I could never work out why diets don’t work for me – and neither does tidying up. Isn’t it funny how we try to be perfect? And how much we don’t like the way we are or the way we live and are constantly striving to be better?
I was overweight for years – unhappy with just about everything but numbing it with eating, eating, and more eating. I tried diets that didn’t work and went to weight watchers’ classes time after time but the weight always came back.
The problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do and therefore as soon as it became a struggle I would give up. It is only in recent years as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight – with virtually no effort at all, and without the need for dieting.
The same issue of self-acceptance arose with tidying up my workspace and my home. I’d have a big event coming up with visitors and tidy, tidy, tidy. Tidying up would look great but really that was just on the surface. There would be things stuffed into a drawer or cupboard out of sight, and eventually, like the weight going back on, the mess would creep back in.
I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.
In recent years I have begun to make better choices and I am learning there is another way for me to be.
I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world, and in honouring that, I am naturally feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness: and as for tidying up, it is something I naturally want to do.
There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.
I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together. The same goes for how I now approach food – not eating to lose weight but eating in a way that naturally supports my body. In doing this, my body has lost the extra weight I was carrying and has returned to its natural shape and size. I now feel vital and healthy.
Thanks to the inspiring presentations of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine Practitioners, whom I have known since 2005, my whole life has turned around. I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment.
By Carmel Reid, BEng DMS CertEd MCMI, Frome Somerset
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It was great to read this blog again after a recent move to a new home. and there were boxes everywhere. I remember someone mentioning to attend to one room at a time. What I found that I could not do, but it was one box at a time and it was the box I was drawn to. Once it was emptied I was left with a different feeling, a contrast to moving in the past where I have become distressed with the thought of cleaning, tidying up or even moving.
I took away the expectations and the stresses imposed upon by others and this time round, I was not hesitant to ask others for support.
My way of thinking has changed because of the way I live and it is with gratitude to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine too that have inspired me, that there is another way to live.
Carmel diets were a big thing for me growing up, always on one then not. At the same time exercising so hard to keep off the weight, yet I had no weight to loose. I had a body image issue needing to look a certain way because inside of me I was never happy.
Tidying up was worse and I can honestly say is still a problem. You have highlighted something, ‘approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself’, that is a clanger of a statement for me and what a revelation. An angle I need to observe more and more.
So it isn’t about the end results, it is more about how you are left feeling and that is the most important factor then it looking pretty for someone else. Who are we doing what we are doing, for?…
From experience when it has come from the mind about tidying or food or anything it just doesn’t work … has no foundation to last but when it comes from my body its a completely different experience and when listened to provides a new foundation for me to live from ❤️ .. a continual learning process for me ✨
Vicky you are so correct, the mind brings in things about how and what it needs to look like, whilst the body IS a different experience. It is a re-learning and purposefully set up as we receive more intelligence from the body then the mind. A revelations and a clanger for many to fathom.
This foundation is key, because once this foundation is laid, then nothing less can be allowed. And if it does enter, it is very much felt and it leaves me pondering as to when I have dropped the ball. An evolving and refining process too.
There is that whole idea that something doesn’t matter as others won’t see it, like having an untidy room because no one goes in there, versus feeling how our environment affects us and wanting to keep things tidy and clean because of the impact on us. There is actually a huge consciousness around our homes, similar in a sense to body image and weight, we may tie our worth to how clean our home is – or isn’t, i.e., low self worth, and relate it to how others see us and the recognition or judgment we receive, another image we have to keep up with, instead of it being an expression of our own self love. Even greater again is realising the impact the space of our home has on our surroundings energetically, ie, our neighbours and the greater community, even if they don’t visit our home is emanating a quality, and broader still the effect on the ocean of energy we live in on planet earth… and the greater surrounds of the universe. We can see how love, responsibility and interdependence go together, including the humble task of cleaning our homes. Everything matters in a world of energy.
Thank you Carmel for sharing so honestly your experience and what a difference it has made for you. These simple lived experiences have the power to inspire another to shift simple every day things that then allow them to live more of life and claim back more of their natural spunk and vitality just like you have done 100 fold!
When we see things as a chore or choose to do things to please others or to look ‘good’ then there is no lasting enjoyment and true feeling of satisfaction that stays with us. But when we see it truly for the space and the holding that is created when we naturally seek to have things in harmony then we feel revitalised and loved up by this.
Carmel, this line really jumped out at me and I love it as it really says it all: “I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.”
“It is only in recent years as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight – with virtually no effort at all, and without the need for dieting.” I love re-reading this Carmel. The struggle so many have with their weight – the yoyo effect of dieting and the beating oneself up for not losing the pounds – compounds the issue far more.
This is a very power-full blog if we clock its potential – that we have an opportunity to accept ourselves and from there choose to nurture that, rather than try to change ourselves into whatever we feel the world will accept and love which just fills our body with poison.
Beautifully said Lucy – accept and love up ourselves rather than try to fit into a box for others to love instead.
Carmel I really appreciate reading this again, it’s very common sense and has supported me to look again at my relationship with my home. For me eating for my body totally changed how I viewed my body image and wellbeing, it went from needing to fit an image (dieting and being careful with what I ate for my weight) to wanting to love and support my body. I can’t say I’ve made that same transition with my home yet, to it being something I take care of because I love me, although aspects of that are there, but I can see many areas to work on, thank you…. a loving work in progress.
This is an inspiring blog, and great to know the more we clear the clutter, how this supports our vitality, and energy, and so much more, ‘There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.’
Could it be that we have an energetic responsibility to live in a way that is divine and then everything else comes to us as we accept we are more than a physical vessel, which is the appreciation of who we are or True-appreciative-ness.
“the mess would creep back in” until we understand and change the underlying cause, our habits and patterns keep repeating.
Yes and that is where diets don’t work or support us – we just paint over the cracks but the cracks are still there.
Putting things away and back to where it belongs to is part of completion; it offers space for what is next.
Absolutely Fumiyo, and completion is a lived quality of the appreciative-ness of our connection ,rather than being one of our physicality.
“… as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.” I love this. keeping on top of the everyday things let alone the clutter that accumulates feels amazing once cleared.
Tidying up and decluttering when I feel the impulse always results in me feeling clearer in myself. And the reverse is true too. When I feel great and clear in my body inside I want to have my environment more loving and clear also.
“The problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do…..” Discipline really doesn’t work. I changed my diet – for many years – through discipline. But last year it all fell apart. I am now listening to what my body is telling me to eat.
When we end up doing things like dieting, tidying or anything for that matter, with the intension for what it will look like to others we are already on the losing streak. However, if we do it for ourselves as the prime motivator then success is almost guaranteed.
Maybe it becomes more important to live our lives simply and full of True expression that shares a decency and respect for everyone equally than what we put into our mouth?
As unrelated as certain behaviours may appear, they often have the same underlying cause. You have explained perfectly how similar your dieting and tidying were. Both have changed just by adding extra care for yourself to the mix.
There are some great comments emerging here that is taking my understanding of this subject to new levels. I particularly like Elaine Arthey’s comment regarding tidying things on the inside, and how that affects our energy overall. Cleaning with purpose is simple when our purpose is to make sure the energy of the place we are living in supports us, and the same with eating to maximise our body’s health and sensitivity so that we can live with more vitality and we can read situations in more depth.
Do we live to eat OR do we eat to live and feel, and hence bring that all that we are from?
The intention behind whatever is done [dieting, tidying up] is always the greatest revealer into how we are living life and what is directing us in it.
Intention makes all the difference to whether we feel complete and contented after doing something or if things just look good on the outside. Dieting because you hate the way you look is never going to produce wellbeing. Tidying to keep up appearances feels empty compared to tidying to clear and lighten your home.
So true Fiona. The intention makes a huge difference. Some really ‘tidy’ homes can feel empty in contrast to one that feels loved and lived in.
The locked in mentality to dieting can be brutal, I know because I did it for years. When I first learned that dieting was a waste of time and I dropped it, there was such a sense of relief for having let that go. It took another four years of changing the way I eat and living differently before my weight started to come off. Then it did and I’ve stabilised now at nice weight for me. It didn’t matter to me that it took four years because I was feeling so much healthier in myself and I just knew the weight would go in its own time.
It’s fascinating how doing things from our head, from ‘because that is how we should be’s’, it’s not sustainable because it doesn’t come from our body and often from a reaction to how we are with life. When we feel this reaction we can then instead look at what we are feeling and adjusting from there instead of going in our head and how it should be.
It’s not necessarily what it looks like on the outside that counts. In fact when things are ordered inside, like inside the cupboards or chest of drawers, wardrobes, whatever although we can’t see that from the outside we can feel it and the house has a much more spacious and welcoming feel. It leaves us alone. Wheres when there is a lot of disorder it weighs heavy on us either consciously or unconsciously.
Our body has a great flow and order…and so this is how we are naturally designed to live. Connect and listen to our body and we are our own amazing teacher.
It is the intention behind what I/we do that either makes it a chore or a loving supportive gesture. I find this applies to every area of my life.
Agreed Victoria, and True expression is always a loving “supportive gesture” that is far more empowering than any way of eating”
Thank you Carmel this blog is music to my ears, I really can feel a strong impulse to bring more order to my home and life in general, this not only supports me it also allows me to be in greater purpose with everything I do.
We have made life so much about tasks and chores and work and non work and fun and good times and bad times and likes and dislikes and so on that we do not feel and see the true purpose of the why and what they bring to us anymore. We are so busy liking and most of the time disliking things that we have made life one big drag not being able to enjoy ourself and others anymore. And yet it is the simple things in life that bring us the greatest joy, and we all know that. So why fight them?
It is in honouring our connection to our body and being we then naturally live in a way where our choices are a reflection of this honouring and support us to live and deepen our connection to all we truly are.
Our intentions really are everything, if my intention is to lose weight, or to curb my eating that isn’t enough to actually stop it – because there is a reason behind it. But if my intention is to really understand why I am over-eating and what is actually going on and begin to practice self love then things begin to change.
Yes, what is behind the behaviour because the behaviour is serving us in some way so if we deny it we just bury what we have used the behaviour for and it will come up again and again.
“..accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together” – tidying, cleaning is about keeping a supportive space for ourselves, and so when we clutter it, so too do we clutter that support and our sight towards taking responsibility. Because we know that when space is created, or there is a clear space, we see what needs to be done and feel our capacity in doing it too. To tidy, to clean, is thus taking energetic responsibility for our space and what we do in it.
When we do things because we want to do them out of love, because we can feel how much something supports us and others, and not because we want to get something out of having achieved or accomplished something, the quality is totally different. Doing things to reach a goal can often feel empty, after the goal is achieved and the short-lived high is over, but when we do things from love, it’s enjoyable at the time, and a feeling that lasts longer and is then a foundation to be built upon.
Beautifully said Bryony – doing things out of love – that’s the key that nourishes us and everyone around us.
Doing things that support us and from a basis of self acceptance and love is always rewarding, ‘I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.’
Your blog shows us that when we are focussed on the outcome there is no quality in the process and that is what it is all about. The quality we are in or choose to be in, like you say coming from acceptance of the love that you are, feeling you are worth taking care of and then it will unfold naturally without the picture how it should look like in the end.
It is such a different perspective to what currently is going on in the area of diet and weight loss and what you have shared about discipline (and willpower) not working could easily describe many people’s approach to weight loss and the reason why the yo-yo back and forth losing and gaining weight.
I like how you bring diet and tidying up onto the same level, as it shows that things in life are not determined whether we like them or not or want to change them or not, but that it is the care and love factor in life that provides a way of life that is truly supportive of us and allows for a natural and truly normal way of being.
There is no diet able to change the fact that we have chosen unhappiness as our dish of choice.
I like that. We try to change things but we stay at the surface and do not change, or rather do not go for what is really the cause of our dilemma.
Yes very true Eduardo & Esther – there is always a quality of energy that we have aligned to before it manifests into an activity.
I used to panic when I had visitors to stay because I would rush round trying to tidy the house and get in a fluster wanting to make the house look good, so by the time the friends arrived I would be irritable and frustrated which was not a loving way to greet anyone. Now I know that the irritability and frustration was at myself because I knew that I was not living in a loving way that supported me, or the house. Whether it is diets or tidying up we have to start with being honest with ourselves first and then we can start to make loving changes that will truly support us.
You hit the proverbial nail on the head here Carmel, when we do something out of a discipline and a should it is pretty much destined to fail/fall over at some point. When we do something out of a desire to lovingly support ourselves, even though we may stumble along at times, the results are more lasting.
This is such a true approach to food and tidying up. Yet we can easily see them as a slog and a nuscience when infact they bring us so much. Eating food that provides us with a vitality, and tidying up simply because we understand and feel the benefit of space and order.
If you take away purpose tidying and dieting and other mundane jobs seem pointless and we more often than not have to force ourselves to do them. But if you consider the purpose of altering your diet – or so your body can work at its optimum and it can work unhindered by what we love consumed, or that tidying your house supports you when you come home from work to surrender and truly rejuvenate then it’s like – let’s go… let’s do this. Purpose is the game changer.
Well said, Meg, we tend to focus our activities on the outside world, to make a good impression, but when we do something to support ourselves to evolve, then that is true purpose. Our kitchen has an old floor that is hard to keep clean but the other day I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing away and brushing the carpet by hand – it didn’t look a lot cleaner, but it felt amazing.
So True Carmel, “being me in every moment,” which is Love and yes Love is one of the keys, and may I add that from the loveless existence we start out being gentle on our return to Love, then we can turn around life’s exasperating ‘urges’ by applying a Loving relationship with divine purpose and thus a focus on what our reflection of Love is sharing. So to paraphrase a Loving Purpose, which brings the humble servant focus on all they bring to life so there is a True reflection for others.
What else needs to be done as it is all done by reflection, as reflection is so energetically power-full!
Any parent knows asking a child to tidy up their room can be a chore. But if the child truly feels this need, it will be done naturally without needing words or reprimands. We have to feel from our bodies why we do things and it is always either from the energy of love or abuse, no in between.
I would often do a big clean up when I knew visitors were coming, lately I have been cleaning our home for my husband and myself, and it feels beautiful, this way of honouring ourselves and our home feels very supportive to our relationship.
Willpower is not the solution to eating only foods that are nourishing and nutritious; the energy of that is just as bad, we need to truly feel the love of our body then healthy food choices will be automatic.
It is so easy to get lost so we do not understand what we are observing, because today as I walked around a convenience store there was not one thing that could be eaten without dulling our awareness. For as Carmel has shared, do we put our body in a position where we “feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness” or do we go for the fast foods that are generally full of sugars! So when we observe what foods do to our body it becomes simpler to stay away from the foods that dull our awareness.
There is, I have learned, a way of living that leaves space behind me when I work, and so tidying up is now bringing order that supports me the next time I walk into that space.
When decisions are made from an honouring of our bodies there is a very different quality and ripple effect they offer.
I still catch myself cleaning up because we have visitors coming but that’s OK because it’s an incentive to keep the place tidy, although it would also be great to keep it tidy just for us. Diet-wise, the weight is staying pretty stable with very little effort and I am no longer beating myself up for my food choices. Having said that, although I generally eat healthy foods, there is still a degree of overeating going on and I am working on being more honest, with not so much sneak-snacking when no-one is looking. I need to understand what exactly I am wanting to avoid feeling when I choose to eat certain foods.
Our intention in everything we do is so important, the mechanics of tidying or dieting may be the same, however how we feel during and after is completely decided by the intention of why we are doing it.
“….as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase” – yes and also Carmel, our awareness increases of general mess or complication seen in other areas of our life professionally and personally, as well as those people we happen to be around. De-cluttering increases awareness to see ourselves in whole life. With new sight comes new choices … and the vitality-engine of purpose with responsibility.
I love that, ‘the vitality-engine of purpose with responsibility.’ It is not just about us, it is about everybody and the mess we are all in. Clearing up my mess is a great start. A recent blocked sewer at our house was a bit of a wake up call.
I hate living in a muddle, with bits and pieces left all over the place, not put away. The only trouble is, it’s often me who doesn’t bother to put something away. Order always feels lovely and spacious.
Yes it feels lovely to have a space that is clear and where no little clusters of stagnant energy gather. There is a natural flow and clarity, which supports us.
Beautiful Carmel, you are talking about the order of the universe. Both are related to our body significantly. Eating in order of how the body needs to be nurtured will confirm what is already felt and known. For most of my life I have eaten out of order – to not be clear. It goes right back to when I was an infant. I overeated not wanting to feel the lack of harmony in my home. This was the same with tidying up – I was always ordering the house to keep it clear. I knew in my body that I was clear and I felt how dishonouring it was that I was not supported to maintain it. It was a challenge to not feel clarity around me growing up…
I love how an end result takes care of itself and actually often supersedes our expectation when we let go of a picture but keep bringing back to the quality.
During the years of Universal Medicine presentations that I have attended, it has been amazing to watch the transformation of so many people (including myself) in how they care for their body’s with the results clearly visible to see, like a distinct change in body shape and size, an increase in fitness, a calming down of skin conditions, feeling more agile and having more vitality, having more body confidence. But the key is here that Universal Medicine does not set out to achieve any of these things, they just seem to happen naturally when we start to look after ourselves differently to before, and when we introduce self-love in to our lives.
” And how much we don’t like the way we are or the way we live and are constantly striving to be better? ”
This is so true Carmel and a lot of what we do is to cover up theses facts so as to pretend all is well.
Just working on the surface, end results of our underlying issues with ourselves, without addressing the underlying issues never works and we have got a whole world to prove this fact.
As with most things, unless we address the underlying issues that have led us to take on addictive habits, like eating chocolate on a daily basis, stuffing things into cupboards and closing the door on them or even watching TV at the same time each day regardless of what programme is on, then these habits will remain with us. What Serge Benhayon is showing us is that it is possible to address these behaviours and change them permanently by learning to really love and care for ourselves on a level that I for one had never appreciated was possible before.
Exactly Sandra… its those subtle addictions, like the chocolate, that continually erode our deep and inner connection
I agree Carmel diets don’t work, after yo-yo dieting for many years it didn’t do anything but made me more obsessed with my weight and food. I now am a healthy body weight due to developing a more loving relationship with myself, this has then allowed me to approach food in a way that supports me and nourishes me.
Our consistency of care builds a loving rhythm that supports and sustains itself naturally.
We often feel concerned for how things look and ignore how they feel, the energetic imprints we leave behind in what we touch when we do anything with an intent to please, to impress or to not look bad. Keeping our living space tidy is a way to support ourselves, an aspect of self care that is not obvious but noticeable when it isn’t done. That can be as simple as making the bed, washing up after meals and keeping our clothes tidy. Picking up something that dropped on the floor and not leaving things lying about when they are not needed are two more.
“wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me” Gosh I can relate to this. I am exploring how I do this more and more, and where I see it, letting the part of that wants the ‘recognition’ go and just going with more of what needs to be done and getting on and doing it. It is quite exhausting trying to do everything with a positive result for self!
Self acceptance is very healing and very transforming which supports us to deepen self-love.
Same here Carmel, I too lost weight which remained off, when I changed my approach. I stopped the yo-yo diets and instead decided to eat food that would truly nourish my body. Having made that decision the first thing that came up for me to look at was my sugar consumption in which I discovered I was a sugar addict. But sugar did not nourish my body and had to go as it was not in line with my new approach. It took me some time but not as difficult as I first imagined. I found going for short-term weight loss did not work, but making it about true nourishment made such a big difference with a successful outcome. I now have the figure I had in my 20’s, and absolutely adore my body these days – now that is a huge turnaround.
I’m still struggling with sugar cravings or at least carbohydrate cravings so that my body can make the sugar. And it’s not about food, it’s my body’s way of signalling that it is exhausted, so I need to deepen my awareness of where I am draining my own energy, for example, taking on other people’s emotional stuff.
An observation I made today, having said 13 days ago that I was off the nuts, today I have been eating, eating, eating like there’s no tomorrow. I can link this to two events: (1) I’ve just spent three amazing days on a healing course and can feel myself in a very different space, so there was some tension there when I came back home and (2) we have the full moon coming up at the end of the week and that often affects my mood and my eating habits. So this means that I am still affected by external events and numb myself to avoid feeling the tension in my body resulting from an energetic shift. It reminds me that I need to raise the standard in my house in order to support me with any energetic shifts, meaning more detailed cleaning, folding clothes away as soon as they are dry, keeping cushions straight, that kind of small detail can make all the difference. Also completing things – today I sorted an issue with my mobile phone service that I have been meaning to do for months. It felt great!
The small details do make all the difference I agree Carmel. Just giving our living spaces a little bit of attention, and can be as simple as adding flowers or burning a scented candle but also moving things around, or removing an unnecessary piece of furniture, which opens up the space, cleaning our windows which adds mor light…. everything counts and makes an impact. But when we do follow our impulses to give some attention to our homes, I feel this always supports me in moving forward.
When we tidy up our homes by just stuffing things into another drawer, as soon as we open it the mess is still there. This is the same principle when we bury our hurts instead of healing and letting them go.
I remember tidying up my home to make sure it was presentable for when visitors came, the thought of how does my home, or food for that matter, “support “me was never a thought, with food it was what was considered good for me, but that felt different to the word “support” which I now feel has a very loving element to it, not just something I do.
Dieting has never worked for me, willpower just doesn’t do it. Recently I started binge eating again, grabbing handful of nuts and eating more straight after meals, as if the nourishing meal i just ate wasn’t nourishing enough. Of course I put on weight. In the past I’ve kept off certain foods by not having them in the house. This time I really got that eating like that was an addiction, addiction to feeling numb. So I stopped just like that. After years of ‘trying’ in the end it was a simple choice to be more still and to feel more in my body, to honour my body and let it do what it was designed to do. I can have nuts and fruit in the house now and I don’t touch them, it feels great. Once I respect my body enough, food choices are no problem.
It makes a big difference to choose foods to eat from a sense of what you feel supports you and your whole body as opposed to eating from a mindset of not liking your body and not accepting your worth…
And just like tidying the closet or drawer by putting away and discarding as needed so too can we do that within ourselves. Letting go and tidying our energies and ways of being that are not truly who we are. This supports us to not react so much to life and then cook and eat with the authority of love in our body.
When we bully ourselves into doing anything we meet our own resistance and invariably fail. When we honour who we are everything changes.
The opposite is also true for me – when I feel down (depressed) my place gets untidy and my food choices are not truly nourishing. Cleaning up something helps to change my mood slightly but focusing what I eat never works, only when I am truly self loving do I make self loving choices when it comes to food. Focusing on the food doesn’t work, focusing on the love does.
The problem is not food itself but why do we go there (in other words, how, why and what we resort to food for). So, food is the last piece of a chain. To really get it, we have to move up in the causal chain.
When we create a space that is truly supportive, I find this naturally means it is clear and simple. No clutter or mess. So I love what is shared here – the shift between tidying to look good, vs connecting to what supports us and honouring what this means in terms of our space around us.
This is the second time I have heard this recently, in that with accepting one’s self something significant then changed for them. I think there is a lesson for me here. Thank you for sharing.
Great blog Carmel, I love the way you have married the two – diets and tidying up – as both are temporary fixes of perceived problem areas and that do not really address the underlying issues of the lack of self-worth and self-love that, as you point out, need to be addressed so that a different more sustainable approach to life itself can be established as one based on love.
Freedom from what and how we relate to food and clutter comes only when we are divinely connected. So could it be we are all lost and looking for the same thing and only when we re-connect to the light of our Soul do we become honest and start to make Loving changes to what so easily distracts us, then we can evolve?
Diets work just often enough that people keep trying and then feel like failures because they are not in the small group of people who can keep their weight down.
I was thinking about cigarette smoking and how I just one day decided to stop 40 years ago – it took me over a year and several attempts but I eventually made it and my body and my wallet have celebrated ever since. It really is important to work on our self love because then we can naturally feel what our body needs.
I have been looking at this myself recently and you are correct Carmel, we actually can’t talk ourselves into anything. There is no mind over matter. Being more loving and supportive of ourselves then supports needed changes without any effort. Things just change because we are ready.
Me and my husband are now hot on each other tidying up as we go along, we both have noticed how it impacts the other if we are untidy and leave things about. We accept we are not perfect and it does not happen all the time but we have both noticed there is a spacious, harmonious order around our home when we stick to it.
Yes, a positive feedback loop can be quite easy to sustain as you can feel the difference each time between tidy and not tidy.
When we live with a foundation of self-acceptance we naturally develop a relationship with food that is based the appreciation of who we are, something that is true for where we are in our evolution, no more, no less, just what is needed to support us in our expression of life.
When we reflect from our Soul there is no longer any needs and what is felt around us is the True Love we all are.
We use food for many reasons and for me I eat more than I need – I eat three big meals a day and panic at the thought of not eating. I’m not starving in any way so there is obviously another reason. I do tend to eat when I’m feeling something that is uncomfortable, because I still pick up ‘stuff’ from other people, I have not yet learned to observe and not absorb, and that depletes my energy. I eat handsful of nuts, which are healthy but not in the quantities I eat them, and they tend to dull my awareness. The more I listen to my body the more I can feel and the quantity of nuts can be bigger and bigger but the feelings still break through, so really it becomes a form of unnecessary self abuse. And when I feel low my house is untidy because I can’t be bothered. When I bother it makes me feel better so there’s a bit of a cycle in this.
This is awesome Carmel, to configure your eating rhythm not for ‘looks’ but to come back to your true shape. And if we make this our goal, and see also that it isn’t just the numbers on the scales that matter but the quality of how we feel everyday, our skin, vitality, energy levels and so forth then it’s easy to see that restricting ourselves to a specific diet over a short period is a massive reduction of how we can care for our body.
“Why Diets don’t Work – and Neither does Tidying Up” – when we tidy up or spring clean our unclean habits, things like emotions, ideals, beliefs, carrying of burdens, office toxicity or leaving specific relationships that are unsupportive of one’s own love.. then the body, shape, weight correspond accordingly. Recently I left a toxic set up and my body released its otherwise bulky retention with no food/diet being involved in the adjustment of the body.
Whether the goal is to loose weight or to have a tidy house, the real magic of life lays with the quality of our movements.
I love how you have connected the two themes together of diets and tidying up, and how both are linked with self acceptance. Accepting ourselves in all our imperfections is the gift we give to ourselves, as this allows the space to truly nurture and adore ourselves.
Accepting ourselves is big, learning to accept our grandness, ‘I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment.’
‘but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.’ When we do this we stop being perfect and a whole lot of pressure we put on ourselves will fall away. Now and then I can slip into this ‘perfect thing’ but what I feel is that I am just avoiding being present in myself and feel what my body is sharing in that moment, it is never about the outside world but always about our inside first.
“Why Diets don’t Work – and Neither does Tidying Up” – yes Carmel, as i’m realising too over the years is that the best diet is the diet of acceptance; acceptance through the observance of actual quality inside whether that’s a physical body or cupboard.
Beautifully shared Carmel, and gorgeous to feel how empowering it is to embrace and bring self-acceptance into our lives. When we begin to truly care for ourselves with the love we deserve to live, we realise that who we are is absolutely worth appreciating and honouring. As such the choices we then begin to make came from a will to love, rather than a seeking to attain love or avoid the hurt we feel as a result of not accepting the love we are. Our bodies and the way we live are a direct reflection of the relationship we hold with ourselves through the choices we make.
‘the choices we then begin to make came from a will to love, rather than a seeking to attain love’ This is a great way to explain a new way of being – that we live to be love and give love rather than get anything from outside of ourselves.
I had one of those ‘light bulb’ moments when I read these words: “losing weight in that way was a discipline,” as they made so much sense of my years of dieting. I realised that I had made the dieting a discipline, a have to so I could feel better about myself, but I had never made the decision from a place of loving my body and wanting to truly nurture and nourish it. Since I have made the choice to do exactly that dieting has disappeared from my life, and I’m not missing it one iota!
Super important this is and it shows us, and we deep down know that, that it is the root cause for every illness or disease that needs to be looked at.. If this means an ill habit of eating or a disease itself. It all requires our honesty and responsible approach to heal that which needs healing.
Carmel I have read this before but I feel like I am really understanding it. I have made many changes with food and because my focus is on self love my weight now takes care of itself, it’s not about perfection or ideals, just being nurturing with myself. The tidying though still has its motivation mostly for others and though it’s gradually changing I can see that it’s still about discipline, and what it’s like on the surface. Lots to explore here, thanks for inspiring me.
If we ever feel we HAVE to do something it is coming from our mind and not from our body. Our body does not HAVE to do things, it just does what it does. True weight comes from living from our body and not our mind.
Yes going into ‘fix it’ mode is not addressing why it is occurring in the first place. We can apply this approach to so many things in life, to relationships, to eating, to study, to money etc. We are then caught in always trying to ‘keep up’ the way we want something to look, which as you mentioned Carmel is a constant effort that is exhausting. When we are honest the answer appears and how it looks takes care of itself, but we first have to let go of wanting it to look a certain way…
Good point, Thomas, we need to stop creating pictures and trying to live them. Staying open to whatever unfolds requires way less effort.
We can not live based on rules; only we can listen listen to what we truly need to say, act on and engage with. Equally to making adjustments and change things around. Must all come from our living way – never from a rule or book or any guideline as such. True intelligence comes from our hearts.
What you have shared Carmel should be on every supermarket door so as we enter we read find the “food that will support you body” and may I add ‘so we can evolve’.
That is one super idea Greg! With that question in mind; which food will support my body, is such a lovely way to ask our bodies what it needs, and as we awaken our awareness of the body, we can honour and respect all it’s communications.
Thanks Jacqueline, and what you have shared is so simple as our body will always share when we ask the question!
Love it Greg, the supermarket would then be very simple, with a lot fewer products. It is fascinating how so often you can go shopping for one thing and end up with other things as well because of the temptation and often these ‘impulse’ buys are far from supportive for the body!
Spot-on James, a temptation comes with many different chocolate coatings or sugar coating if you must! so that we have an inner conflict to our divine connection and we have to call it for the lie that it is so we stay connected to our Soul.
I agree Greg, and when we ‘call it for the lie that it is’ we get to see through it clearly and it no longer has the hold of temptation over us. There is so much more going on than purely what our eyes can see. When we open up to the possibility there is more we can see how easily we have been played with to stay in the inner conflict and turmoil, so much so that we think that this is life, when it is far from how it could and can be.
So what is being seen is greed and corruption that cares little for the true health of humanity.
It is sad when we look at how much people put money and profits 1st rather than what will support people the most. But then we have to say they only get away with doing this because the demand is there which brings it back to us and what are we really wanting out of life?
As soon as we start wanting we look outside our-self rather than connecting and feeling what will best serve us so we can reflect that level of Loving-full-ness.
So very true Greg, great observation and well said.
True James, this observing in a loving way takes us out of seeing things with our particular glasses on so we can start to feel the truth of the essence we all come from.
It is amazing how we can interpret what we see completely differently when we simply observe what is before us and not try to make it fit our picture of how we ‘want’ things to be. We then, as you say, start to see the truth that is within us all.
We live on a reinterpretation of the truth and until we observe this with the clarity through true transparency then no matter what we see on a super-market window we will not have clarity.
Very true Greg. What I find fascinating is we all see the same things, or put more correctly our eyes receive the same images but then we re-interpret them differently. The less filters we have on life and what we see the more clearly we can observe life and what is truly going on without needing to taint it to make it fit the picture we want or need it to be.
Enter our patterns from many lives where we align to those ill forces that cause chaos, which is the opposite of “learning to enjoy being me in every moment.” And yes James, “we reinterpret” and our chocolate comes in many flavors, which we receive in and can make a choice to gobble it up or simply move on to allow us to evolve.
Removing the chocolate is becoming simpler once we understand the ramifications of our needy-ness.
Maybe one day we will not even need “super-markets” and we will just have exchanges of goods and sevices?
Our reinterpretation of truth sure is one of the many pitfalls we have to overcome to ressurrect ourselves back to the divinity we are. Just because something may be better does not make it true.
And who is saying it is better? Then what does better serve could it be the lies that are cause all the ills-and-chaos-world-wide?
It could indeed be the lies Greg. For the more we live the truth and love that we are the more anything less stands out as the lie that it is.
And why would we not settle for any-thing-less than Love and Truth!
Indeed Greg there is no reason to settle for any less so there must be more going on than purely what our eyes can see. So perhaps we are not as intellingent as we think we are?
Spot on James, the true wisdom that is shared under the Universal Medicine banner is life changing for it brings a much deeper understanding of how life can be free of the loveless “greed and corruption.”
Universal Medicine sure is life changing in the sense that it reconnects us to what we know within but thought was not possible due to the way society is currently set up. The more we embrace the love we are, the more we get to see how life can be.
So true James, and may I add that the cycle of life has much to do with our understanding of what this incarnation can bring. Then embracing what we do this life gives us the appreciation of what responsibility we have to live the Love we are so we re-incarnate in the same Livingness.
And the cycle continues each life we have an opportunity to deepen more and more and thus show others they too are the same love and can be the same. It is through our consistency and steadfastness that people get to trust what we are bringing.
Bring it on!!!
Diets don’t work because they are not based on love and anything that does not have a foundation based on love eventually crumbles.
This is so true, Elizabeth and very simply put – we need a foundation of love for everything in our lives
So very true Elizabeth and such a great observation. We can try hard and do our best to make things work but without love as their basis they will not hold.
You took the words right out of my mouth James. I have found recently that every time I tried to use willpower to stop eating or drinking something that did not support my body and was actually over-stimulating or dulling my ability to feel, this tactic would fail miserably, and I would soon find myself repeating the same self-harming pattern. Only when I began to truly appreciate all my natural qualities and then confirm these throughout the day in different ways that re-connected me to my body and how it felt was I able to let go of these foods because I could no longer stand the way they made me feel, and I did not want to sacrifice that stillness and settlement in my body any more.
I have also found that all that will power does is stop the immediacy of the craving or urge but later it explodes or manifests into something different. Saying no does not change the energy rather saying yes to the love we are and then moving with this is something I have found shifts the energy and the thoughts that felt so overwhelming no longer have the hook!
So simple and beautifully expressed and when we have a problem if we do not address why or how we are not being loving we never change anything.
So True Elizabeth, and may I add that diets “crumbles” under divine purpose based on Love so we eat to reflect the essence of who we are.
This is great Elizabeth, and to add to the conversation by sharing that our way of eating crumbles as we get older. Then would we want a pizza, fish and chips, greasy pork chops, or any food that we could easily digest when we were much younger, and do we live in the past or do we listen to our bodies especially in the dying process so we eat lighter foods that the body can handle? Now that would be a Loving way to eat so we eat light to increase our awareness so we build on the Love with what and how we eat!
For more on passing-over-joy-fully, until our last breath see the video at;
https://universalmedicinefacts.com/the-blessing-of-judith-mcintyres-life-and-death/
The diet industry would not exist if it actually worked… Simple as that!
I am learning just how much details matter and tidying up the smallest piece of paper left lying around makes a difference. Outside our house is a grass pavement and it sometimes gets littered, either by wind or by people dropping their rubbish – I tidy it up every day and it feels great to drive in to a clean driveway – where I have also swept up the leaves. And the details in our expression, I am learning to take care of how I express too, so that there is clarity in my relationships and no room for misunderstanding. Not letting anything be left unexpressed so nothing festers and love deepens.
This blog was written a while ago, so I imagine you have moved on and cleared much since then, and how wonderful that felt.
We can not fix what is missing on the inside – hence we are struggling and trying to cover it up with outside things, whilst we struggle with the tension of inner-unsettlement. The truth about the teachings of Serge Benhayon is that it offers us all to understand the fact that we are in great unsettlement as we are missing being in connection with ourselves and the whole.. And offers us the greatest simple tools ; such as the Gentle Breath Meditation, to return to who we are – Soulfull entire, absolute whole loving beings.
Sweeping things under the rug doesn’t work, it stays there, festers and usually becomes worse/bigger than it originally was. Dealing with things as they happen is a great way to make sure things don’t pile up… emotions/feelings and personal possessions alike.
Doing things so they look good or okay is very superficial and does not nurture us; when we do them from a motivation of self care and love, they feed us back and build a foundation of doing more of the same and deepening that very quality.
It is very common for some people to focus on the negative aspects of their bodies and identify with it, leaving them always in the pursuit of perfecting their bodies through unrealistic diets that are more abusive rather than nurturing and supporting the whole person from within.
So the things we do support us to live and the way we live supports us choose what to truly do next. Life is amazing in many ways and when you take the time to look at it you’ll see that we are always travelling around in circles and not truly going anywhere. In this way of being it makes sense to dedicate to the quality of everything you do, even down to the breathe you breath, it is all a movement and in that how do you want your movement to return to you?
Such a different way to approach dieting and tidying up, and who would have thought that for both it is the same. Self-love and self-care bring enormous change to our lives.
Preparing for life is very different from reacting to it, if we eat or tidy up in reaction we do it for emotional reasons, If we prepare with love than we eat and clean up with care and love, very different, it is almost the other way round, life has flipped.
Beautifully put, Samantha, we do so much from reaction, thinking that is is, we have solved it, but being on the front foot so to speak creates a wave forward that opens up so many possibilities it is amazing.
We go for how it looks on the outside but how it is inside, in our body or in our cupboards seems to be of no importance and yet that’s what count, we try to hide and to not feel what there is to feel and the only way to clear is feeling inside our bodies, our houses, our cupboards and observe, becoming aware what is truly going on.
Years ago when I was in the midst of my yo yo dieting phase, it would never have occurred to me to eat to support myself, everything was geared towards loosing the weight at what ever cost, as if that would solve every problem I had with my life.
Yes we tend to look at the end result and not what led to it in the first place – being overweight or living untidily is a symptom of something else, such as low self worth – when we pay attention to the cause, the symptoms disappear.
Great that you are now claiming this Carmel, ‘I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world’.
The beautiful thing about life, is that no matter how much we try to hide the mess, in cupboards or drawers, under the bed or down the back of the sofa, it always comes back for us to see and to have another go at learning how to live without the mess in the first place.
Abstinence definitely has a limited shelf life. Forcing yourself to tidy up would too. There’s only one way to move on from an unwanted behaviour or adopt a desirable one and it requires being 100% ready to either let it go or embrace it, whichever is required. And both require understanding why we’re doing what we’re doing in the first place.
We have recently moved into a new home and there is much to clean and sort – little things like light bulbs that need replacing, drawers that stick, doors that don’t lock properly, plants overgrown in the garden, small niggles that most people will put up with but when we pay attention to these details, it’s amazing how different our environment feels as we claim our space and keep it clean, tidy and in good working order.
I 100% agree that diets don’t work because in the past I’ve tried lots, but none with any long-term success. When I stopped trying to lose weight and started to appreciate myself more by making more loving food choices, my weight naturally adjusted and I dropped 2 dress sizes.
Yes Carmel, I love the idea of creating supportive nurturing spaces. These days I have become particular about how I keep my car, and get it cleaned more often that I used to. Because I spend so much time in it I feel it’s important to have order around me as I travel.
When we live for the outer world we will always come up empty for our activity is without our true inner-quality…the ‘us’ that is needed in every moment.
As we are each divine in our essence but have behaviours in place that mask the expression of such beauty, we have mastered the art of making it all look so ‘good’ on the surface while all the while all we are doing is adding more layers, be that excess weight or clutter, that will then need to be discarded later. I call this process ‘densing the divine’, speaking as one who had perfected how to hide my light and bury my true self beneath a mountain of rubble I have spent what seem like an eternity emerging from. What I can say standing on the other side of this debris is that it is worth every step taken, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may seem at the time, to stand in the light of our true self and once again see the restored reflection of divinity – simple, clear and in full beam. A true lightening of ‘the load’ we all seem to carry here on Earth.
I love that Liane, when we can see our life’s clutter as a load of rubble that is burying us – the light that emerges when we get out from under all that is truly beautiful.
Beautiful Carmel, the difference between making choices that stem from self love vs those that are impulsed from ideals or beliefs we hold is very stark. The former are nurturing and sustainable in my experience, while the latter tend to be draining and ultimately unsatisfying.
Discipline and force is like punishment – no wonder we eat more under rules because we are trying to avoid feeling the loveless laws we have put ourselves under.
It is so simple when we stop the struggle and bring focus and dedication to deeply loving and accepting ourselves and then everything else becomes a reflection of this.
Perfection is not our friend! When we try to be perfect we really cannot be the amazing being’s that we are because we are no longer simply being, we are trying and when we try we push and then there is no connection.
Order at home and at my workspace gives me a clarity that support all I do.
There is something very beautiful about putting things away after us. It is like we complete one thing and make ready for the next thing to begin. In this rhythm there is great order and flow.
So true Elizabeth. Far from being an ‘ending’, completion offers us the birth of what comes next. No feeling in the world can match this when we live aligned to our true purpose in life – to evolve back to the unfiltered expression of the magnitude of our love.
Dealing with things on a surface level can lead to great management of issues. So much so that we can kid ourselves that we don’t have the issues because we have managed them so well. It is only when we go to the very core of why we overeat or have mess in out lives that we can choose a different way.
When we start to notice the reflections in everything around us, then we realise just how much we are supported and can choose differently when we pay attention.
Absolutely Carmel – it’s all about choices and how we choose to be in each moment will make the next. No point in standing in front of cake and swearing not to eat it when the steps that got one there were unloving and not fully claimed . Talking from personal experience, of course.
Diets never work, that is a fact! as it is our love for ourselves that ignite a way of being where our relationship with our bodies and everything to do with it adapts to reflect that which is natural within us all.
If we look at how our body reflects our home, you can see the total reflection in what you shared. Both home and body can’t be truly looked after if it does not come from a point of self love and care.
What stood out for me today as I read your blog Carmel was ‘Isn’t it funny how we try to be perfect? And how much we don’t like the way we are or the way we live and are constantly striving to be better?’ We so offer strive to be better, for a better way of life, yet we continue around the same cycle until we decide that enough is enough, it is as if we wait until we are unable to cope any longer as things are when we could have saved ourselves an awful lot of grief if we only felt into the choices we make, and made some different choices earlier on, although it’s never too late to start changing our choices.
Yes, Sally, we tend to cement ourselves with phrases like ‘That’s just the way I am.’ And I agree with you, we can make different choices at any moment, regardless of how old we are or how set in our ways we think we are, it only takes one gentle breath in… or maybe a few :o)
Something interesting I am discovering about myself is that, when I’m upset, cleaning something in detail is a great restorer. Maybe it’s providing a reflection of healing within my own body. We take notice of the bigger things and sometimes it’s paying attention to the details that makes a difference.
I feel so much support for my body when I keep what I eat to those things that don’t bloat me. Maybe when I tidy up the rest of my surroundings food will become a simple follow on.
‘I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.’ This is a huge revelation Carmel, and exactly one of the reasons why shape shifting on the outside is never sustainable, and requires constant ‘effort’ or discipline to attain. our body will always reflect our relationship with ourself and often diets are a way of controlling or masking how we truly feel by forcing ourselves to eat in a certain way and fight the cravings. If we build a relationship with ourself first – the way we want to eat changes naturally – with no effort required.
“I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come.” Thank you Carmel for this. When I accept my feelings then nothing becomes a heavy chore or forced effort but life is joyfully engaged with.
We are just about to buy a house that needs lots of TLC (Tender Loving Care) both inside and out – it’s been an interesting journey house-hunting and feeling the energy of disregard in some of the houses. This one is empty but the imprint of disregard remains in some areas, such as the kitchen, bathrooms and one bedroom in particular. I’m looking forward to re-imprinting it with a loving freshness that will support us in our evolution.
Your blog Carmel is a beautiful confirmation for me as I am planning to clear some clutter and bring more order to my wardrobe and cupboards this weekend. Whenever I choose to do this the feeling in the home and my body is much lighter, more expansive and making space for a different quality and flow that is felt by all.
It is a true testament to commitment and support for self that changes our every movement to those made of love and not neglect. Choosing to explore how we are in our daily activities expands our understanding of what patterns and or beliefs we may be carrying and to understand why we do them and how to then return to more loving movements to bring vitality back to life.
Some great comments above, thank you. For me, especially after a recent retreat I attended, I can feel the disregard when clothes are left out, when dishes are not washed – the house where I live feels lovely to walk into when it is tidy, even when we don’t have visitors.
For years if we had guests coming to our house, out would come the black bin liners and everything that was not in it’s right full place would go in the black liner and stuffed in the cupboard. Afterwards the place would look tidy but it always felt unsettling some how, and then later when we were looking for things we knew where to look. These days I prefer to have the cupboards organised and clutter free if at all possible, and not to have the things out of place in the first place.
Carmel, this really makes sense, ‘I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.’ I can feel this with tidying up, if I tidy up to make my house look good and to give a ‘good’ impression then this feels like hard work and it feels false, it feels like there is a lack of acceptance of me and that I am putting how others see me above what truly supports me, I have noticed that the more i accept and love myself the more I naturally tidy.
I too was a ‘drawer and wardrobe stuffer’ when I knew visitors were on the way but once they had left I would often leave things as they were, hidden away from sight. Looking back I can see so clearly that this is how I lived in many areas of my life, just looking at the surface of my life and not allowing myself to look deeper at what I had stuffed out of sight. I am slowly learning to be much more transparent, allowing others to see me for who I am, but of course that begins with being honest with myself first and no longer hiding anything away that needs the light of honesty shone upon it.
I love the title of this blog because it is the common calling card when we can feel that our lives are lived in disharmony and we are looking for ways to fix it rather than stopping to observe what doesn’t belong anymore. The discarding rather than the disregarding.
Great job Carmel. “I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase” it creates more space to see what is holding us back, what is getting in the way and actually allows more flow as Vicky Geary has mentioned in the previous comment!
Tidying up also relates to a certain order and flow in a space, be it a bedroom, kitchen or any part of the house. When I then relate this to the bigger picture, a universal order that we are all part of, I get to see how we are always affecting the all.
Spot on Vicky, thanks for sharing this wisdom it is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today.
Both tidying up and dieting are about how we appear to other people and wanting to appear perfect, as you say Carmel. Both are from outside in instead of inside out. The more we shed the outer layers of protection the more the we reveal our precious core to ourselves, and that is the place to live from.
Interestingly, a few people have mentioned pockets of untidiness and, for me, there are a few pockets where I am less committed in how I eat, for example, having decided to avoid anything sweet, or to avoid eating nuts because of how they affected my body, I sometimes say, ‘Oh just one won’t hurt’ but that never pays because my body will still react, even to a small amount, and similarly, if I leave a small amount of things (clothes or paperwork) in a heap, it doesn’t feel great and can affect the whole house.
I have struggled with food and with tidying up. I agree whole heartedly with what Carmel has shared in that it doesn’t work because it’s all about outside appearances rather than supporting ourselves to value who we are and nurture that. When we nurture ourselves we see that living in an open, clean and tidy environment supports this and so does what we choose to eat and not eat.
Awesome Carmel. I had appreciated the fact that diets don’t work and it is about our relationship with ourselves – but I hadn’t looked at the untidiness in that way. There are pockets of clutter around me and I have a new awareness of them now. I can see how they reflect my relationship with time – and never feeling that there is time to deal with it all. There is work to be done – thank you for sharing your awareness here.
“I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” I have also discovered that when I approach any task with the attitude of what others may think, or think I have to do something to please others. I have already lost that loving motivation and joy of doing something to support me and others in the task that I am doing.
Funny that we speak about diets that do not work. We eat every day. We follow a diet every day. The question is what are we doing with our eating? If we get heavy because we do not want to feel life, and we eat to that goal, can we honestly say that our diet does not work? It does work and delivers exactly what we are after. If we separate what we eat with what do we ask food to do for us, we can keep saying ‘this diet does not work’. But this is not true.
This is a beautiful reminder how simple it is, if we just start to honour and accept our self everything starts to fall in to place. The key for me was to stop and make time for me, knowing I am worth it and in that build the acceptance of myself.
Inspirational Carmel. That focus on the end result is still something I get caught up in. Making the change so it’s about choices that support me is a very different approach that I’m finding is a more sustainable and loving way of being.
There is no doubt that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine teachings have been a great source in tidying up the loose ends that we can carry for many years ‘thinking’ this is the way life is supposed to be. The support of the teachings have been paramount in bringing reality back into everyday life where stuffing items in draws or food in the mouth send a message of the levels of disregard we are having for ourselves and the homes we live in. The changes you’ve shared here Carmel Reid come from steps of self love where there is no room to disregard as the value you feel for yourself is the key ingredient for all that you do.
I’ve recently moved to a different country and I find that where I am currently living I automatically want to keep the place tidy and clean and have easily adjusted my diet to support how I was eating before I moved. Both feel like self loving choices that are supporting me in the adjustment to a new environment.
This week I went to an Apple store to ask them to help me clear space on my laptop…. I knew my laptop couldn’t be as full as it was telling me but I couldn’t see what needed ‘decluttering’ so to say. Two and half hours later and finding every spot that files were hiding in, it felt like a massive clean out and I said to them I feel lighter! We all laughed… but it was true.
I have noticed that the more I love and care for myself, the outer things like body shape, what I eat, the state of my house and even my relationships seem to change, often quite drastically but in the most gentle ways without me even noticing. When we make life about love, and love for ourselves first, the struggle is simply dissolved.
Nikki I completely agree, the more we care for ourselves the outer things like body shape, the food I eat, the state of my house and relationships all start to change. The changes are huge and yet its been a gentle and a more supportive change for me. In the last week I have several people say to me I have lost weight, but the truth is I have not lost weight, my body shape has changed back to a more slender figure, this is without diet and trying, but by deepening the caring for myself.
Beautiful Carmel, I love this comparison between two areas of life that reflect very much how we are in our relationship with ourselves! It fascinates me and how I am always changing and often old habits that don’t support me or my body come back for me to look at, deepen time and time again.
Solutions don’t work – they only distract us from the underlying issue and offer a sense of relief. If we want answers and true change we need to look at the truth behind why we do what we do.
Carmel, you are so correct in saying that struggle is not a great motivator for change. True change can only occur when we connect to our essence, understand that we are far grander than we let ourselves know and from there start to make more self loving choices because when we feel the loving quality of our essence we do not want to continue to disregard and abuse ourselves with self harming choices.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom around this Carmel. I think you are onto something here 🙂 It is a fundamental shift to connect and build a relationship to and with your body, and then to make loving choices that support and nourish it.
I made similar changes and started building a relationship with this thing I live in 24/7 (my body!) and as I did that, I was filled with wonderment of how it works for us. How amazing it truly is. And in that process I also started to connect with the beautiful tender woman I am.
My weight which had yo-yoed for many years is now mostly stable and my food choices much more supportive (with a lot less fight). I have also applied the same principles to exercise. I now exercise to support and strengthen my body, not to punish it or to make it lose weight.
There is big difference in energy between doing something because we think we’re not good enough versus doing something because we know something needs to change and we are worth making that change.
The true power of acceptance and appreciation is felt deeply in your blog Carmel.
“I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world, and in honouring that, I am naturally feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness: and as for tidying up, it is something I naturally want to do”.
“..as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight – with virtually no effort at all, and without the need for dieting…” Self acceptance… what a recipe for health and wellbeing!
‘ I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come’. It is important to take a stop moment, a breather, a moment to reflect and take stock of how far we have come and of much we have changed, for in this self-appreciation, we are also confirming ourselves and at the same time, preparing ourselves for the next steps, for there is always more steps to take….
As you have so wisely shared Carmel, the liberation we seek from the underlying pain, restlessness, emptiness and tension we feel, can never be found through the world outside of ourselves be it dieting, ideals, belief, lifestyles or otherwise. It is only through our claiming and honouring of who we are within first that can we then freely live in a loving way that allows us to be who we naturally are, in our all fullness of joy.
Carmel, thank you for sharing this, ‘There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.’ I have noticed that as I am taking more care of myself and loving and appreciating myself more that I feel impulsed to tidy and de-clutter my house, the two for me go hand in hand. I too used to tidy up for others – if someone was coming round to visit, this felt very different to how I now tidy which feels much less tiring and much more enjoyable.
I am in the process of organising my home and the spaciousness I’m feeling in my home is also felt in my body.
If I tidy without clearing and organising along the way, then I am ignoring what needs to be disguarded of; in much the same way we hold onto old patterns – we hold onto our clutter. By getting rid of what is no longer needed whilst tidying leaves the space feeling completely different.
Two things I experienced this week: one was walking into my bedroom where I’d taken care to make my bed – it felt beautiful just walking into the room, and two: walking back to the dining table where I’d abandoned my plate to answer a telephone call – that felt awful. In future I will ask the person to hold on while I clear my plate, or call them back.
Universal Medicine presents to everyone the opportunity to literally change and transform from the inside out, without taking on anyone’s knowledge or opinions, but to simply reconnect to one’s own internal awareness and truth and then, as Carmel says, the transformations take place
When we do things to try to fit a picture – to try to make it look good on the outside – it simply doesn’t work and doesn’t feel great. It’s only when we’re prepared to get honest – to take a deep look within and ask why we’re doing or not doing something, and what we’re not accepting about ourselves, that we can understand and then change the behaviour from its root cause, and not the end result.
Since having an operation recently I have refined my diet so that it appears very limited, but is very healthy compared to how I used to eat – there are so many foods I simply don’t fancy any more, which is great! What I have found is that since then, I have been more allowing in terms of what I allow myself to feel, and not being racy through eating too much sugary carbs has helped me to read situations more clearly than before. This increased sensitivity is inspiring me to continue taking care with my food and what I am working on now is the amount I eat, because too much can be numbing and that means my head makes decisions and choices instead of my body.
Rarely does anyone truly have a food issue. It is usually more honest to say they have an issue they do not want to face, and use food as a masking agent to prevent them feeling all their is to feel. And that management tool in itself becomes an addiction or systematic problem.
when I had my first child, one of my ideas about being a good mum was to have the home spick and span. Whilst my new born daughter slept I should have been having a nap too, but instead I spent the time cleaning. Needless to say I soon became exhausted. I was trying to prove something so it was all done for show rather than from a place of doing what I could to keep my home tidy and orderly.
Yes I remember times when I would be frantically tidying up my house because people were coming round. Its funny that I wanted it to look nice and tidy for other people, but was not bothered to do it for myself. This was definitely a reflection on the relationship I had with myself.
I can make a space look tidy but know the drawers are a mess, and in that knowing there is a discomfort in myself. It goes to show how we can’t ever really cheat in this regard, and that the more order we bring to our homes the more it positively affects how we feel.
We all have different bodies, lifestyles and are at different stages in our evolutionary cycles so it makes sense that tuning into our body regarding our food choices gives us a true marker to work from rather than a generic diet or what we just think is good for us.
When we focus on aspects of our life such as eating or cleaning and build a loving routine in how this supports us in the day it no longer becomes a task but a way in which we are in our lifestyle that encourages more self care that we can then stop to appreciate.
The more we refine the way we live and eat, the more we can feel anything that is not in harmony, for example, although I am eating what might appear to be a very healthy diet, I can feel horribly heavy after a meal if I’ve eaten too much. Not only that, when I pick up my plate laden with food, I can already feel by its weight in my hand that it will be too much. It is then my choice to halve it and save some for later or to eat all of it despite knowing it was too much.
I remember when I first married, trying to keep my home perfect all the time just in case I had visitors. However this meant that I wasn’t truly ‘living’ in it which meant that I was living against a natural way of being. Now my home is naturally tidy and I feel this is because the way I am living now is not so dictated by how others will see me but by my own loving choices and a respect for myself and how my environment feels for me.
It’s all about the intent, if we do something to support ourselves, it’s very different and in fact it’s not a chore, it just feels like the natural thing to do and the more we choose those naturally loving choices, the more of them we make – one choice really does feed another.
This is great Carmel. It highlights how even the food that we know is not true or the one we are eating in a way that does not honour us and our body is not something we should just “give up” without first becoming fully honest and true to ourselves about why we may be seeking it in the first place.
Love is the only thing that works.
I love the correlation you have made about diets and tidying up and more significantly, the importance of acceptance yourself first. It is gorgeous that this then inspires you to nurture yourself either through food or through creating a space to be with you, and through that allows you to really enjoy you more.
Carmel thank you so much for your blog, it was exactly what I needed to read today. There is such a consciousness around tidying just for others, ditto dieting. I have realised reading your words how I can also change how I relate to my housework, and in this bring even more love to myself.
Oh much more gentle, listening to your body and taking care of yourself, feels compared to the ‘trying’ and ‘pushing’ that comes from believing we are not enough as we are. Tidying my house or looking after my body with a healthy meal for me is so supportive. I just cleaned and tidied my desk at work before leaving for the weekend, knowing what I would be coming back to on Monday… and boy will it feel lovely.
Dieting is a movement. The question is what is behind it? Is it the drive for ‘perfection’, hence an image? Is it the realisation that the excess weight one carries does not allow one to feel anything with the body, hence that we use food to numb ourselves? We cannot become the image, but we can stop using food against ourselves. Two different movements under the same heading.
As I struggle with the way I over eat I am finding that my next level of building a loving way to support my body with the way I am eating and the affect it is having on my body is ready to evolve to the next level.
This is literally perfect timing reading this for me and beautifully coincides with another blog I have just read giving me a greater understanding and awareness of what I can feel unfolding for myself to be aware of and look at; in that by accepting and deeply appreciating the woman I truly am is where the shift and changes come from in order to support myself and others as a deeper and more loving level. It is not in the doing or trying at all! Appreciating is definitely the key. ‘It is only in recent years as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me.’ Thank you xx
The diet industry collects billions of dollars from the public who believe they will look and feel better following a certain diet. Though the inexpensive free and truly successful way to lose weight and feel better is to truly honour the body by getting the head and all its desires out of the way and instead listening first hand to the body. If we don’t first follow what our bodies truly want we will always be following blindly.
I relate to this deeply and have always looked at my body and my home as needing to have a result – my body needs to be a certain size and shape, and my home needs to look a certain way, but as exposed here it is all the same thing! Crazy to think that we can be so invested in things but we are only trying to recreate a picture that is not even true to us and our lives.
The investment can be huge and often projects an image of how you’re living that is far from true.
It is so true that tidying up for the sake of tidying up does not work. I have spent years tidying up only to find within a very short period of time the mess is back. The impulse to tidy up has to come from a place within ourselves that says that we do not want to live in disorder and chaos any more. When the internal shift occurs the external shift follows.
When we put all our focus on constantly striving to be better we completely underestimate how awesome we are and the qualities we have right now in the present. And ironically, these are the very same qualities and awesomeness that lays the foundation for us to naturally grow upon which is far more effective than when we push or strive to be what we are not.
Yes, the focus shifts when we appreciate who we are. It is then not a case of bettering ourselves but a case of acquiring knowledge, training ourselves, making different choices, whatever the case may be.
Carmel, reading your blog again reminds me of how powerful love and care is when we apply them with consistency and commitment. To bring this to how we tidy up, how we eat and what we eat, our body and our home is then supported to be in its natural state, harmony.
Often we set ourselves a goal of some sort thinking we have to be a certain way, to improve ourselves, to be better, thinner, tidier, whatever – but where does that picture come from? How do we know what that is going to look like? We have got this the other round, haven’t we? Our body reflects the choices we live everyday. Having a living space that reflects tidiness is the end result of how we live everyday. Bringing a sense of completion and conscious presence to every and each of my activity inevitably brings order.
It is very easy to procrastinate, shove everything into a pile and think we’ll deal with it later, but in truth we never do. Having just come out of hospital following a pretty major surgical operation, I returned to my (now delightfully tidy) bedroom with a heap of new paperwork. Tired and in pain it was easy to leave it for a few days but today it’s bothering me. What I eat has changed, so obviously something is clearing from my body, and today is the day the pile gets sorted so that my room feels restful and supportive once again.
This is so simple and so brilliant! If we start to honor ourselves deeply and appreciate who we are, connect deeply to our innermost – than everything else takes place absolut naturally. If I try to make the end result happen without the honoring and connecting first – it becomes a task, a burden and at the end…it does not work.
And if I try to do things without being connected first, only focusing on the end result, life becomes a bit of a drag and joyless – all about the ‘doing’ and the fixing, instead of the deep acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment of being in the moment – and just enjoying something because we’re there with ourselves.
Yeah. We have the choice to come from our fullness or from emptiness. By trying to fill the emptiness we get lost in frustration, as emptiness is a ‘not to get satisfied beast’. It is like a black hole, everything gets lost and we need more and more and more. But it will never be enough. To paraphrase Einstein: you can’t fix a problem with the thinking that created it.
By tidying up the lose ends we have let stray for so long, there is far less that can trip us up on our path back home to the love within our hearts. Caring for our body is no different to caring for our house in the sense that when we do not allow clutter, be it poor food choices or mess we leave out, we create more space through which to move and thus express all that we are without so much ‘stuff’ getting in the way.
Connection to our bodies is the key, as when we make choices in honouring of who we are we can then commit to something that is true for our bodies and not something that might have been fed by outside sources which then become unattainable and short lived.
I loved reading about you creating a space that is nurturing and supportive for yourself Carmel, it feels beautiful and expansive.
Carmel I think it is great here how you have linked dieting and tidying up together for what I feel you are saying here is that it is not what we do but the quality we do it in that matters. Anything we do, even if it is a so called ‘life betterment’ activity is actually not good for us if we are approaching it from the perspective of wanting something from outside of us rather than honouring the quality of our essence within. In other words there is a difference in doing something from the outside in rather than from the inside out.
Brilliant but simple expose on the fallacy of “dieting”.
I find it interesting to note that, although my food intake is remaining pretty steady as is my weight, there is still an element of untidiness in my room, and that is down to me not making time to clear it. I have stopped work, and have some surgery coming up and it feels like now is a good time to do some clearing, in preparation – as my body clears, so will my environment.
It is only through developing a relationship with ourselves that we can feel the patterns of the way we eat. I have learnt so much about myself and the way I eat as I have chosen to pay attention to how my body feels.
Feeling our fullness from within and expressing the love we feel for ourselves through self-love and care leaves very little room for overeating.
I was raised to believe that you had to hide how you truly felt and put on a perfect face for the world, and this belief ended up colouring so much of my life. If my house was messy and someone was about to visit the art of surface tidying was called into play with all excess mess shoved in drawers and cupboards, only to be pulled out once they had gone. Excess weight was covered up with bigger clothes, long skirts and trousers to cover my legs and long sleeves to cover my arms. Looking back I realise how exhausting it was to not live who I really was and all the covering up and drawer stuffing was just a way of not honouring the true, and pretty amazing me.
I used to do exactly the same thing when it comes to tidying up. I remember the mad rush trying to tidy our home when we knew someone was visiting. Crazy! Now, I tidy up as I go and I have found to do it a bit at a time supports me to be more consistent and supports me to not go into the push and drive energy. I am now being more loving and gentle with how I clean and tidy up. This is a work in progress for me and my family, we are learning to create a more loving space to house our loving body.
Carmel you are a testament to everything that is taught by Universal Medicine – Thank you
It’s interesting how we can shove stuff down that makes us feel heavy, low and lethargic – but just because it doesn’t lead to putting on weight we don’t consider it an issue. The reflection of weight needs to be seen as a correlation rather than a one-to-one direct outcome.
Hi SD thank you for sharing your experiences, I was particularly drawn to the words: ‘when I see that things have become a mess, then I know there is an area in which I am not letting people in completely’ I can feel my own disregard in respect of my untidiness but not it being an indication of not letting people in. Having said that, I am temporarily sharing a beautiful house with two other (incredibly tidy) women and whilst I am quite good at making sure the common areas are tidy, there is a mess growing in my room and I’m wanting to keep the door shut so as to not pollute the house. But I am polluting it regardless of whether the door is open or closed. It’s like a teenager’s messy bedroom that leaves the house feeling awful. Shutting my door is a sure sign of me shutting people out – not wanting my mess to be seen. It’s MY space, no-one else’s so why am I not keeping it tidy for me? Because I give more focus to what other people need and not enough to my own needs.
Tidying up for me has been equal to a battle with time. I can find myself feeling limited in the amount of time that I have to do something such as getting out the door for work, so I will not carry out other tasks properly, thus leaving a trail of unfinished-ness or untidiness behind me, only to have to come back to that space and again not feel the time is available to do anything properly and so the mess continues to grow, until eventually there is an opportunity to tidy up – but what exactly am I tidying up? I have come to realise that it is the trail of my own dis-regard which I am now having to spend precious time going back over and cleaning away. And when I look at this on a bigger scale, it makes me question the quality that I have been living in all week, at work with my colleagues, at home with my family, alone with my self. And this leads me to ask, where have I been with myself and my body that I have allowed the pressure of rushing and of time to become more important than the quality of my movements and the the quality of my relationships with people?
So, home and work space for me is now a reflection of my relationship with myself and with people, and when I see that things have become a mess, then I know there is an area in which I am not letting people in completely, where I may be in protection or dis-regard, where perhaps I am not nurturing of the delicate woman that I am, or where I have allowed irresponsibility to run the movements of my day. And then I apply myself to these areas, letting the mess naturally become cleared as I change the way I move through the space.
Tidying clutter is just that. It will only last for a short time before the fact that it is clutter is apparent again.
Ahaha I love your amazing blog Carmel as it leaves me back with the wish to tidy up my flat as your realization that this is “a loving gesture to help to support myself” is defiantly the best thing to do for me this morning.
Brilliant, Carmel. We end up putting on weight, the room ends up getting untidy – they are the consequences. I am also learning that by accepting myself more and more, what is true naturally unfolds – even it may not fit the picture of the ideal that I had been holding.
‘by accepting myself more and more, what is true naturally unfolds’ I agree with this, Fumiyo – if we use willpower to do something or not to something, we may have a relapse and then beat ourselves up for failing. Only by developing self love will we permanently live in more truly nourishing ways, as self-care becomes something we naturally want to do.
This morning I was thinking about the mess in my bedroom and relating it to lack of space – we get cluttered because we have too much stuff and need to let things go that no longer serve. Similarly with eating – I have space in my body, feeling light and feeling – and immediately there is a part of me that is desperately wanting to eat, but in truth I am not hungry, I am just FEELING. Eating when I am not hungry serves me well in that it dulls that feeling, leaving me comfortably numb, but it also means that I am not dealing with my ‘stuff’.
“I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” Great realisation Carmel. Accepting, appreciating and loving ourselves deeply enables the changes to happen naturally – be they losing weight, keeping our homes spacious or also – in my case – ceasing to bite my nails after 50+ years.
What you say Carmel makes so much sense we can’t just do something as a one off and hope for profound changes, there has to be a constancy of living. Through this consistency of supporting ourselves we can then bring it into a way of life so that then eating healthy becomes a no brainer.
Yes, Samantha, consistency is the key – I’m still erratic in the way I live and that shows in the occasional untidiness of my bedroom. I’m staying with friends at the moment and am very conscious of not leaving a mess around the house, but in my room I am more relaxed, which is crazy, because the energy of that disregard is with me wherever I am.
This begs the question – does the clutter happen in the first place because we are moving around in distraction and not in our body and so things are placed anywhere and everywhere? Does the weight go on because we are living in distraction and putting what ever food we crave or is around into our body because that is all time allows for because we just want to fill up? It makes so much sense that when we bring our focus lovingly to ourselves and stay present in our body and movement then the choices we make are going to be more loving and the way we live will be a natural and healing way. Thanks Carmel.
It is truly amazing when we let go of the ideals and beliefs we hold onto about food and diets, we allow our bodies to align to the natural truth of who we are and all we need to do is to take responsibility in maintaining a body that is for service for the all.
‘all we need to do is to take responsibility in maintaining a body that is for service for the all.’ That is a game changer, when we take responsibility for living our lives in service to the all, because the energy of everything we do matters, and with this awareness, we can change lives.
The true beauty to nurture and care for ourselves starts with our connection to our bodies. It is from there that all our movements, whether it be tidying or eating what nourishes us, becomes a natural rhythm for our bodies and it is so much fun too.
I love the correlation between the clutter of food and the clutter of things. It makes so much sense to me and is what I have experienced in my life too. The more I value myself, my health and my wellbeing, and understand that how I feel about myself has a direct impact on what I eat and how the space around me looks, the more things have naturally changed without the need for punishment, drive or control. It may take longer but it is much more consistent and a changed behaviour as opposed to an up and down fluctuation.
Living alone at different times in my life I would have in the past been very blasé about tidying up. Now a clear space at home is a joy to be in and something I treasure, even when it is only for me, and actually especially for me.
I agree, Heather, how you leave your space can be very supportive when you return home every day.
As I find my way in life there are many things I still have to learn and food is at the top of my list followed closely by keeping things tidy. One important aspect that I do have is that I am patient with myself and do not go into the illusion of criticising what I have done.
Great comment, greg, for me if I focus on what food I’ve been eating and what I think I should eat, I find it easier to judge and criticise myself whereas when I focus on being tender and more loving with myself, the food thing sorts itself automatically.
Very true Carmel, if I am more tender and loving with myself then maybe I won’t eat so much? And at the same time the same approach would be a benefit to keeping things tidy, especially seeing I would spend less time eating.
That would have been very awkward, making things look okay on the surface for the sake of others and how it looks to them but not truly attending to what was needed. Your examples show that it doesn’t work, not with weight nor with tidiness. For lasting change things need to be developed from the inside out.
I have also found that both what I eat and things like tidying up are often a reflection of something else that is going on in my life. For example, if I get a bit stressed or am feeling anxious things might be less harmonious and I might eat more. Therefore, it can be more supportive to look at what is going on in those areas rather than trying to tackle it from controlling my eating which might just be a symptom.
This is true, Nicola, we need to feel deeper into the cause of what is merely a symptom. In the case of eating, it is sometimes done to numb or mask the feelings of tension and anxiety in our bodies, so if we allow ourselves to feel, we can learn more as to what it is all about.
I often wonder why we need to create a good impression on someone by “tidying up”. It is as if we are not feeling that we are good enough being who we truly are and is probably showing us that we are not living who we truly are for the majority of the time. What great examples you have shared, Carmel.
It is a great feeling, as we tidy up pockets of our lives we stop wasting or leaking energy there… and so we reclaim back a small piece of ourselves and so have more for the next day. Bit by bit we recover all of ourselves (which begs the question of how bit by bit we lost ourselves when we were younger).
There is a big difference between tidying up for people coming round and tidying up for ourselves. The latter says we are worth caring for and such an intention can only have positive effects on the other aspects of our lives and health, such as the food we would then choose to eat if we have created a regard for ourselves. everything will affect every other thing we choose to do.
Interesting comment, Doug, I am now out of my house where I lived alone for five years and living with friends. Although I am being clean and tidy around the house generally, my bedroom is a bit messy because I am still integrating myself into a smaller space, so there are lots of bits and boxes to clear. I felt embarrassed (ashamed) and closed my door so the mess couldn’t be seen. What I was failing to observe was that the energy of how I am living affects the whole house and so, my door is now wide open . . . and I am tidying my room because I can feel that it can support me better that way.
It is good to know that there are alternative diets and that the one we have chosen may not be the best for us. The diet matters. No doubt. But the diet has to resonate with how we are living as it is part of it. So, if we are trying to step up in our well being, we have to take every element into account. Not just what we eat. What we eat, why we eat, when we eat what we eat, how we eat, why to eat the way we do. These are all relevant questions to understand our relationship with food.
I have found not eating to be the most satisfying.
I so agree with you that neither diets or tidying work because all they do is treat the symptoms and not the root cause of the problem in the first place. We are to get to the root cause before we can truly heal.
“There would be things stuffed into a drawer or cupboard out of sight, and eventually, like the weight going back on, the mess would creep back in.” So true Carmel. When we try to bury our ‘stuff’ the mess just creeps back in.
Acting in according to what we think the outside world will think is very tiring, but the thing is no one has ever verbally told me to do all the things I drive to do because of this perception that there are outside expectations. Yes at one point we may have gotten the message to tidy our rooms or been told by the media that we are not the right shape/size etc – but ultimately who maintains the train of behaviours, them or us? When I listen to my body it tells me what is true to follow and what has been a lie and gotten me into trouble for following. But ultimately I have made the steps either way and following the body makes far more sense not only to my own life but as I walk through life with others my steps affect theirs.
Yes, there are no rules or magic diets that truly work. If we listen to the body it is very particular and lets us know what will support it. It starts with the loving and nurturing relationship we have with our bodies, and ourself, which allows us to feel why we choose certain behaviours.
‘The same issue of self-acceptance arose with tidying’, it is awesome support for me to read your blog Carmel. I often wondered what it means when my house is untidy, and what I am avoiding when I allow my home to be in such a state that I feel overwhelmed and not myself. I have never been on any kind of diets but I can totally relate to that similar feeling of unachievable task in relation to tidying up. By developing a deeper more loving relationship with myself everything around me will just get done with love instead of a falseness of pleasing others. It is amazing to have this realisation after reading your blog again, I can deeply support my development by choosing to accept who I am and what I bring, and to continuously appreciate who I am. This is so amazing, thank you Carmel.
And this is the key isn’t it… As reflected in that last lovely sentence in this article…’ I’m learning to enjoy being me in every moment’. When we do take the time to simply be ourselves, what we truly are can shine out, and when who we truly are shines out, cannot help but reflect and radiate to all those around us… and this then offers the opportunity for everyone to start to feel themselves as they truly are… And so it radiates out.
I agree, Chris, when I started simply being me and let go of the need to play any kind of a role, life instantly became much simpler… and more fun.
What a perfect demonstration of the fact that doing things because they have to be done or look better in the eyes of the world doesn’t work long-term, is nothing but a quick fix without any depth, sustainability or true meaning.
Many things I have found in this world are upside down, for example if I walk 10 minutes a day the strength and vitality I get from simply walking is amazing. That walk is for no other purpose other than ‘to help me support myself’!
Dieting to look good for others, or for a particular event is common. Take weddings for example, many brides will work hard to look great for that one day, but at what cost. There is another way, which is building the love within and let the body reflect that love of self.
The conundrum of caring for yourself versus doing the right thing is not a conundrum at all, but as children we are incorrectly taught the latter, when caring for ourselves is really what is needed.
Great sharing Carmel, and what you have shared has brought a new found approach that I can add to my livingness ‘because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together’. When the student is ready the way is magnetically pulled towards us and today I chose to go back to April 2014 for what you presented so I can learn today a way of ‘approaching my dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself’. After 12 years of being a student of the Livingness there are many other things that will bring about supportive loving gestures for me to evolve.
The reflection both areas of your life have brought you the same offering – deeply love and honour ‘you’ and everything else will fall into it’s natural order – a simple a natural truth.
Having shed my fair share of kilos over the years I can honestly say it made no difference to how I felt about myself and the picture of how perfect my life would be if only I was thinner was shattered every time I dieted and reached my recommended weight, only for the weight to creep back up again. What I found was that thin or fat I still did not have self appreciation and without that it makes no difference what weight we are, because we will never like what we see in the mirror.
Carmel I like to add that tidying up can also be very easy if we are clearing things up in life – like old issues – then it happens automatically – what I have to clear is clear e.g. my wardrobe or the kitchen cupboards…
Interesting, Esther that what you have to clear becomes clear – yes I have found that too – there is an impulse to do a particular thing and the job simply flows.
I love this bog Carmel. Two things that we can do to feel better about ourselves. I have never been a dieter but I can certainly personally relate to the tidying up. I recall being a child and cleaning my room religiously every week, without anyone whispering a word and I could feel how this supported me. As my life became busier this slipped away. Even now I can clean the house whilst in a reaction to the way my partner is living. This has the opposite to the effect I am trying to force. The word here is force and how this produces a reaction in someone because it shows very little understanding of who they are.
When we come from our mind and impose what we should eat on ourselves from a diet we have read or heard about we are always going to be setting ourselves up to fail. The only true success to eating well and feeling amazing as a result is by truly listening to the body and what it wants and putting this first above any need or craving the mind wants.
Tidying up and how and what I am eating are great reflectors to me of where I am at within myself. If my home is getting messy then I am letting myself go, not taking care and have therefore left myself somewhere along the way. Same with food – if I snacking and overeating, I’ve left myself before it started. So nowadays I’m learning to stop when I notice this and trace back to what has happened, is happening, that I don’t want to feel and take responsibility for.
Such a great blog Carmel – quick fixes and solutions like dieting and rush tidying in order to present a better picture don’t work, but if you do something to truly support yourself it’s much easier to sustain… I feel our intentions are key to true longevity and change.
Well said Carmel. For me diets do not work because they start with a negative and saying no to something rather than a yes to love. If I ask myself would love do that, or eat that I get an instant response and so I have a choice to choose love for my body or not. The rest then takes care of itself.
I spent many years dieting on and off with no success at all, thanks to Universal Medicine presentations my eating has changed enormously and I eat in a way that truly supports and nourishes my body and the weight just naturally fell off and has continued to stay off.
That is what is so amazing, that the weight stays off with no effort at all
This feels so important – “not eating to lose weight but eating in a way that naturally supports my body”. Could it be the missing link and the answer to why diets are neither sustainable nor deliver the desired result? Could true self care and deep nurturing, eating to support ourselves and not for a desired end result, be the answer to the food dilemma where some have too little or none and others are gorging themselves to fill an aching need that food can never satisfy?
During the earlier part of this year, I put on almost a stone in weight, because I was fighting myself and on a big sugar-bender, eating stuff that I knew wasn’t nourishing for my body but trying to numb whatever discomfort I was feeling. Since April I have been taking much more care of how I am when I’m eating (e.g not watching TV or eating snacks) and also I’ve been clearing my house ready for a move – it’s amazing how much I have hung onto things ‘in case they might be useful’ and when i look at keeping only what i truly need, the house is becoming lighter. Not surprisingly, my weight has dropped,with no effort at all, and I am back to 9 stone.
Reading your story Carmel reminded me of this weight loss show I watched on television. I was so amazed the transformation that people made in a few months by the amount of weight they lost. At a point each and everyone would reach a plateau or giving up stage. With their personal trainer they would address their personal hurts . Once this was exposed and let go of, the weight just fell off and the person seemed like a different person with renewed resolve.
I too have regained my natural body weight. It had nothing to do with food, but the hurts that caused me to want to medicate with foods that numbed and comforted. Not nourish my body.
Concetta, this is great to know that more and more people are beginning to understand that the weight gain is just the symptom – deal with the underlying cause and the symptoms will disappear,
Very inspiring blog Carmel, I love living clutter free and the moment our home becomes messy and out of order it is a great refection of what is going on. Like you I am now finding it so very supportive to tidy up as I go there is something very beautiful about completion.
It occurred after I posted my last comment that the struggle to get results can never be sustainable as it is a projection, an ideal that we will never be able to fully live up to therefore will always fall short of. It is a setup that continuously keeps us feeling bad about our self.
Good point, Kathleen, it is a set up where we create false images of how everything should be instead of seeing what IS and then beating ourselves up for failing to be that image.
Feeling bad, self-flagellation or judging ourselves all come from the belief that we are something we have to live up to. We will always fall short of the image of how our life should be but if we stay true to our connection to our inner heart I have found it is simpler to not get caught in the down ward spiral that comes from the above beliefs.
Love this blog Carmel, the truth is that if diets did work then we would not have the obesity problems we have today. There are plenty of people buying diet books that are often best sellers, but to no avail. It is a huge industry that gets little or no results as it never address the underlying problems. I love the way you have combined tidying up around the home with diets. Makes sense that both are about a lack of self acceptance. Address the underlying issue and everything else naturally gets addressed without the struggle to just get results!
Carmel I find these points to be very simple, clear and powerful about offering ourselves care and loving attention first and then how our relationship with our bodies and our lives automatically begin to change. It has been amazing to have the presentations of Universal Medicine, both online and in person to understand what self care truly means, how it is valuing myself from my essential qualities already there inside me. Then the behaviours to clutter my body and my home and my life have simply fallen away as you relate.
I love how you draw a parallel between losing weight and tidying up, that it is the approach, the intention, the quality in which we are doing things that determine what effect it has on us.
Carmel the power of what you share here is based on a constant listening to your body. I really appreciate your sharing and how now what you eat and how you tidy comes from your body rather than a goal in your head. It is brilliant to read this and I can feel how you are solid in your choices because they come from you first.
Absolutely the more I accept and love myself the more I make choices that support me including the way I choose to arrange my home with ever increasing simplicity. My home now flows and allows me to be much more productive because I am not constantly searching for things or feeling overwhelmed by mess.
The looks on the outside can fool us for a period but the truth on what is on the inside with ALWAYS be revealed whether we like it or not. It is like this with corruption, we have seen this in many big organisations across the globe. The ill of the corruption will always be exposed even if hidden for many years
A great blog that expresses clearly the fact that as is within, so is without – our outer world is only a reflection of our inner world. So it stands to reason that the end result of our cleaning or space clearing will reflect the quality we’re living in, eating in and sleeping in. That’s a big wake up call to take responsibility for the quality of our relationship with ourselves and in particular, with our bodies.
It is amazing, Carmel, how when we do things in a self loving way, the process can be effortless and joyful and the results seem more attainable.
I agree with you Anne. It is actually very very simple to live in a truly loving and supportive way and with this comes the simple effortlessness with no trying or pushing! Diets are great on one level but they are not truly changing the energy which is causing the issue in the first place. Being truly loving brings in the honesty and eventually the truth which can arrest the underlying energy
It’s awesome to read your blog again Carmel. I approach cleaning in the same way as you shared here. It seems that I magically want my house, workplace and car to be clean and tidy but the reality is this takes commitment, consistency and love. I am realising the conditions I live in reflects the chaos that I have chosen.
Beautiful comments, thank you. I find that when I walk in my house, if it is clean and tidy, then it supports me and when it is not, then it is reflecting some chaos that I have allowed into my life. My house is my foundation, the base from which I go out into the world each morning and come home to rest in at night. If I honour myself and my body by eating and cleaning in a way that feels true and nourishing, then harmony is the result in all aspects of my life.
Inspiring Carmel, I love what you’ve shared. This is very supportive to read.
I feel this too Carmel. Wherever I am staying, as now in a hotel, I feel the difference if I leave things out. I did that today I left my towel on the bed after my shower and returning I felt the disregard and knew instantly that something was out of sorts. I had actually left the room earlier than I had intended in order to leave with my room mate, I had not honoured my own rhythm. A tiny thing maybe but a big lesson not to abandon myself for another.
In so many ways we have it backwards. If our primary priority is totally focused on the end product of anything that we do, we can easily get caught up with the finish line and forget that the quality and intention that anything is completed in is equally if not more important – after all it is actually the culmination of all that quality and intention that produces the end product.
Thank you Carmel for a great blog, I relate to the tidying up, which I often do when others are coming to my home for a visit, I love a clean and tidy home and am looking at why I don’t just do it for me, gradually I am learning to clean my home for me leaving a loving imprint for all to feel, who now visit.
This is it Jill, keeping our home tidy and clean for ourselves first and then when people visit they can feel the loving energy we put into caring for our environment, our home.
Really enjoyed your sharing with us Carmel. I’d not put the two together before, how I eat and how I keep a tidy house. But they so go hand in hand with the way I function/live on a daily basis. A classic for me is as you mentioned leaving the washing up in the sink most days this has been cleared away but when its still lying around I feel quite frustrated. Whereas the initial impulse is to clear away as it is made. Question to self: What gets in the way to stop that initial impulse? Getting distracted – Mmm work in progress I feel.
So true diets dont work the only thing that does is an on going awareness of what feels right for the body
Doing things for ourselves is so important not selfish as I was taught to believe. As we appreciate what this brings it is then a simple extension to do the same for others.
I’m slowly getting to a point where I no longer beat myself up for being untidy or eating this or that, because each time I go off the rails it is an indication of some feelings present that I am avoiding. When I allow myself to feel and understand what has just happened, e.g. I’ve been upset by another person’s feelings or situation, I realise I’ve absorbed their emotions and it’s hurt my body. I’m not hungry, I’m hurt. Honouring this is creating such a feeling of confidence that food is slowly becoming a non-issue – I can (sometimes) walk down a supermarket aisle and be completely unbothered by the foods on the shelf that in the past have screamed ‘EAT ME’.
It is great to read how you came to the understanding that there is nothing more to it than doing it from the love we have for ourself, not from the picture we want to portray or see ourself to be.
This is so true Benkt, by choosing to do things from the the foundation of love we support ourselves to deepen the love for ourselves.
Creating a space that is nurturing for ourselves, consistently, is such a joy. I love the feeling of coming home to a clear, lovely space. My challenge is not to go into drive or obsession around tidiness and order, a work in progress.
It is so true that in general for lifestyle changes to occur in the most natural way, there first has to be a change in how we are in ourselves, and the connection we have to the love we are inside. Through deepening this connection the changes effortlessly follow suit. Whereas if changes are made in order to achieve something like weight loss, we will always be in the constant motion of trying to obtain and make real the images we have in our mind. We don’t need goals to strive towards, we just need to be in the natural flow of life knowing that everything will come to us and unfold as it needs to.
I agree, Eleanor, and today, as I look at the pile of washing up in my sink, I can see that I need to love myself a little more today . . . :o)
I love how you talk about losing weight and show its connection to tidying up. I have always been a fairly untidy person. I would often tidy up and then discover I had untidied the same place in a matter of minutes. I couldn’t keep up with it a lot of the time. But I knew i always liked a place to be tidy. Now it is much different. The rooms in my home are generally maintained at a tidy level with almost no effort whatsoever. If i think about how that has changed all I can say is that it feels so much more supportive to have order in the home, and I can really feel it as a reflection of how I feel my life is flowing in a more balanced way now, without the erratic ups and downs that I used to have. And I have to thank the inspiration of universal medicine for that.
Carmel your blog has lovingly supported me to approach my tidying up in a fresh new way, having avoided doing some clearing in the house I feel the time has come to address it. Thank you for this reminder and your supportive words to assist me -‘ accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME’.
Approaching eating and tidying up with consistency, self love and care sounds wonderful to me. Thank you Carmel for the gentle reminder and the inspiration.
It was very supportive to have presented in Universal Medicine workshop that over eating and some food choices were made through attempting to get energy from food because of feeling depleted. Restoring my energy reserves by naturally looking after myself, made me much less interested and craving of stimulating and comfort foods.
Simon, what you are talking about here is a complete reversal of current public thinking – that we need food for energy, when the truth is, yes, we need some food to sustain our physical bodies, but our energy levels are far more affected by the way we live, and, as you say, the more we live in a self-nurturing way, the less we need to eat.
There is a parallel between tidying up and letting go of old issues, emotions and hurts. In developing a deeper level of self care I am going through everything in my house and throwing out as much as I feel I can let go of. I’m noticing a few things I am still hanging on to – thinking it might be worth something, or it belonged to a deceased relative, but in time those will go, too. The lightness I feel with each thing that goes out is amazing.
I can really relate to what you are saying Carmel. I have also been going through this a lot recently, throwing out old things that no longer feel right to me anymore. It is so liberating and cleansing. And at the same time I come across things which I don’t feel ready to let go of, which is great as I honestly feel into where I am at instead of forcing the letting go.
Approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to support ourselves is the way to go. I find when I take the time to feel what to eat and lovingly prepare my food my whole week will flow better, and its the same for tidying up when I tidy up as I go along I am lovingly supporting my wellbeing by being prepared and organised.
Thank you Carmel, I love the words “creating a space that is nurturing and supportive for me” This is definitely a new way of being, one that I need to come back to often, as my way of doing has been for others. In claiming what feels lovely for me I feel valued and loved by me.
Thank you Carmel. I have recently pondered on why I struggled in the past to keep my house tidy and when you mentioned self-acceptance I can feel how that relates to how I choose to live and the space I create for myself. It makes so much sense to me now after reading your blog and it is inspiring me to acknowledge the more I accept the amazing person I am the more I would want to keep my space tidy and lovely for me, not to please anyone or my visitors but for me. It’s by slowly building my self-acceptance and appreciating myself more and more that things will just naturally become orderly around me.
It has also been my experience that diets do not work. Having been a yo yo dieter for many years I started to notice that I still felt miserable when the weight came off and then would start to eat again – so that told me that dieting wasn’t the answer. It was only when I came to the Universal Medicine and listening to the presentations that I gave myself the permission to stop dieting (which was a huge relief in itself). Dealing with my hurts and listening to my own body, especially with regards to what it does and doesn’t want to eat has helped enormously. I no longer listen to other people when it comes to the foods I should eat and if I hear that a food is this or that, I feel for myself if it is suitable for my body.
And we are all very different in what our bodies need, and at different stages of feeling that, so we cannot judge anybody or offer advice. I can now see how I gave my power away to the external authorities on food instead of trusting the wisdom of my own body.
It’s so important to do these things to lovingly support ourselves. Anything else does not sustain because it comes from the idea of someone looking over our shoulder to check that we have done something. Is that someone else more important than me? If I am holding all as equal then there is no one more important than me. I need to change my attitude, to really value myself and then the rest is easy.
‘If I am holding all as equal then there is no one more important than me. I need to change my attitude, to really value myself and then the rest is easy.’ Very simple statement, but profound in its life changing quality, thank you Amanda.
I clearly appreciate you writing this blog as I have come back again! I have found over the last few weeks that when I don’t clear up after myself straight away, I am more likely to not eat well. It seems that mess on the outside encourages messy thoughts. I am putting it out there in case it helps anyone else…
Good point, Lucy, everything we do is interdependent and a reflection of all aspects of our lives. There is a saying, ‘Tidy desk, tidy mind’ and I do find that when I am in a muddle my house is too – I’m not sure which came first, but tidying just a little corner helps start the road to recovery.
Thank you Carmel. This is the truth, when we do it. tidy up etc. for ourselves it stays that way and we are acknowledging our love of self and our own importance in our lives first .
Its a great learning – are we living life because of how it looks to others with no connection to ourselves? If we do, then it is impossible/exhausting to keep that perfect picture. However, when the decisions are impulsed by how things make me feel (like I love it when things are tidy and organised… the flow, the space opens me up like nothing else) then that it is totally sustainable, and becomes a lovely way to live.
These are inspiring words, Simon, thank you
‘Cramming’ cupboards full when I had visitors coming (out of sight out of mind) – in reflection this was exactly how I was living ‘cramming’ so much into my life giving myself quite a stress buster of a time. So I can really relate to what you share with us Carmel. This did go hand in hand with my eating habits.
Letting go of perfection in my life has created more space for joy in the way that I live and it has also allowed me to bring more set acceptance of who I am.
Perfection is an absolute killer of our potential Francisco and is still a concept I am wrestling with and work in progress on – as you say acceptance is the key.
There are two words that I have finally removed from my vocabulary: one is “perfection” and the other is “diets”. I struggled with both for many years and as a result my life was far from what I perceived perfect to be, and it was also incredibly exhausting being driven by these ideals. To have them now removed from my life has freed me up to live my life in a much more self loving and self nurturing way, and my body lets me know that it appreciates my change in lifestyle in many wonderfully supportive ways.
If others or what they might think about us or about what we do are the basis for our choices in life, nothing that we do will really work. Once we start doing things that we truly feel to do, because they support our body and ourselves in being more who we really are, true changes will start to happen. Life will become a flow and less and less effort will be needed.
Great to hear your story again Carmel.
What an honouring experience to listen to your body and start to do things in a way that honour the whole and not just the surface.
Many diets will go for a change in the physical without considering the essence of our bodies. Just like cleaning can be to look good on the surface but things can be stuffed in drawers.
Like you Carmel, it has been a whole new experience for me to look at my relationship with food.
I have to say from lived experience that Diets most definately do not work and never will. They simply do not address why we are eating and what we are eating.
Lets get real and ask
Why are diet books the number one best seller at the beginning of every January?
Why are there new diet books coming out with this and that latest diet?
Why has no one found one diet that works for all?
Hello – is there a clue to this.
My husband has lost over 12 stone by applying the lifestyle changes that Serge Benhayon presents. Not once has it been about diet and exercise. I have lost almost half my body weight and this again is anecdotal evidence that diets do not work but what Serge Benhayon has to say does work.
So true Bina Pattel. Diets do not work, because they do not consider our own bodies and what we truly need. They are a general concept that requires you to stick to a plan or ideal without listening to or considering what you truly need. So you kind of constantly override what your body is saying to you. And this is where Serge Benhayon makes the difference. He does not give you any ready made recipe to stick to, but encourages you to honestly look at what you are up to, than feel what does really support you and what doesn’t and from there start to take the responsibility to make changes in you day and rhythm. This will step by step lead to true changes in our live, like for example losing the excess weight we always had felt was not quite right to have without any diet at all, just naturally along the way. This will happen, because we do not want to change for others and in a way that is not considering our unique body, but because we have realized that choosing to change is a loving step towards ourselves.
Absolutely Bina, as long there is no change in the real root issue why people use eating comfort foods, there will always the need for a new diet or something that is promoting fixing the eating disorder or the weight problem. It is easier to cover the lack of responsibility with something. But to be true here, everyone is responsible for creating the eating disorder in the first place and not wanting to face it. Underneath there is the knowing of the truth and what we are doing, hiding away not having to face the responsibility for it. It is a creation and as long as we do not want to face this fact – there will always be the need for a cover up – like with a new diet book or slimming drink.
And what is beautiful about your husband Bina, is the glow that comes with him now… its plain that he is enjoying being himself and that is what shines out.
Wow Bina, that is enormous and as you say, isn’t it something worth paying attention to when it is not about denying ourselves something but embracing a way of living that makes us enjoy our bodies. That is for everyone, not just a select few who have some secret combination.
Wow, it goes to show that dieting is never the answer but choosing to look at why we over eat? The issues behind it, not just focusing on the food, by isolating only one aspect of our lives but the many choices we make. How we are living affects our body, the way we think, behave and interact with others is governed by our choices. Serge Benhayon is teaching us to return to love, so when we choose to listen we are then able to make loving choices for ourselves, we are then naturally able to making loving choices around food and many other aspects of our life that has never been address before. By learning to make loving choices we restore balance and harmony back to our bodies and our lives.
I love what you have shared here Bina Pattel. The diet world is a world on to its own that often sees many people returning to the same weight not long after that have lost it or in many cases increasing the original weight which makes me question that food intake may have changed but the behaviours remain the same. I too lost more than half my body size with the support of the readings shared by Serge Benhayon and support sessions with practitioners. What is on offer is to get back to the core root of self care and that each person deserves to work with a body that supports them.
Totally Bina, when I consider diet I know they do not work! I have lost 1/3 of my body weight from simply understanding my bodies relationship with food. My issue is with how much food I am eating as I still tend to over indulge and even so I still have lost over 40 kg. As my body shares what foods works my self-regard has also increased.
What a great realisation. They go hand in hand. lt does make alot of sense. l had not seen them both as the same issue. How true. One method is lasting, the other is a temporary quick fix . lt’s a matter of conscious presence and intention really. l also think it is so important to create a stop moment to acknowledge how far we’ve come, regularly. This improves our consistency and self appreciation.
The stop moment would be very effective Irena good idea
I agree Irena and Joe, stop moments are extremely valuable for us to confirm and appreciate ourselves along the way in anything that we do. This is a great reminder for me for I have taken for granted and ignored the value of confirming myself for far to long.
You point out a very important point here Irena – the intention behind our doing. Why and how we do what we do guarantees the outcome.
We are life long learners Carmel, we are works in progress.
I love the way you accept and appreciate your fragility as well as your beauty and tenderness.
I love the ceremony and order I feel when I tidy up. For me it is something that will help me to reconnect to myself if I have allowed ‘stuff’ to unsteady me. To restore harmony to my outer environment brings with it the space to feel again. I also recognise that this hasn’t always been the case as I used to try to fix myself by trying to have the ‘perfect’ environment and it didn’t work. What changed? I had to refocus my harmonising to my inner environment, to being loving, and caring of myself first, and so now when I tidy up and it supports my reconnection, this is because it is reflecting to me a quality that I have already felt in myself.
I love reading these kind of blogs because they build awareness where I need it.
Love how two seemingly unconnected things that have got on top of you in the past have both taught you the same life lesson about yourself and by addressing the fundamental issue at play – your relationship with yourself and your body, putting it at the centre of how you make your moment to moment choices – both issues have changed for the better.
Just lovely to read Carmel, I can relate to cleaning up the place before visitors come, Recently I said to myself, why do I not do this for myself, Am I less important than anyone else? So I decided I wanted to do this for me, I just love the feeling when the home is clean and tidy, I am looking at it as you say” a loving gesture to support myself” and that it is. Thank you.
When our living space and work space are tidy, it feels great and easy to keep up – I notice there are times when I don’t clean for a while or don’t put things away and then I feel depressed and don’t feel like cleaning (Can’t be bothered). It can be a vicious circle and highlights the importance of nurturing ourselves in small ways so we can become naturally and consistently self-loving in every way.
Thank you Carmel, I know this form of last minute running around cleaning and tidying, making my house acceptable for others to see. It is worlds apart from feeling when my house has pockets of disorganization or untidiness and dealing with them because of how it impacts on all of the family. What was I really saying when I would ‘freak’ out and rush around for someone else? It felt like I was saying that this is ok for us to live like this but I couldn’t possibly have anyone else see that. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that bad but it was more how it felt… leaving just enough things so that it felt heavy and not in a flow and there was constant chaos. This is a great reminder and for me to appreciate how much this has changed.
It`s so obvious that the way to do things and the energy we do it in is so much more important than the end result as the end result depends on that energy anyway!
“I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world” you certainly are Carmel and I feel blessed to know such a woman!
A great reminder Carmel of why diets really and truly do not work. I could not agree more as a yo-yo dieter of the past and stuffing myself silly over christmas and then expecting the latest diet book out on January 1st to get rid of the excess bulk all around my belly.
What needed to be addressed was Why.
Why did I overeat?
Why did I indulge in foods even to the point I could not breathe properly?
Why would I say No and then go back and eat it?
Why was I constantly obsessed with food?
Why was eating out and fine dining such a big hobby?
Why did desserts have to take place every single day?
Why was I happy living with my partner who was morbidly obese at the time?
Once the why questions got some clarity and understanding – Thanks to Serge Benhayon that is when things really started to change. Today diet is not a word that is in my life. For the record my partner has lost over 12 stone with no sagging skin and thats a miracle the diet industry need to know about. Serge Benhayon has the answers. It is time we started to pay attention to who this man is and what he has to say.
I agree Bina, you and your husband are an inspiring example of what happens when you take responsibility for all your lifestyle choices.
I can relate to pretty much all of this Bina having been 3 stone heavier than I am now and although desperately wanting to lose weight, being obsessed with food. Over-eating is just a symptom of how little love and regard we have for ourselves so by addressing the underlying cause and making our relationship with ourselves about love and tenderness (and yes I agree, Serge Benhayon has the answers that can support us to do this if we so choose), the symptom gradually disappears.
Thank you Carmel for the insights shared. I love it when what is learnt through Universal Medicine is brought into everyday life and then how this relates to the health and quality of our body. It is simple and practical and I know when my living space gets out of hand it is simply a reflection of what is going on in my everyday life and body so something needs attention – not just the tidying up!
How often we all take another thing on or impose something from outside of ourselves because it is to meet an expectation, to gain recognition or to present to others what is acceptable and free of judgement. As you have written Carmel, it never lasts and the intricate fabric or true foundations are not there. I loved how you have come to know that by simply loving yourself deeply and living that by allowing only that which truly supports you enables the lasting change you were seeking. A true message to love ourselves first in every aspect of our lives and all else will follow naturally.
And it keeps changing as we evolve, what supports us evolves too
I love this it, appeals to me deeply “I now choose to take time to put things away.” There is something about taking responsibility for what we get out, what we say, our actions and completing them, by putting them away, confirming them, honouring them. Keeping a house or ourselves in order can be deeply honouring and enjoyable if we see it as part of the bigger picture, doing the washing up supports our whole life. Nothing is undertaken in isolation. It creates a flow in life that supports us and so it flows out to support others in our lives.
So true, Samantha, and every single movement in this flow can create space or denseness in our home, our relationships and within ourselves. This responsibility is actually so huge… unbelievable that we seem to forget it so often.
Beautiful Eva-Maria and Samantha.
I love this blog.
I work supporting people who struggle to use computers and technology. So often peoples computers are a complete mess and they don’t know how to find anything. So they will do a big clean up of their desk top to make it all look good – but behind that is the digital version of having a cupboard full of things stuffed in with no idea what is there or how to find anything.
The way to REALLY make a change is to develop a way of being with the computer – as you use it, that keeps it on order and everything in its place as you go. It’s about a consistency that is supportive everyday – not making a huge mess to clean up at the end of the week.
The same thing can be applied to eating and diet, or exercise – and even our relationships with our partners and friends.
Oh tell me about it Simon! I have thousands of emails in my inbox that I need to clear and having so many means the important things are being missed or not attended to in time. There’s something about the complications we create in our lives that then send us into overwhelm and we end up doing nothing well. Paying attention to details feels key here, in this particular example, turning off notifications and unsubscribing from emails we don’t need to receive is one way, but in life in general, not letting in energies that throw us off track, staying steady, consistently clearing away or letting go of old habits that no longer serve, paying attention to whatever needs our attention. Everything reflects everything, we cannot hide from the way we are living.
Oh my gosh I know this well, and it has just hit me that it is no different to my sons hiding their clothes under their bed or sticking rubbish in all kinds of places! Wow thank you Simon for bringing in how we are with our computers as well. The amount of time many are often on computers, its no different to sitting at a table and spreading out all your paper work, pens, calculators etc., if we don’t put things back where they go while we are working then we are faced with a big pile at the end of the day. I can feel how draining this is, especially if I am holding onto thinking about where I put something on my computer.
This thread is so supportive. Thank you for your comments Simon, Carmel and Aimee. My dad had a saying ‘a place for everything and everything in it’s place’ which makes a lot of sense to me. On the whole I am tidy and do like to have order – and having a place for things means you can easily find them when needed. However, there are small piles of things (mostly current paperwork) that I have not got a place for so they end up spreading. My computer is in a similar state whereby I often have lots of windows open so I don’t forget that I have to work on something, or to remind me about something I might want to go back to and look at. I can feel how this means so many things are left incomplete each day and consequently they are draining my energy because there is always a niggling thought about them lingering, needing attention. If I put things back in their correct place once finished with for the day, even if I have to come back to finish it another day, then it is complete for that day and no longer a drain on my energy. Then all that’s needed is a good way to keep track of pending tasks so I don’t forget to finish! – any suggestions? 🙂
You make some very good points, Simon – I created a file called Desktop files that I put everything into so my desktop looks tidy, especially if I’m sharing a screen at a meeting, and yes, you’re right, it is just the same as stuffing things into a cupboard to look good. Recently I tidied it up and filed everything into their proper places in the folders I had already created in Documents and it feels much more spacious. Thank you for making the link – emails are the same – File, Action, or Delete – FAD.
Such a great post Carmel. I have never been a dieter, but I have certianly always been discerning about what I eat for the end goal of at the very least – maintaining my weight for the sole purpose of looking good on the outside for other people. I have also been a ‘tidier’ when I know I am expecting visitors – again another front. I’m becoming much more honest with myself these days about my motivation to do certain things and the truth is, I still do make the choice to do an extra tidy up, but far less often than I have done in the past for the very fact that I now actually spend more time doing it for me, which means it’s already done before someone has turned up. This is a big deal and something I want to develop further. But the need to impress others is certainly still hanging around like a bad smell!!
Great to read your blog again Carmel and see how dieting does not honour what we feel but rather looks to an end result for us to appreciate. It is so true that the way we eat is something we can do based on where our body is at and how we feel in that moment, rather than always wanting to achieve something in the future. If we are only as good as our end result how can we appreciate who we are now? How can we continue to grow and deepen the connection with our bodies – when our bodies truly know what to eat and how much of it?
I have found that within my life I have also been influenced by thinking that I should eat a certain way, have a particular exercise regime or structure my life in a certain way and have also tried to follow these methods that have been suggested by various outside sources to meet a particular outcome or objective. None of them asked me to really feel how my body felt but instead usually had some element involved which would override listening to my body – exercising beyond my natural limit, eating some sugary foods or completing work in the later stages of the evening. It is crazy that out of so much ‘advice’ that is out there supposedly to help us, most is actually putting us in more disregard of ourselves.
It is also crazy that we give so much power to outside sources when our greatest wisdom is within our own bodies!
Absolutley Carmel – we take from the outside in when we should be going from the inside out!
Dear Carmel I have found the same as what you talk about here. My body has returned to its normal weight and recent;y I have been spending time clearing my home and I too feel much more clarity each time I clear a space. It truly is lovely to feel the difference that self acceptance makes to how I care for both my body and my environment.
Our body knows what to eat and what not to eat. Our body also knows this belongs in my house and that doesn’t. It is as if we have polluted our house by all that we have carried into the house and it slowly becomes silted up. Decluttering is like getting rid of the food we do not use or need anymore.
Oh boy, I remember the cleaning and tidying up frenzy I would launch into every time we had guests coming and, yes, I would quickly stuff any clutter away – all this on top of cooking everything from scratch – super fresh and mostly organic! It never really dawned on me to consider the energy I was operating in and how that would touch everything and everyone. It was all about keeping up appearances and seeking approval and recognition from others. Definitely not self-loving. All this has changed in a natural and effortless way by simply listening to presentations by Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine workshops.
Amazing insight Carmel. What you have shared is profound in changing the approach you have to diet and cleaning. We often focus on the outcome, but it is only really a band aid solution that is difficult to maintain because we don’t address the real underlying issue in the process. When our diets become about eating the foods and amounts that are truly supportive for our bodies, then our weight naturally balances out – for some this may be loosing weight and for others this may be gaining weight. I can see how this applies to tidying and all aspects of life. It is easy to do a quick tidy up to achieve an outcome, but to consistently maintain a clean and functional living and working environment we need to look at the process and address this. This is something that I am still working on.
Sweet – this is such a great reminder. Time to tidy!
Carmel this is the second time that I have read this blog and I love it so. I got a deeper understanding this time. Cleaning my home and creating a supportive space for myself and this is the same with the food creating a body that truly supports me to be love in this world. – Very lovely thank you.
Yep! It’s so simple isn’t it Simone? If we do it for ourselves, we naturally do it for others as they get to enjoy us being content with ourselves and hence get an opportunity to also just be themselves without any crazy expectations to be anything more.
I’ve found the same thing as you describe in your blog Carmel. When I was trying to do things for an ‘end’ result or an external picture or with any force from outside, the changes were either short term or superficial in that they looked good on the outside but still felt the same underneath… To use your examples, many years ago I lost a lot of weight through dieting but I still felt a lack of self worth at the end, and when I tidied, it was often stressful and involved nagging, resentment, pushing myself etc. so often I still didn’t feel great afterwards… I’ve found that these things only started to truly feel different when they came from a choice to love and care for me first, and then often without trying, the other things began to happen as a natural consequence of this choice. What I have experienced as a result is that what happens on the outside is reflecting what is happening on the inside.
This is so true Angela “When I was trying to do things for an ‘end’ result or an external picture or with any force from outside, the changes were either short term or superficial in that they looked good on the outside but still felt the same underneath.” It was not until I began to clean my house because I wanted to, feeling that my family and myself deserved the support of having a clean, tidy, organised home that the way my home felt changed. It is truly the most support feeling, when I feel affected by something, simply standing in my bedroom I can feel the love I have left there and this supports me to come back to me.
Carmel, it’s amazing how these two things relate but they absolutely do. When we chose to do anything for self-love and care they become our natural rhythm that become a pleasure to do.
Our body knows exactly what it needs and wants. If we override this with our mind and eat things because they taste good or eat too much, we actually say to our body “I don`t love you”. Something to ponder on…
When it’s put like that, it becomes a bit of an ‘ouch’ moment and we can feel how many things we may do out of love.
It is always an `ouch` moment in the first place… because we hurt our body everytime we override it. Sometimes it would be really good if we could feel physical pain with every unloving choice, just to be aware of it immediately. I am so often not loving and don`t even notice that because I am so used to unloving choices or movements.
So true, we’ve chosen for so long not feel it in our bodies that it’s becomes normal to live in that pain. As we start to feel our bodies more we realise the effect is felt before we even make the unloving choice.
That`s exactly how it is and it`s such an interesting point. It proves that the body just knows everything instantly, without even experiencing it. We are so absolutely sensitive and it`s always so sad to look at how much we have invested to not feel the truth of our body.
I love what you share, Carmel. It is natural for me to keep things tidy and I love how that supports me, but sometimes, when visitors are coming I suddenly need things to look ‘perfect’. That kind of tidying makes me frustrated and irritated. There is no love or support in it because it is ‘all for show’.
I love the point you make Carmel, that it is not until our approach is coming from love first that any true change can be made.
Carmel thank you for this sharing. This has been a very supportive blog for me to connect to. I particularly appreciate the paragraph “I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” I can very much relate to this both in diets and tidying up.
I have spent a great deal of my life dieting and tidying up and have rarely really looked at the fact of wanting both to look good to others on the outside without that deeper connection.
I agree Heidi – wanting the outside to look amazing, but not choosing to connect to the amazingness that lives within. Slowly slowly I have been able to reconnect to the amazingness and embody that once again so that then my choices will be amazing – Be love once again.
When I perceived something as a ‘had to’ I rebelled and resisted it and never could bring myself to do it, this was true of diets, just couldn’t bring myself to give it a go, “The problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do and therefore as soon as it became a struggle I would give up.” Bringing love in to life and learning to live in a way that supports me, knocks out any ‘had to’ there is no trying with it, there is a flow, which is really very supportive. When that flow becomes disrupted I know I have gone back into my head and this is a sign to reconnect with living from my inner heart.
What a great analogy Carmel, dieting and tidying up. It is so true that the due care we take with how we live and the environment we are willing to accept as ok or not ok, can be a reflection of how we view ourselves. I love how you said ‘accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.’ Yes i agree, the 2 do go hand in hand, this is also my experience.
Just gorgeous, thank you Carmel. This is so powerful, what you are sharing. How many of us haven’t struggled with our weight at some stage in our lives? As soon as we are attached to an outcome, we are lost. We are immediately in our head and the doing becomes about achieving whatever goal we have set for ourselves. We have left our self behind, it becomes about meeting an ideal. This ideal will never be sustainable because we will still have the same feelings of lack of self worth running through our body, in fact we will have just contributed to it further. Until we address the root cause of our lack of self worth, self loathing, whatever it is for us, nothing will change. When we address our hurts and give ourselves permission to honour our innate exquisiteness, there is so much joy to be felt and, as a bonus, our bodies naturally change to the shape we are meant to be.
I feel that a root cause for our inability to change patterns and behaviors is our attachment to the outcome. We just look at where we want to be instead of looking at why we are where we are.
I agree, EvaMaria, accepting where we are is a struggle for many of us – either avoiding the arrogance of being too proud and making ourselves less or thinking we are further ahead than where we actually are, until we look at the choices that led to us being here, and can fully accept where we are and why we are and don’t try to be anything else.
Thank you Carmel. A true confirmation that everything is a reflection of the love and connection we hold ourselves in. I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.
When we let go of the ideal of ‘how things should look’ and make the choice to commit to love we are naturally supported and grace and beauty is reflected everywhere.
So true Barbara, that everything is a true reflection. The moment I don’t want to do the dishes or clean up after myself, I ask…..why is this so? Why am I letting this happen, what is going on within me. What is it I am eating to also hide what I am needing to feel. Reflection is all around us, it is up to us to choose to see and feel what is there.
Isn’t it great? Instead of beating ourselves up, we can gently say to ourselves: Aha! There’s something for me to observe and learn from here.
Learning to accept ourselves and appreciate what steps we have taken and how much we can and do bring to our lives and this world is a massive game changer – no longer suffering from the stress of having to live up to something that we will never achieve.
This is so true, Michael, and reading all the comments above reminds me that I have come a long way – sometimes I drop back into the ‘I’m not enough’ syndrome which is simply lack of appreciation, and a ‘could do more’ approach – this particularly happens just before the time of the full moon, so it’s a regular mood cycle I get into. Sometimes it is easier for us to focus on what we are doing wrong rather than appreciate all the many things we do right, and developing a way of living that is consistently appreciative of ourselves and others is, as you say, a massive game changer.
Joyful Carmel you have to go to the weight watchers again and talk about how you have lost your weight!!!! This sentences is gold for me: “I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” That is so true and also in a way so easy but why do we not live like this??? I too was blind on this eye and I too needed Serge Benhayon as a role model to reflect me that I was not really loving myself and because of this I was not able to truly taking care and support of myself. Our world is lacking of true role models so it is so beautiful that you wrote this awesome blog – you are showing the world like Serge Benhayon that there is an other way!
I really enjoyed this blog – I love a true story where there is a genuine breakthrough of behavioural change at the root cause – effectively a TRUE LOVE story – as I can feel the love you now hold for yourself Carmel and it is a very beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing.
A TRUE LOVE STORY – such a powerful comment Gemma. Beautiful.
“There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life”.
What struck me, in what you have written here Carmel, is your vitality and energy levels increased when you cleared more clutter (both inside you and outside); that is awesome.
It is a simple and inspiring reflection; thank you.
I agree Shirl, quite amazing the way in which clearing out can effect our energy levels, I know for myself that there is a definite affect that the quality of my environment has on the quality of my being
I love how eating what my body is asking for, as opposed to an ideal or belief, feels so great in my body. A warm yummy big thank comes from a loving choice confirming me in the loveliness that I am.
I too feel that warm yummy big thank you that you describe Carolien – truly beautiful.
Doing things for yourself makes a huge difference, than doing something that is thought that has to be done. Dieting or tidying up, you did it for yourself Carmel and felt the difference. A great observation, and I loved how you married the two. Thank you
Thank you Carmel this blog is so timely for me to read as there are areas in my home that need tidying and your approach is a beautiful support. What a great reminder this line is – “There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.”
I did a large declutter a few months ago, but am finding that – like you Anna – I currently have areas that need tidying… What I’ve realised is that just like self-care, tidying up is not a one-off process but rather a steady, daily commitment to self…
Yes, when we are open to feeling what’s going on, there are always areas of our lives where we can deepen our connection and commitment to self. For example,. on the food front, I’ve had a body symptom that I’ve stubbornly refused to connect to what I’ve been eating – a seriously dry and blocked nose – I’ve blamed tree pollen in the forest where I work and everything except perhaps I’ve been eating too many nuts . . . I mean handfuls of nuts, per day, not just one or two. So I’m experimenting – having a No-Nut week. If nuts are innocent then they’ll be back on the menu if I can limit the amount I eat – there’s part of me knows they are not good for me in the quantities I eat them. If my nose clears then I know I’ve cracked that one and it’s on to the next.
So true Angela, its interesting how we can departmentalize areas of our lives… things that are just a given that we do and complete without putting in a lot of effort and then things that we can make such a big deal about and put them to the side to pile up. For me I can feel how I leave little pockets of things to still complete to keep me busy… and then complain about it. This is an awesome wakeup call reading this blog.
Yes, I agree Angela. De-cluttering and tidying up is a constant process and when I do it lovingly there is joy in it that I have not appreciated before until recently.
Me too Anna – even though I have made huge changes and improvements there are still more layers that require my love and attention.
What a beautiful Blog Carmel – I love the last line…I am learning to enjoy me in every moment. This is our future and where we are being pulled to….enjoying our absolute love.
Beautifully and simply stated Carmel. I love how you tie together the approaches to dieting and tidying up – like eating badly/dieting the clutter/tidy cycle does not work longterm – more inspiration for me to deeply self-nurture and de-clutter my living and work spaces to a deeper level.
When I invest in the end result I can never get to the end result and maintain it. It often fails within the first couple of days.
Trying to be perfect creates unnecessary tension and complication in our lives, learning to accept and appreciate ourselves for where we are at allows us to bring more joy and flow into everything we do.
Beautifully said Francisco. For a very long time I have strived to be perfect – in that I am never good enough, I am always failing, not only that but that then affects those around me as they too then feel the need to jump through my hoops and limbo beneath my very low bar! Appreciation has been a huge word and learning for me, and one I know can increase and deepen daily.
So true Francisco and I love how life is a perpetual learning.
Yes – I hear you on the acceptance and appreciation of self coming first – they lay really beautiful foundations for whatever needs to come next – even if it’s messy for a while, the joy and flow follow.
“I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world, and in honouring that, I am naturally feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness: and as for tidying up, it is something I naturally want to do”
You are indeed a beautiful tender woman Carmel and I love what you have expressed here, thank you.
What a happiness it is to be free of the dieting world and to have the awesome foundation of actually listening to my body as its own authority. The same goes for cleaning up. What you have written Carmel is so true and once you are appreciating how lovely caring for yourself is everyone else is taken care of.
A beautiful reflection Amanda. It is simple really – the only thing we need to do is commit 100% to loving ourselves deeply in the way we movement, think, care for our surroundings, the food we eat, in the work we choose – the list is inclusive of ‘all‘ in our lives. When we do this the essence of who we truly are unfolds and expands and everything is taken care of. Thanks Carmel for writing this blog and allowing for the true expression that is unfolding.
Taking the responsibility to re-connect and listen to our body and trust what we feel.
It is amazing when we allow ourselves, and commit, to connect with our bodies more; before we know it, it is like our bodies start to speak to us about about how to fine-tune our relationship with food and the best ways to support our whole being.
correct Francisco, when we commit to connecting with our bodies, we can feel and respond to its communication, and keeps it light, and flowing easily. I am discovering though how it is so easy to get distracted, rushed, disorganised, which instantly means I have lost that connection, and then it is easy to get affected by whatever is going on around me. From this comes exhaustion and more chaos, and ways to prop myself up with sugar, or even using nervous energy just to make it through the day. So it is really a no brainer, if we keep committing to return to the connection with ourselves, there is more space to feel and know what is needed next, and then life comes back to a natural flow.
Dear Annie,
Thank you for your comment, I have come to a deeper understanding for myself today around the choices I make when I get distracted and the learning is definitely showing me that self acceptance, even of choosing the distraction is the only way that I know to begin the steps of change. Re committing to my connection really is a no brainer. I am feeling a deep humbleness tonight for even though I have made choices today that have raced my body, underneath this I can feel my strong solid stillness, showing me clearly that it is not about what I choose today, but about the commitment that I constantly make to connect, to me.
I agree Francisco and have found that this is an ongoing connection and commitment with constant refinement and change. What my body needed for support a year ago is different to what it now needs and I suspect will be different again to what it needs in a year’s time. This is not a ‘set and forget’ relationship but a constant connection.
Well said Lee… and even day to day I find the needs of my body are different to support what I am doing in the day. There needs to be a constant communication.
I have found my body communicates to me how much to eat, when and what food to eat. By listening to my body and choosing food that supports it, I feel so energised. I have found the best way to bring balance to my health and well-being is by building a strong connection to myself and my body.
Thank you Carmel for a lovely blog, I do know what you are saying about the house cleaning when my home is untidy I do feel very unsettled in my body. The word support has been coming up for me lately, realising how a clean and tidy home supports me, I am realising how supported in life I really am.
I remember the struggle and constant pressure that I put on myself to always have my house clean, and perfect … I was almost in a fearful state if it wasn’t looking as I thought it should in every moment. I would sometimes also not leave the house until it was perfect most times never being truly perfect because the imperfection I was feeling from within me, deep inside. There were many times that I would say no to lovely invites from friends because I was so worked up because of the state of my home… “and it wasn’t really ever in a state” I was the one in the “state”! That has disappeared over time since learning to heal why I have felt so imperfect within myself and learning to love, celebrate and appreciate myself more than ever before 🙂
I agree Brendan – all the years I ‘tried’ to lose weight and failed – now my weight stays off with no effort at all.
Thank you for sharing this lovely blog Carmel. The changes you describe in your life are profound. I can see how choosing to take care of yourself and treat yourself with love leads to lasting change whereas the dieting and cleaning to try and fit a picture fails.
Interestingly, Lee, taking care of myself includes tidying up – I had a bit of a downturn recently and the state of my house reflected that, so I swept the garage out, vacuumed the house from top to bottom, deep cleaned half my kitchen and vacuumed out my car and took it to the car wash. Not surprisingly, both my car and my house feel supportive to be in and my mood lifted considerably.
I love the feeling of order and completeness that comes with putting things away where they belong at the time (not pedantically), leaving little or no need for tidying up and me fully ready for what is next.
Lovely Helen, leaving space for what is next, it’s so different as an embracing of order, there’s not should’s just a naturalness to it all.
Accepting oneself and where one is at is in my opinion a key aspect of growth and development. In the past, what i have always done is make myself less than others and not accept how amazing I truly am. What is now occurring though is, i do have markers of how amazing i am and I feel that 100% in my body, but living that consistently has been challenging. It is like i am so used to feeling like i need to prove myself in some way, or that life is such a struggle, that being all of who i am every day, someone who is a leader in how i live and to reflect that every day to people, is a hard one. So in a way it is still about acceptance, just the part i am learning to accept now has shifted, but it is still about me accepting myself, interesting. More for me to ponder here.
“I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world, and in honouring that, I am naturally feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness: and as for tidying up, it is something I naturally want to do.” Great comment Carmel. Very simple isn’t it -when we truly accept ourselves everything else falls into place.
I always felt uncomfortable tidying up when I expected visitors and not doing it in honour of myself. It felt like I was living a lie. When I was managing a store that was part of a chain I never used to do the big clean up before someone from head office would be due to arrive, I used to leave it as it was on a day to day basis so they could see how it was … Lots of people thought I was nuts … I just wanted to be open and transparent ie. this is how it is for me right now. It can be like this with food … Eating certain food in front of others to be accepted yet behaving differently behind closed doors.
Yes I know that one, some foods I don’t like eating in front others because I judge myself for ‘still’ eating them and I don’t want certain people to know….mmm very interesting indeed, this shows I only feel safe to be transparent with certain people.
Thank you Carmel, it is amazing how everything feels, and how simple it becomes when done from Love.
Whatever we do for an outcome, for the outside, just for the look will never last. I love how you make this parallel between your home and your body. We bring a lot in our houses and our bodies that does not support us. When we do listen to our bodies we know exactly what is needed and how ‘sunny’ this feels.
So true Annelies, I also love the parallel drawn between the home and body. It is such a representation of how we are living and how we are with ourselves, how we tidy and the quality in which that is done in, relating to what supports or not. It is so important to feel into what our body needs. This is something that is always a work in progress, some days are definitely better than others, there is definitely more consistency i can bring to my daily life.
Beautifully said Carmel. Both dieting and tidying up only truly ‘work’ if they are done from love and to love ourselves.
What it all comes to is connection. True connection with the moment and our body. What I find is when I am set to achieve a goal or desired outcome that is when I lose connection and suddenly the way I go about doing something is very different to how I may have started. Its truly that simple!
I like the parallels that you draw between dieting and tidying up. We often approach two seemingly totally different issues in the same way, all the while thinking the one has nothing to do with the other. But as you so clearly show here, this is not the case.
Thank you Carmel, I really enjoyed your post, I can relate to tidying up the house before visitors come. Sometime ago when I was enjoying the feeling of a clean and tidy home, I thought to my self why don’t I do this for myself, it feel so good, why do I need someone coming to do this? Since then, like you I have looked into it more as something that is loving and supportive for me. So now I am less likely to have the mad rush to clean up, as each day I look at what needs doing, and do it for me.
Carmel re-reading your post here, and having taken complete joy in cleaning my home yesterday (in the absence of a cleaner now for a few weeks), I have found it’s been such a healing process, because you get to feel the previous week’s lived expression, and then can lay afresh a new foundation for the upcoming week. I too have found this activity nurturing and entirely supportive of myself. And find the space very appealing for reflection purposes, and that many realisations come to me during this time.
Thank you Carmel. What I felt when I started reading your blog is that nothing will work if we have an attachment to the outcome. As soon as we have an expectation, we’re stopping ourselves from evolving and dealing with what’s really going on, from bringing focus to all the things that need our attention and from making different choices if we are truly looking for change.
Hi Alison, ‘nothing will work if we have an attachment to the outcome’ is very true and it applies to how we are with ourselves – if we have expectations how how we think we should be then we are losing sight of what is actually there to be done.
I will ‘fess up and admit that my bedroom had a corner that was messy – it was where I keep my papers and there was a heap of them all higgledy piggledy – left out so I didn’t lose them. Recently, as I had visitors, I decided I’d better put them away. It didn’t take long to pile them all together and put them away in a cupboard, and the resulting clear surface felt beautiful, and I want to keep it that way. It has made me more determined to create less paperwork, to file things as I go and to throw away more. Rather like life – we need to deal with issues as they arise, not let them fester, otherwise they will drain our energy. Sometimes we need to take time to dig more deeply and clear old stuff we’ve been hanging on to. Create a nurturing space.
I so agree Carmel, we do need to deal with our underlying issues rather than sweeping things under the carpet. That way we are really “tidying up” as we go along in life.
Excellent Carmel. Changing things on the outside is using lots of energy and it doesn’t really change much because we always seem to recreate the same issues again and again. But having a deeper look at our momentums that come up in life is a great way to see what choices we are making and how they impact us.
There is deep self-love in your article, Carmel. Truly inspiring. The desire to be or look good vs. self-love. With the support of Serge Benhayon love wins faster than light travels!
I love what you share here, Carmel and totally relate to that feeling of wanting things to look a certain way on the surface …. as so much is felt from the way we feel about ourselves, I’m not sure I ever really fooled anyone.
What a beautiful way of approaching tidying up, to accept oneself first, loving oneself we naturally want to live in a home that supports and confirms that love that we all naturally are.
‘I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for me.’ That is exactly what I started to do the past weeks after years of tidying up to ‘get rid off’ the clutter because it annoyed me. Yesterday I did a super move. My habit is to have little piles of papers everywhere and always moving them from one place to another. When I need something, I can’t find it. Yesterday I felt I needed to structurally break this habit and support myself on a deeper level. I bought this trolley with hanging maps, where I can put each pile of paper per topic in a hanging map/port folio. You should have seen my face when all the piles of paper were filed in this trolley 😃 When I enter my room now, no piles, just serenity. Weird how such a simple supportive thing / action can create so much space in my body. And yet so worthwhile and nurturing!
I love how you share how much it is about feeling you are worth caring for and how then the love then happens naturally in the sense of bringing order to support yourself.
I agree Donna, tidying up because it does feel supportive and harmonious. Now, I find I am tidying and de-cluttering those cupboards and drawers that visitors to my home won’t see, and when I walk into that room I really appreciate how the cupboards and drawers that I have been tidying change the way the room feels.
I can relate Carmel to the need for perfection, tidying up and “stuffing things in drawers” but not really addressing the issue at bay. I have found my approach to tidying up has changed over the past 12 months as I no longer do it as a show for others, but because it supports me and how I feel to have things in a orderly manner. If I leave things tidy, when I come back to them, it feels lovely in my body and is a confirmation of how I am choosing to live.
And it is so great to do it this way Donna, this makes my house a reflection of who I am, to reflect back to me at any time where I am at. And when I am honest with this reflection I know that I have to work on myself when I do not like what the reflection is presenting to me, what is it in me that I do not want to look at. And the other side is that this reflection is a confirmation of where I am, to celebrate me in all that I am.
Beautiful description of how the caring for ourselves and caring for our home come together.
I know that one Carmel, trying to make the outside look good so that I will then feel good on the inside. When I let go of the need to make my environment perfect there was a big change. I started to see things around me as not something that needed to get fixed but just being what they are. I do make changes but now it’s more to support me rather than thinking it is the one and only thing that matters.
A really great topic and blog. I am constantly de-cluttering and can see the connection – as my self-care and self-love expands it needs to be reflected in my work and living spaces. And I still can go into reaction when my children don’t respect that or their rooms are untidy. A constant reflection for so much. Thank you Carmel.
Seeing dieting and tidying as a loving gesture to help support myself, this was for me the essence of your blog. How often do we tidy up for others? I know that one. When people come to visit, I go through my house and end up a bit stressed. So I am not honouring my body even whilst doing it. Interesting point to keep on reminding myself: is what I am doing now truly supportive for me?
Carmel I loved the simplicity of what you offered in that no effort was required for either dieting or tidying… only a loving gesture to support you – beautiful.
Losing weight is related to changes we make in our life. Yet, what are these changes? Is it about what we eat? Yes. Is it about how we eat? Yes. Is it about discipline? Yes. But it is not about fighting yourself as if there is something wrong. It is about understanding why do we over eat, what games do we play with ourselves with food (what are we trying to achieve in truth?). Food wise, awareness is our best ally.
I agree, awareness is our best ally – and appreciation
Noticing a pattern in one area of your life, I find, generally allows one to identify similar patterns in other areas – hence the tidy surface or the momentary weight loss out of discipline, versus, wanting to do so out of love.
Looking great on the outside and having compartments of my life that are a mess is something really evil. I had this revelation shortly before I stopped practicing shamanism. Any false technique or religion can only fool me as long as I hide parts of my life that are not well.
Beautifully said Felix. Compart-mentalising our lives effectively separates us into parts and allows us to hide or ignore those parts that are not doing well, challenge us or make us uncomfortable. This in in turn allows us to totally disregard the wholeness of us.
Thank you Carmel, indeed the more we accept ourselves for the love that we are the easier it is to make more supportive changes in life.
“There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life” It is so true Carmel the more we sort though, clear out and re-imprint our surroundings so to does our body get to clear and cleanse!
Same here. It is self-loving to clear small areas at a time and very full-filling. All these small areas make up a landslide imprint at one point. And yes, it affects my body as well. It gives me, in a way, more breathing space. Just reminds me whilst writing this to bring my bags-now laying in eyesight- with winter clothes to the attic!
Thank you Carmel. “I am learning to truly accept myself”. This is what was missing to truly make lasting changes in my life — keep accepting..
Also, in the moment when I feel good from a devoted choice, I mark it – I appreciate it! I feel it in my body. I use my body to feel that choice. Accept me. Appreciate my choices. And accept there is more…
When I find it hard to accept, I bring back my focus from the outer distractions by moving my body in the tenderness that I am. I take my time and allow the feeling to come to me. More acceptance – more love.
Hi Rik, I like that phrase, ‘Devoted Choice’ – it feels like a self-nurturing choice, and appreciating every small ‘devoted choice’ we make is far more inspiring than beating ourselves up for all the less devoted choices we have made in the past.
Self-acceptance is so much part of a loving way to live. Having a tidy environment has never been difficult for me. On the contrary I have little tolerance for a messy environment and feel uncomfortable and confused when seeing an untidy desk or a home that ‘needs’ clearing out. I transfer my belief of what it should look like onto others. Loving life and those around me will help me accept a little mess in my life.
Carmel its so incredible that the choice to develop self-acceptance leads to more loving choices with food and how we live. This has also been my experience which has resulted in losing 28 kg without dieting, the only difference in my life is that I was always pretty tidy!
A very simple and apt question Brendan. Why pour not-love into a body of love? I know when I have made poor food choices it seems like an act of rebellion…that is really only ever an ‘attack’ on love – pure dismissal.
Carmel, this is a gorgeous confirmation that when we make it about love, there is no other work to do. When we make it about the opposite, we make it so complex, no wonder it’s a ‘chore’!
I just love this simple blog Carmel. I doubt anyone has found the connection between dieting and tidying before, but you expose it and there is a definite link. It’s about doing activities, in this case 1. eating food and 2. putting things away, because the body will benefit or be supported by doing those things, nothing at all to do with what the end result looks like. The tidying for me is massive. When I live in surroundings that are simple, clear and clean I feel the same degree of space inside my ‘being’. There is a freedom within me that gives me more spring in my step and provides the foundation for making another choice down the road that will equally support me and propel me forward to making yet another great choice.
I am learning that the little details actually make so much difference and that it is important to pay attention to them. As its these details that provide the nurturing space to truly support us.
This is a great point you make Carmel. Taking care of myself and looking at why I do things that are not supportive for me and instead make different more self-loving choices has been far more effective than just attempting to stop doing them.
I have found the same as Jonathan, I can try to use will power and force myself not to do something but I either end up finding myself doing it again at a later date or find something else equally destructive to do! Building more love in my body by making more self-loving choices has enabled me to make huge changes, often without realising so at the time, because they have been natural to make and so not a big deal. I wrote a blog about gambling which illustrates this clearly, click here to have a read of it.
. . . and the more attention we pay to the details the more we can enjoy and be supported by the space we are in.
It’s great to bring weight and tidying up together Carmel, as we shift to being more loving and energetically responsible with ourselves we take that to every aspect in our life. The weight shifts as does the clutter.
Such a great reminder Merrilee. Declutter the body – frees up the body to truly express all the divinity that it is there to be expressed.
Taking care of myself certainly brings an awareness to all that is around me to support that – including the environment I live in. I can so feel how the two go hand in hand. Thank you Carmel for this awesome sharing.
Great point Carmel. People are often sharing how tired and exhausted they are. While there are many reasons for this I would say that most do not consider that the clutter in their home, car, office is contributing to this.
Often when I feel out of sorts I start tidying up, bring order back to my desk or papers and that help me to tidy myself inside. So might it be that the outer mess is the result of the inner mess and hence when we change the inner also the outer behaviours change naturally? Playing with Felix´s wiping the dust and its effect on the universe analogy (‘as below so is above’ and vice versa) we can also state ‘as within so is without (outside)’.
Important to know how both interrelate and where to start the change.
That’s one of my go to activities too Alex. Bringing order to one area of my life rubs off on the others (even if it’s just to bring it to my attention). Just today I was contemplating how I am with an area of my life where there is tension at the moment. I clocked that the way I start to address it is to attend to another area of life – one where this issue isn’t present – to confirm and consolidate myself in order to best know how to deal with the tension better. Similar to these other parallels.
I’ve loved reading this page of comments tonight, some real pearls of wisdom I’ve found on the page. Thanks everyone!
I agree Vicky. When my office, car or house get untidy or out of order I can feel how it drags on me and pulls me down. It gets to the point where I feel like I can’t do anything until I have first restored order.
We are so blessed to have you, Carmel. Tidying up is much more than what we usually think it is. Just wiping dust can change the universe, when I accept the beauty of what I am actually doing, lovingly so.
‘Just wiping dust can change the universe’ – I love the simplicity of this, Felix, thank you, and when you add, ‘when I accept the beauty of what I am actually doing, lovingly so’, it feels very tender, and that can be in everything we do.
This takes cleaning to a whole new level. There can be divinity in all that we do.
I also love this comment Felix. Our every move is constellated to the whole so are we choosing to move with the same grace and beauty that the Universe moves with, or do we choose counter to this and instead invite disharmony in? A spec of dust may well be a spec of dust, but our movement towards it changes everything.
Love this too Felix. Beautifully expressed and wonderful observation.
well said Felix
Your comment sprang out at me felixschumaker8 ” wiping dust can change the universe when I accept the beauty of what I am actually doing, lovingly so.”. This brings to my awareness the natural and divine order of the universe itself and that if everything is in its clean and in its natural or designated place within my home it feels as though it is so within me too, and there is flow instead of complication. I love order.
It is so beautiful when we eat to support our body and have a tidy home for ourselves. I have come to realise that when I tidy up for me I am more present with myself and it is done with an ease whereas when I have tidied up because someone was coming, I have tended to rush, it becomes hard work and I end up feeling exhausted. Thank you Carmel for sharing.
So true Caroline. Eating according to what feels like it is going to support my body feel so much better than when I just eat what is there or what is convenient. I feel that it is taking the time to connect with myself and saying that I am actually worth this level of care, attention and detail that makes the difference.
I agree Caroline, there is so much more joy when we do things for ourselves from the appreciation of how lovely we are and how just by our own presence we are more than enough.
ooohhhh…ouch…”tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others”…great call Carmel.
Yes it is a great call, I have often tidied up for others and simply wanted to impress them. I haven’t had a sense of wanting to support myself first and foremost – I simply didn’t think I mattered that much. Well that’s all changing now, and my space is changing with how much I love myself being reflected more and more
I loved it too Felicity, I always used to keep one drawer or shelf clear so that when I had visitors I had somewhere to hide the clutter – that isn’t tidying up, its avoidance. Later it got to the stage where I once refused to go on holiday until I had made the house fit for me to come home to, so I was beginning to feel something. Now my clothes are neatly folded in the drawers and the general clutter is receding. Still a way to go, but I’m having a great time sorting. I don’t feel right if my home is out of sorts.
Haha me too, I know that one as well. Somebody is coming over and in a rush I would tidy up. What I noticed yesterday is that I started to tidy up because I could really feel that I am deepening the relationship with myself and with that, I want things to change in my house. I have been taking a few things out and tomorrow, I will be out for 4 days, and I really want to come back in a house that feels truly honoring to me. This feels so wonderful.
yes, great call and one that can happen in many areas of our life when we place focus on the outer and what we need to present to be acceptable rather than it coming from within.
I agree Marcia. This is applicable across all aspects of life. So often we don’t see the change or results we want because we are working from the outside in rather than starting from the truth within.
Ouch indeed – and leaving us forever searching for confirmation of the value of our actions (exhausting).
Very ouch indeed Helen, looking outside ourselves for external sources to confirm our value is definitely exhausting. This highlights to me just how important it is for us to create stop moments throughout and at the end of our day to stop and reflect on all that we bring to all that we do to confirm our own value.
Thanks for sharing Carmel, your blogs are always a treat. How often do we strive to do something so it can be a certain way, a way that we think will look good and others will think it is good, but its not truly coming from our heart and supporting the awesomeness that we want to live on the outside?
Hi Harry, I agree, we often create an image of how we’d like to be or be seen to be and then wear ourselves out trying to become that, instead we could simply be ourselves, appreciate who we are and be naturally nurturing as a result – it’s far less tiring!
The gold I have found in your blog and that has stayed with me since I first read this is the part about clearing up after yourself. This really stayed with me and after reading this I have made more of an effort to tidy up after myself. Too often I have had the momentum to think I will clear up later or I just leave that … yet I can see by taking the responsibility to clear up in the moment is another way of developing more self love and regard for myself – life flows easier when I am onto it!
I loved the comparison between dieting and tidying up which I had never considered before, but feel like they have the same foundation. Doing things because we feel we have to or to impress others feels like a drag – to actually do and in my body. Eating and tidying with love and care make the same act feel completely different.
Carmel, lovely how you have tied diet and tidying up together. They are both a reflection of how we are with ourselves. It is very easy to say I’ll tidy up in the morning, and then there is even more to be done the next day, and the cycle then continues.
What I still need to master is the occasional ‘can’t be bothered to do that right now’ or, ‘I don’t have time for that’ attitude that leaves piles of stuff not put away – it can go on for several days and reflects my own state of mind where I put other tasks as being more important than nurturing me. It happens when I’m tired and ignoring it makes me more tired. Letting go of the judgment and tidying up a little bit at a time is a good way to start clearing the mental clutter and appreciating who I truly am.
Wow, thank you Carmel for this wisdom.
I can see so clearly in how far I have always been running after the end result instead of lovingly supporting myself. This feels so easy and simple and is exactly what is just now changing a great deal.
Carmel, I can so relate to your story. If I approach tidying up in particular from the perspective of me not having done the ‘right thing’, saying to myself: ‘look at this mess, how terrible am I’, the tidying up goes nowhere! It keeps coming back, smacking me in the face with the same message.
Whereas, when I approach tidying up from wanting to have an environment around me that supports me and reflects the yumminess I am feeling in my body, it is completely different. The tidying is such a joy, there is delicateness in every move and an amazing flow. How I am with my external surroundings is a direct reflection of how I am with myself.
I discovered a difference between cleaning and tidying up to distract myself – because I don´t want to stop to go deeper to what I am feeling -OR tidying up coming from my expression of my inner clarity and beauty. This feels amazing .. outer things then reflect back my innermost clarity.
You are so right Carmel. I can feel there is a huge difference between tidying up or losing weight to appear ‘together’ for others and keeping a space tidy or a body healthy as it is a loving thing to do for yourself. When I consistently neglect to put things away as I go the mess quickly gets out of hand and becomes an ominous and overwhelming task to tackle. When I tidy as I go there is no work to do at all.
That’s definitely the key, Leonne, tidy up as we go then there’s nothing to ‘sort later’. Same thing with expressing what we feel in each moment and not leaving it to fester.
So true Carmel.
This is such an excellent thing to talk about. I used to be the same, diet, put on weight, diet, put on weight because I used food to help me through things, to soothe me, to distract me, to make me numb, to make me feel sick even. It is such a different life to use food to nourish myself and nothing more. I feel so much clearer and have so much more energy.
I agree, Kate, we use food for many different reasons and as a result eat far more than our bodies actually need to function harmoniously. Funny how we think food gives us energy when in fact eating that way drains our energy as we fight our natural way of being.
I love coming home, going into a room or opening up a drawer and it is all lovely and tidy everything in its place and I know where everything is, and home feels like it is supporting me. Thank-you Carmel, after reading your blog I realise, it is me supporting myself that is reflected back to me, that makes it feel so lovely.
Thanks Carmel, I love the parallel you have drawn between losing weight and tidying up and that by looking at the underlying issue of both of these, self-acceptance that you were able to shift both. It pays to dig beyond what is there on the surface to look at the underlying core issue to truly heal.
What you write Carmel is so true. Dieting and tidying in order to look good to others – and yourself – on the outside doesn’t work and doesn’t last. When I make choices to support myself it is no longer trying to ‘achieve’ anything there is no ‘should’ and becomes a way of living and changes how I feel about myself.
Hi Mary – what you write here goes both ways – changing how we feel about ourselves supports us in changing our environment and changing our environment supports how we feel about ourselves.
I have experienced a shift lately as I change the focus from something that I have to do to something that can support me and others around me the task at hand has so much more purpose and joy.
Great realizations you share here, Carmel. Whatever we do for the outside to look a certain way: dieting, cluttering, exercising, putting up make-up or buying cloths won’t work if it is not from the start honoring of who we truly are.
This is great Carmel, I never saw the approach to dieting and tidying as the same but it makes so much sense! I can definitely feel that when I am truly looking after and caring for myself that my food choices change and my house is much tidier which support and confirm me in how I am feeling. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Carmel it is so true listening to our bodies and understanding that change first must come from within is the only way we truly heal.
Really interesting blog and its so true that we do things like tidying for it to look right rather than as part of the everyday rhythm which supports how we live. Thank you for the observation.
Doing anything from the head saying so, is always going to be short lived; doing from ‘feeling to’ however is a whole other thing that has no end – the head may ‘think’ its in charge but it’s the heart that always has final say. Your realisation Carmel, is celebratory!
Thank you Carmel your commitment to self is supported by your acts of love in sharing this awesome blog with us all.
Thank you for sharing how when you do things to support yourself then the outward appearance changes whether it be our bodies or our homes. They seem like a big mountain to climb but with supporting ourselves being the adjustment there is no effort required just a loving commitment.
When we realise it is about the way we do it everything changes. Accepting who we are and where we are at brings in a responsibility to care and nurture ourselves in every moment and in every task.
‘Our foundations and the intentions behind why we choose to do what we do are so key.’ I agree, Marika, when we make time and space to deepen and truly understand why we do things, it is amazing what gets revealed to us.
A great reminder of “true change comes from within”. When the changes inside comes out, there is no going back.
That’s so true Ryoko. The key being true. Its easy to fake change, to force it upon your self but only true change from within is sustainable.
Agree Ryoko and Jeannette. It has been my experience that if change is to be sustainable, it has to come from within. When we make a change to satisfy something outside ourselves it is superficial and fake and never lasts.
I used to never enjoy cleaning up but now it’s less of a chore and it takes little time as I take the time to put things away but like you say it’s not that I do these things now that has made it more enjoyable but that I do them because of how it feels for me.
Love what you are sharing here, Carmel. The desire to loose weight is a MUCH talked about topic, usually laced with frustration and despair! Your observations of your own experience as you changed your relationship with food and accepting yourself more; ‘I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight’. Rather than treating our bodies as a piece of meat that does not think or feel, choosing to treasure it, embrace and listen to it and eating foods that will be supportive, to nurture not to numb. Through these loving choices, the struggle ends and the weight drops off.
Hi Alison – it’s true, we do treat our bodies as a ‘piece of meat’ and when we acknowledge the intelligence that is held in there, our bodies respond amazingly with even more wisdom. One thing I am beginning to truly grasp is that by eating less I can feel more. Knowing that and putting it into practice are two different things, but I’m working on it!
This doing things to please others has many layers. One I’m uncovering at the moment is waking up and engaging in the doing (for others) before I’ve taken time out to connect with myself. It makes such a difference to my whole day when I stop, connect and feel.
Thank you for this blog Carmel. I too have come to realize that doing things that support me rather than doing them to look good in the eyes of others has a hugely different effect on the body. My body and life has changed so much just by simply changing my focus to do things that support me..
Wow, amazing blog and very helpful. It’s really highlighted for me my attitudes to tidying and how this is only important to do for others. I love how you’ve flipped this on its head bringing it back to the relationship to self and support of self. Thankyou, perfect timing for me to read.
Carmel, I love your humour and your simplicity in this blog! It is so true that when we approach these things as a ‘must do’ and as an unloving discipline, there is no fun in it and there is no looking forwards to coming back to it again – instead it becomes something we avoid or turn a blind eye to. But I love how you have turned it around and seen it for the amazing support that feeds you back to be more loving. It then becomes a loving discipline, something that feeds you back more of you in your loveliness. I have found that I can also fall into the box ticking of tiding up and do it mechanically – and when this happens there is also no joy, no fun being had, nothing to look forwards to and it feels empty. But when I turn that into something that has purpose – that I am tidying up with the joy of knowing that this will feed me back and support me, then the game changes completely.
Hi Brendan, yes, learning to let go of what simply tastes nice in the mouth and instead allowing the whole body to advise us what is needed is a great way to live. Sugar, for example, is lovely to taste, but very addictive, and once we start . . . it’s hard to stop. When we look at and understand what’s making us so exhausted that we need to eat the sugar for ‘energy’, it becomes easier to make a different choice.
oooohhhh, you’ve really hit on something here Carmel. Doing things to look good from the outside, rather than truly be supportive of what’s inside.
I agree Joel, trying to please others is the main reason why we do a lot of things and why we often change our behaviours. It is as though we don’t value ourselves enough to live in a truly supportive way, but if our image is at risk we will do anything to protect it.
That is so true Tony, it becomes more about looking good to others than a feeling good within yourself. Thank you for sharing this Carmel and highlighting the link between a diet and tidying up.
Thanks Carmel, lovely to read of the transition to fully appreciating and taking care of yourself. A great message for the world to hear that self appreciation is pivotal to well being, and can enhance all aspects of our lives.
“Self appreciation is pivotal to well being, and can enhance all aspects of our lives”. Thank you, Chris, yes, the world definitely needs to hear this – I find that when everything falls apart it is because I haven’t taken the time to appreciate me. Sometimes just appreciating little things makes a huge difference in my day.
Carmel the whole clincher for me is the very last sentence of your article ‘ I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment’. AH! that is the crux of it, that is the jewel in the crown. If I bring ‘me’ into the moment, then the moment gets transformed.
Thanks Carmel for spotting that important connection between eating and tidying, and sharing the way you changed to doing both lovingly to support you.
I like how you have linked the two together as being almost the same, tidying up and dieting, you could even add to those; ‘exercise’ as it’s about getting your body to look great but can be seen as an activity you have to push your way through in pain and it’s equally something you can stop and not feel like doing, because a sleep in or movies seems so tempting… In the end the dieting and exercise stops while the house is a mess.
Yep, Ariel, I can relate to that one – my daily walk becomes a weekly walk . . . and it is all about making time to nurture me – we may think that putting ourselves first is selfish, but it is a sensible way to live, because then we have the energy to do everything else!
You make it clear that doing things because we should and because it will look good on the outside and to the outside doesn’t work, it doesn’t last the distance. But once the impulse comes from within and from what we have felt to be true, everything just falls into place, bit by bit and with grace.
I love what you have shared about tidying up – I love to have my house clean and tidy, my house always reflects what is happening for our family. We also fell for running around and tidying up for visitors – Which begged me to ask the question if I love a tidy house so much why do I make an effort for others but not for myself?
I have been going through a stage of just being a lot more honest with myself and where I am at and that has included not covering things up like tidying up for others. It has taken the enormous pressure I have placed on myself off my shoulders and gives me the chance to make real changes based on true impulses to lovingly care for my home and my self.
I am also being more loving with myself in not tidying up after others and it feels as Vanessa says so much lighter. By making a different choice to do this, it supports those around me to take responsibility and I have a tidy house without feeling the tiredness if I had done it. It is also giving me an opportunity to accept their way of tidying with no expectation of the end result.
I can certainly relate to the ‘tidying up’ merry go round. I am often more concerned about what others will think of me or how others will be impacted by any mess I make and as a result things look tidy on the surface but underneath it feels awful. I am learning that tidying up becomes so much easier and more enjoyable when I do it to support myself. I have a lot to change here but it really helps to begin from the premise that tidying up is not a chore but an act of love.Thank you Carmel.
It’s awesome how you have drawn these two behaviours together Carmel. I love how dieting and tidying become nurturing and simple when seen lovingly. I’m feeling in your words just how limiting these boxes we try to tick can be.
This is a very clear and simple example of the difference between living seeking who we are in life, and living life to express who we are. Outwardly, we can appear to be doing quite well and getting feedback we are doing great from others, yet as Carmel states, it is only on the surface. It is really very life affirming to be going about things quietly and subtly with joy in presence and movement, then to have someone state how lovely the house feels or the shirt looks. There has been no outward effort for appearances sake, yet there is a true confirmation from someone – and it came from their heart and not from comparison!
I agree Simon. What Carmel is showing is that by doing things for ourselves rather than for other people, there is much more joy and the feelings of appreciation are much greater.
I love and appreciate your Blog Carmel, how the tidying up starts with ourselves having a deep sense of honouring and appreciating oneself. Then naturally from that wanting to live in a home that is tidy and non-cluttered, because that feels supportive.
It’s the direct opposite of how we normally approach things in life, from outside ideas and how things look and how people will see us.
Rather than connecting to the amazing beings we are first, then allowing that connection to guide us to make supportive and loving choices in our lives.
Hi Carmel I enjoyed reading your very inspiring blog and can relate to what you say here. I too was over weight for years numbing myself with food but through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine am learning to support myself and to lovingly nourish my body.
Hi Carmel, I have never linked these two together but as I read your blog I could feel how related they are!
I loved this bit Carmel “but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” Thank you.
Yes, I loved this too Emily as it feels so much more natural!
Your story has such a lovely easy flow Carmel. It felt like you put no pressure upon yourself, you just gently went about nurturing and caring for yourself and making healthier choices, which resulted in you returning to your natural weight. No diet, no stress, no formula – it’s this living truth that needs to be shared more and more. Fantastic.
Thank you Carmel for showing me the link to dieting and tidying the house and the fact that until we come to the root of the issue behind, we will not have any true results form these activities as they are not truly serving us.
Carmel you have shown us the wisdom of being true to ourselves, making choices because they support us and not to impress others.
I love this Carmel, thank you. It just makes so much sense and busts so much of that ‘trying to better’ ourselves, life etc. I can feel it all comes from self-acceptance and self-love; then you simply naturally want to take care of yourself, your day and your environment.
This is so true Carmel – the mess we don’t truly deal with does creep back in.
Lovely sharing, Carmel, thank you. It is no coincidence that our self-acceptance (or lack of it) and food issues are related. As we learn to appreciate ourselves, more and more, we need less and less food to substitute for that, and our bodies return naturally to their true shape and size.
This is so true Anne, I have experienced this. I used to eat SO much! As I come to appreciate myself more I just can’t make myself feel sick like that anymore.
That’s amazing how you can link the two rules together as if they are one in the same, dieting and tidying. It’s like when you go on your diet you’re not letting yourself feel what’s going on in your body or in other words, not letting yourself see what’s still stashed away in your cupboard looking ‘tidy’ that you sort out first, before you can truly have it tidy, or have a supportive diet.
I remember a while ago, when I was tossing up whether or not to do the dishes one evening, a thought came to me – if I wash these dishes now, I will be so glad I did so in the morning, as I will walk into a clean kitchen. The next moment realising – it’s the same in dealing with life’s issues. If we clean up right away, there is no mess to come back to. No clutter to deal with, nor accumulated stuff hanging around to weigh us down. Reflections abound everywhere.
I love this revelation, Anna. Thank you. I have never liked leaving dirty dishes overnight and now I know why! All I have to do now is bring the same understanding to all my other issues in life!
“but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself”…..that’s pure GOLD right there Carmel and blows the lid on all the weight loss programs out there. Thanks for such an insightful blog – I also have (and still do some days) fall for the ”quick fix” or the “keeping up appearances” but it wasn’t until I truly discovered that to approach things in a way to support myself – just changes everything. And makes it so much simpler. I am overseas at the moment and noticed that the way I had packed had changed and was much more about what do I need to take in order to support myself?….as opposed to what do I need to take to look good/pack light etc…. Awesome.
Carmel, it is revolutionary to learn that if we take ‘trying’ out of any equation we take the pressure off ourselves to reach a perceived result. This in itself is the first step to a more loving approach to life, so after that things are simply bound to change because the problem was never the weight or the mess: it was the pressure to be or look like some perceived ideal.
Love this Carmel so simple and so true!
Great blog Carmel, could it be that we feel the reflection of every thing around us and as we clear and clean, this then becomes a livingness. This livingness then supports my body that has returned to my natural weight as I was as a teenager. Also the things that I now live, thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are showing that my every day choices bring an awareness to all that is around me.
Yes this ‘constantly striving to be better’ is an epidemic! “I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” Thank you- What a beautiful and new way to support ourselves. I also enjoy cleaning to create spaciousness.
Great comment Jane, how we tidy up things in all areas of life keeping the surface neat and clean, but not looking underneath and how then things come back to us over and over again!! Great reminder, love it!!
Great comment, Jane, and I agree – so many workplaces rearrange desks but don’t look at the deeper issues that are going on or recognise the amazing changes that can happen when all the staff begin to deeply appreciate all their colleagues equally.
Re-reading this blog – just beacuse it is super inspiring! “I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.” Carmel, this is pure gold.
Thank you Carmel. I can relate to the ‘surface’ tidying. I think mine comes from a need to assert my control in the house. I’m letting go of that now and have a very strong desire to clean out. There seems to be so much ‘stored’ away and I can feel how cleansing it will be to have a jolly big throw out!!
It feels so dishonest both with others and ourselves to be tidying or dieting but not truly addressing the real ‘mess’ behind it. It’s like making it look nice but not really shifting anything. Makes me wonder how much we really do avoid the love and care we can bring ourselves just by choosing to truly honour ourselves in the process. Wonderful! Thanks Carmel
Thanks Carmel!! I love this line, “I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself”.
Thanks for being more proof that ‘doing’ stuff for reasons other than to support you first, doesn’t work.
I can definitely feel a difference when between tidying up to make a room look good and tidying up and feeling what needs to go, and what needs to stay. It’s amazing how little I find I actually need and have, over the past few years had regular culls where I realise I just don’t use certain things – so out they go. It’s too easy to leave them sitting in a cupboard stagnating just in case one day I may use that gadget!! I’m feeling inspiring to get to the spare room wardrobe that has become the ‘I don’t know where else to put it and I’m not ready to get rid of it’ pile…
Hi Sandra, your words ‘not being ready to get rid of it yet’ remind me of the way we can be with old patterns of behaviour that we hang onto ‘just in case’.
Thanks Carmel, you have made a clear connection between the state of your house and the state of your body, yours appears pretty clear.
I recently had some friends come to stay and I needed to do some cleaning and tidying. It didn’t take long and it felt lovely preparing the beds and creating a clear space for them. It reminded me how lovely it is when I do that for me, too – not for how it looks, but for how it feels. It’s taken me to a deeper level of understanding the importance of keeping our living space clear.
I smiled through this Carmel as I too have an ever developing relationship with tidying. I have always had a controlled version of tidy where things are kept contained and give the impression of order but not truly in order. I would also go to great lengths if others were coming to visit to have real order. This was only ever temporary of course until my controlled order came back in. Now I tidy and create order based on how I feel about myself and how supportive I can feel this is for me, not to impress others.
Carmel you nailed it with your blog. I agree when we ‘have to do it” it has not come from our own impulse but from another hence why it doesn’t make sense. Thanks for a great blog.
I am only just starting to feel the reality that all those times that I clean I do it because of the fear that I am going to get called out by those that I am living with. I have used this as a tool and tactic so therefore I will do the cleaning instead of slacking off and becoming lazy with it all. What you offer here is amazing because it brings me to a place of knowing that I naturally will feel to clean in knowing and feeling how supportive that is for me, and how much beauty there is in that by the simple notion of looking after me I will naturally look after the place that I live and my workplace as well. Beautiful Carmel, thank you.
Hello Carmel, I love your sharing about your experiences with dieting and tidying up. It is very amazing that with learning to accept yourself, you lost weight because you started to eat things that only supported your body. And that you are tidying up because you want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for you – how inspiring is that!!!!!
I chuckled my way through your very honest blog Carmel as it brought back so many memories of ridiculous diets and cupboards overflowing with stuff while the rest of the house was presentable for visitors. Oh the pretty face I was programmed to put on for the world, while simmering just under the tidy surface was the turmoil that was being carefully hidden, only to be revealed once the visitors had gone. The diets are long gone, to be replaced with a loving way to feed and nurture me, and my home is tidied for me and not the visitors and, like you Carmel, “ my whole life has turned around”, and I love being me.
What a powerful statement Carmel, “I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” This sentence alone could revolutionize the diet industry – how many diet’s are motivated out of a fix it to a problem, wanting to look better, or “having” to for medical reasons. What if we did it first because we cared enough about ourselves and because we are worth it. That is a game changer.
Dear Carmel, I have to say that I am similarly inspired by your blog, to lovingly attend to clearing away and ordering more in my household also.
And deeply appreciative of your sharing here, particularly what you’ve said about acceptance. I’ve found that as I accept and honour more of the whole, amazing and true ‘me’… that the changes in my lifestyle which honour this become readily apparent, and things can ‘shift’ (with due care and attendance to the detail) relatively easily – when compared to the old ‘have to’ way of the past as you’ve described so very well.
Wow, great blog and reflection how I tend to tidy up. My workplace can be a ‘mess’ -piles of paper everywhere. I can get annoyed, pretend it is not there or in a freaky way tidy it all up, but then it is more hiding the stuff and making neat piles than true tiding up. What this blog shows me is that I don’t accept and appreciate myself first. And second that tidying up is to support me. I can already feel the difference. I will start my day with one supportive tidying up as soon as I enter my workplace today.
To eat for you and to create a loving environment for you radiates out to everyone. When a small child asked me why I was making my bed, I told her it was so lovely for me to get into at night when I came back to it. She then went and made her bed. It was gorgeous. So when we nurture ourselves it brings inspiration to the world. Lovely for us and lovely for all.
Thank you Amanda for this beautiful example of how we an inspire others simply by the way we live.
Yes totally agree, the surface may meet the expectation but if the draws are stuffed full to hide the mess, the mess will quickly return. A lesson that can be applied to many areas in life.
A great blog Carmel. Such a pleasure to read. A Beautiful lesson on self-love. Thank you.
This is a wonderful awareness for you Carmel and I can image how acceptance and doing things from a point of self love has a profound effect on all parts of your life.
From reading your blog Carmel I am inspired to clear out some more ‘clutter’. I have streamlined a lot over the last few years but I can feel it is time to refine once again. I love your reflection here, ” as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase”.
That’s great, Victoria. I had recently allowed a bit of clutter to build again and, interestingly, my eating had gone a little to pot as well. I could feel how tired it was all making me feel – a little reflection of how we get affected when we don’t deal with things as they arise. So I spent ten minutes one day cleaning a kitchen cupboard, and that little gesture was the start of my ‘recovery’ – I’m now back on track with both eating and clutter-clearing.
Carmel, what you have said is so simple and lovely.
I was a bit overweight for years, but when I would want to go on a diet, I would make the focus about not eating, so I would just want to eat.
( I once went to weight watchers and put on weight)
But when I focused on eating healthy and feeling what to eat the weight just gently slipped off.
Good point Carmel, about how letting things slip a little connects with how tired we might be feeling. A timely reminder for me to check in to see why I might be feeling tired at any time.
I can totally relate to the tidying up Rush, when friends or parents were coming to stay, I now am starting to look at as a process of self care and love and make the time to do one little bit at a time without the rush and overwhelm.
I never dieted much but tidying, yes, I was the tidying queen and it was always for show and just in case someone turned up. I was calling it restoring order but in fact it was just a way of feeling I had some control of life and there was no joy in it.
Such a different story now. When I clean and clear now and either remove stuff that doesn’t belong or place it in the right place for it, it is with an appreciation and much enjoyment, I love the lovely feeling of spaciousness, and natural ‘rightness’ that occurs equally within me as within the space I occupy.
Yes you are a beautiful tender woman with lots to express in the world, and it is great that you claim it. And even better that it affects the way you choose to eat. Congratulations.
This is so true Carmel, thank you for making the connection between the two activities.. From reading your story I realized that I have / am going through the same process! Of clearing out clutter and dropping protections in my life, it is such an expansive feeling to open up and begin to truly let go of what doesn’t belong.
Its amazing how when we appreciate our self and our body, and make self loving choices our bodies get back in balance and we truly know and feel what we can and can’t have.
I know this very well Carmel, the cleaning up to fix something or for me dressing in a very good looking way just to look good but not because I deeply feel I am stunningly beautiful, which I am, is just not doing it for me anymore. I agree that when I connect with this beauty in me I naturally clean and tidy up and dress to appreciate that amazing beauty.
I love how you connected the dieting and tidying up. I still fall for the ‘quick stowaway’ at times, to tick the box of having things cleared up but I can now feel the difference between putting it away to be out of sight and actually giving it my full attention and lovingly putting it in its own place. The difference in how my movements feel and how my house feels afterwards is striking.
Hi Carolien, when you talk about the difference between a ‘quick stowaway’ and lovingly placing things, I can feel the importance of not just doing things mechanically, but giving each small task your absolute attention, thank you for that lovely reminder.
Exactly Carmel, I feel the same. I often find I have to consciously slow down and really attend to the way I am placing things, on tables, in cupboards and drawers, and let go of doing it in haste to get the end result: a clear space. It’s a really good check in point for me to see where I am really at.
I love reading your blog Carmel. I for me it’s the tidying up that gets me. I live with my partner, 2 children and our dog. Our house is a construction site, we have been renovating for over 2 years and still going. We live in constant mess and I get frustrated when I tidy up and see it all be undone it no time at all. What I have learnt is to accept where we are at as a family and do what I can to support us all. Being frustrated doesn’t work or help anyone. Acceptance is huge and bring self-love and self-care into my life have made everything more manageable and harmonious.
Great blog Carmel.
I know that the more I choose to self-love the more the ‘quality’ I am in when I tidy and I eat changes.
When I am connected with myself I slow down, move with care and find true purpose in all that I do.
This then supports my two homes… my body that is my home and the place where I live, to feel spacious and clear. 🙂
I like that my two homes, that’s great and a wonderful reflection to ponder on. Acceptance is a big part of truly allowing love into your homes. Then as Carmel shared its natural to want to care for and keep clear your homes.
Thank you Carmel – so simple and so inspiring!
Ha ha this is soooo true!!!
Thank you Carmel. I really loved reading this.
Carmel, it is an inspiring article. I know what you are writing about – I was doing the same for years. It is fascinating how blind we could be by not seeing the obvious about diets and clearing the place by putting everything out of sight because we are not dealing with the core issues – lack of self love, acceptance and appreciation. I’ve been to the houses where stillness can be felt and everything there supports you with love. The same with our bodies, I agree with you, we eat what nurtures us best and the body becomes more vital and supportive. Thank you for this beautiful sharing.
Hi Elena, I can feel the stillness when you say, “I’ve been to the houses where stillness can be felt and everything there supports you with love.”
Hi Sandhya – interesting how, once we let go of worrying about our weight and focus on simply self nurturing, our bodies return to the weight they know how to be.
Beautiful Carmel – a truly inspiring blog!
A great reminder Carmel that we need to be aware of the true intentions behind our actions. It’s important that we are honouring of ourselves first and not doing something just to please others.
I never used to diet the exact opposite in fact I used to eat to try and put on weight as I have always been very slim. But the energy and reason why I used to do this is the same as you have described here, once I had let go of this and started nurturing myself my weight has never been an issue as I as am exactly as I am meant to be
Thank you for posting about tidying up. You have inspired me to rethink the way I do this. Sometimes I tidy up with anger, frustration and exhaustion. I noticed recently how lovely it is to swing the door open for the first time into a beautiful freshly made up hotel room. I spent time reflecting on why this is always a lovely feeling for me. It’s the clean lines, the clear horizontal surfaces, the lack of clutter and the freshness this brings to my busy mind. I noticed that when my house was out of order everywhere I passed something seemed to scream for attention, make that bed, wash that floor, fold those clothes. In a hotel room many of these things are not present but I am beginning to understand that that same feeling can be found in a household where additional work is required. It’s in the way I am when I clean; If I move more gently,clean with joy, if I accept this as a part of self care and care for my family, and if I clean as a support for all of us, accepting cleaning as part of the way of my livingness… those drawers you speak of, full of things hidden away – I am going through them and moving out the things that no longer support. Less things equals less things to care for…less work…less for my busy mind to worry about….less exhaustion. Your post has gently reminded me of a better way of tidying. Thank you.
Awesome – I agree, it’s the clutter that makes cleaning at home a pain – and it’s our own emotional clutter that holds us back in our everyday lives and creates exhaustion.
Thanks Carmel, great read. Over the years I have struggled with food and tidiness, I see them both as a reflection of how I have not wanted to feel and deal with what that moment offers this has been a process but it is turning around however there is always more around the corner and that I am now open to.
I love how loving and supportive your approach to your diet and tidying has evolved over time. As you honoured and loved your self more, this was reflected in how you chose to eat and live within your home. This feels like such a beautiful and natural approach, that just makes sense, thanks for sharing your journey Carmen.
Thanks, Jade, it’s taken an interesting twist, because a lot has been happening in my life recently and I’ve not been keeping up, and this is reflected in the untidy state of my home – I’ve filled my life with activity (doing) and not made time for me (being). It takes a whole new approach, doing things for us first and not getting distracted doing things for others, and the understanding that living in that way is helpful, because when we truly live it, we can inspire others to choose another way too.
This is so true what you have said about doing things for the end result to look different to others but not what’s really supporting to us. I can relate to that on a lot of different levels. What I like is having the awareness of how it feels in my body and then observing from there how it plays out. How you were able to change old patterns is very inspiring, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Carmel. A great blog on self acceptance. Truly can be applied to everything we do: becoming aware of why we do things and who we do them for.
An amazing insight Carmel in showing how everything is so simply connected and it all comes forth from self-loving choices and self-acceptance.
Yes, Doug, I recently had a bit of a blip (a cold January in the UK) and ate loads of things I hadn’t eaten for years. Nor surprisingly, I put on weight, but paying attention to the foods I was eating as well as dealing with the depression have helped me to regain my natural weight in a very short space of time.
To ask the question “does this truly support me?” Is what I am going to take with me today.
Gorgeous Carmel. So simple and so true. I have also lost about 20 kilos and ‘kept it off’ for about 4 years and it was and is pretty effortless – which is welcome after YEARS of dieting, exercising etc… And I too did it by starting to take good care of myself.
Congratulations – and such a simple way too – I went to weight watching classes for years – I was obsessed with food/diet/calories. This way of living has freed my mind of all of that!
Carmel, this is brilliant. “It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.” – At the cleaning company I work for, we also do de-cluttering and tidying up, there are many people who want to have their space clean/tidy up for a special occasion. What you say here is exactly what I said to my boss last week 😉
I have never been a dieter, but I can certainly relate to the tidying up – actually its more of the cleaning the house that I have struggled with. What I am noticing is that if the house is tidy, I can easily ignore the cleaning that needs to occur and how I only choose to pay attention to certain areas in the house and ignore others altogether. It’s like I am skimming the surface in life and not allowing myself to just let it go. It’s amazing what our homes can show us. A very much work in process for me. Thank you Carmel, I have lots to consider now.
Thank you Carmel,
I can really relate to your blog about tidying your home.
I have been tidying my home for most of my life to get the approval of others or not! and only now since I am beginning to embrace myself more deeply as a son of God can I feel the impulse to clean and honour myself by creating a clear and clean environment that can support me to be more deeply me.
The challenge I have experienced and still do at times is the reaction I can feel when facing the disregard I have chosen to live in that has kept me from shinning.
Part of healing this part of me is accepting the choices I have made and still choosing to love myself and now choose love rather then comfort.
The relationship I have with my home is a constant reminder of where I am at and I am supported in my cleaning by being me and open to the support of the brotherhood.
Hi Nicole, it’s amazing how much we can beat ourselves up for no reason other than failing to meet our own expectations of ourselves, so in a way, acceptance is letting go of expectations and opening up to the truth of what is without judgment.
Carmel the way you draw the parallel between dieting and tidying up is just so great, and that it boils down to self-acceptance, for when do this we then naturally learn to take care of us, and in this place a value and worth, which creates more space – for more love, and so it’s no surprise that when we love something dearly, why would we want to abuse it? So overeating is to do with the acceptance and love we have for ourselves.
Thank you Carmel for this insightful, and for the topic, light reading – for me it shows that no matter how much we want things on one level nothing’s gonna change if we do not truly want it, which I guess comes from accepting ourselves first.
Hi Matts, yes, it’s funny how we see things the other way around – that we’ll be acceptable when we are slim, tidy etc. Putting self-acceptance first is key and the rest follows naturally.
Thank you Carmen, inspiring blog. I too used to approach the way I ate and lived according to how I would look on the outside and to get the approval of others, since attending the presentations by Serge Benhayon I have been able to let go of all that and to the best of my abilities I now approach the way I eat and live as a loving opportunity to truly support myself at all levels.
Wow Carmel … If we all lived this way the diet industry would be out of business and we’s have more space for us within our bodies, our homes and our lives.
I so enjoy reading this Carmel – now when it comes to housework in general tidying up it is no longer a chore but something I choose to do in a much different way than before. No different to the way I look after myself now and prepare my food rather than being less, in a rush to get it all over with so that I could move on to the next job. A noticeable difference in the energy all around me – it is no longer a chore.
Eating and tidying up, really good at one and a bit ordinary at the other. Having lost excess weight a long time ago, it is more about feeling what my body needs now and eating accordingly. Tidying up is more of a challenge and the more I can feel who I am, the more easily I take care of where/how I live. The rest is consistency. Thanks for your honesty Carmel.
Thank you Carmel, that was very pertinent to read. I look around my house and desperately want it to be tidy, others to tidy, me to tidy but you made me stop and consider what is behind the mess.
Thank you for your great article Carmel. I have come to realise that doing what feels right for me, with love and care and a sense of ease, continually brings unexpected and surprising results as opposed to doing for others, or what is expected of myself by myself or from others, through force and intention, never brings the results wanted or expected.
‘doing what feels right for me, with love and care and a sense of ease’ these are truly inspiring words, Rosemary, thank you.
And on dieting, I dieted from a young girl well into my 30s, always wanting to change the way I looked with no acceptance of myself at all. I tried every diet under the sun…yo yo ing up and down – sometimes feeling fat and bloated, and sometimes feeling malnourished and thin. As I care more for myself, and have learnt to love myself more and more, the focus on how I look has lessened and my weight and shape have both changed naturally.
Hi Sandra, I feel that is the key to both, that is it a natural honouring of who we truly are
So beautifully said Carmel, and I love how you’ve tried dieting and tidying up together, in that when focussing on an outcome, it doesn’t work. I can relate to both. I love living in a tidy home and so rather than it getting messy and tidying it up, it is more of a constant flow of putting things away at the time, and cleaning up as I go…the house then is never a mess and is always a joy to be in. It is done not to look good, but from an honouring of myself and that I really do love living in a tidy space.
Thank you Carmel so enjoyed reading your blog – a lot of similarities in my journey with food and housekeeping. In the past I too was trying to set a standard that was acceptable to others – causing my body to let me know in no uncertain way that I was pushing myself both physically and mentally and my digestive system was not “happy”. Something had to change and this happened from day one in attending a Universal Medicine presentation a few years ago now – I am still a work in progress but with students like yourself Carmel whom I find so inspirational – my journey continues.
I love the way you have linked the two together. Everything we do with an end result for someone else – it can be looking good, making our house tidy or some job we do for our boss but it will not last long and it will frustrate us or we give up on ourselves. It starts with feeling ourselves and appreciating who we are and it will flow naturally.
yes, Deborah, ‘truth will out’ as they say – you can’t hide anything, and I find how much I appreciate me is reflected in how tidy I keep my house day to day
I so relate to ‘stuffing it in a drawer’ – but then ‘the mess would creep back in’. Such a beautiful way to describe living from the outside in. Your love shines in this article Carmel.
I very slowly and steadily put on weight so that at age 44 I was 1.82 weighing in at 91.5kg. I had no idea what to do as dieting clearly didn’t work so I never even tried. I found that when I ate with more awareness of whether I enjoyed the food or not my body naturally lost weight without effort.
It was quite strange how my increased awareness had such drastic consequences. I now weigh 69.5 kg (I am still 1.82m tall) and I eat what I like and enjoy food and sometimes I eat quite a bit too much but my weight doesn’t go up. I had no idea that is was my awareness around eating that needed to change and it worked.
It is amazing how we are offered such an array of expensive and challenging diets and calorie counting when all that is required is an awareness of how certain foods feel with our individual bodies, and how were are when we prepare and eat our food.
I love how you share that it is accepting yourself and honouring yourself that has supported true change in your life. I know I too am finding that the more I come to know the woman I truly am, the more I can accept the love and nurturing I deserve from myself. It becomes easy to bring all of me to every moment, whether it be to prepare food, write an email, tidying the house…then there is no perfection, only a knowing of what is truly needed. I am forever thankful to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing that there is another way to live.
‘there is no perfection, only a knowing of what is truly needed’, great reminder, Michelle, thank you.
Acceptance and Appreciation are words that in the past I would use to shower others with – never myself. Since developing a living relationship of my own with these words, the mundanity of eating and tidying has lifted and I am beginning to understand that my expression has real power.
Beautiful, Lucinda, yes, Acceptance, Appreciation and I feel to add, Celebrating (i.e. not being afraid of) the true power of our expression. I celebrate it in others, and need to celebrate it in myself also.
Thank you Carmel for your inspiring article. As I accept and appreciate myself more I’m finding the more I do things to support and nurture me, it comes naturally. I used to have to get everything right, cleaning, how I did things. It feels so nourishing as I do them from love.
How beautiful to find doing things from love to be so nourishing, thank you, Ruth
So true Ruth. Acceptance and appreciation are key. For me as theses aspects feature more and more in my life, looking after myself deeply, nurturing myself with the foods I eat, having a harmonious space to live in etc unfold naturally. As I grow love and appreciation of myself it flows out into all aspects of my life.
“It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.” It’s amazing how our motivation for doing things changes with greater self-appreciation. Since I have also begun to self-apprciate more, life seems to be easier, less fraught and simpler.
Yes, it’s funny how we can create complications but when we truly honour ourselves and what we feel, life becomes much simpler.
Great ‘stop’ moment Carmel, to deeply appreciate you: ‘ I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment’. Simply gorgeous.
What I understand from reading this blog this time around is: Doing something because it feels right to do first and foremost as opposed to doing it because there is an expectation for the outcome to be a certain way for you to feel a certain way – when in fact you can feel that ‘certain way’ at the start and not only at the end by listening to how you feel before the task.
Interesting approach, Leigh, allowing yourself to feel that way at the start, so not relying on the doing of a task to make you feel better. Definitely something to ponder on.
This is a great blog Carmel, one I bet so many people can relate to.I was well over weight when I came to Universal Medicine and like you the weight literally fell off with no real effort once I started choosing the foods that didn’t effect me. I have become a lot tidier over the same time but still have a ways to go yet, maybe a bit more de-cluttering is in order.
Your comment reminds me I have a collection of DVDs cluttering up my lounge . . . some I’ll never watch again, so no point keeping them. As we change, so do our needs for many material things, and it feels very supportive to keep clearing, clearing, clearing.
Thank you Carmel, I love the way you have described tidying up as a support for yourself, instead of clearing things away because someone is coming. There’s nothing like the feeling of de-cluttering and releasing things from our lives that we no longer have a use for.
I agree Julie there is nothing like de-cluttering, it does really allow you to release things that you no longer need and creates a new kind of space.
Awesome blog Carmel – “the problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do and therefore as soon as it became a struggle I would give up”, I am sure that many people can relate to this statement, myself included
There is a lot to be said for accepting ourselves as we are, something we are rarely helped to allow. But without self acceptance everything that comes from us is a bit shaky and flaky. Self acceptance is the solidness that allows us to truly flower in the world and support others to do likewise.
‘Self acceptance is the solidness that allows us to truly flower in the world and support others to do likewise.’ Beautiful words, Stephen, thank you.
I agree. When love is the impetus for any action, it flows, sometimes not as expected, but nevertheless, we are left feeling that we have honoured something within us.
Hi Jinya, honouring ourselves feels great – honouring those small, subtle feelings inside and expressing them, not overriding them. Not pandering to the ‘trying to be nice’ or ‘trying to be good’ way of being, when it simply isn’t true.
Carmel, thank you for the reminder to appreciate and accept my true beauty and not to try to be better by eating a certain way to achieve something, or to tidy up to make a good impression, but to do these things to support me.
Carmel, reading this I can feel such a difference in the quality of approach. It’s not about doing something for how it looks but instead doing it because innately it supports you and your body, coming from the inside out rather than the outside in. It feels so natural and there’s no trying, just lovely.
The word ‘trying’ is a great one to dismantle Monica, as we can be very caught in thinking that life is about trying and that already puts us in a place of needing to look outside and seek confirmation which does not support us in building our own relationship with ourselves and our life. A discussion worth continuing.
Spot on Amina, trying is such a curse really, it creates the illusion we can play at life, without truly feeling and committing and as you say once we try we’ve already left us behind, it’s like we’ve become a shadow of ourselves and we’re trying to live life from that shadow rather than from the real us.
I agree a great word to dismantle Amina/Monica, I have used the word ‘trying’ a lot in my life. I feel if I am honest I use it so I don’t have to completely commit to something, because I am only ‘trying’, a sneaky one indeed. I have never been on a diet, but ‘choosing’ to be healthy and not ‘trying’ to be healthy has made all the difference, I am healing and living in a happier body because it feels natural for me to care for it rather than abuse it. Thank you for sharing. Great blog.
‘doing it because innately it supports you’ is something I was not brought up with – martyr mode, putting others first, was the Catholic way I was taught. Self-appreciation was very low on the agenda. It’s been quite a challenge turning that around, but, as you say, Monica, it feels natural and lovely when we do.
Hi Jane, thank you. I like your words, ‘it is empowering to give ourselves permission to do something because we matter, our environment matters, and because it supports us.’
So true, I used to keep a ‘pristine’ house because I felt so jumbled on the inside I could not bear a jumble on the outside too. These days, I still keep my house tidy, but the intensity has gone. Instead I clean, sort and clear my house exactly when my body feels like doing it. I love de-cluttering because it now represents my de-cluttered body and being, and so it feels a joy to bring my home into alignment with that, rather than the old ways of crisis management and emotional damage limitation!
Great blog Carmel, I love the way you have brought together 2 very different things in life dieting and tidying up. It shows that if we choose something in life, no matter what it is, if we do these things to look good, to impress people then they are never truly going to work.
I could relate to this sentence, “I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.”
Hi Alison, I can add a third one too, and that’s helping people. Sometimes it’s not self-loving because it leaves me feeling tired, but I offer to help because I want to look good, or at least not look bad for standing by and doing nothing. This one is more sneaky because helping another always feels good, but I need to learn the difference between rescuing and truly serving.
Hi Carmel I know that one too, helping people is a sneaky one, because it does make you feel good, but I have found that ‘helping’ comes from making it about self and not about what is really needed.
A great reminder, Carmel… I get caught by sympathising with people and I end up helping where I really didn’t need or want to. I find if I am ‘truly serving’ as you say, I actually gain energy and feel lighter and when I pander to others I feel drained.
That’s super cool Carmel, I can relate to the discipline of ‘eating a certain way’ or ‘tidying up to look tidy’ and how inspiring it is to see your approach to them so differently.
I can really relate to having tidied up just because I knew people were coming round or dieting or exercising to change how I look and how much different and more enjoyable it is when I approach these activities from a place of love.
I can also relate Fiona and I am sure most of us can, it is very refreshing to know that this is not what is needed and that all that is needed is to be ourselves all of the time and we will know what to eat and how to be with our home.
Absolutley Fiona. All with love.
Dear Carmel, I’ve been avoiding your blog because of the title, (I can’t stand clutter),
but now that I’ve read it, I realise that it’s fantastic! The ideas expressed can be
applied to so many things that we avoid because we perceive them as chores!
I personally feel a great weight has been lifted from me after I have had a
‘magazine cull’.
Hi Jonathan, congratulations on your magazine cull. I can’t stand clutter either but I seem to create it through procrastination (not putting things away or not completing things). I had great fun with the paper shredder this week, and I am amazed at how great I feel inside. I had made a point of buying a good quality shredder that doesn’t jam up, so the paper simply flowed through. If I keep things simple and do one task at a time, it feels easier to do – if I look at everything there is to be done, I go into overwhelm.
Hello Carmel, the paper shredder point is interesting to me,because of the sheer finality of it! When we ‘erase’ something on the computer, it just goes into some parallel universe somewhere and when you do find it, it asks you ” are you really sure you want to do this” etc…, which I find rather blunts my sense of purpose or resolve!
On the other hand, the paper shredder, well, there’s no going back is there!!
I have decided today is a day for blitzing my house with the hoover, duster and mop. Shooing the spiders away, wiping the dust off mirrors, and cleaning in corners and under furniture. Yes, I have to do some stuff on my computer, but today, instead of getting lost in emails and everything else, I’m going to switch it off for the day and go for a walk in the early morning sun. Then, when I come back, it’s time to create a clear, clean space for me to evolve. No more holding back.
Being a perfectionist and an ultra tidy person has tired me out for years.
Just recently I began to question, is my self diagnosis wrong ?
Has the perfectionism been more to do with an ongoing anxiousness that never allowed me to rest, relax and be with me ?
On feeling into these questions, it is quite clear it came from a deep well of not being good enough, I had to be tidy and have everything in place to feel accepted.
As my awareness grows and the anxiety loses its grip, I no longer ‘need’ every item around me in an exact place.
Whatever my environment, I am acceptable just as I am.
‘Whatever my environment, I am acceptable just as I am.’ Inspiring words, thank you Wendy.
Such a great point here Wendy – I was a constant ‘tidy upper’ not just my things but everybody else’s in the family also. I can so relate to “ongoing anxiousness that never allowed me to rest, relax and be with me”. I never was still enough to allow myself to actually feel anything other than the need to constantly please others and to feel “needed”. The anxiousness stayed and some of the old habits but little by little since attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the amazing student body I’m feeling more of me and those patterns gently dissolving into more self loving choices.
Thank you Carmel for a great blog. Self-Respect, Self-love, self-acceptance are key in the process of tyding up ones home or space. As you say so well, it is not about others and what they say or think. It is about creating a place that is a reflection of how we feel. And life flows better when our homes are clean and tidy, it seems there is no “obstacle” or “limit” to our Harmony and Joy.
Hi Carmel, I can completely relate to how you used tidying up. I, too, would just stuff the clutter out of sight – only for the clear spaces to build more. I grew up with a lot of “Someone’s coming over, so we MUST tidy up” – even when we didn’t feel like it. It’s great to experience tidying up for me, not because someone’s coming over. Doing it this way I find eliminates the pressure when people do come over, because it’s already tidy most of the time.
Yes Cheryl, I can remember “quick, stuff it in a cupboard” mode too, out of sight out of mind! Just clog up your house instead! It has only been in more recent years that I have begun to notice that if I don’t keep the house tidy, it makes me feel really tired and when I take the time to put things away properly, my energy does not get drained. It is quite amazing and does make life much easier when guests come round!
Definitely, Rowena. As well as the rushed horrible feeling of tidying in a hurry or not when I want to, (generally leaving me feeling exhausted!) I find that the mess I create in that so called ‘tidying up’ actually takes longer to tidy than if I were to do it properly the first time around. It’s crazy how “can’t be bothered” creates so much more work than we intend…
I always feel so much more spacious when I make time to do the whole job properly and not over-do it. 🙂
Yes Carmel, I am grateful for having had the opportunity to get to know you and enjoy hearing your inspiring journey first hand. But the big word there is inspire as you constantly inspire me to be honest and learn to love myself more each day. You and the beautiful Student Body. There is a lot to be said for watching people truly reclaim their life, themselves and their journeys. It’s awesome to be a part of that. Thanks to Serge Benhayon for his unwavering love and continued support.
Hi Phil, this is true, there is much inspiration to be gained from the Universal Medicine Student Body – any people who are making healthy lifestyle choices and who are learning to live in harmony with themselves and their fellow man. When we shine our light in full, others can see and be inspired.
This is an awesome blog Carmel. I have enjoyed rereading it and relate enormously to the tidying up. That is an area that is a work in progress for me, which I accept without that awful need to be perfect!
Thanks for this sharing Carmel, which raises great points for our reflection.
I really liked, ‘ perhaps I can take a moment to re-connect to myself and to re-assess and re-define my relationship to that task’. Always helpful to stop and feel and check ‘what is my purpose here?’.
Yes, self acceptance is a big issue, and underlies many problems.
Carmel, I absolutely love how you highlighted the similarity in your former approach to eating and tidying up. Your writing helped me appreciate, that whilst I still have quite a way to go when it comes to consistently looking after my home for me, I have also come a very long way in this area. This was really good to see this, as I had overlooked it. It has me thinking, ‘if I had totally overlooked, this, and was only seeing where there was still ‘work to be done’, what else have I overlooked and not stopped to appreciate?’.
Thank you Catherine, for reminding us to check and appreciate just how far we’ve come. I can see that ‘Tidying up’ our lives can include clearing up the way we see ourselves!
‘my approach to ANY ACTIVITY which is connected to an outcome needs to be re-assessed’ I agree, Golnaz, some activities that I have engaged in have felt truly ‘good’ when I started, but after a while, when I notice I feel drained and explore my relationship to the task, I may discover that I am doing it because it is being ‘helpful’ or to get me noticed, or ‘being a good student’ and the true reason is for my own personal gain, not serving humanity. I like the way you end with ‘perhaps I can take a moment to re-connect to myself and to re-assess and re-define my relationship to that task.’
I love what you say here too, Golnaz – about re-connecting first instead of reacting to what ‘should’ be the way. It is such a different feeling when doing this from a point of connection rather than from a point of reaction or ‘to do the right thing’ – a great offering here.
I had to have a second take: dieting and tidying up grouped as one!? But in fact I found it very useful because I do know that we can diet only to find the weight is back not long after, many blame the diet and go to another diet and get the same story repeat itself. I know this yo yo result is because the actual underlying issue that has led to over-eating and gaining extra weight has not been addressed – and this is necessary for any fundamental change to take place. Putting dieting and tidying up together in effect means my approach to ANY ACTIVITY which is connected to an outcome needs to be re-assessed. Am I doing it for some superficial reason, or am I doing it because it feels the most natural and loving thing to do – and if it is the former, and the task still does need doing, perhaps I can take a moment to re-connect to myself and to re-assess and re-define my relationship to that task.
Its a great sharing that diets didn’t work for you Carmel, yet eating from what you need for your body made all the difference.
So cool, Carmel. We can all clean our homes in a way that cleans our bodies at the same time. A two for one deal, I’d say, and one that doesn’t have to seem like a chore, but a blessing.
Today I’m clearing out three clothes drawers: in the same way that my life is getting very full of projects and activities, I can’t put in any of the lovely new clothes I have been buying without crushing them. Clearing my home and letting go of old ‘stuff’ is creating space for me to be clear about activities I can work on, or let go of.
Love the bit about ‘tidying up’ and stuffing all the mess into a drawer or behind the sofa. But who are we kidding?! We still know the mess is there and are still living with it but on top of all that we’re having to pretend that all is OK. Hmmm makes me feel tired just talking about it.
I agree, Rosanna, it’s the pretending everything is OK that makes us feel tired and every time we look at the pile of ironing or open the drawer that needs clearing, the ‘Oh dear I must do that’ can feel very draining as we constantly criticise ourselves for the way we are living instead of simply getting on with it. When the pile gets so big it’s hard to get started, but if I set myself a programme to do at least ten minutes clearing every day it helps.
It is interesting how the space we live in can either be nurturing or not – I know I feel down when my house is messy and my house gets messy when I feel down – but we both feel great when I take a little time to tidy up.
I worked as an estate agent in central London for many years and saw many houses that simply did not feel like homes, they felt cold and empty. There is an enormous difference to a home that is lovingly cared for to support a family and one that is all about status and looking a certain way. I was always fascinated how you could feel the difference between different homes and now I know why.
Eating in a lovingly nurturing way feels a much better plan than a regime of dietary rules. Similarly, lovingly creating a nurturing space to live in feels great.
This a great point you have shared Mary. I remember visiting family members when I was a little girl and noticing how clean the houses were but they truly didn’t feel lived in. The same goes with dieting. When we diet are we truly living in that body?
Good question – when we diet are we truly living in that body? I was living with an ideal of how I felt I should look, not living with the body I was actually in.
Self love supports an awareness and foundation – where being tender and nurturing your body and your life does not become a struggle. Thank you for sharing your experience of how caring for your body and caring for your home are linked. Lovely to share.
Hi Samantha, funny, isn’t it how we expect life to be a struggle? The simplicity of being tender with ourselves and in everything we do is a great way to build a solid foundation for how we live our lives.
Hi Julie, yes, I agree, this need for recognition creeps into many areas of our lives. One area for me is taking on voluntary projects – I’ve often put my hand up to help – I’m learning that sometimes it is actually for selfish reasons – to look good, to impress, or to feel good about being ‘helpful’, and enjoy being needed. When I take on too much, as has happened in the past, with committees and community events, I’ve ended up tired and not truly helping anybody. So now I’m looking at tidying up not just my house but my whole life! And, as you say, when it is a choice based on a true care for ourselves, it becomes sustainable.
Definitely, recognition sneaks into so many areas of our lives, and I completely agree Julie, that self acceptance is the core of many issues and that, ‘if I make my choices based on a care for myself the outcome is different and the choices made are sustainable’ So true.
I love how you have linked 2 unseemingly related areas together playfully, Carmel. It makes me wonder what other things in life are done to impress others rather than from a genuine care of myself? It is a great realisation that at the core of so many issues is self acceptance and yes I agree, this is a great starting point to any challenge in life. I found that if I make my choices based on a care for myself the outcome is different and the choices made are sustainable, e.g. when making changes to what I eat.
I love the way you make it so simple. Rather than doing things for the recognition it might bring or the desired result it might achieve instead making a “loving gesture to help support myself” And this, because you are accepting the beautiful tender woman you are who has much to express in the world. Lovely Carmel.
Hi Elaine, I guess ‘doing things’ is part of our expression, so when we do everything with tenderness, that is what we are expressing. No hidden agenda, simply being ourselves in the world.
Great blog Carmel, I can totally relate to tidying up for me rather than doing it for others. It used to be a chore to clean or tidy because I was doing it to get something back or to impress someone, but the more I appreciate me the more I do it just for me and the more joyful it becomes.
Hi Tim, I agree, its great when tasks become a joy and not a chore
I love this Carmel. I can feel the fun and lightness of your acceptance of you coming through your words. A true inspiration ” I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment.”
Hi Beverley – fun and lightness – yes!
This is lovely Carmel. I feel a beautiful sense of your growing appreciation for yourself.
I can certainly relate to what you have mentioned about the tidying up. Making my home lovely just for others, not for me. That is no the longer the case.
When I read the title of this article I knew I had to read it, for the latter … tidying up. This is something I recently am only choosing to look at in a different way. I can really relate to tidying up by stuffing it into draws only to deal with it later. Or how I sit on the floor to sort out stacks of paperwork only to end up with the same stack later! What you have provided here is a key ingredient .. acceptance, and I can really see now how by accepting myself first before starting to do this, will make a difference. Thank you.
That’s beautiful Vicky, yes we often beat ourselves up for letting the mess happen in the first place, but accepting ourselves and where we are at is a great way to start the clearing process; because we can feel that what supports us can remain and what doesn’t can be thrown away. Simple.
I agree, Jonathan, making loving, supportive choices in all areas of our lives is a great way to be.
That’s a great way of putting it Ariana. Self care as a foundation from which we can approach all of life.
Great blog, Carmel. It is so true and dynamic that when we change the reason for doing something from having to do it, to one of a loving, supportive choice the experience becomes totally different. And when you write, “wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me” it makes me ponder how many other ways and in what ways do I do this?
So true, self care is the way forward for a true foundation.
Hi Rachel, I agree. When I catch myself doing something to ‘be good’ or saying something so I get some recognition back, it actually doesn’t feel very good in my body, but when I do anything with the intention of staying connected with me, then it feels lovely, and I don’t need to say anything as I don’t need the recognition.
Gosh, the way you have explained what our intention is behind each action is strong in this blog, Carmel. When we do something that is caring for ourselves the outcome is very different from doing something so we get recognition for it form the outside. Your examples of weight loss/eating and tidying up are relatable and understandable and they can be translated into every other action we do on a day to day basis.
Hi Rebecca, how beautiful, to do something because it is a joy rather than because you feel you ‘should’ or because you feel bad about the untidiness. I love how you describe it as an ongoing joy-full thing to do: ‘As I change and care for myself more, allowing myself to become the tender, beautiful woman that I am, I notice the more my house reflects this and the more I want to have things tidy, clean and ordered.’
I agree, Ryan, the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have inspired many of us to turn our lives around, and in turn, we through our livingness are inspiring others, as many of us have observed – people who we live and work with are also making changes in their lives.
Inspiring.
Thank you for sharing. A great article.
Hi Ben, I’m glad you enjoyed it
This is great Carmel, thank you. I can relate to what you have written about tidying up, I used to tidy up because I felt I should or I would tidy if I had visitors coming, I never enjoyed it, it felt like something I just had to do. But now I love to tidy, it feels great, I mopped the floors the other day and it felt wonderful. As I change and care for myself more, allowing myself to become the tender, beautiful woman that I am, I notice the more my house reflects this and the more I want to have things tidy, clean and ordered.
Yes Rebecca, I too used to tidy up for visitors etc., so in effect for how I am perceived by the outside world, as Carmel said, ‘how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself’. It feels so different when tidying is to support myself.
Hi Carmel, I love the way you have called out the lack of self-acceptance with such honesty in this article – “wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.” I can really relate to this, so thank you for sharing your learning with us.
Hi Janet, it is a great way to build self-acceptance and appreciation. Simply taking care of our living space and the way we nurture ourselves in it, builds a loving foundation for how we take ourselves out into the day.
I recognize both the tidying up and the diet for outside effect, but the diet for me has always been about health, “this will do me good”, all from outside knowledge rather than listening to my body. My body knows what is “good for me”, usually very different from what I think! You describe it so simply, and I can feel the contrast between the complicated struggle of the trying to gain an end, and the ease with which it all happens when you accepted yourself as a loving, tender woman, who is the Carmel I know now.
Hi Joan, thank you, yes, it is easy to pay attention to the outside factors and ignore the amazing wisdom that is there within our own bodies, every moment of the day. It is great to remind ourselves to keep it simple.
Hi Amina, I agree, when we focus on nurturing ourselves first, many jobs can be both fun and joy-full
I agree, Ariana, ‘Developing a new foundation for self-acceptance’ through self-care is great for many aspects of our lives – I know one example you’ve shown me is laying out our clothes beautifully before we shower – it feels awesome wearing those clothes afterwards.
Great blog Carmel and beautifully summed up by Ariana.
I love the way you note that by accepting yourself, the tidying then happens naturally….. and for myself I note just how much support I feel when I come back to that. It meets me the next time I come across that tidy space/thing/etc. as a reminder creating a virtuous cycle which has a bit more love in it than the last time round!
Hi Simon, what a great reminder – that we come back to whatever we left, and how great that it builds a cycle of love to feel in the home, office, car, wherever.
Hi Carmel, I too have learned to love cleaning and looking after myself. With the same consequence of losing significant amounts of weight and feeling so much better in myself. When I was a teenager my room was so untidy with stuff all over the floor that I sprained my ankle after turning the lights out and getting to my bed after standing on something. I lived like that for nigh on 17 years!
Only recently have I made the shift to actually loving cleaning and keeping my house in order. I am still developing the same love for food and preparing food but also can appreciate I am a long way from the woman who ate peanut butter sandwiches because she couldn’t be bothered cooking! Its like another life in this lifetime! This life sure does rock over the old one!
Hi Vanessa, I so recognise those ‘can’t be bothered’ moments, and also now enjoy preparing and eating nourishing and nutritious meals. It is so great when we learn to value and take care of ourselves in this simple way.
This blog is a lovely example of how supporting ourselves first over any reason on the outside can make a huge difference not only how we preform X,Y,Z but changing our relationship to it. Many years ago I would of hated cleaning the fridge, but now I enjoy it as I clean it to support my food that will in turn support me as I eat it. The fridge not only looks amazing but I can feel the care of not accepting my kale sitting on a sticky shelf!
Hi Leigh, I can feel the joy in your words, you conjure up a delightful image of the ‘before and after’ in your fridge!
What an amazing way to be and your before and after pictures Carmel are a testament to the truth of what you speak. Diets don’t work, really truly listening to our bodies is a much gentler way, appreciating and accepting oneself. Thank you Carmel
Hi Stephen, yes, it is amazing, and now there is a ‘before and after’ developing in other areas of my life – as I look at attitudes and beliefs that have held me in their thrall for years and I am now beginning to appreciate myself as the truly amazing woman I am.
Hi Steve, thank you, and now there is a new ‘before and after’ project I am working on as I look at attitudes and beliefs that have had me in thrall for years (Lifetimes?) and kept me feeling less. I am now learning to let them go and appreciate the truly amazing woman I am.
Carmel, thank you, I so enjoyed reading it. You really got me thinking especially about how I approach tidying up. I can feel as you say when it’s about accepting me and then it’s a natural firm of support, but it can be from a chasing of perfection and how things look on the surface. And that’s when I find it truly exhausting and a chore – great how your clarity in this has allowed me to clearly see how this is.
And with food I too have found the more I accept me and eat to support me I just naturally lose weight. All in all I can feel the real value of acceptance, how key it is to how we approach anything and how with it I can be more loving with me and by extension the world.
Hi Monica yes, and I feel that acceptance includes how we talk to ourselves or about ourselves – thinking we are being honest but in truth it is just making us feel less, instead of appreciating the amazing beings we truly are. And from there appreciating others too.
Thanks to the inspiring presentations of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine Practitioners, I too have returned to my natural weight and I am getting more and more tidy. I used to be the untidiest man on the planet, I was a disgrace and if I did tidy it would be stuffing things into draws and sweeping things under the mat, a reflection on how I was living my life. I can’t claim to now be the tidiest man on the planet but I’ve come along way which is also a reflection on how I am now living my life.
Hi Kevin – and your transformation is beautiful to see, as are all the men who are fellow students of Universal Medicine – so gentle, natural, and fun to be around.
Amazing article Carmel, I can totally relate to wanting a ‘quick fix’ in regards to both weight loss and tidying up.
Yes, Jess, I’m not sure there is ever a quick fix to anything, but my progress, although it was spread over a period of nine years, has certainly produced permanent results, definitely no yo-yo effect here.
Thank you Carmel, beautifully expressed – it is soo easy to go into the doing and trying to make things look right for others. We neglect ourselves, it then becomes a burden something we are trying to live up to as opposed to simply being ourselves, and as you say when we are with appreciating and accepting ourselves, the rest naturally takes care of itself.
Hi James – it is almost as if we have been deliberately brought up to neglect ourselves, and yet self-nurturing and being ourselves is by far a more productive way to be.
The difference between doing something from your mind because you want it to “look” or “be” another way versus doing something from your body because there is no other way is phenomenal. Great examples, thank you.
Hi Jenny, yes, it feels very different!
Great point Jenny.
Reading this post inspires me to put less pressure on myself to get everything right. Thank you Carmel.
Hi Shami, yes, it’s amazing how we can beat ourselves up, we are not perfect and, when things get on top of us, I feel that’s when we can choose to be especially tender with ourselves.
I love this post. I hadn’t made the connection that they’re so similar – doing things superficially vs. doing them for you and committing to making them your way of life – your livingness.
That hit home Anna, awesome. How often do we do things superficially as opposed to truly committing to us. And you know as I write this, I know I really know the difference, I always have. So it’s a matter of connecting and committing each and every moment and knowing I know – well I always have a choice.
‘So it’s a matter of connecting and committing each and every moment’ Thank you Monica, inspiring words.
Hi Anna – yes, I’m still learning to do things that are for me and not for the sake of someone else’s opinion – it’s quite revealing how often we do that in so many areas of our lives!
“I realised I was approaching dieting and tiding up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.”
Thank you Carmel for exposing what self care really is truly about both in how we nurture and feed our bodies and how we can provide a nurturing and supportive space to live in: both great reflections of how to provide ourselves with a supportive foundation, a home base to live from and out into the world.
Hi Suzanne, ‘To provide ourselves with a supportive foundation’ this is a key point not only for our basic survival but for our Livingness.
Yep! Can so relate to what you say here Carmel… Diets are so last century for me! I have learnt that the body is not a fixed vessel of one diet regime as the nature of life is forever one of change so what may support you and your body today may not be what is needed in the same way tomorrow. And indeed it is not the look on the outside that defines the quality on the inside and therefore the quality of the outside will always reflect the quality of the inside. Thank you Carmel for sharing.
Great words, Joshua – exactly, supporting ourselves with what we need today
Beautiful Carmel. I will take this approach before I go on any missions to clean. There is a perfection in doing things with a driven – have to do attitude which really drains us and leaves us feeling sad.
Hi Shevon, definitely no missions! Only per-missions to be yourself and nurture you – as you clean 🙂
Thank you Carmel, I could relate to all that you have written here and it has reminded me to keep feeling the difference between responding to what feels true for me and not for the sake of others. Claiming our true and unique expression will always lead us to self honouring and then deeper claiming of our selves.
Beautiful Bernadette, I love that – responding to what feels true as opposed to the outer.
I love your words, Bernadette: ‘Claiming our true and unique expression will always lead us to self honouring and then deeper claiming of our selves.’ Deeply touching, thank you.
I enjoyed reading this Carmel and it reminded me of the ‘wall of impossibility’ I always seemed to eventually come up against when I attempted to try and diet.
I love what you wrote about the tidying up too!
This paragraph, “I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.” I can relate to what you say here as I used to do it ‘for show’, visitors, and to feel better about myself etc. also. It was done as a necessary chore and it is only in recent times that I have been finding that there are natural moments for ‘tidying up’ without the need of doing it for anything or anyone other than to support myself. And I have noticed that the care I take to complete putting something away is there when I come back to it and the simplicity and space and warm feelings towards myself (and therefore everything else) this generates is enormous.
Hi Jeanette, I love your last comment: ‘And I have noticed that the care I take to complete putting something away is there when I come back to it and the simplicity and space and warm feelings towards myself (and therefore everything else) this generates is enormous.’ For me this means that in moving everything with care and tenderness we are continually leaving loving imprints for ourselves and everyone. Beautiful.
Great reminder, thanks Carmel.
I agree Jeanette, you make a good point when you say that there are ‘natural moments for tidying up’. I used to push myself to try and get everything done in one day even if my body really didn’t want to do it but now by listening to what my body wants I seem to get more done and the task itself is so much more joyful to complete; and it feels so light to come back to a space that I have lovingly cleaned or tidied.
That’s so true Tim, when we stop pushing ourselves, things like tidying up find their natural order and coming home to a house that has been cleaned in joy is a true treat.
Great way to put it Tim, slow and steady rather than overdoing it… you get more done and no abuse to the body along the way.
Thank you for sharing your way on both these areas Carmel. Creating a nurturing space for you sounds very honouring and something for me to ponder on, rather than tidying up before my cleaner comes!
Ha Ha Jacqueline – I so recognise THAT one – cleaning up before the cleaner comes! I’ve been thinking recently I’d like to have a cleaner, but it’s only a small house and probably what I need is less clutter then cleaning is simple. I do find a clear space reflects back a spaciousness in me.
I’ve been doing a de-clutter over this summer period and I can’t tell you how lovely it feels. Just one area at a time, but slowly my home is looking and feeling so much lighter and I myself also feel that way. It’s amazing how the way we keep our living space can affect us so much. It really is about changing the focus and seeing it as making loving choices as you so clearly express Carmel.
Me too, cleaning up before my cleaner comes. My intention is then for everywhere to remain clutter free… a work in progress.
I love this comment Carmel,
‘I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.’ I agree and this prompts me likewise. I still have to de-clutter my home, which is where I meet resistance, despite it feeling better when I de-clutter a small area.
Hi Carmel, I can relate to your experience of both these areas of life and you gave it voice so simply and beautifully, no fuss, just the way it is. Thank you.
Hi Anna, keeping it simple is key – if I think about clearing up everything, I can go into overwhelm, but focusing on a small area at a time works wonders. And then I can develop a regular routine of keeping things tidy.