Recently, I had a moment where I realised that I have not truly stopped to feel the enormity of life, my life and myself.
I have not stopped to feel how far I have come with my personal growth and how I now feel my life is nothing short of absolutely amazing. Everything that I am and all that I have is a blessing. My life being a blessing is a reflection of the daily choices that I have made. I have made loving choices that are supportive of me and everyone and everything around me.
Looking back on my past I could see and feel how much I lived in disregard, with no consideration for how my choices were affecting me, my body, my life or those who came into contact with me.
I was not aware nor was I at all present with how my daily choices were impacting on my body. Yes, I was unwell, but so were a lot of other people; it appeared to be the way of life. You got an ache, an illness here or there, you had a drama or three every day just to keep you on your toes.
I began to question if this was truly how life was meant to be.
- NO, life certainly was not meant to be this way – that is, with continuous drama and feeling unwell.
- I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body.
- My life was the way it was through my own choices.
I had to take responsibility for the way my life was. It took some time and a level of honesty from me in allowing myself to feel the devastation of what I had created.
I discovered that choosing what I wanted to feel, controlling the hurt so it did not sting too much, was not a supportive way to live life. I had to allow myself to feel the hurt and all that came with that in order to allow a full and true healing to occur.
The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful. So I began the long process of letting go, feeling the consequences of my daily choices and all that came with them. At first it was not easy; I resisted, made excuses and even lied to myself about how great I was doing.
Initially I set a marker for myself that was actually way below how truly amazing I naturally am. When I reached the marker I believed I was doing well and moving forward, when in actual fact I was not doing it at all – I was measuring and controlling the pain and disappointment. I had chosen to set my marker lower so that I could choose to remain in and be surrounded by areas of comfort that would not expose my deeper hurts. The hurts that stopped me from shining and being all that I truly am.
How much of me am I willing to…
- connect to,
- remain in connection with,
- commit myself to, and
- commit my way of living and daily choices to,
… in order for me to be in a way that is of true service for humanity?
I was willing to do the esoteric healing courses, retreats, presentations and attend abundant sessions with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, but just attending and partaking: then I realised partaking was not enough. I had to be prepared to go deeper, to look at the bigger picture, to be completely willing and wholeheartedly open to doing whatever it took for me to heal my hurts and therefore shine.
Letting go of the non-supportive comforts of life that hold me back has been a test to my level of commitment to humanity. I have found that we often love our non-supportive comfort, in whatever form we can get it. Whether it be eating foods that are heavy or sweet, which dull or stimulate the body, to acting a certain way with friends and family just to feel accepted. Un-supportive comfort can be lots of things, for me; it is using things and being in a certain way that leaves me feeling unchallenged, or does not ask me to be all of myself.
In many forms and vices, no-one is exempt from having non-supportive comfort in their life, big, small, obvious or subtle, and when the comfort is exposed it can be raw, often painful… We tend to protect and justify it with a fight to the end. We want to hold onto this type of comfort in any way we can, even if it is only by a thread.
In the past, I chose to do and eat things that kept me feeling lethargic, heavy, racy and not supportive to my body. The daily choices that I make now involve not overeating or overdoing it when my body is feeling tired, honouring what my body is capable of – for example carrying groceries a few bags at a time instead of pushing myself to carry them all at once – and being myself around others without fear of not being liked or accepted. I am no longer attached to or have an expectation of how I think my life should look; instead I am being open to what is needed, what is loving and supportive.
So For Me… it is time to let go of the comforts I have chosen to support me in coasting through life, unchallenged and unexposed, and that have kept me less than who I truly am. Time for me to stand up, claimed in the love and light that I am and to shine for all the world to see.
I have chosen to start being honest about why I needed to eat particular foods: was I feeling tired and that is why I reached for something sweet or stimulating… or was I feeling down so chose to go shopping to make myself feel better? Being honest about what I was feeling I could begin to heal any hurts that I had buried by using life and all that life had to offer as a distraction from myself.
The level of appreciation I felt a few days ago left me pondering:
- Why do I not do this every day, every second of my life?
- On how easy it is, and
- That it is there for me to see and feel whenever I so choose.
I can see that my life is now amazing and I fully appreciate how supportive my daily choices are. All that I now am is a testimony of the livingness that I have chosen to commit to, with the support and inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Nicole Serafin, Age 42 years, Tintenbar, NSW