per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.
The idea of being perfect once offered me something finite – a finish, closure, an end. It was something I could strive for and achieve. An expected goal. It was an old familiar feeling and very comfortable, however it was a form of imprisonment.
Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible. It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.
Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.
But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.
Can we measure perfection? Being perfect at a task, by the way we look, by what we do, say or think?
Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.
What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.
In the past, believing the idea of perfection pushed me to improve, achieve, to try, and to separate from my natural flow and beauty as a woman. In choosing to try to be perfect it often took me so far away from myself that I felt disconnected from life and my inner feelings.
Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.
Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.
The truth is that I am not perfect and deep within me is a knowing that this is okay… as there is no such thing as perfection.
Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.
I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.
In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.
Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.
I am deeply and forevermore inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and The Ageless Wisdom.
By Kathryn Fortuna, Inner Image Consultant
Further reading:
Accepting Your Imperfections and Grandness
Whoops Is One Of My Favourite Words – A Message From the Author
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It was great to read this blog again, as there are many layers that have to be exposed in being perfect. It kind of feels that it is related to controlling too as we want and need it to be a certain way. Whether it be given to us from our upbringing or an expectation from society or media. We have conformed in this throughout our lives and this has to come to an end at some point. And as already shared, a “cycle”.
When we truly understand a cycle, we can truly appreciate what is on offer because in that appreciation we are offered a healing, a freeing that can’t be described or put into words.
It’s ok to not be perfect…
Kathryn we spend our entire lives, trying to look perfect, pretzeling ourselves to fit in and in all of that, we become exhausted, damaged or taking on a personality that is truly not us.
Within all of us is a core, and that core is the pacemaker of life. It is the spark that impulse life into us, and us into life. That spark is always within us, buried underneath the rubbish that has been piled onto us. Our role is to stay connected to this spark, with no added complication and keeping everything simple. Recognising what belongs and what does not and if we lived from there, then life will be different, if we choose it to be…
Who/what says to us what is perfect and what isn’t? And by what measures is it, that it is perfect? We need to question everything we are faced with in our lives, as it isn’t what it all seems and appear in front of our eyes. For our eyes only see what it wants to see, when we can see and feel much more than our senses can.
I agree – an idea of perfection forces to bring in a picture of something finite where the very basis of existence is a constant expansion.
So perfectionism is a trap, as we are forever evolving, ‘This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’
Fumiyo these pictures are representing perfection, and in that perfection, we are restricted, contracted, pretzeled, and so far away from who we truly are. It is an image that cannot and will not sustain us. Why not expand as life unfolds? Everyone is given this opportunity.
One more comment as I am on a roll…Ideals and beliefs and pictures of how things should be, how we should look, how others should be, how others should look etc abound. And each person has a different version of the same larger flavor of this illusion, and the flavor keeps changing. It is a very challenging albeit refreshing approach to ditch all we have been sold, and to surrender to the no pictures, the no ideals and no beliefs of the Soul.
What if true perfection is about understanding and applying/living the art of imperfection? Busting the roles of perfection that we think are to be strived for but instead it’s the very roles of perfection that take us away from our essence which is the only perfection that we could have, hold and express.
Perfection and control really go hand in hand – you cannot have one without the other. We strive, we seek, we reject so much that which may in quality be amazing but does not appear physically perfect. This happens when we make it about the outside and how things look rather than making it about the connection within and how we feel
Perfection is something we are often taught to aspire towards, but what if there is no perfection in the physical – but only perfection regarding our expression?
What if there is no true perfection in the physical, perfectionism is too exhausting, ‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’
This sentence caught my attention today
“I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.”
It was the words ”
I am worthy of deep love” which is something we deny ourselves having fallen for the belief that only someone else can give you that love such as God this is a lie because we are a part of God so he is always with us as we are always with him as we are made of the same particles that make up the universe.
When we strive for perfection we are striving for an illusion which does not exist and consequently can never be achieved and hence a feeling of failure.
jstewart51, these are wise words – perfection is a chase of the shadows, of something that does not exist but will distract us from our true purpose of living imperfectly the perfection that lies within.
Love this, “.. our true purpose of living imperfectly the perfection that lies within.”
We are imperfectly perfect.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving?” Absolutely, and it makes perfect sense that because we are ever changing and evolving there can’t actually be perfection because there is no end point. The other thing about the lie of perfection is in how dismissive it is of everything someone already is, of all their beautiful qualities. We chase after images of perfection believing ourselves so flawed when actually there is a great beauty and richness within every human being.
We can appreciate the imperfections and continual learning and evolving of the human being while knowing the perfection and oneness with God in our essence.
Appreciating ourselves for who we are, ‘Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.’
‘I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself’ When I read these words I can see the inherent pictures about what a beautiful woman should be and the beliefs of being arrogant by expressing that in this world…however what I can feel in my body is just the opposite, an exquisite humbleness in accept the true and natural beauty in you Kathryn. Thanks for sharing
When we observe from our heart there is no right or wrong, no place to go, nothing to achieve…from the complete beings we already are we see and understand life…how amazing is that.
At this moment I’m appreciating being perfectly imperfect and being able to embrace this fact. Seeing myself without judgment, with the clarity of a little child, feeling the same innocence to observe myself it’s a blessing, something very beautiful to experience and to develop in our daily life.
Perfectionism is one of the biggest kill-joys around.
Absolutely, perfectionism kills our natural joy, ‘Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless.’
Striving for perfection is the ultimate distraction of what is here in the moment because there is always something to appreciate and embrace in the moment and if we don’t we can never truly move to the next moment in full.
Of course as we live in a world where we have limited our love to be for one or some few individuals whilst it has to be our every way – as the love is felt in all that we are, when we allow ourselves to be truly. Our love can then come out easily.
‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ And allows us to be confident, and lets not forget, joyfull! And I would never have imagined that I would say that having strived for perfection for a long long time.
I say yes to being perfectly imperfect.
Perfection is therefore an endless unreal thing that is of interruption of our every expanding imperfection (love).
Beautifully said, when there is no end striving to be perfect is set up to fail.
This article reminds me about the standards that one has and chooses to live by. And how standards can be a set of tick boxes to be achieved, or how they can be the daily choices and movements that we make which confirm our values.
Our standards are never fixed but constantly in movement to raise, expand the awareness we live by.
Imperfection gives us the freedom to align to the flow of evolution.
Perfection is a straightjacket that confines us to picture of how we should be.
That’s exactly it, it is an incredibly cruel and restrictive consciousness. We aspire after images of perfection but it’s actually a very abusive energy.
The crucial word is flaw. If we go by images of what flaw is, we are jailed for life because we will always running behind it, trying to catch up.
What a set up it is to have us striving to be perfect! It is ridiculous when you stop and read this article and reflect on what this actually does to us. But that is the game is it not, for us to think we need to be a certain way so that we are anything but the grandness of who we truly are.
Aiming for perfection only sets us up to fail and to have dissatisfaction with ourselves and our lives.
Evolution is a constant movement. There is nowhere to arrive at. What I can feel is our resistance to this constant movement of foreverness. Accepting imperfection feels like giving a big nod to this movement, riding with God’s rhythm. It is not allowing or defending ‘untruth’. Our willingness to give truth a go, even though it may not be the absolute truth and could at times be far from it, knowing that is not the absolute truth, but accepting where we are humanly at, is very much worth appreciating.
Understanding the nature of evolution/expansion allows us to accept imperfection and why there are many ones to make up the One, and I am feeling even more so lately that this requires a completely different posture and movement from the one we are so familiar with otherwise a ‘truth’ is put at a risk of becoming another picture of perfection which can be held as an unforgiving ax of perfectionism to attack others who do not fit in the picture or ‘not true’, and those identified untruths (imperfection) are often left with no space for a truer breath to enter and move differently, and what I often observe is either withdrawal or retaliation becomes the likely reaction.
As you say perfection has the implication of completion, hence it is impossible to achieve as nothing is permanent for we are perpetually evolving. However, this does not mean we are not perfect when in Truth.
It’s revelatory and confirming to read this line, especially the bit about never allowing myself to feel unravelled i.e. to be raw and sensitive – ‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.’
I am always feeling a lot and now that I have a known marker of the stillness within, that is continually deepening, most of the time much feels out of place. It’s the integration of the two worlds. The stillness within is perfection and knowing I have this within it becomes my duty to perfect my connection to the best of my ability.
In a session this week a practitioner told me I was perfectly imperfect in most areas and then shared one area I could bring a little more attention to. The thing is that the comment in relation to being perfectly imperfect was a huge compliment – meaning pretty much as good as it gets because there is no perfection on this planet!
It will be a truly glorious day when we all get that there is no perfection – no set, steely images of how it should be that completely stop the divine flow of life and our surrender to the beautiful, pure, powerful Light and Love from which we come. Holding onto perfection literally stops us from evolving.
Yes Lyndy, it will be perfect day 😉
Yes / we are merely at the influence of ideals and beliefs that keep us limited to the truth. That keep us seeing only superficial, whilst it is actually multidimensional.
What is being said here is true, I have been playing a game of perfection for so long and now opening myself up to the fact that it does not actually exist on this plane of life. So striving for it is utterly false. “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.”
I am still realising every day even more the brutality of the straight-jacket of perfectionism – and how it wounds so many young people at school, and then stays as a life long pattern of imprisonment. It holds the impossible picture than people imagine that they cannot break but must match. But only by smashing that icon can we access the glory of true life – the vitality, the livingness, the joy, the love, and everything that constitute God.
I feel how self appreciation is a big part of undoing the stranglehold of perfectionism, as the appreciation forms a relationship to what is already there within us and brings it forward. In perfectionism we often believe we are nothing so we begin to strive to be something. In appreciation we become aware of our beauty and know it is already formed, already within us, and appreciation magnifies it supporting our connection to ourselves and the daily expression of our qualities, which in my experience feels quite joyful.
Perfectionism keeps us in a constant spin, always striving for more and never feeling we measure up, learning to let this pattern go is life changing and allows us the space to appreciate and accept the unique qualities we all bring.
There is this constant feeling of not being enough when we strive for perfection, like you say a constant spin and definitely not coming from the notion we are already everything.
There are a qualities that can honour yourself in full and for me it is having ‘perfection’ in my order. This creates steadiness and a flow to life being ready for the what is next. This is done in the knowing that perfection is not possible but having the order holds it in place – perfection in the imperfection.
Sometimes I am in absolute awe of how much I can learn about both myself and others from my imperfections.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” how beautiful, amazing and expansive it is to be perfectly imperfect. no more pictures ideals or beliefs it is just to be who we truly are within the flow of life.
Over the past few years of attending presentations by Serge Benhayon it has been possible to begin discarding the hard suit of perfectionism. Everything feels much lighter without this massive heavy load and thus aware of an amazing vulnerability, delicateness and a deeper appreciation of being in a woman’s body, from making this choice..
“I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.”
Striving for perfection is itself an imperfection
Perfection does feel very stagnant and the tension to achieve perfection feels very restrictive because anything outside of that rigid picture of perfection is not accepting. The most fun and joy I have had in life is when I haven’t cared about perfection and feeling free with my imperfections.
I love how you unravel that there is no perfection as we are continually evolving and thus we are not static but always asked to be ‘more’.
‘free from all flaws or defects’ … oddly for someone who’s chased perfection I’ve not read it’s definition, and yet reading it today I feel it’s futility, it’s chasing a point in time, locking it in as perfect and in that it becomes staid; there is no flow, no light, no grace, but a prison. So here’s to letting go more of my perfectionism and seeing it’s hold on the way and flow of life that is the natural grace we all are.
Yes, isn’t that with so many things in life we pursue? We pursue them and often with fervour because we are convinced of them being the way to go, but if we stopped and felt we would see that there was a discrepancy in what we really deep down want as to how we are living.
We conflate perfection with something that is relatable to our five senses. What if perfection is an existing quality but one that we cannot relate to it through our limited five senses? What if the issue is not with perfection but with what we are perfection to be (which has nothing to do with what we make out of it)? What if perfection is not a human quality but only a divine one?
Perfection demands such an ongoing, ‘doing’, tense, effort – all of which is absolutely exhausting. Doing a beautiful job on something with love and in the flow of movement may have its imperfections but it feels so much more loving, and it is totally regenerating.
Anything we think we must attain, is a reduction and not a true reflection of the All that we already stupendously are.
We can’t have perfection because we are constantly evolving and expanding so it only exists when we create a picture of how we want to be. Which is impossible to start with because we are constantly expanding and can’t fit in a box or a picture!
I am starting to understand that perfection is impossible to achieve because it doesn’t exist in the universe and so, no wonder it is so exhausting and debilitating whenever we strive for perfection.
Perfection is like a long-term prison sentence of uncertain duration, only ever relieved by short bursts of light when a moment of assumed perfection momentarily breaks the shackles of judgment and devastation.
We are forever students in a way that leaves us with imperfections deliberately so. We are not here to be here, let alone be perfect in being here. Hence all imperfections are showing us something.. To forever deepening it goes.
Beautifully said Danna. Interesting that we have allowed this word to own us to the degree that we are missing the point, that in essence we are already everything. Our imperfections serve to guide us to live in a truer way, so we can heal and evolve. A blessing for us to embrace, as it is all about being true, being love and as you shared there is no end to deepening our connection to all that we are and all that we are returning to.
Funny to read you commenting on perfection Carola, because today I was listening to your CD in the car and thought that was pure perfection. Before hearing you sing I too knew there was no such thing as perfection but now I am not so sure.
ah ha just read your comment again and got it – of course you sing with love from your essence and anything expressed for there is perfect even if it is not!
”In choosing to try to be perfect it often took me so far away from myself that I felt disconnected from life and my inner feelings.”
Absolutely, that is what it does — it makes you focus on achieving something that is not achievable and than you are left by the lack of awareness of the bigger picture, of you in it — and hence we often loose connection to life and our inner feelings (that is such important part of you).
“perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” I absolutely agree as this is a belief that many children take on very early in their lives – ‘if I am a good boy/girl mummy will love me’. What a weight for a young child to take on and one that could possibly stay with them all their lives. Understanding that there is no perfection was, to me, like throwing off a weighted down coat followed by the most amazing sense of liberation from the damaging restrictions of the past.
Perfection does not allow true freedom as you say Kathryn, as it dictates how we have to be to the dot. And how could that be possibly be freedom. So I like how you say you are imperfectly perfect as when we are in our essence that’s who we are and it is never about completing a picture that we have of how we have to be but living and expressing from our inner knowing and quality.
It’s like in music… If you are locked into perfection, as so many musicians are, there is so much tension there is so much pressure… to the point where, the lead violinist of the Brandenburg Orchestra would repeatedly jab himself with a needle before it came time to do an important solo… Imagine what it’s like to let go of this and to simply have fun playing and singing together… What a contrast
So true, there is a lot of tension when we aim for perfection, it is a constant need to be better and you give a great example how extreme our behaviour can be pushed under this belief of having to be exact to the point.
Yes seeing perfection as an end or completion of some kind is a trap, for perfection is not possible in terms of living as a harmonious human being. Hence we are in the illusion of thinking we are chasing something attainable all to avoid appreciating what is available to us in the present moment…
Kathryn, you share some points that carry such depth of truth that it is unavoidable such as this One: ‘I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.’
Many of us carry around with this or certain ideals based on pure lies — look a like truths or made to portray the falsity over the reality.. All once allowed by us — by not standing within our truth and gaining a certain force power in the other (evil). This is not true intelligence — awareness is.
What a forever mouse in the wheel thing perfection is. I remember the continued attempts to hit perfection, the changes, the adjustment, the tweaks, a never ending story of never accepting things or myself for how things are. I’m not a fan of using perfection or even imperfection as the words still carry a particular behaviour and so I am more and more seeing myself as a student, a student of life with a never ending appetite for awareness. In this there is no room for any critique only space to learn from one moment to the next and to continually expand the awareness you have come to from one moment to the next and in this appreciate just being rather then forever doing.
Perfectionism pushes many of us to try and improve ourselves in the belief we are lacking or not enough, instead of accepting who we are and that there will always be some imperfection, ‘Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self.’
Yes Lorraine, this is very very true, we are gorgeously playful fluidly sexy ! Let’s make it ON.
In imperfection there is space to be content with oneself, something that will never be there when we strive for perfection.
Perceiving that imperfection as a reflection to support and enable evolution is liberation as to strive for perfection is to be shackled to an impossible dream.
Perfectionism is a perfect setup to keep humanity clawing away at any impossible image… Anything to stop the emperors clothes for being revealed what they are.
We are forever expanding and can always go deeper, life is never about being perfect, that is simply a trap that can hold us back, ‘ what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.’
Gosh I love this blog! You’re spot on when you say perfection has no sense of humour – I know it well and to my detriment. But I now see perfection for what it is – a creation to keep us involved in existing instead of evolving and living the future. “I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.” Imperfectly perfect and really enjoying it – that’s me 🙂
Coming to understand that there is no perfection in this world was like releasing a strait jacket that had kept the real me contained for most of my life. And what an exhausting way to live it was, as the belief that everything had to be perfect was always sitting there on my shoulder and the second that the perfection was not achieved it was a reason to begin to beat myself up; a double whammy. These days there is no seeking perfection, just being open to accept the realness of any situation; a much more harmonious way to be.
So true Ingrid, it is exhausting trying to be perfect, we imprision ourselves if we choose this way.
Also, what a perfect representation of imperfection – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” Sounds just perfect to me.
Needed blog. The human being is imperfect however, you can be the perfect human being living to the cycles and understanding what it means to be in rhythm and out of rhythm – both are perfectly designed to confirm the what is or the what is not.
Perfection has no end point, deliberately so. It has a constant moving set of goal posts that are never set in stone but always on the move depending on where you are. Perfection is a mind controlled view that has you locked down and focussed on, well being perfect. As the article is saying how can this be true or even real considering what we see in the world and possibly perfection is just a perception and depending on how you see the world it is how you view perfection. For me there is perfection still around us but how we are with ourselves has a direct link on how we view the world and so if you are locked down, tight and controlled, you will see perfection as the same while if you live true to what you are feeling and are flexible, honest and sensitive then perfection will be something you will see in everything, no matter what look sits on the surface or how it plays out.
Perfectionism is a trap, and a very draining trap that holds you back from being your natural amazing self, ‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ I agree, especially about the exhausting bit. Luckily I’m an ex-perfectionist who is learning to enjoy life and grow with all her imperfections.
Great blog! Who wants perfection when you can have divinity and multi-dimensionality?
Perfection must be one of the most barbaric concepts we have created. We never get to feel or appreciate who we are or our inner qualities, we instead just chase after the concept of perfection which conveniently is ever changing. We can’t even ask someone how it felt to reach the destination of perfection because there is no such thing and who would deem it “perfect” anyway? It’s very much a part of this linear consciousness of everything moving forward in a line, and that we are going somewhere and have to reach a destination, instead of surrendering inwards to all we already are.
‘ I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that.’ I love how you deeply appreciate and celebrate all your qualities Kathryn, this is such an important step in deepening the relationship with ourselves and feeling our amazingness all the time leaving no room for any perfection for in truth we already are everything.
Accepting imperfections – be it in ourselves, others or a scratch on a heater, is liberating.
‘What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.’ When we are striving to be perfect we are already out of tune with ourselves and chasing an idea of what we think we should be rather than allowing ourselves to be in the present, mind and body at one.
Thank you Kathryn what an absolute mega confirming truthfull blog that is so needed to be out there for people to read. As this is a point were we have capped ourselves so much in life, that we lost true sense of what this ‘perfection’ actually causes and means.. Not the nice’ idea we first thought. But a strive of something unachievable and only imagined in the so-called mind. Hence unlocking us from all the deceptions is a gift for us all, and this blog is a start of that. Thank you. Lets unlock more of the hidden goods around ‘being perfect’.
Perfection to me now is only a concept I used in the past which never brought me the satisfaction I needed form it as it was never good enough. Being with myself and feeling that graciousness that lives in me being expressed in the world is now for me the way to live, and this is the best I can and in a way is always perfect in alignment with where I am at in my evolution back to Soul.
Perfectionism is like a prison, an impossible aspiration where the bar is set forever higher and nothing is ever good enough. Perfectionism also feels cold, harsh and demanding – the forever raised finger and the perpetual expectation of being punished for something done. Perfectionism is a plague and a mental health hazard. Perfectionism also stops people from reaching their true potential.
Well said gabrieleconrad. It is an absolutely crippling concept that so many of us have fallen for, which really does cap our potential.
We are perfect in our imperfection.
One of the greatest keys to being able to embody forth a divine life on earth is to know that there is no perfection on this plane. We are all imperfect, and yet we are originally and truly divine and from another harmonious plane of life. When we live from this true divine brotherhood we understand about imperfection and there is no judgment..
This is so true Kathryn. I am realising that there is no such thing as being perfect or in perfection because we are all part of the universe and the universe is forever expanding. The concept of perfection is created to suppress our evolution so we think we have or can reach a place of perfection and that is it. So, striving for perfection is like putting our breaks on our evolution and pretty much going against the flow of the universe.
As I was reading this blog, I realised my idea of perfection was based on my perceived idea of what others would consider ‘perfect’. Therefore it has no basis in reality and really only comes from my own beliefs and interpretation of past events. It is quite elusive like shifting sands and leaves me feeling unsteady and unsure. Accepting I am not perfect and I cant possibly know or meet what everyone in the world would expect of me, creates a lot of space and ease in my body. It seems imperfection is definitely something to embrace.
Thank you Fiona, I enjoyed reading your contribution. For the most part we don’t have this expectation of perfection on babies, we accept them as they are, care for them, and enjoy how they grow and learn. Ironically, we may feel their love, joy and innocence and consider them utterly perfect! I’m not sure when expectations come in but they feel so very harsh compared to the freedom, love, and adoration we hold babies in. They are also very narrow because there is so much of us to appreciate and enjoy about ourselves as beings, and the concept of being perfect is like squashing that into a tiny space, or ignoring it completely to focus on the physical body/life only.
The more we embrace our imperfections the closer we get to living our true selves.
Here it is – God’s genius in perfect imperfection. When we look to the world, humanity, our own individual life and its details – it’s far from perfect, yet there’s an order we can feel that is holding us all and that imperfection makes perfect sense in the scope of our evolution/expansion.
Beautiful Katie.
I am always interested about how for example we know that perfection is not existing on this plane earth, yet we keep going and going for that. What I got to feel, having had this subject quite present in my life, that this is simply a distraction away of who we are. That it is another way of escaping the oh so scared feeling of letting go of all we have created and giving us over, surrendering us back to the source of Soul (were we come from). Hence it makes a lot of sense that with our current intelligence and present knowledge we still choose and do the things we do that are seemingly not working. So it is just a matter of seeing that and being willing to change.
The concept of flaws or defects actually sounds weird. What are they and who says a flaw is a flaw or a defect is a defect? Who’s standards are we trying to meet? To me, perfection is all about imagery and when something does not match the image one has of someone or something.
It is so true that in striving to be perfect and to be something that we are not, we are taking ourselves away from who we innately are and our ability to appreciate ourselves and all we can offer. How gorgeous to expose and let go of such an imposition.
Placing myself on a pedestal never worked but understanding the balance in life that has led me to the understanding that all I do is to the best of my ability is so empowering. This last statement takes the guessing game out of life and also takes away, right and wrong, good and bad, by introducing mistakes as part of our evolution. Thank you Kathryn for sharing about im-perfection.
I love your blog Kathryn, totally dismantling the locks and bars that imprisons us from the illusion of having to be perfect. Beautifully expressed and hugely inspiring. When we embrace letting go of trying to be perfect we can instantly feel a sense of expansion, lightness and playfulness.
“But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? ” I love this Kathryn. Witnessing the seasons changing – trees and flowers blooming and falling – there is a beauty in every aspect. Trying to ‘get it right’ as a human has resulted in a hardness and lack of joy – and of course no perfect result. . Nature is a great teacher – allowing what is to be to unfold and to just be.
There is perfection; yet it is divine and does not belong to human beings. Moreover, when humans play with this idea is always to highlight that there are some things or people that are better than others. It is always tainted by comparison or competition. The ‘perfect’ prison.
Comparison and competition – the ‘perfect’ prison – a great comment to remember when i go into those emotions – thankyou Eduardo.
I am well aware how imperfect I am and are reminded of that fact every day. But the suggestion that there is perfection in our cycles makes absolute sense to me as I am very aware when I have a repeated lesson or a repeated reminder of one of my imperfections come up and I ignore it, they definitely come back again and again until I learn to heal and let it go.
What a great blog this is to re-visit Kathryn – thankfully, perfectionism is impossible and instead of making us more lovable, it does the exact opposite as we get more demanding of others to be more perfect too. A horrible way to live and it is great to expose it for the prison it is to support letting go of the stranglehold it can have upon us..
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable”.
What I’ve realised reading this again is perfectionism belongs to the world of form, to the physical world. So long as I still identify with that and not my being, which is completely formless, then perfectionism can still hook me. I can still buy into pictures of how I or life need to be. As I write I feel my being, and it’s completely indescribable. How could something beyond this world and its concepts even be related to perfectionism? It’s truly a revelation just to feel this. I can see that this world is about the degradation of all that is pure, sacred and true, it’s a focus on the physical and not the being, and that evolution is a continual elevation back to the being we truly are.
Ah reading this one again is such a good reminder. I know I have written it before but really there is only one kind of perfect to be and that is perfectly imperfect. Anything else is just – as you say – a straight jacket.
I too have lived in the ‘perfection’ camp, it isn’t a very loving or supportive place to be, in fact it is quite the opposite. It is a place where you are forever second guessing yourself, always self judgemental, condemning oneself also. What I have learned is that when you are always operating in this space, you are never allowing the glory of the real you to enter, if you are allowing whatever comes into your mind to be the truth, listening to it, believing it, then it will always win. But if you learn to throw out the criticism, the moment it comes in, letting them go, telling them to go, this then creates the space for more love and appreciation to come in.
So true Raegan, being open to letting the appreciation of being in The Livingness simply opens the door to connecting more deeply to our inner-most.
Striving for perfection has been such a trap for me, a complete distraction and ultimately unobtainable and so therefore I would often feel paralysed from starting something knowing I could never do it perfectly. The freedom and joy that comes from allowing releases the control and embracing the understanding that there is always support, if we are open to receiving it, has transformed my life. Perfectionism can seem like a responsible way to live but for me it certainly meant I was avoiding life and thus responsibility. Accepting and appreciating that I am doing the best I can feels more responsible and I get way more done than when I was trying to control everything around me to get the ‘perfect’ outcome.
Perfectionism is the biggest trap, one I lived caught in for many years. Everything you share here Kathryn I can relate to. What I found challenging in stepping out of it was to feel how so very vulnerable I felt when I began to let it go. I had become my way of “keeping it all together” in life. Yet in truth, I had nothing together, just a lot of doubt and self judgement. Trust has changed this for me, what do I trust,
the, steadiness that I am within. This completely laughs at perfectionism.
I am sure I often write this but the only way to be is perfectly imperfect 🙂 it is freedom to be ourselves to ‘be’ with everything we do. I had no idea what this felt like ’till I booted perfection out of my repertoire.
Life for me has so much to offer when I accept and appreciate who I am with no judgement, just my divine responsibility to choose that heavenly connection.
Let’s embrace ‘imperfection’ with open arms. Let love in, let love out, observe imperfection!
I love what you have written here, exposing perfection. That there is actually no such thing as perfection as we always evolve and, that what might have been perfect in this moment is already asked to be expanding in the next. That life is a continuous flow of expansion and thus there is no end, no stopping point.
A perfect exposure of perfectionism. With imperfection “there is no stagnation, only change” this really resonated with me as if we seek perfection it becomes and end in itself and we can stagnate but if we embrace imperfection there is a constant awareness that there is more.
The consciousness of ‘perfection’ what this falsely means in our society is what we have to date been driven by. To achieve this state of ‘perfection’ by shaping ourselves on images from an outside world, as otherwise we are considered less, is an unattainable state as the images are never fixed and always changing. But what if there was a true perfection that it is a quality, a state of being-ness that emanates from the union of our body and Soul, a quality that consistently calls us to be All that we Divinely are, and anything less that this is imperfect, flawed and corrupted? As in this state of being, in union with God we are truly free from the conditions of creation that solely aim to hold us as less, reduced, and contracted from living All that we truly and actually are.
I have come to the realisation that it is such a trap to think that one day you will get somewhere and that will be it, and that when you actually stop and consider the fact that we can always grow, learn, expand and evolve, you realise what a true gift that really is!
We create these ‘prisons of perfection’ fashioned from the many ideals we subscribe to in order to keep us small and safe, lest we let go and feel the true majesty we are.
Perfectionism seems to be the opposite of appreciation, I know for me perfectionism thrived until I began to fill my awareness with my many beautiful qualities through self appreciation. Trying to be perfect held less and less appeal as I began to take delight in all of who I am. Perfectionism is such an illusion, yet it definitely can have a very powerful and destructive hold on us.
Perfectionism certainly feels like a straight-jacket and to me the more it is struggled with the tighter the jacket becomes. It is a big thing to learn to allow oneself to be perfectly imperfect.
What is so attractive in the idea of there being ‘perfection’ is that that signals a point where we can wash our hands of whatever we have been involved in up to that point, and relax ever after. Perfectionism fights against the fact that we live in cycles and we are forever evolving, expanding and that we are all the ones that create the Oneness – no wonder it’s so exhausting.
Kathryn, I love what you have presented and it’s really supportive to read this right now, to know the trap we create for ourselves with perfection and for me to see that my quest to be perfect came not just from wanting to be loved but wanting to be safe and secure; I understood love to be that safety in fact and saw it as only available if I deserved, or was ‘perfect’ in some way. But it’s a trap and a forever loop of seeking and trying and the biggest trick is that it’s not possible to be perfect here, and we are all lovable as we are, deserving of that love because no matter what we do, underneath in all of us is an essence that is love.
‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. These are wise words Kathryn that completely takes away the oppressive and rigid pressure of perfectionism to allow the awareness and understanding that our imperfections are merely a gift and opportunity to learn and evolve.
It’s true Kathryn when we strive for perfection there is never any closure for we are never satisfied, it is never enough.
‘Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible. It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.’ What a prison we have made with the geisha tradition. But just about everything is structured in a similar way! Freedom comes from being who we really are, flaws and all, and perfectionism is a construct that just doesn’t work.
Working in the design industry I can easily get bogged down by perfection, the perfect colour or getting something just right but by doing so I can feel how suffocating and frustrating this is as it is so often the so called accidental results that end up being the strongest designs.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment movement and magic’, I can feel how restrictive it is to focus on finding perfection as by doing so we miss out on allowing the magic to unfold.
‘This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express’ this is so true and being caught up in perfection I have never viewed life this way, that life is constantly fluid, changing and evolving so how can anything ever be perfect as there are no end points only moments to appreciate within a cycle.
Kathryn your following question is for me the best question ever: “Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving?” Living a life with knowing that we are forever evolving means there is no stagnation or an end hence there is no time for perfection.
The beauty of our imperfections belies us all as it is the honesty and realness shared from our soul. We can learn so much from the honesty of our imperfections and its rawness. We are not perfectly built machines but people with unique qualities and nuances, forever evolving and learning from one another.
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” I love what you wrote Kathryn as perfection feels like a prison which most of us are living in. Perfection holds us be like puppets keeping us unaware so each move becomes not our own move. It is really time to debunk perfection for what it is – a deceiver.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ If I read this I felt how flat and dull perfection is, how serious we need to be and how we don’t allow any magic in our lives to come through, a narrow path to walk on and we are so afraid to fall off. How different to how imperfection feels, how it allows to connect to our power. That’s what your blog feels like to me Kathryn, very powerful!
It really is wonderful to read about imperfection. As soon as I started reading it the kookaburras started laughing… It is so against what every one is striving for… The constant reaching for the unobtainable, and it can go on for a whole lifetime.
I am glad you wrote about perfection Kathryn. As I am reading about perfection I can feel how my lack of self esteem and worth played out in having perfection with in my home . I felt exhausted and unfulfilled and not validated. It did feel restricted and joyless and with out connection, but dutiful and frustrated.
Not only do all of our imperfections help us grow and develop as a person but it’s also our imperfections that actually make us human….
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment’. A great line that speaks volumes. If we were all perfect there would be no evolution.
Being imperfect with yourself is a deeply loving way to hold who you are in a tender embrace with all the understanding that you deserve.
Perfectionism will never allow us to appreciate in full as there is always another goal to reach and to strive for.
Something I am developing to live is a rhythm of confirming and appreciating myself and this is opening up a space in myself to be perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect.
Perfectionism makes it about time, a very linear way of living and thus an illusion we are trapped in and never about space, a way of living in cycles, a truth we can all feel in our bodies.
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ With this we ask for recognition and this has no end if we try to be perfect, the ‘trying’ it says it all, we will never get there.
‘We are forever expanding and can always go deeper … in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ What I can feel as I read this is how there is a fear/restriction that I hold around this – a trepidation of “What will come up if I do?” However to stunt the awareness and to try and put the brakes on expanding feels vey limiting and un-evolutionary and is in fact very controlling. This is what we are doing when we try to be perfect.
.Thank you for sharing your awesome blog.
We are not meant to be perfect. So true…yet society, still puts so much pressure on themselves, to get it right, or to know it all and when they don’t, they make themselves less, which creates self- worth issues. This has been work in progress for me. I am learning it is okay, to ask for support where needed. I don’t have to know it all. It is okay for us all to have our whoops moments, this I am learning…… Embracing my imperfections. I now know, in essence we are all the same, but each of us, has our very own expression. With all these different expressions we have, we can support each other to do, what is needed in this world…. true brotherhood. Get to know our strengths and our imperfections and fully embrace them.
Thank you Kathryn, for a truly beautiful blog, I have been held most of my life in the armour of the “good and right ” , I have not used the word perfection but this is similar, tightly bound and joyless was my experience also. I am now casting off the armour and allowing myself to make mistakes and not beat myself up, and joy and playfulness are starting to enter my life. I just love these words. “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
“I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that” this is so true, in being ourself is no space for perfection, as I have experienced perfectionism is only holding me back, to try to live up to the ideals of something that in truth is not me. As in core we are not perfect, we are always learning, which in truth is the beauty of life.
‘Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.’ If I look at society it seems only to be based on perfection, we have to strive to get our goal and then we are setting the next goal and so on and so on. A forever exhausting experience, and it is creating a lot of emotions too. Living with cycles feels natural but I still can caught up in setting a goal and trying the perfection mode but my body is clearly showing that is not the way. I loose my connection and feeling of expansion and frustration and tightness (old and not so good friends) are back in town. So Kathryn, I am with you on ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’.
“But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles?” I love this Kathryn! Cycles are a beautiful unfoldment for our lives. We are forever learning and evolving when we are ready.
Such a gorgeous blog to re-visit and be reminded of your wise words Kathryn – ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ – Such perfect timing for me to read this thank you.
Anna, I am starting to grasp (and accept joyfully) I am part of this Divine order and greater plan, and this is giving me the true confidence I could never imagine I would have.It is a feeling of flow and naturalness in my body which feels exquisite.
There is no perfection because we are forever evolving. That is such a liberating perspective. Then it is just about evolving and learning. Life becomes light and playful, as in playing there is neither perfection. Ha, ha, anybody ever heard as a child to play perfect?
Reading today Kathryn I am touched by how you say “We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. Whilst this could seem like a quest for some holy grail, today I can feel its not that at all, but just an allowing out of what we already are to live in harmony with all these cycles. The only perfection that is real is the way we are held continuously in this loving arrangement, learning we already are everything we ever need to be.
Yes Joseph the only perfection is the way we are held in these divine cycles. When I truly connect to this I am able to simply let go and trust that all is unfolding as it should. 🙂
A beautiful way to start the day Kathryn. Striving for perfection does not allow for the natural flow of love and our own evolution as you have so divinely observed. Letting go of perfection is like being released from a self-imposed prison and frees us to express the truth of who we are in every moment without restraint.
Evolution and cycles feel so expansive and limitless while perfection feels restrictive and suffocating. How strange that I have spent so long striving for something I don’t want. A craving for love has always been underneath my hunger for perfection and I can see I lose sight of this when I go into ‘perfection mode’.
I agree Leonne trying to be perfect actually is ‘A craving for love’. It is like shouting ‘See me, see me’ not recognising that we are so protected and so not ourselves that it’s not easy for anyone to see who we are. It is a horrible game we play to not accept and play down the grandness we already are.
What a great description of perfectionism Annelies. I can feel there is real desperation in perfectionism and it makes perfect sense that it is simply a craving for love. I have come to realise that the love I crave cannot be found outside of me and this makes striving for perfection seem ridiculous.
Striving for perfection is ridiculous Leonne! The choices our race have made are completely ridiculous. A whole planet of essentially deeply beautiful, funny, intelligent , loving beings, running around adopting ridiculous ways of behaving, to get the love we crave, when all the treasure of heaven above and earth below resides within our innermost hearts!
We are perfectly imperfect. The richness in life is our constant learning and the evolution this allows for.
I feel that we try and be perfect because we are not accepting of the divinity and total love that we are.
‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. Wow! There’s true energy in these words and so refreshing. They destroy long held beliefs of perfection, If only I had this as my template from childhood, how different I would have been in life.
Perfectionism to me seems to be just another way we set ourselves up to not feel good enough about ourselves, especially as the ideal keeps changing – so even if we did do something perfectly, we then change the marker to not be perfect. The perfect set up.
What a wonderful sharing Kathryn ! I have been caught in the false ideal of perfectionism in my life and I too see it in the young lives of small children through to the elderly.
Children suffer because their Parents are also caught in the trap too and they themselves don’t have the skills to get out so how can they help their young? For us to spread the word on the impossible need for Perfection can only help us all in the end become more appreciative of self and each other and enjoy our lives in all their joyous imperfections.
I love inviting friends home but in the past I always ended up exhausted before they even crossed the threshold. I had to think of everything, to the finest detail like sliced lemon in the cold water, the best plate to put the food on…. Having friends still means work but with far less anxiety. I no longer try to impress with my organisational skills. And I accept their help with pleasure. Perfectionism may not be totally out of my life yet, it is a persistent pest, but its days are numbered.
I absolutely relate to what you share here Patricia. I have done this many times myself. In fact I remember throwing a party after months of planning and being so stressed on the day I was picking fights (even though everything was ‘perfect’). On that day I realised that what I really wanted was connection with others, not the perfect shebang.
I love this Patricia, perfectionism being a persistent pest but one whose days are numbered! It can take some time to break our long held beliefs about how things should be and relax into a way of life that is simply by its divine nature. Simplicity is like the dissolver of perfectionism.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving?”. This is great because it breaks down that ideal that somehow we reach an end point where everything is “perfect”. The whole idea of perfection is a set up that prevents us for loving and accepting ourselves in any given moment.
This is a blog I love re-reading. Each time I do I feel another piece of the chain that’s held me in the imprisonment of perfection come off, bit by bit.. Beliefs around having to be perfect can run deep and they have a purpose– to undo us, to cut ourselves down from living and accepting the beauty we so naturally are. I love your glorious claiming Kathryn — ‘I am perfectly imperfect.’ Stunning.
‘It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.’ This I have experienced everyday – this feeling of not quite being enough, not quite made the grade – it feels heavy and debilitating. And like the armour it represents, perfectionism prevents us from shining ever so naturally out into the world who we are. I am not perfect – I am love. I am not perfect – I am evolving. I am not perfect – but the part I play fits with all others. I am not perfect – I am me.
Beautiful Lee. Reading this I can feel what a theatre perfectionism is an indulgent game that I use to hold back while I tell myself I am ‘trying to be more’.
Lee this will stay with me as I love this line – ‘I am not perfect – I am me.’
Perfection to me is how our bodies and the earth function. They are constantly making perfect choices as to what the situation is. ‘Perfection’ is never achieved but the system is perfect. If we feel what is going on we can also make the ‘perfect’ choice in any situation. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me in so many ways.
Kathryn your description of perfection as the Geisha is priceless….”living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others”.
It doesn’t feel like there is much room for joy or fun in a life lived like this.
You can only fail if you do not learn from your mistakes… with perfection you learn nothing.
I agree Steve, mistakes are just an opportunity for learning, so reacting and self-criticism only sabotage the gift of learning that moment has brought.
‘With perfection you learn nothing’ beautifully expressed Steve. One of the joys of life is appreciating our ‘whoops’ moments, being able to laugh at ourselves when we get it wrong and going deeper to connect to the learning. Without this we are standing still and life is very dull.
So very true Steve, for humbleness can be one of our greatest allies.
Does it do what you want it to do? It may not need to be perfect ever, but it works! How boring would freedom without flaws be? For one big one… we would all look the same!
Kathryn – I love the awareness and exposure you bring to rattle this old cage of perfectionism and see the lies it perpetuates. It is inspiring to read of you re-claiming the fiery and and gorgeous you.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true”.
Perfectionism is a form of control. Trying to control yourself and the response you get back from other people and life in order not to get hurt. Embracing being ‘imperfect’ is so freeing – You free yourself up to be a true student of life and embrace the lessons that come to you. It also leaves greater space to love yourself for exactly who you are.
Spot on Kathryn! In my experience I’ve definitely experienced perfectionism as a form of control. I used to think that attention to detail and perfection were synonymous, however what I am learning to appreciate is that I can have an attention to detail which comes from the care I have for myself and others and that this is totally different that comes from the perfection that is driven by needing to control – self and others.
That’s beautiful Angela, I have noticed this difference too, I could pay attention to every detail as a way of trying to be perfect and thus out of control ( because I did not want to be judged as less when everything is not in order). Nowadays, it is out of the care for myself and all the people that I love, to pay attention to detail and that is never overdoing it but a lovely flow to be in and has its ripple effect to everyone because the love is felt.
When we are connected to our sacredness, our stillness, no judging thoughts come, they just cannot enter because there is not one part of us that can align to that, its just not possible.
So true Julie. When we are connected to our sacredness we are full of love and there is not room for judgement in that!
How simple and yet profoundly powerful is this fact ‘When we are connected to our sacredness we are full of love and there is not room for judgement in that!’ No room for judgement and I would add not room for self judgement as well as judgement of others.
Beautifully said Julie, and when l try to be perfect l see you as less than me or someone l need to compete with to be better than.
It’s a breeding ground for separation.
Beautiful Julie, if we start first from that connection then we can see and understand what is before us, and in that there can be no judgement.
What a great reminder Annie – approaching life and everything we do -always from the starting point of connection with ourselves, – and then when we observe that we have started to strive for perfection, it can simply be a marker that we have not made that connection!
‘Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self.’ – So true Kathryn and something I can relate to in my life. It is quite exhausting trying to live up to some ‘perfect’ picture, you never really get anywhere because you always end up creating more ideals and beliefs to live up to anyway. I am learning to let go of this pattern in my life and to be more honouring and appreciative of all the qualities I bring and your blog is a beautiful reminder of the power and joy we feel when we stop the perfectionism in our lives.
I can totally relate to this also Anna…. In my experience, being a perfectionist is not only stressful and exhausting, but also erodes self-worth because anything less than perfection can leave us never feeling good enough… And then when we feel ‘less’ as a result, we try to do ‘more’ to make up for the ‘less’ which just keeps this pattern in momentum…. It may be sustainable for a while but when there is eventually nothing to be perfect about, we can end up feeling lost or that we’ve failed. Making different choices and working on accepting imperfection and focussing on who I ‘am’, not what I ‘do’ has been a huge shift for me and one I can only say I’d highly recommend!
Hi Angela & Anna
This feeling LESS therefore doing MORE phenomenon is worldwide. In fact Gosh the world is propelled by this sort of activity. No wonder we are all exhausted.
I agree Anna, perfectionism is an ideal impossible to achieve, and the striving for perfection instantly shuts down our natural true way of expressing – so we lose joy of living in each moment just as we are.
I agree Anna, perfectionism is most definitely a trap which has us striving for an unobtainable ideal and belief, because when we have a sense we have done something near perfect it is my experience that the goal posts are changed and a new picture is formed to tell us there must be more, a better way or faster. It’s an illusion we play with wanting to believe that we are achieving and bettering ourselves, but in actual fact we are keeping ourselves down – feeding our lack of self worth.
I agree, Kathryn’s blog is a beautiful reminder of the power and joy we feel when we let go of perfectionism and actually appreciate ourselves for the natural beauty we bring to everything we do when we are connected to who we truly are and not living from ideals and beliefs that shaped us from young.
Yes Anna, as I was reading this blog a lovely smile kept creeping up over my face because it’s so true and insightful on what Kathryn was sharing and so so freeing. Perfectionism does so hold us back from being our gorgeous playful fluid and powerful self. I, like many other commenters here, are learning to let go of the shackles of perfection and get jiggy with the sexiness realness delightfulness that allowing imperfection brings.
I agree Kathryn, perfectionism is like a self made prison and one which will never loosen up if we don’t make that choice for ourselves. I have been playing with this myself of late and have discovered that there is a sense of freedom within my body and the choice to not be hard on myself comes as a huge relief. After all who said I had to be perfect – so it is my responsibility and choice to undo the behaviour which I have cultivated for so long.
Yes Julie and how empowering is it to know that we can choose to change the way we behave?. Our responsibility to ourselves is our ticket to freedom.
Thanks Brendan, that is so true and it always seems to keep us on the look -out for what we don’t have instead of appreciating and confirming what we have,
Striving to be perfect voids us of the playfulness and joy in life, an exhausting choice to make.
In needing perfection we keep ourselves locked in a pattern of never feeling good enough and constantly judging ourselves and others as not measuring up. It’s pure illusion and a very clever trick we have developed to keep ourselves living on a merry-go-round of self-judgement and torment. When we begin to let go of this limiting belief we can then begin to see the game at play, and feel the restrictions we have been choosing to live with.
To accept that we will never be perfect – this is a great point Kathryn. Even if we accept imperfection now, we can still easily hold on to the idea that we can be perfect later.
Yes great point Annie. We often have some linear concept that we will achieve perfection at a given point. This is simply an illusion. We are living in cycles so there is no end point and not only that, we are so much more than the perfection we aim to be.
Good to have this article written, it is in illusion to think that we are not it, that we are not beautiful – and or that we need to be perfect. As I had for long believed in . What you say is absolutely right : ”In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.” This shows us that trying to be perfect is actually coming from a lack of love within ourselves. Therefore it is so important to feel how beautiful we are, and that it is just a matter of connecting deeply to our divine inner-state.
Yes I agree Danna. Once we connect to our Inner Divinity the need to control and be perfect fades away. There is a sense of acceptance and appreciation that arises and life becomes more playful and less about getting things right.
There is something ‘Finite’ about Perfection and in this amazing existence nothing is finite but is an unending moment of possibilities. Imperfection is bubbling like a pot of the most delicious, nourishing and warming food, unfolding, evolving and expanding. Yummy 🙂
Kathryn, I totally agree with you, being a perfectionist does take away your sense of humour as there is no room to make any mistakes and everything is held so tightly and guarded. I used to look and observe one of my relatives who to me seemed to go through life care free and somewhat reckless, but she had the guts to make mistakes and not beat herself up afterwards. I also saw that she didn’t care what other people thought of her or her actions – it took me a long time to get this one. Letting go and discovering the perfectionist ideals and beliefs certainly makes room for more fun in our lives – this I can attest to.
“Imperfection allows for growth and unfoldment,movement and magic in every moment.” To view imperfection this way (after striving for perfection) feels empowering, as you free yourself from the beliefs that once had control over you.
Being perfect is a very insidious game we play with ourselves. It distracts us from seeing the beauty in ourselves and others. I started to re-count all the areas of my life that I tried to be perfect and noticed that when I recognised that perfection can’t be achieved I then gave up and moved onto something else that I could be ‘perfect’ in, and berate myself for not being good enough.
Striving to be perfect ensures that we never get there as the striving takes away the enjoyment of being all that we already are. Seeking perfectionism is aiming for an end point but as we live in cycles we always have an opportunity to look at everything anew.
Yes Mary the ‘end point’ is complete illusion. No wonder the worlds exhausted. 🙂
What a delightful imperfectly perfect blog, Kathryn, ~ thank you for exposing what the strive for perfection actually does. I totally fell for the illusion too, using a lot of energy trying to be perfect, ~ when it doesn’t even exist!
I can relate to how it has held me back instead of allowing my self to be just the way I am and evolve in my natural rhythm. The same goes with always trying to be better, – and never appreciating the moment, the present, in the imperfection. Such an important reminder, this is.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ I love this – you can feel the space this allows for true learning (without expectations) and expansion of us in our lives.
‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ Thank you for this truth. I find it is easier to let go of the search for perfection and surrender to imperfection when I come to understand that there is no such thing as perfection because we are forever evolving.
What is perfect? What do we compare ourselves to when we want this perfection? There is judgement in striving for perfection and there is also the poison of comparison. If we are our own unique expression, how can changing to be not that, be perfection? Perfection is a strange concept that is outside ourselves and bears no relationship to who we truly are.
Yes Amanda what is perfection anyhow? The concept is so limiting and filled with judgement. How freeing it is to simply let down the guard and surrender.
There is so much freedom and learning through imperfection on our ever evolving journey through life.
Perfection feels very stunting to me if we were to consider ourselves to have achieved perfection in any area of our lives this leave is no room for growth and expansion therefore caps evolution. Imperfection feels so freeing and expansive it has am openness to it.
Wow this is a very exposing blog, I find this line very freeing, “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
I can feel how I use imperfection to hold myself back often not expressing because I think my words aren’t enough or I don’t have the perfect answer for something and it will come out all wrong or to blunt for people. I have been using my imperfection as another excuse to beat myself up and hold myself as less. When in truth taking responsibility to reconnect to my body through self-loving choices is all that is needed and listen to the wisdom that emanates from within.
Yes I know this also Margaret. Not expressing if we feel it won’t come out the right way so then holding back. This is usually when I am in my head and not body. Feeling deeply connected to my body certainly changes the way I express and the depth of this expression. It’s not necessarily more that I say… just clearer and more truthful. .
There is no joy in being perfect because why do we want to be perfect? Is it out of comparison; I am better than you are, because I am at a place you cannot even think of reaching it. There is a hardness ,a rigidness in perfection. Like you said Kathryn ;’ it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless.’ It is never let love in and not able to let love out. We choose to be lonely when we strive to be perfect.
This is a great blog to read kathryn, and it has made me realise, being imperfect is perfect!
“The idea of being perfect once offered me something finite – a finish, closure, an end. It was something I could strive for and achieve. An expected goal. It was an old familiar feeling and very comfortable, however it was a form of imprisonment.” This was something I erroneously thought I could achieve as though I’d somehow made it and could relax – that sense of completion. I still find it difficult to let go of the perfection but I’m very aware of it now and sometimes I catch myself avoiding starting something because I feel the results may not be good enough. The pressure this creates is awful.
“I am imperfectly perfect.” This is the phrase that every musician needs to hear…there are so many who are terrorised by the need for perfection imagine the freedom of being able to make mistakes, to have fun and to learn without stress… and it is possible.
Life would be a lot more fun if we allowed our mistakes.
Wonderful imperfect Kathryn it was a great pleasure to read your awesome blog because this being perfect disease had me too. I love what you share about being imperfect and about the cycles – that is so much more fun to see life with these eyes. You wrote: “I am imperfectly perfect.” That is my new slogan now because it takes away all the pressure and instead I can fell joy and playfulness – wunderbar.
absolutely, a great daily reminder – we have an opportunity to be forever expanding and go deeper with everything. This is choice we make or do not make.
reading your blog Kathryn has re-imprinted for me my relationship with the word “imperfection” to a much deeper level – what a delight! I can now see more clearly the trick of trying to let go of the perfectionism from a place of actually being trapped in perfectionism without even realizing it : ie. working on perfectly not being a perfectionist or trying to let go of it perfectly. Such hard work! As you so truly and gorgeously write, ” Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing”. I feel so much joy in celebrating “imperfections” now!! It is in this celebration (which includes the understanding and acceptance) of our imperfections that perfection natural ceases to manifest in our life.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” I love this Kathryn and the realness is expressed from the truth of what we bring as beautifully unique and imperfect as we are. That is where the magic lies. Perfection is what brings us to unravel what is already complete from within.
‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.’ Me trying to perfect has been as if I have lived in a kingdom and looking from high down to others, not letting anyone in and always living in the illusion that one day I would have mastered it all and could come down for applause. At the same time I was constantly afraid someone would expose me. A very contracted and exhausting way to live.To be perfect is seperating us from the joy of living a life together equal to everyone. And it is a distraction from feeling who we are and appreciating we are part of a grandness that lives inside us all.
Beautiful to read Kathryn, thank you, for being perfectly imperfect living with the rhythms and cycles of life that we all are a part of ever evolving.
Perfectionism becomes an oppressive taskmaster that ironically serves to cut down and diminish further anything we do. Letting go of pursuing perfection and instead choosing to remain present and connected as best we can while we work not only makes the days lighter and more joyful but often even more productive, the outcome may not seem to be so different, but the quality in which is was realised makes all the difference in the world..
Well written Kathryn, we dont have to perfect anything because we are all complete to start off with
Joe its so simple isn’t it really? How can we perfect something that is already complete? 🙂 🙂
Just feeling what trying to get something ‘perfect’ does to me is horrid, nothing can ever be as perfect as the image created in the mind and it is out there something to strive for and yet never quite attain creating a frustration and ever deepening drive. Whilst allowing imperfection and just being me as I am leads to an ease and no tension no seeking outside but connection within to all I can be.
hahaha, that is so true judykarenyoung “nothing can ever be as perfect as the image created in the mind . . . ” I was and I have to admit sometimes I am still be distracted in this game of perfection too. Imperfection is still a challenge for me but what I can do is to give me the permission to do things to the best to my ability.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment.’ – so very true. And saying ‘yes’ to this opportunity to deepen of our connection to the divinity and oneness that we are is something that I am loving more and more.
Allowing growth and unfoldment without the heavy axe of perfectionism hanging over life takes away the judgement and pressure of ourselves, but in that brings a much deeper openness and support of others along their journey. then life becomes about learning together and absolute one hundred percent support for each other … once this has been experienced, any other way simply doesn’t make sense.
I am just stopped by the wisdom and beauty of your comment Annie. I wish the whole world could read this. There is so much brotherhood in it, and the reflection that life can indeed be lived with true brotherhood. Any other way simply doesn’t make sense indeed
With perfectionism we get caught up in a picture of needing to be something or needing to be somewhere and we are never content with where we are at, in this we lose the joy, the learnings and appreciation. It is a big one to bust open and let go of.
So true Kristy. That NEED pushes us away from WHO we are,,, forever seeking and wishing to be something different all in the name of perfection – which can never be achieved in the way we perceive it.
Yes Kristy, perfectionism acts as a ‘pulling away’ kind of energy with our focusing ability. So our lives get pulled out of shape. As soon as we focus on appreciating where we are, both in ourselves, and where we are situated, the quality of energy changes and we belong to the emanation of joy and love, and our lives are back in shape. This is where ‘choice’ comes in – we must choose what we direct our focus on.
Awesome blog Kathryn, I really appreciate how you examined and unravelled the myth of perfection, that so many of us have subscribed to. Perfectionism holds us in a string hold, and a constant cycle of never being able to achieve the expectations that we place upon ourselves.
Yes like we are caught in a net… all strung up and unable to truly express….
The idea of perfection is an odd thing really isn’t it – especially as we are all different and unique. To have an image of something that constitutes perfection without it taking into account our uniqueness doesn’t make sense. To me what it is really saying is I want to avoid being hurt or rejected so I will be as pleasing to others as possible. This message of real ‘self-acceptance’ is the ‘perfect’ response to this game. It is without doubt, what we are within that is truly important.
Richardmills363 you have just nailed it …’To me what it is really saying is I want to avoid being hurt or rejected so I will be as pleasing to others as possible.’ And so we ‘do good’ ‘please others’ and try to be ‘liked’. Not much truth in any of that really.
Self = Acceptance is then the ‘PERFECT’ antidote. 🙂
the more I feel into perfectionism reading all those comments, the more I realize how you write Richard that perfectionism is a really ” odd thing” indeed. I am actually starting to really laugh about it now seeing how ridiculous perfectionism is. With all its tricks exposed, perfection has got nowhere to go and self-acceptance becomes so much easier.
Thank you for your blog Kathryn. Something that really resonated with me is that we / I use the feeling of being imperfect as an excuse for not allowing others in and expressing myself fully. How very true. It’s the ‘when I’m perfect get out clause’…’I just need to deal with this flaw, make myself a bit better at this… and then I’ll do it.’ Then, suddenly the bell goes and we’re out of time!
There is so much to love about you and what you express here Kathryn. I can especially relate to how poisonous perfection is when it comes to relationships. I can feel that the pressure I put on myself to be perfect spills over into wanting others to fit into my idea of perfection. In my experience this results in a lot of unhappy people and no true connection. Imperfection allows for growth and connection and is worth appreciating.
Hi Leonne …Yes perfection and relationships… like oil and water really?
The pressure we put on ourselves to be a certain way only prevents us from building a deeper connection with others around us. We never truly get close because the suit of armour is in the way.
Very true kathrynfortuna – I always thought striving for perfection was a sure fire way to make my relationships ‘better’ – especially in the relationship I had with myself. I can now see that striving for perfection is actually toxic and abusive.
Thank you for this blog Kathryn, it is great to delve into the insidiousness of perfection , “Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.”
“It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” I can so see this in how I have been living most of my life. Trying to be perfect and tick the boxes in school and other activities but I can see how this was such a protection to not get hurt by other people, to not stand out and fit in. Letting go of perfection is great to do as I am now learning and I can feel it allows for space to be loving, being playful and having a bit of fun.
That is a clear one for me Golnaz, ‘When I am going for ‘perfection’ I am trying to force an expectation on life, instead of staying open to receiving the opportunities for greater learning, understanding and connection which is constantly provided for every one of us in every moment.’ I am forcing an expectation of what my life should look like and through this act I am sabotaging my ability to receive greater learning.
Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.
Kathryn words of wisdom, thank you for sharing.
Awesome sharing Kathryn. ‘Love blocking suit of armour’ that’s a fantastic description of exactly how it feels always striving to be ‘perfect’. A weighing down with the pressure of never feeling enough for me, it is like having my finger on that ‘control’ button – so limiting and not allowing for movement in any direction. The armour is coming down, less rigidity, free flowing movement returning and a huge weight taken off my body with less negative thought processes and anxiety wanting to taking hold. A return of a ‘more natural flow’.
This is awesome Marion. The negativity and the weight is lifted when we let go of the armour. The natural flow returns and not only us but everyone around us benefits.
that “control” button – what a great and playful way to look at control. We have the choice to keep our fingers pressing on that “control” button again and again….. or simply take them off. It can seem so hard at times to let go of the control, but could it be that simple? Just letting go.
I just attended an amazing webinar with Tanya Curtis of Fabic and felt to re-visit this blog. What I really got from the presentation was how much I had been investing in imposing perfectionism on others not only on myself; and that it is when I identify myself and others with ‘doing’ instead of ‘being’ I am prone to judgment, and not understanding when less than perfect arises. It feels awesome to read your blog again and be reminded it is all about connecting and knowing ourselves in our true essence.
Thank you Fumiyo for sharing your webinar with Tanya Curtis. Perfectionism is imposing both upon ourselves and others and preventing us from having truly intimate relationships. How can we when we are in judgement?
this pattern of perfectionism is so sneaky. It is truly awesome how this blog and all its comments are exposing it – and here the imposing of perfectionism on others which really I realize more and more comes laced with a lack of appreciation of oneself and others.
Yes, that is what’s underneath. The total lack of appreciation. The more critique, the more it is about an ideal of how it should be, a perfect picture. Our connections would look very different, if we were to just appreciate – ourselves and each other / just for who we are, not for what we are doing.
Thank you Fumiyo for sharing this, I can relate to the imposing of perfectionism on others. And yes, then the judging kicks in. There is such a difference in meeting people in their being without the focus on the doing. Then we truly meet other and ourselves like you say in our true essence.
Wanting to be perfect is the most efficient way to not noticing and appreciating what an amazing person we are.
Great reminder for me. ‘It will never be perfect until we are back in heaven. We have to deal with our human form.’
I never saw perfectionism from that angle Michael. I can now see even more the self-sabotaging that comes with perfectionism. Thank you for your comment
Very true Michael we are so busy being perfect that all we can see are our imperfections and not how we amazing we are. We create a picture of what we want the ultimate ideal is and then try to live up to it without seeing the beauty and grace that is already there. These perfections control our lives and we then put demands and expectation on others to be equally perfect, a goal that can never be achieved.
What I am finding is that as I let go of the belief that I shouldn’t make mistakes, I am finding that work is more fun and there is this sense of feeling freer within my body. It is just like wearing a straight jacket, without the freedom to stretch.
Hi Julie, I used to work as an estimator in the building industry and we weren’t allowed to make mistakes, it wasn’t much fun.
What a constricting job Nicholas, is see you used the “Used to work’. It reminds me of our accountant at work… errors are never allowed.
Dear Julie I can relate to what you share about to “let go of the belief that I should not make mistakes.” I was raised that making a mistake is a failure and therefore I felt awful and full of self-critic if I made a mistake. Since I could feel that I am not a failure if I made a mistake life for me too became so much more joyful and easier.
Its through the surrender to love that we realise how perfect imperfection is.
There is something so graceful about imperfection that creates a natural balance, harmony and interconnectedness between us all, a movement and flow, an interchange we only experience through incompletion. We all form part of a beautiful and ever evolving tapestry. We each bring our own unique quality and colour of thread, delicately positioned and sewn, we are interwoven in to the very fabric of life. Each thread just as important as the other each adding to the beauty and all round grandeur of the design, magically bringing the bigger picture to life.
Yes its interesting isn’t it? The cycles take us deeper and deeper into the understanding of life and there can be no perfection because it all keeps changing.
Perfection feels like there’s no room for change or evolution. And for me it usually comes with expectation – which would always set me up for disappointment and hurt. Because I get hurt, I have looked for and strived for another round of challenging for perfection hoping one day I would get right. This feels very relevant to how my right arm/shoulder has been feeling for a while – it feels totally wired up, hard and tense with its natural fluidity completely lost.
Fumiyo thank you for expressing the connection between how we think and how our body feels. The expectations we have towards ourselves do set us up for disappointment. The way your arm feels may be a sign to let go of the expectation and allow more tenderness.
In the past I had put conditions on when I might accept or let out my natural qualities. I have found that there are qualities that were so easily expressed as a child that are still there but in a watered down form so when I asked myself why this might be I realised that and I put conditions on when I think it I will be good enough to be able to do something.
Beautifully put Ariana, ‘would we condemn a child for falling over?’. We are so hard on ourselves and feel like there is this unattainable goal that we have to reach in order to be acceptable in life. It is truly an illusion and the truth is that we are all individuals without perfection, but with our own unique expressions – which in actual fact is one of the most wonderful things about humanity – no perfection required.
Thank you for sharing this important message Kathryn. While I was reading this I could feel the control in striving for perfection, and this goes for any area of our life. It is like a stranglehold on life, and does not allow the freedom for us to evolve naturally so as we do when we do not feel the need to control every or any aspect of our lives.
Yes Jo the need to control really has a tight hold on life making it less enjoyable and a lot more strained and serious.
What you say feels so true Jo – that it ‘ is like a stranglehold on life’ as it contracts the whole of my body when I feel the need for control rather than the expansion I feel when I allow my body to follow it’s own impulse. Perfection is only an illusion that we feel we need when we allow the outside to dictate how we are to live our lives. Once we have opened up to the Ageless Wisdom we find a different way that expands ‘every or any aspect of our lives’.
Yes and this line particularly stood out for me today – “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour”. I can so relate to that. It strangles everything and I know when I go into that mode – I am definitely not funny nor see anything remotely funny in situations. Which is absolutely not our natural joyful selves.
Oh, Sarah that is so beautiful and precisely the reflection I need. I know how serious I can become when I am holding onto my perfectionist ways which block any flow – and heaven forbid any fun! As you say it is not ‘our natural joyful selves’.
Thanks Brendan for your wisdom, this is a great point you are making here, we set ourselves up to feel we are never enough to bring all of who we are to the world. A great excuse to stay stuck in our comfortable little lives that we have carved out for ourselves.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” Your awareness about the straight-jacket of perfectionism is wise and healing for us all Kathryn, it keeps us forever not enough, whereas when we let go of it we can enjoy the opportunities for learning and growing each day. Life becomes so rich and full.
Perfection is also very rigid and serious and I much prefer the joy and spaciousness imperfection creates. Here’s to the joy’s and beauty of imperfection.
The quest for perfection feels like a common problem for many of us. As I was reading and reflecting on it, perfection felt like it was all about trying to control life. What Serge Benhayon has supported me to feel through my own experiences in my body, is that if I step back from trying (to control, be perfect etc), I can allow an energy to flow and express through me that is far more spacious, grand and loving than anything I could strive to achieve. And it takes no effort at all to simply align with the energy that I am naturally from.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.” I love this Kathryn. Always trying to do better, to improve myself left me so serious – something I still am working on. How beautiful there is another way! Imperfection allows for me to evolve – great!
Ariana when you put it this way it seems absurd that we are so hard on ourselves.
‘would we condemn children for falling over?’ certainly not, so then why be so harsh on ourselves when we know that we are here to learn and unfold? It’s all part of the experience.
I particularly love your comment – I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. There is so much in society as to and expectation of what a women should look like and be like and like you share here, just being ourselves is all that is needed.
Wow, thank you Kathryn, my awareness of perfection that I have held for so long has been reflected in a completely different light in this blog – that you have completely de-constructed the myth of perfection and living this way in your daily life offers true inspiration for me and many others to deeply connect with and understand so much more clearly. I can really feel how trying to be a certain way is so self-limiting of the raw, play-fullness that I hold back from reflecting.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” Thank you for this beautiful expression Kathryn, one I whole heartedly agree with. Perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect, which ever way you look at it it has Gods hand and is part of his plan. There is much magic and beauty on offer when we realise we are here to share our unique gifts equally with each other.
I never thought myself to be beautiful because I wasn’t perfect and there was no way I would reach that level of beauty that the world presents as beauty. I have accepted that I am not perfect and now feel amazingly beautiful, which I had never felt before. Thank you Katheryn for your blog.
I can feel the idea of perfection being very limiting. I have observed that trying to achieve perfection in things leads to stress; about the perfection itself and for others around!
Very true Alexandre, when we are constantly trying to live up to pictures and expectations it is very exhausting and stressful.
Hi Kathryn, thank you for your sharing. Reading your blog I got so uncomfortable which goes to show that I still hold an idea and or belieft that I have to be perfect, where I can’t make mistakes, which stops me from just being me. The idea right now is I dont feel perfect enough to claim how truly amazing I am.
Unravelling the threads of perfection within my life and the ways that I used it has been such a change for me, one that hasn’t been as hard as I would have imagined. Once I realized that perfection was my main drive and tool in life, the way I started to see how I needed to be with things is now changing. So if I feel some tension come in around something, I can call it out and lovingly breathe my breath and move through it much easier. It’s so freeing when you can truly feel that what you think you’re stuck on, is just missing your love, so then when you bring love in, everything is so much clearer and freer.
Gorgeous Julie and so true ‘ It’s so freeing when you can truly feel that what you think you’re stuck on, is just missing your love, so then when you bring love in, everything is so much clearer and freer.’
Hi Kathryn, it seems to me that trying to be perfect is utterly exhausting whereas just being me is not since I allow myself to be imperfect.
I have found trying to achieve perfection to be crippling and have come to the conclusion it’s the carrot in front of the donkey. It is never reached nor can it be as in truth there is no perfection – it seems to have become a false concept created to encourage drive in people and another diversion or distraction from reconnecting to our truth.
“I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that”.
I love what you have expressed and claimed here Katherine; the weight and heaviness of perfection is certainly capping and debilitating.
I have found trying to be perfect is hard work, controlling and can even be quite destructive in it’s goal to get there. I am learning that the quality in which I do something far out weighs perfection because it comes with nothing other than me and how I express in that moment, there is no need or agenda.
Yes Alison the quality far out weighs the need for perfection, I know I feel spacious and warm in my body when I focus on the quality and that’s very different to the hardness and anxiety when I am making something seemingly perfect.
This is a great blog Kathryn and I relate well to your strive for perfection and how liberating it is to accept that we are not perfect and nor do we have to be. Perfection is an expectation we set upon ourselves and a belief about how we ‘think things should be’ and there is not much reality in perfection. I love what Natalie shares about love being an allowing of ourselves to be who we are, so true.
“I am imperfectly perfect.” Love it.
Seeking to be the perfect person is a goal that is not realistic. You set yourself up to fail before you have even started. Then comes the self loathing, self bashing and critising for the things that you have not done the way you ‘think’ they needed to be. Just crushing yourself even more and making the whole unrealistic perfect life even more harder to reach. This exhausting game is one that I can still occasionally get caught up in and everytime I need to remember that this is not Love. Love is allowing ourselves to be who we are and learn along the way.
This is a great example Doug of choosing quality and joy over pushing for perfection. You never get there and the continual drive is exhausting.
I went to a perfectionism workshop the other day and through the group discussions it felt like the strive for perfection was in so many areas of life and so crippling. Our being is already perfect, yet we strive for perfection in the ‘doing’ or at least strive to look like we have it all together. Through this we aim for the impossible and make ourselves less accessible to others.
Awesome observation Anne and so true. The more we aim the less accessible we are. That’s a lonely way to live.
Thanks Kathryn. I’ve recently started a new job, and this one is bigger than all the others before. But, instead of striving to be perfect and trying to prove myself and over deliver, I’ve decided to take each day as it comes, and simply apply common sense and a willingness to learn. The amount of pressure I have taken off myself when I really allow myself to simply just be me, is enormous. This is a work in progress of course, as old habits die hard, and I can see how at times I fool myself into thinking I’m completey at ease with certain things, but actually in truth – I’m trying to impress my employers to get some form of recognition to confirm I’m worthy of being there, whilst appearing cool, calm and collected. The trick is to keep coming back to the truth that I am enough, and perfection simply does not exist.
This is a really beautiful testimony to a true way of living Elodie – imagine if all young people going to new jobs had this piece of wisdom shred with them. Wow! The world would change.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment.” Incorporating this understanding into our education system would allow the students the freedom to express who they truly are, without the constraints of perfectionism. This would be quite empowering for them to feel.
This is a profound comment, Peter and would make huge difference to our education system. the competitiveness in schools would disappear as the students would feel their own unfolding and magic in being who they are without the comparison with others.
thats great to hear Doug! Ive found this too with window and mirror cleaning. I try to get perfection but can never get it. Its so much easier to just do it and not expect perfection, i enjoy it more that way.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self” this makes sense, thank you.
“Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.”- so true and very draining.
What a difference it makes when the truth be known that there is no such thing as perfection, for we are forever evolving and live from cycles.
This is such a great topic bringing true understanding to the illusion of perfection something always strived for that keeps us never satisfied and good enough. It exposes the imperfection of perfection and how we all live and brings honesty back to the world and how we are living.The knowing that we are ok in fact that we are amazing divine beings is a gift beyond all else and true healing can begin by accepting our imperfections and embracing all that we are. Thank you Kathryn brilliant subject
Spot on Tricisnicholson, when we get to feel, actually we are ok, but ‘in fact that we are amazing divine beings is a gift beyond all else’. This is a truly beautiful gift on so many levels, firstly it stops you from searching outside of yourself, and secondly this supports the reconnection back to your body, where you can develop and nurture this reconnection through making self loving choices, then the wisdom from our bodies truly guides our lives.
Yes we are exposing the imperfection in perfection… I love it tricianicolson… and I agree we are DIVINE. 🙂 🙂
This strive for perfection is a lonely journey. In trying to reach something which is not attainable, we do not only lose the connection to our natural self but also to others. It lets us always feel less and not good enough. Or vice versa, not feeling good enough makes us try to be perfect.
I became aware the other day of yet another way the sneaky perfection plays out in my life – that I almost have a double standard of what is okay for others to do, but is not okay for someone else. For example, if someone else is late, or doesn’t do something, in my mind I can understand why and it’s fine. But if I am ever late or don’t do something, its like the end of the world and all my beliefs that I am a bad person are suddenly confirmed. But by having this double standard, it creates a gap between myself and other people, putting their actions as above my own when in actual fact thats not the case. Perfection prevents me seeing myself and others clearly and living my amazing and imperfect life to the full.
Well said Rebecca. There have been so many times when I have looked up to a person, creating an image of perfection about them in my head and not really seeing them for who they are. I can see now how imposing this was.
I agree Shami, it is imposing and almost disrespectful to not truly see someone for who they are but rather who you believe then or want them to be.
Yes its the double standard thing isn’t it Rebecca? Creating the gab means that we never feel the loveliness of being the same, allowing ourselves to not always get it ‘right’.
Being perfect is like wearing a medieval suit of armour going to the beach.
You can feel protected with it if you like, but is this worth bearing this weight, accepting the limitations of movement, not feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and literally being boiled in your own juice?
I love your expression Michael. I want to let myself feel the sun on my skin!
No it is not worth it. Boiling in my own juice? I definitely have to get out of this suit.
When we are living our lifes, going around in circles, “There is no stagnation, only change.”. So the survival-concept of being perfect, what was also one of my trials, is obviously a bracket in the circles we are evolving in. As it cuts us down from the joy of being who we are and receiving it in its fullness and beauty. We can’t see true beauty, looking through the spectacles of perfection.
Thank you Kathryn , I love your sharing. I have in the past held myself back from doing things because I wasn’t perfect at whatever it may have been, but if we wait until we are perfect at something its like tomorrow, it never comes! I agree with the comment of kevmchardy, we would be choosing to be better than others and that is not what this life is about.
Yes Gill. Allowing ourselves to feel delicate and tender and even sometimes fragile is a beautiful way to honour ourselves… not push for perfection.
Awesome example here Doug. So many tasks are like this. We strive for perfection but in doing so take a painstakingly long time to try and achieve the impossible and whilst doing this we often lose the joy and flow of the activity. Just like life really.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment.’ Reading this sentence just made me smile as it exposes the huge pressure we put on ourselves when we try to be perfect – how much lighter it feels to accept my imperfections.
You have really put your finger on it Jane – it is that pressure that comes from perfection, and indeed any ideal, that closes us down to being able to fulfill our much grander potential. It feels, as you have said, much lighter to accept our imperfections. the pressure is off, we feel joy again!
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ So true, I can relate with what you shared in this post, it is a trap to keep us from ourself and our true beauty.
Striving for perfection strikes me as a very lineal and blinkered approach to life that doesn’t leave room for lightness, joy or humour, a very limited and forever limiting stance that denies evolution.
Great blog Kathryn, how could we ever achieve perfection in an ever expanding universe anyway? How much of wanting perfection is also down to wanting to be better than someone else anyway? Surely if there was perfection it would have to include everyone in the entire universes.
You are right Kevin, everything in the expanding universe changes every second and we move on. So, perfection can only last for a second and then it is gone.
Being a perfectionist is the same a being an un-kempt slob…never feeling enough, just a bit cleaner but then again no one is perfect. I like your ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. Now that is life and it is more fun.
What a great blog Kathryn and reading that you are an inner image consultant it is all the more inspiring as I know those who come to you may have the perfection thing going on as most of our world is so consumed in getting the outer bit perfect.
You express so much about perfection and what I have loved reading is the confirmation of what I have felt recently which is we are evolving constantly so change is inevitable.
My need to be perfect was always in certain areas of my life and it was goal orientated. This guaranteed me to disconnect from my body’s natural state and I was always left frustrated. Things only started to change after I applied simple and practical ways that Serge Benhayon presents and this led to me learning to ACCEPT that I was enough and there is absolutely no need for perfection.
Yes Bina. No need for comparison, or trying or pushing for perfection when we are already enough.
I love coming back to this blog. It’s like a fresh running stream of pure water in which I see my gorgeous ‘perfectly imperfect’ reflection and can celebrate in this, without trying, pushing, carrying a heavy bundle or binding myself in something I am not. Thank you Kathryn.
Perfection is a killer of the harmony and joy we carry innately in us.
After reading your description of ‘Perfect’ and then reading “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” one can’t help but ask “How on earth did we fall for the ideal of being perfect?”
Yes Tamara why have we fallen for the ideal of being perfect when all it does is bind us up and prevent us from evolving and enjoying life?
HA!! So true Tamara. What the hell have we been thinking all this time? Like sheep we follow the herd blindly. How awesome to have reminders like this to wake us up from our slumber!
There is nothing natural about perfectionism; it has a narrow focus that ignores the whole. There is always someone lesser in the striving for perfectionism. I liked the analogy of the straightjacket bound and restricted, but it is more than that. Like the analogy of the corset, or foot binding it is defying the natural shape and trying to force someone to be something else. Imperfection allows us the freedom of choice so that we may learn from those choices. Thank you for this lovely blog Kathryn.
Yes Bernard and when we defy the natural shape all we get in return is pain, resistance and struggle. We lose the beauty of the natural form and its livingness. 🙂
Thank you Kathryn what you are writting is very powerful. It resonates deep within me, and I can feel that it my time to let go of this perfection protection. Now and forever.
Being a perfectionist, you can try but it’s a waste of time and energy because it is impossible.
“In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving” I feel this too- I may not be consciously aware of it all the time, and some days I may not feel it so much but other times it is so there – and why? Because I allow it, because I give it space.And as you quite rightly say it has nothing to do with perfection. For me it has everything to do with giving myself permission to be free to be the love that I am.
This is beautiful Elaine – Giving yourself permission to be free. Imagine if we all did this?
What I really felt reading your blog Kathryn was there can never be any perfection because by the time we reach anywhere near what we think perfect is, life has evolved, the goal posts have moved and within that evolution the whole point is not to try to be anything at all and simply allow ourselves to be aware of who we are and live it.
The absolute truth is none of us are perfect. We never will be. When I meet someone who demonstrates through their action that perfection is important to them, there is often a controlling vibe, and a feeling of lack of embracing themselves and the world.
Hands up I have felt this in me Heather when driving for perfection, whether in how I look or work, am received – it is all controlling and certainly not the real me expressing in truth.
Letting go of perfection for me has been a big one. It’s amazing in what situations you find it lurking trying to grab a hold of you again. It was so freeing when I understood where it came from and why I chose to use it as a way of holding myself back. Now if I feel it trying to creep in, my own growing foundation of love supports me to know, that even if I trip up at times, I am still absolutely awesome.
Nearly all of us have tried to be perfect, because we wanted to be loved, accepted or adored, but when we remember someone in our work-place or family who is always ‘perfect’ how do we feel about them? Are they adorable or we find it pretty hard to adore them?
Well said Lyndy and how crazy is that we still persisted in striving for perfection when deep down we knew it was not the ‘real’ answer to our quest.
Kathryn, this line ‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.’ made me think of how I have been most of my life. I would never have labelled myself as a perfectionist, simply because I have always made sure I completed everything a little underdone. But, my expectations have always been very high, and more recently I have noticed how much that has kept me at arms length of connecting with others. I’ve also noticed how there is also a huge layer of protection around pretending to not want things to be perfect – a clever disguise to cover up the fact that I have not met my own high expectations. So much to expose here.
Hi Elodie,
‘recently I have noticed how much that has kept me at arms length of connecting with others. I’ve also noticed how there is also a huge layer of protection around pretending to not want things to be perfect – a clever disguise to cover up the fact that I have not met my own high expectations.’
ahhh another game I have played also. Its either meeting or or not meeting the expectations – an invisible line of either getting it ‘right’ or never feeling enough.
Ouch Elodie – you have exposed me so well. Thank you.
Perfection is something that in the past I’ve would strive for, not always consciously, but it was there, ensuring there was a drive behind what I would – did. Which would then bring in expectations I held for myself and then of others. It was like I was on this never ending treadmill, that had no destination, so never a feeling of satisfaction, contentment, joy within myself, as I never measured up. So I can relate to a lot of what you have shared Kathryn. When choosing to let go of the perfection, to see and feel what my strengths are and understand that in developing a deeper relationship with myself, being gently, loving in my choices, that I was not feeling like there was so my perfection in my life. It is a much lighter and loving way to be and live.
Hello Kathryn, I am back again! I needed a perfection chat with myself today! “Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough” it is constricting and squashes spontaneity and fun fun fun!!! thank you, ready for my day!
Yes, and the fun factor is there even more if we don’t create all those pictures and images about how the day has to be. I love to allow the day to just unfold and to wake up and see what will happen…
This is great Kathryn to feel how our growth is an ongoing process of evolution without aiming for perfection. All the pictures of not being good enough come up in my mind, instead of accepting this is where I am and I can build on that and grow.
Needing to be perfect doesn’t necessarily need to have an outward appearance. It can just be an idea that runs inside you (often without conscious thoughts). This leaves you with a constant feeling of not measuring up or being enough. To name that and let go of perfection creates such ease in my body as I realise I am ok just as I am. Of course there is always room to grow but this doesn’t mean we need to constantly judge or criticise as we do this.
It is freeing when we realise the pictures we hold in life mean there will always be a constant drive for perfection and the crazy thing is I thought I was committed and dedicated to whatever it was I was trying to achieve when I was doing this- particularly when it came to trying to be a perfect parent. It has become obvious now that noone is moving anywhere in this scenario and it is now great to embrace that “imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust.” Thank you Kathryn.
What a great blog Kathryn. When we give up striving for perfection “we are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. I agree with you that the search for perfection feels like a prison, a yoke around oneself, a set of rigid rules that must be obeyed. But looking at life as a continual cycle is liberating for it allows playfulness, joy, and expansion of our heart.
The feeling you describe in this blog I have felt not only in me but in many students, “trying” to do the right thing, trying to be good, I judged it and then did it, and became stiff in my own trip to do right: “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” We become stiff and boring, not real. Making mistakes and not worrying about it, seeing everything as a step, as a learning, as a school, but a fun school, where everyone has the permission to be themselves and not to be one only way. To claim the uniqueness and the fun of learning.
Admitting and accepting that we are imperfect is an amazing step of honesty, one that will allow us to appreciate ourselves just as we are and from there growing more and more love for ourselves – starting to see all the wonders that we are and bring.
Totally agree Michael and beautifully said.
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” Yes I have certainly been under the illusion big time, thinking I was only worthy of love if I was perfect striving to be someone that I was certainly not. It is exhausting! It is great to feel in this blog that I am forever evolving therefore there cannot be no such thing as perfection; that is in everything I do and say there has to be imperfection. Seeing it in this way takes the pressure off me; I feel much lighter and therefore I can be me. Thank you Kathryn for this revelation.
I observed yesterday how in a class the idea perfection can play out it’s evil. In the sense of it has been used in education, as a way to set a child up in the belief that have to achieve the ‘perfect’ picture, handwriting, answer, project etc. Rather than celebrating our own equal yet unique expression. For example kids wanting to start again because what they did was not fitting the image in their head of what ‘perfect’ should look like, or criticising themselves for not being able to do whatever the task may be, in the ‘perfect’ way they think they should or possibly have been told. This is no judgement on the teachers, the education system or the kids as we have all grown up with this. This blog breaks the mould. We are human, we make mistakes and we learn from them.
I realise how much I push and strive and how that takes me away from the lightness and joy that I feel in my body , and that life is really simple. Perfection creates issues when there are none there in the first place.
ha ha or should I say, easy to blame perfection, I have used perfection to create issues.
Very true Gyl, perfection does create issues and then we get stuck in these issues and then we don’t feel good enough because we want perfection and then we have this crazy merry go round effect. And in the meantime life is simple. So simple.
Gyl this so true. Perfection creates issues when there are none. The whole world is wandering around with this epidemic.
Perfectionism churns out homogenous colourless beings, you have inspired me Kathryn, to explore and discuss the futility of this pursuit amongst family.
I can really relate to perfection and what you have shared about it creating separation and blocking our natural flow of divine love in and through our body, and for me being a woman, my connection to all that being a woman is, that joy, delicateness, beauty that all comes from being connected to my body.
Beautiful Kathryn,I love your sharing on perfection and the constant striving to attain this as a goal and need to be and fill. But i really love and appreciate your presentation that perfection is something always evolving to be more and hence it is never achieved and that this is fine espcially as it is a made goal and not truly real. Real Appreciation and Acceptance whilst on our journey to perfect things ,ourselves and life in accordance with evolution is a beautiful and necessary part of life ,love, awareness and honesty.
Yes Tricia, well said! Perfectionism is now old hat, old era. Bring in the new, joyful, honest, expanded way of being in relationship.
I very much enjoyed reading you blog, Kathryn. Reading your article I realize that I am still “trying to be perfect”. I think from a young age onwards I have been trying to be perfect in order to get recognized and accepted, not rejected and hurt. To me trying to be perfect and trying to avoid “errors/mistakes” as much as possible has been something to protect myself from getting hurt: Though as if I am perfect, no one will/can reject me. Even though this is an erroneous belief I realize that I am still doing this in order to control things. But when I try to control things I cannot be with myself but I am in separation to myself. Letting go of this and allowing to be imperfect and follow my true rhythm feels very liberating and self-loving as: „Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.“… something great for me to work on..
Aside from this I like that you write that “perfectionism” does not exist, it is only something we have in our heads – there is no end point as we are constantly moving in cycles that are there for us to evolve.
Thank you piajung I agree. Letting go of control feels very liberating and life becomes a lot more enjoyable. 🙂
I’ve certainly lived under the shackles of self imposed perfectionism, looking back I can see how truly abusive perfectionism was for me. It’s akin to continually saying to a child “You’re not good enough, here is the picture of who you should be, change everything about yourself and drive yourself into the ground to meet this ideal picture – even if it really hurts.” which is exactly what I did to myself. I had no idea that there was anything good about me and appreciation of myself was absent. My starting point was that there was a lot wrong with me or I should be embarrassed or ashamed of who I was and how I looked. Perfectionism is so harmful because it completely dismisses the person underneath, assuming they could not be good enough as they are. Appreciation and acceptance are very beautiful new foundations I am learning to live by, and these nurture me and never cut me down.
I love the feeling of being imperfect and actually accepting that and loving myself in full from the knowing that actually at our core essence is the most perfect pulse that makes any of our humaness imperfections just perfect!
In reading this blog I can feel how perfection is an ideal that keeps us from truly evolving as we hold ourselves to one unattainable standard, narrowly focused only on that. With perfectionism comes a huge amount of anxiety which further keeps us locked in a very constrained way of being. Living with a quest for perfection means we can’t truly be students of life, which is always evolving around us and reflecting to us different lessons. Saying that I’ve found it takes time to step out of the shadow of perfectionism, learning again that mistakes are OK, that being silly is OK, that I will not drop dead if I say the wrong thing…. but life certainly feels lighter and freer.
You have given us the most important reason to avoid being perfect Kathryn, there’s no sense of humour in it. Oh My Goodness, if there were no more reasons that would be enough. Where is the playfulness and joy, the sponteneity and fun? Not in the perfection camp for sure. I love this blog. Thank you.
Brilliant sharing with us all Kathryn – Coming from a place of really understanding the striving, pushing on through to achieve perfect results, it did feel very much like ‘a form of imprisonment’. Looking back now it seems absurd that I did this constantly on a daily basis no wonder burn out was just around the corner!
Marion i remember whenever I was trying to draw a picture to win a competition when I was at high-school it never looked they way I wanted. I felt like i needed to get it perfect – and at the same time was in complete comparison to the “perfectly” drawn pictures I would see others complete. What I understand now is the “imprisonment” that I felt about living up to my ideal of what “perfect’ looked like. And in that I completely stopped my natural expression. What a freedom to appreciate and celebrate regardless of perfection but actually celebrating imperfection. After reading this blog by Kathryn my view of imperfection is slowly changing.
I know what you mean Marion. The exhaustion and anxiety we place on our bodies is immense when we strive for perfection. A constant battle for control.
‘per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.’ Whoever said whatever is not ‘perfect’ about us is a flaw or defect?Perhaps it is simply something about us which is there to reflect a quality to others which we can heal in our own time.
Why would any one try to be perfect? Is perfection a true expression? Perfectionism feels like a very tough put on that, on the one hand, aims at avoiding any accusation of wrongdoing from others and, on the other one, a clear attempt at constructing a self as different from others. As such, perfection is the perfect disguise that shells us against the world. But it is an invisible jail as well. Nothing can truly come in because it may not stand the radar of perfection. Perfection is not a true expression.
Eduardo I love what you have shared and I totally agree that this imprisonment of perfection is absolutely not true expression. Forced out by a force dictating what you need to be. No true expression indeed.
Love that term Eduardo – invisible jail. I have locked myself away in this for some time over the years and yes it is a difficult cell to break free from. But I have connected to my true expression and this perfect stiff way of living is not it.
I find I have to try & be hard or push myself to be perfect to match someone’s or my own picture of how something should be. In that a lot of other emotions play out like frustation of not being perfect & then resentment. All of which I feel are completely unnecessary. I love how you shared in imperfection there is divine order. I am learning to embrace my gorgeous imperfections & know & feel perfectly as ease & in love with them & me ❤ What a gorgeous blog to read. Thank you 😊
‘Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible’. How true Kathryn. You have nailed it. And the trick of it is that the hard task seems to ‘comfort’ and lull a part of us into thinking we are ‘doing a good thing’ ‘achieving’ and ‘accomplishing’. Through this we will be recognised, recognised recognised and validated . . .all the time imagining that this is what we want, that this is love! But it is not love, it is very poor substitute, and one that will keep us wanting and never in the deep repose of beauty love and joy.
I have returned to this blog because it is the perfect (pardon the pun) medicine for me right now. There is a little battle playing out in me right now, a sense that I cannot possibly be gorgeous, beautiful and amazing because I have all of these flaws. A very familiar battle and very tiring I must say. It is time to put down the weapons; the sharp sword of fault finding, the landmines of “not good enough” and the missiles of self critique.
What is left then? Just me, raw and imperfect, free of the harsh gaze always looking for what is not right. What will that feel like? Time to explore….
I’m coming with you on this amazing exploration of the raw and imperfect Rachel. It will be so much more productive and liberating than climbing Mount Everest! We will constellate with the stars and be free of frostbite.
‘What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.’ ….. Very astute words, Kathryn. I feel this ‘notion’ of seeking perfection is fuelled by our whole belief system of ‘how things should be’, which in my case started when I was very young, being drip fed ideals and beliefs. This gave me a framework to operate within and ‘unattainable’ goals to reach …… it all seems so ridiculous now and so disregarding of our ‘selves’ and all our innate wisdom.
So true Alison . . . and what we have all done, and will do, to get love, when it cannot be got through ideals! All we have to do is admit our wounds and open our hearts.
You reminded me of the years I spent ‘trying’ to be the perfect wife, totally losing ‘me’ in the process. It didn’t work as all that was there really, was a cardboard replica doing the things I thought were acceptable to society and to my husband to meet the required (whatever that is!) criteria. How sad for both of us, neither receiving what was potentially there in each of us to be truly appreciated. Perfection stops us from being who we truly are, stops us from relaxing and letting the love that is in each of us spill forth without the control perfection holds tight to, holding it back.
There’s one other thing I felt to share, something I have noticed in schools and that is the amount of children who say the words ‘but I’m going to fail’, when they think they can’t do for example a drawing. I have been there myself. I feel this has come from the ideal of perfection and getting it right, and that we all have to express ourselves in the same way, which is evil in itself. It takes away the truth and joy of experimenting and discovering and knowing in your body was is true, it sets people up to believe how they express themselves is wrong. This can then affect people right throughout their life, be it the perfect mum, brother, son, student, worker, girlfriend etc … The whole time we are living this way, we are denying our truth and the beauty that we bring.
I am so glad that you mention the ‘fear of failing’ as part of the perfection paradigm Gyl. I have registered that every now and then I still have this very thought passing through my head. It is so disempowering. The exam system as it is set up in schools now is a huge factor in this harmful indoctrination. Exams were originally brought in so that teacher could assess how the pupil was going and whether they needed a little extra help with grasping some subject. Now the exam process is a competitive race that leaves much devastation in its wake. Where is the joy of exploration?
Dear Lyndy, your wise words are a beautiful reminder of the joy of exploration. This opens up our endless and forever expanding nature so that we can embrace and fully appreciate re-discovering who we are. If we don’t explore, if we don’t challenge ourselves we will never know our full potential. And then we could ask ourselves, do we ever actually fail? My answer is no – we learn, we observe and we make new choices. Failure this is not.
Yes Gyl. I have felt this as a child and have noticed it playing out with children lately and even at work. The push to get things ‘right’ squashes any true expression and retards our flow of truth and divinity.
How un-natural is it for children to be in fear of failure. Childhood should be a time to learn by exploring and experimenting with joy and freedom. Not restricted by silly ideals and constantly anxious over the inevitable judgment. Like you say Gyl Rae “it sets people up to believe how they express themselves is wrong.” And as they grow up the imposed false picture of perfectionism becomes self imposed, and never brings truth or joy.
“Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming” I absolutely agree, I have exhausted myself and still do at times living from drive, perfection and an image in my head of how things should be, setting myself and others up with unobtainable high expectations, which is crazy and in truth a way to keep people out as they will never meet them because they are not real. With perfection and drive and high expectations, there is no end point, if we believe this then we will always be chasing the unobtainable, the goal, never feeling enough and constantly let down. The other side to this is that I am now learning the joy of appreciation, with myself and others and the amazing qualities we bring. This has opened up a whole new way of living, life flows and evolves, moment by moment, and never ends, plus I naturally let people in as I see them for who they are and the amazing qualities they bring. And the fact is we are all one and the same, we feel the same things, have similar issues in life, world over no matter who we are.
Kathryn – I too strived for perfection; but what is clear now is that it was always someone else’s idea of perfection. It was how my boss wanted a document to look, it was how a man wanted my body to look. It was how funny people wanted me to be. I was always given my power away to how I should be rather than standing for who I truly am. In knowing this, perfection isn’t part of the true me; because as you say; being perfect actually held me back from feeling the openness, joy freedom and love I was feeling and had always felt.
Perfection implies an end and that there is no opportunity anymore to evolve. From that angle it is a very sad thing.
Love what you have said Sandra: ‘Perfection implies an end and that there is no opportunity anymore to evolve. From that angle it is a very sad thing.’ How true that the momentum of perfectionism creates an angle in one’s energy field that closes down the opportunity for evolution. As you say it is a very sad angle, an angle that is a cul-de-sac, an angle that stunts, that closes you down, a very acute angle that leads to an acutely protected stance towards the world which in turn disconnects one from true relationship. LET’S GET SPHERICALl! (new song)
It’s a great point made that nothing can truly be perfect because nothing on the planet , that lives and breathes like we do stops long enough to ‘ be perfect’ . What an illusion it is to keep striving for something that can’t actually happen if we allow ourselves to evolve and grow.
Funny that even though I know this intellectually I still need to pull myself up and not go into the negative self talk when something isn’t perfect. A livingness I will get to soon , it’s okay I am not perfect at it just yet !
I keep getting caught with this concept of perfection and trying to get it right. But perfection does not really exist – with perfection there is an assumption that there is a final point we need to reach, there is a static point that heralds everything is perfect and there is no more. However I have been noticing that life does not work that way. Life is forever evolving and there is no static point and there is no arrival point. When I set my eyes on perfection, not only is it exhausting and frustrating, but I end up missing the real clues of the evolving nature of life that I could be evolving with.
Yes Golnaz I know exactly what you mean. It’s easy to miss the ‘evolving clues’ when we are set on the ‘static perfection’ concept.
When we accept that there will be no arrival point EVER than the process of unfoldment will feel glorious.
I gave up on perfection as it is a endless chain or merry go round. The self abusive way that comes with the drive of being perfect is huge and I do know so many people that are self made victims of the never reachable perfection. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self, therefore it is an ongoing change in evolution if we allow it.
Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.”
Very healing to read this Kathryn! When I started to lead singing group I was only able to do that because I said to myself It is not about being perfect. It is about bringing me, my joyful and tender way and the hierarchy.
Thank you for sharing this Janina, ” It is not about being perfect’ – this is the truth, there is no such thing as perfection. It is a lie, my feeling is this word has been made up to keep us locked in our minds, and the belief that we are never enough.
It’s incredible how limiting we are when we take on ideals and beliefs from the outside of us. I have allowed the need to be perfect to hold me back so much from truly living my life. Thank you Janina for sharing… “It is not about being perfect. It is about bringing me,” all of me and the love within that is calling me to live my innate Divinity.
Love your example here Janina. If we all did as you say and all brought “. . . , my joyful and tender way and the hierarchy” to everything we did then there would be no space for ‘perfection’ to spin its illusion.
“imperfectly perfect” – Kathryn, there is such Joy and wisdom of a true elder in your words – from the depth of a woman who knows who she is.
I can relate to so much of what you have shared here: “never feeling enough and always keeping it together” – and for whom? I ‘held it together’ for others for so many years (having been taught well by close family growing up), and it only took a huge toll on me, both in my wellbeing and financial status. My own life – and the tending to a deeper connection with who I am as a woman was ‘put on hold’ for so very long.
Deeply embracing and accepting what we may ‘see’ as imperfections is the key to true inner-growth. I love that you have celebrated where you now stand in this blog. More please!
Thank you dear Victoria. From what I am feeling ‘Holding it together’ is very common amongst women and even men and it certainly takes a toll on us ALL. We pass it down through families and we learn it from each other. Imagine if we ALL just dropped the bundle? Then how would we be? 🙂 🙂
I agree Kathryn. ‘Holding it together’ is an enormous pattern. Today, I see more and more women who are treading water, barely keeping their heads above the surface – and they know it… Yet it seems too terrifying to let go, even when we know that all that we’re living may not actually be sustainable.
I know that at times where a deeper ‘letting go’ has been needed to be faced in my own life, the support of a Universal Medicine trained practitioner has been absolutely invaluable. The thing is, we don’t need to ‘do it all alone’ – in fact the belief that we do (need to do it alone) is an inherent part of the pattern which can so imprison us. And it does all relate to some ridiculous notion of perfection that we feel we need to live up to.
None of it is real.
So true Kathryn and Victoria, it seems terrifying to let go of this at the time and it took a lot of support from Universal Medicine for me to surrender to my innate, imperfection and beauty and share this with the world.
Yes I can attest to this ‘holding it together’ as a way to cope and barge through life. One is exhausted, constantly and forced to ‘shoulder the burdens’, because that is life. So wrong and so far from the truth of a man and a woman.
I relate to “keeping it together” always ensuring that the facade was in tact and maybe dropping my guard a little bit to make sure I was relatable to others – what an exhausting act to keep up! and what deep sadness I have had to clear for not living me until now – I hear you when you say that embracing our so called imperfections is such a loving way to grow and expand the woman within.
Exhausting? Absolutely True Gem. Phew…
And I agree, in living something we are not there is unavoidable sadness – the sadness of denying ourselves. Indeed, it can take quite some inner work to clear ourselves out of the mess of all that we’ve thought (or ‘bought’) that we need to be, that isn’t who we truly are. But it is so deeply worth it – WE are so deeply worth it. And there is tremendous support for us to do so.
We have all come so far as well – and from this worthiness we show others that they too are worth it.
Beautifully written blog Kathryn thank you. I can really relate to what you have shared here. It shows that we often have this belief that if we keep working at things, even self development, that at some point we will have arrived at our destination of the perfect human being, the perfect life and at this point we can kick back and relax and stay there. This is a very straight line way of thinking but everything in the universe and nature shows us that this is not how the universe works so why would we be any different? What if there was no destination that we can stay at, but that there is a constant pull to expand, grow, deepen to the next point of self awareness?
What a great reminder that there is no such thing as ‘perfection’. We can focus so much on this ideal picture of how we should be all the while missing the amazingness of who we are. If we are constantly striving to be someone that we are not this will exhaust us, leave you disappointed that you are not meeting the mark and out comes the self bashing. This is an insane way to live with yourself but one that I know so well. This cycle of abuse is not what we are designed to be. If we allow this abuse towards ourselves then we are opening ourselves up to many other kinds of abuse and we are saying that it is ok to have this as our normal. When in fact it is not.
As you said Natalie, we focus so much on how we NEED to become perfect to be accepted by ourselves that we miss out the real beauty that we are.
I understand what you are saying completely Ben. This perfection thing is such a destructive obsession for many of us and all of it keeps us from the simple truth that we already have it all.
Good call Dean ” we already have it all”.
Great comment Ben it’s like a magnifying glass on us that means the big picture is often missed – the big picture – the opportunity to truly connect with all.
Well said Natalie. I know the ‘giving myself a hard time’ only too well too. It’s crippling and as Natalie says, in those moments we get to miss the amazingness of who we are – thank you for pointing this out.
I agree Natalie, self-bashing and criticism is the most destructive and insidious thing we can do to ourselves, we don’t need the abuse of another to bring ourselves down as much as we can visit upon ourselves constantly – and as you say, perpetuating this abuse opens the door for all kinds of other abuse until this becomes our normal in life. The turning point for me was the fundamental understanding that there is absolutely nothing I need to become, nothing outside of myself as everything I am is already within – it is just a matter of letting go and clearing the layers of fog to be able to see and feel it, and it is the most stupendous feeling and at the same time feels natural like we have always known it. So how can we be so caught up in an energy of self-criticism that we don’t even see, to then find the light underneath that we actually knew is there? Crazy. It is in connecting to the body in stillness and with that deepening awareness permits me to see and understand the dense obscuring energies I have taken on, affected by others and my own behaviour and critique – and as I see this then the fog starts to lift and awareness expands even more and I get to feel ever greater what is my true self – the sense of confirmation and true freedom this brings is amazing.
Perfection is a big trick to keep us in the self-condemnation so that for us to think we are even ok is incomprehensible. In this state it is impossible to see and appreciate how truly amazing we are; but which at the same time ironically keeps us focussed more on self and individualism preventing us from living life openly, a life that is embracing and encompassing of all.
This is a beautiful encapsulation of all the sticky threads from the trick of perfectionism that tie us into individualisation, Annie. It is the perfect sabotage of the stupendous beauty, joy, intelligence, sweetness, funniness, and love that we all are!
Coming back to your blog Kathryn is a lovely reminder to keep on being imperfect, learn from our imperfections and to keep on evolving.
When we strive to be perfect we do not allow ourselves the opportunity to be and to surrender, what a burden!
I agree Shirl. There is no joy in thinking that we must be perfect. Surrendering to Imperfection is so much more fun 🙂
“Surrendering to Imperfection… ” – Wow! This is awesome Kathryn!
I like that, ‘Surrendering to Imperfection is so much more fun’, instead of continually trying and striving to be perfect, and killing the fun and joy in the process.
It is amazing Kathryn, how, as you say, patterns and behaviours in our life that can feel so comfortable and known and so easy to ‘go to’ and to re-enact, are actually so destructive to our well-being, and constrict our growth and evolution. Before meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine I had never fully clocked this fact. Years ago I experienced it very strongly once when researching some alchemical manuscripts from the 17th century in a library in the UK. I became acutely aware of the life I was choosing – of hiding away researching in libraries (a very old and familiar pattern), but chose not to re-look and re-choose, and simply went back to the limited ‘happiness’ of familiarity. It was an ‘X moment’ I totally missed. These old familiar feelings are indeed a form of imprisonment which keep us going around and around in futile circles, always promising but never delivering the grandness that we are.
We are funny are we not as human beings how we can have moments of pure clarity and see where we are at but then step straight back onto the treadmill because it is our known way. The Livingness offers us the opportunity to step off that treadmill and live from our own inner truth, which is much more freeing and no perfection is required.
I have found the same Lyndy, that situations revisit, the props and scenery may be different, but the issue is the same, and I realise it is presenting the same thing for me to learn, and if I choose to stay with the moment it is possible to understand, accept and grow from what there is to learn, or I can react, get hurt, go into something, but then that space and the opportunity to learn is missed, but I don’t have to worry, because rest assured, the learning will present itself again, until it is understood. It makes a good case though for choosing to face it and learn first time around.. 🙂
Yes Annie, I so agree it would be optimal that we get what is being presented the first time around, but it is amazing that God’s law of love is such that we still have plenty of opportunities to get it on the next cycle. The cyclical nature of time seems fashioned for this very purpose – I can feel this so deeply as I write. There’s no missing out and no need to worry, there is simply delay or not.
Working in the image and expressive arts industry, perfection is key. Our body has to be perfect, our skin has to be perfect, the way we express has to be perfect etc., and when we are not perfect there is no acceptance, and we will obsess to APPEAR perfect with hiding flaws and retouching photos. But being perfect feels empty, this can be seen in the eyes of very beautiful women and men, and through the bodies the world strive to have. Showing images which display “perfection” but at the same time confirming emptiness—what are we telling the world? Are we truly responsible in telling the whole world that emptiness is the way to be? Absolutely Not. There is so much the art and fashion industry have to truly reconsider and re-imprint and take back responsibility for.
I totally agree 1heart1love1earth. Images of ‘perfection’ that feel empty are all too common in the beauty/fashion/art industries. When will we choose to be responsible for the message we give?
No better time than right now, says space. 🙂
So how wonderful is it 1heart1love1earth that you are working in that industry, bringing the truth that we are not here to be perfect, but to be who we truly are in all of its ways, flawed, joyful, quirky and real.
There are a lot of perks to being imperfect, flawed, joyful, quirky and real, one day they will be redefined as common/natural/normal sense 🙂
Yes yes Rachel and 1 Heart – people are so much more adorable when they are flawed, quirky, joyful and real!
That would be a amazing if this was considered and acted on. We allow ourselves to be influenced and controlled by the media and fashion industry telling us what to wear and a way to be, leaving us completely dis-empowered. Time for every person to connect to there essence and allow this to be our influence in life.
Completely Natalie, it is time to bring out that inner wisdom that does know what to wear and how to be… just takes a little practice to get used to again.
I see the touched up photos of these ‘prefect’ women and men, but there is nothing in their eyes except perhaps a kind of sadness and desperation to stop pretending. And they always seem to be in situations far removed from real life. If the fashion/beauty industry want to promote a product, I would rather a scenario with people I can relate to, flaws and all, people with expression in their eyes. Bring on some Universal Medicine students and give the world a real treat.
Isn’t it interesting that society strives for perfection even when the images which are considered to represent perfection show models whose eyes are empty. What is the message here? Does emptiness not matter when one has so called perfection? Is emptiness considered desirable?! – after all it is part of an image that is depicting perfection.
Growing up I was fascinated with pictures of models, especially their eyes. I so desperately wanted to be like them precisely because they didn’t seem to be there. I thought this was perfection. Needless to say this did nothing for my committing to my everyday life but set me off on fantasies of travel and having adventures abroad. I can’t blame this all on a few pictures but there would have been a difference had I seen pictures of women whose eyes reflected to me the depth of who I am with no need of a perfect figure or symmetrical face!!
Having worked in this industry for 18 years, I feel the emptiness seen in the eyes and the checking out felt expressed featured in publications and advertising actually feed back a resonance of emptiness largely chosen and accepted in the world, and there is comfort felt that we are not alone, this is the norm. My question then this: how have we come to the present state that emptiness is the comfortable and accepted norm? What are our choices that have led us to here and why? And how far and deeply harmful is this collective choice? And do we really feel this is how we wish to live? Emptiness may be heralded in this industry, faces showing emptiness may earn millions of dollars, but how are the lives lived? Is there joy? And how many lives are we impacting perpetuating the falsity that emptiness can exchange for joy? How devastating would it be for young women and men to discover that this is another lie on top of so many other lies we perpetuate in this world? Fashion and the modeling world, what we are impacting is far greater and deeper than what we think is just luxury or entertainment.
Maybe these images are confirming to the viewer that it is ok to be empty, and if the viewer is empty themselves, then they may not clock that ‘perfect model’ is empty.
I agree Karin. The world has such a distorted and corrupt view of what perfection should look like. It is so common to hear young girls say they want to be a model, believing that a life of a model is the perfect career. It amazes me considering the self abuse of common eating disorders to meet size zero guidelines and as you mention empty eyes, are blatantly telling us that this is not a joyful and loving profession to be in. How beautiful as you share if models today did reflect back who we are with no need of a so called ‘perfect’ figure or look!
All great points Vanessa. It is crazy how judge the desirability of a career by the glamour of it, without discerning the emptiness and exploitation that occurs in many of these industries. What career we have does not matter, it is the sharing of our loving being that counts, in whatever we do. Last year at an afternoon get-together at Universal Medicine, movie footage of a big fashion event in New York was shown and there was one model in there who was walking with all her beauty and presence and love – totally non-imposing and bringing a shining example for all to feel. It was awesome to feel this present in the beauty/ fashion industry.
In a communication and expression situation yesterday, I observed how imperfect it was—yet through the imperfection, and accepting its imperfection allowed so much more freedom and ease to give it another go, and another go when the opportunities arise (and oh they will). Accepting our imperfections actually is heaven’s way of giving us tutorials to express back to divinity—how cool is that?
I found reading your comment above quite meaningful for me this morning 1heart1love1earth, especially your words in the last sentence “Accepting our imperfections actually is heaven’s way of giving us tutorials to express back to divinity…”
indeed “..how cool is that?” Thank you.
Getting it right and perfect feels like a force in which we have put blinders on, that there is nothing and no one in this world to consider but ourselves and us getting it right! It is arrogance in its finest, that keeps us in ignorance that being perfect and right is what is not only good for us but how we should be aiming for in life. This is corruption in its most evil—we are told that perfection is something we should strive for in life, if we don’t, we have failed. Yet all along, being right and being perfect, is the “perfect” plan to keep the world out and keep us separated from the world.
Love what you have shared about perfection Kathryn. This has been such a strong and controlling theme in my life too and has played a large part in governing how I am with and around others. This used to govern me with my studies, with my hobbies, with so many areas within my life. To let go of that perfection, it has been for me to realise that it is not about what I do, but how I go about what I do that is key. My quality of being. And I loved it when you said “I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day” – it is often the case that the seeking of perfection comes from the fact that we do not accept the deep level of love that is actually free to flow from within. But once we accept this love and accept the quality (the deep warmth) then the perfection has permission to dissipate and a more real way of living is made way for.
I read this blog again this morning, knowing that the tension in my body is a sign that I have allowed perfection to sneak its way back in again. I have been clanking around in that armour, and trying to get things ‘right’. My gorgeous tender body has been feeling the tension and giving me little taps on the shoulder…literally. When I am getting all perfect about my life and thinking how it ‘should’ be my shoulders and arms get tight and hard and pull into towards my chest. I get smaller, not open, free flowing and giggly.
What you’ve shared here is so important Rachel. I also find that perfectionism can ‘sneak its way’ back in in insidious ways. The key is staying in touch with what’s going on in my body. I may not always be ‘in control’ of this, i.e. old tensions from the striving for perfectionism – for example in musical performance – may arise, but I find that in committing to being solidly present with my body, acknowledging what’s going on, and allowing my expression to flow as naturally as it can, that the tensions release their hold.
We can indeed reclaim ourselves from such stringent incarcerating beliefs and ways – it just takes awareness and a deep level of love and acceptance of oneself, as Kathryn’s beautiful blog has shared so well.
I used to be hard on myself because I thought I would never be able to achieve perfection or ‘flawlessness’ concerning anything. However I have been learning to be all that I can be, by just being ‘me’ in full. Through doing this I have healed a lot of behaviours that did not support me and through doing this there has been an increase in the quality and manner I undertake tasks and live life. I now often feel satisfied that I have completed something to the best of my ability. that feels like it is enough, so no regrets, it feels complete. It appears all along I was not seeking perfection, but a sense of completion.
To understand and accept that I am not perfect at all and that this is my natural way. This has showed how much I thought I had to be perfect and felt a constant striving in me and a constant criticising and bashing up myself because naturally I am not perfect. To truly accept the imperfection free of all expectations I have imposed on myself.
Such a great blog Kathryn. On re-reading it I am remembering someone I worked with at University many years ago. I was in the process of writing a book and it was almost finished and about to be published He stopped me in the corridor said to me ‘ How can you bear to have it published when you know that you might be wrong about something or there is more to know and you’ve left it out?’ I realised then that this lovely gentle man was paralysed by perfectionism and would never get his book he’d been writing for years out. I could clearly see that he was cramping his life in this way and that he was stuck in a vicious circle. It was a profound moment being revealed.
Enjoyed reading this Blog, can feel my body relax and surrender by letting go of the need to plan in a way to make things perfect and instead embrace and fully accept my imperfections as it is more real and creates space for me to evolve.
“God won’t love me until I am perfect” – What a very clever way of keeping ourselves locked into the cycle of always striving to become more and holding back from expressing anything of value as we are so self critical and judgmental from living (existing) from behind the ‘perfectionist’s suit of armour’ that binds us so tightly. This further fosters the feeling of separation and isolation from the all as it has to be all your fault for not being enough in the first place!
How exhausting.
Not being enough is very exhausting Stehanie, I agree. Not being enough means you always have to push, push, and push some more to be seen as achieving, and to get recognition. And if I am not enough, I have much to live up to, including being perfect. So happy I let all that go.
Thanks Kathryn, this is great to read. I love how you make the link with cycles.
Perfection to me feels like such a hardness and rigidity in the body. And an obsession with control, a holding on to how I want things to be, and a manipulation of myself and others into these ideals and expectations. It feels so stifling, like a self imposed prison. To recognise this and start to let it go feels like I’m breathing fresh air for the first time: so pure and deliciously light. An ease and flow to life, when I’m not trying to control every moment of it. More energy and more space.
I hadn’t made the connection before between perfection as a way to protect myself and the reality of this i.e. how far it has kept me away from others and has blocked the love from me coming out.
I have realised that perfection is one of the many reasons or excuses I’ve used not to move forward in my life/ a huge fear of getting it wrong, of the mask of perfection slipping and being seen for how I truly am and not the facade I’ve been living behind. It’s stopped me from taking part in things like expresssion because I’ve feared that I won’t get the ‘right’ number of comments or blogs done as I want to, and then I’ll make myself feel bad about it..feels great to recognise this.
“I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour.” How beautifully written. I can relate to what you say here, and know that striving for perfection does not allow for the beautiful, flowing natural me. i have experienced the straight jacket and the suit of armour. It’s all about how people perceive me from the outside. It does feel like a huge relief to begin to expose this and begin to take them off.
Perfectionism makes it hard to truly appreciate yourself or take a compliment from another because there is a block in the way which says ‘I could have done it better’ and automatically the appreciation is dismissed and not felt – this feels very restrictive and as Vanessa has stated abusive.
Being imperfect is perfect. This is how I feel nowadays having gone down a similar road to you, Kathryn. I have healed the need for so-called perfection and am recovering from the exhaustion this created in my body through the endless drive fuelling the desire for it. I too felt that I was not worthy of love until I had reached the idea of perfection that I had. And yes, it was a way to protect myself from being hurt but the biggest hurt was that I could never ever reach ‘perfection’ so I just kept going around and around creating more hurt for myself. OBTAINING perfection is impossible. BEING perfect is possible though, just the natural perfection that comes from just being ourselves as we are. To me that is perfection now.
OBTAINING perfection is impossible. BEING perfect is possible though, just the natural perfection that comes from just being ourselves as we are. Nice one Robyn
Thank you for writing about perfectionism Kathryn, it is a big imposition we have grown up with. It is never attainable in human life, so let’s enjoy being naturally imperfect and spread our wings!
‘I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. Yes that is definitely what I picked up as a kid. Doing things really well got me my fathers attention. Unfortunately I kept this belief going throughout most of my adult life, It is great to start seeing through this kind of self sabotaging behaviour and realize that ‘imperfection allows growth and unfoldment’ and that is the road I have chosen for myself now.
It is ironic that the dictionary definition uses the word free, as that is the opposite of what occurs with someone chasing perfection they are trapped and in the most awful cycle of abuse to themselves.
I agree Vanessa – it is extremely ironic as trying to be perfect is like an insidious trap, one which is never attainable. You can ‘achieve’ in one or two areas in your life if you try hard enough but never in all so it means you are setting yourself up to fail.
That’s what it feels like Vanessa – a low level form of self-abuse.
Wow, that was truly beautiful, Kathryn – and to feel the freedom of you being ‘imperfect – as you say ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’ – that feels like an awesome release from the straight jacket of perfection that so many if us have striven for.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self.” Oh don’t I know that Kathryn! The world demands that we are perfect through our morals, ethics and education systems. What Serge Benhayon presents shows us how we can come from that innate essence inside us that knows wholeness as “imperfectly perfect.” as you say, which frees us up to be wholy ourselves.
I love this Kathryn – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’
Kathryn, a perfect blog from you, hahaha. I love what you say, and I can totally see how perfectionism sniffles our humour and playfulness. Needing to be perfect is such serious business! And with looking at my own perfectionism I have come to know that I am totally loveable, even though I’m not perfect at all, and never will be.
‘It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.’ And whilst they might have been looked up to in some circles, their lives were not free at all.
We live in an ever-changing world and our ability to ‘keep up’ may fluctuate. The more we are connected with ourselves, the more we can sense what’s going on because we can feel the energy change. It is all about energy – the energy in everything we do, say, think and be.
Loved to re-read this blog Kathryn. I am finding there is so much more space in accepting imperfection…
per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. What a misleading word this is – for if we have already clocked flaws or defects that we want to be free of – we are already looking outside of ourselves to confirm who & how we are.
The definition of perfection comes from a lack of. Striving for perfection is a game that guarantees we never realize or express our true self. Very cunning and sneaky that we are sold this lie, as we are already EVERYTHING by birth.
Perfection is something that is manufactured, it is not real and it is not us.
There is an exquisite perfection in just being ourselves as we are. This is true freedom and really turns the definition of perfection on its head.
This perfectionism is so not true, but it drives so many people. Just as you I have been lost, too in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy to be loved if I am perfect’. This simply is not true. I deserve to be loved always, from anyone, because I am a divine being and god’s child. This is enough – no higher no lesser – I am divine as I am.
“In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection” I feel deeply your words Kathryn and feel inspired by the love I feel. Thank you for redefining imperfection “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing” So true, love it!
Kathryn as I read your words I felt my body become alive as the restrictions of perfection lifted. Very powerful expression of truth indeed. Thank you.
Perfection has always been something we strive for outside of ourselves. The truth is that in our essence, we are perfect, but our human expression has many different faces that render us subject to striving for things that are not who we truly are. It’s divine to surrender to the beautiful powerful woman that you are Kathryn, and not ever seek to be anything other than who you are, expressed from your inner-most – we are blessed!
It’s divine to surrender to the perfection that already lives within us. I love your comment Jo, especially where you write, “The truth is that in our essence, we are perfect…” This is the true definition of perfection. Everything we already are deep within. Nothing more is needed, no striving, no quest, nothing, just US in all our untarnished glory!
I so know the belief of ‘God won’t love me until I am perfect’ which as you say is total nonesense. This belief cripples you to never being enough and that there is something that you keep doing wrong whilst letting down God. This has all been created by ourselves with not an ounce of truth because we are Love and this is untouchable, it cannot be tainted in anyway. We are Love, this is all we need to be.
We think the world can’t fault us when we appear to be perfect, but the world can’t get to us either. We live in a world where no one can actually get to another, we are hovering on the surface of life and each other, protected. As a result, we numb ourselves with the pillars of life, the identities, the achievements, the glamor, the comfort, because not going deeper is deeply hurtful, we all know it and we all feel it.
In reaction to this deep hurt, but also because we do feel truth, many of us actually want the world to fault us, we rebel, we champion conformity, we act out—what we are expressing in reaction is that we need to be real. We are suffocating in falsity.
So where does that leave humanity?
What if, we return to honesty? That it does hurt when communication does not get past the surface, as what is reflected back feels empty. The reflections we give each other in the world seem to consistently reinforce a falsity, because in our hearts we know how truly grand and loving we are, and yet what we show each other in life is far from that. And just what if, instead of choosing what the whole world has made normal of what is not normal, we return back to expressing the true normal?
Realness is what allows people to truly connect, there is true power in realness that cannot be accessed through the protection of perfectionism. Donning perfectionism is our successful attempt to keep the world out. In consequence, the world feels deep emptiness as it can’t get past our surface. But just as we have chosen, without knowing better, as I have too, perfectionism in the past, we can also choose to express in realness, which is in essence, very natural to us.
Realness is what allows people to truly connect, there is true power in realness that cannot be accessed through the protection of perfectionism. Donning perfectionism is our successful attempt to keep the world out. The truth of your words here 1heart1love1earth are huge and I felt so deeply, as up until now, I had not thought I was using needing to be perfect as a way to keep the world out specifically, I only saw it as a way to hold myself back. And the truth of realness and how it allows people to truly connect as you say, I so agree as I have found that realness is what my heart has been waiting for and I drink it up when someone is truly real around me as when I was caught up in perfection, that realness is just not there. It’s such a trick that stopped me from naturally being me and connecting to my truth, that I am actually powerful in that realness.
The description of perfectionism as a suit of armour, a corset, as set of rigid behaviours is spot on (I was going to type ‘perfect’ and stopped myself!). It creates a caricature of who we really are that no one can see beyond to the real essence of us. I know this one only too well and it grips me still at times.
Boy is it a lonely place, rattling around inside that suit of armour. And constrictive inside that corset…can’t…breathe… And those gestures. They don’t flow from us. They don’t express who we are in this world, warts, beauty, delicacy, silliness and all.
I love the reminder of this blog and reading the comments of so many people who are learning to release themselves from the line of perfectionism, back into the realness of cycles.
The definition in itself gives it all away:
‘per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.’
This implies that flaws are something we must free ourselves from, in order to attain perfection. Never does it acknowledge that we are so much greater than perfection – we are supremely loving beings that are everything already.
If we play the perfection game, we are striving to be something that is so much less than what we already are naturally!
So true Kylie, the whole idea of perfection starts with the idea that there must be a flaw or something wrong with us. If we start to accept ourselves as the beautiful and perfect sons of God that we are, there would be no need for bettering ourselves into perfection.
Love what you say here Kylie, “that we are so much greater than perfection . . .If we play the perfection game, we are striving to be something that is so much less than what we already are naturally!” Being told that we should aim for perfection is a trick and if we fall for it, it keeps us from expressing the full glory that we naturally come from.
And it can keep us focussed in the opposite direction of our true and very real perfection within. I certainly fell for this trick and spent many years going around in circles only to find that the perfection I was seeking was already within me and no effort was required to obtain it I just needed to reconnect to it! So simple.
What you have shared here is so spot on Kylie. Wow. A very powerful and life changing comment for so many.
Very true Kylie, if we connect to who we are in our bodies and feel our essence we know that naturally we are far more than perfect, so there is no need to strive for anything else.
True Kylie. It’s very deceptive to seek even the greatest heights and achievements in life if those activities (like seeking perfection) fail to bring to light first the simple fact that before we even start to do anything we are ‘supremely loving beings that are already everything’. Whether it’s climbing Mount Everest or winning a gold medal, these so called high moments or achievements in life never started with the fact we are enough as we are and no proof is needed…
Society has put so much expectation on perfectionism. Yet, it is with imperfectionism that we have the opportunity to truly grow and deepen. Could the world be set up in such a way that we are discouraged to show and accept our imperfections? As accepting ourselves as imperfect is actually a doorway to open us up to our amazing grandness and power.
Yes this is correct. The world has been set up to strive for perfection. This has lead us to be a society that is shallow and fake. Skimming around on the surface of perfection does not encourage us to get real, truly connect and evolve (develop).
We are so much grander than the way we live.
Absolutely Kathryn. Our education system and so much more has been set up for us to strive to be more – and more ‘what’ we may ask? More of living up to externally set measures, and more denial of ourselves in order to meet these… There is so little real connection, and holding of each other in a way that allows all that we are to naturally come to the fore.
You greatly expose the ill in perfection here Kathryn! Restrictive and joyless are very apt descriptions.
I love this Kathryn – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” How liberating when we can embrace this in full. Thank you for an awesome blog.
There is a story I was once told about two buckets. One bucket was complete, the other had, over time, begun to leak a little. Each day a woman from the village would walk to the river, fill the buckets and return home. The complete bucket of course was still full on arrival but the other had by this time only half its contents. When the woman was asked why she would travel so far with a leaking bucket she replied that her path was made all the more beautiful by the leaks because she was now graced with the flowers that had sprung up all along the way.
Barbara this is such a gorgeous story. Since I have come across Universal Medicine I have have heard a lot about the difference between feeling and knowing something with our heart vs thinking and believing something. I find that often what I think with my head can be at odds with what my heart impulses me to do. I used to always go with what I thought, but now that I am more allowing of my inner awareness and knowing to have an expression, I notice that such moments allow a clarity, wisdom and unity that graces me as well as others. But they do not always make sense to my mind and there is sometimes a bit of a tussle which I am learning to not get caught in. This story is such a great confirmation of the wisdom of our heart.
Absolutely Golnaz and Barbara. The linear mind is confounded by such a story, but the heart knows and responds.
Thank-you Barbara for sharing this gem.
Wow, I love this Barbara Ross. All our mistakes are seeds of growth. Awesome.
Perfectionism really is a “love blocking suit of armour”. Is it possible I have chosen perfectionism as a way of keeping myself hidden and others out? It has been very tiring for me living with my standards of perfectionism and as I drop them more and more the feelings of lightness, playfulness and joy are returning. Great blog Kathryn.
Beautifully said Nikki! Letting go of the perfectionism allows the lightness and playfulness and joy to return! Yey to that! This beats perfectionism hands down.
I really relate to your phrase Nikki that perfectionism is a “love blocking suit of armour” – the ideal of perfectionism keeps us striving, never good enough, dismayed and tired, and when I drop the thoughts about being more or better at something my body feels so much lighter.
The idea of perfection is one of the many images, or pictures, we can create of how we want life to be. More and more I am discovering that there are all these pictures we can and have created as part of our life, of how we think life should look or feel. This can cause us to strive or try to control aspects of our life so they do not stray from this picture. What I am discovering more now also is how different and amazing things can be, when they are just allowed to be. Releasing the tight control allows my body to move so much more freely , and therefore have less pain as a result. I wonder how many other people out there are in pain due to their strive for perfection? A lot, I would say! There is much to be learned from this blog, so thank you Kathryn for sharing your wisdom.
I agree Amelia. We strive for perfection to avoid getting hurt then because the reality does not match the picture we end up feeling hurt. A crazy tail chasing game that we get pulled into only after we lose our self-acceptance.
Ameila well said.. The more I start to let go of the control the more I have been able to see how much of a strong hold it has over me – it can be so subtle. All coming from the perfect picture as you say and expecting myself to be perfect. Even when I write it, it seems ridiculous. What I fully resonate with is how I can feel my body tighten up when I go into that control, and yes I’m sure that has a key factor into my bodies health and the way I function. Letting go and allowing myself to be and all my imperfections is definite more freeing for my body.
Well said Amelia, what I am also finding is the way in which perfection is a quality that I create based on pictures of how I idealise a situation, outcome, or life to be but actually these pictures come based on things outside of myself, looking at the world and seeing how I want something to be, rather than being me and expressing from that platform first
“We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. This for me says it all and expresses the futility of seeking perfection.
I love the succinctness and truth of your comment Patricia: ‘“We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. This for me says it all and expresses the futility of seeking perfection’. One of the most potent choices one can ever make is to deepen and so expand. The application of any ideal or belief such as perfectionism is futile and severely limiting and harming to the human body and to all true relationships.
Reading your blog Kathryn I can feel that going for perfection feels like capturing something in time. In feels like wrapping something up, labelling it and then putting an ownership tag on it for recognition. I love what you share that all is about evolving and expanding to the possibilities of what is next. This is sharing and being open with everyone and their in-put being of equal value. Who knows what can be created when we choose to be part of the whole and not try and capture a whole part.
Thank you Sandra. this blog and your comment show how limiting the idea of ‘perfection’ is. Perfection is stagnation.
“I am imperfectly perfect” – I love, how this sums up everything. Thank you Kathryn.
Kathryn I love what you have presented here. As I read your blog what I could feel is that perfection is all about an image for the external world – it has nothing to do with what we feel impulsed to do, or being our true and natural selves. That just makes so much sense as to why you felt like you were in a straight jacket – it is a form of prison. How can one truly be themselves when they are forever trying to put on a facade, an image, for other people? It is so beautiful to feel you unravel all of that and unleash the beautiful woman so naturally within you!
Brooke, I am also learning how the straight jacket of perceived perfection can only survive as long as there is need for recognition and acceptance from those around us, and the fact that with work and commitment this can easily be replaced with love.
By embracing our imperfections, we are accepting ourselves as we are, and being open to allow growth to take place as we change and evolve. Allowing that expansion will only happen when we see we are imperfect in this human body, that’s how we are.
Fantastic Gillrandall, by accepting ourselves as we are, we are opening ourselves up to growth. Otherwise we are constantly chasing an ideal of who and what we want to be, and never truly changing from within, perhaps only on the outside, in the way we look or the behaviours we partake in.
Yes Gillrandall I agree. Self acceptance is key. Also remembering that we are living in a body that is designed to have one life cycle. So therefore this ‘vehicle’ has no perfection but more a process that it evolves through. This in itself is an extraordinary fact. The way we physically change and grow, then change some more and eventually shed our skin is truly miraculous. No room for perfection in form however a very PERFECT natural process.
The knowing about re-incarnation completely changes how we view life entirely. Growth expansion, evolution over many lives clearly shows the ideal of perfection to be flawed! Perfectionism itself is a flaw. I would rather go for being a joy-full work in progress, open to see the illusions and false consciousnesses I have crazily bought into so that these clouds and burdens may be shed forever. If love is there what do imperfections matter?
I’ve returned to baking after many years and had some deliciously imperfect first attempts, hilarious. All was not lost as I continued to play with ingredients, quantities, and timings until I found combinations that worked. No striving here, only playfulness.
Baking playfully sounds a lovely ‘quality’ and recipe for some delicious goodies Kehinde2012!
Great blog Kathryn, I have to wonder where the word perfection even came from and where we started using it. I know I have certainly suffered from ‘perfectionism’ for many many years and yet I have to wonder is it possible that we have misinterpreted the word and its true meaning. For example, when someone hands me the exact change at work, or a friend suggests a time to meet that is exactly as what I was feeling, or one of my children hand me the right ingredient when cooking, I might reply with a genuineness in my words and eyes ‘perfect’. But this then feels very different from the perfection you speak of here which I do know too too well. I feel it is so important that we keep exposing the ‘perfection’ myth so we can all free ourselves from its imprisoning hold – no more bars!
A work colleague a while back told me that I wouldn’t be able to do a job I was going for because I was a perfectionist and at the time I thought how is that a bad thing. But looking at it now she was right, because I would have been too hard on myself and unable accept my mistakes which would lead to too much stress. So, it just shows how being a perfectionist can in fact hold us so tight that we are unable to evolve and put too much energy into getting everything right.
I am feeling the grip of perfection right now and the amount of stress it/I create is quite incredible – but not in a good way! It definitely goes against the natural flow of life when we strive for perfection and we do not allow ourselves the space and grace to work things out as they come along. It does halt the natural playfulness that we can bring to things.
How well described Sarahflenley – the grip of perfection – it is like a ghastly claw grabbing at our backs as we say ‘yes’ to the myth of perfection. And all the time we are saying ‘yes’ to that myth, we are saying ‘no’ to our innate and stupendous divinity and delaying ourselves and everyone else our true birthright.
I agree Julie trying to be perfect means we have to hold our bodies so tightly and rigid effectively having to control EVERYTHING – so we can keep it the way we want it to be regardless of the effect that has on others, so long as from our point of view it looks right then that’s all that matters. It is exhausting trying to live this way and actually cuts us from a lot of people along the way. Plus we miss out on all the amazing opportunities we are given each day to learn from. Being perfect assumes we know everything and cannot make any mistakes, it effectively sets us up to fail.
Exactly James – perfectionism, control, tension in the body… they all go hand in hand. And in such a state, how are we capable of expressing our natural selves and connecting with others?
It’s impossible Victoria especially when we can’t see what is going on, let alone cope with what is going on.
I can relate to that Julie, I have been looking at the perfectionist within myself too, and can totally see how damaging this perfectionism is and has been; and I clearly see that it’s got nothing going for it. How freeing that we now know being ‘perfect’ is a total illusion and we can now let that striving for perfectionism go, phew! Feels so freeing!
I agree Esther, there does come with a sense of freedom and now I am getting the sense that there is even more to unravel, as when I look a little closer more behaviours are revealed.
This is a great example Julie, of the stress and tension that can be caused by the need to be a perfectionist which can have such a evident effect on our lives and our ability to live life in fullness. I know for myself actually just how restrictive seeking a perfect outcome is, the stress, rigidity and discomfort that enters my body when I choose to live like this is quite harming, rather than when I choose to allow and accept situations and outcomes for what they are, and simply letting them unfold with no expectations.
This is great Oliver. So often I have an expectation of what something should be like, but this never seems to work and gets confusing. Letting things unfold as you say is the true way to go I reckon. It has far less tension in my body that is for sure.
And what is more, striving for perfection does not allow for us to learn anything. We get fixated on our own interpretation of how life or work or a relationship is ‘supposed’ to be, but do not allow for the possibility of it being even more than that.
Well said Naren. In being caught in perfectionism, we are so hell-bent on the way we want and need things to be that we are blinkered, and thus stunted from the growth that can come from being open to how things can evolve, open and change – most particularly through our interactions with others. The greatest love could be standing right in front of us, and we may not even be able to perceive it, let alone let in all that may be offered. The need for perfection closes ourselves and our bodies to love. Ouch…
Very true, Victoria. And often when that picture of perfection is challenged we can get downright nasty in order to protect it. It is boggling, really. We know that perfection does not exist, and that it is impossible, yet in order to protect an ideal of what we think love is supposed to be we will hurt someone else. Crazy….
Great blog, I’m sure you are right in that there is not perfection only expansion and growth, and maybe even when we get to heaven we are forever evolving and expanding so perfection is still a fair way off.
I can feel at times how I sink into feeling I have got somewhere or made it and thus stop expanding or growing. I can go into the illusion of being perfect or of having made it. When really all I need to do is accept my imperfections and stay open to evolving.
Yes Kathryn, ‘The truth is that I am not perfect and deep within me is a knowing that this is okay… as there is no such thing as perfection’. It is this blessed okay-ness that lets the body’s particles expand and make space for our divinity to enter and become available in our embodiment here on earth. Long live acceptance!
This is a beautiful blog. We choose perfection when we decide not to be ourselves, all that we are in full, whatever that is, regardless of how amazing that is.
Brilliant blog Kathryn! I was just being aware of the ‘energetic geometry’ of what perfectionism feels like in the body. The angles are all pointy, the rhythm is jilted, and it is so unsexy. Not until I read this blog did I fully realise how cruel perfectionism is, even though I ‘knew’ with my head and from statistics that many students in their final year of high school have committed suicide because of this ideal. It shows how harming any ideal is, and how only being connected to one’s own enduring and beautiful inner-heart love actually works.
Your blog Kathryn, gives permission to us all to allow Perfection to be but an explanation in the dictionary and not an attribute we must take on in our lives.
Kathryn, what you offer is gorgeous, that perfection is the antithesis of cycles, of evolving, that it’s a capping, effectively that strait jacket you talked of since it’s been done and it’s attempting to repeat based on something past or out there. There is no joy or life in that, it’s robotic and life sucking, no wonder it’s so exhausting. And I know this well, it’s one I’m seeing more daily and seeing how I loose the juiciness of me when I aim for perfection, and there’s not an ounce of love in it.
You may have nailed it here Kathryn … perfection is merely a love blocking armour and a great form of protection from feeling just how powerful we are.
‘Perfection’ doesn’t allow any room for contributions from anyone else. What I love about reading this blog, and many others, is to then also read the comments. As we all contribute, we are building off what each other has written. This is so beautiful, true group work, with all the different expressions, it allows us to go deeper and to appreciate other aspects that we may not have been aware of before, to clear away all the cobwebs and really expose all the nooks and corners that we’ve been avoiding. I have noticed in myself, when I hear/read the same thing, but expressed in many different ‘flavours’ it’s much easier for me to really take on what’s being shared. Loving the perfection of imperfection.
Just as the cycles have no end to their expansion and evolution so do we. This is very wise Kathryn, and very true. We are self correcting bodies, always pulling to a higher vibration, perfection is laughable when we really feel how grand we are.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
Kathryn, Imperfection opens you up to an never ending joyful life. This is living, being perfect felt like I was not living.
This is a great blog. Perfection was always held up as the ideal to be, the goal to achieve but at the same time one always knew it was never achievable. A ‘catch-22’ knowing one would always fail however hard one strived. Living imperfection as you share Kathryn is such a ‘doable’ prospect and lovingly achievable
I love how you expose that trying to be perfect stops you connecting with others – I found this too – and that is stopped me from connecting to myself – because perfection was always something outside of me.
Letting go of this identity has been huge for me, as it allows me to not be controlled by what is not true.And gets me out of the comfort of thinking I’ll never be perfect.
Absolutely Kathryn, perfection is a hard task. I know I found I could get recognition and attention by doing things well, especially things that others asked of me. As I grew up it became such an unconscious part of me that it was just the way I was. However it was such an exhausting way to live that illness duly followed. My reaction to my body breaking down was reflective on my intolerance of a ‘bad job’ and I deemed somehow that I had failed. Ironically this imperfection was the very thing that lead me (after a spell of chasing perfect health!) to Universal Medicine and the understanding that we are way, way, way more than any picture of perfection.
I love what you have shared here ‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ This is my theme for a program that I am starting tomorrow and I am loving the acceptance that there is no place or perfection, just a gentle allowing to surrender to what is there.
Awesome Heidi. Let us know how the program supports you 🙂
If you watch a small child they are filled with imperfection yet filled with joy and love. There is no right or wrong in this world, just an imperfect expression of who they are.
Yes Bianca and Stephen children are an awesome example of the glory of imperfection. The way they express is so free and open allowing the world in and the love out.
No trying required. Just a natural feeling to be themselves. When do we change and why?
Since reading this blog I have been reflecting on how perfection stops us from appreciating the beauty that we have within. I was pondering on babies and how people fall in love with the beauty they emanate. We do not ask them to be perfect but simply appreciate the gorgeousness they bring by them simply being alive.
Wow, if everyone could see perfectionism the way you just expressed it, there would be a big change in the world.
The way people see themselves and go about everything they do would be completely different, and truly freeing.
Beautiful Blog.
This is so beautiful to read and share the loving evolving way we are all Kathryn thank you . The imperfection of perfection is so real and understandable and makes absolute sense as does our evolution to be more love and expansion for this ever onwards.Serge Benhayon is amazing in exposing our need and drive for perfection and the harm it does to us all, that we simply are all love in our essence and appreciation , understanding and way of living is the key.
I got a deeper sense of where the striving for perfection comes from – we always think, how we are can´t be enough, so if we put something on top, we are worth it. What a vicious cycle that will never satisfy us or let us just emanate the love that we already are.
Yes true Steffi it cycles around like that, all because of choosing to separate from the absolute joy and harmony of our innermost in the first place, which is always enough in any situation in life.
This is so true Steffi, ‘I got a deeper sense of where the striving for perfection comes from – we always think, how we are can´t be enough, so if we put something on top, we are worth it’, I have definitely been doing this until recently, trying to be more when Im already enough, this constant striving stops us appreciating who we naturally are and all of the beauty and wisdom that we already hold.
Yes such a great reminder that it is never about being perfect.
Kathryn there are so many women living by ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. To have this spelled out as you have here as not true might not stop it overnight for me but it can start to reveal how and when I do this. I have observed there is a type of perfectionism that is admitted to, almost as a positive trait and proud statement ‘I am a perfectionist.’ Then there is a type of perfectionism that can be more hidden and a bit sneakier to detect as it comes from trying to live up to ideals of how we should be and the nuances can vary greatly – one person to another may have a very different measure of what perfect or the ideal is. When I substitute ideal for perfect I am not sure about men but I know very few women who are not afflicted or feel the strain of living up to an often invisible but known measure.
Thanks for this blog Kathryn, you really have understood the many guises and symptoms of perfection. The main guise I find perfection takes for me is trying with a sense that it is hard to be me and the symptom of this is not letting myself and life flow. I would never have thought of imperfection as sexy until reading this and now it makes perfect sense.
Yes Anon. Perfectionism most certainly stops the flow of thereby in the body and brings it to a full-stop, a cul-de-sac – it feels horrible!
Now that I have accepted that I have very much been a perfectionist, I see the following words really relate to me – “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards”. I held myself so contracted from the world, I can now feel the hurt that I was suffering. I always wanted to keep the peace, not rock the boat, etc. always anxious to not cause any disharmony, it was absolutely crazy. Yes, when I was young, I had a great sense of humour, but as I had the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, that humour was pushed aside in my quest to be the perfect wife and mother. How crazy was that?
As I sit here looking at a painting I am working on I realised I held off finishing it for fear that it was not perfect in my eyes or would be judged for not being perfect. But I have come to see that the beauty lies in its imperfect expression and the truth of what I bring from within and that holds so much more than being perfect. Its the letting go of perfection that frees us from our own self made prison we encapsulate ourselves in. Time to break free.
Kathryn, I too have felt imprisoned by this unattainable concept of perfection that made me feel not good enough so I was always striving to improve myself, or do something better and I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed in whatever I was doing. But once I did ‘succeed’ then I’d raise the bar and have to do better next time and on it would go so there was never any rest from that imposition. What helped me was to see that I was choosing to imprison myself – it wasn’t being done to me. By seeing this I could then make more self-loving choices and the more I do this the less I am driven by wanting to achieve something outside myself.
Perfection is something I had battled with in my life. It really did just make everything so very hard, challenging and promoted very unloving behaviour within myself. There was a lot of beating myself up because I never lived up to expectations I held for myself and therefore others around me. These days it is a very different story, only having changed since I began to develop a deeper relationship with myself and began to feel the hurts that were underneath the stories i’d developed and held onto. When I began to let go of the story and felt some of the hurts, the perfection melted away. Such a simpler way to live.
When he is presenting, Serge Benhayon is always stressing that there is no perfection. When he is talking about how we may go about doing something, again, he stresses, ‘without perfection’. Until reading your blog, Kathryn, I hadn’t appreciated the significance of what he was sharing. Thank you for enlightening me. I feel your amazing blog has enabled me to embody just how harming and unattainable ‘perfection’ is.
I am only just beginning to get an inkling of how powerful it is to claim my imperfectness. I don’t have to be perfect in order for miracles t happen. It is enough to know that the intention to be all I can be, the love that I am, or the love that can come through me is more than enough. This is so totally liberating as it takes the pressure out of feeling I have to try. The power of love isn’t negated if I slip up, make a mistake, dull my body with over eating or a with a food that doesn’t suit it. It is still there in all its glory! As long as I am open to evolving and learning from my mistakes I don’t have to beat myself up. No perfection is possible and since it is unattainable really why waste the energy on trying to achieve it? Instead how about celebrating the innate essence I carry and connecting to that each moment I can so that it can come out in my full expression?
I agree Alison. We can hear a truth again and again, but until we embody it, it will be knowledge. This blog has helped me to embody that not only is perfection not possible, but it is not necessary.
When we strive for perfection, it takes away from the opportunity to connect with others. To be open and expand our relationships. Our focus becomes achieving the impossible and our attachment to doing so, like an obsession in which we’re already doomed to fail, yet again. Thank you for exposing the truth, Kathryn.
Very true Alison – perfection becomes our one, single, linear goal, and everything else around us can easily become unimportant. This can be quite devastating for the perfectionist, but also the people close to them, as they witness their relationships slipping away and dropping lower on the priority list, or they become false in an effort to create the absolute perfect family picture, or friendly facade.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” This is a great sentence…It has a huge amount of joy and freedom in its meaning and an invitation to allow this for myself. I love and accept your invitation Kathryn, thank you.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing”. Best line ever. Going to make that my motto. Thank you.
Acceptance of me with all my imperfections has been a real liberation in which I can express and share the real me with the world without the anxiousness or worry that comes with perfectionism.I find there is more space for joy and creativity whenever I take such an imposition out of my life.
Francisco a lovely comment to make, I find the same and whenever I step into the consciousness of needing to be perfect then all the struggle and complication is in my face. The more I accept me the more freedom I feel.
I choose to constantly aspire to be perfect to not be responsible for what I did in each and every moment.
I thought: If I have to become perfect yet, I will of course only be imperfect now.
In fact his was my green card for doing anything I might choose regardless of how irresponsible this might be.
Committing to living now and to responsibility has freed me of the need to be perfect.
I completely resonate with what you say about perfection, your words have revealed to me that it impacts my life on a daily basis.
It is so true, perfection is a myth and it is draining ‘trying’ to attain the unattainable. Acceptance is a wonderful thing …..
Fiona, I too have to address the ideals of perfection that I have allowed to enter my body on a daily basis. I feel that this blog has unlocked much and presented me with a much deeper level of self acceptance and glory to live.
I love the way that you described the ideology of being perfect “The idea of being perfect once offered me something finite – a finish, closure, an end” I have never quite been able to understand why I wouldn’t want to perfect or why that is something unreasonably to want to strive for, that was until this moment, in reading that I now understand how perfectionism holds us smalls, gives us boundaries and restrictions, rather than allowing us to be ever expansive, get it now.
I love this line, “I am imperfectly perfect.” To be at ease with our imperfections, to let go of striving, pushing and not feeling enough is perfection itself!
I love this Rachel, ‘to let go of striving, pushing and not feeling enough is perfection itself!’
Great truth here Kathryn. The more we strive for perfection the deeper we feel our failure, because we can’t win. Accepting our imperfections allows us to move forwards, be lighthearted, have fun and unfold without the constraints of what should be, but instead, be who we are.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.“
We determine the speed of our evolution and comparing ourself to others or having an ideal (of perfection) is actually stopping our growths. Instead honoring and lovingly supporting ourseves for the steps we take every day feels beautiful and cherishing. This will allow us to take further steps the next days…as you said Kathryn deepening the way we are with ourselves and others.
The striving for perfection is the attempt to mask the feeling of lack of self-worth – this idea that I am not enough. Once we connect to our self-worth we feel perfect just as we are and don’t need to prove this to anyone by some outward perfection.
Totally Judith. Being able to feel how valuable and lovely we are brings a great openness and ease to life . . .and it brings the ability to be vulnerable, funny, and adorable. Perfectionism stunts all this, making all that is lovely rigid and frozen.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self”. Yes, Katherine, I also now realise that is what I have been doing, and still do to some extent. It robs me of the joy that I can feel. When I realise just what I have achieved, and how I now feel compared to in the past, I realise that the big thing for me to do is to appreciate just how far I have come, and let go of all the trying, just allow for the imperfections that are there. Actually I feel absolutely amazing as I write that. Three big words for me that go together, Acceptance – Allowing and Appreciation.
In the past I was so caught up in being a perfectionist, not realising that it was a form of control so I would not get hurt from the world. I pushed myself to improve, to achieve and separate from my natural flow and beauty as a woman. “In choosing to try to be perfect it often took me so far away from myself that I felt disconnected from life and my inner feelings”. I felt very lonely in trying to be perfect. But I came to understand through Universal Medicine that I was blocking the love from within me to be expressed out, when I was trying to be perfect. Life is not about being perfect as we are always involving, always learning and deepening, knowing this know, my joyfulness and expression has come back, the control is gone and I feel freer in my body.
What I really took form this blog, is that when we try to make life perfect, or when we think we have hit a level of perfection, we have actually stopped evolving and stopped learning, and effectively placed a cap on ourselves, who we naturally are and our limitless beauty. Awesome blog – thank you.
Great comment Meg. Reclaiming our limitless Beauty will turn the beauty industry on its head and forever change our imperfect world.
Very true – when we know our beauty is there from the moment we wake up, the beauty industry will be transformed into a fun addition, rather than a crutch we use to hide, improve and change the way we feel about ourselves.
Absolutely Meg and Simone, the cringe factor will be largely eliminated from our choosing and shopping for beauty products and we will have so much fun! Our beauty is there from the moment we wake up – it is always there.
Yeah it’s interesting, I avoided beauty products until a few years ago because I didn’t want them touching the way I looked, but now I see that they need not change anything, just complement the beauty that is already there.
I was exactly the same Meg! I avoided beauty products and never used makeup. I had a bit of an ideal about the clean natural look! When I was in my forties I was in an a cappella singing group that did concerts around Sydney and our director asked us to wear makeup for the performances. I started to experiment with makeup and couldn’t believe how lovely it was to play with. I have never looked back and love to see beautiful women in their makeup.
I totally agree – it is beautiful seeing women who have taken the time to appreciate their beauty. I can really feel the difference too when some mornings I choose to go swimming before work and don’t really bother with my hair or make up all day – the whole day feels different, and a little less cared for.
I so agree Meg! And it is not about perfectionism but is about self-love and care, and what we bring to our day. I always feel uplifted and joyful when I pass a woman in the street who has put love and care into her outfit and makeup – it’s gorgeous.
That’s really lovely to read. It would be amazing if we could celebrate each other when we put that care and effort into ourselves, instead of bringing other women down with our jealousy when they are not afraid to shine. Having a culture of celebration between women, rather than comparison and jealousy would surely allow all women to naturally flaunt their beauty, rather than hide or ignore it.
It is interesting how we set ourselves up by having unattainable goals and then go into self criticism for not reaching our expectations. I never really gave it much thought until recently and what I have come to realise is the anxiety and stress living like this causes. It does feel as though perfectionism keeps us tightly bound and restrained, with the thoughts that come with it, which are quick to pop in to keep that behaviour going.
Kathryn thank-you for pulling the curtain on this truly poisonous endeavour for which i have spent many years chasing. Perfectionism is a self-imprisonment that may look squeaky clean from the outside but can never be full-filled from within. As i read your blog i am struck by the enormous cap that this holds over our natural playful expression.
Its great to read your article Kathryn, this stood out for me this time, ‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path’, I used to try and give an image of being ‘perfect’,that everything was all fine, that I had no issues, no complaints, i can feel how this has stopped me from truly connecting with others, I felt like I was holding back and not opening up and sharing what i was truly feeling, it is only recently that I have started to be more honest with friends and family and this feels gorgeous, I can feel how they are now getting to be with the real me, that isn’t ‘perfect’ and always ‘right’, but who is much more honest, open and humble and accepting of myself and others and much more open to changing patterns and behaviours that do not work.
Beautifully expressed Rebecca. I too have gradually come to know that I can be honest with friends and family and colleagues and not pretend everything is ‘perfect’ all the time. It does bring such a humbleness and it transparently shows the arrogance in the stand of perfectionism or being ‘right’.
Trying to be perfect- the perfect mum to my children, perfect wife to my husband, perfect daughter- in law to my husband’s mother- the perfect student – the list is endless and so exhausting !
I remember trying to achieve this impossibility when I first got married believing that this is how to be loved by others.
How freeing it was when I finally met Serge and Natalie Benhayon who spoke about perfection as unattainable, and not it.
Instead learning to love and appreciate me who I am in full is the hidden key and this feels beautiful and supportive.
The perfect mum I will never be. Things which have been ‘perfect’ yesterday aren’t anymore today. Everything is changing and evolving. We have to feel, adjust and learn everyday. What works today can be different tomorrow. It is up to our awareness and how much we allow to see.
What joy Sonja to read your words on the madness of perfection!
I love what you have presented here Loretta, and so timely for me to read. I have been pondering on the feelings of inadequacy I have had of late around my work, and around being a mother – and I’ve been trying to feel into where these feelings are arising from… and of course it’s by striving for perfection! You are exactly right, learning to love and appreciate me is the key to unravelling this…
Thank you Kathryn, I absolutely love your last sentence “I am imperfectly perfect”. I also would strive to be perfect. What a load off the shoulders to realise there is no need to be perfect. For me it feels much more expansive to no longer strive to be something that I am not, this is a much more loving.
I agree Jade, I too have been removing the drive for perfection slowly slowly, layer by layer, as I seem to discover it in the oddest of places. It had permeated throughout much of my life and being – everything a trying, a striving, wanting to achieve something – all driven by perfection. Letting go is hugely freeing, and restful also! The latter part I love.
I so agree Anna, that letting go striving and trying for perfection is hugely freeing and restful also. This is a point at which two great blogs constellate – ‘Imperfect'(on this site) and the blog about the Mona Lisa and her restorative repose on the Women in Livingness site. The Mona Lisa brings this truth through her eyes and her smile. No striving for perfection there, just the emanation of beauty and stillness known.
I love the way you have called this article “Imperfect’ – I Iove the simplicity and singularity of it. It has brought back memories of a very popular movie simply called ’10’ (1979) where the image of perfection (in the form of an ideal ‘perfect’ woman, played by Bo Derek, is chased by a middle-aged man). This perfect 10 turns out to be nothing like he expects it to be and he returns to the imperfect woman he married and to a much richer life, now released from the obsession with an ideal. We all know perfectionism is a lie, and that if we allow the latitude of imperfection to be there life is all the more loving. The tightness that is held in our bodies when run by perfectionism can be gracefully released to an all-encompassing understanding and acceptance.
Lyndy thank you for making this link between imperfection and the movie ’10’, I remember it well. The perfect 10 as you suggest is usually unobtainable, or rare and the pursuit of it pointless and shortlived. As you say how much more loving to ‘allow the latitude of imperfection to be there’ and accept ourselves as we are.
Lindy I love what you have written here – what a great analogy… and this is exactly as I feel it. Perfection is an ideal, and forever a tension and a strain in our bodies when we strive for it.
Great blog Kathryn. Perfection, for me, was like a prison, one that I had held onto most of my life to control my environment and manipulate people into approving of me – to have me fit in. I haven taken off that particular ‘iron corset’ and have discovered a freedom that is far more loving for myself and others.
I too, janneprice, have discovered that freedom from the need for perfection, what a relief it is to realise that there is no true thing as perfection. It is a forever changing and unattainable. Wow, to let go the trying and learn to accept my imperfections and even laugh at them, what joy is there now.
Janneprice thank you for sharing that you have taken off the ‘iron corset’ of perfection. The freedom we have discovered is truly liberating isn’t it? No more control and no more manipulation. Striving for perfection was so restrictive and exhausting.
Ahhhh…. now we can breathe again :):)
Perfection does bring a tension to the body and to our focus in our lives. It is a draining point of view of life to hold. Imperfection can be a wishy washy anything goes mentality or allowing of true space to express, learn and evolve.
I like that Simon. It’s a choice. Imperfection can actually be a lovely place to be – it can be enjoyed. It can be an ever deepening exploration!
Yes, I like this too – I’ve never felt that before – that imperfection can be enjoyed… but imperfection is where the truth is… and what’s not to enjoy about that?!
When you say that “imperfection can actually be a lovely place to be” – that feels amazing. I’m choosing imperfection more and more and am loving the space I am finding, like Simon Voysey said – the space to express. It is a space to be me instead of a boxed up version I’m trying to fit.
I agree, imperfection brings a kind of quirky fun to life – it certainly doesn’t have to be something that we strive to get away from.
Awesome blog. I love what you shared here. It is so true. I have also at times in the past gone into thinking that everything has to be perfect where in fact that puts so much pressure on myself and others simply because it is not realistic.
A great blog Katherine and totally relatable. I can also relate to what you say here chan Ly, about placing pressure on ourselves to be perfect which is simply unrealistic. As we can’t be good at everything and neither do we need to be. Being who we naturally are first in our equal amazingness, blows the need for perfection right out of the water.
Yes I agree Chan Ly and Julie, perfection is unattainable – it’s based on images and ideals, and as Kathryn has outlined in this article – there is no such thing as perfection as we are all constantly evolving and changing. It’s almost as though if we attained ‘perfect’ that the bench post would move… so it feels far more true to be real and honest about where we are at.
I’m feeling like there is a very close relationship with Perfection and Comparison. To strive for perfection means we are comparing with what’s gone before, with what we feel isn’t working, isn’t good enough, we’re wanting to be ‘better’, to be seen as a pinnacle of achievement. A double whammy and very insidious in terms of the harm we’re actually doing to ourselves.
So true Alison. Perfection and Comparison feel closely related. Tipping from one to the other we can feel like we are being swallowed with a binding pattern that is hard to shake.Never quite feeling enough as we will always want to be better. There is a tension in this and it is exhausting. A double whammy and that’s for sure! Very debilitating.
I love the way you have re-defined perfection Kathryn, embracing our imperfections as opportunities to grow and learn, or accepting that we don’t have to try hard, that we are enough the way we are, brings such freedom.
I love this blog, thank you Kathryn. I can feel how hard I have been on myself for not being perfect. I can feel how the endless pursuit of perfection has trapped me into feeling myself as less because I am not perfect, and I can feel the effect this has on those around me. There is much to ponder on in this blog.
A great blog on an area so so many are plagued by. I am realising how strangling perfectionism is and how by having set myself so many pictures of perfection that when something doesn’t fit in the past I have felt like a failure and just want to hide how I am actually feeling. I am finding it freeing to let go of the need to be perfect. Thank you Kathryn.
The illusion of being perfect, seems to me, to be only a never ending drive to attain something that isn’t real and in the process only serves to take us away from who we truly are, alienating others along the way; as we strive for perfection in ourselves then we can only expect it from others. The expectation of ‘perfect’ expression is an area where we can dismiss others with our illusion of perfection, cutting them off, making them wrong, all coming from some sort of supremacy attitude. What if our expression and all else we do is only ever evolving? Seeing the divinity in ourselves and another, understanding that imperfection is just being human, could make it easier to accept others equally, without perfection. Thanks Kathryn, your blog asks us to look at ourselves and our relationship with perfection.
Thanks Mark yes, I am feeling the same sense of how striving for perfection takes us away from ourselves creating an underlying angst that we are not enough – ever! As you rightly say, perfection is an illusion, an ideal that simply serves to make us feel eternally inadequate.
I agree Mark, the desire to be perfect is ‘a never ending drive to attain something that isn’t real.’ What we think of as perfect is usually just a picture in our heads that is not at all based on reality, and is usually absent of the understanding of life.
Hi Kathryn, this blog brings a great awareness to what perfectionism is and how it keeps you captured in an illusion. It is always something you have to chase but you never catch it. And why? Because something that seems perfect at one point, already has the possibility to evolve to more than it at that point is. The text that stands out for me is ….” But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.”…., because to me this is very true.
Trying to be the Perfectionist – I know this well! and to me now it feels tense, static, imprisoning and false. Striving for perfection to be loved or lovable is something that resonates and so it is so freeing to know now that that being perfect is not attainable and is not it. Being imperfect leaves me open to expansion and learning because I am not trying to be something and therefore it is actually a much simpler way to live.
Such a great blog Kathryn, perfection is such a trick like a carrot on a stick in front of us, and when we are always looking forward we miss out on feeling all the amazingness that we already are!
Ariana, you are so direct in this comment and I really appreciate the way you deliver truth. Your line “Being perfect doesn’t exist” “it is the biggest con trick on the face of the planet”
You have blown the topic out of the water… all of a sudden being Perfect means nothing and has no power as it has been exposed by you my friend as an impossible preposterous task, thank you for your sass!!
The whole thing of pursuing perfection is a very clever lie, perhaps the cleverest. We strive for it, but it is actually impossible to attain in life on earth. So why have we made it so normal to strive for it? Perhaps we are using it to ignore something else, the pink dinosaur in the room – the fact that we cannot escape our hurts by patching them with recognition, acceptance and approval. It is a way of trying to control the outcome of the future whilst holding onto the past. It’s been a big part of my life to have this protection of getting everything right and being great at lots of things, but none of it has connected me to love. When I accept that I don’t have to be perfect and even with all my imperfections I am super and grand, I feel the floodgates of love open up and a deep sense of self-acceptance and an understanding of others.
I wonder when and how perfectionism starts. Is it with the concept of right and wrong? Making a mistake and being ridiculed so that we are forever after watching everything we do to not have that experience again? Is it that we are not supported and accepted for just being who we are with no need to ‘improve’? There is a strong push in society for faster, higher, longer, stronger – to always be better, always striving because there must be more, borne from the dissatisfaction from a lack of connection with our innate selves. Time we stopped looking outside for proof that we’re okay and instead trust and nurture our inner self.
Gorgeously expressed Kathryn. It is really doesn’t make sense how we have created and championed the belief that being perfect is a goal to reach, is ‘good’, and that who we essentially are is not enough. Chasing perfection actually caps us from living our true potential. Perfection is a limitation, as once you ‘apparently’ attain it that’s it, you’re ‘good’ so to speak and nothing more. I have chased perfection and can so relate to the exhaustion of this unattainable state. We are so much more and claiming our imperfection is actually empowering as this is how we are truly able to evolve. As you so beautifully said ‘We are forever expanding and can always go deeper…’ When we do appreciate all of who we are, the beauty and joy in living this ever-expanding quality this far exceeds any state of perfection that we think we should achieve.
Such a beautiful sharing Kathryn. Perfectionism is so rigid and tight, hence the silent screams at ourselves when we can’t live up to this ill way of being. Connecting to that part of me that knows that I am already enough takes me away from this stagnant treadmill and into a joyous spaciousness.
Beautifully shared Shelleyjones44. I agree, it definitely is riding and tight because it is very controlling. I have been like this in the past but now I am learning to not have unrealistic expectations to be in perfection from myself or others.
It wasn’t until I heard the term ‘perfectly imperfect’ that I began to really realise how imperfect I actually am and how this is actually perfect for me! Free of the the beliefs and ideals that I thought I had to be.
‘I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.’ Thank you Kathryn this is so supportive for me to read today as a reminder that striving for perfection got me nowhere but a lot of grief and appreciation of where I am and how far I have come is a perfect antidote when these feelings of should be doing better/be perfect creep in.
When we let down the walls we have built up around ourselves from ideals and beliefs, life becomes so much clearer and easier. Perfection is one of those walls, it is a barrier to what is true and holds us back from actually justing feeling free to be ourselves, with so-called imperfections and all.
So true Jo, perfection is a barrier, it keeps people out and lets no one in, it’s the perfect set up.
Great point Jo “perfection is a barrier” and it does not hold people equal if we need to strive for being better than another and their is no joy in that, but a hardness and pushing for being more…
This is beautiful – thank you Kathryn. I can feel that each time I am seeking to be perfect I am setting myself up to fail and thus feeding my lack of self worth. How inspiring to feel there is a different way to live – in forever evolving cycles, with no need for perfection.
As you say Jane176, ‘seeking to be perfect I am setting myself up to fail and thus feeding my lack of self worth’. How self-negating it is to think that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’ and what a set-up to make us close off from love that is showering on us constantly.
This sums it up for me too Marika. I had spend most of my life seeking this never attainable ‘perfection’ (even if I was good in one area, there was always an area that still needed work or could have been done even better) and always feeling I was not good enough if I fell short of this and hence trying to do more and more to make up for it. Self-acceptance – and I would add to this.. ‘self-appreciation’ – has been a huge thing for me to explore and build into my daily life – and is definitely a far more joyful and fulfilling experience (for myself and others!) than perfection!
It’s as though perfectionism and self appreciation are two opposite ends of the spectrum, with one saying you are not enough and the other confirming that we have everything we need inside of us.
A celebration of imperfection – how awesome. Your blog reminds me of the time when I let go of having to know all the answers in my work as a trainer Kathryn. What a relief to be able to accept and say, ‘I don’t know’! I particularly felt the truth of your observation that there is Divine order in ‘imperfection’ – always room for expansion. Thank you for sharing your blog.
” I am imperfectly perfect” i love that line Kathryn, something to write on street walls as a steady reminder for all of us.
I love this too Janina, it sums it all up reallly. I feel I can let go of all the false facades and false protections which was more harming than protecting to truly live life with true purpose and love.
Well said Janina, ‘I am imperfectly perfect’ does need to be written on street walls to remind us. Perfectionism is such a tyranny, such a rod that we as a race have beaten ourselves up with through the ages. The opposite of striving for perfectionism i.e. giving up and withdrawing, feels to be a response that can also come from feeling unable to meet the ‘perfectionism’ standard. Which ever way one goes with it, it ends up in misery.
Perfectionism must be discarded now for the damage it brings upon one and all.
This is what happened to me that I gave up and withdrew as I was not very good in school and knew I won’t be able to make it in such a world. This has changed now. Knowing today it is not about being perfect but being me, bringing my tenderness and joy wherever I go, I am able to work and do things I would have never imagined to do and love it.
Agreed Janina, so simple, so beautiful and so true ~ “I am imperfectly perfect”
How beautiful to see this in words. Lovingly kicking perfectionism into touch as the always just out of reach, never quite made it carrot, that kept me teetering on the edge of despair and self-denigration for so long. As I fall back into love with life and myself and our imperfections, I am open once more to learning and growing, not needing to hold my breath along the way until I get somewhere elusive. Thank you, Kathryn.
Thank you Kathryn for this great sharing , to strive for perfection holds you in a mind set to see only imperfection and sit in judgement.
The beautiful words in the blog are deeply restoring as I have been someone that also uses ‘perfection’ to hide behind and lock myself into. The freedom that comes from letting go of this perfection bubble is amazing and for me I didn’t really see just how trapped I was until I let it go. I’m still learning to let it go though as more and more layers often come up when I thought I had healed that part of myself. As you say, it is a constant changing concept that is never stagnate but always deepening and asking us to be more.
I can relate Natasha, there are many layers to perfection and they become more and more subtle and trickier to see – always more to learn!
I didn’t strive for perfection but definitely held myself up against it to not achieve it so in effect it ruled me as well. When I read “But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? ” there is a freedom offered.
A huge freedom, there is a constriction that comes with seeking perfection and a wide open space-like feel when I think about cycles and what they truly offer. How can there be a completion or a perfection when we are not moving from a to b only, but in fact are moving around and back to a point in which we already started from. Could this mean that we are returning to a point from which we already are and therefore what could there even be to perfect on?
When we reach one point there is already another waiting for us to move to. I used to want to pause or ask God to turn the volume down when it felt like life got overwhelming. I very rarely have that feeling anymore because whatever is happening I now understand it is part of a cycle and an opportunity to learn and evolve.
There is great perfection when I live in connection. My eyes are not seeking something that looks perfect because I feel perfect on the inside. Walking in connection, taking a breath in connection or cooking in connection just simply feels perfect. When I move in this rhythm, it is this that governs how things are done rather than an obsessive intent to get something right because it already feels right.
What I felt when I read your comment Matthew, was that you describe what perfect actually means, when we are coming from our absolute essence there is only that perfect quality. The bastardised version of perfect today is just a way of making people feel less from an unachievable goal outside of ourselves.
Beautifully expressed Matthew, I couldn’t agree more. Perfection is right there deep inside of us, our issue is that we seek outside of ourselves to find it, when really we don’t need to go anywhere or do anything, it is already there. Once realising this it is about accepting that we are already whole.
Beautifully said Donna. It’s about accepting the perfection already within, rather than seeking an idea of it ‘out there’. Thank you.
This is perfectly summing up for me the difference between perfection and imperfection. Because I could easily go into ‘ah, I shouldn’t be perfect, perfectionism is bad’ or any other new ideal or belief. Where really, I’ve come to see that everything I feel is there to be felt and expressed. This in all it’s imperfectionism or perfectionism (what is perfectionism, really…) just an amazing travel. The more I choose (and for me really strongly resonates, dare to choose) being in my heart, the more I allow myself to also feel the hurts. And I do need to feel them, in order to let them go. In order to learn that whatever happens outside of me, that it is not about me. And for someone who always took everything personal, this is huge!
Gorgeous Matthew I absolutely agree.
When we are disconnected…. things feel difficult and trying to ‘get it right’ comes into the activity. Paddling up stream is hard work.
The rhythm we feel when in connection feels perfect. It feels spacious and there is a gentle flow.
“…Walking in connection, taking a breath in connection or cooking in connection just simply feels perfect.” That is beautiful and so true Matthew Brown.
Mathew, this is beautiful what you wrote. When I am connected it does feels perfect in that I am in perfect harmony with the whole and everything flows with ease. But the concept of perfection that we impose on ourselves separates us from the whole and forces us to think in a line that goes from imperfect to the unattainable perfect. It holds us in a state of tension and there is a certain falseness in it just like the perfectly executed facelift which gives the illusion of youth but has a certain stiffness about it that is not natural.
This is a much needed blog for women out there Kathryn. Thank you for sharing this. I have had my own beliefs of perfectionism and in my experience trying to be perfect was setting me up for constant failure as is the trying I was never able to keep it up, it was a forever losing battle. I love how you shared that ‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving’ This makes so much sense as how can things stay the same, in this perfect expectation when we are constantly evolving. Thank you Kathryn.
Love this blog, thanks Kathryn. I can so relate to being bound head to toe by a drive to be perfect. I had this belief that if I could achieve perfection in everything I did the aching, longing feeling that I had inside that something was missing would be fulfilled. Perfection for me was about proving I was enough. This was exhausting and completely unattainable. It is through the presentations of Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Healing Modalities that I have found a way to re-connect to my inner core. I have come to know that my knowing that I am enough comes from my relationship with my innermost essence, for in here we are exquisitely beautiful so much so that no need can exist because we are already complete and full.
Beautifully shared Marika, perfection is an outer imposed view we subscribe to, instead of being in that lovely place of self acceptance and appreciation. Perfection is so limited and demanding and usually focuses on one aspect of ourselves at a time, body shape etc and always misses the whole view of the person.
I agree Melinda, we have been sold perfection as an ideal, the perfect image, the perfect job, the perfect family living in the perfect home. I don’t want to be a one dimensional card board cut out – give me a few flaws I can really appreciate.
Thank you Kathryn, this is the conversation we needed to have! For me I’ve never read a blog more powerful, as I read each word I felt the strain I’ve lived in giving my power away to the unreachable and ever changing dangling carrot of “perfection”. It’s definitely for me coming from a place of deep self judgement and feeling unworthy as I am, so much so that I’ve moulded myself in every moment to “meet the brief” so I could become what’s needed or acceptable. I will need to explore this blog again and again, but for now I thank you for assisting me to also break free of the chains of perfection.
Thanks Kathryn for your blog on perfectionism, I will be reading it again. It is a sticky topic for me that I am only starting to unravel, I even had trouble reading through this whole blog in one go and came back to read it from the start and all the way through in the last couple of days. Perfectionism has been difficult to grasp for me as there are so many things I don’t care about and am not being perfect about, so I am learning about the subtleties of perfectionism and their outplay in my life – it turns out there is a lot more perfectionism imprisonment than I realised but understanding it will be great so it can be flicked off for the tiny speck that it is.
Striving for perfectionism keeps us locked away from truly being with each other and from being with myself. True connection and joy is emerging from letting go and embracing the magic of unfoldment through ‘imperfectionism’, as you beautifully share Kathryn.
So well said Emmadanchin, it keeps us from truly being with others as well as with ourselves. It’s the opposing force to brotherhood. Kristy is right, perfection is far more insidious than we may think it is.
There is something powerfully freeing in being honest about our imperfections. It reminds me of hiding a birthmark for years and then one day revealing it by going without make up or wearing a sleeveless dress. It’s always been there and now I can admit it or not have to cover it up!
As I read this fantastic blog, I can really relate to ‘trying to be perfect’. All the things we conjure up to ensure that we are OK. What seems to underlie that subtly is that in doing that, I am also trying ‘not’ to be the amazingness that I am. There is some sense when reading about the perfection, that, yes there is perfection in the imperfect, and that really all this trying, is a cover-up to not just allow ourselves to live that perfect imperfection to its greatest ability, which means continually working on coming back to the fullness and potential of us, as you say Kathryn. This feels big, something to ponder for my day. Thank you
‘I am imperfectly perfect.’ so simple and powerful.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” There is something about imperfection that is raw and honest and makes things so much more real. Perfection is like a mask we wear and are afraid to take off just in case people will see the emptiness and facade that our need for perfection has created..
Yes Alison so many people wear the mask to hide the emptiness underneath. Once the mask is removed and the reality is felt then the healing can begin.
I love the honesty of imperfection too, I would much rather have something that is real, but imperfect, than fake and perfect. I agree perfection is definitely a mask that hides how we really feel.
This insidious and destructive mentality infects every area of life if we let it. The devastating and destructive nature of perfectionism was revealed to me a couple of years ago when I read a report by Gillian Calvert, Commissioner for Children and Young people in NSW, saying that a large proportion of teen suicide occurred amongst ‘good students’ driven by the ideal of perfectionism at HSC exam time. How can any ideal be okay when this is the result?
See more at: http://www.unimedliving.com/education/education-now-what-s-trending/when-exam-stress-becomes-a-matter-of-life-and-death-the-effect-of-exams-on-student-health-and-wellbeing.html#sthash.uBRHNuNL.dpuf
Re-reading this blog again for the second time, I felt how hideous the notion of having to be perfect is. It cuts us off from ourselves and everybody else as well. Whereas when we accept our own imperfections, when we accept ourselves as who we are, we’re also accepting the imperfections of everybody else, and thus embracing humanity in a way we couldn’t before. Imperfection is an evil ploy to create judgment and separation instead of understanding and the opportunity to forever expand.
Yes Katerina
All is for one and one is for all.
Whatever we think we are doing to ourselves effects all of our relationships and the entire world.
Our responsibility to being true to ourselves stretches far and wide.
Absolutely, perfectionism is founded on comparison with others – the measuring up, the outdoing, proving and pushing through, to be everything, greater and more worthy. It is a person seeking outside themselves.
Katerina, this is lovely what you are saying here: ‘when we accept our own imperfections, when we accept ourselves as who we are, we’re also accepting the imperfections of everybody else, and thus embracing humanity in a way we couldn’t before.’ Striving to be perfect puts the focus on our self in comparison with others. Letting go of that we can just be as we are and allow everyone else to be, and that takes away the need for comparison, jealousy or competition.
Kathryn, I feel your blog is very timely. It is time that the seeming ‘good’ of perfectionism is exposed. The fact that it looks like a ‘good’ thing is what makes it most evil i.e. mot separative. It looks like something we should all strive for, but when viewed and felt energetically it is in fact futile and imprisoning because, as you have exposed, it is used as a protective device for any of us who have bought into the false ‘I am not worthy’ mentality . . . and so firmly cements that falsity into the person and the person’s body. AS you say:
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true”.
Yes Lyndy
Being perfect is something we champion isn’t it?
Who gets the gold stars at school? The ‘perfect’ student.
How do we want to look, impress or succeed? PERFECTLY.
It is most definitely all wrapped up tightly in being good… another behaviour that binds us and squeezes the life out. Time to unravel 🙂
You really struck a cord in me Kathyrn, I have been wondering lately why I don’t go into fits of laughter, giggle, hum a lot like I did when I was a kid. What’s changed to have me suppress the free and spontaneous expression that was just there but now has been turned down… Yes I do feel I wear a ‘monitor’ that clocks every move and evaluates my performance and possibly this is my straight jacket. Awesome blog to bring me to releasing yet another ‘layer of the onion’.
I relate to what you’re writing Merrileepettinato. I’ve also been asking myself that. It is often that I have a certain way, a certain ideal, a certain belief in my head about how life, an event, a person should be. And if not, it’s like I’m attacked personally. For me it’s got a lot to do with taking on so much responsibility for others. That makes it heavy and that’s making me very busy as to how others / life should behave. And if not, I’m getting very serious and disconnect from feeling. Often this than takes a long time before I choose to let go. And underneath it all I’m feeling that there’re hurts that I don’t want to deal with as I have pictures about life which have little to do with real life. So it’s time to get more and more real. Rather than being judgemental about wanting to be perfect or going in my mind trying to figure out why I hold so much perfectionism.
There is a ‘trying’ that comes with perfection, a pleasing and control – needing to get it right or for things to be a certain way. Wow, I see what you say Kathryn about their being a joy and playfulness when perfection is dropped. For me, not needing to be perfect comes with self-acceptance and self-appreciation…something I am working with so thank you so very much Kathryn for your sharing.
Perfection is a disease, like a virus or a parasite, that sucks us dry. It feeds on our weakness and our lack of self-worth and our lack of remembering our true place on this earth. It drives us to constant bettering of our body and our life. It makes us hold back from all that we are because we buy into this enormous lie. Yet regardless of how much we allow this disease, this poison, our essence still remains untouched. We only delay in bringing it out.
Spot on Sara.The disease know as Perfection is a worldwide epidemic.
And underneath this cloak our Divinity sparkles. Imagine if we all let go of the weight of this demon and simply allowed our essence to shine through.
Then the way we connected… The way we raised children. Schooling. Health & Lifestyles… So much of the way we lived would feel very different.
Well said Sara. It is a disease and it does feed on an underlying lack of self-worth that we erroneously think is us. It’s in gently and steadily building a strong and tender foundation where we can fall back on ourselves as we unravel these destructive patterns that we can truly turn this around. Without this loving foundation in which we can hold ourselves, it’s too much — we can freak out and be enormously hard on ourselves, and lo and behold we’re back in the self-bashing cycle of perfection once again.
Very well said Sara… Perfection is a disease – you could even call it an epidemic; it really does trap people in their lack of self worth and cement them there, whilst they always try and dig themselves out by striving for a ‘perfect life’. It is indeed quite poisonous, and the place I see it taking most affect is through the media. Magazines and TV display celebrities as having ‘perfect lives’, which makes those who don’t have the same kind of money, looks, family or glamorous life react and potentially spend years trying to match up to those in the media who are (behind the scenes) actually often not living well at all.
Yes Susie, the media is perpetuating this poison with their representation of celebrity ‘idols’ living plastic fantastic lives…and yet we are all privy to the same poison, even if it is less obvious and not as glamourised, we still use perfection to keep us in a rut and a cycle that keeps confirming that we are not good enough. So great to be having this discussion and calling perfection out for what it is.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect’. Love it Kathryn. Your words are both wise and inspiring – great blog thankyou.
Thank you Kathryn, I loved reading your blog. “In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect. This simply is not true.” Understanding and feeling the truth of this sentence is so absolutely freeing, and reading these words in particular “never allowing myself to feel unravelled” brought a feeling of release and letting go in my body.
I can relate to the keeping it together and focus on how others perceived me – that i needed to be perfect to be loved and accepted by another and yet this was never-ending and never achievable so i was forever chasing an elusive ideal. All this served to do was alienate me from others and further disconnect me from my true wisdom and power.
Since i let go of the need to be perfect, i have noticed that i am more open, allowing of others to be where they are at, i have let go of judgement towards myself and others and i am letting love in and allowing people to see the real me.
It’s interesting to feel the tension in my body as I read your blog Kathryn, I can so relate to what you are sharing. I know that I have been very much caught up in the perfection game and how much control comes into this. It’s interesting to to see where this plays out, for it’s not everywhere. It’s like I have an ideal on what something should be like and I do everything possible to reach that, whether it be relationships or my performance at work. I remember I used to really struggle with saying “I don’t know”, not wanting to let people down. Not now. The tension created in this is incredible. Letting go of wanting to control situations and outcomes and myself is a work in progress and there is a much less sense of striving for perfection in this. Imperfection is the new black.
The key for me here Kathryn is that we are forever changing – evolving. If I stop and feel what this means there is an enormous and natural responsibility inherent in everything I think, feel and do! The quality and awareness I bring to everything is my marker. It all comes back to my choices every time an opportunity presents itself in a cycle.
Perfectly said Bernadette- ‘The quality and awareness I bring to everything is my marker. ‘ this is do true, the quality we bring to every moment ends up being our life.
Expressed in that way Johanna08smith, ‘the quality we bring to every moment ends up being our life’, is powerful and highlights my responsibility in every moment. Thank you!
Another very powerful blog Kathryn. It makes me wonder who invented the word ‘perfection’ and why. Love your personal interpretation of the word ‘imperfection’ – “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
Perfectionism caps my potential. I have been striving for it my whole life and have felt a constant anxiety in my body. This is no wonder as I am asking myself to be something that I am not. It slows me down whilst being in a real push and drive towards these goal posts that keep moving further away whilst I try to gain distance.
It so caps potential Annie, and it is a devastating reality. We each have SO much to be, and the possibility to shine so freely and so brightly is always there but it is so easy to get caught up in the construct of perfection, all the pressure to be a certain way in society, pulls us from every angle. The only way to break the perfection bubble is deep contentment with self and feeling deeply the beautiful qualities that we all have.
That’s a great way to put it Annie, driving towards the goal posts that keep moving away – and still trying to trick ourselves that we can somehow meet them. Such a recipe for disaster and I can feel how that can make me go into thinking that I am not good enough instead of seeing and accepting all that I am now.
Yes Annie – ‘Perfection’ as you have mentioned is so much less that we already are. It also is totally disempowering. Time to Bless the world by being ourselves and celebrating that in full.
I can remember always referring to myself as a “perfectionist” and in that there was always a knowing of a weakness that existed in choosing this job title. Perfection is a state you can never reach, it is simply an unattainable ideal that keeps you locked in self criticism and never feeling like you will ever measure up. I didn’t need to wait for feedback about my work, for even when I received acclaim there lay the daggers I stabbed into myself putting myself down … It’s the strangest thing to be cast asunder, a persecution of a fashion … I have to be perfect before I am worthy of love … How crazy that all sounds now for now life is an absolute joy as I laugh and play with expressing me, a gorgeous, gorgeous woman!
The debilitating affects of perfectionism are quite enormous, for perfectionism is a tail forever chased and never captured… striving for it denies us the beauty and expansion that can be experienced when we truly appreciate all that we bring in that moment and our imperfection in that is honoured and embraced.
Beautifully stated Samantha, honouring our imperfections is such a huge step in appreciation for self and others and a very freeing feeling.
I never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, but where does the drive to keep doing things come from? There is a feeling of never being / doing enough. This morning I woke with the realisation that nobody is breathing down my neck telling me I must do all the things I tell myself I must do, so why am I constantly pushing myself to work beyond what my body says it can do? It’s as if I have this false image of me that I can never attain, whereas seeing who I am, accepting the body I have, and appreciating every single thing about me, will help me to feel that not only am I enough, I am already everything, I just need to give myself permission to (a) appreciate and (b) express it.
Gorgeous Carmel, and Kathryn! There must be something in the air for many of us around busting the perfection myth – a few days ago I booked in for a workshop on perfectionism and how it holds us back. I’m looking forward to understanding more about this crazy desire to be flawless. How and when did it start and why? And who do we feel we’re letting down if we’re less than perfect?
Well said Victoria- we do seem to be in a society that is falsely striving to be flawless.
Just in relation to this ‘flawless’ thing Johanna and Carmel, I remember many years ago meeting this very sexy gorgeous woman who became part of our ‘group’. One of her front teeth was dark as it had ‘died’. She remarked on this fatal flaw to me one day and I realised that in my eyes it had the effect of making her even more beautiful and expressed this to her. Her natural beauty was far more powerful than this tiny blemish and it somehow honestly simply showed the fact that she had lived life and was ‘imperfect’. The accessibility that came with this tooth opened one’s heart and made her adorable!
Great questions Victoria, I really love what Kathryn and Carmel have given us – a gift of freedom from the locking controlling straight jacket of perfection. You have all helped me realise that the curse of perfection has been behind what I have used to shut people out. In that, I have never consistently let people in to really feel and see ALL of me in case they see I am not perfect, that I am a fraud. I am floored by what this had done to me and my relationships – all driven by something so not real and unattainable that keeps me in an empty drive to be more. I am smiling from inside out as I feel my body ease into the truth and wisdom that I am enough and that is everything.
Ditto Carmel – you have expressed so well my thoughts and questions to self.
I appreciate your comment Carmel, I also am so familiar with that feeling in the body and the drive is exhausting, the point is, by simply appreciating who I am I can express more of that inner beauty that longs to shine. If I don’t do it , who will or who am I waiting for to do it?
Carmel, you certainly speak to me here and I’m sue to many others. That voice that says ‘come on’ you need to ‘do more’, ‘you’re not enough’ etc is also the voice of perfection… wow, what a set-up we can create for ourselves. In seeing it though we actually see that it is a set-up, a game we have played for aeons which, from our now awareness, we can now stop playing ball with.
Whole-heartedly agree with you Katerina and Carmel, that insidious voice of ‘perfection’ which says “‘come on’ you need to ‘do more’, ‘you’re not enough’ ” becomes the driving force for all that we do. It keeps us on edge, in nervous energy, and so all we produce thenceforth carries that same unease instead of the richness of who we are. Perfection cannot even begin to know the stupendous-ness we come from and can be aligned to.
Carmel this is so very true. The false image seems to push us to perform.
But why so when we are all-ready everything?
Giving ourselves permission to express and appreciate our Divinity is key.
Absolutely Kathryn, there is great dishonesty in living this way, as it can never be our natural expression but a calculated performance.
Carmel, gorgeous comment. There is such a seriousness to perfection alongside the pressure. So called “mistakes” can be such fun, and there is incredible joy in learning and uncovering new things about ourselves and life, yet perfection very effectively puts a lid on this natural joyous process and the sense of adventure as we find our way in life. Perfection is a real dampener on the joy of discovery.
‘Perfection is a real dampener on the joy of discovery.’ Thank you Carmel and Melinda for exposing the joylessness of chasing perfection and how it smothers the joy of the adventure of life.
I love this Carmel and can so, so relate! I have many times wanted to use the excuse that someone is breathing down my neck telling me I must be doing ‘xyz’ but if I’m totally honest, most of the push behind this comes from ‘me’ and me not wanting to take full responsibility for my choices that had me saying ‘yes’ in the first instance! I love how you bring this back to acceptance and appreciation – something that is a great reminder for me.
so true Carmel, there is nobody breathing in our neck nor somebody standing in our house giving us a to-do list every morning the moment we wake up. We put this pressure on ourselves and therefor also on others. Appreciation is key. Imagine a breath of appreciation in our neck….
Hi Carmel, I too have lately come to realise that I can also be a bit of a perfectionist. Funny, I always used to blame others for this. Ouch. As you say, no one else is asking me to be perfect, and I am now learning to not push myself beyond what my body can do. This can vary from day to day as I am learning to really feel into how my body feels.
What you have described Carmel is the perfect antidote for perfectionism – acceptance and appreciation, all very new to me. I know now that the drive and push to get things done to prove to myself and others that I am enough has never worked. There is always something else to achieve etc, etc. I am learning that to accept and appreciate myself I am giving myself permission to just be, all I need is already within me no push or drive needed.
Kathryn – your blog is gold! I have had a strong relationship with perfection all my life which has created lots of self worth issues, not to mention exhaustion. As I have come to understand that imperfection is natural and healthy, I am learning to sit back and let things go when I have made mistakes, simply seeing them as consequences of choices I made. While it is an ongoing process, I can notice that the more I am able to do this, the more I can feel the tension leave my body and space is created for a more harmonious rhythm.
I agree that perfectionism is hard work – it is draining.
There is constant tension in my body if i seek to be perfect and instant ease, harmony and acceptance when i let go of needing to be anything.
You’re right. Perfectionism is an imposition – but it’s a self-inflicted predicament, heartily embraced as a route to what we erroneousy believe will bring us acceptance, recognition and ultimately love. It’s most definitely an incarceration, taking us further away from the true freedom that comes from knowing our own inner self worth.
Kathryn, this is a great blog, I have used perfectionism as a prison to keep myself held back, controlled, wound up like a tight spring, not allowing myself to receive the joy in my life.
Perfectionism is like a school girl in a uniform—she cannot take her tie off or have her shirt out or even run in the cement ground in a school (especially in Asia), she has to talk in a particular and proper manner, she has to lower her head and cannot look or stand equally to her teachers. Perfectionism is robbing away the life and realness of people, diminishing them into a very quiet and shruken version of themselves.
Love all you have shared here Kathryn, thank you. Releasing ourselves from the self imprisonment of needing to be perfect, allows ourselves to be – exactly perfectly who we are with all our imperfections.
You have mentioned the geisha and tightly bound feet Kathryn, it is true that the Oriental consciousness is tightly tied with perfectionism. The strive towards perfectionism and the illusion that we have achieved it is a prison holding our hearts captive, when naturally the heart wants to emanate and express out. This holding in and holding back is reflected in the body physically, only because energetically we have already chosen suppression and contraction. The evil here is to make what is so unnatural into a form of celebration—women are considered precious with a greater prospect of marriage when they have 3 inch bound feet, and geishas are looked upon as pleasure for and the desire of men, what the world is calling celebration is a deeply suppressed and contracted form that women has taken on, it is not truth.
I never would have said I was a perfectionist but just lately the subject is coming up a lot and I am starting to see that there is something there to look at, like I hate making mistakes and find it hard to let it go – this in itself is abusive. This is a great subject, thanks Kathryn.
You have found wonderful words to describe the trap of perfection and the natural agility of imperfection. One is a one-way road the other is the way. I am wondering, if what we suspect as perfect is in truth trying to imitate the glory of imperfection and divineness on a misguided way?
I can so relate to your blog Kathryn although I never consciously sought perfection. It was just about not being allowed to make mistakes, as any mistake would only confirm my unworthiness of love. I lived in fear of people ‘finding me out’ to not be so loving, helpful flexible etc. Now I now that it is not that I was not all these things but that deep down I realized none of this came from being truly myself. It all had an ulterior motive of needing to be accepted and liked. Just recently I got to feel all of me without the constrictions of perfectionism and boy was it awesome to feel the lightness, the playfulness, the love and ease of simply being me.
That’s a great description, Kathryn, I feel I am imperfectly perfect too. It’s impossible and unrealistic to aim for perfection but it is very liberating to be ourselves accepting our imperfections.
I so love your blog, after reading it yesterday I can feel it really stayed with me. Today I love being imperfectly perfect. I am with myself, fully relaxed in that, and I just made a mistake at work and normally I would go into this story of thoughts and now I just said, oh yes, that was me, I made a mistake and called my colleague, explained it, took away the confusion I created and we had a big laugh. So simple and so wonderful, and I still feel great. I am letting go of the need to do everything good and right and embracing that I am a student of life and learning every day.
A brilliant blog, Kathryn, exposing how striving for perfection goes against the nature of Divinity – which is in constant evolution. Every moment is perfect in its imperfection, there’s always more to come.
So beautiful Kathryn. When I read the top definition of perfection being ‘without flaws’ – the first word that came to me was ‘Soul’. There is a part of us that is deeply divine and knows nothing but love – this is what I would call as having no ‘flaws’. We are not just our soul however, and so we are not the flawless love that our Soul is, day in & day out. Our unfoldment and passage through these cycles allows us to become more soul-full each day, as we return to our innermost way of being once more.
For me my relationship with perfection has always led to misery. Because perfection can never be achieved in this world, the constant criticism and focus on every flaw is a huge weight like you write – a big, humourless, restrictive armour! It’s no fun when we spend our time focusing on everything that is supposedly flawed in life. I have experienced and found such freedom in myself and others by expressing imperfection – a knowing that we are learning and will forever do so feels lighter than trying to find a box, a ‘picture perfect’ way of life and cram ourselves into it and stay there.
Kathryn your blog has touched me profoundly. I resonate with your analogy of how being a perfectionist ‘felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless’, especially the tightly bound feet. Thank you for bringing this from the shadows and into the light.
Its all about acceptance really, If we are trying to be perfect we are not accepting who we are.
I agree, Natalie. Acceptance, honesty, appreciation and understanding. If we are trying to be perfect we are also not appreciating all that we already are, or accepting that we are where we are as a consequence of our choices. We will be somewhere else (at a different point), when we choose to be there. The mind can’t force us to be something we are not, something that we’ve not yet chosen to live.
The striving to be perfect, to bring perfection into doing is a lot of pressure to be under and it cripples spontaneity, being adventurers, it is very controlling. Just thinking about it I feel such restriction……..yet being more accepting of oneself as we are, allows us to accept imperfection and that it is natural to be imperfect. Kathryn this is a wonderful and needed blog to raise how perfection is actually an imperfection because it is restrictive!
Kathryn, I don’t know where to start with this amazing, amazing blog, there’s so much in it … maybe with: “… perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto … ”
I so appreciate being presented with the (consciousness-breaking) notion that perfection might be just a concept – how freeing is that?! That actually the true person is just fine as they are and the apparent ups and downs of life are not imperfections, they are our teacher and guide, they are ‘perfect’ for us.
I will be revisiting this blog several times to keep exploring, thank you for writing it 🙂
The concept of perfection doesn’t exist in nature. Who ever would define the perfect tree, or the perfect whale? And so striving as a human to perfection seems like pure arrogance.
Kathryn thankyou for joining some dots for me: “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour”. I’m going to observe myself more deeply and feel for what is actually going on when I’m aware that I don’t feel like I have a sense of humour. At moments I have even used the term “I’m having a sense of humour by-pass” which means that what ever is going on I’m taking things quite seriously. Now I’m going to ponder the need for perfectionism behind the seriousness.
What a gorgeous blog Kathryn, I get the sense of a huge waterfall cascading down my living room wall; it’s perfect because that’s just the way it is.
The need to be perfect was compounded by the shame of never achieving it – it was always unattainable and so I felt wrong and rotten to the bone and never wanted anyone ever to discover this and so I kept up the facade of being perfect and kept people out, until I received support from Serge Benhayon and did a Women In Livingness Workshop/s with Natalie Benhayon, not it is a work in progress but not something I am unaware of and therefore cannot be overtaken by.
Me too Terri-Anne. Very much a work in progress but there is so much awareness of it now and the rigidity it creates in my body is very painful, so I can very easily call it out, because it’s just not me!
Great article Kathryn, how many of us suffer from this illness? That is what I call the notion of being perfect – a sickness, insidious by its nature. It undermines all that we truly are and keeps us locked away from expressing and enjoying all that is naturally there within us. And it gets worse because if we are unable to connect, appreciate and simply be ourselves how can we be comfortable, connected or intimate with another, as you have so beautifully expressed here – “In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others”.
It doesn’t make sense to pursue perfection to protect ourselves from the possibility of not measuring up, not being enough for the world, because in every step we take in that pursuit, we are telling ourselves that we are not good enough and thus hurting ourselves. And round and round the merry-go-round we go, searching for perfection, and if we ever do achieve, is anyone around to see it? No? Oh well, let’s go round again. What strikes me as another crazy thing is that in being perfect we think we have achieved a moment that is ‘free’ of imperfection, but in that moment we are in the darkest prison, yet we are fooled by the chains made of gold.
Well expressed Jinya. We often choose golden chains in this illusion, rather than the open door of the cage to just be who we are and spread our wings. The strive for perfection is such a trick. We think we are making ourselves better but just hurt ourselves in this endless chase.
So true, Jinya. What an insidious lie perfection is, it’s a way to keep us small and contracted, imprisoned with our own insecurities. There is no room for brotherhood, no sense of equal-ness or unity, just an unrelenting attachment to the unattainable.
That’s exactly it Alison. Whilst we are all chasing our tails trying to be perfect for everyone else, we are separate from one another and that is why for so many of the human race, true brotherhood is nothing more than a mirage. Perfection, being the highest level of good, is the darkest and cleverest game to be played by, for we are nothing but pawns and puppets, exhausting ourselves in doing the bidding of an invisible master.
Brilliant blog, thank you Kathryn. This ideal of perfectionism has run through my life and still does if I let it. It is so inhibiting and stopping of any true flow and aliveness. It cages us and stops us from spreading our wings. However I sometimes feel that something is perfect because it feels so true and in that sense it is perfect – it is in harmony and there is joy – an enlightening moment.
Trying to uphold your perfectionism in group work is an unachievable task. Hence perfectionism isolates us from others and this is not how humanity is meant to work so there is no room for perfectionism if we are to come together as one united.
Kathryn this is a really profound blog. I love how you clarify how perfectionism is a redundant illusion since it is an end goal we can never attain as life is lived in circles and cycles, and we can only go deeper as we go round given there is no linear end. Giving ourselves permission to let go of the idea of being the best or better but embrace ourselves in full, including our imperfections, is liberating. I know there is still work to do for me on this, but you have inspired me with your words. Thank you.
Kathryn I love this article. I love the descriptive way that you write. I love the way that you make the subject tangible and alive and I also love what you have written about. Oh the glory of what you have written. You have delivered the topic of perfectionism v cycles, in such an animated way and made it so accessible. I can feel it in my body. I shall read this again, not just for the deeper learning but for the joy of your writing !
Awesome Kathryn, how clearly you present perfection. The perfection I had always aimed for is in fact a cap BECAUSE it is a finite, it has an imagined end. That ideal will never be reached and nor should it be, because the very nature of evolution is continual change and unfolding – never arriving at the final point (that is total illusion) – but always moving with the tiniest and grandest cycles on offer from the universe.
Yes Rosanna the illusion of arriving at the final point seems to take us out and further away from who we are which is grander than anything we could imagine. I can feel the control and arrogance in striving for perfection. Like trying to control the ocean. 🙂
Great analogy Kathrynfortuna… how exausting that would be !
I love your blog Kathryn. Perfection is poisonous and subjective. What one sees as perfection may not be for another. There is another version that is, well . . . perfect, and that is the joy of the ‘what is’.
One of the things I realized when I was reading your blog is that I have this pressure of being perfect in relationships, and I suffer so much when someone reacts or is not happy with my words, actions, expressions, and I get this feeling that everything is broken and it is the end. It is not perfect.
Very recently I have started to allow for imperfections in relationships, disagreements. So then changes of moods and harsh words do not mean it is the end. Accepting people and myself with our flaws and personalities and hurts is so much more flexible and allows for so much more in relationships. We can just go back to love and fun so easily.
I too have been owned by the ‘perfection’ illusion and often still find myself walking into this trap.
Something I have discovered though, since making a choice to lift the veil on the perfection illusion is how beautiful imperfection is. Imperfection is real, imperfection is a willingness to say yes to what’s next, even if we are at risk of making mistakes or even failing.
Imperfection is embracing truth. You can’t fully say yes to truth if you have a need to be perfect, because truth, whatever that turns out to be, means committing to and being prepared to see what IS and what IS NOT in full with no attachment to the outcome or the way you’ll be perceived in the reflection of truth.
‘imperfection is a willingness to say yes to what’s next’ I love this Kate and can feel the expansiveness in your words. It feels like true freedom and trusting in the Divine plan.
Kate, I love your point about being willing to make mistakes. Our fear of ‘being wrong’ or ‘failing’ is so crippling. As a parent, I found it’s very easy to be overly protective of your children, particularly when they are little, but it’s such a dis-service. It’s so important for us to realise, at a young age, that we all make mistakes and if we aren’t making any, we’re probably holding ourselves back.
I have used the idea of perfection as the ‘perfect’ excuse – it being impossible to be perfect as a get out of jail free card so to speak, as means to settle for less, to be less, be worth less and to even to do less. All of which could also be turned upon myself as ‘proof’ of my fallibility further cementing my “imperfection”.
Today I live with far far less judgement of myself and others and find that I express more, do more and certainly don’t settle for less. All of which add up to a largely glorious me – without perfection …
As a read what you have shared Helen I can feel the struggle that goes with perfection, something I know very well. As I accept more of who I am, the needing perfection falls away and life becomes much less of the struggle and much more joyful.
As a bit of a perfectionist myself, I loved reading your blog, I had never made the connection between imperfection and cycles – how being imperfect actually allows room for evolution, for change, where as perfection is a tightly bound, restrictive state.
Love it Kathryn – “I am imperfectly perfect.” I never thought I would say this also. Perfectionism is something I held on to for dear life, resulting as I grew up with bulimia. Striving to achieve to be perfect was so debilitating and no playfulness in sight and as you shared Kathryn, a form of protection. I was always so serious and stressed. Lifting the lid on perfectionism has opened the door for me to feel what I enjoy doing, connecting with others and being more me instead of putting on a facade.
I love this Kathryn. I definitely still strive for perfection – particularly with my body; although I’m working on figuring out what my true figure is, in my eyes my body is so far from ‘perfect’ that when I’m told I should accept and appreciate my body sometimes I’m like ‘have you seen me?’. Pretty horrendous I know, but because I have such a deeply engrained ideal of ‘my perfect body’, anything less than that is ‘ugly’ to me… It is something I’m working on, but your blog is really supportive to read. This I love – ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Thank you for sharing!
What is so gorgeous with Kathryn’s article is that she has embraced all those imperfections because she has felt deep inside the real glory of being a woman. Susie your comment reminds me so much of when I was a teenager struggling to comes to terms with how my body was and looked, and that it did not match the ‘perfect figure’ picture I had in my head. I held myself to ransom with that ideal for over 20 years never feeling truly sexy or attractive, but now when I look at photos of myself then, I see a gorgeous young woman unable to accept who she was. There is so much more to us than our dress size and the more we embrace our stillness, delicacy and rich love, the more our body will express all we are.
Perfectionism not only imprisons ourselves, it has a huge impact on those around us. The expectations of perfectionism we place on ourselves we also place on others, so not only are we never good enough, but no-one else is either. In this state there is no possibility of appreciation of ourselves or others, which is a pretty sad and extremely abusive place to live from. As someone who has both been a ‘perfectionist’ and been on the receiving end of perfectionism, I can truly say it is absolutely crushing and completely love-less.
Great point, Lucy. There is a stubbornness and intolerance to perfection, the only ‘way in’ for others to contribute, is if they do exactly what they’re told, with the precision of a robot, no room at all for self expression or ‘other ideas’. Until now, I really hadn’t appreciated how ‘crushing’ and ‘loveless’ perfection is.
Kathryn I love your writing on perfection as it simply makes sense of so much of the world and how it is set up to keep us all striving for this, when really it is something that does not exist. I love your sharing that, as we are constantly evolving to go deeper and be more love, perfection cannot ever be reached. It is definitely part of the illusion of the world we all keep alive by trying to live when really we hold ourselves back in the chains and shackles of this instead of simply being ourselves from the inside out which is beautiful always without any trying. Thank you.
It is not uncommon to hear someone say – he is the perfect dad, perfect mum or perfect son. I have wondered what that means? Two completely different parents may comment that their child is ‘perfect’. Does that mean that ‘perfection’ is in the eye of the beholder? Does it mean there is judgement attached to this belief according to who is making the comment. I always wanted to be seen to be the perfect daughter and the criteria was made up of being polite always, smiling, good, quiet and always anticipating others needs. What if behaving this way drives someone else crazy and thus perfection in this case would be seen as something other than perfection. For me the whole idea of ‘Perfection’ is fraught with minefields and is determined or weighted against changing rules and expectations. Give me imperfection any day, as then I am guaranteed truth, acceptance, true appreciation and love. Great blog Kathryn – actually imperfectly perfect 🙂
I love what you have said here ch1956. ” For me the whole idea of ‘Perfection’ is fraught with minefields and is determined or weighted against changing rules and expectations” and as you also question “does that mean perfection is in the eye of the beholder? So in both cases perfection cannot be achieved, and so we can only ever be imperfectly perfect or is that perfectly imperfect??
I love this article. I was a perfectionist most of my life and always striving ‘to get there’. I have dropped that a lot however this article has shown me how I still have elements of that going on. I particularly loved reading “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment”. That allowed me to see the rigidity and the lack of flow that comes in those moments that I try to be perfect in an area. Thank you Kathryn.
Wow so powerful Kathryn. Feeling your freedom from letting go of perfectionism is deeply inspiring. Can you please write something on Appreciation? I would love to read it.
Lets all write something on appreciation, how powerful would that be.
As I ponder more on perfection I realise that maybe I’ve never been much of a ‘perfectionist’ but more a person of ‘detail’. I’m feeling there’s quite a difference. Details are very important, in fact isn’t it the details that reveal our expression in what we do? They allow for a deeper level of care and consideration with whatever is being done. There is a thoroughness to details that really appeals to me.
I had that same realisation Alison – that an appreciation of and attention to detail and order is like the divine version of perfectionism. I also felt too that on some level we will feel drawn to perfection because where we come from is far grander than where we find ourselves now, on planet Earth. Knowing the beauty of the universal, the earthly can feel like something far, far less. The key then is acceptance – that where we are now is no less divine or deserving of our appreciation. We’re human and we’re divinely imperfect.
This is brilliant exposé of the harmfulness of attempting to be perfect.
“I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.” This is truly gorgeous.
‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express.’ …. beautifully said. What works now may not work in 5 mins, 5 days or 5 months, it’s just for now, this moment in time. This shows the importance of being open to change and having the awareness to see what may be being presented to us to use in any given moment. The ability to step outside the box, see the bigger picture and beyond, to know that the possibilities are endless. This feels so expansive, encompassing and ‘evolutionary’, definitely no place for perfection.
Your blog reveals how restricting imperfection is Kathryn. I love the way you describe how life is a series of cycles where we can continuously evolve and expand to a deeper level.
Perfection has a child which dominates our life just as much as its parent: being right. The two of them throttle our expression and attempts to ensure that others conform to our beliefs and need to control life’s grandeur. It is a futile effort that will always end in disappointment, for the grandness of who we are is twice as grand because we are imperfect, and because we have the capacity to learn from our mistakes and therefore expand. The seeking of perfection is to attempt to keep ourselves from being able to be more than who we think we are. Who we truly are is far more than our minds can possibly conceive.
I never thought of it this way Naren.. embracing our imperfection lets us learn from our mistakes and therefore grow and “expand” into the “grandness of who we are”, whereas perfection keeps us from knowing this grandness – it keeps us in the bounds of our minds, not allowing us to explore that we are more than who we think we are.
Good call Naren. The need to ‘be right’ is a horrible thing, and can have as deep a hold on us as the need to be perfect. Actually the need to be anything other than who we are is totally unnecessary.
I love this comment Naren, thank you. In holding on to the idea that we mustn’t fall down, trip up or boo-boo because that then makes us ‘less’ because we’ve slipped up from being perfect, we cut ourselves off from true evolution. We dismiss our own unfolding to forever expand as you say and be more and more of the grandness within us which is simply waiting to come out.
Naren I love this point you have shared ‘The seeking of perfection is to attempt to keep ourselves from being able to be more than who we think we are’.
Who we are is beyond our wildest dreams and trusting in this is paramount to evolving.
Naren the child of perfection is being right and that’s for sure. 🙂 🙂
And they both stifle our expression and prevent us from ever feeling the expansiveness of who we truly are.
Hi Naren, I can really relate to this. I remember being in primary school and the stress of getting it right, doing things right, and if I could not, there was a feeling that I didn’t exist in the schoolroom and was not therefore worthy of attention or being connected to. It’s a lot of pressure to put on children this focus on getting it right and doing everything perfectly, without actually caring about the little person inside.
Oooh great point Naren. Being right is a very poor alternative to being true. The small mind strives to be right or be perfect all as part of proving oneself as an individual. Being true requires us only to be at one with everyone and the all – so simple but not so easy to surrender the mind to.
Great call Naren, perfectionism will always lead to disappointment and making us feel that we are not enough only to provide a false sense of protection from not feeling the hurt deep within our bodies. It takes honesty and the willingness to let go of our baggage to be able to expand to the grandness that we are.
A beautiful blog to read on a topic that has got it my way as well. When you share “I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.” its certainly something I relate to yet as you’ve also shared the beauty in imperfection and the true freedom of evolution this brings.
The pursuit of perfectionism: frustration, exhaustion, disappointment. We don’t need it.
Yes kehinde2012… next time I bash myself for being imperfect (which I can do a lot), I’ll see the straight-jacket Kathryn describes, keeping me all bound in something I’m not. Off it goes!!
Kathryn, this is so true ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Imperfection, is quirky, fun and true, perfection feels ridged and lacking in fluidity.
Thank for sharing Kathryn, I was too held tightly in the grip of perfection and trying to please everyone and look the part in everything I did – it was exhausting! It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I saw that life is not about being perfect rather it is about learning, re-learning how to be more loving with ourselves and others and so when you are a student learning you are going to make mistakes and that is the beauty of them they allow us to grow otherwise we stay ‘static’ exactly where we are and not returning back to the love we all naturally are from.
Beautiful James, because perfection always feels like it’s taking me somewhere I hadn’t realised it was actually keeping me static. Perfectly said, thank you.
So true James. The grip of perfection keeps us static and not in the evolutionary flow that we all so beautifully belong to.
Wow Kathryn, this is so gorgeous to read, ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust’, I can feel my body relax reading this and I feel a sense that I am enough as I am, it stops all the striving and trying to be something/someone and leaves no room for self criticism.
AND: The idea of perfection is also an idea of separation. We are designed to work together, to build jointly something more then just put the pieces together. Everyone has to bring their piece – which is beautiful described in the blog of Kathie Johnson “From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey”. So to strive perfection is – beside that is will never work – leaving us separated and alone.
As you said Kathryn, Perfection is the idea of an end. The idea/the concept of someday we will be ready, finished. End. But their is no end – just evolving. It is going on and on. So ‘changing’ is the way to go – with no end.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” I love this sentence Kathryn – thanks for a gorgeous post. I see nature as being perfectly imperfect – yet ‘imperfect’ flowers and trees are still beautiful. The sense of relief on reading this and understanding that we too can also be imperfectly perfect takes away the striving and struggle.
Being a perfectionist in the past myself I can attest to how freeing it is to let that go. No goal to achieve, no constant strive nor drive – just the joy about and beauty of forever evolving. However, it´s not so easy to let go the perfectionism – I tried it for years without any remarkable changes. Only when I came to Universal Medicine and started to heal the old hurts within me that I tried to protect with my perfectionism I could begin to let it go. Now – without the perfectionism – my life is much more effortless and joyful and like you I enjoy the little imperfections – also those within me and in other people. 🙂
“It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others” – it was this reference to pleasing others… being nice and super competent that is my achilles heel, that really hit home. There are times when the comfortable status quo needs to be challenged, or even die a little death so that something new, something with more capacity for love in this every expanding universe of ours can evolve. I find those initial steps challenging as they inevitably burst the previous ideal of perfection, but once a step is taken it quickly becomes obvious that the new path offers more than could possibly have been imagined in the old way.
Yes Simon ‘status quo needs to be challenged, or even die a little death so that something new, something with more capacity for love in this every expanding universe of ours can evolve’ I fully agree and the striving for perfection does not allow for this.
Perfectionism is the entrance ticket to a land of forever busyness. I guess that’s the reason why it sells so well in a world where everything is geared towards trying to not feel.
I love this, Felixschumacher and can so relate to the ‘land of forever busyness’.
What a simple, amazing blog, Kathryn. Perfectionism is so rife in our world and this blog could well be the first nail in its coffin! For me personally, and in my work in the lifestyle/stress prevention area, I have found that trying to always be perfect is one of the biggest causes of stress. The pressure this brings on oneself and on one’s relationships is immense. I love your claim that you are an extraordinarily beautiful woman just being yourself, and that there is no room for perfection in that. “Imperfectly perfect” is such a great way of describing that -so playful…
This is a blog which I could very much relate to as years ago I used to pride myself on being a perfectionist. It was a tag and label, something by which I could be recognised by. I too have discovered how imprisoning that belief was and whilst I allow myself now to do what I do with as much of me as I can muster at the time, I allow myself imperfection, which is absolutely perfect.
Thank you Kathryn, I could feel this was a very empowering article as the shackles of perfectionism were removed.
Yes and made me stop to really look at ‘perfection’ and what it is really about!
Perfection – perfecting perfectionism – that was how I was living and allowing that persistent drive to sap me of energy trying to not make mistakes – just too much pressure. As you share ‘driven by an external force of never feeling enough’ Allowing ourselves to unfold with our own natural rhythms has a flow and gentleness that speaks volumes. A beautiful sharing with us all Kathryn thank you.
Yes Marion, perfectionism is a disease that takes us completely out of our natural rhythm, and puts our bodies under a huge pressure that we are not designed to live with.
So many little gems in this blog Kathryn, I had to come back and re-read. And yes, don’t we have to be ‘unravelled’ and exposed in all our unloving choices so that we have much more space to feel ‘truth’, the truth of knowing that as human beings we can never be perfect for we are always growing and changing just like the seasons and nature.
This is great Kathryn, I have been trying (and sometimes still fall for it) to be perfect but it feels like a constant drain and it separates me from myself and also from others, it makes me so tight in my skin I can hardly breath. It can never be more than trying because we are not perfect, only perfect just the way we are with all our imperfections. ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Never a dull moment with being who we are.
“I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition.” I love this Kathryn, I can relate entirely to this self imposed prison you discuss. I have found that there is no room or space in a life of perfectionism, not only did I imprison myself but those around me too.
Yes, that’s an important point Jenny. Perfection does not only imprison us, but also those around us who are harmed by our expectations, beliefs and tensions of how we and they ‘should’ be. It’s an ultimate form of control.
What an awesome expose’ on Perfection, you did it perfectly!! Kidding but seriously great subject to bust open I have feeling you are going to see heaps of comment from me on this blog, the seed of your blog Kathryn is opening up in to such interesting conversations thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Love it Sarah. The layers of perfect in across all realms of life bind us (me) so tightly. It is such an import topic to pull apart.
Well said Kathryn. There is a freedom in letting go of the need to match up to our perceived idea of being perfect. It sounds to me that you have found a perfect way to be where you say “Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.
In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.”
Sounds like you have really claimed yourself in the beauty of who you are Kathryn. Its such a great thing to have an understanding of, that life is all about cycles and that we are not expected to be perfect, but to carry on and forever evolve back to where we truly come from.
Kathryn, I could feel a great freedom in reading this and accepting that ‘perfection’ is not evolution. In fact, perfection retards us from evolving, because we stubbornly hold onto things looking and being a certain way, and lack the openness to deepen, develop and expand ongoingly. ‘Perfection’ is the perfect trap to remain separate from the greater cycles of the Universe and the divine flow of perfection they hold in order for us to evolve.
Kathryn Fortuna, it is interesting to ponder on the true meaning of the word perfect and if it is achievable for us in the temporal world we live in. I do agree with you that it feels that perfection is a concept that if we take that in our live as a purpose we will be predestined to fail because there is no perfection to be achieved, we can always do better. So is trying to be perfect an illusion we have fallen for to keep ourselves not enough? I love the transformation you have made and that you now go for the imperfection, the true you that lives and sparkles the joy of life in all its facets.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” Your blog feels so light and free Kathryn, I love how you have deconstructed our ideals about perfection and how they keep us small. Thank you.
An amazingly gorgeous blog Kathryn. Thank you. I especially love the last paragraph where you have summed it up beautifully, ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’
Thanks Kathryn, I’ve really pondered on this word ‘perfection’ and how I have related to it. I wondered who ever came up with the word or concept that there was a thing called ‘perfection’…… Is it possible that it is another one of those insidious things planted in our human existence, our human mind, to have us feeling small and insignificant……. . The word ‘perfect’ always reminded me of God, like God was perfect and I could never ever reach that state….I was never going to be like God. Perhaps I got that through religious influence as I was growing up…. not sure but highly likely. Funnily enough I never believed in being perfect, perhaps because there was a part of me that already knew that God was not only outside of me but within me as well. I knew this instinctively and so I never made it about being perfect. But I certainly made it about being small. Who ever wanted me to think I was ‘small’. Not God, I’m sure of that. Whatever’s the opposite of God I suppose…the existence of evil? The face of evil will not want me to know I am the face of God here on earth. If God can be considered any where near perfect then we already have that within us also as we hold the spark of God within, we just need to ignite the flame again.
For me one of the most isolating feelings in trying to achieve perfection. You can never achieve perfection so you are always trying and living up to a certain way of being which is unnatural and un-normal. The ideas that you have in your head that you try and strive to, gained from the media, social groups etc are all imperfect and the only perfection comes from being yourself. I love the line where you share about evolution and how our marker is always changing so therefore there is no perfection just constant adjustment in how we are with ourselves… always coming from our inside impulses from our inner heart first.. never our heads.
“Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.”
I don’t believe I ever thought I could reach perfection as a human being however this didn’t stop me from feeling all the time that I needed to be ‘better’ and so there was always a feeling of ‘striving’ needed because I wasn’t good enough as I was. That was exhausting! I’m still learning not to focus on or look for an outcome but just be present and myself in each moment, task, situation as that is all that is required. This doesn’t tire me and I am ready for the next moment, task, situation.
I can agree with your sharing Kathryn, especially that seeking perfection can stop our growth. If we all wait to be perfect at something or in some way nothing would change. I know I have judged myself in this way and held back my growth in many ways. Great sharing thank you.
Absolutely Kathryn. Striving for perfection is full of protection. I know when I have done this, I miss all the magical moments that are around and all the opportunities to really connect with others.
What you have shared here Kathryn is gorgeous and deeply exposing in that it leads us to question how easily we can get hooked into the idea of perfection, never feeling good enough, always waiting for that perfect moment, perfect person, perfect job etc. How this keeps us deeply separated because we are looking outside of ourselves rather than knowing that the only perfection is that divineness that each of us has inside of ourselves which is perfect and which is whole. When we focus on the completeness that each of us is from inside we can begin to let go of seeking the outer perfection.
This blog found me this morning and it is so perfectly timed. I am embracing the beauty and vulnerability of my own imperfection and it is so sweetly liberating. Perfection has run my life for many years and now it is time to peel off the armour and let go in this forever evolving life. Thank you Kathryn.
Kelly this is very beautiful – ‘ I am embracing the beauty and vulnerability of my own imperfection and it is so sweetly liberating.’ Makes me consider how perfection is a very controlling way of being to ensure we are not vulnerable, yet there is such beauty in the vulnerability of imperfection, an opening for growth, a newness of something, a moment of expansion….it’s like spring!
To me, the search for perfectionism is nothing more than a form of protection and control we use to ensure that we are not hurt by life. How do I know? Because for many years it was an ideal that was part of the foundation of who I thought I was. And when I had things right, no one could question or accuse me of any wrong doing. But in truth it was a cage, a fortress, a way of being that only served to hinder my true expression. Very confirming to read this blog. Thankyou.
I like what you have brought here Adam, the control and fortress of not being wrong by being ‘perfect’. Being open about flaws, mistakes etc requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to sit in the unknowing of what will come next that requires a body that feels great just being itself! I am learning to trust that more and be open and it feels amazing.
I love what you say here Vanessa about being willing to be vulnerable. Sometimes I don’t feel so great just being in itself but this willingness to be vulnerable is way more profound and self-confirming than any attempt at perfection will ever be. When I do let go, accept myself and my vulnerability then that’s when I allow myself to feel just how lovely just being is.
It does feel like a cage Adam, I felt so controlled by it and also controlling with using perfectionism. Looking at others was also through the lens of needing to be perfect and then along came judgement as well. Allowing myself to be has not only changed my relationship with myself but all my relationships. This is still something I can notice drop in from time to time.
Thank you Kathryn it is a great point that a fixed notion of perfection is always false, because in evolution, which is natural, we come back around to the same point in a cyclical way and view things differently. Holding onto perfection can only thwart our evolution. Amazing to connect with this as a known truth and open up to how life looks when we view it through eyes that are open to constant change.
Kathryn thank you so much for this amazing blog. I’ve tried to live by perfection which is living in a straight jacket and just crazy making because, as life is always evolving, there are no fixed moments so no such pinnacle of perfection to attain. When I was young I latched onto the idea of perfection so I could feel a sense of security, of purpose, of worth; and so I could feel better than others I deemed not as perfect to combat my lack of self-worth.
But always comparing myself and others to my ideals of perfection took its toll and I felt deeply disconnected and loveless. So it’s wonderful to real and remind myself of your line, ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ I can appreciate myself and what I bring rather than get caught up in wanting to be perfect so people don’t have reason to criticize. Much more fun accepting myself and being, ‘real, fresh, sexy and alive!’
Awesome blog Kathryn, I love your words..” I am imperfectly perfect” Shredding the perfect layer just lets you be. Be you, free of conditions. What freedom this is compared to self imposed prison of perfectionism!
Perfection is such a hindrance or handicap and indeed comes from a position of worth, as in, not or never feeling good enough. If we don’t feel good enough, then to accept ourselves when feeling this way, is going to be difficult. So perfection is down to a matter of acceptance, and an acceptance of self (and so imperfection) is a thing of great beauty.
Zofia I agree with you. Perfectionism is not only a hindrance but a self imposed life sentence in jail with no chance of parole !
And I absolutely agree with what you say, there is no perfection, only deepening of love expressed.
My expression of me is perfect when I’m not trying to be perfect. When I have an idea about how something needs to be, (a certain sound, flavour, colour, feel etc) that gets in the way of me expressing the joy of perfection, perfectly being natural and not judging what is right or wrong.
You totally nailed it Harry – ‘My expression of me is perfect when I’m not trying to be perfect. When I have an idea about how something needs to be…’ then it becomes about perfection and striving for perfection is an imperfection because perfection can never be in truth!
“I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection” I was going to say perfect statement but thought better of it since we are discussing not being perfect instead Spot on with what you have said here Kathryn. I remember when I was a child and was in trouble with my parents (which wasn’t that often) I would say to myself I will be perfect from now on and use my hand and bring it down like I was stopping the so called imperfection so that I would never get in trouble again. I feel that perfection brings in the right and wrong of things which is silly as it is natural for humans to make mistakes as it is an ongoing learning field for us all to grow and evolve. So I propose the question: why is perfection even in the dictionary as it seems to me to be a useless word?
Anne, great question about why is the word ‘perfection’ in the dictionary. I feel that as we continue to evolve then so too will the dictionary. Lots of words will get taken out and many more meanings will get adjusted. I feel the words ‘accident’ and ‘coincidence’ are two words that will have their meanings reviewed in the future. I wonder if we will also add new words as our perception of life changes ?
Such an awesome article Kathryn, reading it I felt my body almost sigh with relief, that the shackles I too have placed upon myself to live up to these ideals of perfection essentially just dropped away. I feel you have cracked the nut that so many of us have tried to live with, that we must forever be trying to be something we are not, all the while denying the truth of who we are. Living in cycles of evolution and constantly developing and unfolding who we are makes so much more sense, as it reflects the cycles in nature, in our body that we see around us everyday. Now that is magic!
I love how you describe perfection and the limitations it places on us…we think we are striving for the ultimate yet it is a great big trick that blocks us from the ever expanding and evolving nature of who we truly are. Thank you Kathryn
Well expressed Sara.
Beautiful Kathryn. “There is no room for perfection in that” love that and this bit “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” is gorgeous to read. It just gives you so much room to be yourself without struggling to be someone or something your not. What a difference it would feel like in your life. Super amazing.
I agree Emily it is so super freeing letting go of the need to be perfect and present a perfect picture.
Perfection is not of this world. It is void of meaning, for it does not exist.
Wow Oliver, imagine a time where we forget the word perfect and hence forget to strive for perfectionism? What would that look like, would we be freer to be ourselves, would we be okay with the mistakes that we make knowing their purpose was to show us where our next point of evolution was, oh but wait that future is already here, there are already many living this way. Thank you to each and everyone of you.
Kathryn it’s so freeing to let go of perfection and truly embrace who we each uniquely are!
How wonderful to read your blog Katherine. I could feel as I read your blog how perfection is like having a ‘suit of armor’. Striving for perfection is as you say so draining and it is this that leaves us feeling never enough. I’ll be reading this again for sure..
Me too Lucia. This is one to read again several times. What Kathryn said rang so true: ‘I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.’ I feel lighter already!
Thank you Kathryn for exposing the pernicious quality of perfection from all angles. By striving for perfection we halt our own process of evolution, and it takes a lot of energy to do this; it’s like trying to swim upstream against the natural flow of the tide. How arrogant and controlling this feels when observed from this perspective. And how joyfull and playful and respectful the natural alternative of imperfection feels.
This blog has given more view on being perfect clearer.
Perfection is unsustainable because it is an ideal to live up to. However if we are constantly evolving and deepening our relationship with ourselves and everyone else then to be the best that we are will always be changing and deepening. If we hold strong in a belief to be perfect we are restricting ourselves to the change that is needed at any given time.
It feels so liberating to have read your blog, Kathryn, thank you. Without perfection, it’s like having a blank canvas, anything is possible, there are no limits or boundaries, colouring doesn’t have to be between the lines. It allows for our inner creativity to be bold, to try new things and encourages collaboration with others. That is the part I love the most, being open to what other people can bring and building on an idea together. Suddenly what starts out as one hut, becomes a village.
I love your blog Kathryn!
Wow, the cruelty of perfectionism is almost too much to feel, but feel it we must, and you have opened the door on this for all. That geisha image with the life of bound feet, controlled gestures, always in perfection to please, is so very powerful in exposing and blowing away the imprisoning bonds of ‘perfectionism’. Your choice to free yourself is very inspiring: ‘ I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition.’ Go for it Kathryn!
Its impossible to appreciate ourself when we are striving to be perfect. It’s like competing with ourself or with another to be better, never feeling good enough, or if we do feel we have attained perfection continually striving to hold onto it. How restricting and stressful is that. But, accepting and loving ourselves for who we are needs no perfection and that really is worth appreciating and there is always space to continue unfolding. I Love what you have written here Kathryn “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and a greater plan in which I now trust. I am perfectly imperfect”. Beautiful.
Kathryn, I was touched by your words here, ” In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.” how true this is, and how lovely it is to let another in and feel we are all unique yet the same in essence.
I loved this part too Victoria, thank you for highlighting it. I can feel how when we live behind this facade of being perfect it stops us from having real and deeply engaging discussions with people. There is a coldness in this superficiality and both parties walk away feeling dissatisfied and unmet. Allowing myself to be seen for where I am really at is a great freedom and supports the person I am speaking with to simply be where they are at too and from this place real, honest and warm conversations are had 🙂
Where does the ideal and or belief to be perfect come from, it feels very old, from my teenage days dreams and idealising how life should be from the watching Hollywood movies about romantic love etc. Its a sure way to control people from their natural beautiful expression in all its imperfection it is perfect!
‘I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that’ … very well said. For me, someone who has ‘tendencies of perfection’, I can now feel how restricting it is. If things are ‘perfect’ it means we’ve been so controlling in our approach, covering every possibility or eventuality to arrive at what we deem is the ‘perfect’ result …… but it can never be. We can’t possibly predict every possibility, nor should we, that’s part of the joy in life, appreciating the unexpected. There is a heaviness to perfection, a seriousness and so much is missed along the way.
Reading and feeling the truth in your blog Kathryn I felt this tension and stress dropping away, the need to be perfect had been imposing on me. Living in this way of trying to be perfect is a set up as its bound to fail, as perfection is a concept not a reality.
This is gorgeous Kathryn, and took me a couple of reads to really let the meaning sink in. The need to be perfect and achieve has been a momentum, driven by my mind, for too long. There is such a joy and freedom in giving this over to the power and freedom of my divine heart. It’s here where connection to the magic of life abounds and it’s here where I now choose to reside, consciously and naturally more and more of each moment of each day.
Thank you Kathryn, I can relate to what you say here. I have always had a relationship with ‘perfect’ but my take on it was that everything in life was ‘perfect’ as a reflection of how I lived my life. What I see as ‘perfection’ is the amazingness of the Divine order and timing of life when I stand back and see how things unfold, circumstances change and situations evolve. This is ‘perfection’ – it is not a personal/self thing but a universal expansion of consciousness in Divine Order and Timing – absolutely amazing and beyond our physical comprehension.
Very beautiful and insightful blog Kathryn, I love the truth of the fact we can never actually be perfect as we are ever evolving and expanding, so it is a self made prison and grand illusion that perfection exists at all.
There is such beauty in our unique and perfect imperfections.
Wow! This is an amazing blog, Kathryn. Not only have you exposed the restriction and falseness of the ideal of perfection, you have shared so beautifully what it is to live free of this ideal, “naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end.” The sense of vastness, connection and flow in that phrase is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you!
I can feel the armour dropping away just by reading your joy in expressing imperfection Kathryn. It’s like a licence to be myself without any need or expectations of getting anywhere. The true journey is within.
The incessant strive for perfection does indeed leave us stagnant, alone and competing against ourselves for some unrealistic goal. What you’ve have shared is so relatable Kathryn as society is woven with ideals around needing to be a certain way to fit in and be better yet we are starving ourselves of true rhythm and cyclic evolution.
This is true Rachel and the thing is that everyone in their own mind has a different idea of perfection. This is a fight against oneself indeed.
I agree Kathryn, a lot of people are crippled by thinking they are not worthy of love. it is a such a horrible thing to say to yourself. Like a newborn baby we are all worthy of love, not for anything we have done, but because we came from love. I can relate to being a perfectionist you lose your sense of humor, nobody likes that.
Kathryn, this is such perfect timing, I’ve been considering how my quest for perfection is a way to keep the world at bay, and keep people out, and it’s so exhausting. And along came your blog! I relate very much to what you share and I’m looking right now at how much of a prison perfection is and how it’s not loving to me or another, and as you share here, it’s not true, it comes from being right but not from truth. The truth as you share is that we’re divinely imperfect and there’s an absolute beauty in that.
Gorgeous Kathryn, how liberating and uplifting to finally cast off all those beliefs that had you so tightly bound into being the model perfectionist. In fact the way you have claimed your imperfection, immense beauty, power, stillness and love has the power to liberate us all, if we are also willing to drop those tightly fitting garments and begin to cherish ourselves, warts and all. I know that after many years of studying Universal Medicine I am just beginning to accept that being imperfect is fine, in fact it is an absolute grace, I can actually love myself and not give myself a hard time for making a mistake or not being able to do something. I don’t have all the answers all the time and that is okay, in fact its amazing because it means that I have to work with and ask for help from other people, which is what life is all about!
Wow, I loved reading this! There’s a beautiful natural fluidic flow and freedom that comes with it, from shaking off the restriction and hardening that striving for perfection brings. It makes such sense that we are forever developing and evolving and therefore there cannot be a ‘perfect’ goal.
You are right Kathryn when you say that ‘perfectionism is form of imprisonment.’ We trap ourselves into never feeling we are enough and always striving for the next goal. Perfectionism never leaves us still and at peace, but keeps us heightened in a state of tension. I am learning to accept my imperfections and being imperfect… it is making being in the world much simpler and easier to handle!
You are so right about this Rachel: ‘We trap ourselves into never feeling we are enough and always striving for the next goal.’ Psychologist Marianna Masiorski has written a brilliant article about the evil of ‘trying’ and ‘striving’ and how it takes us away from the truth of ourselves and our divine intelligence. http://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2013/05/06/beyond-depression-an-effortless-approach/
In a world striving for perfection and constantly judging anything less, I love how you share, “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment”. Why would we want to be perfect?
Imperfection does not judge and it’s inclusive, like a river gathering contributions along the way. As it runs it may change course, but one things for sure, it will go with the flow and effortlessly manage any obstacles.
Thank you Kathryn, deep tears rolled over my face.. The piece of armour has fallen off, I have taken off my mask. I could feel the truth of your words in my body, I could straightaway connect with that and choose it myself. I no longer wait to let go. I know I had been so longing for perfection, knowingly that this was not right, as I felt always deep inside me something so simple, but yet always learning and evolving, the picture perfect actually does not suit, even though it could be tempting. Your blog has revealed for me that I can let go, I can be me and that it is OK to drop the mask and truly reveal myself. Thank you Kathryn.
What I love about this perfectly imperfect blog is the fact that you have highlighted how comfortable and secure we are in perfectionism, yet it confines and binds us as tightly as the Obi belt that confines a geishas ribs, and stops her breathing her full breath. It hobbles us, cripples us even, impairing our free flowing natural gait as much as the broken and bound feet of a concubine imprisoned in her gilded cage. Perfection makes us feel safe and as though we are in control, a suit of armour indeed, but that armour forms around our hearts.
Ah, Kathryn, the restoration of our loveliness, the imperfection we are. The breath, the walk, the flow in our bodies, the knowing of our own heart…how mighty that becomes when we restore ourselves and choose the evolution offered by life’s cycles.
Beautifully expressed Rachel. Wanting to be perfect is simply wanting to be in control. There is no need for control when we trust our own knowing and live by that.
And on top of that, control makes us hard and angry and judgmental, especially when something does not go the way we wanted it. How freeing it is to trust our inner knowing and let things unfold which may then surprise us in a pleasant way.
So well said Rachel! When I read this awesome blog yesterday it was the image of the geisha bound waist and foot in her gilded cage that brought home the enormity of the cruelty of perfectionism and how we have bought into it. That glamorous and gilded cage may appear to be vastly superior to that drab prison cell, but essentially they are one and the same. We become separated from each other and our own inner-hearts through this insidious ideal of perfectionism. And anything that separates is pure evil.
This is really beautiful to read and the strength in which you deliver your words is really felt. This makes me consider how we use words like perfection as ideals to ‘live up to’. To hold ourselves to ransom and push ourselves to perform or live in the shadow of a prison that we create of how it’s meant to look.
What you offer is that we can just live in the beauty and grace of who we are, and enjoy that in full. Simple, joyful, without pressure or anxiety.
I know which one sounds better to me.
Simon, as I read your words I seem to feel lighter and fluid in the body, more… well free.
I find this interesting to observe and what I have come to is this theory: due to the mastery of your own acceptance and not striving for perfection your livingness holds that and therefore emanates in your writing. Truly thank you.
Perfection is so fixed and unyielding. We try to achieve a point decided on in the past that may no longer ( or never did) apply to our current life and what is right for us now. Whereas imperfection and the contentment with that feel light, open and playful. I am reminded of how the best inventions have come from or after many, many ‘mistakes’. We just need to keep exploring and feeling life and flowing with that, not holding tight.
I am sure many of us can relate to what you have shared here…. I have been and can easily still fall into the trap of being perfect, but with blogs like yours and awareness we can start to clearly see the falseness of it. The absolute madness of this ideal. Thank you Kathryn.
So true Rosie, and the moment we fall back into that trap, what we are producing can look great, ‘perfect’ even, but what happens to the quality? Where is the warmth in box ticking? This is an ongoing learning for me – and great to have blogs like Kathryn’s to re-highlight ‘the absolute madness of this ideal’.
This is true Rosie. Blogs like these are a massive support and do expose the falseness and traps we can fall for. I am in full appreciation of those who write and share their evolving with a blog or through comments.
Kathryn,
You are writting everything that I have lived. The needing to be perfect, also held me in a very constructive prison for a very long time. Thank fully I am no longer living my life this way, on reading your blog though I can feel a hardness in my body. It feels like I am being shown the absolute harm of this energy, how it hardens and separates us and that it is a stark difference to our true harmony and flow. Offering to me my very own opportunity to nominate the pockets of this energy that are still affecting me. Thank you.
I love this sentence ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect’ I myself have felt how the striving for perfection has shut me down to the grace and humility to learn and be truly inspired by others. It carries with it such a stauch facade that is so exhausting to maintain. As I let go of this and allow the sweet playful true me emerge an ease, appreciation and acceptance of life and others blossoms….and the magic begins.
This is a massive one – to strive to be perfect! Even just writing it feels so heavy and impossible. I totally relate to what you have shared and how getting hung up on this has been the cause of a serious life with out being fun, playfulness and being spontaneous. Bring on the imperfectist ways that I too have embraced and know that within me is all I will ever need and it is way more than the boxed perfection woman that I used to live towards.
I can breath with ease being me and it feels great.
I know I keep commenting here Kathryn but as anyone who reads your blog and the comment thread afterwards will see, it is just such a great point of evolution that you are offering. If we take a moment to feel the seeds of poison that the version of perfection we have been living has left in our lives, then the potential for something truly delicious is right on the plate in front of us. The version we have been living robs us of time, grace, celebration in community, self worth, self acceptance…I could go on. It keeps us in comparison, jealousy, rejection, drama, stress, anxiety…I could go on. I mentioned nature in an earlier comment as an example of true perfection – not the interpretation we have been living which always holds us less. Perhaps the world around us, both animals and nature, as well as our very own bodies are the reflections we can use in our daily lives to re-connect with the untouched perfection of heaven inside us.
Lucy, I am tempted to endlessly comment on this blog also as I completely agree with how relevant and life changing this subject is. I am so much better and not driving myself for perfection but if I am honest I still feel the judgment creep in at times and it is defiantly poison when I do. Love you enthusiasm and look forward to reading more comments of yours on this blog.
It is interesting isn’t it, that there is something divine, immutable, perfect inside of us that we cannot tarnish, yet we live in a body and a world which is forever changing – which has decay and destruction which leads to new life and growth. We have to let go of the outer perfection to allow that stronger connection to our innermost.
Self worth and self-acceptance are strongly tied up with striving for perfection. As no one can achieve it, is it any wonder that so many people have self worth and self-acceptance issues? And as you say Lucy, the version of ourselves we have been living (perfection) robs us of our beautiful qualities and keeps us busy with comparison, drama, jealously etc. Great point you have made here and I love your description of the ‘untouched perfection of heaven inside us.’
WOW- Thank you so much for exposing the false aim of being perfect so precisely ! There are so many powerful statements and revelation in your blog I will definitely come back to read it not only once again!
Whilst it is not about perfection as I wrote in my last comment in what we do as an individual, for me I can claim that whatever I express when I am fully connected to my Soul is perfect and that bears no relationship whatsoever to right and wrong. So for me the only question is whether I am expressing with love (from my Soul) or without which is from my spirit. Unimedpedia http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index has great descriptions of the true qualities of the Soul and the spirit and some fantastic free audio that make this very clear.
What I have discovered as I have learnt to work more and more harmoniously together with others in “group work” is that we each have our part to play. Therefore no one person brings it all and also what we bring is forever evolving. There is something about striving for perfection that is separative, does not give space to include the contributions of others and does not allow for things to constantly evolve and develop so clearly can never be perfect even if there was such a thing!
Trying to be perfect on a consistent basis would be like wearing an armour. It’s great that you have now tossed that armour aside and can celebrate yourself as your true self.
I really get what you have shared here Kathryn. Perfection is an unattainable trap that keeps us always feeling less than who we, as there is always the next tiny flaw to correct. I can feel that in accepting our imperfections we can actually be more caring and loving towards ourselves in every aspect.
It seems to me that if we try to be perfect and put too much pressure on ourselves to succeed and get everything right, all it does is cause thoughts of not being good enough or being hard on ourselves for getting things wrong. I am learning to recognise the times when I have gone into perfectionism and also recognise when I blow things out of proportion. Holding onto what we perceive as mistakes can be very unhealthy.
Good points you make here Julie. In the trying to be perfect, we end up being very hard on ourselves if we don’t get things right. I know I have gotten myself into a tizzy over just that. The way Kathryn says it in her blog makes a lot of sense. We can be our imperfect selves, and in that, have more fun with life, knowing that we are continually growing and that there is no fixed end point to achieve. Lovely.
I too have have made that excuse to not be my true self. What I don’t understand is we all aspire to perfection and yet what is perfection. There are somethings you cannot be perfect at, this is just the way life is, but then I have to ask the question, what do we do with this imperfection that we can never perfect, does it become a self loathing of the imperfection or do we measure the imperfection and create more ways to hide the imperfection and make sure you perfect everything else…
Wow Kathrin there is so much I can relate to and the sentence…false and impriosoning belief that ‘That I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’ I can more and more feel the falsness in it and start to develop step by step a loving relationship with the imperfection and gaining back more the trust to my feelings within and get a sense of knowing again or even take the responsability to accept that in truth I know it all even though I do not know something right now. Truly inspiring and supportive are Your words. Thank You. With love Nadine
Gorgeous article. How many people in the world don’t realise they actually run on auto pilot to achieve perfection? To simply be aware of what you have presented Kathryn is life changing. For me, my life has also changed forever because through dropping the idea of being perfect, my expression of who I am has blossomed. Dropping perfection has brought an allowing of myself. And it feels absolutely gorgeous. I could write forever on this – but you have articulated it beautifully; thank you so much for extolling the joys and freedom of ditching perfection and exposing it’s traps and imprisonment.
Perfect is absolutely a concept Kathryn. Never a truer word said. Doesn’t exist. I love this blog. Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy, alive.. yay!
Well said Kathryn, Perfectionism seems to affect so many of us – like a modern day plague. But when we understanding the cycles of our life and the way awareness expands and grows, perhaps we can then appreciate true perfection lies in God’s architecture of life, organised specifically to return us to our natural state – love. This seems pretty perfect to me.
Kathryn, how fortunate to have you here expressing to us from your amazingness. I appreciate all that you have said because I too have been ‘locked down’ in the made up suit/armour- striving for protection and a sense of ‘self-worth’ – when completely not considering the consequences or untruth this holds. Thank you for supporting us back into our amazingness also.
We focus on perfection not realizing that deep within we are more than perfection could ever describe.
Thank you for sharing this blog Kathryn as it resonates deeply with what I’ve done to myself for so long and what I’m now in the process of letting go of; the idea that by doing everything perfectly I would be safe from getting hurt, but ignoring that by living like that I hurt myself straightaway so there is no safety in living like that. Whereas I now find that I don’t have a need to be safe when I lovingly live my life.
Kathryn, what a powerful post. Beautifully expressed, and so liberating to anyone who reads this. My, how we bind ourselves in notions of perfection, when all along we are forever expanding and deepening to be more and more of the grandness of who we already are. The strive for perfection keeps us away from claiming our Truth and Divinity.
Loved reading every word you wrote Kathryn. I can so much relate on how exhausting the goal of perfectionism is.
I agree Kathryn, attempting to be perfect when there is no such a thing is exhausting and debilitating. It robs us of our preciousness and turns us into robots trying to achieve the impossible. Life is so much more fun when we surrender to the fact that we are perfectly imperfect.
These are such huge steps to make, to accept oneself as imperfect and yet perfectly loveable.
Being perfect is not it as you say, and as I have experienced. Something evolving will never have an endpoint like what I have strived for so long. I am now learning to truly feel who I am, and I know that there is a beauty and power. And I can feel that I am glad that there is no perfection, this will only cause a stop in the evolvement that is always possible.
Through imperfection I feel there is a great divinity, and a surrendering to you just being you, with no construct of how to be, just simply to be.
Thank you Kathryn
I too love this blog! I can feel how the striving for a a false ideal of perfection, a place with a finite end, limits our awareness of the joy and celebration of who we really are. There is a joy and wonderment of our development that is very delicious. Just like we celebrate a child who begins crawling or takes their first steps, we too can celebrate our unfolding with joy and wonderment.
Yes rachelamclaren it feels to me like when we strive for perfection it is like a lid coming down and blocking who we truly are. Accepting our imperfections is like a flower bud opening up allowing itself to evolve into a flower.
Thank you Kathryn. Your words really resonate with me and I realised that I too “…have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’.” Striving for perfection feels abusive and torturous, it is the antitheses of love and so it makes absolutely no sense to strive for perfection in order to receive love.
You have offered so much Kathryn – thank you! With each new paragraph I was met with a new revelation – somewhere deeper to go. You have really “gone there” in exposing the evils of perfectionism and celebrating how perfect being imperfect really is.
It is so true that perfectionism holds us back from seeing what is really happening and evolving. I too love how you have expressed that if we are continually evolving there is no perfection. If we are continually measuring ourselves from a false ideal of a finite end, we have blinkers on, we are limiting our potential and I can feel the imprisonment that creates. It leaves us looking at an end product rather than enjoying and celebrating all that is already there and the enjoyment of all that is being developed.
The thing I feel the most from the restriction of having to be perfect, is that we are not open to the next point of evolution – so lets fling the door wide open, expose ourselves warts and all and see what the universe has been cooking up in preparation!
rachelmamclaren, yes perfection seem like a trick to me now. The finite end means in some way we have arrived, but then that prohibits further growth. It does not make sense when you really think about it. This blog and all the comments have been great for me to read, for I too get caught up in trying to be perfect, and it does make me unnecessarily serious at times. What a wonderful relief to let go of that idea, relax a bit and be more playful with life.
Well…. this was so timely for me to read! No accident. Thank you Kathryn. I have been looking at the nonsense of perfection I have been so rigidly controlled by and in turn trying to control life and myself with. It is exhausting, deadening, and it really hurts me and it has to stop!
Notes to self: I can make mistakes, I can allow myself to be seen with egg on my face, I can be tender and vulnerable, I can let go of the lead balloon I encased myself with, I can let people in, and I can let the real me out.
Love is not a one way enter or exit, it requires a swinging door, both ways, and it doesn’t matter if it squeaks or jams, just oil it with love, self love and more love.
Love it Jeanette, then tender and vulnerable humorous you. Thanks for letting us in.
By reading this blog, Kathryn, I can feel how restrictive it has been for me to hold onto that impossible ideal of perfection for myself, never giving myself a break, even if something that happened was really out of my control. It truly does put a huge damper on living life with a sense of humour which is my natural way, but one that I had let go of since childhood. Only recently have I begun to see (and with the help of blogs like your’s) how I have used perfection as a way to protect myself, and that striving for it is just exhausting because it’s like going against the natural flow of things and no one can truly be perfect anyways!
So beautiful Kathryn, like the different cycles of the life of a deciduous tree, our leaves change colour and begin to wither and fall but oh how glorious this is to witness! Even the branches in their leafless state stand in such majesty against the ever changing backdrop of a sky. To the tender buds and fresh green of a new beginning. This is glorious, let’s celebrate our beauty in every stage of our lives. No perfection needed.
absolutely perfect as we are katechorley, when you describe us as you have.
Beautifully described katechorley, and a gorgeous visual to think of when perfectionism creeps in.
I always wanted to be perfect because I did not know who I am. So I had a picture of everything how it has to be. Some perceptions from the culture and society I grew up in and some self-made beliefs. But what I recently found out is that imperfection is sexy and honest and totally natural. On days where I think, gosh this morning and myself is not perfect but a bit chaotic – people say to me: ‘You look gorgeous today!’ 🙂
If we don’t know who we are, it’s such a fall back position – to aim for what we think we should be (enter perfection and the ideals that support such a false notion).
Oliver, that is well said, “If we don’t know who we are, it’s such a fall back position – to aim for what we think we should be.” By knowing who we are and being content with this, perfection and striving is not needed. We can accept our imperfections gracefully knowing all the while the beauty and grace of our true essence.
I have also shared this experience Sonja, and from the other end it is so refreshing to see a woman (or anyone for that matter) being real and willing to reveal their flaws.
Yes, it takes away the pressures oneself may have built up and in the same way the other person feels loved and accepted. And in most cases it raises a smile on their face.
How True Kathryn. I can see the ideal and enormous amount of energy I’ve put into perfectionism. Last week I felt how the perfectionism is actually preventing me from feeling my hurts. I’ve taken on the role of perfectionist to please everyone. And I have to say that I’m also struggling to let the perfectionism go in full. Your blog is a Loving and Joyful read to feel that I’m still alive when letting go… Thank you.
That’s very honest Floris and a great exposure of how your perfectionism was actually preventing you from feeling your hurts, and secondly taking on this role to please everyone…. and clearly shows how this ideal of perfectionism is so confining and restricting and keeps us from truly moving forward in our lives.
Great blog Kathryn, there is no allowing in perfection and it seems rather sad and restricting to measure ourselves against an unattainable goal. There is a perfect (pun intended) balance to be struck between allowing and also being willing to see that there is always more we can be, but we only reach that more by the allowing itself and the accepting of the imperfection that is naturally there that all of us have.
Reblogged this on florisvanderschot's Blog and commented:
Streven naar perfectie of acceptatie van imperfectie?
Hi Kathryn I love and appreciate you article. I was a perfectionist for many years.
Fortunately my demise came with the deterioration of my eyesight at middle age.
It was such a relief to forget those unhuman standards I had set and laboured to achieve.
I grew up with the unspoken expectation of being perfect hovering over me, and no matter how hard I tried that perfectionism was unobtainable, like trying to pick up mercury; the minute you thought you had it, it moved. These days I realise that I as a child I developed the ideal that if I was perfect I would be loved more, and in doing so became someone who was actually not me, but the persona I had created – the facade that you write about Kathryn. Letting go of this facade, unlacing that corset and dropping the suit of armour has freed me to be the beautiful and delightful woman I am, and it’s so much less effort to truly be me – it’s simply natural.
Perfectionism….this is such a big one! The need to be perfect so that we are praised and accepted in life is so huge it has kept us going around and around in ever decreasing circles for eons! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight Kathryn, it’s great to expose the walls we create when we strive for perfection, and it’s clear from your writing that letting go of this ideal is infinitely grander than we can ever imagine looking out from our self made prison.
Kathryn, I can really relate to this blog and love what you are sharing here. I also used to be a perfectionist and “felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt . . . restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards”. Having met Serge Benhayon and attended his presentations I can now feel the restrictions of living this way, how false it was and how much it damaged my body. By not expressing outwards and living the love that is innate within us all, led to my experiencing many heart attacks as the body had to speak very loudly for me to listen! Thanks to the inspiration from Serge Benhayon, I now “celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection” in the latter cycle of my life.
This is such a great, yet capping topic! The ideal that I would be ‘safe’ if I was perfect made me a super controlling woman, feeling tight in my own body. To surrender and accept what is there is work in progress and a very freeing one. The concept and truth of cycles and getting offered another round to come back to the love I originate from has been very supporting.
‘But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.’ Kathyrn these words really resonate with me and I can feel the depths of them within my heart. There is a far greater wisdom to life that we are ignoring. Thank you for bring this to light. With cycles I have the feeling of allowing life to unfold and come to us rather than us fighting and striving to take control.
What a stunning sharing and so needed. I can relate to all that you have shared Kathryn and what i loved the most was this – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing”. Giving ourselves the permission to be who we are already in all our imperfections is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and others.
Thanks Kathryn for being so CLEAR & TRUTHFULL ! Great healing In Your expression !
What if our expression in life will never be perfect. Just reading those few lines and already there feels more space in my body just to express on the moment what there is to express, with out the restriction of getting it right or wrong…. very freeing!
Kathryn this is so inspiring to read – with many points to ponder upon. For now I feel to joyously express that I am right with you in celebrating and confirming this vast, infinite love and the amazing woman you / we all are when we let go of that striving to be perfect and something we are not – much easier on the nervous system too!!
“In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection”.
I can feel the pressure in trying to be perfect. Perfection is about striving for something that is actually unattainable and is the basis of so much self criticism and abuse. We see perfection as a way of getting recognition and acceptance. What a realisation this is for me today-Thank you Kathryn for bringing this to our attention.
Thanks for a wonderful blog Kathryn. For me it highlighted the extent to which I strived for perfection and how much that held me back, and how I used it as a form of protection. I love the beautiful way you write about imperfection, “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment.”
Thank you Kathryn. I love your expose on perfection it makes it so clear that it is indeed not a pleasant ride to be driven by perfection as you have to hold on so tight of yourself that it makes you stiff and very narrow minded and does not leave much room for much else. I too used to be captured by perfection and thought it to be a good vice, but it made me very discontent as I was never able to achieve this perfection, set out in my mind. I still love order and precision but I let go of things needing to be perfect and enjoy much more the rhythm of life.
I love how you showed how absurd perfection is by saying that “there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles (…) Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.” This is so true, there is never an end stage to be achieved its all about evolution. So weird that we strive for outer perfection when in truth we are perfect in our essence and the outer is just a vehicle of expression that is also changed life after life…
How arrogant are we that we strive for perfection in a world of imperfection that is held in unconditional love by God who doesn´t know judgement but only acceptance. Besides the individual hurts of the personality that seeks protection from further pain might it be that something bigger here is at play that is not so personal but a common theme we as humanity are enmeshed in? Take away or sabotage the reflection of absolute acceptance, love and support to feel fostered unfolding one´s full potential by keeping people down and small and wrong, not good enough…, so that the only other way or version they know is to strive for being good, better and perfect and we are caught in a revolving conundrum of ups and downs.
Bringing cycles into the equation, cycles that return us back to our choices to be reflected upon and to find a way beyond the conundrum, the judgement, the comparison and competition, the trying and achieving…. back to the perfect imperfection of who we are and who are to become while being held by unconditional love.
Imperfectly, perfect! Love it, cause it reveals that we can be more ‘perfect’ when we accept that we are imperfect and that life is actually not designed for us to be perfect at everything anyway.
There are so many powerful points in your sharing Kathryn, it is hard to nominate one, but if I had to, I would pick this one: “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” I, too, used to think it was about trying to be perfect so I know the feeling this created in my body — just as you have so eloquently described it. Having let perfectionism go…….I am so much more accepting of myself and others. Whew!
Perfection may be perfection if there is any such thing but it is joyless as you say Kathryn. Doing it right has been my equally binding ideal and I know how that feels and the trying that ensues that just shuts everything down and makes me feel hard like a packet of Cornflakes. Loosening the corset and letting myself be is an ongoing unwinding but it feels beautiful, joyful, playful, expanded, powerful and fulsome – perfectly imperfect.
That is the one I picked too Gayle, trying to continually live up to something I am not and wanting to be perfect at it was serious work and I definitely had a sense of humour failure. As the perfection ceases to have the hold it once did I am finding there is more joy and playfulness in my life again.
I just read the press release for the A level results achieved by students at a local school. It showed me how deeply ingrained is our attachment to that perfect outcome. The press release contained some broad statistics showing a snapshot of the results, and then honed in, and named those students who had achieved ‘perfect’, unblemished ‘A’grades, and showed their photos. I spent many years in the thrall of academic results, and recall the intense (and oh so very brief), buzz of receiving even an assignment with a ‘beautiful’ (to me), grade that even now, I can fall for this trick of seeing perfection where there is in truth separation. Sure, the press release congratulated ‘all students’, but in truth, its glorifies those with perfect grades, and leaves those with ‘good’, or not ‘good’ grades to feel lesser. It separates.
Catherine thank you for speaking about the academic scene of perfection. Yes there is separation in perfection and look how we glorify this leaving us with the good and not so good. In the end no one wins when we are ranked for what we do and not truly seen for who we are.
This is a great point Catherine. We receive so many messages that ‘perfect’ means we will be successful and accepted but it is all a crafty trick to keep us stuck in a cycle of ‘not enough’.
Hi Catherine what you write is very interesting. In this case we are rewarding children who have trained themselves to have great recall (versus true intelligence which is not just about recall) and work very hard perhaps for recognition. If they have done this at the expense of their bodies and health then is that the perfection we strive to emulate? It is a similar story with sports where we glorify those who push and push their bodies in an abusive way, but how many of these athletes end up injuring themselves or getting cancer, auto immune or other diseases when they are a bit older? Also why do we celebrate someone who climbs to the top of a high mountain and loses some frost bitten fingers and toes in the process – what is so great or perfect about these things? If love was our measure and an honouring of our bodies then our perception would be quite different.
My relationship with perfectionism has been sneaky, as I have not seen that it has been there. What I have been aware of though is how very very harshly I judge myself after the fact if I have not met the desired standard. So, I didn’t see that I drove myself to reach a perfect standard, was not aware of the standard to be reached, and yet still was not satisfied if that unknown standard was not met. Pretty tough going. I would shout ‘unfair’ if this was the rules of any game, and yet I chose to live by these rules.
“In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.” I remember well the moment when I realised it were not the people around me that judged me on everything but me who was so focussed on being perfect. When I felt this I could feel how my own judgment indeed stood between me and the people I was with. In the end it was me who did not connect with them because I felt not worthy of contact as I was not good enough. Letting this go has really changed my relationships with people a lot. Thank you for writing this Kathryn.
This is beautiful and powerful what you are sharing Kathryn. I love these words “There is no room for perfection”. And “Imperfection…has its own Divine order and greater plan…” Very amazing, I haven’t heard the topic of imperfection being expressed this way and it is very refreshing and empowering.
The concepts of cycles and forever development really challenge any idea of perfection.
Perfection is an ideal that keeps us from living and unfolding but holds us hostage or even in slavery. Whatever you do you can never escape the flaw of imperfection. So the question arises what is the agenda of attaching to an ideal, especially the ideal of perfection. Although there may be individual reasons one common cause may be the attempt to erase any tiniest flaw that we deem making us unworthy of being accepted and loved for who we are due to the lack of such love and acceptance in the first place. With Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and anyone who is truly living and presenting a loving way of life we can experience being held in unconditional love that embraces and accepts us with all that we are, imperfections included, and finally the need for protection and pretend can be let go off, and space opens up to welcome ourselves as the amazing imperfectly perfect beings that we are.
Yes Alex, perfection is an endpoint beyond which there is no going, a stagnation. An endpoint to anything is an illusion that I feel comes from the imbedded concept of death and there being an end. In truth no end or ending just a forever evolving and expanding forever pulsing throughout and beyond us, something that is impossible to be grasped by the mind with its limited ways and ideals of perfection but can be felt by the heart.
That is an interesting point you raise, that perfection as an endpoint is related to the imbedded concept of death, which makes perfect sense to our human aspect, the body being mortal and the personality being identified with the body. I wonder why we would want to strive for perfection when with death everything simply ends as all the perfection would not be more than dust in the wind when dying. Or is that whole concept being fed to keep us in just that limited identification with only being biology and nothing beyond the mortal body? And what then would be the agenda behind such fed concept? …
Aah the philosopher, love it Alex. I felt that many concepts we carry (and perfection is one of them) are built on the illusion of reaching a final point. Doesn’t the concept of death limit us as you say to one body, one life and little responsibility for ourselves and humanity as a whole an thus disempower us and keep us unaware of a much grander bigger picture?
Brilliant question Josephine. The concept of both death and lineal time does limit and disempower us by robbing us of the grander picture and our continuing responsibility in the immense yet intimate scheme of things.
That’s God isn’t it, immense yet intimate, yes I like how you’ve expressed this Lyndy, hits the nail on the head beautifully.
I love what you have written at the end here Alex as this has been my experience as I have gradually started to allow the feeling of being held in love unconditionally offered by Serge Benhayon to filter through my tight knit layers of protection. How unusual it is to be fully embraced and to be seen with all our beauty and flaws with no imposition being placed upon us and how beautiful that feels – allowing what truly lies at the core of us to emerge and unfold in its own time.
Lovely Josephine, would that mean that all concepts that are based or focus on reaching a final point actually disconnect us from the bigger scheme at play, exposing two major points:
1. A final point limits us to being less than we are and hence defines us by what we are not from the very start; a set up we clearly can identify as being an illusion.
2. To fall for such illusion, ie. chasing a final point, we must have disconnected from who we are in the first place, so that we then can be made to believe that striving for a goal would give us back what we have lost prior.
I have recently discovered just how freeing it is to accept that we are all far from perfect human beings. After so many years of being harsh on myself I am starting to feel free to choose another way – a way that honours the true person I am deep inside and the body I live in.
Completely true Mary. And what a brilliant idea to have something so essential as learning to honour yourself before all others become part of a school curriculum… and not as a virtue or something that good people do but as the scientific fact that it is.
I know this will be the case one day in our not too distant future but it is something we could all do with a good dose of right now in education.
Oh, it´s such fun to shuffle off the suit of perfection. A friend just shared a sentence with me, that Natalie Benhayon said in response to perfection: “We are women in livingness, not women in perfection.” It made me laugh as it is so simple and true, only that I am a man in livingness…, but I guess that counts as well.
Love it Alex; ‘“We are women in livingness, not women in perfection.” Perfect for me to read this on this moment.
Perfectly said Alex, we are all students of the livingness, to the absolute best of our ability!
Imperfection is the new black.
I notice that when I’m ‘trying’ to do something, really trying to make something work and it’s difficult it just doesn’t come together. Then when I’m not thinking about it and just naturally do what ever it may be it can end up working ‘perfectly’, sometimes not how I intended it to be but even more magical. This often happens when I’m setting up photos, I might do a test shot or a random one at the end and it looks better than all the others I had my brow furrowed over. It feels like that natural flow you describe is they key, not striving for perfection but just allowing the magic to happen.
So true Laura. I notice it when stuff just isn’t flowing. I feel like I am running against time in an effort (and trying) to get everything “done”. When I hold the deep trust that everything will be done and live honouring myself first – the flow and magic is such a beautiful confirmation – it is perfect. I can absolutely relate to the furrowed brow! It is a great indicator of where I am at and what I am choosing – love or not.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” Oh Kathryn, I have also been a perfectionist, and have felt how exhausting it is and how hard this has made me be on myself, but also then expecting others to be perfect as well. There can be no perfectionism in order as it is forever unfolding, evolving as we return to who we truly are.
I found that line so empowering Denise. Lately I have noticed that when things go ‘wrong’ time will show that there was a bigger plan at play. For example I may find myself running late only to find that the person I am meeting has been held up for half an hour. The important factor is how I am with myself in between. Often in these circumstances I feel stressed and beat myself up only to realise that there is a divine plan at work. This blog reminds me to let go of perfection, connect to myself and trust the plan.
I loved reading this Kathryn, I grew up with perfection being the ultimate goal in my life and I think it left no room for slowing down or waiting to connect with anyone let alone myself. I have no doubt I will re-read your blog tomorrow and get something else from it, thank you.
So true how trying to be perfect is a total kill joy. When we try to be a certain way it all becomes so boringly serious. It’s crazy the pressure we put on ourselves to try and live up to this perfect picture when it is impossible to obtain because we aren’t meant to be perfect.
Key words from your comment that stood out Vanessa are ‘kill joy’ and ‘serious’, in contrast to how real, joyful, playful and sexy imperfection is.
I can very much relate to that Vanessa. Trying to be perfect is such a kill-joy and we can get so so serious. And then we bash ourselves for it and try to be even more ‘perfect’! And the pressure is exhausting. Very daft.
Thanks Vanessa as I recognise in your comment how at times I would not be able to enjoy time with others or even have a joke and a laugh with others for fear of loosing control of the ‘perfect’ picture I had of how I needed to be around others.. Wow how much I and those others lost out in those times. Thank God for my choice to allow myself to become aware of and let go of these restricting and imposing ideals I’ve held around me for so long.. (with no perfection in this process of course haha 😉 )
I agree Kathryn, perfection is a very stifling ideal to follow, which had me in its shackles for a long while and still holds me down at times. However it was a self chosen prison to not feel the hurts of life.
Yes, trying to be perfect can be the ultimate set-up to keep ourselves down. When we strive to be perfect this also comes with being hard on ourselves, as perfection is a never attainable goal. Whereas if we accept that we are forever changing, and forever going around in cycles that offer us content moments to evolve and expand, our relationship with everything can change. We’re no longer at loggerheads with ourselves and everything around us while we go at the perfection game. We realise we are part of a much bigger whole that we can be in harmony with as we keep letting ourselves open up, expand and evolve.
It is often that when we fully allow our imperfections we can begin to appreciate and accept just how wonderful we are. The search for perfection is flawed in itself, for it is always telling us we are not enough.
I agree Heather – everything changes when we fully allow ourselves to feel our imperfections, stop hiding behind their facade and not worry about what others think about it. Its funny how what we keep running away from is exactly what we need to stand and face.
´… telling us we are not enough’ and basically telling us only what we are not hence never supporting us to be the all that we truly are. Perfection just consistently produces more and more of who we are not while selling us that what we are not is not enough of what we are not.
Actually ‘good’ business strategy: Create a need/demand and then sell more of the need as the filler for the need.
true Alex and so is “there” as the place that we need to get to. It will never be in reach as we adjust what there is along the way and so there is always something outside of us to strive for and to hold against ourselves as not being ‘it’. It is such a trick as we are already ‘it’ and it is the striving that keeps us from it.
You highlight a great point Alex. We often ask ourselves to be more of who we are not rather than supporting ourselves to be all that we truly are.
Very true Heather.
Kathryn this rings true for me too..”perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” I chose that belief. And this..” In choosing to try to be perfect it often took me so far away from myself that I felt disconnected from life and my inner feelings.” I did it to separate from others so I wouldn’t have to feel less than them. I also deeply believed…” It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” I never saw it this way before. I didn’t see how it had anything to do with my love. I have never ever seen imperfection as sexy. Now this is something I’d like to explore and experience.
This is beautiful Kathryn.
It makes so much sense, all you have written and upon reading it supports me to let go of the strive for perfection – I look forward to further unravelling and embracing the flow and beauty of me as a woman too 😊
I can relate to ‘perfectionism’ being like a suit of lead – when we choose to disconnect from the grandness we actually are, the divine symphony that we are each a part of, we are forever left thirsty for order and seek it in its lesser forms.
Yes so true Liane. When disconnected from the flow of divine symphony the thirst for order is insatiable. Our desire to be physically perfect, intellectually perfect and ‘successful’ in terms of the world definition are only flimsy façades for the insecurity and lack of self worth behind them. When we strive for the ‘leaded perfection suit’ ironically we are left feeling like an empty shell always seeking something more. The grandness that we truly are… remains unclaimed.
I love what you shared: “Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self.” Its so true that perfection stifles any joy and creativity I have and is so restricting. Its hard work being perfect and makes me quite critical of myself. Really not a great way to be.
Just in that sentence the false ideal reveals itself – perfectionism is rigid and can never flow, which is without question what life and the universe do daily.
Kathryn thank you, this is a beautiful and insightful blog. I had never thought about perfectionism not being possible because we are forever evolving… that makes perfect sense!
It seems that every woman at one stage in her life has strived for or at least thought about perfection. However, Perfection is actually a distraction because it prevents us from seeing, feeling and experiencing the love and joy that may already be in our lives and blinded from the need to improve. Thankfully with the support of Universal Medicine many people are breaking the cycle of seeking perfection and missing the love.
Having been a perfectionist all my life much like you have described here Kathryn, and constantly having strived to be something I clearly am not, I have recently come to realise this: that everything is placed as it should be in order for us each to learn what we need to learn (remember) in order to get back to what we had seemingly left behind but what has been with us all along – love. All the random events, illnesses, accidents and meetings are thus all perfectly placed to ensure we are forever offered the insight to see where we have made a turn away from this love. For me, that is perfection – everything is part of a greater whole that continuously communicates to all its various interconnected parts. It is not that perfection doesn’t exist it is that we have a very skewed perception of it. We make it about a false ideal so that we cannot see the beauty we are all a part of.
I love this Liane – we have used the fake version of perfectionism to blind us from the beauty of the perfect order that we each have a part in forming. By cutting ourselves off from seeing this truth, we cut off our trust in this Divine plan.
So true Liane and as I have been reading the comments to this blog, which have been a deepening of the blog itself, I have felt that very strongly, there is nothing wrong with perfection, but our interpretation of the word is what we need to re-do! When I start to look at it in this way I can see that nature is perfect and always will be. It just is. There is no jealousy, no competition – there is a hierarchy but that hierarchy isn’t abusive; it doesn’t hoard, abuse either sexually or verbally. A sunflower is perfect in its own right and shines for all the insects to see, it doesn’t feel intimidated, less or jealous. I will have some fun paying attention to nature today so that it can remind me of all of those things like a constant mirror for the simple, beauty that is inside me. Let’s be honest it doesn’t set out to be perfect – it just is.
There is perfection and rightness in how everything constellates for our ongoing learning and development, but seeking perfection in and for ourselves is a crazy undertaking and very heavy prison sentence.
I agree, Liane, the beauty and the harmony of that divine order is the true perfection – even if things seem “imperfect” to the individual mind, which has no understanding of this grander scale of things playing out in their natural harmony.
Thats gold Liane, that is what I did not appreciate when I was so stuck on making sure I ‘took care’ of everything and everyone. In that tight control I was messing with peoples evolution, not to mention my own from all that drive. Thank you for your words they are always a blessing.
Great point Sarah, I can so relate to the control of ‘taking care’ of everything and everyone and can now see the damage it is to all, including myself.
Great point sarahraynebaldwin – it can so easy for us to get stuck in “control” and “drive” mode. From the outer, it may look “good and nice” and like everything is in order. But on the inside, there is this deep emptiness because we not allowing ourselves to just be us and others to be themselves. Thank you for your sharing – I find your words a blessing too.
Thank you for expressing so beautifully Liane in your comment. I am find it absolutely mind blowing that everything is so perfectly placed for each of us to learn; that lessons particularly designed for us individually also cater for the particular individual lessons of all others that meet at that juncture. Different angles and lessons perfect for each to learn from!
This gives one such appreciation of time, space and the spherical nature of our existence.
So it can never be about perfection it can only be about whether or not we are open to learning.
It would be wise for me to stick this thread of comment on my fridge, as I am still grasping the concept that the universe is divinely set up like this!! I so quick to fall back into being a victim of circumstances and feeling overwhelmed, like my life is running me. This is a huge package that if I am honest..it is going to take time to understand it and live it in full.
Yes Kathleen and sarahrayne, the stupendousness of the intelligence that is designed to bring about exactly what and whom we meet at each juncture is mind-blowing as it is so far from the ‘mind’ we usually think of as our mind. The universal law of energy ensures that there is a correspondence between all the particles that make us up. The whole is always being taken into account, not as a gesture but as an absolute! There is such grace in this if we do not take circumstances personally but observe it as an outplaying of energies that have been set in motion. It makes the choice to come back to the stillness regularly – such a significant and key choice to make. Love what you say about the different angles Kathleen.
Yes I agree Lyndy what you have so beautifully expressed here “There is such grace in this if we do not take circumstances personally but observe it as an outplaying of energies that have been set in motion”.
So beautiful to read this and appreciate your wisdom Kathryn, I have myself felt imprisoned by perfection and sitting with what you have presented allows me to reflect on how far I’ve come. No longer terrified that people will think less of me if there are creases in the wrong place on my pants! No longer anxious, so anxious when I got a spot at school or in my early adult years. No longer getting angry, furious even at myself if I did something wrong at work, the list is endless. There is an ease in me now and I feel settled with me, starting to love me deeply and appreciating all that I am, this man learning to see himself in the joy of who he is.
Thank you for your sharing on perfectionism Kathryn – it is like a disease in society, with its cold heartless feeling, preventing many people from feeling and freely sharing their innately beautiful, caring selves. One of the best things I’ve done in life is bit by bit unravel this imposition of perfectionism myself, life is so much more enjoyable, connected, yet more responsible now!
Agreed Jane, it also allows for space to develop doesn’t it? I have found perfectionism is attached to time and synonymous with time falling through my fingers, but allowing myself to see my imperfections as learning opportunities and the gifts they are, means I see life and that word ‘time’ as space to address them, not to be perfect but to be me.
‘I am perfectly imperfect”, yes I am. I have had a day where a few of my imperfections were brought to my attention and I can feel how easy it would be to go down the self doubt and self bashing path that I have walked for a long time. However, this is crippling and debilitating. So I am observing the things that I need to work on and develop and saying yes to working on these areas that require some attention. I am committed to this so that I can really see the truth of everything.
Boy oh boy, can I relate to your topic here Kathryn, as I’m sure many of us can. I tried so hard to be perfect over my lifetime. Never measuring up to my outrageous and all consuming need to get everything right and not make a mistake. Mistakes for me would absolutely debilitate me for days as I would go over and over the mistake in my head and cement the belief that I was stupid and hopeless each time. Over the last few years, through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I too have come to know that as you say, imperfection allows growth and unfoldment. Something I never would have accepted in the past, but am now allowing myself to start feeling and knowing the truth of so that it doesn’t cripple me or hold me less, as I know how I feel about myself, is totally my choice and I choose to accept and know that I am way more than any man made interpreted word, and my worth is not bound by its meaning, but by my own loving heart.
I have tried that too Julie, going over and over my mistakes, even celebrating them. Withdrawing from life and living in fear of making mistakes. Perfection sets you up to fail. There is respect for where I am now, and life has shown me there are a few shortcomings I would like to improve on. Evolving at my own pace, being in the flow with the challenges that come my way.
Where to start? – I think I might need to re-read this blog a few times to really let it sink in. Perfectionism is a really hard place to live from – there is no tenderness in perfection and I hear you Kathryn when you say it keeps people away and the love of me trapped within never to fully expressed – I have seen this play out earlier in my life and it is no joy what so ever.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive…”. This is so great Kathryn and I can feel how much it liberates us from the chains we use to weigh ourselves down. It allows us to just be ourselves, and allows space for us to talk openly about our imperfections, because as you say they are real, sexy and alive.
This is an extraordinarily beautiful blog from an extraordinarily beautiful woman, thank you so much Kathryn. As I read this I felt freer and freer , I have heard so many times that ‘there is no perfection’ but still locked in my body was the dogged trying to get……. ‘there’ and everything would fall into place. Reading this has let me appreciate what our imperfections are really about, how important they are in our path of personal growth and how they are a positive not a negative or a bad problem to fix. I love how you turn the whole ‘perfection curse’ around with :
‘I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that’ This is golden.
Thank you kate273 I love how you have shared that perfectionism is a curse.
It is time for us all to unlock this curse from our bodies and feel the endless stream of love that can pour from us when unhinged.
Awesome, Kate and Kathrynfortuna: perfectionism is surely a curse if it caps our forever unfolding nature – we don’t need to “get there,” as perfectionism suggests – we never tick the box – because there is no box and no tick – only the ever expanding awareness of self.
YES Kate 273 – I never really worded it as that but it is true – it is a curse, forever trying to reach an end point as if we are travelling in a straight line. I can feel the part of me that still wants to feel there is an end to this learning. It has been hiding in some recess I haven’t chosen to look at yet but I can see it plain as day now! And yet I can say with my hand on my heart that this learning has been the best fun I have ever had. It has been the most engaging, the most rewarding, the most unimposing and as I unpeel the many protective layers, I discover I am ‘an extraordinarily beautiful woman just by being myself’. I never would have thought that – and the more I feel that for myself, from my body, the more I see it is in EVERY single one of us. That really is heaven on earth.
That is another show stopper Lucy. This ideal I have that there is an end goal, and it will be perfect (end showreel 1). As I take down a few of the ideals it does allow a freedom that was hitherto unavailable – free to be me.. a gorgeous, tender man who cares for and loves life and people in all its and my imperfection.
“I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.” That’s a big stretch for a confirmed perfectionist, Kathryn! However anything’s possible when we become students of ourselves, with the loving guidance of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon of Universal Medicine, as you have embraced (me too).
Kathryn there is such depth and beauty in what you have written here – the line ‘I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day’ touched me so deeply. Thank you
Me too Hannah, that line alone I could ponder all day – I will!
Yes I am worthy of this deep love. A lovely line to be with today. And forever.
That line also stood out to me Hannah and the warmth and depth of this blog is truly touching.
Being a perfectionist means we are always doomed to fail as we are perfectly imperfect and thus perfection is a mere illusion that self perpetuates to keep us locked in the ideal that we always have to have it 100% spot on. This creates a stress of living up to an ideal that can never be attained and an overwhelming sense of never being enough. What if though as you say we are not perfect but always learning but learning from the knowing that we are it ALL already and that we are simply unpacking what is inside of us that we haven’t used in so long. Nothing imperfect it that.
Reading Kathryn’s blog and your reply here Rachel confirmed my similar feelings – that ironically we are perfect in our imperfection. Our imperfection is living the false sense of perfection based on outer measures when all along our completeness is waiting there to be ‘unpacked’. There is something truly beautiful in embracing each person’s imperfection as part of a cycle – the return is inevitable and each cycle brings with it the opportunity to connect with our original way.
Gorgeous Rachel. ‘unpacking what is inside of us that we haven’t used in so long’
So true. There is nothing imperfect about that is there?
Yes Rachel, looking at life from being perfect already and just unpacking what is inside us, all that we haven’t used. Perhaps also discarding what we have taken on to protect ourselves and the bumps and bruises we have picked up along the way as well. As we unpeel the unnecessary layers, we start to feel our true selves and see how the word perfection just doesn’t even come close to describing who we are – it is too small and too restrictive.
I completely agree Rachel. We are trapping ourselves in a cycle of chasing an unattainable ideal when we chase perfection and sometimes the pursuit of perfection can be placed on our loved ones, harming not only ourselves but those around us. I love the concept that we are perfectly imperfect.
Love your comment Rachel particularly this. . .”we are it ALL already and that we are simply unpacking what is inside of us that we haven’t used in so long” This knocks striving to be perfect on the head and brings us back to the appreciation of who we already are and what we have to bring.
Gorgeous set of comments and really we can say that since we are here to learn and discard and in living increase our awareness then our imperfections, mistakes and oopsies are actually absolutely perfect as they bring to light what we have not yet given enough practice too.