The Light of Comparison and Relationships

Recently I read a blog called “A Sharing for Men About Women.” It was an eye-opening blog for it started to challenge how we should look to define abuse in relationships.

In short, this blog was asking us to consider that anything less than a truly open and loving relationship between two people should be seen as abusive.

This in itself is a provocative statement, and there would be many – especially men who are not ‘violent’ towards their partners – who would take issue with this extreme proclamation, citing the fact that when compared to the ugliness of domestic violence, their relationship is indeed quite healthy. And from where they stand, they would be telling the truth – to a point.

But let us put aside such reactions for a second and ask what it is that this statement is really asking us to consider. For underneath its foray into the world of relationships, what this is really pointing to is the propensity of society to use the extremes of human experiences as the litmus test by which all else is judged. As human beings we like to look out at all that we consider as evil in society, and so long as our life compares well to such darkness, we do not question whether or not what we have is actually true.

The man who yells at his wife but does not hit her does not consider himself to be abusive by comparison. The man who controls and dominates the relationship by using his “superior knowledge and intellect” to suppress his partner’s voice will never admit that he has been abusive whilst he can hear the man next door yell and lose his temper. And, to add a dash of controversy to the mix, I am sure that we would never consider by light of such examples that the man who is quiet and acquiescent to all of his partner’s demands is actually living in a mutually abusive relationship.

In the world of comparison, all of these men would have a right to say that they are not abusive. Even the man who hits his wife can argue he has not murdered or raped her or broken any bones. What has she to complain about? She is alive and only has bruises that will in time heal. Whilst this may seem preposterous, it is how some men think, or at least behave. And who is the great moral crusader to argue, when they have used the same barometer of comparison to measure the quality of their own life?

Herein lies the ludicrousness of the way we measure our existence, for it is by such a mechanism that we create our own perception of what is, when at least seen through the eyes of our own divinity, black and white.

Comparison leads to compromise. Compromise leads to the acceptance of something that is less, and before long truth not only gets diluted, it no longer even appears on the horizon of our awareness. Comparison makes the world grey. Edges are no longer crisp, and clarity is lost in a haze of moral ambiguity.

Thus today, when we end up in the situation where we consider a relationship where both parties get on and tolerate each other’s differences, don’t argue or wage war on each other and are generally comfortable with each other, to be one that is not just acceptable… we consider it to “be” loving when by essence it falls well short of the forever expressive nature of what true love actually entails.

And as I write this, I know that there will be those who will read this statement and say – I have that. I have love in my life. And maybe you do. But how do we know, especially when we have used the evil of comparison as the corrupt mechanism by which we gauge all of life? How do we know that we have not just found a person who does not push our buttons, who by silent agreement does not challenge our preconceived notion of what we want the world to be? In other words, how do we know we have found a relationship of love, and not just one of mutual convenience that serves to keep us blind to the true nature of our own existence?

As Henry Thoreau once controversially wrote, “The greater part of what my neighbours call good, I believe in my Soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behaviour. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?”

What was he talking about? He was talking about comparison.

By Adam Warburton

Further Reading:
Making a relationship About True Love
Comparing Myself to Others
Seeking Connection and True Relationships
Jealousy

 

1,505 thoughts on “The Light of Comparison and Relationships

  1. We do have a strong tendency in society to define things by the extremes. We are a bit shocked by the use of the word abuse when it is not domestic violence or very obvious bullying. Yet any time we don’t bring harmony to a relationship it is felt by the other person. It imposes on them and often changes the way they respond or behave. No wonder relationships are not working (1 in 2 marriages are ending in divorce) when we only act to fix things when the abuse becomes extreme.

  2. Yes, comparison makes us feel comfortable with not making our life about truth and love. Yet in truth there is no real settlement in this state as there is a forever unrest that we can only ignore but never eradicate when we are not living true love.

    1. Yes I can feel and see this now, there is an unease and an unrest because we know deep inside that what we are living, what we see and hear, is often not loving at all, and certainly not the love we come from and are here to live with each other.

    2. The fact that we go into comparison with another is a sign that we are not connected to the truth because there is no truth in comparison. Comparison is a permanently moving state whereas truth is a constant, it never wavers.

  3. Comparison is also the one thing that stops us from evolving. We think we have ended up at a good point, are proud if it, but don’t look at the ugliness that is still there to let go off and the true beauty that could be lived.

    1. Many people revel in looking at the ugliness and take great identification in it but at all costs will avoid the love, joy, harmony, stillness and truth that we all are.

    2. Very well said Willem, you’ve reminded me that when we reach a point of success and we choose to see the world with eyes of comparison, then this is not true success but one that is fuelled by recognition and not love.

  4. I think if we use comparison with another’s behaviour to justify our own then that in itself can be a sign that we’re not bringing the depth of love that we know we can from inside of ourselves.

  5. Yes, comparison blinds us, it has us think we are doing good or the opposite but it never in truth lets us feel ourselves in full, our own worth and grandness.

  6. Even having a comparison within the relationship is toxic. I noticed this morning how I went into comparing how my husband would respond to a friends event vs how he responded to an event my friend was having. I totally compared and put my friends as less to him and this then brings a dis-ease into our relationship.

  7. Like so many words in the world today Abuse and Abusive have lost their true meaning, we have reduced bastardised, lessened, and twisted them so that we don’t have to question our behaviours and that of others. If we were to accept that one step away from love is the first step towards abuse then we have a true marker of what abuse is. It is a marker that is registered in the body, and our responsibility is to acknowledge and honour this feeling, rather than dismiss and accept the abuse as being ok because the markers we have created, have been formed by comparing ourselves to others.

    1. What a great point, if we stop taking what the world tells us is abuse as abuse and see that any movement, be that verbal, physical, or even in our thoughts, any movement away from love is abuse, then we have a whole new awareness of the responsibility in how we live.

  8. Relationships can bring 2 things – extremities such as abuse which we know are not loving but we put up with anyway, or comfort – 2 people settling for an arrangement which is also not love but pure convenience. You highlight both here Adam and it is so important we consider if we play any of these roles in our relationships and why.

  9. I was listening to a Serge TV where he shares that not adoring your partner in the day is abusive…. that is a whole other level of deepth to love that most haven’t ever considered.

    1. Yes the living example and teachings of Serge Benhayon has had me lift my standards and understanding to a whole other level right across the board in life and that standard is not a static thing but one that constantly deepens and expands.

  10. Comparison is like a snake wrapped around our neck slowly choking us to death, the airflow into our lungs gets tighter and our eyes begin to pop out as we grasp for air.

  11. I love the expose about how we can utterly fool ourselves about the quality of our relationship with life by settling for a picture, whether that picture is derived from a comparison with another, or comparing to an ideal we hold about what is good. The fact is that even when we start with the the real thing, whilst the universe is forever expanding and calling us to also deepen in every way, holding on to that picture will keep us stuck and in no time quite lost. We do need to periodically stop and ask is what we have is actually true. That is why I love conversations with Serge Benhayon and blogs such as this which clearly invite us to do exactly that.

  12. I have just completed Connective Tissue Level 2 and I can now fully appreciate just how very tender and precious we are and if we were all to live from this deep quality there is no way we could possibly harm another, it just isn’t in the body any more to do so.

    1. Beautiful Mary, we do have all the tools to connect to the depth of quality that we are and in that we know how precious and powerful we all are, therefore there is no space for comparison.

  13. “How do we know that we have not just found a person who does not push our buttons, who by silent agreement does not challenge our preconceived notion of what we want the world to be?” This is such a great question and ought to be asked of every person – whether that be lovers, friends, family members, work colleagues etc.

  14. Spot-on Adam, for just because something is ‘not as bad as…’ does not mean it is true or of love. Expressing without comparison and stating something just for what it is, is very confirming and empowering.

  15. I totally agree that just because something is ‘not as bad as…’ it doesn’t mean that it is a true way of living. Sure we don’t want to condone the extremes but neither settle in the ‘better’ without discerning if that really encompasses everything that we are…

  16. To read this blog sets the tone for how we can be with each other in the world. You are right Adam – we have just accepted that there are better situations than ours so therefore we turn a blind eye instead of claiming what we know to be true in relationships.

    1. Seeing what is true in those that do love absolutely is inspiring to anyone who has the good fortune to cross the path of such commitment to true relationships be they couples, friends or work colleagues.

  17. The law is always incomplete.It does not and perhaps cannot cover every single case of conducts that are morally reprehensible. Yet, this does not mean that we have to equate the reprehensible with what the law defines as such. Concomitant to this, we tend to judge something always in comparison to something else and issue our judgement based on how far or close are they. When the parameter is the extreme, excluding what is not extreme in the name of what is reasonable, we provide license to kill so to speak.

  18. Comparison is what holds the world back from evolving to who we truly are. The one that are suffering, without money, with war, etc are glad when they have money, when there is peace and the one that are successful, have money and have peace, think that is it.

  19. When we stop and consider that ‘anything less than a truly open and loving relationship between two people should be seen as abusive.’ Then we know how far we have walked away from the truth and love we know. We need to set love as our foundation and not accept less as being ok as not only do we suffer as a result but also everyone else does as well.

  20. The “outing” of abuse in its many forms is the path of love. It is a love grander and nothing like the romantic love we have been taught about. It offers a development of self-care that leads to love, and in that configuration, abuse is seen more and more fully.

  21. Anything less than a truly open and loving relationship between two people should be seen as abusive. This should be a recurring topic to talk about with each other, within relationships and particularly with ourselves. It is saying no to any sort of abuse, ‘big’ or ‘small’, and in fact yes to love. The ‘saying no to abuse’ is a clear statement to: I don’t go for less as we are love which should be expressed in all areas of our lives,

  22. “And who is the great moral crusader to argue, when they have used the same barometer of comparison to measure the quality of their own life?”

    This is a cracker of a question Adam. We can get on our high-horses about a certain topic and go on a moral crusade, but if you have the honesty to look at this question you pose, and see where you might be doing the same on a lesser and much reduced scale, I feel quite often the answer would be yes, we do do that. We can be all sitting at that table, just some maybe taking up a larger portion but our feet are still under the same table.

  23. When we use evil as a comparison in how well we are doing in our relationships it sets the standard extremely low. There should be absolutely no comparison with evil for it needs to be called out for exactly what it is. And whether different levels of abuse … it is still abuse. It is shocking to see just how many couples can put each other down and how many can abuse their partners in verbally bullying them or constantly putting them down. However if we start to use the example of the Benhayon family, and a growing number of other families, as the litmus test for our relationships – this instead offers us at the very least, a level of decency where we should be with everyone. What I am currently seeing is how our relationships need to constantly be refined to the ‘what next’ step in deepening and appreciating them and can feel even though I would consider myself an open person with people just how much I still shut people out .. which is a level of abuse.

  24. There are so many variances on abuse, such subtle ways that it can be lived. For me, in my experience, being able to see abuse is coming from standards that are increasing in their love towards people. Once these are set, there is very little that can missed.

  25. When we compare love to hate – we settle for less – comparison is a cushion of comfort that stops us knowing the truth of love rather than its counter.

    1. Very true and well said, comparison brings in the sense of bettering. ie. this is not as bad or extreme as that so it is ok but the reality is it may still be far from and void of love. When we come from love then anything less stands out for the lack of love that it is.

  26. Comparison makes our world grey. Intead of looking at the marker of truth, we look at the standard of lesser truth and take that to pacify ourselves we actually have taken great steps or are doing well. That goes for relationships but actually for everything in life. It is ultimate weapon to block our evolution.

  27. Wow Adam what an article. It hit me in the face: yes I have been doing that constantly in relationships but also in work, I would say in life. Saying I am, we are doing well compared to where I was, for example, a year ago. Yes, I have made great steps in many ways, but is the good compared to the bad, or less not relating it to what is could be. Wake up call.

    1. I agree Willem it is a big wake up call and essentially brings focus to what are we calling ‘good’ is it an absence of not feeling bad, ie an opposing end of the spectrum or is it from a basis of love on a completely different scale with no reference or measure.

  28. So true – we want to normalize the off-ness we can actually sniff in and around our own choices by looking around and see how many others might be choosing the same/similar, or worse – and if anyone dares to show the truth that would expose our complacency, how dare they, they would be the ones to be crucified.

  29. Comparison is so harmful in the subtlest of comments. We have become a society that ignores these but in the long run what harm are we choosing to fuel.

  30. again, I am touched by this blog and its subject. For it shows us the evil of comparison and it unmasks the mechanics of how comparison plays out and has its detrimental effect.

  31. Comparison makes space for a normal way of living that should never have been normal. A way that is much less than living with the joy we all deserve.

  32. Deep down we do know what is true and when we are living less than that. Justifying it with someone else doing something worse is not changing the fact, we are only fooling ourselves.

  33. I really relate to what you share Adam. I have been one who is gentle and very nice in relationships but I have equally been pleasing and pandering, keeping the peace in many ways and not asking others to evolve. Any arrangement which is in truth a relationship that is based on an agreement to not evolve is abuse. Full stop.

  34. The scenario you have described here Adam can really be extrapolated to virtually every relationship we have in our lives, where we settle for and accept a superficial connection and one that never challenges us or asks us to evolve and learn from each other, but is totally OK with mere ‘small talk’ about the weather, sports, politics, etc. as long as nobody is actually getting physically hurt. I for one know that living like that with no deeper connection now feels pointless and will never bring any joy or settlement to my body.

  35. Comparison is deadly, because while we look at another and think they have more we are not appreciating or cherishing what we have, and while we look at another and think they have less we are judging and condemning another human being. Another important thing to consider is that while we are comparing we are not only damaging ourselves and others we are also missing the big picture of what is really going on, and what our lives are offering us on a bigger scale.

  36. How great to expose the demons of good that, if we comply, keep us in the illusion, glamour and emotional arena of life.

  37. Thank you Adam, for each time there is a greater understanding of what has been written and what comparison actually means equally in terms of our relationships.

  38. We always look at the extremes as a way to judge our behaviour and to assess if we are doing ok – therefore, we must be a good wife or good husband, mother, father or parent and any other role we adopt.

  39. This is such a powerful piece Adam and a topic that certainly needs to be exposed, for too many settle and turn a blind eye to the many hidden ‘evils’ and to the comparisons we accept in life as totally ‘normal’.

  40. When we compare it is a way to excuse oneself of responsibility as by doing so one looks outside of oneself and not at one’s own actions.

  41. When we compare we make a judgment, when we judge we are making something or someone lesser or greater than another and when do this we incite competition and separatism.

  42. When I look around me at the relationships of others I see so much compromise playing out. In the past I would have considered that normal as compromise was what I had come to believe was essential to make a relationship work, and so naturally that is what I did in my relationships. Today I can see that with that compromise often came resentment, frustration and a definite feeling of lack of power, all emotions that were so destructive and affected the relationship on a day to day basis. Compromise is now something that I choose not to do and if I feel even close to considering it, I can feel the horribleness of it instantly in my body, and I am stopped in my tracks.

    1. As you say, Ingrid, compromise is hailed as a virtue yet it is insidious in its destructive nature.

  43. ‘Comparison leads to compromise. Compromise leads to the acceptance of something that is less…’ – so huge and spot on – when we compare we do not take responsibility for our part because we look at what is better or what is worse. This truly exposes how we can blame the state of society to justify our actions and a lack of love and equality. But what if we were able to be the reflection of true love in relationships and in the world. We could not compare – we would be living based on a relationship with truth and evolution.

  44. Adam, this is such a wonderfully exposing blog and I love the fact that you asked us to consider whether someone who is quiet and keeps the peace with their partner might be just as abusive as someone who is yelling and screaming. This definitely puts a new slant on what abuse is and that wanting things to be “better” rather than true is abuse.

  45. Thank you Adam for telling it like it is, when we compare our experience with another’s experience which is more extreme than ours, leaving us to feel we are better than, we can then justify our not so noticeable abusive behaviour.

  46. Comparison is such a killer and destroyer of our relationships not only with others but also with ourselves. It means we never feel enough because there is always something or something outside of ourselves we can compare ourselves with. The more we simply appreciate ourselves the more joy we naturally feel within ourselves and everyone else. Then there is no need to compromise as how can you compromise when you are being the love that you are?

    1. I agree Kim, ‘the true evil of ‘good’. How easy is it for us to get caught up in it and also the ‘right’ as well – the words come so laiden they discount the love we are and rather get us to conform to a set of rules and ideals outside of us without any regard for truth.

  47. “Comparison leads to compromise…Comparison makes the world grey. Edges are no longer crisp, and clarity is lost in a haze of moral ambiguity.” Love what you share here Adam. Truth is razor sharp = it is, or it is not. So true that comparison mades it a bit blurry and fogs up the truth, which we can use as an excuse to not live our/the truth.

  48. We may on the surface of life use our eyes to compare different pictures and use the comparison as fuel for compromise but in our inner-most there is always the call back to honour what we know from our whole body to be the actual truth.

  49. Comparison requires the creation of a millions measures to understand what is good, better or best. The alternative is to simply feel life. No need for judgement just responding to what each cell knows is Love. Thank you Adam for providing this zoomed out view of our lives.

  50. I feel the statement that anything less than open and loving relationship is abuse is challenging for men and women. As sometimes discussed at women’s groups, we can appear to be the ‘gentler sex’ but women can be quite hard, controlling and manipulative, which is far from loving or open! I feel we have slightly different issues but are on a pretty level playing field when it comes to what we allow to come between us in any relationships.

  51. Wow such a profound read Adam, on so many levels you are challenging everything that society promotes! In my experience I often walk away from those that push my buttons rather than turn up and get uncomfortable and grow!

  52. Beautiful and so clearly expressed. It is that what we know is love that we need to live, not a condemned version of what we have chosen to not live. It is clever how we can control and pretend something to be acceptable that is not actually love.

    1. “It is that what we know is love that we need to live, not a condemned version of what we have chosen to not live.” Very eloquently put, choosing to live what we all know love to be is a fundamental key to eliminating compromise and comparison from our lives.

  53. When we make comparisons with the extremes of abuse we fail to be aware of the lesser abuse all around us but abuse is abuse. A small amount of poison is still poison.

    1. Yes that is super clear with what you share Mary, I wasn’t quite getting it but of course if we compare with violent abuse our silent rages or angry outburst seem loving or even the comfortable getting on when in truth it has no part in love.

  54. Discovering the hidden evil in ‘good’ is a turning point in one’s life; comparison is debunked and compromise no longer a valid option. Liberation from a blinkered existence and the ever-expanding vastness of the all are what counts.

  55. This article is profound and asks me consider what I have settled for and what is possible when I make life about love and connection rather than doing ‘better’.

  56. Comparison is like the opposite of the equality we all know so well from our essence. So why, if we know equality so well, do we have fallen for the separateness comparison brings in its many disguises that in turn, makes it sometimes difficult to discover?

  57. Comparison in any of our relationships is hugely damaging. Comparison eats away at our relationships like a disease, it spreads easily, it is contagious and it can be difficult to get rid of. I find, with a huge daily dose of appreciation, love and truth, comparison cannot exist, grow or fester.

  58. I was participating in a group discussion recently and then today reading your blog Adam supported me to understand the discussion at a deeper level that
    “Comparison leads to compromise. Compromise leads to the acceptance of something that is less”
    And it is glaringly obvious that we have accepted something less as this we think gives us a ‘comfortable’ life.

  59. As Henry Thoreau once controversially wrote, “The greater part of what my neighbours call good, I believe in my Soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behaviour. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?” Being “good” does not make us loving and wise human beings, all it does is make us feel like we fit in and in fitting in we avoid asking the deeper questions.

  60. “Anything less than a truly open and loving relationship between two people should be seen as abusive”. Although this may seem like a stretch for most of us just struggling to get on with people, it is important to have this as a marker of what we are truly capable of in relationship. It stops us for settling for comfort, meeting needs or having a suitable arrangement and ask us to go deeper with our love for ourselves and other people.

  61. By exposing the sliding scale you ask some big questions Adam… not least of which is am I happy to sit somewhere on that ladder and judge those below me, while grabbing the shirt tails of those above so I might progress? Or do I stand back from the ladder altogether and notice that none of it is really about love…….

  62. And why should we not consider anything other than love, honor and respect in relationship as abuse. We all deserve to be treated and live with the utmost love, none greater or less, but equally so in absoluteness, as this is the quality that defines and represents who we all are in essence, as such is our true and natural expression. It is in love that we truly thrive and come to life, realising our full potential and it is through love that we evolve. As such anything less than love, subtle or otherwise, is an abuse to who we are and an abuse to living the quality that we are rightfully here to live, together. When love is the marker of what is true and what is not, comparison does not even get a look in.

  63. Just how much do we give in to a relationship that is ok and ticks the boxes? All the while feeling from deep within that we are missing living with a deep connection with another. A way of being in relationship that we know inside out, yet so many give up on ever living.

    1. Very true Leigh. In it seems that me that most people on the planet don’t even have a truly loving relationship with themselves. What gorgeousness we are missing out on.

      1. Oh so much gorgeousness. There is nothing I have lived before that comes close to feeling as amazing, tender, fun, joyful, light and playful as a loving relationship with myself. What is most beautiful, is that living this with myself means I live it with others and my relationships are becoming more true, respectful and understanding.

    2. Individually and collectively we are missing living in ‘deep connection’ with one another. The ironic thing is, naturally we are all deeply connected because we are all part of the collective whole and so for us to not be living in deep connection with each other we have to be permanently applying techniques that prise ourselves apart. Comparison is just one of the things on the absolutely endless list of techniques.

  64. “What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?” – I love this quote from Thoreau, asking us to consider who decides what ‘well’ looks like, and whether we will conform to being a ‘good person’ or be honest and challenge what isn’t true when needed.

    1. ‘Comparison leads to compromise’… yes, comparison reduces us all to less than who we are, and often allows unacceptable behaviour to be tolerated, and perpetuated. The antidote? Building a connection with our bodies, so we understand what we’re feeling and what those feelings relate to. Being real, honest and raw about how we feel about what’s going on around us is a great place to start.

  65. Truth is only lived when one can see the truth of themselves in it. When one lives ‘good’ there is no reflection, just a picture of expectations and desires. Thanks for sharing Adam.

  66. When we compare our relationships with that of others we are using pictures and does mine match theirs? Problem is we miss out on feeling truth. A relationship may not look the part but energetically it may be perfect for what we need in the moment to learn from or it can look amazing but we remain stuck and retard ourselves.

  67. Beautiful Adam, when we don’t have compassion we do not have difference and so there is no separation or individuality between us. One-ness. As Serge Benhayon has presented to us before — we are never ever meant to be individual as come from One Soul.

    1. I love what you’ve shared Danna, this is very true and deeply inspiring. This means when we live as one with ourselves and others, there is no room for comparison to creep in.

  68. When we use comparison we are effectively saying what I have is just fine and we’re justifying (even if only to ourselves). We are not being truthful and we are not having the relationship we know we could have either with ourselves or those around us. We’ve capped our relationship into the current comfort and we use comparison without another as a useful diversion to not look deeper and be the truth of who we are.

  69. “As human beings we like to look out at all that we consider as evil in society, and so long as our life compares well to such darkness, we do not question whether or not what we have is actually true.”
    This is why I think there is so much “NEWS” watching. It’s like we look out into the world and see all the extremes of abuse and that distracts us from seeing and feeling the more subtle forms going on in our own homes. We need to look with more honesty and take more responsibility.

    1. Great point Irena. The sensational headlines get the most hits because most use them to make their own choices seem ‘better’. Meanwhile we miss out on the real news and the things we need to know so we can get out of this mess together.

  70. In a world almost devoid of role models for true love it is understandable that we choose comparison to the extremes as a way to place ourselves on the scale of what is abusive or not. However, we are not completely devoid of role models thanks to the Benhayon family and many other students of the Way of the Livingness. Those that are reflecting true love in relationship have now exposed the ‘norm’ we have called love, for being a lesser form of abuse – one that can be tolerated when we don’t know true love exists.

  71. We’ve used binary opposites to decide what is good and bad – but it seems to be much simpler when we bring it back to truth. So rather than asking is my relationship with someone good, I ask if it is true.

  72. Comparison lurks deep within many relationships, keeping both parties held down, not allowing them to shine as who they are. It only takes one to decide both are worth more than that and the tie that holds them down is broken.

    1. Spot on Heather, many can cling to the comfort of an arrangement, when you settle for this you both remain stunted and don’t evolve in anyway.

  73. All of what I consider as relationships push my buttons and show me especially the cycle of abuse that I have accepted. It is very alarming and devastating to be shown this and it is with love that I am shown this and also the choice of love to say no. It is always my choice.

  74. Being quietly acquiescent or meek for that matter is the other side of the coin of what we would generally call outright and demonstrable abusive behaviour – neither one is even remotely close to our true nature.

  75. Comparison leads to compromise, and compromise leads to us losing who we are in truth, and losing truth.

  76. This article hits a different gear, there is a quality with this writing from the first to the last word that really stands you up and has you listening. Comparison keeps us not seeing the full and true picture of what is going on, it brings with it a reality that keeps in within the same circle. Like other things it also gains momentum from the first point and so you think a little comparing is ok or that you only do it in one area then this is the trick and while the thought maybe accurate the action thereafter goes into every point. We can’t segregate parts of life off and say ‘I only do it here or with this person’ etc, it’s all one whole part and so compare in one part of your life and it’s in all your life and more that you just haven’t seen it. This is a great exposure for us into comparison and how when we start to see it for what it is we become aware of how blind this behaviour has kept us to be.

  77. A few years ago, when my relationship with my partner wasn’t in a loving place, I heard how unloving another couple were acting towards one another and found myself having thinking perhaps my relationship wasn’t that bad after all and perhaps I should be grateful for it and not rock the boat. Had I listened to these thoughts and those accompanying it (address the lovelessness in this relationship and your is likely to leave and then you’ll never get another relationship like this one) we would have continued to allow the unloving behaviour and it would have festered.

  78. The right and wrong the good and the bad are all comparisons that are a set up to keep us distracted from connecting to our divine truth that we are all equal sons of God we are all on our own pathway back to who we truly are regardless of how many detours along the way we are choosing.

  79. This is certainly asking the reader to consider what love truly is, and how that actually looks, and more importantly feels, in a relationship. These questions really need to be asked otherwise we get comfortable with standards, we do not explore the full potential for human life. We look, as you say, at evil and sit comfortably back into the absence of such extremes, we see that as living and relating well, but we mark our standards against the extremes, not truly looking then for the depths of love and care we can bring to ourselves and human life.

  80. This blog also asks us to consider the devastating effect of choosing self-loathing and lack of self-worth. Because – what is it that leads us to settle the way we do? When we know all along within us that the raising of the voice, the dismissive look, is far from the loving gesture we do know and want – what causes us to accept it in the first place? In that yearning to be loved when love is not what we have nurtured for ourselves, ‘something’ will do even if it’s not the real deal.
    It’s only when we begin to nurture that inner gaping space that is asking for this love, that we begin to set the bar up again where it ought to be – for and within ourselves and from there, across everything and everyone else in our lives.

  81. Not only does comparison annihilate the person who chooses it when they compare themselves to another, it annihilates societies en masse by lowering the bar so much that we settle for less and less of the truth in our lives.

  82. Anything between two people who are not transparent and honest in communication is abuse. This abuse will reveal itself in many different forms. Abuse is hurled and perpetuated because it is allowed. There is responsibility in both parties, always.

  83. Could it be when we think we are doing the right thing and being good we are as you say Adam is just another form of abuse because to think you are good or right always comes with being righteous! Being good, right, bad, behaving so well and righteous all always come from a comparison.
    Leaving us with the Truth of the Soul that shares Love without comparing because we are all equally Sons of God.

  84. Abuse can come in many forms, and can be evident or extremely subtle and hidden. It is only now through my choice to consistently bring more love and presence to myself that hidden forms of abuse I had towards myself are starting to emerge to be seen and healed.

  85. We do not think abuse is how we are, we often relate it to physical violence, but these barbed words can stay lodged in someone for a lot longer than a punch or a knife can. Of course violence is awful, but so to is the irresponsible way we use words and the energy behind them.

  86. Comparison kills us, we’re all here for the same reason but to learn different things, it would be so much wiser to be inspired by someone who has learnt something already that we haven’t, and to be there to help those who have not learnt the things we have already learnt.

  87. “Comparison leads to compromise.” Absolutely and compromise creates ambiguity and puts life into separate compartments of what we feel is ok and what is not, but if it is just ok, then what are we saying yes too? Life, love, work and relationships are not separate, they are apart of an all in one option, because if we compromise one area of our lives then we compromise all.

  88. It is true that truth is truth and it is universal. It can’t be compared. Truth is absolute in our hearts and body and there is never any compromise, something a little bit away from truth is no longer true. We can love each other in our own ways and the truth is we know there is love felt, but the expression of this love is often far from loving but we have made it into what we call love because of a myriad ways we want to protect ourselves in. Love then is measured, it is like one part of us knows what love is, but another part of us expresses love measured, then is there love or no love? If we measure ourselves in one area in our life, in one relationship in our lives, we end up limiting ourselves in all areas.

  89. Choosing comparison destroys relationships and prevents us from evolving. I have experienced this myself and I can see the damage and pain it causes.

  90. Some great points raised in this blog for us to ponder on, ‘ how do we know we have found a relationship of love, and not just one of mutual convenience that serves to keep us blind to the true nature of our own existence?’

  91. Wow this blog really asks us to look at what our point of reference is in our life, our relationships and what lies behind our actions. If the reference point is not love and coming back to love when we know we have strayed; but a reference point that is far from love and justified as ok because it’s better than that which is further from love, then we are adrift in the lovelessness of our society.

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