I can chat to you about stuff, most things really, I am a ‘Miss Have-a-Chat’, a hairdresser by trade so I am conditioned to be able to chit chat to anyone however it comes naturally to me. I genuinely am a people person, I like to talk to you… but I have an expression problem.
People who know me would say “Are you crazy, you don’t have a problem with expression,” but I wonder if any of these people know all that much about ME. I can listen to you, comment, give advice, and agree with you. But have you ever heard me say “This is how I feel about it”? Let me answer that for you – “No, no you haven’t.” You see, people either know me from the good ole days as the drinker, or the quiet one hiding in the back… neither is the person I am.
When I was a drinker there were two sides to me; I was quite happy and confident to tell you to “back the hell away from me” or that you were “behaving like a dick”. Hell, my manager pulled a knife on me one night because I pressed a ‘don’t go there button’, I was ballsy on the booze and I didn’t give a s#**. I would take you on, wrestle you to the ground like a man and wouldn’t give in until you did. ‘It’s not my problem, you can’t handle the truth!’
I was quite imposing and confronting. The other side of me was just a fun-loving have-a-good-time girl that lots of people liked to be around, and funnily I got praised for taking some of these former people on. The knife thing kind of shook me up so I decided to be less of a button presser. The above days are well and truly over for me and have been for over 14 years.
I grew up in a family with a lot of ‘expression’. If someone was unhappy with something they would swear. If they were unhappy with you they would swear at you. If they were happy with you they would still swear at you, except they would laugh as they said it, so you would know it was being said affectionately.
Swearing was the only way I knew how my family felt. No conversations were ever had about how you truly felt about something, that I can remember anyway, it was either good or f#****. Today, I still struggle with expression, expressing what I know, what I can feel and how I feel about something. It is a stumbling block for me, it holds me back and at times can be quite crippling.
My expression now is a million miles away from that drinker and could be said to be quite the opposite, however it seems I am haunted by past hurts and the reactions from others. I have been told that I can be cold, hard and unloving in my expression; at times I guess I could agree, but not always. Nevertheless these comments affect me as that is not how I want to be, nor is it who I am. When I get told this I become unsure as to how I should say something and whether I should say it at all. So usually I don’t.
My resistance to express what I feel could come from not wanting to be labelled a sook, or told that I am overreacting or that I am trying to start a fight – that’s always a good one as it gets me every time. And I wouldn’t want to upset you because you may ignore me for months at a time or dress me down till I am ‘a nothing’.
I am frightened at times to say what I think, because what will you think of me and what will be your response? A close relative once sent another relative to my house to beat me up because I pointed out that they were being a little ungrateful towards a parent. Yes he, it was a male, busted the door open and king-hit me on my lounge room floor.
Shattered, frightened, and overwhelmed with the false securities I had given myself when I was a drinker, I think I got flooded with these hidden fears the day I copped that punch. I felt gutted that the people closest to me did nothing and said nothing. So of course I made decisions to shut down . . . don’t express too much, don’t upset people. Don’t let people know how you are truly feeling, protect yourself, harden, be as hard and as tough as you can.
When I do speak up, my voice audibly trembles and a red rash creeps from my chest up to my throat, which is quite noticeable and I am usually doing my best to hold back the tears. My brain becomes fuzzy and I can’t think clearly, I can only get out the very basics. Parent teacher interviews at school are a trauma for me – I have not been to one that I haven’t cried in!
So is there reason to fear expression? In the past yes, but this can’t be used as my excuse. I put myself into my family and those situations, I accepted the use of abuse to subdue and control feelings and I have chosen in the past to use it myself in my family.
I have made choices to step out of this cycle, choosing to feel and express those feelings; to set aside the protection, be vulnerable, allow myself to be seen as fragile and delicate and to break down the control, the hardness and ALLOW in love. I have encouraged myself to take up space, to be the amazingly wonderful, kind and loving person that I am, that others know me to be and that I have always been.
I have made and am still making choices to step out from the back of the room, allow myself to be seen, allow myself to speak, allow myself to be heard. I shakily put my hand up to answer questions or share opinions, my voice still quavers and I sometimes get reactions to what I may have to say, however I am getting better with staying with myself. I am slowly learning not to personalise what others say in response or reaction to me. I am learning that I am quite sensitive to people’s words and how they choose to use them, or not use them. Sometimes I catch myself falling into the old patterns and sometimes, I just don’t!
I am a work in progress, and inspired every day by an amazing man, Serge Benhayon that I met about eight years ago, who keeps saying… “Expression is everything”.
By LJ, Australia
Further Reading:
Energetic Integrity and Energetic Responsibility
Truth – Expressing in Full
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Great blog Miss have-a chat. Developing our expression is practicing to express what we feel rather than what we think.
A very beautiful and honest sharing LJ, and what amazing changes you’ve made – this is very inspiring. I love how willing you are to see your part and how that has given you a greater understanding in your dealings with others and my favourite, not to personalise things, this is something I’m learning more of each day and the more I can just see and let people be, the more freely I can express. Thank you for a gorgeous blog.
Wonderful, brilliant – excellent expression, incredible to feel your power and see that this ‘acces to talk easily, does not mean true expression’ First lie catched! And how beautiful that you allow yourself to express again and dare yourself to do so, that is an amazing gift. To no longer be at the mercy of violence and attack – but to be you and be with everything you feel, even if it makes you shaky at times. Incredible effort put in this – keep up the good work!
As an outspoken person, I can say that I have learned that even though I could also say quite a lot, it may not capture the full picture that I wanted to communicate. I might speed over something, trying to get it out as quickly as possible, almost frightened that the person would lose interest. I’m slowly learning to let myself fully speak, knowing that what I have to say and share is worthy, as am I.
The quality of our expression is what is truly felt and heard, not the quantity of words we may use.
this is of course an extreme case of violence in reaction to expression and the consequent shutting down, but what we see all throughout our societies is people without having experienced this obvious trauma, experiencing the same fear and trepidation and contraction around expression. Just addressing this really does take a commitment and understanding about how important expression is in our lives, and the thing is… Once started, it is such a lovely feeling that it develops a life of its own, and the healing of our expression can start to take place.
“Our expression is everything” We can often get caught up in the verbal expression and identify with words, conversations and actions but how often do we consider that it extends to how we dress, live in our homes, iron clothes or clean the bathroom. There is more here that can be seen and felt by others that shows us all the levels of responsibility go way beyond a chit chat.
It’s something I’m also working through, learning to not take things that people say personally. I was aware during reading your blog just how sensitive we all are to words, and how different words feel when said with love, as opposed to when they are said with agenda, reaction or emotion. Thanks for highlighting these things today, and for sharing your story so openly.
Wow thank you LJ for sharing your experiences, there is a clear distinction between true expression and chit chat. I know when I go into chit chat it can feel horrible in my body, when we have something to say that is true and meaningful it resonates with the heart and everyone benefits. True expression blows out of the water any kind of chit chat.
“I am slowly learning not to personalise what others say in response or reaction to me.”
We often think that when someone has a go at us, that it is about us, through expanding my awareness I realise that it is actually quite rare for it to be personal to us. They are usually struggling personally, with a point in their own lives. The reaction to you is that point that they have not chosen but you have chosen, brings up a hurt, due to hurt being hard to feel, the hurt usually gets thrown back at you.
Thank you LJ. I can relate to the brain fuzz, fear etc. What you’ve shared is very inspiring as I’m in the process of breaking the pattern of not expressing so it’s no coincidence that I’ve come across your blog and understand that a huge part of breaking this cycle is my appreciation and acceptance of me and letting go of what others think.
‘I have encouraged myself to take up space…’ Allowing yourself to be seen. Amazing how we can fool ourselves into thinking we’re being humble by diminishing ourselves and our presence by refusing to take up that space and express all of who we are.
When I was young I remember being told ” If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” I have a feeling it was a line in Bambi, the Disney movie. Much later I had a boyfriend who would chide me with “Be nice” Now I would like to replace those words with True and Love – this is what really makes the difference. “Be True, Be Love”
It’s amazing how many conversations we can have with others in a day that are literally lip service and only scratch the surface of what there is truly to be both communicated and expressed.
I agree Suse, there are so many opportunities missed when we hold back our expression, and when we do express it’s a win/win situation.
As LJ has discovered… It is actually possible to break through seemingly insurmountable obstacles to opening our expression… And yes it is a part of return, it does take consistency and practice, but the rewards are truly extraordinary… Beyond what we would think,
As you say we all are a work in progress for there is no perfection, only learning.
Expression is the answer to break the rigidity I used to live in because of fears related to past experiences. In those moments, when I express what I truly feel, I free myself from those illusionary chains that were contracting me. This is a work in progress in which the more I express the more relaxed and expanded I am. Feeling my body during this process is key to detect the contraction and instantly honour what I need communicate no matter the memories that emerge in that moment.
Building our expression is a step by step progress. The biggest hindrances are the pressures we place upon ourselves.
“I am a work in progress, and inspired every day by an amazing man, Serge Benhayon that I met about eight years ago, who keeps saying… “Expression is everything”.
We all are a work in progress, forever inspired by Serge Benhayon; I could not agree with you more LJ
I can relate to the hard and harshness within a family. My family don’t swear but screamed. No real communication in among the noise of words. It is wonderful to have Serge Benhayon and his family as a reflection what true expression in a family looks and sounds like.
This is a great example of how one experience can cause a shut-down in our expression that then carries through life in protection of our sensitivity. These days I firmly believe that expression is better out than in. Better expressed than keeping it in the body, where it will only eventually show itself through some form of illness and disease if left undealt with.
“I am a work in progress, and inspired every day by an amazing man, Serge Benhayon that I met about eight years ago, who keeps saying… “Expression is everything”.
I to am a work in progress and am deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon; gradually I am deepening my understanding of Expression is Everything, thank you LJ.
The more we express our truth the easier and more enjoyable it gets.
Interesting Brendan. It really makes such a difference to consider the quality of our expressions, meaning everything we say and do, and dare I say think as well, rather than the content of them. Sometimes the content and quality are quite incongruous and to ascertain the true intention and meaning of our expressions we need to evaluate the quality first.
“… that I am trying to start a fight…” I know this one very well LJ and initially it does make me feel uncomfortable but as I pause and weigh it up, there is no doubt within me who’s telling the truth. I let go of the frustration as I know they know and trust.
Alcohol was not my thing. I did drink a little when I went out with friends basically to fit in more than anything but it wasn’t long before I could see the effects the alcohol had on people. I can remember expressing to another that they didn’t care about me, about anything and at the time I found it hurting and quite disturbing… I took it very personal. It was so confirming for me when Serge Benhayon talked about alcohol and how after one drink it altered them and was certainly not who they were. This understanding has helped and is helping me enormously to accept and not to react when another chooses to drink alcohol.
The more I express in my life, the more I am seeing those around me express in their lives. It is truly amazing and very beautiful to observe another express in situations which they would have previously found challenging.
I have come from a place of holding back and saying nothing in situations where I would feel uncomfortable to expressing but coming from a reaction. Both forms of expression are in reaction. It is my responsibility to deal with the hurt that caused the reaction and then my quality of expression changes.
Thank you for writing this heartfelt blog LJ. Working through our fears brings up much hurt but as you have shown gradually we can reach a place of allowing our true expression through our willingness to be vulnerable, this is our strength.
Thank you LJ, I really loved how clear and honest your expression was, It has been explained to me that when I swear, that it is because of frustration, and the need then is to feel further into it at what our expectation or control might be, feeling into what the root cause may be is not always easy, but it certainly is a blessing.
I Love how you bring an understanding to the phenomena that I have seen happening. When people are simply living “a fun party ” life they appear they are very open and expressive yet when we start to discover who we are within and what it is we truly feel we can clam up. This is because it is easy and acceptable to be the good time girl and express in this way yet when we start to honestly question and look within this is frowned upon, hence we hold back, yet we should do the opposite so it becomes normal to express oneself honestly rather than be a crowd pleaser.
When we resort to swearing we miss out the opportunity to express what we are truly feeling. I know if I swear in a reaction if feels really unpleasant in my body, learning to truly express in each moment I can feel my body expand and become lighter.
Thank you LJ… A psychologist told me recently that one in three women in Australia have been abused… It’s this and many other facts like this that are the dark underbelly of society but no one wants to know about… And yet all these things are wreaking havoc upon us all and it is unsustainable. Universal Medicine continually offers a lifeline of clarity, reconnection, love and true healing that is precisely what humanity needs at the moment
I find it fascinating how one swear word can be used in soo many contexts. When I find myself swearing I know explore what I am wanting that word to mean and have found this has unlocked a lot of expression.
Having grown up in New York and New Jersey, swearing was just a part of my everyday language from the time I was a teenager. I hardly swear now, for the reason you give, Abby. It has meant that I actually am expressing fully what I used to say with a single four letter word, and it feels so much more honest.
Now when I swear I can feel how hard those words are and I can even shock myself when I hear them coming out of my mouth, because I know that they are covering up so much with their forcefulness and hardness.
I love what you have shared here Naren, is is how I raised my children and they are actually grateful for it. I realised in myself that when I swear I am not connecting deeply enough to what is felt – it is a wasted opportunity.
It is a great way to put it nicolesjardin. If every moment is a moment in which we can express ourselves, why curtail our language and use it to hide what we are actually feeling?
Definitely – A big one for me was to take the pressure off to get it right and to practice living, accepting that there are lessons to be learnt.
I often wonder what it is that I am afraid in not truly expressing who I am, does it really matter what people think or if you ruffle a few feathers. I think not and the more we express the easier it gets or so I’m told.
You are right, kevmchardy. We do tend to give others’ comments or opinions far more weight than they are actually worth. Remove those opinions from the equation of the choices we make in life and there is a massive block to freeing our expression is gone. Of course, it is up to us to remove them, and not anyone else.
We are all a work in progress; the forever student. Such a lovely blog to read J.L
I find swearing, and inappropriate language, an assault on my body.
Yes everything is expression however it is the quality of the expression that is important.
‘Expression is everything,’ as presented by Serge Benhayon. My life was expressionless in the true meaning of expression. Love for me is now what expression is all about, every thing else is not true expression. What I used to do was talk at people and shut them down by not listening. Listening is now an integral part of my expression. If we do not listen, then what are we telling the other person? We are telling them we are judging them and not wanting to understand what they have to say. I used to do this!
Also, my life was all about not expressing in truth but very much about shouting the other person down. I would also ask a question to control the conversation, driving the conversation so as to push what ever I thought as part of the ideal I was in at that point of time. So what I am sharing is that before Universal Medicine the energy I was using to talk to people was one of judgment; I was judging everyone else to be lesser than me and what I had experienced in life, by putting myself in a place where I knew what was best for them / you!
So ‘expression is everything’ as stated before, and ‘everything’ means what we live in our life as a Livingness. Our Livingness as an expression to me is now a love for myself first and foremost, for without self-love I could not have a true understanding of what love felt like in my own body as a lived wisdom – a Livingness. “True expression” is all about love and then expressing that love in all we do, ‘ expression “is” everything’!!
Thank you L.j., for sharing your amazing story, this has allowed me to commit to my self a deeper level of true expression.
Wow! What a difference a day makes. After writing the comment above yesterday I found myself being more absolute in my “expression to everything”! ‘Expression is Everything’ as presented by Serge Benhayon and I found myself deepening as I brought a great focus to all I did, I found it was my “expression in everything” that was more loving. This culminated in me looking at a butcherbird at the end of the day as I was taking out the rubbish and seeing that as an “expression towards everything”. I had still held judgment towards black birds including the butcherbird that I frequently saw around the house. As soon as I saw this bird last evening I felt as an “expression from everything”, that I am a true ‘Son of God’ and “Love” was the first and foremost “expression towards everything”! “Expression definitely is everything”!!
This has been my experience Brendan, I was very quiet growing up and so did not practice expression much, as I have got older i have started to express more yet sometimes i can still feel tongue tied, the words don’t flow, yet practicing and just being willing to try to convey what I feel has made an enormous difference. The willingness to express is all this is needed to start to make my expression change for the better. And it is better as bottling up what we are feeling in our bodies is not a healthy way to live.
I was just realising that I haven’t heard a swear word in quite some time. I was never really someone who swore but I did occasionally and I do remember hearing a lot of swear words being used in certain periods of my life. Swearing has not been in my vocabulary for many years and this confirms that we certainly do attract the energy we put out.
Very true I had not connected these dots Vicky…
Thank you L.J. for expressing so honestly and openly your story about finding true expression. My own expression or lack of, has always been controlled, I have kept quiet for fear of saying the wrong thing. I am now learning to come out of hiding and open up to express and when connected to my innermost, speak my truth, speak what is there to be said, without fear or favour.
I agree Brendan, for so long we have held back that we actually have to practice expressing again, which includes connecting to how we feel and trusting ourselves to share.
There is no “niceness” when truth is being presented, and this can be very exposing and confronting to how we communicate presently. Truth can sometimes be judged as “cold, hard and unloving.” It can also generate a lot of reaction, in all gradations. It can generate distance from others, rejection, unacceptance. The only way to tell if this is a reaction from others (which for me is healing for them) because of the expression of truth, or because it was not truth, is to keep building the steady connection with ourselves, because all of these scenarios can easily have us revert back to the momentum of not expressing, which although we know has not worked before, still feels familiar. Our expression can always be refined for as long as we live, but the choice to express again from truth is one which the heavens celebrate, and man will too, eventually.
LJ this blog is so honest and real that it touched my heart. It has offered me and everyone who has the blessing to read it, the opportunity to develop a deeper understanding of why true expression is so challenging for some people. What I really loved about your experience is your willingness to express despite your past hurts and especially your willingness to share this with all of us. Thank you!
I agree Sharon, a sheer delight to read this powerful piece of expression. It is always so inspiring when another says it for what it is and nothing less. Thank you LJ for sharing.
Thank you Maree, this is a very inspiring blog and I can relate to having a lack of true expression most of my life, but as I learn and accept expression is everything I am learning to live expressing more.
Thank you LJ for your willingness to open up and be honest with us all – very powerful and inspiring. Lately I have been expressing more in my life and I find there are some people who try to shut me down as they don’t like to hear the truth, I can easily go into self doubt when this happens but I am learning not to take on their reactions and to not let this stop me expressing.
I can relate to what Anna is saying here. I can feel too when another is trying to put me down but I am learning to read the situation and not play ball anymore. The fact that I have expressed is enough and then I work on detaching myself from the situation and let it go.
I remember as a teenager not being able to express and share the hurts from relationships with others as my ideals and beliefs were capping me to do so in a sense that I always thought that as a man I could not get hurt, or we had to be tough and stay strong. It was like the process of becoming an adult.
I have to admit I am still, even after quite sometime, finding my feet with my expression and still getting my head around the enormity that absolutely everything is expression, every little movement or gesture has purpose. I used to be convinced that my expression was at its peak after about four or five pints of beer. How wrong could I have been?
“…every little movement or gesture has purpose.” Love how you said that kevmchardy. And great point about thinking that we’re being more expressive of ourselves after drinking – like being more extrovert is a sign that we’re being truer to who we are when that is most certainly not always the case!
I feel a lot of people see themselves the same when it come to how they express and alcohol, yet as you say nothing could be further from the truth.
Great blog LJ. Today when I re-read it these words jumped out at me “I am slowly learning not to personalise what others say in response or reaction to me”. In the past my life and my expression was grossly retarded by taking things personally too, and also like you I have been inspired to express myself honestly and openly, to honour my feelings and observations and to love myself enough to not take everything so personally and it has been enormously liberating.
Yes jeanettegold, this line stood out for me too. I used to take every thing personally. I was so sensitive to another’s words and gestures that I would end up worrying over the littlest of things. I am learning that when another says something in reaction and it feels hurting, not to take it personal as I am simply there as a reflection for another to look within themselves. Reminding myself of the bigger picture and what is at play is helping me enormously to not take things so serious and personally.
“Is there reason to fear expression?” No, but a million reasons why you should fear holding your expression.
This is a really honest account of how you grew up and lived and how you are now, LJ, I love the way you show us that expressing honestly is not about getting it right and making a good show of expressing yourself in public, but about feeling how you are in every moment and expressing from that place, regardless of how you would like to be. Your description of how you are now, — feeling your vulnerability when speaking up in front of people, reveals the delicacy an fragility you allow yourself to be. This is a lesson for most of us, whether we have experienced your kind of early trauma or not, as our society seems to be addicted to appearing confident and strong, and making that the measure of a successful person, and to “making a show of it”, and scared to listen to or accept the power of expressing our true feelings. But false confidence is a huge cover up, (as you demonstrated) and serves us not at all. Recently, from attending Serge Benhayon’s Workshop on Presentation and Expression, I discovered that when I allow myself to feel vulnerable and let go of all my own agendas, and do not prepare what I am going to say, but just stay connected to how I m truly feeling, then what comes out of my mouth is naturally confident and often a surprise to me!
Thank you LJ for this is honest and inspiring blog. I feel I cap my expression in order to avoid others feeling uncomfortable and this is ridiculous, as the angst and the way my body feels afterward is horrible and realise now that holding back is self-abuse and self-destructive.
The only reason why we withhold our expression is because we do not honour ourselves first and foremost. So, we go as the wind playing underground plays to avoid going where you do not really want to go. The particles of your body go with you, but they are not too joyful about the whole matter.
I love this line Eduardo “The only reason why we withhold our expression is because we do not honour ourselves first and foremost.” It is absolutely true and it reminds me of the situations in my life where I hold back for fear of upsetting another when essentially I am hurting and abusing myself and this is not supporting myself or anyone. Honouring myself first and foremost is the most loving thing I can do as it heals and it is not just for myself but for the all.
It does feel horrible in the body when we hold back. I was in the company of others the other day and when I got home I reflected on how I held back from expressing which was in disagreement with what was being said. The more I become aware of my behaviours and the reason behind them letting go of my hurts, the more I stand in my truth.
This is an inspiration for me as i continue to explore my expression and to not hold back on what is there to be expressed.
I have never felt comfortable with small talk. And it’s interesting how it is called small talk, because when you’re doing it, it does feel like it’s making you smaller. Every conversation you have doesn’t have to be seriously deep and meaningful or revelatory, because that would also be exhausting. It’s not really what you talk about, because even the lightest of subjects can be profound if talked about with honesty and presence. It’s something to be working with all the time, to drop the guard and let people in so that we express from everything we are.
I too have never felt comfortable with small talk and when I find myself in situations where there is small talk I see it as an opportunity to bring my focus and attention to me and my body more deeply while at the same time learning to respect another. There is so much going on and to learn in all our conversations we have, as expression is not just about speaking and what is being said.
This is very true, and some find some forms easier than another. I find expressing in writing quite okay yet when speaking I am often nervous, but like you say, I am simply out of practise as I have felt safe writing but not speaking.
This is a great blog, thanks for writing and expressing all that you have. What got me was the swearing. It made me realise how much I used to swear instead of express, and now I can really feel how that was really such a lack of expression, a way of not wanting to really go there, to not feel or deal with whatever was happening at the time, but a way to let off steam, anger and frustration and at the same time hurt those around me with my words and of course as a form of protection.
Your comment Rosie nailed it for me as I can relate to it as well – “how much I used to swear instead of express . . . ” and swearing is: ” a way to let off steam, anger and frustration and at the same time hurt those around me with my words and of course as a form of protection.” That is how I can feel swearing as well and it is so good to see it written down and so clearly expressed – thank you Rosie.
And amazing to hear how you have accepted your past choices and their outcomes. That is true responsibility.
Its beautiful LJ what you have shared and how you are rising above the fear of expression and past trauma to let yourself be seen and heard.
“People who know me would say ‘Are you crazy, you don’t have a problem with expression…’ “, I can relate to this, during my school and college days I was talkative, open to listening, giving advice, yet I never shared how I felt inside and no one ever asked, as I was always a bubbly person, yet inside I was holding back so much within. I felt my sharing of how I feel was not important, I can manage. I just accepted life like that. But little did I realise as I grew up that not sharing my feelings would cause problems in my health, and my relationship to life. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and from his presentations I have been able to understand the impact and I am in the process of healing and now changed my way of being to support myself in life.
The rawness and abuse of past situations powerfully shared and then set up in flames as you have come through the other side, emerging so powerfully and sweetly into the re-discovery of your true expression. This is a really powerful article. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share.
I can really relate to your saying how you’ve’ encouraged yourself to take up space.’ I remember reacting if someone bumped into me. But what they were reflecting was I was not claiming me or my space in the universe, I acted like other people were more important than me and didn’t like being shown what happens when I choose this- I get bumped about. Sometimes I have to remind myself what I have to express is equally valid and, if it feels true, express it, regardless of outcome.
I love what you share here Karin as it shows how every choice we make is reflected to all and then reflected back to us. When we admit to that and start to read the reflections back to us we can learn a lot from it.
Contracting and not taking up space whether it is physical sense or in expression has always been for me, related to a lack of self worth and not wanting to be seen or noticed in case I draw attention to myself and get hurt.
When I water down and don’t express all that is there to be expressed in a situation, not only does feel horrible and destructive to my body, it also ‘short changes’, or leaves the other person with a lesser leaning or experience. So by me not wanting to upset someone or feel their reaction I have agreed to an unspoken contract between us, that says, ‘I will water down and not express all of me and you can do the same, and we will call this friendship or love’.
This is so true Thomas, we often choose friendships or relationships where we don’t challenge each other by holding back our truth and we call these “good”, when in fact we are capping ourselves from evolving together.
It’s interesting that myself and others I have spoken to, have a past experience they feel hurt by around expressing themselves, from there we choose to shut down and not express the love we feel or to say what we feel out of fear of being hurt again (this makes sense and has a kind of logic to it?). But by stopping the flow of expression in our bodies and holding back what we say, how we dance, walk and express ourselves, feels like is becomes stagnant energy in our bodies as it was meant to be there to be expressed, this unexpressed energy then can turn to feeling unwell and if it continues it can turn into a more serious health condition, which has been my personal experience. When I examine this for myself, surely it makes much better logic and sense to feel and heal my past hurts, have a short period of discomfort in that, and then express the truth of what I see and feel and the tender loving man I am?
Thank you LJ for your courage and honesty to share your experience about expression, I carry a lot of hurts from the past around expression and speaking up, even how I move and express through my body. When I was six years old a lot of painful things happened in my family, I closed down my heart and tried to protect myself, rounding my shoulders and back, as I didn’t feel safe to express the love I felt inside. I felt I couldn’t be the tender open little boy I was, nor say what I saw and felt about the adults around me, as I would get in trouble, and was often in trouble at school for saying what I felt. As an adult now I am leaning to express more, and this is very enriching to my life and well-being.
What needs to be said is a great marker for me – I too have been the quiet unassuming one at the back of the room who when given a drink was the life and soul. Exhausting this yoyo routine but consistent for many years. The thing is I can feel that I am treading water and not able to say too much even if there is something to say – all conditions must be perfect. Even at Universal Medicine events I have not spoken up because I do not want to be heard by a large group unless it is not right, or heaven forbid not true. This is control of my expression in a very negative way – I have a lot to bring and with you LJ I commit to allowing myself the steadiness and start to express what is needed. The world, humanity needs all of us.
Thank you for your honesty here Lee.
I can very much relate to what Lee has written. The very thing of getting something wrong in front of a group of people has terrified me so much speaking up was not an option but there is so much going on here. First, I do not know really how anyone is going to react beforehand if I did speak up, second there is no such thing as getting it wrong and third I am learning, I’m going to slip up, that’s all part of the learning so accepting and appreciating myself in every moment (which I am working on big time) are key.
I am also being reminded that every time I hold back my expression I am coming from ‘self’ instead of getting myself out of the way and expressing what is there to be expressed for the all.
LJ, you show us great examples of the differences of chatting or swearing to true expression. I can speak to anyone but have often felt scared to speak truth in the past and am learning to open up as you describe. When I do this, I know from inside me that it feels very different – I feel I am expressing from my whole body.
Great point Brendan, it is like a muscle we have not used, but overtime and with consistent practice it gets easier and easier and before we know it expression is as natural as breathing.
LJ thank you for your heartfelt and honest sharing. In some way or another so many of us can relate to what you have shared. It is true “Expression is Everything” and it is no surprise that there is so much abuse to prevent it. Shutting down expression is our best way of staying comfortable, when someone doesn’t want to hear something it is easy to abuse to make sure it is never said.
As someone who rarely opened my mouth to speak to people I didn’t know for most of my life it has been a big step to be able to ‘chat’ to anyone. Now I absolutely love my chats with the person on the checkout or the guy who sells me my travel ticket, the cleaner in the street, or the person at the bus stop. For me, chatting has been a welcome way of opening up and letting people in. I find that whatever the conversation or whatever the topic, the fact that we are communicating and sharing a moment is very precious in itself. This is shared humanity.
‘The fact that we are communicating and sharing a moment is very precious in itself’ – oh yes – and it makes me consider what the world would look like if this natural way became our norm – that every person we encountered meant a moment of connection, eye contact, a greeting, word or chat. Harder then to feel separate from one another it would be.
Really enjoyed reading your journey with expression LJ. I have and still do at times give myself a hard time when I slip into ‘reaction’ but this is such a stop moment for me to just keep feeling that vulnerability and to not hold back or go into hiding (comfort). In the past I would get lost for words and frustration would set in. The conversation would just be about saying words and filling a quiet lull in conversation the content would then be watered down – and ‘a need’ to fill that silent gap. Instead of enjoying the moment and to trust what needs to be expressed is all that is required.
I love learning more all the time from Serge Benhayon about expression, and how so much of what we say can dishonour us when it is not the truth of what our expression can be. For example I am now so much more aware of swearing, and how dishonouring it actually is. It is dishonouring for those listening to it, but also for the person speaking as it is not the truth of what they wish to express. This is but one example of commonly used expression, that can be changed to allow true evolution – which happens when we speak the truth, which is truth for all. I love that I get to learn more about this all the time from Serge, and all those around me expressing.
It is easy to think that people who ‘say a lot’ are very comfortable expressing, but words and conversations can be spoken from an anxiousness. They can be used as a distraction – a way to avoid feeling the anxiousness and at times lack of confidence and presence that is actually there.
So true Vicky, I use to think this as a young girl growing up, that i was not blessed with ‘the gift of the gab’,and that those that were were naturally confident. I now know that this is not necessarily a true measure at all of confidence or connection with oneself, and can often be quite the opposite. The quality in words spoken is what truly connects us, not the volume.
I agree Vicky, ‘saying a lot’ can be the perfect cover for myriad emotions and issues. True expression comes from connection with who we truly are and the Universal Mind.
Being extremely shy and quiet I used to admire another who wasn’t afraid to speak up in any situation but over time I questioned the energy and realised that most of the time the words were spoken in an anxiousness that was covering up what they were actually feeling. It is interesting how I got easily led to thinking they were confident people. I now know that true confidence comes from within and the connection we have with ourselves and for me it is all about developing this.
I know I can use this as an excuse to stop trying sometimes. It feels like I’ll never be able to express everything in full, all of the time, as there are still insecurities and fears that rear their ugly heads at times. However, knowing how truly liberating and supportive for all it feels to express in full will eventually win and inspire me to have another go.
So many conversations are often about criticising what is wrong with the world and the people and systems in it. In itself there is nothing wrong with this as it is imperative to expose what we have made this world and our societies to be. But in my experience it has stopped there. I have found these conversations to be denigrating, critical, negative discussions that in hindsight were to make us feel better about ourselves due to the choices we were making. But true expression here would be to expose not only the ‘what’ but the ‘why’, taking responsibility for our own part in it all and mostly what we ourselves can do to change what we feel is not true and loving in this world.
LJ you are amazing, and you have shown that even if others react, our expression can never be shut down unless we shut it down. Only since meeting Serge Benhayon have I really understood that we are expressing all of the time, every part of us. I’m practicing more and more on expressing what is needed. The feeling of when I don’t is so awful, and is usually when I’m worried about others reacting.
When we hear truth spoken we know it deep inside as it resonates with our very being and any thing else heard and spoken does not sit easy and is not “nice” to feel, but this is the way the world has been .But now with Serge Benhayon and his inspiration we are coming back to what we know and this is deeply honouring . What an amazing blog thank you LJ.
Thank you for sharing your experience with expression. I found it very touching and could feel the huge impact not expressing or altering the way we express can have in shaping our lives. I could relate to being a great listener but rarely sharing how I feel. I am finding that keeping my feelings to myself was one of my false ideas about keeping safe. It doesn’t work and it stops me from feeling and expressing all the love I feel for myself and others.
Thank you for exposing that what we see and perceive as expression is not always true – we can actually hide our power amongst others by listening, commenting, giving advice and agreeing, rather than sharing what we are actually feeling what is going on.
Yes, it’s like dusting off the cobwebs. A wonderful reminder that everyone can express and everyone’s expression from within is uniquely amazing.
Thank you so much LJ for sharing your unfolding experiences in expression. I love the honesty and the understanding offered in your story.
Thank you LJ, this is a very inspiring story of how we can change our lives by letting go of the resistance to express from our bodies and not our heads where we tend to taint the way we express and communicate to others from hurt and protection. Expressing from our bodies allows us to speak and move in a way that reflects to others the love and beauty of who they are.
We say a lot more than we think, with our every movement and gesture, let alone the words we speak and type out. Your words remind me LJ that theres a tender precious place I know, that for too long I have kept behind a closed door. It feels awesome to begin to express this tenderness in all I do without fear, analysis or rationalisation, and see what true expression actually feels like.
I agree Joseph, it is beautiful to once again feel who we truly are and be connected to our own true expression – and to have the trust to share this with others. This is how we evolve – together.
Love this blog Lj – well expressed. I love how you did not hold back and put it all on the table. You have been seen and this is something I understand to heal your past. “I am learning that I am quite sensitive to people’s words and how they choose to use them, or not use them”. Great blog of nomination to let go of what does not serve you.
Awesome blog on what is possible when we choose to make a change. I struggle with fear of how others will react when I express the truth but as I do it more and more I realise I am not only equipped to deal with it, but that my body can no longer hold back expression. I’m becoming more and more aware of how uncomfortable it is for me to hold back and that in order to not feel this I have to make a choice to override it.
I can relate to this nikkimckee. Not wanting to have to deal with how others may react has definitely held me back in my expression too. But you are right, we are all equipped to deal with the reactions – it is just a choice as to whether we will or won’t. Building a relationship with ourselves and honouring and listening to our body does support us to make this choice.
I find this also nikkimckee, it is very uncomfortable in the body to hold back expression and what is left unsaid is then circuiting disharmoniously in the body. Overriding anything in the body leads to illness and dis-ease further down the track. Our loving bodies keep us very honest.
“I am slowly learning not to personalise what others say in response or reaction to me” this is amazing LJ. We need to learn to express our truth regardless what other people might say or if they agree or not.
I love your honesty and openness LJ. Your expression offers huge support.
Yes Lucy, there is such honesty and openness by LJ in this blog, and a surrender to the sensitivity they feel below the layers of protection. Thank you LJ.
I found this to be a deeply awesome and honest blog, inspiring me to look at the beliefs I hold about myself and my expression.
You have come from a place where expression was very much done ‘in hurt’ and from reaction. Beautiful how you are reclaiming back your true expression. It shows me that as a listener I should never judge others with ‘extreme’ expressions. It is not an excuse that they can express in such a way, but there is always a reason why others do so. They have not been met by who they truly are.
Well LJ, there is nothing wrong with your expression here! It is very deep and very powerful. In your description of how you still tremble to express I felt my own ‘wobble’ that is currently also a ‘work in progress’. Letting go of both my investment in people ‘getting it’ and worrying if they won’t like me anymore if I speak what is true but not necessarily what they want to hear, have been major factors in me finding my real voice once more – that big one full of warmth and love that holds all equal and says things how they are and not just how we would like them to be. When we speak what is true from the depths of our hearts, those that hear have always the choice whether to listen or not and whatever their choice it does not change the quality of that which was spoken, if what was spoken came from Love.
I have had some friends speak some amazingly challenging things for me to hear, truths that can be an ‘ouch’ because I have to feel all the choices I have made but my friends have brought these revelations to me with love and understanding, and without judgement and I so so so appreciate that they didn’t hold back, that they shared what so was clear for them yet I was somehow not able to see. It is in moments like that, that I really appreciate that we are all learning to express truth and not hold back no matter what or how the other reacts. If we are able to express, and also truly listen, there is so much room for us all to grow.
So true Rosie, by all of us learning to trust ourselves and express once again, we are able to share deep wisdom and beauty with each other, allowing us to evolve together. Truly magic.
Thank you for writing this blog LJ. Vocal expression is my last wall to completely jump over. Your blog has supported me to become even more honest about the difficulty with expression. There was a time that I would completely shut down when I had to speak in front of people. I can feel the past has contributed to this as well as having a stammer while growing up (this was terrifying). It took even a look of boredom from another person that I was trying to talk to, to shut my voice up, that’s how easy I could clam up. I can read every situation to a T, and building the bridge to the expression of this an ongoing journey.
Awesome Matthew, it is amazing that even with a stutter when growing up, as an adult you are committed to expressing yourself in a world that is so ready to shut us down.
What you have expressed here LJ is so powerful; a beautiful reminder to express in truth and “take up the space”.
You, like so many of us, are a work in progress; the forever student.
On reading your blog I could really appreciate you taking responsibility for your transformation , very inspiring.
I am beginning to understand for myself that holding back expression or contraction away from my full self sometimes feels like the safe, non-imposing option but really it is a collusion with the lack of truth and love that I have felt in the world.
True Andrew and it also hurts a lot to hold back our expression and in the long run causes more issues and problems. There are many illnesses that can be directly related back to lack of expression, we may not be ready to see this in full yet but it is a truth and a simple way to decrease raising illness and disease.
Yes, we are clearly having a large impact on the world by keeping the things we really want to say, share and develop to ourselves. It’s almost like a rose that refuses to bloom and holds it all inside, hidden from view, only to rot, wither and die because it has avoided its one true purpose in life – to radiate beauty.
LJ this was super amazing, thank you for sharing it. Past hurts cause a lot of issues for many people. It’s amazing what happens when you start to recognize and heal them. A whole different world comes about.
‘When I do speak up, my voice audibly trembles and a red rash creeps from my chest up to my throat, which is quite noticeable and I am usually doing my best to hold back the tears. My brain becomes fuzzy and I can’t think clearly, I can only get out the very basics. ‘
LJ reading these words has reminded me that I used to get the fuzzy brain and wave of heat and blank mind, but this has not happened for a long time. I really appreciate the support that I have received from Universal Medicine to trust my expression and how far we have all come in our expression because of this support.
Swearing is such a ‘dead’ give-away of lack of expression. It has always puzzled me why so many seemingly very confident and intelligent people who tend to hold the floor at every opportunity, find it necessary to embellish their story-telling with swearing. I am able to appreciate more and more that there is a deeper level of understanding in everything.
Indeed Tamara when I swear it is as if I don’t have the right means at hand to express with enough emphasis what I have felt. But in reality it reflects my lack of responsibility to own what I have created or reacted to in any moment.
Well said Tamara. Swearing is actually a clear sign of lack of confidence, as it is used to grab attention from people, hold the power in a room and as a way of imposing upon others that you are making a point. Absolute dead give a way of lack of expression, as you said.
True Susie, It can be used to put off another, bully your point and put the spikes out that say back off, I’m carrying a whole lot of hurt.
There’s a real sense in your blog of you playing out different characters within and from the same person. But the true you shines through it all in the quality of your written expression. There’s a real strength to it but also a true delicateness as well.
Wow LJ you are amazing and very inspiring. “I have made choices to step out of this cycle, choosing to feel and express those feelings; to set aside the protection, be vulnerable, allow myself to be seen as fragile and delicate and to break down the control, the hardness and ALLOW in love. I have encouraged myself to take up space, to be the amazingly wonderful, kind and loving person that I am, that others know me to be and that I have always been.”
Hi LJ – I love you analogy of ‘stepping out of the back of the room’. The pathway to truly be able to express is forever unfolding. What strikes me as I read what you have shared is how rocky it can become, like running the gauntlet. It’s quite unfathomable that such a natural and essential ingredient to living and well-being becomes so contracted and even prohibited. Thanks for blazing your own new path and speaking up against the tide, you are a true inspiration for us all.
Touching how Serge Benhayon inspires us one by one to re-discover our trust. Thanks, LJ.
It is deeply touching – the power of restoring trust in people is not something to be underestimated. Serge Benhayon is a prime example of the power of inspiration each of us carry within.
I agree Abby, restoring trust with others has and is having a profound and amazing effect on my life, a large part of that has been building the connection and trust of myself, so to speak, by connecting more and more to my body, heart and expression of who I am, and what a joy and wonder this is to feel.
Absolutely – a living example of brotherhood, love and the inspiration we all are for each other.
This is so powerful LJ. The way you express is so refreshing and real I am astounded by your ability to simply say it like it is. This shows me that we often shy away from our strengths due to the opposition and attacks we feel from others. Your experience shows how powerful it is to embrace your true strength and connect to it. In this you are untouchable.
I also found the realness and upfront way LJ expressed very refreshing. There is definitely a strong quality in LJ expression that needs to be fostered to be delivered with truth and love. It is shocking to hear the consequences of what happens in a family like LJ had, but it is just as shocking to feel the cold politeness and brushing under the carpet that other families have. Either way, no one gets to express all the wisdom and love they have to offer and humanity stays caught chasing its tail.
Great point Fiona there is a difference between expressing honestly and in a real way and expressing truth in a loving way where we do not compromise what we have felt but do not impose on another.
Leonne, this jumped out for me also how refreshing LJ’s expression is. Saying it how it is can make some feel uncomfortable but something for us to embrace.
Saying it how it is makes space for a conversation to evolve and both parties have an opportunity to learn something more.
How beautifully, powerfully and tenderly said, Leonne. There is an absolute strength and naturalness to LJ’s expression, something that she has hampered throughout her life. Not any more! Do we all do this a bit – cripple our strengths as a way of fitting in with the crowd and societal expectations?
Yes this blog is so real and shares what many of us have and do feel – the tension of expression when that is expression is not true. It takes a lot to break what people will think, how people will react ect – and walk around with a cape on. But as we start to slowly shift and express even the smallest of things without holding back, it shows us this is possible in all areas of expression and most of the time if the expression is true then it is a gift for the person hearing it.
I know that my capping of expression occurs by way of measuring what I think others can digest without reacting too much to what I have said. In truth, why would I ever cap the flow of Love? There has to be an avoidance of the free flow of Love in this strategy – which shows straight away that it comes from my spirit and the avoidance of full acceptance of responsibility….awesome to have gotten that one out!
Well exposed Coleen – curbing our expression to suit others is a nasty trap that can seem very accommodating at the time but in truth it is retarding our connection to self, love and God. Not to mention the other person missing out, reaction or not! I too am learning to express in a full way, without missing bits out that may seem unattractive to another.
Yes – I’ve heard it referred to as being flexible – but in truth it is deeply compromising and harming.
Well said Coleen24. If there is any control or watering down of what comes out of my mouth or body (through body language), it is old hurts being protected or stubbornly resisting expressing all that I feel. This doesn’t allow the magic that can be there between people to flow or for anyone to evolve and grow.
True Coleen. The moment we believe we can turn Love on and off at whim and measure it’s output, we are far removed from the Grace of God and the connection to our True home.