Imprisoned by Judgment: Understanding & Accepting Life Just as It Is

How easy is it to judge another person? How easy is it to assume that people are exactly the same as when you saw them last, particularly if it was many years ago? How easy is it to see what we want to see, rather than what is truly there for us to feel? How easy is it to label and imprison ourselves in the harshness of judgment?

I have made choices in my life that I wished I had not made, and as the years have rolled on, what remains is my own memory of these times and a whole lot of regret. In so many instances I have struggled to let it go. I could not accept these choices, mistakes and imperfections and would find my mind reverting to them constantly, like a video on replay. These incidents and regrets were so alive in my body, accumulating as the years rolled on, that it felt like they occurred only yesterday.

I could feel how reliving the things I have done or said in my life kept me stuck, small and contracted in a false “I am bad” program. Guilt kept me in the illusion that I was unworthy of wonderful things, such as loving relationships and self-assuredness, laughter and joy.

When I made unloving choices, and I’ve made a few, I struggled and judged myself harshly. I had high expectations of myself and would strive for perfection, even though it was impossible to achieve. I held in my imagination the way I thought people or things should be and, when it went wrong, I would become very frustrated.

When I turned on the TV to watch the news I would sometimes shed a tear, and would need to turn it off because I did not like or want to see what was truly happening in the world. I so longed for people to be loving, harmonious, respectful and fair; I couldn’t accept that it would not always be like this and that this was just part of life here on earth.

I know I have been judgmental of others too and I could hold onto my label of them for years. I remember in one instance, when I felt brushed off by a lady who I really did not know, I judged her as a snob. Every time I saw her or thought about her, I remembered her as ‘the snob’. Then one day, a few years later, our paths crossed and in that moment all I could feel was how lovely this person really was. She was a very tender woman and I wondered what was really going on at the time I made the initial judgment.

I have also been the receiver of negative judgment from another. It hurt that another person would come to a negative conclusion about me, overriding all the really lovely things that I felt I offered the world. I couldn’t understand why someone used a particular incident, or my unloving choices, as evidence to support the label that they put on me. What pleasure was there in focusing on these mistakes?

I began to wonder how many people walk around burdened because of their poor choices, unable to move on.

  • Do people addicted to drugs have to carry around the label ‘druggie’ forever?
  • Is a person who has committed a crime always going to be a ‘crim’?
  • Are those who react emotionally going to live with the tag of ‘unstable’ or ‘fruit-loop’?
  • When people move from job to job regularly, do they deserve to be judged as ‘unreliable’?
  • If someone were deeply depressed would they be spoken about as being ‘dark’ for the rest of their lives?

 I have personally carried the burdens of judgment for so long and the only thing it achieved was to adversely affect my sense of worth, continuing a cycle of further criticism and disappointment. No matter how I had changed my life, these labels stuck like glue and many I accepted as true or even put onto myself.

Indeed, we all need to be free of these labels so we can return to live from the essence of who we really are, for we are more than our behaviour and unloving choices.

It was only by coming to Universal Medicine and learning about self-care and self-love and being more responsible for my choices that I began to experience true change in my body, and slowly this judging cycle started to lose its power.

The more I dropped away the protective shield and let people into my heart, the more I allowed myself to be naturally tender, delicate and sensitive, I felt how natural it was to bring understanding and acceptance to myself and the situations of the past and begin to allow the world to be, just as it is.

What was transformational was that the love I was now feeling in my body was bigger than these judgments, for they were just no longer true.

As I have come to know myself in my own unfolding path, there is absolutely every possibility that we can change and live more of our true qualities and potential; a more loving way that enhances from one day to the next.

Just recently I made a wise decision to give myself a clean slate and start anew – to start from today and to know that I am divine and I am returning to that, simply learning to let go of hurts and patterns of behavior that are not divine in expression.

Really seeing myself as I present today, in this moment, is all that is needed

There is no need to imprison myself in serving a life sentence for something that happened years ago, something that might be trivial to another but made to be a mountain for me. It feels so much more joyful to free myself of these judgments and instead bring loving understanding and acceptance to my day to day life.

I am becoming much more allowing of mistakes and imperfections because I now feel how they are not me, they are not the person, but they are still a part of life.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Maree Savins, Engineering Project Officer, Tertiary Education, Australia

Further Reading:
Accepting Your Divinity
From Self-development to Unfolding into my True Self – Inspired by Serge Benhayon

1,011 thoughts on “Imprisoned by Judgment: Understanding & Accepting Life Just as It Is

  1. The energy of regret just pulls us down. Staying present in the present and learning to understand and accept serves us well. Esoteric Yoga can so support us in this without any discussion or trying to work things out but by connecting more deeply with how we are in our bodies and how we move.

  2. Understanding is one of the most powerful tools of healing, it is the magic spell to undo the curse of judgment and guilt, no forgiveness needed as guilt is an illusion, no self-punishment required as having made harming choices has an underlying cause that needs to be revealed and understood to unknot the whole ill configuration.

  3. The most effective and destructive judge is the voice inside that governed by ideals and beliefs compares oneself to an image that is unattainable and anyway completely false as it takes us away from who we already are – a complete divine being. There can be no judgment without an image and there can be no image without first separating from one´s essence, hence re-connection with one´s essence is key to release oneself from the grip of everything we are not.

    1. I love how you broke this down Alex, no judgement without an image, no image without first separating from our true reflection (thus we create a reflection to live from and by). I have found that giving a voice to these pictures is what shatters them, the body gets to feel their falsity that in the mind we are numb to their quality.

  4. To judge oneself or another by their past could be considered being a form of medicine as in the opposite case where we hold on to the past the present will be tainted and thereby not allow for the space to experience life with openness and the capacity to move on but much more we are burdened by a dead weight that suffocates our body and being.

  5. I think what you shared here is key “No matter how I had changed my life, these labels stuck like glue and many I accepted as true or even put onto myself.” I think it is first in letting go of how we hold ourselves to ransom that then we are able to move on and it is then in this choice that we allow the space for others to treat us differently.

  6. Giving oneself a clean slate and starting anew feels a very self loving act. Reading this I pondered on judgement and just how universal it is in us human beings. But we are from divinity where there is no judgment because divinity is love and there is no judgment in love, so why have we accepted a lesser form of love which is not love, that allows judgment of everyone including self? It is strange because none of us like being judged by others yet we all do it to others. It makes no sense.

  7. I love the part of giving ourselves a clean slate, This can be every moment in every day if we choose it. To live each moment without being encumbered of the past allows us to be present with ourselves, in all we are doing.

    1. Yes there is something very beautiful about choosing life moment by moment, which in other words is staying present with ourselves rather than drifting of into the past regrets or the future which we are wanting to look a certain way.

  8. This is inspiring to read, the knowing we can start from today, growing back to the love we are inside. It is our choice to do that or keep the cycle of judging our past continue holding us back from the growth.

    1. Yes, staying in the cycle of judging our past choices stops us from being able to learn which holds us back from moving on.

  9. Understanding that acceptance underpins judgement is huge… and not only allows us to take responsibility for the ill-feeling towards another, but gives us something very tangible to work with in order to shift towards a more loving and embracing way with others.

  10. I have lived a life where I have been incredibly judgemental on myself and on others. Nothing about me or another was ever good enough and always felt I was in the ‘right’! How arrogant and self righteous this way of being was and I would still be living this way if I had not come across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Letting go of trying to be perfect and hence taking a lot of pressure (which I had placed on myself) off myself is supporting me enormously to be loving with myself. Coming to accept that none of us is perfect including myself and never will be and that making mistakes can offer us wonderful opportunities of growth is also helping me to have understanding of the bigger picture allowing myself and others to be where we are at.

  11. “We can return to live from the essence of who we really are, for we are more than our behaviour and unloving choices.” I agree Maree, this is the game changer to letting go of expectation and the ideals that cap ourselves in judgment with unloving choices and opening up to feeling and deepening our relationship and connection with ourselves and others.

  12. Without a picture, ideal or belief that I should, others or life be a certain way theres no judgement. Even the word ‘should’ comes with a pressure and holding the universe to ransom it feels. Like things should be this way – or else what? I wonder, because holding these should’s only keeps me stuck but it rots everything when we don’t accept. Reminding myself to say Thank you when in judgement to my body or ‘it is what it is’ gives more air time to acceptance rather than going off on a judgemental spiral.

  13. Judgement = conditions – conditions to be seen, understood, loved, accepted, worthy… in other words no space for the person but focus on the ideal or image that is used to measure and compare the person to.

  14. Knowing we are and still hold the essence we came into the world with is all that is needed, anything other than that, that separates us from this or from others is not true – it is so great to be reminded of this.

  15. What actually is judgement and why do we go for it? My feeling is that we choose judgement over understanding and actually reading a situation energetically to see more than the eyes are willing to see. If we choose understanding, judgement can not survive, because we are saying yes to seeing the person beyond their choices to the heart of who they are and why they are making those choices in the first place. Same goes for ourselves.

  16. Maree I loved how you wrote that the more you let people into your heart, which is where we get to feel people for who they truly are, the more understanding and acceptance you felt for yourself. It is a constant cycle of confirmation when we let people in.

  17. Judging ourselves and others, by the ideals and beliefs we hold, is so debilitating and harming for all concerned. Thank you Maree for the gentle reminder that understanding and acceptance of life, others and ourselves, just as we are, is the antidote to judgement.

  18. I have always struggled with acceptance – a very childish reaction to the world was that if God was so great then why all these wars etc. not accepting that actually we all have a responsibility to be love and when we are not what happens in the world is far from love but that God holds us in complete non-judgement and love anyways. So for now, whilst I begin to accept the world as it is, me as I am, I am learning to have a relationship with God about what I find distressful, not fair etc. I am becoming open to the truth of what is really going on and seeing perfect lessons we all have around us from what we observe that my judgement can instantly rob me of.

    1. We can say no to ill behaviour directed at ourselves however we if we expect change then we are creating a picture which will never match up to reality and set us up to be judgemental.

  19. Thank you Maree, I could feel as I was reading how judgements simply hold us out of the love we naturally are, the very thing we wished we had been living that we hold the judgement on! Keeping it simple, staying with love now, and letting go of the judgments feels like a good plan, thankyou.

  20. ‘What was transformational was that the love I was now feeling in my body was bigger than these judgments, for they were just no longer true.’ I love this and it is a great thing to confirm to oneself and not allow anyone else, or even our own thoughts,to destroy.

  21. When we hold someone in judgment for something they have said, done or even didn’t do in the past we immediately stop ourselves from ever seeing their qualities and potential.

  22. i remember once when i was a teenager that a boy came to me and asked if he could share something as he trusted me and needed to talk with someone and one me he felt thatbI would not judge him. Then he shared he was dealing indrugs and could not easy find his way out of it. He cried. I felt blessed as I indeed could feel that i had no judgement but I was just with him so he had space to proces deeper the way to go. How much clear it became for me that we feel all and even if we don’t expres it in words people feel anything we judge and it gives people stress and stuck with what need space to heal.

  23. I have found it much easier to let go of judgment by another, by remembering how unloving it is to judge another and how many times I have hurt another in that same act, and accept that they mean no malaise, and respond rather than in judgment back but with all the love I am.

  24. Understanding and accepting ourselves helps us to understand and accept the life around us. Making our focus everything that is not us keeps us from that understanding and acceptance. Thank You for this reminder Maree.

  25. Acceptance of ourselves and others, allowing ourselves to be ourselves – with all our imperfections – is a truly liberating way to live. If we’re feeling that others are judging us, and we’re reacting to it, could it be that it’s because we’re already judging ourselves? Or holding on to an image of what life ‘should’ be like, how we or others ‘should’ be?

  26. It is truly beautiful to come to a place where you no longer judge another for any reaction or behavior you may see… but rather allow them the space to be where they are and choose what they do… knowing that even though you may not consciously understand the reason for it, there is an understanding there to be had and therefore no place for any judgment.

  27. ‘The more I dropped away the protective shield and let people into my heart, the more I allowed myself to be naturally tender, delicate and sensitive, I felt how natural it was to bring understanding and acceptance to myself and the situations of the past and begin to allow the world to be, just as it is.’ Opening up to people on a more intimate level invites this deepening of tenderness within ourselves and by accepting the feedback from others about our behaviours we can support each other to grow closer to living from the harmony we innately are.

    1. Yes it does Vicky and it feels awful to do this to ourselves and each other. It doesn’t make sense why we would choose to be judgemental over being loving. But now, I understand about energy, how it works and how our wayward spirit constantly seeks separation, whereas our soul returned us back to love and brotherhood, everything that happens in life makes so much sense.

  28. “How easy is it to see what we want to see, rather than what is truly there for us to feel?” A very pertinent point Maree. Regardless of whether we view someone with rose-tinted spectacles or just constantly see their mistakes – we are viewing them with our eyes – not our hearts. Our five senses can trick us if we don’t have clairsentience and feel the energetic truth of people and things.

  29. Every moment is new, fresh and full of who we are in our essence. Choosing this truth is up to us, catching ourselves being any less than this is up to us as well. Understanding that every other person is experiencing the same choices at the same moment, so if we can reflect a choice of loving understanding this supports another to choose this for themselves, by way of a loving reflection.

  30. The is a world of difference between understanding that everything is a learning and from there, there is a new moment to start a fresh, or we can choose to stay stuck in the past regurgitating something that didn’t work and start affirming we are wrong. It’s a choice and from my experience the first one is the choice of love.

  31. Holding onto what happened many years ago and labeling and judging ourselves and others for that feels totally unfair but that happens very often. We are not what we do, but while we avoid connecting to the essence of who we are, doings would be what we identify ourselves and others with, and we seem to have very little tolerance with what we regard as mistakes.

  32. When we are free of judgements then we are we truly free to know who all that we greatly are. Through embracing and appreciating the love we are within we then know, feel and understand the same love exists within all others equally so. Love is who we are first and foremost and never do our loveless choices and behaviours define or reflect who we are in essence. Free are the ones who explore the majesty of the world within, where the oneness of God brings light to the world outside, through Soulfullness lived.

  33. I know I have been judgmental of others at times and like is stated in this blog, secretly label people as a druggy or ‘good for nothing’ or even worse, ‘better than me’ and I could hold onto my label of them for years. I remember in one instance, when I felt brushed off by a lady who I really did not know, I judged her as a snob. Every time I saw her or thought about her, I remembered her as ‘the snob’. Then one day, a few years later, our paths crossed and in that moment all I could feel was how lovely this person really was. She was a very tender woman and I wondered what was really going on at the time I made the initial judgment.

  34. ‘Really seeing myself as I present today, in this moment, is all that is needed’ It is giving yourself the space to truly live instead of following the images we have made of how life should be for us. An acceptance and also appreciation of each moment and how we are, with no right and wrong.

  35. I’ve recently found that an exercise in focusing on self appreciation has helped me to rise above perfectionism or getting things wrong – because even when I do make mistakes, I can still appreciate myself in the bigger picture. And that feels great.

  36. What you say about the love in your body being bigger than the judgements is awesome – you hit the nail on the head here for me. You have found the clue to breaking the cycle of self judgement and it’s such a beautiful and natural way of being.

  37. When we get stuck with a program running our bodies from personal experience it seems to be extremely hard to shift it. And I have found that what is needed is love and understanding to put to one side the self bashing and recriminations we may be holding onto. When I have managed to let go of the internal fight within me this allows a healing to take place, then I can move on and my body feels completely different almost lighter.

  38. Just last week I was able to forgive myself for past mistakes that had literally kept me imprisoned. I feel like I have been born again without the overtly christian overtones, I really feel brand new, open, willing and free.

  39. Self-care and self-love is such powerful medicine for as you say Maree, “What was transformational was that the love I was now feeling in my body was bigger than these judgments, for they were just no longer true.”

  40. In being willing to open up to read and feel into each situation we are able to connect to a far deeper level of awareness than what our eyes initially see. This also develops a level of understanding and acceptance of people as they are and allows them the space to be themselves.

  41. The thing about watching the news or hearing about awful things happening around the world to do with war, corruption, abuse, harassment and so forth is that although it is very shocking and upsetting, we can treat it as an opportunity to know exactly what’s going on in the world and thus how we can support people to not choose the same rot.

  42. Thank you Maree this is just what I needed to read today about giving myself a clean slate so that I can ‘start from today and to know that I am divine and I am returning to that, simply learning to let go of hurts and patterns of behavior that are not divine in expression.’
    I am not well today and struggling not to judge myself for not looking after myself better so that I didn’t get ill – as I write this I can feel how crazy that is but it helps to articulate it and start to let go of this very old pattern that has repeated many times.

  43. I agree Maree, it is easy to judge others but it is also easy to let go of this harmful choice and choose acceptance, openness and love instead. I have noticed also, if I am judgemental towards myself then I am more likely to be judgemental of others. So building on self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-love is one of the best ways to break free from this cycle of judgment and loveless choices.

  44. If we think about, being judged is the last thing that anyone wants to experience. To be understood, heard and seen for who we are is what truly heals.

  45. The game changer for me was when I began to deepen my relationship and acceptance of myself and to become more self-caring and tender. With a deepening awareness and steadiness within myself I began to choose to observe and read what I was feeling first before judging and reacting to the situations around me.

  46. Seeing our mistakes and imperfections as not who we are, but a natural part of our learning, and choosing to focus on all that we naturally bring, instead of condemning ourselves for all of our self-judged ‘bad’ choices, helps us to break this destructive cycle of self judgment and move forward.

  47. The fact is that EVERYONE is truly loving and divine so if they are not behaving or expressing that way then what we don’t like is not who they truly are but that they are expressing all that they are not.

  48. ‘…we all need to be free of these labels so we can return to live from the essence of who we really are, for we are more than our behaviour and unloving choices.’

    We can accept the labels given to use when very young and then spend a life living up to them or reacting to them but always with judgement. So even labelled ‘good’ we may act in a way that tries to adhere to this label, or not, but it’s still not living from our essence that knows what is true.

  49. When we put labels on people we diminish them about a billion per cert. We are magnificent beings who originate from the stars and eventually we will come to feel the full truth of that. In the meantime learning to accept ourselves changes any need to judge another.

  50. WOW – I was definitely imprisoned by judgments and held people to ransom!…such a burden to carry for years. This statement ‘becoming much more allowing of mistakes and imperfections because I now feel how they are not me, they are not the person, but they are still a part of life’ is a game changer. Accepting this IS part of life and life is really one big school – its how we respond to it seems to be the key to it.

  51. I have always judged myself in a self bashing way, and so I judged others in exactly the same way. However, I replaced judgment for love, self-love which reduced then eliminated the self-bashing which meant the judging of others just dropped away. I also find I am much more allowing and detached of what people chose and their imperfections, which is great to feel and a great confirmation of just how much I have changed and healed in myself. Recently I have observed that I express so much more love and that I feel so light in my body…judgement feels very heavy now, which I am no longer carrying around!

  52. It feels awful to do re-run of our mistakes and in a way bash ourselves, and being our own worst enemy – who needs enemies when we criticise ourselves. It does take a while to get out of that way of being and has many layers, as I am finding out, but well worth it – a Esoteric Practitioner once told me that even the slightest thought of self critique was being self abusive – words well worth remembering.

  53. Viewing and living our life from a judgmental stance allows us to only see the smaller illusionary picture of life and causes us to miss out on the grandness and gloriousness of who we all are, and where we all come from.

  54. “As I have come to know myself in my own unfolding path, there is absolutely every possibility that we can change and live more of our true qualities and potential; a more loving way that enhances from one day to the next.” Beautiful Maree. Change is always possible, as is evidenced by so many students of The Way of the Livingness.

  55. The pictures we hold ourselves by are reducing us to a mere fraction of what we are in truth. Is it any wonder that we then go on to judge others using the same harsh thoughts we use on ourselves – could this be why we only see the ugly in the world and those around us.

  56. We can never know what is truly going on for others, what has happened in their lives, and in their previous incarnations… Not knowing any of this, we cannot judge them for who they are.

  57. We judge others from the perspective of our own hurts, for if we are full in ourselves, we can never judge another.

  58. One of the big learnings for me is not to take snapshots of people based on an incident, as there is a much bigger picture which leads to the understanding, and as people we are not these moments of being less than our true selves. Coming from the foundation of understanding that we are souls and divine in essence can really support discerning the difference between people and their behaviour, and therefore eliminating judgment.

  59. Judgement does indeed feel very restrictive as it fixes ourselves, another or life to a static picture when life itself moves on. And we believe that our picture of ourselves or another is true, but where is our references or source of understanding coming from? If we meet someone in a single moment and they are grumpy – have we followef them around through life? Do we know whats going on? Can we read their mind? What if they have an internal negative picture reel that they are reacting to and it’s not us? I was reminded of this fact today when being judgmental. Our source of ‘truth’ in judgement is a complete lie.

  60. Judging ourselves is extremely harmful particularly as we can allow it to spiral into a story of ‘I’m no good’ or ‘I’m worthless and therefore I don’t care’ which leads to further ill choices which we can then oh yes judge ourselves on as being no good etc., such a destructive trap which is so easy to fall into if we judge ourselves.

  61. I know very well the game of re-running past mistakes and using these as a weapon to self bash and critique, which only makes the mistake far bigger than they really are.

  62. If we hold an image of how we feel we should be without accepting ourselves just as we are we set ourselves up for judgement, followed by self bashing and a pattern of critique.

  63. When we resist our natural pull to be loving, the result of this is a lessening of ourselves. This opens the door to the unloving thoughts and judgments that are directed at ourselves and/or others.

  64. Maree you have exposed judgement in this blog. I don’t like judgement particularly being on the receiving end of it, but yesterday I caught myself judging someone because they were judging another. Dropping judgement is an ongoing project, and quite a hard one to deprogram myself from since its very ingrained. Allowing others to be exactly where they are at, stems from me allowing myself the same grace.

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