Comparing Myself to Others

I recently participated in a retreat presented by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine. As part of the retreat we discussed comparing ourselves to others in groups, and asked ourselves a series of questions to feel how comparison affects us on a daily basis…

  • Why do I compare?
  • What intention is behind comparing myself with others?
  • How do I actually feel when I start comparing myself to others? Do I see myself as better or less
  • What effect has comparison on myself and on the other person I compare myself with?
  • Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?

What unravelled from these discussions was that comparison with others is very ingrained in our way of being – it is something we learn from a young age and come to accept as normal.

When I was a child I was not very good at school and for many years carried the belief I was not good enough, that I was not beautiful looking and able to find a partner. So I compared myself to people who were more intelligent, successful, better looking, slimmer and in long-term relationships. In that way I confirmed myself as being less and not as good, and found myself trying hard to fit in and please other people just to be liked and tolerated.

And this continued into my adult life, for example…

I met a woman approximately 7 years ago, and after a few years I could see how much she was taking responsibility for herself and her life (which I didn’t at the time). I compared myself to her and felt I was not as good… and I did not want to feel the choices I had made. Instead of feeling my choices, and in reaction to knowing I had not taken responsibility in my own life, I got jealous and did not talk to her anymore.

A few years later, on another occasion I met a woman whose eyes were sparkling with love and joy; I was blown away by how openly she shared this. I immediately started to compare myself, wanting to go to the issue of seeing myself as less because I did not feel this same level of love and joy in myself. I then stopped myself because I was aware of what I was doing and as a result did not go into jealousy and comparison, which felt beautiful for us both. When I saw her recently, her beauty and openness was astonishing, and now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.

As a result of these experiences, and from what I realised from these group discussions at the Universal Medicine retreat, I could feel comparing myself to others as a theme in my life – and also that I have compared myself with other women from a young age.

Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.

If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not 

I am learning to live in a way that is full of appreciation for myself and my life has changed a lot. I am also now able to appreciate other people in their own unique ways of being and expression, and instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light.

I have come to realise that this way of being – appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others. The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.

Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany

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1,013 thoughts on “Comparing Myself to Others

  1. You’re really spot on in how you describe comparison as a complete killer of opportunity – if I compare myself to someone who’s doing amazingly – 1) I feel even worse about myself .. and 2) I miss out on the opportunity to learn from this person and be inspired to make different steps in my own life.

  2. Appreciating myself brings me settlement, I feel like I do not need anything and am more able to appreciate the world and its people. This is a work in progress.

  3. Absolutely spot on Janina, appreciating our self in full is the very best counter to comparison and jealousy.

  4. ‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people’. And without that connection to another the potential of your interaction is immediately thwarted.

  5. Appreciation is the key, no comparison or jealous can exist where there is appreciation for ourselves and of others and what they bring by their reflection.

  6. “The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others,” a beautiful antidote to comparison and jealousy.

  7. We are quick to go into comparison to others. We are not that quick to feel into how the one we are comparing with others compare to our true and full us. The world of comparison to others is world where the objects of comparison are a mere caricature of the truth of ourselves. So, a comparison between caricatures is all that is. Ridiculous.

  8. That constant assessment with another leaves us all wary, and stops us from simply being ourselves and meeting each other in that. I love what you’ve shared here in your journey with this Janina and can so relate … and the more honest we get in this the more we can drop and be us, inspiring to others and inspired by others.

  9. Appreciation of oneself is really the ultimate form of freedom. I can not stress this enough. Its a work in progress for me, but I’ve noticed an enormous shift in my life since really allowing myself to see that I have so much to offer and so does everyone around me, equally so. Accepting yourself be default allows you to accept others…and when we take out the comparison and jealousy of others, life is no longer the struggle it was.

  10. When we go into comparison we instantly quell the opportunity of being inspired by an equal other to be more of who we already innately are, and deeply appreciating the reflection of who we are through the lightness of being in another. As such we reject the blessing of the light of God that shines through us and equally so through all others.

  11. Comparison is a most insidious form of holding back the amazingness that we are, as when we compare ourselves to another we begin to shrink and contract, and from this most unnatural state how can we be who we truly are. In stark contrast, when we allow ourselves to be inspired by another it is like every part of us expands and we become even more of our amazingness than ever with the other person then receiving this glorious reflection back from us.

  12. Appreciation of self and others is an important part of our day, and has so many benefits. I agree, this is also my experience, ‘I have come to realise that this way of being – appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others. The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others’.

  13. I love the honesty you bring to yourself. It shows how honesty opens us up to see more and observe oneself more instead of getting caught up in the emotions and this then brings more clarity and space to change and let go of behaviours that are so obviously doing us no good.

  14. Thank you Janina, we are not taught to value ourselves or appreciate who we are, life is much more about what we do – but even activities and achievements are fraught with comparison. This is a powerful line and reveals a lot about how our relationship with ourselves can be “now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.” It’s great to have this highlighted on how comparison is the source of discounting ourselves.

  15. Comparison and jealousy are very destructive, great realisations you came to, ‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.’

  16. What an incredible exercise that must have been to do. Just asking myself those questions that are at the start of your blog has got me thinking more deeply about comparison.

  17. I think that we can all relate to comparing ourselves to others. You are correct in saying that it is very ingrained in our society and how we all operate. It isn’t good to do this, but we do all the same. When that comes up in me now, I ask myself where have I gone, what is my connection, where is it? Because when we are connected to our own essence and wisdom there is not room for comparison or jealousy.

  18. I increasingly become aware of the absolute ridiculousness of comparing myself to anyone else. As soon as we do this it boxes us in, boxes them in, separates and excludes the divine Love that we are. And that vital nutriment, Appreciation, goes out the door!

    1. Spot on Lyndy, I love what you share above about how ridiculous it is to compare ourselves with others – would one God compare themselves to another God? No they know they each bring amazing qualities.

  19. The energy of comparison is so thick in society as many live it as the way to live. To have the knowledge, strength and understanding to know comparison is a choice and then to not choose it is very beautiful and deeply healing for all of humanity. For once someone has decided to not allow comparison to be their natural way, they have put into the ether a different choice that everyone can now also choose.

  20. Yes the antidote to the comparison disease is definitely to build appreciation for yourself first, and once established the comparison turns into inspiration which is a far less contracted way of living. A work in progress for me!

    1. So true Elodie. More and more I feel, see and witness how far more liberating it is for us all to live powered by appreciation than it is to live quelled by comparison.

  21. Comparison does seem to be running us doesn’t it! And once we start to dig around inside, we find that its roots run very very deep… And yet there is a very beautiful freedom to be found when we make the choice to start to let go of comparison.

  22. The not seeing myself as greater or lesser has been something I have been working on for some time. I know it without a doubt but can fall into the comparison from time to time… I find I do it most when I am feeling down, tired or lacking in presence and confidence. It really does affect us deeply more than we realise.

  23. The more I live life the more I realise that we cannot compare ourselves to anyone else – ever. Unless you say, ‘Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate’!

  24. When we compare ourselves to another we are belittling our own qualities and refusing to confirm what is being shared with us. This is a sure fire way that we indulge in, to keep us from living the fullness of who we truly are.

  25. It is incredibly powerful when we say ‘No to something that we know is harming. This happened to me recently at the UK Retreat. It all happened in a moment as I felt a familiar, ill-energy coming into my body. I recognised it and said ‘No’ and to my amazement it instantly disappeared as I was left looking into the eyes of another with absolute love.

  26. Comparison is the ‘death’ of Brotherhood for it is an energy that annihilates our ability to hold ourselves equal to all others by way of us measuring ourselves to be either greater or lesser than another. The absurdity of this is made apparent when we know in essence that we are all the equal Sons of God – ‘sparks within one flame’ – and by virtue of this, are all born of the one and the same beholding love. Thus, comparison enters when we do not embrace in full the majesty of who we truly are and furthermore, it enters deliberately by way of us giving it permission to do so, to arrest our return to this divine expression.

  27. Beautifully expressed Janina, the more I learn to appreciate the more there is to appreciate, I am noticing there is no end to how much we can appreciate in life and how simple it is to then share this with others.

  28. We are on the chase of jealousy and comparison and this is a path we all should take. Appreciation – “appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others” So become aware of the feeling or when something doesn’t make sense or sit right and appreciate that feeling. Life can be what seen uncontrollably busy and yet are we here to get through the day, the week or the year or are we here to rediscover a point when the busyness of life didn’t impact the quality we are. This is a point for me at the moment to see more clearly. It’s not that I have seen it before nor will it go and never revisit me again, comparison and jealousy will always be here while we are here and it is a matter of how we handle them, how we feel them and what we choose next. If we choose a deeper form of what we see then we add to it’s creation while if we choose to stand and not allow that behaviour or emotion to run any further then we remove our part in the big part and hence it becomes less.

  29. I loved what you have shared here Janina.I know comparison has played a huge role in my life, comparing myself to others from a very early age, this fostered me always feeling less than and not good enough. Not being able to truly feel me and appreciate all that I had to offer. This happens less so now, but reading your blog has allowed me to go deeper in understanding that appreciation is a true antidote to comparison.

  30. So honest Janina. I’m realising more and more how much I compare myself to others daily. it’s incredible how much we refuse to realise about ourselves. I didn’t think I did this, but I do it so much that it has literally become a normal way of thinking. Thankfully I’ve allowed myself to take more notice of this pattern, and working catching those thoughts out, just as you are doing here.

  31. Comparison is really a measure of how our choices stack up against another, and we automatically then go into judgment and jealousy for the choices we haven’t made for ourselves and the more we do it the more we keep ourselves in the same cycle. When we accept our choices and appreciate ourselves and the loving choices we make comparison fades away and there then becomes an honouring and appreciation of another’s choices, which enables us to grow.

  32. A great article on how we try and make everything look the same and yet truly under it all we are the same or equal if we only allowed ourselves the space to really look there. The comparing part keeps it all at surface level as the article is saying and doesn’t allow us to get to the truth of things. It doesn’t allow us to feel our part within the whole picture which is part of an even bigger part and so on. We can see the universe is an endless space and in that and while this maybe a leap in this comment, we are part of the universe.But as we are saying the universe has no end and so in that nothing can in fact ever truly end and only keep expanding. So to bring it back to compare keeps it between a small part and only through feeling what is going on for us can we begin to open to the larger part. As I said I know it’s a stretch in one comment but we know we are all connected, you think of someone and then you see then, you just had a thought of calling someone and they call, you catch up with someone you haven’t seen in ages and it feels like you never left them, you meet someone for the first time and you think you have known them forever and in that we aren’t just connected in this way to people but everything. To take a big step from there is our connection to the ever expanding, never ending universe, it makes sense and leads us to see that the moment we stop and think that is it or we compare because we think what we are isn’t enough. When we relate ourselves to the universe it just can’t be true because if we are connected we are everything and the only way forward is to expand out more of what we already are, evolution.

  33. It is very true Janina, comparison and it’s ugly partner, jealousy are a sure-fire killer to any relationship. Not only do we feel compelled to step away from that person, perhaps running them down in some way whether outwardly or inwardly, but it effectively halts the potential for us to heal something in ourselves and allow that same aspect to express just the same. Very destructive all round, as you shared. Well done for turning it around and allowing yourself to blossom as a result.

  34. It is true we learn to compare ourselves from very little, it is like we need to be everything and be able to do everything (as if we were living alone on this planet), instead of working together and helping and supporting each other, and as you say, learning from and inspire and being inspired by each other.

  35. It takes much to remain still and present in the face of the on going onslaught of comparison and jealously, but it is worth the effort, is feels so steady and silky and warm.

  36. It is so true what you say that the more we appreciate ourselves the less we feel we need to compare ourselves to others as we can then see that everyone offers something different and no one person is better than the next.

  37. Thank you Janina for sharing on this topic of comparison, as it is a condition that runs rife in our society that which we are introduced to at a very young age. Comparison serves only to sever our connection to the greatness that naturally resides within us all. Through this separation to love, judgement and jealousy enters. The antidote is appreciation, as you say. And it is through self-honesty that we are able to come to know what feels true and what does not, through which we then establish a loving foundation of knowing and appreciating the wondrous qualities we naturally hold within.

  38. Its a true shame that when we meet someone who can inspire us we often instead compare ourselves to that point of difference, and react with jealousy. There is such an opportunity on offer to instead be inspired and develop ourselves.

  39. A great line ” to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” It can be that simple, to feel comparison as a stop light that says “love is absent at the moment” and act as a signal to us to shift back into the energy of love.

  40. It is beautiful to hold and live the belief that we are all equal and each one no more or less than another, each having our own unique quality to bring to the world…. In this way there is no need for comparison and nothing to impede our ability to truly embrace and appreciate what we can bring.

  41. ‘It gets in the way of my relationships’. It sure does. Comparison is a silent killer, and I think because we are so used to living in this way we don’t really understand to what degree this is toxic to our lives.
    It’s actually not normal that we set benchmarks in other people. that we aim to be like them, or not like them etc. It is a complete set up.

  42. This is uncomfortable to read as I could feel all of the comparisons that exist in many of my relationships and how much this can cause separation and abuse of myself and others. Comparison is such a big thing in life yet often an elephant in the room, it is great to shine light on this subject so that we don’t ignore the elephant but can start to deal with why it is there.

  43. Comparison is evil – and we may resort to giving up, believing we will never be good enough – or as good as the other…… Yet modern society encourages this behaviour, with magazines of (photo-shopped) models and TV shows of larger than life celebrities. But what are these people like when not in front of the lens? Accepting ourselves and appreciating who we are in our innermost then begins to chip away at the comparison issue. When one truly loves oneself comparison is a non-issue and one can then be inspired by others, as you mention in your blog Janina.

  44. We can only compare when we separate from the great love that we are and in this ensuing darkness we look out to others as if they were somehow an island to us.

  45. I can relate to this, I had thoughts of this come up this morning when a friend invited me to do something with her, I have put her as above me and I thought she won’t want to do that with me so I didn’t reply as I let my lack of self worth get in the way. Then I read this blog and it challenged a lot of the thoughts I had.

  46. Hello Janina and as you say, “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” These things we need to talk about and see. See how they just keep going around and around in circles and never lead anywhere except back to themselves. Appreciation on the other hand leads to more of the same but in a different way. When you compare you take on a facade, another face that attempts to hide what you are thinking, where when you appreciate, you are all in sync. All you are thinking is being said, it’s all one and all together. We grow from appreciation and we go around in circles in comparison. We have the choice to choose anyone at anytime but when it comes to feeling then appreciation is the one, no comparison. Thank you Janina.

  47. Wow Janina, I loved reading this again. Dismissing myself instead of appreciating my qualities has a lot to do with comparison for me. I find when I step away from self appreciation in creeps the comparison, because I am refusing to love myself and I begin to create issues of what another has and I do not. But, it’s all an illusion. Together we make a beautiful Oneness or Whole, and by loving and appreciating myself I can see how I contribute an essential part, just like a missing piece in a puzzle.

    1. How important is it that each of us expresses what we feel about another. Expressing what we appreciate and love without any expectation or reason. Just by the simple joy of sharing the beauty we can observe and see in another and therefore remind and confirm each others qualities.

  48. Appreciation is the antidote of comparison and jealousy as when we appreciate ourselves for our own values and qualities we are in the full connection to the universality all around us and it is no longer about me but feeling the equality of the love we are from.

  49. “instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light.” And with this you are an inspiration to others.

  50. Imagine the extraordinary freedom that would be there within us if … we did not compare ourselves to anyone, about anything… but lived our own lives, celebrating how unique we all actually are.

  51. Thank you so much Janina, I can feel this morning as I write this how I’ve been comparing myself with others for a long time. I feel that when we compare it creates a separation, and it can be multi sided in that I can compare myself by putting myself as less to others or the opposite, making myself look better, thinking I have made better choices than another. As you say, the key is appreciation for who we are and to hold ourselves with Love.

  52. I can’t help but wonder what our relationships would be like if as young children we were shown that the antidote to comparison is appreciation. I know from my own experience that if I go into comparison I crumble and shrink whereas if I choose to appreciate others instead, not only do I lift and evolve within myself but those around me also then also have the opportunity to be inspired in turn and evolve themselves.

  53. ‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.’ This feels like the key to so many relationship issues and all because we choose not to be loving with ourselves and others. For me committing to an appreciation programme has had a dramatic effect on the way I feel about myself and deepened my intimacy with others and I am much more aware of the insidious nature of comparison and how it negatively impacts my whole life. Why would I choose to cut myself off from others by going into comparison? Being caught up in comparison allows me to avoid responsibility for my choices in life because I am so busy feeling a victim. Claiming myself and what I bring highlights area I still need to work on but by acknowledging them I am also much more open to receiving support from others to evolve.

  54. The more I appreciate myself and others the more my acceptance of where we are all at grows and this makes comparison obsolete because I can feel how we are all on our own journey in this life and therefore comparison is pointless. Instead it opens the door to be inspired by others and the choices they are making and has supported me to connect more deeply and intimately with others without the impediment of comparison creeping in on a regular basis (it’s still there but I clock it much more quickly and recognise that I can choose not to indulge it).

  55. You really nail it here, appreciation is the key to eliminating comparison and jealous. Its quite reveling when you consider that jealously can only come if you are not 100% content with yourself, so to work through comparison, you simply bring more love to yourself.

  56. Comparison is something that is so worth being aware of. It is such a poison in everyone’s lives. It creates such false pictures and brings barriers between us. It is time to realise and appreciate how we can bring love into our own lives and that we all have a unique expression that compliments everyone.

  57. Comparison places constant strain on us and puts us under a lot of pressure as there is always something that we need to improve or achieve. Letting go of comparison allows the body to be at ease and us to be our natural selves living the magic that each moment holds.

  58. When I stop appreciating myself I lose touch with the joy of life and go into just existing. Lately I have had some challenges and can feel my focus has gone to the ‘what is not’. This changes the quality of my life however when I connect back to the truth and appreciating my life the simplicity and joy is there again.

  59. When I appreciate myself, sometimes it feels like what I am appreciating doesn’t belong to me, and there is actually nothing that can be compared to that. Everything and everyone around me emanates the same thing, in the configuration they have chosen. In that, I feel our interconnectedness, our each responsibility to shine our light bright in a big picture we all are a part of.

  60. In too many ways we grow up using comparison to artificially raise ourselves by using what and who we see outside of us to stimulate us into action. True integrity and growth comes from us expanding from within from the foundation of appreciating and building on our own innate qualities.

    1. The point you make Suse is if we don’t appreciate ourselves we need to compare to be better in what ever way to feel good about ourselves. That means we have to try hard to compete with others in schools or work place.That is a constant push on ourselves and to be compete with another person will never be fulfilling or enough.

    1. Yes, as long as we focus on comparing we do not move on because without a constant appreciation we can not deepen what we already living. So it is such a clever trick getting lost in comparing and with that making ourselves less and criticizing/disregarding.

  61. This blog is just so powerful, and what a sentence this is….”Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people”…what if we taught kids in schools this. To know the impacts of comparison and how it effects our relationships, with ourselves first and foremost, but also on all relationships we have.

  62. A beautifully honest blog Janina, I used to compare and easily jealous of others when I was blind to my own power and unique qualities that I bring. Appreciation and acceptance of all our qualities and the grandness that we are is definitely key to deepening the relationship with ourselves and how this supports us to see the grandness and equality with another, leaving no room for jealousy or comparison.

  63. Our focus needs to be on ourselves confirming and appreciating who we are and what beauty we bring. In the past I focused on comparing and there was no room for appreciation. Once we start to appreciate ourselves we cannot but appreciate others and discover the joy of sharing appreciation with everyone.

  64. “Appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others” – I agree. For me, if I find myself comparing to another, or even to myself in the past, it is an indication that I am not fully with me at this moment to appreciate the beauty and magnificent that can never not be here.

    1. Our focus needs to be on ourselves confirming and appreciating who we are and what beauty we bring. In the past I focused on comparing and there was no room for appreciation. Once we start to appreciate ourselves we cannot but appreciate others and discover the joy of sharing appreciation with everyone.

  65. I caught myself again comparing myself with other people in a project i am working and had to nominate that comparing serves no purpose except bringing myself down and criticizing myself. Fact is there a people who challenge us to be more and take more responsibility and we can start creating issues or take the challenge move on another level.

    1. Yes Janina, it’s all in the way we choose to view a reflection another offers us. We can compare ourselves, maybe get jealous, and put the brakes on evolution, or feel what’s being offered and say “Yes” opening ourselves up to the next level. Essentially we need that firm foundation of knowing, loving and appreciating ourselves, and understanding how we are each a vital part of the whole. And, we are a part that is always evolving!

  66. Thank you for writing so honestly Janina. In far too many ways true honesty in missing in our modern day life and as you have so beautifully highlighted this is due to the fact that too many people are too preoccupied with comparing themselves to each other. This is most unfortunate as comparison only serves to feed the merry go round of lack, feeling less and the really nasty one, jealousy ….so round and around it goes and our relationships between each other all suffer and struggle as a direct consequence which only further feeds the divide between us all.

    1. Hi Suse, it is important to get honest and aware how much we are influenced by comparing and jealousy. They stand in the way of deepening our relationships with another and keep us stuck like you described in the merry go round of lack of self worth-which is self made in the first place.

  67. Janina, I love that you share the more you appreciate yourself, the more you are able to appreciate others. This is vitally important for all our relationships as it is this very appreciation that builds self acceptance and as a ripple effect, acceptance of others. Great blog.

    1. The more i appreciate myself the more care i take and make choices which support me on a daily basis. This has an effect on how i relate to other people with more appreciation and care.

  68. In comparison with another, we have a lack of appreciation for ourselves, this causes a hurt inside and it is this hurt that we look out to the world with, colouring our perception of life and relationships. So the root cause to heal is fundamentally our relationships with ourselves, with self-acceptance and self-appreciation being key to this.

  69. The reflection that another gives to us is a great gift, that says, you also are what is being reflected to you.

  70. Comparison is a big thing that definitely comes in between people, it will cause me to see myself and in truth also others for the amazing people they are. I feel it is a way to not feel the disconection from ourself. I can see how appreciating myself is the key to appreciation of others, and in that letting go of the comparison, as that will never be beneficial to me being me.

    1. When we compare ourselves with others we do not hold ourselves in appreciation and start to value somebody as better or worse. So it actually reflects us where we are at with ourselves that we have not focused enough of confirming and honor what we bring.

      1. That’s great to read Janina, that proves that it is never about others, we always have a choice to confirm ourselves, or choose not to and go for the draining energy of comparison.

      2. Yes Benkt it is not about the other person when we start comparing or get jealous but how we are with ourselves in very moment. Understanding that is very harming to start to compare or get jealous and it serves no purpose. And that it makes no sense to compare but having an understanding that each person has their own background and own speed of evolution. Appreciation is the key of self and others and to hold ourselves and others with love and understanding and not judgement.

  71. Comparison is so huge! It is something I realise we do when we are feeling already disconnected from ourselves and hence it is an externalisation of our lack of love for ourselves expressed outwardly towards another

  72. Yesterday I observed myself wanting to compare myself with someone. Then I chose to feel my heart and my connection to my body and then there was no room or possibility to compare. That was beautiful to experience.

      1. It is Benkt we have the choice once we are aware how much we compare to make a diffrent choice and do not let comparison stand in our way.

  73. I love your honesty and openness in this blog Janina and this line is a beautiful reminder that is worth repeating -‘The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.’

    1. I agree Anna, we cannot appreciate ourselves enough – only then are we able to appreciate others and develop a solid foundation where there is no place for comparison and jealousy.

  74. I know this pattern so well Janene, comfirming myself in my smallness and being less than others, trying to fit in. Now I can feel how self-abusing that was. Having dealt with my hurts through attending courses by Serge Benhayon, I have let go off the ‘need to fit in’, and thus dull my light. These days, I am confirming myself in my grandness, the grandness we all come from.

  75. Appreciation is like a magic antidote to comparison and jealousy. How gorgeous is that? The more we appreciate the qualities we bring, the more we look out and feel love more than anything else. That is just glorious.

  76. Today i was translating a text with a friend. We have been put together as a team. He is great in grammar, structure and language. I am not, I feel into the words to see which word meets what we are there to express. As it was our first meeting I was observing myself and wanting to go in devaluing myself for not bringing the same. Than I stopped I just allowed myself to hold my presence and allowed myself simply to be. And than honoring the quality which I am able to bring and feeling the value and necessity that we bring different skills, qualities…to another. Great Learning!

  77. Men have different issues with another but still comparing and competing. Since some years we have a mens group here in Germany Cologne. These men are truly inspiring for the consistency and connection they are building with another and a role model how possible it is to be supportive and loving with another.

  78. In a recent experience I learnt how comparison can be a mask for actually wanting to control another person, which itself can be a result of having judged them, which ultimately leads to there first being an inner judgement of myself, which can be the result of not accepting who I am in full, which can come from a not wanting to be responsible for bringing all of who I am to the situation at hand. So perhaps when comparison comes again in to my life, I will ask, why am I not choosing to be responsible here?

    1. Well said Shami, reading your comment i understood that comparison is actually a distraction away from being more responsible for ourselves. A distraction which is harming and does not support us to evolve.

  79. “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” This really stood out for me in your blog, so powerful. I too have allowed comparison to dominate most of my life. Feeling that I was never good enough, never doing enough and always making myself feel less than, in the process of looking at another and feeling jealous that they were they way they were or had something I did not. It ‘always’ left me feeling awful as a result, never full and connected with myself, or loving in any way. These days it is very different, but I still clock it when comparison comes in and yes it sure still does. I do not give it anywhere the same air time that I used to. But see it for what it is and not buy into what is there, but look at where have I dropped in my own connection to me.

    1. As many (most) women feel not being good enough we have set up ourselves to live in way to compare ourselves with other women. This has stopped us in the past to come together in groups, to work together with equalness and appreciation. But this is changing now…

  80. Comparison and competition is ingrained in us from a very young age. Thank goodness Universal Medicine has presented a sure fire way out of being trapped in this way of looking at life.

  81. Comparison creates distance and separation – to your own light and to the light of others – we are all made of the same light – comparison is one of humanity’s biggest evils. Self-love and appreciation are the antidotes. I’m working on my responsibility to catch the comparison thoughts as they come in all too quickly sometimes.

    1. I am still observing when i see people who are making the impression of having not so much money or don’t care so much about their hair or clothes that i have an immediate judgement about it. But this is comparison too and in a way a reaction of dislike, wanting people to reflect me something different. Wanting people to be different doesn’t work. We need to meet people were they are and hold them with love no matter what, so they get another reflection.

  82. So true Janina, comparison was also huge in my life and I am so appreciative to become aware of what I am doing to myself and others through making myself more ore less than another and creating separation. I am also learning to appreciate myself deeply and finding it likewise a true key to the comparison issue I have carried and played out in every way for so long. Through appreciating me and feeling the true change this brings in every situation of my life, I realize in retrospect the level of self-hatred I have lived – amazing.

  83. It took me a long time to realise that, as you write so wisely Janina: “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people”. I was horrified how often I did this, with the thoughts of comparison and judgment sneaking into my mind so quickly, almost as if they were not mine. Nowadays I, like you, find myself inspired by others and love the connection this inspiration brings, and when the comparison pops in, which it does every now and then, I am able to grab it quickly and choose to let it go. Being inspired by another certainly feels lighter and lovelier in my body than the thoughts of comparison, which only serve to weigh my body down.

    1. The last days i observed people giving my positive feedback and appreciating and my tendency was to play it down. We need to start appreciating ourselves on deep level and need to know what we are good at and what qualities we are bringing. Only then we will be able to stop comparison and jealousy. And we need to stop waiting for recognition from other people, we can start confirming ourselves as we know best how amazing and grand we are.

      1. I love what you have said here Janina, especially the part about, appreciating ourselves on a deep level and know what we are good at and what qualities we bring…… This is what will knock out comparison an jealousy. I have realised for myself, knowing what I’m not so good at, is okay too and fully accepting that. As we are all the same in essence, but we all have different expressions and that is okay,

  84. I have noticed the more we affirm ourselves and another there is little room for jealousy or comparison to come in.

  85. Comparison does poison our relationships more than we at times realise. Being honest with ourselves and each other can help to break this way of relating to each other.

    1. I just caught myself judging again other people and myself and finding reasons to do this and accepting it. Ouch! It is not ok and i am not accepting this as normal. And I invite myself to focus on to appreciate and to open up loving myself and others.

      1. After nominating in the comment above this morning my judging of others I meet some of the people and was open hearted and it was a beautiful experience to choose love and connection. Not to judge and create issues and separation. Amazing!

      2. I had the same this week Janina, I found myself responding to people only in a judgemental way and it felt awful as what it actually did with me was that I was introducing intimidation and control mechanisms in my interactions as a result of that. I can now feel that I was resisting in going to a deeper level of connection with the people around me and that in the appreciation I could feel for them I also have to apply the same level of appreciation to myself. And that was the crux as I was having an issue with appreciating myself for what I bring to the world and all people I live with.

    2. Comparison is indeed poison for relationships as there is always a perception that you are less. Comparison is linked to low self worth so appreciating and loving oneself is the antidote to comparison and judgment.

  86. Comparison is poisionous to the body.
    I have recently put myself on a program to appreciate and what I have come to realise is, appreciation dimishes comparison.
    we are all equal, but we have different expressions.
    When I appreciate it feels amazing in my body, my chest opens up wide and expands energetically. But if I compare it feels awful in my body.
    I love how the body exposes the truth…. if we listen.
    Thank you for sharing.

    1. Appreciation seems like an innocent and almost ‘sweet’ way of being, but not so when the true power of appreciation is seen in the diminishment of comparison and jealousy which it seems to me are the two greatest sources of evil on earth.

      1. Beautifully expressed Joshua. Appreciation is a completely underestimated attribute written off by most as unimportant. Likewise with comparison and jealousy the world mostly sees these as just a part of life without realising the harming ripple effects that both bring..

      2. Great comment Joshua, we could also add that appreciation diminishes judgement as instead of judging others for the energy that’s passing through them, we can instead meet them in their essence and appreciate their qualities, whilst we observe how their choices impacts on their body energetically. Appreciation is part of knowing and loving who people are, not focusing on who they are not.

  87. The realisations you have come to about comparison and jealously feel gorgeous Janina. The fact is that there is nothing to gain from ever comparing and making ourselves less because of our reactions to the choices of another. This will always leave us short of the mark and never allow us to grow, expand and thus deepen such an expression into our own lives. There will always be others more advanced in their expression and way of being than that of our own so choosing to be inspired is the certainly the best way to be

    1. Beautifully said Joshua, and I fully agree that the best way to look to each other is to get inspired by what other people bring whatever there advancement in expression is. Every meeting that is met from the heart, will only inspire to grow the spark of God that we carry in our inner heart.

  88. A very powerful blog to read, Janina. It touches me, to read: “and now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.” The way you have changed from comparison to blossoming your true beauty it is so palpable in this sentence. Comparison feels like removing all the various colors from life. Cutting oneself from being honoring and loving with oneself and others through comparison isn’t a choice for truth and so everything is looking and feeling grey afterwards.

    1. I love this Stefanie how comparison is like removing all the various colours and turn it into grey. And yet we all learn this from young, I can say at the age of 55 years I feel more alive then ever because life and people are inspiring me to be me and when I turn to my old way of comparing the joy I experience now disappears and yes it all becomes heavy and looks grey. Life is so simple without comparing.

    2. Appreciating and confirming who we are brings joy to life. Life is very dull and grey when we do not feel the joy in simply being our full selves. Appreciation is such an important step to rebuild that awareness of our qualities and reconnection to ourselves, and the confirmation helps to consolidate and strengthen that inner connection so it’s steady when life is difficult. Learning about who we are through appreciation in our reconnection process is very beautiful.

  89. Janina your blog is a salutary reminder of the evils of comparison. As you expressed, the only way to counter them is to learn to appreciate our own uniqueness. No one is better than anyone else. We all have something different to contribute without which the puzzle cannot be solve.

  90. Comparison cripples and does retard relationships.
    The amount of relationships that have been effected because of my inability to take full reponsibility of my own choices has been extrodianary. I am slowly recognising this and letting this go but as you say it is very ingrained in our way of being.

    1. Comparison exists to stop us being inspired by others so that we do not pull back towards the great light we all are.

  91. I caught myself comparing the other day, and I could see how this was a long time habit. Initially I was frustrated and when I asked myself why, I realised I was comparing myself to someone and judging them. It was an ugly scene playing out in my head, with no understanding for them and what they were going through. Also with no appreciation for what I could bring to the situation if I were not so interested in all the judgements and the blame. Although this is hugely painful to see and to write about, I am grateful to be able to see it and to have the opportunity write about it so there can be more honesty.

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