855 thoughts on “Expectation – the Lead Balloon affecting the True Me”

1. The weight of expectations is a hindrance to knowing we are magnificent being who we are.

2. Nikki this constant tension is within so many of us, it debilitates us from actually truly being who we naturally are. It kind of feels, we are constantly on show or performing an act on stage, wondering what the audience is going to say or feel about us. When we live with no worry about what others will think and we live with a responsibility, then the outside does not matter. It is a working progress I know…

   I love the fact that at least when we bring the understanding and have this knowing that something is simply not right, and we do something about it, then more is given or shown to us. Otherwise the mess continues when we choose to ignore it, and the anxiousness builds and we become reliant on stimulants.

   I often ponder over the need to own a house, having the perfect body, cooking etc, and they are all a temporary thing, because once we pass over, none of these things will ever matter when the body has disintegrated, sometimes hard to fathom with all the belief’s we have grown up around.

   Live life to the fullest and be your all in everything, enrichment comes in everything if we are willing to see it…

3. Awareness of what is happening in our lives puts the helium in these balloons and we can simply move in a way that we will eventually cut these stings and walk under our own power without be devastated by what is happening around us. Learning to observe life and appreciate the essence of Love we all are is a great starting point to step of from and as you have shared Nikki, this has “ allowed me to feel more of the True Me!”

4. Nikki, this is absolutely GOLD: “I feel freer in knowing and understanding that these were my choices and that I can now make different ones. I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am. Sometimes I forget to wash the greens when making soup, sometimes I leave the garage light on, sometimes I make mistakes… perhaps I won’t own my own home, or have a nicer car or any other external factor… and yet it doesn’t change who I am.”

5. Expectations can crush us – they can crush our relationship with self but also our relationships with others. Expectations are the counter balance to the ‘being’ that is offered through connection with the Soul. And yet our society and world and most of us live with expectations on a daily basis. Knowing this does not suddenly wipe out expectations, for it is a gradual work in progress that helps to reveal them and then disarm them so they no longer control us and weigh us down.

   1. Expectations are a killer, the causer of devastations. If we have no expectations, then we are not left disappointed, elated or devastated. Expectations come from an image that we often see in magazines, TV or ra ra’d about.
      Live life with no expectations and it will be enriched, simple yet we complicate it, after all the choice is ours to make…

   2. We can live with this tension for many years, and it can seem ‘normal’ to us, ‘I have been living with a ridiculous amount of nervous tension in my body. It is exactly that – a tension in my body.’

6. I have noticed reading these different blogs of peoples experience is that there are many underlying themes
   just one of them is this feeling that society does not allow people just to be themselves instead there is this expectation that we have to achieve, succeed, compete etc. But my question has to be why do we do this to ourselves? We humanity continuously make up the rules of life so why do we put this pressure on ourselves to be something other than what we truly are?

7. The expectations we put on ourselves are actually quite huge and if we take time to feel them it is not a great surprise to then feel the exhaustion that comes as a result of trying to live up to those expectations.

   1. I agree Lucy it’s incredibly tiring to put effort into being something or someone that we’re not and conversely it’s incredibly freeing and energising to be who we already are.

8. In the moment that we feel we aren’t good enough we must have had an expectation.

   1. And how often do people feel they are not good enough in our world at present, ‘I have pinned my self-worth to how successful I am and I have been identified with achievement. Simply being me has not been enough – I have had this pressure on myself to be perfect.’

9. ‘I can be me, exactly as I am.’ These words change a whole reality about the rules and expectations that dictates we have to be this or that. It reminds me how precious we already are by doing nothing, just breathing, observing and being is and ever was more than enough. Thank you Nikki

   1. Just being true to who we innately are, ‘I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am.’

10. Recently Karin Becker in a Sacred movement session presented the importance of introducing a loving awareness in our life. We as women have put so much expectations in ourselves that we may feel really stiff and contracted, but this is not normal, even though we have lived like that for so long. However by feeling what is there in our body, with no judgment, by sharing it with other women who are having similar issues in their life is being very supportive and very freeing for me. We no longer have to accept the self demand with we have lived. Being just who we are, valuing the preciousness inside which is endless and complete, regardless of what we do, feels very restoring, like the coming back home I was waiting for…and now is there! here, inside us.

11. The ability to live truly open and ready and willing to embrace what ever is next – with no expectation as to what or how that might look like is one of the greatest freedoms in life.

12. Being driven by expectations is like being on a hamster wheel, frantically trying to get ‘somewhere’ but the goalposts keep moving.

    1. We will never live up to this, so no wonder it is exhausting, ‘I think I should be perfect.” This crazy concept spreads across all areas of my life.’

13. When we over think things we light the fuse to our anxiety which then in turn continues to feed itself and keeps raising those feelings of inadequacy, not only is it totally exhausting, it isn’t true either, the more we become aware of how it is for us, the easier it is to deal with, and we begin to change our choices.

    1. First it is important to become aware of exactly what we are feeling, then we can make new choices, ‘I am now acutely aware of how nervous I often am around people, at work, when cooking, with parenting etc., and although this is uncomfortable, the feeling of it allows me to make changes and new choices in response to different situations. I can now move beyond a constant nervous tension that has been with me for years.’

14. I am starting to understand that whatever comes my way is for me to learn and becoming more aware of.. To not let it sit and slip, but actually activate what needs to be lived by me.

    1. Yes there is stepped process isn’t there? first there is a pause to clock what is going on, in that moment there is an opportunity to react or respond. Second, there is an opportunity to detach and consider why and what movements led to that moment we are considering. Thirdly we have an opportunity to activate the more true way of moving that offers us s different outcome.

15. Having expectations is such a huge pressure and weight to put on ourselves and our relationships. It only leads to complications and tension. Why would we put this upon ourselves and others? Is it to avoid being love? I’d say yes because expectations create a denseness that leaves no room for love to be expressed.

16. ‘The awareness of it all is liberating!’ That’s my experience too Nikki The moment we become aware of what we are holding on to we have the choice to stop and change the way we are with ourselves. Once a practitioner said to me when I left the room ‘please make a lot of mistakes’ I don’t think I appreciated her saying that but now I feel in my body how lliberating it is to make mistakes.

17. We really exhaust ourselves trying to live up to so many pictures and expectations, no wonder anxiety is such a common condition in society when so many are living with this ‘weight of expectation’ holding them back from being who they truly are.

    1. So true Anna, taking on expectations is a setup that is extremely exhausting, it keeps us chasing for the next thing and the next thing, and leaves us feeling not good enough or not complete.

    2. And it really exposes the absence of appreciation in our lives, that it’s not natural as yet to know, value, honour and delight in our qualities and who we are, instead we place expectations on ourselves to perform and function a certain way, which is painful and empty compared to the simple joy of knowing ourselves.

18. We also have expectations of others. A dear male friend once said to me, as I casually shared my checklist of expectations of my new partner, that it felt as if he was on trial. I appreciated his honesty. Until then I hadn’t realised I was setting myself and relationship to fail, instead of being open to possibilities offered and allowing things to unfold.

    1. And of course I now know that without self acceptance, we’re incapable of accepting others as they are.

    2. I remember seeing on an American talk show once the women audience members reeling off long lists of what they wanted in a potential partner, most of it was based on what he would do and say, and I can’t help but feel that this romanticised ideal amounted to an expectation of the women feeling loved – a huge expectation to place on others.

19. Yes it may feel uncomfortable quite physically so, when one becomes aware of things; but I meanwhile appreciate it because it allows me to unravel the behaviours that have me have this dis-ease in the body in the first place.

20. I have definitely experienced this ‘weight of expectation’ that you describe here but it affects me less than it used to. One of the game changers for me was realising that yes the world does exert a lot of expectations and pressures on me, which I used to think was the cause of the problem, but actually it is the expectations I place on myself that are the real killers and that I actually have a choice as to whether I agree and join in with the world’s pictures of how I should be or not.

    1. I totally agree, Andrew, that realising that it is not the world that has imposed the expectations upon us, however great the pressure may be to conform to societal norms, it is instead us who have chosen, is a complete game changer. And one that is tremendously freeing and liberating.

21. It can be very uncomfortable to feel our bodies in full and really feel what is going on, but also very liberating for when we do get honest like you have done here Nikki we can start to make the changes and we know what we are dealing with, rather than something like this running the show in the background.

    1. So true. Our bodies will always be honest with us and when we listen we have the opportunity to rebuild a less draining way of living.

       1. Recognition that something is not working, deepening our awareness of how and why something is not working and then being honest about what we are choosing to contribute to the situation are always great places to start.

22. When we are living to fulfill expectations we are no longer living in the present moment. Instead it is in an imagined future that will always be different to the reality which cannot help but lead to disappointment and hurt.

    1. Consequently it is but a choice as to whether we want to live being disappointed or not.

23. It’s ridiculous the way we bash ourselves for the most minor of errors in a way that we would never criticise another. This expectation we put on ourselves is so burdensome and heavy it’s no wonder we get so exhausted.

    1. It’s so true Fiona, our whole day can revolve around one small thing instead of being with the whole of ourselves and enjoying who we are.

24. Thank you Nikki. I found tears coming to my eyes a s I read your blog this morning and I went to a deeper level of honesty with myself around the lead ballon that I allow to sit in my own lap. All this is totally unnecessary and a way that we can hold ourselves back from expressing the beauty and glory that we are from …that we are.

    1. Wow, very beautiful Elaine, honesty is deeply healing.

25. When we move at the rhythm of expectations and not of ‘I know’, we are projecting life out from our lack of self-worth.

    1. The ‘rhythm’ of expectations is a very discordant twang.

26. It often feels like we just don’t know how to simply be ourselves and the way I have just constructed this sentence is such a give away – there’s not even a ‘how’ in being ourselves, it just is. The attraction of developing a program/pattern, such as having expectation, is that it gives a shape, an identification, that there is a ‘me’ to be.

27. I am sure we have all experienced to some degree the feeling of the lead balloon and the enormous pressure we put on ourselves to live up to all these pictures and ideals. This can leaves us totally exhausted and feeling very disconnected from ourselves and others, it is great Nikki that you choose to drop this unloving pattern and to begin to embrace who you truly are.

28. As I read this blog I was reminded how we can be our own worst enemy when we focus on our human imperfections instead of our innate qualities.

29. This is a great sharing Nikki, as reading it again I can really get to feel my own lead balloon. Expectations are a dead weight as they completely squash joy and the appreciation that naturally dances with our joy. I say dump the lead balloon, as it has never done anything but what I just mentioned, and allow ourselves to feel and dance in the joy of who we truly are.

30. Expectation and should are just incredibly poisonous, they rob us of how we actually feel about something, and the option to have a simple response to it, rather than a reaction that is loaded with a thousand other impositions of what it should look like,

31. The expectations that i should not make mistakes, a set of standards that I should live up to created so much tension and anxiety in my body which i was very good at hiding, now being more in touch with my body and being honest about how I am really feeling has helped the tension and anxiety to be dispelled.

32. A powerful message to us all – shedding its light on the importance of allowing ourselves to feel what we potentially have put on ourselves and what the effect is.. To lovingly understand ourselves and start letting go of patterns that do not serve and hold us back from loving ourselves and others..

33. Expectations that we burden ourselves with or we impose on others, either to excel or to fail, prevent us from appreciating all we and others already are.

34. Not until today Nikki have I fully felt the impact of the ‘lead balloon’ words in your blog title. Yes yes yes! The reaction when expectations are not met are exactly that monumentally heavy . . . .and, in the alchemical metaphor, we are performing perverse alchemy ( which really shouldn’t even be named thus) by turning gold into lead.

35. All of the time when we are having expectations we are missing out on enjoying ourselves exactly as we are.

36. Expectations can only impose on us when we focus on what we do to gain recognition or acceptance. The antidote to this is in beginning to connect to and appreciate who we already are within, as such we find expectations no longer have a hold on us, as the lightness of who we are naturally begins to emerge and take centre stage.

37. The expectations we have of how we should be, act, perform and look are a heavy burden, replete with disappointment and the illusive and totally unrealistic lure of perfectionism in the realm of physical life.

38. When we loose the pictures, we let go of expectation, when we let go of expectation we can start to be present, When we experience this we can start to live in the moment.

39. Accepting ourselves is so vital to our wellbeing. Every year I go to a get together of women where we each make a centre piece for the table out of beautiful foliage and flowers. As the years have gone by it has been awesome to note my reactions and responses in this process. Generally in the last few years although I have been similarly ambitious I have been so much more accepting of my contribution and far less concerned about getting it ‘right’ or having a ‘perfect’ end result. I can see how slowly I am letting go of the negative self talk that limits and inhibits my expression and how much I am appreciating the fact that I may do things differently from the norm and that that is my natural expression. This is not just ok, there is an inherent quality that is innovative, beautiful and harmonious, there is stillness and motion. In appreciating ‘my’ centrepiece I appreciate myself and the others for their contributions. I am no longer less than and have no desire to be more than.

40. Any expectation we place on our self or another is a rejection of who we or the other is. The rejection hurts us deeply and it is what we feel when anyone else has an expectation of us . . . so why do we do it to ourselves?

41. I find expectations does feel like a lead balloon. It weights down our relationships and it makes everything feel heavy and unpleasant. Letting go of expectations is awesome, it feels light, playful and loving.

42. It is expectations that make us feel less than we are hence the imposing and inhibiting effect they have on us. The insidious thing is that expectations without explicitly mentioning it give us the reflection that who we are is not what is appreciated and asked for but that we need to be different. We are undermined and put under pressure at once, both eroding our sense of who we are.

43. It is so great to be aware of all we are feeling and then we have a choice whether to hold onto it, or let it go, expectations are a real burden, so very freeing to let them go.

    1. Yes, it does feel freeing to let go of expectations. I notice how many little expectations I put on myself daily that throws me off being myself and appreciating life. The lead weight description is so apt, it certainly feels like this in my body when expectations are present.

44. We really set ourselves up from young to fail, to feel guilty and to feel bad about ourselves. “I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am.” That ‘exactly as you are’ is so divine and simple that we forget we are valuable without doing anything at all, we add complication and that leads to expectation. A road to nowhere…

45. What a killer expectations are – especially those we put on ourselves – crazy!
    So to detach from our emotions and let go of any that are related to an outcome or desired idea. To feel our body and what is in there and not be distracted by our minds. That is truly powerful.

46. Expectations, whether of ourself or other people are not good to have in my experience, they can lead to all sorts of problems and issues. I am choosing to be aware if I have an expectation, and then to let it go.

47. I have noticed lately how hard I find it to make mistakes. It feels like the end of the world but it is not and it is great to realise it is just as much an ideal as any other one that I can let go off.

48. Thank you Nikki – a powerful watch of what expectations do and how much we have it in our hands of how we respond or react to what is coming to you. To stay still and steady with yourself no matter what. The greatest disturbers that we put between feeling this still are: expectations, judgments, images and beliefs.. Hence, the more still we become, the more needs (all of the above disturbers) we naturally can let go of..

49. This unachievable highly set expectation sounds very much like perfectionism. A disease that is not recognised as a disease but ought to be as it deeply impacts our quality of well being and life in general

50. Brilliant blog Nikki. What I love is that this is a reminder of the great importance of understanding our patterns of behaviour and not simply trying to fix or change them because we see them as bad or wrong. When we judge our behaviours as such we are also identified by them as being who we are and this is the whole problem in the first place. As we connect to a deeper aspect of who we truly are and start to bring it out as we see ourselves as more of this grandness we will naturally let go of that which is not who we are.

51. Where does the idea of ‘perfection’ even come from? When we say we want something to be perfect, what are we actually saying? What do we want it to be? To me, it’s about self-satisfaction because everyone will have a different idea of what ‘perfect’ is depending on what they want for themselves.

52. I don’t want to relate to this, but I can! I like to think I don’t care what people think, but it’s such a lie. I’m constantly setting an imaginary bar that has me trying to prove my self worth. The expectations I set myself are a perfect set up to stop me from appreciating the simplicity of who I am.

53. That lead balloon of expectation is the very thing that stops us from being our full and fabulous selves. While we are busy trying to fit the straight jacket of perfection, out real creativity and unique talents stay suppressed.

54. Once we become aware of how much an issue affects us we can choose to do something about it. Just realising this – and nominating it to ourselves or another starts the healing process.

55. Having pictures and expectations of how life – and ourselves – could or should be is a killer. ” I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am” beautiful.

56. As I let go of expectations of myself there is more room to value what I bring to any situation.

    1. So true Helen, to value and appreciate ourselves we then bring a different quality to everything we do.

57. The heavy weight of the expectations we place on ourselves can be overwhelming and I have laboured under most of the ones you mention for many years with all the resulting nervous tension and exhaustion this causes. Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations is a work in progress but for me one of the many benefits is feeling far more connected to other people because my expectations of myself meant I didn’t want to admit to not being able to do things etc whereas now I am more open to working collaboratively and I am presented with amazing opportunities to deepen my relationships and appreciate what I can offer to others.

58. An inspiring and beautiful sharing Nikki. As you have so clearly and simply pointed out perfectionism is such a debilitating ‘lead balloon’. Wonderful that you have taken responsibility to ‘pop’ the balloon.

59. A beautiful sharing Nikki on the anxiety we can feel with any expectations we can place on ourselves, learning to let go of all these pictures we hold with ourselves is key to deepening the relationship with ourselves and allows for us to feel the simplicity and flow that is naturally always there waiting for us to choose.

60. Thank you for writing this Nikki. The expectations we place on ourselves really do weigh us down and I know that choosing expectation does not support me or anyone else. It makes sense to stop choosing expectations.

61. Having a lead balloon of expectation is a good way to describe these patterns we find that are weighing us down. Recently I have been choosing not to go into anxiousness and as a result I am feeling the anxiousness even in it’s slightest moments, and discovering that it’s pretty much been there my whole life. But at least it no longer feels like it is too big to handle.

62. There is much joy available in every moment of every day and having expectations saps every last drop of joy out of our days. When we are with the expectation of expectations we are unable to live experiencing that life does flow from one moment to the next and that there is magic in even the most tiniest of moments. We miss out on the wonder that all life and all our interactions are here to support every single one of us to evolve.

    1. Yes that is so true, we miss out on magic because the expectation clearly has a picture that we are trying to get to and complete, yet contains no space for the magic and the learning that might be presented to us along the way.

63. When we recognise something, such as that we’ve been living with a huge lead balloon of expectations in our laps that has been weighing us down in our job, home and all aspects of life, we’re offered an immediate choice to start clearing that pattern or continue with it. The trick is though that stressing about the issue, getting overwhelmed and recoiling in reaction to what we’ve recognised actually DEEPENS the issue and adds to the web of that lie/pattern.

    1. Great point Susie. If we let go of our judgments we are able to accept our newfound awareness for the blessing it is.

64. It was so timely to return to this blog today as I have felt the “lead balloon” hovering over me for a while as I look for a new job. The expectations I have placed on myself have on occasion been threatening to burst forth from this balloon but as soon as I start to feel the heaviness I remind myself to let go of the expectations and open myself up to what could be possible instead; a real ‘phew’ moment!

65. We all have loads of expectations of how the world should be, and often wear them like a badge of honour in our daily life, just waiting to present them when our expectations aren’t met. The presentations can be emotional, demanding and fierce, all because of a ‘seemingly true” but potentially completely made up expectation.

66. It’s amazing how liberating it is to become aware of something that has had a stranglehold over us for so long. Simply in the seeing of it and being honest about it being there, half or more of the healing is done. The rest follows suits with commitment and willingness to let it go and evolve.

67. One expectation I used to have around work was that I should know it all and be able to do it all. Since I have dropped that one, I am finding the pleasure of collaborating with others and how simple it is to ask for help and how readily it is offered.

68. Thank you for this blog Nikki. I agree when we become aware of expectations placed on ourselves, it already makes us feel lighter. In that knowing, there is then the potential to make a change.

69. Letting go of expectations has totally changed my life. Not that i have let go of all expectations, but i am seeing how even tiny pictures of how i think things should be influence my experience of life.
    Why do I have expectations of what will happen? It makes no sense. Is it because i feel a need to control life? But i have very little control of what happens outside of me. When i was a child I was good at just taking things as they come. So what happened when i grew up? I feel at some point i became afraid of life. Is that because as i grew up i started to have expectations?

70. Yes this lead balloon is exhausting and weighs us down. It also sits on our shoulders and put pressure on our chest, in fact it is all over and not just on our lap and we throw it at other people as well. It is great to be aware that it is not who we are, does not serve other than to weigh us down and hold us back (which is a choice we make at times) and when we are ready we can simply put it down and leave it behind.

71. It is great what you are sharing Nikki and so true what you say that to now feel this tension consciously gives you a choice to deal with it and to change the way you have lived which is very relatable. It asks us to be present in our bodies and to be truly honest and make ‘new’ choices.

72. Perfectly said and very relatable 🙂

73. And also the expectations we have on others, which if we have expectations of ourselves we are sure to then have expectations of others. While reading this blog what came to me was the education system where expectations of children and young people are really high and this is mainly so the stats look good … it has nothing to do with the actual people and how they truly are! We have a lot to learn and change here with regards to expectations.

74. The only outcome of expectations is that they keep us holding us onto our hurts and confirm the reasons why we delay our evolution back to the love that we are all from.

75. It is extraordinary the amount of tension people can live with after taking on the expectations of either society or those self imposed expectations as to what is required of them. It is a sad fact that we are not brought up to know and believe that we are simply enough just as we are, for we then spend our life striving to be more when there is absolutely no need. We are enough and only require connecting to that.

    1. Well said Samantha. The pressure of expectations, whether we meet them of not, never subsides and allows us to feel settled, as it never confirms who we are, for simply being who we are which leaves us needing to seek more and more, to gain a sense of momentary achievement. When in fact we are already everything, and as you wisely shared – ‘We are enough and only require connecting to that.’

76. I have that too, thinking I should know it all when it comes to a new task and get very frustrated when I don’t know! Maybe this is a twisted concept, because in truth, we are all knowing by virtue of being alive and part of the Universe. But, there is still a temporal reality we live in and tasks need to be learnt.

77. Thank you Nikki for sharing this, I have recently become more aware of the tension I hold in my body and rather than believe that I have failed (which creates more tension!) reading this I feel a sense of appreciation for this awareness, I hold this tension, I can let it go.

78. Letting go of expectations creates space for us to appreciate and accept more of who we truly are, it is a simple process, however, sometimes it might feel like a challenge as such pattern is so ingrained in our bodies that it is like a default program to live in the nervous energy. It is through our commitment and consistency to live the love that we are that we can liberate ourselves back to the simplicity and beauty of our soul.

79. It’s so true Nikki, the heaviness of our expectations are like a lead balloon that burden and weighs us down.

80. Nikki, thank you for writing this, I recognise it very much, how much pressure I put myself under to be perfect and yet I can feel that this is actually a very clever trick to not be all I am, nothing needed, so I will play with catching my perfection and be light with myself as I do, thank you.

81. “expectation’ seems to be a theme for me this morning in the blogs I am reading. I love the awareness it is bringing me to all that energy and pressure I place on controlling outcomes and meeting expectations. i know for a fact that living this way has and is detrimental to my health, and I have all the diagnosis to prove it. It’s slowly changing however, the landscape of how life looks or rather how I have expected it too look is becoming slightly less visible….because it’s changing all the time, and I don’t have a crystal ball…so the only thing I can do, is live each day as it comes and practice enjoying that without thinking too far ahead…or in other words, without setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

82. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, the expectation of perfection is unobtainable and we end up chasing an ideal. When we appreciate ourselves we know that when we make mistakes we learn from them, and it gives us an opportunity to make different choices.

83. One of the things I’ve noticed is expectations of how I feel life needs to be, or people need to be for me to cope, when in fact projecting into the future like that confirms an illusion and lack of self confidence. So I’m learning to accept life exactly as it is and come back to the truth of myself and my ability to stay with me and meet what comes my way. My expectations were of moulding life so I could cope, but it’s all illusion, what’s coming toward me will actually support me, especially if I make it about evolution and knowing I am a Son of God.

84. Heavens the weight of expectation, yes, I am way too familiar with that. I have my own expectations and I have the expectations of others that I buy into hook line and sinker. Being aware of them means we have a choice to do something about it. Thank you for the reminder.

85. Expectations are exhausting especially if we live with them in every moment, but learning to trust whatever unfolds in any given situation is so very liberating. I can so relate to the letting go of the “lead balloon” and how that brought “a sense of lightness and allowed me to feel more of the True Me!”; feeling more of ‘me’ is definitely one wonderful bonus!

86. Living up to our own expectations always invites tension as we constantly move the goalposts.
    “Simply being me has not been enough” This comment resonated with me as I didn’t know who I was until I became a student of The Way of The Livingness and I am gradually appreciating that I am so much more than I had ever realised.

87. I hope that I can get to the point of feeling this lightness, I really relate to the lead balloon but I am still in the phase of feeling how heavy it is, this blog is very inspiring and helpful. Thanks Nicki for sharing your experience.

88. Love these comments at the end – there is no perfection, there will always be mistakes, but the thing we can always come back to… that requires no effort or trying is just to be ourselves. It’s both a worthwhile focus of our attention, as well as the true gold over and above any other expectation.

89. Thank you Nikki for sharing this it just made me look at how much expectations I put on myself. I can relate to what you are sharing “I have been living with a ridiculous amount of nervous tension in my body. It is exactly that – a tension in my body. My body feels stiff as if I am constantly on edge.” I have really noticed this in my arms, which are stiff due to holding on, my other parts of the body has loosened up, but I can feel the tightness and hardness in my arms and elbows, something I am now working on to loosen up.

90. Thank you Nikki for exposing the insidious energy of perfection and expectations, when I fall for there trappings my life no longer is fun or light hearted it becomes heavy and serious. Expectations and perfectionism need to be seen for what they are – evil imposters.

    1. Even setting goals and achievements I feel need to be discussed, for if they come with an undertone of expectation or perfectionism then it’s setting us up for tension and anxiety and a hardened life.

91. “living with such a huge expectation of myself and constant nervous tension” I have found that to be a very familiar pressure but equally one I had to choose to accept.

92. Expectations is nasty business and every single one of us can relate to this, I’m certain. Great sharing to expose expectations and how they rule and ‘destroy’ our quality of life. Becoming aware of our expectations and the ‘lead balloon’ affect of them, is the opening to not be controlled by expectations but making it about our connection with our self, we are worth it, and whats there to be found is so much more…it makes expectations look ridiculous. A work in progress!

93. Lack of self-worth is a killer. It is like trying to race ahead constantly in life to avoid this emotion to catch up with us. The stories that we tell to ourselves to keep going in such path are just ridiculous. But they are very powerful till they only remain within us.

94. Nikki – thank you for showing us that we are the only ones that can put expectations on ourselves (allow them). And so , all that is on our way we feel as burden , we should look at and choose to deal with ourselves, no one can do that for us. That has never helped. This is why we are out of salvations and now have to truly choose to change – on our own , but with support of All there is (Heaven, Humanity, Hierarchy ).

95. The expectations we can put on ourselves are enormous and I can really relate to the lead ballon on my lap when i allow this to happen . The simplicity joy and expansion from letting go is amazing and allows space and being-ness to unfold lovingly thank you for a very supportive sharing.

96. Expectation crushes any curiosity and the naturalness in learning as we always have a goal in front of us that we need to reach. There is then no space to unfold and simply be.

97. My whole body feels lighter just reading this blog Nikki. I have read it a few times and can honestly say it has supported me to be far more aware of the expectations I have on myself and how damaging this is.

98. The weight of being perfect and allowing the expectations of many of the things you have mentioned Nikki is a global epidemic which creates the energy of ‘being driven’ and never feeling ‘good enough’. There feels to be a picture out in the population that has encouraged things like home ownership, cars, job status and monetary position as markers of being successful. All these things are a huge weight to carry around and get in the way of Humanity interacting lovingly from a foundation of equality. It feels amazing once this is recognised and let go of and we can all bring the truth of who we are to each other

    1. Thank you for sharing the big picture here Christine. A reminder that the way we are with ourselves has a huge impact on others also.

    2. The whole concept of striving for perfection is a total set up, it’s like a dehydrated man crawling towards a mirage of a water fountain, it simply doesn’t exist.

99. Very timely read for me. My work contract changed recently and I became a contractor instead of an employee, and there’s no project or assignment guaranteed. Not knowing when I am going to get paid next makes me feel anxious, but I am welcoming this opportunity to try out my new approach – that is to take deep care of myself to make sure that ‘I’ am ready whatever comes next, instead of rushing out on a mad job hunting spree.

100. I love how we can re-configure our bodies and our movements from moving from how I think to how I feel. Very cool indeed thank you Nikki.

101. Expectations configure our movements in a way that is far from the truth of who we are, it is only a matter of time before our bodies need a correction as a result of the unnecessary stress/tension that is inflicted from the false belief we have placed on ourselves.

102. Yes Nikki I too know how the constant drive for perfection and the huge expectation we put on ourselves can takes us away from our natural way of being and into a momentum that keeps us locked into a configuration of movements that negates us feeling the lightness of our bodies. I love that we are imperfectly perfect and how much learning and awareness can expand our ways of living everyday.

103. It is extraordinary isn’t it that we can generate so much tension, so much anxiety, that has devastating often deadly impact upon us… And that if we simply choose to return back to experiencing and feeling what is within our own bodies, we find ourselves being able to make choices, and to start to let go of, these momentums that have been running us into the ground… And that’s not a metaphor!

104. We can be our own harshest critic and spend a lot of time and energy berating and condemning ourselves for not being up to scratch… Whereas all we really need to be is honest with ourselves – about where we know we’re holding back or choosing something that is not true for us and with that awareness make a different choice going forwards…

105. Nikki, thank you, this blog is perfect to read today as I can feel how I am giving myself a hard time about not getting everything right, so expectations for sure and a lot of pressure on me and of course in that I find it difficult to be myself. I love how you present the understanding to feel how we are with all this and know we’ve chosen to be this way and we can choose a different way – this is one for me to play with and I can feel this approach introduces a lightness into seeing and understanding where we do get caught in perfection.

106. Expectation is a killer and really does drag us down. It means that until we get a certain picture fulfilled we will never be happy or satisfied. But the picture can never be re-created perfectly so there will always be a sense of disappointment. But what if everything happens for a reason and we let go of expectations? What would we be be greeted with? Would we then not see each moment in the beauty that it is unfolding before our very eyes? It also takes a lot of pressure off as well. I know for me the difference is massive and what I end up with is far greater than I could ever have imagined.

107. Why is it we choose to see what isn’t, rather than appreciating the all that is?

108. Expectation is a real killjoy isn’t it? Your honesty is refreshing Nikki. I agree “The awareness of it all is liberating!” Awareness gives us the freedom to start undoing the false beliefs, ideals we can take on.

109. I can relate to what you share Nikki that ‘Simply being me has not been enough – I have had this pressure on myself to be perfect’. Constantly chasing and striving for perfection always leaves us in the shadows and one step behind shining the grace of our natural and full light.

110. Thanks Nikki your honesty with yourself is deeply inspiring and I had to look at all the areas in my life where I am so self critical. Accepting who we are without comparison, judgement or jealousy creeping in is huge in our overall well-being.

111. The expectations in life are bountiful, and yet do they truly serve any worthwhile purpose? Or do they serve to create continual disappointments both in ourselves and our loved ones.

112. It’s great to come back and revisit this blog Nikki – says and offers a lot in what keeps us back from surrendering to our bodies and the blocks we put in the way of living every moment in a quality that is true to the body.

113. It’s true isn’t it… Expectations like having a picture or an image up in front of us like a heads up display in a helicopter… And we can tend to guide our whole lives in the direction of these images… Losing that sense of connecting to what is truly happening. It is much more preferable to connect to our inner awareness so that we are guided by what is truly there to be felt, rather than the expectation

114. It is so much better to feel the anxiety and nervous tension that we have rather than pretend that we are fine. It is the denial of what is going on within us that causes the real harm. Once we admit what is occurring we can actually do something about it.

     1. True, I wasn’t even aware of my anxiety at first as I had hidden it under nervous tension, only by feeling them can we choose differently.

115. I so know expectation! In fact I would say it has been a ‘good’ friend most of my life, always setting myself up to fail with unrealistic expectations. I am learning to be less harsh and instead choose a deepening appreciation of myself and life.

116. I have found the more I appreciate and confirm my own qualities of who I am the easier it has been to let go of the identification and images I have had of myself for so long creating more space to express who I truly am to the world.

117. It is lovely to feel the space that is created when we let go of all this weight of expectations we place on ourselves and accept more of we are and just surrender to the beauty of what is in life, in this way we constellate so much more than what we ever dreamt of.

118. I really appreciate the way you have shared the joy of being aware of how expectation impacts your life. This supports me to allow myself to feel how the weight of expectation has weighed me down. It also inspires me to change my ways and accept myself as I am.

119. It is brilliant to become aware of the levels anxiousness we are living in and how this is bound up with holding expectations about the way things should be. What a misuse of that pure divine energy that pours ceaselessly through us. Thank you for this honest and revealing blog Nikki.

120. I am learning there are times I don’t realise it is an expectation that is driving me to do or behave in a certain way. It is usually when something does not go according to ‘my plan’ that I then come to see this. Letting go of perfection is definitely the antidote to any expectations I have.

121. I am really feeling the weight of having an image as well, Nikki. I have just been to a job interview. This one was the one of the many I was planning to have, and I thought I was not too bothered about the outcome, yet what came out of my mouth at the interview was very much laced with ‘I want this job’ and the falseness I could feel in my own words was just crazy. And the crazier still is that I got the job on the spot, and I am feeling very unsettled in my body.

     1. Such a fascinating observation Fumiyo. Any unsettlement in our bodies is always derived from the fact that we have chosen to align to something that is not truthful. Our bodies are borne from truth and so when they are instructed to act from a place that is not truthful they become very discombobulated.

122. Perhaps things won’t be perfect… how liberating. In my strive for perfection, for completing the to do list, getting all the chores done or what ever it is I totally miss out on enjoying doing the one thing I can do now, whatever that may be. Yet when I do the one thing, that moment is perfect. Simple really!

     1. Your words have been spot on for me this week Simon. My to-do list is causing me a lot of anxiety and I’m seeing more clearly how having this list affects my life. It is quite intense at the moment and on waking this morning I immediately went into what I would get done for the day. I had to laugh at myself and I made a commitment today to make it about the quality I was in. Your words of enjoying doing the one thing and that moment being perfect stayed with me.

123. Thank you Nikki. This blog is very revealing. I usually associate expectation with wanting something from ‘others’, however, as I read your blog I could feel the expectations I have on myself are huge … and it is no surprise that I also hold others to my expectations. I have seen this to be a recipe for disaster many times and yet I have persisted in holding on to expectations. How lovely it feels to let go of this and simply appreciate people exactly as we are.

124. When we consider something normal, a feeling or an experience, it suggests we don’t need to change it or see anything wrong with it. Which is true, we don’t. That is till we have an experience that gives us another way to look at it. When you felt the weight of expectation your normal changed. You could simply have said, ‘oh I always feel like that’ but you chose to see that this didn’t need to be normal and that is huge. Just to be open to seeing that because then you/ we have a choice. Pretty cool.

125. Nikki this is something so many can relate to. I felt exhausted just reading the list you have of expectations you have shared yet I do the same! And this week it has really been highlighted to me and in my body in how I have a constant nervous tension in my body of the next thing that needs doing; and just before reading your blog I could feel how I try and create problems for myself and focus on them instead of what is going well for me! This is work in progress and I am glad I can really feel this in my body because maybe now I can let it go for once and for all and allow things to be easier for me (don’t ask for struggle when there is no struggle!) 😆💕

126. It’s the expectations we place on ourselves that denies us the true beauty of expansion from our awareness of life. Without having the awareness we become stuck on a one way path to self destruction as it keeps us stuck in the drive to keep achieving, thinking and perfecting who we ‘think,’ we should be, when in truth allowing who we are already and living from there is heaven. Having a greater awareness of our bodies frees us from the heavy burden of thinking our way through life and not feeling it from our own bodies.

127. Those lead balloons that drop in are the weight of the images we carry about what good, successful and perfect look like. They hover over everything like an examiner, marking up the deficits in our performance and turning up our tension dial as they go. Images set expectations that can then drive our behaviour towards a predetermined outcome and it means we are most often let down in our achievements by comparison or alternatively have exhausted a high level of control – as well as the body – in order to attain them.

128. The expectation that we should be perfect really is like a lead balloon – that’s a great way of describing it!

129. Thank you for starting the conversation on expectations Nikki. Great observations, I love your sharing “I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectations I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am”. I will take this on board too!

130. “Sometimes I forget to wash the greens when making soup, sometimes I leave the garage light on, sometimes I make mistakes… perhaps I won’t own my own home, or have a nicer car or any other external factor… and yet it doesn’t change who I am.” I love this sentence in that no matter what we do or what we have, good or bad we are always divine and sacred on the inside for this never leaves us. It is simply a question as to whether we choose to leave it or not.

131. Expectations are definitely a killer. Although we do choose them the irony is that it is not that we necessarily want them for ourselves but if we are completely honest it is instead to fulfil the expectations of others – our parents, partner, society, etc. How silly is that?

132. Placing expectations on ourselves and on others I have found to be extremely controlling and exhausting. My life was constantly running on a need to be perfect and when it wasn’t I felt terribly low and miserable. The fact was that I was setting myself up to fail and creating a way of being that was deemed to keep me in a cycle of never feeling good enough as I was always seeking approval from the outside. Catching those moments whenever I feel not good enough and letting them go is supporting me enormously to come back to myself and live from the truth of who I am.

133. It is hard not to relate to what you share here Nikki. What a relief it is to remind myself that I am ok as I am. When I allow myself to feel the truth of this my body is able to let go of a lot of tension. Thank you.

134. The pictures we create in our life, of how we should be create a constant push, drive and control, preventing us from being who we truly are. Another tension I have felt is the expectation of how others should be, how life should be and how things should look. It’s like having a picture in my head of how every situation should be, then going into what ever action or process is needed to achieve the picture. At this point I am not only in a lot of physical tension and anxiety but I am almost robotic like and lose myself completely.

     1. This is so true Danielle and this is what happened to me when my son entered a competition just over a week ago. I felt ok during the prelim but when he got through, the anxiety kicked in and I lost myself completely. It took another to call it out and I was able to let go of it but boy did I feel exhausted the next day. Over the day there was competition after competition where children from different schools competed. I found it challenging but it was a wonderful opportunity in exposing those areas where I am to learn to not give my power away and let go of any investments I have with my children performing. Getting caught up in expectations of how another should be is not only abusive to another but abusive towards myself as I clearly experienced in attending this event.

        1. What a wonderful thing to have seen about the parent’s involvement in their child’s competition Caroline. By taking responsibility the way you have you have taking the most powerful step in educating your son about the ill-way of competition. AS you live detachment and observation so he will get it too!

        2. It’s beautiful to begin to expose the many sneaky behaviours we have developed that take on energy and prevent us from being ourselves. There are many that I am aware of I still choose, but these are usually not the ones that cause any problems in my capacity to live myself. It’s the things that I am choosing to not be aware of that became the block to being myself in full. The more we surrender and feel what is going on in our life, with openness and willingness to feel everything, the more we can renounce the behaviours we have taken on that are not true.

        3. A great reminder to be consistent in surrendering and feeling my body when there is something there to feel and to be loving enough to make the space to feel into my body instead of ignoring, overriding and finding ways to numb myself.

        4. “It’s the things that I am choosing to not be aware of that became the block to being myself in full” – I love this. Where knowing when I leave myself is great and I can work on bringing myself back, it is indeed those moments where I choose to not be aware that are really capping. It then requires another level of honesty to call out those moments.
           Thank you Danielle for supporting me to see more clearly that it is in the moments where I’m unaware of the abuse towards myself that is actually doing the harm.

135. Beautiful what you’ve shared here Nikki and like you say “The awareness of it all is liberating!” yes it feels horrible and at times I have felt trapped in a pressure cooker from the amount of clenching and tension that my body has gone into at times. I am becoming more aware of just how much I hold back who I truly am, it’s not pleasant at all but before coming to this awareness is was still continuing and harming, just not noticed. Now I can feel more of when I am tense and change it, I am not imprisoned or sentenced to living life in a tense, tight, contracted body. Being aware isn’t pretty but it sure is liberating!

136. Thanks Nikki, While reading your blog I could really feel the areas in where I’ve allowed expectation play out in my life. I feel It takes me out of the present and into the past or future, thinking about how I could have done better or making plans for the future. this living out of the present moment creates a tension in my body.

137. I feel that expectation is like a lead shield that stands between us and the love of a deep understanding hug and holding of ourselves and another. In life sometimes the thing we need most is to be loved and hold ourselves in that love, but these ridiculous expectations not only weigh heavy on our shoulders, they prevent us from truly surrendering and letting that love and understanding in.

     1. So beautifully expressed Joshua.

     2. I agree Joshua and what I can feel from what you have written here is that expectations prevent us from feeling the absolute joy that is there in us when we are not burdened down by all sorts of ideals and beliefs.

        1. Well said Elizabeth. That love and joy is always there even though we don’t always feel it

138. On reading this blog again and some of the comments I have become aware of the different levels of expectation I have upon myself. Since having written this blog I have dropped a lot of the expectation I talked about and discovered a new layer. This layer is more on a personal level in how I relate to others. I expect that I will never get things wrong in relationships or in my expression – yet I constantly do and when I do I beat myself up. I’m starting to see that this set up is something that holds me back from living the joy and power that I am.

139. I love this blog Nikki and I feel everyone can probably relate to it. You offer such great insight in sharing how you have dealt with becoming aware of this expectation business. It is crazy for us to think we should be masters at everything, this is impossible.

140. It is so extraordinary that we find it so hard to just be ourselves. This is because we think we have to do something rather than just BE ourselves.

     1. And this idea starts so young, I remember when I was young just wanting to be “normal” and I watched both my children go through the same process. These expectations just need to be kicked to the curb as we are amazing just the way we are.

     2. It’s a trap a lot of people get stuck in. It’s challenging to even be aware you are caught in a trap let alone get out of.

     3. Its as simple as that isnt it

141. When it is put like this it leads me to question why we are wanting others and ourselves to be something other than who we are? When we place expectations we are trying to control the world and people and make them into something they are not, why do we do this?

     1. These are great questions Nikki, I feel an expectation can only come in when we are not living in true connection, this creates a gap that we think we need to fill. When we are living from our Essence there is an allowing of all that is, and a great understanding that in letting others just be who they are, is giving them true freedom.

        1. Beautiful Christopher – it does create a gap that we then feel the need to fill. But if we are in connection with ourselves then there really is no gap.

142. Where does this idea of being perfect come from? Is it striving to do well at school and being graded for it? Eventually at school I stopped worrying about those things yet I still bought into this idea of the perfect life at different stages of it. It is great to be aware of this and understand the pressure we put upon ourselves. It does take away from our ability to live well and to work well. It is something to be very, very aware of and to let it go.

143. There was this one time, when I actually was so expecting of myself to be perfect and the pressure this created actually did make me terrible at my new job and my employer did question and doubt their choice to hire me. This was a big wakeup call for me to take a step back because all the tension I was creating was actually damaging my ability to work effectively. I have since made a greater commitment to myself to not get stressed anymore at work and now every time something comes up which is a challenge, I tell myself that I can handle it, I take extra care to only do what is necessary, and I make sure not to go to sleep thinking about it.

144. Having expectations for myself is bad enough but when I realised how I have expectations of others it seriously is crippling for myself and the other person, offensive to the other person really and has usually been about a refusal from me to give me what I need (my own love). Allowing these expectations to drop offers much freedom and a space for love and connection again.

     1. So well said Shelly. When we have expectations of others it is because we are not taking responsibility for ourselves. When we drop the expectations and take responsibility with commitment to ourselves, life becomes so much simpler and fluid.

        1. Life can be simple and fluid with all the space for ourselves and others to be who they are. When we have expectations all of that gets muddied.

145. It’s totally exhausting trying to control people’s lives and the way they do things! Just with reading the word ‘allowing’ I can feel my whole body surrender into the acceptance that we all have free will and are free to choose always. Why try and do God’s work when it is already done?

146. Reading this blog, I can feel how much expectation I have casted onto myself and others, and how much I have lived in reaction to that. A lack of trust has played a big role in this, as well as selling out to an outer source that would feed me the images of how my life/world/others should be.

147. Letting go of expectations create space to be who we truly are.

     1. Leaving expectation behind is a marker of our potential and how we can feel about ourselves and live from this understanding to the best of our ability.

     2. If we replace self expectation with self appreciation we may start to realise the grandness we are.

        1. I love your response here tonisteenson, a timely reminder.

148. Its the second time I have read this blog and I think its awesome, the huge expectations we put on ourselves leads to anxiousness which in turn is incredibly debilitating. Great topic to present Nikki

149. If I allow these ‘mental theories about what will happen’ to have any air time. so to speak, I become self conscious which means my nervous energy is high, the adrenaline is running and I am likely to hurt myself and/or make a mistake or be at odds with myself, in other words not totally honest or true. When I am present with myself there is an inner stillness that allows for me to connect with myself and what I am doing without any nervousness or hormonal activity getting in the way.

150. Great to read this comment Brendon. isn’t it strange how we see mind as something very light – thoughts don’t weigh much – and yet the weight of them can be like lead?

151. Thank you Nikki for not holding back about your insight about your own expectation. I love following sentences: “I have been living constantly with this tension and this tension has been my ‘normal’.” I am wondering how much more people are also living with this “normal” tension. I was one of them and like you I needed someone who helped me to have a look behind this “normal” like you do now with your awesome blog.

     1. Great point Esteralmiks. The tension we carry must be huge, no wonder it felt like a heavy lead balloon.

152. Letting go of the endless, fruitless drive for perfection is liberating to say the least… it is like a microcosm of the illusion of this world, where perfection is unobtainable and a chimera that eludes humanity through the ages

153. Having expectations is a set up so that we can play out our lives in reaction. Reaction is easy as no one is living up to what you think they should be or to who you think they are – yourself or another. That is a lot of tension to live with on a fairly constant basis. As you say Brendan, let it go…

154. The difference between trying to have the script all written before any event (expectations) and being open to let what unfolds unfold, is huge. The former is a struggle and the latter is a surrender to every opportunity to learn. This does not mean we simply let life happen to us, but that we take ourselves responsibly and aware-ly to life as willing students.

155. I love the bit you wrote about the fact that actually acknowledging the presence of the lead balloon has made you feel lighter. The weight of expectation has not reduced instantly but the honesty of accepting its existence ‘reduces’ the weight, because it is the pretending that something is not there, when it is, that uses a lot of energy (adding weight). Thank you, Nikki.

     1. Absolutely Matilda, it is through becoming aware and then acknowledging our patterns and hurts that the weight is lifted allowing us to see the truth and begin the healing process.

156. Expectations are a heavy weight in all of us. They are there like background noise, which we are so accustomed to that we no longer are aware of it. I can feel that perfection itself is an illusion, as where is the marker of what is perfect? It changes from one individual to the next and between sexes and cultures. It is just something we make up. Lately I have been feeling how holding any illusion like this as true creates tension in my body. Luckily my body is wise enough to spot a falsity and guide me to let go of it.

     1. I love what you share here Fiona, very true, and yes ‘perfectionism’ ‘changes from one individual to the next and between sexes and cultures. It is just something we make up.’ So we give ourselves a hard time from something WE have made up, an illusion, how crazy are we?

157. Sitting with a lead balloon in your lap is a great way to express how heavy and imposing expectation is. I know sometimes I have already set myself up to fail before the day begins due to the amount of expectation I put on myself!
     This thankfully is decreasing as I become more aware of it and what a negative impact it has on my mind and body.

158. On reading your blog I feel that by accepting where we are at and feeling the consequences of how we have lived may not be comfortable – but with it comes a reality and a lessening of the tension as we let go of the unrealistic pressure we put ourselves under to be perfect. We can begin the process of accepting who we truly are and begin to live our lives in a way that is honouring and self loving of who we innately are within and allow others to see us warts and all.

159. “I can be me, exactly as I am”. How beautiful Nikki because in allowing ourselves to be, and accepting ourselves exactly as we are, opens our hearts to holding everyone equally to be themselves, exactly as they are. No expectations of ourselves or others.

     1. I agree Rosemary, by letting go of our expectations of self, and accepting ourselves in truth of who we are, we naturally bring being like this to everyone.

160. The heavy weight of expectations (of ourselves and others) and being perfect is indeed debilitating. I loved your analogy of a lead balloon in your lap; very powerful. Being open to all possibilities and ways of being is the key to supporting us to not accepting the lead balloon.

     1. Exactly Shirl Scott, when we are open to life’s magic and go with its flow rather then placing expectations on everything life flows. I realised lately how I can impose on others with my expectations. This is a great wake up call for me to surrender to deeper level of acceptance for myself and others.

161. Thank you Nikki for your honest account of how you have been living your life with Expectations and the ‘ridiculous amount of nervous tension’ in your body which has been your ‘normal’. I reckon loads of people would agree with that but many are not even aware of it. I know I was one of them until I came across the teachings and work of Serge Benhayon.
     It is great that you are now aware of this and you can make new choices.

     For me, it is now a Responsibility to have an understanding that:

     Expectation means I am constantly demanding and wanting something outside of me.
     Expectation means I want life to be a certain way so I can feel a certain way.
     Expectation means I am invested in this world and trying to get something from it.
     Expectation means I am going to be left disappointed or moving my own goal post.
     Expectation means something on the outside will determine my self worth.
     Expectation means I hold the world at ransom and then blame them.
     Expectation means a guarantee I will get hurt.
     Expectation means my body gets no true quality of deep rest.
     Expectation means I cannot ever accept me or anyone else.
     Expectation means I am constantly looking for the next thing.
     Expectation means I never get to feel that I am enough.
     Expectation means I live with tension every single day.
     Expectation means I need others to behave the way I want them to be.
     Expectation means I remain lost in a world full of expectations.

     I really do get it and thank you Serge Benhayon for giving me the tools to know and feel that EVERYTHING is inside me and there is simply no need for Expectations. I have come a long way and now have very little expectations and it has come from a deeper acceptance of who I am and this has allowed me the time and space to accept others and what is going on for them.

     1. No surprise that expectation feels like a lead balloon.

     2. Bina, what a great list of the consequences of having expectations, which totally rob us of any sense of settlement within ourselves as they constantly try and remind us that we are not enough. As you say there is no need to live with all these expectations if we connect to the fact that the answers lie within us and not on the outside.

162. The ideal of perfection is powerful and destructive, as long as we don’t start to question it. It stops us being who we truly are and from learning simply by doing and finding out how to do new things. With the understanding that we have everything within us we just need to listen and connect to it. The guide is our body and not our mind or intellect.

163. The first part of your blog Nikki with all the expectations you have on yourself in all parts of your life was revealing to read and many of us think this but never expressed it in any way. This is what is going on in our society, everybody is trying to be perfect and to impress another. Or like in my case i knew i never will be able to be perfect, as i did not fit in with my abilities in the system so i gave up on life and withdrew. What ever way we might have chosen both guarantees a way to live in separation from oneself and the beauty and truth we can all bring.

     1. And the thing is that if we do not call out this madness, for that is what it is, we perpetuate it for the generations to come. Our school system is riddled with it and when our children look up and beyond they see adults living under the same tension of striving for perfection. Self-acceptance (which builds to self-care, self-respect, self-appreciation, self-love and all of this for others too) is the key…

        1. Yes Matilda, only through consistently calling out the madness in ourselves and living self-care, self-respect, self-appreciation and self-love can we begin to reflect this to the world so that this does become the norm for our children, teachers and everyone everywhere.

        2. Good point Matlida. It is a madness that needs to be called out.

        3. Yes our school system is riddled with expectations and this madness certainly does need to be called out for it is getting much worse. As a parent it is my utmost responsibility to call out any expectation I place onto my children and to live in a way that is true to myself without perfection.

164. Wow Nikki, what you share here I experience the same. The burden of expectations causing tension. The reaction to the expectations and the tension was normal for me as well. To get aware of the expectataions and my reactions to them feels supportive. Thank you for your sharing.

165. ​
     Love this line “I can be me, exactly as I am”.

166. Re-reading this again today, much came up, and the realisation of that constant pressure ‘to be’ or ‘to do’ or excess trying to be perfect to get end results that others will acknowledge or appreciate as a job well done – that feels huge. Recognition ouch! Is it a wonder as you share so well Nikki that nervous tension is a constant visitor, anxiety leaping in at every turn. Acceptance and appreciation rings loud – connecting to all of me and applying that to whatever job/situation comes my way is more than enough.

     1. We will jump through many hoops to receive recognition and to prove our worth, but only when we have first left ourselves so we can’t feel that we are already enough. When we are unified in ourselves, these illusions can’t play out.

167. I feel that all expectations have a negative effect, but the ones I put on myself to be more than I naturally am – ouch, they hurt. They are a kind of self attack and dismiss all I naturally am, because I don’t value or even truly care to know the person I am. I have just given up on being me. I feel that expectations on self are symptoms of a lack of relationship to self, and lack of self acceptance, and of course self love. I love the awareness this blog brings but I feel I need to go deeper to what occurred before I allowed in expectations.

168. Today I felt the lead balloon effect of expectation at work when I pushed myself too hard. I realised that this drive came from not feeling I was enough in that moment. I had created an unrealistic goal for myself which left me feeling tired and depleted at the end of the day. By contrast, those days which simply flow and work is completed with ease, are a reflection of my own ease and acceptance of myself with no attachment to perfection.

169. We are the ones that make a choice to take the expectations on (or not). There is no one else to blame, it is something we need to take responsibility for ourselves.

170. It feels like expectation can take the wonderment out of life. Even the most glorious landscape view, the warmest hug or a lovingly cooked meal can all seem ghastly when experienced through the narrow eyes of expectation.

     1. So true Rachael. Expectation can ruin anything, even those moments of glorious love. We hold life to account when we place expectations and nothing can measure up – often if it does we just up the expectation. It is all a set up yet when we drop them, all the love in the world is right there – no only in front of us, but within us.

171. It is amazing how much we put up with and deem as normal not being aware of how unnatural it actually is. Bringing awareness to our behaviours and choices and how they feel in our body is hugely freeing and self empowering at the same time.

172. Niki I know all to well the pressure of the pictures we adopt of how and what we should be or do. It is a set up as the pictures are never actually achievable in the reality of life and so the ‘not good enough’ becomes a constant and the trying to get there becomes a drive and a push causing anxiousness, tensions and exhaustion. I am learning to unpick each and every picture and to simply come back to what I am feeling.

     1. The pressure of expectation also sets us up in comparison with others, always analysing where we sit in relation to those around us. This is insidiously divisive not only in our relationship with ourselves but also, obviously, everyone else.

        1. great point Mathilda

173. I have just realised how strong my expectations have been in my relationship/s and how I live. It’s actually very smothering. The question is why would I have expectations in the first place and what would happen if I let go of them?

174. It was great to realise through reading this blog how much I have let go, and am letting go, of expectations. It is also interesting to see how the whole way our society is geared is on expectation in one form or another. Every culture has an often unsaid list of expectations as to the way that each person should behave which can alter in different situations. I remember at school having to learn how to address certain people according to their status in society – to learn what was expected of me. When living in Japan I was always coming up against the rules of conduct. These unspoken rules no longer, if they ever did, aid our societies to be more loving and truthful with one another but seem to separate us and foster judgement, resentment and other emotional reactions.

175. So true Nikki that these feelings of not being good enough transpose onto our children, we impose our stress and tension onto them as they learn and develop, just as we are continually learning and developing ourselves. When we truly accept ourselves for where we are at, only then can we support them in a way that they can develop freely.

176. Thank you Nikki. What you have shared here, the way we tell ourselves that we ‘have’ to be perfect in everything, felt completely unrealistic as I read it, even though I have chosen this very way of being myself! I now know it to be so debilitating, and so sabotaging, love never asks for perfection, only honesty, that way we can begin to let go of behaving in ways that are not who we are anyway.

177. I have also been letting go of expectations of what life holds next, letting go of any pictures that my mind offers me. I love it, it is so liberating not to try and control life but just focus on being love to the best of my ability in the present moment.

     1. Yes I agree, it is very liberating to let go off the control that expectations bring and just focussing on making loving choices at the moment itself. I can see these expectations and my reaction to when I do not live up to them is just a distraction from doing just that, making loving choices and being me in every moment, whatever is presented to me.

     2. Sounds like a great recipe for living life Emma – ‘just focus on being love to the best of my ability in the present moment.’
        It makes things simple when we just stick to whatever is happening and however we are feeling in the present moment and with our movements. It feels like complexity can only rear its messy head when we leap forward to manipulate a future situation or linger in what has already past.

     3. I love that Emma – focus on being love to the best of my ability. It’s the “best of my ability” part i love as there is no expectation in there!

178. Super cool Nikki, I have been seeing how my perfectionist tendencies pervade every aspect of my life and how they have been there since I was the age of my daughter now, 7. I have been playfully letting myself make mistakes and do things imperfectly; my family are also more aware of it and gently tease me, encouraging me to loosen the reins! I am aware of the tightness and holding in my body too, gradually letting this go, knowing that I can trust life and simply be me. It still feels like I need to be perfect when contributing to groups, but I am seeing these beliefs for what they are and how they hold me back from playing an equal part in contributing to humanity, and contributing anyway… (un)surprisingly I do have an equal part to play. Giving myself the space to feel everything and really be in my body is where I am at.

179. Lovely blog Nikki, I can relate to the heavy, burdensome feeling expectations bring with them, and equally how liberating and freeing it feels to accept me for who I am.

     1. I am feeling that expectations are heavy because they are something from the outside that is placed on us. They do indeed weigh us down. They feel so unnatural because what could be more perfect than just being ourselves, the exact puzzle piece that fits into the whole picture to bring completion?

180. Wow Nikki, the pressure of expectations we put on ourselves is huge… for me as well… expecting me to be perfect at my job and to be perfectly calm and present at all times at work. They are very unrealistic and end up adding more tension and pressure to an already demanding role.
     The expectations we put on others are just as debilitating for any sort of relationship building or deepening. Others can also feel the weight of the lead balloon of expectations on them as we can feel it at times from others.
     If there are expectations there is no love and we are living in a world of picture perfect ideals and beliefs that set us up for failure rather than accepting the beauty of who we are and of the world around us exactly as it is.

181. This is great – this lead balloon is made of all those tense muscles trying to hold us in that perfect place or that place that makes us look perfect. What an impossible balancing act that is and no wonder we are tense. How great to realise this and to let it go. There will be more that comes up, one layer gone will uncover the next to deal with, but the process has started and imagine how light we will be after a while.

182. It is very easy to be burdened by the expectation that we need to know things and we judge and bully ourselves because we don’t know. The fact is we beat ourselves up with self criticism and then expect ourselves to feel good about ourselves after having a few rounds (or days) in the ring with ourselves.

183. It is such a powerful awakening truth you share Nikki and that is we may not have an awareness of the tension we hold due to expectations or other beliefs but that doesn’t mean they aren’t running us. What a great moment when the lead balloon drops, it is then we can start to choose what we feel is right for us and not give our power away to something outside of our selves.

184. When I am in expectation of myself and living life ‘as I should be’, not only am I not allowing myself to discover the beauty in me in each moment. I can also feel how lack of acceptance is tied up in here too. Wow, see another expectation. They just sneak in their. Today I just want to see all of those expectations and should do’s, and should be’s.

     1. Hi Jennifer, I love your comment – “allowing myself to discover the beauty in me in each moment”. This feels like a powerful practise to develop in order to bring greater self-acceptance and appreciation of ourselves throughout the day.

        1. I agree Janet and one that I am going to go deeper with in my day.

     2. Being able to identify these expectations we carry is a way forward and the first step to letting them go.

     3. I too love these words “… allowing myself to discover the beauty in me in each moment.” I am becoming increasingly aware of my lack of acceptance feeling the resistance and hardness within my body but these words touched me today as I was able to connect to them more deeply. Thank you.

185. Expectation is a way of setting ourselves up to fail. We’re always striving for more – for that idea we have of perfection. It is that constant drive that says ‘you are not enough’ and perpetuates the identification with something outside of us. As you have so clearly shared Nikki, letting go of expectation allows us just be who we are and accept ourselves as we are. By making this choice the balloon feels like it becomes a helium rather than a lead one!

     1. Yes Simone – the concept and imagery of expectations blurs out the activity of appreciation. It’s no wonder perfection and expectations are so prevalent as it keeps us away and distracted from feeling how incredible and imperfect we all are in essence, it keeps us away from our hearts. How can we feel and truly love ourselves if we are constantly seeking more from what we see on the outside?

186. Like You Nikki I have expectations of how I am in everything, this also then impacts on others too because I end up having expectations of them as well. Those images of how things ‘should’ be really can create havoc in our lives. Because of those images I can see how I try to control everything so that they fit the images that I have or the expectations that I have.

     1. Yes great point Jennifer – I can hold huge expectations over people in my life. A need for them to be loving and caring for themselves so I too have permission to do the same. An expectation that they will show me love and attention so I feel important and get recognition. These are old patterns I have worked on, yet images to keep this momentum going still come up. It feels like the need for others to be a certain way or trying to control their choices is just taking the attention off myself and the work that is there to be done.

187. We can have expectations of ourselves and others to be a certain way, to achieve something, or even to fail at something. Expectations are the false medicine we self-administer to avoid the feeling of not having control, which we think we have but know deep down we don’t. And thus we need to create pictures in our minds to protect ourselves from getting hurt. But the crazy thing is, when we place expectations in our lives, we set ourselves up to get hurt for sure.

188. What I really loved that Nikki brought through here is the understanding that simply being aware is key and is okay. I felt a huge sense of relief as tension left my body as I read this and understood more deeply that being honest is the way forward. No pictures, expectations or solutions required.

     1. Absolutely. The simple awareness of the fact that we do live with expectations lightens the load instantly. The pretence is the first layer of weight to go.

     2. No expectations that it should disappear! 🙂 The awareness is the key.

        1. I have to keep telling myself this daily Nikki – soon it will simply be a lived experience with the indulgence to self-bash becoming less and less tempting.

        2. The self bashing is something else we choose and is a very effective way to contract or stay contracted. And the self-bashing can be very sneaky in how we do it – mild forms are quite effective too yet harder to detect (these are my preferred form of self-bashing). Acceptance is a good antidote to this practice and goes hand in hand with appreciation – something that I need to remind myself of!

     3. Yes ginadunlop, Nikki’s blog and your comment has made me stop to never underestimate awareness no matter how small I may think it is and to appreciate it every time it enters for in the appreciating there is then no room for me to be hard on myself.

        1. Gold Caroline – ‘for in the appreciating there is then no room for me to be hard on myself.’

189. Reading this Nikki is something I can so relate to, but I can feel the craziness of how much living this way directs our energy to not feeling enough and so little energy to enjoy the moment and connect and appreciate to the amazingness of who we are and what that brings. It’s a total distraction, a total lie, and a total way of living which doesn’t allow us to see the delicateness and beauty of who we are but others get to glimpse and see. What a denial to the world and what an irresponsibility we can so easily rectify by starting to cherish and love ourselves.

     1. Agreed Gina, cherish and love ourselves always, even in those more difficult moments when we fall.

        1. Yes Kate – I am discovering more and more recently of the importance in loving ourselves especially in those more difficult moments. For I am coming to now understand how the sabotage of myself in those difficult moments regresses me when in fact those moments are times to reflect and make different choices and move on. The difficult moments are our most evolving moments and so are times to hold ourselves in absolute love and steadiness.

190. Having this idea of perfection allows pictures to play out in our minds – and it is this which hurts us when our life doesn’t live up to this. When we start to understand we only hurt ourselves by creating a scene we are invested in, we can bypass the hurts and surrender to trusting and knowing that who we are is absolutely enough.

     1. Comparison is the killer, it keeps us in the never ending cycle of striving for the unobtainable, and creates not only separation in ourselves but with all others we consider to be doing/being better than us.

191. Brilliant Nikki. Thanks for giving so many permission to stop and feel they too live with this nervous tension and this expectation of perfection. To read an article like this unifies us all and stops the separation that comes with aspiring to perfection – both the feeling less and the comparison and jealousy. This articles leads to feeling unified and the same as all others in the world – imperfections, warts and all – we are all amazing at heart!

     1. So beautifully and gracefully said Gina.

     2. I agree with ginadunlop, so beautifully and gracefully said. When we open ourselves up so honestly it does unify.

192. Being hard on ourselves means we are also putting expectations on others, and from experience I know how awful it is to be expected to live up to another’s ideal of perfection. It is a great way of covering up low self-worth issues, as if by living up to this picture of perfection we are in some way more credible. Not trusting who we are at core must inevitably create an anxiety. For me I see that I have failed to try many things for fear of failure. How limiting is that! And all because I had an expectation of how I should be.

193. Expectation and nervous tension go hand in hand and really does feel like a lead weight landing on ones lap. I so acknowledge this and the freedom and lightness when all is simply seen and accepted is beautiful.

194. There are so many expectations out there and theories around how we are to be, what determines our self worth. This line stood out for me……”I have pinned my self-worth to how successful I am and I have been identified with achievement.” This is so common for most of us, to be identified with recognition, to be successful and an individual in all that we do. This, from my experience, never fosters or develops your connection with yourself or others, it doesn’t encourage you to feel worthy, it can actually have the opposite effect.

195. So great to read your blog again Nikki and to feel exactly where I am at – rather than living in a world of make believe where I have always kidded myself that perfection was possible – and that once I had attained it everything else would fall into place. It’s good to have written that and be able to see that I still live with this tension – although as you have said, I am now aware of it and I know that I have the choice to let go of living this way as I gradually let go of beliefs and ideals that have ill served us all.

196. I reckon there are different levels of this ‘lead balloon’ of self-expectation. I also used to live with obviously high levels of nervous tension and anxiety constantly in the background due to a self imposed pressure I was placing on myself and others. I have let a lot of this go these days but on reading your blog Nikki, I realised it is important to always be honestly aware of our bodies, because I can also recognise that there is still a degree of this tension lingering around which feels like the opposite of just surrendering to being me. So there are still expectations there, just more subtle ones than before.

197. It is great when we feel that we are holding a lead balloon as you describe, or we can feel the tension in our bodies. I know I have had some level of tension that I have lived with for years and had no idea about because I had other coping mechanisms in place but it sure does feel great when we start to become aware of them, even in feeling uncomfortable with them because from their we can start making changes. Awareness first is the key.

198. If I expect something to be a certain way I’m working to how something will look and then play out and then I may miss out on the real treasure and learning that is at play along the way. It can stop us from being open to what is and therefore leads to disappointment when that which we’ve chosen is not met.

199. Wise words Ariana, expectations will always crush us.

200. The expectations we carry for ourselves are the worst ones, and than the version regarding other people is even more bad, because we don’t want to admit that we are on the wrong path. Just lately I become aware of another layer of expectations I was living in. In the same time I am thankful that I get to see and feel it in my body for what it is. Just another Layer of old momentums that were not very loving, going over my body and allowing self-abusive thoughts in. It feels so great to see all this from a place where I am not attached to it anymore, but aware of my self without need for identifications from the outside.

201. The lead balloon, the perfect contradiction. We are all so light like a beautiful balloon yet weigh ourselves down like lead with expectations.

     1. Absolutely Matthew I know when I am pressurising myself to be something other than who I am my whole body feels heavy. When I allow myself to be me and understand that is enough then my body feels very light.

     2. I love this Matthew. I hadn’t actually seen the contradiction so clearly.

     3. It’s funny really when you think of it, we do everything possible to weigh ourselves down, physically and psychologically, to not live the exquisite spaciousness and lightness we are in truth.

        1. It really is crazy that we try so hard to weigh our selves down. It can be so normal for us to constantly place all these weights that we may have lost all awareness that we are even doing so. Yet our natural state is one that is so light and free and playful where life can magically unfold before us.

        2. Yes Nikki it really is crazy, the things we do to ourselves to not be ourselves….

202. We can have an expectation of how we ‘should be’ in every moment, every situation, and in every single second of every single day… it is a prison sentence that leaves no space for who we truly are.

     1. I do not have the ‘space’ to bring expectations into the reality I choose to live in, but accepting that I am the Son of God allows me the space to connect to who I am.

     2. Exactly Kylie, so well said – ‘leaves no space for who we truly are.’ What a crazy loss for the world.

     3. Well said Kylie. Having expectations is a prison sentence to live in a very constricting box.

     4. Having expectations of ourself, another or a situation leaves no space for how life truly can be, a great loss for everyone as no one gets to express the full potential of themselves or the situation.

203. Just like balloons pop out over the ocean and choke the turtles, so too do expectations choke me. An expectations forms a picture of what I need, or a way I need things to be, which isn’t anywhere near the truth, although my brain can usually make it seem like it is.

     1. ‘An expectations forms a picture of what I need…’ Yes Suzanne – and with this picture I get overwhelmed at times because I have the ideal that I expect but have no idea how it will happen. Time can be spent fantasising and trying to work out the impossible feat of what I am expecting my life to produce – this all just feels like distraction actually, distraction from true purpose and connection with my heart. Images keep us captive in the mind, hence the choking!

204. I could feel the lead drop into my lap as I read all the expectations you have on yourself, then I realized hang on that’s my own lead weight. I often have moments during my day where I catch my body in tension and I take a moment to soften it. Reading your blog has reminded me to take a deeper look as to why I have the tension in the first place. Loved it Nikki.

205. I love this blog Nikki, I recognise how I have put expectations on myself ‘my life should be perfect’ therefore so should I! Gosh what a weight to carry around all day everyday – no wonder there is a lightness in becoming more aware. Nonsense to be anything other that who I am!

206. I know this very well Nikki – putting expectations on me and thinking that I have to be in a certain way and/or need to do things in a certain way. I have done this for more than 40 years and today I am learning step by step to let go of this. Today I am much more aware of the pressure and tension this puts on me and my body. But it is not only the tension on the nervous system and physical body these ideals and beliefs cause, it is also that as long as I am running behind and try to reach these kind of images, which are in my head and/or come from a consciousness, I can never be true because as long as I run behind this illusion I am in separation to my self and therefore cannot truly be me. A big subject.

207. What you are expressing, sounds very familiar to me. Especially your sentence “I have previously spent a lot of time thinking myself not ‘good enough’ or not complete until I achieve these things.” resonates in me. I always had a good excuse not to step up in my power. Very often I blamed my body, because my body didn’t function the way I want to it to. And this doesn’t make sense any more. I can’t blame anybody and also not my body. The body only reflects my past choices and it is time to take responsibility for everything in my life.

208. Expectations on myself to be perfect, is very familiar to me.
     This in fact leads to a highly nervous tension throughout the day – with even trying to hide that nervousness as a part of the strive to be perfect (totally balanced and loving). The strive for perfection was to a weird extent, as e.g. I once attended a dancing class, getting extremely angry on myself to not already having mastered the movements. It was ridiculous as it wasn’t about joy for me, but all about competition. I clocked it at that time, but nevertheless was not able to stop it back then. How beautiful and connecting and of joy and fun this could have been, allowing myself to take the steps, surrender to my partner (instead of having the same expectation of perfection on him too), and the music and the group we were… having a deep knowing of already being enough as I am, bringing that to me, my partner and the course. Cutting out perfection from my diet is still work in progress in my life. Great awareness to take in this process of making mistakes is how you write: ” … and yet it doesn’t change who I am.”

209. It is amazing how we are constantly numbing our awareness so we don’t have to feel what is there. Yet as you share Nikki, when we do allow ourselves to feel, although it may be uncomfortable, it can also be liberating and feel light and spacious in our body.

210. We set perfection as the goal and the expectation. But deep down we know it’s not humanly possible to be perfect. So what’s going on? Is it that the expectations we are sowing underneath the striving for perfection is that we will ultimately not be good enough? So in the end we are looking to be confirmed in being small and inadequate, so that we have an excuse to not take responsibility. In this sense, all our expectations are actually being fulfilled.

     1. Like what you are saying here Jinya – taking it a little deeper. We all do know that it is impossible as a human being to be perfect. We also all do know how much we inspire others when we are just being who we are nothing more, nothing less. So it does feel like a lack of self worth is a bit of a deliberate act of self-sabotage to keep things as they are. Could we actually be attached to life as it is with all its misery and suffering?

        1. It is indeed a self-sabotage. By setting expectations that can never be met – either of ourselves or of others, we cleverly sabotage our relationship, again with ourselves and with others. If we accept ourselves as we are and allow others to be who they are there is so much space – space for the divine to come in. Yet if we fill that space with expectation we are creating life instead of allowing it to unfold. We sabotage what is already there for us waiting to unfold.

        2. If we are striving for perfection and deep down we know that there is no perfection then we are definitely setting ourselves up for failure. I also feel that we live like this to avoid taking true responsibility. If we lived our lives being accountable for how we are living and making choices from our essence then there is no need for any expectations.

     2. Yes, well said – trying to achieve perfection sets us up for certain failure which then proves that we are not perfect so that we can keep striving for this perfection some more.

        1. Yes Gabriele we either keep striving for the perfection or we give up altogether believing we can never get there, either way we live under the lead weight of self recrimination.

     3. Great point Jinya, protection never works, acceptance is far more powerful and supportive of our evolution and that of those around us.

211. Nikki has a sweet way of describing what it is like to be human, the natural flaws we all have that do not define us, but are simply just a part of life. And the more we identify with those imperfections, the more lost and dis-connected we can feel with ourselves. The key is perhaps to know who we are beyond this human life, and venture in to the possibility that we are and come from something far greater.

212. I can so relate to this Nikki and thank you so much for caring about yourself and all of us enough to explore what is going on for you and sharing this as a blog. I carry this same heavyness of expectation and perfection on my shoulders and this effects all areas of my life – and as I am about to start a new job. I am inspired to let go and deeply appreciate myself more, address this and learn to be confident that there are things I can do and things I do not yet know or have not attempted or learnt how to best do – and that is all, I am not any less for the things I have not mastered even if others don’t understand or have a problem with it.

213. Hi Nikki, I loved what you shared about what happens around me or what I do think or act, does not change who I am. What really struck me about this – was the fact that the whole society is made to believe the absolute opposite of this truth. We have made it to – what we do is who we are.. Up until 4 years ago I felt for that same catchy belief as seemingly nothing around us really mattered – except ‘doing’ or ‘bettering yourself. So how would we have known, right? Well, I realized I always new – I simply had to be reminded of it- and this was by Serge Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon at very first – further the whole Benhayon family has inspired me deeply that life is so much more then the physical eye can see. I became fully aware of what life was really about – love, purpose and brotherhood. I was stunned. I had always lived from full excitment how to do ‘entertaining’ things and became excited, whilst now I realized that I was never in my body . Meaning by that: I was never connected to any part of my body and so I felt ‘so light’ because literally I was not in there. In other words: empty vessel. Now , since I have felt this HUGE potential and connection to my inner-heart and within my whole body – I have a marker to life from my life. I know simplicity, I know love, and I know how to life is – it is only my choice to make this commitment to truth, my power, and love – every single day. THis is my commitment, I am now growing – and I must say it is the best choice ever, simply because I know what is true for me and I can chooce it everyday – best, and freeing ever!

     1. Wow! Danna I love the statement “I have a marker to life from my life”, this makes perfect sense to me. When we have a marker as a Son of God from our body and our body can not lie, then their is no holding back when we take responsibility for our daily choices.

        1. The beautiful thing is that this marker I have inside is Universal, so is it my medicine to become universal again – and not separate. The power is inside each one of us – waiting to be awakened. Since I met Universal Medicine (business) I have woke up and felt the power I have inside – and to life – now, today, tommorow and forever thereafter.. So Yes Greg, absolutely best marker in my life.

214. What you have written here Marika shows that we have a choice to be a victim or take responsibility to live the true me.

215. “I think I should be perfect.” This crazy concept spreads across all areas of my life.” I too fell for this trap and still do at times. When I realize that perfect does not exist, only as a picture in my head, I can feel how ridiculous it is what I put myself through.

     1. So true Diana 1975, reading your comment, I realized the character of addiction wanting to be perfect carries within. As all addictions it is a substitute, numbing and harming the body, and at least distracting from the true beauty we already are inside.

     2. I too have thought i needed to be perfect to have worth- its crazy how we keep thinking like this when the reality is that no one is perfect, and life is not about being perfect, its about learning and growing and choosing constantly that which supports us.

     3. What I’m also realising is that the picture of perfect can keep morphing and changing — it will always be there as a nasty bait as long as I don’t fully accept myself for where I’m at at any given moment. It’s the antidote to being deeply loving and caring of ourselves for with every strike and bash of perfection comes the harsh voice that we haven’t come to par…. thus bashing ourselves down instead of being deeply tender and loving with the gorgeousness we simply are.

216. “And whilst having a lead balloon on my lap isn’t often pleasant, I now know it is there and that I’m the one who put it there!” How very empowering to know that through our choices we are the creator of our situation and this means we always have the power and responsibility to turn it round.

     1. Absolutely Golnaz, when we ‘accept’ the responsibility we have in what we have created, then I have found true healing can start. This is an incredibly ’empowering’ lesson in life, which is one of the many corner stones of the teachings of Serge Benhayon. Our choice to be a Son of God magnetically pulls all that is then part of our evolution.

     2. Very true Golnaz, we seem to be in love with creating issues and problems…. where would be if we didn’t do this? So much space, simplicity and joy — we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves!

        1. I agree Katerina. I am starting to feel that we create all these issues, just so we can avoid feeling how incredible and complete we already are. Strange that we (or at least a part of us that likes to fight it) have a discomfort with our natural state of space, simplicity and joy.

        2. Exactly! Perhaps that is why we do it?

     3. So true Golnaz. It gives back to us ourselves and therefore our ability to choose ourselves in every moment.

     4. Honesty is so cool. It has been the gateway for me to a more and more loving relationship with myself and life.

     5. Thanks Golnaz, a light bulb just went on for me in the realisation that we have created what we have, so we also have the power to change our lives. Gold.

217. Ah have my hands up for this Marika, I have often found disappointment debilitating and very hard to come out of it. Knowing that before the disappointment was an expectation, that as you say others don’t even know is there, has really helped me to arrest them.

218. Hello Nikki, thanks for connecting the dots between the expectations we place on ourselves and nervous tension, its very supportive for me to be able to look at this now.

     1. I felt exactly the same Melinda, I had a missing piece that I was letting slip as to why the tension was in my body, Nikki’s blog connected for me too.

     2. Yes, it is great to see clearly that there is a physiological response because of expectations. Of course it might present differently for us all, but I imagine there would be many who suffer nervous tension directly because they hold an expectation. Isn’t this what stage fright is? A performer expecting to perform a certain way, rendering themselves so scared they might not reach their expectation?

        1. Yes, Suzanne, or other people’s expectations, or one’s imagined projection of other people’s expectations – which is strongly tied into one’s own expectations of how a performance ‘should look’.

        2. Of course Suzanne, that makes ‘perfect’ sense. I can see how that can fit into life too, more than that of the performer as it reflects on how we think we are being seen in life. “How was my performance in life today?”

        3. What about all the expectations whether consciously or unconsciously our parents held for us. Only at an older age I could see what an impact that had on me and certain choices I made. Somehow I picked those expectations up, ‘just because’, no rationale or even questioning. And I started to expect that from myself. Now I can see and feel the impact of expectations and am learning to pinpoint when an expectation slips in. It is an unpleasant push within and towards the body. I realize it has to do with controll, how life should go, should be instead of simply be.

     3. Caroline, great point about the expectations families put on us. I can feel for me the need to please everyone, even when I was quite little, was a huge part of the choice to take on others expectations. More to ponder on this!

        1. I agree, Melinda and Caroline. Expectations are almost the norm and so I am so used to them but they do not support me in taking true choices but choices which please everyone else. This is something which needs an ongoing process of awareness.

     4. I find this awareness itself is very powerful to start letting go of some of the tension. The expectations only have power over us while we are unaware. They just don’t make sense when we can see them clearly.

        1. I agree Fiona, it is only when we are unaware that the expectations have power. As soon as we become aware, even though the expectations may still play out a little, the hold they once had is drastically reduced and the unraveling has begun.

        2. Yes, this is so true Fiona, the expectations can’t exist when an awareness of them is there.

219. Expectations are so burdensome and heavy to carry around and make life miserable! I used to have expectations about how I should sleep, how I should feel, how I should perform all the time etc and none of it made me feel any good. I have learned so much by letting myself go, and accepting what I have.

     1. I found it very helpful too, to connect to what I so thoroughly ignored to already be and honor that deeply. This is a work in progress and was very unfamiliar at the beginning, but it is like the scales are becoming more balanced and now there is building up a “weight against” the strive for perfection and self gained expectations. How liberating is it and a source of true joy.

     2. This is such a simple approach harryjwhite – letting ourselves go, letting go of expectations, and coming to accept and appreciate ourselves and our choices – definitely lighter than living with the weight of expectations.

        1. Thanks for sharing this Angela. Coming to accept and appreciate plays a big part in letting go and this a a great tool to bring to all aspects of our lives.

        2. It does seem so simple and it is. There is a simplicity in accepting who we are. It can seem challenging when we have built up a momentum of something other than accepting ourselves but appreciation seems to be the key.

     3. Yes me too Harry,
        I too have had to see just how big and far reaching my expectations were of other people especially and how heavy that is in relationships. It feel so light to now be free of expectations and to just enjoy being ME.

     4. Exactly Harry, acceptance instead of expectations!

     5. Which is everything Harry. In accepting what you have, you are quite probably seeing that you are much more than you ever thought.

        1. A beautiful reminder and confirmation for everyone Jennifer. Thank you.

        2. Expectations are such counters to the nurturing energy of acceptance and appreciation. I love your line Jennifer “In accepting what you have, you are quite probably seeing you are much more than you ever thought.”

     6. I agree harryjwhite, let’s focus on what we have and who we are and not run behind images that we are not.

     7. harryjwhite, just what I needed to be reminded of this morning. Beautiful, thank you.

     8. So true Harry. Having expectations feels very heavy (lead being the appropriate word) Where as acceptance feels like there is a flow and a naturalness where there is no room for tension or pressure to nudge their way in.

     9. Well said Harry. Acceptance of ourselves as we are is key to undoing the expectations and need to be perfect. Allowing acceptance drops away the tension created by imposing a rigid idea of how we should be on our body and being.

     10. Brilliant Harry.

     11. I only can agree harryjwhite – expectations are burdens and they bury me to a point so that I could not feel the joy and love anymore – yes and that is really miserable. To let go of this expectations is like throwing away heavy stones. To allow myself to just be is so liberating and freeing and with that the joy and love was there as if they had never been away.

         1. How poignant and true your words are Ester – expectations are like heavy stones that weigh us down and drag us back not allowing us to evolve. They stop us seeing our potential and our full beauty and we become just functioning robots. As you say when we let go of our expectations of ourselves and others we are like birds in flight soaring to new heights and gaining a perspective on where we have been. The world is our oyster and we are at one with everything.

     12. ‘Letting go and acceptance’ are vital ingredients in expansion. Holding on and control are key ingredients in contraction.

220. I definitely relate to your lead balloon Nikki McKee, I have lived with expectations of myself and felt the intensity of the self imposed pressure. I still do as much, appreciate attention to detail and have high standards but now the pressure is off me, the self criticism gone, I get to bring the love I am to everything I do and I enjoy bringing that to everything I do.

221. Yes, perfectionism is a big dampener on playfulness. They don’t mix well!

     1. Sure is Nikki! I watched a scenario unfold the other day when someone was seriously directing a project and another member of the group just got more and more playful. It was amazing to observe the energy playing out!

222. Awesome to read Nikki. How you have described perfectionism in your blog has really put it in perspective. I know in the past when I have had a picture in my head of how I wanted something to be and it didn’t go the way I wanted it to I would get super disappointed. Now that the expectations and ideals of things have lessened, I am able to enjoy what’s actually going on. It feels a lot more free.

223. “The result: I have been living with a ridiculous amount of nervous tension in my body.” I have had this too and I feel it is now getting less as I am learning to feel that I am perfect the way I am. I am already everything I need to be. I love how you shared about all the expectations, it is indeed almost ridiculous how much I have expected of myself which caused this tension. Then to realise I am already everything I need to be – more so the more I surrender and let myself be the more my amazingnes comes out to be felt and seen.

224. Living with the lead balloon of expectations keeps us submerged from truly living and in constant battle with the world. As you so beautifully said Cathy Hackett, “Awareness is a life-saver if we acknowledge it.” Being honest with this fact takes a bit of courage but is the only way to release this lead balloon.

225. I can really relate with what you have shared here ‘I have been living constantly with this tension and this tension has been my ‘normal’. Whilst feeling this is uncomfortable, there is also a relief in it, because before, it was as if it was choking me yet I had no idea, and yet now the grip has loosened and I am aware. The awareness of it all is liberating!’ I too have lived with so many things going on in my body like self loathing, or denying myself of love or holding ill beliefs and ideals, where I knew something wasn’t right but didn’t know exactly what it was. When we suddenly let ourselves feel and see this, it can be, as you have said very liberating because then we have something tangible to work with or let go of in order to truly heal.

226. Having awareness shines a bright light on all the areas where I have put this pressure on myself to be a certain way. Without awareness, you can keep living in a certain way just thinking that’s how life is. Thankfully since becoming a student of the Way of The Livingness, I have been shown that there is another way, and with my new awareness, I have started to make different choices that have turned my life around.

227. This is a hugely powerful realisation Nikki “knowing and understanding that these were my choices and that I can now make different ones.” Once we know we made the choice that created the ill, we can’t then deny that we CAN chose differently! and bring vitality and joy instead.

228. Recently I was on a course and had to complete a personality questionnaire. I know these things are not 100% accurate but I was shocked to find that my results came back saying I was a perfectionist. I had never thought of myself in this way, however reading your blog today I can see how I have given myself such a hard time for not matching up to unrealistic expectations. The pictures I have in my head of how I think things should be are so limiting and crippling. It’s very liberating to start letting go of them, and just accepting how things are. This has happened as a result of accepting how I am and appreciating that I am enough, without any judgment of how I should be.

229. Even though I read your blog today Nikki, I managed to place an expectation on someone as to how they ‘should’ do something – ouch! Seen it, felt it, got it!!!

230. Expectation carries such heaviness. It’s like holding someone to ransom if they don’t live up to our ideals, beliefs and judgments about something; and a lot of pressure is then put on that person. A pretty awful way to live life because that then leads to wanting to control everything. Acceptance, allowing and more acceptance is the key!

231. Really loving this blog, thanks Nikki. When living in nervous tension is a constant, long-term adopted way of being, the tension is not registered as such, it’s just normal, I wouldn’t notice the massive lead balloon on my lap. How amazing is that to have awareness and honesty about where we are at so that healing can be brought to the foreground.

232. This is a beautiful blog Nikki, and I can completely relate to all that you have written. Although I have been working on this I still feel the weight of the lead balloon at times and it really does impact me and my day. As you say the awareness part is huge and I can’t believe I have been living in this way for such a long time. What a great opportunity to make these changes and actually enjoy each day with ourselves while we do all of our jobs.

233. Lead balloons (expectations) take an enormous amount of energy to live day in and day out. Like you share so clearly and honestly Nikki that heavy tension just becomes the accepted ‘normal’. No more – just ousting it out, being aware and becoming clear of what patterns we have held onto, that yes we do have a choice and all those choices we make thus far can be changed, and when we are ready to let go and bring in more self loving supportive ways. Just reading this today has lightened my load some -so thank you for this much needed sharing Nikki.

234. Expectations and perfection ! what a weight to carry and the freedom to simply feel things gives an understanding and awareness way beyond the tension and stress otherwise taken on. Thank you for a great sharing.

235. ““I think I should be perfect.” This crazy concept spreads across all areas of my life.” Having had the same concept and one that I still find underlines different areas in my life, its a question of where did that come from? When I look at society its clear the messages everywhere are about perfection. Yet this perfection is measured against levels set by those of see perfection a certain way. As you’ve shared perfection is actually imperfection. There is no possible way to be perfect as we are constantly evolving. What I’ve come to understand is that the more we seek perfection the further away from our own truth we often become.

236. I can relate to this: “I have previously spent a lot of time thinking myself not ‘good enough’ or not complete until I achieved these things.” It was a trick I played on myself, waiting until I ‘achieved’ certain things before I felt good enough or ready for the next task and yet doing this meant I never felt good enough or ready…a cycle of not feeling good enough. Learning to appreciate that I am good enough just as I am, allowed me to appreciate a foundation that was already there, rather than looking outside for results and fabricated successes. I came back to how I feel and learnt to nurture myself. It is a process that continues, ‘thinking’ you are not good enough is an old habit that I am learning to let go of. I now can pause and ponder, and honestly say, yes, I am worthy of love, I am from love and I understand that I and others are learning, it is not about perfection but commitment to learn to shine our light and express ourselves.

237. I remember a moment when this was suggested to me, and I felt in some ways freed from the grip of victimhood and blame that I had once been beholden to, I knew I had work to do and responsibility to learn but feeling the possibility that I could choose, changed everything.”I feel freer in knowing and understanding that these were my choices and that I can now make different ones.” With a knowing of choice comes a responsibility it is an every deepening and freeing exploration.

238. I find expectations have a way of narrowing our field of vision so much that we lose sight of ourselves and once that has happened we can’t see the wood for the trees. Expectations held in such high regard create a space between where we are at and where we think we should be or have and therefore there is already a separation to ourselves and thus with all else in the world. It is truly a poison that is so harmful because of it being seemingly benign. Much like the force that constantly strives for good. It lacks the substance of truth because it is made up of ideals which are just ideas in the head. Truth comes from the humbleness of the body and therefore has a solidness to it.

239. As soon as I have an expectation of myself or someone else, I know that I have disconnected. When I begin to feel a disappointment, my ‘go to’ now is to look at what expectations I had and why. Usually when I ask myself these questions, I see the ridiculousness of the expectations that I laid out and how these are based upon ideals. The disappointment usually then subsides when I reconnect.

     1. I can totally relate to that Donna! Having that internal process really helps cut through disappointment.

240. Nikki, taking expectation with us is akin to lugging shackles around. Expectation of ourselves is just as crippling as expectation of things outside of us. A holiday, a date, a birthday, a present, Valentines Day, parents, kids, marriage, education, a job, siblings, friendships. We cry ‘be a certain way’ and when it’s not then we slip into self pity, anger, frustration, resentment, rage, sadness, misery………So ‘expectation’ is the gateway to disconnection from ourselves. In fact even if we get what we want then it’s still disconnection because the ‘happiness’ that we feel is a set up, it doesn’t come from within, it comes from the outside therefore it’s teetering on the edge of disappearing at any moment.

     1. Alexis Stewart you have really expained the ‘set up’ of happiness when we set ‘it’ up with expectations. Looking for this from outside of ourselves is the emptiness and disconnection we long to fill but it can only come from the connection within based on self love and the joy we are.

     2. Beautiful point you make here Alexis that even when we get our ‘expectation’, it is not necessarily true enjoyment as it came from an external need being fulfilled rather than the deep joy of of being the love that we are in all our interactions.

     3. Today I was reflecting what is happening when I expect someone to act in a way that would make me feel good/ better about myself, then it would be just a layer on top of how i would be feeling underneath anyway … that I didn’t feel good about myself or feel loved by myself. As you say, “In fact even if we get what we want” this would be a temporary state , needing a constant external to ‘make things right”. As I have become more willing to understand the truth and what makes sense for healing myself of old hurts, I have matured and become responsible. This puts the onus on me to connect and give myself the love I need and deserve and not need others to do that for me. By avoiding the ultimate ‘setup’, we in fact concoct ourselves in relationships when we are being not responsible and not connected to ourselves.

241. I so love this blog Nikki, so relatable and honest. Expectations live in everybody’s lives but we dare not let ourselves feel that truth as we are way too busy covering that very fact up, which is such a pity as when you do let go more and feel your body, it’s like wow, and you get to feel, I truly am absolutely amazing.

242. Awareness is a life-saver if we acknowledge it. It brings a reflection of how we’ve been living, our patterns and their consequences on our body. From there we have the gift of choice. It’s ours to make and ours to take – either the same choice or something different, something more supportive of the body that supports us through life.

243. Thank you so much Nikki, you write with such an honesty and ease – absolutely perfect (ha ha!!). Seriously though, I found your blog super supportive as I too am very familiar with the “heavy weight of expectation”. The way you have unpacked the relationship between expectation, perfectionism and nervous tension in such an honest relatable way is absolute gold and I truly appreciated the reminder to bring more awareness to the areas this still plays out in my life, rather than being run by the unrealistic ideas of how and where I should be.

244. Expectations are a joy killer Nikki, and once I’m in it there is no limit to how intense the expectations can become. Last night I had huge expectations on how eating as a family was going to look, and because of these expectations everything went pear shaped and it left me feeling frustrated and like something bigger had happened. Once I stopped and took my expectation goggles off I could see what I had brought the busy-ness of work home with me. It’s not just ourselves that we affect though it can feel like a whirlwind to be around. Great blog Nikki!

     1. Yes Aimee I was an absolute whirlwind to be around, I found that people would stand back as they had no chance of keeping up with me. I delivered some amazing results but I reflect at the lack of connection and the expectations I imposed on everyone.

     2. Wow Aimee that is a great description of how we affect others when we impose our expectations on them. Reading your comment I can get the sense of how we destroy harmony and flow and restrict people’s expression – in effect we keep people pinned against the wall!

        1. Oh what a visual Golnaz, that in itself is enough to stop imposing our expectations on others! And it also limits how much of the other person we actually see.

245. The weight of expectation is a great point to become aware of – it not only weighs like a lead balloon, it seems to constrict my whole body, especially my lungs. It certainly affects my breathing. And as you say this spreads into all aspects of life. But in contrast when I do let go of the expectation and judgment of the moment, when I choose to allow and flow with what unfolds before me, there is a sense of magic, harmony and I experience myself as a part of a marvelous divine order that has a grace and intelligence that blows me away.

     1. Letting go of expectations and then choosing ” to allow and flow with what unfolds before me, there is a sense of magic, harmony and I experience myself as a part of a marvellous divine order that has a grace and intelligence that blows me away”. Golnaz that’s so powerful and true, once experienced and appreciated the flow begins and expectations drop away.

246. I recently started dating and boy is that a topic with a lot of expectations and beliefs tied to it. The whole area of relationships gets limited from the start if I put any expectation on it and it can’t open up to something even grander than I can imagine.

247. Thank you Nikki, it is very liberating to feel and own the immense pressure that we put on ourselves to be perfect and to become aware of how we treat and regard ourselves when we don’t match up to our ideals. Learning to love ourselves despite the mistakes we make is so important, keeping ourselves inflated from the inside out with our own loving essence is essential, because when we are we bring such a light and tender energy to the world.

248. Expectations cap us from being open to the magic within us and around us, and from feeling the flow, joy and spontaneity of life.

249. Brilliant blog Nikki, I love the way you’ve made those invisible expectations so tangible with the lead balloon description – we can certainly weigh ourselves down with expectations. I recognise the freedom/lightness that comes when we start to off-load the pressures of expectation and know ourselves for the qualities we bring – not the ideas and pictures of how we ought to be.

250. ““I think my child should be perfect, I should be in a great relationship, should own my own home and a nice car, I should be an outstanding cook, my body should be perfect, the house orderly at all times, even that this blog should be perfectly written first go!“ I could go on, but my point is that it literally covers all areas of my daily life.” I have to laugh at all the ‘shoulds’ here, it feels so very familiar. I too have so many shoulds in my life, when I read this, I know that I need to get that word out of my vocabulary. Thank you for that great reminder here. Aren’t we crazy how we do this to ourselves?

251. Expectations keep us from being responsible while we believe and strive to do everything possible to be responsible, but it is impossible to be responsible as long as we don´t allow ourselves to be who we are in full, as that is what we are responsible for so that we bring all of us to the all.

252. Nikki, a very revealing article, thank you. I love your description of you carrying a lead balloon of expectations on your lap. I feel many of us would now admit to that situation. Although until reading your article, I was not really aware of how I too have been carrying that lead balloon.

     I can so relate to your words here, “I have been living constantly with this tension and this tension has been my ‘normal’”. I now realise that is the case with me too. I may not always feel it on my lap, but I feel it in my left toes, as I curl them up to try to control things in and around me. I am becoming more aware of this, and letting it go, it is happening less often now, but when it happens, I now feel the tension in my whole body is also there too. How crazy it is that we put all this on ourselves. I can see now that it all has to do with that lead balloon of expectation that I have been carrying. That expectation that I SHOULD be able to do everything perfectly, and when I cannot, then I feel I am less, that I am a failure. It is very exposing that actually, we put this on ourselves, can’t blame anyone else. Now that I know this, I will have to be very careful that I don’t turn it into another expectation of perfection, but use it to gradually let all this nervous tension go.

     .

253. Before we take on and put ourselves under the pressure of expectations, we have already judged ourselves to not be worthy and enough to be loved and accepted for who we are.
     Trying to live up to expectations then is doing everything to not feel rejected again.

254. Nikki, lovely to read your story which I totally relate to. It’s true that even though it is uncomfortable to be aware of the choices we made it brings with it a sense of freedom because we are no longer believing we are the victim but can take full responsibility for our choices. This empowers us to make the necessary changes and we can then move forward from the stuck groove that we held ourselves in for so long.

255. Expectations we have on ourselves and, in effect, on others is a huge topic. I can very much relate to what you shared … I realized the more I am at ease with myself, the more I am at ease as a result with others. Expectations and demands on ourselves is a big killer for any relationship- to others and especially for ourself.

     1. So true steffihenn. When we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we often also judge and expect certain behaviours from others. No one wins as we are all trying to live up to some unrealistic pictures, and not allowing ourselves and other to simply be. Trying to be perfect or expecting others to be, puts such a strain on our relationships. Its no wonder things are so messed up.

256. Expectations of ourselves and of others set us up to fall, and they are based on pictures we hold of how we or others should be or need to be, and when we or they are not, we are left disappointed, hurt, disillusioned, etc. But none of this is really true because the expectations we started out with weren’t true – where did they come from? What I also know is that when these expectations aren’t there, life does flow with an ease and the tension you talk about Nikki isn’t there.

     1. The ‘pictures’ you describe are something I can relate to, I am learning to knock out the pictures that once used to flood my head, I no longer am led by them in the way I once was. Practising control / mastery of what I ‘think’ has enabled me to have more clarity, no longer do I get caught in the imagination of things as I once did. Knowing that I can choose what comes into my head to some degree has brought a greater sense of wisdom, steadiness and clarity. As I practise I build awareness and through this more control. Interestingly this ‘control’ is actually through allowing myself to surrender to a deeper more still place that is already there within, waiting to be connected with.

        1. The quality of our thoughts is directly related to the quality we’ve allowed into our body…love into the body = loving thoughts, it makes sense doesn’t it. We wouldn’t put rotten ingredients into a dish and expect it to come out fresh and delicious. And so it is the stillness and love felt in our bodies, that allows our thoughts to be of a similar quality.

257. Wonderful blog Nikki. The awareness that the tensions you were feeling were the result of choices you made feels very liberating. ” I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am.” Very empowering.

258. When I expect so much from myself I donot leave space for others, with learning to be me, without the idea to be perfect, it opens up my world as it is not focussed on me anymore but much more on the whole, making space for everyone to play their part as it is designed to be.

     1. Such a great point and one that I can feel I have gone into “When I expect so much from myself I do not leave space for others,” My head has got busy and being hard on myself has meant I am not being observant and feeling and appreciating what others bring.

     2. Annalies that’s actually was very big realisation for me and quite pivotal … I have spent a lifetime being inwardly focused but not in a good way, always critiquing my self and everything I did which in fact offered no connection at all ” making space for everyone to play their part as it is designed to be” as you say is the beautiful opportunity to experience the unique expression we all bring and allow true connection and for everyone to play their part in the whole.

259. ‘I think I should be amazing at my job – even when starting a new part-time job. I think I should be able to step in and know it all and be the best.’ Nikki this feels so ridiculous and at the same time this is exactly what I expect of myself when I step in something new. To be the best no matter what. I am learning to make mistakes and to not be hard on myself and even laugh when this happens. I must say I am getting better but it still can effect me but even that is okay, no expectations.

     1. Yes Annelies it is ridiculous and I know I have placed those harsh expectations on myself before and sometimes still do. Learning is the best, and going along with who we are is where its at.

        1. To be able to laugh at our own mistakes is so beautiful, as it shows we have true humbleness.

260. When I teach the nurses on their first day, one of the main points I discuss is exactly this, the expectation to know it all and to drop it before we start. It puts students at ease and gives them the freedom to be exactly who they are and that is a completely new beginner. It opens them up more so to the learning and allows them the freedom to ask questions completely uninhibited.

261. I feel this is a classic trip-me-up many a time in my own life…”I have pinned my self-worth to how successful I am and I have been identified with achievement.” What has also gone hand in hand with this one is the need to seek recognition and approval. When I can let all of this go and come back to the quality of how I am with me in each and every moment…I feel it’s such a loving opportunity for me to evolve.

     1. I second that Angelo, well said.

262. The illusion of perfectionism has reared it’s head with me too Nikki – and I am thankful since now I can see it for what it is and not get caught up in the idea of needing to be perfect in all areas of life. So what is it? It’s a cruel distraction from confirming and appreciating who I already am, with out perfection.

263. ‘I have pinned my self-worth to how successful I am and I have been identified with achievement.’ – I’m sure many men and women alike can relate to this honesty Nikki. It’s a crazy and exhausting game to measure and use the outside world to gain self worth, when our true value sits with the immense power, love and divinity within us all.

264. What you share here Nikki gives me a picture of a manual that we are all lugging around full with unwritten laws about how everyone and everything in life should actually be. The saddest part about this expectation addiction is it stops us from being open and appreciating the true wealth we all have already.

     1. It not only stops us from appreciating the wealth we have within, but also in seeing it in others. Living with expectations meant for me that all I could see was the what is not – I only saw what did not meet my expectation. By letting them go, I appreciate and feel so much more joy in life, of others and myself.

265. Gorgeous Nikki. I always associated expectation with things I wanted other people to do etc. I didn’t realise I had so many expectations on myself and I could really relate to your washing the greens and leaving a light on examples. It feels beautiful to accept myself as I am.

266. Expectations are the killer of any relationship, starting with the relationship with ourselves. We are all equal Son’s of God in human form, how can we have expectations about being human, when this is only a temporal form of expression? Expectations arise from living as human beings and not living as divine beings in human form.

     1. This is so true Rachel and so healing. We cant have expectations about ourselves and how we should be, because we are a divine Son of God living in a human form, and we cant have perfection here. This concludes that life is about expressing the divineness that is within us.

267. The belief that life is and has to be a struggle and that only if we struggle or work hard we get somewhere is the biggest balloon ever that sits on us. We are busy with pushing against it instead of letting the air out and living by the divine impulse that knows the way forth as we are returning and not going anywhere. There is no human perfection, there is only divine absoluteness.

     1. Loved reading this Rachel. We need to let go, and just be our divine selves, “letting the Air out’ as you so grandly put it.

     2. Now there’s a new fridge magnet ” There is no human perfection, there is only divine absoluteness.” Beautifully said rachelandras!

268. Thank you Nikki. I love this blog and feel that just about everyone would be able to relate to it. Just reading all the expectations you had on yourself made me realize that I also used to live with a huge amount of expectations. No wonder I was exhausted! Slowly but surely I have been letting go of the idea of how I should be and learning to just be myself. It is so much fun.

     1. When I read your comment Elizabeth Dolan and you mentioned ‘exhaustion’ it reminded me, how consuming having expectations is, I also spent a lot of my time not living up to them and have expectations that others could never live up to, yes exhausting. Letting go of this is allowing space for appreciation for myself and others, which beautifully, is allowing for me to bring true success into my life, because it is based on the quality I live with, not what I do.

        1. For me expectations very much come along with the whole ‘right and wrong’. I have thought I should hold on to them but slowly giving myself permission to let expectations of others and myself go and see they do not belong.

        2. The ‘right and wrong’ issue is big for many of us, I have felt that it has played a big part in my have expectations of myself and others. Absolutely letting go of trying to be right or berating ourselves about being wrong does let go expectations. Great point Aimee Edwards.

269. I love your last sentence – it was a joy to feel that sense of letting go and being the real you. Your blog Nikki so resonates with me, and the feeling of tension that is created by never being enough. It has brought me more understanding and acceptance of how I truly feel – thank you so much.

270. I love the down to earth honesty with your blog Nikki, thank you for ripping open that can of expectations for us all to shed a little light on of our own. I’ve had time to ponder on what you wrote during the day and have started appreciating how subtly hidden a lot of my expectations are, I don’t even realise I have them until I react to something and realise that I have a very specific expectation as to how I thought something would be done. I can feel how control really plays into expectations and, therefore, more appreciation may just be what the doctor orders.

271. Wow, Nikki, I feel you speak on behalf of many, and definitely myself. What a tension to put ourselves constantly under, so no wonder that we throw the towel in and conclude that we are simply not good enough. The subject of expectations is great to talk openly about, and your words bring the lightness of another way of being.

     1. It is great to share Janet as it gives everyone an opportunity to start feeling the tension and start seeing all the ways in which expectations pollute our lives and bodies. I feel that when expectations are there my heart closes and keeps out anything that is not that picture. Awful and constricting to now feel in my body.

     2. That is a big one for me Janet – the tension I put myself under from expectations I have from my own pressures, ideals and beliefs. I realise the harm it does when I think of myself as ‘not good enough’. Better to not give it any energy. I have come to realise that being amazing is a responsibility I need to continue embracing and not let those doubtful thoughts tell me I am any less than that.

272. How harming are the expectations we put on ourselves, even if we were perfect at everything that still wouldnt be good enough. All we have to do is be ourselves

273. Thank you for this exposing blog, Nikki. Having chosen a sometimes intense level of expectation in my life, I can totally relate to the feeling of nervous energy that it brings. I can feel how this nervous energy is like I am trying to do something before the opportunity to do it is here. It is like being at the starting blocks of a race constantly, but the starting gun never actually going off. It is a constant state of preparedness, a desire to be able to cover any eventuality in an effort to hide the possibility that I do not know what I’m doing.
     The truth is that there is no one expecting the things that I expect of myself, other than me. Despite this, it can be very easy to go into a victim headspace where the world is to blame for putting me in this situation, and let’s face it, there are external pressures most often driven by others’ expectations of themselves. It can be a person, a group or society as a whole, but the truth is it is still up to me to accept that expectation or not.
     Recently I have been focusing on letting myself be a continuous student and accepting that I am, and will always be, learning. There is something incredibly freeing about that. It has allowed for the expectation to be replaced by wonder and curiosity. In learning something new there are points of frustration at times, but again those points are only when the expectation creeps in again, and they now serve as reminders to be present in the wonder of learning constantly what it is like to be alive.

     1. Naren, I find your comment so inspiring. It’s quite wonderful I feel, when something is there to be read that comes from a well of wisdom and experience for others to draw from.

     2. Naren replacing expectations with ” wonder and curiosity” why would we choose to live any other way?

274. Thanks for sharing this. I saw a really ugly pattern within myself the other day in line with what you shared about ‘I think I should be amazing at my job’. This was in holding this energy and expectation of myself I wasn’t appreciating others and allowing them the space to be all they are, I was trying to do everything myself. It feels good to let this go.

275. I love reading this blog as I feel your lead balloon of expectation dissolving so is mine.

276. Its a good description of a pattern I know so well Doug – one leading to the next and all of it taking me further and further from just being myself.

277. Expectation has the ability to totally remove us from the present moment and from ourselves. We find the world to be other than how we would like it, so of course there is dissatisfaction – and as you say Nikki… in my own life it has been everywhere.
     But life is not perfect. We don’t know it all. And the present moment is absolutely where it is at – so when we bring our presence to things as they are, then we can simply be and stop trying to be something that we are not.

     1. So true Simon – there is such a sense of sinking into one’s body when we allow ourselves to be in the present moment without trying or the need to be anything other than who we truly are.

     2. Simon I love this. It encompasses it all. If we are in the present moment then everything else fades away, including the lead balloon of expectation.

278. Expectations we can feel them and it is very painful when we do. It is so much more beautiful and expansive to be the true us.

279. Nikki, I can so relate to this article, it could have been written by me, particularly, ‘ I’m scared that if I don’t, my employers will think I’m no good and that they made a mistake in hiring me.’ this was a huge one for me at work, always thinking that I had to be more than i was, I had such high expectations of how i should be working and the work i should be producing, I am aware of this now which has lessened the self doubt and self criticism, I notice that there are always negative, self bashing thoughts there around work if I choose to listen to them, which nowadays i do less and less as I can feel they are not true.

     1. I know exactly what you mean rebeccawingrave I have caught myself thinking this way at times too. This shows me why it is so important to appreciate myself because if I don’t how can anybody else?

280. Investing in expectations is the same buying a lottery ticket and then spending all your money because know you will win and just plan to pay of your debits when the check arrives.

281. If we make it about perfection then every single thing we do will be a ‘failure’ because there is always something more we could have done. Sure fire way to keep ourselves crushed in the misery of ‘not being enough’, and really doesn’t benefit anyone.. The irony is if we actually drop such sabotaging beliefs and patterns and instead learn to accept and appreciate ourselves fully just for who we are, then naturally what we bring to everything is so much more, and what gets done is done with a greater and grander quality than ever before. It would make sense to give it a go.

     1. And if we make it about perfection we turn away from our brothers – in ‘perfection’ (which is just imaginable) we can do everything on our own, do not need anyone. But in truth we are designed to act together in joint work, many divine particles who make sense just together. By not being perfect but appreciating what I and others have/bring I say YES to join the Group which is called humanity, I say YES to brotherhood.

        1. Thank you Sandra, for this very well-timed reminder.

        2. Yes a great reminder Sandra, thank you. When we strive for perfection we lose our connection with our brothers, and then so many, including ourselves miss out on divine opportunities.

        3. Not only we ‘lose’ our connection to our brothers by going for perfection – we give up our connection to divinity, give up on our selves. By trying to be perfect – like God – we in fact try to be divine on our own. But that is not possible. Divine we are just with our brothers, all together. Even others, may live against the truth they are, even then I can hold my connection to their truth and so be connected with them. Glorious we are just by being connected to the all. By trying to doing it alone, without every single one of us, we are lost in illusion, giving up on true love and so – no divinity.

        4. “By trying to be perfect – like God – we in fact try to be divine on our own. But that is not possible.” Yes Sandra, this is the grand illusion that we have all been under, as we can only be truly divine when we connect with each other in truth.

        5. Very good point Sandra. Perfection and self are tightly linked.

        6. Well pointed Nikki – perfection is a striving of the human mind that has no prospect of success in reaching perfection but by striving for it, it does feed itself and so hold on to the illusion of separation (Separation from self).

     2. Well expressed Annie. It sure is a setup, and this blog and comments like yours confirm that it is possible to see through it and let go of our pictures. As you say, acceptance and appreciation of ourselves supports us in returning to our natural being and bringing more quality to our life and others. It certainly does “make sense to give it a go”

282. Great blog Nikki. It just goes to show, how there is so much actually going on with our body, before we are consciously aware of it. And its the tension that is the language our body speaks with, to let us know something is not quite OK. And then its stopping and giving ourselves, our body, the space, time and honesty to look at what is actually going on, to consider ‘Why?’ And then its this awareness that completely exposes the reason for the tension, which only then, are we really at the starting block ready to clear out / let go of what doesn’t serve us.

283. Reading your blog, Nikki, I realised that I too have lived my long life carrying a lead balloon. The perfection complex and the resulting tension from it, the nervousness in so many situations – I can’t believe I have let these destructive beliefs affect me for so long. Thank you so much for putting all this into words, Nikki, I have printed out your blog so that I can keep reminding myself of what I have been doing, and will gradually develop the awareness that I require to enable me to exchange the lead balloon for the real me with a beautiful sense of lightness and joy.

     1. Thats so great what you are sharing here Jo. We are not alone – even in our ‘problems’ we are not. It is so easy to drop off and think we are the only one who did this or that (‘wrong’ – off cause 😉 ) and this blog and others are offering such a great understanding for us, our created problems and the coming out of it. And it is great to read someone’s journey through life and see: gosh I do that too, and get inspired for a change. I guess we all have something – if not a lot – to contribute here.

        1. Absolutely Sandra. Blogs like these are great reminders that we do not face issues alone – every one of our issues is likely being faced by hundreds, even thousands of other people around the world.. It’s great to then hear from those people (like this blog), about how they deepened their understanding and the steps they took in order to overcome that issue.

        2. Yes, great to understand that even our problems are not our own. These creations are out of a pool we choose and not totally uniquely like we sometimes like to think. All our creations are just a poor imitation or bastardization of what is divine truth and as long as we hold on to them we are not free, not allowing the space to become more aware of the original.

284. When we let go of the need to be perfect ourselves we also allow others their imperfections.

     1. AND we accept their talents and that what everyone brings is worth, counts and is needed. Yes, we can not be perfect, but that does not mean that we don’t have something to offer. We are wonderful by being and rich on qualities – just that we have to bring our single qualities together to make the big picture.

        1. Great points that you both make, Tracy and Sandra. By letting go of our own need to be perfect we are so much more accepting of others and absolutley can then deeply appreciate anothers qualities. And when we bring all these qualities together, what a rich and colourful tapestry we have that makes a beautiful divine picture!

        2. What you say Sandra Vicary is reminding me on a beautiful blog from Kathie Johnson on this website: From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey where she pictures the big puzzle we are all together. Every one is needed in her/his own way and talents to bring us together again. We are representing the many aspects of divinity and together we make the big picture again.

        3. That’s a really great point. I often say how grateful I am for cleaners at my school, nurses, policeman, inventors, manufacturers and many other people who do such amazing things in this world. None of them are perfect but there are incredible talents and commitment amongst them that need to be appreciated.

     2. Tracy a very powerful line that gives me plenty to ponder on. It starts with my relationship with myself and imperfection but from there affects my relationship with all others.

     3. Beautifully expressed Tracy – this is so true! A gift we can give others by allowing them to be where they are at, with no expectation or agenda, just simply being who they are.
        This allowing or offering makes way for true connection with others and ourselves. Really gorgeous comment Tracy – thank you.

     4. By allowing ourselves and others to be perfect, suddenly everyone has the chance to be and show who they really are and so much tension fades away from our life as we do not have to live up to something anymore.

     5. Yes indeed, ‘self-acceptance’ comes with her twin ‘acceptance of and understanding for others’, whilst ‘expectation’ is the nasty sister of her big bad bully brother ‘judgement’.

        1. What a realistic ‘family’ description. I know which sisters I would love in my family.

     6. So true Tracy, letting go of our need to be perfect not only transforms our relationship with ourselves, but every other relationship also.

     7. This is also hugely liberating. I have often imposed expectation upon others as much as I have on myself. Letting this go allows me to see the person for who they truly are. What I am finding is that I love the imperfections in another as much as I love everything else about them. There is a lightness and magic when someone is given the space to be themselves.

285. “…strangely enough, becoming aware of the weight of the lead balloon of expectation has brought a sense of lightness and allowed me to feel more of the True Me!”

     I love this line. It is the awareness and acceptance of the weight of expectations we have come to allow to impose on us externally, that frees us to feel the ever burning light from within.

     1. Every expectation is a Kryptonite-Stone in our pocket…

286. Love it Nikki, great image of the lead balloon of expectations sitting on your lap. It’s so true, we fill ourselves full of what we are not – all the images of what we ‘should’ and ‘could’ be, when all the while our true self lies buried beneath waiting to be unearthed. Slowly we become denser and denser as we begin to feel cumbersome and heavy and far from the light that we are. Our task here on Earth is to transmute the lead (denseness) back to gold (light) so that we may arise back to our true selves and live our truth once more. The image of the lead balloon sitting on our laps is perfect because it shows us that the heaviness is not IN and of us, merely imposing ON us.

     1. Beautifully said Liane, it exposes the imposing energy of the astral and how it sits on us, because we allow it to be there and that we can choose to not be buried under the denseness of the balloon, but to claim back the light we are. The analogy of the balloon is great, it shows how we have to be withhold by a dense balloon to not go with the flow of the light we are. It shows how unnatural it is what is imposed on us.

     2. So we are all Alchemists…transmuting the lead balloon (denseness) back to gold (light)….I love that Liane.

        1. Yes, the philosopher’s stone is found within the chemistry of our love.

     3. Gorgeous Liane; well said. And to follow on further – after feeling the weight of the lead balloon on our laps, what is the first thing we do? Not look within ourselves, to find the source of why we have created the balloon and allowed it onto us, but we blame others. This avoidance of looking at our own, self-made, heavy expectations is another way to elude responsibility, and do anything but deal with our own issues/emptiness.

        1. It is the responsibility taken that allows the alchemy of the lead balloon to be transmuted into gold. As Liane shared, it is ON us not IN us. How it ended up there is purely by us allowing it to be there.

287. This is great Nikki. So many people, especially women, could relate to this blog. I come unstuck when I make mistakes and I have this expectation on myself to not get things wrong, even if I am inexperienced in what I’m doing. If something happens that I perceive to be a silly mistake I can be really disappointed in myself, especially if that mistake cost me money, like driving my car into the side mirror of a parked car as I was slightly ran off the road by another vehicle. What I’ve slowly learned over time is to take a stop moment when these things happen and look at why things unfolded in a way that I didn’t like. It has allowed me to see the momentum I was running my body in and the previous day’s choices that led to that one moment. Letting go of being perfect and making mistakes is very freeing and allows life to flow better and less tension is felt in the body.

288. Perhaps all those expectations of perfection are reinterpretation of the truth that at essence every single one of us is Divine – pure love. This is what we once knew, lived and strayed from. Our evolution is to RETURN to who we truly are and not to go anywhere. Because we carry that experience within but do not live it we always feel the tension or pull which we often reinterpret to mean we have to be perfect on the outside – which is impossible. The constant striving for the impossible keeps us away from ourselves so it is a perfect set up. Great to expose it!

     1. Beautifully expressed Nicola – exposing the setup. It’s amazing how being who we truly are can seem so difficult and yet it is who we are, and if we can just let go of our grip on the pictures, beliefs and ideals that would make us strive for something we are not – we are there already, naturally.

     2. So perfection and all the expectations in its wake is the spirit striving to be what it cannot be until it surrenders to who it belongs to once again.

        1. Exactly Alex. The striving of the spirit for perfection is just another one of those games of identification. It is exactly the same as the one who gains identification for being a failure or making lots of mistakes.

289. ha ha so far I have only read the first couple of paras but can’t help laughing because I work with Nikki and she is amazing at her job and she is the best I have ever come across and I have employed and worked with hundreds if not thousands of people … but I am sure that will not be the point of this blog so I will contain my giggles and read on 🙂

     1. And doesn’t this demonstrate how the expectations we place on ourselves are just so toxic when Nicola, you can say Nikki is great at what she does, and yet, while she doesn’t appreciate this in herself, there is a striving to always be better, to be perfect which is never ending unless we stop, as Nikki has, to feel this.

        1. ‘Nikki is great at what she does, and yet, while she doesn’t appreciate this in herself, there is a striving to always be better, to be perfect which is never ending unless we stop, as Nikki has, to feel this.’ …. beautiful, Sandra … it’s up to us to stop and feel how we are being worked like puppets, buying into these false ideals and beliefs that are not who we are. When we allow them to ‘run’ us, we are not living, breathing and feeling the fullness of who we are, which affects us all.

        2. These days Nikki does appreciate herself and knows she is awesome – in fact she is sitting next to me and shining. That blog was written a little while back. Nikki is committed to truth which is why she feels the constant pull to evolve. So many of us can at times misinterpret the evolution of the human-being for the human-doing which is part of what we all learn. It is very simply about expressing lovingly (which is not good, nice or emotional) all else is comfort as described by Unimedpedia Comfort: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-comfort.html Both under-doing and over-doing are forms of comfort and comfort is not something we would ever aspire to if we knew how harmful it is.

290. ‘Expectation’ is suffocating, restrictive, harming and destroys relationships. I am very much familiar with it, having been driven by expectations most of my life. By being aware and understanding why I chose to allow this in my life has given me an opportunity to learn and heal from it. Letting go of expectations and the idea of being perfect is one of the most freeing feeling ever.

291. Brilliant blog Nikki, so honesty and inspiring. I can definitely relate to what you’ve shared. I also love these amazing realisations which bring more awareness to our life and to our past choices. By being more aware we learn so much about ourselves and therefore others too.

292. Brilliant analogy Nikki. ‘The lead balloon’ encapsulates so well the heavy weight of our burdensome thoughts which we create an opening for when we buy into the concept of ‘great expectations’.

293. Thanks for sharing about expectations Nikki, I agree they certainly weigh us down and can be held and carried by us without really even knowing what it is we are carrying. This blog has invited me to take a minute to be honest about some of the expectations I hold tightly to.

294. Brilliant blog Nikki. Thank you for sharing how the path of expectation is a perilous one that serves only to keeps us held down. I have also discovered that in engaging expectations, and the pressures of perfection that I placed on myself, I actually was dismissing all that we essentially already are. With this we close ourselves off to appreciate what is already amazing and to the opportunities to grow and develop this through learning from our lived experiences. Developing my connection to my body has been vital and is now a relationship that I truly cherish. As I can now feel the tension of which you speak when I have gone into expectation/perfection mode, in contrast to the naturalness of knowing that I feel when I simply live honoring, appreciating and confirming who I am.

     1. Beautifully expressed Carola. Expectation does ‘close ourselves off’ to appreciation. It is like the door to appreciation is shut and we are left in the darkness and desolation of expectation leading to tension and disappointment. To move from this place we have to open the door again to appreciation, let in the light and as you so eloquently stated, develop the connection and relationship with the body – the home of truth. With true appreciation there can be no expectation. Thank you.

295. “I have pinned my self-worth to how successful I am and I have been identified with achievement. Simply being me has not been enough – I have had this pressure on myself to be perfect.”- I too have lived my life believing I need to be perfect to receive love, acceptance and recognition from others. But in trying to do so has led to constant nervous tension and my lead weight was felt on my shoulders, keeping me feeling small.
     Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine workshops I now realise there is no such thing as perfection. We are enough- we all have special inner qualities to bring to the world in our own unique way. It starts with our inner acceptance of our beingness.

296. Having an expectation on ourselves guarantees we cannot ever be our true selves – the evil in this, in the sense of the separation we have with ourselves, is that we have been taught in the world that to expect more of ourselves and to be perfect is the way to success. But whose success is that? When putting expectations on ourselves, as Nikki you have shared, a constant nervous tension runs our body, and if we are honest about how we feel, tension can never be a marker to true success as it feels super uncomfortable. Being controlled by expectations and living up to them in disregard to what we feel feeds more into the success of being owned by recognition, which is not a true success that we feel in our hearts.

     1. You are spot on Adele – “Having an expectation on ourselves guarantees we cannot ever be our true selves”. Many use expectation as a way to motivate themselves to more, to be better, to get further ahead in their career, to set goals they want to achieve, all of which take us away from who we are and the appreciation of that.

297. Nicci this is such a good reminder – I am going to make a list of all the expectations I have on myself – thanks.

298. Agree Nikki, I have found this too – awareness of awareness (!), and that it’s definitely in the awareness or just being with whatever the issue is, like anxiety or nervous tension, that things become easier to handle or let go of by way of new choice, which moves to acceptance.

     1. Absolutely Sofia, awareness that there is always a tension from the anxiety and nervousness and that tension never leaves us, but the tension does leads to an understanding so they can be managed by choices. For more awareness go to, Understanding Anxiety in Men – ONLINE COURSE
        http://study.coum.org/enrol/index.php?id=14

299. No more being run by expectations Nikki, what an amazing awareness you have come to.
     I really appreciate what you have expressed here;
     “I feel freer in knowing and understanding that these were my choices and that I can now make different ones. I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am”.

     1. Yes Shirl Scott, expectations are certainly a ‘kill-joy’ and I am becoming more aware of how subtle they can be. Pictures, expectations and judgement are a triad trap!

300. I have been working on wanting to be perfect, but it can still creep in in certain situations, especially if I have the slightest need for recognition in what I am doing. When this happens I find it amazing how quickly the anxiousness and nervous tension can take over. My body starts to feel slightly racey and uncomfortable. I am learning to catch this much faster so that it doesn’t take a hold and become the lead ballon that sits on my lap weighing me down.

     1. So absolutely true Alison, “recognition” is one thing that is tied in with judgment that adds weight to that balloon.

301. I can relate to how you said Nikki that – “The awareness of it all is liberating!” Having the realisation of just what we have been putting on ourselves can be very freeing if we then allow ourselves to let it go!

     1. Yes Fiona, what you’ve shared is key… the ‘awareness of it all is liberating’ but only if we use that awareness to then ‘let it go’. Going around in circles with the same issue, for eons is no fun, and is one of our most effective strategies for holding back the inevitable evolution we’re being pulled to.

        1. Good point Jenny. The awareness was liberating but it took commitment to make it so. When I began to feel what I had chosen it was very intense. The pull to beat myself up was very strong as was the pull to delve into each aspect and stay and wallow in it where I could have continued to go around and around in circles. The commitment was to feel each thing as it came up and to let it pass.

        2. Yes beautifully said nikkimckee, that is commitment to feel things as they come up and let them go, and the result is very obvious. Wallowing in what comes up, or giving ourselves a hard time serves no purpose other than to stay in the cycle of the pattern for longer.

     2. Yes Fiona, and I find that the reason for not letting go something is the angst to loose something. But what can you loose if what you have is imprisoning you?

302. This is a great topic to raise, Nikki. Expectations are a dead weight; going into any situation or greeting with an idea of how you want and expect things to go guarantees that you will react to the outcome, as it is almost one hundred percent bound to be different. A great question to ask upon realising that one has expectations is, ‘where did these expectations come from?’. If they truly came from you and what you felt to be absolutely true, then that’s cool, but talking from experience I have a feeling you’ll find that most if not all come from an outside source, or something we’ve seen and held onto.

     1. Wise words Susie, those ‘pictures’ we hold onto block our openness to responding to the here and feeling what is needed or presented at the time. Expectations are like a straightjacket, no movement or freedom allowed! No evolution!

        1. That’s an excellent way of describing it, Bernadette, ‘Expectations are like a straightjacket, no movement or freedom allowed!’. They really do restrict our evolution, prevent us from feeling what is true in the moment and cause us to react to heaps of things when they do not turn out as we’d wish.

     2. Yes, Susie and Bernadette, I can relate to the straightjacket analogy, of feeling hemmed in by expectations and therefore not free to just respond spontaneously to a situation. Great question to ask – ‘where did these expectations come from?’

     3. Great point Susie – it is so important to ask the question “Where do these expectations come from ?”. When we do this, we can learn so much about ourselves, no need to look outside of us, to explain something.

     4. Actually Susie, I have recently realized that I have let go of ideals of how life and everything in it has to look like. But interestingly I have adapted new ones with a little bit of another taste. So finally I have the strong assumption that I really have to let go of everything which slightly indicates ‘this is it how it has to be’.. hmm.

303. Taking a moment to stop, to be present and drop into our body, returns us to the simplicity of the fact that we are already everything. Each and every step we take thereafter is walked from this innermost knowing and connection…not in perfection…of course! : )

     1. Lovely Marcia, ‘Taking a moment to stop, to be present and drop into our body, returns us to the simplicity of the fact that we are already everything.’

     2. Love what you have said here Marcia.

     3. Taking ‘stop’ moments strengthens our connection to self and reduces the times we allow ourselves to be taken out by images or pictures that are not true. Looking for approval is another ‘Lead Balloon’ that can sit in our lap, weighting us down. Stop moments and building awareness supports us to remain free and connected to the light we are.

        1. Agree ch1956, it is the simplicity and presence of being in our body that supports us to go beyond the superficial images and pictures, to be with what is true – ourselves.

304. Thank you Nikki – we are all prone to these expectations and in reading your blog can feel the level of exhaustion that comes from living up to outer ideals and pictures that in no way deliver the complete richness that we already hold within.

     1. In fact it is exhausting to live up all outer believes and pictures which are imposed. But I have to admit that the ideals and pictures I impose on myself are much more exhausting than those of a culture or society for example – as my personal ones are not so obvious and therefore a bit heavier to catch.

        1. Culture and society has many ideals and pictures that can surround us but we are the ones who choose to take them on. When we do that we make them our own and they are indeed exhausting!

305. Oh, and I meant to say I hope everyone in the world gets to read this totally revealing blog!

     1. Yes Lyndy, that would be truly life-changing, on a global scale…. one day!

     2. I totally agree, Lyndy.

     3. I agree Lyndy, I think that many can relate to this blog and Nikki offers game changing insights here.

306. Very timely for me to read your blog Nikki – I too have had pictures in my mind as to how ‘the world’ had expectations of me, and from that the unnrealistic pictures also in my head as to how things ought to be or look like at the end of the expectations, project, or goal. It was not all that long ago that I realized that indeed I did have a control issue to unravel as these expectations did have a damaging hold over me – and of course, inevitably it seemed that these pictures held in the mind were often smashed to the bewilderment of myself – after all the effort but little self appreciation. Oh! – the illusion of it all. How awesome it is when we reach a point of clarity, that, as presented by Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine we only need to be re-connected with our place of inner stillness, breathe with awareness allow a drop or two of ‘self-appreciation’ and it seems that all things may be accomplished more harmoniously and joyfully without the need for perfection or the effort of ‘trying’ to fulfil the delusional expectations.

     1. How true, Roberta, thank you for the reminder. Yes, when we re-connect with “our place of inner stillness, breathe with awareness and allow a drop or two of ‘self-appreciation’, we come to see how ridiculous we have been in trying to be perfect, all that need has gone, and we can do it all in a much more harmonious and joy-full way. I will remember your point whenever I feel that tension in my body in the future, and ‘remember to breathe’ my own breath with deep awareness.

307. Amazing amazing blog Nikki. I have just read it again. I too have been a highly strung nervous tension sufferer and still am a work in progress with it. A few years ago a practitioner called Michael said to me as I was exiting a session one day, ’You know you’re a bit on edge about life’. In that moment I was surprised (ha ha). But I sat with it , as M. never says anything without good cause. What he said about me was actually the understatement of the year, and I began to notice how what he had said to me was so true. I was actually pretty tense! Bit by bit I am dropping all the Images of how it should be, being acutely aware of anxiousness when it comes in and of tension with life.

     1. Lindy, that’s a great sharing, a practitioner called Sare once said to me at the end of a session ‘I wish you make a lot of mistakes’ as I had been so tense and I felt very tight in my body. And I have been making mistakes and getting better at it, even laughing about my mistakes and this opens up my body and the feeling of space comes back and life can flow again.

        1. Agree Annelies what a great piece of counsel, the allowing and being totally ‘ok’ with ourselves to make error, mistake, is very freeing from the binds of otherwise tightly-held perfection. I used to get irritated at times in life by others who made error, mishap, though the more at ease i became with myself, and started to accept all of me, that space appeared and i began to hold others in this same way with irritation reducing too. The way we hold ourselves is the way we hold others too.

        2. I love what you have shared Annelies and am laughing out loud. What a wise practitioner and how wonderful that you have taken up the mantle of being a great laugher about mistakes. Just brilliant!

        3. I love this, Annelies ‘I have been making mistakes and getting better at it, even laughing about my mistakes and this opens up my body and the feeling of space comes back and life can flow again.’ ….. I have been working on loosing the control and allowing more of a ‘flow’ in my life and I’ve been very amused by myself… laughing with myself is so very beautiful.

        4. perfect annelies, allowing the learning that we can’t avoid in the first place, opens the body to more.

        5. The playfulness and lightness you have shared around making mistakes is very inspiring.

     2. Ooh, Lyndy, I can relate to that one. I think I’m ‘a little bit on edge about life’ too. I can feel much nervous tension in my body when I read your comment, thank you. And for me it too is related to all the ‘shoulds’ that I have put into my life, how crazy is that, and I can’t blame anyone else but me. It is a work in progress for me too but I can see now how damaging it is for me, time to become much more aware of what I am doing to myself. This blog and all the great comments such as yours is bringing up and showing me just how important it is for me to really let go of all this stuff asap. I can sense just how freeing it can be.

     3. Agree Lyndy, very relatable what you say, the edge of life, indeed – and to think that some actually revel in living like this too, and yet for me this tension in living strained or ill at ease with life and myself is one of the most awful feelings in my body, it feels tight, documented, awkward, lacking in flow, and just not ‘sitting right’. I’m learning to land myself through Esoteric Yoga and becoming more and more aware of just how deep this tension runs, but this time reacting less and less to it. It boils down to acceptance – of the tension too.

     4. Lyndy that is great to hear, I really identify with that summary, I have been a bit on edge about life for my whole life. It’s quite a tiring way to live, creating expectations of what is to come, or what may come, worrying about how others view me, worrying about any issue I can get my hands on, clear on to make room for another to pop in. The nothing is wrong approach is so much better, and calling out when anxiousness is present is so effective at alleviating that tension.

        1. Great reminder Stephen about ‘nothing is wrong’. A wise man once said, ‘nothing is ever wrong, it is always an opportunity to evolve’. And I love how calling out the anxiousness, disempowers its effect!

308. Having been a perfectionist all my life obviously motherhood was a big part of that. This is a great blog Nikki, exposing how perfectionism leads to what we feel is unnecessary tension in our bodies which we wonder where it came from. I had a big heavy balloon drop in my lap this week which showed me the illusion I had been living in — trying to be the perfect mother — the very opposite of what true motherhood can be! Now I feel the freedom you describe, so many attachments disappeared and I am free to live my own life as me.

     1. I know that one too Joan, ‘trying to be the perfect mother’ instead of being ‘a true mother’.
        We all know when we try it will never be what is true, all those pictures we have on mothering are so misleading and exhausting and causing tension in our body. We will never reach our own set goal, so we fail constantly. Letting that go gives so much space and freedom. To live who we are.

        1. The ‘perfect mother’ can never be true as it doesn’t exist …. if we try to follow the advice/mantras of others this is at the expense of ourselves, dismissing our own innate wisdom and feeling how to be from our bodies. As a mother, I now realise it’s not so much about ‘instruction’, which can be very controlling, it’s more taking care of our precious bundle of joy and allowing them the space to be who they are and showing them how to honour themselves, through reflection.

        2. ‘trying to be the perfect mother’ instead of being ‘a true mother’ I have not birthed children myself but tried in the past to be a ‘perfect aunt, daughter, friend, partner’ How different it feels to express ourselves as a ‘true aunts, brothers, daughters, friends, partners’, Beautiful Annelies

        3. Totally agree Annelies – More spaciousness feels so freeing!

        4. Yes Annelies, and it leaves our children free to live their own lives as who they are. The letting go has been painful, as the attachments were great, but I am finding that the more I let go the more precious the relationships are with everyone else AND my children – more honest, more spontaneous, more truly loving. The shared moments have a deeper purpose and the shallow chat that comes for protection or control.

     2. Being a perfect mother would be a hard one to live up to! Children are so amazing at nipping that one in the bud as they don’t conform (earlier on) to the expectations people have on them. Beautiful what you shared Joanchristinecalder.

        1. So beautiful what you all wrote about trying to be a perfect mother, and so true. Having reached my seventies and only just embodied the realisation of how being a mother means, I can see how this attitude capped us all and imprisoned myself and my children. Now we all have wings, as my daughter said. Trying to be the perfect mother is like attempting to be God and all knowing, and that is impossible on earth. We have to be willing to make mistakes and have a good sense of humour, and as you say Alison, to appreciate the bundles of joy our children are and what they teach us.

309. This is a brilliant blog Nikki. Just brilliant! I simply want to hug you from 800 kms away where I am staying at present. Your writing is so honest and so well observed. Your exposé of the tension of living to all those IMAGES about life is super. Being aware of these images that are embedded into us puts huge power into our hands so that we can see how we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated away from being the stillness and glory that we are.

     1. ‘Being aware of these images that are embedded into us puts huge power into our hands so that we can see how we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated away from being the stillness and glory that we are’ – this is gold ….. it’s not about beating ourselves up when we realise we in fact do have quite a few expectations, we should instead feel joyful that we are exposing them for what they are so that we can return to being the stillness and glory that we are.

        1. Beautifully said Alison – whether we use the word ‘Expectations’ or ‘images/pictures’ they all have the same affect and that is to separate us from who we are and leave us feeling less. Calling this pattern for what it is, releases us to be who we truly are – Love.

        2. I have noticed that a lot of the time awareness is avoided because people don’t want to beat themselves up. But awareness of something that doesn’t feel so nice does not mean you are beating yourself up. In the process I went through I was able to hold the awareness, feel what was going on and simply be with it. I did not judge myself nor was there any beating up. There was such a joy in feeling all that heaviness.

        3. Totally Nikki. There is a great joy in feeling the heaviness and knowing that you are NOT THAT. At last whatever it is has shown itself and that means it is about to be discarded. Only two days ago I felt I was not in a state of love so I checked in with my body and felt an old and heavy energy in my energy field. It looked like black tar (which for me signifies that it was very old). I kept feeling and seeing it and then it dissolved and I was left in a state of being that felt like the ‘golden era’ – a life of simplicity, without complication, a life in rhythm with the cycles, a life of joy. I still had to get help to clear this from my physical body, but the preparation was done for this to happen.

     2. I agree Lyndy, Nikki’s honesty has allowed her to really ‘go there’ and release the burden of perfection! A great reminder for us all that only when we are honest can the healing happen and different choices made. As you say, ‘brilliant blog’.

     3. Thanks Lyndy, I can feel that expectations first come from judgement, a judgment that means I do not accept myself exactly where and how I am. Acceptance feels so much better than expectation!

     4. So true Lyndy, we need to take full responsibility, as it is us that allow ourselves to be manipulated away from the stillness, glory and divine beings that we all truly are.

     5. Thanks Lyndy 🙂

310. As you’ve shared Nikki, having the awareness of how you have been suffering under all your expectations now offers the opportunity to choose differently, how gorgeously liberating.

     1. I agree Alison, the more we increase our awareness of the things that hold us back the more liberating it is.

        1. Awareness is the ultimate liberation that free us from the self imposed slavery that we have put upon ourselves, yet how many of us ask for all the awareness we can handle all of the time?

     2. I agree Alison. There is a great question here to ask ourselves when we lean into self-doubt. ” Does this change who I am?”

     3. The awareness in itself is so powerful as it offers us a choice to feel more and how to then be.

     4. So true Alison, when we become aware of things we can choose to change… Otherwise your mind is only set on one thing and it’s hard to see differently.

311. Bravo Nikki for such an honest blog. I can certainly relate to what you have written and that with awareness comes both a freedom and a higher level of responsibility to do something about what is anchoring the expectations and nervous tension in the first place. I’m finding this is helping me naturally have stop moments as I recognise where I am getting ahead of myself and pushing for an outcome, rather than staying with harmony. It is certainly a constant process of refinement but I am very grateful for all the learning that is taking place along the way. I am getting to know and enjoy being me more and more and I am feeling the difference this is making to everyone around me.

312. I realized that judgements and expectations go hand in hand. The more expectations I had the more judgemental I was. And letting go of the judgements can take place because of letting the pictures go.

     1. Very astutely seen and stated Monika. Judgments and expectations do indeed go together. If we were to see the energy pulse visually on a graph the expectations and judgments would look spiky and up and down while the judgment and expectation-free pulse would be spherically emanating. How the body’s cells would love the latter!

        1. Absolutely Lyndy. Nervous tension does feel spiky and being free of judgements and expectations (on ourselves and others) feels silky, smooth and spherical.

        2. What a gorgeous way to visualize it, Lyndy. I love it and of course the cells in our body have difficulty to deal with the pulse of judgement and expectations. Every cell feels the separation this pulse brings and since this is the opposite of how our body is meant to operate and expand there will be a reaction.

     2. Well said Monika – this makes total sense, for if we don’t hold another to the image we have or expectation then there is nothing to judge them on. Letting people and ourselves simply be who they is a great and real remedy for judgment.

        1. ‘Letting people and ourselves simply be who they are is a great and real remedy for judgment’ .. well said Rachael, we also get to learn so much from each other, rather than having just our ‘perception’ as we each have our own special expression and we all bring such differing perspectives which is illuminating and evolutionary.

        2. Such a great reminder thank you for sharing Rachael!

        3. Very true Rachael, it is the expectations that I place on another, the picture of how I expect them to be that causes all the tension and judgments when they don’t live up to the picture or expectation that I placed on them in the first place, I then criticize myself for being judgmental to another, go figure this is a set up.

     3. Awesome reminder Monika.

     4. “….judgements and expectations go hand in hand.” So true, Monika, it’s such a setup. We create a picture and then judge ourselves for not living up to that expectation. Once we make this connection we can start to break the pattern by letting go of the pictures we impose on ourself and others and just allowing ourselves to be as we are. Then we will be more able to listen what the body is telling us and be guided by our inner wisdom rather than what is being fed from outside us.

     5. How true, Monika. The more expectations we have, the more judgmental we are, and for me, this is particularly judgment of myself. This is the big one for me, judging myself as less as against others. Something I am working on, gradually it is dissipating thank goodness, but how crazy it is to measure ourselves against other people. Actually, it is very harming to us, keeps us from being the true beautiful selves that we really are. We are all different, express differently, there is no need to be measuring whatsoever.

     6. Love this Monika – one follows the other! Expectations and judgement are always present when we have pictures! Recognise the pictures and a choice emerges of whether I hold another or myself to these pictures and if so, expectation and judgment will always be there!

     7. Judgments and expectations are a way of trying to control our world, which creates so much tension, and why it feels so liberating when we let go of it all!
        We try so hard to hold onto the ‘pictures’ of how we want life to be – all those ideals and beliefs – and we harden in an attempt to make ‘the picture’ happen…to our own detriment.

        1. So true – we create our own pictures and the world should align to our pictures, totally crazy. And if the world or person is not the way I expected, I could easily judge. Terrible. The best is to let go of all inner pictures, ideals and beliefs.

     8. So true Monika, we are so setup to fall Into this trap, the more expectations we have the more judgemental we are. Crazy isn’t it. So as we let go of expectation then judgements loose it’s power.

        1. Very true Amita

     9. Great insight Monika and so true. I am learning that as well – the more I expect of others, the more I judge them for not meeting them (if they don’t) or love them (if they do). This does not allow the freedom for people to be who they are at any given time.

     10. Yes spot on Monika. These ideals and pictures we hold of how we should be and to seem like we have everything together is something that is held outside of ourselves. Letting go of perfection and these false images of how life should be, allows us to simply be who we are . That’s an amazing responsibility for us all. Living life from our own truth, in all its imperfect glory, sounds like a pretty sweet life to me.

     11. Spot on Monika. If we didn’t have expectations, there would be nothing to judge a person on. Everyone would be more accepting of the way people are.

         1. Expectations are our excuse to not be the love we really are.

     12. So true Monika R expectations and judgements go hand in hand. And having these expectations and pictures stops you from seeing people and situations in the way they truly are.

     13. They sure do. If we take expectation away, there is little left to judge a person on.

         1. Spot on Nikkimckee! And life gets ever more interesting as expectations are dropped. Life expands and there is no such thing as boredom. All the riches are there waiting when we strip off the straight jacket of expectation, judgment and hurt.

313. Expectations and pictures one of my favorite topics because of the big effect it has on ourselves and all our relationships. A recent one for me was not to have pictures or expectations and that was an ideal in itself. Accepting that I am who I am and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, no issues what so ever, even if I do something ‘wrong’, is something I am working with.

     1. ‘Accepting that I am who I am and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, no issues what so ever, even if I do something ‘wrong’, is something I am working with.’ …. I just love what you’ve written Monika, it’s so refreshing and liberating to read these words and feel them for myself too. I tie myself up in knots with all the expectations I put on myself and then the ensuing judgements, which constrict me even further.

     2. That is so true Monika. Even if we react to something, it is not who we are that is reacting. It is the part of us that is configured to act out that way, usually to protect ourselves from being hurt. This in itself is not something wrong. It’s just a configured behaviour. Configured behaviours allow us to not take responsibility. This shows blatantly that in the truth of who we are, there are no issues at all.

        1. I really felt the clarity within these words Jinya, and to repeat “Even if we react to something, it is not who we are that is reacting. It is the part of us that is configured to act out that way, usually to protect ourselves from being hurt.” Your expression is a great reminder to me when dealing with an unwelcome behaviour, thoughts or words that might have the potential to involve myself in a little ‘self-bashing’ – that behind that ill expression could be a ‘configuration’ that is veiling the truth of the matter, so yes, I agree, “Configured behaviours allow us to not take responsibility.” Thank you for the reminder.

     3. Yes Monika, we get so used to considering ourselves wrong and can feed off the drama of that – yet if we stop and feel we know we are absolutely fine, and indeed there is nothing wrong with us; we just need to learn to live that, this is also something I work with too, to drop the idea that I am wrong and to approach life more as an observation and see and understand that no matter what is happening I am Love and I am Divine and while choices I make may not be loving, in the next moment I can choose Love again.

     4. Great that you could see that to have no pictures or ideals was actually one in itself. Absolutely being ourselves and knowing we are enough as we are is perfect.

     5. Yes Monica this is a big one and you have expressed it powerfully ‘Accepting that I am who I am and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, no issues what so ever’.

        1. What games we play to believe otherwise.

     6. Yes very true there are so many pictures and images we get hooked on so we almost always have a preconceived concept on things. To let them go piece by piece is very freeing and brings a lot of appreciation of what is there.

        1. Yes, indeed letting go the preconceived concept of things, opens up space for the appreciation of what is there.

314. I agree with: “The awareness of it all is liberating!” It doesn’t matter whether what be get aware of feels big or heavy, the awareness itself holds the key to change.

     1. Great point Monika, I have had many ‘huge weights’ lift in the instant they are nominated for exactly what they are… so you are spot on, ‘awareness itself holds the key to change.’ This is huge!

     2. Absolutely, it doesn´t matter how far you come, you took the first steps and this is the beginning of the never ending end of awareness;)

        1. I really love that one steffihenn and it is so true “..the first steps and this is the beginning of the never ending end of awareness;)”

        2. Beautifully put: “the beginning of the never ending end of awareness;)”
           True, once you start with awareness it never stops.

     3. Beautifully put Monika, awareness unlocks all the disregarding patterns that do not serve us, which are on closer examination not even real, but need awareness brought to them to see that we have made them real and given our power away to something that is false.

     4. So true and there is a lot to appreciate. Our awareness will lead to a new understanding, which is part of the healing, no matter how something feels at the moment.

     5. I love this Monika, ‘the awareness itself holds the key to change’. Awareness itself creates space for love and understanding to flow.

     6. Yes! The true freedom and empowerment that comes with losing the need to have an expectation starts first with being aware that there is an expectation in the first instance. All expectations create a picture that is needed to be up-held at all costs, no exceptions, so no good can come out of having them.

        1. True, Suzanne, no good can come out of having expectations, for they are not love in the first place and can never change to love.

     7. Beautifully said Monika. There is nothing complicated about it and it is all quite simple – awareness holds the key to change.

     8. Absolutely Monika, awareness is the key, if we don’t first see or feel what we are doing to ourselves and others, there can be no change.

315. Apart from also having to let go of “being perfect”, I am also coming to terms with accepting the feeling of uncomfortable feelings. The weight of a lead balloon on your lap is not so pleasant, so in the past I would ignore it and distract myself, but now like you, I appreciate the understanding of what is actually going on, because until I do I am not able to deal with it. Life is far from perfect if it looks great on the outside but we are walking around with lead balloons that we are oblivious to.

     1. Really great point Carmin. Even if we have the perfect image on the outside, the inside could be in turmoil, tension and has the wheels in motion for illness and disease. I feel this need to be perfect is the constant judgement felt from ourselves and others and with social media becoming huge parts of our lives we feel a burden to have everything together all of the time. This just isn’t reality for most of us and we would do ourselves wonders if we allowed our self the love and lesson’s that come from not being perfect.

     2. I agree Carmin – it acts as a marker for us to look at, for otherwise we would not know it was even there. Lead balloons keep us stuck so having the awareness is a great start.

     3. We always think it is easier to numb a feeling – in fact you can´t ever really numb a feeling, you want to avoid feeling. To slow down in life and not overwrite what came up is is an ongoing process for me in life. To embrace every feeling and to not only be honest but go for the deep hidden truth.

        1. I agree Steffi, we cannot really avoid what we are feeling, we can numb ourselves or push it down, but it still affects us and is felt, and if we continue to avoid it will then manifest as a physical symptom in our bodies, such as illness or dis-ease. So I am slowly learning to embrace my feelings and feel them, and express what needs to be expressed, as it is far better than the physical problems my body has when I don’t do that.

        2. Steffi I love what you say about going for the deep hidden truth. It’s something I’m working on being open with and staying with – because beneath the half truths I often unconsciously live in, there lies a greater depth of knowing myself and God.

        3. The part I find interesting is that we can spend so much time avoiding a feeling, but when we actually go there it is not that bad at all. The avoiding is far worse than actually feeling what is going on. It may be intense for a period but it is mostly short lived – not like years of numbing.

        4. I so wholeheartedly agree Nikki. The avoiding of feeling our reactions to situations or people is far worse that actually consenting to feel it – in full awareness and the confidence of knowing that this reaction is not who we are but something imposed. There comes so much strength in cracking the protection shell around the knee-jerk reaction so that we can simply see it for what it is.

        5. “In full awareness and the confidence of knowing that this reaction is not who we are but something imposed” – I am learning this more and more lately and it is hugely liberating.

        6. Totally Nikki. With that kind of detachment we are liberated to become true philosophers (and psychologists!) of life. And of course we become true scientists because we read and understand energy. An awe-inspiring future for us all!

        7. That´s true Nikki- it is our mind that creates this big fear of feeling the hurt, although it is no big deal in the end. Crazy and there is a ridiculousness in it for me…We fall for the numbing and the complication and in result for the comfortzone to escape from our responsibility in life- to just live our true potential. Crazy..

        8. Steffi and Nikki, I really feel what you both are saying here. As one who has for years avoided feeling the pains in my heart, I realise now there is a physical numbness over my chest area. It is my lack of wanting to feel my deep feelings and hurts that has manifested as lack of relationship and awareness with that part of the body. It is only recently that I could feel that this part felt shut down. But before that awareness , I was so unaware that I felt nothing or thought I felt fine!
           With the willingness to allow myself to feel what is there now , I am starting to feel again everything that has never gone away. Yes it feels painful and a bit intense, but I realise now it is ok, that I am strong enough. And as you say Nikki, this is so much better than years of numbing! and being so disconnected to my body. Of course then my mind can tell me things are fine, but I am wondering why I have so many reactions, expectations. These undealt with feelings may have been buried, but they have been dominating how i have behaved and lived my life.

        9. Yes Steffi I agree when you say “To embrace every feeling and to not only be honest but go for the deep hidden truth.”

     4. When we move from being oblivious of these “lead balloons” to becoming aware of them, we have the opportunity to learn so much about ourselves. Instead of being in total denial, we have the choice to ask ourselves: why has this very heavy balloon landed on my lap?; what is the heaviness it is weighed down with?: how have I been living that has created this weight that is naturally not me. As uncomfortable, and often confronting, as it can be, there is always a message in the balloon, one I have found is always worth taking the time to read.

316. I used to hold my breath a little or be in tension when I saw others making mistakes or doing something I thought was embarrassing, even if they were fine about it. I don’t do this as much now I feel because I am letting go some more of the need for myself to be perfect and hence I don’t expect it of others.

317. Great Blog Nikki. These expectations are so heavy and binding aren’t they? And they spill over into every relationship we have making our connections with others imposing and loaded. The less I expect the more I expand and the more I expand the lighter I feel with myself and towards others.

318. With expectations of ourself or others we set ourselves up to be let down or go on to setting the goal even higher to achieve further expectations, no wonder this creates a feeling of heaviness within. This way in some cases has stopped me from even trying for fear of failure. I am learning to appreciate and accept myself for who I am is a far more loving way to be.

319. This is lovely Nikki. There are so many areas of my life that I want to be perfect and it is exhausting to always be trying so hard. It is great you can share this as perfectionism is an epidemic.

320. So love this blog on many levels, you are a genius Nikki McKee! I have found that being aware of nervous tension in my body, is the way to understanding that I might be having expectations about something, it seems that the boys communication is very intelligent in letting us know what is going on.

     1. Love it Harry nervous tension is not a normal state of being, but a sign to look at ones expectations. You should write a book about “Body communication – how our body speaks to us”.

        1. What a great Idea Rachel!

     2. When we don’t shut off from it, nervous tension can be a great indication that something is going on. The body is amazing in the way it communicates.

321. Thank you Nikki for honestly sharing your experience, expectation is such a trap, and leads to disappointment and dis -ease hence the nervous tension in the body, because there is no acceptance that we are imperfect.This allowing ourselves to be imperfect and seeing our mistakes as a learning, will blow your lead balloon out of the water, and bring a lightness and joy to you, just being you.

322. Nikki, thank you. I love how you describe how we often run around with a tension in our body but are not consciously aware of it but nevertheless it is there and we literally carry it with us wherever we go, and then when realising the tension in our body to feel the immenseness of this tension and how it affects us in every movement.

323. “And whilst having a lead balloon on my lap isn’t often pleasant, I now know it is there and that I’m the one who put it there!” I love this. When we allow ourselves to be aware the tension is still not comfortable but it is much more bearable, and the good part is now we know what is going on with us and are empowered to change it.

324. oh how lovely to read this Nikki, you have said it al about expectations and how they affect us and our nervous systems and how ‘heavy’ this feels, like a lead balloon in fact. Unlocking our expectations and feeling the burden we carry must be so liberating, as I know it is so liberating for me. Life can be full of so many expectations, We share a lot of them that you have mentioned. Loved how you mentioned as well that realising these expectations that we hold onto brings such a lightness, and I can feel more of me, and it is like I have been letting another show run me.

325. Thank you for exposing the weight of expectation Nikki. I have found that this affects not only me but also those around me. At times I have unrealistic expectations of myself, about being perfect mostly, and I also place these expectations on others too. Obviously neither I nor those around me can live up to these unrealistic expectations so this then creates a tension within me or between me and the other person. This ridiculous tension created from an unrealistic expectation then becomes an issue to be dealt with. This is a crazy situation to be putting myself, and those around me, into.

     1. I understand this well too Lee. The pressure we put on our relationships (of all kinds) when we have expectations is also very heavy, not to mention limiting. When something is being directed and contained there is not much room to move. When free of expectation, space opens up and who knows what is possible.

326. Wow Nikki, your list of expectations looks strangely like mine – I would even go so far as to say IDENTICAL!
     What a burden we create for ourselves. The thing that makes the tension in our bodies even worse is that because we expect perfection from ourselves, we find it hard to accept others as we, by default, have enormous expectations of them also. It’s an awful trap to be caught in.

     1. Yes, it was not just myself I tried to mould into a picture, but others also. I had images of how I should be and how everyone else should be. Living that way leads to a LOT of frustration and gives no space for life to unfold.

327. I place huge expectations on myself at work. I am in a learning position, a graduate and yet I believe I should have the level of skills and knowledge that my Manager and Director have. So I create this belief of being incompetent at my job and judge myself believing that everyone else sees me as incompetent as well. This is the lead balloon I have created for myself.

328. I know the expectation of having to be perfect very well – just reading your blog made me aware of some bits still being there. That little ‘Yeah… I know I can’t be perfect but actually if I am truly living right I can be perfect.’ Great to expose this because I can feel it caps me in enjoying my life, being tender with myself and with that feeling my true self which is always there. My true self is amazing and does not need perfection to be that as it just is.

329. Once we accept where we are at and get clear about it, that this is only the result of our choices and not what we truly are, we can start to live without expectations even in big dilemmas we have created. Knowing that this is not the true deal but living day by day in a loving, responsible and caring way with oneself helps to develop a different foundation and things start changing.

330. I love how you have shared and described the instant awareness of the lead balloon Nikki. It’s so true we carry around so much extra baggage without ever realizing – until we do choose to realize it. That’s the great part, the choosing to realize and the choices that come after that. No pressure or perfection just acceptance, understanding, appreciation and lots of love.

331. Huge Nikki! I can relate to every morsel. To become aware as you have of certain ways in which we go about our lives is massive, to bring expression to such to be shared with all as you have so done with this blog Nikki is a great service. For in sharing this powerful realisation I am supported to recognise similar in myself and the tension that ensues with the pressures I place upon myself to fit the image I have set to live up to.

332. Thank you Nikki for sharing your experience with nervous tension – what I got so strongly from reading it this morning is how much we live with something in our bodies that we are unaware of. Our bodies carry and process so much for us – both heavy and light – and it is such a beneficial process to have these stop moments and to look at what we are carry – is it holding us down or is it letting us be the light that that we are?

333. It is incredible how we can live with a low grade of anxiousness and nervous tension can become so normal that we are not aware of it anymore, simply because we do not have a marker in the body to know any different. Sacred Movement is a great support to give us a new marker in the body, which ‘suddenly’ allows us to feel the nervous tension that was always there.

334. This blog has brought up the question of the relationship between ‘Expectation’ and Beliefs & Ideals’. Where did we start the pattern of putting expectation on ourselves? most of society have expectations of themselves and they can be different but what you have identified Nikki is that it is a weight that weights heavily on you and affects the way you are in the world, how they separate you from who you truly are. Every person born is amazing, tender, loving, list could go on – we are all carrying the same essence of God and this does not change through the course of our lives and so when do these expectations creep in? Identifying the tension and feeling it in the body is a great place to start and knowing that we put it there means that we can choose to not have it there.

335. The self-help industry is deep into asking people to have expectations. Expectations of being better than they are, and so by definition, knowing they are not already enough. This flawed approach harms rather than supports anyone.

     1. Great point Heather, and what about ALL the media, the magazines we read and the images we see every day around us? They all send out the message that we are not enough just for who we are. This creates a constant tension because we constantly get confirmed that we as women are not enough.

     2. The funny thing is that we say we have ‘to come up’ to an expectation, but thats not true expressing. In fact we would ‘come down’ to an expectation – because we are so much more. I found that my expectations, say against my partner, are just cover up where I do not take my responsibility in life. We are love, natural so. Every time we do not life , not express love – we are not ourselves and by reflecting that I do not have an expectation but a knowing of who we are in truth and a call to come back. An expectation tells you to be different, to change to a better – but in truth we are glories and true reflection offers you to see that again, to connect back to who we truly are and in fact coming back from ‘being different’.

     3. Its that key point, that we are already everything that we need to be so there is no trying, that stands out in all the presentations I have heard from Serge Benhayon. Everyone else seems to be trying to sell an ideal of something we could be.

336. Becoming more aware is VERY liberating as we then become aware of entrenched patterns AND beliefs that have been choking us. Well Done Nikki and thank YOU for sharing.

337. This is gold, Nikki. So many of us play the game of perfectionism. Really, if I want to feel heavy and unworthy, I play perfectionism, it’s a guaranteed win.

     1. Well said Felixschumacher8. It is a game and we can either choose to play or not play. Playing it sure isn’t much fun but it is an excellent way to hide.

338. Reading your blog Nikki reminded me a lot of myself in the way you described how the search for perfection is one that is exhausting and really unattainable anyway. But once I began appreciating the way I am without having to prove myself through my actions or achievements, it has become easier to accept me and let go of some of that nervous tension. Working at my own pace without letting others pressure me with their expectations has been helpful as well.

339. Absolutely Gorgeous blog Nikki. Very simply put and very insightful as the idea of being perfect is a mask that hangs over the faces of so many people these days. It is almost like there is a carrot in life that we place in front of us that we can never seem to reach no matter how hard we try. It is a set up because life is never going to be ‘perfect’ all the time

340. It is incredible to feel, that the in some moments and situations all we do is being in tension from our own expectations. I know this very well, and am starting to learn and feel that the connection to my own body is key, it supports me in feeling that I am already everything, but that there are always skills to learn and I got to allow myself to take the time to learn. Knowing our expectations is helping us to let them go.

341. Beautiful realizations Nikki, and something I am very familiar with also. My whole life I placed enormous expectations upon myself to the point of having migraines very frequently for years due to constantly trying to live up to the ideals of perfection I had placed upon myself. The accompanying beating up of myself when I didnt meet them only increased the anxiety and tension in my body. It became something I was so familiar with living with that it almost became like a comfort to me, it was the only way I knew and therefore the safest way to be. Once I became truly aware of its harm, with the fabulous support of the practitioners and school of Universal Medicine, it was a bit of a challenge to allow myself to feel just how much iceberg of tension and anxiety there was underneath the tip of it that I had previously been unaware of. It was and is also a great blessing as the submerged part of the iceberg is getting smaller and smaller as I identify and let go of expectations and beliefs around how my life ‘should’ be and attempt to live it as it is and I am.

342. I love this article Nikki, I can really relate to what you have written, especially about expecting yourself to be perfect at everything, I have this too – it is less now that I am more confident in myself and that I have more self worth, but in the past i always felt like a failure – with work i expected everything to be perfect and would be very hard on myself if it was not, the same with friends, relationships, the list goes on, this article is great because it exposes that we do not need to do everything perfectly, its ok to make mistakes and to not be so hard on ourselves and that our self worth should not be based on what we achieve, we are already amazing and already enough just as we are, before we have done or achieved anything.

343. We can definitely live off our expectations about how things have to be, or will be. If we do so, the one that we got it ‘right’ will provide us the necessary incentive to go to the next one and get it ‘right’. Alternatively, if we do not get it ‘right’ and we get frustrated but we can always promise ourselves that the next one will be it. What happens outside is of utmost importance. Another alternative is to live connecting and connected to the qualities we treasure the most (this qualities are in our make up). Two ways of living life though the effects on the body are remarkably different.

344. Ok yep putting up two hands here i have definitely been my own worst enemy when it comes to ridiculous expectations.

345. What an awesome blog, I love it. I can relate to the tension, I feel we all have it in our own areas of life, sometimes big, sometimes subtle, yet it is all tension and it comes from not feeling good enough. I also make mistakes, yet they don’t feel like mistakes that much anymore. This keeps life very light and some humor supports a lot with that.

346. I know what you mean Nikki. Similar expectations have had me on high alert for as long as I can remember, creating insecurities and awkwardness. Even when there is nothing ‘in your face’ that is challenging me, like if I am at home on my own, I will be feeling a subtle undercurrent that I should be doing something else. We do run ourselves in circles with these expectations we set on ourselves and we often blame others for not accepting us or not seeing how great we are. This is a huge subject and many onion skin layers to take off, but once the process has started it can only lead to greater clarity and love for oneself, and ultimately for humanity.

     1. There are many layers to the onion but the first one was definitely the hardest one to take off. Once the skin was cracked, it was much easier.

347. I really like the title of this blog Nikki. A great description and you captured the truth of how it feels in such a few words, if we are willing to see just how many expectations have been placed upon life and the weight of it all.

348. Totally get this Nikki – you described my own balloon. And gosh now i can sit with how heavy that lead truly is.

349. Nikki,
     What you have written here is a work that needs to be shared widely. There are so many people living with expectations, that create nervous tension in their bodies and lives. Everybody who has experienced this could be greatly supported by this blog.

350. Hi Nikki,
     I have not yet finished your article, but could not go past this paragraph without commenting.
     “I am now acutely aware of how nervous I often am around people, at work, when cooking, with parenting etc., and although this is uncomfortable, the feeling of it allows me to make changes and new choices in response to different situations. I can now move beyond a constant nervous tension that has been with me for years.”
     I know how uncomfortable it is to feel this nervous tension and at times, when I do feel it, I find myself shutting it down as I don’t like it either. With much love and by building a momentum of tenderness in my body, I can now feel when I shut down what I am feeling. The support in being in tune with all of this is grand, for it feels so very beautiful to not be a nervous mess in every aspect of my life, as I used to be.

     1. Reading this blog again I have been reminded at how intense this period was for me. Feeling that nervous tension was very challenging and was definitely something I did not want to feel. I’m thankful I made the choice to really feel it. Since then I have been able to build a momentum of tenderness in my body as you describe Leigh, but previously this was very difficult as the tension in my body did not really allow much space for tenderness.

     2. For me it was a little different Nikki, my process was to work on showing my body the tenderness that it was capable of, before I could even consider feeling the true impact of nervous tension on my body and in my life. My way of doing this was by committing to doing gentle exercises. This I still do, at least 4 times each week, if not more. For me it was only after I began the exercises that I felt “strong” enough to feel the nervous tension that was/is in my body. While it no longer takes me over, there are layers that are arising to be felt ATM, as this is happening, I have focused more on my presence and supporting myself with the gentle exercises, foods and Esoteric Yoga. With this support it is now much easier for me to feel what is there.

351. I’ll be taking a closer look at what I have sitting in my lap, thanks Nikki.

352. There is so many things that we expect and load ourselves with, its crazy. All for just staying in an endless cycle of misery, never feeling like its enough. Expectations are laid on us growing up and then we put some on ourselves and then others. When these expectations aren’t met by us or others, we get hurt/create our own hurts to live in another cycle of misery.
     I love your sharing here
     “I can feel freer in knowing and understanding that these were my choices and that I can now make different ones. I can let go of more of the unnecessary expectation I put upon myself. I can be me, exactly as I am.”
     Yes that feels so freeing.

353. Thank you for sharing this Nikki. So much pressure we can put on our selves and our poor nervous systems are just cranked! Wonderful that the ‘lead balloon’ dropped and you have awareness now that you are just simply perfectly lovely just for being you.

     1. Yes so true Jo ‘our poor nervous systems are just cranked’ and drained when we are on the path of the endless chase of perfection that in my experience really only leads us to exhaustion without feeling one bit full-filled.

     2. I totally agree Jo, there is nothing better than simply being ourselves.

354. Great blog Nikki, the ideal of perfection, which actually isn’t real, is a self sabotaging setup. Living with these unrealistic expectations on ourselves is a constant drain on our bodies. As you say, regardless of having any prior awareness of how these expectations were affecting us, the body is still registering everything we choose and feeding back to us in the tension, anxieties and exhaustion we feel. It is often not until we truly stop, as you did, that we feel the impact and can then start to lighten the load by honestly looking at what lies beneath our behaviours, and begin to treat ourselves more gently. There is so much to appreciate…

355. I get all of this to a t! It is in everything so much so that it is not even noticeable. To allow ourselves to feel this as you say is not nice, but it is liberating in the same breath, because we are allowing ourselves to feel and see something that we’ve always felt but never noticed. It sounds ridiculous but it’s very true.

356. “It doesn’t feel the intensity of the feeling has increased, only that I now am more aware of the intensity. ” You bring a great perspective to this very common problem of the weight of expectations we have. Awareness is what allows us to get in touch with the actual bodily sensation of the pressure we take on. We must come to feel it and become aware how it affects us in very physical, real terms. Yet as you say, this magnifies the feeling of it. Yet what you have implicitly shared Nikki, is that when we accept responsibility for what we have absorbed and that it is not truly who we are, then the healing and lightness comes. I love this understanding.

357. Thank you Nikki, what you’ve shared here supports us with the understanding as to why we take on expectations and pictures of how things need to be – so that we can be confirmed in our worth. What a trick this way of living really is as it keeps us so far away from acknowledging, knowing and accepting in full that who we are, to the very depths of our being is already everything and more!

358. Thank you Nikki. You have exposed what I am sure many women have placed on themselves- false expectations. By putting a pressure on ourselves we stop our true and natural way of being from being there. I for one, know that I catch these ideals, beliefs and expectations when i allow myself to feel the truth of who I am as they then stand out like a sore thumb. And with each one I let go of the brighter I shine.

359. The whole world exhorts us to place pressure on ourselves from our birth ( sometimes earlier based on conversations I’ve heard from parents to be ). Such pressure has but one aim – to distract us from our essence. It has been successful historically. However, once we call it for what it is, we are free to change this. I wonder how would it be if we were to be free of such expectation and pressure from birth – to be honoured in what we bring as a child rather than imposed upon; to be educated to dig deeply within ourselves rather than have ideals dictate our future. Awareness is awesome but what if we were raised without the pressure in the first place?

     1. The world does place pressure on us but at the end of the day we are the ones who make a decision to take it on or not. It was easy for me to blame society but in doing so I was avoiding my responsibility in it. However, more support as we move through life to realise we are enough as we are is a great step, and one that is much needed.

360. Wow, thank you for sharing, I was nodding along the whole time and it was almost like i could have written it, for I can so relate to everything you have said – the feeling of being perfect in all areas, the tension and nervousness. In fact I have been doing stretches as I begin to realise how tense my body is.

361. It is inspiring, Nikki, to read how your recent awareness of this lead balloon has enabled you to feel lighter: what a gorgeous paradox that is – that awareness of the heaviness of expectation allows you to feel lighter simply in the awareness of its existence and in that you are now free to make different choices henceforth. Liberation into true choice always feel so light!

362. Nikki, this is a huge blog to read and feel, that lead balloon you describe, I know it, I live it. That need to get it right all the time every time is very prevalent and super exhausting, and yet reading today I realised I spend a lot of my life not wanting to feel that while knowing it’s very much there. But as you note, seeing it, feeling it is the first step and a very necessary one, as when we do, we can unravel all those threads we’ve created with it and come back to the simplicity of being us, without the need to be perfect. Thank you for writing this, I will be taking this into my day, week and month!

     1. The lead balloon, and this sense of constantly trying to be something other than who we are is exhausting. Totally agree Monicag2.

363. How funny – just yesterday I decided to: every time I go into judgment (about me or others) I will instead go into a deeper feeling, feel what is going on right now. Because I realized that I go into judgment or expectations when I do not want to feel something, do not want to take responsibility. So, yesterday I did take responsibility and every time the judge did signal – I stopped it and felt. I thought that will bring me a heavy time (expectation) because it must have a reason why I avoided it. But it brought lightness into my day I am still inspired by. It brought space. Now reading your blog I feel confirmed. Thank you!

364. The constant self-abuse of perfectionism and self-judgement is not only deeply undermining, but also invites abuse from others – to join the self-bashing party. This is just a way of reinforcing our own belief system that we are not good enough. Learning to turn this around through beginning to accept ourselves exactly as we are, and to appreciate we are already everything we need to be, is a work in progress.. But through the simple practical steps of self-love, we learn to connect back to what we are within and realise that it is always there just waiting to shine back out again.

     1. So true Annie – in essence when we are connect to ourselves we are far more magnificent that the any picture of perfection that we give ourselves away to.

     2. I agree Annie, our own self-judgement leaves a hole or a ‘dent’ in us which often means people tend to respond to us in the same way overtly or more subtlely – because we are not bringing our all to our interactions, a little bit of us holding back and hiding in our so-called imperfections.

365. We really do put so many expectations on ourselves to do well or be perfect, which is essentially setting us up for a fall. So when we don’t fulfil the expectation we give ourselves a hard time by thinking we are not good enough or should be doing, which makes us feel even worse. Its a bit of vicious circle really. So it is such a beautiful thing when the penny drops that we don’t need to be perfect in everything we do, and that we are enough just being our glorious true selves.

366. Thank you for sharing how awareness, however uncomfotable it may be, is in fact liberating. The norm when something is uncomfortable is that there is the tendency to ignore, deny or find distraction so as not to feel it, hoping it will go away as we do not want to look at it because we do not know what to do, it is too unpleasant or we feel overwhelmed by the prospect. This pattern develops because we have not developed awareness.

367. Thank you Nikki, this is very much part of what I am experiencing currently. Learning to let go of the expectation I place on myself or that I perceive from others is not always easy but as you have written, acknowledging the feeling that I am becoming or carrying nervousness or anxiousness in various situations begins to offer the opportunities for a new choices to change the patterns and beliefs I choosing to hold me away from my natural harmonious stillness.

     1. Great comment Michael, it is so amazing to read this blog and so many comments highlighting that we all seem to have very similar experiences. It is so incredibly inspiring to read how many of us are willing to let go and work on things that hold us back from shining our true self and choosing to shine our loving light.

        1. Absolutely chanly88, the holding on becomes very much part of the anxiousness through a fear of what might happen if we let go of trying to control the situation.

368. I love reading the expectations you have outed, which are probably running most people in this world, because on seeing them written down it exposes the irrationality of thinking in this way. Becoming aware of the pictures being held means we can start to see the finer details and feel what keeps us bound. Thank you Nikki for a great blog.

369. Nikki you have spear headed a crippling pandemic, for in this age of information overload, society is ever more spun into external identification and confirmation.
     “Last week I realise I had no awareness of any of this and then suddenly, I did – and I noticed the lead balloon dropped in.” I like what you mention here for although we claim we have no awareness, when the truth is presented our innermost radar is awoken, our eyes become sharpened and the choice we did not see is right there in front of us……the power and simplicity of free will.

     1. Beautifully shared Lucindag and sadly very true that more and more we are identified by the external. But if we are honest, we can always reconnect back to what we know to be true from within. It seems we can almost hide behind or go into reaction with all the information we are presented, but it is so important now more than ever to accept our awareness.

370. This is great Nikki, expectation and the weight of perfection can only bring us down, and as you have shared, becoming aware of what we put on ourselves feels really unpleasant, but better to feel it than constantly run with it heading towards some kind of breakdown. Becoming aware and knowing how we have got ourselves to this place is what then allows us to move beyond it. that is true healing, thank you.

371. Lovely description here of the lead balloon of expectation Nikki and the nervous tension that goes along with it. When I become aware that this has started to operate within me, I like to ask myself the question, ‘well what is the worst that can happen if you don’t measure up?’ This immediately brings me back to myself, with a smile, and allows me to sink into my body and simply accept myself as I am, warts and all.

     1. Josephine, I love this practical way to deal with expectations and perfection, I’ve got a few jobs coming up where Ive realised I’m holding huge expectations on myself. I will be reminding myself of this question as I work on these projects.

     2. Love that Josephine, very wise and freeing counsel “what’s the worst that can happen if you don’t measure up?” – acceptance of everything.

     3. Love it Josephine, keeping it real by bringing it all.

     4. I love this Josephine.

372. I certainly recognise that feeling – always anxious to get it right and feeling that I am doing something wrong. Recently in a new job, where I have become more aware of this, I changed my focus to what it is that I can bring, for example, stillness, and when I focus on that, I can let go of the constant inner critic and appreciate myself instead.

     1. Amazing Carmel how we can turn it around by simply changing the focus. I did the same recently, and felt the responsibility of what I can bring to my workplace. I felt so much nervous tension in my body which felt horrible for me, but also I realised probably for the rest of the office too. How might it feel if we all started to focus on not how it feels for us so much, but also on the responsibility of what can we bring, and what kind of energy our bodies are emanating?

     2. That is gorgeous Carmel. So often the focus is on what it is we do, and when we do that, what we bring gets diminished. What we bring is so powerful, so much more so than what we do. We can learn to do anything, but what we bring is very unique.

373. I love becoming aware of something – of how I have been living that is contra to the love that I am, because I can so relate to the relief it brings in the allowing and the letting go process. There is real appreciation in having got to the awareness and in my experience once this is known, the rest falls into place in time.

374. Great description of the lead weight of expectation that we burden ourselves with and the damaging effects that this has on our bodies. Thank you Nikki for opening up this discussion which has been huge for me and I am sure many others. Awareness gives us the opportunity to change patterns built up over many lifetimes and let go of the hugely damaging consequences of trying to be perfect at everything all the time.

375. I can feel how much our lack of self worth feeds our expectations. It becomes a vicious circle of trying to capture moments of success just to give us moments of relief from the tension we feel.

376. I especially notice this push to achieve and be the best with parents and their children. The tension that is in their bodies is palpable. I feel I have been carrying this tension in me for lifetimes too and although it can be very uncomfortable I appreciate that with awareness we can catch this and realise how it is affecting us and make steps to lighten the load as we accept where we are at and the amazing essence of who we are.

377. Knowing all those expectations we place on ourselves are not real, but our creations, makes it that much easier to release them and liberate ourselves.

     1. Yes kehinde2012 absolutely – well said. When we are led by our hearts we are led knowing that all we are is all that is needed.

378. Nikki, thank you so much for this great blog. What I felt in my body whilst reading it was exhaustion – exhaustion from carrying my own lead balloon. It is heavy, hard work carrying this balloon and the need to ‘get it right’ can be all consuming. It is however great to have the contrast – those moments when I am kinder to myself, more loving and accepting of my imperfections. In these moments the lightness is there and I am reminded life does not have to involve the weight of expectation.

379. Expectations – of ourselves – and of others – lace every relationship. So much pressure! “This expectation has been running me for a long time and strangely enough, becoming aware of the weight of the lead balloon of expectation has brought a sense of lightness and allowed me to feel more of the True Me!” Gorgeous Nikki.

380. Nikki you expose what happens when we let the mind be our controller, instead of heart and feelings. Connecting to our body, how we feel in the moment, being fully present with ourselves wherever we are, is all that is ever asked of us.

     1. Yes kehinde2012 absolutely – well said. When we are led by our hearts we are led knowing that all we are is all that is needed.

381. Nikki i’ve been feeling the amount of tension in my body recently and felt as well this stems from the expectation I would hold. I’ve been working on accepting and appreciating me no matter what my body may feel like. It felt like all the years of expectation are built up in my body, now I choose to be more aware of them I have the choice to love and appreciate myself which is helping them heal or put more expectation on that they should not be there and further ingrain. Your sharing is great for me to reflect on and see the amount of expectation that we can put on literally everything in life.

382. Hi Nikki, thank you for sharing the honest and inspiring journey you have been on. Perfection is a pretty easy area to give our power away too – in the sense that we believe we should be the best at whatever we put our hand too. But why? When I looked into this a bit deeper – what really stood out is that I tried to be perfect for 2 things; 1. to make it so I was OK and accepted by all. And 2. so that if I was ‘perfect’ then I didn’t need to look at taking any responsibility for improvements or learnings. I could just get on with it. As an example – I went through a phase where my makeup had to be perfect. But in order to do that I had to wear a lot of it. And by wearing a lot of it I fitted in to societies idea of a pretty woman, and it was so perfect it meant I didn’t have to be honest with why I choose to mask my beautiful face rather than let my natural beauty shine through. It is interesting how perfection can take us away from who we truly are and what is there to be seen. A cunning game we play with ourselves to not take responsibility for how we might be truly feeling and why.

     1. Having expectation is a fantastic way to give your power away, beautifully set up in fact in order to do this. And I love the realisation that by being perfect we distract ourselves away from responsibility. Beautifully said hvmorden.

     2. Awesome example here Hvmorden.
        ‘ I tried to be perfect for 2 things;
        1. to make it so I was OK and accepted by all. And
        2. so that if I was ‘perfect’ then I didn’t need to look at taking any responsibility for improvements or learnings.’
        It seems to protect us from the truth doesn’t it? There is no room in perfection for
        evolving.

        1. It sure does kathrynfortuna – I find using perfection can mask us from the reality that we are where we are because of our choices. And those choices will be different to the person beside us who might look exactly the same, who could even be our twin, and yet our lives are very different. So to take responsibility that we are constantly evolving based on what we are choosing also blows the perfection bubble, as nothing is stagnant, there really isn’t an end point, but there is a constant relationship of honesty that can be deeply felt and lived.

383. Thank you for sharing Nikki, we are so often our worst critics and even when we may be doing amazing if we have not stopped to appreciate ourselves think we need to do more to the point of exhaustion as has been the case with me. The more I appreciate and confirm myself the less I feel I need to be perfect or prove myself to anyone. It has been quite a huge turn around, inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

     1. This is so true James… expectations seem to be interlinked in with appreciation. The more we appreciate ourselves the less we are inclined to layer the expectations on. ‘Highly strung’ Becomes ‘Finely tuned’ 🙂

        1. I love that Kathryn – ‘highly strung’ becomes ‘finely tuned’

384. Nikki, you describe very well the weight of expectation and the results of wanting to be perfect. I recognise both of these very well. And yes the nervous tension that ensues from both of these keeps us in the loop of it so to speak. It is a give away that forces us to be honest.

385. It’s crazy how we put so many expectations on ourselves and keep piling more and more on. No wonder it becomes a big lead balloon. The truth is when we let go of expectations then we can be who we are and express what we truly feel. This then gets rid of this lead balloon, which is no longer required.

     1. That is a great point Amita – when we let go of all the expectation, we are then free to express what we truly feel. With a big weight upon us it can be hard to discipher what is there to be expressed.

386. A great blog Nikki, the hidden weight of expectations is a huge burden to carry and perfectionism is the very deliberate master that keeps relentlessly driving them in our daily lives. Once we feel the weight of this ‘lead balloon’ it is possible to make different choices in our daily living and reduce the nervous tension that has been generated.

387. It jumped out at me the line ‘I should be prefect’ and all of the bad self-beating up that comes with trying to reach the imposable dream… what about the people that start with ‘it will never work’ expectation? Do they not spend the same amount of effort to insure they can’t just be themselves? What must we do to ourself in order to hold the ideals that we are a failure and fully embody it? Both just require coming back to our self and stop trying to be judged by the ruler that something outside of us is telling us we must be measured by.

     1. Your point about measuring is spot on Steve. We look outside of ourselves, at what others are doing with their lives and then start trying to be them. However, there is no consideration for the life they have led, the choices that support them along the way to be who they are.
        We all have out own journey, lived at our own pace… and interestingly the journey is back to ourselves not to the top of some greasy pole that is difficult to climb.

388. How many of us live with a ‘portfolio’ of images of how things should be in life and then live with the inevitable tension this creates? How self-loving it is to become aware of these constant demands to be more perfect, to be better, to improve and instead choose to be more of who we truly are. A glorious transformation Nikki Mckee, thank you for sharing.

     1. Loved reading this Richard! There is a difference between choosing to be more of who we truly re, and having expectations about or abilities, wanting to be perfect, to improve etc. It is a joy to unlock this in my daily life.

389. Expectation and Perfection are two things that cause us the most misery in our lives.
     The expectation of how we think we should be, ” perfect in everyway.” Where does this all come from in the first place? God is not asking us to be perfect! We need to take on board the Presentations of Serge Benhayon and the Way of the Livingness, that we cannot be perfect here on Earth, this makes sense when we look at the fact that we are here to learn to return to where we came from and the most important thing for us to learn is that we are all Love and come from Love. We are perfectly imperfect as has been said before! Thank you Nikki for a great blog.

390. It is fascinating when we expose something that has been our ‘normal’ to not actually be normal and when we begin to heal this we lift a load off our shoulders.

391. I used to numb and bury my lead balloons with copious amounts of alcohol, but now that I don’t drink I have to feel, and feeling sometimes doesn’t feel that great so it’s either sort it out or start drinking again, one of which I am not prepared to do.

     1. I used to bury myself in stress so that I didn’t feel just how really stressed I was.
        Oh dear….just writing it feels totally nuts! Nevertheless I thought that was what you did.

        1. I was in exactly the same think machine as you Rachel! And it is nuts. I remember one day in my twenties suddenly realising that we on earth were in one big insane asylum – that we were all insane, going from mildish to raving bonkers. But really mild-ish was just as far from sane as any other state, even more dangerously so. I’m very glad to have been alerted to the power of stillness by Serge Benhayon.

        2. And seen what true sanity is, how it lives and how in its stillness, it knows that what it offers is truth and not be walked away from.

392. What a great realisation Nikki, thanks for sharing. My experience of expectations are that if I have them there will always be disappointment because they are based on pictures or images I have of how something “should be” and since these are pictures, nothing can ever live up to the picture I have created.

     1. Exactly Donna, well said. With a picture in place we are not allowing ourselves the space and freedom to do and be naturally as we are, closing the door to appreciation for what it is we do bring.

     2. It is interesting that nothing can ever live up to the pictures we create, yet perhaps there is so much more for us that we are not capable of seeing because we are so set on a picture.

393. I can so relate to what you share here Nikki, as it would seem I share the same affliction holding myself account to having to live in such a way. It’s crazy how much we can allow expectations such as this to overwhelm us, almost without realising it. I felt your description of the expectation feeling like a lead balloon so apt, and it makes sense that when we become aware of it we can see it for what it is, not who we really are but a false pressure we place upon ourselves. I feel becoming aware is the first step to understanding ourselves and moving back to who we really are.

394. Those expectations and that lead balloon were constant companions for so much of my life, weighing me down so I was just functioning, running on two cylinders instead of four. It has been so freeing to realise that the perfection I sought for so long was simply an illusion and those expectations where usually totally out my hands and at the whim of another’s choice. How freeing to begin to let go of the unrealistic expectations and the crippling perfection, and as a result the balloon is no longer weighed down but free to fly, just like me.

395. Awesome Nikki I love the truth in your writing and now that you have acknowledged the lead balloon and are not afraid of how it feels you are on your way to having no lead balloon at all.

     1. A few months down the track …. The awareness of it was the key. Once I realised all the expectation and pictures I had, they no longer had such hold.

396. Lately, I have been aware of my expectations of others and then when not met, went into feeling hurt, but actually the truth of the matter was that I had not fully felt into what was right for me and then expressed that…. a very valuable insight, because this is an old habit of mine – not taking myself into consideration.

     1. Jacquie I am so glad you shared this because I have been having a similar experience quite often lately. (In fact, to be honest, this has been happening for a long time but I am only now becoming more aware of it.) You have confirmed what I have been mulling around with but not really claiming that “the truth of the matter was that I had not fully felt into what was right for me and then expressed that”. I totally agree that this is “a very valuable insight, because this is an old habit of mine – not taking myself into consideration”. Snap!

397. As English is my second language I was not familiar with the term ‘lead balloon’ but now I am, something new learnt this morning… so thank you for that. To me it feels crucial for a healthy life Nikki to have no expectations, as I question where do these concepts come from that we try to live up to and are they realistic and needed for us for having a healthy and joy-full life? This does not feel true to me as in my experience I have never been able to meet any expectation I have had and in failing them I always was left with a feeling of failure, not able to meet the image I created in my mind completely by myself, resulting in a lack of self worth and self esteem. It feels like a setup…

     1. I can relate to your comment Nico. The ideal of ‘perfection’ is such a set-up – it sets us up to fail every single time and erodes our self worth and fuels self loathing. With awareness we get to see and expose the game for what it is. A game that keeps us separated from the truth that lies within; the truth that we are whole and complete and divine as we are. The more I nurture and honour this inner connection with myself, the more solid I feel and less likely I am to be sucked in and manipulated by the false images of perfection we are fed and sold on a constant basis.

        1. I am becoming more aware of how perfection is involved in my life and in that I found another aspect with striving for a life of perfection – that is I have lost my natural playfulness with life and that to me is now a measure for whether I am in perfection mode or not – am I playful with life or engaged in the striving of doing something in perfection. Only the inner connection I am building with myself makes it possible to increase my level of awareness and to come to the simple understandings as above.

     2. I’m glad your English vocabulary extended 🙂 The images are indeed a setup, we can never meet them, an even if we did it means life is lived with tunnel vision. There is very little space for the magic of life to enter when we are focused on an image.

398. Nervous tension in the background can be like being beaten to death and not knowing where the blows are coming from. Awareness is the key here to this self destructive behaviour.

     1. It is easy to mask the nervous tension with behaviours – for me it may be shopping or eating, playing with my phone more than I need, doing any seemingly normal day to day tasks. It is true Luke. Being honest and aware is key to stopping the self-destructive momentum.

        1. Yes being aware and then having the strength to follow through and make the changes necessary.

     2. And more often than not the blows are coming from ourselves, in other words, ‘beating ourselves up’. Well said Luke – “Awareness is the key to this self destructive behaviour”.

        1. Totally agree Tamara.

     3. Luke this is a great way to describe nervous tension. Reading it shook me and I thought that explanation is a bit intense – then as I noticed the tenseness of my shoulders and the tightness of my breathing, and as I let go and felt how different it did truly feel, in that moment I knew exactly what you mean. It is like “being beaten up and not knowing where the blows are coming from” and what is worse is that without being aware we can get used to this being beaten up as ‘normal’! Awareness is indeed the key so that we can choose differently.

399. I relate so much to what you say here Nikki
     Your example is like reading my own story right off the page
     It is crippling and so heavy to be so hard on ourselves ! Keeping thing light like your explanation is the best 🙂

400. Lovely blog, and one I will no doubt come back to. One of your observations really struck me though… from one day to the next, nothing had really changed on the outside, no new pressures. Your awareness had changed though, hence you could feel the weight and drain of expectation that you had been living with as normal one daily basis.

401. I can totally relate to this, Nikki. And it’s awesome when it’s presented like this it becomes so obvious to stop and question – where do all those images of perfection come from? They are constantly saying ‘anything and everything but whatever you already are/do/have’ and keep piling up one expectation after another. It leaves us thirsty, and we sometimes mistake it for motivation and strive for life, but it really is a massive distraction away from who we truly are.

     1. That is a very good point Fumiyo – that we can mistake it for motivation and something to to strive for in life. In fact, often this is encouraged. The concept that we are all enough as we are is not one that is common at all. The distraction is away from who we are and becomes about what we do and what we achieve.

402. It does make me wonder how we managed to live with all of these expectations and not notice or see it as normal, and like you have mentioned Nikki, once you are aware there is a sense of freedom but at the same time you can feel the heaviness of it all.
     It just feels like there is so much unnecessary pressure placed on ourselves to live up to this perfect picture we carry around in our heads, and the only trouble is when you sense that you have done something near perfect there is this thought that I could have do such and such a little faster or whatever, these expectation are never satisfied and lives off of self criticism.

     1. This is so true Julie and I had not noticed this way expectation of perfection can come in the back door when I see I have done something nearly perfect that I then put pressure on myself for something else as there is a part of me that says “see you can be perfect’. I will watch for this one! Thank you.

     2. Yes Julie the treadmill of self criticism is relentless but bringing awareness to the lead weight of all our expectations allows us to start making different choices and appreciating all that we have to offer.

     3. I agree Julie, when we realize just how much pressure we put ourselves under, and thereby in effect everyone else in our lives, then its a wonder we haven’t all crumbled under the weight of it. It’s a guaranteed self-sabotaging mechanism to keep us from the appreciation of who we actually are, and also distracted from the responsibility we all have to live the truth of who we are.

403. Once the lead balloon is getting smaller, life will feel so much lighter. It is worth dealing with our expectations and images.

     1. Indeed Christoph, it is well worth dealing with our expectations and the images as these only withhold us from living a life that is filled with the light and joy we deserve to have.

        1. There is a book to be written about that – “free yourself from lead balloon of expectations, and enjoy your life”.

        2. Indeed living expectations are making us to not see what we actually could live. We just get blinded and reduced to the choice of expectations we have made.

        3. Well said Heather, the book has to be written to expose how we are living in the denseness of the lead balloon and that it is not about making the balloon lighter (also an illusion) but about choosing to live without the balloon and claiming who we truly are.

     2. Absolutely. Without dealing with them, we continue to live a lie- living with all that is not us and that which has been placed on us or that which we have placed on ourselves. Letting go of it all allows us to be in the glory and joy we were born with but in an adult body. Now that’s Divine!

     3. So true Christoph.

     4. Yes Christoph, it is worth dealing with them and it is very empowering to feel that we are the ones who create how our life feels. If we open up to honestly look at what we are doing and deal with what needs to be dealt with, we can step by step bring our life back to the natural joy and lightness which we felt when we were children.

404. Nikki your article is powerful for many reasons but the two that really stand out are 1) that you have blown the cover on ‘expectation’ and so many people who read this who also have the same relationship with expectoration will have the opportunity to expose it and 2) you have presented a blueprint of the process of awareness, therefore your article offers anyone with any condition whatsoever that is holding them back from expansion to become aware of it. Huge stuff !

     1. Very Huge- well said Alexis.

     2. I love an article that does this, exposes the problem, shows you how to do your own exposure, then gives a guide to what next. It is like good street directions, the ones where people give you enough detail that you can sense where you are going before you get there.

405. Thank you Nikki, that old chestnut of ‘perfection’. It’s there to un-do the glory we already are, to cast doubt and shadows to block the light we emanate naturally when we live in a loving way. Perfection is not real, it is a fabrication and a sabotage. What is real is the beauty in all our imperfections, and our willingness to keep going deeper, to being honest and willing to address areas in our lives that need addressing — but always from the vantage point that looks at those areas with the appreciation of who we are already. It’s a big one to claim and it’s certainly still in development for me, but I can feel how self-appreciation instead of self-critique changes everything.

     1. This idea of being perfect, or getting as near to it as possible is so damaging, but it is one most of us take on as children to gain recognition, a substitute for the love we are not getting for who we are. The next best things is to “do” well and be perceived as successful at something so we have something to hang our self worth onto. Admitting that “we are glory” can be a real process, especially when we have known such emptiness – denial being a powerful thing. However once felt it, it is impossible to dismiss and so begins the slow road back to living it in full. Falling for this idea of being perfect, as you say Katerina is a real fabrication and sabotage – a complete illusion, but one that can take over your perception of life. The fact that we are glory doesn’t mean that our lives are or will be perfect – far from it – and so to accept this is one huge leap forward!

     2. Perfection. Somewhere along the way this got made up, and sold cheap at the markets. And boy did a lot of us snap it up! Well, sounds great with the promise of everything working out perfectly doesn’t it.
        But perfection is rather like the bargain rug you bought at the bazar. You get it home only to discover that it is infested with bugs that eat your furniture, ruin your clothes and require 3 visits from pest control to eliminate.
        Wise to have never purchased it , but we can become wise to it at any time, and ditch it from our life.

406. i agree…expectation crushes and the weight of it, the lead balloon, takes the fun and joy out of anything and everything it touches. Expectation is the handmaiden of perfection and when I dance to its tune it takes me far, far away from myself and into the never, never land of not good enough. I love the awareness Nikki brings to expectation and the invitation to let it go and let our balloons be full of light, delicate, playful, tenderness instead.

     1. Spot on Adrienne, the expectation and drive for perfection takes the fun and joy out of anything and everything and it is exhausting as we can never get there. Learning to accept and appreciate myself just as I am has put the fun back into life.

     2. How much more joyous it is to be a be a light balloon that can let go and float all the way up to heaven.

        1. Gorgeous Josephine.

     3. I love this Adrienne, ‘expectation is the handmaiden of perfection’, and how many of us dwell in the land of ‘not good enough’… a place guaranteed to keep us from accepting and appreciating the grandness of who we are.. The world has dwelt an awful long time in the shadows and darkness of self-judgement and judgement of others, wanting to bring others down because of our own feelings of not being enough. But it is time for us to reclaim that grandness and let the world know how great it can be to live who we truly are. and that we all are equally.

     4. Once we open ourselves up to be aware of our expectations, we really begin to see them everywhere and in everything we have subscribed to! What Nikki brings to us though, is the fact that the possibility and responsibility of change is completely in our hands and comes with the choices to keep our awarenesses switched on and in not shying away from dropping all the behaviours and ‘holding back’ ill-choices that we’ve caused along the way.
        Make way for more of the light, delicate, playful, tenderness as you say Adrienne!

     5. I agree Adrienne, expectations I hold of myself and others suck the joy right out of life.

     6. Expectation, often times, is part of the package aimed at controlling things/people. Hence, expectations tend to have a more ‘hidden part’ where we act in the shadows in order to get what we wish.

        1. Well exposed Eduardo. And we do actually know when we do this as it is felt. It does take awareness and a very deep astuteness, along with an un-wavering commitment to live from our hearts to really nail this aspect of expectations.

     7. I can really relate what you say Adrienne – “expectation is the handmaiden of perfection.” This truly takes me away from myself and those around me never get the chance to feel the real me! I am learning to be more real and not a seeker of perfection.

     8. It seems crazy not to choose a ballon filled with light and air as opposed to one we can use as a door stop in a tornado.

     9. Expectations and perfection are cruel rulers and are very hard on their subjects. Your right Adrienne, they take the fun and joy out of everything and leave you with exhaustion and self worth issues. Appreciation and acceptance of yourself can help blow those dark clouds away and allow you to feel the warmth of the sun again.

     10. I so agree Adrienne2766 there is no joy when we weigh ourselves down with expectation, how much lighter life is when we let that lead weight go and simply take flight!

407. This is gorgeous Nikki
     I too have been observing and becoming more aware of the nervous tension I hold in my body. Just this morning I noticed it more deeply and got a little frustrated at myself for this tension being there! I love how your blog speaks of the expectations we place on ourselves and rigidity and tension this creates in our physical bodies. This supports me to further understand what I too have been choosing.
     Pondering on the expectations I place on myself, there are so many, for e.g. I should never be tired, everyday needs to be productive based on what I get done, I should know everything about a new profession I would like to pursue (before I have even started!), I should be ‘on top’ of ‘everything’ (this phrase is huge with so many ramifications), I am bad if I have not been for a morning walk… And the list goes on.
     A practice I have found supportive alongside breaking down the unreal pictures of how I would like to control things to be is to appreciate me for simply who I am. On reading your article I feel I can go deeper with this to not only appreciate myself on the surface and in my thoughts but also in how I am with my physical body, to move and allow myself to rest when needed with appreciation of myself. This is powerful, thank you.

     1. Yes Susan I feel appreciation and confirmation of ourselves is so key. So many of us can buy into these false beliefs and expectations of who we should be rather than seeing who we really are. I feel through developing this level of understanding and relationship with self we are able to see our true worth, value and begin to love who we are.

        1. Appreciation is the antidote to many things.

     2. Yes Susan I have found practising appreciation has been a great support to me but agree that deepening this to include how I am with my physical body would be enable me to treat my body more lovingly and especially to allow myself to rest when appropriate rather than push through to get something done, achieved, ticked off my list…

     3. Absolutely. It is super supportive to make space and question and ponder what expectations, pictures etc we have running in the background.

     4. Funny Susan, its like the frustration and resentment/reaction is all a part of the game of having expectations on ourselves.

     5. This is pure gold Susan. Even in our evolution and process of surrendering to our essence and trusting that we are enough, we can activate renewed expectations of how we should be. Shouldn’t be tired…always on the ball…super productive…never get sick…and Heaven forbid, never make a mistake!
        This reveals how our minds are always working to sneak in a fresh balloon as the old one melts away.
        All this requires a degree of astute awareness, but most of all connection to the body and love for its beautiful sensitivity that can detect a lead balloon in a flash.

        1. I love what you’ve both shared here Susan and Rachel, Appreciation is hugely healing and helps reverse that perfectionism. Breaking it down into appreciating how we are with our bodies and our thoughts does feel like another layer as opposed to just appreciating what we do. And being with the body allows us the living proof of what we are appreciating. Like just this morning I roll over to turn my alarm off and felt how light and tender my touch was, being with the body allows us to experience it’s value that we can then appreciate.

        2. Those moments are trivialised in life Leigh, that feeling of grace as our arm moves to touch an object, the quality in our fingertips that sends waves of our own loveliness back up and through our arm, confirming who we truly are….
           But the lead balloon, with its density and insensitivity to anything so delicately magnificent…says “what about that report you need to get done?” or “what about that silly thing you said? How ridiculous are you?’ It imposes values of varying importance in a Universe in which everything is absolutely equal.

        3. Yes Rachel, it is extraordinary to watch the array of expectations and images that parade across our minds during the day – ideas that come from . . . where???? I had a super duper experience of this recently in what could have ended upon a disaster if I had engaged with what crossed my mind during the conversation. But I remembered to surrender just in time and let go of those thoughts. . . and love ended up reigning – awesome harmony!

        4. I love those moments where the great truth’s are made so tangible and beautifully real in a moment. They are a tiny celebration of glory if only to ourselves.

        5. You’ve hit a bit of a nerve there Rachel – “shouldn’t be tired, always on the ball, super productive…another layer of expectation I have placed upon myself. Much has changed for me since writing this blog around 6 months ago yet reading your comment I realised there are more and more layers of expectation there. The pressure I place on myself simply by not allowing what is there, where I am and accepting and appreciating me.

        6. Well Nikkimckee, I hit it for both of us! I have made my development back to my essence a mountain climb with a back back full of lead balloons. Very helpful. My head is often bowed by the weight, as my feet drag. Mistakes made are my sins and all requires a heavy outpouring of effort. The occasional squint at the far distant peak makes my destination seem so…far…away….
           Actually I am smiling as I write this, strangely enough. My essence is sitting right here as I type it too. Development? Mountain top? Foot dragging? Head bowing?
           I feel its subtle warmth, the way it responds to my fingers on the keyboard when I am loving enough to be attentive to that gesture. All it asks is for me to take off the back pack, and surrender…

        7. We make it such an arduous climb when really we don’t even need to climb anything 🙂

        8. Just climb in, to our body. That is all. 😉

        9. Ha ha ha! (Do I sound like a kookaburra?)

     6. Thank you Katie – ‘delaying the opportunity to heal’ – this was exactly what I needed to read today! I feel the same about the nervous tension and anything uncomfortable that I’m feeling: I can either stuff it down, or distract myself from feeling it, burying it deeper in my body to come out later down the line, or deal with it, just by being open to feeling it, and accepting whatever is there to be felt. I also really relate to what you say about appreciation. It’s the foundation for healing and the antidote to hardness and anxiety, supporting me to let go of the control and subsequent nervous tension.

     7. I can understand this Susan and the frustration that comes with not measuring up to my pictures of perfection. Appreciation of who I am, and not what I do, is the key as you say. While I find this easier said than done I am working on deepening the level of appreciation I have for myself.

     8. So true Katie, being hard on ourselves only serves as a delay. Why not create the space to start appreciating?

408. Thank you Nikki, you describe nervous tension extremely well and I can relate. This can affect people in so many ways, but there is an effort to hide this, subdue it or bury it but it never ever goes away. Turning around and looking at it square in the face is the greatest move ever. If we bury this tension it will only come out of the body in some way or another and that is far more unpleasant than facing the truth that it there right now, awesome work.

     1. Tension is something that humanity has found so many ways to avoid, what is huge about this offering is that it does not point to solutions or fixes but to a open willingness to sit with the tension and identify the hollow nature of its hold. “….and yet now the grip has loosened and I am aware.”

     2. I agree Matthew, becoming aware of this tension is the first step and then the enormous realization of just how huge and entrenched this pattern is, the next step. It was through some bodywork sessions with Curtis Benhayon that I could begin to feel the body free of this self-imposed state, and thus able to have a great marker of how the body could feel naturally light and free. So the next step is now to become more aware of each choice I make to enter into that tension and what beliefs are underlying this pattern that are not a true way of being,.. and so step by step it is being released and discarded. – each step towards greater freedom. it is awesome work.

     3. I agree Matthew, it is so powerful to just step out of a situation and say, i’m nervous, or i feel sad, or vulnerable. I have been in a few situations recently where this is the case and it just feels like that lead balloon weight gets lifted straight away. An honest acknowledgement is a great first step to addressing the underlying root cause of any emotion. Thank you Nikki for writing on this topic.

     4. I agree, Matthew, that avoiding the physical fact of nervous tension does not work – even when bludgeoned with alcohol it eventually re surfaces. It’s a credit and testimony to the amazing fidelity and precision of our body that it marks everything – for our absolute benefit, should we choose to see it this way.

     5. Well said Matthew. The only way we can shift anything in our body is first by allowing ourselves to truly feel our body and all that it is feeling and then to be extremely honest. Ignoring or otherwise does not make anything go away- if anything it causes us to lace ourselves with even poorer habits to not feel it all – making it all worse in the end.

        1. Yes, on some level I’ll notice I’ve got tension. It’s not a great feeling and I’ll want to remove it. I can either pause, stay with it and feel what’s behind it. What expectations, pressures am I putting on the world and myself to be other than it is; what is asking to be accepted, let go, healed? Or I can get ‘rid of’ the tension by leaving it where it is and painting it over with a very bright colour that involves some sort of self-abuse like too much sugar or caffeine. So it is amazing to strip away that paint and come back to the original tension and not run but look at it and see what’s fueling it.

     6. Agreed Matthew, well said. Facing nervous tension dead on, brings it to light allowing it not to linger and fester in the shadows but exposes it in plain sight for what it is, loosening its hold upon our every move.

     7. When we lose the tension we gain so much like a better night’s sleep, feeling lighter and more vital and eating less comfort food. There is so much to gain when we lovingly choose to look at our tensions.

        1. Now this is newsworthy – just imagine the impact this would have on our world if subjects such as this were given high priority in the media.

        2. To a certain extent Tamara this would be newsworthy but as our media does not come from one company, it comes from several they would all have to agree to the truth. Hence the reason why people need to see and feel the truth and that is our responsibility to our fellow brothers.

409. We grow up in a world that silently expects us to act and be a certain way to be accepted, so it is no wonder that we learn to put expectations upon ourselves to live up to a self or societal imposed standard… and for them to then become the norm by which we compare ourselves to and base our self worth on. It is gorgeous that the tension that this creates has been exposed so that it can support you to be aware of and let go of the pressure, be comfortable with your imperfections… and just enjoy expressing you.

     1. This is so true Sam, there are subtle cues we get from people around us as to what is and isn’t acceptable from a young age, then we start imposing these expectations on ourselves. Caged by our own mental images.

     2. Not only does it create tension in ourselves, the quality we are in will be a holding of judgement and that quality will be felt by others. This can lead to reaction in others and putting up protective barriers, generating greater separation between us. This is when we lose the understanding and from there things only get more complicated.

        1. ‘the quality we are in will be a holding of judgement and that quality will be felt by others’ – when we put such impossibly high expectations on ourselves, we’re setting ourselves up to fail, it’s abuse. There is no such thing as perfection and to hold ourselves ransom to impossibly high standards is preventing us from living in the glory of who we are as we are always going to be feeling like we’re failing on some level.

        2. I agree Annie. I know in myself if I am self critical then I know I’m inviting others to judge me and confirm my judgement. I’m inviting them to feel better about another person when in fact we are equals. When I have enough of this I can just turn the tables and start judging others in an attempt to offset the imbalance I created. This is all very ugly and puts up barriers when actually there’s nothing more lovely than accepting oneself and connecting with others with no expectations in sight.

        3. Wow Annie – your expression is super powerful! It hits the nail on the head!

     3. Yes Samantha. It is totally understandable why and how this happens to us. The fact is, if we have not been given any form of true reflection of living who we naturally and truly are in truth from young then we are left to the falseness around us. And I agree. The tension is an absolute blessing. From this tension we feel the ‘what is not’ and once again reconnect to the truth. A beautiful design!

     4. The breaking point with the dynamics so well described by Sam, is when we allow feeling the tension in the body. That feeling, that takes place in less than a second, opens two possibilities. In one, we embrace the tension and ride along. We make it ours. In the other one, we do not allow the tension into our being and simply choose ourselves. The tension disappears like magic.

        1. I like it Eduardo. Solid !

     5. At times I have found myself asking the question: Who has expected this (any expectation) of me? Because it is silent and no one in my life has come up to me and said ‘You have to get this right on the first go’ – no one! And yet I’ve acted as thought the whole world is watching me (nevermind that they may be focusing on their own expectations). Knowing that I am the one placing that weight onto myself is great because I can take it off as well.

        1. Leigh the question you have raised is great ‘who is expecting this of me?’. It caused me to remember when I was in my teen years and had the feeling the whole time that others were noticing me. Looking around at how younger people act I actually think that it is a common thing for them to feel that they are being ‘noticed by others’ all the time. How stressful is that if a person is constantly assessing the way that they walk, hold their bag, smoke a cigarette, in fact do every-thing in the belief that they are being noticed. Most people don’t notice others because they are too wrapped up in themselves !

        2. This is an important point Leigh, as this way of being with ourselves can be very self-destructive and can very much impacted our day and how we feel, so a great one to catch and then learn from, one I can very much relate to.

        3. Well said Leigh. This question was key for me. Up until I asked this of myself I was blaming society and others for all the pressure. Once I took responsibility for the fact that it was me alone who put these expectations upon myself, things shifted dramatically. I realised it was my choice as to whether I did that to myself.

     6. But Samantha, how incredible is it that the tension becomes so normal we don’t even feel it any more? I know how true this is now, but if you asked me 10 years ago I would have said tension? what tension??

     7. So true Samantha. Although I would suggest these worldly expectations are not so silent. They seem to be continually blasted at as from all forms of media and it is little wonder that we then internalise these and place these expectations on ourselves. To me it feels like the key, as you and Nikki have shared, is in acceptance of ourselves. Acceptance of our imperfections and flaws, but also acceptance of our amazing qualities, for this amazingness is the truth of who we are. We are not the sum of our flaws.

     8. ​
        Love what you have written here Samantha Westall, I was feeling how important it is to feel life for yourself. So many times I take what is acceptable instead of how it actually feels for me. I must acknowledge what I feel, and take full responsibility for it if it hurts, its important to deal with the hurt before I rightfully own my expression.

410. This is a great image of a lead balloon feeling like the expectations you place on yourself. And when we release them you can literally feel the weight remove.

     1. I definitely can relate to this feeling Abby and it ‘does’ feel heavy feeling I have to do something or measure up – either to an expectation I’ve put on myself or an expectation I’ve bought into that I feel another has imposed on me. It’s been amazing having the experience of firstly being aware of this (instead of avoiding it or resisting it!) and then feeling the weight of this lift once I am willing to be honest about why and what it is I haven’t wanted to feel!

        1. Yes I agree it is a very heavy and imposing feeling and the thing is that if we are doing that to ourselves it means we are also doing it to everyone else. Then we have the situation where we are all imposing on ourselves and each other!

     2. I agree Abby. And also, the lead balloon is a great analogy because it is something outside of you, something you have taken on but, as it is not a part of you, it is easier to let it go and not identify with all that makes up the weight of it as being you.

        1. It was remarkable easy to let go of the lead balloon for this reason. Once the awareness was there and I could see how it was affecting me, and that it wasn’t actually me, it simply dissolved (imperfectly).

        2. ​
           That’s great Nikki and Johanna, seeing it as something outside of you frees you from the wieght. I can feel an expectation now in getting it right, just perfect; instead when you give yourself space everything is there – it comes to you – you come to you.

     3. So true Abby, when we let go of the burdens of our own expectations it is like a weight is lifted, and our body is most certainly freer to express truly without being stressed or strung out.

     4. It is absolutely stunning how much heaviness we put on ourselves by striving to be perfect. Whenever we come close to feeling that we have met our marker for being perfect, we will create a new one – making sure that we never can feel fulfilled. Why do we do that?

     5. A lead balloon that is tied around the ankle and getting dragged around with us everywhere we go and with everything we do.

     6. How many of us lugging our balloon of expectations not yet aware this is flattening our lives? This blog will help many of us who are so used to its weigh we no longer feel it tugging our arms and making our steps drag.

     7. I agree Abby, this is a beautiful metaphor. When I let go of my expectations I can feel the weight of them lift. Now I just need to work on not allowing the lead balloon to keep coming back.

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