we may even say things in our reaction and live in a way that is dishonouring of who we are. Taking responsibility and feeling our hurts is uncomfortable but in each moment we take what is on offer and feel we give ourselves the love to carry us through to the next moment.
I come to this article often and each time I read it I rejoice in the choice to communicate with humble understanding and acceptance that is shared here as it is the deepest of blessings, for one and all.
So True Leigh, a deep,humble,appreciativeness comes through what Sharon has shared as there is always more of our Loving essence to reconnect to.
Holding back from love in order to protect oneself from further hurt is such a false and ironic form of protection as the result is that in reality it actually keeps one away from the one thing we all desperately crave, love.
Facing and dealing with our unresolved hurts is the greatest medicine we can give ourselves and the ‘sugar’ that ‘helps the medicine go down’ is the knowing that if we truly commit to do this we are re-connecting to our Soul.
I agree and we are simply walking back through all we have created that isn’t true. So it’s not unchartered territory or unknown etc it’s actually all known and a return to how we truly are. We perceive we are walking forward or back when in actually fact all is coming to us, cycling around back to us and from there the quality we choose to be in that will either repeat or heal these cycles.
Reaction is the ultimate irresponsibility. It senses a lack of love then heads for the exit door of emotion. Our job here is to reflect the truth to our brothers who have drifted off. If we don’t bring the love to these moments then who will? We’ll all be lost. Thank you for this heartfelt sharing Sharon.
It certainly is Joseph, very well said. I find I can go into reaction quicker than I can think because the way I have previous been moving and living was already in the energy of reaction.
Beautiful Sharon, what a difference loving and true wisdom can offer to our understanding of our relationships.
Yes and be open to receiving wisdom and expressing love.
Sharon I love how honest you have been with yourself, and acknowledged your own part in the relationship, it is hard sometimes to admit that we may not have been as open to love, and I love how you now have a different relationship with your husband and have the opportunity to re-imprint your marriage.
This is a beautiful story, Sharon, and a great reminder that when we close down or sever connection to a person in the face of a possibility of being hurt (again), we are closing down on love and hurt ourselves even more. It is truly amazing that you and your husband jointly decided to choose responsibility over blame.
‘What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.’ How insidious and pernicious the hold is when we buy into pictures, ideals and beliefs. Until we can take a step back to observe them they can be all consuming and damaging. How gorgeous therefore that you have been able to get to a place where observation is now a part of your everyday and combined with your honest self-reflection much healing has occurred.
How very humbling Sharon. And whilst being humbled is not always easy to accept, it does open us up to greater innocence and more loving-ness – with ourselves and with others. I am now in a relationship where, if there are issues, we take a look at ourselves first, rather than each other – and this is a very beautiful way to live.
What a story and I know I have read this before but the message is louder today. That no matter what you are faced with ‘be love’. It’s not that things aren’t bad or aren’t someone else fault etc etc it’s about how you are in the face of these things, are you standing in them or are you reacting and running the other way. I can see relationships like this one are actually a blessing for us if we choose it and that no matter where things are at there is always a choice for us to ‘be love’ as it is an ever expanding way to be.
Sometimes and briefly, to run and escape when a hurt is presented does feel like an option! The reflection can feel overwhelming and all consuming. Giving myself space to feel my body and let go is everything in that moment to support me to change my movements and be love.
With respect and not to over simplify things, everything is a choice. Whether is hard, easy, complicated, simple it all comes back to the choices we make at any moment that allows our next movement. From that point the reflection to us will give us the quality of that movement. We have many perceptions around how life is and how things are and these perceptions are a result of a choice upon many choices that then create a momentum of that choice that will either make things appear difficult or seemingly “all consuming” or not.
What an epic tale of self- responsibility and love. When you talked about the challenge of facing your hurts, I really related, sometimes I feel so much old hurt, I just want it to stop and at that moment I understand the appeal to drinking. I am so grateful that
A. I do not drink to avoid feeling anymore
B. That I have been able to meet a man like Serge Benhayon in my lifetime.
I remember I heard someone say once that life never gives you anything that you are not capable of and that means you are a pretty powerful woman, considering you opted for 7 children.
Wow Sharron, massive. We can so easily be taken by what suits our need to not evolve and be more love. Fantastic example that many of us play ball with.
Each time I read this article, I am in awe of the level of healing that is available to us all- by simply feeling our hurts, but choosing to no longer live from them. This is a very powerful example of doing just that.
I’m always touched when someone shows they have the ability to back down, to be open to a different view point or appraoch… especially when that opens up a pathway to love and life.
Thank you Sharon for the reminder that before we look to blame others for anything we have to take a deep and honest look at ourselves.
Thank you Sharon, for this very open and honest sharing of your relationship and amazing transformation. It is clear to see just how damaging it is to live from pictures and ideals, in that it confines us and dictates that we must to live up to an expectation, instead of us living who we are and allow love to be what guides us to learn, grow and deepen our connection.
The expectation game is so crippling when we choose to push these ideals on ourselves or others.
Thank you Sharon. A beautiful and honest account of how broader awareness can be brought to the relationships we have.
Sharon you really expose how the roles we take on in life become part of us, so much so that we can’t see past them and how much they affect our relationships.Thank you for sharing I feel many will be able to relate to the slow demise and erosion of what starts out to be a loving caring supportive marriage, but through our choice to feel hurt and react we shut ourselves off to love and then blame the other person. A great reminder to always look at the part we play and that blaming does not allow us to seek truth.
This is so true from all angles of life. As soon as we hit on the beliefs and ideas buttons we are saying ye to a roller coaster ride of doubts and confusion.
This is great Sharon , truly you have taken the loving way out of the old relationship just wonderful .
The simple act of taking responsibility for ourselves and making decency and respect a non negotiable in our relationships (especially in our relationship with ourselves) can turn relationships around in miraculous ways.
Thank you Sharon. Your account of your relationship is a beautiful reminder of how a relationship is kept alive by our commitment to love first and foremost.
So true Vicky – there is no love in blame and without love we truly cannot grow.
My appreciation is deeply – simply because they offer us that which we equally are by leading living example.. No greater gift we can get as a reflection. Thank you Serge Benhayon and the whole Benhayon family for your shining blessing to my life. So I now shine too!
We do align to roles, ideals and beliefs when it comes to relationships, I am sure what you have described here Sharon is a lived experience for many women. But what you have changed and transformed in your life and relationship is truly amazing.
A life lived in wisdom is one which is free of blame and issues, as this life is one life with all and there is no self.
Amazing blog Sharon. You have me wondering how many relationships could be completely transformed if we simply took responsibility for supporting ourselves.
This blog is lovely to read Sharon and very inspiring, great how you built your self responsibility and love much deeper.
Blaming another so we can avoid our hurts and responsibility is so common and devastating in our society, ‘I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts.’ With awareness we can make different choices.
Very beautiful Sharon, it can be such a subtle thing when we hold another to ransom by blaming them for what is in fact a dynamic. The honesty it took you to accept this and open up again to the relationship is very inspiring. It is a life-skill you will benefit from for the rest of time… as it applies in every relationship, not just with our chosen partners.
Each time I read this article, I am again reminded to let love in. This is something that I will never tire of reading, accepting forever deeper the love that is there for me each and every day.
Beautiful Leigh. Many people spend their whole lives looking for love when love is available to anyone that chooses to let it in.
The roles we play in life don’t help us at all, but we seem to prefer the roles rather than walking as who we are. The irony is once we start walking as who we are we realise the roles could never give us what we were looking for.
A beautiful confirmation of how Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine can support married people with families to find a deeper level of love in their relationships.
Resentment and responsibility do not mix. We get to choose one or the other. Two different ways of moving through life.
An inspiring tale of taking responsibility and the amazing results that are possible.
Blaming another and not dealing with your hurts creates more hurt. This in turn creates a World with withdrawn and disconnected people not knowing and covering up who they are. This becomes normal with choices being made from the protection and not from who you really are.
This is a beautiful love story, in the sense of opening up to the love that we feel deep inside and not to be distracted by the obstacles that we have created to cope with life.
This is beautiful Sharon and hugely inspiring. When we make life about love, our relationships will reflect this and life is then a joyous journey of forever deepening this.
A simple and beautiful example of how Serge Benhayon actually unites in truth, contrary to rumour and internet trolls, and how this beautiful article is an example of this for all of the world to read.
You know there have been many vicious and defaming lies with regards to Serge Benhayon particularly about how he is responsible for breaking up families. Your experience plus mine (i did not speak with my family for 2 years and it was down to just one conversation with Serge that supported me in getting back in touch with them again .. actually one sentence from Serge!) and many others show in fact the complete opposite. Also another person cannot be responsible for breaking up families as this comes down to each individual and whether we are willing to deal with our hurts, resentment, anger or frustration or not.
Such a super supportive and powerful blog around relationships you have shared here Sharon. Too often we want to stay stuck in our hurts and keep blaming others as a way to protect ourselves – when we choose this we are really hurting ourselves further and taking steps further away from love. Your blog is a beautiful reminder to let go of old hurts and to keep choosing love and to feel the magic and joy this choice can bring.
‘In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.’ Our true responsibility as women… I’m not entirely sure what you’re referring to here Sharon for yourself but I know from experience that my own deeper opening to love required me to drop any need to continue asserting my ‘hard won’ independence. Not to head down the other end of the spectrum to doormat status, but to accept the fact that I could be truly cherished, cared for and supported.
What you have presented is what many women and men can relate to–living in a partnership where there is no true connection and where withdrawal and protection are normal. Whenever I feel I need more understanding from my partner I have stepped away from understanding and loving myself. The most loving and free feeling in a relationship comes from me taking my own responsibility and always being loving and holding of my partner. No partnership in love will ever feel like an obligation, as Love simply is to be enjoyed. And any partnership that is based on an obligation or transaction, will ultimately never feel enough.
Great save, especially with seven children in tow. Imagine that we are the role models for our children. Actually I take that back, a little dramatic I guess considering I could just delete the lines I’m typing but here it goes. Don’t “imagine” we are the role models for our children and others around us. Forget the rock stars, movie stars and sports stars, they all have a place but when it comes to every day it’s who you see the most of that you role model on, so how do you allow yourself to be seen? What this article presents is very personal to us and not allowing us to push something onto someone else. As was the case with the woman writing this article she was pushing to get something from her husband and willing to put their entire relationship on hold or actually out the door to get it. Enter responsibility, true responsibility in the form of Serge Benhayon and the way he lives allows her to see almost instantly what she has been doing. He didn’t tell her but more supported her to move the push out of the way which allowed her to own what she was already seeing but couldn’t grab clearly. We push things onto others that are in fact a thing we do as an escape from the true responsibility we feel we are needing to bring to how we are. The relationship is always very personal, if we are blaming or expecting something to change so we feel better then it’s time to turn the blow torch on how we are. Nothing ever truly changes unless we make the change ourselves, otherwise all we are doing is making it better or bringing relief for a short time.
Beautiful Sharon. Blame in relationships is very common and can be an easy place to stay in the mud. Taking responsibility and looking at how we are is much more challenging – and offers much more healing.
Whilst it may not be easy, it is beautiful to feel that when both partners in a relationship commit to each other. With the first and foremost responsibility being the commitment to the relationship that each has with themselves. Knowing it is this very needed foundation that will support them.
What a gorgeous story of developing true responsibility and commitment; thank you Sharon for sharing your experiences and your wisdom; very inspirational
This is just what I needed to read thank you for sharing so openly about your marriage. It’s invaluable.
Thank you Sharon, so many gems in this… topped off by the reminder that ‘Life is about love’. And that is the responsibility of each person to restore and live their own love, not demand it from another before we are willing to go there ourselves. You’ve offered a great example of exactly that.
I can really relate to this as when I come across relationship issues now in every single situation bar none I have found that I have played a part in the situation, that it’s not solely mine or the others fault but if I take responsibility for my part then often the relationship opens up, and if it doesn’t then I know I still have a choice to carry on opening up to the love that I am or meeting the other at their measured level. Without perfection I am feeling how the measuring feels stifling and restrictive and opening up regardless feels more freeing for everyone.
I really enjoyed reading this Sharon and found it really awesome the process you have been through, where you developed so much introspection to see your own role in your marriage. I guess we all have parts of us that we bring to relationships that can cause reactions, where we could be more loving and understanding of another. Everything starts with us, and after all we can’t and should never attempt to control another, but what we can do is consider our own role in what plays out and if we are carrying any judgement or picture of how another should be.
I love the fact that although everything was in place for you and your husband to separate you did not just go with the fact that everything was in place but instead acted on what the new impulse was. So many people would just have gone ahead because it had been arranged. This is to me is responsibility, which is to keep responding to what is before us.
What an awesome account of a responsible way to go about your relationship. Being so willing to see where you could improve and the judgments you had etc is inspiring. The difference it makes when we let go of being stubborn and pulling our heels out of the concrete is huge.
“What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived” I believe you speak for most couples when you say this, we all have so much potential in relationships but many are not prepared to give up the hurt and instead they hold onto the resentment never truly letting love in. I love you did and therefore an inspiration for us all.
What an amazing gift it is to understand responsibility for ourselves in relationships. Whenever I reflect upon what I have learned from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this is top of my list. My life changed when I understood that it is my responsibility to be the love I had been looking for in life, rather than seeking it in someone else. It is all very simple but deeply profound. Living the responsibility to be love rather than an ‘endless’ search of love in others, transforms our relationships from neediness to fullness of being and this simple shift is remarkable. There is no-one to blame – and in fact no need or desire to blame – but a willingness to accept ever deeper responsibility for being and living the love that is innate within us all. What a great way to live.
Its interesting and sad how we can loose sight of ourselves and the people we love and just function and become roles ‘I never truly felt supported and deeply resented that I was left to carry out most of the parenting and domestic organisation. From my husband’s perspective, he felt I should be grateful that he earned a reasonable living and did some jobs around the house.’ What made a harmonious relationship become this? Was it truly harmonious? It is great to hear that you finally addressed this and stopped blaming your husband … blaming others never works! Also another gorgeous testimony to Serge Benhayon in how he is there for others and in just a few sentences shared can help another see the truth about a situation ‘I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love.’
I love the commitment you gave to your relationship and to seeing how each day was an opportunity to not close down in the face of any hurts but to be open to love no matter what. A deeply inspirational story of what is possible when you take responsibility and address what is there – a lesson for us all.
What you share Sharon touched me deeply, for how many of us struggle with ‘loved ones’ and the seemingly endless issues that seem to get in the way. When we start to go sour and introduce blame what an opposite and different view it is to consider it may actually all be because we are fighting and resisting Love? What an irony that after all the struggle we see the root cause of so many problems we face is that we run away from us and life being great?
The raw honesty of this blog invites us all to reflect on our openness to love if our relationships are not working as we had hoped. I can certainly relate to expecting love to come to me when I was not willing to love myself and feel the hurts I carried.
This is an epically honest testimony, I cannot explain how much I relate to what you have been through, reading this reminds me that we are all the same, we think we are off in our own little house, our own little nightmare that is personal to us but in reality we are all going through similar things, thank you for reminding me that we all have a choice, to blame or not to blame that is the question?
I love how open and honest you are being in this blog. It indeed did take a major shift in perspective and you were open to that, which was needed. I can’t wait to integrate some of the wisdom in this blog. thank you for shairng.
The fact that we are the ones responsible for “letting love in” as it is presented here is the truth of self responsibility. What you share Sharon is ground breaking when we consider the constant breakdown of relationships in society and has the power to really change individual lives and family life for many.
Life is certainly about love and as I read your blog Sharon I cannot but wonder how many households in the world are conforming to the same idealistic roles and have got stuck in the same repeating loveless cycles you speak of when the truth is every relationship has so much more potential that could be easily lived if we only just open our eyes to this fact.
It’s a great sharing, it’s so common how people walk away from a relationship because they are not willing to go deeper with their connection and avoid reading what is going on. Often it comes down to the deep hurts and lack of responsibility that get us to these points. When we connect and allow the love for ourself to be felt, we are then able to deal with our hurts and see beyond.
Sharon, I’m so so grateful for your honesty and expression, your blog has exposed something in me that needs to move. Thank you.
Serge Benhayon has been accused publicly in the media of breaking up relationships and marriages, but your experience Sharon clearly refutes this. I wonder how many other relationships have become healthier and more loving from their association with Universal Medicine and why this has never reported on in the media to give a more thorough, balanced and unbiased account instead of just focusing on the version of a disgruntled few.
Amazing honesty here Sharon. The willingness to be so honest with ourselves brings with it a level of responsibility that cannot be ignored. Blaming another for how we feel is a great example of irresponsible we often choose to be.
Expectations create pictures, or scenarios, and we then want these pictures to be the outcome in our lives, and the consequent frustration affects so many people.
One of the most revealing statements here is that when the roles were taken up, the conditioned responses and interaction that come from preconceived paradigms of one feels one should be rather then the way one is, then every thing went pear-shaped.
As soon as blame takes the stage it is pretty safe to say that we have chosen protection over remaining open, loving and taking responsibility for ourselves. This blog is a gem for anyone who is in or has been in relationships, which is everyone!
‘Once the contract was signed everything changed’. How interesting… so often when the deed is done we stop trying to evolve together and settle for an arrangement – kind of ‘that’s as far as I have to go’. When I say it out loud like that I can’t believe how given up that is, and at the same time its an energy I know so well in myself from numerous ‘contracts’ through life.
A blog I really needed to be reminded of again today. How quick I find we get gobbled up by our roles when we are not paying attention to ourselves or each other.
‘What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.’ I so understand what you are presenting here and it is very inspiring to see that you were able to stay with yourself and the love that you are to see this relationship through.
Wow Sharon your openness is amazing! You are really a true role model as you showed us what it meant to take true responsibility . . . it changed not only your relationship it also changed the world around you.
How often does it happen in relationships that through not looking after ourselves, we resent caring and attending to others. Resentment and bitterness comes from our own lack of self care and love. Change this relationship with ourselves and all our relationships change.
What Serge Benhayon presents so exquisitely is , quite simply, the cornerstone of how humanity can, if it chooses, start to build true relationships
One of the most common contributor to the demise of relationships is the lack of responsibility and the manipulation and games that come with it, commitment to our own relationship is the first step in building true intimacy with another.
Sharon, this is an inspiring read about true relationships and how each moment presents us with an opportunity to evolve and let others in with an open heart, thank you.
This blog really demonstrates how it’s never too late to make a true and firm commitment, and that commitment can literally change everything around – I love it.
Everyday offers us a new day to be responsible – I love that – it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past, everyday is a new day and we can embrace it with a renewed responsibility.
What a great way sharing. The choice to live with honesty over ideals.
Thank you for sharing your story Sharon it was deeply touching to read. Relationships teach us so much about ourselves and when we are willing to really address our need to blame and judge others rather than take responsibility for our self we are so much more open to love. In the 37 years I have been married I feel I have experienced all you have written here except during our time we have lived separately on quite a few occasions and still are at the moment. These times living apart have allowed me to build the relationship with myself that was desperately lacking and greatly needed.
Often a lot of complication, abuse or disharmony that goes on in our relationships is in one way or another a reflection of where we need to go deeper in our relationship with our self, intimacy and letting people truly in.
Thank you Sharon for sharing this blog, I relate to it very well. I have been in a long term relationship for over 14 years and similar things comes up for me. I too often resort to blaming others for how I am feeling but now I realise I am often not willing to be loved due to past hurts. Realising this is great but learning to let my protective guards down isn’t always so easy. But a step at a time, I can chip away at these old habit, expectation, needed and belief within my protective wall to allow more love to be received and expressed. So, reading your blog is an awesome reminder to keep working through this and choose love more consistently.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your journey with self responsibility, very inspiring.
The ideals and beliefs we carry with us can be a heavy burden and obstacle to appreciating the true love that can blossom if we let go of our perceived hurts and judgments and open up to be all the love that we naturally are.
What a great inspiring blog. You have shown when one takes responsibility to love one self then we can take responsibility for our relationship. It is when we get lost in the hurts, the anger and frustration that we cannot even feel we are closing ourselves down from love. When we are like this we give messages of rejection to out partners. It is important to love our selves first and then it is this love that inspires others to share their love.
What an amazing and inspiring sharing Sharon. It can be challenging to take responsibility for the lack of love in our lives and it is clear that Serge Benhayon supported you to do this. It is ludicrous that the media attempted to paint Serge Benhayon as a man who destroys marriages when countless couples can attest to the fact that he has supported them to develop truly loving relationships with each other. A great relationship is not defined by the number of years together but by the quality we are with each other and Serge Benhayon has inspired thousands to commit to being truly loving with themselves and others.
Thankyou for your courage in sharing this. I too – many years ago – similarly held resentment against my then husband – and insights from Serge Benhayon enabled me to see it was I who had left the relationship emotionally first. Communicating honestly about how we feel is SO important, maybe especially more so after having children.
Sharon your blog is quite disarming, as it is so honest, raw and humbling in how you were prepared to share your personal details with all. It is clear that you were in an amazing place when you wrote this blog and I sincerely feel with all my being that if you were able to hold these qualities consistently in your life what a beacon of light you would be for all relationships.
When both people in a relationship make a commitment to go deeper, and to feel and own the hurts that are being held in the relationship, then evolution happens and this is amazing to feel. I know this because I have been there in my relationship- we have gone from stagnation to a true commitment to evolution. As you have shared, Sharon, opening up to love is the key.
A brilliant description of what can hamper and eventually destroy a relationship, captured beautifully in the metaphor of the ‘expectations and roles round-about’ that comes from the many illusory images we all try to live up to and out
Thank you Sharon for a beautiful sharing, of how opening up to the love you are and not protecting your hurts allowed your relationship breakdown to be healed. I have in the past shut down so much of me to not feel the hurts, but this is the way to love, to feel them, and let them go and open up to love.
How revealing it is to understand that we carry our hurts and conceptions and beliefs about relationships on and on, like a virus, that just goes from host to host, until we start to take full responsibility for our selves our actions and our choices and really start to heal
I too have been greatly inspired by Serge Benhayon and have learned that when ever a relationship seems to not work I need to look at what I am contributing to making it work – have I given it all I can or am I expecting the other to do it all, whilst I try to stay in my comfort?
Wow – this is the difference between a relationship that works and a relationship that breaks apart – it’s the willingness and commitment to always work at it and go deeper and learn about life together. I love it!
I just met a beautiful man and this blog deeply inspires me. I can see where I go into old patterns where I don’t want to get hurt and this is just wonderful to observe. I am being invited to open up more and where I have left off in my last relationship. And boy am I opening up…I feel quite naked but the beauty is, I am not naked, I am just more open to love. Every day a little bit more….
My cycle of going from partner to partner changed when I met Serge Benhayon and began to understand my part in that cycle, of blaming others or situations as Sharon has so well expressed. I am now in a very solid relationship and married to my wife and feel how much potential there is in opening up even more to love everyday. I know that this would not be and that cycle of changing partners would not have ceased if it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and the very real and practical wisdom he presents.
Just imagine… Breaking the cycle of recreating and repeating our hurts in our relationships, and understanding our self enough so that we can enter into a relationship fresh and clear and understanding the true beauty of ourselves and each other.
A great sharing, revealing just how easy it is to get caught in the blame trap when in fact it’s our very own hurts that are getting in the way of expressing and receiving love.
Thank you Sharon for sharing so honestly, I could see myself in this. It feels awful when I fall into the pattern of blaming my husband for my own hurt. I see the pitfalls now and there is a pattern of when I’m not giving love to myself then I’m looking for it from him. This causes a tension between us. What is wonderful though is through the support of Universal Medicine therapies and Serge Benhayon we are both more aware of when its our own stuff now and we can work on re-connecting to ourselves and each other. Not always easy but we are constantly blown away by the love and honouring we have for each other when we bring responsibility into our relationship.
A beautiful and honest sharing Sharon, it is interesting how holding onto our hurts stops us experiencing the very thing we all want – true love.
Really beautiful Sharon, so honest and full of responsibility. To truly and deeply feel the hurts that have built up over such a long time is huge and not something we easily want to do. Having a conversation with Serge Benhayon, a man who is constantly accused of breaking up marriages (none of which is true), but you story is testament to the fact that any relationship is about responsibility and choices. You spoke with him, he made it about love, for you and your husband and you made a choice to be more love, which resulted in you ‘staying’ in the relationship. Amazing and very inspiring.
Thank you Sharon for your honest sharing that I can take much from. Looking back at my own failed marriage I can see clearly now my part in this, since being part of Universal Medicine, and listening to the Presentations on relationships by Serge Benhayon. If only we had this knowledge and wisdom before being in relationship with another, as those who have access to this learning now have, making for some truly strong relationships.
Thanks Sharon for your honesty and sharing. I wonder how often our behaviours and thoughts are driven from the desire to protect ourselves from looking closely at ourselves and our hurts. Clearly, we can live for years under an illusion that how we see things is the way it is, when in fact its just a distraction from the truth of a situation. It highlights to me just how huge the topic of self responsibility actually is.
I find it fascinating how relationships have so many layers to them. On the surface it may look very clear and it’s easy to blame others for the part they play or aren’t playing when the going gets tough. Yet what you have highlighted here with your blog Sharon is that the huge, but essential, starting point is to stop and honestly look for the blind spots we individually have that are contributing to the situation. Well worth a few re-reads as there is much to reflect on here – thank you!
“With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with.” Thankyou for your honest sharing Sharon. Committing to ourselves is so important and then we can share this with others. Regardless of whether we stay or leave a relationship, we need to heal, otherwise we just take the same issues onwards in our lives – to the next relationship or they can resurface in the same one.
Sharon, a very honest blog. It’s hard to admit sometimes that we hold back our love because of the old hurts that we hold on to. When we drop into old habits, it’s a sure sign that something needs looking at.
Thank you Sharon for this you have shared. I have found too, as soon as we go into blame of another, then we are missing the opportunity to see to the deepest level, our responsibility and our part in the equation. The more we can honestly seek to understand what has been presented to us, the greater awareness is there for us and thus a choice, and a huge potential to discard that within us that is not loving and does not serve. I am beginning to learn the freedom this brings and the space to then allow a greater form of Love in.
We can be so judgemental and stubborn that we can accuse the other party of not being enough for us because we are the ones that don’t actually want to face our own hurts. This is where it comes down to a constant commitment to self awareness.
I agree Luke. Self-awareness and self honesty are so important in any relationship. One question I like to ask myself is ‘am I bringing what is needed to this relationship or am I waiting for another to do so’. This always turns it back to me and my responsibility.
Very wise question to ask one’s self, thank you Vicky. ❤
I love this question, thank you Vicky. The moment we are waiting for the other to do or be something, why not do or be it ourselves?
I love this question too, and often if I ask myself that in a situation where there is tension or conflict, the honest answer is no, I’m not bringing everything I could to the relationship. It helps shift the momentum of blame, and helps me commit to taking more responsibility for my part in relationships.
Funny how the playfulness in our relationships fade and we buy into all these ideals and beliefs that never come from our heart. As if that is part of growing up while really growing up is all about knowing and honouring ourselves, being honest about our behaviours (laughing about them too) and making life about love. There is so much to appreciate about ourselves and every human being.
“What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.” Thank you Sharon, so many relationships don’t work out because of expectations, our hurts getting in the way and us choosing to blame another instead of honestly looking at ourselves.
This is a beautiful reminder of how important it is to be fully honest and true to yourself before projecting that onto another as being their issue. No true healing can ever occur when we do this.
All those hurts, all those roles that are played which stop people being able to love and let live, honour the beautiful deep woman or tender man on the inside ~ you share this so beautifully Sharon.
Sharon, I love the fact that you stayed together and were prepared to work on the relationship together and as individuals. It has been a learning for me to accept that we are on our own individual journeys in life and I do not have control over that! Allow , Accept, Appreciate!
We can carry resentments and hurts from relationship to relationship, and we will experience the same patterns again and again, until we actually choose to break the cycle, take responsibility for all our thoughts and our actions, start to heal these age old hurts, and then finally bring to a relationship all that we are .
This is a super important point, we think when we start a fresh and new relationship that we start afresh, but we take with us every other past experience and hurt wherever we go. Taking the responsibility and initiative to begin to heal these hurts means we can truly begin afresh relationship where we can be who we are in full.
We bring so many hurts and expectations to all our relationships, that really, we should expect to say… New relationship equals full-time counselling… or…! We do a few courses with Serge Benhayon, stabbed to know who we truly are, feel and start to heal those age-old hurts, and finally… Finally start to have the true relationship based on the profound and true love that is in us all.
Reading this blog and the accompanying comments is so beautiful – I feel an opening to letting in more love and expressing how I feel. When the blame and resentment build up and the finger gets pointed it is only too true that all the other fingers are pointing back at you and your own choices. The sooner we surrender to taking full responsibility for this, the more loving our next choices and communications can be.
Beautifully said True Gem. The blame trap is such a great way to avoid taking responsibility and missing out on the true learning that comes from our experiences. When we step out of the blame game we get to see our responsibility and address that rather than focus all of our energy on another and what they are or are not choosing.
It never ceases to amaze that the deeper we go in committing to and truly loving ourselves the more love-filled our lives become. It seems counter intuitive – rather selfish infact – but it is what enables us to stop and feel any hurts that need healing and this makes more love available to be felt within and ultimately shared with others.
This is gold for me right now Sharon and it makes sense how we get stuck into the roles and expectations.
Having spent many years of our married life not speaking up to each other and holding onto our resentments, we found it a bit daunting at first but gradually it has become easier and for the best part we don’t take it personally, maybe because of the way it has been said. This does give us a platform of honesty whereby we can now point out to each other when an old pattern comes up, without worrying about being rejected and if there is a reaction that’s ok also.
Yes Julie expectations are interwoven in so many parts of lives and can make it a bit tricky when talking through resentments and taking responsibility for choices we have made.
I could really relate to the ideals and beliefs we often buy into about relationships which are under-pinned by undealt with hurt, expectations and resentments. The main point to me here is not ultimately whether or not couples choose to stay together, because this needs to be felt in relation to where each person is at in the relationship and with themselves, but about the commitment to taking responsibility for our own hurts and our commitment to bringing love to ourselves and then to the relationship, in whatever form or state of process that may be.
A truly courageous blog, stating where you’re at with yourself and your marriage when the outcome is all to play for. Blame and judgment are real killers in any relationship but this line grabbed me – ‘…there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship’. A real testament to the level of responsibility and love you have committed to.
You’re right ~ it is a truly courageous blog. Honesty is such a powerful tool in any and all relationships and Sharon’s honesty allows the best kind of healing.
How awesome Sharon that you were able to feel and receive the words of Serge Benhayon and take that to your relationship. I find your courage and commitment truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Sharon, you are so awesome and what you have presented resonates with me all the way. I was also in the husband blame game and have come to realise that it is me who is not being responsible and loving to me. I would react (and still do occasionally) to him when I was actually not in a loving place with myself. I have observed that when i am in a loving place with me it allows him to be more loving with himself as there is no expectation. Expectation and reaction are so destructive in a relationship. We are both so much more aware now and do not allow ourselves to go into this dark place of discontent and disharmony anymore. Thank you Sharon.
Thank you for sharing your deeply inspirational story Sharon and the turning point in your relationship when you recognised that your blame and judgement of your husband was covering up ‘how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman’. Being willing to take responsibility for myself and my contraction due to my hurts has been life changing for me but is not always easy and I can feel how often I still revert to blaming when I am feeling overwhelmed by life. Eternal thanks to Serge Benhayon for me now being able to recognise that I have a choice and I am the only one that can take responsibility for opening up to being truly loved by myself and others.
This is deeply touching, what you share here about your life and the relationship to your husband (being parents to seven children) – and the awesome turn around for yourself and for you both, to realize that you were to opening up to be truly loved. How blessing this moment of awareness was – and how twisted can our own reception of our lifes and beloved others can be, stuck to certain beliefs due to protection, instead of the committing to love. Your change and commitment is truly inspiring.
These words touched me deeply: “I was the one not opening to being truly loved”.
Gosh I know this running around, blaming others, just to make sure that love had no space in my body. Absurd. At the same time I am longing for it and blame my partner for not acting loving enough…even though I am the one who denies it.
I take my hat off for your willingness to claim love again and transform your arrangement with your partner into a true relationship.
“Each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship” – This is absolutely inspiring. Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story.
What an honest story Sharon, and your words here so universally true: “What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived” – this just shows the futile position of protection (because we still get hurt and as a result therefore aren’t being ‘protected’ from anything), and the beauty that can be when we look at the hurts. That there is love, and always was.
What I love about the reflection we all get from Serge is that for him there is no right or wrong… by this I mean in respect of whether a couple should stay together or not. His life is dedicated (and I mean truly dedicated) to Love and Truth. So if he feels the truth in a relationship he is not going to hold back no matter what the situation… and then it is up to us to see if we can live that Truth or not.
If the love is not present within a relationship then where have we not chosen to love ourselves at a deeper level? The idea of getting so far in our own development then hanging around waiting for others to match us before we carry on is one I can recognise in myself. This now brings up the question: am I committed to being love no matter what reflections come my way? even the ones that show me that I have not chosen to be love no matter what situation may occur or what is presented before me in a relationship. Thank you Sharon.
The details you share here Sharon are a blessing for every family and relationship if those involved choose to see the part we all play in letting these ‘roles’ get in the way. In these times of high divorce rates, its amazing and groundbreaking to read how you found a new way and made your relationship all about love.
Sharon this is really gorgeous and revealing. Committing to ourselves and staying open to love and expressing this is not something often spoken of as a responsibility to live. I am seeing the responsibility more in my life and how the effect of my openness or lack of it will have on others around me. It is beautiful to hear of your commitment Sharon to yourself and connecting to the truth of the situations that arise before the hurts. This for me has been key in healing my hurts rather than protecting or burying them. Thank you.
Considering Universal Medicine has been accused of breaking up numerous relationships, the transformation of your own relationship with your husband going ‘from marriage breakdown to true responsibility’ is clearly evidence to the contrary Sharon. The key clearly is responsibility….and of course opening ourselves up to the expression of true love, acceptance and understanding. A very inspiring blog thank you.
“In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.” What you say here is huge and I can relate to this. Truly opening to be loved in full and to allow myself to love in full the man I deeply adore is a work in progress, but the more I let love in, the easier it gets. It is true it is all about accepting love and not about the issues and hurts that are there.
You are absolutely right- life is about love! How amazing it is, if you are honest to yourself and facing your own hurt and what you demanded to the outside unconsiously conscious. ..Relationship is definitely work and it is beautiful to read how you and your husband developed together.
Sharon it is lovely to read and feel your commitment to you and the relationship with your husband and to open up your heart and choosing love.
If we put pain and hurts before True Love then we are closing our hearts to ourselves our partners and humanity. I am sure most divorces actually happen from this, and all is required is a choice to open our hearts to love again.
Thank you Sharon for sharing , I am inspired to open up to not only my own love but to the love my husband has for me, and stop protecting my hurts.
Letting go of your hurts takes a lot of courage. Allowing the understanding that your relationship is a mirror of the things we have allowed is also courageous. Love is courageous.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story. To turn your relationship around and give it a true working chance is inspirational. Quite often we tend to just walk away feeling that there is no other way, and in some instances such as violence that is the case.
There is always more going on in situations than we are fully aware of. This blog is a great example of this fact. Life is about love… no less.
This is hugely inspirational Sharon – ‘to not close down to love in the face of hurts that present’ but rather stay open to seeing the underlying hurts that we have and take responsibility to heal those – then continuing to open to love. It is the only way the world can truly heal.
I have just re-read your blog Sharon and again I feel your unwavering commitment to love and feel deeply inspired to keep letting go of the hurts in my long term relationships and continue to let people in on a whole new level. Thanks again for showing us the way.
Thank you Mary-Louise, your comment has inspired me to do the same. The prospect/future I can sense of this feels amazing. A whole new level!
Its great to hear that you are putting this into practice Mary-Louise… its amazing to see how you have turned around your relationships with your daughters over the years.
I have blamed my husband of over 20 years so many times, feeling the resentment, anger and frustration. I have come to the conclusion running away is the easy option, staying and committing to the relationship takes an enormous amount of honesty and dedication in taking responsibility and healing our hurts. I can see how blaming and being judgmental was not getting me anywhere. Expressing how I feel is paramount and something I have begun to commit to. Sharon, an awesome story and deeply inspiring – thank you for sharing.
My Gosh… if it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon then there would be a lot of ‘potentially amazing relationships’ ending!
There are some who say that Serge is responsible for relationships breakdowns but he is absolutely not. Serge is about Love and there was also a time where I was going to leave my totally loving partner for something very small. When I spoke to Serge he reminded me it’s about love and not knowledge. I was so determined to be ‘right’ I would have thrown away our amazing relationship just like that! Yet that conversation with Serge helped me to see clearly again.
Very similar to you Sharon, just different details. I also have so much appreciation for Serge and how he supports us in relationships!
What is presented in the press about Serge Benhayon is the exact opposite of the truth. Serge makes life all about love, people and relationships and has supported many people to commit to this same love within and with others. Your commitment to love, Sharon & Ariel, is inspirational.
What I love so much about Serge Benhayon is that he never gives instructions or talks in terms of right or wrong decisions. He beholds us in love and truth and lets us choose, patiently so.
Awesome sharing Sharon. It is so easy to blame the other and judge them for not fulfilling what we are expecting them to fulfill, instead of embracing love for ourselves and opening up for true intimacy.
Thank you Rachel and Sharon, to choose love above all else and feel ‘true intimacy’, shows that we can all get along together (in brotherhood). We just have to bring love to the relationship! And thank you Serge Benhayon!
This is true. We often get into running away from, or pushing away, a situation when it is not working how we would like it to. It is inevitable that we later meet the same situation again and again, until we have deepened our love and understanding and our willingness to work with humanity, warts n’ all.
True Jinya, as we are simply going round and round in a perpetual cycle we will be offered a set of similar circumstances to either make the same choice, or take the opportunity to make a different one. Deepening our love, taking responsibility, letting people in – these are all going to give a different outcome if we truly choose it.
A beautiful sharing Sharon. It’s inspiring to read of your commitment to deepening the relationship with your husband.
Wow Sharon! Your blog made very clear to me that the relationships we are able to establish with others are not but a reflection and an extension of the relationship with are able to establish with ourselves. That is why an unloving (or not totally loving) relationship with another one is such a pain! It offers a vivid reflection of where you are not able to go regarding yourself. Ouch!
This was just beautiful to read Sharon. It was an honor to be given a glimpse into your relationship and your commitment to take responsibility for yourself and your hurts and making life about love – a lesson for us all.
Sharon, what you and your husband did brought tears to my eyes.
Well done.
What a phrase. “Once the contract was signed everything changed”. How revealing to what happens in a relationship, and mine has been no different. Its so easy to blame the other person, but what about taking responsibility for my part (part 1), and actually telling the other person how I’m truly feeling (part 2).
You commitment and dedication to deepening your awareness to the true responsibility that you hold as a woman in truly inspiring Sharon. Thank you for openly and honestly sharing your amazing transformation – a beautiful example and reminder ‘that life is about love.’
I loved your bog, it made me laugh as well, because I can so relate to it. It just makes me realize how much there is to learn for all of us when it comes to relationships and that we don’t really learn what it truly means to relate with others. The blaming by the way is a big one, it can be very subtle and cunning, fooling myself that I am not blaming anybody, but in fact I am..
Dear Sharon, everything you write here is a true gift to me just now, and I thank you deeply for you sharing.
What a blog thank you Sharon for sharing your story, what an inspiration you are , taking responsibility for your choices and not waiting for love to come but making loving choices, stepping up and living that love offering it to your husband to step up to lovingly. What man could deny such love?
Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal account of your marriage.
It shows how easily we can let a basic principle of being open and communicating, become something that can really hurt us.
Taking responsibility for how we are in a relationship at every second is something I too have learnt from Serge Benhayon. It isn’t a case of putting our feet up, it is a case of being loving and honest with each other all the time. I love that your relationship now is founded on connecting with yourselves and each other – what a beautiful transformation and re-claiming of how much love there is.
Thank you Sharon for such an inspiring blog – I very much relate to your comment ‘I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore’ – this extends to our relationships with everyone. I’ve recently been feeling how I measure how open I am with different people based on the potential I have to being hurt… but ultimately that means I’m saying no to love. From reading this I could feel that choosing love is about my commitment and responsibility to myself as much as to others… and that being hurt by another doesn’t hurt as much as being shut down in myself.
Sharon, a few years ago I had my bags all packed and was ready to go. When I sat and talked to my husband as I was about to leave, I said the exact same words as I had said to my previous husband 19 years earlier. I stopped in my tracks. I asked myself did I want to be doing this again in another 19 years or was I going to take responsibility for my part in our relationship. For the next 2 days we talked and cried and made a committment to choosing to be in a loving relationship. Since then we have been unfolding a more loving way off being together. Appreciating how far we have come and the choices we have made and are still making each day. Forever unfolding .
Wow Sharon, thank you for this amazing blog.
It is so beautiful to feel that what seems difficult or problematic in our lives in fact is simply a mirror in front of us. A mirror to show us that we need to look at something within ourselves. Once we are willing to look into this mirror life can still be confronting, but above all there is so much ease and true change that life will become a true joy to live.
Wow Sharon this is a deeply inspirational blog and one that many could relate to. I know that once I started to be more responsible for my own life and self loving choices I stopped needing others to make life better for me. This transformed all my relationships and continues to deepen them every single day.
This is really inspiring Sharon, thankyou. I am going to look at where I may be shutting out allowing love in now from others and what hurts might be blocking this. I’m also going to celebrate how much more love I have in myself and do let in from others since I started my journey with Universal Medicine.
I feel what you are describing here, Sharon, is a very real scenario for many relationships. My relationship being one of them. I had gotten into such a habit of relating to my husband from reaction, hurt and resentment we just didn’t really connect any more (or very rarely connected). I was holding him at arms length all the time, not letting him get close to me. What shifted this for me was the realisation that the reaction, hurt and resentment I was feeling was in fact not about him, it was actually how I was feeling toward myself. With this realisation I could take responsibility for what I was feeling and with this understanding I could then start to dismantle it. This has changed my relationship enormously. I am now more loving with myself and in turn with my husband. I am much more committed to dealing with what I am feeling rather than putting it onto him. I am more responsible in how I am with myself and of course with him.
Operating from a point of reaction or hurt or resentment or any other point other than Love is not conducive to a healthy relationship and until I could say to myself the way I was behaving was not acceptable, I was caught in the vicious cycle and was going nowhere – certainly not towards a loving relationship built on mutual respect and trust.
Being personally responsible with ourselves is such an important step to building and being in a truly healthy relationship and I am finding there is always a deeper level to embrace which continues to deepen my relationship with myself and all those around me.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story.
Robynjones11 what you have shared here is awesome. ‘ What shifted this for me was the realisation that the reaction, hurt and resentment I was feeling was in fact not about him, it was actually how I was feeling toward myself. ‘ being responsible to oursleves is the key and the beginning of true healing and building healthier relationships. Thank you.
Being responsible for ourselves in how we feel as well as what our part in life is rather than asking someone else to be, really takes the pressure off relationships. This has certainly been my experience.
Thank you Robyn and Sharon for your honesty. I agree Robyn with what you have said about most relationships being this way. That has been my experience personally. So not only have I come to my relationships protecting myself to the max, I have also had a picture in my mind of what ‘happy families’ would look like, judged the relationships on that, reacted to that even further, which produced more resentment about the situation that I may be in. The level of responsibility you are both talking about, which is also presented by Serge Benhayon is, as by your experience a game changer and relationship changer and we all need to here about the great changes that are occurring within our intimate relationships. Thank you deeply for your expressions. They are important reminders of what is possible if we get ourselves out of the way and bring true responsibility to the fore.
That is amazing to hear that after you made all the preparations to move out, you deicided to give it another go to commit and to be open to being loved. Takes courage. I have had relationships that were ended by the partner and have found it much easier to not risk getting hurt and stay single. I am still healing but I am becoming more open to loving and being loved once again.
Takes an enormous commitment and dedication to let go of the blame, resentment, anger and hurt created during a long term relationship that was not based on love and to turn it around and begin again this time making it about love first. Your willingness to give it your all when truth is presented is an absolute inspiration for all.
Absolutely Mary-Louise .
This is an inspiration for us all.
So true Mary-Lousie, how many people blame the relationship and split up to look for love with another? This article really shows how a commitment to love and healing our own hurts can transform an existing relationship. We are really sold a lie that love is outside of us, and another supplies the “Happy Ever After”.
Well expressed Mary Louise- it is very hard to turn and change the game around, but it is definitely worth it to rebuild a relationship like that. It is a new beginning with every new relationship .
It has taken enormous commitment Marylouisemyers which continues to deepen every day. I recently have been able to open myself to even a greater level of love with my husband after letting go of more of my hurts with the continued life-changing support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Sharon this blog is so inspirational and something that many of us can relate to. Blaming others and holding onto hurts. And now here you have shared that you have deepened your committment with your husband. It’s beautiful. Thanks for sharing and thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing the way. ✨
I agree Mary-louise, it is lovely to feel the commitment to make relationships about love and nothing else.
Sharon, your story of how you both made the commitment to each other to open up for love into the relationship, for yourselves and for each other touched me deeply, deeply. And even a lot deeper than that. Thank you.
I love what you have shared here Sharon, so many couples are living out this cycle you describe. It has left me wondering.. am I afraid of letting in love too? How many times have I pointed the finger?
I can see how I’ve have stepped in the role of a mother and partner for my husband and all the expectations that are part of that as you have mentioned. As you also mentioned, resentment and blaming are next. A great turning point in my life was just as in yours, meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Working at my patterns and behaviour, feeling the hurts underneath has been not easy and is still work in progress. To take full responsibility for me has made my life more loving in every relationship I have, which starts with my relationship with myself!
So many couples avoid your deep level of commitment Sharon -is it a question of anything for an easy life? Then as you say the cycle of resentment and blame seeps into the fabric of the relationship. Not an easy life at all. Your story is a beautiful example of what can happen when that cycle is addressed with loving commitment. Thank you for sharing.
Sharon, this blog is a ‘discussion starter’ and ‘thought provoking’– shutting down from love from our partners when it’s actually there but we’re choosing not to feel it, not wanting to feel what hurts or how much something hurts, blaming our partners, the responsibility a woman holds, how women can reject men, loving ourselves – thank you for bringing all of this and more to awareness through your personal experience.
Wow this blog is so relevant to everyone. How many marriages or friendships or extended families are damaged and then estranged due to this habit we have of pointing the finger elsewhere instead of pointing it fairly and squarely at ourselves and being honest enough to admit when we are hurt and to take some responsibility for dealing with it rather than waiting for those around us to change.
Wonderfully inspiring blog Sharon. I too had a lot of similarities in my relationship as well.
My resentment resulted in blaming my husband for his lack of support. In my rejection he totally withdrew from the family. Yet with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning more and more about my responsibilities in relationship to self and others, as well as learning to open up to true love.
Sharon it is so nice to hear of a relationship going from strength to strength when so many are falling by the wayside. My relationship fell apart after 27 years of marriage but I have no regrets, we are still a family. I feel that in many cases of divorce or separation it is still possible to remain supportive and caring of each other in different ways and it allows the family unit to still function in a healthy way.
Thank you Sharon for this beautiful sharing – Your words “the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape” I’ve felt that too in my 40 year relationship but I am now so much more aware that it all comes back to me committing to a deeper love within myself and taking responsibility. My old patterns of behaviour are gently changing and that I put down to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Wow, Sharon what an amazing reflection on responsibility within relationships you are offering. To acknowledge and deal our own hurts and not look for someone else to blame – that’s guaranteed to make big turnarounds in our lives.
This is such a beautiful reminder Sharon, ‘With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with’, thank you.
I read your blog a year or two ago Sharon and I found it amazing then, again reading it again now I feel the same thing. For me it has been a huge learning to “essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts”. You say this so simply and yet it is a profound truth. And again how you know that you are in resistance to feeling your own hurts when the idea of separating seems like a welcome relief. How familiar is that old pattern in me too, and how rational that thought can appear, with all those good ‘reasons’ but thankfully, after a lot of work, that pattern is now on it’s way out. Thank you.
Thanks Sharon what an incredible blessing for you and your family, a blessing that you were open to hearing the truth and acting on it.
Beautiful sharing, I am learning everyday about relationships and taking responsibility. At some level I always believed that I took responsibility but I am learning more and more that I can take this level much deeper and that at the end of the day, everything comes back to me. Everything.
What touches me most is the honesty in which you write, Sharon. I know these moments of shutting down and blame. This is an inspirational insight to feel my own hurts in that moment. Thank you for your honesty.
this is truly inspiring Sharon. I am so joy filled to hear that you didn’t give up love with your husband and you decided to let him in again. How beautiful. Thank you Sharon.
Wow, the perfect blog for me right now. A great confirmation of my feelings. What a big journey we have created by shutting down to love, but so looking forward to the reopening.
“life is about love”. This is such a powerful and enriching statement. I loved reading this again. It is so inspiring to show that it is never too late to heal – it just requires the love and courage to be truly honest and truthful to look at and resolve the buried, unresolved hurts and to take responsibility for them rather than blaming others.
Thank you for sharing Sharon. I can see how blame comes into play to avoid taking responsibility and feeling our hurts.
So true, often the seemingly easy road is to blame the other, to avoid feeling that hurt, yet it’s a cul-de-sac as it takes us away from love, our own love and that of another. If we choose love ourselves first, then we can be that with another, without it there’s just hurt.
It is great to see how truth and love go together, and how when one takes responsibility and stops blaming the other person, love can be there as a natural way.
Responsibility all the way. The big R is the part we can all play that makes the difference between a relationship built to support and grow each other or the comfort of living with the ideals and pictures we play on each other.
This is great to re-read Sharon, I can relate to so much of this article, ‘What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.’ I will ponder on this, thank you.
Reading this again Sharon, makes me wonder how open to love I am within my own marriage. I feel I have laid my cards all out on the table, no holds barred yet there are still hurts, roles and expectations to work through, accepting that our love is changing its form from a more emotionally based relationship to one of true relationship. There’s so much to learn and grow within relationships of any sort, that although it can be difficult at times, I’m still amazed how quickly things turn around when I express from the heart my own love. Gracefully transforming difficult times (though not always so gracefully! Love will out!!) into a true way of living is what life is now about for me.
It is so easy to blame another or to expect them to be something else. I am struggling with this myself, and reading your incredibly open and honest blog is a huge support. It is a reminder for me to continue looking deeper at my responsibility in my relationship, to be open to love, committed to myself and to not keep letting the hurts get in the way. I really appreciate this sharing and thank you.
Your openness to share your story with us all provides a great opportunity to learn more about the responsibility we all have in all of our relationships. Much better to look at our own part than look to blame the other for what has gone before. Thanks, Sharon.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and how Serge Benhayon supported you to see that separation was not the answer.
Thank you Sharon, for sharing your story. I can relate to what you say about not taking true responsibility for your relationship. I too have been and continue to learn this one with the help of teachings delivered by Serge Behayon and Universal Medicine. I was very big on blame and not taking responsibility in relationship, but now I see very clearly when I start to feel this in my body – it is a signal that there is something I need to look at. It’s usually a sign that an old hurt is ready to be released from my body if I choose to feel it.
Beautifully inspiring. Thank you for sharing Sharon.
Wow, thank you so much for this blog. It really reminds me how quick we are to blame another person rather than consider the responsibility lies with us…. and that sometimes we are much too quick to give up on love!
Sharon, this is great – it’s all too easy to get caught up in your own feeling sorry for yourself and become some sort of a righteous nightmare in the home, constantly feeling sorry for yourself trying harder each day to be worthy of being loved. I know this one well, without 7 kids. The only trouble is that whilst being so consumed with yourself, like you say, you become totally unaware of the effect your behaviour has on the ones you love…. Once you take that responsibility, you get the wind back in your sails, you can see how things can change based on things you can take control of and so you’re not so helpless after all. It’s great you did this and saved your marriage!
Great blog Sharon, I loved reading it. Really it all does come back to us and our hurts and are we willing to drop them and let another see us, and for us to accept who they are and who we are too. What you say about escape is so true, I’ve seen this in myself many time where I want to run away from a job, or a relationship, somehow thinking that will deal with it – It never worked, ultimately it was about taking responsibility, dropping the blame and learning to let people in. And your blog is so open, there is no ideal about having to stay together but a commitment for each to be love to the best of their abilities at all times, truly inspiring, thank you.
I loved re-reading this again Sharon, I can so relate to how we blame each other for the situation we are in rather than stopping and dealing with our hurts. What I loved from reading your blog this time was that it was Serge Benhayon who was the one that gave you and your husband the opportunity to stay together when you were so close to separating. Serge has been blamed by a few for breaking up their marriages and you are clearly stating here that it was Serge that also supported you both in staying together. When people feel hurt they are willing to blame everyone rather than looking at the responsibility for their own choices. Thank you Sharon for sharing your own experiences.
Thank you for such an honest sharing of your journey. Blaming others is so easy to do to protect oneself from feeling unresolved hurts but it does not truly protect one, instead it just buries the hurts deeper.
Sharon. What an amazing transformation in your married life, and how you worked on the issues that were affecting your relationship with your husband. You are an inspiration to others whose relationships are rocky, they could learn so much from you and Universal Medicine.
Very inspiring Sharon and thank you for sharing and showing how if we are willing to work on our issues and commit to our relationships that love will blossom. The ‘pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts’ is so often the route we take instead of seeing our part to play in situations. It’s a way of avoiding our own responsibility and something I used to do all the time, prior to meeting Serge Benhayon and can still catch myself doing, especially when I am exposed for doing something that deep down I know does not feel right to me.
Thank you for sharing your very powerful story Sharon. The outcome is very uplifting,
considering so many similar relationships fall by the wayside these days.
By taking responsibility, you really managed to turn a hopeless situation completely
around.
I take your point Jonathan – so many of our ‘arrangements’ end in divorce, and really separation is the easy way out. Actually taking responsibility, working things out, finding true harmony – it all takes a deeper level of commitment than many are willing to give, but there is so much more learning through it.
Simply stunning blog, Felicity. It’s very inspiring how you have achieved a complete turnaround in your relationship by taking full responsibility for your choices and being willing to look at your deep hurts . By taking responsibility in this way and making it about love we have the potential to resolve any issue even if we feel it is too late, just as you have shown in this amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing.
“There are even times when the old way of being seems like it will never truly change and the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape. When this presents I know I am in resistance, and that there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship.”
I love the honesty you bring here. How often do we find ourselves in situations where there is an escape route waiting on the side, with the door just waiting to be opened. Yet the reality is that we never truly escape, it’s just a short term welcome relief until the situation comes back round in another form for us to deal with.
A very inspiring and open blog thank you for sharing.
Thank you Sharon for sharing and highlighting there is only Love and can be no blame. After leaving my marriage 10 years ago I still have moments when I am able to see the relationship we had and my ex-husband in a different light, to how I saw or thought things were at the time. This reveals more pockets of blame and I can let go of the hurt. Even though we stayed apart, as I have developed a love for myself, I can feel there is the opportunity and a responsibility to develop a loving relationship with him and his wife in a different way, and this is slowly happening. Inspiring read!
Sharon, having known you very briefly and intermittently over these years of your transformation from within, it is beautiful to read your situation in words and feel the power of your responsibility. It is incredible how with the loving support and awareness brought through by Serge Benhayon, you were and still are, able to open yourself up to true love for yourself, your husband, your children, and all those around you. The changes you have made are not only evident in your relationships but also in your natural vitality and the wisdom and power you now bring forth as a woman.
Thank you so much Sharon for this wonderful article. It was very timely; I think you may have just helped another marriage…!
Thank you for such an honest and touching sharing Sharon, I can relate to so much of what you have said even though I have no children and different details. I too have at times gone through painful struggles in my relationship and had Serge or Natalie Benhayon say something that helped me to connect to a deeper level of love in myself and then with my husband.
I have found that becoming more loving does not mean that everything in the garden is instantly rosy, as often past hurts gets exposed and need to be dealt with – but boy oh boy is it worth it, because as you say, life is about love and that is what matters.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story – it shows us that a different scenario is possible. In 2009 I walked away from a 37 year marriage, angry and full of blame and judgement. It has taken me three years with a great deal of support from Serge and the Universal Medicine practitioners, to look at MY part in all of that and to begin to develop a love for myself that enables me to see my ex-husband in a different light. It’s so lovely when we begin to take responsibility for ourselves and to see that all that happens in our lives is a great reflection of where we are at. I am still learning – we are all ‘forever students’.
What a wonderful example of love and responsibility. Thank you Sharon for sharing your experience.
This is a wonderful article, thank you. I also felt the power of taking responsibility for being open to a love that lives within me first and is not bounded by the roles we so readily adopt. Add ours to the count of marriages saved by applying what we learn through universal medicine.
I relate a lot to your blog, Sharon. The ‘not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore’ resonates a lot. My marriage was on shaky ground but my introduction to the wise words of Serge has truly helped me see and feel what is true in life and in my relationship. We continue to learn how to love ourselves and others, and as a result, our marriage will most likely continue (understanding there are no guarantees).
Susan, it’s so true as we continue to love ourselves and others, this does have a positive effect on our marriages. My marriage has gone from strength to strength as I have worked on my self-love and opening my love to others.
Suzanneanderssen thank you for sharing the responsibility that goes with marriage and the reality that there are no guarantees and the investment that we still can hold that this is the only way it can be.
Sharon, I felt your writing so open. Thank you for sharing your experience in relationship. It is not always easy to feel what we have invested in and how that hurts us, and certainly from my experience it has always been easier to blame and avoid the responsibility. It’s great that you and your husband are now working together in building more love and responsibility within yourselves and bringing that to one another. There is so much opportunity for us to share more of our real experiences in relationships…
It is lovely to read this. It reflects my experiences with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – where I have created disharmony in my life, I have been called upon to take responsibility to live the mark of the love that I truly know. There is no easy fix, just a deeper commitment to living a more love-full life.
Sharon, I have found your willingness to take responsibility and your choice to let go of blame VERY inspiring. Thank you for your honesty.
A very powerful post Sharon. Making relationships about love, with truth and honesty, is not something most of the world ‘reflects’ back to us. Thank God for Serge Benhayon & Universal Medicine, and people such as yourself who show us the power of bringing such honesty, love and responsibility to a relationship. We have all, at times I’m sure, ‘wanted out’, feeling it would be easier – a relief even – to not have a certain person in our lives (whether partner, family member, friend…). But have we brought the depth of who we are to the relationship truly, and what are we protecting if we don’t do so? Thank you for so candidly sharing how it’s been and continues to be for you – absolutely inspiring.
Sharon, it is very inspiring to read how a few words of absolute truth expressed by Serge Benhayon has opened your eyes and heart to what is going on underneath, and behind your choices, beliefs and behaviours in your relationships. Thank you for sharing this so honestly and openly. Your deeper awareness of what love in living truly is, shines through your words.
I am deeply touched to be able to read how it has been for you to re-open to love. To see your part in it and to make true changes and give love the due chance to be in you and your relationship(s).
Wow Sharon, thanks so much for writing your story. It is this level of responsibility that is so required in relationships and has the power to completely change years of old patterns and long harboured hurts. This is so inspiring. Of course as you say, there are no guarantees and this is not the end-point that needs to be reached. Perhaps eventually you might separate and perhaps you don’t, but when you are honest about the hurts you are bringing to the table and are willing to drop your guard, the relationship changes forever and deepens in love regardless of marital status. This is a huge healing. Thanks for sharing – this perspective benefits us all.
You took words out of my mouth Rebecca. You also made a great point how when we are honest about our hurts and willing to drop the shield, “the relationship changes forever and deepens in love regardless of marital status”. Awesome and truthful!
Brilliant blog Sharon and the subject I totally relate to – thank you.
Yes, this is an amazing blog – very honest and raw. As a ‘runner’ from relationships this pattern is not working anymore and continually now I am being pulled to look at what my role in any disharmonious situation is and how can I bring it back to Love. There is always Love in the end, at the base of any interaction between two people; it’s just whether we are both wiling to connect to and commit to interacting from that place, rather than the hurt. This is definitely a work in progress for me but one I am delighted to keep re-committing to.
Great point well raised here Rebecca. It is the level of responsibility prepared to be taken and examined that is tantamount in all relationships wether they be with a partner, family, friend, colleague or stranger. Nothing or no one deserves any less, but as you express the level of love for all deepens, and that is key regardless of the staus or the outcome.
Wow, what a turn around, there is incredible healing for me and many others in this post. Thanks very much for being so open. Felicity