by Gabriele Conrad, Goonellabah, Australia
I am one of these people who will readily say that I hate feeling stressed. Thus, I will put things and rhythms in place to not let it happen and generally be of the opinion that I don’t want it in my life so much that I will do just about anything to prevent it from happening and running myself ragged. But then last Friday happened.
So what happened last Friday? I had four jobs lined up; starting early with a healing session at my home, then a few hours in ‘my day job’, after that a training session at a new workplace and then finishing off with another healing session at home. The two jobs in the middle required some driving – I also wanted a lunch break and the day was pretty full and rounded, by all accounts.
So what is the big deal, you might ask? Well, after returning from my morning walk I could feel how I had this urge to pack more things into this well structured day, how I wanted to make me more efficient and get more done, seeing I was ‘on a roll’. One thing I really wanted to get done was my washing and so I began plotting how to squeeze it into the gaps (including keeping an eye on it as showers were predicted for the day). But hey, I was going to be home between jobs, right? The other thing I decided I wanted and needed to do in order to feel really good about my day and me, was to do my grocery shopping, because hey, I had some gaps between jobs, right?
But somehow it didn’t feel right. I just knew it wasn’t a supportive and loving thing to do. But I could also feel how hard it was to let go of the idea of doing the washing and the shopping on top of everything else. On one hand I was very clear that it was crazy to pack more things into the day, on the other hand my mind was like a dog with a bone and didn’t want to let these potentially tantalising achievements go. What was going on? And why was it so hard to just do what I knew felt so right?
And then it hit me: there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite. There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.
This now takes me back to the beginning of the story: last Friday taught me that no matter how strongly I had always believed and verbally stated that I hated being rushed, stressed and hassled, I had been my own worst stressor by the impositions I have always put on myself in order to achieve ever more and be super efficient. Last Friday made me realise that I had always been addicted to being on a roll, addicted to being stressed, never mind the words to the contrary that I had been spouting.
So what happened last Friday? I chucked the bone (after wrapping it in cast iron) and just did what I needed to do – the sessions and my work assignments. I also had a lunch break. I enjoyed what I was doing and I was physically tired when it was all done. I also skipped the exercise class I had planned to attend that evening and just let myself rest.
So what happened Saturday? The weather was fine, I did my washing and there was no need to keep an eye on it or bring it back in and under cover. I went shopping really early and it was a breeze. Time expanded… it felt great and I felt great.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Feeling what you have shared Gabrielle, is very inspiring as it opens many doors for us to feast on, so we can understand how we can be deceived by the forces that makes us rush and delay to put stress on a body that thrives on Still-ness.
I’m observenig recently that it is not the doing in itself what stresses me, but not being present in what I do. This is paramount to keep myself feeling all the time and know what needs to be done or not, based on the level of love that I choose to be in and expand. Being with my body all the time simplifies the activity choices and then whatever I do nourishes and energises me instead of draining me.
Yes, there is a finer point here which you have put your finger on – when we are with ourselves and connected with the body, whatever we do does not drain us but the energy keeps being available for whatever is next to bring ouselves to.
This is so apt for me right now, we have to start admitting we often create our own stress in order to not feel our own stillness and within that our own power.
Absolutely amazing is that the teaching presents when we are ready to understand and start to heal. Even when we read or hear the same lines many times it is only when we are ready the penny drops.
Yes, I recognise this one, as I know many people equally do; I have been choosing to not let this be in my life anymore, ‘there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite. There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.’
Around the ragged rocks the ragged rascal ran and is it any wonder that being in ragged-ness has a lot to do with being in an ill energy of rushing or running around to get things done rather than taking our time and smelling the rose, which allows us more space and thus be open to our own evolution as we honour what our body is sharing. Then when going into our next day, we are as you have shared Gabriele, not full of raged-ness only the joy-fully full-bodied experience the very next day because we have honoured our bodies wisdom and not over-ridden it, or as another saying goes, fools rush in where angels fear to tread. So maybe being angelic is treading lightly as we walk around honouring what our body is sharing and thus a full bodied experience and this quality can be equally shared if we let go of the driving rushed-ness to get more done.
I’m learning not to push myself, so do jobs when I feel I am fully present and able. There is much that doesn’t get done or at the time I planned. The world hasn’t fallen on its head so far.
True, the world doesn’t end nor fall on its head because we haven’t ticked off our to-do-list. After all, there are other forces at play that pull the strings and play havoc with humanity.
Step by step and with awareness we can like you learn to deal with stress and see it for the self created monster it is.
Thinking ahead and trying to be organized can make us feel as though we are ahead of the game and in control but it often traps us in a time constrain and that illusion of ‘being in control’ is such a stressor because everything around us practically proves it otherwise.
Second-guessing, planning miles ahead and trying to corral all possible scenarios is super stressful, very taxing on our nervous system and often leads to a lot of extra turmoil if not outright chaos, a battle of wills, commands and for control.
Absolutely a game not worthy of our energy or movements as our movements sets or pave the way for what is ahead and thus places us back in our bodies and free to choose a way of living that can free us from our anxious ways of living.
Oh yes I know this one, being addicted to stress, many of us pretend that stress is the last thing we want, yet we refuse to take control and get over it.
Hah yes that ‘on a roll’ feeling, yet it is the time to appreciate the roll rather than squeeze in a few extra things because your’e on the roll. Realising here that the ‘squeezing in of extras’ is just a way of avoiding completing what’s needed in that dedicated quality and feeling the expansion, appreciation and beauty of beginning the next thing.
Yes, it’s like we prefer the short term stimulation of the rush, drive and excitement of starting something new and fresh rather than the deep settlement, stillness and space that comes from completing something with quality- and the space that then naturally brings the next thing towards us.
We choose what is to our detriment, over and over and over again. What is it about us humans that consents to this, despite our better knowledge and despite the repeated experience of how terrible it feels? Are recognition and identification just too strong and addictive to forego the damaging repetition of old behaviours?
It’s so important to look at the part of ourselves that finds a high in the stress or is addicted to stress and then deconstruct why. I’m in the process of looking at it myself right now and it’s shakes out all the victim mentality and offers me a choice to take more responsibility for myself in a very self empowering way.
Making ourselves busy is very often just a way of avoiding taking care of the way that we are doing what we are doing and in not doing so we do not bring all of who we are to anything we do.
Absolutely Sandra, it is never in the doing but totally in the being, the being, being that which we are connected to, which is our essences.
I love this account Gabrielle, as it shows how we can try to pack in more individuality into our spaces between tasks, when in fact the space may provide all sorts of support that we need for the day.
In the space there is observation, there are insights and new understandings and there is wonderment. The known pictures only offer staleness and the same old, same old.
Gorgeous Gabriele! I can totally relate to this.
I have the same temptation to ‘fill in the gaps’ to pack more into my day… but when I fall for this I squash myself; I end up fighting with time, over tired, out of my rhythm and discouraged.
I love how you describe the space and harmony that opened up when you listened to that feeling of what was needed and not needed. I too find this to consistently happen when I don’t go for the temptation to add complication and stress.
I have discovered one of the reasons I choose to run myself ragged is that when I’m exhausted my body doesn’t do the deep healing it can do when I’m rested… and the healing involves feeling which I tend to try to avoid!
Very exposing again, as I have read your blog a couple of times over the years. Every day off of my very busy job I try to be super efficient and to do more than what my body is communicating, also I am disappointed when again it did not worked out the way I planned it, to less hours in one day. So thank you for the stop moment you have offered, to feel how actually I go into this game of being the super achiever.
Sometimes I feel we are trying to fill the space with anything but our true selves.
You mean it’s a bit like the inability to just let silence be and work its magic? We do indeed tend to clobber and rapidly fill any space that would otherwise allow for a pause in the momentum, the push and the shove, the race to the imagined front.
Time expanded … a beautiful reminder that when we let go and honour ourselves, and our rhythm somehow we appear to ‘gain’ time, but it’s just that the space is there for what is needed next.
And space being our great ally and bridging us into our multidimensionality and the awe of what is possible .. and then some.
When we allow space to come in rather than time it is amazing how much our bodies say yes rather than feeling anxious and under pressure.
Running ourselves ragged is a huge form of distraction.
Stress is often a root cause of many illnesses. Giving ourselves more time – and space – allows a more natural flow in life. The addiction to stress then becomes apparent.
We become addicted to the strangest things and notions, especially the ones we might say we’d rather not have. Who’s in charge, I wonder?
I can so relate to trying to squeeze ‘just one more thing’ into my day, which leaves me feeling tired. Letting go of that and listening to what my body needs has been changing recently – and my sleep is better – of course!
I wonder, as I experience the same, is there still an element of ‘doing good’ when we try to do more in one day than our body is asking for.
I’d say there must be – doing good and better and getting ahead of time (impossible!), just in case tomorrow’s workload turns out to be even bigger.
Thank you. I love what you have shared here because it exposes how we have these addictions which run in us that we can think are the world moving faster or life getting more intense.
The acceptance of stress in our daily lives and the normality of it seems to be the way of society today and yet this is our man made illusion ,suffering and way of living in time and without the flow and support of the universe we are all part of and that is there to guide us beautifully everyday in the simplicity of listening to our bodies.
I love this Gabriele as it really highlights how when we let go of wanting to get things done, we are given the space to do them with no stress. Its only when we try to control life that we run ourselves into the ground with complications.
I find the more I let go of time the more I actually get done, on one hand it does not make sense but when I look at the times I do this my focus is entirely on what I am doing with no energy being given to the time or deadline and so with my full attention it gets done quicker and more completely so I am not making mistakes.
Time can be a veritable tyrant if we let it and fall for what we have made it to be whereas presence opens the prison doors and allows for spaciousness.
It sure does and is such a different feeling. When we give everything the space it requires and deserves then it all happens when the time is there without any of the pressure or need for it to be a certain way.
That is amazing Doug, so often we can leave things to the last minute to get our blood pumping and get things done yet when we do them at the time it changes everything and no longer does it have to be about getting it done by the deadline rather having it done with plenty of time, leaving space for the next thing to come in.
We learn to use stress to keep us going in the artificial elevation and get through things but it hurts us and the body suffers.
It is so fascinating to observe what happens when we allow our mind to take precedent over our bodies as for me it always ends up in feeling stressed or overwhelmed what is there to be done or worse exhausted from following it all through and driving myself through the day. Thankfully this happens less and less. It is a great exposure of what we are seeking to be identified with as you have highlighted, and if we are honest with ourselves we then can feel how unloving and dishonouring it is in contrast to being led by the truth in our body.
We create and live from a disconnection between our body and the demands of the mind and suffer the consequences.
In my experience, I have found that the part of me that enjoys being run ragged is the part that actually likes to be delicately taken care of, and so it – I – create situations of stress so that I can fall apart so that I can spend the time putting myself back together again – and so the cycle continues…
Some people get addicted to picking themselves up again, not ever realising that we do not need to fall and falter in the first place.
That is an interesting point Shami and a great observation as then when we pick ourselves back up we get a sense of pride and achievement but what have we really done simply got ourselves back to square 1 and nothing has really changed. Oh how easily we fool ourselves!!
I’m having to do less in my day, one thing at a time and not overlapping doing one thing and another. I’ve wanted to pack so much into my day I’ve got myself ill. I’m realising I’ve wanted to work every request out for support and do a good job of looking after myself. Today I realised I how uncomfortable I felt when others had to feel the consequences of their choices and not have me come tidy things up for them. I was frightened by this tension when I was young and also it was a way of being ‘loved’ because I was needed and liked for this (but not me) when more often than not I felt unmet. I can feel my worth now and let go of needing to be needed. I can also feel how there is a difference between when something is to be done and when it is left or left until it is to be done.
Yes, there is a time and place for everything and when that constellates, everything flows and happens with the utmost ease.
I have noticed this distinction of when something needs to be done and needs to be left as well. I am also discovering that we know, deep down, far more than we want to know we know because somewhere deep inside we know we are the ones who get ourselves out of the hole that we have dug.
That smells of yet another mechanism and ruse to avoid responsibility, does it not?
We accept stress as being normal but it is anything but normal.
True Elizabeth, there are people who live stressed all of the time and consider this to be normal. Yesterday I had a very stressfull day and today my body is telling me with aches and pains it is far from normal. And I wonder yes it was a very busy day and went from moment to moment but what gets me most is that I have the idea I have to be there for everyone at the same time, my colleagues, the clients, some new people coming in, the receptionist, the list is endless basically, good to be honest though.
“But somehow it didn’t feel right. I just knew it wasn’t a supportive and loving thing to do.” – I’m learning to listen to that kind of feeling more and not override it.
I can so relate to this. I always say I want to sleep earlier but I cannot stop what I’m doing when I’m home and last night I just stopped and left everything to be done in the morning and went to bed. I had to back myself up I mean really do so with my movements.
Great way of describing it – backing yourself up with your movements. That can at times feel as though I am taking myself by the hand, as one would a small child and point it in the right direction.
Our addictions are now much more broad than we are used to. No longer is it only coffee, or alcohol, or drugs we have to contend with, but the addictions of the internal dramas and self-abuse that rule our days.
Our addictions are many and they have indeed metamorphosed into addictions and, because the stakes are higher, they are no longer mere wayward behaviours.
This sounds all too familiar – addicted to drive! No need for a coffee but what is the difference when they both harm!
Not needing coffee but getting the same effect as though we’ve had a coffee is a lot cheaper and we never run out, don’t you think?
When we start to feel the miracle of time and space expanding, it brings to us that beautiful awareness of the interconnectedness of everything, and who we truly are.
I used to be the consummate day filler and the fuller the day the more opportunity to feel good about my achievements. But then when I looked back over all the things I had done they would all fade into obscurity when I felt my very exhausted body, which would have me asking myself if it had been worth it. It has taken a while to break this destructive pattern but it has been so well worth the commitment and my body will agree.
It’s easy to work ourselves into exhaustion one day and feel mentally elated by our achievements but I have found that the following day is then mainly one of devastation and lethargy as my body is trying to catch up with what my mind had orchestrated – cheap thrills, in other words and not at all worth it.
It is never worth it. No matter how it is, the achievements never compare to the feeling of connectedness.
I definitely enjoy at times the drama of running ragged what is otherwise a stupendously beautiful body of love, my body. Because when I am ragged with stress I know that I can let go of the responsibilities that come with loving people, in other words – it gives me a day off. But, there are no real days off with love, there is just delay and this always leads to trouble. So, perhaps it is wiser to just stay with what works and live dedicated to that, without going over or under what can be done, and just simply getting on with it.
Sounds like a simple and straightforward recipe for success – no stress, no raciness, preservation of the body and our sanity.
I love what you said Shami I really hate this short cut which is actually a delay.
We may be able to do more, but we have to be careful how we frame this. It is not the same to say, I am not doing enough than saying I can add something else that will help me without creating any disruptions or hassles.
I now realise that it is not just stress I am addicted to, it’s actually anything that pushes my body beyond what it is able to do and honouring that inner voice that says to say no.
I clocked myself the other day literally creating tension and stress that wasn’t there simply because I’m addicted to running myself ragged and exhausting myself.
Great observation – noticing what we are doing and not just brushing it under the carper is the first step towards changing what we don’t want to take with us as we move on in life and make it the life we deserve and want to have.
Yes, that’s so true. I was quite shocked at myself for making a day all about stress when I the other choice was a day full of joy-filled work without meetings or needing to be anywhere.
I’ve had that experience as well – we create our own stress and get tripped up by what we have wilfully created rather than surrender to the flow of the day.
Can I take up this space to say to you Elizabeth that watching you walk across a room is a joy because you do move with such grace and effortlessness you are very inspirational to us all.
We can really distract ourselves with stress, feel righteous and have a false sense of accomplishment by what we think we have to do. It is wise to ponder what we put in place of us being with ourselves and in the present moment.
Stress is a great distraction from feeling what is there to be felt; from accessing and living from the deeper connection to the steadiness and space we hold within. Not living in the present moment gives us the perfect excuse to not commit to being fully in it.
Often we throw ourselves in a ‘race against time’ in order to avoid the magnitude of space and all that is communicated to us through it from the Universe (Body of God) we live within.
Trying to fill in every moment of life with some kind of doing is a recipe for disaster, in my experience. It might satisfy the mind, at best, but is in fact so far beneath us that it were laughable if not for the dire consequences it has on our physical and mental health.
The temptation to do more just to feel like you’ve accomplished something is often there for me, but I am learning how to allow there to be space in the day.
Our body suffers from the lack of spaciousness when we don’t allow space during the day, the space to take a moment that is not crammed with things to do, look at, attend to.
This is something that I am noticing a lot of in the work place too, how being stressed and overwhelmed seems to also mean being important and high achieving. And it seems to go hand in hand with thoughts around what is progression and promotion, or what is good and honourable. So there is or can be a huge mix of thoughts and feelings and justifications for stress at work, but rarely do I see with such honesty the reality spoken of how stress can feed a sense of self-worth and value and gives rise to a recognition that is perhaps not otherwise there.
The more huffing and puffing, the greater one’s standing? Maybe in your dreams …
Interesting that I picked this to read today! Last night I was tired after a long day and before I knew it, I had put a load of washing on (that could have seriously waited until tomorrow), and then I stayed up later because I ‘had to wait until the washing was finished’, so I watched some TV on my laptop and then fell asleep doing so. Forced myself to wake up, hang out the washing and then go back to bed properly. Yep, this exposed my addiction to running myself ragged. It is not as full on as it used to be, but it is there.
We have some crazy ideas about what we think we should be doing when the day is just about over; we then totally throw ourselves out of an already established and well working rhythm which might need refining, granted, but should not be sabotaged.
I used to be addicted to making lists and sometimes even felt like having made a list was completing some of the chores, as I saw them. I may still make a list now and again but they are no longer pages of long memoranda that is really an excuse to delay what really needs to be done.
To do lists give a feeling of getting things out of the head and on to some paper, an attempt to curb the looming overwhelm but they are only a temporary measure and never a replacement for working in rhythm and in total absence of any urgency or rush.
It is a huge thing how we let external stresses affect ourselves. However, once we have become quite good at dealing with internal stresses we can then choose to react less or even much less to external stresses.
Stress can absolutely be an addiction – not being able to get things done without drive or adrenalin.
Trying to be efficient is such an illusion because life is not about getting more done. It is about truth and what is true in the moment to do and this can sometimes seem to our mind as not efficient but it just might be very needed for our body to work in a loving rhythm with itself.
Getting more done at whatever cost to our health and wellbeing is a trap; an experiment set up by those (at present invisible ones) in white lab coats that don’t care one iota about the human being but are incessantly stimulated by motion.
It’s chilling and confronting to see that we actively seek and create scenarios that make us stressed and not feel great. No matter what we proclaim it’s like we are scared of simplicity. Perhaps because in this solid state we can’t help but be aware. It seems we’ll do anything to avoid this. Thank you Gabriele.
We are scared of simplicity because it doesn’t offer us or another any recognition whatsoever.
I know this one, there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, like I can now say I have had such a full day and get that recognition. But when we follow the flow of feeling what is needed in each day, everything that is required to be done, gets done, without any exhaustion at all.
Playing out the stress of drama is a ticket to the drama that we seek in others when we are not willing to feel the simplicity that is offered in every moment and the lesson that can be learnt in a far more humbling and inspiring manner.
The fact that I’ve chosen and created much of the stress in my life is a big ouch but I know it is true.
It is quite remarkable how much we as humans can get addicted to stress and the excess motion of it all. It is a dizzying process whereby we get to feel identified in the sense that the subtext to all this is us saying: ‘look at me. I did this. Aren’t I good?’ etc. As you have shown us by way of your example here Gabriele, there is more than enough space to get everything done if we use time and space wisely, but we have to want to be in this flow and not caught up in fighting it. For when we are in the flow of life, there is very little of ‘self’ involved even though there is more commitment and purpose on our part.
I lived a very stressful life and made myself ill with a hyperactive thyroid as a result. Once I’d spoken with an endocrinologist, and asked was it caused by stress, when he said it could be I decided there and then to de-stress my life. I removed myself from major projects, and also took a long hard look at relationships and how I was in life in general. Gradually as I made more and more healthy lifestyle choices, my thyroid readings returned to normal. No surgery was needed and I came off the medication after six years and have stayed off it since.
Just goes to show that our lifestyle choices account for our health rather than overhead wires, microwave ovens and genes.
Very true Gabriele and interestingly when we do not want to address these lifestyle factors we can become incredibly focussed on what we perceive to be ‘environmental contaminants’ because we do not want to look too closely at the quality of breath we choose to breathe.
It is so true Gabriele, I know I used to have such a pride at fitting so much into the day. Friends used to struggle looking after 2 children and I had 4. People would relax after eating, but no, I was on a roll to fit more into my day, and I could go to bed at night, feeling self-satisfied and exhausted. Now I know that things get done when they need to get done, no more lists and no more exhaustion either.
I am now in a position that I experience less drive than I even did quite recently. Even after years of being less and less stressed there is still quite a transition period to living with less drive.
Yes, the work is ongoing and there is forever more refinement in the way we move and thus, don’t take on stress and disturbance any longer.
It’s wonderful to get to this point of honesty Gabriele, because within the honesty a true choice can be made that is loving for the self. With each honest admission to ourselves we can see how we are responsible for our lives, and therefore equally able to change our life to one based on love = true empowerment.
Yes, with each honest admission we get closer to the truth and the truth can sometimes be very surprising and beautiful.
When we allow ourselves to just feel what to do instead of rigidly following our to do list, it is surprising how often the space simply opens up at another time to do the things we want to try to cram into today or right now. Allowing space in the day is a surrender that allows life to unfold at a much more natural pace than we often force it to go at. I’ve found that when I’m 100% fully focused and committed to what I’m doing, I have more energy, complete it quicker, and then there’s space for more than I’d even anticipated.
This addiction to stress is very damaging but it has some attractive features – stress is very numbing and temporarily gives us lots of energy for which we pay later. It also gives us good excuses for many irresponsible behaviours.
Stress makes us feel important in trying to let everybody know how important and indispensable we indeed are; stress is keeping people at bay, telling them to back off because we are oh, so very busy. Throw in a few audible sighs and sounds of distress, and the picture is perfect.
So true. And stress often results in making mistakes and letting other people down too which can ‘get us off the hook’ by creating a situation where other people don’t want to count on us.
There is not a single addiction that works in our favor even if they are there because we have said yes to. So, they are part of the package of life we have accepted to come after ourselves.
When we try and squeeze things in, the messages we ignore and fight are just so in your face. We hit all red lights, get to the shop only to find we have forget our wallet and there is always a small something the causes less time and space to do what was planned. The whole day becomes busy doing nothing.
That’s my experience as well – when time is at the fore and I rush and squeeze things in, my rhythm goes out the window and I basically turn around in circles, jumping at anything that presents itself without setting priorities or paying attention to what had already been there to do. Such a day then leaves me feeling very disjointed and incomplete.
Great revelation that I certainly can relate to! It is so easy to override and want to be busy to feel important because that is sold very strongly by society! To call out our role in perpetuating this myth and colluding with it is a step in the right direction of breaking free.
Yes, stress is often (most of the time?) a result of identification for the self.
Yes Gabrielle, there is something about time and space that we need to re-discover, a truth that is known by us yet in a way we have misused it so by going off course with it.. A gorgeous blog that shares the value of what stress does when we go into it to our body and how it is actually a fighting and painful action towards yourself and all the cells in your body!
The thing that springs to mind here in control, I look to fit things in and can often over extend myself and I feel when I’m very busy and stressed that somehow I’m bringing more value and well people can see that I’m busy and it’s important you know! But none of this is true and in fact it’s a huge distraction for in all of this there’s a control, a push, a wanting things to be a certain way and a distinct lack of surrender to what I feel and what is needed in the moment, and there is no space. A telling insight, it stops me from feeling space and truly taking time to appreciate and expand.
I can so relate to being addicted to stress. A lot of us use stress as a way to motivate us to get things done but this just puts pressure on our nervous system, which in the long run really harms us.
Feeling stressed can come about because we allow our movements to get knocked out of joint and thus lose our foundation of how we might usually walk, talk and have conversations with people, thus get into a state of unease and tension.
This is very revealing, that you have made something you actual hate a need in your life, and I have the feeling that is what we often do and that is why it happens that though we do not like certain things we still do them. You show the importance of unraveling these everyday behaviours to be truly free of them and to be able to say what we truly love or not.
I know very well about that sense of achievement, the adrenaline rush, the triumph of doing the impossible – that is pretty much how I used to work throughout my 20s and I was exhausted and burnt out. I remember how I was so unprepared for the unexpected. Everything was planned and organized and rather rigid. Today, I am still efficient and productive but it feels very different and I even have space for making mistakes.
I love that you say you “even have space for making mistakes.” How beautiful is that, to be open for mistakes and give them / yourself space.
The rigidity you describe from holding ourselves tight and getting everything done is much like the drive for perfectionism, an impossible undertaking that does not ever let us catch our breath.
I am becoming more and more aware of how I constantly try and squeeze more into my day just like the gap filler you speak of Gabriele – and how this causes much congestion and undermines the quality of all that I do.
I did an experiment with myself a while back to maintain the house chores – one thing a day. I found it very hard to do just one task, always pushing to do more and more. On reflection I felt the consistency was very stabilising whereas the pushing would push then crash.
Great experiment and observation – the pushing can bring a momentary feeling of elation over having achieved so much but what goes up, must come down; three cheers to steadiness, presence and poise.
The moment we stop being a victim and start looking at our role in the circumstances we’d rather not have in our life, anything and everything is possible.
I realise I allow myself to get stressed and feel this constant, underlying tension of always being behind, because I place unrealistic expectations of what I can get done in a day upon myself. I also slow myself down with my own perfectionism – wanting things to be exactly, perfectly right, so that I can hide behind it and prove myself with the perfect thing I’ve accomplished, rather than be real, raw and honest about not always being on top of it or having it all together. The latter is far more refreshing and makes my relationships much more real and honest, because I’m being myself, messiness and all.
‘Being behind’ or ‘running behind’ puts enormous pressure on the nervous system and our whole body as it changes the way we move through life.
There is another part of the game here surely, if we know there is a “natural rhythm” to life, a flow that truly supports us then why would we ever walk away or not connect with this? We are possibly walking parts of life and have walked parts of life over and over in a certain direction away from this truth in our for us not to fully walk back to it at every point. In other words we have spent a lot of energy living another way that is not in connection to this “natural rhythm”. This is not a critique but more a realisation that it’s not a perfection thing or a thing to get yourself down but more an awareness that every step away from this truth will need to be re walked or cleared in order for us to fully return and in this way every moment of every day is the possibility for us to bring ourselves clearer and clearer. There are no good and bad days or moments, just points for us to completely return.
I love the honest sharing over your realisation that; ‘There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day’. It just shows how much our ingrained patterns are running in the background (like an old record playing) and it is not until we expose it, nominate it can we change the record.
That must be true circulation energy (as first expressed by Serge Benhayon) – the record going around and around endlessly and our motives never questioned, our ideals and beliefs never exposed. Until we decide to get honest and change our tune, that is.
Yes.. appreciating the honesty of the body here in helping us to expose the beliefs that we’re holding onto that aren’t true. Untrue beliefs = untrue movements and behaviour, which has an impact on the body and eventually shows up as illness or disease, because we’re not moving in alignment with the universal flow.
‘Time expanded… it felt great and I felt great.’ Don’t you just LOVE it, Gabriele, when you listen to what your body is telling you and you then get to feel the magic of time expanding??
We treat ‘time’ as though it’s runs everything, like we have no control or say with it and yet we have all possibly had experiences with time ‘running out’ or time taking forever so how can this be. Who’s truly in the drivers seat with time? Or is time just a thing that has been created by us so we can run things by the clock when in fact the clock is just a measure of space and so it has no control and the only thing it has is what we give it.
I loved what happened on your Saturday Gabriele, because you did not push your body to do, do, do on the Friday, which your body would have appreciated – beautiful lesson which is to listen and honour our bodies.
Whether running myself ragged or not committing to what needs to be done is still compromise. The compromise to dealing with Life in a way that supports myself.
If I understand you correctly, you are saying that both the rushing around and trying to accomplish things as well as the choice to not commit are one and the same energy, just at opposite ends of the spectrum. They both compromise quality and our livingness.
This is a wonderful example of listening to your body and staving off the nagging of the brain.
Gabriele, I can also relate to what you share, although less so now. I lived that drive to fill in gaps and do as much in a day as I could that came gave me sense of achievement but also tension.. Super woman syndrome comes to mind, but in reality I was wary of gaps then and emptiness that came with it. . Whereas now I can appreciate space and how I can use it to just be and deepen my connection within.
I’m learning the value of keeping things simple and listening to my body. Had a pile of laundry to iron for my client and a project assignment to complete, which coincided with a couple of days not feeling great and low in energy. I knew to just let both sit there and wait until I was ready. When my energy came back, it was the easiest thing to complete both tasks and enjoy them. The alternative would have been a struggle and resented. This way, supported by the universe, all flowed, \
Given the right time and space, things truly flow and become effortless. Beats hours of misery and toil hands down.
Agree Shirley-Ann and I love the honesty from Gabriele to go into the ‘why’ behind the filling up of her days: to be seen as efficient.
So timely to choose to re-read this great blog. I can relate to having a very old pattern of ‘filling up’ any spare moment. Like always carrying a book, a magazine when going to an appointment just in case I would have to wait. What I have been noticing lately is how this ‘pre-occupied’ behaviour was not only exhausting me, but also making me less open to people and opportunities due to the already created busy-ness.
Love this Priscila, especially how ‘pre-occupied’ behaviour, made you less open to people and opportunities, I’ve stopped carrying certain read material on tube trains, because I used them to ‘block out’ and it became a habit,. Now I sit quietly, with me, super aware of what’s going on around me or preparing myself for the appointment or meeting I’m going to. This choice means I’m less distracted and steady within myself.
When we are forever pre-occupied, eyes down and glued to a screen or catching up on some reading, trying to ‘make time’, we miss out on connecting with others and feeling what is going on. We dismiss our sixth sense at the expense of sight and the images we are being fed.
Its a whole different experience to connect with self and others as we travel, otherwise we totally miss the magic of the moment.
Same here Kehinde! I am also no longer carrying reading materials around although I have to say that I can still find things to read/do on my mobile phone. It’s been fascinating to observe this behaviour and to make different choices. As I stop filling the day in advance, pre-occupying the moments, I feel not only more spacious but also more complete in a day.
Great point Priscila, On-screen devices can also capture our attention and their effect the same as reading printed media, unless we’re reading something inspirational that supports us to stay connected.
I can so relate to what you have written Gabriele,
I have had a similar experience where I fitted everything into the day, but got very stressed by trying to achieve the impossible. I developed a stonking cold and had to rest. This was a huge learning for me as my body showed me quite clearly I had not taken care and over worked myself.
The more we squeeze into our day, the more likely we are to focus solely on the tasks to complete and be so busy that we don’t have the space to consider that how we attend to our tasks is even more important that we realise.
Lovely response Jennifer, ‘quality first’ something we often leave out of the equation.
Spot on Jennifer, it is like we are uncomfortable with ‘space’ or the gaps….having to fill up every moment which is a movement that comes from the mind, whereas the body loves space and in the space there is always a flow.
Yep the focus becomes just getting it done and before to long you wake up one day resentful and possibly depressed because of how life feels. I remember this and I can get things done as we all can and yet now the key is the quality. It’s one thing to do things and yet another to do them with a quality that is ever lasting.
Super simple, super honest and super inspiring… knowing only too well the attraction of cramming ever more into my days, I am loving the letting go of the bone and the inspiration it offers me.
As others have shared Gabriele this addiction is one I have chosen to indulge in, its especially challenging when space opens up and I can often want to complete more, do more and in that time avoid the confirmation, the appreciation of being all of me. It’s something I’m very much working on, today I don’t like stress or being stressed so I’m working through how to life and ask ‘whats next’ whilst not getting caught up in doing doing doing.
Good point – when space opens up, as it invariably does, we can get a little lost for lack of confirmation and appreciation and thus, the old behaviours take over and we allow ourselves to be pushed back into time.
I recognise this one Gabriele. I will tell myself that today is the only time I have to do things so I need to get them done. There is definitely an identification in this for being efficient, but in truth it just creates stress. Not very wise really!
I remember Rebecca once reading a blog on Women in Livingness blog website and one particular point stayed with me since then: the lady was describing how she was becoming aware that just ticking all the boxes of her to-do list for the day was actually, comfort. When I see myself wanting to finish tasks only for the sake of finishing them (very comfortable for when I identify myself as ‘efficient’) without the quality of joy and completion, I know something is really not right and the approach needs to change. What I am learning also is that a task, even if partially completed, can be felt complete in what has been done. Or that sometimes there was a more dedicated moment to complete the task or it required something else or someone else.
That’s quite an eye opener – the discomfort of being in comfort and in this particular instance, the comfort of doing how it has always been done and the recognition garnered via efficiency.
That’s a great reminder Priscila. There can be completion even though the task has not been completed. It is complete for now. This is beautiful. It erases all the stress.
Overdoing things does come with the sacrifice of our own well-being and we inevitably lose out. Many times I have overridden the bodies messages to pace myself and to not take on too much when I am not up to it, and then suffered the consequences of my actions. Looking at our relationship with stress, recognition and acceptance is a great place to start.
I don’t think anyone likes to be stressed! But then again some people may thrive on it to keep them going or make them feel busy. My understanding to do with reducing stress is our momentum. In that if I am stressed it is because of the choices I have made and how I have been living meaning I am not planned or prepared for the next moment, or I am not with my body and me in every movement (conscious presence) but getting ahead of myself. This is awesome for me to express as I have just seen I do not allow space for the unknown in my life which could be completely magical.
In truth, nobody likes to be stressed because it feels hard and jarring in the body; but many people get off on running themselves ragged because it makes them feel important. This can often be accompanied by well-positioned sighs at calculated intervals, I have noticed.
I agree Gabriele. I know I have used not only being busy, but letting other people know how busy I am to get recognition for being capable. I find the stress comes when I don’t get what I am looking for. Although not great to feel, it’s also important to feel as in that I am being asked to reflect on my own behaviours.
How we do what we do, the energetic quality we do what we do in, is the most important factor but it can take a while, a long while, until we realise this as the world is focussed on lineal outcomes and has us rush from one tick box to the next.
When we are honest about our investment in something that we say we don’t like but keep choosing, so much can be revealed and let go of…
Yesterday I played the busyness card in order to not feel the sadness within and it is really interesting to feel how I created the tension and busyness when I actually had very little to do.
I agree and what I saw when I read your comment was how I always think once I have seen something once that that is the end of it, I achieved something and now moving forward to the next part. Yet life doesn’t move forward on a line, it is forever cycling back to us. In this I can see another whole life change in how to look at things, myself and the world. Take my time and keep moving with the care I know naturally as something need the space or a number of cycles to clear after being wound up so tight. In this these things or energies like “busyness” are always there at this point and you can dip your toe in them at any point if you’re not careful, again this confirms the cycles we are in.
The existence favours the step by step, from a to b trajectory whereas our true nature is imbedded in and part of a multidimensionality that, by the postulate of free will, allows for linear progression but is not of it nor supports it.
Our need for recognition and acceptance is big and we are mostly only too willing to offer our health and wellbeing as a sacrifice in exchange.
Allowing ourselves the space to be honest with how we feel and allow our bodies to lead the way, not only brings surrender to the present moment, but a flow and rhythm to our day. We not only feel what is needed at the time but also a great clarity and ease is felt via our movements when we live from our rhythm and not allow the drive and or stress to hold.
We can run our life in whatever way we choose, there can be a list a mile long and we can push and push to have it all done by noon and drive ourselves into the ground or we can choose to allow life to come to us, to unfold back to us. We are seeing more and more we are going around and around and not forward and so in this way it’s the key to live our lives. Same as the earth spins around, all cycles around and this is our movement to life. The more we push forward the more life reflects for us to settle back. We have an ability to ‘do’ a lot but the key is for us to be first, be naturally who we truly are and from there look back to life and deal with everything from there.
I can totally relate to this: if there’s even the tiniest space of a gap, I want to fill it. I used to want to maximise each moment, by filling it with an activity – even on the weekends, it never felt like the day was complete unless I’d filled it with activities, and I’d stress myself out trying to do them all. Letting go of needing to tick things off a to-do list has been and is a huge work in progress, but I’m starting to appreciate more and more how much more amazing it feels to just feel what to do next from my body, instead of adhering to my mind-driven controlling task list.
The body way is expansive and joyful, and there’s always enough time for whatever is needed (not the insane list of things I ‘think’ I have to get through); the mind way is hard and driven and leaves me feeling squashed and resentful that I don’t have enough time for ‘me’. When I’m with my body, I’m already with ‘me’ and so I don’t need to make extra time for this.
When we stay connected, there is no need to rush or be ahead of ourselves (which in truth is not possible, but we keep trying) and everything that needs to get done, gets done. It is all quite simple, really.
“I had been my own worst stressor by the impositions I have always put on myself in order to achieve ever more and be super efficient.” I know how this feels I use to get caught in this myself, but have learnt this does not serve oneself anymore.
A super beautiful example how life simply flows when we follow our body instead of the head with its many ideas.
Stand by what we know is true and say, space and love expands.
Yes, the key may be to find out why we hold that belief when we easily know better?
I found that getting stressed is a great way for me to deal with things when I felt tired. Recently I noticed that when I do certain work I get energised even when I am tired.
Yes, there are many forms to keep pushing us, may it be coffee, sugar or stress or any other substance/activity that keeps us going for that moment or a little longer. What I love about what Gabriele shares is how she feels the next day, thus bringing it back to the quality of life instead of the forever sought after achievement that has us not care for our bodies and well-being.
So often I hear the words ” I work best when I am under stress” yet the movements that go with this comment reflects poor relationships with peers and a tension that is internally disruptive to the body as it is constantly working against its natural way of being.
Is it possible that ‘working best when under stress’ is a lie and an excuse for procrastination and being out of rhythm?
I think its definetly possible it is a like, its a great excuse to stay in the drama of it all.
When the focus is on just getting it done or the outside result of how things look then we set things up to be that way. Little regard for the quality of the whole interaction based on how it feels for you and then everything else. In this way we can pretty much get away with saying anything we like as it matters only how it looks and if we get it done. It doesn’t matter what we are doing or where we are doing it ‘all’ comes from that part or moment and how you will be next is set up from that movement.
I’ve been noticing the wanting to squeeze more in than is necessary, and also doing different chores too close together (instead of resting in between) to get into a state of busyness and overdoing it. It’s a peculiar thing because I don’t like how I feel at the end of it and I’ve noticed in my case it’s often because there is something I don’t want to feel or take responsibility for.
I can so relate to this Gabriele, my addiction with stress went hand in hand with my addiction to being a martyr. Keeping myself so busy I didn’t have to feel the sadness that laid within.
Marturdom – what a trophy in the indispensability stakes that one is.
It is interesting how so many of us run from feeling the sadness that lay within so we keep ourselves busy all the time so we don’t stop unless we are forced too. I was so a martyr myself.
Martyrs exude an insidious and twisted force which they inflict on themselves first and then on all and sundry.
And martyrdom is very insidiously cloaked in doing “good”.
Stress, drive, intensity all are a cover for us to not feel. It’s not even that there is something huge to feel or significant etc. It’s just that life or everything comes from a feeling first and so to not honour the ‘feeling’ is leaving a large part of what is going on out and from there we can create whatever we want. This creation occurs while we are still feeling everything but building a creation to cover this awareness. So it’s a world created within a larger world that curbs your view so you only see what you have last created, your view is controlled so as to not wake yourself back up to a bigger or large part.
Wow Ray, very well said. You have pretty much covered my way of living. It’s like the constant chatter we allow in our minds to avoid the stillness within.
I agree and sometimes it’s obvious and more so starts subtly. You know how the saying goes similar to, ‘from little things big things grow’ well for me life or how we are is like that. If things started to slap us in the face then we could see that and you would take note of why it’s there but the set up is all the little things that appear unimportant or are dismissed easily that then build momentum and before you know it it seems things are slapping you in the face and the little things have added up and it appears you have no idea how it occurred. Yet each step has been clocked and we are simply avoiding walking and feeling our way back through it.
That is true, I have found that also. Every effect has a cause, a chain of causes, no matter how seemingly small or even erroneously judged as insignificant. In an existence where everything is energy before it is matter, nothing is just nothing.
Exactly and yet even with this awareness it’s not how I live fully. I do my best to honour this but there is always parts of my day dismissed or walk past with little regard. I can say all is energy but there is a part of me that obviously thinks it’s not the case and from what we are saying this part has made a lot of little steps in many directions that are still being undone.
The stress is harmful for our body and so when we truly surrender our body can heal the stress we at first have created. So our body is alWays healing — rejuvenating if it gets a chance.
That one thing I love about our bodies, it’s forever pull to be divine.
Yes it is and at any point when we push or drive ourselves it brings us out of what is a natural flow to life. It’s like a flock of birds flying in the air and one decides they need to do more. Not only would it throw all the others out momentarily but it would also make is harder to fly itself. Life naturally pulls us in a certain way that is in deep honour of everything and if we go into any behaviour that allows us to loose sight of this flow then we are literally flying on our own and the flying becomes something we need to do.
Great allegory; flapping our wings like mad rather than glide effortlessly and be part of the bigger picture.
Exactly and we saw a flock of birds yesterday and even in big head winds they always look like it’s an effortless thing to fly like they do. There is a part of life that they are symbolic for and to me. I am always watching them and reflecting it back to how I am at that very point.
Which is exactly the purpose of symbolism – to observe and reflect and then ponder how the symbolism applies to our life and what the lesson is. The Magic of God in action, at play.
This makes completes sense when we talk about it like this and yet it hasn’t been how I have looked at life and there are still levels of things to this. In place of looking at life as life it’s possibly to ‘use’ life as a mirror and no matter what crosses or doesn’t cross your path reading it all as “symbolism”.
Love your honesty here Gabriele and commitment to experiment doing things differently.
I recognise that propensity to want to fill up space with more activity very well. I’ve realised that my mind is constantly monitoring what else can be done, and hey look there are 5 minutes to do this here, and another 5 to do this over there. But as you’ve shared Gabriele, it feels very wrong when we start to feel what spaciousness is like, how our bodies respond to spaciousness and expand. So yesterday I looked at a pile of washing I needed to put away whilst I had some chops frying away for dinner and clocked that sneaky thought to hurriedly sort the washing while the fry-pan was doing its thing. I let the clothes be, returned to the kitchen and enjoyed the cooking activity with lots of fun and no time imposition, and the clothes were gracefully put away in their own time in what was the natural sequence of the day. Plus – I got myself snuggled into bed even earlier than usual 🙂 Time expands when we do not choose to cram.
It’s the perfect setup – the notion that we won’t get everything done unless we double and triple up and go into overdrive. But time doesn’t play this game; its order and rhythm play to a very different tune than what we have been led to believe and have subscribed to.
When you are open to doing a bit of detective work with yourself, it is quite amazing what you can find lurking underneath the surface.
Being busy, busy, busy and feeling stressed is a cunning trick to stop ourselves feeling how amazing we are just being who we are.
Absolutely Mary, we get off on being busy very deliberately so that we do not let ourselves deepen into the stillness that our body is calling us to surrender into.
Yes Katrina is very cunning taking us away from our stillness, where the true power and strength is available to connect too.
It is so cool when we start to allow ourselves the space to trust what needs to be done will be done and that when we have this it takes the pressure off and we can enjoy the process.
We get the opportunity to live each moment with presence and let the next moment unfold from there when we take the pressure off and stop focussing on the outcome.
When we let go of what we need to fit into the day, it is amazing how much we get done because when we have no picture there is no expectation, and things naturally have their own flow and there is nothing for us to get stressed over.
How great that you caught yourself in the act so to speak…. I agree there must be some attraction to being stressed as we wouldn’t keep creating it if there wasn’t.
And I may add – I have realised now what I can let go of in my two very busy days ahead to create the spaciousness that will support this day, the next day and the week ahead. It’s so simply a case of observing what we are attached to, and asking ourselves if this thing, task, whatever it may be, is on par with how we really want to feel, whether it will support us to feel expanded or not.
A great point – taking a moment and assessing where we might be purely outcome or success driven rather than plodding through a to do list like an obedient servant of our own agenda.
A very timely article to read this morning, as I had already been plotting my two busy days ahead and what I would do in between the tight little gaps I would try and find. Time can and will expand, if we let go of the internal rushing and stress that we create for ourselves.
I also in truth do not like to feel stressed, yet I have observed that there is a part of me that relishes the identification that is offered through stress. The identification that believes that I am valued through how much I can achieve, or that I think I am ‘alive’ if am on the go, or even the exhaustion that follows offers me recognition for ‘all’ that I was able to do in a day. However, the more I honor what I feel is true and allow myself to be guided by how my body feels, as you have wisely shared, ‘time expands’ and the space for us to bring our presence to every moment is available. Moving with this quality is what represents, defines and confirms who we are like nothing else can in this world.
A brilliant blog to stumble upon this morning – I can very much relate to hating being stressed but getting off on it at the same time. When I feel spacious and expanded there is nothing to dramatise about, so I’ll look for something more to do, to bring in the squeeze of time so that I can run around like a headless chicken and create a drama I can write home about – until the next drama, and the next drama and so on.
Being stressed and squeezed for time is an addiction when there is spaciousness, we often attempt to recreate the limitations.
In spaciousness there is no panic, there is no ‘I’ running around getting off on how busy I am, important, unimportant etc. So – we switch on the stress button again to go back into that familiar pattern where ‘me, myself and I’ become the centre of our own world once more.
I feel that there are many many people who will relate to what you have shared here. Being addicted to achieving things and stressing ourselves out over it all. We have a long way to learn that there actually nothing ‘out there’ that can dominate one’s choice or be blamed for any stressed action. It is always our choice as to how we deal with and manage our life.
True, we are not truly the victims of circumstances but their creators.
I love this sharing Gabriele! I have often found myself ending up with a stacked day after starting with what seemed like an easy day for me. What I have noticed is that I tell myself its OK I am only doing as few things for myself on the day but It snowballs because I haven’t said no and each event took twice as long to accomplish as I expected! Not looking after me first does backfire and exhaustion follows.
The super organised super achiever in me squirms reading this. It’s funny you use the example of washing as often I notice myself thinking about putting washing on and if there isn’t one to wash I’ll check again just to make sure. If I keep busy then I don’t have time to feel what is really going on, let alone connect to the quality of stillness.
True, keeping busy at any price assures that we don’t take the needed moments to be in our stillness.
Great blog Gabriele. I certainly know what you are talking about here, especially this part – “There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.” I know this well. It has run me ragged many a day. But like you it is lessening its grip and I wash more on Saturdays now 🙂 It is a loving work in progress to bring more self-love and self-care into my day, and realise that my being is more important that my doing.
This is a feeling I have too Gabriele. Often when I am about to have a healing session, I look back at recent life events and feel how intense they’ve been, and I get the strongest feeling that things needn’t carry on this way. By the time I come to speak to the practitioner it’s sounds really odd to say ‘I have this big issue’ when it is clear in my heart I do not. Your words here makes it so clear, there are two possible ways we can live, one which worships complexity, difficulty, upset and strife and the other that knows simplicity, sweetness and truth. It’s just up to us which way we will go, and whether we are prepared to give up this overwhelm drug which is as potent as anything chemical we have made.
Stress is such a cheap and easy drug of choice if we want to consume it. How we deal with a situation or experience says more about us as a person than about the actual experience at hand.
What a learning Gabriele , the washing was a good one , a good way of maintaining stress in the body .
It great you have got rid of the bone. Everyones day is full, its full of what needs to be done .
Gabriele it can sound strange to be addicted to stress yet that is exactly my experience, I was very much addicted to stress! Today the opposite is true but for me the highs and the lows are what used to make life.
To stay with what we feel is true and bring our focus or dedication away from just getting it done or doing it is what will support us all ongoing. As the article is saying too often we override the feeling to get into the doing and then loose track of time or we are cramped or stressed with time. The only way to sustain or to honour ongoing what you are feeling is to live that way, to dedicate as much as possible to feeling what’s going on around you. Then when the pressure is on or the stress meter goes up you will see everything for what it is.
I can relate to that running ragged behaviour in the past Gabriele and I also had an arrogance that I was so great to fill so much more into my life than others. I now understand there is a flow to everything we do, and feel what is going to be sorted today and what is going to left for tomorrow.
Stress and drama are a great distraction from feeling the truth of ourselves through simply being.
Wow! Stress can be an addiction… now there is a psychological mind bender for you! It shows stress is a choice and is very empowering to feel it this way.
This blog is gold Gabriele. The cycle of work hard, crash hard is well known to me. I know that I exhaust myself so I try to do absolutely everything while I am feeling ‘good’ in the mistaken belief that I will be able to rest later. I can see that it would be much wiser to live consistently committed to life.
A bit like our self-inflicted economic cycle really, boom and bust – in this case, overextend and crash hard and do it all over again. As you say, consistency is key and not the wild gyrations that take us from shallow gratification to contraction and exhaustion.
I have found that stress can be my best friend and not something that I have to judge as bad, its like a very uncomfortable change point where you get to be honest and say, if I’m not with my body, then where’s the love?
Stress is a great way to avoid what we are feeling because we tend to then focus on the stress rather than what is causing the stress in the first place.
Being honest with ourselves and why we choose what we choose is a very needed foundation to start to change the choices that don’t work towards or benefit our well-being.
That honesty can be hard in the beginning but, once we realise that the actual truth can often be much more positive than our honest assessment, then the process can be a lot of fun.
‘And then it hit me: there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite’ . There is a part of me that enjoys struggle too, it’s something that I have spent my whole life identifying with and something which thankfully I’m starting to let go.
It had never occurred to me before that stress is a choice. So what if I choose not to have stress in my life? I certainly have far less stress than I have ever had by living more connected to my body and my movements but what if I chose to say no to those situations where I’m wanting to get just one more thing done so that I can feel good about myself at the end of the day but which actually leaves me feeling stressed and exhausted.
Saying no to what we can’t handle is very loving to ourselves.
It is true, cramming things into every second of our life and not stopping to feel if what we are doing is in rhythm with our bodies and the flow of the Universe takes the joy out of everything; the focus is on getting things done not the quality and joy we get from being with ourselves in the task we are doing
Not only that – it is an orchestrated rip-off that is devitalising, utterly draining and intent on turning us into box-ticking robots.
This blog reminds me very much of the extent one will go to in order to avoid feeling still. I have often experienced this myself – a need to remain active, when the body is actually crying out to stop and be still.
At times that feels like an addiction to the stimulation that stress provides – give me anything but stillness.
I am learning to be more realistic of the amount I set myself to achieve for the day, allowing myself time to stop and connect, and reminding myself, that it is the quality I am in at all times that is paramount.
I can relate to what you shared in this blog as I am sure many people can, I always considered myself as being super organised and someone who could achieve much, ‘There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.’ This old pattern can still creep in, so I have to look at why, and what it is giving me that I have not given myself.
Great point, that last one – “what is it giving me that I have not given myself”. We are not stupid and there’s always a reason for our behaviour.
‘There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.’ I know this all too good but when I work in this way I am assured of a headache or migraine next day as I frustrate myself with this ‘going on and going on thing’ filling every possible gap to satisfy only a small part of my body, my head/mind/spirit and with no regard for my body and the rhythms in life that are there to adhere to.
Well, Serge Benhayon has always said, “The body is the marker of all truth” and your headaches or even migraines are a testimony to the truth of this teaching.
There is a major adrenaline kick and nervous system stimulation in stress, I really wanted the drama, it excited me, give me something to distract myself and in some ways gave my life a false meaning….no more I say enough of it, it serves no purpose. I agree, out of the body and get with a true purpose and connection that does not rely on drama and cares for the body.
So true Gabriele. Many say how stress has the capacity to ‘keep an edge’ and they can turn stress into motivation. But this is a fallacy as we see rates of stress skyrocketing and causing more illness and disease. Very simply, stress is stress and is not good for us. You can’t package it in another way and change that fact.
Yes it is true… We can be addicted to being stressed… How many people only function at work when there is a deadline… And of course it is appropriately named
I’m guilty of this Chris, I wait for things to become so urgent that they cannot be left any longer and only then will I sit down and commit to getting them done. No wonder I am so tired with so much incomplete work hanging around.
Ah Gabriele I could have written this blog. This too has been my pattern. Squeezing in the extra things here and there and then ending up exhausted at the end of the day. Its amazing how many things can wait, and I don’t mean in the sense of procrastinating, but actually wait so that the day is not about getting as many things done as possible, but having a flow without the stress.
What I have been learning of late is that there is a flow and an order to everything and that the challenge is often to allow myself to be in that flow and order and not push against it. For example, I might wake up in the morning and think I am going to do this that and the other thing but my body has a different rhythm and does not want to do what my mind is dictating it should do. If I go against my body then that is when I run into trouble because the body is much more in tune with the flow and order of the universe.
Great blog Gabriele. It is interesting to consider that the day does not change from day to day as it is the same set of 24 hours. It is us and how we respond to what we have before us that may change the quality of how the day is. We may have different things to do but what is most important is that the quality we do it in remains consistent just like the daily cycle of 24 hours.
Great point – we are responsible for the content and the quality, the framework of 24 hours stays the same and gets repeated, however often we need it to.
Thank you, Gabrielle, for an inspirational example of how when we surrender to appreciate and honour what we feel to do rather than what we think we should life then flows effortlessly and joyfully.
When you honour your body and that it feels it gives you all that is needed.
It is amazing how much time stretches and I naturally get so much more done when I am with my body and not moving ahead of myself in rush and nervous tension. Life becomes about the quality of movement, and not about the amount achieved.
Fascinating Gabriele, I am sure so many people can relate to the ‘packing it all in’ lifestyle! Especially around those jobs like shopping and washing, I am in the process of developing more of a rhythm with those aspects of my life including housework and looking at bringing more consistency to them. But not by adding more stress! Amazing what we do to avoid our stillness and simplicity.
There are a lot of things that people say they are addicted to, but i have no doubt that they may not admit to saying they are addicted to stress. Mostly because they feel that stress ‘happens’ to them, not that the stress is developed through their own choices, then to admit that one actually craves that stress, as it fosters not having to feel what is truly going on.
Good point, stress can be the perfect red herring to not feel what is really going on.
Some great insights and points being made here Gabriele, we are far more invested in the cycle of stress we find ourselves in than most of us realise, or so I have discovered for myself. I recently found myself running late with preparation for a presentation so I arrived feeling slightly unprepared and rushed. I could feel the impact of this, and the choice to do so, when in fact I had ample space and time to do everything that was needed.
I have noticed this phenomenon as well, dipping back into an old pattern lest we forget what used to be ‘normal’. It doesn’t make sense.
Ha yes, it seems we dislike the responsibility of standing out more than the discomfort of dipping back into sabotaging familiar patterns that leave us feeling lousy!
I agree I have called it like a turbo boost button I put on and then I get things done of fast speed and exhaust myself, and when I am exhausted, I eat what I want, and lie around like I deserve it….it is a very up and down sort of existence….but one that had a certain appeal because of the nervous energy stimulation that I felt. I now choose to be more steady and caring for myself, more consistently and this in truth feels more amazing and more self-loving. But it does not have the peaks….nervous excitement…it is more humble and supportive and I now love it, so much more deeply than suffering the ups and downs.
Multi tasking is another one. I do this because I don’t trust myself to get everything done in a time frame I have set myself. I can be choosing to ignore something that really needs addressing and distract myself with a second activity or I can simply not be comfortable in the first activity and seek comfort in the second. The body tenses up to cope with whatever it is being asked to do and our mind is being asked to be more than one place at once. This causes fragmentation and potential chaos.
Great insights into why we pick up a second or third activity instead of attending to the one at hand – we seek comfort or to distract ourselves and we are then not present with what is really going on.
I usually write to do lists that are based on time. They’re unrealistic and I know this as I write them! So last week I did reminder lists, short and essential couple of tasks for the day and let the day unfold with all the regular work and it was amazing. I wasn’t stressed and all the things that needed doing were done even when the usual extra tasks came in. I didn’t resent or give any less to those extra tasks or the usual ones. I did’t check out thinking about ‘all the things I have to do’ so had some amazing moments with people that I felt they felt supported.
There is a real comfort in being stressed and there are levels of recognition that we can slip into in order not to look closely at our foundation and how this is supporting us to live. Often stress or any levels of hardship will bring with it a level of sympathy from others that don’t truly support but leaves us in the same cycle to repeat the patterns time and time again
Ultimately, stress, and anxiety is a choice. Whilst we can so we don’t like it, often it is done to either firstly mask something else that we don’t want to feel. Quite often it gives us a source of energy that assists us to mask our actual level of exhaustion.
Everything is choice, whether we like it or not. There are no victims and that can be a very bitter pill to swallow.
Thank you for sharing this. Reflecting back I use to live like this as well, I would love packing my day trying to be efficient and then leaving my self stressed and tired. Now I too have the awareness to plan just enough and allow some time for me. This has really supported me as time too has expanded for me.
Amita, something you said to me recently has really supported me to let go of trying to get everything done in one day (which will never happen as there is always more that is needed) is appreciating when we have done enough and honouring the time needed to rest.
I should read this blog every day Gabriele. It certainly answers the question of why it is hard to just do what we feel is true for us. This need to always do more is one I know well and for me it is related to a lack of self worth. Your words remind me that no box ticking to do list exercise can bring me the contentment I seek.
Thank you for this honest sharing Gabrielle, we definitely use and abuse our bodies to such levels in order to not feel the emptiness in our bodies as a result of not appreciating and loving ourselves. Being addicted to this way of living offers us a false sense of security but always with a hefty price at the expense of our bodies.
This false sense of security is nothing but a momentary comfort provided by the way we have always done it, whether it truly works and supports us or not.
Stress is definitely addictive. It gives us energy when we have none, but it has its price, and that is generally long term depletion. Like many emotional states of being, it offers much in the short term, but has longer term consequences that take a little bit longer to get over.
I could definitely say that I was addicted to stress in the past. It took a very long time to even create the space for me to realise that I was in fact the creator of a lot of the stress, in how I left things to the last minute, I’d leave the house too late to get somewhere, so arriving stressed, or leave for a meeting with just a couple of minutes to spare, so I had to rush to get there, so setting myself up to arrive in anxiousness. I realised that I was in fact doing all of these things, therefore contributing to how I was in my body. This has changed dramatically these days, but still a work in progress.
It’s really in the last few years in the main, that I’ve found myself taking on work and projects, to the point that one could say that my days are very, very full. What I’m continuing to learn through this time, is that without a foundation of true worth and value within myself – way before anything I may ‘do’ – I essentially ask and expect too much. Thereby leaving me in a certain level of anxiousness (i.e. self-abuse) at times, with the attendant stressors and expectations I have fallen into. Knowing our true worth is everything, and in exploring this more deeply, what I am discovering, is that I can indeed ‘do’ a lot, and yet also, that I haven’t truly valued what it is that I do ‘do’ (and have done amazingly, oftentimes for years…) nearly enough… The balance is most definitely shifting in all of this, and with it, a deeper tone of the power of what I bring is being brought to all expressions – most definitely still a ‘work in progress’, yet worth the awareness, self-assessment and most importantly, deep recognition and appreciation of all that it is I am and all that I bring along the way. We are so, so much more than we have given ourselves credit for.
You make an important point here – when we rush through things we don’t get to appreciate ourselves for our contribution to the whole.
Beautifully put Gabriele. And without true, sincere and heartfelt appreciation, we cannot actually bring the quality of expression that we are capable of…
So true, we get caught in the self and forget to appreciate ourselves and all that we bring and contribute to everything and everyone. It is a moment to stop and appreciate and allow that true foundation to build.
Actually getting to the point of the honest admission with ourselves is everything, isn’t it Gabriele. Thank-you for sharing so openly and honestly here… I am finding myself reflecting on deeper levels of late about how much I ask of myself in a day, and becoming far more realistic and then purposeful as a result.
Great insight, thank you – dropping the unrealistic and high expectations leads to purpose.
For a society that claims to dislike stress and has industries built on educating about stress and offering stress relief, we sure seem to be masters at creating stress for ourselves. I have noticed at times even the tendency there is for engaging in entertainment, recreational actives and games that crank up the stress factor.
This is a great article inviting us to take an honest look to see if we are in fact addicted to stress. And if so ask ourself what is in it for us?
An interesting and astute observation …. Addicted to being stressed…. How many of us ONLY get things done when the deadline is right upon us, we are under the hammer and this is what we need to get motivated….. imagine turning this around, as Gabrielle suggests, in all aspects of our lives …. What a flow there would be!
… and how many keyboards, engines, TVs, locks and many other devices would breathe a deep sigh of relief because they are not being hammered, hit, mishandled or otherwise assaulted any longer.
Two of my favourite words at the moment are rhythmic flow . These words are so handy because when we allow ourselves to surrender to being present in our bodies and in each moment then we don’t feel tension or stress and the space expands and everything that is needed to be done will get done in due time and space.
Thank you Gabriele for sharing this wonderful observation. It exposes well the huge belief that in order to be efficient in life we have to focus on ways of forcing what we think needs to be done and ‘defeating’ time and circumstance. Yet what is clearly revealed here is how much wiser it would be to instead focus on being present in the moment, feeling what is in true harmony with our body and flow, and honouring that. Another benefit would be that as well as life being simpler and smoother, on the bigger scale instead of each of us imposing and forging our own way, everything each of us chooses will work in harmony with the All.
I wonder if feeling stressed is for some a way of feeling alive. I observe people who seem to live constantly in ‘fight or flight’, running on adrenalin until they crash onto their beds at night exhausted. In fact I probably used to live this way myself until I became aware of the fact and chose to live differently. These days I am much more aware of my body’s need for balance and for periods of activity and then rest throughout the day. In this way I find I am much more productive and sleep better too.
I feel you are on the right track here – for many and that includes me in the past as well, the fight and flight mode is what keeps them going; it acts a bit like caffeine or a sugar hit and we can use it to push us over the line, the deadline that is; and likely into exhaustion and burnout at the end?
‘Deadline’ is an interesting and revealing word isn’t it. How far are we willing to push ourselves and neglect our wellbeing to meet a deadline and at what cost to ourselves? We champion people who do so too, fuelling the attitude that we don’t matter but what we do and the recognition we get is what is important. It is a slippery slope in my experience that can lead to health problems if we are not careful and very aware.
It is as though we take our body to market like a chunk of meat that better deliver or else, to put it very crassly. And all in the pursuit of some arbitrary dead lines and to our own detriment. That strikes me as insanity but it seems to be widely accepted as the way to go.
I recognise that part of me that wants to be a super achiever and it has the energy of a little bully, pushing me to do more. When I feel this it feels horrible in my body. As I honour my body more I become more aware of these self sabotaging behaviours.
I can plan all the things I’d like to do in a day in my mind but that doesn’t always correlate with reality! I’m learning more to put the energetic quality in the way I do things first and foremost – maintaining a connection with my whole body and being and feeling what is needed next rather than rigidly sticking to a pre-plan…
This is me all over, the creator of my own demise. A brilliant expose of a way that we can keep ourselves in perpetual motion to avoid our incredible stillness within.
The attachement of rush is an important subject as we seemingly and knowingly use stress to keep us busy and on the road (drive). We can say that we might feel more comfortable in this sphere, as we know it best, it is familiar, than actually doing things without rush.. Being a person myself who used rush and at times still does, to not feel and or keep myself small in a certain order, can say that it is quiet comfortable, even though at the end of the yourney my body feels tired and exhaused.. And I have to build my energy back up again.. So not really comfortable is it? Is it actually worth it?
Beautiful observations Gabriele. This helps me understand why, when I have a day off, I often feel that sense of having to rush, of feeling that I need to do so much with the day and often overestimating what can be done. Like you, I am very committed to not being stressed…but can feel how subtly, I still choose to engage with the energy of stress. Thank you for sharing your awareness here, it is a powerful reflection for me to ponder.
Ooh, I know that one – having a day off and packing it full with all sorts of things to do, totally overestimating how much can realistically be done. It usually ends up with me feeling very flat if not guilty or remorseful for apparently not having achieved enough – what a waste! And the linear and boxed in way of going into such a day feels terrible in my body to boot.
I have been shown quite clearly lately where there is a part of me that likes creating stress. When everything is going well I can make myself late sometimes, which of course then creates stress, I can also leave things to the last minute. It seems there is a part of me that still gets off on nervous energy, though with more awareness of this I am slowly starting to change these ingrained behaviours that have been there for quite some time.
I super-love this article! It has just shone more of a light on my own behaviour, and own lack of self-worth. Thank you Gabriele for your honest take on a long and commonly-held pattern.
I know I’m addicted to stress, to being ever more efficient when I get irritated or down right frustrated when each segment of time isn’t used to the best of its ability (according to me!). So some people arrive 20 mins late and I start thinking how I could have used that time for writing x report, or there’s a very slow que in the supermarket and my phone hasn’t got connection (and nor have I) so I can’t google what I would like to and the queing becomes a ‘waste of time.’
What’s beneath this doing? An unwillingness to feel I’m ok as I am. I don’t have to prove myself. The doing takes me away from feeling what’s running my need to avoid criticizing myself – but I am constantly criticizing myself as I do all these things. I’m not doing these things in a quality of acceptance and appreciation of myself or the people or God’s love. This I can choose to look at and change.
“Addicted to Stress” is such a great title. How many of us can relate to this, I know I certainly can. I used to live life from one crisis to another, full of emotion, so much distraction, not even being able to focus on anything for more that 20 mins. I couldn’t keep still, I was in my nervous system all the time. That is not how I live now, but stress still does present, I can feel the pull to go back into an emotive old way of being, but i am so much more loving with myself if that happens and not stay in that space for very long.
Trying to fit in ‘just one more thing’ into our day because we get a sense of achievement from doing this – what I’m starting to feel is that the sense of achievement isn’t worth the pressure I feel in my body from squeezing everything in. When I try to fit everything into the smallest amount of time and fill all the gaps, I feel squashed and there isn’t the spaciousness in my body, and then I feel squashed in my life, like there is never enough time – because I haven’t allowed any gaps or breathing space.
Just to challenge myself to so many ingrained behaviors recently, instead of fitting in just one more thing to do in my day, just because I am used to it and can, I chose to go through my day with more spaciousness, and I said No to rush. I may have one less thing completed in that day, but what I have gained is a deep steady feeling of foundation that will now be a marker in my body to come back to always.
I keep stumbling across this blog post, and I know exactly why. Because without really wanting to admit it, I too am addicted to being…perhaps not stressed (although I certainly used to be), but just a shade or two lighter than that….busy. And, to be honest, it’s not actually too different. Because whilst I don’t feel the mania as much, I feel the racyness of trying to fit everything in…the only difference is I’m aware of it, and at times can catch myself and just simply stop it…but other times it feels the momentum is too far gone and I’m like a mouse on a wheel. Feeling this right now as I write!
The choices we make of our own accord have a huge impact on the level of stress that we feel! I love how you show Gabriele that not being stressed isn’t about just switching off so to speak and not caring but about feeling into what is truly there for us to do and not letting in complications.
I had this most beautiful morning yesterday where I realised my use of time was actually not allowing me space to enjoy what the day was offering in full. I was about to do some project work which was not a priority at all but I loved doing it, but I felt and honoured that in truth there was writing, photography and time for me that I had been putting off for ages. This made the quality of the day so delicious and spacious.. far less stress than if I had done it differently.
Magic happens when we stop thinking and controlling and attend to what a particular time/space is there for and offering us.
Well said and equally it is important to be doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. When we indulge in tasks by doing those that don’t need to be done in that moment or by choosing to take more time on them when there are other things that are calling to be done at that time, we are playing ball with time so to speak and I often find this is when time contracts and we feel like we have less space in the day. It is essentially a game we play with ourselves.
This one is a huge one for me too Gabriele. The minute I see a gap in the calender, I feel a need to fill it up, always feeling guilty if I’m not doing something productive, because of this fear of ‘wasting time’. It’s actually debilitating. The obsession with time is very real, and it’s been a very very difficult one to break. But, thanks to my awareness of what I’m putting into play, I can give myself the choice to play along, or to say no to it when it comes up. It’s just practice from here on in.
Ah yes, making ourselves important, huffing and puffing and gleefully overburdening ourselves for the sake of recognition – now that’s a familiar pattern.
Beautiful really gorgeous thank you for sharing. This totally rocked up my world and exposed the exact same addiction i have had until this very moment. This then made sense to why even though i knew what brought me this stress and i said i did not like it and wanted it to go, it still stayed (as I kept it).. Very very clever indeed. But now that game is over, time for some work, letting go and exposing my need to define myself through ‘being stressed’. Obviously there is a game to it and we better break it before things get irreversiblely bad.
We get very habitual with our unwanted patterns and behaviours, as though they define us and make us stand out – it’s called individuality at any price and even to our detriment.
It’s so interesting to clock the games we play with ourselves. We say we don’t like doing something but keep our movements the same, leading us to make the same self-abusive choices. Then we bash ourselves for going against our “word”. Crazy!
Ah, that’s why it’s called a vicious circle, I get it!
I am feeling a bit of an ouch here. When I know I am going to have a period of being busier than usual, what I have been calling ‘preparation’ is already laced with nervous energy; I am already bracing myself for an oncoming impact. I may appear to be very organised and in control, but there’s lots of tension in my body already. And in fact, most of the time, it ends up being not as bad as I had anticipated, but my body cops it big time and it takes a lot to recover from that place.
Good point – I know this one as well and my preparation is super efficient, a bit like going into battle. And my body hardens well before the event/occasion as I try to control everything; moreover, there is absolutely no joy in sight.
Looking through the comments, I don’t think you are alone on this one! (and I can include myself on this list as well!). It is such a trap what your write about here Gabrielle, the ‘i’ll just do this XX”. On Sunday I caught myself doing it and said NO and I came home and slept for a couple of hours as it was exactly what I needed to do. Great blog.
I can see here as well how we see ‘efficiency’ and ‘get more things done’ in a linear way. We think ‘more’ is quantity. Thereby ‘more’ should be (and is in truth only): expanded quality.
yes, indeed – ‘more’ can really only be a deeper level of quality that is not at the expense of our body and true wellbeing.
I experience the overriding my inner rhythm with stress, overwhelm, pressure, achieving etc as a form of distraction, numbing and at the same time filling the self-produced emptiness with some form of imaginary recognition – maybe I can become the next life achievement award winner.
I could so relate to this Gabriele, being addicted to stress, a very common thing for many people, but i did it very well. Always in drive, needing to be a part of everything all the time. It is a different story now, but it has taken a long time to learn to slow down and be more in my body.
Life is simple and works out when we are in flow with what our body needs.
I hold tension in my body if I don’t check in with myself regularly to feel what agenda is running; what beliefs are driving me. My body is such a a true amazing partner in my life!
This is such a great blog Gabriele. I know I too try to pack more and more in to my day when I am on a roll. I did the opposite of what you did recently and piled jobs on top of one another. I was observing the reasons that drove me as I cleaned and did chores around the house, I knew I was seeking approval and recognition from my partner and a ‘break’ the following day. As it turns out the following day for me was anything but smooth and flowing, in fact I spent a lot of it in bed because I was so exhausted! When we push our bodies beyond what they want to do there is a price to pay.
Exactly – I have also found that there is a price to pay when I push myself and get off on how much I can achieve and tick off my list. Give me two days in rhythm and order anytime rather than one day in a frenzy and the next in exhaustion.
Brilliant to uncover the hidden aggendas that secretly run our lives.
They are quite insidious because a common theme to combat us not being honest about situations as explained in the above blog, is to blame anything and everything else. The world expects too much, people expect too much or I expect too much of myself and I don’t believe there is any other way to be.
Blaming is such a handy escape; only thing is that blaming leaves us be the impotent and helpless onlooker of our own fate, our very life.
Agree Gabriele. and to blame we must adopt a perception to support such actions.
Brilliant Gabriele, it is so well worth repeating that who we are is nothing to do with the chores or tasks we do. But there is this part of us that likes ‘complete’ you could say and places emphasis on the end part. It is like constantly pushing to the end of life, and ruining your enjoyment of the rest of it. Crazy. But these are the absurd things we do when we lose our connection to truth. I love your example here of seeing through these distractions to the harmony that appears.
A great reminder of trusting in the flow of life and allowing space for things rather than cramming things in and juggling life and the stress that comes with that. In this way whatever you do will hold the quality of you and not of the pressure you are under.
It sounds like that is a common pattern – driving the body from the mind, from ideals and beliefs, without truly being aware of how it affects what we can’t but live without.
Letting go of the need to do everything, and simply doing the next thing creates a freedom to be fully present with whatever the task is now. Otherwise we live hanging off our to do list, constantly worrying if there is going to be enough time.
We use addictions to fill out the void of not living connected to the love and truth that we are, once we start to honor and reconnect to that we realise there is nothing that compares to the grandness, ease and flow of what life is all about without the complications we normally create.
That is beautiful and very clear.
Busyness = complication and distraction. Simplicity and flow is when we’re 100% with the body, listening and honouring to what it can do, and not what we want to do.
I relished in being super-efficient, priding myself in how much I could pack into a day, buzzing on the thrill of drive and raciness regardless of how it left me feeling exhausted at the end of the day. I even had myself believing that the exhaustion was a ‘good’ sign that I had achieved well that day. All the while my connection to me, who I already am was absent and the purpose of all this achieving started to feel pointless. I have since discovered that moving through my day in connection and in honor of me is far more fulfilling and rewarding, through which the space to feel what needs to be done is clear and what needs to be done is then done with a quality of presence that honors me and my body.
I find it’s so easy to get on a roll in the day and it’s more difficult to stop that roll at the end of the day when it comes to go to bed or rest. It’s almost like an attachment to life or an addiction to stimulation, there’s a seeking in it, rather than a connection to ourselves, that is absolutely exhausting.
So true – it’s the seeking and striving and being ahead of ourselves that drains our energy and exhausts us; and it usually makes us racy and and incapable of jumping off and settling into ourselves, especially at the end of the day.
Yes – spot on. There’s no settlement or settling into life and finding our feet when we are constantly seeking and trying to be ahead of ourselves. It’s like we are opposing the natural flow of life.
Thank you Gabriele. What a sneaky trick we play on ourselves when we conclude that the outside world is responsible for our stress. It is far more empowering to recognise that stress is a choice.
Great summary and an awesome reminder for going forward: “stress is a choice”.
I love that, a choice made to see what could have been the choices and to choose the ones that stayed with the plan and let the rest of the plan play out.
I started some home work yesterday on my stress levels and how I keep setting up situations to create more stress. The home work was to give myself an extra 10min on everything I do. Day one yesterday and I could feel the momentum of how I have lived for so very long. There was such resistance to allowing space in my day. I could feel how nervous I was to feel how much space I actually am, and at the same time feel the beauty of what this space offers. I am looking forward to this discovery of time and space.
That’s an amazing undertaking and yes, I have also found that one of the first things we tend to find is that we are actually so used to the denseness and rush that space and lightness seem strange, alien even and we can find ourselves in a situation where we sort of don’t know what to do with it and ourselves, such is the momentum.
It’s crazy in what kind of manoeuvres we can shape ourself to get some kind of high or achievement, while we know what is truly serving us. It is about getting the grips on this and catch ourselves every time we slip into this. Every habit is a choice.
Sometimes we become obsessed about something that has to be done as if this will really makes our life much better even if we have to make our life worst to carry it out. So, what are we really doing?
Feels like we are then living to the beat of an imagined future or more precisely, in the fear of it and how much work it will bring. Must be a case of overwhelm, would you say?
I so needed to read this article today, thank you Gabriele. I am moving house and trying to fit it all the little jobs that needed completing in my business, as well as running errands, as well as sorting, packing clearing and cleaning so as you see my list for today is huge. I will do one thing at a time and not allow my mind to run me ragged.
This is me all over, addicted to stress. It’s a work in progress for me, feeling when I am creating stress and learning to have a stop moment to see what I’m just about to play out.
What’s coming up for me is the lack of self love I have within that then keeps me in motion to do and not just be.
Being like this with our to do lists certainly can leave us run down and ragged! It seems crazy though that we load our day with so much pressure when there so much there to enjoy in the day!
“And then it hit me: there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite.” I so know this behaviour pattern in myself. Lately I have made a stance where I am saying no to running myself ragged, putting everyone else before myself and I am noticing a big difference in my body. It is as if my body can finally settle and I can settle into my own skin so to speak.
Wow Gabriele, I can so relate to the title along ‘Addicted to being Stressed’, I have been swept up in that addiction for a long time, to feelings of being in overwhelm, being in reaction to what life throws at me and what life has to offer. Not being able to observe and not absorb it. These days it is different, but can still step into that head space at times, and when I do, those feelings of being the addict can come back very quickly. I can move them on as quickly as they come, but shows me that it is in my daily choices, movements and how I live, that allows for what may present.
A classic example Gabriele of how self love can include saying no to taking on things that do not feel right. Actually I was once when young praised for having the honesty to say no rather than saying yes incessantly but never getting the jobs done, which was a trait of a friend of mine. But that was rare and I recall many instances where saying yes got immediate feedback of being good, so it is very much ingrained in our culture.
That would be rare and an amazing confirmation of an early developed steadiness and maturity: not saying yes to things we can’t possibly attend to or complete.
I was also addicted to ‘filling the gaps” in my day, especially when I was driving from A to B and could suddenly see all the things I could do that would ensure I didn’t need to go out another day. Oh what an exhausting addiction, which naturally upped my stress levels when I found myself running out of time. This old habit tries to sneak in every now and then, but today I catch it and ask myself what the impact will be on me if I fall back into this destructive pattern; if there is any chance that I will invite stress into my day by doing so, the answer is a resounding no!
I can remember that habit as well; cramming as much as possible into a trip to town and making things very complicated and cumbersome; no joy at all, just rushing and stress and getting off on doing lots of things.
Thank you Linda, that was a reminder at just the right time – it feels like many doses of this medicine are needed, i.e. not buying into expectations, images and ideals of how things should be and how much we need to get done but instead listening to the body and its messages. And our body has much to share in its wisdom.
I love having a productive day, and I know how enticing that little push to try and do more is. I sometimes get that towards the end of the day, just try and do one more little thing before going to bed – then again, reading your blog makes me wonder if I was actually left feeling empty at the end of the day despite having a ‘productive’ day, in what energy was I moving during the day for it not to be enough?
Could it be that we still measure our worth by the ‘productive day’ filled with achieving more and more, rather than simply valuing who we are and listening to the ever-wise body.
Absolutely – we measure ourselves by our output and not by our quality of being.
Such a great reminder Gabrielle, to discern if I am filling my day so I feel fulfilled, as I have always been a practical person that loves to create, garden, paint, the list goes on, and being so inclined I am often asked to assist people and their projects be it de-cluttering, wardrobes deceased estates, organising spaces…. I have to say I love it and do it naturally but the awareness for me is to feel my body, take the breaks and note the voice that says ‘just finish that last bit’ as that can be the temptation to override.
I can so relate to this and I have had two injuries recently that have made me slow down and allow myself to feel the tiredness I have been hiding. I have also had more pondering into the seeds of these injuries and what I have been doing to myself. It all boils down to disregard and not following my inner knowing. I am allowing much more space in my day now and not thinking or feeling that I have to do everything or it won’t get done or that it has to be done now.
Checking where the need to be doing something comes from is a great technique – does it come from being driven, a need for recognition or a feeling of emptiness or is it a true impulse? The body always knows, the mind will come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons, is my experience.
I second that – it takes a while and a good dose of honesty and self-awareness to realise that what we say we don’t like, we might actually be addicted to. And especially when there is a pay off, as in being recognised and applauded for being super busy and apparently, oh so efficient.
Wow Gabriele – another addiction exposed! Thank you so much.
This is gold Gabriele. I am reading this blog in between doing a whole bunch of other tasks and it takes all the joy out of life to be cramming every moment full of doing. I am inspired to take my time, feel what is needed and enjoy.
It is an interesting idea isn’t it… that time can be ‘flexible’ so to speak, that things are not as fixed as they seem, that we can literally free ourselves from an embedded paradigm of awareness and experience a different reality, just by connecting to our inner selves.
I like that cjames2012. It brings the metaphysical into being a practical, normal thing.
Great example of catching out that tricky spirit! and if you wonder what else the spirit gets up to check out Unimedpedia spirit: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-spirit.html
I had to smile when I was reading your blog Gabriele because my husband said to me recently “whenever you have a gap in your week you just have to fill it” I have been much more aware of giving my self time to not rush or become anxious, but I have always loved the doing, and like you doing as much as possible, I am much easier on myself these days, but still slip up now and again.
How amazing that your husband is there to remind you that you might not be honouring the rhythm your week has laid out for you.
That sense of achievement of getting things done is a huge trap for me and one I use stress to propel me for. I know deep down that it is bad for me, but also deep down I feel a sense of achievement and identification that are still hanging in there. It is time to eject them from my psyche and to give away this need for individual glory even if it only comes from me, and to truly love myself. It’s time to dig out those pockets of belief that hold me in stress and motion.
I hear you Amanda – achievement to be identified ultimately leaves us feeling empty and craving more.
Gabriele that is a very inspiring blog for me as I was a person who had the same addiction: “… there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite.” It took me a while to understand what I was doing but since I got a deeper understanding that this way of living was there to not take the responsibility for myself – I was able to change this behavior.
I could oh see myself in you Gabriele, trying to pack so much into the day forgetting about how exhausted my body felt but congratulated myself on just how much I had ‘achieved’. But for what? It is such an ingrained belief that to be seen as a ‘real’ women we have to do everything and be everything to everyone when the reality is, WE are the most important person in our lives and we have nothing to prove to ourselves or others whatsoever. I believe we are beginning to change the consciousness of why women behave the way they do thanks to Esoteric Women’s Health, and we will begin see the return of what a true women looks like in this world, and for me Natalie Benhayon is just that.
When we are run by the clock or time, I find there is never enough space to do all we want, and yet there is ample space when we are in rhythm with our body, being present and with the moment we are in.
I like the humour in your writing Gabrielle and can relate to getting on a roll and how the mind takes over, running the show…. it is a very hard taskmaster. What a great realisation that being stressed can actually be an addiction like any other. Our body lets us know though when we have overdone it, a very loving companion.
It is very clear in this blog the clash of time and space and how these play out with our perceptions of life and our day to day plans. Space is a holding and ceaseless, effortless flow which I have noticed is how life actually works by. It is as simple as truly honouring the moment, being honest deeply so, and listening to what our bodies have to say. Time is the game of check box ticking items to do in the time we have but when we are living solely based on this we are in our minds and not actually listening to what is most honouring to do in each moment.
That feels true – time is the full of mind concept we have made it to be; space is vast and way beyond the mind and its mainly limited understanding.
Completely agree Joshua, Life is so much more open and available when living spherically, i.e with space rather than time
Yes awesome Gabriele, there is a timing for everything that is part of the flow of a day, trying to squeeze more in never works… the end result is always that something pays the price, whether that’s me feeling frazzled and over-tired, or whatever l’ve tried to squeeze in, going pear-shaped.
Yes, I agree; the apparent gain is only ever very short term and there is always a price to pay.
This line was gold for me Gabriele “I had been my own worst stressor by the impositions I have always put on myself.” That is exactly it, we place these impositions that stress and strain us into ourselves.
When I read your blog I felt an effect on my body – I did relax and saddled down, become more connected to my body, inner stillness & ‘knowing’. Feels lovely Gabriele – Thank you!
This ‘bone’ is ‘Individuality’ and we all hold on to it in many ways. To let go of it is to surrender to the union we are coming from. That is the way.
Such a crazy phenomenon that we can live our lives feeling we need to cram in a mass of activities into one seemingly finite day in order to feel worthy and in the process, completely overlook the fact that some things can actually wait. The thing is, we carry over this tendency each day, only to play it out in the next and the next, so that we debilitate ourselves in the process, living with a low level sense of not good enough and not on top of things, when in truth, life can have a more balanced, distributed feel when we stop focusing on time and focus on the moment, the now of what we’re doing. It may seem like a tremendous leap of faith, but it’s well worth it to find out.
Agree, it’s well worth it and to top it off, not cramming actually works and gets more done.
Thank you Gabriele,
Reading about your addiction to stress has brought to the fore a way that I keep myself at a level of stress. For me it is not so much about packing more into the day, it is about procrastinating, something that I have been letting go of, but something that I am discovering that is rather insidious now in how it appears in my life. As yet I have not fully let it go, but in acknowledging the more refined ways that I do it, I can feel that it will become a past way of living.
Great to re-read your blog Gabriele. I too would say I hate to feel stressed, but often try to do ‘just one more thing’ in my day- which often results in hold-ups – and definitely no flow. I realise I liked the adrenaline rush it gave me. Since allowing myself more time, space has opened up – and I am then even able to take on new projects – but with a different energy!
I can totally relate to this Gabriele – the trying to pack in those extra things to feel better about myself but realising that actually it doesn’t work or flow when I try and do things in that way. Letting go of that drive and staying with what really feels true in my body opens up space to enjoy what I’m doing and brings an entirely different quality to it.
The title of this blog is very powerful as the words themselves would sound ridiculous to the reader. Who would ever possibly think that they could be addicted to stress yet as a society we are often sitting and living in the thick of it all. A very honest and in-depth blog that hits home on a much needed conversation.
The title of this blog is a marker how we can feel an adrenal high in the addiction of being stressed. The saying ‘I work better when I am under stress’ in itself feeds a behaviour that encourages putting the body under an enormous amount of pressure and overwhelm. The long term harms are far greater then we know when we are in the thick of the behaviour.
Thank you Gabriele, you have spotlighted a very common trait that I have also played. I think there is something that has surfaced reading between the words for me. I asked myself why do I overfill a day that is already “well rounded” ?…..maybe my normal is at a certain level that I need to” over or under” my activities/day to maintain this “normal” thresh hold that I operate at. We really are magicians in every details.
When I don’t get caught in ‘time’ I know space is opening up and there is so much more I can do and at the same time be with myself. But I have to say I get caught in ‘time’ and become anxious and stressed, an addiction? Yes, very true! More and more I feel the awful effect it has on my body and choose to step out of my own creation of stress by letting my body lead the way.
I thought it was a good thing to have that stress adrenaline rushy feeling, as I equated it to caring and getting things done. How wrong I was and still can be! As in truth it leaves me exhausted, and going into feeling stress again and again.
Being stressed can actually feel like an adrenaline rush, we can be focused completely on getting all the jobs done and meeting the deadlines they all have, which also keeps us away from feeling anything we would like to avoid by asking too much of ourselves! I can really relate to what you have shared, and yes it’s great to really listen to our common sense and how we feel and take all the pressure off ourselves.
As I sit here pondering on what’s been shared here I realise that I do exactly the same thing and can feel the addictive nature of constantly feeling like there is more to be done. I have a habit of underestimating how long it takes me to do things so I very often plan to do way more than I could possibly achieve in a day. It leads to feelings of failure, never being enough and of course, anxiety/stress. Turns out though that this is a very convenient way to avoid the responsibility I have to simply be myself in the world. I love the way you gave yourself space in the day to reconnect if you needed to, to ensure the quality of whatever came next was with you. Being stressed and busy does not allow this.
If you are exhausted, there is no better way to get energised than to get yourself stressed – to your own detriment of course. I played that game for years.
There are so many of us that I am sure can relate to what you have shared here Gabrielle, being addicted to stress. so articulated in your line “there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite.” there is a comfort we hold around ‘running ourselves ragged’ it is the easy default to go into, especially if we are used to running that way. Especially when we go into being productive. But as you have shared it is a choice one can make to let go of the stress.
What happens if we stop to see that the things we do in life, are actually not ‘it’ at all? What happens if we consider they are just a side effect from a much bigger experience that is at play? Like an elephant in the room, we can start to see that being stressed, having arguments or being late are not unfortunate habits we have to break, but are moments telling us there is something bigger going on. No wonder being harsh and judging ourselves for these habits doesn’t work. That in itself is one of the biggest ways we have to hide the elephant from view. But of course it doesn’t work because it is not true. Thank you Gabrielle.
Thanks Gabrielle, you have highlighted a pattern l can certainly relate to, particularly when you say… “I didn’t want to let these potentially tantalising achievements go!” The potential for ‘reward’ is so great when we have spent a lifetime subscribing to our worth being based on achievement and getting things done. I still feel a sense of relief I have to say when I have had a day that felt very ‘productive’.
Yes, totally – that identification with productivity and the slight let down kind of feeling when the day hasn’t ‘delivered’, it’s a very old habit and ingrained pattern.
Trying to cram lots of things into one day can feel like an achievement but for me if I do those things in a rush or drive to get it done, then the next day I will pay the price and probably not be very efficient. I find it is a balance of approaching tasks with a clear energy and focus but not forcing anything to happen. When I do this I find it amazing how much I can get done without creating stress, whereas if I push for results I pay the price with a tense and stressed out feeling in my body.
I can so relate to wanting to pack more things into my day and then getting overwhelmed, for me this directly corresponds with the amount of expectation I put on myself to get it all done and to be perfect. When I drop these ideals and this intensity I can actually enjoy being with me and in the flow of that know what it is best to do next instead of trying to cram a hundred and one things in.
Thank you Gabriele. This exposes that we can even seek recognition from ourselves for getting more ‘done’ than we planned so that we feel rewarded by the stress we create.
Great revelation Gabriele – stress is a way of being that we choose in order to cope with life. We can blame circumstances, which of course can contribute, but at the end of the day it is the way we go about life, not life itself that creates stress.
Good point – no use blaming life or circumstances, we are after all the creators of our ill ways and there is always a choice.
On a neuro-chemical level it is a fact that we become addicted to stress, and then this translates into all the behavious we see around us… thank God for the support cutting this cycle.
Such a simple story of letting go of self-made impositions and simply honoring the natural flow of the day. Everything finds its place and we never need to compromise when we surrender and simply allow. We always have a choice. ✨
How beautiful to feel the tension that arises in our bodies to tell us something is amiss. We will only benefit when we learn to listen to it as you did Gabriele. Great tip about my Livingness!
So true Gabriele, I too dislike being stressed but I am the only one who could choose to take on stress, really no one can make me feel stressed unless I am willing to take it on. Therefore, we are our own creator of stress yet so many of us often like to blame this on things outside of us when it is our responsibility and choice to not take it on. Your blog inspires us to feel what is true and supportive for ourselves first and then allow our day to flow from making choices that deeply supports us instead of creating things to make ourselves all stressed out. Feeling stressed is a choice.
It’s funny I just read your blog and when I wanted to comment I realized how I have put myself into the exact situation you are describing. I just took a little time for myself and enjoyed reading this blog and I put myself the goal to comment on it and as I have only 20 mins I was caught in time, I wanted to get it done, squeeze it in and have an outcome. When I wanted to post it the internet was gone and I was stuck. So, I stopped, realized what was going on took myself out of time and the pressure to achieve….wow back in space and time unfolds!!!
Haha love this blog, it makes you feel the dizziness of living based on self made stress. I know this feeling of satisfaction when I squeeze as much as I can into my day. I am on the run and it is like getting an adrenaline push by ticking of the to do list and I come home being exhausted, but feeling that I matched my expectations. Through Universal Medicine I learned to not be rushed and stressed by time, but to create space and let time develop in the space. This does not mean I don’t plan and that there are things to be done, actually I get more done than before, but I am not following a rigid plan and the day unfolds and what fits in presents itself and as you say all the circumstances play along.
If you ask us we will say till we are blue in the face that we really don’t want or like stress. Gosh, how horrible it is! but yet as you show Gabriele, we keep returning to actively choose it. And isn’t this the truth that it is indeed a choice, not a must have? That like alcohol, drugs or sugary food, stress is just something, a tool that we choose, to avoid and suppress something that lives underneath. We avoid the truth of our amazingness, beauty and power and the simple fact we don’t live this. How absurd!
You mean you don’t have to fit everything into one day? That is super cool, it just shows how easily we make life more complicated and intense for ourselves than it needs to be, and we actually choose life to be that way. I remember a wise man saying once – our bodies are not made to hurry.
Yes, our bodies are not made to hurry, I agree; it is our minds and ways of thinking that impose this unnatural haste and drive.
Stress is a choice, a way of being that we think we need to go into to get things done. The irony is a stressful state actually makes you less productive.
God’s way is harmony, synchronicity and togetherness. You don’t see a cloud hurry across the sky, late for a rendezvous, or witness a bird delayed by an argument it had. You don’t see grass stay in bed instead of facing the day, and neither will you find a tree that competes with other ones to get ahead. So what it is Gabriele, that makes us think we can be stressed and push and fight time? What makes us think we need this sensation to be ‘real’? Really it is just an addiction to perceiving life an unnatural way. Thank you for the reminder here, what a great thing to let go of right away. No more do I wish to have this disturbance in my body.
I too have recently come to the conclusion that there is some detrimental part of me that likes to get stressed, and I have noticed more lately how I create stress if things are going well or I need some stimulation in my life. This awareness has allowed me to look deeper at why I create nervous tension when in truth flowing and being still in a situation is all I need.
I agree with you Gabriele , time does expand when we are with ourselves and not rushing in nervous energy.
I was given these words of advice once, to organise your day and then allow (accept) for it to go chaotic which can so easily happen as an unexpected event often occurs. This has opened me up to not putting pressure on myself to getting everything done within a certain amount of time. It’s about accepting that what I do is enough and then I find it’s amazing how much I can still get done without putting myself through any form of stress. Just being in the present and not getting ahead of myself is key for me.
Very wise counsel indeed – it sounds like there is a strong foundation of being present and in rhythm and then be flexible to allow what the day brings and not beat ourselves up with what it should have brought.
I love how you’ve exposed the secret life of a gap filler – (s)he who tries to run life as if it’s a time and motions effectiveness study, where we get marks out of ten at the end of each day for how efficient we’ve been, how many extra things we squeezed in and how conscientious we were. I know I do this – particularly in the kitchen. I feel my arms becoming mechanistic and octopus like as I go about rapidly multi-tasking – emptying the dishwasher, putting on some washing, preparing the bins – but somehow all at the same time. I must look like a robot on speed but I definitely feel like someone who’s left herself in favour of feeling virtuous for five minutes. The point is – at what expense to the body…
Amazing summary, Cathy – makes me exhausted just reading about it and yet, it describes me as well, or how it used to be unquestioningly. I can feel the mechanistic modus operandi and how we give ourselves over to functionality and emptiness in the process of efficiency and multitasking.
Isn’t it funny if you ask anyone, do you like stress? I can imagine everyone you ask would say no but we are the ones who create stress even though we dislike it so much and it is in fact very harmful. We can also change this pattern so easily, it is just a choice away.
So great to read your blog also Gabriele, I can so relate to what you have said, if there was time between the different jobs I had to do during the day, then I would want to pack in more, the sense of achievement was something great for my mind but my body was saying otherwise. These days I am becoming much more loving to myself, I am learning to listen to my body and choose breaks in the day to rest and just be, which is very nurturing, I am doing away with the continual doing.
Who are we if we are not this stress? Who are we if we actually have no real issues? Who are we if we have all the time and space in the world? Your words here Gabriele illustrate perfectly how there is an addictive part to these emotional states that we don’t always want to see. They repeat and lead to more of the same, till we make a clear and certain choice and recognise this strained and volatile state has nothing to do with our true being.
I agree, there is very often a real identification with what we may say we don’t like, all for the reason of standing out somehow and being different, even special in the eyes of others and possibly our own.
Within your story Gabriele was a really lovely vein of acceptance and lightness, which I very much enjoyed and brought the power in what you are sharing through even more.
Our days are planned, but we don’t plan them, we just have to bring all that we are and it will be a great day!
There is unbelievable joy in not having any expectations of ourselves and what we can do in our days. Its easier to do things when we have joy and to commit to what we know we can bring to make peoples lives better, not by doing but with JOY.
To live without demands and expectations of ourselves – no imagery of what it should look like and no whip in sight, how glorious is that. When I have those days I actually get far more done, but not from any drive or pushing.
wow, what a jam packed day already I say, and trying to fit in groceries, washing, and an exercise class along with all of the other things we do like showering, cooking and washing up!! There is a great Lesson in all of this Gabriele, there is a need for quality as well as what we do!
Nowadays I would say that the quality I do everything in is more important that how much I get done or what I do – I still forget at times but I can certainly feel it in my body when I put output ahead of my quality and presence.
Yes awesome comment Harryjwhite, it is all about quality not quantity.
Gabriele, This blog is so awesome and Jam packed with meanings beyond the words you have shared.
Gabriele thank you for sharing your experience, I have found that when I am with myself and my rhythm is steady, I often find that the day goes slowly in regard to time. It only takes me to be out of my rhythm for me to feel like I am chasing myself and the stress creeps in.
Yes, I have found that too. When I am with myself there is plenty of time and space and when I am rushing everything feels very tight and squeezed and I make mistakes and have to undo and redo things a lot.
What is it about domestic chores that we make them squeeze-ins rather than set pieces in our daily, weekly or monthly rhythm? I’m wondering if for me that’s why I always feel they’re an ‘on-top-of’ activity and they always wobble the boat when I try to fit them in and around things. It always, always works much more harmoniously when I identify a clear space for cleaning and another one for washing, giving them equal weight and measure with any other task. Why would or should they be any different? Seen like this, I can appreciate how my squeeze-in strategy reflects the worth I hold them in, yet that can’t decrease the tasks themselves and so they topple my workload.
Great point you make – giving different tasks different weightings and importance is a sure way to create disharmony; what would it be like to treat everything as equally important? And that means everything, from making the bed to folding the washing to writing emails and working on a text – and no distinction between being at home or being at work. It feels like it would definitely and palpably change my perception of time and also create a lot more spaciousness in my day.
It’s interesting isn’t it, that we can still measure ourselves on what we can achieve even when it is how much we can fit in a day? I’ve done this too, and I know I champion it because I talk about it as if it is an achievement. Having a well ordered day and going a supportive pace is so much more loving and impressive, but we don’t need impressive, we can just feel how well we have supported ourselves and appreciate this lovely quality.
It always seems to be about more and better, faster and higher – and as you say, this is not at all supportive and does nothing for how we truly and sustainably feel outside the fleeting elation of yet another so-called achievement.
‘Time expanded… it felt great and I felt great.’ I love this line….because this is what is possible when we choose to let go. I experimented with this a little on the weekened, and I have to say…even though I didn’t let go completely (work in progress), I could feel the beginnings of time expanding!!
‘…I could feel how I had this urge to pack more things into this well structured day, how I wanted to make me more efficient and get more done, seeing I was ‘on a roll’. ‘
It’s like I wrote it myself. Seeing it written down by someone else can sometimes be the ticket for opening your eyes!
It sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it? Or should I say downright silly? It does help to either say things out loud or have someone reflect back our own behaviour to grasp the nonsensical in it.
We get so used to running on empty, and topping up that emptiness with anything that keeps the physical body moving, almost always at its expense, that it is very much like coming off any substance addiction, when we start to let go of that in driving or driven-ness that has been pushing us along.
It is truly like an addiction and no matter how frazzled and off kilter, we then draw more fuel from the very stress we have created to keep the overall push and drive going.
An interesting point you made Gabriele is the space that’s made when we are present.
Great summary – and it totally changes the paradigm from how much we get done to the felt quality and presence that we do things in. A very different outcome and so much more solid and truly responsible.
A great observation Gabriele, how we play the busy/stress game to distract ourselves in order to hide away and resist taking responsibility for feeling what is unresolved within our body.
Great observation – using stress and anxiety as all consuming emotions to stop ourselves from feeling what needs to be addressed and healed. What a clever set up!
I had to laugh reading this blog Gabriele because it described me also! Being addicted to stress has been a pattern of doing things that has governed a lot of my behaviour and activities for a long time – trying to fit more and more in and being the super achiever (!) – and one that I only became honest about a few years ago… I love how you describe what happened for you on this particular day and the expansion that is possible when we let go and truly stick to what supports us, without trying to ‘push’ ourselves unnecessarily, and will definitely be reminded of your blog when I next find myself in a situation of over-drive..
It definitely feels like a steady and very patient re-education and re-imprinting of old patterns and behaviours that are forever there trying to engulf us unless we choose differently.
Before I would try to achieve way too much and often looked at achieving a certain output by the end of the day, it was usually totally unrealistic. It was very stressful and exhausting too. I now only set out with a few things to achieve and often get a lot more done, this is by far a less stressful way of living which is more honouring of myself, and others, as I realise now how trying to achieve too much also effected everyone around me too.
Setting these totally unrealistic goals of how much we need to achieve in each day is a sure way to failure with all its accompanying negative thoughts and self-judgments – definitely not the way to go.
Yes I agree Gabriele, this then creates a downward spiral towards stress, exhaustion and overwhelm when we can simply make more loving choices and through being aware of what courses us to set these unrealistic goals.
I can relate Gabrielle, how this addiction to achievements keeps us continually hooked. Its amazing how when we stop this constant straining and pushing we get to see there has always been a loveliness underneath. But from the addicted state we are numb to this simple fact.
Yes, when addicted and in the hardness of pushing and driving, we don’t feel our body anymore and certainly lose connection with our true inner state. Not that it ever goes away, but it is as though it has a wall of concrete all around it.
I used to pride myself on how super efficient I was constantly pushing myself to the limit day after day until I ended up with adrenal fatigue…and a lesson learned. These days I enjoy doing things at a sensible pace and always build in extra time between appointments and tasks so as not to overload my body.
That feels very supportive of your body and your overall health, a wise choice indeed.
I so recognise this old pattern of trying to cram more in a day and then feeling hyped up and that illusory high of having so much going on. It is a catapult into a way of being that in no way supports us in truth and is a million miles away from stillness and the beauty and harmony we would otherwise feel.
The feeling of being hyped up and totally lost in the euphoria of getting oh, so much done is always followed by a terrible downer in my experience and the whole thing just isn’t worth it at all; that kind of roller coaster existence sucks and is very draining.
True, stress makes the body so tight and unpleasantly hot that the stillness is totally covered up, to a point that it is easy to forget that stillness is one of our true qualities.
Stress is a convenient stimulation we can choose to use to avoid our natural quality of stillness.
Thank you Marcia – it’s that simple really – I can feel the truth in what you’ve shared.
Addiction to stress is just like any other addiction, it takes us away from who we are and it can be used as a method of burying our issues
You are so right – we totally lose ourselves when we go into stress and it doesn’t suit our physiology, which copes as best as it can but always at a price, even if that debt doesn’t get paid for years or decades.
Brilliant reminder of how we can get taken over by an unrealistic urge to pack more into time than we truly know is supportive for us. It’s as though we’re always seeking to get to a self-imposed, arbitrary finishing line – by the weekend, by Christmas, by my son’s birthday – just as quickly as possible with everything done, so that we can enjoy an illusory pot-of-gold-at-the-end-of-the-rainbow moment where there’s nothing outstanding, pending, burning or overwhelming. But life doesn’t have this happy ending. It has a happy continuance which requires our happy management, sensibly applied, so we can stay the course with vitality, ready to be on form the next day and the next.
Great points you make and I love how you describe it and bring different images and examples into it – there is no end point, no pot of gold; why do we keep chasing it? Is it an attachment to what we have created and everything that comes with it? And we better keep confirming and chasing it lest we have to realise that it is all smoke and mirrors?
Thank you, just what I needed to read this morning, confirming to me that allowing myself to open up to a deeper level of enjoyment with myself is key. I don’t have to do a lot of what I think I have to do and more importantly I do not have to do it in a way that keeps the business, and ‘getting things done’ syndrome in place.
I have found that when I am out and about I tend to think of all the things that I can get done before going home and end up running myself raggard. It is the getting things done, a sense of accomplishment that I was looking for. These days I give myself more space in my day, space for me to be more of me.
“In order to feel really good about my day and me”. We do things, and like you share sometimes too many things in one day, to feel good about ourselves. It shows how we are identified with the doing and how much we forget that we are already everything. Giving ourselves the space to just be and from that being, doing our things, is such a difference. And no stress….
There is always something else to do to keep us busy and involved in life, and I can very much relate to the habit of ensuring that I have so much on my plate, that it keeps me in the business of the day. Yet, slowly, I am learning it does not need to be this way.And that does not mean that I am doing less, but it is the way I am going about doing what I am doing that is changing.
I have also had this experience – in the end it is not about doing less necessarily but about a different rhythm, one that is based on the body and true self care.
Time is always there to support us, yet we can get ourselves in the way and make it tighter then need be. I can certainly relate to the erratic-ness of thinking we need to do more to feel good, like I’m not enough just by doing what is needed so i’ll comprise my sanity to do more! Been there, done that and at times still doing it. Great exposing Gabriele.
Yes, me too: “been there, done that and at times still doing it” – getting identified with my output and concentrating very hard on the apparent lack of time rather than being present with what I am doing. I heard this morning in an interview on ABC Radio National that we can only deal with one thing at a time; and thus, when we are preoccupied with this lack of time and the overwhelm it causes, how focused is our focus and how present is our presence? And what about the quality of our work?
Gabrielle, thank you for offering us a stop moment and consider the choices being made on a daily basis. are we running away managing life with nervous energy? or are we choosing to honour our bodies and allow ourselves to feel what is there and move on?
“Managing life with nervous energy”, I appreciate what you have offered here. It can be easy to look for that old familiar way of being where the body feels tight and everything inside is racy – but what now? There is spaciousness and not a bit of nervous energy in sight. What, no more problems? What to do now? Can we really live like that? Yes, we can, most definitely so.
I’m so glad I came across your blog Gabriele, such a wonderful timely reminder and message for me to not squeeze jobs into a already full day. Also, on a deeper level, to build in rest and ponder time; what a gorgeous opportunity to self nurture. Thank you Gabriele.
And it is a forever ongoing development – I am realising more and more how important those moments in-between different tasks are and how much it supports me when I use them for appreciation and confirmation of who I truly am, way beyond the ticks on my mental to do list.
How cool is that!? You’ve gone from squeezing and creating denseness in the day to appreciating and making divine use of the spaces in between. Is that why we jam pack our days so we don’t have to stop? Because then we might feel something we do not want to feel, like our exhaustion or our heavenly-ness (depending on how we are living).
Great question – what are we really avoiding? It can either be something unpleasant like the exhaustion or it can be something as stupendous as “our heavenly-ness”, even if that sounds downright crazy.
Thank you for this Gabriele – a timely reminder that we create all that will happen in our days and how it will happen. I recently realised that I will make tasks more challenging in order for them not to be as easy as they could be, therefore being able to hide my own abilities with them.
It seems like we will use anything at all to diminish ourselves and complicate our life rather than chose the simplicity of what is on offer every minute of every day.
More and more it is apparent to me that we cannot chose not to return to who we truly are but only to delay it, the strange fact is that we continue to try despite the amount of effort this takes only to be in pain at not being and expressing our true selves.
Thank you Gabriele for dissecting your Friday for us and exposing the drive to cram ever more into an already full day because these traits are so easy to relate to. For so long being stressed was my default position and even though I was aware that I had an almost constant need to overload myself I had not considered it was an addiction but it was and it explains why I have found it so hard to change this behaviour. For me taking responsibility for my well being and putting this before things like pleasing others has been key to breaking this pattern but it still so easily creeps back in if I lose my connection to me and what is needed in the next moment and I am recognising how often I sabotage this and set off on a downward spiral that always ends up with me collapsing exhausted into bed at the end of the day. Appreciating that what I am doing in the moment is just what is needed and not going off into my head has been so supportive with getting rid of my ‘bone’ and it has also been awesome to read everyone’s comments and get lots of lovely insights into this addiction that fuels so much of our current activity.
So true – it can easily creep back in and bite us on the bum if we lose the connection and sell out to all these ideals and beliefs of what we need to achieve and how much we need to do.
Thanks Gabriele, you have bought up a subject that I’m sure many, including myself, can relate to. Multi tasking has been something that has always been applauded in my world and I have been a super achiever in terms of staying with things until everything can be crossed off the list as completed. A spare 5 minutes – no problem – that gives me time to do XYZ. Not surprisingly, at the the end of the day all I could feel was exhaustion and fatigue, along with a sense of pride in my achievements. The trouble is that it was all completed in a hard, driven energy. I am learning to let go of that pattern and to more deeply understand how it is distracting me away from bigger issues that are underneath this behaviour – all of which definitely gives my body some space to actually operate within its normal rhythms.
It’s only when we allow ourselves to feel what is really going on in our body and how hard we have become that things like multitasking and crossing everything off the list by evening show their true colours as the self-destructive weapons that they are.
There have been quite a few comments regarding the fact that stress and nervous energy can start with the smallest of choices which then spirals out of control as more poor choices in the same vein are added; very true, it becomes a choice between one kind of momentum and another kind of momentum – the first one leads to exhaustion and possibly health problems and the second one leads to more spaciousness and capacity.
Sometimes, after going into overdrive trying to get too much done, I sit with a feeling of tension and raciness in the body and wonder , where do those thoughts about trying to fit extra into each day come from? Also why do I just consent to such thoughts without questioning them, or as you say Gabriele, why do we find it so hard to say no to them? It seems that I allow them and automatically go with them when I am not deeply appreciating myself and being fully with what I am doing, feeling that everything I bring to my activity is already everything that is needed.
Gabriele, I could have been reading about myself here. Your blog has helped me see more clearly how I create stress in my life by trying to squeeze things into the gaps in my day. I hate stress too so why would I deliberately create more? Like you ‘there is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever’ – but why is this? It’s because I still measure my worth against how much I have done, rather than appreciating who I am, as I am. So what else does my keeping busy do? It distracts me from connecting with myself, which is when I can appreciate how lovely I am. So it’s like a vicious cycle where I am sabotaging myself so I miss the one thing that would banish the self-worth issue.
You bring up a great point here – squeezing things into every gap does stop us from connecting to what is true, steady and unchangeable and therefore perpetuates the cycle of overachieving and looking for recognition from the outside.
I have experienced this too – there is a beautiful flow to how and when things get done when I don’t pack so many things into my day and just jump from one goal and tick to the next goal and tick. It is like skipping time and missing out on me as well, showing up a real absence in that way of living.
I didn’t realise I would relate as much as I did to your blog, Gabriele! It totally applies to how I often get through my days at the moment, constantly trying to do more, get more done, pack everything in in order to be ‘super efficient’… I find that for me even though sometimes my workload can be very doable, I tell myself I have LOADS to do and stress myself out which makes all the little gaps in the day seem about a millisecond, rather than using them to rest or connect back.
It feels like we can get quite addicted to this state of super functionality as it feeds us back some form of identification and a false sense of self worth entirely based on our output, i.e. on how much we can get done. And as you say, it totally misses all the moments that are not filled with frenzied activity and that, if appreciated and used as an opportunity to connect, provide that lovely sense of spaciousness and ease, no matter how busy we are.
This is such a great conversation and one that exposes how ingrained and seemingly harmless stress can be. Yet the harm is huge as we concrete the momentums of temporary satisfaction and false worth instead of the surrender to who we are just by being with the flow of all there is. This goes far beyond the satisfaction of functionality, it is ever deepening interconnectedness and in this time is on our side and not running against us.
I see stress for myself as being self made much of the time, if not all. It can be having a really spacious morning and then doing ‘a couple of little jobs’ before going off to work or to an appointment which then make you late and puts you into anxiousness about getting there on time and so the day kind of follows suit in the same vein if not noted and halted. We have a choice to react or respond to situations, join them or stop and feel what next. I love how you made the space in your day and then things flowed on to the next day beautifully.
I agree with you – stress is self-created and can start with the tiniest little thing that is out of rhythm and then leads to a cascade of complications and ever more stress.
Yes I have experienced what you write here to my cost, just recently. Fortunately I have the beautiful tools of Universal Medicine to support me to connect back and out of that.
Yes it certainly can start from the smallest of poor choices…… And like a spiral, the next poor choice is easier to make…. Followed by the next. There are no accidents in how/ why things turn out the way they do.
Hey Jeanette, being late is a sure recipe for anxiousness and, for me it’s also because I am trying to fit in that little bit extra into my day – in fact I sometimes wonder if I avoid being early so I won’t have time to stop and be still. Could it be then that I am addicted to busyness as a way to avoid being with myself?
Thanks for adding that bit about trying to fit extra into your day, for I have discovered over the last few days that I have fallen into doing exactly that myself.It isn’t a great place to be as the anxiousness creeps in further and I then have difficulty connecting back to stillness.Noticing what I am doing is a good start and also not beating myself up about it goes a long way to having less anxiousness! Its horrible what we do to ourselves sometimes but wonderful to have such simple tools as the gentle breath meditation and being consciously present with whatever we do to bring us back.
Not leaving enough time to get somewhere or to finish something is a sure-fire way to anxiousness and tension and it feels horrible, even if we have seemingly gotten used to it as a ‘normal’ way of operating and getting through the day.
I feel we can easily fall into that trap: pretending to not like what is happening whilst taking full advantage of the irresponsibility that scenario provides.
‘There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.’ The subsequent addiction of stress associated with being a super person in all that we do to propel us from one day to the next is something we all need to confront and heal.
“my mind was like a dog with a bone and didn’t want to let these potentially tantalising achievements go” Oh my Gabriele I know this one in- fact I can feel it with me today- great revelation- I feed stress! it is time for me also to throw away the bone!
‘Addicted to being stressed’ this is such a great title, one that I am sure many of us can relate to, I certainly could. I am a bit of a planner, so like to know that I have time and space to do certain things, because I do not like having to be rushed and then feel stressed. But I have experienced that there is a part of me that likes to have a little bit of urgency thrown into the mix. That when things are going way too well and smoothly, that I actually need to add in lots more tasks so I have to rush to get something complete, or get something done, or get out the door in the morning. I found that there was a comfort in the ‘doing’ and getting stressed out about things. Less so now, but if I do get into that space, I look at why and bring awareness to the reasons.
Great insight, this need “to have a little bit of urgency thrown into the mix” – and just when things are going really well of course but hey presto, what about some stimulation and a bit of self-importance?
‘I found that there was a comfort in the ‘doing’ and getting stressed out about things’. Raegan, isn’t it crazy how we cling to ‘comfort’ when it’s really far from ‘comfortable’ but we prefer that discomfort because it helps us avoid the day that we step up and take more responsibility for our life.
Oh yes so well summed up here, it does help us to consider why we do what we do. Why is it so easy to stay in comfort and not choose to work on our stuff?
It’s a telling description of what so many of us know all to well – the want to do (and therefore ‘be’ more), all of the time. There are practicalities in life that are hard to ignore, there are responsibilities from day-to-day that are even more important. But, having recently felt the significance of how important repose is in our daily life, I’ve started to take a fresh perspective. Quite simply, the ability to leave the gaps for rest and as a type of enjoyable spaciousness, relates directly to my perceived value of self. Why don’t more of us value ourselves enough to enjoy a few spare minutes here and there – for, surely we are worth enjoying even much more than that! I plan to enjoy the gaps and not fill them with any incessant need to produce or achieve more – because there’s always going to be another day for that.
Hey Oliver, I like your ‘fresh perspective’ for the more I enjoy myself the more I enjoy what I do and the day seems to be more spacious because I am being in it, not trying to get everything done so I can then be with me. This brings repose into the action.
Thank you for your insight – I have also found that tightly packing each and every tiny gap in the day leads to raciness and feelings of inadequacy. Inspired by your comment I will be more aware of those moments of appreciation and valuing of self that you describe.
The gaps or moments you talk about are super important – I realised only yesterday how much raciness and anxiety are stirred up in my body when I think about something I have to do before it is time to attend to it; it was quite remarkable and very obvious indeed.
I know this addiction all too well. I was always one to be cramming my day full of jobs to be done with no regard for how I might feel throughout the day. Recently I realised that even when I make the choice to focus or be present on one job I have this overwhelming drive to do other things at the same time. It has been a work in progress to slow down and connect with my body and feel what actually needs to be done and have the understanding that everything doesn’t need to be done at once.
Multi-tasking can be a real curse, no matter how widely applauded this capability might be. It basically means that I am in two or three places at once and that there is no presence in any of what I do.
Yes Annebroadbent58, it’s good to remember that ‘everything doesn’t need to be done at once’. One of the tricks of my mind is to look at what I have to do in the next few weeks and compress it into a ‘have to’ which suddenly has an urgency that it didn’t have before. Everything gets lumped in together in my mind and I forget that there is actually space within that and I fill the space with anxiousness and don’t know where to begin and that’s when it’s hard to focus on one thing without worrying about how I’m going to get the other things done.
Mostly we are encouraged to multitask and champion those who achieve it , but what quality has been lost in the process. The loveliness of totally being with the task at hand and feeling the detail of every timeless moment will not be felt in the drive to achieve.
It is great to know that every time we choose to connect and listen to our bodies we create space in our lives where we do what’s needed with an ease and flow to it. Thank you
“a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.” I am so with you on this one, I have come to realise as much as I absolutely love simplicity and space – I will at the last minute create stress or rush to sabotage the stillness I feel, to take me out of my body and into my head. But I am able to laugh at this now, and say okay it’s really clear, you have a choice to stop, instead continuing with it, then giving myself a hard time later on. Today I have really listened to my body and I don’t actually need to do that much, (my head has been trying at times to sneak in with what about this and that, but I just say no ) there is so much more space and joy when we honour what we feel.
A great recipe for defeating the sneakiness of the last minute rush and stress – trying to sabotage and unsettle with the most incredible stories; laughable indeed if we don’t go under, I’ll give laughing at it a try.
Great observation Gabriele!
I really enjoyed reading this very familiar story. Our minds can be such task masters but when we stop and feel what is truly right for us, everything gets done with ease when done in the rhythm which we have felt.
I have found this as well: forget about parents, teachers, coaches or anybody else you care to name, we are easily our own worst enemies when it comes to self-judgment and cracking the whip.
Ah this is a gem of a blog, when we start to realise that stress and drama is a result of our penchant to them we are able to shift the pattern which keeps us repeating them.
Beautiful experience and sharing Gabrielle. It hightlights for me that we indeed create stress/stressfull situations, and we at times actually like it ! Then what I also felt from your blog is that it flowed after you stopped creating a stressful situation. To me this proves me that once I let go of that stress and stop creating it, space actually opens up for it to do it so and even more freely too! No need to stress anymore, stress is so 2007;)!
Yes, stress is so yesteryear indeed! As is the constant huffing and puffing to let everybody know how stressed and in demand we are.
I love it. ‘stress is so yesteryear’! And very true what you say here about letting everyone know how stressed we are… a way of making people see how important and ‘good’ we are. When in connection with ourselves, we do not seek out that recognition from others and choose to love ourselves and not put ourself in these stressful, yesteryear situations.
Yes I agree, having started a new job I realised pretty quickly that I was using a lot of nervous energy to learn the job quickly. When I saw this, I just stopped it, told myself to let go of this expectation of myself. I now sleep super well and enjoy my work day immensely.
Hi Michelle, I agree it is almost as if we get addicted to living with nervous energy as we know we get things done no matter what and we don’t get to feel what’s there to be felt at that moment but this is all at the expense of our bodies until we choose to reconnect with ourselves and feel what’s there without judgment.
Well worth the effort which then ends up not being an effort at all because it simplifies things enormously once we drop those super high expectations we place on ourselves.
Such a simple recipe for living a much more joyful and rich life – just goes to show how hard we can push ourselves, more than any parent, teacher or boss ever could if truth be told.
And the way you are with your colleagues and clients/customers would have immensely improved as well – sounds like there is actually space to truly meet everybody you come in contact with.
I feel we need to be looking at why we create stressful situations and it is not as easy as letting it go as we are creating it for a reason. The creating of it feels like a great avoidance of not feeling what is really going on for us so then we don’t have to deal with the actual issues/hurts.
Good point – we do everything for a reason even and especially if it is well hidden. Teasing out what we get out of a self-created situation, no matter how unpleasant it might superficially be deemed to be, then addresses the real payback of why we are perpetuating what we can so easily declare we don’t like.
I can certainly relate to this Gabrielle. I’ve been always a very heady person. I had all the solutions (answers so I thought) in my head. Where as I know now and start feeling that without my Precious Love, everything that comes out of my mouth actually is knowledge even though it might be very True. I personally am working on the acceptation of being a Soul and the pain that I chose to let the connection go. There’s a lot of hurt there which I don’t and don’t want to deny no longer. Even though there’s at times still resistance to really feel the hurts. But the drive, causing stress and anxiousness has been seen for what it Truly is. The perfect distraction to avoid feeling. Thank you Gabrielle.
Yes, those ready made answers straight from the top of the head – I know them well; a great arsenal of weaponry to impress, cajole, convince, overpower, enforce and so the list goes on. And yet, that is what I thought was normal only ten years ago. I didn’t like it, especially when I was on the receiving end and when I could feel the hollowness of what was coming out of my mouth, but I didn’t know any better then.
A day when everything is set for great flow set adrift by adding more things in to the mix. Much the same as a wonderfully simple soup overloaded on a whim to add more when less was more. This addiction to stress and needing to feel a little under pressure is a badge I have often worn to cram more into my busy life. None of the end results were pretty, joyful, harmonious or true.
Totally agree and I love how you compare loading up the day with a soup that ends up having too many ingredients, this spice and that spice plus whatever – a truly love- and careless act when looked at in this light. And what for? Whom are we trying to impress here?
Yes …. adding to the soup extra ‘interest’ ‘punch’, flavour that certain taste that will impress the guests. Ahhh… the simplicity of knowing who we are and keeping that soup of life so delicately simple is really the ultimate ‘spice of life’ 🙂
Awesome analogy of the soup Lee. As if I haven’t done that before. always trying to add more to everything no matter what it is. It’s time I stood back…asked myself if more is needed and then choose to stop.
It is confronting to face up to this fact that we are the ones instigating this stress, and deeper than that we are actually addicted to this sensation. Yet that is absolutely my experience too Gabriele. What you present turns ‘stress busting’ on its head. What if we actually create all the issues we face in life? What if it is all just not true?
Yes I too can admit to actively being a party to my own self- sabotage on many occasions. I set things up to be in conflict with simplicity. Thank you Gabriele for reminding me of how nothing happens by chance, we create it all.
Yes, you are right – we are the creators of our own stress and misery and it requires a good dose of honesty to look that fact squarely in the face and take responsibility for how we are acting, reacting and feeling.
Good point – and very simple statement at the same time: if we are indeed the creators of all our issues (and how real are they really?) then we are also the ones who are responsible for resolving them. And it all starts with honesty and responsibility.
Yes the responsibility lays squarely with us and what we align to.
Great comment Joseph. I can relate to all that Gabrielle has written and so realise that that I need to ask myself more questions around what is actually going on. While acknowledging there are many different tasks/events/incidents etc that I can say cause me to be busy and thus stressed, the reality is that I am the common denominator and therefore the buck stops with me.
‘On one hand I was very clear that it was crazy to pack more things into the day, on the other hand my mind was like a dog with a bone and didn’t want to let these potentially tantalising achievements go.’ Thankyou Gabrielle, this describes beautifully the trap of the tick box mentality and the push of constant and insatiable achievement. Great blog.
Today I can also admit that ‘There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day’. ouch…
Gabrielle you have shared some home truths that are felt by many. Adding more to our list just adds to levels of doing and more perfection. By stopping and trusting that all will be done gives us the space to prioritise what needs to be done and what will eventually be done. Allowing more time to honour that great word REST!
Yes it’s true… We can actually be addicted to certain forms of behaviour that keep certain levels of chemicals being released in our body… That we are addicted to. We are addicted to certain forms of behaviour that stop us feeling who we actually are… Many people will do anything to not feel. To reconnect with ourselves so that we start to know who we are, is the doorway to the realisation of who we truly are and what we are here to do.
It is a fact that through stress and hurrying chemicals are being released in our body. I really don’t understand how I could be addicted to something that feels so bad.
Could it be that we are addicted to things that make us feel bad because we get something in return? In the case of stress that would be the recognition from others for going the extra mile, for being seen to be super busy or to have an excuse for not attending to things outside the confines of the stressful situation.
Great blog, Gabriele. We are actually the creators of the momentums that lead to feeling stressed. What is it that allows us to over ride what our bodies are telling us to cram too much into the day? What allows us to do this over and over again? Is it possible that we have a picture of what it means to be ‘productive,’ ‘a good worker,’ ‘to use the day well’ etc? Or could it be that we don’t do things when we feel to attend to them and then they mount up till getting them done means cramming too much into 1 day?
I feel it is a mixture of both, the identification with a certain image of ourselves as productive and ‘good’, or even ‘outstanding’ plus the adopted inability to attend to things in a timely manner.
This is such a great article, thank you Gabriele. I have discovered the exact same thing for myself and I am in the process of lightening the load which means lightening up and bringing the joy back in – enjoying the spaciousness and flow and what is amazing is that this has a sense of order, a natural order all of it’s own.
“A natural order all of its own” is a great way of describing what happens when we stop being driven by outcomes and goals at the expense of the connection to our body and the quality of our doing.
Gabriele I can relate to your sharing. I too use to try and be organised to avoid stress, but like you I would cram so much in to be a achiever and then get myself into stressful situations, as I have just pushed myself too far. There use to be a big part of me “that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day”. Since the deeper awareness of stress, thanks to Serge Benhayon, I now no longer cram things things in, I give myself space and I find I create more time and space to get things done.
I can so relate to being my own worst stressor. Allowing my rhythm to dictate how I do what I do, and how much – is something that I am forever learning.
Something changes very profoundly once we know it is about rhythm and how supportive that is – things start to flow and the tendency to take on more than we can handle lessens, but as always, it is a work in progress and requires forever more flow and harmony.
Gabriele, thank you for writing about your day, as I read it I could feel myself say “yes” that’s exactly what I used to do, and sometimes I still drop into the stressfulness of packing too much in. I remember one day someone asking what I had done during the day and I rolled it all off. Their reply was, wow that would keep me busy all week, it was then that I took a step back to realise what I was doing, now I do what feels right, but occasionally I catch myself trying to slip back into old habits.
I had lived my life that was fueled by stress, if there was insufficient external stress I would create my own. I have found that multi tasking just allowed me to do lots of different things at the same time and get nothing accomplished. It fits the saying busy doing nothing. I now find that without stress there is always time to do what is needed when it is needed and never at the cost to others or myself. This is a work in progress but this is definably the way to proceed.
Multi tasking can be a real trap and easily leaves me scattered and having to attend to these things again because I was not fully present in the first place; and thus, instead of being able to tick tasks off my list it actually takes me more time picking them up and finalising them. Not great on all counts!
It is a trap Gabriele. I have always felt the truth in the saying; if you don’t have the time to do right the first time… when will you find the time to come back and fix it later.
I suspect this is more common than we imagine… certainly I have exactly the same pattern! There is a nuance here though – yes the way I ‘set myself up’ leads to clipping time, being a bit late or having to drive a little faster to that appointment (because I could turn the washing just as I was stepping out the door). These sorts of reflexes definitely crowd the spaces. However, I do find that there is an enormous amount of time and space available in any day, for reading, commenting on the world, the washing (!) – these pockets of time are often wasted, but always available… the trick is not tripping ourselves up and making sure that inside we always have that feeling of time and space.
Yes, I agree – there is always time, it never leaves us and it doesn’t run out or away; we just think it does and in the process we mutilate and squander and don’t appreciate it for what it represents and offers.
Great blog, Gabriele. This is the same pattern I ran my life for many years – filling every moment with a task, so as not to ‘waste’ time. I ended up in exhaustion and overwhelm & have learned that it is me who put these stresses on myself. As you share, when you choose to do what feels true, there is always time for everything.
This is the most perfect post for me to read over and over again. ‘…my mind was like a dog with a bone and didn’t want to let these potentially tantalising achievements go…’ Me ALL over. not being able to give up the potentially LONG list of things I could physically do in a day! I’ve experiemented with letting time be time a couple of times before…and I have to say, it has worked stupendously. It’s now just a case of me further implementing that approach and slowly allowing it to takeover my current ‘madness’ approach. Why wouldn’t I choose this??
I know this feeling too well, packing my day full and it is never enough which means my day is never completed and or appreciated, one of the consequences of being stressfull. Never thought about it as an addiction but you are right I am so used to the feeling of this tension in my body that it seems to be part of me. The other day I could feel’ hey this is not you, feel it but do not go into it and my body presented me another picture, the joy came back and I could feel this quality in what I was doing.
You make a very valuable point when you write that packing a day full to the hilt in the pursuit of ticking all the boxes on our list leads to a lack of appreciation and the feeling of incompletion at the end of the day – it demonstrates that we rip ourselves off twice, first when we go into overdrive and then again when the day closes; and possibly even thrice as we take that same drive into the following day.
Gosh I know so well what you are writing about, this was very common in my life sometimes to felt this urge to pack more things into a well structured day, and to make me more efficient and get more done. Where I am at now is that I do know that there is lots to do, but I just go simple, I just do the most important view things what needs to be done first. I make space for paper work and laundry and garden work, I have it on the radar, and when I feel that I want to go in the garden I just do it and it is not a big deal. The rest gets looked at tomorrow or when I feel that I want to do it. I am much more at ease with my life as I used to be always on the go and run and never was it enough time.
You describe a very lovely rhythm where things that need doing first are attended to first, one task by one task by another task. A no-brainer really, after all you can’t land a plane before you have even taken off, and everything follows this order. Why do we hang on to this idea that we can cheat here?
Reading this today reminded me of how my mother always used to applaud me for being busy. In fact for many people whom I knew busy-ness was a marker of how well you were doing. I would hear ” It’s better than being bored” and “It will keep you out of trouble”. Well if I am present with what I am doing it is impossible to be bored and rather than keeping me out of trouble being more busy than is true for me, as you have shown here, leads to stress and most definitely a feeling of being troubled and of course that can affect our health, not only emotionally or mentally but physically too. Squeezing just that little bit extra into the day can, and usually does in my experience, lead to trouble and I lose the enjoyment and quality that I would otherwise bring to my tasks and my relationships.
Yes, I agree with you – I also remember being applauded for being busy, from very early on. And it certainly is true for today’s children, some of whom have timetables like little executives with all the after school activities, all just to make sure that they have a secure and successful future – does that suggest that all these extracurricular instructions and lessons are based on fear and insecurity?
Yes busyness gains recognition from an early age. I was very clear with my daughter that I did not want her rushing from one after school activity to the next (and I didn’t want to be a constant taxi service!) but could still at times feel the pressure of ‘was I doing the right thing’? or ‘was I just being lazy’?. It felt that a lot of the activity was fear based and it is interesting that now my daughter is a nanny and she sometimes feels under pressure to be out with her charges at an activity rather than following her feeling that they need some down time at home.
I love what you are sharing Gabriele, because I had and still sometimes have similar behaviors. And I love, that you use the word addiction. I was also addicted to do something all day, the more the better. Totally crazy. It is time for me to stop this behaviour and start to care for me in a good way.
Your blog made me laugh Gabriele because I was visualising you doing this. I loved the ‘dog with a bone’ analogy and the realisation that creating space to feel, appreciate and enjoy ourselves in all that we do IS the real deal.
The analogy of the dog with the bone has been very real, it is an obsessional kind of quality that just wants to have its way, no matter what and no matter the consequences of how I feel or physically affects the body. It sounds crazy and it is.
Yes it sounds crazy but I do know this affect in my body, too. Great to name these things that feel really ridiculous.
Gabriele I can so relate, I love touting all that I have accomplished and in the same breathe I can complain bitterly about no time for me, it is an insidious trap – that part of our being that likes to be identified by the achievement.
Yes, we can huff and puff and sigh, making sure that everybody within earshot takes notice in one way or another, purport to hate stress and at the same time revel in it because it gives a sense of identification and importance that is deemed to be needed to ‘be someone’, possibly even someone who is indispensable. Ridiculous really, even insane.
You show beautifully Gabriele how in addiction we can turn the most self-loving activity to its very opposite. Very cool how through focusing on the quality you felt, which did not add up, you gave yourself a moment to stop to end this cycle that was repeating for you.
I love how you speak with such simplicity at the end. Like “this is what I did, it felt great as I simply did what felt right” and “doing more than is necessary in any one day.” I have felt similar situations like you describe here, and it is a great marker!
hmmm its scary how much I can relate to this blog. I’m guilty for ‘getting off’ on being super effective and cramming as much as I can into a day. I measured the worth of my day by what proactive things I achieved and how many I could achieve in 25 hours.
However I’ve learnt that the success of a day is how we are in every moment. I like to refer to how I am when I first wake up because I’m generally at my best/clearest then and see if I was able to maintain that level of connectiveness for the entire day.
What you have written here Luke rings in me. I was a person standing totally under stress and I learn now how much I am able to use time in a supportive way, in not limiting me but giving me reflection about how and in which quality I spend my day. The courses and workshops with Universal Medicine are supporting me in understanding more deeply that it is not about pressure and how much I can fit in the day but about the quality I am with myself and others and how I approach and accomplish what needs to be done.
Very true…. time is a marker that allows us to reflect. It is a tool that is very useful and is not our enemy. It is a great asset and I’m slowly learning…. in time 😉
Beautifully put Luke – ‘the success of a day is how we are in every moment’
I really loved your blog Gabriele, I can so relate to wanting to fill more into the day. In times past the sense of getting so much done in a day, felt rewarding, that was when I wasn’t aware of the stress my body was under. I would often in the past after an esoteric healing session stop and do various things on the way home, until I really got to feel how dishonouring this was to my body. Now I am more aware to take the time and be gentle with myself and rest if need be.
It is incredible to what degree we have become used to overriding what the body is feeling for the sake of efficiency and the ticking of boxes. But once you become aware of it, you also become aware of the physical coldness and tightness that ensue and it just feels too horrible to want to continue in the same way.
Stress on the body is quite damaging, but is a feeling that can be easily adopted in life as ‘normal’. It’s even advertised as being an everyday existence and there are all sorts of remedies to ‘fix the stress’, usually a pill or a drink. Stress is not a normal part of life and the body knows it.
Yes, good point and about time that the myth about stress being useful or okay in any way gets debunked; it is harming for the body and taxes it enormously. But it is easy to get addicted to it because it can provide the needed fuel to keep pushing on and driving ourselves hard and harder.
So true Matthew, a small amount of stress is touted as useful in life to motivate us to achieve and overcome obstacles. What an absolute myth, what instead if we considered be consciously present with whatever we are doing, rather than relying on nervous energy to get more things done.
Awesome Gabriele, I can so relate to wanting to fit more things in the day just to tick them off my list and feel satisfied that I have achieved X amount of things in a day. This can often leave me feeling exhausted and then I can’t do much the following day, but then I trick myself and say “ah-ha – good thing I did everything yesterday because now I am too tired today!” I’m getting better at keeping it simple, but your blog is a very timely reminder to stop and feel what is needed in a day and what can wait.
Ah yes, I didn’t mention that – the day after was always a write-off with very little joy or creativity and minimal output, and my rhythm used to be all over the place. I might as well have had a hangover, because that was what it actually felt like.
So true Gabriele. I have that tendency to be ‘efficient’ but am getting much better at holding what feels right and true. I’ve noticed that when I am being too efficient, the end of the day is completed with a sigh, indicating I’ve overdone things. It’s a very small signal, but one I’ve picked up on. Now I can catch it early as my breathing changes to a doing breath, very different to a being breath.
That’s a great marker and ‘early warning sign’ – when the breath changes from being to doing – thanks for that.
Gorgeous Gabriele, I love how you write and what you write. I know exactly what you mean and have had many similar experiences over the years. Each time I learn and let go I seem to create more space and strangely get even more done (although that is not the intention) and in a much more harmonious way. By the way thanks for the reminder about the washing, as I was reading your blog this evening it reminded me that I had left the washing out!
… that’s funny! I am glad it worked though.
I love this blog Gabriele as I was always one of those people who ‘thrived’ on stress and worked really well under pressure. I came to see that it was in fact a delay technique I used so that I could use nervous energy, brought about by being stressed, to achieve and be super productive. What I did not see at the time was that I was exhausting myself and that I was setting myself up for failure as I would of course plan too much into the time I had, making it impossible for anyone to get that amount done. I now see that I had based my self worth on not only what I did but how much I did guaranteeing I could never truly get out of this crazy cycle. Now I know that none of this has anything to do with my self worth and that what there is to be done in my day is all about the quality I am in and what is actually true and needed that day. Thanks for sharing this as it is huge for so many.
“Thriving on stress” as a delay technique and then drawing on nervous energy to push on and briefly feel elated before going on to the next goose chase – they are great insights into the craziness of this setup and, as you so rightly point out, it only leads to exhaustion.
I know this very well Gabriele, the moment there seems to be a little gap in my day, I want to squeeze something in, not so much because it is needed but because I want to be more efficient and make the most of my time. I am not good in doing nothing, there tends to be this driving force that wants me to get going and I really need to stop myself and very consciously say No to it. It is like an addiction to stress or nervous tension.
Yes, I agree it is about creating space not trying to keep up with or beating time so to speak. I so relate to trying to cram in as much as possible as if its some kind of achievement and yet creating so much stress in the mean time, just does not make sense!
I agree – the more I try to cram things in, the more time gets squeezed and narrowed. It also then gets confirmed as something that I do not have enough of which can lead to a pattern of cramming more in and being hasty, a vicious circle if there ever was one.
Yes, we create our own misery, its clearly not the world or life imposing it upon us!
When we allow ourselves to take the time we need, there can be so much done in one day. But I know that feeling you describe so well, feeling the need to fit too much in the day to just let yourself know that you can, and that you achieved something.
Yes, and how short-lived that elation of having achieved more things int the day is and how tiring if not exhausting that truly is.
Interesting to consider the difference that is at times present concerning what we do think and what we feel. We all can get into habits that do not support us and it is wonderful to become aware of them and share this awareness in an article such as this.
Agree Gabriele, I use nervous energy more than I care to admit to get things done, things can be running along smoothly and then suddenly something out of the ordinary happens and I immediately go into nervous energy to complete the task. The interesting thing is I choose to go into that state when it is just as easy and more loving for me to do what is needed without the raciness I go into. There is a part of me that enjoys that feeling, I am feeling it is time to let go of this pattern as it does not truly support me or nurture me. Thank you for your honesty it has allowed me to admit this pattern I go into and begin to make different choices.
I have found that raciness and nervous tension can be like default positions and knee-jerk reactions and becoming aware of how they don’t serve us at all is the first step to disengaging from this harmful behaviour.
Very insightful Gabriele. Sometimes when I am on a roll I keep on rolling and suddenly I have over done it and ask myself ‘why?’. I am realising only now that I am misreading what my body is telling me and getting caught up in the ‘shoulds’ from old belief systems. Thanks for sharing your insight.
I am wondering whether it is not just the ‘shoulds’ we get caught up in but also the nervous energy circulating in the body that then provides the extra fuel, until it runs out of course and we realise how artificially pumped up the whole situation really has been.
Spot on Gabrielle… I can start out feeling awesome, motoring through my day with all the time and space in the world yet being super efficient. But if I don’t pay attention to myself and lose connection to how I am feeling then I start to plough on through, wanting the same efficiency but starting to push and compromise on the quality. Then 1, 2, 3 days down the line I wake up feeling wrecked, and so far from that original feeling… Its easy enough to reset, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I learnt from this pattern and chose something different!
Gabriele, what a breeze for me to read your blog and learn there is another way and especially letting go of the ideals and beliefs how everything has to be and in what time i has to be accomplished.
Gabriele, your blog was a real eye opener for me to see how much I like the importance of being stressed and feeling busy, it’s like a catch-all which I often use to avoid true expression and connection, as in ‘No I don’t have time now, I’m busy’ and then of course it gives a nice safe role to hide in. There’s something very open and spacious in how when we let go life opens up, I love how the weather was perfect to do what you needed to do the next day! Great metaphor to see, that when we let go of the self assigned prison of stress and busyness, time does expand!
I can really relate to this Monicag2. Hiding in the comfort of business to avoid connecting and truly feeling where I am at. Crazy really as the feeling of connection and presence with myself beats busyness hands down. What are we hiding from?
Yes Monica can definitely relate to hiding in busyness but when I choose to connect and feel what is next for me to do it is beautiful to feel how time expands and I am able to do what is required but not lose myself in the process.
Love it Gabriele. Taking the fight out of our personal agendas and instead allow ourselves just to be with what is needed, the movement of which becomes as if effortless – like an instrument playing in tune amongst its orchestra.
Such a great article! I’m experiencing moments like your saturday more and more these days when I truly choose to trust that the time will present itself. And everytime, I’m surprised…which is crazy, but it’s a very pleasant surprised at how it just works. It’s simple and awesome!
I can really relate to your blog Gabriele Conrad and the temptation to squeeze in some extra things rather than just feeling what is the right balance of work to do in a day. The expression ‘on a roll’ reminds me of gambling and the heightened adrenaline, exhilaration and stimulation that we get from such a sport. Could it be that part of us likes to gamble with life and our bodies just to see what would happen, and part of us gets a kick out of doing this? Even though there is clearly another part of us that feels the misery, anxiety and the suffering that such a game creates as a consequence whether the gamble pays off or not?
Yes, it feels to me that there is definitely an addiction to the stimulation that stress provides and that it doesn’t matter whether that stimulation is good or bad, as long as it is something we can identify with and be identified by.
Reading your blog really opened my eyes to the addictive nature of stress. I too claim to dislike being stressed but constantly find myself overfilling my day which causes the very thing I want to avoid. Awareness is the key and your sharing is a really amazing example of how important it is to be true to your own rhythm instead of ‘trying’ to get things done.
I notice that ‘trying’ is a word constantly used in our culture, it makes everything seem like hard work, when replaced with the word ‘choosing’ it sounds less of an effort and more of an unfolding.
I love the flow you chose Gabriele.
Super blog to read Gabriele, and I loved this question;’ why was it so hard to just do what I knew felt so right’? I know this well, for me my habit of disregared and self neglect kept me choosing the same old, even though I wanted to make other choices but somehow I couldn’t – those old patterns were so ingrained…. with support of an esoteric practitioner, I have cleared and healed old hurts that created space and awareness for me to choose differently – loving choices that truly supports my body.
Just goes to show that our patterns and behaviours can feel like they are older than this life and like big huge boulders that just about need earthmoving equipment to make any inroads. But really, it is just a simple choice once the awareness and honesty are there and the willingness to take responsibility rather than the handy belief that this behaviour is stronger or bigger than what we are.
Gabriele thank you so much for this revealing blog and I have to say that I am addicted too. These words got me: “There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.” My parents were both like this and it is for me so normal to be a hard worker. I love what you wrote and it helped me to understand more about this addiction – yes it is not easy to be not an achiever because with achieving I got something from myself – recognition and I could say to myself that I was not lazy and that counts more then feeling good in my body . . . that is not wunderbar at all.
It’s great feeling great, I too used to pack the day to fill all the spaces!
As I read this Gabriele, I am reminded of the power (and the joy) of just letting things unfold and honouring our true feelings accordingly. As your blog proves, things unfolded perfectly and you weren’t stressed at all doing it.
Yes, and I need to keep reminding myself of that; I only need to attend to what is at the door, not to things that I pull in from the future in order to supposedly lessen tomorrow’s or next week’s load – that totally throws my rhythm out and leads to exhaustion and chaos. Thanks for the timely reminder.
So true Gabriele & Joshua. When we try to plan and optimize things the result will be stress. But if we choose to simply let things unfold and focus on what really is needed to be done, there will be time and space – and often so much of it that more things get done with ease than we thought might be possible.
Lovely to feel this Michael as the planning and optimising has a constricted tight quality and the simply letting things unfold and bringing focus to what is needed has a spacious, joyful ease about it.
That is true – and it makes me wonder to what degree an identification with complications and high stress levels as a fuel source for the body also play a role in the addiction and attachment to working this way; and again, it just doesn’t make sense when we tease it out like that!
This makes so much sense, being stressed, rushed and busy is such a normal part of many peoples every day lives, it’s easy to blame life, but we are the ones making choices all the time about how are days are, and could easily choose to simplify life, allowing us to enjoy it more? Yet, we constantly make choices to keep going full throttle…
I love how you shared such a seemingly insignificant choice in your day that made the difference between stress coming in or not, a great reminder for me to watch out for those choices and ask myself if it’s truly supportive, needed and keeping things simple.
Thank you Gabriele. I love what you have shared as I have found this to be true for me also. I have often been known to load my day up too, because I had championed myself as being super-efficient, however I was also super-exhausted from being super-racy. So I did often achieve fulfilling the list of tasks of the day but was also left feeling unfulfilled within myself. I have learned, and am still learning, that it is about honoring the quality of being rather than quantity of doing. With this way I have found so much more joy and space in the day, and what needs to be done gets done with more presence, ease and flow.
So true – honouring the quality of being rather than the quantity of doing; in my experience and rediscovering this bit by bit, when the former gets taken care of, the latter looks after itself.
Hi Carola, I’m also learning the same thing – to be able to do as much as I need to do, but without so much anxiousness and nervous energy which leaves me feeling drained and tired and as you say – quality not quantity!
I loved re-reading this blog Gabriel. How many times have I experienced what you speak about! So many – something comes in left of field to offset a really smooth day that feels to be promised with so much connection and flow. It feels like two things to me – first, a sabotage to stop me being in my full potential and second a hanging on to behaviours to feel better about myself by achieving so much. If I hold off the urge to squeeze in more I feel totally awesome about myself as opposed to if I make the choice to strive to make myself feel better by doing something extra, I feel less.
That’s a great revelation – when you squeeze something in to feel better for having done it, you actually end up feeling less. I was just about to do something that I don’t need to get done until tomorrow lunch time, something I can then be proud of and give myself a pat on the shoulder for; I will definitely give that a miss now and observe how I feel as the evening unfolds, thank you.
Love what you share here Gabriele … I have also found I add things to my day to delay a particular thing … Honouring myself first.
Ah, now that is gold – thank you for the reminder to honour myself first before I go head on into whatever, as long as it is something to do. Ouch!
Big ouch it is. Thanks Gabriele for uncovering this set up with your light and easy writing.
Doing more to delay one particular thing – ‘Honoring mself first’. Pure gold Suzanne Cox!
Thank you Suzanne. A great reminder , how often do I forget to honour myself first, getting pulled into stress and drama that stops me from feeling where I am at my, honouring theses feeling is such a living and supportive way to live. So why do I avoid them so much ?
Thanks Gabriele I can so relate to what you have written my mind sometimes goes into overdrive creating stress that doesn’t need to be created and I am also one who tries to avoid stress like the plague a bit mad really isn’t it?
It is mad – wanting one thing but doing the exact opposite. Just goes to show how ingrained our behaviours are and that there is always more to it than the superficial symptom.
Totally mad! I can’t believe how often I create stress in my life – being late is a killer for me – each day I promise it will be the last time. But it creeps in somewhere the next day. Now after reading this, I am making the true commitment to reducing creating stressful situations in my life.
Well said Gina. I feel to also recommit to reducing creating stressful situations in my life by firstly preparing myself more lovingly and when the energy is there to do the thing that needs to get done I will endeavor to do it there and then.
Gabriele as I read your blog I recognised myself completely in what you have described with regards to being ‘… my own worst stressor by the impositions I have always put on myself in order to achieve ever more and be super efficient.’. I was somewhat surprised but I can see that I have been ignoring that aspect of myself that keeps trying to cram in more and more things in a day. I would have always said that I could say ‘no’ to demands from others but what I can now see is that I don’t often say ‘no’ to myself. Mmmm … time to start working on letting that old behaviour go. Thank you.
Just love this Gabriele! Lately I have been catching myself trying to fit more into my day, especially when I see a possible space, and I have finally realised that this will only lead to me feeling stressed and tired. And have I been “addicted to being stressed” – I’d say yes! Now I enjoy having a few spaces in my day, and I know that everything that needs to be done, will be done, if I make the choice to take the time to look after me first; then everything I do feels so much easier and flows without complications leaving me stress-less.
Yes, I have found this also – when I don’t try to squeeze things in, the day is much more spacious and I feel so much freer and easier in myself.
I do all my travelling by public transport, so being on time is of the essence. I always ensure that I am ready 5 mins. before I am due to leave the house. It is here that ‘I will just do this or that quickly’ kicks in, and then I invariably end up rushing to catch my transport. I will be paying more attention to what is at play here, thanks to your blog, Gabriele.
Less is more, so often when I focus on less I get more done, the moment I go into achieving and packing jobs, everything is stressful and problems arise. I find that things go wrong and I end up needing to redo jobs. I am addicted to both stress and drama (even though I would tell you that I hate both), your blog is a great reminder to pay more attention to this.
Great point – less is more. It actually allows us to focus on the quality we are doing things in rather than hanker after and identify with the quantity of output.
This is a great reminder of how often we try to fit more into our day so that we feel better when we look at our list of ‘achievements’, but have over ridden our body and put ourselves into stress in order to do it. It was beautiful how you honoured what your body was telling you, and that you still got everything done… but without the stress.
So true, it is a great way to live life more fully and with joy.
Yes, I agree – honesty about what we are actually doing to ourselves is the first step and everything else then develops from there.
A part of me says I hate getting into stressed or emotional situations – but like you shared Gabriele there is a part of me that is addicted to it, a part that needs it otherwise why repeat something I say I hate? Being honest about the fact that there is a part of me that actually loves these situations feels more settled than running around pretending that I hate those situations yet do nothing to stop myself going into them. I feel that being honest about WHY I am using these emotions is the next step.
There’s a tendency for me to leave things to the last minute before getting on with it. Stress is a great provider of energy, or so we think. It’s actually a vicious cycle because it exhausts you, then you need it to pep you up to complete the next task, so you leave that till the last minute. Kinda bonkers!
Sure is, it’s insanity but we keep going back for more.
Agreed Jinya.. it’s like we need to feel the ‘pressure’ before we pull our socks up and get on with what we need to do but it lacks all quality. I had a friend say to me that to get through all of her work and study, she strives on anxiety… and said it like it was a good thing as she gets so much done. Very bonkers!
Gabriele, I’m a bit speechless….you’ve described me in an absolute nutshell. Make as big a list as possible and turn the day into a game and see how many things you can cross off by the end and then feel some sort of achievement as you slump into the couch completely and utterly exhausted because of the game you were playing which you realise was only with yourself and what were you trying to prove anyway? Big deal, crossed some stuff off a list that could have been done in a far less anxious state over a few days, with the same result but all done in a much calmer energy that would not completely drain you.
Yes, and are we addicted to the drama and the rush of adrenaline – what is really going on here?
This is an awesome reminder to give ourselves the space and feel the benefits of letting go of the gap filling, ‘potentially tantalising achievements’ on our never ending to do list. It is so easy to forget that when we honour ourselves like you did here, more space is always provided to get things done and not at our expense.
The wonders as they happen – the part of us that doesn’t seem to care much about us being well seems to need a firm hand at times. Lovingly as always but it shouldn’t be running the show.
We are our own worst enemies when it comes to being busy. I have recently been caught out thinking that I needed to work over overtime to have things ready for the next contractor on my house. After working late for a few evenings after work I had it ready but there was a hold up with the contractor. The extra hours were not in vain as they had to be done at some stage but I pushed myself to the extreme and was caught up in the stress/anxiety of it all, I quite simply could have done the extra work when I could fit it in and have the contractor come in then. Two words I am learning to live are trusting and allowing, much easier on the body than control.
Similar to Gabriele, there used to be a part of me that enjoyed running myself ragged, ‘no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite’. As you say Tony, “two words I am learning to live are trusting and allowing, much easier on the body than control”. Have found that ‘trusting’ and ‘allowing’ are the keys to not getting caught up in stress and anxiety and to letting go of the need to push and control.
When I try to control a situation an obstacle quite often gets in the way, if I allow that situation to unfold it nearly always runs smoothly. Do I try to control a situation because it gives me the recognition / satisfaction that I have made it happen?
Gabriele, a familiar story for sure. I used to actually sit down at the end of my day and mentally go over all of the things that I had ‘achieved’ just to get a hit from it. I didn’t ask myself what state I had been in, in order to get those things done. I still catch myself going into hardness to get through tasks but my body is much more vocal about it now and it’s nearly impossible to ignore. If only our society knew that it is the quality of how we do things that governs outcomes much more than the quantity of what we achieve.
I understand what your saying Gabriele, I think Im also addicted to stress and I recognise and take on board the methods you have used to eliminate stress
What a beautiful sharing, as I can relate to all that you share. Getting caught up in doing and cramming so much and wondering why I am unable to create time. It makes so much sense how you have explained it, being addictive to achieving. Wow, this is huge and great for me to ponder on and simplify where possible. Like you I have experienced moments when I have let go, honoured my body, rested, and then time and space has supported me. As I find I am able to give myself enough rest so I can be up early the next day and feel so energised, suddenly I have created more time and space. It is that simple. Honour the body and the body will support in creating time and space.
I get caught with this all the time – this urge to fill up the space with another task rather than basking in the magnificent space that has been afforded by loving choices.
Thank you so much Gabriele! I know that nervous rush that you speak of, it is a bit of an addiction. When that happens I usually get a sudden feeling to stop and say “something has to go” this makes my day a lot easier. It’s letting go of that expectation that busyness is a good thing. But I don’t feel so great when i’m so busy doing stuff and I have no time to stop and feel how i’m going.
haha I love this as that’s the kind of day I would make for myself all the time!! It kept me in a stress for so long that when I was out of stress I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Nowadays I am putting all I need to do in a calendar so it’s clear what I actually have the time for and allowing me to have the space needed for all my activities, it really helps.
Gabriele thank you for sharing this as I too can feel how I have had a pattern of creating my own stress inspired of not being too fond of it. Slowly with developing more self-care and self-love this pattern has changed but when it does slip in I can feel the impact on my body and the flow of my day. You blog is a great reminder to bring an even greater awareness to what I choose to do in each day.
Thank you Gabrielle… what is pernicious is how anxiousness and stress is so hidden in our everyday life, and it does take every-day livingness to really start to let go of it .
I agree, it takes the everyday Livingness and it takes honesty to firstly become aware of anxiousness and stress and then it takes ongoing commitment and awareness to not have that in our body anymore.
True cjames2012, we could be operating with our heads just 1 step ahead of our bodies, and not feeling the tension this causes. It takes a real commitment to be present with what we are doing and to enjoy our lovely selves.
So can relate to what you have shared here Gabriele. We so definitely are our own worst enemy. Sitting here writing this I can feel how still I feel within, yet there is a raciness in my body, a direct result of how I have allowed my body to be driven today, not necessarily to get things achieved, for me tonight it feels more like a direct result of allowing something other that the stillness I feel inside to influence my day. Very revealing, yucky to feel, yet honoring to feel, as this is not how I have been feeling as I go into my evenings for a while. Will definately take more note tomorrow, to feel where this is happening and what the trigger is.
It is astonishing how we can be sitting seemingly still, but inside the raciness goes on. It takes a bit of commitment to start noticing and tracking it rather than consigning it to ‘what is normal’. It definitely is not natural and I agree, it feels awful once we let ourselves feel it.
Amazingly said Gabriele!
Gabrielle, I just love your discoveries in self-love. They are truly pleasure to read.
Great to stop and read this article and not stress about all the things I ‘have to do’. At present I have a painful back and so my body is making it very clear that I have to take it easy and care for myself. I am noticing all the things that I thought ‘had to be done’ can be done in a different way or allow others to help me – and this doesn’t make me a wimp!
Gorgeous blog Gabrielle. I can so relate to how the mind can work in a way they is counter to what you feel in your body. What a great revelation to realise you were addicted to the stress of filling up your day with more things to do instead of allowing time to expand and for life to flow with you.
Great insight, and calling that disrespectful energy “I’ll just do this – I’ll just do that moments” really shows up how easily we can let ourselves get trapped by this dishonesty of doing a few more things in haste and raciness, rather than understanding and accepting what is being called for, the connection back to the body and its clarity and honesty.
I really enjoyed reading this Gabriele – I call them my ‘I’ll just moments’ – I’ll just do this – I’ll just do that. Such an old addictive pattern to quickly fall into – Now I have my aha! moments as soon as I feel the old ways try to kick in – I go into slow down mode and just feel where I am at in my body. The stress to perform is getting much less.
I know this feeling of been “super-woman” having made everything in one day. Not to mention, that things obviously do not need to be done all at once. The reward of having done everything “even beside the other things” thinking it was still loving to do so is truly a trap for me. If I would feel what I do – I would maybe not get the super-woman feeling at the moment of checking the list – but a loving feeling in my body that I hadn’t put it to the tension of doing all at one time. And therefore need a rest. Then my rest can be the fresh start for an even more powerful day.
Yes, I agree – it is very easy to get off on the ‘super woman feeling’ whilst totally ignoring the messages the body is sending out continuously.
Thank you Gabrielle. It is the tenaciousness of the momentum of the patterns of our thoughts that is so devastating isn’t it. There are trains of thoughts that people allow or choose to keep going, all the lives, to the point where they think that these patterns are them. It is again one of the most powerful aspects of what Universal Medicine presents is that it is possible, and very simply, to’ derail’ these powerful momentums so they are no longer running us, and we can feel the rhythm of our true connection
I agree – the momentum of our thought patterns is very strong indeed and the only way to change them at their roots is to live a different way, to do life differently and simply, as presented and inspired by the Way of the Livingness.
how simple Gabriele. I find the moment I make things complicated it causes me to become stressed, packing too much into my day to then marvel at how efficient I am and how much I am doing is a trick of mine also but one that I am increasingly aware of.
Thank you for sharing your story Gabriele – I can relate exactly. For me I could feel how it was from an early age that I defined myself by how much I could do and this was directly associated with how much I could push my body. This came from sport also – the more I could push my body the more recognition I got and the more committed I was seen as. Life as presented through the Ageless Wisdom is about the quality of our expression or ‘livingness’ – and hence our day and rhythm is governed by a connection to our inner-heart and an honoring of our body. This is a much more intelligent way of living and funnily enough a more productive one! Perhaps I will write a blog about that..
Great blog Gabriele and I love how you broke this up. So often we can be our own worst enemy with things. The awareness you bought to ‘what was going on’ for you and then the space that opened up is something I also have experienced. It makes no sense to everything we know, you say ‘no’ to things and do truly what you feel and then you have more time? Universal Medicine has shown me by living by what you are feeling that this is not only possible but a fact. It is an easier and easier thing to do because we always feel things so it’s not something I had to learn but I just needed to bring more awareness to the actual feeling and not play roles, stress out or run around. I love what you have presented to us here Gabriele thank you.
A great reflection and something I too can do to myself. I’m learning to feel more into how I am structuring my day and how certain decisions I make lead to me rushing or stressing or just trying to do too much. Thanks for the reminder to stop and feel what is going on – rather than planning my day from my head.
Wow what an awesome eye opener Garbielle, I create stress by having a huge to do list and feeling like I am always behind and not doing enough. I had not fully realised that this is something I create myself, something I actually need, to keep me from experiencing the fact that life can indeed be easy and joyful and to keep myself hidden in the belief of being inadequate.
I find it can be very sneaky how I can let stress seep into my life, especially when I feel great and ready for anything. There is certainly a need for drama that I have noticed. I enjoyed reading your blog Gabrielle as it reminded me that it is necessary and caring to not pile the pressure on myself but give myself the time to live in accordance to how my body feels.
When I loose my presence and I have a busy working day ahead I start to get stressed because I think of all the things I have to do. When I stay with me I know I can get everything done with a outstanding quality and a lot of joy and it all depends how I start my day.
I can so relate to what you are saying Gabriele! Some times it can feel that we are not working hard enough if we are not stressed -this can be the norm for many work places and I really try to not buy into this. I am working on allowing the day to unfold as it may and accepting that what is presented to me is what is needing to be done. In this unfoldment when the workload looks big and I stay with myself things happen to the workload to make it more manageable- the magic of God!
I do a similar thing, usually in the mornings. Recently I’ve been more aware of when I am making a choice to do something that can either be left until later or is bringing stress and anxiety into my day.
I can completely relate to this, only in ways other than stress. Thank you Gabriele – very enlightening.
Wow, great that you saw the pattern and chose differently Gabriele. It is a great reminder for me as I can fall into this pattern too …
Boy oh boy are your sharing about a topic I can relate to personally. I also hear so many coach clients speak about this as well. Great to realize what I created for myself: business, tension, pressure to get the list done hoping I would feel good about myself also because of being a bit scared of the simplicity that is there if I don’t work ‘hard’ or do a lot of things. Another interesting question is why did (or do) I create this or what did it bring me? It covers up a lack of appreciation and self-worth. Getting a lot done and achieving made me feel good about myself. I have discovered the importance of the way I start my day, the rhythm I do things in makes all the difference. If I start feeling I am important I tend to rush less and don’t put too much in the day.
Awesome blog Gabriele, thank you for your great reflections, I didn’t realise that despite what I say to the contrary (not liking to be stressed) I too like to push myself to the limit and be a super achiever packing too much into one day. On deeper reflection it feels that only then I can appreciate myself and feel my self worth by measuring it by what can achieve – rather then feel my tenderness as a man and my amazingness, by simply being me, then express that in the day, bringing all of the amazing me, to all that I do.
Gosh what a great understanding you came to Gabriele -how stress in our life is actually a choice. I know the feeling, being in flow and than suddenly having the ‘great’ idea of doing even more, which often results in going out of the flow and into tension and stress. So revealing!
I get caught in this one too Gabrielle. I definitely get a buzz out of getting caught up in the busyness of a busy day and then re-playing it by talking about it – not just once but a few times – just to cement it in a little more. I have just had 2 vastly different days at work – one where we were fully staffed, but crazy with emotional ups and downs where I was working (which actually fed the crazy) and then in contrast today, understaffed and a work to be done approach, without pushing, busy but no crazy and super easy.
We can indeed be our worst stressors.
What I have found important is to let go of my old mentality of making plans and lists for everything days in advance.
Accepting that there are days where – according to old standards – a lot will find the space to get done and that there are days where other things or simply resting will be needed, has been difficult at first, but very helpful and supporting. The funny thing the less I plan and judge myself for the amount of work I get done, the more I get done in the same amount of time. Cool. :o)
I have noticed that as well – the easier I am in and with myself and the less I push and cajole, the more space there is and the more I actually get done, and all without effort, strain and the inevitable exhaustion.
What a very relevant post, this is how my life used to be, I can so relate. This is a very old and strong pattern, time to throw it out as you say.
Awesome blog Gabriele. At the beginning when you were explaining what you were doing in your day I was like ‘whoa! All that in one day!’ And then you talked about adding more ! Haha
Yes, it is a crazy merry-go-round, going forever faster and swallowing us up in its momentum whilst we try to keep the upper hand and control the situation. It just doesn’t work, but that needs to be called out, like so much that is considered ‘normal’.
Agreed. Things that are normal that should not be considered normal at all…
“There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day” – I can totally relate to this, Gabrielle. There is a desire to control the process and its outcome, and unwillingness to trust the others’ involvement or contribution. This blog is a great reminder for me that there is an easier way to spend the day. Thank you.
I know when I am truly connected because time and space opens and expands (as you observe), and no matter what’s on the list of things to do, they all seem to get done eventually. Thank-you for your reflection Gabriele.
Jennifer, that is my experience too. It is more and more clear to me as to when I am out, or connected. Everything around me suddenly has more space and time, the list are always endless but I feel so different in my body when I am connected. It is a work in progress to make this connection as my normal rhythm.
Thank you Gabriele, a very poignant read at a time when I know I need to nurture my own time management! I can feel how holding un-realistic expectations at what can be done in a day is like an addiction, a need to have something to feel stressed, pressured, important about. A very wise and lovely friend said yesterday, “its really simple, just respond to what is needed.” Great advice, just got to put that into living practice!
Thankyou Rowena for taking Gabriele’s great blog to a more expanded understanding. I so relate to the squeezing so much in the day is an addiction – of things to be done to feel important – I have been on that wagon for soooo long.Just reading your comment and seeing how I do that too feels like the start of releasing myself from this addiction. I love how Gabriele had plenty of space for her shopping and washing the next day after she gave herself more space for her jobs and a break the day before. When we choose to get off the ‘ to do list’ treadmill, space really does open up for what is needed in the day.
Gorgeous Gabriele. A little bit of insight into myself. I love being efficient and enjoy the “being on a roll”. But a little discerning wouldn’t go astray as to whether my plans are supportive. I often fear I will run out of time and so I have everything planned efficiently. I don’t leave much space for time to expand.
Great example of honouring yourself Gabriele. It’s wonderful to see how it all worked out beautifully when you did as a simple confirmation of what you’d chosen for you. Love it.
Beautiful blog Gabriele, I love how you have observed yourself and how the honesty has helped you say no to yourself and know that it’s enough, no need to pack more into your day. It is so easy to get caught in this one – I know it well.
I so do recognise how I pack my day and have a plan for every minute in it. It is so refreshing to read that after letting go of all the extra stuff that it just happened so easily the other day. I can really see how complex it gets to fully pack your day.
So you know all along what was right to do that Friday, but your mind wanted to complicate it. I too have realised that to honour the day is to honour self. Truly lovely and truly rhythmic when we allow ourselves and the day to work together in harmony.
I had to smile, when I read this blog – so many times!!! Maybe it is a German thing. 😀
Great how you revealed what you actually thought and how you in reality otherwise acted on it. I will remember this next time I feel like a dog with a bone 🙂 Thank you!
Great insight Gabriele – what we say is not always what we mean. I loved how you exposed your addiction in a way to being super efficient which led to stress even though you had convinced yourself that being stressed was not something you wanted in your life.
Knowing that we create our own stress is sometimes hard to accept but the truth is we do, and like you Gabriele I used to get off on the fact that I could pack so much into my day. I did it the other day, I knew I was tired from a few really busy days but I pushed myself to get the things done that I had set for that day and the consequence is that I am still feeling it now. Knowing to work within my rhythm of the day and not squeeze extra things however small they may seem at the time makes the difference between feeling stressed or not.
Oh Dear!
Fantastic read, I kept thinking “this is me too!” You are so right too about when you let the push or urgency to fit more in go- time expands and there is more space.
I can recognise myself in your blog Gabriele. I still catch myself trying to cram more into a day, particularly the days when I’m not at work and I have to juggle not only my own ‘to do’s’ but those of my son. Thank you for giving me a moment of reflection to appreciate that my wellbeing is more important that achieving as many tasks as I can.
I loved reading your blog – I know this is an old pattern of mine I can play out at times, trying to fit too much into the day and the stress and anxiety I feel from this drive. Thanks Gabriele for the gentle reminder to stay present – and the power felt from making a different choice.
Mmm…yes, I know this very well Gabriele. I am a master of filling the day, gaps and all. I love your revelation that you were your greatest stressor – when I fall back into this old pattern, which I do from time to time, I will remember your wise words:)) So interesting and revealing and true, how our choices really do affect how we feel.
A great blog Gabrielle and one I can very much relate to. This ‘doing’ and need to be busy to feel our worth is a hard nut to crack. But as you beautifully illustrate when we surrender to how our body and feel, events and time just flow and we realise that the washing can always wait until tomorrow.
If you could you would see me smile right now, as I also have the tendency to do all-things-possible-as-efficient-as possible-in-as-less-time-as-needed-yes-I-am-an-achiever!…. but uuh, give me a break – I now have ‘deserved’ so much – but cannot enjoy it as I feel worn out! It is ridiculous. So the choice now is quality over quantity, take the dog at the leash, presence and no rush, checking in, not checking out – and enjoying myself in whatever I do. It is work in progress.
I am really familiar with this addiction to stress you describe, and running myself ragged. Some days my body aches with all the over pushing and piling on of more jobs into any tiny gap throughout the day. It is exhausting, and never satisfying. The biggest challenge I have is in allowing myself to stop and rest, this to me is linked in with having a strong sense of self worth or not, because whenever I question if I am worth the time and the space to stop and rest, the answer is always a big yes – and the more I say it, the more normal it feels to choose it. So, I have come to approach this area of my life as practise, no perfection in sight, just a continual development.
It is crazy how we try to squeeze everything in our day. When I go to my work I create space in my morning to not get stressed but I always find something that needs to be done just before I have to leave the house with as a result I have to rush and get stressed. Gabrielle thanks for your inspiration to feel into the patterns of ‘enjoying’ stress.
Gabriele, I see myself in this, trying to find satisfaction in ticking the lists, finding more things to add… Thank you for sharing your realisations.
Gabriele, I see myself in this, trying to find satisfaction in ticking the lists, finding more things to add… Thank you for sharing your realisations.
Wow, gracefully exposing of the ways in which I live my life too. Though in my case it is not always the cramming in of extra ‘to dos,’ but the ‘leaving to another day’ that compounds and adds a stress to my life, by not honouring that now is the time that is provided to complete ‘xyz’ and that delaying this opportunity will guarantee an increased level of stress down the line.
It’s awesome to read a blog on a subject that I’m in the midst of being honest about – by way of experiencing everything that Gabrielle has mentioned, having an awareness of it, but yet to admit that this same tendency to pack my day, is more than just a tendency. Thank you; it’s inspired me to put myself first and renounce this pattern.
Gabriele, your post has helped me enormously! I am the unrelenting efficient organiser and boy do I pay with my body. Until recently I didn’t realize just how much I set myself up to fail or to become exhausted and I did it in very simple ways. I am a full time mother and student. Because I do not get paid to do either of these tasks I was down grading the importance of all of these tasks. I would never allow enough time to tidy the house, do the washing, fold the clothes or work on an assignment. I would just expect myself to do all these rather time consuming tasks on top of shop for the family, run the kids to whatever, see the accountant, help an elderly parent, pick up something, post something, return five phone calls, answer endless mail ….etc…etc…etc… But I’m onto myself now, I know what I do. I am starting to let go of the ‘must do everything now’ attitude. I am giving myself time to do the washing actually acknowledging that the washing takes a great deal of time and allowing myself to enjoy the process and not rush through with frustration. Thanks for a great post.
Thank you Gabriele. My day today went exactly as you described. Everything was running along smoothly, then I thought I’d squeeze in a grocery shop. Then the rest of my plans for the day were coming towards me faster than I could cope with and the agitation in my body felt awful. Great eye opener.
I love it Gabriele. You have shared with us something so simple and yet profound. If we get truly honest we can become aware of our old patterns. When we stop and re-connect …we then have the opportunity to make more self-loving choices.
Thanks for ‘chucking the bone’ Gabriele, you have inspired me to ‘chuck a few bones’ also. 🙂
Gabriele – what you have described is a mirror to my own story. I really related to your words describing yourself as a super organiser and achiever and often being tempted to squeeze more and more into your day. Your words are a wonderful reminder to pause, listen to my body, call out what is happening mentally and then direct my focus back to more self – loving choices. Thank you!
The need to pack things in is so strong, the constant business is praised by all around us, but the cost to us is so huge! Much better to live as you have described here Gabriele, so much less exhausting!
It’s pretty amazing to see that when we actually give ourselves a break we have more time, who would have thought!
A clear example of how taking a moment to check in and be wiling to feel the truth about where you are at and, if it takes more than a moment then it is worth it. I sometimes feel challenged by having a quiet time where there is nothing I need to ‘do’ and nowhere I need to ‘be’ and notice that I can become quite agitated by this. It has challenged me to be honest with myself and to ask ‘What is going on?’ What is it about being busy/distracted that I seek in my day?. Thanks Gabriele for the reminder that there is always a beautiful ‘tomorrow’ waiting.
Gabriele, perfect for me to read this blog today. When you say you’re addicted to being on a roll, I know what you mean. I often live it and I know I can really identify as being that efficient tough cookie who can handle things. There’s a part of me that wants still to be that tough cookie and doesn’t always want to admit that I need more time, I need rest, or maybe just to leave some space in there. So fabulous reminder for me reading this that it’s about feeling what is needed, and allowing for another day, another time. Thank you.
It’s really true this addiction to doing it all and jamming in as much as possible. I see it in myself as well, where I put achievement above my own well being, and above what feels sensible or right to me.
Gabriele I can really relate to saying that I don’t want to be stressed, yet trying to get far more done than I realistically can or indeed need to do. The result as I found out recently is a horrible feeling in my body. So it’s great to see how even though I may say one thing the reality can be different. The days when I allow time and don’t try to do more than is needed I find I am far more productive and feel much more with me at the end of the day.
I absolutely relate to your experience of creating more stress by adding more “to do’s” into your day Gabriele. I still have difficulty with allowing quiet moments in my day, which my body loves.
I’ve just realised after reading this Bernadette, that I don’t allow many quiet moments in the day. The days are busy and I love them and I love what I do. I can build some quiet time in there to have a moment for myself where I can be and learn to love what I am as well as what I do.
Oh dear the thing I most complain about – feeling stressed or overwhelmed – might be exactly what I am creating! I am going to watch my week roll out very carefully after reading this blog.
Wow Gabriele, that could have been me writing that blog! It was so spot on as to what I find myself doing. I can really relate to the part of trying to say “no”. I find this really hard and often find myself saying things like, ” If I do the washing now I will feel much better later”, just to trick myself to fit it in! The more I practise letting things go, the more I see the illusion I’m under.
I can totally relate to this, it’s like I’m always looking for any spaces in my day and working out what I can fit in, all as a way to keep me busy. Sort of makes sense as to why I often feel like I don’t have enough spaciousness – because I’m the one filling it up!
Wow! Isn’t it amazing when we catch out that part of us that has no care for our wellbeing whatsoever. It just wants to push it and experiment with how far it can push it ( and then relish in the downfall). I have also had trouble saying ‘No’ to these feelings at times too but when I do listen and allow space (for there to be no stress) everything does fall into place. Maybe we just need to accept it really can be that easy?
Great blog Gabriele. The awareness of travelling together with time is pretty awesome as you have shared, time is always with us. It is only when we go ahead of or lag behind time that we feel either super rushed or are always late. Keeping up with time, time keeps up with us.
Thank you Gabriele for this wonderful blog.
I know these moments so well, where my mind kicks in to tell that more is to be done.
If I listen to this in the end often less then what was planned is completed, yet I am exhausted and often slipping into beating me up for not being efficient or focused enough. If in contrast to this I only do what is needed, there suddenly is plenty of time opening up and the day will be harmonious and light.
Dear Gabriele – this is such a light presentation of ‘the way it is’! The ‘dog and the bone’-picture is fantastic and so true, this will stick to my mind and hopefully come up whenever there are bones lying around in my day!
Love it Gabriele. Thank you for sharing. Your account reminds me of the way I used to be when my children were very young… being super organised, so intent on ticking the boxes to get everything done and that sense of achievement I would get from this ‘push’… feels quite forceful now when I reflect upon it. A forceful way of going about activities that actually made my body harden up. Amazing how time opens up and things just fall into place so easily, and at the right time when you listen and honour yourself amongst what there is to do. Such a resourceful and vital way to live.
This was my life too Gabriele and I thought very highly of myself in it lol! but my body was exhausted and out of it’s own gorgeous rhythm – there’s such a drive and stress in pushing oneself, learning to listen and trust my body assures a gentler way through my day.
Great sharing. I recognise this trying to make me more efficient. Try to squeeze things in. Lately I have given myself more space to focus on what I really need to do, be with what is in front of me and leave out all the ‘squeezy things in the gaps’. Interestingly enough I just happen to ‘do’ things on the way-or not. It’s just a totally different experience.
I love reading this post – it sums up the fight we have with ourselves to not accept that what we have is enough. For me – fitting things in is for 2 reasons: either to fill the role of doing that we have been confirmed to think defines our worth, or because if I keep myself up tight and busy – the that’s the only issue I have to deal with. Fascinating.
Great points you add here hvmorden, “to fill the role of doing that we have been confirmed to think defines our worth, or because if I keep myself up tight and busy – the that’s the only issue I have to deal with.” So so true.
Hands Up! Got me on this one Gabriele – I always like to add another task into the mix, I do get off on it – it never pans out the way it could, and now I can own that the stress is the way I choose to recognise how I am achieving – if I am not under pressure something must be wrong or I’m not doing ‘it’ right.
I agree – getting stressed is a great way to be a little numb and to be a little (or a lot) up – just like coffee and sugar.
Ouch, that one hurts! I hadn’t quite realised that I use stress to numb myself. As soon as I read that Christoph it cut straight to the truth.
This is very true Christoph. I have felt this and have indulged in achieving a lot, creating stress to keep me on the move and at a fast pace. To have the heart pumping just a little bit. It has been a pattern to keep myself near the edge and if I’m not near the edge then something must be wrong.
Thank you Gabriele, I do too sometimes have these moments where I want to just quickly do this or that but it does not belong into my rhythm at that time and brings me off kilter.
A wonderful reminder that time expands when you honour how you are feeling in your body and not what your mind says you ‘need’ to get done that day.
“I am one of these people who will readily say that I hate feeling stressed.” I could have written that sentence, Gabriele. I have both said it and thought it many times over and over again. But does that mean that I am never stressed? Nope. It’s time for me to re-adjust and re-imprint my daily rhythms. For me it’s about giving myself more time for ME. Sometimes I tend to wait until the last minute. In the morning, for example, I often don’t “have time” to be really gentle and connect to myself, I just do the things I have to get done. Thank you for the inspiration to not be super efficient – and to spend more time connecting with me in the things that I do.
Thank you Gabriele for exposing a part of me that I never new existed. I just thought I could get heaps done in a day because I was good at squeezing everything in – not realizing that it’s stress that fuels my drive.
The picture of a dog with a bone is hilarious and so well described Gabriele – thank you for this great account. It made me honor the fact that I too have come from a similar place, to now find it all naturally falls into place as long as I am not ahead of myself, but stay present in and with whatever it is that I am doing.
Interesting article Gabrielle thank you. I realised just recently I had gone into not wanting to stop but my body told me clearly to stop, it was interesting to look into what was behind this .
Gabriele yes is so true isn’t it – that we do or squeeze in more in order to feel efficient and achieving but yet all this is the very thing that leads to inefficiency as communicated by our depleted or exhausted body. Nailed!
I can relate to what you have shared here Gabriele. In my work days there are often gaps and I can easily go into what you have described here of seeing what else I can pack into the day. When I do this, I feel the stress and the chores feel like chores. Your blog is a beautiful reminder of trusting in what is felt is needed in any given moment and to go with that and seeing how it unfolds.
This is a great blog Gabriele and one I can relate to in my old life. I was most definitely addicted to stress and cramming more and more into my day and creating more stress. It didn’t work and left me with a tension and anxiety at the end of the day and that meant crap sleep and waking up wanting to get going to keep those stress levels up.
I love what you say at the end that “time expanded” and I know this for me that when I plan my day to make sure I am first and foremost being looked after, I get more done and if things feel too busy, I will generally stop, pause and feel what is it that can wait.
Love it. Really honest and observant of yourself and what what going on, and I really loved the fact that you listened and acted with what felt right for you instead of overriding it. I feel by doing this, it then created the space for you, beautifully so, to get your washing and shopping done. Really inspiring.
The most perfect blog for me to read today – thank you Gabriele. I crammed far to much into my day and am now exhausted. It is empowering to take responsibility for the stress I create in my life as I can now make changes and choices to support myself.
Thanks Gabriele
I also have felt the desire to overload myself driven by a desire to over achieve and set unrealistic goals.
It exposes for me how I can stay stuck in self destructive cycles unless I choose to recognise my choices and claim myself creating supportive rhythms that reflect the essence of who I am rather then being pushed forward by a feeling of lack and a need to achieve to cover it up.
I really enjoyed rereading your blog. It reminds me that not only does a part of me “get off on being a super achiever and being super organised” but it fills a need for being recognised for it! I also feel that it is connected to a lack of self-worth. A constant feeling to “do more” to compensate for “not being enough,” or a feeling to “prove oneself”.
This is a great one to observe Rachel.
This is great to read Gabriele, I love the simplicity and honesty of your article and I can really relate to this, ‘And then it hit me: there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite. There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day.’ I will ponder on this, thank you.
I love this humorous reminder from Gabriele about the extent to which we can so stubbornly stand in the way of the ease and flow we so desire. Its as if we think that we can FORCE and PUSH that ease to happen, crazy.
This exposé on stress is great for me to read. At times I use stress as a driver, as I leave tasks until the last minute and most often, will find I add on extras?…thank you Gabriele for a simple, yet profound article
I can relate to what has been shared here. What I have realised is, it is when I have these gaps I try to ‘fit in’ more, as it can suit the part of me that doesn’t feel enough in what is already planned or happening, thus exposing a lack of appreciation and value of what I bring, as I stop there being the space to appreciate, value and enjoy. This blog is a great reminder to value and appreciate the space and not feel I have to be in control of every moment.Thank you Gabriele.
I have been a ‘last minute’ kind of person for much of my life. This has been because in order for me to have the energy to do something I needed to feel the nervous energy of getting it done in time. Thus forgoing any kind of stillness and not enjoying the day. Since learning of the Way of the Livingness through Universal Medicine, I allow more time to complete things and am more aware of the need to fill my day with unnecessary activities for the sake of staying busy. Stillness is really the key to creating more time, space, energy and enjoying my day.
Reading this article has been very revealing for me Gabrielle.
I can feel how I still tend to want to pack my days in with “achievements” and tend to take things on at the end of my workday so as to feel good enough about myself and what I accomplished that day. The problem is that I then get home too late, end up eating later than what is supportive, and don’t have the time or space to properly wind down and go to bed early. So in the end, how could those extra tasks I did really be of value if I was messing up my normal routine and bodies’ natural rhythm? I agree too that when we allow ourselves more space in the day between jobs, and trust the flow of things, stuff gets done without stress or a sense of burden.
A great point you make here Marika and something for us all, as Women we can be known as the multi-taskers and yet in truth we are not naturally so. Have we fallen for this title as it has made us look great on the outside but in truth – do not feel great on the inside? and do we truly enjoy this way?
So a great stop is here presented for us to check in on how this is now taking shape in our lives and whether we are truly honouring ourselves in every moment.
Gabriele, until recently I would have considered that I did not like stress, what’s interesting and in reading this, is I find that within feeling stressed I question have I done enough? It’s certainly making me reconsider how I’ve been addicted to stress.
I loved reading this again, thanks Gabriele. I really feel inspired by the continuing expansiveness we can bring to ‘time’ and our day.
Amazing Gabriele
Stress is simply a way to distract yourself from enjoying you, and from there we can easily fall for all the misleading angles this gives.
I have considered myself a person who likes to plan and I often have congratulated myself on seeing the bigger picture and in work managed tasks without stress and in good time. However, some times when there is a task that I need to do for myself and my own well being, I can leave it and ignore it for as long a possible. This choice has caused stress and my trying to squeeze too much into my day. Your blog got me reflecting on what we consider our strong qualities and what kind of self sabotage can hide behind them. It feels important to consider every moment as equally as the next without loading them with whether we are good or bad at something. Your blog was a great reminder to feel into how things need to occur and to live in the moment.
Gabrielle it is amazing isn’t it, how we like to fool ourselves! I too am a packer-in’er of things, but like you I have started to allow for more space and it feels great, just stopping going to the shop to get xyz, I will ask is this really necessary now? I guess it’s all just a way to avoid feeling where we are at, keep busy and carry on! And it may be a way to avoid feeling how awesome we are! Key is to keep allowing the awareness and space to listen!
I can relate to what you write here Gabriele, but sometimes find it hard to accept that I create the extra work. For example “I’ll just do this, or that before I leave for work” and then feel rushed on my drive to work.
Thank you Gabrielle, I so much relate with setting myself goals for my day and fitting in more activities only to find myself stressed and not enjoying doing the activities.
I recognise those Fridays too, Gabrielle, the day ahead is all there laid out for me, and I look for other things to squeeze in, so that I can be organised and there will be less to do the next day, it is like the more I do the more complete my day will be, a satisfaction that I had done more than was planned. Yet I have not looked at the quality with which I have completed them and have I really enjoyed what I was doing as I move from task to task. There is so much we can learn from just stopping and listening to our bodies and what is truly needed and not what our minds would like us to rush around doing.
I’m learning to trust that I know how much I can truly fit in a day, or certain time or space – rather than try and push extra in. Pushing in extra often actually slows me down because of the impact it has.
Great illustration Gabrielle, of what happens when we let the mind take over,
instead of listening to our bodies. Why is it that our minds just seem to want to
over-complicate everything?
Thanks Gabrielle, Wonderful exposure of the drive that can bring on much of the stress we experience in our day. I can relate to what you have written, I seem to be forever trying to squeeze just one more task in and exceedingly I am finding that I am rushed and almost late for everything. Reading your article is a great nudge that this behaviour requires re-assessing.
This is such a lovely reminder, Gabriele. I create stress in my life not because I am a high achiever but by achieving a lot, I believe I will get recognition and acknowledgement. When this happens everything generally gets rushed, I make mistakes, the outcome is compromised and I get the opposite of what I am desiring. However, when I come from what feels right, what needs to be done, everything flows and as you say, “time expands… it feels great and I feel great.”
This is a very familiar story for me and like you, I am learning to honour what I feel and I too find that time expands and everything flows when I feel the true course of action.
I lived in motion for years and thrived on stress, so much so that I would create stress where there was none just in case. Now, I love the fact that I can make space in my day to ensure stress does not exist in my day from my making in the way it used to. This allows me to deal with the outside world in a way someone once said ‘to be a fish and not get wet’.
A very clear message, thanks for sharing.
A simple lighthearted yet profound blog. I can so relate to what has been exposed here, with regards to squeezing a little something else into an already busy day. I had not seen this behavour as an addiction to being stressed, so thank you Gabriele for bringng this to my awareness.
Thanks Gabriele, I know this one so well…being addicted to stress…. “just doing this before I go”, or “oh if i am going there I could do this too” or whatever and actually I can even feel myself going into my head but I over-ride this observation and still want to go with this “time-saving” activity, and then the true flow of my day is lost.
I have opted for the stimulation, the adrenalin rush and I feel exhausted when the day is over.
I have a choice to either procrastinate so I can get a false sense of being in control of “time” or make copious lists to tick off during the day or just wake up to the fact that I do know how to allow for expansiveness in my day by being honest about what truly needs to be done and enjoying myself in the process.
Thank you Gabriele, I can also relate to what you have written about. I often find myself trying to squeeze in one more task just before I am due to leave work at the end of the day. This is a good one to ponder on and ask “am I addicted to stress”?
The temptation to ‘just do that one extra task’ over and over again into an already packed day or when I feel to just drop everything has been a choice I have been all too familiar with also. A choice to complicate my life rather than putting focus in making it simple. If I run myself ragged and become stressed it gives me an excuse to blame ‘not having enough time’ or ‘life’s too busy’ instead of empowering myself and saying ‘I can choose to keep things simple’ and start to be active in applying choices that support that simplicity.
You have, it seems, struck a chord with so many of us Gabriele, myself included. I too have always tried to fit a lot into my day, to (with hindsight) feel good about myself. However, I also have noticed a tendency to procrastinate. I have been wondering how these two tendencies, which on the surface seem so different, are in fact related? I have discovered that both behaviours boil down to the ‘need’ for the adrenalin rush: If I procrastinate, I have to do everything at the last minute, which requires adrenalin to get things done; if I try to fit too much into my day it also requires adrenalin to get it all done. So, yes I too have been addicted to stress. Peeling back another layer, why then do I ‘need’ this rush of adrenalin/stress in my days? The answer I have recently discovered is because it makes me feel better about myself. Peeling back another layer, why do I ‘need’ to feel better about myself? Because I have not felt enough; I have not felt my amazingness. All this changed at the recent Vietnam retreat where, in the last session (in partners), we had to tell each other why we were amazing. Wow, what an experience; many tears; many false starts (pulled up by my partner); some holding back at first – until the end, when I truly felt my own amazingness and how amazing my partner was – just as she was. This was indeed ‘making love’ – with each other, and with ourselves. And since my return? So far – no procrastination, and no trying to fit too much into my day. Maybe, like you Gabriele, I have finally ‘chucked the bone’. This has been helped, I feel, by my experience in the traffic in Vietnam and Cambodia: what great lessons for we westerners in ‘going with the flow’ and really being connected to others (aware of them at all times). A situation where so many are ‘squeezed in’ (9 million people in Ho Chi Minh, for example, and 5 million motor bikes, as well as pedestrians, cyclos, tuk tuks, cars and buses) which could so obviously be stressful – and yet a perfect example of staying present, staying connected, and being therefore able to go with the flow of life. As you discovered so beautifully on Saturday, Gabriele. Thank you.
Anne thank you for reminding me of the feeling when crossing roads in Vietnam, claiming each footstep, walking slowly and deliberately, knowing that all of the road users see each other and honouring their presence as we ‘flow’ around one another.
I really related to this blog Gabrielle. In the past I used coffee to get things done – now that I have stopped using coffee and sugar I have found that I use stress and adrenalin to get me through at times. I definitely relate to wanting to do more than feels right and packing more things into a day when I am ‘on a roll’ but by the end of a day where I have pushed myself too hard it feels terrible… Thank you for sharing this with us. 🙂
Loved it Gabriele! Thank you for sharing.
I love this Gabriele, I love how it exposes the sneaky voice that ‘thinks’ it knows better on how to run our days. Oh ‘the thinks’, don’t they just lead us on a convoluted path?! They should be a recognised cause of malady…’the thinks’, as in truth, they are. Ariana.
This is great Gabriele, not just because of your honesty but for what you have help me identify within myself.
What a great insight to come to about yourself, Gabriele. As I was reading, I realised that I put pressure on myself for what I don’t get around to completing in my work. I have been letting myself dance to the expectations that come with the job and not stopping to see if they are realistic. I’ve been being hard on myself and, as a result, haven’t been enjoying enough of those great days we can all have when everything flows and falls into place so beautifully.
Thanks Gabriele for your clarity. Sometimes (often), it’s so much harder for us to do less than it is to do more!
Dear Gabriele, thank you for sharing your awareness on stressing. I really enjoyed reading it and I can feel that tendency in myself. It’s so freeing to just let go of that bone.
I too have been feeling like I have a dog with a bone, I let my mind just hold onto and create drama. It has been such a strong pull, but today I felt how choosing to be loving and being me brings everyone to an equally loving place.
Thanks Gabriele! I do this a lot and I was aware a little bit and I have been trying to leave one or two things for later… but your post just exposed a whole lot more for me!!! And NOW it hits me: there is a part of me that enjoys running myself ragged, no matter how strongly I might verbally state the opposite. There is a part of me that gets off on being a super achiever and being super organised, a part of me that gets off on doing more than is necessary in any one day. OH YEAH!!!
Thank you for taking the time to write this down and share it.
I love the simplicity of realising a long held pattern playing itself out… and you chose another way. Thank you Gabriele.
I also love the feeling of achieving lots in a day – sometimes I see my self worth in how much I can achieve in a day, and this generally happens when I do leave enough room in my day to feel the yumminess of me in my day…
Thank you for the reminder Gabriele.
Me too – I love the feeling of getting everything done and often put my body and how I feel on the line to do this. This was a great blog to read Gabriele thank you, it’s great to ponder on the fact that what is right to do is always self honouring and never with disregard to our bodies and health.
So simple! Thank you Gabrielle. I am aware also of this self sabotaging behaviour of needing to get things done being my own undoing! It’s great to see it can be let go of so easily.
Agreed Gabriele and Shevon – soo simply put. It’s like I try to cram as much as possible into a certain space, it means if anything happens, which you have to allow for things to come up, it becomes a rush. Whenever I am looking at the clock thinking I need to get this done, say when I’m on the computer – it crashes, something won’t load or do what I need it to do etc.. my body tightens up and I go hard. Yet when I give myself the space it all flows, and I have just the right time and often naturally do extra things without thinking about it.
What a wonderful blog, Gabriele. I too have been addicted to achieving monumental things and stressing myself out over it, despite spouting the opposite. I am currently learning, as you have also said, that I must go even deeper with this whole thing, and despite the excuses I think up, know it is my choice to run myself ragged or not. There is nothing ‘out there’ that can dominate one’s choice or be blamed for any stressed action. So great to read your blog today!