The Power of Fragility

For as long as I can remember, feeling ‘hurt’ from interactions with others was part of my life. I could easily react to harsh words, behaviours, actions, dismissiveness, abuse, violence, abrasiveness, lovelessness, rejection, arrogance, being controlled, lack of consideration and understanding – really, I could react to anything that was not love. These reactions formed part of my daily existence, pulling me off balance more often than not.

My reactions could consume me for a whole day or many days and would continue for as long as I avoided feeling the uncomfortable reaction in my body. When I recovered from one situation, it wasn’t long before another was there to take its place, and so the cycle continued.

There were many vices I would call upon to avoid feeling the uncomfortable and turbulent feeling of ‘hurt’: busyness, excessive exercise, alcohol, drugs, eating particular foods, travel, excessive sleep, television, drama, blame and of course emotions such as anger, frustration, intolerance, despair and sadness.

The hurt seemed to stay stagnant in my body and could resurface whenever I thought about a particular person or event that may have upset me in the past. Was there any true moving on or healing from these hurts?

Recently, however, with a touch of courage, and when enough was enough, I challenged myself to explore the topic of ‘hurt’ and over the weeks that followed I discovered that there was much to understand.

A Turning Point

To personally describe what ‘hurt’ feels like in my body, I would say that it feels like a ping pong ball bouncing around with no place to rest. It feels uncomfortable, like it doesn’t belong there, which is probably because it doesn’t belong there.

Most of the time I would react to ‘hurt’ in a way where I could not feel the truth, or what was really going on in a situation. Instead I became lost in what I describe as the facts of the matter. I would hang on to the words: “he said ______ to me” or “she did _____ to me”. Whilst factually it may be true, recently I came to realise that there was more going on here than these facts alone, I just needed to be more honest.

There was a particular day where I felt a sting from an email that was sent to me by someone who was upset about a matter that I felt was quite trivial. Whether this was the case or not, this attitude didn’t stop the emotional reaction bouncing around in my body in the hours that followed.

I chose to ignore its disturbing nature claiming I was too busy to go into the silliness of this email. I was determined I was not going to buy into this drama, indignant that this situation was not going to ruin my day which had started just fine.

I chose to ignore the situation, but it was too late, the reaction was already in my body.

Many hours passed and the uncomfortable feeling continued. As the day unfolded I noticed my frustration levels escalating and my tolerance for others reducing. I no longer felt like myself and my thoughts were dismissive and without understanding.

I began to question what happened at that very moment when I read the email. What did I take on board, what did I allow to play out, what was this really about, because it had affected me greatly?

I saw how this one email of about twelve words caused such an over-reaction that it changed what could have been a potentially amazing day into one that did not feel amazing at all. I realized how such a simple thing could send me on this ridiculous tangent.

I then made a choice and that choice was to stop.

Honouring Fragility

I stopped pushing through the day, stopped fighting the reaction, allowing myself to feel fragile, with no condemnation for myself or another, just fragility. At first this was not easy, because to me ‘fragility’ was to be seen as being soft or weak and I did not want to be these things, for I wanted to be strong.

Nevertheless, I made the choice to focus on nurturing myself deeply, and nothing else. For the rest of the evening I nurtured my body, wrapping myself warmly in a blanket with a heat pack, simply acknowledging the feeling as I lay all snuggled up in bed. I didn’t try to work anything out in my head, because I knew that this would be futile as my thoughts were racy and irrational.

The next morning I woke early with the realisation that I was needing others to respond to me in a particular way. I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself.

Not long after this newfound awareness, I noticed how my body released from the tension and became content again. I realised that when I react in an emotional way, my body becomes uncontrollably shaky, like it has lost its anchor. And indeed it has lost its anchor because it has lost its connection to the part of me which is tender, loving and still.

By allowing myself to feel more deeply into the situation I was able to find the hidden truth, a truth that did not condemn or focus on another or make them less, a truth that had no blame and only understanding. It was no longer about focussing on another and their words and behaviour, it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.

What became clear was how futile it has been to try to fight, dull down, numb or run from the uncomfortable nature of the reactions we have in our daily lives. By not honouring the hurt that we feel, we can keep ourselves trapped in a time warp, because we don’t really move on until it heals from our body.

I no longer see being fragile as something shameful, because I have experienced just how powerful it can be. Now that I have learned that fragility is the bridge to clarity, it makes me willing and committed to care for myself with absolute tenderness when I feel hurt in a situation. Fragility certainly has a big role to play and is something I can now embrace in full.

By Maree Savins, Project Support Officer, Tertiary Education

Further Reading:
Reaction vs Response
Giving Power Back to Love: Making the Choice to Not Be Dominated By Hurt

1,212 thoughts on “The Power of Fragility

  1. To allow ourselves to feel the fragility and vulnerability when it comes up and to honour these feelings, holding ourselves, and all others, in love and expressing that love is a truly nurturing movement.

  2. I found that it isn’t needed to go into solving the hurt, with thinking about why and how.. Because that will only feed the dismissive thoughts towards myself. And as this blog makes clear, it is about choosing to be open and fragile and feel what is going on. Without the reaction.

    1. It is indeed that choice when we feel hurt: to be open and fragile and feel what is going on. Be with ourselves lovingly and acknowledge what is triggered and what it is about.

  3. Maree, I can relate to living life in reaction with the uncomfortable feeling of tension that stayed in my body no matter how much I tried to ignore it and distract myself by taking on behaviours and ideals from outside. The more honest I am now in how my body is feeling the more clarity I have and with this understanding I am more able to choose to respond instead of going into reaction.

    1. I love the simplicity of what you share Linda, connection to my body vs living from my head, I know which one I would rather choose and that supports me to feel what is true or not.

  4. I am 43 years old, when I feel hurt it is the same feeling in my chest as when I was a child, the physical experience is the same and it is a palpable pain in my chest – broken heart.
    I had to learn to acknowledge that it was there. For about twenty years I tried to find a hundred different ways to numb, check out, not feel it, make it go away, bury it deeper into my body, which in turn led to complications and drama. I also became very invested to keeping the hurt under control.
    It wasn’t until I started to study with Universal Medicine that I actually started to deal with the hurts and heal them, and reconnect be honest enough to admit that I am the essence of the same gentle delicate young girl has not changed, and it is precious and acknowledging and looking after.

  5. When we stop and realise that we are reacting to situations in life and explore what is driving that, our vulnerability and fragility is exposed. To allow and accept our true feelings and nurture ourselves through that feels lovely, thank you.

  6. This is brilliant and I can totally relate to not wanting to feel hurt. The description of hurt feeling like a ping pong ball in the body, without any where to settle is exactly what it’s like. I too have tried to ignore it and push it down but the truth is it doesn’t go and then bit by bit it effects how I am in life so that I am not myself in most situations because I’m trying to hide and ignore the ping pong ball. In fact I’m pretty confident that there has been many many balls pinging around so it’s required a game of cat and mouse and dodge and weave in my way of being and my behaviours to try and ignore them. The best part about this article is the recognition that the only way to heal this is to surrender and be fragile in the body. I have gone down the path of working it out in my head, knowing that it’s silly to be hurt and totally seeing or understanding what’s been going on from my head. The problem with the head is that it misses the finer details, of maybe where we can take more responsibility and go deeper to what is truly going on for us. It’s actually quite evil to work it out in our head but let the ball continue in our body, because we think we’ve got it, but in truth we are still not being ourselves. Thank you for bringing this back to fragility.

  7. ‘And indeed it has lost its anchor because it has lost its connection to the part of me which is tender, loving and still.’ I became very stressed recently and I had this same feeling, like I had lost my anchor and was being tossed and turned about on a raging sea. I have taken some time to myself and am regaining that connection that I had lost but what I realise is that how I got that stressed was by turning away from myself at the times I needed myself most. I lost my focus and fell back into behaviours that, worse than not supporting me, actually undermined what I had set out to do. What is amazing though is that looking back I can see that on a larger scale I was supported continually to come back to myself. There were as many chances to focus as there were not.

  8. I love the line “fragility is the bridge to clarity” This feels like a great understanding of how when we choose to look at our hurts in a loving way then the truth is revealed.

  9. “Now that I have learned that fragility is the bridge to clarity, it makes me willing and committed to care for myself with absolute tenderness when I feel hurt in a situation”. Maree, this is beautiful and I am inspired to go deeper in taking care and nurturing myself when I feel hurt.

  10. “I chose to ignore the situation, but it was too late, the reaction was already in my body”. When ever I choose to not feel the hurt and react, the hurt remains in my body and the cycle of events or situations will keep on playing out until one day I choose to heal the hurt. Healing the hurts makes way for a deeper connection to my body and soul.

  11. Thank you Maree for talking us through how to deal with reactions by allowing and feeling what’s there to be felt. It just goes to show that we do not have to be at the mercy of our reactions.

  12. ‘ By not honouring the hurt that we feel, we can keep ourselves trapped in a time warp, because we don’t really move on until it heals from our body’. And this heralds the work of Esoteric Healing. Time and time again I have either felt for myself or have felt in clients (and more often than not they feel it in themselves) these shifts of energy. Hurt energy does leave the body or is transmuted and we have the opportunity to be more of ourselves again without the weight of past ill choices.

  13. Thank you Maree, I loved reading your inspiring blog, fragility is not something I have understood in the past , only as something like weakness. It is becoming much more clear to me now what is happening when I feel hurt and go into denial, or cover up the hurt, my body feels quite ill. Thank you for these words “Nevertheless, I made the choice to focus on nurturing myself deeply, and nothing else. For the rest of the evening I nurtured my body, wrapping myself warmly in a blanket with a heat pack, simply acknowledging the feeling as I lay all snuggled up in bed. I didn’t try to work anything out in my head, because I knew that this would be futile as my thoughts were racy and irrational.”

  14. Reading through the comments I was impressed with what Alex shared,”it is the denial who has created the weight in the first place by not wanting to be fragile, i.e. honestly feel what was there to be felt, accepted and dealt with hence the denial that becomes the struggle with life and ourselves.” Thank you Alex, there are times when I go through this struggle in life, not wanting to feel what is there to feel, my own fragility.

  15. A beautiful blog to re-visit and be reminded to honour our fragility, I used to see this as a weakness but am discovering it is a strength that leads to more power and clarity.

  16. Thank you beautifully said Maree – ‘I no longer see being fragile as something shameful, because I have experienced just how powerful it can be. Now that I have learned that fragility is the bridge to clarity, it makes me willing and committed to care for myself with absolute tenderness when I feel hurt in a situation. Fragility certainly has a big role to play and is something I can now embrace in full.’

  17. Maree, I love how you describe emotional reactions as losing your anchor. To be reminded that there constantly is an anchor in me immediately made me become aware of the anxiousness, I was carrying and within a few couple of breaths reconnected back to stillness.

    1. This is what I have found out very recent too felixschumacher8, that we can re-connect in an instant, that the stillness and love is there solid within, patiently waiting for us to simply make a choice to connect.

  18. By not wanting to admit that we have ignored an earlier sign, we look for reasons why it is not an issue, which usually involves blaming another person, place, thing or circumstances!!

  19. Marie this is such an insightful read and one that has taken me the reader step by step through the reaction and letting go of a reaction process, thank you.

  20. Fragility, if this article and word had been shared with me 15 years ago I no doubt would have had something to ponder, but I also know I would have reacted to it. Fragility was something that I did not connect with, I thought it was only for butterflies, flowers and babies…and yet now I can appreciate that I am deeply fragile and I am learning that it has strength and power beyond my current expression and understanding. I can feel that the more I am willing to feel, the more I understand and know about life, honouring our fragility honours this fact.

    1. I can relate to that too. I always thought it was for flowers, babies, children and butterflies. I had concept of connecting to it, I had become quite hard during my twenties, tenderness, fragility where words I never associated with. Now I am appreciating and connecting to the fragility in myself and the power that connection has, how it has been supporting me with my true expression.

  21. I have had this experience many times, we do what we can to ignore or deny what it happening and yet we have already reacted and our bodies are feeling it. “I chose to ignore the situation, but it was too late, the reaction was already in my body.” I am still learning to honour what I feel. There are times when I can observe that which feels painful and other times I take it on, the critical point is what I do when it is in my body, do I react further or do I begin to observe it and respond to it as a message, as something to learn. Observing it more and not giving myself a hard time over it has been making all the difference to how I deal with it.

    1. Not giving myself a hard time when I have reacted has been a huge learning for me and still is but to a much lesser degree. Knowing I am forever learning as new challenges present themselves, it is inevitable that along the way I am going to feel hurt and react but as davidsonsamantha says it is how I deal with them that counts. Seeing the hurts and reactions as opportunities to evolve, taking responsibility is a beautiful way to look at my life now as opposed to beating myself up every time I feel doubt and the lack of self worth. Knowing that I am a forever student and that there is no such thing as perfection is key.

  22. Thank you Maree I appreciate the wisdom of your blog, your method of dealing with reaction is something that I will really take note of

  23. Whether we are male or female, the truth is that we are incredibly precious beings, and our fragility not only extends to our physicality, but equally to our sensitivity to the world of energy.

  24. There is much we can learn from the power of our fragility and the more honest and open we are with ourselves the more we can understand and appreciate it as our true strength.

  25. Thank you Maree for a very powerful blog, I especially love these words, as I at times do the opposite, pushing down the hurt so as not to feel, but my body certainly feels the effects. ” I stopped pushing through the day, stopped fighting the reaction, allowing myself to feel fragile, with no condemnation for myself or another, just fragility. At first this was not easy, because to me ‘fragility’ was to be seen as being soft or weak and I did not want to be these things, for I wanted to be strong.” I thought that rising above it all, was to be strong, but I now have come to understand that there is strength in allowing the fragility to be felt in my body and offering myself loving tenderness, thereby having a deeper understanding revealed.

  26. Maree, I love the detail in which you describe ‘hurt’, how it feels in your body, and how something seemingly trivial can put you off. I love your dedication to understanding what is going on underneath, looking at what game is being played out in the mind, how we tend to avoid the issue, and the gold nuggets of wisdom that come with humble fragility.

  27. This is great to read again, as I have felt what it does to my body when I go into reaction, it gets sick. All I feel I need to learn is being tender and fragile in every moment, being in connection with my body will allow me to observe and learn from what is going on, not react and get my body in a state of enormous discomfort.

  28. “I chose to ignore its disturbing nature claiming I was too busy to go into the silliness of this email. I was determined I was not going to buy into this drama, indignant that this situation was not going to ruin my day which had started just fine.” I so relate to your words here Maree, choosing to not let the situation taint my day but in doing that, then not allow myself to go into the feelings that have come up and instead go hard and try to ignore it, which never worked and also never gave me the opportunity to drop into fragility and be honest about what was really going on. Or I would let myself be fragile momentarily and feel a smidgeon of what was there and then cut if off and get on with the doing but never fully allowing what is there to be felt and cleared. Shortchanging myself of a true moment of feeling fragile, and the healing that brings.

    1. This is where choosing to do, do do, for recognition or acceptance, doesn’t allow for fragility because in the energy of doing, in that way, no love is present and so no choice to self care. Only love holds the space for us to really feel what is needed for us/for all.

  29. When we start to take responsibility we can find so much more truth in all. This resonates within me; “It was no longer about focussing on another and their words and behaviour, it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.”” This takes the need out of the situation and allows all involved to see the investment from each other, what is feeding the reactions. If one is letting the need go and takes instead the responsibility to look at their own unresolved stuff, the other person has the same opportunity to align with that.

    1. monika2808 I totally understand my reactions are my issues and unresolved hurts, but nailing the hurt can be a bit elusive, and I also know that I must have an investment in keeping it going. The truth is I am not investing in love and brotherhood and ultimately responsibility.

  30. Perfect timing to re-read this blog Maree, especially this line; ‘The next morning I woke early with the realisation that I was needing others to respond to me in a particular way. I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself’. This line is gold and instead of blaming others for feeling hurt, an old habit of mine, it is about looking to yourself and bring understanding of why you have been triggered and then the clarity and healing is offered from the reflection and then what needs to deepen or be refined in terms of self-care/self-nurture.

  31. Maree with the inspiration of your sharing and presentations from Universal medicine I’m accepting and appreciating more and more that staying with the ‘feeling’ is such a precious gift to give ourselves. It takes a bit of conscious choice depending how in grained the hurt is. It is and uncomfortable process sometimes but how you describe the care when feeling the fragility is beautiful and essential. We can’t go through this phase with the same toughen up or dismissive approach that buried the hurts in the first place.

  32. Maree just read your blog again as it deserves reading many times as it is so powerful and life changing. What has stood out for me today was the fact that we go into other “stuff” so we can avoid truly getting to the root of what is going on for us! I feel this is a very ingrained pattern in people including myself so I truly appreciate the wisdom and reminder from what you have learned.

  33. Expectations we put onto others will always keep us in the contracted way, in separation to our inner grandness. As you have stated”I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself”. It is all in this one sentence.

  34. Timely to read this blog, it is so easy to go into ignoring mode when I sense a feeling in myself that I do not like. After reading this blog I feel it is about allowing myself to feel what I feel and be fragile instead of fighting the feeling and going into busyness to ignore it.

    1. For me too Lieke, it was timely to read this blog again this morning after receiving a phone call last evening that was very disturbing. I reminded myself to feel the hurt and not identify with it, but I neglected to nurture myself more deeply, so began to try and work it out in my head. It is clear in the aftermath of this that what Maree says is so true, ” I made the choice to focus on nurturing myself deeply, and nothing else.”, and the significant element of that is the nothing else. Total nurturing and nourishing of our own deep connection with the love we are will bring about a healing, and the clarity with which to express.

      1. It always surprises me anew, that life is simple when we allow it. Complexity is just another form of self ignorance and the dis- connection from ourself. What about next time we get into reaction to another, we take responsibility and connect first to our own heart and allowing to see the self-made issue underneath it all.

      2. This is great to be reminded of the importance of this, ‘I made the choice to focus on nurturing myself deeply, and nothing else’, and how healing this is.

    2. Absolutely Lieke, beautiful to hear. Fragileness is a way to accepting that we are sensitive and accepting what we know.

    3. I agree Lieke. I am working on this a lot at the moment. I have such an in-built habit of pushing on, when I am feel fragile, wobbly, unsettled…but to commit to allowing myself to feel those feelings has been a huge learning for me – and it is on-going because I still very often resist what is being shown to me. So crazy – because it just means that it has to be shown to me again…and again….

  35. I spent the first 6 years of parenting trying to protect my family from being hurt by life, I carefully chose the schools they went to and what they ate, I wanted to wrap them in bubbles and keep their innocence. This desire completely exhausted me and my husband because it is just not possible to do, nor is it a great long term plan. Life happens around us all the time, and when i started to deal with my anxiety and hurt I no longer had such a burning need to protect my children from the world, rather an understanding that it is so important to be open to having a variety of life experiences and how you talk about and deal with them on a daily basis is what makes someone feel resourceful enough to deal with our world and what happens in it.

    1. Life happens around us all the time, it sure does nicolesjardin and how we each respond to life will vary accordingly. For example are we willing to learn and evolve from everything life presents including dealing with ‘our part’ that is dealing with our unresolved hurts and anger or to remain in comfort, unwilling to learn and move forward. When we open to learning there is so much support to be able to deal with whatever life presents.

    2. This would be so great to offer at schools – a subject how to deal with our world and to see what happens in it without getting involved. The class about swimming as a fish in the sea without getting wet.

      1. The class about swimming in the sea and not getting wet is such a powerful metaphor – It was originally presented by Serge Benhayon and It is something that has stayed with me for many years ad something I use to mark where I am if I feel like I am “getting too wet” or trying to avoid getting in the sea.

  36. You describe fragility so well, a veritable ode with its many nuances and the absolute power that fragility – and nothing to do with weakness, being pathetic or oversensitive – in the true sense brings.

    1. I have realised that when I show myself in fragility it does allow the others to enter very deep inside of me. It is like an invite for another to feel safe in being fragile without having to proof anything. And it is so healing to allow another close and intimate into our life in sharing our true feeling we have inside, tender gentle and fragile.

  37. This is such a great blog that has given such an insight of the power of stopping. Stopping and asking such questions as to why we have reacted and giving ourself the space to be honest that we have reacted is a great start. This as you say Maree brings a level of fragility because we are allowing ourselves to learn. Not to be constantly in reaction and simply giving ourselves the grace to be who we are. This grace is the sunshine that supports the fragility.

    1. I agree Natalie, that giving ourselves space to be honest that we have reacted is a great start because in this space the clarity, the understanding and the healing is all there in the reflection.

    2. Stopping and taking a moment to bring us back to ourselves so we are able to feel and see what is going on here is important, otherwise we are run by our hurts.
      When we are run by our hurts, we cannot see things clearly, we are then at the mercy of our own issues and unable to see the truth.

  38. This is key..”By allowing myself to feel more deeply into the situation I was able to find the hidden truth, a truth that did not condemn or focus on another or make them less, a truth that had no blame and only understanding. It was no longer about focusing on another and their words and behavior, it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.” This is one for the fridge…how often do we find ourselves doing this so unconsciously? It really comes down to taking full responsibility for our own reactions and not shifting the blame over to someone else, in an effort not to accept the truth of our own hiding and holding back. Maybe I am afraid of my own power and gloriousness if I were to be so virtuous.

    1. It really comes down to our own responsibility, with everything. If we stop blaming others and taking our responsibility, to find out what has triggered the reaction in myself and also asking for support with healing the root issue underneath, makes so much sense to me and is the way to move forward and not staying lost in the same same old mess.

    2. Irene haze I’m with you here, I’m fully aware of loosing myself in one particular pattern, and I now have come to realise I actually get a sense of glee from it. Yes I know that feels horrible but it’s a pattern I am stuck in and taking responsibility in being in my fullness in these moments is obviously not the choice I am making. I understand my reflection in these moments would be anything but love and I’m coming clean and taking responsibility as admitting ‘glee’ is exposing the pay off in the game. This is just another layer to be exposed and not who I am as I also claim my power and gloriousness.

  39. Giving ourselves the space to have ‘stop’ moments, to ask ourselves how we are feeling and what is going on for us, is so important. This blog helped me to have more clarity by nominating why I was reacting to a situation. Rather than going into the guilt of it I can just be honest about what has been coming up for me, to bring a loving understanding to myself.

  40. Beautiful blog Maree – inspirational in the way you chose to see there is another way – and the power of fragility. And that equally we can all do the same. How amazing is it that we are all living medicine and every moment like the ones you describe can be deeply healing if we so choose.

    1. This is a good point Jane that in every moment there is a choice and therefore there is the opportunity for healing all the time depending on the choice made. What an amazing way to live.

  41. It feels like it takes some courage to allow ourselves to be open and feel what is to be felt. For me a big part of understanding what fragility is, is the willingness to be really honest, which then allows the rawest feelings to come up, the most uncomfortable things that I haven’t wanted to face. With that comes the confronting feeling/ truth of the body revealing physically to me …At the moment I can feel across my chest the numbness, and disconnection to myself, shutting myself off, shutting others out, which has made it easy to be dismissive and hard in how i behave with others. Big ouch!, but really good to see the truth of.

  42. Learning lately how having a sense of one’s own fragility can actually make way for more open discussions and honest expression. It produces a humbleness that is willing to see everything and with this comes more value placed on what is genuinely supportive and true for everyone, with less of the push and the drive for self satisfaction.

    1. Fragility is like a deep cleansing – I allow my body to be weak and tired as it is at the moment, and honoring this makes me feel like I have arrived inside of me. Even I know my body is sick but it feels deeply true and is a great healing.

  43. I’m just so greatful to know that it’s fine to feel hurt, angry and vulnerable or what ever. Feel accept sort out and move on without the need of substances or situations to take us away from the truth of what’s really going on.

  44. Marie this is an awesome blog. Thank you and for all the amazing and important conversations we are sharing as a result.
    I love your words – “fragility is the key to clarity “. I have in the past and sometimes still ‘ blame others’ or a situation, and have been avoiding that ” it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.” This is key. But in order to do this, and this is ‘new’ for me, it requires first that we are willing to be self responsible and see that each of us create the ‘ drama, situations and issues’ that occur for and to us… in order not to evolve.
    Quite an ‘ aha’ moment, and very humbling to see what we project onto others. What is this absurd, terrible, sneaky game we play!

    1. It’s a real set up isn’t it Michelle? We project onto others issues that only we can resolve. No wonder we can feel so stuck.
      Self responsibility is key to unlocking our true freedom and evolving.

    2. I also love “fragility is the key to clarity” Michelle, it is so wise and practical. we could also coin another saying “blame is the key to avoiding honesty and responsibility”

  45. “It was no longer about focussing on another and their words and behaviour, it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.” Taking responsibility for our reactions is the only way we can truly heal the hurts we’ve taken on. If I react to something someone else says or does, regardless of what has been said or done, there is still something there for me to look at, that I have to take responsibility for before I can let go of the hurt that holds me in that cycle and evolve.

  46. You describe so well Maree how we get bounced around by our hurts, and how they become greater than the love that is naturally within us. ” I realised that when I react in an emotional way, my body becomes uncontrollably shaky, like it has lost its anchor. And indeed it has lost its anchor because it has lost its connection to the part of me which is tender, loving and still.” I have felt this too and how uncomfortable this is because at that moment I am no longer the loving tender person I was 5 minutes before I felt the hurt. What surprises me still, is how quickly we can change when we react to a hurt and how quickly this can affect other people if we don’t stop it the moment we feel it.

  47. Often we look at hurts as something that has been done to us, coming from outside but this week I have again been reminded of the hurts we create for ourselves by our less then loving choices, expectations and investments. None the less fragility is key here too. Too many times have I gone into blame, shame and regret and never has that supported me to move forward from it. I am learning now to feel if, take responsibility for my choices and learn from it. Then let go and move on.

    1. Exactly Caroline, shame, regret, blame and ignorance has never worked. Taking responsibility for the choices that have lead to the creation of issues is helping us moving on and letting go.

  48. It all comes down to acknowledging hurt when we feel it. Although it sounds very simple we have come up with a million ways to avoid feeling and to disguise hurt. On the bright side there is plenty of opportunity to practise feeling our fragility.

  49. This has been a big lesson, how we can be trapped in a time warp unable to move on until it heals from our bodies and learning that fragility is the bridge to clarity and through this tenderness we can come back to love. I wonder how many unresolved hurts we carry like time bombs waiting to go off!

    1. Yes me too, I wonder how much more to come, but I know that this will keep going on for a very long time, until we don’t have to do this round again. And the time bombs are getting milder with the years 🙂

  50. I love the way fragility brings us back to the hidden truth as you call it and to a truth that has no blame and only understanding. ” it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.”

  51. It does feel to me to be just like loosing my anchor – I am either connected to love or I am not – and that’s the long and short of it. When I allow myself to be disconnected for any reason at all, I firstly hurt myself and then as a result those around me. The fascinating part is how fragility and that rawness is the key to returning to love, and not by dismissing anything, quite the opposite. This is a great thing to be expressing and discussing, thank you Maree.

  52. ” I did not try to work anything out in my head, because I knew that this would be futile as my thoughts were racy and irrational.” Ha that takes me back to a time when I would literally have to put my fingers in my own ears and say “la la la la la I’m not listening to me” as I knew it was not coming from love. It seems to me it becomes more subtle yet it still applies that I need to spot loveless ness in the same way and not give any energy to it. Just stop. Be. Feel. And as you have beautifully added, be fragile and more honest. Asking what truly is the hurt here?

  53. How lovely to take the care to go back to your fragility with no condemnation just fragility. I too can find I want to be ” strong” and miss out on the clarity and healing in the fragility by choosing what is really hardness.

  54. “As the day unfolded I noticed my frustration levels escalating and my tolerance for others reducing. I no longer felt like myself and my thoughts were dismissive and without understanding” Oh yes Maree I can relate to this feeling. It can be easy to think this is something processing when really I am letting an ill energy take me over. It is great to back track as you say and go back to that moment of hurt and reaction no matter how small and easy to dismiss it can be.

  55. ‘It was no longer about focussing on another and their words and behaviour, it was about understanding why I was reacting and what I was reacting to.’ This is something I really had to read today.Thank you for sharing your insights as they are very supporting to me.

  56. I relate to this blog Maree – thank you and loved reading that we can all get lost in “the facts”, the story, the blame, loosing ourselves to these things and loosing our connection with ourselves, loosing our fragility and ability to love. How sad that we are so quick to do so – but on the other hand how joyful that it is a choice that we can make and turn around any time that we want!

    1. The fact that it is our choice to return to love instead of going the other way, down the alleyway of indulging our emotional reactions and hurts, is something that cannot be stated often enough Marianna. When the reaction is there the compulsion to go with it and lose ourselves can be compelling, but fortunately we always have the choice to connect to our bodies, our breath, our love and it gets easier the more often this is done.

  57. Maree, this is great to read, ‘I stopped pushing through the day, stopped fighting the reaction, allowing myself to feel fragile, with no condemnation for myself or another, just fragility.’ I love how there was no condemnation for yourself or the other person and can feel how for me it is the critiscm and judgment whether it is of myself or someone else that keeps the event going round and round in my head, so instead to simply allow yourself to feel fragile feels much more supportive and is stopping the continuation and escalation of the event.

  58. Now when I consider fragility, when I say it to myself, my body responds by letting go. This is a long way from past behaviours when I built walls and battened down hatches. It is in my openness and surrender to this quality of fragility that I am finding a whole new level of relationship and strength.

    1. It is a beautiful and never-ending road to walk, Matilda, and one that is all about continuous development, growth and refinement.

  59. Thank you for this beautiful blog Maree, that I can so relate with. What a great realisation you came to, ‘The next morning I woke early with the realisation that I was needing others to respond to me in a particular way. I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself ‘, by knowing this and treating ourselves from this knowing we change the dynamics.

  60. How blessed are we all to have a body that can tell us the truth when our mind can tell us whatever lies it wants?. Our bodies carry the consequences of our reactions and often the consequences are very severe. It is our body that tells us that reacting in any way is harmful to us.

    1. Spot on Elizabeth, and so true, ‘How blessed are we all to have a body that can tell us the truth when our mind can tell us whatever lies it wants?.’ Why it is so important to surrender and really listen to our body’s messages all the time.

  61. Maree, your description of hurts being like ‘a ping pong ball bouncing around with no place to rest’ resonated so clearly and loudly for me and it does so because they certainly ‘do not belong. When I fully grasp how naturally harmonious we are as human beings, I feel how damaging my hurts and behaviours are to who I truly am and then I am shocked by how much I have allowed myself to be ‘taken’ by that which is not me in a myriad of ways.

  62. Honouring fragility; thank you Maree for highlighting and gently reminding us of the importance of honouring fragility.
    Like Brenkt I loved what you wrote about fragility being the bridge to clarity.

  63. These days I can relate to the reactions you describe Maree, but for a long time I walked around thinking I didn’t have any. My medication was a numbness in me, all the time pretending this ‘ping pong’ inside wasn’t happening. Opening up to see we have these reactions at all is an important first step to appreciating the fragility you describe.

  64. Recently I was in tears at work in response to a situation that left me fully engaged in the ‘I’m not good enough’ syndrome, a place I go to when I want to indulge in feeling small and sorry for myself. It took me by surprise because I’m usually pretty steady at work, and don’t indulge so much in emotional reactions as I used to. It was a bit of a wake up call in terms of remembering what it is I truly bring and how staying connected with my body and keeping my breath gentle can help me to see what’s truly going on. I allowed myself to feel the fragility that was there instead of hiding it and eventually I recovered, coming out the other side feeling far stronger. In the past I’d have been upset for weeks – this took a matter of hours.

    1. Carmel I have observed this too, that when I allow myself to feel the hurt or how vulnerable I am feeling, and simply expressing what I am feeling to another, it passes very quickly which feels great as in the past I would have indulged and stayed in the wallowing….and plus there is much work to be done and indulging is a waste of time!

      1. Exactly Jacqueline, reactions and emotional indulging simply devour time, whoosh, it vanishes – leaving one drained in their wake. Also they tend to complicate things, so that something that might have turned out easily now has a difficulty, which necessitates more time (again) to fix.

    2. ‘It was a bit of a wake up call in terms of remembering what it is I truly bring and how staying connected with my body and keeping my breath gentle can help me to see what’s truly going on.’ I love reading this line because I can forget sometimes (often) what it is I truly bring at times when I go into comparing and perfection. I am then comparing myself to qualities that I shouldn’t compare myself with because I bring something entirely different and just being present can even be enough.

    3. ‘I allowed myself to feel the fragility that was there instead of hiding it and eventually I recovered.’ There is so much beauty in these words and even though I know this to be true I easily forget because I am so used to hide my fragility to keep myself safe.

    4. Thank you Carmel for the sharing as so often we don’t like to admit these moments thus denying our fragility even to ourself.

    5. These words really jumped out at me Carmel in response to your emotional reaction…’how staying connected with my body and keeping my breath gentle can help me to see what’s truly going on’. It is a simple thing to do with profound effects .
      I too, recently had an emotional reaction, tearing up, but i caught myself from descending into ‘the feeling unworthy, poor me thinking and behaviour pattern’ by staying connected with my body and my breath…. this gave me the space and grace to understand what was being offered in the moment and through the other person. I remembered that our relationships are often the greatest points for learning and evolution… so I chose not to take personally what was being said. It was wonderfully healing for me and left my relationship with the other person open, free of emotions and reactions , and full of appreciation of the other’s perspective and how much I am learning and growing from it!

  65. this is the core of what I got from this blog: ‘Now that I have learned that fragility is the bridge to clarity,..’ choosing fragility is bringing us back into our body, which will always bring clarity to a situation we reacted to, as the body never lies.

  66. Learning about fragility is helping me to understand my body’s signals and messages. That these do not need to be over-ridden and ignored, because if my body is precious then every ‘word’ it speaks is precious too.

  67. To be with my fragility is not weak or pathetic although I have used it like that. What a great way to see fragility as ‘the bridge to clarity’. Fragility is certainly something to honour and to surrender to. A constant deepening process of knowing who I truly am and feeling tender.

    1. Yes so true Annelies, and we don’t have to proof anything or to be a certain way, we can just be fragile as we feel this in our bodies, wow and this feels light and inviting, too.

  68. This is so true, by not honouring the hurt that we feel, we can keep ourselves trapped in a time warp, because we don’t really move on until it heals from our body. The mind is very inventive covering the hurts with thoughts and ‘have to do’s ‘ so there is no break to feel. It is up to us, if we are ready, to stop and feel what we are hiding from.

  69. I have noticed this too – no matter how ‘trivial’ something might seem to be, it is hard to stop, as you write “the emotional reaction bouncing around in my body in the hours that followed”. The onset can be delayed while my mind is trying to play it down, but it just doesn’t work as long as there are any hurts left that haven’t been dealt with, i.e. that haven’t been healed.

  70. When we react to someone we are ignoring the fact that we have still unresolved issues in our body. The way to heal from issues is to allow the love that we are from within – so true healing can take place.

  71. Yes, learning to let go and feel vulnerable and fragile Is something that is not just experienced once and then its done and dusted. There are so many layers and situations that bring the opportunity to experience and grow from this in life, but great to feel it is now becoming my ally and not the enemy it once was.

  72. “I didn’t try to work anything out in my head, because I knew that this would be futile as my thoughts were racy and irrational.” I love this line Maree as a reminder to me to come back to my body. When we are lost in our thoughts thinking more about it won’t get us out of it. As you have shared in this blog, being tender with our bodies and allowing us to feel our fragility is what is truly required. Like you, when I have done this, rather than trying to think my way out of it, my body’s wisdom and inner knowing has been revealed.

    1. I agree – but can be hard to surrender back to the body and feeling when the mind has taken over.That’s where we get lost though and it takes commitment to surrender and feel the body.

      1. It feels as an exhausting exercise when I try to figure it all out with my mind, and it is a repetition of thoughts all of the time. It truly takes commitment to surrender and feel the body Marianna but I notice the more love for myself I am building the more easy it becomes to say ‘stop’ to the thoughts and go into my body and nurture myself.

  73. Feeling our fragility makes us feel vulnerable and can feel a little scary, but when it’s seen as a process to healing, it’s very worthwhile going to that place Maree as you so eloquently describe here.

  74. ‘Fragility certainly has a big role to play and is something I can now embrace in full.’ – When we surrender to the immense power that fragility offers then we get to share this with others and in all that we do. I have found the different levels of where I surrender to and the deeper I go the more exquisite I feel. There is no coincidence that we have been brought up to not be in connection with our fragility, so its like re training ourselves to allow this to be our normal not the hardness that we have built up around us.

  75. ‘By not honouring the hurt that we feel, we can keep ourselves trapped in a time warp, because we don’t really move on until it heals from our body.’ I find often I will commit to feeling maybe 80% of a hurt but it’s not until I acknowledge it in its entirety that it ceases to weigh me down.

  76. ‘Now that I have learned that fragility is the bridge to clarity, it makes me willing and committed to care for myself with absolute tenderness when I feel hurt in a situation.’ What you have highlighted here is powerful Maree, I find it a very supportive insight to take away from your blog, to hold in the face of any wanting to shut down from a reaction of hurt. It is not always easy to choose my fragility but it is becoming more and more a part of my life.

    1. So true, Josephine. Being fragile is one of the greatest strenghts that we have, as with the honesty of it, we offer others to let down their guard as well and thereby create a platform for interaction on a totally different level.

      1. Agreed Michael, it is indeed a game changer when we are just ourselves in our fragility without needing to self-protect and as you say, it gives others permission to be themselves too and that opens the door for some beautiful, honest connections. Very liberating.

      1. So true Carolien, it makes the whole process of letting go of anything emotional that wants to linger much faster. And I get to feel the beautiful me in a lovely and tender quality in my body – in fact I feel so much more connected to my body when I allow my fragility to simply be.

      2. I had a great example of this today Josephine and of how at first i sought distraction of what was coming up for me to feel but I simply stopped myself and asked what it was I was not wanting to feel. before that moment I was feeling uneasy, after that I felt what was there to feel and quickly dropped through it to come into a much more open and clear space within myself. it is so much easier then I once thought it would be to deal with hurts.

  77. Learning to feel and accept our fragility is such a beautiful loving experience as we build it into the way we live with the way we move in every moment by moment of our time. Space opens up and we are given the grace to simply be and everything flows as we do this. An inspiring blog to take notice of thank you.

    1. Yes fragility is something to take notice of as we all feel it but have just not been honoured with this as a quality of ourselves as we have grown up.

      1. This is so true Jsnelgrove36, Fragility is not saying “I am weak I can’t do this”, it is saying “I’m honouring my preciousness to the bone by letting myself feel what is there to be felt no matter what it is”.

    2. From a very young age I have decided that being fragile was not the way I could go through life, honouring my fragility now is honouring this sweet, tender and open young girl and giving her the space to feel safe again, to stand in the world with everything she is.

  78. ” I no longer see being fragile as something shameful, because I have experienced just how powerful it can be.”
    Thank you Maree for showing me and giving me a deeper understanding of the power of being fragile, and that it is a strength not a weakness.

  79. I still feel like i am re-learning the whole fragility thing. Being able to surrender to my fragility, allow for there to be strength in that fragility. Being tender and embracing all that comes with surrendering to that. It is definitely a work in progress.

    1. It is something that I know that I will be forever working on going deeper with as well. It is something that I have denied myself for a long time, though I now realise that I always knew it to be there and a part of who I am. However, what is now being re-discovered is a way of expressing my fragility which is actually very powerful, and as you say very strong. It is awesome to feel and to explore.

  80. “I no longer see being fragile as something shameful, because I have experienced just how powerful it can be.” Wow this is beauty-full Maree it makes me realise the devastation of war could be avoided if we all allowed ourselves to feel fragile and feel what is truly going on rather than going into defence and protection.

    1. Yes indeed, reading your words are an invite to letting go of protection and hardness. Being shameful is not true, and is just another version of fighting the truth. Shame is very harming, and is stopping people from being with their hearts connection. The catholic church is running their people on guilt, shame and sins, and the need for sacrifice and judgment.

  81. “Fragility certainly has a big role to play and is something I can now embrace in full”.
    I love reading your blog Maree, it inspires me to be loving, tender and fragile with myself.
    I will embrace it in full also. Thank you.

    1. I agree Shirl. It inspired me to also be super fragile with myself and honour my tenderness.
      A blog definitely worth coming back to over and over.

  82. How easy it is to fall for this game, needing someone else to be confirmed with and not having to do for ourselves. “I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself.”

    1. As long as we need someone else to confirm us or give us love and attention, we are dependend and keep ourselves at the hands of others. Taking the reins back into our own hands and learning how to trust in ourselves again and approach ourselves with love will totally change the game.

      1. What we crave from others is showing us what we are not giving to ourselves, and keeps us at the mercy of people and situations outside of ourselves, not a wise place to be.

      2. I can relate to your words Michael, it changes the situation totally, once I trust my own inner knowing and appreciate that all the answers are inside of myself. What a relief it is to live this way, I can let go and relax and there are all the fresh impulses that are coming from this relaxed state of being and not with a lot of tension and pressure from the head in form of doing and creating.

  83. Very well said , when we choose our hurts we keep going around in circles repeating our choices until we gain the understanding you are offering here and can move on.

  84. Rereading your blog this stood out for me: I realised that when I react in an emotional way, my body becomes uncontrollably shaky, like it has lost its anchor. It is crazy how we act and feel, when we are in reaction- totally lost and like we are not us. After the storm calms down we realize what we thought and done and see the consequences. Crazy, painful and actually very stupid to say yes to reaction, if you ask me.

    1. I really like the image of the storm. Like a storm those reactions can do massive damage in just a few moments. Afterwards – when we are ourselves again – we just cannot grasp how such damage could occur, because it feels so unnatural.

      1. A great picture Michael. To not identify the other or myself with the storm is sometimes a big challenge for me. If you see it as something not really real flowing through the other and that just wants to play out its force to actual hurt you in your weaknesses, it helps me to understand and let go.

  85. By not acknowledging our fragility and nominating what hurts us,the hurts just stay in our body as you wrote Maree like a ping pong ball bouncing around. Before Universal Medicine I thought it was a weakness to show any sign of being hurt and just used to bottle it up like gas under extreme pressure waiting to explode one day when least expected. Now I am able to at least feel hurt, I definitely don’t like it but at least I don’t pretend it isn’t ther or go to the pub and numb it.

    1. And if we open up about being hurt, it suddenly takes so much pressure out of a situation.
      Otherwise, we just contract and harden up and become either reactive or aggressive in a passive form by shunning everyone away. If we open up about it in all honesty, we set the foundation for really working on ourselves and our relationships with everyone.

      1. I really like what you said here Michael. Two very distinctive options with two very different outcomes. I know for me there is less tension in my body when I do express how I am feeling, I can really feel it in my chest. I suspect that this is linked to the various conditions of the heart that humanity suffers from.

      2. We always have this choice, to be honest and express from love or to not express, and I know what feels more loving to my body and all.

      3. The fear of someone’s reaction often keeps me from expressing my hurt but I know now that if I express without judgment or need to persuade someone to see things my way, opening up actually teaches me a lot about myself and deepens any relationship.

    2. Yes and thank you. What I have found too is that in letting myself feel the hurt rather than pretending it is not there, all the ‘meat’ is taken out of it – there is a simple situation to be attended to gently and honestly. If we bottle away the hurt, it gets to convolute and complicates itself until there is a whole lot more to unravel. So whilst still dispensing with some ‘packed away ones’, my approach these days is to be open and honest with current situations as and when they happen.

      1. Yes I agree Matilda. Once we admit the hurt it is like the grenade spinning out of control in the body stops and there is then clarity around what actually needs addressing.

    1. Yes Carolien, I can relate to making fragility to be something vulnerable and weak and I tried my hardest not to be that. But as you say, there is great strength in fragility and simply the ability to feel everything in every moment without reaction, just an allowance of what is.

      1. Isn’t it silly in hindsight Julie, I used to be the same, I had to be tough and strong and felt my immense sensitivity to be a weakness. I now know we cannot not feel, we can only cover it up it with the hardness en in my case plenty of mental energy. To be willing to feel everything and show that to the world requires some courage in a world where many have chosen to not feel.

    2. That’s so true Carolien, ‘We have made fragility to be something vulnerable and weak where as it is in fact a great strength.’ Beautifully summed up.

  86. The energy of reaction bouncing around in our bodies like a ping pong ball is a great analogy Maree. The reaction is in fact an energy we let in that then starts to be part of our expression as you so well described. I have come to see that by numbing it we give it permission to do so and by fighting it we are in fact enforcing it. The only way to show it the door is by becoming very still, feeling it so we can observe it for what it is and then renouncing it.

    1. Feeling that this reaction is not me, but something that has come into me, for me has been a massive realisation for me. I could feel that it is a pattern triggered by old hurts, but not me and rather kind of an emergency program I got accustomed to – but one that does not work at all and just kind of covers up the symptoms.

      1. It has been an absolute gamechanger for me too Michael, understanding it is not me but an energy I can say yes or no to has been hugely self empowering and allowed me to make different choices that changed my life enormously.

    2. I agree, Carolien. In reaction it is like we are chasing the energy around, but we are completely at the whim of what it does, the bounces and twists and turns it makes (ignoring the fact that it is actually ourselves). It brings the image of dog or a child trying to catch a bouncy ball, or ping pong ball as Maree describes it. The ball goes all over the place and the child runs after it unable to catch it as it bounces off walls and furniture.
      But by stopping, and becoming aware of what we are actually feeling, what is driving our reactions becomes clear, and we can see that there is actually a pattern to the bounce of the ball, then it is very simple to put out our hand and let it land in it.

  87. I would like to second that Brendan, you have summed it up brilliantly, yes hurts are very uncomfortable to look at, we prefer to bury them, but if we don’t deal with them, they will keep coming back to haunt us.

  88. As you say Maree, we can very easily allow life to be an endless cycle of bouncing from one reaction to another, feeling constantly out of control but not having the answers or knowing what to do about it. Being unable to feel because of never allowing a moment to do so. It wasn’t until Serge Benhayon showed me that it was possible to simply stop and connect to me that I learned that I could feel and didn’t need to allow the out of control to run.

  89. This is very true Brendan, in my case when I’m in a hurt it can be all consuming. Living in hurts is a very effective pair of blinkers to how great the rest of my life is, and also to what I am in full and have to offer. Hurts offer a very shadowy tale about life and a distorted view can develop about ourselves within those shadows. In that, there is definitely no connection to potential.

  90. This for me has been such a valuable blog Maree, which is why I am back yet again to understand more about myself and hurts. The responsibility is the big part for me because hurts are usually triggered by another so it can look like it’s because of an outer situation, when it’s actually the reaction within that needs to be addressed. Honouring how fragile I feel and surrendering in full to everything that I’m experiencing is the step that gets me to what I need to heal within. Huge thanks for your blog.

    1. We always wish others or the world to be different, yet none of that really works. If we take the problem in our own hands and start with our part in it by honestly looking at how we are creating the situations in which we get hurt, our life suddenly starts to change.

    2. It is in blaming that triggering of our hurts by something, or someone external to ourselves that we give up our responsibility for the life we have chosen. Our reaction is a defence mechanism, but it is not actually protecting us. Our reaction from a place of hurt helps only to bury deeper what we will eventually need to excavate again when we choose to heal.

  91. For many many years I always associated fragility with weakness and there was no way I was going let my walls and layers of protection down and feel vulnerable or fragile. The association was so strong in my head and I didn’t want to feel weak and therefore unsafe and be hurt again. In reality this belief was keeping me in my hurts and I felt the pain of that every day as hurting me , as I felt alone and isolated because I wouldn’t let anyone in or my love out. Once I understood this and felt the pain in my body of carrying it and took responsibility for the choice that is not loving, I could see I had given up on myself and humanity rather than taking responsibility for re-connecting. I know if I stop ,as soon as the negative thoughts come in , it is as simple as taking a moment to stop and feel fragile and acknowledge the trigger and then let it go. I can take a gentle breath and re-connect to the sacred stillness within me , then I feel the true power of fragility.

    1. That’s so true – we associate fragility with being weak and unsafe and try to protect ourselves by hardening our body and using willpower, so called. But it never works and leaves us more vulnerable and open to whatever comes our way, is my experience.

      1. Something I have found in my relationship with my wife – is that if I allow myself to feel my sensitivity, my fragility, my vulnerability with her – it carries so much more strength, power and beauty in our relationship than if I am trying to be hard, or strong, or right.

        And the same for her. When she shows me her vulnerability, the connection and strength we have together is far greater than if we are both guarded or protected from each other.

      2. Yes, this just can’t be repeated often enough as it is so ingrained in my psyche, but it is true hardening does not work as a protection, staying open and fragile is where the true power is.

      3. I experience that the hardening can be very subtle nowadays but nevertheless still a sign how I think this protection is going to work. Choosing to be very tender and loving for myself is the way to come back to myself and to the power of feeling fragile in my body.

  92. Hi Maree, thank you for your Reflection. I had not read very far into the blog when part of what you have shared spoke loudly to me, it was – ‘My reactions could consume me for a whole day or many days and would continue for as long as I avoided feeling the uncomfortable reaction in my body’, – this used to be so much of my life. Attending Universal Medicine Presentations exposed me to a very simple choice I could make when I felt trapped in this self-imposed cycle. Choose to ‘clock’ the hurt or reaction as soon as it happens in the body, no need to make sense of it in the head, to re-create the situation or conversation – just simply name it in the body and it releases. So simple and so empowering. No longer do we need to get caught up in what the world outside of ourselves dictates – Fragility, tenderness, delicateness are all part of who we truly are and claiming these qualities brings something amazing to Humanity

  93. . “What became clear was how futile it has been to try to fight, dull down, numb or run from the uncomfortable nature of the reactions we have in our daily lives. By not honouring the hurt that we feel, we can keep ourselves trapped in a time warp, because we don’t really move on until it heals from our body.”- so true Maree I know for me when I left home the abuse didn’t stop I stepped up with even more self- abuse and continued to allow abuse in my life. It wasn’t until I came to the teachings of Universal Medicine I learnt to reconnect with the true me and learn to love myself by being honest and connecting with my body and feeling the uncomfortable blockages and packages I was carrying in my body and nominating what I was feeling I could release the trauma from my body and be free to connect with the deep love within me.

  94. “because to me ‘fragility’ was to be seen as being soft or weak and I did not want to be these things, for I wanted to be strong”. This is what catches men out. The image or perception of being strong or looking tough prevents any healing from hurt. Instead, we protect ourselves even more, harder up and slap on more layers of protection.

    1. Thank you Mathew for such honesty , many women get caught by not wanting to be fragile but ‘strong’ – but strong here is hard – not the true inner strength which is what allows someone to be fragile. Fragile being weak is a lie that has been accepted as a truth, it is the opposite of the truth, there is a true strength in being fragile , which is staying open and sensitive and as Maree beautifully writes ‘ fragility is the bridge to clarity’.

    2. It is amazing how relentless we fight being fragile and by that constantly feed the image that being strong and tough should be the goal. It is time to stop, not only to heal our own hurts, but to take pressure and power out of this game of hardening up as men.

      1. Michael, women have played the hardening up game as well and have forgotten what fragility even feels like. It is time to stop and heal our hurts.

      2. You are so right Michael, I had a conversation with a man in the gym this week, he is fine to fall from the bike, that is part of the game. Having all the screws in his body from sports accidents and needing a shoulder operation, all that he accepts being part of the cycling game. I was pretty amazed how someone can put up with so much pain and still enjoying the sport. His body is crying out loud to be noticed in its true fragility. And I could understand him from a place where I used to be part of this game as well, and I know deep inside he knows that he is putting up a mask. Best thing is I can let him be in his protection without having to prove him any better, my presence and my body says it all.

      3. Yes Michael the pressure to harden up is at boiling point for so many men and to drop to a level of fragility can be very frightening to feel.

      4. I agree Michael, we feel that we have to be tough to survive in a harsh world, but in effect we are only making the world a harsher place, and confirming to another that they too must be hardened and in protection. and then we wonder why so many in the world seem so miserable.

      5. I remember wanting my boyfriend to be tough too, not just to feel he would ‘protect’ me, but also because if he had been tender and fragile, it would have exposed the complete lack of tenderness in me and the terror I felt being so fragile in this world. and at the time this was too confronting and threatening to go there. Now I understand how this only cuts off the potential for deeper intimacy and connection, and not just the couple but the whole world loses out.

      6. True, we have been making ‘strong and tough’ our goal in life I guess to be able to survive whatever life throws at us. Parents think they are doing their children a favour raising them with this belief.Teaching children to feel their fragility and express what is going on for them without any attachment is a great gift.

      7. Ilja, this is so true.. With my children i do encourage them to speak and share what they are feeling. The challenge for me when ‘parenting’ and for me to become more aware of, is to not go and ‘fix’ a situation by offering solutions or make them ‘feel better’ when they are experiencing something that hurts their feelings, or a situation that arises.
        I am reminding myself that it is possible to remain open and observe and notice my own hurts without having an attachment to having to ‘do something with them’.
        Giving myself space to feel my feelings without going into a familiar pattern of reaction is a big one for me right now, as I am learning another way to be with myself.

    3. And it is that ‘put-on’ toughness that is a dead giveaway to the fact that we are so very sensitive. Why be so dramatically tough unless there was an overcompensation going on? The deeper the tenderness, the tougher we have to pretend we are to cover it up.

      1. Good point Naren. What do we need the toughness in the first place if not to cover up what it is we do not want people to see. If we become more accepting of our fragility we will then be more able to allow it to be seen.

      2. Absolutely, Rebecca. Before we can allow ourselves to walk with tenderness and fragility we need to accept that it is who we are.

      3. So true, I have certainly tried to cover up my fragility with being tough, which really was a bit ridiculous because my whole body frame says “I am so fragile” but I would pretend that that was not the case and substitute lack of muscle mass with sharpness of tongue.

      4. So true, Judith. If we are not physically strong or built like a brick wall, we have so many other ways to be tough and hardened to hide our fragility. Using a sharp wit, using our intelligence to tear people down, doing marathons or iron-man competitions, all of these things build a persona of toughness that is used to hide how fragile we truly are.

    1. I’m beginning to appreciate more and more the power of fragility, Abby. I’ve always been fairly strong physically, which gained me a reputation of being – in my son’s words – ‘a tough old bird’. But that actually left me exposed and vulnerable, because everyone expected me to cope with whatever life threw at me. So now I allow myself to show my fragility, which in turn allows people to show both their own fragility, and the gentle care and support humanity longs to share with each other.

      1. Yes me too, when I allow my tenderness and unimposing way – I do notice that people can align very quick to that offer. It makes me always very joyful to see this changes. When I am in my conscious presence and connect with the love I have inside of me and the divine being that I am, the magic starts, and it is very beautiful to see then, how people aligning to this offer. They start to show less protection and the real joy starts for me when they express from their love that they are.

      2. Yes I have also had this ” she’s strong, she can look after herself, she’ll be all right” attitude levelled at me when I have felt fragile and vulnerable. Sometimes I would gird my loins, so to speak, harden up and be that and sometimes I reacted and withdrew and retreated into my cave. Neither option serving anyone in truth. Now, like yourself, I feel steady enough in myself that I can give space to my feelings and express them, communicating how I truly feel from inside my body not just reacting or responding by thinking a situation over in my head.

    2. Great words – underrated hero. It is indeed. It is the much needed superhero of our time which many of us are yet to discover. There is such strength in fragility but we have been taught that it is our kryptonite and not our strength – the greatest injustices of our time.

      1. So true. Fragility is something we hide and run from yet it is our power. I am appreciating this reminder of truth.

    3. Yes Abby, embracing fragility allows me to be transparent in everything that I do, not pretending, no covering things up just me in my vulnerability. This is powerful and worth exploring for us all.

      1. Acknowledging fragility and allowing it to be felt is beautiful and stops us from creating a ‘hurt’ which doesn’t exist within and which we would have to create from outside of ourselves. To honour our fragility emanates the love we are and hold within.

    1. yes- we give our power away to the hurt and are consumed by them as you say – until we are prepared to simply let it go. we certainly can be controlled by our hurts if we allow it.

  95. Fragility can feel very uncomfortable to begin with until we discover that the unpleasant part needs to last only for a short moment when we admit with honesty to what is actually going on. Then the process of transformation and reconnection already takes place and soon we start to feel who we are without the hurt and reaction again.

    1. Indeed, Alex. The moment of discomfort is only a moment in our lives, and what is then given the opportunity to unfold afterwards is so very freeing from the weight that we are often unaware that we have been carrying for so long.

      1. And then we realize that it is us who has created the weight in the first place by not wanting to be fragile, i.e. honestly feel what was there to be felt, accepted and dealt with hence the denial that becomes the struggle with life and ourselves.

      2. I had such a moment yesterday Naren, a moment of deep discomfort but I did not close down as is my normal pattern, I stayed with myself and felt the sadness, felt the hurt and the reflection, and then a little later I made a very loving decision that not only cuts the energy to this happening again, but in fact it is life changing.

    2. When I allow my fragility, I feel deep surrender into my divine being what is my power from within. No other power from outside can top our true power and it has nothing to do with justifying and proving something with sport, intellect, business or might, it is so much bigger our internal connection to the divine.

      1. Once we get to know that internal connection with the divine anything else cannot any longer pretend to be ‘it’ as it is exposed for the substitute we have used in the disconnection from our divine home.

      1. Great that you express it it so blatantly. That brings it straight to the point as it is; indeed surprising, if not shocking, to realize how far from our sensitivity and thus honesty we live. Doing all kinds of things to keep ourselves numbed or distracted away from the only place that allows us to be aware and make choices that support change, healing and truth.

      2. The “weight” is exactly the right word, for it feels like a heaviness in your body that you are carrying.

    3. Amazing conversation on the power of fragility. I love that our connection with the divine simply exposes anything that we have or continue to use as a cheap substitute for missing our connection to God. I have realised that when we use an energy posing as love, as opposed to taking responsibility for our connection, we allow ourselves to be ‘imposed’ upon and in turn ‘impose’ this false energy on others. I haven’t previously seen how closely related the word ‘posing’ and ‘imposing’ are.

      1. Beautiful revelation. Every falseness, and that simply means not being ourselves, is felt as an imposition as it is disharmonies to who we all equally are in essence.

      2. This is great to read Vicky and so true as I reflect. It exposes the falseness that I can go into because I have separated from who I am – there is much for me to ponder on here.

    4. beautifully described Alex and a great reminder of the simplicity in which we can choose to heal in every moment, and it is not about being right or wrong, only about feeling what is inside coming up to nominate and let go of, and in that awareness the healing is there too.

    5. I agree Alex. The other day something happened and I was about to go into reaction – (which then numbs me from feeling what is going on) – but instead I allowed the feeling of vulnerability and fragility and I cried – after I cried I felt far more powerful and solid – having allowed the honesty of the vulnerability and fragility, and then I continued on with my day feeling more solid. I would definitely say vulnerability, fragility and sensitivity are deeply empowering.

      1. “I would definitely say vulnerability, fragility and sensitivity are deeply empowering.” – that is definitely a game changer as we so much try to avoid these feelings because we usually relate them to being weak. Point is, these feelings are honest and thus allow oneself to be with ‘what is’ instead of trying to override that ‘what is’ with another feeling, an activity or a distraction and thereby adding something artificially that doesn´t even need to be and can be named the ‘what is not’. The ‘what is not’ takes us away from ourselves, ‘the what is’ connects us to who we are, therefore the empowering effect.

      2. Yes Jane, I agree, allowing myself to feel and having a cry clears the energy that is not true and I always feel so much lighter afterwards.
        I went for a walk the other day and something came up. I began to cry. Every now and then I felt myself holding back because I was aware that someone might meet me in a car and see me. As I felt this I was able to let it go saying to myself that if I was to meet someone it was actually ok.

      3. And it’s interesting how for most of my life I have avoided as much as possible feeling vulnerable, fragile and my sensitivity, purposely setting it up to not be the powerful being that is so natural within us all.

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