A Little Bit of Alcohol seemed Safe Enough

by Gayle Cue, Bangalow NSW

I never really liked the taste of alcohol. However, it was part of being normal in society and so I tried. I wasn’t very successful at enjoying or abusing alcohol. Nonetheless, it has played a major role in my life.

My father had fought in the trenches of Germany during WWII. By the time he came back to the US, met my mother, and I was born, he was heavily into a relationship with alcohol, to try and drown out his memories and nightmares. My mother held off for several years while us kids were really young, but she eventually joined him in his misery and chosen relief.

I married at 18 to get out of the house. At the time I married my husband, he wasn’t truly an alcoholic – yet, but he was well on his way. His parents were also alcoholics so you can appreciate that it was difficult for us to see drinking as a problem. It was just part of life. I was still trying to be part of the norm and would try to drink, but I could never stomach more than one or two so rarely experienced being drunk, although I often experienced the headache and lethargic day that followed my attempts. 

By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I started to realise that alcohol was a real problem for most people. They, in fact, became ‘other’ people after a few drinks. This was hard to spot because some people drank every day and so I was only occasionally given a glimpse of who they were when they weren’t drunk or hung over.

And so it came to pass that I found myself with two small children, and a husband who needed constant supervision. After several wrecked vehicles and other shenanigans, I decided that I was fine about supervising my children – but not the husband. And so I made the painful decision to divorce. I still hadn’t really linked the behavior to the alcohol. I had just decided I didn’t want to be raising two children and an adult.

And blimey, if I didn’t go and do it again! I married another alcoholic. He was charming, funny, loving, a great father to my children and his, a good provider… and addicted to alcohol. No, I didn’t see it during the year that we courted but it became obvious shortly after we married.

Three years into the marriage and probably three wrecked vehicles later, I gave him the ultimatum. It was either me, or the bottle. He could decide. I won that round and the next five years were wonderful. We were a real team, raising my children and his children in a beautiful home in the country, travelling, having friends over on the weekend.

After a trip to New Zealand in 1985, we became unsettled about our lifestyle. We had a good life but we wanted a simpler life. And so, crazy and brave as it sounds, we just decided to pack up the kids and move – somewhere. New Zealand seemed simpler. We sold the business, the house, the cars and all the ‘stuff’, and off we went.

It seemed safe to have a celebratory drink – it was the beginning of the end.

Now there were four children under our roof to consider, mine and his, and we were partners in business and so I rode the turbulent years with as much grace as I could muster. It was a foolish plan, but all those years, I thought if I abstained from drinking, it would make those around me see that drinking was bad for them. (It didn’t work).

After my husband died in 1998, I found myself living on my own for the very first time in my life. I realised I could buy a bottle of wine or a couple of beers and they would still be there when I got home from work. It seemed safe enough and so I started to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, and much to my surprise I found a nice cold beer at the end of a long day in the garden tasted pretty good.

When I first attended Universal Medicine presentations and heard Serge Benhayon talking about the effects of alcohol, I never even tweaked that what was being presented was relevant to me. I knew I had never abused alcohol. In fact, most of my life I had never drank any alcohol. And even though I occasionally had a glass or a cold one, I could easily go without. I didn’t go to bars, I didn’t hang out with people who drank heavily. So, surely, this part of the presentation, about alcohol, wasn’t about me, right?

What I didn’t see creeping in was an increasing negative attitude towards life (which an occasional glass of wine seemed to relieve), a pessimistic outlook, the lowering of my self-esteem, and the drain of my energy, which was effecting everything. I wasn’t turning to alcohol to solve these problems and I wasn’t trying to drown myself into oblivion. But the ‘occasional’ drink was becoming more frequent. I eventually noticed that my tolerance to the effects of alcohol was increasing. Therefore, I could drink more than ever before – and had a new found stamina to draw on for the recovery the next day. Then I actually found myself getting ‘drunk’ on an occasion or two. Still, it seemed safe enough because it wasn’t often and the rest of my life seemed good.

On the few occasions that I would have a session with Serge Benhayon – when I was feeling particularly low or trying to get over some traumatic experience, he would inquire if alcohol had been involved. I always answered truthfully and I never felt any judgement. But I did notice that he was asking that question. I remember the last time I ever went for a session with Serge – hoping to get back on track because I had clearly fallen off the rails  – and he asked that same question. When I had to answer YES, I didn’t feel any judgment from him BUT I did notice that he cringed (involuntarily, I think). In that moment, I got it. I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.

My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison. And I considered this a good thing. How crazy. I trained my body to accept a poison and I failed to notice the changes that even an occasional drink was causing in my attitude and emotional wellbeing.

Thanks to Serge Benhayon’s unconditional love, and patience, I was able to eventually see all of this for myself and make the choice about not having alcohol in my life. Now, even when there is a celebratory toast for a graduation or a marriage, which seems safe enough, I fill my glass with water and join the toast. I know I will never take a drink of alcohol again.

190 thoughts on “A Little Bit of Alcohol seemed Safe Enough

  1. We think when we run away from a situation (like in this case escaping from living with an alcoholic) we think our lives change but they don’t unless we make the necessary changes within ourselves first. We find ourselves ending up living with another alcoholic. The grass may appear greener on the outside but in truth the answers lie within.

  2. It feels like we do turn a blind eye to the extent of the effects of alcohol because of its total acceptance in society, we know a binge night will lead to illness the next day, but what of the nightly intake the ‘everything in moderation’ phrase, which in fact masks the all pervading influence on every aspect of our lives, the tiredness, emotional swings, lack of commitment, and having darker thoughts- none of this we may relate directly back to alcohol, but I can now see the clear connection. And even those who say they feel happier when they are drinking, it is usually apparent that it is just another way of sweeping problems under the rug and not truly addressing them – and therefore no true healing is possible.

  3. Thank you Gayle for a great sharing, that even one drink is one too many, it is so insidious that one drink often leads to many many more and before a person knows it they are hooked. I used to think that they needed to put skull and crossbones on the bottles and label it poison like they used to do for any poison.

  4. “I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.” That is really an insight Gayle and I love it that you have shared this with the world. For me it is time that alcohol gets exposed for what it is – a poison and not what the society is selling it go be – your best friend.

    1. Yes, there is the physical damage but then there is the psychological effect and an even deeper effect to deal with.

  5. Thank you for a very powerful sharing Gayle. It really highlights the underlying evil of the commonly accepted consciousness held around ‘a little bit won’t hurt you’ which is applied to almost every situation in our daily lives.

  6. “I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.” This is a super powerful line Gayle and I find myself cringing as I read it, because of what I accept and what I compromise. One drink = saying yes to everything that alcohol is, represents and results in, which is on refection, so so damaging.

  7. What I see all to often is lives that have been affected by alcohol. When you talk to anyone who works in the emergency department of a hospital you hear how much of their work is alcohol related injuries. These are all preventable. Such an education for me and I just think, thanks but no thanks, not for me.

  8. Great to look at how we can build up our supposed tolerance to alcohol, meaning we just stop feeling as much, because we have numbed ourselves more. I was astonished but the amounts I could drink and also at times took pride in it…it kept on increasing however, this is so dangerous and such an alarm bell for all of us, to get the same kind, same numbing, same check out feeling many of us keep needing to top up the amount of alcohol we drink. And even if like some we stick to 1 or 2 glasses at meal time, it can seriously impact on how we connect with the world.

  9. I never drank any alcohol, but have observed the effects. And it shows that even one glass of alcohol has a great effect on people’s behavior and energy they are in. In observing I see the harm that it does, that can’t be discounted. It is real, but through the comfort of not wanting to feel where we are at so many keep chosing this harm voluntarily, taking on all that it brings.

  10. If any amount of alcohol was safe, we wouldn’t have all the problems caused by alcohol. Not just the big problems, like alcoholism, binge drinking and alcohol fuelled domestic violence, but what about the “little problems” like divorce, children unattended to and workplace hangovers affecting work. Those little problems are actually big problems too.

  11. Gayle your story reveals so much about alcohol and all that is truly going on when this is introduced into our lives. I can feel so much grace in the way you allowed your growing awareness to guide you until such a time that it all ‘clicked’ and you made the choice to stop for yourself.

  12. I love reading this blog Gayle. One drink is one too many, I agree. I built my tolerance up when I was young then stopped for many years and then also made the mistake of celebrating something with champagne and this started both my husband and I up again on the endless need to ‘celebrate’. I could only have a max of two glasses before I would have the head ache from hell. I thought that something was wrong with me at the time. Never considering that I no longer had the built up tolerance to the poison we call alcohol, so before too long I did not drink as it didn’t seem worth the two day hangover after two glasses. It is something I also will never do again.

  13. There is no doubt that alcohol changes people and they are definitely not themselves after drinking. Adding to that issue is that as a society we don’t want to see how really significant an issue that is, and how much harm is done in that state.

  14. Such an open and honest blog Gayle, there’s so many sayings around ‘a little won’t hurt you’, but in my experience this is completely wrong. A little hurts a LOT, as a wise saying goes – once you’ve dipped your sponge into oil, it takes a long time to get it out.

  15. Do you know, this reminds me of my speeding habit. I’m feeling quite exposed right this minute because I am always speeding…just a little bit. ALWAYS. And I convince myself that I’m getting away with it. But what does getting away with it mean? Not getting caught by the authorities? Not having a financial cost?
    But what about why I’m speeding? What’s going on in my body for me to need to be rushing somewhere? Is it possible that I’m in a constant state of nervous tension/anxiety, that allows me to always be running just a little bit late and so I need to drive just a little bit fast to get where I need to be.
    It’s amazing how we trick ourselves into believing that just because someone else is doing something seemingly more dramatic or dangerous than you, that you yourself are really not doing anything wrong…by comparison.
    There is no responsibility in claiming that ‘sometimes’, no matter what it is, is ok. We know the difference between right and wrong, there is no grey area here.

  16. I love reading about your experience Gayle. We think we are so clever, only doing things we know aren’t right ‘occasionally’, and we think we are getting away with it. We never do. Every single choice has an impact on us, either positive or negative which naturally has a knock on effect to everyone else around us whether they feel it or not. It’s how energy works, and there is absolutely no way of stopping that.

  17. Fascinating how we are willing to train our body to tolerate the poison of alcohol rather than choose to honour and treat our body as it so clearly shows us. When I stopped poisoning myself with alcohol I realised it was a relief to no longer have it and that I had never really enjoyed it but just learnt to tolerate it to fit in with the habits of those around me. It is not that I am saying ‘No’ to alcohol but that I am saying ‘Yes’ to staying connected to who I am.

  18. It is so true Gayle, that we have to train our bodies to be able to use alcohol in the first place as it ia a poison and should not be consumed but that is easily ignored as we are only looking for the result that alcohol has on our moods, our thoughts and the relief that it brings to the intensely felt tension we build in ourselves by not wanting to look to the way we are living in all its honesty.

  19. Many people around me use alcohol. Although I have never having been a serious drinker myself, I would use chocolate as a substitute – all to try to escape from what i was really feeling. It seems that- whatever our ‘choice’ – be it busy-ness, work, sport, TV, smoking or substance-abuse etc – we are just not wanting to feel what may be unpleasant feelings. However those feelings never go away but just lie dormant until we are ready to address and truly heal them. Once healed it seems miraculous how the ‘need’ for the escape can just dissipate without any trying, and we can easily let go of our particular fix.

  20. Gayle – from your blog I can see how alcohol effects our lives both directly and indirectly, and with this, how we can choose to feel that alcohol in the most part, is used to escape or not deal with what might be there to face in our lives. What I understand now, with the support of Universal Medicine, is that if I continue to claim who I am and celebrate who I am and the people in my life each day, then I don’t need alcohol as a tool to give me something I don’t feel without it.

  21. This could be a prime example why tolerance isn’t the answer to anything. Sure a good stepping stone but for the example of tolerating alcohol it is seen that there we a clear understanding how alcohol was observed from Gayle when she was young, yet over time the normalisation of the behaviour override her initial feeling of the substance and quoted “I trained my body to accept a poison”

    Isn’t this a study in itself that a person who experienced the turmoils of alcoholism from a young age could also take up the same behaviours.

  22. ‘I trained my body to accept a poison’. This process is the rookie rite of passage we all must go through in our early, mid or late teens – or whenever we start drinking alcohol – to override what our bodies and particularly our tastebuds scream out at us. Everybody remembers their first sip – and subsequently that first sip after any period of abstinence. It’s never truly pleasant, but acrid, metallic and sharp.

  23. Gayle, thank you for an awesome blog. It’s interesting to see how we can be dismissive about our behaviours because they aren’t at the high end of the scale. Just doing something here and there or in a relatively minor way makes it so easy to justify to ourselves and others that there is no harm in it. Yet as you have shown, there is clearly plenty happening even though it isn’t so obvious. It’s a great tap on the shoulder for me to take a deeper look at any little behaviours I am indulging in but sweeping under the carpet. Thank you.

  24. This is such an inspiring blog Gayle and I love the honesty with which you shared your experience with alcohol… “What I didn’t see creeping in was an increasing negative attitude towards life (which an occasional glass of wine seemed to relieve), a pessimistic outlook, the lowering of my self-esteem, and the drain of my energy, which was effecting everything.” At the time when I was drinking (even if only occasionally), I had never stopped to consider any of these factors and just how much alcohol was affecting me. When I stopped drinking about 5 years ago, I could finally start to get honest about the effect of alcohol and also to understand more about the energy of alcohol and the hold we allow it to have over us.

  25. Very strong point Gayle: “I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.” By drinking alcohol we say ‘Yes’ to all what this substance can bring up: escaping, avoiding, devaluing us, numbness, affecting our knowing that we are divine, it can even lead to abuse and rape… Who really wants to be a part of this? But the drinking does support to forget our circumstances… or put it to the side. We know what we are doing but the alcohol will never be enough – we need more and more and more to avoid what we feel and what we are saying ‘Yes’ to when we drink. Or, we can stop, step back and begin to see again.
    I do not miss one drop since I stopped drinking alcohol 2007, because I started to choose to take responsibility – and: lo and behold – it is pure joy! Thank you Serge Benhayon for inspiring me to a more healthy lifestyle and self-loving choices. And thank you all Students of Universal Medicine for walking with me and inspiring the world towards a new ‘normal’.

  26. Thank you for sharing so honestly Gayle about the insidious effects of the poison we call alcohol. I grew up with parents who were teetotal but then chose to be in relationships with several men who abused alcohol and I joined them and later when I too found myself as a single parent started having a drink alone at the end of the day to ‘wind down’ and was shocked when I realised that I had come to rely on this having always arrogantly felt myself better than others who were obviously alcohol dependent. By the time I attended my first Universal Medicine presentation I had pretty much stopped drinking but it was only then that I recognised that it was not about how much I drank it was about accepting the energy that came with even one drink and that I no longer chose to have that in my life.

  27. Gayle it is interesting that you, a non drinker, took up drinking after your separation. Similarly I had never smoked, did not want to ever, but when I split up with a boyfriend who smoked (and was always wanting me to) I gradually took up the habit. Clearly I was avoiding feeling the emptiness, and smoking was my socially acceptable distraction.

  28. This and the other blogs on alcohol could really show in more depth the effects of even a glass of wine and how any drinking is part of the energy of alcohol, with all the violence, abuse, fatalities, etc. This is reason that it is still accepted as normal (when it is just actually common) as those who just drink occasionally or ‘socially’, don’t see that they are a part of all the violence, etc. We have a long way to go…

    1. Yes I agree Mark. We have a long way to go…….in understanding the energy that comes with “socially acceptable distractions” such as alcohol. So many think a glass a day or the occasional drink isn’t part of the problem because they don’t understand the energy of what they are saying yes to, whenever it is they do partake. It’s a fine and important point that is hard to convey.

  29. Thank you Gayle, it just reminded me of how difficult people find it to say No to alcohol, me too in the past, without a second thought as to what it actually does to our physical body.

  30. Why do we feel the need to celebrate something amazing with a substance that harms the body and numbs it further? That to me is not a true way to celebrate or ‘relax’ but an insidiously evil way of harming ourselves. True celebration needs no stimulation as it is a confirmation of what is already unfolding

  31. Gayle thank you for this honest sharing. I overrode some very obvious signs of reactions to red wine because at the time I was seeking the numbing effect of being slightly out of it at a particularly painful period in my life. Of course it only served to lower my mood and keep me in a holding pattern in my life, not to mention the weight gain. I didn’t consider myself an alcoholic because I hated the feeling of being drunk, but got a shock when I was given the feedback that drinking every day, which I was, is considered unhealthy. Once I started to take responsibility for myself alcohol and the slightly ‘out of it’ feeling no longer appealed.

  32. Gayle, as you have said alcohol is so normal that most people don’t give it a second thought. But it is poison and we so conveniently choose to not focus on this. Isn’t it madness that we think it is okay to drink poison? Furthermore our bodies are screaming out loud and we ignore the calls week after week and just carry on. I wonder how long it will be before we acknowledge that we drink to blot out the emptiness and we are actually going to do something about it! Thank you for your very personal sharing.

  33. Gayle I love how you have exposed that we can condition our body to drink more. I have experienced this first hand being able to drink 2 bottles of wine on a Saturday night. I thought I was a hero, but all it was was me trying to get some recognition. I have also been able to condition my body with sugar and I worked out how much I could eat before I got sugar drunk, and which foods I could do it with, with minimal side effects. Just because I can’t feel many side effects doesn’t mean they are not there, they were just small enough to ignore until I was ready to address the problem.

  34. Gayle this is a beautiful sharing, and shows the insidious out reaching effects of, not only alcohol itself, but society’s attitude to drinking it in general. It is deeply sad that we are so willing to consume a poison to numb and mask the poisonous emotions we have already consumed, a double whammy that can become a never-ending cycle unless we are able to find self acceptance and communicate our true feelings.

    1. I agree Barbara, it is deeply sad that we consume a poison to dull the effects of our emotions and ‘non coping’. And even sadder that it is socially acceptable, and that as a community so many people are hurting.

  35. The title of this blog is great. “A little bit of alcohol seemed safe enough”. This is often the case with many things we consume and use as a reward. Drugs and food are probably classic options to believing that only having a little of something is safe. Firstly the so-called ‘little’ is quite subjective and how can anyone really believe that casual cocaine, ecstasy pot or even coffee is safe.

  36. Gayle, what I found both interesting and quite obvious in your blog is that despite you not drinking much alcohol yourself, you can still manage to be abused by the effects of it.

  37. Thanks Gayle. You’ve really highlighted how alchohol is used to drown sorrows and take the edge off of life. I’m sure if we all felt really great, we wouldnt need to drink the poison we do.

  38. I too grew up with alcohol around me. Lots of it. It was ugly scenes watching the people around me change whilst on it. I remember always being uncomfortable around them whilst on it and it has never changed. I joined them once l was old enough to drink and l experienced get drunk on occasion. It wasn’t untill l came to Universal Medicine that l received the support to finally stop drinking completely. Once l heard how it affected people energetically. Once l realised why l was drinking it. Now l can’t believe that l ever did it. What a poisonous substance. When people change from drinking it, that disturbs and saddens me the most. Thank goodness its behind me now.

  39. ‘I trained my body to accept a poison ‘ This I feel is spot on Gayle and exactly what we do when we consume alcohol. I did for many years as it was part of the norm and a way of keeping all my pent up feelings at bay. Living life now without alcohol as the norm feels far more richer to me in that my relationships with people are more real.

  40. Thank you very much Gayle, for this very powerful article. Unless we have a very obvious sign of addiction, we don’t realise the affect the alcohol has on our body, thoughts and behaviours, and accept drinking alcohol as normal. “My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison. And I considered this a good thing” – here is another thing, so many of us believe that ‘moderation in everything is good’ and try to ‘cure’ any intolerance our body may be exhibiting, and “I trained my body to accept a poison” – so true.

  41. Alcohol is so socially acceptable that it is considered totally “normal” to go against everything our body is telling us and drink (headaches, fuzziness, nausea and tiredness). How do we allow abuse of our bodies to be an accepted norm?

  42. Gayle, a very honest account of your life and how alcohol has affected you and your family. It is very easy not to realise what is at play when we drink alcohol, fundamentally a poison to the body we happily drink without realising the consequences of our actions to our own body. It would be so amazing if our body could talk out loud every time we ate or drank something. When we have a connection to our body we hear what is being said, and that is when it is easier to make the choice not to drink. Maybe one day all these things will be taught to us from an early age so we are able to make far better informed choices.

  43. The things that we do to ourselves ‘because others are doing it’ ‘that’s life’ ‘it’s normal’ are crazy when we relate these situations back to our bodies. And once we choose to go into these situations, say like drinking or peer pressure it also comes with these thoughts as if going against the group or situations behaviours and activities makes you wrong or lesser in some way. At least that is how I have felt in the past and without the love in and of myself I believed these thoughts and followed. But how much lesser are we truly by not engaging in an activity such as drinking which has very obvious and worldwide damage, statistics and scientific facts that such a poison causes harm to our bodies? I certainly don’t feel as lesser or that I am missing out by not drinking, if being social/seeking relief from the day is about gathering together/or being alone to harm ourselves then where is the truth in those relationships and situations?

  44. It seems crazy that I could build a tolerance to a poison and think that was a good thing. How are we held in a thrall like this? how does it benefit us? I’m so glad I have had a chance to feel how joyful I am without drinking. I know I used to feel the exact opposite, needing a drink to feel elated, but no longer needing that drink feels like true freedom without being falsely buoyed.

  45. Thank you Gayle, for honestly sharing you story, I never have really been interested in alcohol, when I did have a drink it made me feel awful. I was in a relationship with a drinker for a number of years, and also have a family member who is struggling with the effects of alcohol. This has caused me much sadness over the years as I see how alcohol changes the person into something they are not. Since Unimed I have gradually stopped wanting to fix them. Now I am respecting their choices and loving them for who they truly are.

  46. Very honest and exposing blog about the relationships between alcohol and people. I remember being enticed by the attention and commraderie that sharing a glass of wine brought and observing many others having similar struggles. Thanks to the wisdom and amazing workings of my body I took on board what it commuicated to me and am now living happily ever after without any aclohol in my life.

  47. Great sharing Gayle. I can very much relate to the normality that we feel around poisoning ourselves with alcohol. It is so normalized that I did not even consider of not drinking. Its crazy the negative effects of alcohol are so obvious, but we just choose to not see them. Thats such a great example of how we go through life, absolutely blinded by beliefs and ideals and not feeling what is truly going on.

  48. Growing up I always felt and saw that when people drunk alcohol they were not themselves, and the next day they would even say things like I was beside myself.
    As a young man I mostly didn’t drink alcohol, and got a lot of peer pressure to drink, but eventually my friends (who thought I was odd for not drinking) accepted it. Thank you Gayle for your awesome blog.

  49. Gayle your blog made me thinking about my drinking career. Many years ago I was a successful key account sales person (I was the only woman). All my male colleagues were drinking alcohol – that was a very normal thing for them to do. Also all my costumers were drinking alcohol – on every business lunch we had wine or beer. So after a while I started to drink as well even so I was drunk very soon in the beginning and the after affects where not so nice the next day . . . after a while I was able to drink as much as all the men drank and I was proud that they can not make me drunk again (this seems to me now a bit strange to do). I was not addicted to alcohol such as most of my colleagues and I immediately stopped drinking when I changed my career. So for me drinking alcohol is a form of disease and I love what you expose in your honest blog.

  50. Great blog showing how alcohol can insidiously creep into your life and take over – or that’s how it seems. Point is the choice is always ours. I must say giving up alcohol is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

  51. A very powerful blog Gayle, and one that highlights the insidious nature of alcohol.
    ” I saw that having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.”

  52. It’s astounding how much a little rest of yes or maybe opens a door wide open for abusive energy. Even no statement by not claiming the NO still leaves entry points. That is something I had to solve out to myself as well. I’m still learning to fully understand. Thank you for that sharing, Gayle.

  53. Wow Gayle, this is amazing. So many people go about their lives with their families and friends and don;t give a second thought to the possibility that that one-off drink or bottle, that celebratory beer, is not so innocent at all. That it actually comes with a whole package of what alcohol brings to us — a huge onslaught to our body and to ourselves. It’s no secret that alcohol infused violent behaviour, that people actually change when they drink. But it is still tolerated and worse still it is regarded as *OK* in ‘measurable amounts.’ That is crazy….

  54. The unconditional love, and absolute lack of judgement that Serge offers enabled me to choose to let go of many things such as alcohol that neither supported by development nor my health. If I had known how the quality of my life and relationships would improve so exponentially I would have let them go sooner.

  55. We choose to ignore its effects on us, or better said, we choose selectively what effects of alcohol we buy into and based on that we are able to dismiss the not chosen ones. We develop a relationship with alcohol based on a need that governs us. Alcohol is problematic in itself in terms of what it does to us -even one glass a day is enough abuse (thanks Gayle). The issue of alcohol is also problematic because of the underlying need it talks to.

  56. Gayle, what an awesome story. Exposing how profound the effects of just one drink can have on a person. I love that your story is not about you having, what society calls, a drinking problem, and yet you are able to show us how ‘just a little bit’ of alcohol can lead to so much more in terms of your own self worth and preception of life.

  57. It is accepted that alcohol is perfectly fine if not abused. The case of alcohol abuse that you describe with your ex-husbands is not deemed acceptable – not uncommon but not so generally accepted. But the subtlety of alcohol and its more sneaky effects remain largely unseen in society or if they are seen – seen as a bad thing. I love this blog Gayle as you really highlight how sneaky the energy that comes with alcohol can be and what this energy brings.

  58. When I heard Serge Benhayon present on alcohol and the effects on us and on our bodies, it confirmed something I had felt and somewhat known all along. But I realized how I had chosen to conform to fit into society and had always accepted a glass, just so I did not stand out and had something in my hand to toast with. I often only took a few sips and never got a re-fill as my first glass stayed full the whole night. However the choice to join in prevented me from fully recognizing what was really going on.

  59. Thank you Gayle for sharing your experiences with alcohol, it is amazing how quickly alcohol can creep it’s way into people’s lives and how much within society alcohol has been normalised and just what people do. My relationship with alcohol was an uneasy one, as I never felt any great desire or need for it, just simply drank to fit in with friends. The decision to end this relationship was easy, as I always felt alcohol left me feeling emotional, tired, strung out and just not me. I didn’t like the fog it created and how seperate and alone it made me feel when around others. It’s amazing how when you choose not to drink how much discomfort this brings up in those that do drink. What I realise is it is the energy that comes with alcohol that is speaking, not the person. These days I have learnt to just to be, and let others choose for themselves, knowing that by not choosing alcohol I show there is another way.

  60. Dear Gayle, how amazing your story is – and very ‘normal’ in many ways. I grew up around alcohol as well, and went into a marriage where alcohol played a huge part too. It’s so accepted as an important part of a ‘good’ life. My life has never been better than since I have totally let alcohol go, after hearing Serge Benhayon present the true affects of alcohol on our whole being – not just the body. My body is very thankful to me, and I’m feeling stronger and more able to deal with everything that happens in life. And I have more fun too!

  61. Thank you Gayle for such and honest and open sharing about how alcohol affected your life. I never liked the taste of alcohol also or the seedy feeling after drinking yet continued regardless of what my body was saying – obviously wanting to fit in and be accepted. Looking back now I can see how crazy it was to harm my body in this way. It was beautiful to hear how you stopped drinking finally with the support and care offered by Serge Benhayon, choosing to leave behind these destructive patterns is very empowering indeed and your story will inspire many others wanting to stop alcohol as well.

  62. Great blog Gayle, isn’t it crazy how society can accept and champion the ability to drink a lot of alcohol – as you said by training our bodies to accept a poison. Amazing that you were able to truly feel how it affected your life and to honour your body by letting alcohol go for good.

  63. Thank you Gayle for a very in depth blog on how alcohol affects us in an insidious way, creeping up on people and before they know it they are hooked! I didn’t like alcohol and just decided not to bother with it many years ago . Family and some friends would try to encourage me to toast some one’s success with a drink but I always had water or juice. I am glad alcohol was not one of my vices but we all have some and a sweet tooth has been mine and nearly as hard to give up!

  64. Thank you for sharing Gayle
    What really stands out for me is your understanding that a glass of alcohol once a week/ year/ month still lets in the energy that comes with it. Still allows your body to take in poison.
    I cut my drinking down and would have the occasional glass – knowing that it was ok because I was in control. But if I look at the times when I did choose to drink – it was because I wanted to fit in, feel better, hide something etc. and not because I was truly listening to my body. Your sharing just reflects the importance of choosing love consistently and now I can say for me that does not include alcohol anymore.

  65. It is vey interesting how drinking creeps in- I have never been a drinker but the number of times I have heard people say ‘it’s only a glass or two’ or ‘alcohol is good for you’ is saddening. Your blog however shares great insight and understanding into how alcohol can take hold as life takes it twists and turns – it is very inspiring that you have turned to what is within you now.

  66. To give up alcohol was one thing, but to be free of the consciousness of alcohol is immensely satisfying. To have completely no interest, no desire, no want or need is true freedom, free from an imposing force that determines thoughts and actions, the sense of lightness is indeed lovely to live with.

    1. So very true Matthew. As with all consciousnesses, you don’t realise it is one until you are well out of it’s clutches. It is an imposing force as can be seen in the reaction when you state you have no desire to drink. The consciousness still has you even when you only have an occasional glass, as Gayle has so beautifully described.

    2. So true Matthew being free of the consciousness of alcohol brings true freedom and is completely different from just giving up alcohol especially with the constant pressure in our society to ‘just have one’ which is easy to get ground down by if we don’t recognise what we are saying Yes to in imbibing any alcohol.

  67. Such a powerful blog Gayle about an issue which is so endemic in our lives. It is really interesting to note how when you first heard some presentations about the harmful effects of alcohol you immediately assumed that it did not relate to you so much because you were not a big drinker, even though it sounds like you were surrounded by heavy drinkers and their destructive behaviour most of your life! This highlights an important point for us all. That we believe that what we are doing on our own, or in private does not affect anyone else and we are free to do as we please, but in fact what we choose to do in our lives does affect everyone around us all the time.

  68. Alcohol has always been very present in my life, used by people around me in large quantities and me sipping away to adjust and be able to loosen up. I would still have my first beer while those around me had begon with their fourth or fifth. I never could keep up the speed and hated what happened when we all got tipsy and drunk. Being in alcoholic relationships I continued the pattern of drinking very little, always being the one driving home etc etc.
    I always felt powerless, loosing the battle trying to change my partner and becoming very angry at them and mostly myself for staying in the hamsterwheel.
    Life changed dramatically after I broke the alcoholic relationship chain and chose a new life.

  69. Thanks Gayle, this blog highlighted for me that even by having 1 or 2 drinks of alcohol you are still being affected, even though you might not be feeling ‘drunk’ or ‘tipsy’. It’s great to note the aftermath of drinking…I too used to drink because of a negative attitude towards life and because I felt like I wasn’t okay.. I would be a wreck afterwards of course and even if I only had one or two, I could still feel the implications of it.

  70. Alcohol it seems has become such a normality, it slowly creeps up you and before you know it you’re buying a cask of wine or carton of beer to settle into… So not normal, coming from one who would buy that carton and drink it in a night, maybe two, then repeat the process!

  71. Beautifully expressed Gayle. I hardly drank any alcohol at first but then I noticed, like you, how my body became more tolerant to alcohol and so I drank more to get the same effect. It’s easy to see how out of control it can get in a very short time. Thanks to the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, alcohol is a distant memory and like you, I will never touch the stuff again.

  72. Even little bit of alcohol is for sure not safe, not for the one who is consuming it and as well not for everyone who is around the person, who is drinking “the little bit” of alcohol. Why?, because it takes you away from your true self, and alters the chemistry in your body and this why I stopped drinking 8 years ago and I know I will never drink alcohol again.

  73. I very much relate to a comment of Gayle’s in this blog about desensitising ourselves with poison (including but not limited to alcohol) and how that relates to so many little behaviours and values I have allowed in life – some quite subtle but very influential, such as closing down to other people, especially for example to strangers in a public place. Perhaps allowing many ‘poisons’ in and desensitising to them is a helpful way of understanding how life has become for so many and that the Esoteric Chakra-Puncture ‘detox’ program is about tuning back in to that natural sensitivity we do all have which never went away but is just a little numbed.

  74. Thank you Gayle. So true – our bodies give us the allergic reaction from the start! Why oh why do we not pay attention, if that was food we probably would so why the difference? It’s Crazy to me. I also appreciate how you came to the understanding about the relationship between alcohol and depression in your own time. I too have experienced the same loving support from Serge Benhayon not related to alcohol – but with other coping and distracting methods! It is all the same, trying to keep ourselves from appreciating the loveliness we are and have within us.

  75. “My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison.” – gosh this is so true Gayle – I can really relate to this; overriding what I felt and everything my body was so loudly telling me because I thought I needed to drink to fit in. And how lovely it was to realise that I don’t need to drink to have fun.

  76. Hi Gayle I can relate to your blog about alcohol. My alcohol use has been similar, in as much as my body would tell me very clearly that alcohol did not agree with me but I would persevere and try and try, often getting sick for days after. The months would go by and I would try again.
    Then when I heard Serge Benhayon speaking of alcohol being a poison to the body, it made so much sense and it confirmed what I always knew but kept choosing to ignore. It just shows the extent of the hold these things have on us and we don’t even question them.

  77. Thank you Gayle, for sharing your experience. I completely relate to not questioning drinking alcohol as I was brought up thinking (and drinking) alcohol was ok in moderation. As a teenager, drinking alcohol was then just what I did. It wasn’t until I was an adult in my late thirties that I poured a drink one day and I realised it was to bury an uncomfortable issue. I poured it away and have not drunk since. Now, It is so amazing not to wake up with that ‘hangover’ feeling anymore.

  78. Thank you Gayle for your honest sharing. The effects of alcohol run wild in many families. I was brought up thinking it was normal to drink quite a lot and it took me until in to my forties to see that this is really a strategy that can be used to keep yourself numbed from your daily experiences and for escaping what you do not want to feel.
    I relate to what you say about your marriage and the part alcohol played in its demise as it was also my experience, to offer the ultimatum of ‘the bottle or me” It was me for a while but the bottle crept in again and I found it too much to have a relationship with the ever changing character of someone who drinks.
    After realising the energy and truly allowing myself to feel this I made the choice to stop drinking and I have felt so much better since not including it. I now wake on a Sunday morning feeling refreshed instead of hung over and dull and enjoy the day with a clear head.

  79. I loved reading this, your lightheartedness and sense of humour shone through. It’s mad what we choose again and again, the evidence staring us straight in the face, yet until we get it, nothing changes. Beautiful to read how your change happened and feel the love and grace in which you were held throughout that time.

  80. Its is amazing to read how normal drinking alcohol can become when its so much in your background, and how our whole lives can start revolving around it. ‘a little bit won’t harm’ is a popular mentality, used to excuse a whole spectrum of behaviour as being okay, but the main problem comes when a little bit, gets a little bit more, but because we have our excuse, it is hard to see any harm, any increase, or any ill effects, sometimes allowing behaviours to escalate, and go unnoticed. I personally find your article really eye opening and honest, so thank you for sharing.

    1. When I read your comment Rebecca, I saw how this slow, unobservable increase in drinking (required because an increase in tolerance means the drinker needs to drink more to get the same buzz they previously received from less alcohol) is similar to watching a puppy grow into a big and dangerous Rottweiler. At first it seems harmless and even cute but then………….you suddenly have a big uncontrollable animal on your hands!

  81. Thanks Gayle, it’s a bit like ‘a little bit won’t harm’ when it comes to alcohol. Funny how we justify doing things that we know harm us with a few words. I have come to recognise that this ‘drip feeding’ of alcohol is even worse than the binges – both I know very well – It is like a slow poisoning, not so obvious in the short term, our bodies somehow find a way to cope, but it has the same damaging effect.

    1. I hadn’t thought of it that way but I see what you mean about the daily consumption of alcohol in “acceptable” quantities being more insidious than the binge drinking which is so much more obviously ‘wrong’. Most of the alcoholics I have known are the ‘functioning kind’ who do not get fall down drunk, who still manage to hang on to a job, but are constantly broke because the money they earn goes to buying alcohol at the end of each day. Being able to hang on to a job is a great way for an alcoholic to deny there is a problem.

  82. A great article Gayle. Alcohol had played a high role in my life in the past too, a pattern that I used regularly to wind down and relax, and check out. It was insidious and although I knew this pattern clearly, I had the arrogance to think that it wasn’t affecting me.
    Now I’ve stopped drinking completely for the past 7 years, it was the start of making some very positive changes in my life and I can now appreciate that I am a role model for others who may have also experienced a dependence to alcohol.

    1. Hello Gill, I always love to hear the ‘success’ stories. Success isn’t about being famous, or wealthy, but about being in charge of the quality of your life and making choices that bring more love into your own life as well as others, which you’ve clearly chosen. Thanks for sharing your journey back to the ‘real’ you.

  83. Thanks so much for your comments Gayle, very inspiring for me. Interestingly my parents were very light drinkers e.g. an occasional light beer, a glass of wine at Christmas time, so I wasn’t influenced to drink by them. Yet at 15 I started drinking and realised it helped me overcome shyness and made me what I thought at the time was clever and witty. My drinking has continued all of my life and I’m quite sure that I’m now addicted, in fact have been for most of my life. Now at nearly 53 I drink most nights, not a lot, and usually wine and soda, but it definitely has an impact on me. When I steel myself up and have a couple of alcohol free nights I definitely have more energy and view life in a more positive light. The next step for me is to give up altogether but it ain’t gonna be easy. I’m feeling quite emotional as I write for two reasons, one is that I’m documenting that this is a problem for me and secondly I’m thinking back on the person I might have been without alcohol in my life! Never too late I guess. I feel like I’ve generally been a good role model for my two sons and given them a love of life… giving up will be another feather in that cap.

    1. Dear Leigh, Your comments touched me deeply. You knew me back when I was living in an alcoholic relationship so I don’t need to tell you what that was like – you saw me living it every day. The honesty of your comments are inspiring to me. I know for sure, it is never too late. You’ve already taken perhaps the biggest step of all and that is to be honest and admit that alcohol is in control of your ability to live freely as your natural self. With your beautiful family to support you, I have no doubt that the next part of your journey back to who you truly are, without alcohol, will be more rewarding than you can imagine in this moment. I look forward to our paths crossing again someday. With much love, Gayle

  84. Thanks for sharing this awesome blog. I can so relate having grown up around a lot of alcohol and reading the comments from others just reveals how many people’s lives and childhoods are affected by alcohol.

    I was never a big drinker but did drink to be accepted and did choose alcoholic partners too, but I knew no other way. Blogs like this are so inspirational!

    1. Hi Rosie, I’m wondering how you came across this blog that was written 18 months ago! But never mind. Let’s just say it was by grace. 😉 Because you commented and posted it on Facebook, I decided to re-read it myself, only to discover – yet again and from the current point of reflection – the difference between living a life laced with alcohol and a life that is clear of alcohol fuelled experiences and relationships. Being able to see how alcohol has influenced the human experience and corroded our social structures has been one of the biggest revelations of my life. Thanks for bringing it back around for reflection.

  85. I could relate to what you have written and so clearly expressed about alcohol. I was brought up that alcohol was absolutely fine; but that it was not good to be an alcoholic. What the marker was for an alcoholic, I was never sure. My father was a doctor and wine was an everyday occurrence in our family evening meals. I can remember from a young age not wanting to drink and it was almost frowned upon. I knew it didn’t feel right, especially when after several whiskeys, my father would talk about his experiences in the war; my brother would sit and listen but I couldn’t – I could only hear the whiskey talking. Yet somehow all this did not stop me from marrying a man who ‘loved’ alcohol. I went along with it, the evening trips to pubs, the gin and tonic at 6pm – everywhere you turned people were drinking. I went from a child who knew that alcohol was not good, to frowning on those that did not drink. I love your line “through repeated exposure to it I was able to increase my tolerance to it”. This is so true, and then I enjoined with everyone else that it is OK. No more for me – I know now how poisonous it is to the body and those around you.

  86. Alcohol was my right hand man for around 40 years – it was a very close relationship and yes, we thought we loved each other, but it wasn’t true love. Once I truly felt what it was doing to my body and my health, it was the easiest decision to say never another drop will pass my lips.

  87. Thank you Gayle for sharing this. I was raised with a background of alcohol and was an early adopter of the giddiness and ill effects that ‘young alcohol abuse’ has. My life was a blur under the haze of alcohol: growing up in the UK, socially the pub was it. I remember drinking before shifts at the restaurants and then many more after. The un-merry go round never stopping. I was 35 when I pulled the pin and claimed “no more” and then found that I had to unlearn a way of living that was steeped in this destructive poison.

  88. Wow Gayle, and Wow again!

    I grew up in a family of alcoholics and I have a very clear childhood memory of absolutely abhorring alcohol because even at a young age I saw it for what it was: a force that was destroying the family, and as your example and millions (if not billions) of others show – any family and any human being!

    And just like you I grew up to chose to ‘forget’ or rather ignore the memory of witnessing all those unpleasant scenes which were the direct product of alcohol – beatings, tears, attempted suicides, car crashes… the lot! So much later in life I joined in – a glass at first but then two, a bottle…

    When I first heard Serge Benhayon present on ill affects of alcohol it was nothing that I had not heard before or had not known anyway. Yet, it took hearing him speak about it to never ever again have a desire to ingest that poison. I was baffled by this experience and the way I interpreted it (to myself) that when Serge spoke about alcohol and how damaging it was to our health, it was like having a gazillion watts light shining on the fact – there was nowhere to hide, there was nothing to be concealed. The true truth was revealed and my body was no longer prepared to go against the heart!

    Your last sentence brought tears to my eyes as I felt a tremendous power of that statement – for I know that I too will never take a drink of alcohol again.

  89. Wow Gayle, a very powerful and touching blog. I love what you say “I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol”. It is deeply insidious in our societies around the globe, and in so many ways we all know how harmful it is – yet, the insidiousness creates ‘blinkers’ to feeling the whole truth of this. When research says both alcohol is good for you, yet it also says alcohol is bad for you, it paints a conveniently confusing message. If we choose to see that in the headlines day in day out, there are struggles with alcohol – with the impact it has on individuals, and on society – we can see that alcohol wreaks havoc everywhere it goes.

    1. Thank you for sharing your honest account with alcohol. Was very inspiring to read how in the end you made the choice to say no to alcohol. I grew up with alcohol as both my parents were addicted to it and have seen first hand the devastating effects on the family.

  90. “I trained my body to accept a poison and I failed to notice the changes that even an occasional drink was causing in my attitude and emotional wellbeing”. How incredible that we can all do that – train the body to accept poison. How many other poisons do we train our body to accept??

    This a great article – really shows alcohol it’s place in this world… with so many vehicles to wreck. Thanks Gayle.

    1. Your comment raises a very pertinent aspect – mostly we are choosing to override and indeed abuse our bodies if ‘it suits’ our neediness, even though this means we are drinking alcohol, a known poison to the body.

    2. Thank you Gail and newlookstresssolutions, me too, I overrode those first impulses about the effect that alcohol had on my body. When I stopped drinking alcohol 22 years ago I had no real idea of how addicted I was until my body got over the shock of no longer being poisoned. The wreckage and carnage that occurs because of alcohol is unbelievable.

      1. Hear! hear! Gregbarnes, newlookstresssolutions and Gail, I spent twenty years training my self to tolerate alcohol. When I arrived in the Caribbean, the rum was cheap and I saw how many people were drinking themselves to death. It motivated me to quit.

  91. Awesome Gayle, your words – “My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison” – reminded me of my cigarette smoking past; it amazes me that I could have ever voluntarily inhaled a toxin that was harming me. Thanks Gayle.

  92. It is amazing what we choose to not see or feel in our bodies. I too remember as I grew up, not liking alcohol and everyone telling you, “you get used to it” or “start on this” etc. So initially I didn’t go out and I didn’t drink. It wasn’t until my second year at university when my friends basically held an intervention as I was not drinking and not doing the party scene. I remember being told that I was not making the most of my time at university. So I joined the party and became pretty good at drinking and going out. Then at the age of 35, after attending a Universal Medicine event and hearing about the affects of alcohol on the body, it was easy to stop drinking as it was not something my body wanted me to be doing in the first place. So I stopped – and 8 years on I can say that I do not miss it at all.

    1. Well said Sally there seems to be a huge pressure when young to join in and partake of alcohol, I remember being told as a teenager to start on Lemonade Shandies and progressed from there. I also remember the day I stopped drinking and wine tasted like vinegar and that was it for me. Serge Benhayon has never told anyone to stop drinking he informs you of the effects of alcohol on the body, you can also Google the effects of alcohol on the body and find the same information on line.

  93. What a great story Gayle that many will relate to. As a society we have normalised alcohol so much into our daily rituals that I can see how it is easy to dismiss how much of a poison it is in the body. The need to want to fit in socially, over-riding what our body is clearly telling us. If you do a search in google with the words ‘alcohol’ & ‘carcinogen’ you can see some interesting articles/reports… that are not championing alcohol as being heart healthy!

  94. Gayle has eloquently nailed the sneakiness of alcohol and the true impact it has (sometimes without ever being identified). Great blog for bringing the true impact of alcohol out of the closet.

  95. Thank you Gayle, what you have written is very interesting. I too know that I will never drink alcohol again, as I can feel how irresponsible and harmful it is. Still, I have never before heard it explained so clearly how harmful and pernicious an occasional glass of alcohol can be. It makes a lot of sense when you describe how by having even an occasional drink you were saying yes to the whole energy that comes with alcohol. Also great points about the creeping downfall and gradual tolerance to the poison.

  96. A great overview of the affects of alcohol in your life Gayle. I like your line, “it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison”. Been there, done that… often.

    On New Year’s Eve, December 2006 my (now) wife and I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a year. After a few months we knew it would be for a lifetime, which it has.

    Admittedly it was easier to change because we both did so together. I now feel that I’m living a ‘normal’ life and enjoying it immensely, whereas previously I can say there were many ‘abnormal’ things I did when I was intoxicated.

    1. I understand this, my behaviour, self-care and relationships where seriously impacted by my choice to drink alcohol. It is not normal to get grumpy, low, headaches, try and finish the last drop, check out of the evening because we had too much to drink, etc. It used to be normal but from choosing to stop drinking a few years ago I can see and now, the energy that I was saying yes to with alcohol, it kept me in a perpetual dullness and lowness, while wanting more. I have said no with all my body for some years, but it did not happen over night. Initially I stopped because I was wanting to get pregnant, and then with a baby, and then with a child and then after a while I knew I had stopped for me. I let go of the habits and social pressures of thinking I wanted a glass. The habit of drinking had been in there along time, from childhood. I know now with every bit of me that I will not drink alcohol again.

  97. Wow Gayle, so powerful – this brought a tear to my eye. How many people live in relationships with alcoholics without seeing the extent of the alcohol-related abuse on them and everyone around them, so normalized is it in society that it is not even seen in so many situations. Thank you for sharing your story. It is also amazing how just one person who is choosing to feel the real extent of the harm and not partake, can inspire others to see there is another way also.

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