295 thoughts on “Overcoming my Horse Addiction”

1. Thank you for your lovely blog, Rosie. Reading it this morning has been such a confirmation for me.

   And yes, I have experienced similar in my relationship with my dogs over the years. Burying my denial in their warm fur.

   But of course, this emotional crutch is not just related to animals, but our fellow human beings.

   How often have we tagged along with someone because by “being with” them, we felt better about ourselves? In fact, this neediness is tantamount to abuse, because we’re using them for our own ends, something about which they are totally unaware.

   Possibly hard to square with an animal because we can justify what we’re doing by caring for them, giving them the best we can afford…

   Maybe one day we will allow horses to return to being horses, roaming moors and mountains, like the fell ponies in The Lake District, or on Dartmoor.

   I was fortunate with my dog in that I learned to let him return to being a a dog, which released us both – and I had no allergies, so was not compromising my health and wellbeing.

   Now I have three pet sheep and I am free to love them as sheep and take care of them as sheep, but they are not extensions of me. Yes, I enjoy being around them and watching their characters develop, but they are what they are. Sheep.

2. “The level of self-awareness and self love that I now live came to me from the courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine”, is spot on. Many people who attend his courses or workshops develop this, I know it was the case for me too. No amount of searching and spending money did it, till I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

   It has now come to a point where the self-awareness and self love is embedded and becoming refined further, and this has never occurred in my previous experiences with other modalities I attended.

   I too share the appreciation, for my life is much more different to how it used to be. We just need to give the opportunity for the time, space and all for it to unfold, which some people are not prepared to do so. There’s living proof when we do, you just need to be willing to see it…

3. I am getting to realise from some of the comments on this thread about how corrupt the whole horse and riding industry really is – the lack of true respect and care for any animal or human is awful to feel but a reality we need to allow ourselves to see and acknowledge as it reflects back to us the low level that we have allowed our relationships to get to.

   1. Henrietta, it saddens the level of corruption that exist in not just the horse and riding industry but in many thousands of industries, including the health care industry. It is appalling that as human beings we allow this and then we either ra ra it when some defies it or annihilate when someone exposes it. Go figure…

4. I also love the simplicity with which you share and write about your experiences Rosie. There are so many facets of our lives that we have experienced and when we have learned from them and know never to go back to that way of being and living, then we can share these as freely as you have and it comes with a lived learning that has the power to benefit all.

5. Wow Rosie, this is amazing to read about – I had no idea that the horse world was so involved but I can totally understand how you fell for it and how it became your addiction as I had a similar thing with sports especially tennis. It seems we seek something to focus on so as not to have to deal with real life and what our body is communicating with us!

6. You say Rosie
   “Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists. For me, I have realised that in many ways my horse addiction was more detrimental to my wellbeing than actually taking drugs, because it was so hidden.”
   Many people are addicted to self bashing negative thoughts they would never consider this an addiction because we have an idea that addictions are something like alcohol or drugs. But we have many addictions that are as you say so well hidden. Is it possible that is because we bring them in from our previous life and so therefore have no recollection of them.

7. This is true for so many people, they have been able to let go of their addictions, and build a love of self thanks to Serge Benhayon, ‘The level of self-awareness and self love that I now live came to me from the courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and it’s with so much appreciation that I am here today feeling amazing and no longer dependent on a horse or any other addiction to make me feel good.’

8. A member of my family was also addicted to horses for all of their life; Horses were everything to that person. Looking back I can see it was a substitution for a lack of love, care and understanding. We all seem to have addictions that support us to cope with a life that we know doesn’t feel right but we are not sure how to make the changes so that we feel at one with ourselves. Many of us do not even realise we have these addictive distractions that are a vain attempt to quell the discontentment that runs just beneath the surface.

9. I love your sharing Rosie, the honesty, awareness, and transparency. We can learn so much from another when they share in such a way.

10. There are so many horsing around jokes, but that is just another addiction hungry spirit who is so divisive that it will hang onto anything. And in doing so we can be distracted from our Truth, which is a True way of living that is shared by our inner-most, esoteric or Soul all one and the same, which feels amazing as we are now feeling the Love rather than the insidious addictive behaviours that distract us from being Soul-full. So eat drink and live to be full of joy and connected to our Soul with our feet planted squarely on the ground and make horsing around a play-full experience that we share with the respect and decency we all deserve.

11. “I have found that the thing that I loved about the horses was that it allowed me to be in a rhythm that was close to nature” – this really exposes that addiction is not about substance or activity, and it would allow us to see it for what it is if we can be very honest and pinpoint what we are actually getting out of it and why we need that.

12. “… what mattered was I was noticed” It is quite extraordinary it is the amount of abuse we will accept in order to be seen and recognised – the greater the lack of self-love, self-worth, fear of rejection the greater the abuse we allow.

13. It is interesting how easy it can be to let go of any addiction once we become aware of the strain it puts on our body and truly don’t want to have that anymore. I let go of horse riding too and I have not missed it since.

14. That’s true Elizabeth, it is our loving self care that leads the way and begins to highlight what is not part of love.

15. I also had my first riding lesson at age 9, it wasn’t uncommon for the women around me involved at the horse school to be quite tough physically and rough and abusive with the horses. I found too there was an attitude that if I came off just the horse to get yourself back on and no vulnerability or feeling about the accident, it breed a bit of toughness in us kids and also a daredevil attitude. Much of what you have written I can also relate to keeping pets in general, that emotional comfort and lack of space, time and cash for oneself. I found a lot of my focus was on my animals as I had no idea how to care for me or love me, so my love went into others and animals. I still have pets but I’m not so dependant on them as I’m supporting myself now with my own love and care and they actually thrive when I thrive. Thanks Rosie for your blog as it’s highlighted a lot for me to still be aware of around this, and also much to appreciate in the changes I have made with the support of Universal Medicine.

16. There are many ways we chose to distract ourselves and your example is beautiful because we can replace the word horses with another word, for example, dogs, cars, computer games, cupcakes, surfing cycling, drinking and most of us will understand that we all do this in one way or another…..great to expose our habits and yes our addictions. Once we let go of one, we begin to understand how we can let go of them all.

    1. Love is so absent in this world as a go-to. We have so many hobbies, interests, etc, as per your list, to keep us distracted from the eternal unsettlement we feel, something that can only be quelled by returning to our innate essence of love. The fact the world is so set up for distractions and addictions says a lot about how far (and for how long) we have stepped away from love.

17. From one ex-horse-addict to another 🙂 I was talking to a girl yesterday about who has horses and it reminded me how everything, literally everything, in my life revolved around horses, from my time, to my thoughts, to my plans, to my future plans, to fitting my boyfriend around riding my horse, to even my desktop background picture and my toys as a child, and also how easily this life long obsession began to fall away when I started to rediscover who I was and what life was about.

    1. Awesome Meg – sounds like letting go of addictions is a means to rediscover life and relationship with self.

18. We are beings that constantly strive to return to the same place. Yet, this plane of life offers us a wide selection of places to return to as often as we can. When the chosen place interferes, or stands against, our divine journey, we are witnessing an addiction. The addiction is not just what we choose to interfere with our divine return, but also the fact of the alignment of pranic energy to block it as well. Said differently, we are first addicted to pranic energy and, second, to whatever suits us to play the game of return.

19. Wow Rosie this is some turn around. Addictions are always there most perilous when we choose to not be aware of the fact that we are addicted.

    1. Yeh it’s the addictions that we use everyday that become normal, like social media, or horses, or animals, or self doubt, or whatever – that can totally control our lives until we wake up to the possibility of a different way of living.

20. The sheer honesty and awareness in your sharing Rosie is amazing and I can feel will be super supportive for many who have horse addictions or any other animal addictions. Thankyou for sharing.

21. I rode horses for a time when I was younger, I had quite a few horses bolt on me so it became pretty clear to me that horses were to be admired and appreciated from afar, as they were animals that craved to be free and wild.

    1. I used to be scared of horses and wanted to overcome this and though I never really liked horses or wanted to be around them, I asked one of my friends to help me overcome my fear by riding a horse. She was super understanding and supported me with a few goes on the horse and as soon as I reached my goal to not be afraid to get on a horse and ride then I knew I would not get on another horse again. And I have not looked back since – funny how I did not remember this until after I read this blog by Rosie and also these comments like yours Anna!

22. A successful, driven career or plunging oneself into one aspect of life at the expense of all others is an addiction, This word needs to be redefined and expanded beyond drugs, alcohol and gambling.

23. We can turn anything into an addiction when we do not deal with our hurts.

    1. The world is full of addictions, so what does that tell us about people?

24. Self-care, self-love = the true antidote to addictions and abusive behaviour.

25. The more we embrace and deepen the love for ourselves any ‘need or ‘addiction’ simply falls away.

26. I agree – we often do not realise the addiction we have. Many of us talk about our ‘passions’ about something that we cannot get enough of and identify ourselves with, and not daring to see why the attachment, and we often use the word ‘love’ to describe that kind of relationship. Your honesty here is so refreshing and inspiring, Rosie.

    1. So true Fumiyo that we equate love and passion with our addictions – what a paradox. And yes, Rosie’s honesty is both refreshing and inspiring.

    2. I had a passion for yoga and would go daily sometimes twice a day. But truth be told, I was using yoga as a means of escape and not dealing with my stuff – so life did not get better and I did not find the inner peace I thought yoga would provide – because I was avoiding and resisting taking responsibility for my choices – a biggie being my lack of commitment to life!

27. Among other things, an addiction is simply our favorite way to reduce life to something insignificant.

28. When you care for another be that a person or animal at the expense of your own health and well-being your care cannot but be compromised for it comes from an emptiness that is devoid of a quality that honours you first.

29. It does not matter whether our addiction is perceived as a “nice” addiction, like looking after horses or a “bad” addiction like gaming the fact is that it is all addiction and comes from the same ill energy source. Addiction of any kind leaves us imprisoned.

    1. Yes the nice and bad versions of life, stop us from connecting with what is true and not true, which is a completely different way accessing whether something is supportive or not.

    2. So True Elizabeth we need a stable life! One with a Loving rhythm where horsing around is part of the Joy we live every day.

30. It is quite amazing what we can be addicted to; even more amazing and a true turning point is the realisation that it is an addition and start being honest about what we get out of it. Once this becomes clear, the process of letting go is rather simple.

    1. Yes, once we have awareness and understanding the rest is easy.

    2. That is key, to be aware we have an addiction, and what it is giving us, ‘the realisation that it is an addiction and start being honest about what we get out of it.’

31. Addictions that we don’t realise are addictions are very addictive. When we let go of the need we offer ourselves the space to discover and be who we truly are.

    1. Talk about space! How about all the time I wasted in my addiction. Once we let go of something that consumes us so much, there is so much more space and time in our lives that we didn’t even realise we were filling in the first place.

32. Absolute sense, and they are so beautiful to look at.

33. It’s amazing how much abuse we will tolerate just to feel ourselves close to the rhythm of nature. The crazy thing is that we don’t need a reason eg. getting up to look after horses, to do this. We just need to connect to our bodies and let them guide us for when left to lead the way, the rhythm they restore themselves to is the one of nature, of the universe.

34. Our abusive behaviours and patterns drop when we care for ourselves. A timely read for myself today. Thank you Rosie.

    1. The more that we fill ourselves up with love and care, the less space is available for abuse and dishonouring.

35. We can never control addiction we can only move in a way that doesn’t allow the addiction to own our movements.

    1. Its true, for when we are addicted, we don’t seem to have control… and you can find yourself stuffing your face in the fridge, wondering how you got there when you knew you didn’t want to be there.

36. ‘Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists’. As so goes the path of illusion we have all fallen for. A path that conveniently blinds us from truth and seeing the grandness of who we are.

37. All addictions have something in common, they all serve the same purpose of filling out the void within ourselves from not living the truth of who we truly are.

    1. I guess that is why it is so easy to go from one addiction to another…to fill the void.

38. It is very easy for pets to become a source of our love, they are infinitely understanding and don’t argue with us! But the love we seek is far grander, and we are capable of much more.

    1. True, we are capable of so much more so why keep it limited to and exclusive for our pets!

39. Knowing you now, post-horse addiction, I would say that you are totally clear of it. Reading this blog, I had no idea this was how you previously lived. This is a great example of how we can clear fully addictions. They are not simply behaviours we need to get under control, we can actually be totally free of them with no residue remaining.

    1. Thanks Nikki, it is true, there is nothing horsey about me anymore yet I used to eat, sleep and drink horse.. well not quite, but you know what I mean.. I even smelt like one! hahaha…

       1. On a more serious note though, I have realised that I have had a few addictions in my time….. and looking back, it is more like it was in another lifetime because they have nothing on me now… I don’t long for them, miss them or even relate to them anymore.

40. I grew up on a farm where we used horses for farm work and the relationship with the horse is a loving working relationship and we also did pony tracking on the beach. I learned that horses enjoy working as a horse ,ploughing , pulling carts,etc Horses do not like to be ridden it un-nerves them and humiliates them. These spirited animals are not designed to carry humans on their back, I expect the same to be true of elephants .

    1. Thats an interesting way to look at it John, and I was thinking that when working, they had a purpose and yet being ridden there really is no purpose other than entertainment maybe. I totally see from an anatomical point of view how they are not meant to be ridden and it seems cruel to push them to do this, and yes, no wonder they are so nervy. I would be too if you put a bit in my mouth and sat bouncing around on my lower back.

41. ‘In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round.’ Beautiful how you have now put yourself first, giving yourself permission to love yourself for just being you.

42. It is great to hear how you are bringing all that love to yourself now Rosie, and I’m sure there is more since you have written this blog, instead of seeking it outside of yourself.

    1. I wrote this blog so long ago, and yes there is always more ways of loving myself and others. Always more to unfold.

43. It’s interesting to note if we are addicted to something it is most likely it will be harmful in relation to where we actually should be i.e. we maybe addicted to the same routine of eating vegetables each week that are considered to be healthy but it may not support our body at that point. So an addiction is just a comfortable point or way of being to not move on.

44. Horses were a big part of my life, but it wasn’t just the horses it was the nostalgia, the connection to an old way of living, a farmilartity that I felt and wanted to relive, which I did for years. Whilst horses and the life style I lived held aspects that I loved, I also felt an emptiness that nothing could seem to fill. Until I realised I felt empty because I missed myself.

    1. It is very freeing when we realise it is not the horse, the sport, the man or this or that but ourselves that we really miss as then we don’t actually need anyone to fill our cup, for it is ours alone to fill.

45. What a great sharing Rosie, and revealing how we can be addicted to so many different things when there is a need in us. Over the years I have seen one addiction stop only to be replaced with another, and so on, and it is only by looking at the underlying need and healing that that I have been able to start truly letting the addictions go.

46. Thank you for sharing your experience Rosie. I too was obsessed with horses and thought they were the only thing in the world I could vent too. And only recently I realised how allergic I was to horses. I would have sores all over my legs and face through all the years I was riding and yet I never wanted to associate it with horses. As soon as I stopped and let go of horses, my skin totally cleared up.

    1. It is amazing what we turn a blind eye to or what we allow when we don’t want to feel or see the bigger picture!

47. This is a great sharing to broaden our understanding of all the addictive ways we have adopted. As you state in the end addictions are making us feel good, however only temporarily in a form of relief because we need to keep doing them as they do not allow for building a loving foundation with ourselves. So turning towards ourselves and learning to take deep care of ourselves and deal with the hurts and sadness we hold will let us see the addictions we hold.

48. It’s just come to me that one of my addictions used to be reading. An erudite and noble pastime many might think, but I know I used to read to escape and not feel how miserable I was. Now that I have a life I enjoy, I no longer want to escape so the reasons I choose to read are now very different.

49. I am not that knowledgeable about horses but I do know they are very large and take a lot of money and work to look after. I can imagine the vets bills for them can run very high. Thank you for being so honest about your horse addiction and how you came to unpick what was really going on for you. I can see how there are many addictions that probably go unnoticed because they come under the category of a hobby or a passion. I am thinking of food, dining out, drinking or exercise to name a few.

50. Many of us would claim our love of something and from your sharing, Rosie, I can feel how unhealthy it is for anyone to go far to say and mean ‘can’t live without it’ – which we actually hear quite often. You have also clearly exposed the misuse of the word ‘love’ in this sense. We are enough already and it is not true that we cannot live without something because we ‘love’ it so much.

51. People are used to talking about alcohol, drugs, gambling or work as addictions, but the fact is there are many things that can seem benign that affect us the same way. In fact you could say these are worse as they tend to fly under the radar. Today reading your words Rosie, what I am seeing in my life is that I have been seriously addicted to issues and drama. Like riding a horse who keeps throwing me down to the ground, leaving me wounded and sore – I moan but repetitively keep coming back for more. We are our own worst enemies this way. We are horrified by the threat of terrorists in our world today but sometimes it feels to me that it is us who causes ourselves the greatest harm.

    1. Yes Joseph, we are the ones who cause ourselves the most harm, and looking outside of ourselves at the terrorists for example is just a distraction. Yes we have to be aware of what is going on in the world, but we also need to be aware of what we are doing to ourselves on a daily basis and stop to question it rather than be stuck in the never ending merry go round and then think that it is someone else’s fault, or just is, or c’est la vie!

52. I very much appreciate the honesty here in your sharing about your relationship with horses Rosie. It’s worth us all looking at any areas of our lives where we may (1) be driven, a bit obsessive even… and (2) constantly over-ride the loud-speaker signals our bodies are giving us. To have continually lived with your allergy and yet persisted really says a lot…
    How readily we will neglect our health and well-being, in pursuit of something that gives us everything we are desiring, but perhaps not the actual love we’ve been looking for…

53. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes, what you are really saying here Rosie is that it doesn’t matter what the addiction, it is in choosing ourselves that is the key ingredient here.

    1. Yes! and the more I unravel one addiction, I seem to find another more hidden one.

54. Its interesting to ponder on the things that we supposedly love doing that impact on our health or even puts our health or lives as risk. It’s not so much about the activity itself, for it could be anything, but the fact that we choose it initially anyway and it’s more often than not about needing something outside of ourselves to make us feel apart of something.

55. There are many addictions, it is only that we have labeled some of them as addiction and see them as unhealthy while others we don’t call addiction but things that do us good. But as you show here, an addiction is an addiction and is simply a means for us cope with (or rather avoid life). You give a very practical example of how to allow for an honest look at where we are at with everything we do in life which then enables us to make different choices.

56. Recognising our addictions and or patterns of behaviour that do not serve our bodies natural flow, marks a major turning point in uncovering the truth of what really makes us tick. Love and deep care is the answer and one that is a series of building blocks that we deepen and appreciate over time and what you have shared here Rosie is so deeply inspiring. Thank you.

    1. Cracking those patterns of behaviour and letting go of what we are used to can be challenging yet so freeing at the same time.

57. When it comes to horses, just say ‘neigh’.

    1. ha ha, very funny!

58. I wanted a horse when I was young. I lived on a farm and persistently day in day out asked for one but I never got one. On reflection I can feel how I wanted a horse to escape life, to be in nature and on my own.

59. I love how you realised that horses gave you an excuse to get up early and to be out in nature. Two things that we really don’t need horses for and can appreciate and make a part of our lives without excuse or justification.

    1. Best part of the day and yes no excuse or justification needed.

60. It is incredible how much we are willing to harm our bodies to have something that comforts us and gives us recognition – a place in life to fit into.

    1. It is quite shocking all the different things and behaviours we will go into to fit in!

61. Your story is extraordinary Rosie for even though many people put themselves through great harm for their addictions, few actually come to the awareness you have and choose to let go of it through embracing a level of care previously ignored…. and in doing so learn to enjoy themselves without seemingly needing something else to make them feel good.

    1. Thank you Samantha, its is great to celebrate letting go of addictions and becoming aware of all the small other ones we have picked up along the way.

62. Only recently I have had contact with horses and they are for sure big imposing but also beautiful animals. But I have also worked with many people who have ridden horses and make them their life and they seem to all have physical ailments and be in some level of pain in their bodies, shoulder pain, neck tension, back ache to name a few. The toll of riding horses is one that many wish to ignore, but the fact is it does seem to be quite hard on the body to look after and ride these animals.

63. “Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists.” Absolutely spot on Rosie. There is no shortage of examples but food and beverages are a good starting point.

    1. Good point, food really is an addiction as why else do we over eat, and stuff ourselves to the point of being bloated and physically uncomfortable. I often do this, eat and eat and eat and then wonder why I did it again. Similar to drinking alcohol, feeling terrible the morning after and yet doing it again and again. Now I have managed to give up the alcohol and many others, but food… now that is another story and I have thought to myself lately, do I seriously want to keep doing this to myself until I get a digestive disorder as a STOP or should I just make some changes now.

64. Wow I had never considered it was even possible to be addicted to something like horses and yet, of course we can, it is an addiction like any other. A bandaid that fills a gaping hole and need in our lives. What struck me also was how self abusive you got to feed your addiction – ignoring your symptoms, spending all your money to the detriment of both you and your daughter. The pattern is so classic. Thank you for expanding my awareness of addiction in all its colours.

    1. Thanks Lucy, it would be interesting to see what other types of addictions people have as I am sure there are many that we are unaware of as was the case with my horse addiction.

65. Great blog Rosie. I have noticed, with any addiction be it with horses, other pets, or even gambling, etc. we often use addictions to avoid feeling what is truly going on for us. It is very inspiring how you realised this and more, and chose to let go of your addiction for horses to reconnect with yourself, to care and nurture you first. It takes honesty, awareness, self-love and willingness to be able to let go of addictions and you have shown us that this is definitely possible by making different, more loving choices.

66. We have very clear ideas of what things can be addictive like drugs, alcohol, gambling etc. however from my experience, we can be addicted to using pretty well anything… nice, drama, sniff out an issue anywhere, relationship issues, and we rarely flutter an eyelid. Like you Rosie, it’s looking at how what we are choosing is affecting our bodies, lives, relationships and everything we do and start to be honest with what we need to give to ourselves that is true.

    1. Ahhhh Aimee, you just made me realise how I just may have a little addiction to complication. It is as if as soon as things in my life are going smoothly, I seem to find something else that makes things complicated. Will have to ponder on this!

67. We can pour what we think is love into something and all the while pretending it is something it is not. The wake up can be harsh and so it is much easier to keep pretending. Great that you were able to wake up to the reality of your addiction and move on.

68. That’s a side that I have not heard before Rosie. Like so many things we do, only in hindsight do we see how destructive they are. It’s awesome to now be learning to see these thing before we sign a contract with them.

    1. Interesting how you have used the word contract Kim, because with so many of these things we do, there really is a hidden contract that at times can really hard to break.

69. I have observed women with horses and it is a very very tough job to tend to them as they are such big and heavy animals. The way horse riders relate to each other, their language and their bodies are very hard, it is like many sports not at all nurturing a woman in her femininity and fragility and therefor interesting that so many young girls are hooked into this, which says a lot about our society and the way we treat and support young girls.

    1. I was chatting to an old friend who used to have horses when I did and it was a cold rainy evening and we were both loving the fact that we didn’t have to go out in the bad weather to carry feed buckets and bails of hay. Like many things, when you are in it, you get numb to it and don’t realise and it is not until it is not a part of your every day that you can see it all clearly.

       1. It is great that you were able to stop, feel and allow yourself to see your addiction with such clarity and love. It inspires us to also be honesty, reflect and ponder on our choices too, and also perhaps asks ourselves are all our choices truly loving and supportive?

       2. I like that too Rosie. I have been horse riding in the past as well and enjoyed doing the tough jobs and that I had to go out in the rain to do the work, or at least I thought I was enjoying that at the time! It makes me only now realised how it was never a loving thing to do but that it gave me a place to fit into society: being a horse lover.

       3. I can also now remember that I would get recognition from doing the tough or dirty jobs. I thought I was strong and championed the fact that I was not a “barbie doll” and could do anything…. all at the cost of my body!!!

70. Thanks for sharing the depth of your horse addiction with such truth , honesty and love .Its interesting to read as so many young girls go horse mad and bury themselves in horses , and fall in love with horses and to hear how and why it played out for you makes so much sense .A great lesson in human psychology .

71. As you mention we often are unaware that we are addicted to something, because it seems ‘normal’ to us – and to society. “In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round.” Beautiful.

72. I had no choice but to have horse lessons when young and the first impression was that the horse cursed being there as much as I did. The horses were controlled, of course for safety reasons with young children around and I felt its resentment. It’s quirky ways of taking control whenever it had any opportunity meant that I distrusted the animal I was sitting on. It was not at all difficult when my time was up, to walk away. I never felt it was the horses fault, but man’s relationship to them.

    1. This is so lovely to read Simon, and very true. Made me think back to all the horses that I worked with who had to carry big tourists on beach rides every day in the hot sun in the Caribbean. There sure was a lot of resentment there and they behaved but only to a certain level. The ones who had a relationship with their owners and were respected rather than used was a whole other story.

73. It’s incredible what we will put up with in order to satisfy an addiction. I love this realisation Rosie,”I have found that the thing that I loved about the horses was that it allowed me to be in a rhythm that was close to nature. I would get up early for the horses, and I loved to be outside and I still do, and now I can do that without having to harm my body or treat it in a way that no longer feels okay to me.” This shows me that when we choose to look after our selves first and live in a way that honours our natural rhythms and cycles, all addictions drop away as there is no longer any need to be fulfilled which is the very reason for the addiction in the first place.

74. You could say that life as we know it is based on addictions. We often simply replace a more harmful addiction with a lesser harmful one and keep this ‘bettering’ going until we understand that there is indeed another way. A way that allows us to move in the space between the addictive nature of this life. A way to move in love.

75. Addictions and ways of numbing ourselves come in many guises. Serge Benhayon presents and lives a way of living that respects and honours the joy of who we truly are.

76. Thank you Rosie for this honest blog. Your words help me to understand more about a horse addiction as a friend of me loves horses and is a owner of two horses. I am quite sure she would disclaim that she is addicted but I will give it a go and I will recommend your amazing blog.

    1. It took me a long time to get to this, and each and everyone of us have our different reasons for our different addictions. If you had asked me a few years prior I would have thought you were crazy!

77. It’s always great to return to this blog and reconfirm I have completely healed my horse addiction – I can’t imagine ever going back to a life where the whole of myself and my life revolves around horses and their care, rather than the amazing people in my life, including myself!

    1. Yes, me too and I don’t miss it at all.. in fact, I can’t believe it was this life that I was so obsessed and addicted to these beautiful 4 legged creatures!…

78. Wow Rosie, you really worked hard and dedicated against yourself, through horses. Filling a big void inside of you. This would have been a huge realization, to acknowledge and let go of. Give to yourself the love and connection that the horses never could. Congratulations on your transformation. The level of honesty and of self love and care to facilitate a truthful way of life with yourself and with others, especially your daughter, is inspiring. Thank you.

79. Thanks Rosie for unraveling so clearly how we can get caught up in an addiction without being aware of it. There are so many things in life we seemingly like to do and put our bodies through because we think they are good for us as they let us forget for a while the things we do not feel to deal with and give us relief from the stresses of our life. But this is only a form of medication we choose that does not truly heal us but keeps us dependent/addicted to this life style.

80. I love the honesty with which you share this Rosie – just saying it like it was / is but without judgement or beating yourself up. There’s a lot to be said for being honest about where we’re at and our choices, and having the grace and humility to see these as a platform from which to be able to make a different choice, and to inspire others to do the same.

    1. Thanks Angela, what I have found is that we don’t actually go anywhere by beating ourselves up and in fact it is a way of holding ourselves back and in the situation rather than letting go and moving on.
       I have no shame, I am just learning and love sharing so that others can be inspired.

81. Hi Rosie, what struck me as I was reading your blog was how we all have worked out a strategy when we were children which became an ‘addiction’ over time. Often these addictions are in the form of things which, on the surface, seem perfectly respectable and in fact are admired – which ironically is exactly why they became an ‘addiction’ in the first place!!! It takes a lot of honesty to admit to ourselves that the thing/s we have come to treasure about ourselves is in fact deeply abusive but once we can start to make small steps, the momentum builds and the changes keep happening.

82. Fascinating to read how many huge signals you were getting but that you were overriding (pardon the pun). It evidences just how much you wanted the recognition, the being needed, the feeling of being strong and tough and how much that drove your self-disregard. We can all do this when the perceived reward is held as so vital to us. The fact that your pattern with your abusive but pretty horse was also playing out in your relationships is a reminder that we are presented with the same lesson in different guises until the penny drops and we begin to choose differently.

    1. It is interesting isn’t it Cathy, how our lessons keep coming back to us in different guises again and again until we get it.

83. This is beautiful to read, and feel the loving choices you made. It is incredible to see how we sometimes choose abuse and a false sense of love over the true love we feel inside. Even when our bodies are giving clear signs, it is amazing to be aware and make choices from this awareness.

84. I can relate to the horse thing Rosie, I dabbled with it myself and was thrown off, bitten and kicked but always got back up dusted off and got back on to save face and prove I wasn’t scared. Eventually I put my back out which wasn’t helpful being self employed and so I decided to stop. It is so great how plainly you can see now how unloving to self it is and I bet you don’t miss having to take the antihistamines and all thats involved with the allergy.

    1. You are right kevmchardy, I don’t miss it one single bit! It is hard to imagine, because I never thought I would be able to live without horses and now I would never want to live with them. It just shows how strong ideals and beliefs that we hold onto for dear life, can be changed and there is no regret or longing from my part. Hoooorrray!

85. Thank you for your honesty Rosie in nominating your horse addiction which I can really relate to. When my last pony was sold it was suggested he would be more suitable for a boy because he was so headstrong and I put myself in lots of scary situations telling myself that it was boring to ride horses that plodded along! I can now feel what a distraction it was from feeling what was going on around me and the lack of love that I was living with. As an adult I never had the money to own a horse but can feel how easily I could have become hooked again and it is only through Universal Medicine that I have started to look at the ways I have overridden(!) the many messages my body was giving me about how I abused it to avoid looking at the emptiness I felt inside.

    1. Oh yes Helen, the abusive scary situations that we put ourselves into not even realising at the time that they are self abusive because of our lack of care and awareness. I so appreciate the awareness that I have had all along but only started to allow myself to feel in the past 7 years. I say the awareness that I had all along because on some level, my body was say NO but I overrode because I was numb to its many ways of communicating to me.

86. It’s interesting the many and varied guises abuse comes in and just what we’re prepared to accept until something occurs to shock us out of the situation which enables us to stand back and observe what we’re actually doing to ourselves, to then be able to ask ourselves why.

87. It is amazing Rosie, the amount of abuse we will put our bodies through in a desire to gain recognition, so great to see it for what it was and choose to overcome this addiction , and come back to loving your self, knowing you are enough, that it is not in the doing but in the being, first and foremost.

    1. Thanks Jill, I am now starting to see my addiction to parenting and how I allow abuse in this area of my life because of all my ideals and beliefs around what a good parent should look like. Another blog perhaps one day…

       1. Yes please Rosie that is an important subject I feel many parents would appreciate being exposed.

88. Rosie I remember having riding lessons when I was younger, and falling off too! It is remarkable what we put our body through, to not being seen as lesser than others or for recognition. When in truth honouring ourself would be the very thing we should be doing.

89. I too used horses to make me feel good. At a time when there was very little warmth or love in my life I gained comfort from looking after a horse. The care and tenderness I could not spare for myself I gave the horses. I learnt to be tough with myself, to go beyond the fear, to keep going in spite of the pains from falls. It gave me recognition, a false sense of pride, a cover up for my lack of self-worth. Without the teaching of Universal Medicine I would still be reminiscing with fondness about those far away years.

    1. It is so abusive isn’t it Patricia. It is so great to be able to see it clearly for what it is now and not be caught in the illusion that it was for me.

90. Coming to your blog today Rosie reminded me that I always wanted a horse; wanted one with such a passion but just had to be content with seeing one in a paddock every now and then and just keep on dreaming. Now having read your story I can see very clearly why I felt like this and I am very glad that this dream didn’t come true!

    1. Interesting isn’t Ingrid as I am sure there are many who like you had the passion and wanted a horse so badly. I know the feeling as I had it for so so long until I turned 30 and changed it all. Now I look back on it all and think what a learning and I don’t miss the horse world at all.

91. I love your honesty Rosie. Food would have to be the thing that trips me up the most and me being hard on myself. Where and if addiction is a part of this I will have to feel into. By listening to my body and honoring what I feel and not continually beating myself up I am learning to deepen my love for myself and I am able to connect with my self more all the time and appreciate my true self.

    1. I recently attended a “Eating Disorders” group Margaret and went with the idea that I don’t have an eating disorder but I do have close friends who do, so I wanted to gain a better understanding of how I could support them. As the group were sharing I had this aha moment and realised that so many of us actually do have eating disorders, but we have never actually owned that. So I got honest and realised that the way I think about food so often, the way I want it to be a certain way and try to control it, the way I over eat and know exactly what I am doing but do it anyway…. these are all actually eating disorders. Sure they are not severe like Anorexia or Bulimia but they are still as disorder none the less. I actually wrote a blog about it and will publish it soon. There is nothing to be ashamed of, just incredible when I look around and realise that most people have an eating disorder to some degree, it is just a topic and subject that no one is talking about.

       1. Thank you Rosie my eating is defiantly dis-ordered I can certainly relate to what you are saying “ realised that the way I think about food so often, the way I want it to be a certain way and try to control it, the way I over eat and know exactly what I am doing but do it anyway…. these are all actually eating disorders.” The way I think about food is skewed in reality food is about fuel for the body and ideally I would feel into what my body need every time I go to eat not listen to what taste my mouth wants and is addicted to. As for bulimia I have tried to stick my figures down my throat at odd times like when I ate a whole block of chocolate years ago but that really didn’t do it for me not eating at all wasn’t an option either I just couldn’t do that either. I haven’t ever been good with self-control and personal boundaries when it comes to food. I remember when one of my daughters was about 4 she said to me “my tummy is full but my mouth wants to keep eating.” I could really relate to her comment. I am discovering now through self-love and learning to reconnect to my body and listen to what my body needs not what my mouth wants I am nowhere near as numb and disconnected. I’m looking forward to reading your blog about eating disorders.

       2. Thank you for sharing Margaret, I am absolutely positive that so many of us share this same addictive behaviour when it comes to food. It doesn’t matter if it is a full blown addiction or just a moderate or binge one, it is still an addictive behaviour after all.

92. It feels to me that there is a strong consciousness behind riding and working with horses. Just as there is with many of our leisure pursuits, such as going to the gym or playing music which can become something which begins to shape our lifestyles and indeed us away from who we naturally are.

    1. I think you are spot on here Michael, for each of us we may choose a different style, be it music, horses or sport but really they all distract us from who we are and we get identified with who we are not.

    2. I agree Michael. I used to fantasize about the feeling of freedom of jumping on a horse and riding ‘fast as the wind’. In fact I’ve only ever ridden a horse a couple of times in my life and was terrified of their power & size. So the horse = freedom idea was not from experience but some sort of collective imagination. Rosie’s article shows how much financial resource and physical work is involved if one truly to wants to live the dream of horses. All the time I was really just wanting to live more of me and stop holding back – it was just a symbol and conveniently elusive enough that the imaginings replaced actually being myself – an addiction to the impossible, a giving up-ness one might say.

       1. That’s really interesting as for a short time I used to dream about horses fairly often but have only ridden once and have no personal background or close links to horses or anything equestrian. The symbology offered through animals and in dreaming is truly amazing.

       2. That is really interesting Anne, the symbolism is so different from the real deal and how tricky our imagination can be.

93. Rosie I loved reading your experience with horses, and how you became addicted to having them in your life. We all have or have had our addictions of one kind or another, mine was sport I played in lots of teams, and I know that I did it for the recognition, and for me personally it was a good way to be with people, without actually having to be open with anyone. It suited me at the time very well, and I now realise how much I missed out on, by not being me.

94. I can relate to some of the reasons you were attracted to horses. I took up riding lessons late in life as a way of escaping sadness and connecting with nature. I think there was also something in there about having power and mastery over something that couldn’t shout back. I noticed people who were obsessive about horses, to the exclusion of their own needs and who had hardened themselves beyond their true fragility in order to cope with the often strenuous physical demands of tending to horses. I’d never appreciated this could have been addiction so your blog stands as a great awareness-raiser.

    1. Thanks Cathy, mastery and control over horses gives me the image of the person with a whip in their hand trying to make the horse do what they want it to. Could it be that because we can’t control other areas in our life, we enjoy being around horses because we can or at least try to control them?

95. I was infatuated by horses for an early age and like you Rosie eventually persuaded my parents to let me have riding lessons at the age of 9/10…..that was it, I was hooked it was my dream come true. Horses was my escape from home and in later life people. Riding and owning horses is time consuming expensive and they become the centre of attention to the exclusion of everyone including myself. If I had a fall and I had many, my injury was pushed aside ….the horse came first. All my money went on the horses, yet they spent their lives having one injury after another. I could go on but the bottom line is that horses are a form of escape, for me they seemed easier to be with than people. I still like horses they are beautiful creatures and when in their own environment are very gentle giants but they are no longer part of my life and the amazing thing is, since attending Universal Medicine courses I truly enjoy people and work in a supermarket where I am with people all day long and I love it.

96. Rosie this blog is a revealing one for us all, do I have and addiction that is hidden? I have realised mine is being needed by family, at times to my detriment, even though I love them all so very much. I so admire what you have done in your life and following through with what you know you needed to do to take care of yourself and nurture you and your daughter before horses.

97. Sometimes we don’t consider there are addictions besides the obvious ones. Thank-you Rosie for bringing this to the fore. This is an opportunity for me to honestly consider if I have an addiction which I have chosen to ignore.

98. I have by experience felt that the environment with horses and people around them abusive and self abusive. I too started riding when I was 6 and my whole family was addicted as well as our friends. I only did it for 3 years maybe and let go of it eventually. If I did it occasionally after, I felt my body in pain, I could not walk any longer without pain for three days!

99. Thank you Rosie. I so wanted to ride horses as a teenager and didn’t and then I started riding about 10 years ago and did so for about 6 months. Despite aching and hurting in my body the pull to carry on was every strong, fortunately though we moved away and then I started attending Universal Medicine events and it is now I look back and remember after moving location and being surrounded by friends who had horses that there was nothing in me that was interested anymore. Thank you for the inspiration to consider whether there may be other addictions lurking..

100. The realisation you made about doing things out of recognition and for attention is pretty powerfull and it will no doubt help others who read your blog, thanks Rosie

101. ‘Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists’. We get so caught up in the whirlwind and insatiable need of an addiction that you literally cannot stop, catch your breath and evaluate if what you are doing is actually healthy and supporting your daily life or not. Great blog Rosie.

     1. I agree Suse, and can see how we can get so caught up in a whirlwind and in the need for identification that we don’t stop and evaluate either. Which makes me once again see how important it is that we stop more often and check in with ourselves and feel what we are doing instead of going about life on automatic pilot, doing the sames things over and over but still getting the same result. For the me thought that comes to mind is the over eating, and doing it again and again and again. I used to be identified with the fact that I could eat a lot!

102. Thank you Rosie for sharing your amazing journey and for turning your life around. What stays with me was how your total obsession with horses, took you over, to your own detriment, left you trapped in an abusive cycle and that was not recognised as an addiction by yourself or those around you. What you share teaches us that addictive behaviour is not confined to alcohol, drink, food and drugs.

103. As a very little girl I adored horses, which was regarded as very odd by my family. For them, horses were things that hung around in paddocks, ate grass and made good rose fertiliser. My room was decorated with plastic horses of every shape and size. I read books about horses, drew pictures of horses and at age 7 made a “horse” out of my father’s saw-horse, and a broom with a collection of old belts for the riding tackle. I played on it for hours, with my imagination taking me to the heart of the English countryside, jumping over hedgerows.
     Yep. Addicted.
     I begged to go riding the whole time…..p-l-e-a-s-e mum, can I have horse riding lessons. So finally mum and dad relented and the horse riding lessons became a part of my life. The enchantment ended straight away. Horses were huge and scary, and bit you, and on top of that I was the most timid rider ever. Horses can read their rider like a book, so you end up in serious trouble if you are the slightest bit hesitant. The streaming eyes, pouring nose and asthma sealed the deal.
     So that addiction withered away, although I still loved my fantasy horses.
     It was of course replaced with other addictions – just as absorbingly distracting. Dancing, and in later years martial arts filled the space that had once been occupied by horses. Repeated injuries left me unfettered because the need for those activities filled something in me that ached when I sat still.
     Such is the nature of these addictions – they never fill the real need that aches to be recognised and healed.

     1. Dr Rachel Mascord BDS, that is so true, from giving up one addiction, it is so easy to fill that need with another distraction.

104. Brilliant sharing Rosie and one that rang many bells for me. Yes I was addicted too. Big time. It was the realisation that after numerous injuries – of which sometimes I would just get up and carry on as if nothing had happened, with 3 young children and a part time job it brought home that I had responsibilities. It took another 20 years before I came across the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. Horses took up most of my day (and sometimes night) if they were still a part of my life that space for me to fill it with self love would still not perhaps be here with me now. No such thing as coincidence! Thank you Rosie I feel a return to read this blog again soon. So many gentle reminders, ‘appreciation’ being one of them.

105. Your addicition to horses Rosie feels no different than any other addiction. It was something you relied on to prop you up and keep you separated from yourself so that you didn’t have to be honest about what was really going on. I have experienced this with an addiction to being ‘busy’. Filling up every minute of every day to make sure I don’t give myself a chance to simply be with me. It’s like we spend all our time trying so hard not to feel the sadness we may have, which is I believe, the root of the addiction in the first place, that we just keep pushing further and further down, and yet we never ever actually get far enough away from it. What I have learnt is that dealing with some of these hurts actually is the key to feeling the freedom we are seeking from our addictions. The addictions somehow are never really able to provide us with what we need, and hence the reason we create a habit out of it – constantly hoping that one day the pain will subside. Gosh we are stubborn.

     1. Yes, I know how stubborn I have been! What you share is something I relate to. I have often used busy and at times still do. Its just another distraction and another way of not connecting to me. I too am now seeing how important it is to look at each and every hurt, even the tiny “insignificant” ones as these are really what we are trying to distract ourselves from, and once we are aware of them and work through them and accept them, there is no longer a need to be distracted from them.

106. Well I’ve met people who are horse mad but hadn’t connected that as an addiction, but I am now seeing that anything we do to fill an empty space, to occupy ourselves, to be recognised as belonging falls into that category. And it all seems so normal, but normal does not mean it’s true, just that it is common behaviour.

107. Rosie – how did I miss this blog?? Horses were a major major obsession for me for almost my whole life. As you have described, owning horses is a 24 hour job, your whole life revolves around looking after them, and I watched many people, including me, sacrifice their own well-being for them. My horse was more important to me then anything, but never gave me what I was truly looking for. What you have said resonates for me in so many ways, I loved the attention it brought me, the thrill of scaring myself competing and the distraction from life. My body too told me it no longer liked riding – I was ill as a teenager and when I went back to riding I found my body could no longer cope with how rough it was, I would feel weak and SO sore after. I don’t miss it either, looking back that was not a normal way to live, and the love I desperately sought in horses, I found is actually not in my relationship with a horse, but with people.

     1. Obsession is a good way to describe the horse addiction. I have also noticed how much closer to people I am now that I gave up the horses!

        1. Connecting with people rather than horses is certainly a much richer and more fulfilling way to live.

108. This pointed out to me all the stuff we do to be recognised.. And what we are willing to not listen to and ignore from our bodies so to keep going. It’s great to note that pretty much anything we use can be an addiction, things that we love and do all the time that aren’t necessarily seen as unhealthy, but can be because of the way we use it and how we are with it.

109. Pingback: The Addiction Nobody Discusses « The Truth about Serge Benhayon

110. It feels amazingly liberating to accept the truth of what we have strongly identified ourselves with and finally let them go.

     1. It sure does! No more invisible balls and chains around my ankles.

111. wow Rosie what a great blog – riveting reading and so full of lessons and observations. Fascinating to see how clearly your body was giving you messages throughout your horse ordeal including the allergies, hardness and kicking out your teeth and still you overrode those messages. Interesting because our bodies speak so clearly and lovingly to us, and yet we all constantly override them in one way or another whether aware or not. How much more simple life would be if we cleaned up our act and listened to our bodies. I say clean up our act because the messages can get a bit dulled when we intentionally poison our bodies (such as with food, drink and emotions) so as to not hear what they are saying – that’s when we need an actual kick in the face or a metaphorical one!

     1. Yes, I did need a bit of a kick in the face or a wake up call….even though I had many…. so glad that I finally did see through the horse addiction and many others that I was not aware of. So grateful for all the support from Universal Medicine.

112. Thank you Rosie, this has me wondering whether I have any hidden addictions and what being addicted to something or someone really means. Time to take a deeper and more honest look.

     1. Sometimes I think I am addicted to commenting on these blogs, I almost can’t imagine life without it!!!

        1. 🙂 Me neither Meg but this addiction helps us evolve I am sure.

        2. Haha – sure learning to express and talk more about what we know is true, when so much of what we see is untrue has got to be good for us.

        3. I can’t see any harm in it expressing and joining the conversation on the blogs, actually I would say its a healthy thing to do as I have learnt so much from writing and reading the comments and had many “Aha” moments. It is amazing what we can all learn from each other when we share openly and honestly.

113. Who would have thought that riding and being involved with horses could be an addiction, yet it makes a lot of sense when you look at it and have it explained so clearly in such detail. I actually work with a number of people who all ride horses and they all carry, aches, pains and ailments. So perhaps riding and caring for horses, particularly when it means we put ourselves second, isn’t that good for us. Its great to see more of what is going on and reading this blog has been very informative into a horsey world that I know little about.

     1. Well said Mary, from my own experiences I can definitely say that making my whole life about horses was definitely a coping mechanism and a distraction away from what I saw and felt in my life.

114. An awesome blog Rosie, it reminds me of my experiences with horses and how I ignored many signals telling me not to ride them. Many times horses had kicked me off, the first time I broke my arm and luckily I escaped further injuries although I had many scary times when horses bolted on me leaving me feeling totally out of control and extremely vulnerable. I kept riding though determined to conquer this fear of horses I felt at times, until one day I finally let go of my attachment to horses as well – I surrendered and accepted the fact that perhaps I was not meant to ride horses that all the unpleasant experiences I had were telling me that riding was too hard on my body not to mention putting myself in a potentially unsafe situation and stressing myself out. I now enjoy seeing horses roaming wildly in their paddocks without any desire to ride them again – my body and nervous system are thanking me for finally listening.

115. It’s amazing Rosie the level of self-abuse we’re prepared to put up with in the name of recognition – until we realise that we’re enough just as we are!

     1. Yes, we do often put up with a lot of self-abuse for recognition in many forms, whether for control, wanting to be loved, to prove ourselves, to ensure we are seen as better than others… To me, most of this in my own life has come from a lack of self worth and therefore the ‘addictions’ (to food, exercise, control, drama etc) have been a way to try and make up for how I feel about myself. In all these things, I was looking outside of myself for self worth where I’ve now realised the only place I can find this is within.

116. Awesome to read the place you came to at the end of this blog Rosie – that we all naturally yearn for the rhythm of our true nature. And though we all have different flavours of addiction, when we let them go and stop trying to ride the downsides out, this true yearning is there waiting for us to re-connect.

117. Awesome Rosie to feel your power and honesty as you chose to expose and heal your addiction to horses. It is very true that we are often not aware that addictions exist as they often appear to be a ‘normality’ and so it often continues unnoticed and/or is disregarded. I have also discovered this for myself with certain foods, for example. Discounting how they felt in my body because everyone around me was eating them only to discover that I was actually addicted. What is inspiring is how you chose to go deeper and pay attention to the messages you were receiving from your body about your well-being and started honoring what you felt was true. Thank you for reflecting that there is a way to live that comes from connecting to our bodies and the love that we are within first and when we do how amazing this feels.

118. I have realised to a deeper level that everything in life is a reflection and offers so much enlightening information about ourselves and our livingness. This blog has also made it clear the everything in life can become addictive and be used to reward, get recognition, to hide, to be comfortable and the list goes on. The gift of this life is about true purpose – holding and loving ourselves as the sacred beings we are and from that place making everything about humanity and brotherhood. Thank you Rosie for providing this opportunity to open more deeply to the reflections available to us in every moment of our lives.

119. Dear Rosie as I read your amazing blog I could feel what it means to be horse addicted. What makes me joyful is how you change your life and that is for me such an inspiration. To read and feel that it is possible to let go of such an addiction is wunderbar. And as your wrote: “Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists.” That is a great invitation to us to have a look where we are addicted . . .

     1. Wunderbar it sure is! I at times look back at my horsey years and am so glad that I am not stuck in that web that I had created for myself.

        1. I had a similar relationship with Hatha Yoga and remember thinking in my 20’s how I could not imagine not doing it. I gave up Hatha Yoga in my late twenties as like your horse riding I started to feel how harsh and hard I was being on my body. Since then it has been like getting out of prison, looking back I certainly didn’t need such extreme and unnecessary flexibility and strength, now I would hate to know how it would feel if I had kept going! I call it freedom from the need that attracted me to Hatha Yoga in the first place.

120. Wow – so powerful your blog, thanks for sharing this Rosie. My first impulse after reading your blog is – what are my hidden addictions ? Where do I still have investments, which don’t feel right ? I will ponder on this.

     1. Alexander1207 I would love to hear what your hidden addictions are. As we each find and expose our own, and then share them with each other we may find that we have some in common.

     2. alexander1207, I had exactly the same impulse – if horses can be such an addiction (which they very obviously can be, from Rosie’s sharing), then what have I not yet let go of?

        1. Great point Carmin. The word “horse” can be substituted with any thing that we need to do to our own detriment…I am considering what that is for me.

     3. Great question alexander1207 – “What are my hidden addictions?”… For me, the obvious ones I’ve recognised to date and have been working on are an addiction to stress, an addiction to drama, an addiction to control… I’m sure the list could go on… But the point I’ve realised is that anything where I am not totally being myself and where I am looking to for some kind of relief, escape or reward from life is potentially an addiction…

        1. Thats revealing Angela. I can totally understand the addiction to stress and drama.

        2. So great, how you have continued the blog and Alexander1207’s question “What are my hidden addictions?” into nominating some of those hidden addictions. This is a new sight and approach that has the power for a complete turnaround in it – because it exposes both, the hidden addiction itself, and the “hiding-tools” that are commonly shared fully respected and rewarded till now…

121. It seems that no matter what shape or form addiction comes in it is still all the same, do something, anything to avoid feeling whatever we don’t want to feel. And more often than not it’s something outside of us to cover up what is within us. What I am learning is that who I truly am is underneath all these covers, hobbies, addictions, beliefs and ideals and that it hurts to feel my choice to have not made that quality my world. What you’ve shared here Rosie is that all those substitutes to who we truly are just don’t compare and even our bodies know this as a fact.

122. Yes those projected pictures! I wrote a blog about women in relationships and the pictures that we can go into. Check it out if you feel to:
     http://everydaylivingness.com/women-in-relationships-the-pictures-of-how-a-woman-should-be/
     Some interesting comments on there too!

123. Wow, I didn’t realise you were a horse freak! A very honest and real account of how we can loose ourselves in something outside of ourselves. Whether it be horses, drugs, alcohol, partners, children, work, hobbies etc. Thanks for sharing Rosie.

     1. I have been a few types of freaks including horse freak, health freak, art freak whilst on a journey of learning who I really am! Funny how we can use what we do to define who we are when it is just something we do and therefore we get so identified in it that we think that is us.

        1. Ahhhh yes, i too have done a variety of freak shows, none of them were me of course as I was too busy looking outside of myself rather than connecting to who i was from the inside. Fortunately my focus is now developing my connection and my relationship with me so i can take the all of me where ever i go and not the projected pictures i thought i had to be.

124. This is great Rosie. You have shown how our need for recognition and identification is so strong that we often put ourselves in states of disregard or even in harms way to desperately fill a need to have others ‘see’ us.

     1. It is quite scary really, the extent to which we will go to have others “see” us isn’t it.

125. Thanks for sharing your story Rosie, I never quite realised just how tough it is to own a horse – physically, time and money wise. I know I used to find horses and horse riding etc. quite glamorous and intriguing when I was young, and I can see how the identity of being associated with it can have a very strong pull. Awesome to hear how you began to choose love for yourself and how that changed your relationship with horses – it goes to show that addictions can come in many different guises.

126. I also say neigh or ‘NAY’ to horses

     1. Ha ha, thats funny gregbarnes888!
        Nay to horses and Nay to any addictive needy behaviour.

127. Thanks Rosie for bringing to our attention the addictive nature of an everyday passion for many people, and how it can be used as a means to be seen and gaining recognition.

128. Thank you for sharing Rosie – I too went through a major horse phase – starting on the basis that it kept me young and innocent. I remember my parents saying how much they loved me riding because it kept me away from boys. It worked – but at the same time I developed such an infatuation with horses and all that came with it. I loved being by myself – being in nature – feeling horses were the only animals that truly got me. When really they were very much my escape from not truly connecting with people at the time.
     Thank you for sharing your experience – it gives me a greater level of understanding as to why I was so attached.

     1. Yeah its interesting to look into isn’t it hvmorden… and yet at the time, you have no idea.

        1. Or we just choose not to really see how this feels, how our body responds. We listen to our heads instead, or in my case, my emotions that came with horse riding.

129. This reminds me of my relationship with pets and how I was “addicted” to owning lots of pets thinking one day I would be a zoo keeper! Crazy that we can become so caught in these things.

130. It’s interesting how some thing can seem so innocent, such as the horses or the food but if it takes you away from yourself or causes such reactions in the body, and is addictive then it is harmful.

131. This blog shows that something like horseback riding can be(come) an addiction. It clearly took you far from yourself and care for your body. Lovely to read the process you went through, even up to giving up horses and gaining the natural connection back to you.

132. It is quite extraordinary how we can become addicted to something that we are actually allergic to. I have also experienced this, but it was food that triggered the reactions in me. Incredible how once you decided to choose loving yourself, that the driving ambition and need for horses in your life just fell away. Just goes to show..

133. An amazing story of recovery from an addiction that most would not even consider needing recovery from. What a gorgeous awareness and transformation through actions of self love.

134. Rosie, thank you for educating me on how, a pastime, hobbie or passion may also be, or can become an addiction. Something for me to ponder on!

135. Incredible what an addiction does to our self care, and what we sacrifice for being in comfort and not having to deal with what is going on. This Blog opened some doors Rosie, thank you.

136. I hadn’t thought of this as an addiction and loved reading all the comments adding to things that are addictive and can keep us away from what is truly nurturing for us.

137. Rosie your blog exposes how many things can be an addiction or a distraction from truly loving ourselves.

138. I love your honesty Rosie and the courage with which you address the underlying issues that can be the ‘drivers’ to the addictions that one can chose to hide in.

     1. Thanks Andrew, I have no shame and honesty is the easiest way to work through my stuff!

139. I think I had your addiction, I just didn’t live it out to such an extent. I literally used to dream of owning a horse when I was young and I had posters all over my walls. I am wondering what I saw in them as a child. I loved being outdoors, I loved feeling the rolling rhythm as they walked along but there was also a thrill of riding something so big and unpredictable. I guess we are all looking for love and horses must have been one way that I substituted false love for the real deal.

140. Awesome blog Rosie!! I use to love riding horses as well, and I had a few lessons too. The whole idea of riding horses, being out in nature, feeling invincible while your up high on a horse is a very happy picture, that it makes sense so many people go for that. I only ever got to see the horse I was riding once every 2 weeks or so which did not feel often enough so I gave up on horses being the answer because the rest of the 2 weeks was not as amazing as when I was out with horses.

141. The hidden trenches of addiction, are everywhere. Thank you for highlighting how addiction is not only substance abuse but anything that allows us too neglect our most innate feelings and self as well.

     1. Thanks lukeyokota, and what I am becoming more aware of is that addictions can come in many hidden forms.

        1. Yes, I’ve been noticing that more in detail also… a simple example is spending too much time trying to solve a problem. This is an on-going addiction and it distracts me from the ease I could otherwise live with.

142. Wow that are great insights into addition. Very revealing how we can hide behind a so called passion and not see the addictive aspect of it. I remember as a child I was into horses too and spend all my free time with them and in winter I would suffer the cold, but just accept it as part of the “horse world”. For me it was not so much the horse riding but being with horses I got this “love” that I did not feel to get from people. With my teenage years I grew out of it and into other abusive aspects such as partying and alcohol, still looking for love and filling the emptiness again with a body screaming to stop. All this was always training myself to not listen to my body and to follow some social ideals about how to live life.

     1. That’s so true Rachel how “horse world” and partying and drinking seem like two very different behaviours, yet they are both coming from an emptiness and that searching for love.

143. I too was a person who loved riding and spending time with horses. My major reason was to escape the house. Get on my horse and leave the world. I too no longer ride. To be honest I never felt safe when on a horse and realised the tension I put my body into to ride was harming me greatly. It was a true relief the day I decided that I no longer wanted to ride.

144. The human imagination knows no limits when dealing with how to best boycott and delay returning who we truly are. When delay is at stake we are really resourceful.

     1. Very resourceful indeed emfeldman, and tricky and sneaky too….. I know this from my own personal experience. I have been an expert at this!

145. Letting go of that addiction and ingrained pattern of anything in life is tough, as you then realise how divine you are without needing to fill in time. Thank you dearly, Rosie.

     1. Thanks Ben, and isn’t it crazy …how I know for myself at least, that I somehow chose the ingrained behaviour over being divine.

146. Thank you Rosie for your sharing of your horse addiction. I was not aware that horses could be something you could be addicted to, but you have clearly shown me that this is the same as being addicted to drugs when you consider that an addiction brings harm to our bodies and withhold us in every way from having a true relation with ourselves.

     1. Addictions come in many hidden forms, different ways and behaviours… and the hidden ones can sometimes be a lot harder to give up because you are not even aware of them and how they affect you so much…

147. This is great Rosie, as we all have these hidden addictions we can use to hide ourselves from life. Definitely got me feeling I need to take a closer look at what I use to keep me from truly being all of me in the world.

148. Wow Rosie what an amazing story, from such, we could say, obsession involving abuse, to now freedom involving love through honesty and awareness. Your post applies to any every day seemingly harmless addictions we may have, such as eating certain foods, habits, sports, activities, animals, education, work, even parenting. It shows that when we put the ‘target’ ahead of ourselves we so often end up negating what we feel and the ‘disagreement’ our body is communicating via exhaustion, disease, illness, pain, allergies etc.

149. Great that you have exposed the identification/ recognition and so much more we can seek through sport. “In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round” I too have had similar experiences with snowboarding using it to seek recognition and putting it before myself, risking serious injury or death because I ‘love’ it. I was so attached to my snowboard I never thought I would want to let it go. But as I am allowing more self loving choices I have felt my needs around snowboarding and I have also felt how hard I have to be in my body to be able to do it. I can honestly say it just doesn’t feel good anymore.

     1. Thanks for sharing Michelle. It is as if there was a comfort in loving something more than ourselves. It is great how you share about the snowboard, because I can relate to that too, and how terribly hard that and many other sports can be on the body -really quite abusive in fact.

     2. Absolutely Michelle, I was also addicted to snow skiing and the associated partying to fill my emptiness.

150. Hi Rosie, gosh! I can relate to some of what you have shared in your blog. I too was a horse lover starting lessons from a young age, and mastered ridging – western style with such perfection. I was addicted, well and truly hooked. But with what you have shared you have opened my eyes and heart to the truth of why I had such an obsession with horses, something of which I have not ever questioned. I felt safe with horses especially when riding them and received unconditional love from my own horse ~ neither of which I felt or received from anywhere else. Thank you for sharing Rosie.

     1. I am glad the blog helped you to question what you had never considered before. It was a massive revelation to me at the time.

151. Thank you Doug, I love your honesty and open mind which allows you to look at what part you played in the bigger picture.

152. Thank you Rosie. How great to have such a deep awareness of your old relationship with horses and how it played out. I loved what you said about it being more hidden than drug abuse and how in some ways it was more abusive. I had a similar relationship with running many years ago identifying myself with my placings in races. I can remember how hard my body was back then and how I overrode the signals to stop. This was hidden too because running is often celebrated as being exercise that is good for you. My own experience is that dropping running, the identification I had with it and taking up exercising in a more gentle way has been so beneficial and much more enjoyable.

153. I did the horse thing while I was growing up but it was my mother’s addiction rather than mine that I was living out. I enjoyed going out for a ride on a lovely day in beautiful countryside but mostly I resented all that owning ponies, especially through an English winter, entailed. I did not say anything as I wanted to please my mother and so had to live in the pretence, frustration and resentment for many years. I realize now that if I had spoken the truth from the start I would have been free of living out someone else’s addiction.

     1. Isn’t it amazing how as children we can do all sorts of things to please our parents, and we didn’t seem to realise that we actually may have had a choice!

     2. Very interesting Mary, I wonder how many children are right now taking part in activities primarily to please their parents, to get the recognition that they are craving. I suspect lots and lots, and in time many possibly forget why they got involved with that activity in the first place.

154. I went through a phase of trying to learn how to ride, but it didn’t go so well. I did a trek through the australian bush on horseback over five days and I ended up bow-legged like a cowboy. Not good!

155. I enjoyed this blog Rosie, the way you have described your addiction will help others to identify that they may also have a dependency on a hobby or past-time and that, something that seems quite innocent can actually be abusive.

156. Great blog Rosie, I have never been addicted to horses but I can and do relate to what you say about feeling needed and to be seen. You could say my addiction was sport and I was into lots. Because I was good at them I would be the one they asked to play for them or coach them so there was lots of recognition and acceptance. Once I realised that I only played for recognition it was easy to stop and like you, I know that it was the best decision for me.

157. I can really relate to what you’ve said here Rosie, having spent a fair bit of time with horses myself. I got to the point where I didn’t enjoy riding but owned a horse and listened to people telling me that I should ride because the exercise was good for him and he needed it – I used to override (pun not intended!) my feelings and would go for a ride and my knees would hurt so much I would have to hop off and walk back with him. Crazy now I look back on it.. I too have Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to thank for inspiring me to honour what I feel is true.

158. I loved reading this and relating it to my own addictive behaviours – I feel inspired by how you chose to let go of it from just choosing yourself over the horses. Top blog, thanks for sharing Rosie.

159. Amazing Rosie, the horse lifestyle is a really big thing for a lot of people. Like you have shared, it is something people identify with. I was really into horse’s when I was young. I started riding when I was 6 or 7, and I identified with it. I loved being complemented and achieving. I loved being around the older ‘cool’ riders and the big horses. And as I got older I loved being allowed to ride the big horses. Riding was something I made a very big part of my life, but one day, when I moved house away from my stables, I just stopped needing to ride. And if I ever feel like I miss riding, I just understand that I am simply missing being recognised for what I was doing. Awesome sharing Rosie, thank you.

     1. When you say the ‘horse lifestyle’ you hit the nail on the head, it’s not a hobby it is literally a way of life that governs every aspect of your life, thoughts, time and finances. And when you are in that lifestyle, it’s difficult to imagine anything different.

        1. I agree – I remember that there was a group of riding girls at my school – in almost every school and the competition between them and the belittling of those who didn’t ride was astounding.

        2. Wow – for me it was always just an inner superior, like I belonged to a secret club. So it was never verbally expressed to people, but equally horrible.

        3. Yes and many girls get sucked into this lifestyle and don’t even realise.

160. Wow Rosie this is amazing, uncovering your hidden addiction and letting it go too, awesome. Such honesty is to be celebrated, thank you for your sharing.

161. Great sharing as usual Rosie… and you know probably better than anyone how much I can relate to it all! I will be blogging soon lol! I have seen the inspiring choices you have made, and the incredible change in you since the time we met, and increasingly since selling your horses – it’s beautiful. The decision to sell brings up so much, but it is worth it! So much to be learnt, and so much healing takes place.

     1. Janene, through the horses, I came to meet you… and I have you to thank for sharing the Gentle Breath Meditation with me, and introducing me to Universal Medicine… these have been the best years of my life and it’s only the beginning!!!

        1. Hi Rosie, horses have been a bridge for both us. I thank you for all your support then, and your support now, and I will agree full-heartedly that since coming to Universal Medicine these have been the best years in innumerable ways… and we can eagerly allow the remaining unfolding!

162. Thank you Rosie. I never considered my love of houses to be an addiction, but as soon as I read what you said, I knew instantly that “My addiction was houses”. It started at 9, when my mum did up a room for me, it felt so lovely, and looked so pretty. Then when things were not ok with my family, and I didn’t want to feel what was going on, I started to clean, reorganise, and tidy. Constantly trying to make my surroundings feel better by looking better! When all I had to do was just feel what was going on!

     1. Hahaha, I never imagined my exposing of my horse addiction would help you become aware and own your house addiction!!! Thanks for being honest and sharing!

163. I have always wondered why some people were ‘horse crazy’, Rosie. I now understand. I can also see now how ‘many’ other ‘addictions’ provide a way for us to not feel what is really going on in our lives… and how it is easy with some of these addictions to just see the fresh air and exercise aspect of it all, not the harm we are doing to our bodies as a result. It’s great you now choose you!

164. Wow… this really makes me consider what ‘addictions’ I have had lurking around without knowing about it… thanks Rosie.

165. Fantastic article Rosie, and wow, what a revelation and what a big step to make. It’s great you are now choosing ‘you’. Looking outside ourselves is never the answer.

     1. Thanks Caroline, as a horse lover yourself, I am sure you can understand.

166. And… the amount of money that I save because I don’t have to buy feed, get their shoes done, vet bills, and all the horsey gear… I actually have money for myself to have a massage or healing session or for my daughter to do singing lessons. I really do have to celebrate giving up this old addiction!

     1. What freedom have you given yourself! One of my old addictions was dancing, and a very specific form of dancing. It hurt my hips and knees, took hours of dedication and obsessed my mind. Yet I can now see it was a socially condoned addiction. It allegedly made me ‘interesting’ and gave me stuff to talk about. Now, all of that time and money I spent on clothes, shoes and classes I put towards me. And when I talk to people, it not about distractions, and what I did last night, but about what is truly going on in life. Freedom indeed. And worth celebrating.

        1. Yes Rachel, I can imagine that dancing could be quite a hidden addiction too, and could be very damaging to the body if you dance to check out and not feel what is really going on in your life.

167. A horse addiction! What a fascinating article Rosie. It’s interesting what we use in our lives to hide behind. There’s the obvious (drugs, alcohol, food), then the more subtle as you have exposed. A while back, my addiction was the many distractions offered by the internet and social media. I wasn’t physically allergic to these activities, but it certainly wasn’t good for me. Fortunately I’ve moved on, yet I can still get hooked. And that’s where the simplicity of the gentle breath or a gentle walk in nature can do so much to bring us back.

     1. Yes, there was the obvious… drugs, alcohol and food… I worked through those first and it took another 3 years until I unraveled this hidden addiction!

     2. Yes Rod, we can use everything, even the healing modalities, to ‘check out’, if not done in conscious presence (where our mind is with our body). Then there is no difference to any obvious so- called drug.

168. What an amazing sharing Rosie, with so much self awareness. How lovely that you now choose you.

     I know what you mean about some patterns and addictions being more harmful than the obvious ones. It’s the hidden-ness and the normalisation of them that makes them so harming, because before we can actually deal with them we have to realise that they are there, that they are harming us and that they are possibly an addiction that we are using to give us something as a substitute.

     1. And I have found that with this particular addiction of mine, it has been interesting what my friends have had to say about it… because they knew me as “Rosie who was a rider, horse massage therapist etc. etc.”. These friends only knew that part of me, and have not really ever met the ‘real’ me. In writing that, I realise that I am only just now starting to really know the real me too!

        1. That is so true, our addictions and obsessions hide who we truly are, so all our time and thoughts are taken up by it, instead of focusing on what is really going on. I know I would know everything about our horses, but if you asked me about me I could not have properly answered.

        2. Meg what I just got from reading your comment was how crazy it is that I had all the time in the world for the horses but made absolutely no time for me.

169. Rosie, this is so incredible. As an ex-horse addict (a very small-time user!!!) I get what you are saying precisely. It applies to so many facets of life we use to not invest in ourselves, and to not nurture ourselves. How much money, time and commitment do we pour into these things? And how magical when we invest that equal money, time and commitment to us.

     1. Yes Rachel it is awesome when we commit to investing in ourselves rather than something outside.

170. Thanks, Rosie. That is amazing! You so clearly expose how what the world generally sees as a passion or even a healthy, constructive interest is actually harmful. Your detail about your allergy and ignoring your neglect of yourself in order to maintain your connection to horses reveals the potency of the drive to get love at any cost when we don’t realise we can simply love ourselves.

     1. Thanks for your comment Judith, that’s so true… we will go to any extreme searching for love and recognition without ever realising that we can love ourselves!

     2. Interesting I never really connected passion to addiction but this makes absolute sense. We in society generally only view behaviours as addictive when they include substance abuse or attribute to financial issues, yet I can see addiction goes well beyond these boundaries.

        1. Trust me.. horses create lots of financial issues too.. They are so expensive and when you waste all your money on them, there is not much left to care for yourself.

     3. This is so true Rosie, ‘Your detail about your allergy and ignoring your neglect of yourself in order to maintain your connection to horses reveals the potency of the drive to get love at any cost when we don’t realise we can simply love ourselves.’ I love the way you expose the craziness of the hobbies and things we get involved with when, as you say, we can love ourselves – so much more simple.

     4. This is so true Judith, the world and society generally celebrates and commends people who undergo great pain & sacrifice to achieve something and be great at the detriment to their own life including their health & relationships. We see it a lot in sport and many other facets of life, but it can be present and just as destructive in day to day roles such as being a good mother, or a success at work. We need to start noticing the harm behind great achievements and question whether they are truly great if they leave other parts of our life less.

        1. Very good point Laura. How can they be great if they are leaving any other part less or even compromised.

        2. It really is an important point to consider, and we are constantly being shown this as there are so many celebrities – so called great actors, musicians, dancers, etc. who are literally worshipped for what they do, and yet end up taking their own life. Yet each time we see this, we still celebrate what they ‘did’. Are we missing the opportunity to realise how sensitive they were, and how possibly the drive for great success left them feeling so bad they take their own life. Your blog is a great example of some of the reasons behind identifying with ‘doing’ something at the expense of our health and wellbeing. I really feel that it exposes how wrong we have it in society when we are all about appreciating the doing and not the being.

        3. Yes, how sad is that Laura, to celebrate them for what they did and not for who they are. And obviously what they did, for them was not so great, otherwise why would they take their own lives?

        4. You are all raising really important points here and myth busting. How strange because I have a feeling if most people were honest they would know that many celebrities and those that are famous for being famous are in a complete mess inside and yet still we egg them on and put them on pedestals as role models. What is that all about?? And as you write Laura time and time again we are shown the consequences as they take their own lives or descend into full blown addictions. Also I love your comment that something cannot be an achievement if it leaves other parts of our lives or the lives of anyone else for that matter as less.

        5. I feel that society accepts that we need to compromise and sacrifice for greatness and success and conveniently ignores the bigger picture. Could it be that without a foundation of love, success is empty?

        6. My experience is that there are only two energies that we can live and express from – one contains love (Soul) and one does not (spirit). I choose to live from the Soul energy and therefore for me there is no success without love. It is only for the spirit that there can be success without love – for example you could successfully beat another person. Unimedpedia gives a great description of the spirit.

           using this link – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-spirit.html

        7. Ah, that makes it so clear Nicola, success without love will of course feel empty, and leave you wanting/needing more to feel fulfilled, a never ending drive for success.

        8. and yes Laura to add to your comment and my last comment – absolutely success without love is empty – or at least it is empty of love of course… but it can be full of aggression and other energies.

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