During the Universal Medicine retreats in Australia and England this year, Serge Benhayon presented that one of the most evil energies to deal with is jealousy.
We talked in groups about our experiences of jealousy as children and how much it affected us in holding back our innate and natural way of being and expression: how much it hurt to feel family members, schoolmates, parents, teachers and others’ jealousy of our natural, loving and powerful way. To feel jealousy is very ugly. To be confronted with jealousy in your own family, by your parents and siblings, is heartbreaking, as these are the people you love and want to be loved by.
As a small child I was very joyful, tender and confident and very much connected with my surroundings. I had a very close relationship with my father, but the relationship between my mother, my sister and I was tainted by jealousy.
This had a huge effect on the way I learned to be and express, holding back more and more of who I truly was. When I was a teenager I lived in disregard, had no confidence in myself or my abilities, and was very nervous and anxious. I have lived a life full of complication in relationships, at work, being unemployed and so on.
Being unemployed often, I did not participate in life fully and was very protected and hard. By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about. I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!
Through the contact with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have changed in an incredible way. I am much more committed to life and work. I’m more self-confident, expressive, self loving and appreciative of myself.
Through the Universal Medicine retreats I was able to allow myself to feel the effect that jealousy had on me. When I returned from Australia I had a situation where I entered a room of people – dressed beautifully (make up and shining!) – and there was a woman who looked at me once and then turned away. I could name that this was jealousy. Although it had an effect on me, it was great that I allowed myself to clock it so that I could nominate jealousy in the future.
Sometimes I dress down on purpose. I don’t wear a beautiful dress when I feel to and only wear a little make-up instead of what I feel. I do this as I believe that I will be ‘too much’ with my joyful, shining eyes and gorgeous dress and people won’t be able to handle it. This has been interesting for me to observe. I can feel that when I wear clothes that I don’t feel to, it has an effect on the way I bring myself out in the world. I am holding back from saying, “YES, here is the amazing, powerful woman that I am.”
I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me. Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.
My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy. If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world. In becoming aware of the evil effect jealousy has on us, we can set ourselves free and start living who we truly are. If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.
Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are.
by Anonymous, Germany
Further Reading:
Jealousy
A Life of Comparison
How a Dog Taught Me About the Poison of Jealousy
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
We have all felt the effects of Jealousy, whether we want to be aware of this energy is another matter.
As you say Anonymous
‘To feel jealousy is very ugly. To be confronted with jealousy in your own family, by your parents and siblings, is heartbreaking, as these are the people you love and want to be loved by.”
This has a huge effect on the way we learn as children how to be, we hold back for fear of retaliation and retribution which leads to a withdrawal in some capacity so that we are no longer that bright bubbly child that saw the beauty in God in everything around them.This is one of the greatest crimes against humanity, being denied our right to the access of God.
Serge Benhayon talks about jealousy and many other topics in a way that exposes the energy behind the act and in the exposure the energy can no longer hide. Thousands of people have benefitted from the teachings and workshops of Universal Medicine and those people have in turn just by making different choices in their lives have, by reflection shown that it is worth expressing and being self loving as the rewards are huge as we get to feel the truth of who we are and that is the most precious gift we can give to ourselves.
Being aware of jealousy of the shining light you are reflecting is to appreciate the light in you.
Mad-ness ⚔️ is it not to hold jealousy over another as our evolution is about coming together in 💑BROTHERHOOD through the LOVE 💕 we all innately 😇 are. 👫 then walking 🚶🏿♂️ band in hand 🖐 in 🤚 through life as equals
Jealousy is one of the main players in how and why we have standardised mediocracy.
It is our responsibility to be the amazing being we are no matter what, ‘I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!’
I’m being shown more and more that we all bring a certain quality or uniqueness to the world. We all have an essence but how that essence is expressed is what makes us unique. If we were all too fully understand this; then I feel there would be no jealousy or comparison and that we would encourage each other to be all that we are, so that so that we can all benefit from the all that we bring. Unfortunately we have manufactured a world that makes it almost impossible to express from our essence and those that do are ridiculed and shunned by a society that currently doesn’t want to know that there is another way to live as they have too much investment in what has been created.
“I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!” I recently looked back over my life and saw the many decisions I made to avoid success were simply to avoid how bullying jealousy felt. It’s an enormous topic we don’t give voice to enough because if it was out in the open and understood we would have the opportunity to work through how it feels, and then continue to make supportive choices instead of choices that reduce our capabilities and expression in life.
Now, with more understanding we can make new choices, ‘If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.’
Letting go of through True-observation brings to us an appreciation of our divine essences and thus eliminating, any thoughts that would make us lesser than our divine essence.
Relearning that we are truly sensitive human-beings has been the light bulb moment to many insights that happen to us as children. When we are children we feel everything and are acutely aware of family as this is who we interact with the most when we are very young. We can feel the jealousy, the wanting to smother us with unwanted emotional energy and we are used as emotional dustbins for the interactions of the family. We don’t understand any of this when we are young and this is how we get smashed by energy because no one will admit they are not in a great space to be with someone let alone a child. Because we got smashed as children ourselves we too have lost our sensitivity so the merry- go- round goes around. If we want to get off the merry-go-round we as adults need to unpick our hurts, and understand why we get jealous when we can feel someone is in a grander space than we are.
For me it was very freeing to understand what happen to me if someone is jealous. With that knowing I was able to change my relationships as I stayed in connection without making myself less.It is really worth it to try it out as my relationships became so much deeper.
I’ve found I can handle jealousy really well, especially if the person or people are not in my life, but it’s when I don’t want it from a particular person I’m in a relationship with, and I’m invested in jealousy not being there, that I can have a reaction and reduce myself. It’s then about me cutting the picture or demand on someone and allowing them space, and walking away if necessary if the situation becomes intense or abusive.
Being aware of jealousy from another can cloud our awareness of a underlying jealousy of another.
Jealousy is awful – there is no doubt about it – but it’s also an amazing test of what is truly important to us and of how strong we really are in the face of opposition.
Thank you Meg for your comment. Someone recently pointed out to me my strength in certain areas, and then encouraged me to bring that into areas I am quite wobbly in, this felt very supportive. If I can hold steady in certain ugly situations then I have the strength to do so in others. I agree too that part of overcoming jealousy is holding the essence of ourselves that we step away from when we react as more sacred than the situation confronting us. Thanks for your words on it being a test, it’s like a training ground offering an opportunity to strengthen.
Jealousy can destroy families and friendships, in many ways. When we are jealous of some one it is often their choices we are jealous of, rather than what we think it is, and the fact that we didn’t make the same choices for ourselves.
Yes, jealousy is a very destructive energy.
If we allow ourselves to be open and inspired by another’s reflection there is no space for jealousy or comparison.
How truly touching this is .. Stating that we need to take more awareness when it comes to jalously, as this evil – we are not worth. We are who we truly are naturally, holding this back is the most evil act to do.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” This is what is key for me also, and to realise that the reactions from others I’m experiencing are truly related to that person’s relationship with themselves and their own evolution.
Its so important for us to understand what jealousy is and what feeds it, otherwise we are at the mercy of it. Whether we are on the receiving end or whether we are dishing it out. Either way it causes a lot of pain.
It is great to read this article again and to remember how awful jealousy feels, how crushing it can be when it is given free reign.
It gives us the opportunity to reflect on what jealously is and where we feel it inside our lives. To actually clock it and start noticing (observing it).
It is never nice to feel another’s jealousy of you. In fact it is utterly devastating and at times horrid. But as much as we can say it is up to the world to stop being jealous of us, how much of what we are doing is contributing to that. Even choosing to feel less because of the jealousy is still feeding it.
Thanks Joshua, I liked how you brought it back to energetic responsibility, and that if we truly hate the energy of jealousy our purpose is then to live in a way that doesn’t contribute to it.
Jealousy is devastating, particularly when it leads to giving up on life so no one else can ever be jealous again from you. This move is a ‘smart’ one at a specific level but devastating one on a deeper one. It guarantees a permanent struggle in creating a life devoid of anything that is natural about you. A life without you. A life devoid of you.
Sometimes situations and energies feel so devastating we don’t know how to overcome them, but every situation holds an opportunity for us to actually master it. We may need support and to take baby steps but we can overcome what is happening to us and learn to live from our soul – the part of us that remains untouched and is love. Experiences may still at times hurt but the difference is we can recover ourselves without changing life or reducing living the fullness of who we are. I am doing this myself and have lived allowing the devastation of jealousy, and am making my way into learning how to be with it without reducing myself or reacting.
This is key, jealousy is out there, so it is important to not let it affect us, ‘am making my way into learning how to be with it without reducing myself or reacting.’
I agree with you Eduardo when we withdraw and give up on ourselves it has a devastating effect on us, it can take life times to recover as in the withdrawal we have given ourselves over to the Astral energy and become their puppets, so that it can take lifetimes to bring ourselves back to the truth of God again.
Jealousy is so ugly, and I found myself feeling it towards another recently and it felt awful in my body and on discussing it with them after I got to feel the impact on them … naming it was great, feeling how horrible it was awful, but feeling the truth of how it destroys both those feeling jealous and the other under it’s impact is huge. And the reminder I got with this is jealousy is a self fury, triggered when another shows us the joy they are and we feel how we have not lived our own joy, so it’s a call to come back to us and live who we are.
Monicag2 that is such a clear explanation of jealousy
‘And the reminder I got with this is jealousy is a self fury, triggered when another shows us the joy they are and we feel how we have not lived our own joy, so it’s a call to come back to us and live who we are.’
When the energy behind the act is exposed we have the opportunity to make more loving choices and be inspired by the other person and what is possible if we make those same loving choices.
Jealousy is so ugly, and I found myself feeling it towards another recently and it felt awful in my body and on discussing it with them after I got to feel the impact on them … naming it was great, feeling how horrible it was was awful, but feeling the truth of how it destroys both those feeling jealous and the other under it’s impact is huge. And the reminder I got with this is jealousy is a self fury, triggered when another shows us the joy they are and we feel how we have not lived our own joy, so it’s a call to come back to us and live who we are.
Just imagine, for a moment, not having jealousy in your life… what a liberation.
So true – we construct our life in order to avoid feeling certain feelings only to hurt ourselves even more as holding ourselves back is actually the most excruciating painful thing we can do to ourselves and others.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” This is so very true, and at some level most of us probably know that but for one reason or another we keep on shrinking instead of living in the fullness of who we naturally are. We are here to shine our light and walk on this earth in our magnificence no matter what comes at us; this is what we were born for and what the world needs from us right now..
The truth is jealousy exists, it is up to us to read and respond to this or react to it and drop – we always have a choice.
We are all comprised of love and are divine in equal amounts to each other at the very core of our being. However, we do not all express this light in equal amounts. Enter jealousy – a force designed to paralyse a person’s expression of their innate divinity (warmth, light, sparkle, pizazz etc.) so those that are not expressing as much as the targeted person, can feel better about themselves when the ‘bright light’ turns its volume down a bit and in so doing will not expose in too great a detail, the utter darkness we keep choosing to live under and in.
It is important for us all learn to accept anothers reactions as their own, as something we can observe so we don’t absorb, cower or react ourselves.
It is just so brilliant to come to know the deep and abiding Love that one actually is, and come to an appreciation of this, and of the others in your life and the world, because once this is established comparison drops and where there is no comparison there can be no jealousy. What an intruding imposter it is!
Lyndy you have added to the conversation by bringing in the word comparison this is something we are all encouraged to do, compare to each other to be in competition to each other. We have invented sayings such as ‘to keep up with the Jones’s’ to out do them. To do that you have to be in comparison which is another way to keep us in the separation of each other rather than feeling the energy of Brotherhood which is our natural state of being.
Once we embrace jealousy with the joy of being who we are we know that jealousy can no longer have a lasting hold on us. This comes with understanding ourselves and others and being able to deeply read a situation – whether it be a pang of jealousy toward another or jealousy coming at us – either which way both are opportunities to learn and grow.
It starts with the knowing inside you.. one that is so true. Once we connect to that truth, we instantly smell jealousy, as it is aimed on that power, as we have been claiming that knowing or something that they also have but not yet have chosen so.
Danna our spirit is so cunning and it hates being caught out and even worse exposed. This is what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has accomplished by reminding the world of the truth of who we all are naturally so. This has exposed the false way we are all living which is driven by the spirit. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has exposed the myriad of games the spirit plays with us while all the time hiding its true purpose which is to resist evolution for as long as possible.
Yes for us to be affected by jealousy we have to have an opening so to speak in how we think about ourselves where there is doubt of the fact we are amazing and that it is ok and natural to be feeling amazing. When we do claim that than we can see jealousy but will never let it in and affect us. It is so great to be aware that it is not just the other person’s fault but also that we have the choice of how we are with it.
‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me’ i was sometime ago confronted with a siblings jealousy, I wasn’t sure at the time what it was but after hearing Serge speak about jealousy I realised what it was, it was then easy to understand that the jealousy was because that had not chosen their own light, so it was easy not to take it personal.
The efforts we go to to avoid feeling all that goes on around is extraordinary. Unfortunately that all it remains though efforts and all that does is add to our levels of exhaustion. When we live who we are, there is no effort and we see much more clearly that what is going on around us is not about us at all, so our earlier efforts have been for no reason at all.
I am learning to see jealousy in full for what it is and I would agree it is one of the most evil energies I am learning to deal with. It feels like that the more I allow myself to see and feel the more intense it is and becomes. Every jealous emotion I have to experience that comes my way I have given out. I know what it is like to be jealous of another and I know that learning to understand jealousy in another is part of my evolution so I may as well get out there and deal with it as it comes as it is inevitable as I live the true, beautiful and delicate woman that I am.
Thank you Caroline, the perfect words for me to read today about jealousy being “part of my evolution so I may as well get out there and deal with it as it comes as it is inevitable as I live the true, beautiful and delicate woman that I am.”
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” Shine on and invite others to be inspired instead of sinking into self-destructive jealousy.
When we feel the jealousy of another because of how amazing we are looking I feel that starting to shrink back into ourselves is almost a knee jerk reaction; I know that I have in the past. But how powerful would it be to be able to hold the amazingness that we are reflecting so steadily that not only the jealous person but everyone else around us can feel what is possible for them too?
The teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon give people an opportunity to explore what’s really going on in their lives. And for those people who feel that there is more to this current way of living, they are offered tools to support them to break old patterns and beliefs that keep them stuck in a very one dimensional way of life.
This is a brilliant blog about jealousy and the negative impact it has on us all. I too grew up in a household full of jealousy and it was definitely frowned upon to be joyful, it came back to me when reading the blog that I would be asked the question when I was young
“What have you got to be so happy about”
As children we have a natural joyful nature and when this gets eroded away we end up miserable and take this misery with us into adulthood. To me this is a huge crime against humanity as we all seemingly end up grey and withdrawn from life, just like the characters in the book 1984.
Jealousy is so destructive. It can ruin someone’s career, it can make family life hell, it causes deep separation between people, and most of all it will damage the one who employs it as a side-kick. Being aware now that there was a time when jealousy was not part of human nature and was introduced to trip us up, it seems even more ridiculous that jealousy could be part of our daily lives.
Until we are honest about the presence of jealousy in our lives, either directed at us or from us to others, we will not be able to feel how devastating it is and how much it can get in the way of us being our full,glorious selves.
The true evil of jealously is exposed here lovingly with an understanding that allows us to change everything and shine out and be who we truly are. What an inspiration to live and love shining brightly and brings a joyfulness in this magically and true healing and acceptance to our lives.
Thank you Anonymous for all you have shared. I appreciated this line “Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” I am sure I felt like this as a child as the force of jealousy felt in the body from another is so awful one can easily construct that as a kind of disapproval if not punishment. We clock that our being in the fullness of ourselves and shining is what attracts another’s jealousy and we learn to shut off our inner connection. As an adult as I’ve explored this I’ve also felt the key is not to take it personally, and to lighten up about it and continue on being as consistent in my love and joy as possible. Jealousy is a sure sign of the comfort we have chosen to be less, instead of living the love and powerful light we naturally are as souls.
The purpose of jealousy is to diminish the volume of light lived on earth, and the antidote for jealousy is to bring more and more love through the way we live, as such reflecting to all the light we are in essence. In our connection to our Soul, to who we are, the power of our reflection is everything and the fury of jealousy is extinguished to a puff of smoke that very quickly dissipates into nothingness.
The purpose of reflecting our light without any diminishing is so that everyone sees that this light is also within them. With that there is no jealousy.
Jealousy is a killer of transparency. It invites us to live an opaque life as we welcome the shadows that were casted upon us with our broken heart.
Evil is always portrayed as a dark force, something very big and foreboding… And yet here it is right in our backyard… Jealousy.
Very true Chris, the harm of jealousy needs to be exposed, this blog is a great way to start the conversation and bring awareness around this.
Thank you for giving such rich and clear insight about jealously as it is often the key to why we avoid standing in our power. So we free our way when we nominate and continue to speak and stand in our power. We will understand ourselves and others more truly..
I have been very good at playing small to avoid any attention. Slipping under the radar has almost been a way of life. I’ve started to break that pattern now and learning to deal with peoples reaction of me. It’s not that I’m any more special than the next person, as they would have jealousy pointed at them all the time too, it’s just that I realised that I’m really cutting my nose off to spite my face when I dumb myself down. NO one wins at that game.
This is a brilliant blog about jealousy and its affect on us. How it taints our childhood and squashes that innate beauty we naturally have within us all. To see it as an energy coming through someone and not the person themselves does take the sting out of it. I have grown so much in my self awareness that when I’m confronted with jealousy now that it’s just like water running off a duck’s back, it doesn’t affect me any more.
Struck on re-reading this, how our initial experiences of jealousy within family can set us up for a lifetime of not fully living our amazingness for fear of inciting such response in others. So it’s only by beginning to accept ourselves in full that we can start to break the pattern of dressing down, both physically and metaphorically.
Cathy I agree, that’s why conversations like this are so important, as when we were children we were undeniably feeling the effects of jealousy and making decisions that would potentially affect our whole life. Working through it together is very healing as we can be open and honest about it and begin the process of examining not just how it has affected us, but the next steps to remain in connection to our essence and soul despite the presence of jealousy.
Great point about how insidious jealousy is, because it’s not just about keeping us lesser, dumbing us down so we don’t stand out and thereby incur ridicule, rejection or hurt. No. Jealousy has as its target those who could otherwise be inspired by the way we’re choosing to be, to live, to look, to communicate, keeping them lesser so they know no different. That’s the real evil behind jealousy.
I agree with the comment above posted by Heather, when you are stuck in jealousy, wanting what another has…it takes you away from being present with yourself, and so keeps you stuck in a pattern of being less than who you truly are.
Jealousy is often described as wanting what another has, but when you are stuck in that jealousy you cannot be with yourself, and so you cannot develop in life towards the way you want your life to be (i.e. what you were jealous of in the first place).
It’s great to see conversations around this as jealousy is not something you can simply look at once or glance at and expect it to be gone. As I was just reading on http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html there is more and more to jealousy then we or I currently imagine. I have looked at it at times but then not kept exploring and really feeling what was happening in and around me. I love reading things like this as it feels like it really supports me to see more, to see deeper into what plays out in my everyday.
And who is actually deciding that we are too much for a person or group? This is a judgement that holds the space already limited – whilst actually we only have to be who we are – how can that be too much?…
I was a master at trying to hide my light, and even though I did a pretty good job of it, I could never dull it completely. I now embrace and adore my light – Me. I can still try to dull it down if I feel jealousy from another but more and more often my deepening love of myself supports me to stay steady in the onslaught and simply reflect love and stillness, understanding and compassion.
What I have come to understand about jealousy is that there is a emptiness in the person and in that state an energy can come through them, so it’s not them just an energy they are allowing through. I am learning to observe the energy not the person and in this way I don’t take it personally. This is a huge life lesson to learn because as a child I was devastated by jealousy coming from my family and in reaction kept my self-small so as not to be seen.
yes, it’s so true that if we all play small, then where on earth will be get the inspiration to we all of who we are. Most of us are holding so much back, so much potential that could really change the face of current society which, let’s be honest, is pretty uninspiring.
Jealousy I imagine has kept many of us small, it is important not to let it affect us so we can be our amazing self for all to see, ‘we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.’
What if we knew when we listen to our body honestly that jealousy and comparison is an extremely destructive energy that causes sickness and disease, would we still give ourselves the excuse to be so controlled by our hurts and make jealousy and comparison as something so common place in life? Holding onto our hurts is our guarded way of living life, choosing to not see the truth of the world, the immense love that is in the world, because we choose to first hold back our enormous love. This is the first comparison–it is that we have it with our true self.
‘I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.’ Coming to that place of understanding allows a greater overview of any situation.
Just imagine if we were told from a very young age that “If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world”, how very differently our young would look at life compared to what most of us have. Playing small for fear of being hurt actually hurts us, it hurts others and the world misses out on the amazingness that we naturally are.
This is a topic we seldom talk about, because its one of those feeling that we don’t like to admit we have towards others, yet we know it is rife. Its great learning not to take jealously from others seriously and drop using it as a reason to keep ourselves small. True, it doesn’t feel nice, but not fully expressing and dumbing ourselves down hurts even more.
De-personalising jealousy is an enormous and important step for us to make and this we can only do when we pan out and see that jealousy is a force that comes ‘through’ people and not ‘from’ them, with the ill intent to dismantle our relationship with all the is true, loving and Divine. Forget nuclear weapons, it is the most destructive force we have to reckon with on planet Earth. And reckon with it we must, in order to shake the hold this force has had over us all for so long.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me” and once we learn to be the observant in life and not react we become empowered as there is nothing more healing than being who we truly are.
Our relationship with jealously can be one where we choose it and send it in daggers at another, or another jealous and sending daggers at us. Either way it is degrading and disempowering of both people. No one can win with jealously. It is therefore super important to have blogs such as this one that call it out and offer practical ways to see it, understand it, but to not drop to its force, instead remain full and holding of ourselves and the absolute divine essence within.
Whether we are the giver or the receiver of jealousy, it is a horrible thing to feel.
I agree Nikki, it’s has a definite and very negative effect on the body whether it’s coming through ourselves or through another at us.
To feel jealousy is certainly ugly Anonymous. As you have stated we can beat jealous feelings by simply living love, truth and from our innate wisdom;
“Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are”.
Being honest about jealousy in families between parents and siblings is huge. Most of the time we do not want to look at it as it would expose the lack of true love we hold for each other and expose the lies we live with that we accept has true.
I notice how often I change how I am to accommodate others reactions but I am finding the more present I am with myself the less tired I get and the more able I am to observe life going on around me rather than react to it.
a great blog about why we hide from jealousy – a force which is designed to make us renounce our divinity and stop expressing that we are more than human – which is why jealousy originated from those that had already shut down such and were not wanting the reflection of being grander.
‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me’ this is so powerful because we lose our connection with ourself when we are constantly measuring how much of ourselves we can reveal. Accepting that jealousy exists but that this does not mean I need to alter who I am is key to deepening my relationship with myself and building a foundation of love to support me through life.
I am recognising more and more how I kept myself small and played games to avoid feeling jealousy from others, this is not only futile but then feeds my jealousy when I meet others who have made different choices. I spent years in denial of having jealousy in my life and it is has been challenging to address it but I am appreciating more and more what I and others have to offer and this is a glorious confirmation of the power of love which wins over jealousy every time.
If we all appreciated the unique and much needed qualities that we bring then comparison and jealousy would be far less rife.
I agree Fiona, appreciation of myself has been the antidote to stop my jealously towards others.
Jealousy is evil. Receiving it feels awful and feeling it for another feels just as awful. Wanting what others have or feeling like we need to hide so that others don’t feel inadequate etc is just a complete set up to keeping us all seperate from eachother. Appreciating ourselves is the only antidote to jealousy.
Jealousy happens in a nanosecond and let’s face it, we don’t want to feel it because it feels awful at both ends. When jealousy comes our way, we can either shrink from it, or stay in our essence and let the person who is jealous feel that they too are the same if they so choose to be.
I too played small to avoid jealousy but now, when I can feel jealousy towards another from myself I’m like hold on, where I have been playing small? Seeing how playing small actually cripples me and makes me prone to being jealous of another who’s chosen to be themselves and not hold back. So now I see playing small as toxic and not just for this reason but for not lighting the way for others to see who they truly are. Now I’m more open to understanding jealousy and that, though it can be an uncomfortable process, it can be one where a person reconnects to the pain of shutting their equal beauty down and decides to simply be themselves.
We need to bring this out in the open more and more, so thank you. Jealousy is a hideous evil act and I have been both the receiver and the giver and if I am honest, it feels awful in both cases. This week I was jealous of another and went to travel down the evil path with a whole set of relentless thoughts, and before I got too far down that rabbit hole and I was like WOAH….STOP right there…this person just made different choices to you, they chose XYZ and you did not, that is why you are feeling jealous right now. It still stung but I took more responsibility for my choices instead of flinging them onto another in the form of jealousy.
Jealousy is hideous to feel as the receiver of jealousy and the one who is jealous. I’m very aware of what it feels like to feel jealous – a shrinking, tightening feeling and I cannot stand what I see before me because I am not choosing what the other person has chosen for myself. However, being on the receiving end of jealousy is what we all do not want to feel, and then do not want to admit we feel because it usually comes from those we love. But if we don’t take it personally and see it as someone furious with themselves for not making the same choices, then it can’t hurt us, and we can have understanding towards them.
It is so great to not take jealousy (or anything!) personally Anonymous – I really appreciate what you have said in this blog, and I have become aware in the last couple of years how I dumbed myself down so as not to attract it. Jealousy certainly has a huge capacity to be destructive in our lives, whether one is jealous or is its target. the destruction works either way. I’m having to prepare Othello for a student today and its extraordinary how many lives just one person being jealous can affect.
On reflection on my past choices, I can see clearly now what was actually jealousy being expressed towards me, that I re-interpretted to feel that there was something wrong with me and went to great lengths to ensure that I remained as invisible as possible to avoid this discomfort. The result being to bring great harm to myself and others by holding back expression, incase of being misunderstood or causing more jealousy coming at me. Re-connection with myself has been great to bring a true healing to this.
I relate to the making sure there is nothing for people to be jealous of. I used to play the little girl, make mistakes, be aloof, fumble and act like I was incapable all to avoid jealousy. Now I see how damaging it is to hold back who I am on my body and the illness and disease that results as well.
I can so relate to what you have said Aimee – I was continually doing the same, acting like I was a bit of an idiot and dimming and dumbing down all that I am. Whoa! Now I gradually let out this beautiful loving magnificent being inside of me and calibrating less and less.
Aimee, so did I and I took on comments from friends which were jealous remarks and made myself less so that I didn’t shine or radiate my inner beauty.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me”.Which means self doubt creeps in and the game of playing small starts all over again doesn’t it?
This is a key step for healing the long term effect of jealousy felt from others. and the poison accumulated in the body by thinking there is always something wrong with us, rather than the perpetrator of the jealousy, can be released from the body.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me”.
What is it about jealousy that makes us want to recoil and contract? Because to me a jealous comment or look can hurt deeper than a punch.
‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy.’ Well said and very true, I have played the game of being small for most of my life and the way to heal this pattern has been to appreciate and accept my qualities and to begin to walk in the power and strength of who I truly am – it’s a forever deepening process that is worth choosing everyday.
It is one thing to feel and expose the jealousy coming towards us but another to admit the underlying jealousy that is within us. For such a while although uncomfortable it was easy to nominate and see it for what it was the jealousy coming towards me but not so easy to see that it was a reflection of the jealousy within me. By choosing self love we can heal the jealousy within us.
If jealousy is as described in this article in my words, a very rough and suppressing feeling then why would we choose to take it on? I mean if, which I agree with, jealous effects us so greatly or puts so much pressure on us why would we choose at any moment to take it on? What I am saying is that this article takes us to how jealousy feels and rightly so. But if we can feel all that jealousy is and all that it does then it shouldn’t enter us. Like the article highlights, “I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.” If there is a part we are learning when it comes to something like jealousy and we have been taking it on then there is a part jealousy plays in our life. The only way to carry something is from a need from us to try and ‘protect’ it. I would say taking in and on jealousy would be hiding the fact that this is how we are as well with others. In other words we are seemingly protecting a behaviour in ourselves that directly relates to jealousy. It’s worth considering deeper why things are like they are and unfolding our part as this is the way to heal it for all.
‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small’ – So true, and we spend our whole lives playing ‘human’ when actually our cells and particles are made from something much much grander…
People don’t have to say anything you can just feel the jealousy rippling off them. I have dealt with other peoples jealousy by caring greatly for myself this has built up a trust in my body that I am okay no matter what is happening externally. I never used to be like this and I live such a different way of life thanks to the support of Serge Benhayon and the Universal practitioners, who have supported me to rebuild my confidence in myself and know I am worth taking care of. Now it’s taking that level of care deeper into my body which feels beautiful and oh so natural.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” I love this sentence as this can be ‘applied’ to any situation where self-doubt wants to creep in.
Wow – this brought another dimension to my vision. As you just exposed a new angle of why we hold back and what we are afraid of to receive and want to avoid exposure. As this sentence so well shows: ‘I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!’ Thank you for showing your truth and no longer hiding it, so we can all learn from it and stop numbing ourselves to not feel any more.
I can see the relationship I and we all have with jealousy. It’s great to name it, see it and heal it if you get that far and also recognise the only way you see it truly is to understand how you have wielded it over another. It’s one thing to see jealousy coming your way an another seeing to coming from you. Like with anything life is never a one way street and jealousy is no different. We can name jealousy or see jealousy which is great and equally do we ‘go to town’ to put a stop to it once and for all. There are many steps for us to walk back through in life and jealousy is one of them. You don’t need to go into it but we need to feel how it works and equally how it doesn’t make sense. Jealousy is very personal to us and how it has impacted on us and how we have affected others is a great balance to bring to everyone.
It is great to remember that when we feel jealousy directed at us by another, it is never actually about us but wholly about the other person who is in reaction.
‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small.’ I wonder how many of us have played this game? I certainly have and I can feel there are no winners in life when we play it small. If we were a star would we choose to dim our light or sparkle brightly no matter what, knowing that light would be reflected everywhere?
It is huge to start realising how can use every minute to reinforce the smallness, the hiding and the self-dismissal such that it becomes our normal, and that is what we identify as oursleves, when in fact it not truly us at all – just a deliberate ploy to avoid the immense beauty, power and grandness of who we truly are and where we are from. So why do we avoid this? is it because we don’t like the reactions or jealousy from others, or is it because we don’t want to relinquish the identity we have become comfortable and familiar with – though if we chose to let it go we would remember what it is to live truly free and in true harmony with all.
We can only be ‘too much’ for the spirit, who wants to keep us trapped in issues and being less than who we are. There is never ‘too much’ for the limitless soul, which rejoices in every expression of divinity.
“Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are” I would not have thought this possible not that long ago but I now know the power of what it means to truly be myself and live this and the immense joy that this brings. It is always a learning process but the more I am able to hold myself in all situations and not lessen myself or try to hide the more I can feel how much life takes on a new meaning and things like jealousy no longer have the same affect. Jealousy is a world wide problem and it would be great if we talked more openly about things like this in our schools so it is exposed and understood more deeply..
To be able to notice jealousy when it is sent your way is important. It is not a sign to dismiss the other person, but a “note to self” to say that is not a loving response and choose not to take it onboard or diminish in any way.
The evil effects of jealousy comes in different forms, some are very obvious to spot and others are disguised in niceness which is not so obvious. I am still learning to observe when I experience jealousy and to not react or take it personally. Learning to read the energetic quality of what is being expressed and trust what I feel is the best way to expose jealousy and not get affected.
‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.’
Self-doubt goes hand-in-hand with jealousy… together these evils can undermine us enormously. Recognising what we feel when jealously comes our way and understanding the reaction behind it – and staying solid within ourselves – is key to letting these twin forces wash over us rather than change us in any way. A huge thanks to Serge Benhayon for sharing his understanding of the dynamics at play. I couldn’t have got there without his, and Natalie Benhayon’s, presentations on this subject.
Well said Victoria. And yes, a huge thanks to Serge and Natalie Benhayon from me too – I cannot imagine what my life would have looked like now if I had not met these two people.
Understanding jealousy from the perspective that it confirms we are ‘showing ourselves in full’ to another helps enormously to deal with the tension it creates. A work in progress for me I have to say, but getting easier to recognise it and name it when it occurs. Also easier to feel it arise in me at times and understand what it is too.
We all clock moments of jealousy. When we do, we can know we’re bringing all of who we are – or at least an aspect of ourselves the other has yet to master.
We can either react to receiving jealousy or choose to understand where it comes from, read and observe it for what it is. I have heard a wise person share that we could take someone being jealous of us as a compliment, I like this, it is a playful way of looking at jealousy.
Thank you Anonymous for speaking up about the evil force of jealousy. I too have played small throughout my life in many ways to avoid feeling hits of jealousy, but have realised that playing small is a far bigger hit to take. For not only are we forgoing being ourselves, diminishing our greatness, we are also denying others being blessed by the reflection of who we all equally are in essence. This is the destructive impact that jealousy has on us all. We are when in connection to our essence we are no match for any evil force that may come our way and instead reflect the way we can truly live in the equalness that we already naturally are .
On feeling just how much I love people, I know when I feel jealous that I have stepped away from myself, and allowed myself to choose to be jealous. Yes, big words, ‘allowed and choose’, but the strength in knowing this about myself, is the gold, because it I know without doubt I have choice. And it is just 1 breath and I am back fully loving people again. This is the power we all have within.
We don’t realise how much we are actually affected by jealousy and we even metamorphose ourselves into something else just in order to avoid feeling that fury. It is very painful to feel the gap we create between the grandness of who we are and the shrink-to-fit version of ourselves. We do know how magnificent we are in truth no matter how small we portray ourselves to be.
“Living in a way so that there is little to be jealous about” – yes, I can relate to that and the way you have worded it has just helped me to look a little deeper into my own behaviours and patterns.
I would say since that particular UK retreat I have still resisted and avoided feeling the hurt of having jealousy directed at me. While I can say I have grown in myself and learnt to express my innately loving self more it is measured and controlled. When I make statements such as ‘I don’t want to walk in my light’ it physically hurts my body. Reading this blog makes me wonder if this reaction in me is even mine in the first place or is it from another. Thank you.
I can relate to avoiding wearing something extra nice or wearing make up to avoid being ‘too much’. It’s a work in progress to let this go, but I can absolutely see just how damaging it is to me and everyone around me when I choose to hold back. When I see someone express themselves in full, it inspires me to do the same, hence the importance our responsibility is to be ourselves.
People don’t even have to say anything, just by how they move they can be expressing jealousy or comparison. They is no way that, when looked at the overall evil effects jealously has on us and others, that there could be any justification summed in the slightest to show that jealousy or comparison. Yet it is rife.. so much so that it lies in almost ever facet of life from the playground at school to the sports field, to even the family dinner table. We feel this way about ourselves and others though simply because it is not the norm to appreciate and celebrate others but equally ourselves for how awesome we naturally can be!
‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small.’ – story of my life!
Playing small to fit in has been my tactic to avoid jealousy. But in that, I lost the sense of who I was and always felt insecure around people. I look at jealousy differently now, like I must be doing something right to make people jealous. It still feels yuk, but I understand more.
I can so relate to your comment Rachel E. Loosing the sense of who we are too me was devastating because it felt as though I had lost my connection to God. Now I know this is just a trick being played by an as yet unseen energy that does not want me or any of us to remember God or our relationship with him and what he truly represents to all of us. When we all reconnect back to the essence and Glory that we all come from we will live in brotherhood where there is no jealousy, abuse, competition where decency and respect towards each other will have their true meaning again.
there is another deliberate misinterpretation of glory.. in the insecurity of one’s emptiness and separation there is the drive to appear better than another -either by intellect, beauty, efficiency, charisma, uber-coolness – but underlying this is a wish to be recognised as superior as an attempt to not expose the deeper inferiority or emptiness felt within. But what we can reflect is true glory which presents the possibility of and invitation to the equal glory for all.
yes I agree, we have misinterpreted the jealousy coming towards us and reacted by contraction and diminishing of ourselves rather that seeing that jealousy is targetted outwards but in fact it is because of another’s own choices to not live what they knew deep down to be true. and the diminishing of ourselves diminishes all.
Anonymous, on reading your blog I realise that I was playing a similar game of avoiding jealousy having felt it come at me when I was young and making a choice to play small so as to not attract it. Serge Benhayon has shared that jealousy arises due to the fact that we have not made the choices we see another doing and, having experienced this in myself, I now have a greater understanding of why people get jealous and can no longer use that as an excuse to stay small.
It is absolutely life changing to come to a place where you can understand and accept that another persons reactions are theirs and can only affect you if you allow them to. Our reaction to them is our choice to play small and as you said when we do this ‘everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can bring to the world’.
The understanding that a person’s reactions, whether that be frustration, anger, jealousy, even being “nice” belong 100% to that person and are nothing to do with you will change your life.
Absolutely. And furthermore we can say that they do not even belong to the person in question as all these emotions are fed into them, as they can be to us, from an external force that needs only a minor contraction (holding back the depth of who we are) in order to enter and thus have its ‘wicked way’. This is not to say that we are not 100% responsible for allowing such a force through, but just to say there is more at play here then we at times allow ourselves to humanly see and feel. We are but puppets to the source of energy we align to, and there are only ever two; ‘all that is love’ and ‘all that is not’.
I was very much affected by jealousy when I was growing up and I moderated how I would be so to avoid getting attacked by people who were jealous of me. At the time I didn’t understand what was going on but I made a deliberate choice to not express myself in full to avoid the attacks as much as possible. Now looking back with more understanding about jealousy and how it works, I realised what I had chosen didn’t change the force of jealousy, and that was partly because I didn’t stand up to it. With more awareness and greater understanding I am now more able to not take jealousy personally and less likely to suppress my expression because of it. Being able to recognise jealousy clearly for what it is has been deeply healing and its force and power diminishes very quickly.
Its crazy that we would go to such lengths to deny and dress down our natural amazingness, I know I too have played less in order to not feel or be aware of the force of jealousy. Why has this become the normal way, why have we fallen so much that jealousy can be experienced and others hide because of the potential force coming towards them. When I think about it, is it really worth carrying on with a constant anxiousness about something which may be confronting?
jealousy is certainly pernicious… For so many people the joy of their own expression whether singing or speaking out has been clamped or curtailed by this awful and imposing paradigm… Just imagine if we let everyone shine in their own beautiful expression… How different the world would be.
‘I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!’ Beautifully said Anonymous. That’s exactly how and why we dull our light, make ourselves lesser, play small. And I love the remedy you have suggested: don’t hold back and take none of it personally.
I love this remedy too, it has worked for me and I am learning to use this remedy more and more. I still sometimes get affected by jealousy especially when I have been feeling disconnected to myself and when I have been indulging on unloving choices.
I can so relate to your sharing Anonymous, we offer a beautiful gift to another when we walk in our fullness and express all our beauty and love. Yes, some may not handle this and throw jealously our way, but it is their reaction to what reflection is on offer. From experience, if jealousy comes through me there is something I need to look at within me
It’s amazing how many of us actually hold ourselves back from fully being who we are and expressing that to the world around us so as to hide and not attract the jealousy of others.
Jealousy is so so so ugly. I’ve felt jealousy toward me and it’s horrible and so I too have avoided situations where this might happen again, and I too will adapt to a situation to ensure I don’t stand out or draw too much attention. I’m slowly realising that i’m just wasting away doing that, and so is everyone else. The more we all get ourselves out there, the more inspired we will all be to be who we truly are and the sooner we realise that the jealousy isn’t necessary when we accept that we are already enough.
Jealousy actually changes us and diminishes us – from very young we learn to stay under the radar, small, in order not to feel its full force. But this is a choice we make, and it is in the understanding that jealousy is the emotional outrage of someone who is not at ease, not comfortable with themselves, in their own skin and therefore it pushes their buttons enormously when someone reflects back to them, the sheer gorgeousness that is possible to be in, in one’s skin.
When we develop an understanding of this, we can move out of blame, look at our own part, because we’ve all thrown those jealous arrows at some point and some one, and very importantly, start to move out of the small under the radar shell, that keeps Jealousy relentlessly going.
Jealousy is about ‘inviting’ you to turn down your light to avoid people reacting to it. What is really interesting about it is the fact that it creates an invisible scar that affects us deeply if we indeed accept to bring the light down. “My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small.” We are not small, we only pretend we are.
‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me,’ when we choose not to take things personally we don’t get caught up in reaction, and are able to continue being ourselves.
I have experienced jealousy both at me and from me throughout my life, and both feel very uncomfortable in the body. This happens when I am not present with me and feeling how amazing I am, and instead have let negative thoughts in that contribute to me feeling self conscious and unsure in my decisions.
A greater poison in the body is when we hold jealousy towards another. It is a festering sore that infects every part of us.
Jealousy doesn’t always have to be a point of conflict between eachother. We can use it to highlight where we perhaps are feeling insecure, or areas where we maybe need to give ourselves a bit more love and caring attention. Jealousy can be that trigger to have a stop and re-asses what is going on for you that would cause you to suddenly feel this emotion. I find that when I stop and ask myself what is going on, or even just to re-connect with my body and my breath, then change the way I move, the jealousy I once felt has disappeared and I can feel a deep warmth and sincere admission for that very same person – appreciation in fact replaces jealousy very quickly and easily when we are willing to stop and re-connect.
I can so relate to this, I am just observing it more in my own life. At work I am very good at what I do because of the way I relate to people. This brings up a reaction from my colleagues and I can feel that when I go to work on projects with them I hold back and not offer everything I can so that they don’t feel too threatened. I notice I also feel tired when I do this and stand behind them so that they look like the key person to clients and then don’t feel so threatened. I started to experiment with not doing this one day and just expressing my joy and the love I had for the job. It was fascinating, a colleague followed me around and spoke to everyone I did and when she joined in conversations that I was a part of she would edge her body in to stand in front of me and remove me from the conversation. I just observed all of this, she was unaware of what she was doing but it gave me a great insight into how I often hold back and why I go home feeling tired.
It is great thing to see the ‘game’ being played out here – that we are targeted with the fury of jealousy so that we ensure to keep ourselves in hiding and being less than the fullness of who we are, but if we do everyone loses, because we live less than who we are, and the world lives less and keeps itself in the ignorance that they too have the same equal light and fullness. Choosing to live less makes us an equal player in the darkness, choosing to live the truth of who we are, and everyone gets the choice reflected to them of the light they are from.
As horrible as it is, jealousy directed towards you is a confirmation of your light, fire and ability to shine.
Yes great point Nick, jealousy confirms our amazingness.
“Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are” so well said Anonymous. The more we understand who we are the more we realise we all an integrated part of the whole and that everyone of our expression is needed.
I love reading more about jealousy and Serge Benhayon wraps the whole thing up beautifully here, “JEALOUSY is nothing more than self-fury. It is a personal attack on yourself for not doing what you knew had to be done, which is then vented outward to those who are doing what there is to be done.” Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, p 123 and there is more on it at http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
We always assume we are doing something to others which is true in part but as you can see jealousy is a “personal attack on yourself” and so if you feel jealousy from another you know what you feel is what they are turning on themselves equally. This self awareness and self responsibility is huge and brings more understanding in for all of us.
Jealousy has a very specific purpose and that is to rob us of the great love and light that we are. What is interesting to note though is that this force cannot actually take anything from us that we do not give away ourselves. What this means is that people, due to their own hurts and subsequent contraction, can allow the force of jealousy to come through them and how we react to feeling this will determine whether we turn down our light or keep it on full beam. Jealousy is quite simply an attack on our light (our divinity, the essence of who we truly are), but the master control for whether we turn it up or down is always found in our own hands.
The more I explore jealously the more I can feel that it affects me or I use it because I have not lived fully the total appreciation I feel for the amazing woman I am. The more I walk, breath and gracefully live in appreciation the easier it is to feel jealously coming through me, or at me, and the foundation of how I am living supports me to understand it.
As you say Anonymous, jealousy can be so subtle that we can very often dismiss it. But when we become aware of how it plays out in our own lives, whether it comes from another towards us or from ourselves towards another, it becomes apparent that jealousy is something that is around us all of the time and it affects us in all sorts of ways. To understand that we play ourselves down in order to not feel anothers jealousy is a revelation, and if we all took that on board and chose to hold ourselves with all that we are regardless of anothers reaction towards us, this would have an enormous bearing on our relationships on so many different levels.
Thank you for writing this anonymous.. Very powerful to read your words and realize how much I tried to escape jealously all my life and play the game of the contracted me – instead of the full me that is very wide, bright and standing out and once I recognized for myself what I had done I can feel I am allowing myself to feel more and be aware of the jealousy coming my way, when I experience jealousy myself, and also how often. And now for me to stop making it personal, just feel what it is I am receiving and choose even more to live life My Way (living from a quality of stillness within my heart that is palpable by ones light).
For a long time I dismissed that people were jealous of me, and coming back to this blog I question now what are the more subtle ways that jealousy is communicated in my daily life? But the thing is, if I dismiss another’s reflection of jealousy I actually accept jealousy being expressed. Because when I make myself small and then I see and feel another who is not playing small if I choose to react and chew myself up, that’s jealousy. But the more I accept my light the more I understand my choices to play small, thus I understand another’s behaviour towards me as being the above the water display of so much more going on underneath.
What Universal Medicine has supported me in understanding is that when that light remains on we get to see our investments and attachments of life being a certain way (that lead to the smallness) clearer and clearer. So the more we shine it gives another to see that rejecting their light doesn’t lead to anything but harm. As I type this it sounds simple but in life often those moments can feel very intense, and yet again Universal Medicine has proven that within us is the strength to hold steady and patient in those intense moments until they pass.
‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.’ And being me means stepping into my power, no holding back anymore, saying yes in full to what life will bring to me.
Jealousy actually confirms that inside ourselves we do know we have had the equal choice to make the same steps as another. Jealousy is like a huge ongoing chain reaction, someone is jealous of us and we react, feel hurt and shut ourselves down, we then live smaller than who we naturally are, see someone making more loving choices, then we feel jealous, then they can choose to react and close off and play small – and around and around we go with the insidious and destructive forces of jealousy winning. It’s time to stop allowing jealousy to rule our lives and say no to it, time to start allowing our fullness to blossom and continue to deepen and reflect the awesomeness we each bring. Time to let love win.
It can be devastating to feel another jealousy as it is to feel it within yourself. This line really stood out for me – ‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me’. Thank you.
When jealousy comes up for me I feel an immediate drop in my energy and vitality by the hardening I feel in my body. With such an instant reflection I can make a conscious choice to reconnect or return to my Livingness simply by the way I move, which brings about a an opportunity for me to change my thoughts. Everything is a reflection in life. These days I mainly see good things in others and it inspires me to be more connected to be the Son of God. So I straighten up and walk in a way that shares the truth of my Livingness – so simple and easy.
When anything is taken personally it does not allow us to see with clarity, or to bring a broader understanding as to what is really going on or why there is a reaction.
We construct a way of being and a world to avoid being hurt again by what proved to be devastating to us. The problem is that what has been devastated is part of what we end up protecting.
Today I noticed an area where I’ve been jealous of others for quite some time. Its definitly not pleasant to look at but I feel by bringing the truth out in the open and exposing jealousy for what it is, it allows the healing to take place.
Gorgeous reflection by a gorgeous woman – it is so true that we have all learnt to make ourselves smaller in whatever way that is (clothes, expression, possessions, etc) in order to not feel the fury of jealousy. Problem is that it doesn’t stop the jealousy anyway – it is still there and we can all feel it. Jealousy is not really about all these external factors in the first instance and thus, it continues to rage unabated.
It’s interesting that we complain what life brings us, yet we are the ones who create our surroundings, we sow those seeds of future resentment
Jealousy is a strong force from those who have a conflict with evolution that faces you with the dilemma of staying with you and keep suffering from it or join in the anti-evolutionary crowd and be left alone.
It seems crazy that we would choose to dull ourselves down so that we are accepted more, and this as you say Eduardo, keeps us in an anti evolutionary spin.
I have realised, I have known it for a long time but not really let myself feel it, that I hold back in every area of my life. I dress down big time, don’t commit in full, avoid doing my hair, taking care of myself and loving myself as deeply as I can to avoid other women’s jealousy, and also as a game to play to avoid responsibility. Friggin heck the world’s not going to know what’s hit it from now on. Time to play.
I have been jealous a lot of times in my life and know that this arises when I am not appreciating me and what i bring. Other people can feel what I bring but sometimes i cannot. I have felt the ugliness of jealousy and the residue it leaves in my body. Thank goodness I can clock it quite quickly now if it comes up and can feel into why i am not appreciating me.
Great point Anne, about when we are appreciating ourselves fully then there is no room for jealousy to come in and shake our foundation.
It’s amazing to come back to this blog everyday and feel how jealousy doesn’t have a hold on me, when I read it I now feel the sadness behind it from people who allow jealousy to come through them. When I first read the title of this blog this week, my body tensed up but it doesn’t even flinch in the slightest now – I could be reading the word love. That’s huge in itself and also nominating jealousy where I feel it.
I remember seeing jealousy coming when I was a child and wanting to get away from it. I had no way of explaining what I was feeling or at least I thought so. Instead of feeling and letting people know what I was feeling I went into change mode and changed how I was so I didn’t feel this feeling or at least try and become less aware of the actual feeling. I didn’t really understand jealous and even at this point I am still learning the truth of it. I shared a great post this morning on it and for me the truth of it, http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
It’s interesting as I have been coming to this blog everyday this week, and for the first time today my body didn’t react to reading the word jealousy – I actually felt love for a person who jealousy had been coming through directed at me, but in the long run not really, in the sense of it’s their own self fury and rage at not making loving choices, if it wasn’t me it would be someone else, then the sadness they are carrying underneath it all. So it’s not really me they are attacking, but in actual fact not choosing light.
The damaging effects that jealousy has on our lives is huge. Not only the harm that is wielded when jealousy is at play, but also the harm we impose on ourselves by reducing, diminishing and holding back who we are so as not to feel the uncomfortableness of jealousy from another. The direct harmful effect of jealousy is to magnify our disconnection to the greatness of our love and our interconnectedness with each other, through which the magnificence of another shining through is actually blessing of the love we all are within, and an inspiration to be the lightness we too are within.
I have been coming to this blog every day this week to read, and my body tenses up and feels sick when i see the word jealousy – which is a sure fire shot that I need to deal with feeling jealousy in my life. Why is it that we attack one another when we know how horrible and harmful this feels, this can be from little remarks and comments, not even directly directed to us/ the person, it can be quite dismissive and underhand, to full blown attacks. The only way I am re-learning to let go of this is to allow myself feel it in full, and not take it personally and react, but to step back, observe and be playful with it, as in wow I am feeling all this, and feeling where it comes from, knowing it’s not the person.
This is interesting to read ‘By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about.’ is this part of why we over eat, put on weight, hide our beauty, our curves, our sexiness, our playfulness and light, the amazing connections we have with people, our joy as in we end up living to fit in – to not stand out – which is way worse – and something we do to ourselves, and hence trying to avoid/ numb/ distract feeing the full force of jealousy coming at us? But what if we were to blow peoples socks off by how we live, move, dress, not trying, just by being ourselves. Would we then see people in a very different light? Would we see them first as amazing lovely people, rather than the jealousy, sadness, need etc as being them.
Anonymous, never hide your light under a bush. And when we feel our light radiating strongly from within, it becomes our support in the face of poisonous darts hurled our way.
“one of the most evil energies to deal with is jealousy.’ this is true, I am only allowing myself to feel the tip of the iceberg with jealousy, I have been using food that i would not normally eat and overeating to not deal with issues and the jealousy I am feeling from others – as a way to mask, hide and dull down my power, truth, light and awareness.
I feel a big part of why we suppress acknowledging jealousy is that we don’t want to know that such energy can come through those who claim to love us. It seems like a contradiction that someone who loves you can allow such a harmful energy to come through them. But these are just ideas or rules we create of how people, especially family ‘should’ be. It is so empowering to know this is energy at play, which does not stick to any rules and learn not to take it personally
It was really interesting being part of these discussions about childhood jealousy. At first it was like trying to access something that had been locked in a cupboard in the basement! The more we talked in a group, the more we supported each other to rediscover and acknowledge what we had felt as kids. This continued for me over the next month, which was suppressed.
I agree that by playing small we are actually encouraging jealousy to flourish, instead to showing our awesomeness in the face of jealousy. I have for years, subconsciously and consciously chosen to play small in order to not feel this force from others. I am now learning that this doesnt protect me and the only way to deal with jealousy is to face it head on, and SHINE no matter what,
Although I agree with what you are sharing and what you have come to regarding jealously is powerful, I have to admit the style of writing felt more like ‘esoteric’ spiritual concepts than lived experience.
I couldn’t feel a personal account of you in this article, I wanted more, a dialogue that encapsulated more of who you are, more everyday.
Imagine if we actually allow ourselves to feel the deeply pernicious and far-reaching paradigms of jealousy within ourselves… And then imagine being free of these tentacles… Just addressing this could have such an extraordinary effect upon our society that anyone presenting a pathway out of this debilitating paradigm should be lauded and studied.
The interesting thing is that as I slowly build appreciation for myself, it naturally grows for others. So now when I see someone looking fabulous, I actually feel inspired by it rather than jealous, because I feel that person has allowed me the space to dress up also. It’s far more liberating being inspired by others than being jealous of them.
I can absolutely relate to wanting to play small to avoid jealousy and reactions from others. I’m experimenting with this these days and starting to realise that actually I’m only hurting myself by doing that. I have to deal with the jealousy I feel of others at times and so, they will also have to feel the jealousy that comes up for them toward me if they choose to. I can’t keep using ‘protection’ as an excuse to not shine….what a waste of time. Work in Progress naturally.
When we do not take things personally we can bring a greater understanding to how the forces of jealousy, comparison blame can come through another, or through us when we have left our connection with truth.
If there is ever a feeling of jealousy or comparison with another, it is not about the other, it is a point of reflection for ourselves, and the choices we have made.
Yes Victoria, this is great to remember, that others are a big mirror that we are reflected back from each day, what a blessing we have in each other!
I too know the game only too well which I have played and can still play at times to avoid the jealousy in others. It can be so subtle and cleverly played out but I am realising that living in this way does not offer inspiration to another and keeps me in contraction which feels so harming and abusive to my body.
The force of jealousy is there because we have separated ourselves from that beauty and lovely being that we innately are, otherwise jealousy would be unfounded and therefore not be fostered and in fact would not exist.
More and more I get to feel and understand the effects of jealousy. I can feel it well before I am with someone and I can feel what I do to avoid feeling it. When it is there I also notice that there is an underlying tension which means we cannot truly connect. As jealousy comes dressed up in so many forms, from the overt attack, to the nice, polite and sickly sweet compliment, it is a constant choice to stay aware as this energy is looking for any gap it can to affect us.
If there was no jealousy and comparison we would be in complete and total appreciation for each other and ourselves So that is the antidote … absolute appreciation.
It is incredible to feel the way we have molded ourselves into something that is so far away from our true nature of wisdom and love just to avoid feeling the poison of jealousy. Connecting to our bodies and appreciating who we are allows us to observe and understand others without being affected by their reactions and this is healing as we don’t have to recoil from our beauty and power but reflect it even more for others to feel a truer way of being.
Jealousy is indeed evil. It prevents any connection between two people when one is in jealousy – the one in it cannot see any blessing the other is bringing, and unless they are willing to feel that they are actually feeling jealousy, then they also miss out on the awareness the opportunity brings.
It is so important to not take jealousy from another personally. I experienced jealousy in myself yesterday and it created a separation between me and the other person. I had to stop and feel what was under the jealousy and it came back to me comparing the choices I’d made about something at a certain age and not liking what they were. And here was another person reflecting something quite different. But by nominating the jealousy and comparison, I got to feel what was behind it and not judge or beat myself up about it.
Jealousy is a real killer and has retarded so many of us from living and expressing the amazingness we all naturally are. I know when ever I shone as a child I would get picked on and singled out so I learnt not to shine and fly under the radar but that didnt work either as it meant I was never content and always trying to be someone I was not to fit in – which was seriously exhausting!!
When there is a moment of jealousy, it is an opportunity to look at how am I not living my truth to have felt a moment of jealousy. When we are living our truth our truth essence there is no room for jealousy or comparison.
Jealousy is a potent force that causes many bright people to shine less bright.
Yes, setting everyone free from the chains of jealousy and comparison would be wonderful. All too often the reflection we get is one we need to learn from, be it not to wobble in our sense of who we are, or to see that sometimes we do this to others.
When we hold ourselves back and behave in ways that plays down and erodes our true capabilities in the grand effort to avoid the jealousy of others, we are also actively shrinking away from living our full potential – and everyone misses out when we don’t live our true potential.
It is horrible to be on either side of jealousy. I have been pondering my reaction to having jealousy directed toward me lately as I have seen that I have held back in many areas of my life in an effort to avoid it. I am starting to realise that it is far wiser and safer to remain aware of jealousy and continue to shine.
I have understood another level of jealousy just recently. I realised by asking questions and trying to understand the many forms of jealousy supported me to see where I have played a part in it. It takes awareness and honesty to recognise when we are feeling jealous towards another person or when we receive jealousy from others. What I realised was that when jealousy is expressed it doesn’t always have to be vile or horrible, jealousy can be disguised in being nice. For example I have often felt jealousy from someone giving me a compliment, it sounds very nice but the energy behind it can be loaded with jealousy. The key is to observe and not react, to not take it personally but to be aware of it without judgment but understanding. I also found by trusting what I am feeling and then nominating whenever I experience jealousy is super supportive for me and others.
This is true Chan. The worst kind of jealousy is the type that masquerades as ‘nice’. I have noticed that jealousy tends to affect me more when I shut down my awareness to it because I would rather believe the ‘nice’ lie.
It was at the retreat that I got to understand jealousy from Serge Benhayon’s presentations and deep impact is has on us all. This understanding helps me to deal with jealousy differently, learning to stay with my body and observe, seeing it for what it is rather than react and go into protection with old coping mechanisms, which don’t work. The more I hold steady with my essence the less I am affected and so can reflect this to others.
To learn that when you are jealous of another, is that person is reflecting to us what we have not chosen for ourselves, is incredibly liberating yet at times quite difficult to do. Blame culture is rife amongst us so it is so much easier to go into resentment, blame and jealousy than to take responsibility for your own choices and turn the jealously into inspiration to say Ok – you’ve made choices that I have not and/or have found difficult at times, how have you done it, could you support me to make them as well. A much simpler (and less taxing on the body) way to live.
Generally, none of us like admitting we feel jealousy towards another. If we do, we have to look at why we’re jealous and what it is that the other person is reflecting to us that we have not chosen for ourselves. It can be difficult to look at, but with honesty and love for ourselves, it is possible to see it, feel it and not go into it and then see where we can make different choices for ourselves.
Jealousy is toxic. I’ve experienced it on both sides being jealous of another and feeling the jealousy from another, and both are awful to feel. When I feel jealousy of what another is bringing, my body goes hard, I close off not only to them, but to everyone and life becomes small and all about me. When I see and a apprecciate what another brings, I feel inspired and my whole body feels alive and I then feel the joy of what they are reflecting.
How I feel when jealousy is not taken on by me is exactly the same Sandra, I feel inspired and my whole body becomes alive. I stand up taller and feel the joy of my Livingness being exposed!
Jealousy is more than just a curse it casts a shadow on all of humanity.
Jealousy is a force that can re-shape who you are into an entirely different person if you are not willing to stand as who you are in the face of it.
Being willing to see jealousy is the first step in not reacting to it. We are always feeling it, whether we are aware of it or not. At least when we see it for what it is, we can observe it, rather than go into self attacking or berating behaviours without ‘seemingly’ knowing why.
Brilliant Kylie, being more aware is certainly key to not contributing to jealousy or reacting to it. I just recently realised how I wasn’t willing to see jealousy when it arise and didn’t understand why I felt so awful afterwards, but once I allowed myself to be aware of it, it didn’t affect me anymore but brought huge understanding and clarity to the situation. Bringing more awareness and being willing to be honest with ourselves I feel is absolute key in deconstructing and exposing jealousy.
In the future more about the effects of jealousy will be known, I had no idea that it was so prevalent until my eyes where opened in a presentation by Serge Benhayon where he talked about jealously. I realise that when I feel jealousy I overeat to not feel what is there. This is lessening now as I learn to appreciate myself, and the more I appreciate and accept myself the more I too am less likely to direct jealously at anyone.
The choice to be who you are in the face of comparison or jealousy is one I am repeatedly working on, it is not something that seems to change overnight, but something that requires conscious dedication and appreciation for every small step that says yes to being me rather than yes to the comparison sent my way.
…and if we’re feeling jealous, what is the antidote? Appreciation. Rather than for me to be jealous of your writing, looks, car, lifestyle, etc I can choose to appreciate who you are and what you’ve got. And a step further, I can be inspired by you. This is something I have been working on and will continue to work on for many years to come.
Jealousy is really ridiculous when you think about it, as we can’t possibly do/be everything like others. We all have our own unique qualities and so does everyone else. It is only when we have stepped away from ourselves and can’t feel how amazing we are that we start to judge and compare. It is not our natural way.
It is funny how we all have our own ways of dealing with jealously, yesterday I felt this force very clearly and instead of standing strong I reverted into an old pattern of mine where I play the fool, and played myself down I could actually feel how I acted in a way to directly look silly so the jealousy would go. Very insightful for me to see how this pattern is still there when I choose to stand strong in the love and light I am.
We are always surrounded by energy flowing within and around us… it is really advisable to know ourselves so deeply, connected with the inner heart, so that under its guidance our ability to feel energy is reawakened, our six senses fully operating and we can feel and know whatever energy is coming towards us so that we are not just reacting. We always will be feeling. It is the knowing of this that is empowering.
Acknowledging that jealousy is there gives you a chance to ask – what am I avoiding understanding about myself, or how have I let myself down that I now can see through this other person who has not. As long as you are honest with your jealousy.
We should all be able to freely and unapologetically express from our essence. Imaging a world in which this is our way and jealousy does not exist. I love that Serge Benhayon is showing us how to counter the ‘evil effects of jealousy’, showing us that by not taking things personally by reading and understanding why another is acting like this and bringing compassion to them rather than falsely thinking there is something wrong with us. It is so liberating.
It’s really important to feel jealousy and feel it from all, especially those we work with and who are closest to us. Although we may not want to feel it, we need to know it and read why it’s there. Only then can we be free of it, otherwise it attacks and eats away at the body from the inside out.
I have felt jealousy in a group situation, in reaction to the power I am bringing, it felt awful to actually feel this in my body but at the same time really important as it had been masked as something else.
When we don’t react to other people life is much more clear and simple, we don’t take other peoples stuff, we don’t feel we have to save, or get caught up in what’s going on for them. It’s much easier to detach and observe; so much more joyful; jealousy exposes choices someone has felt, but not made.
‘I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, ” this is the key, to understand what it exposes for them, but also at the same time understanding the responsibility we have to live a certain way.
Me too, the more I see myself and everyone else as purely vessels for energy then the less personal I take things. No one is naturally aggressive, yet many people can be aggressive so the question is what is driving that aggression surely it cannot be the person on their own? If we held that person as a child we would know that is not them it is just a way they have taken on to get through life. So the more we stop judging others for the way they are with them and see them as equally loving beings the more we will have true brotherhood on Earth.
I was never consciously aware of how jealous my mother was of me as a child. She would continuously ridicule me and put me down in front of family friends or relatives. It was constant, as a kid I didn’t understand it, but I just took it on as there was something wrong with me. I then became that- I used to eat as a way to numb myself from this and built up a wall of protection and a body that then made sense for her to ridicule and reject- this way I could understand it and I thought it would no longer a threat to her. I realised that this is a pattern I have carried throughout life so that I didn’t rattle people.
Recently I have found myself feeling jealous of my husband and at times my daughter. I do know that it means that there is something for me to look at, a deep hurt as you say where they have made choices that I have not. And although the jealousy is exposed and feels incredibly ugly and uncomfortable I do appreciate that something has been exposed and that I can say yes to looking at the hurt that has been locked deep within.
Precisely Sally, when I allow myself to be exposed and feel the rawness of a situation I can start to heal. The Livingness as my religion, which is me returning to God or claiming myself in the son-ship of God and only works for me when I allow myself to feel the things like jealousy when they come up. By feeling and being honest I can heal any issue that used to keep me from being disconnected from being the Son of God!
I feel its an awesome gift that Serge Benhayon exposed the harm that jealousy causes and the techniques he presented to protect ourselves from that energy are gold
Jealousy is so pointless, because in that moment we do not appreciate the other person’s unique expression or our own. It is very dismissive and robs us of the opportunity to feel joy and connection. When we do not respond with love towards each other we are retarding ourselves and everyone, so jealousy is something we need to start taking responsibility for and address en masse. Thank you, Anonymous for bringing up this important subject that rarely gets spoken of.
Jealousy is completely pointless – no one wins and we all lose out. The crazy thing is we end up shooting down the people we most aspire to be like all because we have not taken the same responsibility for our choices. And yes we feel it from others and so cut down from the gloriousness that we naturally are – it is crazy really – there is no one in this world we should ever stop being all the love that are for – in others words we should not change ourselves for anybody.
It’s incredible how jealousy may taint our expression if we allow this to be, by one or another side. Fortunately we can bring awareness to it and rectify by healing our hurts. We worth to shine as we truly are and the whole world needs our reflection, for also coming back to their innate light.
Jealousy is a horrible two way street because in the hiding away our light from others, when we see and feel those who haven’t chosen to shy away from shining and being all of who they are we express the very same jealously we hid away from in the first place! Through Universal Medicine it has been defined as a form of self fury, knowing that we have the ability to make choices that another before us is exercising and that is exactly how it feels, like a fury on the inside. But with this understanding comes a great healing because rather than continue to burn up inside I have experienced moments of asking myself about my choices and my responsibility in that particular moment and reminding myself that the choice wasn’t made previously but can be made now. This dampens that inner inferno of jealousy.
Making the necessary choices to regain commitment to life is huge. It can start with developing a personal way of discovering self love. It can start with having had enough with pain and misery. It can be inspired by the desire for more intimate relationships with family and friends. What ever is the primary reason for exploring life again in full, we cannot ever let jealousy stand in our way, because it is not the truth of who we are and is in fact a called-in force that seeks to separate us and tear down the appreciation we can have for each other.
I can feel the truth of what is being said about creating a protected way of life to avoid people being jealous and that I have gone that way too. People have been jealous of me when I was young but why have I chosen to hide my light to avoid this reactions from those people, as I can see now that being in my fullness is so much more powerful than the ugliness jealousy is? That is a question I will take with me to ponder on today as it is worth to investigate the behavioural patterns I have built from that and while undealt with , still will be there in me to pop up whenever the circumstances arise.
Jealousy comes in when we let ourselves be flat and disconnected from who we actually are. We then see someone shining and gnarle — what we’re gnarling at though is our own choice to not shine. We do this the world over so much so that it has sadly become our normal way of relating with each other.
All of us have been struck down by jealousy at some point in our lives — most likely from when we were young and let our joy be fully seen and felt. And all of us as a result of jealousy reduced ourselves in the way you have described here anonymous so as to no longer have it come our way. To call this out and feel its insidious effects on everyone who thus lives a fraction of who they truly are is an enormous liberation — and to then stand in our beauty and glory with our eyes shining and let the jealousy come and come again is actually a joy in itself, because in understanding the true energetic cause of jealousy we no longer take it personally.
There were things I didn’t do in my life because of this awful jealousy that was aimed at anyone who shone. There is immense sadness in this. I remember seeing someone doing exactly what I wanted to do and feeling such sadness and probably jealousy. I found many ways to express myself but all had a kind of holding back energy just in case that horrible feeling was aimed at me. Jealousy is such a crippling emotion and needs to be called out. If we were more aware of how damaging it is then we would be more able to recognise it in ourselves and to honestly know when it is present. When we feel it we can see where we have not shone and why we resent another for doing so. This is such a healing thing to do for everyone.
I have avoided jealousy most of my life and denied that I felt or experienced it for a long time – more recently I’ve gotten more honest and been willing to see both my own jealousy and the jealousy of others, and it’s ugly and it hurts – I now have a greater understanding of why I and many others have toned themselves down to not feel that. As a child I was amazingly joyful, vital and very full of life, I loved people (I still do), but over the years I toned all that down as I could feel the jealousy coming at me and I didn’t know how to handle it, now I’m learning this as I allow more of the joy I am to be felt by me and then by others. As you offer here ‘Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are.’ this is the starting point and anything less allows the poison that is jealousy to exist, and that is not who any of us truly are.
I would have never thought of myself as a jealous person, but when i am prepared to judge another for whatever it is, I realise that I am in the throws of jealousy. I had kept myself small all my life so as to not stand out just reading this blog now and looking back on my past working life I now realise how jealous my work mates were of me, I played the mall game and went into hiding by doing night shift to keep away from it. I am gradually coming to embrace the love and joy I hold within and let it out for all to see.
It is so important to read the energy that comes to us, this gives us the opportunity to not react, but feel the truth of the situation. That others hurts get triggered by our amazingness. I feel it is about getting fully comfortable with this amazingness our self as well before we can truly see what is going on in others.
Jealousy is an insidious thing that can creep up on one also. Not considering myself as a jealous person I have had an occasional hit from it arising from nowhere it seems! What to do with it in that moment? I have learnt to accept and not deny that I indeed felt that then not blame and put myself down but look at what I have not done or committed to that would cause me to feel jealous of another!
The truth is, and I say this with total humility for it is something I am learning a lot about – constantly… if we hold ourselves back due to real or perceived potentialities of criticism, attack or disapproval that may come through the jealousy experienced by another, we do not serve that person (or anyone for that matter) at all.
The key is not to hold back, and understand and appreciate that these are inner-wranglings we all must face as we step out of our own self-imposed diminishment, back into the light we truly are (and have always been).
I love how you’ve stated here anonymous, that jealousy is not something to take personally – though we may well find ourselves caught in just that. The thing is, if we do take it personally, then from what I’ve experienced, there is always more to truly see, and understand. By no means does this say that we accept or allow any abuse that comes towards us in any way, shape or form, but rather, we are offered constant opportunities to take our ‘blinkers off’, and see just how intensely jealousy can affect the quality of our relationships, including the relationship we have with ourself.
“I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!”
This is something that goes to such deep levels of our being – for jealousy when truly felt, is a force that actually seeks to annihilate and destroy. Thank-you for this blog, for I too feel as though I come out of hiding more every day, and meeting the jealousy that can come at us, and understanding from where it comes (deeply so), is an essential part of actually walking and living in our truth, uncompromised.
Playing small is something I have done for so long and like you I have played this game to fit in with my family, friends, partners and children. However I have come to realise that the fitting in to avoid feeling things from others like jealousy is killing me because I am then not being me and this is what I miss the most and what hurst the most.
I too now feel far more appreciative of other people who make loving choices, I can see how needed their example is and how much i have benefited from watching them and allowing them to show me another way. And yes, if i want what they have got, then its up to me to consider how I live in order to gain this into my life.
Having turned jealousy over in relation to others, I now feel the power of inspiration is so worth working for.
I now feel deeply inspired by people who for years I felt the angst of jealousy laden tension when i was around them. This is gold, and so revolutionary to turn negativity on its head, and allow my own growth to flourish by so doing.
Some people are not aware of their jealousy, they simply think they don’t like another person because of some characteristic/behaviour/attribute or mannerism. This leads to condemning another and convincing oneself that the other person is in the wrong. It is such a shame more self insight isn’t applied in these cases, I know myself I never wanted to admit if I was jealous, it was the unthinkable, unacceptable way to be. Yet after being prepared to come clean, expose things and see jealousy for the poison it is, I now feel so much freer of its tainted viewpoint.
When I feel jealousy arise of someone now I simply see that they are offering me proof that anything they are living is possible for me too, jealousy can’t stay for long or even gain a foothold with that insight. I also know that if I feel jealous then I haven’t been appreciating myself deeply enough to know I am already enough in every way.
Jealousy has impacted us all so much more than we care to admit. Instead of living in brotherhood where we all know we are here to support and love one another we have this absurd situation where if anyone’s light is shining we become jealous of them and want to bring them down. No wonder we have so many wars when this ill feeling of jealousy is rife right from the word go. Instead of a system that fosters separation we need to be bringing our children into a world that is full of appreciation for ourselves and each other. It may not happen on a mass scale for a while, but eventually it will.
Jealousy can be very subtle and deeply insidious, but if we are open to being super honest and feeling when we go into any form of comparison, then we can nominate it when it arises, and thenceforth the power of it is broken and we can be clear of it.. But if we learn and remember to celebrate others and embrace what they bring, then we all grow, we are all enriched by each other and what we bring together is so much more.
Being jealous is a ferocious form of internal contamination. A toxic poison that eats away from the inside. A hideous choice. Yet such poison has the simplest of antidotes. Appreciation. True appreciation of your self and then others. It reminds me of those animated TV adverts for toilet cleaner. All the bugs and germs freaking out and panicking as soon as the toilet cleaner comes anywhere near them. The germs are jealousy…the toilet cleaner the appreciation. A few squirts and they are killed. But, be warned, they come back; so frequent use of toilet cleaner is highly recommended.
At first I thought I am not a jealous person at all and then after pondering on what jealousy is I realised how subtle it can be, going both ways. I realised that I have been jealous without realising it is jealousy and that people have been jealous of me too. I recognise the evil energy that jealousy is laced with and reading your blog has brought my awareness to the damaging effects of it once again.
I am super, super appreciative of everyone who makes loving choices and shines their beauty for the world to see. If we did not have this I wouldn’t have the reflections that call me to be me without reservation. I would be walking around afraid of jealousy and comparison and not address it in myself. I am being more honest about being jealous because only then can I go beneath and be honest about the pain of choosing to deny the sacredness in me as a woman. I can no longer lie to myself that another woman is more amazing than me but feel I too am amazing but chosen to hide this from myself. This can be upsetting to feel at times but I know this will pass and I’m left with enjoying the beauty and sacredness of me. The pain of not being myself I’m realising is far greater than past hurts (no matter how great) inflicted on me for living my sacredness more than another.
Nominating when I feel jealous and reading as to why seems to break the spell of this insidious energy, also when I feel jealously from others if I can read the situation then this too also breaks the intensity. When we don’t acknowledge or read jealously we are opening to this destructive force, with awareness we can call it for what it is and instead of the vile feeling of jealousy we can instead choose appreciation of ourselves and others.
Appreciation is the remedy for this poison.
Jealousy is such a crushing imposition on someone. Even if the affects aren’t outwardly noticeable people can exorcise the person they are jealous of. No matter the flavor of jealousy that is experienced it is always horrible to experience and witness.
Jealousy is a package of energy coming through an empty vessel to try and debase us. We need to see it for what it is and not take it personal.
Jealousy destroys people. I have seen people who are very successful on many different levels become jealous of another and no longer be able to see what their own unique contribution to humanity is. I know this from my own experience of being jealous of a friend 4 years ago. I lost my sense of self, my friendship and much more. What brought me out of this down ward spiral was appreciating myself and being inspired by my friend, rather then jealous.
So many of us still dress down or play down our beauty etc because our mothers were jealous of us when we were young and now it has become a bad habit in case we are attacked by jealousy again. We are now adults and often use this as an excuse to not shine like the stars. WE are now able to nominate the energy and debase it at the same time so no more excuses to not live the true you.
It is very healing when we become aware of the way we have been affected by the jealousy by making ourselves small, the more we read life in general the simpler it becomes at taking on any of that poison directed at us. It is simply a choice that allows us to be stay in the essence of who we are.
It is great to explore the impact that jealousy has on us, that we feel from teachers, relatives or friends, because it is not something we would ever want to admit even to ourselves, but to ignore or bury feeling it and the effects it has, means that they can influence our behaviours and patterns without us fully realising. This goes also for us registering that we are jealous of another or in comparison… If we can unwrap this energetic attack and see clearly what it is and how it plays out in our lives, then we have the choice to no longer be running under its control
Utmost beautiful blog. Jealousy should be discussed at this moment in time it more denied or ‘not spoken about’. This makes jealously even scarier. As when it is acknowledged and not judged upon but just seen for what it is – the whole baggage of this is weighing less heavy, even though the jealousy is the absolute evil. By being more aware – there is less space for doubt.
Holding back and not being ourselves in full means we look a little like a deflating rather than a full and round balloon or ball. Where we are deflated is the space jealousy enters and then directs itself at the full balloons or balls, those who are choosing to not be deflated.
This blog is such a great reflection and talks about many reasons why I never dressed too nicely or wore make up. I’ve been a master of hiding myself to not attract attention or jealousy… it feels so gorgeous to be experimenting with fashion now, what I feel to wear, enjoying make up and my own style. Of course, Natalie Benhayon has been an enormous support with this process and continues to be a leading light paving the way for women to express the fullness of their inner beauty, as I am too.
I find myself coming back to this blog when I have lost the understanding of jealousy or have not wanted to feel it’s force coming through another. It is great to read the comments and even my own past comments about jealousy and bring myself back to a place of understanding and power. I don’t need to crumble or make myself small to avoid it or figure out why another person would do that. What is clear is that it’s about me being connected and if jealousy is effecting me then it’s a marker that I have disconnected from myself thus being able to see what is true in others.
I am starting to realise that it is our responsibility to feel jealously either our own or others and nominate it, and get over it. We can turn situations around by choosing to truly appreciate ourselves and appreciate the glory we also clock in others.
Jealousy is a real killer – so often when someone shines people immediately try to bring them down. It makes no sense how instead of supporting people we try to compete. Appreciating people for who they are is awesome and can make a massive difference to people especially when it comes seemingly out of the blue. I love watching how someone lights up when I truly appreciate them or they truly appreciate themselves.
Dressing down and the famous disappearing act, shrinking oneself to a smidgen of one’s true glory lest anybody get jealous – all tried and tested ways to go against our true nature.
I just had a conversation about holding back with a beautiful friend. We shared that if we hold back look at what so many people would miss out on. We do need to bring confirming expansion of appreciation to our relationships with us and others. Not crippling restrictions of jealousy and comparison. Thank you for your beautifully told story.
“I am holding back from saying, “YES, here is the amazing, powerful woman that I am.” and in so doing, we confirm the way that every other women is living is okay – not in our glory but contracted.
Keeping ourselves small and hidden to not trigger jealousy in others is not doing them any favours, nor ourselves. what if we were free to present the all of us, what if we were to be completely true to ourselves, and completely open to others.. we need to celebrate those who do make this choice as it allows us to see the possibility that we too can unfold to more naturally who we are, and live this in full.
Holding our selves back and not living how we truly want to is the most harmful thing to do to ourselves and to others. Yes jealously hurts, I know. But I am coming to feel that holding my body in hardness and defence, actually hurts more. As jealously is there and gone again in moments, yet the position of holding my body hard is with me until I realise this is so, and release it, this could be a matter of days, weeks, or years, where our body is held in a way that is harming it. Sharing such simple truths widely in our medical profession, could in effect change the rate of illness and disease in our world.
“I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy” I wonder how much we have all done this. And thank you for sharing about how you dress down and the make up part. I learned a lot from that paragraph alone.
It is intriguing once you start to explore it that one of the reasons we hold back being who were are is because we are concerned about people seeing how amazing we are and NOT because we are concerned we might not be enough… what is even more interesting is that because we hold back, we start to think that we are not enough.
Playing small is insidiously harmful, just as playing the supremacy card is so overtly harmful, and each feeds the other – it is only through true equalness, which everyone feels and deep down knows to be true – that we, in holding ourselves and all others as equal, can truly grow, learn and move forward together.
The retreat that exposed the harm of jealousy and the methods presented to not be harmed by it was absolute gold. Every presentation and healing course offered by Universal Medicine gives an amazing opportunity for a deepening awareness and evolution
As you say Gabriele , there is a certain look, a turning away that goes with a jealous reaction from someone. It is so freeing to not have to defend, or need another to behave in a certain way, but simply to understand , observe the situation , and bring more love.
Beginning to understand how we are responsible for every choice we make, starts to bring clarity and understanding to jealousy – and this helps to not take personally when we feel it from someone else, and also become aware of what we may project towards another to ensure we do not fall into the hole of jealousy ourselves..
So many parts to this blog I would love to comment on!! I am struck by the importance of looking within for this behaviour as well as acknowledging where we have felt it from others. It is too easy to see ourselves as victims in life and whilst there is no doubt that we feel this growing up we also play into the game and make others feel this too. To become aware of it and parent another generation to see and feel how poisonous it is has a potential to change many health trajectories.
I am struck by the potential for great illness and disease from holding back and not living our potential for fear of jealousy. I can imagine it would eat away at you inside till the body couldn’t take it any more and failed.
You write “I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!” and it dawned on my how common this is! I can think of numerous occasions I have ensured I took the less obvious road and actually the more complicated one to ensure I didn’t stand out. Today is a new day, Groundhog Day to look at that again. Many thanks.
It’s true, playing small does not help one person, only leaves you open to being affected by others, and leaves others diminished in not being reminded of the truth they could have from our true reflection.
Jealousy is such a game because it’s a way of keeping ourselves small so we won’t incite jealousy in another and a way of another making themselves feel less when they see the choices in us or someone else that they have chosen not to make for themselves. Great that you have managed to call it in yourself and see it for what it is – and in so doing, giving yourself the permission to be fully and completely you.
Jealously and comparison are huge and a part of life as we know it today. The moment we step up and claim the love that we are people start to feel the choices or lack of choices they have been making and so rather than wanting to address them project jealousy towards the person starting to shine with more of the love that they are. It can completely clobber the person if you are not prepared for it and it can come from the closest of people including family members and even partners. It can have crippling effects especially when we experience it as children as it can retard the way we then grow up – I know it did for me. However, we always have a choice and the more I accept myself the more understanding I have for others and so can see where the energy of jealousy and comparison is coming from and can see that it is not really aimed at me rather at that persons ill choices.
Jealousy and comparison is not nice to feel at all, there has been a situation I have experienced recently where there was jealousy and comparison and there wasn’t a way to come to an agreed position. I did not feel to defend or engage as there wasn’t any point, they felt their opinion was true and there wasn’t a way forward. There is never a winner in these situations, for me I felt it was an opportunity to bring understanding and acceptance.
Jealousy and comparison are part of the big ridiculous game we play.. making ourselves small and then basically hurting from our decisions to not be who we are in full and then making ourselves smaller (and bringing others down with us) by using jealousy and comparison. Madness! The only true way forward is to be who we are in full. No exceptions.
To be able to read jealousy and then not react to it feels like one of the most essential of all life skills. There is the obvious benefits of then not being affected by that energy. But I really love what you have talked about in your blog; the direct result of the saying NO to the jealousy is a massive YES to the everything that we are. So it’s a double-win-win scenario. As with everything, if you say no to one thing, you are by definition saying yes to another. And in this case, by saying no to jealousy you are saying a huge yes to love. Love it.
I was at that Universal Medicine retreat as well and it was amazing to realise how much I have calibrated my expression to minimise or avoid jealousy! As is the case for many many people… In the holding back everyone looses out and we actually feed the jealousy to seem like it has some power over us, when in truth it doesn’t. Bringing all of us in full to life is the greatest gift and medicine for humanity.
I know I have done this, kept small to avoid jealousy, life is changing however ” If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” I feel there is a trick we play on our selves, we all have this bright light inside us that shines, it can shine brighter, as it may become dull from under use ( lack of connection and expression) but nothing will ever put out. That light is felt whether you try and act small or stand full and grand. I played this trick on myself, I could still feel jealous, or it was still there but I tried to avoid it, when I played it small, it don’t work, the jealousy did not stop. We may as well live big and enjoy ourselves and share our shine with everyone we meet.
Its not at all comfortable to feel jealousy, recently I’ve been in some situations where I’ve felt the jealousy come through me at another. Ive realised that If there is an area where I haven’t been living my full potential and another has, I could feel this jealousy.
As you say jealousy is quite insidious, I am starting to clock it more when directed at me and I’m being more of aware of my reaction to it. With role models such as The Benhayons we can see we do not need to shrink under the force of jealousy we just use it as an opportunity to shine more brightly offering true healing to all those involved.
Jealousy is really something that is quite sinister. It can be overt but also covert, depending on who is wielding it. Not only does jealousy divide and create emotional angst for many involved, it ensures that the person who is jealous is not evolving. The energy of jealousy will wrap itself around the person and not allow them the clarity to see their own absolute beauty, it fosters separation and disconnection.
Imagine if the any of the Benhayon family held back their truth, fullness and light to not feel jealousy – we would be very lost. The truth is, this is our innate divine responsibility and for all of us to do equally.
I actually didn’t realise how much I don’t like feeling the energy of jealousy. But it’s really important to feel it and clock it, rather than harden and ignore it. You could actually have some fun with it and amp up your fullness, truth and light and be super playful with it.
“By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about.” Thank you – this is a huge revelation to me, as I am sure many, in why and what I have chosen in life in terms of relationships, to how dress, do my hair, work, move – everything. If I lived and expressed in the fullness of me I would have to accept and feel the full force of jealousy from many people for reflecting truth and what they are not choosing. It’s crazy as the energy of jealousy is there none the less – so why not feel it in full, and live in the absolute fullness of our truth, joy and light, rather than contracting and hiding away. Makes so much more sense,to live a joyous full life being all of you, rather than holding back, and, as we all know it is our innate divine responsibility.
Jealousy is something that is quite insidious, a lot of people will vehemently deny they are even jealous, namely because the energy of jealousy is manipulative and can be conniving. It doesn’t foster honesty, which is what one needs to bring if they are indeed jealous, but it is the furtherest thing from their mind.
Jealousy is indeed a big force that comes at us when we start to step up and allow our essence to be felt and known. What I love about this blog is that there is no blame in it, it is bringing an understanding that if people are jealous of us then it is simply that they are not living true to their own essence and cannot handle the fact that another has chosen something that they have not chosen. Having this understanding allows us to handle the intensity that comes with jealousy.
Since doing the retreat I too, have become much more conscious of the energy of jealousy and I am more able to recognise it coming to me and coming from me. Realising that it is not a material thing that it involves but it is our light not lived and not expressed that brings this jealousy.
We always feel energy whether we choose to be conscious of it or not and a lot of choices are made in reaction to that. It is great to be able to nominate and distinguish jealousy, because although we play it down we feel its impact deeply. And to develop an understanding so we neither judge nor take it personally is brilliant – immensely empowering.
“If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.” It was great coming back to this blog today, indeed we have a responsibility to not play small against jealousy but to be aware of it and still choose to keep shining.
Jealousy taints everything when it is present. It is something I have wanted to deny as to realise that it comes from people that you love is very sad. If we are unaware it can also be something that we do because if it is slightly there, it is there.
Until this moment I didn’t realise how jealousy has held me back, not having grand things and not wanting money because that would make me a target. It really insidiously weaves its way into your consciousness until protection becomes the way you think. How sad to live this way. It is so much healthier to call it when it is felt and to know not to allow it to hold us back.
Some great points you make here Amanda exposing and offering more understanding to what jealousy is and how we deal with it.
Jealousy really is an evil that we all seem to accept into our lives. I love the example here about clothing – it is so easy to not claim who we are in fear of others reactions, when the only message this sends is ‘life got to me and has made me feel I’m not enough so it is OK to live that way too’ – I am pregnant at the moment and clothing has become something I have started to have fun with, when at the start I used big clothing to hide my tummy – now I am loving experimenting with clothing that is out there that is sexy and supportive for the pregnant woman. And I tell you there is not much out there! But it confirms how we have used our body shape to hide rather than to claim who we are. Which in effect feeds jealousy.
I love this line you have shared here hvmorden, “it is so easy to not claim who we are in fear of others reactions” this one has stopped me to a long time, namely because I was the one usually in so much reaction and the one feeling jealous of others. It is an awful feeling, looking at others and comparing how they are, how happy they look, always thinking others have what you don’t have. This exposed just how far away from myself I was, the disconnection to my essence and who I truly am. This is a very different story to how I live today.
That’s a great experience to share raegenkcairney – because it is pretty common – to think ourselves as less by the means of comparison. It shows that to start by simply appreciating ourselves is a huge step forward. And for me it started with allowing myself more space to do things – waking up an hour earlier to get ready and not rush – having time to dress in clothes that I love and put them on with care. Just a small action like that meant I wore those clothes in appreciation of how great they felt, and so naturally I had people saying how lovely I looked. But it does not come from the clothes, it comes from us letting ourselves be appreciated. This is a small step that can be looked at in all areas of our lives that stops us from going into comparison.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” Clocking jealousy has supported understand there is nothing wrong with me and not to take it personally, another person is missing something within themselves that they have not claimed within themselves. This understanding allows me to break the cycle of absorbing the impact of feeling jealousy and contracting away into my shell. Calling it out then letting it go with the understanding there is nothing wrong with me someone is just struggling because of their choices supports me to deeply appreciate myself and how far I have come and take the opportunity to go even deeper claiming even more of who I am, with this my reflection offers others the opportunity to claim more of themselves.
Now that I have a better understanding of jealousy I find it easier to clock it when I feel jealous of someone and take a good look at myself and feel into what it is I am feeling jealous of and it always comes back to the fact that I am having reflected to me something I have not claimed myself the true of who I truly am and I am so much more than I am expressing and eminating.
I can relate to playing small to avoid jealousy no that I think I actually understood that was what I was doing most of my life. Since I have become aware of this and understand more about jealousy I find it easier to engage these people with a deep understanding that they are feeling that they haven’t – struggling to claim the love that they are and if I emanate all that I am as a reflection to them they have an opportunity to claim more of themselves.
“In becoming aware of the evil effect jealousy has on us, we can set ourselves free and start living who we truly are….” I would add to this we also develop the ability to see another’s jealousy as both a compliment and a confirmation that we are bringing out more of our loving selves. So rather than go into the hurt we feel we can simply clock it and then become playful and shine in knowing we are THE LOVE BOMB….
The more honest and aware of the games I have played and are playing, the more I can observe and read the games others choose to do and therefore call out truth and expose the lies.
So true Caroline we can’t change what we won’t acknowledge; lies need to be exposed to claim truth.
The more I let go of what is not me and express truth the more discerning I am becoming. I have always known when a lie was being said but the difference being now is that I am exposing the lies and expressing truth. Sometimes I can get frustrated because I know exactly what is going, expressed it to another and then I want to express it to the person/persons directly but know within it is not my place to do so. I am learning to deeply appreciate what I have done is enough and to trust the outcome.
Living our truth and expressing truth is our responsibility, our reflection of truth support others to see truth, we can’t make them get it. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Very true Margaret, it exposes my need to control. Allowing and accepting another for where they are at, with no criticism, knowing that one day they will get it is an incredibly loving thing to do and something I am learning every day.
I guess understanding where others are at and understanding we don’t really know what has led others to hold onto the pictures they live by is something we can offer along with truth.
When another chooses to react, it is not our fault. It is them being exposed of the choices they have made and are making.
Well said Caroline, jealousy is exposing of the way that has been lived and there is a choice to either live lesser or to live in our fullness regardless of the jealousy that is there.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” This I am learning to, the cycle of feeling the impact of jealousy from another, calling it out, letting it go and having the understanding of the other but at the same time left with a feeling of doubt that there is something wrong with me. This is so abusive towards myself. It is horrible because I know within this is not true. This is exactly where I am at. It is a calling to go deeper, to deeply appreciate what is on offer. A calling to love myself more, to feel and to claim more of who I truly am therefore deepening my relationship to self. As I see the bigger picture I am reminded once again that this is my purpose in life, to deal with my hurts, let them go and be all and live from the knowing of who I truly am.
Jealousy is a powerful force but not more powerful than we are. The more we know ourselves and live true to that the less jealousy can affect us. It really does show how powerful we are when we remain true to our essence.
“Jealousy is a powerful force but not more powerful than we are.” Great to understand jealousy can only have an effect if we give our power away to avoid it. But in fact we are so very powerful once we discover that nothing will stop us.
This is true Linda, if we allow others to react we give ourselves the permission to express what needs to be expressed-it set ourselves free in our expression.
A great sharing here, highlighting how much jealousy causes dynamics between people. And from these dynamics, fractures and disharmony between people ensue. Staying with that sense of self, with your essence supports one to remain observant of these dynamics.
Jealousy is a mammoth force and one that I did not care to allow myself to feel prior to Esoteric presentations and healing courses with Universal Medicine. The fact is I have been in constant reaction to jealousy my entire life. Jealousy from family, from school kids, from others walking by in the street, colleagues and other students. I now know that it serves no one to react and to make myself small, disappear, play nice, steel up, dull myself or tell myself any number of mind tricks to override the tension I may feel. The key is to Love myself more deeply, to deeply honour and cherish myself and to maintain my connection to God no matter what. From here I can observe and not personalise life and offer True healing and a reflection of Love to another.
I too have been in constant reaction to jealousy my entire life allowing it to affect my life enormously. Isn’t wonderful as we become more aware of the games we have played and are playing to see them for what they are so that we can make different choices.
“The key is to Love myself more deeply, to deeply honour and cherish myself and to maintain my connection to God no matter what.” This is now the foundation for my life too. There are moments when I wobble in reaction to another but at the end of the day it comes back to me and my responsibility with self.
“At the end of the day it comes back to me and my responsibility with self.” so well said Caroline, I can choose to let jealousy effect me /feel jealous towards another or I can fully appreciate all I am and bask in that glory -full-stop.
I love this Deborah and will now remember to go deeper in the love I hold for myself when I feel the hurt of the jealousy I have felt directed at me. Thanks for sharing this simple and practical tip.
For most of my life I felt the effects of jealousy and chose to shut down and lived a lot less than who I truly am. I can see this a lot more clearly now and know that I’m not going to shut my light down any more just so I won’t be attacked.
The effects of jealousy are enormous, and I can feel that is has a great impact on my life, holding back from others and being myself, comes from a source of avoidance of others and jealousy that can be felt. And it is everywhere.
I know the effects of jealousy and how devastating it feels when it comes at me through a stranger or someone I love. So why would I want to wield that force onto another? What hole does that energy come through and what is my responsibility in playing it? After a recent experience of this I was able to look at my part in allowing jealousy to come through me at another and understand the force more clearly. When I am not in my essence, feeling who I am and enjoying being me, it leaves me hungry for something to fill the void. So I want what another has. My responsibility in this is to bring it back to simplicity and connect with essence; from there I can read the energy and know it is not me.
Well put Rachael, I have the same understanding from past experiences. I have found it is important to nominate that I went into jealousy so to break any force this may have had on myself or another and then take my next few steps feeling and connecting to the feelings in my body that remind me of who I am and where I come from.
Toni and Rachel what you describe here is so simple yet so powerful. To recognise what is going through your body that does not feel right, to call it out, to look at why it is happening and to let it go. You may have to repeat that process a few times but its a simple process and one well worth doing. Jealousy is evil – on both the receiving end and on the giving end.
There has been a lot of jealousy directed at Serge Benhayon and his Family over the years, a force which they have handled with absolute grace and integrity. In fact, for me, they have changed the whole relationship that one has to have with jealousy from another person, because I have observed how the Benhayon Family have not retaliated, grown angry or bitter. They have simply carried on, and this has been the greatest inspiration of all.
Absolutely Shami – we can even use jealousy as a confirmation that we are on the right track. If people want what I have or are jealous of what I have said yes to in terms of evolution (advancement) and self-developement, then I must be walking my path and standing out as a point of difference.
This is such a great point Shami and Rachel. It has been so inspiring to watch the Benhayon family, who in the face of extreme jealousy have just grown stronger and stronger within themselves and allowed so much more of themselves to shine forth. It is the direct opposite to have, we normally react to jealousy and is a marker for us all in how to handle the force of jealousy.
I wholeheartedly agree – there is no self whatsoever with the Benhayon’s despite the great jealous and fury directed at the family…everything coming towards the Benhayon’s has been a very personal attack, calling for emotional responses and regardless of what is alleged, accused or thrown their way, the Benhayon’s keep Living the Love they are and in full.
Absolutely, Serge and his family are showing us that jealousy and comparison are created, they do not/cannot exist within the love that IS who we are, as Serge so beautifully reflects for us, that it cannot touch who we are.
Jealousy and Comparison are life-wasters introducing complexity and struggle and ultimately excusing our own irresponsibility if we hold Love back as a result.
The Benhayons simply keep loving, they do not judge or shrink when the force of jealousy is aimed at them, they do not judge or condemn the person it is coming from they simply understand the reason of why it is happening and choose to continue to shine. The Benhayons are great role models for showing us how to lovingly deal with the energy of jealousy – no contraction – no apologies – just fully claiming the love they are.
Jealousy need not be taken personally, for jealousy comes from the person being given a reflection of who they could be but are choosing to not be.
This is true. Living who we are is bound to bring up emotional reactions in others who are yet to choose this glory for themselves.
I agree Deborah. Yesterday in just looking in the mirror at work I could see my tenderness and sweetness and was surprised seeing it so clearly and to see this will cause reaction. Now I am starting to express more openly what i experience and feel and I get daily reactions. Something i can learn now as in the past keeping myself small was exactly avoiding getting reactions from others. At times it is jealousy, at times it feels like rejection of the quality i live and offer.
Well said Jill, this is the truth. When the reflection from someone is there reflecting to another that they are not living in their fullness the jealousy comes through.
‘I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me. Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.’ Well said Anonymous, and in doing so we bring greater love and understanding.
I realized how harming it is in general to react may it be to jealousy or to other things like if people are aggressive. As soon as we react we are gone, so learning to have a great understanding for other people no matter how they behave and not judge is actually crucial.
I agree it is crucial if our aim is not to take things personally and instead see and feel things for what they really are, the behind the scene’s stuff that we all know that is there but we mostly decide to not acknowledge it.
I agree anonymous, the more I heal my hurts, the less I react and understanding is there not only for the others but also for myself, cause I am not only judging others but I am also my own not so pleasant judge.
How very true Annelies. Self-judgment has to be one of the greatest blocks to us accepting our divinity.
Ultimately it is only ourselves that brings us down, but it helps us to acknowledge the feelings of jealousy that can be there that make us choose to not want to stand out. It is amazing how what we believe are friends and loved ones can in fact not wish us to stand out, after all we know someone who is better in a crisis than when things are going well. It is a curious trait of the human ways we have let envelop us.
I can say I’m not free from feeling the pain and discomfort of seeing someone who is choosing to do what I know in my heart I can do too but am choosing not to for whatever reason – fear of jealousy or persecution, from standing out, from not being 100% responsible because I want to hand onto pockets of comfort.
I can also say that, though mighty uncomfortable these awesome reflections can be, I so so appreciate being shown actually no excuses. This is what is possible. I could live as lovingly as they do. I love having the choice right up in my face saying – so, do you want to carry on putting yourself down or do you choose to live the amazing woman that you are – sure you don’t know exactly what it looks like but you can feel it along the way.
Being the observer in all situations allows us to remain connected to ourselves and all equally. Our awareness of everything expands and there is so much to learn in these moments too.
This is key…”Although it had an effect on me, it was great that I allowed myself to clock it …” simply clocking it / observing it, allows us to observe our own response which offers so much insight, and then understanding about what is truly going on. Then confirming of self love and appreciation at this point, enables one to remain with themselves and not drop into a ‘less than’ pattern.
Yes Johanne – it’s totally important to see it and clock (mark) the energy. Of equal importance too is to bring understanding and see that the person who wields jealousy is not the jealousy itself. We are not our behaviours and I am learning the more I read situations and confirm people in their divinity before their actions, I am less likely to be hurt or take things personally.
So true Rachel. What you have detailed here about realising that people are not their behaviours and confirming them in their divinity first is a key tool in being able to have understanding, in not taking things personally, and so be able to build truly loving relationships. There is not one of us who does not have a blind spot of one kind or another, yet deep down we know we are all Sons of God, equally loved and equally loving. Knowing this and acting upon it takes away all the drama and complication in life. Things are so much simpler and clearer.
Great point Rachael, jealousy is an energy, and it comes through others and not from them. When this is realised then a better understanding can be reached what is happening and why.
This certainly has been my experience. To deepen my love for myself and appreciate me in that moment regardless of what is playing out for another allows me to observe and access wisdom and the understanding on offer.
Bringing ourselves down to avoid jealousy from others is a no-win situation, and it serves no-one.
True – we not only swallow the poison of another directed our way when we react but we add greatly to the toxic brew by our self-abuse.
I can relate to a lot of things your are sharing with us Anonymous. In the past my strategy was also to make myself small, by having negative thoughts, self-destructive behaviours and wearing clothes which did not stand out. I was basically invisible. Since I started to be more in my body, everything is changing now. The more I feel me, the more I can care for myself and take responsibility for everything in life.
Thank you Alexander for not being invisible anymore, you shine and the whole world needs to see this.
When we actually ‘clock’ that another is showing jealousy of our appearance and the beautiful energy we are emanating is so bright that they have to turn away this has, taken me years to actually understand that whole process. It is not another person rejecting you (me) it is their own insecurities/feelings that they have of themselves that come up and turning away is their way of resisting their own true beauty and light. Thank you Anonymous I sat with this for a while today to feel that in the past that I too had dimmed my light and played it small when I’d felt another turn away or react ( perhaps recognising that previously I’d also played that evil game of being jealous of another) – but no more.
Yes, it’s wonderful to feel how jealousy isn’t personal – even if that person doesn’t want to admit actually it’s their choices that are causing them the discomfort. Or doesn’t want to admit they are jealous, even to themselves. To honour what we feel and nominate jealousy when it comes at us and see that both parties remain equally beautiful and glorious is a great way to not take it on and belittle either person.
Yes , it makes a huge difference to our relationships with friends and in the workplace – when you realise this you can’t take things personally.
Beautifully said. Another not choosing nor expressing the love they are in that moment and us remaining in the Love we are.
True Karin Barea, it is not personal, it is a reflection of how others feel about themselves. It really is something to ponder about how we respond to others and what we take on in our daily lives…and how this can turn around through making different choices in how we react and what we give out to other people.
It feels awful when you get a ‘nice’ compliment but you can feel the falseness and the undercurrent of jealousy. It is so important to be able to feel this and not dismiss it. When you get hit physically you can see it and understand the pain but with jealousy if you don’t have your radar on, you can get hit without being aware.
Reading this blog reminded me how often in life I have made myself less, to avoid feeling the jealousy of others. I was brought up on the saying that “nobody likes someone with a big head” but there is such a big difference between being big headed and expressing in truth.
It’s so good to have the lid lifted on jealousy as the extent of the evilness of this emotion is immeasurable, it can quite often be undetected or denied and is not a pleasant thing for the pitcher or the catcher of it.
It just occurred to me that we have a saying that ‘jealousy is the sincerest form of flattery’. To me this shows just how harming jealousy is – we feel the hurt of the jealousy directed at us and then in order to make sense of it, or to lessen the blow, we try to disguise it as flattery in order to not feel how harming it truly is.
I agree about the poisonousness of jealousy Brendan and it is the most irresponsible thing to do as well. We have a choice, be jealous and bring another down, or be inspired and allow ourselves to be lifted up by the reflection we are offered. Either way we now we have the same ability as the other.
I used to believe that jealousy meant you did not want another to have something because you did not have it. I now understand it to be the self fury for not having made the choices I know I could have and therefore not being where I would feel I could be. In understanding this I realised I was holding a lot of jealousy simply because I had chosen to hold back. It shows how jealousy creates jealousy as long as we keep reacting to our own choices and each other. Not making it personal is the first step to break this cycle.
Keeping ourselves small does not serve – ourselves or the world. To do so for fear of jealous reactions from others is crackers, yet we do. The tall poppy syndrome is rife in some countries. For example in the U.K. certain ‘stars’ will be supported, but then if they carry on being popular for too long, the tabloids will try to bring them down a peg or two. Jealousy can then result in gossip and sneering and smearing campaigns. It is no wonder that people then try to hide their light.
Jealousy particularly in women is rife. We can on the surface say that we support each other but in truth, we will as quick as anything bring jealousy and comparison out. When we don’t see that we are jealous, it does feed into all parts of our lives. It can be overt or very subtle. It is only when we acknowledge this that we can begin to breakdown the ideals and beliefs one can hold.
It is so true: we construct a life that is small and held back so that we do not have to withstand the attack of jealousy that would come back at us if we were to claim ourselves and shine. How duped was I to fall for that one?
Serge Benhayon has broken this illusion for us, so that we can clearly see that we are each a living unit of the divine matrix, all equally important and with something to share. Knowing this, feeling this in my body for the first time in this life (and going back many lives to when I abandoned it), is an incredible feeling of purpose and place in the grand scheme of it all. There will be no further holding back of my light.
That’s a great point, Emma, that we all have something to share and when we hold back or make ourselves small, we are not playing our part.
Now when I feel any sort of comparison coming up with another I can quickly identify it and read what it is that they have chosen for themselves that I have not for myself. Usually it is a quality they have claimed, their own power and capacity and so I simply shift the focus to being inspired by their choices, knowing that this is there for me to claim within myself.
I was not able to attend the 2015 Retreat and so was unable to explore jealousy deeply with the group. Initially connecting to this subject I really wasn’t aware of the effects of jealousy and how it plays out. But it has come up a bit since and now I can see how this has played out within my family growing up directed towards me and also how I have fallen for it, choosing to reject my true power in my choices and therefore look outside of myself to others and feel jealous of what they have chosen. Making choices in reaction rather than true choices led to an erosion of self worth. I was super successful at school but what no-one presented me with during those years was to confirm me in my essence and so I was empty within, rudderless and open to all sorts of forays upon leaving school meaning that my twenties were not the solid foundational years they could have been.
And yet, looking back at all of this I see the bigger picture playing out, why this was necessary for me specifically and how perfect it has all been to bring me to where I am today: deeply appreciating myself and all that I have experienced and how I have found the strength within to turn it all around to live a loving life, with joy re-emerging and where finally I can see the purpose of it all! And now I am able to deeply understand and support others experiencing a similar such existential crisis, who may not even be able to see as such but are living behind a wall of protection.
“I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally,” this is the absolute key to living a life of true joy and harmony.
“By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy” This is a super interesting and stop point / line worth pondering on to read. It’s actually huge and feeds into every area and facet of our life. (how we eat, dress, move, work, jobs we have, express or not express etc) In truth – How many of us have used or use a lack of self worth to actually not feel jealousy?
The point mentioned here about observing and reacting (absorbing) the situations around us is huge. How often do we do that even subconsciously and the effects are massive as the absorbed energy acts like chains around us, pinning us down in life and preventing the full embrace of the joy that could otherwise be
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your experience with jealousy. I too feel the devastating effects of jealousy when it comes from people dear and close to me. I am learning to become more and more aware of it and understand why it occurs. Once I don’t react to the jealousy the evil effects don’t have a hold on me. It is by recognising that jealousy is present, understand where it comes from and nominating it by expressing it, not to pretend it didn’t happen but for me to be honest and real about it helps me a great deal to not absorb it or get affected by it. The best protection I have found against jealousy is to be honest, nominating it and express that it is not acceptable.
When we show ourselves in full we experience how much people respond to the beauty we emanate and get inspired and this is something we need to focus on and not be put off by the people who are jealous.
This morning i wanted to put on the light mascara which i felt is a slight trick to hold back and not show my beautiful eyes. We can hold back in the way we use Make-up and clothes – not to stand out, to shine our beauty and light, to avoid jealousy.
Very, very powerful blog, this reveals to us the evil of jealousy that we all have expressed in one way or the other (aware or not consciously aware). To me this puts to rest that it is actually OK to feel that there is jealously in this world and even close around you, or sometimes felt within you, but to honor that those feelings are not wrong – but to be observed. It is magical how much we can learn and evolve simply by observing and knowing that what we observe is just a small bit of the whole amazingness we come from (divine love). So we must understand that it is our time now to eliminate all the dirt we have let come in our way. Start new and fresh, with everything we got! Thank you God for Serge Benhayon!
I agree Danna. To feel that we have done something wrong when we feel jealousy towards another simply serves to keep us in the contraction, the “i am less” etc. It is when we can acknowledge it is there and accept that the jealousy is not really anything to do with the target of our jealousy but due to the fury we direct at ourselves for not having made supportive choices for ourselves, that jealousy no longer has a hold over us.
Yes Lucy as you in the first sentence describe the game we all known and play out when jealously comes up. We are then offered a choice to feel what is underneath the fury of what is being reflected at us, or keep in the justification and confirmation of the jealously of not being good enough etc. We know how much jealously can take us down if we choose to walk in it, therefore the choice is deliberate to destroy ourselves and not to deal with our hurts. So we can continue in despair or walk our path healing this empty pocket that invites the jealously to come in. When we heal the pockets we are able to life without jealousy and accept our own choices.
This is truly amazing what was presented by Serge Benhayon, and so here by you Anonymous. A huge revelation came to me in this line; ”I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me. Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” You hit the nail there for me, and I assume many many more people. I have felt that exact way, and it is only by reading this and feeling the truth of it that I realized that I now understand where this abuse comes from (attacking myself, thinking that I am not good enough). Actually this shows me how very sensitive we are, and how we are constantly receiving energy around us towards us , and how this can never be set still, and so we can choose to feel it or numb ourselves away from feeling it – like I had done for so long, up until this point. I now decide to stay in my body and feel what jealously is coming my way, and accept myself more deeply knowing that I am enough.
Reading your blog I can feel the importance of not making myself small when I sense there is jealousy around. Jealousy just points out that people react to the choices they have not made but actually know they could have made to grow. If we stop reflecting that we can grow out of things because of this jealous reaction, the world will never change and grow out of some behaviours we actually do not want to have.
Great point Lieke, if we contract and play small when we experience jealously we are basically saying that being jealous is okay. There is no responsibility in this.
Yes true Lieke. We are constantly walking around trying to not step on other peoples toes and in doing so we are not fully being in the joy of just being ourselves.
This is beautiful. “If we set ourselves free [of the effect of jealousy], we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.”
We cannot change ourselves to stop jealousy, I have tested that for most of my life to know how poisonous that is as I learned to not feel who I truly am and have built a facade of who I think will be accepted. The poison that I feel is the choice of not living the truth of who I am, this is the deepest hurt that nothing will ever soothe, no amount of fitting in will ever appease. I was not born to fit in and this is what I will live and that would be the only protection I will ever need—which is to have no protection at all!
Great Adele, the key is to have ‘no protection at all’, I love that. Awesome reminder to keep our hearts open even when we receive jealousy or any sort of attack.
It is great to clock ‘jealousy’ when we notice it, as this offers space between the quality and feeling of our true self and the imposition of this energy. Under pinning jealousy, is pretty much different choices that a person has chosen to make, and this is what, on some level is noticed.
Actually, I could take the jealousy someone is holding for me as a compliment – I must have done something very great :).
When we do well in our life we will always be too much, even far too much for others and they may respond at times quite harshly. It is a price worth paying, especially when we learn not to let their harshness in, just their glory.
I can feel that I too have held back and lived a lesser version of myself to avoid jealousy coming from others. The more i appreciate and am love with myself the more I can feel it, hold steady and not take jealousy personally.
Brilliant Chris this is an awesome way to defeat jealousy is to not take it personally. Inspiring, thank you!
I now know that the key is not to take jealousy personally; that it comes my way in different forms and just keep being me, the amazing woman I am and keep reflecting my gorgeous light, out to the world.
It’s so true Joe, when we realise that people’s hurts are keeping them small, when we are all as amazing as one another in our essence, how can we take any jealousy aimed at us personally? We can acknowledge how awful this feels but we don’t need to take it on or within.
For sure Brendan, its as though we re configure ourselves to fit in and not be a target
Having the ability to recognise other peoples reactions come from their own hurts is an awesome realisation that negates the effect of the reaction
exactly Joe and it takes all the personal sting out of it. I am realising more and more that even when the jealousy is there, the reflection has had it’s affect. A great reminder to never tone it down as it is this reflection that will support others in making those choices for themselves.
Jealousy is another layer on top of the age-old issue of the ‘better-than/less than’ behaviour, when really, we are all equally the same, just with different skills and abilities and have made different choices along the way.
Appreciation is our best medicine for the very common poisonous jealousy.
When we realise that we are all unique and that we all have something special to offer, not to mention that there are too many factors in comparison of another, jealousy is evil and absurd and yet so rife.
On reading this blog again I suddenly realised how often I play down how good I feel especially when running into old friends and once again it’s probably to avoid their jealousy, even though they are too busy trying to tell me how hung over they are from the wild night they had the night before.
Thank you anonymous for claiming your light. The impact of jealousy on little ones can be cruel and lead to much confusion and feeling less than others. Jealousy calls for honesty – it asks is there comparison happening here? There is a responsibility on my behalf to clock where I am at and to be clear about that. The effects of jealousy coming towards me is also my responsibility, in that I have the choice to hold the love that I am, to live and shine in my expression through the way I dress, eat, participate in conversation and all ways. It is a nasty, insidious emotion and attempts to undermine others. Regardless, we know the truth of our amazing light and that the light is also within all others, choosing to live this means jealousy will not impact us.
The epidemic of jealously that we have at this point of time has yet to be fully realised for it is rife in families, schools, between friends the list goes on, but the scary thing is that is so common that people have become to accept it as the norm when in fact this could not be further from the truth. Our true way of being is one of brotherhood not jealously and comparison, it will be a long time until the majority realise this but with blogs like this and the teachings of Serge Benhayon we are being shown there is another way. Thank you for this blog.
I so agree with you Samathaengland Jealousy has just been accepted as normal in this world. I have felt, when jealousy comes at us, it is just another way to hold us back, from who we really are, if we personalise it. We have a choice whenever jealousy comes our way, we can make the choice to react, or we can see it, for what it truly is…. a person who is speaking from, there own hurts there not dealing with…..SELF-FURY. Like you said, our true way of being is from brotherhood. We all have free wiIl and it is up to us, what that choice is and what will unfold from there, will be because of the choice we have made.
I have felt the jealousy from a sibling who has cut off connection with me. After the retreat I had a much better understanding of what was happening between us. I have felt for sometime now to connect with her and whatever happens to not take it personally.
When we don’t take the responsibility to do what we are asked to do or know that it is our job to do and then meet somebody who is doing it, we can become jealous. This has happened to me. I had to nominate that i know now what my job is and will choose to do it, like writing more blogs of truth in English and German. And I do not accept jealousy.
In time, jealousy will be seen as our greatest form of disease, but not until such time that we live in a way where we are not distracted by all the other ramifications of the way we have chosen to live.
I can see that Adam, “jealousy will be seen as our greatest form of disease”, because by choosing to be jealous, we choose the separation from each other first. What one achieved because of their choices, is there for all of us. It is a reflection for whereto ‘taking responsibility’ can bring us.
I was speaking with a woman today who had experienced some jealousy towards her the night before, and I could see how important it was to talk about this, because the experience did leave a mark, it did hurt, and this was not something to be ignored or forgotten. This woman is very strong, but she still needed to talk about what happened, just to keep things in perspective. We all know that jealousy happens and how awful it feels, I would say that the more we can support each other to talk about what it feels like to experience it, the less likely we are to go to that emotion in certain situations.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me” This is such a huge one!! Firstly when you clock that someone is jealous, then to have the awareness and connection with oneself to not react and not to take it personally. I have found and it can certainly test your connection with yourself, is when you feel that jealousy from someone. But to really be open the them still too, very challenging at times, but worth it.
To be truly who you are and than feel the love and joy that comes from that …is like saying YES to life ✨
Lovely Anonymous thank you so much for sharing your experiences with jealousy – this was so inspiring. You wrote: “Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” For me this is a real powerful and truthful expression – imagine we all would live like this – WOW!
The key to live in our society living in our amazingness is to not take what happens personal but to observe with a greater understanding of energy and what is actually going on.
This is a great subject to bring to light. Through Serge Benhayon’s presentations I have discovered what jealousy truly is and the pockets that is hides in under various other names – that we justify as anything but jealousy – but it is, in the end, plainly jealousy.
Jealousy is a killer of brotherhood and oneness.
Yes Anne it is crazy but we not only absorb it and let it affect us, we abuse ourselves to not have to feel so much the abuse coming from another towards us. … and this is like giving to another more open licence to abuse – Harmful for all, and there is no evolution. Only bringing ourselves steady in holding to the truth of who we are will truly bring healing, even if it seems impossible from where we are at in midst of the abuse, but it is the only true way forward.
Jealousy is something we have all felt or been on the receiving end of. It feels awful either way. There is more responsibility to take where jealousy comes in, responsibility for our choices.
I agree Marika, the Retreat of Unversal Medicine in Australia was very powerful revealing the evil seed of jealousy. “It was like a coming out of the closet for everyone by simply being able to express it with each other so openly.”
Jealously is a poison that we have to face up to and deal with within ourselves and within others. If we don’t we are allowing a very destructive force to play havoc with us. I know that when I have experienced jealously it is because I am aware that I have not made the same choices as another has and this evokes jealously. The thing is to not get stuck in the jealously but to simply be honest with yourself and make different choices. Honesty and truthfulness is the key to dealing with jealously.
What you have written here Anonymous is the key for me;
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me”. Katie is spot on, the volume of unexpressed feelings and behaviours is soul destroying.
Very well put Brendan, it is our choice to indulge in jealousy or not, we can choose to feel the pain of what knew we needed to do or choose in or own life but didn’t, or become jealous of another who has made that choice and created what we wanted to have.
“ Being unemployed often, I did not participate in life fully and was very protected and hard. By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about. I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!”
What you have shared here, has enlightened us to the hideous and crippling effects that jealousy can have upon our lives, in that we can construct a way of being to avoid the awful force of jealousy from others.
“In becoming aware of the evil effect jealousy has on us, we can set ourselves free and start living who we truly are. If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.” Well said, the more understanding we bring to the huge effect that jealousy has impacted upon our life’s, and how we play roles of being less than who we truly are, to the point that humanity is living a big lie, with us all pretending to be less, we will be able to cast aside the self imposed imprisonment that jealousy has had upon us.
When we dull ourselves down, make ourselves less and play small, so to speak, we are giving a strong message to all others that this is the status quo, and that this contracted way of living is acceptable and in fact what we incorrectly consider as normal. When someone such as Serge Benhayon, steps out of this, ’agreed normal way of being’, we are offered a reflection of what it looks like to live in the full expression of who we are, or choose to react as we feel the pain of the contracted way we have been living.
“Through the contact with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have changed in an incredible way. I am much more committed to life and work. I’m more self-confident, expressive, self loving and appreciative of myself.
This is such a transformation for you Anonymous, and you are a living testimony of the incredible work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is also a testimony to you for choosing this love and support, in your life.
“As a small child I was very joyful, tender and confident and very much connected with my surroundings. I had a very close relationship with my father, but the relationship between my mother, my sister and I was tainted by jealous” Reading this sentence I am reminded of my own childhood and the joyous, play-Full and full of light, little boy I was, and that others were jealous of me, as a result I quickly learnt to play dumb and small, and even stupid at times to fit in and not stand out.
I am myself at the moment really learning that we all bring something different, have learnt different things and have another way of expressing. Comparison is just a killer for me at times and from there jealousy comes as well, understanding more what I bring and also what I shared before that we are all presenting a different reflection, it is setting me more and more free of the fury of jealousy in myself.
Reading this blog and the comments makes me realise even more what an effect jealousy can have and has had in my life. It makes sense that we stop enjoying feeling amazing when that attracts jealousy and people not meeting us in that same amazingness.
A whole new understanding of group dynamics has been opened up to me now that I can see how powerful the dynamics of jealousy are, and understand where they come from, If I had known this throughout high school life would have significantly different.
It is crazy how much we can contort ourselves to avoid receiving the invisible daggers from others. I think what hurts the most is feeling how there is zero connection when jealously is present.
I love how you call jealousy a force for that is how it is,it comes towards us in order to deflate and diminish us and if we give our energy to it it will take it unmercifully, likewise if we allow that energy in us and direct it out to others we are potentially doubling or trebling feeding the monster, so to speak, and thus creating more energy of jealousy in the world.
Jealousy is such a very evil thing whether aimed at us or if we find ourselves being jealous of another. It’s so great to have a deeper insight into why people are jealous and that we do play ourselves down to avoid having to feel it.
“I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.” This has taken me awhile, as I never understood before that jealousy came from their own hurts, I would often feel I had done something wrong, so I would start to hold back, dim myself and not fully show who I am. It was just safe that way. But the impact that had on me was I would use food, distractions to make myself be that way.
Being on the recieving end of jealousy can be pretty harmfull, however nominating and having the awareness of why jealousy occurs ensures no harm is taken on
I’ve been experiencing a lot of jealousy lately, or perhaps I am just more willing to see and feel it now, but it is coming from the people closest to me. What I’ve been noticing is that when I feel I am in a ‘safe place’ like with family, friends or community events I drop my awareness and become somewhat blasé or comfortable thinking that an energy like jealousy won’t be here. There’s an expectation that people such as these, who love me, will not allow such evil to come through. But that’s when jealousy smashes me and I have learnt that it is a totally unrealistic and irresponsible expectation to put on others. I am also learning that there is no ‘off switch’ to awareness, I need to be constantly reading to remain the observer of life and not absorb what I don’t want to feel.
“…I have learnt that it is a totally unrealistic and irresponsible expectation to put on others.”
I loved reading this line Rachael Evans it holds so much understanding and compassion!
” I am also learning that there is no ‘off switch’ to awareness, I need to be constantly reading to remain the observer of life and not absorb what I don’t want to feel.”
This is a great finishing line Rachael Evans! We can never have a break from our awareness unless we actively choose to numb it down and sabotage it.
So true Brendan. Jealousy is ruining.
This is pretty profound to feel deeply, how horrid and insidious jealousy has been revealed in this blog. Even though you spell the way out for us, I really feel the need to embrace how deeply this negative energy has run through my veins first to get to the root of it. Feeling how to appreciate ourselves and what we bring to the world is a great step forwards on our own journey.
I have been feeling jealousy from others of late and someone put it to me that people will be jealous when they are being confronted with the choices they haven’t made. Unless they are actively working on this, others can be jealous and that I need to allow that as they do not know how to otherwise respond to this. This helped me to bring more understanding and to let go of hardness/rejection I was feeling – to remember that jealousy is not actually personal.
Annie, I totally agree that jealousy is not personal and that such a reaction requires our understanding of what it is. However I do not feel that it is true to say that ‘people SHOULD be jealous’. Jealousy is a reaction used to prevent people from feeling the truth of their situation, just as is, say, ‘regret’.
Well said Annie, the reflection that someone who is claiming to live all that they are and not hold back, is very strong for someone who is claiming that for themselves, so jealousy is going to be the reaction from others, who are not prepared to feel the pain of living in a way that is not their full potential.
In reading all the amazing comments what gets exposed here for me is the evil and destructive energy of jealousy which is exposed in the blog and comments and this energy is strongly felt here. It is an energy we need to learn to deal with, to nominate and say no to it!
To feel that others were jealous of me was so horrible that I ignored it for most of my life, and I used to play small automatically. Now I am more aware if there is any jealousy and therefore I can stand tall, shine and know that there’s nothing personal about it, but it is rather a matter of what choices have been made. Other people can choose to either feel inspired or to feel jealousy, and either choice won’t affect me. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, Anonymous.
I’ve learnt in the past to play myself down so much, that i could not even imagine someone would be jealous of me….that is also a set up, so i don’t feel the pain of another’s jealousy. But if i claim me, no matter what! If i live me and the glory within and other’s are jealous, living me and in that quality is so supportive, that the jealousy of another is not given the time of day…however not to take away that being a target of jealousy is very hurtful, but it is because we stay in the smallness of who we are.
Good point Karoline, the jealousy from others feels awful but when don’t contract from it, or go back into contracted behaviors, it cannot touch us.
Not only are others jealous of us when we’re in our glory, but we also can become jealous of others, and it is a horrible place to be. What we are really jealous of is that that person is willing to be amazing and we’re not!
Anonymous this is a courageous article to write on such a sensitive issue – Jealousy. There are the jealousies of material gains by another, those that are ‘better’ than us at something and so forth. But there is what i call the ‘deadly jealousy and that is the one as anonymous described – when we are being ourselves, the inner beauty of who we are..we know if we be more than a certain point, it will be clocked by another and it won’t feel good. We all can relate to this I’m sure, so does that mean we live in a way to make sure you don’t incite jealousy in another…for those that stand up and say, i will be me and if your jealous well suck eggs, will inspire others to do the same!
Jealousy is so subtle and can be felt so quickly, I remember when I use to work in IT and at a very young age become a senior manager. I was always looked at by other people who had been in the company for many years, as ‘what did I have that they did not have’. It used to be so obvious how they would look at me,and how they would communicate with me.
In reading all the amazing comments what gets exposed here for me is the evil and destructive energy of jealousy which is exposed in the blog and comments and is strongly felt here.
Jealousy is not always words or even body language but it insidiously plays out as an energy, that can be felt like a smack across the head. One of the worst things can be receiving a compliment from someone which has actually come from a niceness and someone not wanting to feel their jealousy, so the compliment actually smashes you as in society we are taught to accept compliments and be polite. How harmful is this.
Great comment Danielle, politeness and things coming from niceness are so false and very transparent if trying to hide jealousy. Give me a straight up insult any day, far less of a slap in the face.
Yes at least with the insult we know what’s going on where with niceness it can be confusing for some, because the person is smiling and saying all the right things but something just feels totally wrong about it. Some people choose to not be aware of the underlying jealousy and can get really affected by it in ways they don’t realise.
Great point Danielle, being nice and polite for me was a strong part of my conditioning being originally from England, sometimes I cringe after I feel the falseness when I’m being nice or kind to someone, as it feels false and phony and leaves me feeling disempowered and less than the glorious powerful man I truly am.
I love your honesty Thomas of what being nice feels like when we dish it out. It’s true that it feels like a whack for the person receiving it, but it also feels like a whack when we deliver it too. There’s a feeling of guilt or heaviness afterwards, not so much because of what we delivered but more because we can feel we’ve missed an opportunity to truly express love.
Jealousy manages to consume all in it path those who feel it and those it is aimed at – it is so harmful. True healing comes from knowing how amazing we truly are then we no longer have to loathe ourselves and those around us.
To be jealous of another is all consuming, its an energy that if one allows can take one over, and we then construct a way of life that is bitter and full of resentment
It seems to me that we have only just started to scratch the surface to the extent of how jealousy plays out in our daily lives, and the lasting impact it can have on our bodies from a very young age. It makes me wonder if by being on the receiving end of jealousy as a child, how much of this contributes to the lack of self worth we carry into adulthood.
I agree Julie. As I see it, lack of self worth, comparison and jealousy are inextricably linked. We know on some level when we are in comparison with another even if we do not admit it and we can feel how this and it’s big brother jealousy can completely undermine and destroy any connection we have with our true nature and the true nature of relationship.
Being born into a world where comparison and jealousy is (still) normal we are set up for self worth and rejections issues as children. Great point Julie.
” Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me” Thank you anonymous, this is something that has allowed me more understanding of others and appreciation of me in many different ways.
It does give more understanding of others and also the knowing that the only difference there is between people is the choices that we make.
Jealousy is such an insidious thing. Because the truth of it is not talked about very often it can slip under the radar and not get dealt with. I know as a child I was the target of jealousy and that as I grew I also became jealous of others. When we do that we are so denying the awesomeness of who we are and as you say, playing it small. Having this nominated and out in the open is very healing. I know that if I ever slip into jealousy there is something there for me to immediately work on and if I ever feel jealousy coming from another I see it as confirmation of my awesome qualities!
“I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!” Anonymous, I can relate to this and I think many of us have done this, jealousy is a such a confronting energy and a very effective way to make someone feel less until we actually realize what the energy is. Once we can nominate the energy and can see that it is the person’s choices that is making them jealous, not really anything we have done, then we don’t take it on and can just allow it to wash through us without absorbing it.
On the UK retreat I became aware of how I had changed completely under the force of jealousy. I could feel how in reaction to the jealousy, I became someone I am not, almost like a negative image of myself if that makes sense. It felt so unsafe to be who I was being that I felt I had to create a different image to face the world with. I see now the folly of this choice and how true ‘safety’ is in being who we are in full and live this as best as I can.
This is brilliant Richard and I totally get this false negative image – like an inferior quality photo of oneself being paraded as a the real deal. It hasn’t worked for this 45 years on earth – I know in my heart that it has never worked and yet for me it has been made more comfortable to be to fit in and not ruffle feathers. Crazy.
And this can be so confronting for the world… when people do not shrink, but actually allow their beauty and their light to shine out
It can be confronting as you say cjames2012, but at the same time it can be inspiring. What I do now is if I see someone living in their fullness and walking their walk so to speak, it reminds me that I can do that too!
“I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!” I can relate to that Anonymous, I have created a life in which I have kept myself small to prevent receiving reactions from other people against me. I can now feel how I have been influenced by the energy of jealousy and by allowing it in into my life and to not see it for what it actually is. I have chosen to live a lesser life with the counter effect that when I meet someone who lives their light I full, the fury of jealousy is easily ignited in me too.
Jealousy can feel like a slap or being hit and told to get back in your box. I agree Anonymous that it is rife in life. But I am starting to see that it’s not as powerful as we might think. It’s just the fact that the image I have in my head of how I would prefer life to be, that stops me from living in reality. In the end this is what is harming me.
This is true Joseph, we want life in a certain way before we actually show all of us, but it doesn’t work like this we can wait forever. We have to make the start and stop having expectations or investment in how we want people to be.
Wow this is powerful and a real insight into jealousy and how it affects us all . Playing the game of being less than others (playing small, as you say), and nominating jealousy also, is something so relatable to us all. Wouldn’t it be great if we humans started to appreciate ourselves and not compare ourselves with others because we feel we are not enough deep down? Appreciation of all we are and the appreciation of others as a natural occurrence from this is for me our greatest gift and our expression is so much needed on earth.
I am learning that when jealousy comes to me, to not take it personal. To realize that it is not about me, but that I am in that moment an inspiration for another. Just like that person is also an inspiration. We all are, we just sometimes forget.
Great point Mariette so simple and true.
It’s easy to forget the awesome reflection we are offering another person and shrink back so as to avoid the attack of jealousy, but then we all lose out.
Mariette what you have shared is key in bringing understanding to what we are experiencing when we feel jealousy. Offering inspiration is very confirming to feel and can be something to celebrate rather than shrink from.
Yes, if we claim that we are all a source of inspiration, all with a unique expression, then jealousy can be there but eventually it won’t affect us. We are hear to learn from each other and to reflect back how incredible big we all are.
This is a great reminder, not to take it personally. Jealousy is a force coming through another for capping their amazingness, we have to continue being our natural glorious self, and so allowing others the choice to be that also.
This is important Mariette, ‘that when jealousy comes to me, to not take it personal. To realize that it is not about me, but that I am in that moment an inspiration for another.’ Jealousy will be there, but we do not have to contract and hide so as to not be the target of it, it is about remaining true to ourselves and keep shining and inspiring.
This is true Mariette we all get caught forgetting at times to appreciate the inspiration we get offered. And this is the key to depersonalize jealousy even when it is directed at us.
As soon as we make things personal, with jealousy or something else, it is about us and then we get affected. The more life is not about us, the less we absorb and the less we get affected.
Learning to live the full version of who we truly are is a forever unfolding process – we need to remember that we all have the potential to make this a consistent choice.
I agree Eva, it is the consistency of our choices to choose love that matters. This is what brings responsibility and this in turn prevents jealousy.
Exactly Eva!
Thank you for this important account Anonymous – you say ‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy.’
– This is very relatable, a strategy to not be seen or heard. In my teenage years I was struggling very much with this and my ‘solution’ was to join in with the ‘cool ones’ to start drinking and smoking to hide the fact – only to find myself feeling more and more lost in between the booze and the parties.
Agreed Eva I too have used this ‘strategy’ to stay small it fails though because none of us are. We represent the universal love of God on earth – this is not small but grand and stupendous.
When I feel jealousy arising in me, I learned to to stop and appreciate this. Why? Because it shows me so clearly that there is something I need to look at. I ask myself, where does it come from, why do I feel this now and what choices have I made. Very revealing and very helpful. Actually very inspiring.
The moment I actually compare myself to someone else and measure myself as being greater or lesser or better off or worse off then them, I can feel I have allowed an energy to enter my body that feels hard, forceful and damaging to both me and the person I have in mind.
Awareness is key Andrew and you are right, comparison is where it begins. In school we did projects on the people we admire, I am now reflecting on the relationship between admiration, glorification and wanting to be like with the concept of jealousy. Great Blog Anonymous – Thankyou for claiming all of you and reminding us that we are all amazing just as we are.
I have also been jealous of others at times and in the past I thought it was ok because often I would keep it to myself as a private thought and believed well if I am not outwardly attacking the other person it is ok. But since becoming more aware of energy in the last few years I have come to understand that if I have jealous thoughts or thoughts of comparison about someone else then I am attacking myself and them energetically which is just as harming as if I had spoken to them or acted jealously towards them.
Yes, its great to be aware jealousy can flow both ways and both are an opportunity to learn and grow.
I am so very with you on that, andrewmooney26 – as long as I behave nice no matter what I am actually feeling or thinking about the person, it’s OK – I thought that, too. This, made it all about the person, and I never thought to look at it as something I had to deal with, and that thought/feeling became a part of fixture in my internal landscape. Being introduced to energetic understanding has definitely raised the bar for awareness and self-responsibility.
Yes Andrew, very wise words that I shall remember.
It is a great reminder, Andrew to remember, that all our thoughts are registered energetically and we cannot hide. This really makes me feel to step up more in my self responsibility.
Thank you Andrew for being open about how we are jealous of others and how harming it us on us as well.
Someone said to me recently “well people are gonna react no matter what you do so you might as well be you” Wise words that I have been remembering more recently when I am going through my day.
That’s fabulous Andrew – thanks for sharing it.
I love this Andrew, ‘well people are gonna react no matter what you do so you might as well be you”. So true.
This is very joyful to read Andrew “well people are gonna react no matter what you do, so you might as well be you”.
Something we can remind ourselves daily, people will react to us no matter what, so best to be who we are 🙂
Thanks for sharing this Andrew… Absolutely true… this statement makes you pull out the stops and simply be you… no holding back!
Love this too Andrew – a great reminder
As I read your blog anonymous I could feel just how much I have held myself back or tried to fit in in my life to avoid jealousy from others. These days I am more aware of the fact that when I am not being me I can feel a pressure that builds in my body, a tension from trying to force myself or contort myself into something I am not, just to avoid jealousy!
It’s something that I too am becoming aware of Andrew, so many underlying behaviours to not be seen and or not attract attention and the jealousy that comes with it. But it is going to come anyway, only we are in a lesser position to deal with it from the contraction and diminishment of the hiding, so we may as well bust out and be all of ourselves – and enjoy the freedom.
I realised in the last months as well, how often I try to fit in. I call it the ‘fit in’ disease. All the time when I try to fit in, it is not me any more. So the question is who is actually trying to fit in ?
A great blog about such an under-estimated strong force that we all experience every day and yet don’t always notice it or pay attention to it or talk about it.
Yes andrewmooney26, it is very empowering to be able to recognise it for what it is and not take it personally.
Jealously is a daily occurrence. It is the reason behind theft and can be even more insidious found in apparent compliments that come with a cutting edge.
And until we do talk about it and bring this anti love force more into the open and discuss it as fact without blame or judgement, it will stay ‘under the carpet’ to be felt with every step we take.
Yes that is true. Jealousy is really “such an under-estimated strong force” and I am often wondering why we allow that; we don’t notice it or pay attention to talk about it but this can help to deal with it in a lighter, easier way.
Yes Ester, if we pretend to not feel it, or dull our awareness to not feel it, then the force of jealousy has a far greater potential to affect us as we then are letting it control our actions in our chosen ignorance.. but staying aware, we can read and register jealousy and thus rob it of any potential to affect us.
Annie what you have shared is so spot on for me: “. . . but staying aware, we can read and register jealousy and thus rob it of any potential to affect us.” It is really the only way I know so far to stop this awful effect jealousy can have on me.
An unseen force Andrew that I for one am still opening up to feeling and understanding. I am also much more aware of when I am jealous, even though it may be after the fact as it seems to happen before I can catch it.
I second this Andrew – and we ignore it at our peril. We need to never shrink from reading this energy and how it plays out, as this will help us to understand how and why mankind is in the mess it is in, and how we too have contributed to it.
A very powerful sharing anon, from reading it I considered how much I dress down myself and conclude that this is definitely influenced at least in part by a desire to not stand out. I know when i do dress up I get both compliments and put downs and am often not comfortable with standing out too much. To live as we are born to means though that standing out is so important, to offer the reflection to others that says, this is all of me, i’m not going to hold back and neither should you either.
Stephen dressing up may make you stand out, it can also make you feel amazing and this inspires others. You become a reflection of what is possible for all. I’ve observed that when I bring all that I am to work, it helped others to do the same, take more care, be more loving and attentive of themselves.
Me too Stephen – when I dress up and I get more attention than usual, I can start sometimes to feel uncomfortable. But when I feel my real grandness it is just beautiful to show it to the world.
Inspired is definitely the way to go – for me jealousy starts with comparison and an image I have of how I think I should be and when someone comes along who already fits that image, I use it as a way to knock myself back. Of course they have made different choices and I didn’t, so all that is being reflected back are my choices. Being jealous cements me where I am, exhausts me, and directs a force at them which gets in the way of our relationship as I cannot relate to them as an equal. Being inspired means I can see in them where I can be, equally and then I know what choices I need to make.
Beautifully expressed Carmel. There is such an understanding and honesty around your comment which feels like it has already deepened the loving relationship you have with yourself and others.
Being who we truly are surely is our right. It seemS unfathomable how our natural way has morphed into a lost arena that we now need to recover! Where have we been as humanity? Where have I been?
Great questions Bernadette, questions that have to be asked as these will bring us the answers that we so urgently need in todays society.
And unless each of us answer these questions Nico, we will endlessly delay what is the truth of our existence, waiting for us to return to; waiting within us to be fully embraced.
And delay it is Bernadette, this is exactly the word that explains what we as a society are doing. We are delaying the unavoidable, the fact that we have to return to our true way of existence, because of our choice to experiment a life in creation instead of the life in co-creation we come from and belong to.
I find that this way of looking at life really helps keep things in perspective Nico. It is like constant reminder if I feel unsettled. I stop and ask myself – is this about ‘me’ – creation or is it about the ‘bigger picture’ – co creation which involves all of us and together we support each other return to our ‘true nature’ you so beautifully articulated.
To me it brings back having fun in life as it detaches me from the seriousness that life sometimes ends up to be if I get caught up in its creations. To stop and to appreciate my connection with the grander whole makes it possible for me to see the ridiculousness of choosing for this creation and with that the joy that life brings returns as there is absolutely no seriousness in co-creation whatsoever.
Great point. As children growing up we are encouraged to express who we are and we are often championed for being so open and confident. When does this all stop and why do we squash what is our natural way of being?
Ah Natasa, I often ask this question! I feel it is when we begin to realise that there are expectations of us to be a certain way and love is withheld if we don’t reach these. We then put these on ourselves and the cycle begins. There is a blog in this!
Yes Bernadette, To be who we truly are is our birth right and what it is all about.
I am appreciating the term ‘birth right’ more and more. I was born to unfold and express in my unique way, that’s my birth right or my birth responsibility! If I don’t exercise my ‘birth right’ humanity is less and I am responsible for my part in our lesser humanity!
And appreciation down to the smallest details is a great key.
Thankyou, I can really relate to not letting me out fully in the world, dressing down etc and worrying about reactions. It’s very confirming to read your story and connect to how amazing we all feel when we don’t hold back our loveliness.
The great thing about just being ourselves is, we don’t have to protect us any more. I had put so much effort into protecting myself, this was very exhausting in the past. Now I know, being me is enough, and slowly slowly my body recovers from the exhaustion.
Thank you Anonymous – I can feel the power in claiming back who you are in full and not dulling down to avoid the reactions of others. This is something I have become aware of more recently and have discovered just how I also respond to this, measuring what I need to do or not in order to ‘blend in’ with those around me.
I appreciate your honesty Michael. If we work from inside out, why wouldn’t we want to reflect how we’re feeling to others. ‘Blending in’ and ‘dulling down’ keeps us in hiding and makes others feel comfortable, it does nothing to help us and others evolve. Sharing the love we are in the way we live, offers others the possibiltiy to be more.
Well said Kehinde, I deeply appreciate the reflection offered to me by those who do choose to make choices from the knowing of themselves in full and this has inspired me to take more and more responsibility to do the same.
True Kehinde, ‘‘Blending in’ and ‘dulling down’ keeps us in hiding and makes others feel comfortable, it does nothing to help us and others evolve.’ I so appreciate those who choose to be true to themselves, to shine and be amazing as we all naturally are, and so reminding and inspiring us that we have a responsibility to be all of us, in our gloriousness all the time.
I agree Lorraine “’ I so appreciate those who choose to be true to themselves, to shine and be amazing as we all naturally are, and so reminding and inspiring us that we have a responsibility to be all of us, in our gloriousness all the time.”
This is where we sell ourselves, in wanting to blend in with others. I have started to accept that I am different and not everyone likes me, but that is not in my control, and jealousy is not either. So no way to hide away any longer my amazingness and my way of being different is my marker for a true way of living.
I agree Monika we have to stop wanting to be liked and therefore adjusting our behavior in certain ways. I experience that in my work as a practitioner too instead of offering a solid loving reflection which is not wavering and not making myself smaller to connect with somebody. And even when it is confronting ok learning to hold this tension and not to drop to avoid feeling tension. That is a big one for me.
And in their place we can never truly celebrate anyone – ourselves nor others.
Yes, it hurts deeply when we keep ourselves small and contracted, and we say to others it is OK to play small, to hide and not be true to ourselves.Thank goodness Serge Benhayon has come along to inspire and remind us who we truly are and to let this shine forth in full.
I am so there with you, I attended the retreat in Australia and it was so interesting to understand why I had dressed down for most of my life, so that I would not stand out and so others would not be jealous. Now I am having fun in changing that pattern of behaviour and I have developed my own jealousy radar. Jealousy can come at us all day every day and what I have found helpful is to understand why another may be jealous in the first place. Understanding and awareness really does help.
So true, Rosie, a ‘jealousy radar’ helps us recognise that energy and see that we don’t have to make ourselves less to accommodate it, for by contracting we don’t actually avoid it, we fuel the energy to sustain itself. If we stay open and allow it to be there without complying, our understanding may reflect to the other person the truth of why they are jealous. If we are not willing to take the energy on, it can’t be dumped on us, and that leaves the responsibility with the other person to deal with their own jealousy.
Having understanding and not needing any outcome is also super helpful, knowing that we are all going through our own stuff and to not take it personally.
Oh yes it does help to understand where jealousy comes from, and that it is not the person, but the energy that is doing the damage. Comparison is the measure if I am more or less than another and it starts here to be open for jealousy in how I allow to feed this or not. Jealousy is horrible in the body, and it attacks other people when I am allowing it into my body.
So true Monika, the energy of jealousy also attacks our own bodies. I am learning the simple remedy to jealousy is appreciation. When I love and care for myself I am less likely to feel jealously towards another, as soon as I stop looking after me and lose my connections to me I can let in other thoughts about another. So really important to love ourselves.
I agree Samantha ” When I love and care for myself I am less likely to feel jealously towards another, as soon as I stop looking after me and lose my connections to me I can let in other thoughts about another“. To loose the connection to ourselves opens the doors to an energy like comparison and jealousy. To hold ourselves in a constant appreciation even when things don’t work is the key. With appreciation we can close the doors to let comparison and jealousy in.
Anonymous, “To hold ourselves in a constant appreciation even when things don’t work is the key.” When things don’t go to plan because of jealousy it can be hard to accept but having the understanding as to why it is there helps enormously to let go of the situation. Appreciating ourselves even what we have done in the first place to insight the jealousy is indeed worth appreciating because it exposes another offering them an opportunity to evolve. The consistent appreciation of ourselves is indeed key.
I agree Rosie – it is not only helpful to catch your own jealousy, but that coming from others. Admitting to having or being something worth loving, and something that may cause others to be jealous can sometimes be hard. I am working towards being able to appreciate myself enough not to compare to others, and to be aware of others jealousy and not let it affect they way I live.
Well said Rebecca. Appreciation is the antidote to so much. Because it gives us such a foundation on which to stand upon. When we appreciate ourselves – as much as we possibly can – then when things come towards us such as jealously, we are able to see them for what they are and not take them on and let it affect the way we live. And when you simply see it for what it is, you can then be more open as to why that person maybe directing it at you and hold them in love and understanding. It beats reacting to it any day (which I still do at times!).
I am also working on appreciation, realising that I can’t move forward, and can’t heal some things while I choose not to appreciate who I am and what I have already achieved.
The appreciating ourselves is great, and the more we do, the better we feel so no more jealousy to dish out.
I can relate to what you’ve shared Rosie and can see my pattern of dressing down for most of my adult life. I didn’t want the attention or the jealousy so I would wear very old, dirty and practically torn clothing to make sure it looked like I didn’t take care or love myself. This was extremely painful to do as being a child I remember loving getting dressed up and playing with makeup and shoes. I loved feeling gorgeous and now I am stepping back into that way and allowing myself to be that gorgeous all the time! Yes people will be jealous, but like you’ve said ‘Understanding and awareness really does help.’ Read it, name it, then the energy can have no hold.
It feels lovely to read of your slowly discontinuing this dressing down and starting to dress up and show yourself to us all. I can feel you are a beautiful woman, as so many women are, and we need not hide that away. It is always beautiful to witness a woman who is comfortable in her skin walk down the street; she may look good on the outside but it comes from this inside out and you can feel it to be more than just the clothes because really it’s not about the outside at all, but about her letting herself be seen and felt by the world.
I agree Rosie, awareness and understanding are the greatest tools to stay steady in ourselves and not to be affected, otherwise we are subconsciously being manipulated to contract, stay small and go into all kinds of behaviours to deflect what is coming at us…It does not support the other and is harming to both of us. When we can see it is a contract we are buying into to keep everyone less than the truth of who they are, then it becomes clear we need to never back down from who we are.
Yes Annie, when you say it like that.. “When we can see it is a contract we are buying into to keep everyone less than the truth of who they are, then it becomes clear we need to never back down from who we are.” That gives me even more purpose to be all of who I am so that I can reflect that to others.
Staying in the contraction and hiding in comfort to not attract jealousy is a huge impediment to growth and can then easily result in comparison or jealousy towards another who chooses to stop playing that game and steps forward into their power and the freedom it brings. But if we can celebrate somone’s claiming of their power and their commitment to truth, then it becomes an inspiration for us to make the same choice.
Yes Annie, Staying ‘small’ invites jealousy to our door, as we play the game of comparison.
Contraction is a helpful marker of jealousy coming our way. And patterns of contraction (e.g.holding back with certain people) in situations are there to be addressed. They keep us small. This week I had the wonder of witnessing someone opening up after keeping her powerful essence and what she brings, in contraction for years. We celebrated this together. It is such a joy to see a loved one living in full.
Not avoiding any longer or being afraid of the powerful essence we have as women (and men) and stop finding excuses or playing the game to stay small and comfortable..
Yes it certainly does Annie and even when another resists it is a huge learning for us to remain open and to accept them for the choices that they are making.
And jealousy can come in many different forms und can be very subtle and not directly offensive and still be a hidden underlying current of something somebody says. Thats why it is great to develop a 24/7 “jealousy radar“ Rosie.
Looking back I can see how I did just the same thing, dressing down so as not to be noticed and to make myself less. I am now far more experimental with the clothes I wear, putting on what I feel to not what I think I should. I’m building my awareness of jealousy too both from myself and others.
It is important to support ourselves to increase our self-worth in order to fully appreciate the level of extent the jealousy has played out in our lives.
Yes Gina, it is important, as we build our self worth and understand that we are greater than jealousy will ever be! It only hurts us because we are not accepting our glory and power of who we truly are, and that goes for all of us on this planet!
Yes I would agree with you fully there Gina because it is only when our cup is more full (of love) can we have the solidness, strength and grace to look at the world and see it for what it is and what comes towards us. If that cup is empty, then the need to hide behind the doona (metaphorically and literally) is much bigger.
Self-love is always key and first priority.
Sarah, I can feel how amazing it is for all women to show to the world their solidness, strength and grace and yet how many of us hide this under the doona, so to speak.
and for men too Sally 🙂 to show themselves in their tender and caring nature and stop hiding under the doona.
‘I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.’ The misinterpretation millions of humans apply to others – reacting to situations instead of understanding situations is enormous in the world. The world would be a different place if we understood how huge a role jealously plays in it.
Thanks for highlighting this Gina, it’s very liberating to not take things personally, in fact there may be something to learn by simply being able to observe without reaction.
i totally agree Melinda. It is extremely liberating to not take things personally and to observe life and not absorb, we keep ourselves clearer and it is more honest.
As Serge Benhayon has presented observe do not absorb, a very simple teaching that really supports us to not take things personally.
I agree Melinda it is life changing once we stop taking things personally and start observe what is happening around us.
Beautifully said Gina – reacting to situations instead of allowing ourselves to see all that is going on gets in the way of us having clarity and understanding. When we react to something we end up adding to the ill rather than helping change it.
Well said ginadunlop, I agree, jealousy is huge in the world and I feel out of all the emotions the least we own up to. Could this be because of our arrogance in not being brutally honest and recognizing it within ourselves? I have buried jealousy within me for most of my life feeling the shame of feeling it but since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I do not feel shame in my body. I have come to understand that it is an emotion like any other and it is my responsibility to let it go.
Yes, jealousy is huge and if only we were able to fully understand it’s true meaning – which is not taking responsibility for our own choices and coveting and being jealous of those who made different ones. How different would the world be? Instead of perpetuating malicious feelings towards each other, we could all be inspired by each other and seek to make different and better choices.
During the UK retreat and as jealousy was discussed, in hindsight I can now see that there has been an extreme reaction towards not wanting to feel what that force has caused in my life, not only receiving but giving it out. Dealing with it coming from others has only changed when I choose to deal with my own reactions, still very much so a work in progress but much needed.
Yes, the impact of jealousy has taken its toll on me too. In order to avoid it I changed who I was to stop it from happening. The thing is that it happened anyway, and the consequence of having changed myself had a far greater impact than feeling jealousy ever did. But I do agree that it is an awful experience to have jealousy directed towards you and avoiding it may seem like a good solution but it isn’t. Stopping and feeling that we are so much greater than jealousy is needed so we can choose to be ourselves over and above everything else.
” I can feel that when I wear clothes that I don’t feel to, it has an effect on the way I bring myself out in the world. I am holding back from saying, “YES, here is the amazing, powerful woman that I am.”” I have noticed this when I wear something I don’t feel to, I feel, completely deflated. When I wear what feel too, I feel like a completely inspired person, and body radiates that light, there is an inner strength and power that emanates out.
This is such a game we have agreed playing, we know exactly what to do to avoid jealousy and have trained well in it, for example how we can dress down to not stand out.
Once we understand the evil force of jealousy and comparison we are able to step out of the game. I no longer want to hold back my light and beauty just because other people choose to continue playing small.
Taking the lid off the subject of jealousy is huge. It feels like there is barely a single part of this life that it has not affected and yet, within us, our innateness remains in tact, in its true essence and purity, somewhere thank God, that this evil force can never truly taint.
Having been both jealous myself and then with another who was jealous in relationships, my observation is that it is a force that is purely destructive. I was ‘destroyed’ by my own jealousy and became a wholly insecure, unexpressed individual who withdrew from life and my friends. Under the force of jealousy, people will do things they would not otherwise do. Learning the truth of who I am and who we all are has been a truly loving answer to these feelings. It is hard when we experience the jealousy of others, especially those who are close and ‘we want to be loved by’, but we can choose to remain loving ourselves in these moments and be understanding that they are deeply hurt in themselves and not really ‘in their right minds’.
Thank you for your blog ‘Anonymous’. I agree that is it vital not to take the jealous reactions of others personally. As you say, such reactions are an expression of that persons own hurt and hard as it can be, if we can choose not to ‘react back’ then this is truly self-loving.
I still flinch when talking about jealousy. Probably because I still want to avoid the impact that it has in our lives and the part I have played in my life perpetuating it. Jealousy is huge and insidious, creeping around in the shadows pretending it is not there. To name it and ‘out’ it is the first step to breaking its hold over us and that is a simple and powerful thing we can choose to do.
‘To name it and ‘out’ it is the first step to breaking its hold over us and that is a simple and powerful thing we can choose to do.’ – I agree Matilda, we need to acknowledge the issue before any true change can take place.
“I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.”
This is such a key point Anonymous; I to am learning to not absorb and be triggered by others reactions. Thank you for the timely reminder.
Doug I can relate to what you have said and it is uncomfortable to feel how I at times still lessen myself as to not feel or trigger jealously. It is in the way I speak, move and do things. However this doesn’t work, nor does it protect me and it has a much more harmful effect as it squashes my natural way. As this blog beautifully shares, it is simply a game we play to keep ourselves small and it makes much more sense to learn to not take jealously personally which can be easily done when we bring understanding as to why it is happening.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” and this is the game and the ill effects of jealousy, it wants us to feel small and contract from the love that we are, continuously attacking ourselves in every way possible so just that others feel ok. It is powerful to understand how this energy works and the way we can consistently be all the magnificence of who we are.
Thank you anonymous. That game of paying small so as not to attract the force of jealousy, I can relate to. It’s a game where no one wins — apart from the force of jealousy itself.
“Well said Katerina “It’s a game where no one wins — apart from the force of jealousy itself.“
Great point Katie. It is very powerful to simply remain open to what we feel. Jealousy is often hidden but if we connect to our own sensitivity we can clock it and respond to it.
Jealousy is a killer – a killer of light and glory. First it kills the one being jealous, then it attacks the one who triggers the jealousy by simply reflecting a quality or presence that the jealous person has not chosen for himself although they could have.
Yes, I agree Alex. If we are honest and start to ask ourselves what it is in another that we find confronting, we can learn from each other all of the time about how to reclaim more of our loving nature.
I find that by appreciating the quality someone is reflecting and that can cause jealousy in me I start to let go of jealousy, enjoy the other and instead begin to value myself for my own qualities. Indeed so much to learn from and with each other.
…yes, if we are feeling jealous toward another it is reminding us we have settled for so much less than our natural grand selves, this is inspiring!
A great subject and I can see why you have made the choice to stay anonymous.
Jealousy is huge in our world today and having listened to what Serge Benhayon is saying it makes sense. My understanding is that it is self fury at the choices you have made and knowing that another has made different choices. This fury is a weapon and super destructive, crushing and ugly. Gosh it is huge and it is everywhere especially if you dare to step up, step out and shine your light and strutt your stuff as I do these days without any worry what others may think or say or do.
The thing with me was it took a while to realise that jealousy really was happening to me. I was a bit naive and thought “no, surely not them, why would they be jealous of me?”
I was always thinking that it was about what I had in material possessions, which for the record is not much but of course it is not. It is about me, my light, what I bring to the world, how open I am and how loving and committed I am in my daily living and this is what others can be jealous about. So in other words they have made choices they do not like and it is in their face, so to speak when I am reflecting my choices which are what they want. It is horrible to be around and not always obvious if you do not have the self awareness. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who talks extensively about this much needed subject. He certainly opened my eyes and got my attention.
Jealousy in the past has really done some awful things to me and I got deeply hurt. Now it is water off a ducks back and it will not stop me getting out there in the world, playing Big, looking and feeling amazing and strutting my stuff as a real woman.
Inspiring to read Bina :“Now it is water off a ducks back and it will not stop me getting out there in the world, playing Big, looking and feeling amazing and strutting my stuff as a real woman.“
What right do we have to abuse one another because we are not dealing with our hurts? None whatsoever, at all.
No right at all Gyl, I completely agree.
I’m going to be super honest, jealousy is one of the most horrible things to feel. Often because people don’t express it as in i’m jealous of … it has this hidden, evil underlying current, evil in the true sense of the word, that keeps us separate from our Soul and our innate divine love with one another, true brotherhood, – there is more on the truth of evil here http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-evil.html.
That is not say say any form of jealousy is okay, but when expressed or nominated it calls out the energy for what it is. Then it cannot affect the person it is aimed at, unless they react to it. Another point to note is how evil and Soul destroying jealousy is for the person expressing it, it’s a deeply harming energy that attacks from the inside out. For me the picture I get is that is your body starts to rot from the inside out.
I have very much worn clothes in my lifetime to hide in and not stand out – as I didn’t want to feel the force of jealousy coming through other women towards me.
But in saying that we have a responsibility to stand out, for in our light our truth will be known and all can return to shine our true light.
Exactly Gyl. We can feel the full force of attack – it is huge and we do so much to inadvertently avoid it without understanding or aware of what we are actually doing. Becoming aware of jealousy has changed my life.
Thank you Anonymous I can very much relate to this.
Calling out the energy of jealousy takes away the force of it and nails it to the wall. It’s ugly, it’s hurtful, it’s always negative and emotional. I know how it had affected me in the past, so I have held back my natural way of being and expression, but now calling it out gives me the power to not choose this holding back in the future.
Jealousy is a great topic to talk about amongst people, in families and with friends. We have all been on the receiving end and we all have been jealous ourselves. If we can open up to one another about it, it will loose the hold it has on us. There is no shame or blame needed, only understanding and a willingness to grow and be ourselves.
I love this. Pulling the rug from under jealousy’s feet simply by talking openly about it. No longer can it play out its evil in secret. A topic of conversation for families, classrooms, staff rooms, buses… everywhere!
Great point Katinka. Becoming aware of jealously in my own life has helped me support others to become aware of what is really going on in many situations.
I agree Katinka it is very helpful to start talking about jealousy. I can feel the shame when i have feelings of jealousy myself and it is something to nominate to express to say no to and focus on appreciating myself and the aspect the person i am jealous of is reflecting to me.
Very true anonymous. An important part of accepting myself is accepting that I have moments of disconnection to my Divine nature. That’s when I can go into jealousy. Appreciation is very important as it supports me to connect to my greatness and preciousness more easily and there is less chance I will let the energy of jealousy in.
I am learning to support myself with much love and understanding when I feel I go into comparison and jealousy. I used to not want to feel it and just harden myself. Now I allow myself to feel how fragile I am and I am more honest what is really going on for me. Building more appreciation into my daily rhythm is key for me.
Dear Anonymous, this sentence just blew me away: ‘To be confronted with jealousy in your own family, by your parents and siblings, is heartbreaking, as these are the people you love and want to be loved by.’ I was met with jealousy from certain teachers and students at school but never my family. It must be very hard to survive childhood with jealousy coming from you at home as well as at school. I will never forget the poison of it coming from a teacher – I could feel it strongly, the way it imposed on me and treated me. At that point in time I did not know what to name it, I could just feel it. It was only since the Retreat last year and Natalie Benhayon’s brilliant presentations that I have finally realised what it was. Now I can pick jealousy a mile off when it comes to me. For much of my life (like another person commenting) I would not have imagined anyone would be jealous of me – i was so protected against it, so numbed out to it.
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Yes, it requires a deep honesty to admit the extent of jealousy in our lives, both on the giving and receiving end, to feel how much we hurt each other and ourselves by not accepting who we are and appreciating how another is embracing love in their life.
Yes I can so recognise/smell ‘jealousy a mile off’ not just being directed at myself but also at others in that direct firing line. What I have noticed of late instead of reacting myself when I observe another (dealing with the green eyed giant) their body language/movements change and its a glare not a gentle exchange of eye contact. Often avoidance or walking by – the energy is palpable. So great to oust out this monster destroyer of all relationships if allowed to gather momentum.
I too was at one of the retreats where Jealousy was discussed. I realised that for me, jealousy early in life from others made me into the absolute opposite of who I truly was. I convinced myself I couldn’t feel, couldn’t ‘read’ people because when I did that as a young child, it caused friction in my family. So I found everything I could to numb myself – I buried my feelings in my intelligence, so that I could ‘Think’ my way out of problems, I developed binge eating as a way to numb my body and got busy with many different activities as a way to distract myself from feeling.
Returning to the natural gift of clairsentience that I was born with has been and still is a challenge, but slowly I am refining my diet, creating simplicity in my work and allowing whatever is going on in my body to be felt. Sometimes I can feel the whole planet, sometimes it’s just the person in front of me, if it’s uncomfortable, I am learning to be with it and not to numb it.
It’s great exposing how jealousy works, on a colloquial level we hear about it but never factor in how it truly feels and how it then affects our choices. There are a lot of subtleties in life, like jealousy, that affect us profoundly – thank goodness Serge Benhayon opened the conversation up on this topic so we can explore it.
This is so true Melinda, we shut down to feeling jealousy because of just how awful it feels, so we don’t “…factor in how it truly feels and how it then affects our choices.” After hearing Serge Benhayon present on jealousy I have been allowing myself to once again become aware of it and how I have allowed it to impact my everyday. To be honest it is not pretty as I have come to realise that I have allowed myself to change who I am in order to not have it directed at me, but this didn’t stop it, it just made me miserable because I then missed the real me.
Everything about this blog is so relevant and exactly what I needed to read this morning. It is quite extraordinary, the effect that jealousy has and it’s pervasiveness through the veins of society…like an invisible toxic poison that is infiltrating and influencing our every move, if we allow it. Sounds dramatic but that is the extent of it…
Completely agree Sara. By choosing to dim our light and magnificence we let the force of jealousy reign and separation, its close ally is what we experience, instead of the brotherhood and warm love that is innate in us all and what we deeply miss and yearn for. When we do choose to stand in our love and joy and not dull down the emanation of our light, it is an enormous blessing for everyone — it says, ‘you are equal to this’. It’s simply a choice to return, and let yourself be the love you already are. There is nothing selfish about letting the world see all of who you are. It is actually ‘selfish’ not to.
You are so right Sara in what you are saying about jealousy – it does run like an invisible toxic poison through the veins of our society. If we were simply the Light that we already are, there would be no call for it. Getting on to all our reactions and observing those of other people is such a great tool gifted to us from Serge Benhayon. What lies beneath all the rubbish is a shining Son of God.
It is so helpful to explore our experiences of jealousy. I realised recently that many of the incidents in my life where I have held onto hurts for decades, were incidents where jealously came through another. I saw them as unprovoked attacks on me. I have come to see how each of those situations were not about something I had done wrong, nor were they about holding that person to account (forever more), but rather they were opportunities to understand what lets jealousy in and being able to recognise it without taking on its destructive power. Helping me understand that no person is ever ‘jealous’ or ‘evil’, but due to life choices allow the energy of jealousy to come through them.
“Helping me understand that no person is ever ‘jealous’ or ‘evil’, but due to life choices allow the energy of jealousy to come through them.” This is indeed important to understand Carmin.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your experience, I can relate to playing small all my life, it seemed to be the easy option so as to not get hurt. Even now I have allowed it to hold myself back from a sibling that is jealous of me.
The irony is that we hurt more by playing small than we ever do when jealousy is directed at us.
How important is it that we start living in a way where we don’t change our behavior because other people might be reacting or getting jealous. Or because we might be the only joyful person in group of people?
Thank you Anon. Jealousy is indeed a very destructive emotion. I know when I have had this rise up out of nowhere how it leaves me feeling, and that is usually quite depleted. The same goes for the situation where a person is jealous of myself, there is a great divide that occurs between us. For us to let go of this destructive emotion we need to first see who we truly are and each one of us is a shining light of God here on Earth.
I think I have too Doug, constantly underplaying my qualities so other people don’t feel bad. I never knew how much I hurt myself in the process until listening to Serge Benhayon present this.
Me too, not shining too brightly, not speaking up too much, not being too vibrant just incase it bothers someone else and they are jealous. Crazy when you think that so many of us could just spend our whole lives like that without realising that it was because of the jealousy.
Yes Suzanne, I too have played small so that i didn’t have to feel the jealousy coming at me, and yes it really hurts to live in a way where the Love that we are is not fully expressed.
There are so many gems throughout this blog, I could fill my refrigerator door with lines! I loved how you got to be able to name the emotion or energy of jealousy, finally, as I know that when this is possible, there is far less chance for it to affect and keep one small.
I am blown away by what this article and comments have highlighted for me. By seeing that outing jealousy completely deflates its power, I know unequivocally that open and honest communication is key and if we start all our relationships with this, emotions like jealousy have no foothold.
Wow, that last line is a knock out!
So powerful, I can relate to jealousy, and how I dim my light, truth, and way to simply fit in, though this creates an underlying misery which I distract myself to not feel.
We need to stand up and shine each day
So true Ben, and it takes a lot of force to dim our magnificent light, much more than we realise, which drains us and causes many complications, with which we don’t connect with dimming our light.
We are here to live our BIG love so that we may arise back to the glory of our true selves and leave this small and shadowed existence behind. A shadow can only be cast when an object stands before light. Jealousy is that which seeks to obscure the light shining from within our hearts so that we fall into the shadows of a lesser way of being. To avoid such a move, the key is to let out our light and let it out in full, for the darkness is no match for the glory of our love lived. The more of us that do this, the more the shadows are cast away until such a point that this plane of existence, and us who live within it, can no longer be covered by that which we are not. We are love and this love is a light – the antidote to darkness.
Beautifully said Liane –”Jealousy is that which seeks to obscure the light shining from within our hearts so that we fall into the shadows of a lesser way of being.’
Beautiful Liane, and yes the antidote of the darkness of jealousy is us living and moving in the fullness of the love that we are, Thank you!
Hear, hear, Liane.
“A shadow can only be cast when an object stands before light. Jealousy is that which seeks to obscure the light shining from within our hearts so that we fall into the shadows of a lesser way of being.” That’s how it really works, but not if we stop and see the jealousy for what it is.
“We are love and this love is a light – the antidote to darkness.”
So true Liane, thank you
Liane i love the comments you share here with us, thank you.
“If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.” …so that they too can see the loveliness of this light lived and know it to be the One and same light that lives within them.
“I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me.”
Well observed. This is crucial if we are to dissolve the hold this force has over us. It is a force that seeks to annihilate our light and our love by way of getting us to turn it down and keep it in. Jealousy has no power over this light and this love lived, if we do not contract by making it personal. Yes it hurts and this pain needs to be felt in order to be understood, but we do not have to enter the place that jealousy baits us to go – into the shadows and far from the light and loveliness of God.
“…we do not have to enter the place that jealousy baits us to go – into the shadows and far from the light and loveliness of God.” We certainly don’t.
I agree Robyn and Liane powerfully said.
‘Just being’ my qualities were naturally there. I felt my strong relationship with myself and people – a natural bond to be open with another. This was squashed through the force of jealously. I grew up in a terrible reactive behaviour of disregarding my absolute openess with people to shutting down in anger and self-destructing my qualities so they were now not known. The acceptance of myself disappeared. I was identified as worthless. If I became aware of my qualities I knew how to self-sobatage. This became my life going deeper into self-abuse, instead of expanding my qualites into values. What the evil force of jealously can do..
This all can be prevented by just being met for who we are as experienced by Serge Benhayon’s reflection of love and truth.
I can certainly agree on holding back my magnificence has something to do with the jealously I felt as child from others. All the people supposedly close to you. I walked with what I absorbed, took it on as being me and inadvertently saw and walked with it as a weakness. I was then responsible for attacking myself and not appreciating the simple qualities I had for just being. Evil game to bring the innate natural qualities we already are down
It is amazing to see how much jealousy affects my choices, I can definitely relate to being comfortable in being dressed casually instead of really going for it and wearing the beautiful clothes I feel to wear. I even might not buy the clothes that would just have that ‘wow’ factor I see now. Cause often when I feel to put something amazing on, I do not have it in my wardrobe. Great to feel and see this and to start to make different choices.
This is so true and so important, “if we play small everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can bring to the world”.
I related so much to this anonymous… Nearly every bit seemed like that is exactly what I do- dress down, play small to avoid feeling the jealousy. But as you say – “If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” and I am Learning and realising that this is so true. Everyone misses out. I’m taking note that trying not to feel jealousy isn’t worth that.
Tell me about Jealously! I grew up as a middle child and now discover the ‘middle child syndrome’ is a form of jealously where you are constantly gauging and comparing how you are being treated or what you are being given compared to your siblings..
Doug having been a very jealous person myself I can honestly say that having jealousy in the body feels just as poisonous as having it come towards you. One is like drinking acid and the other is like having acid poured over you, both are very painful.
Dear Anonymous yes after You calling it out I noticed that still sometimes I do dress down instead of showing my amazing beauty and all to avoid jealousy…this weekend I felt very vulnerable and open and yes I got hurt because I doubted myself instead of standing up…it was not easy for me to be and feel it as it was there for all to see…and yes I also noted some protection…it was another step of learning…now I feel inspired to dress anew and paint my nails 🙂 with much love Nadine
Where were we living before we knew the poisonous energy and detail of jealousy? Living less than the purity and beauty we are and dulling or dimming our gorgeous lights down, but when we come to bring understanding to such a topic and, as you say, let go of taking it personal but rather see it as choices and self-directed fury we begin to see that it’s not at all that bad to be around jealousy. Without this major step, no-one would step up to shine with the vision of eradicating jealousy in our future once and for all.
I too am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but I’m gaining an understand that it comes from their own hurts. The evil of jealousy often runs through people who are close to us, it’s very sneaky and insipid. Holding our love and joy is the key and understanding this behaviour is not the other person, it’s simply a reaction of them feeling what they are missing.
Well written, from participating in the retreat last year I also became so much more aware of the devastating effects of jealousy and I cant thank Serge Benhayon enough for presenting on the topic
I agree Joe, I have a much greater awareness and am exploring this in my workplace. It has been very revealing.
All the ways we can play small, like simply not wearing something that will make you look beautiful and stand out. I can relate to that anon. I have been on both sides of jealously; feeling it from others and towards others. Either way its horrible and your article is a great place to start calling it out and discussing how we are all affected by it.
It is great to expose jealousy in this way, especially the harm and separation it breeds. Say No to dumming down and dimming our light in the face of it jealousy. We offer so much more to the world when we stay true to ourselves and honour who we are fully.
I don’t think I have allowed myself to fully be aware of the effects that jealousy has had on my behaviour. Not wanting to see it in those around me, I would often pander to the situation and make sure that I was always less, so that others would not feel threatened by me. This ‘being less’ was mainly expressed by holding back what I had to say based on what I could see and feel. But as I look around I see that this is in fact a common practice, not exclusive to me. We are all doing this at some point at some time, it has become an accepted way to survive the onslaught that jealousy is. What I am learning now is that I cannot protect another person form their own choice to be jealous, this is something that has to be allowed and understood. But I can be a point of inspiration and not hold back.
This is so true Shami “What I am learning now is that I cannot protect another person form their own choice to be jealous,”. But it certainly does not make sense that we adjust our behavior or expression because other people might react or get jealous. We need to understand that most people have adjusted their behavior as children to get recognition and to fit in. But as adults we have the choice now to say no the energy of jealousy and comparison.
I feel jealousy has a very calculated purpose and that is to inhibit us from living in the fullness of who we are.
I agree Kate, however, I feel there is more to it ….. when someone is jealous, they can recognise in themselves that the other person feels more, fuller than they are, in some way ….. they want to bring that person down to where they are, so they don’t have to feel the ‘lack’ in themselves, the hurt, because they haven’t chosen to claim themselves in the same beautiful way.
I totally agree Kate that it is not a coincidence that when we go into jealous or comparison we shut down and feel less about who we are. This is most certainly calculated and both of these emotions and reactions are feeding a source of energy that deliberately wants us not to feel the enormous glorious bright lights that we are. When connected to our light and love that we innately are and accept this as our natural being we hold phenomenal power and strength.
I agree Alison and often the jealous person is not worse off than the other person, it is more that the jealous person did not appreciate everything in life is enough.
“I feel jealousy has a very calculated purpose and that is to inhibit us from living in the fullness of who we are.” Well said Kate, this is what I realized too and this is crucial to understand.
I have also found that I can feel jealousy coming towards even if no one is around, which makes me wonder where the originating source is? Obviously not within us. It is through our choices that we either allow this energy to come through us or not.
This is great to understand Kate “It is through our choices that we either allow this energy to come through us or not.”
I found it really great to learn about the impact jealousy has had on my life and now realise how huge it is and how much it changed who I am. By simply recognising it we can begin to release its power over us, so we can then live in the fullness of all that we are and inspire others to do the same.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” We are here to evolve and if we play small, there is no evolution and we stay the same. When we invite ourselves to shine in all of our glory with no holding back then people get the reflection that they can be this too.
Mothers get jealous of daughters. Students get jealous of other students. Singles get jealous of married couples. Race, Culture, Religion, Status, Wealth, Beauty… all evoke jealousy. The whole world is one big green eyed monster.
Jealousy creeps into the cracks of every single unclaimed part of our lives. Preventing us from truly appreciating oursleves and others.
It is widely felt yet so shameful and hidden. It’s also a game that we choose to play to keep us small.
When we choose to step back into evolution we say NO to jealousy and YES to appreciation. That way the harmony can return and true realtionships will flourish.
So true kathrynfortuna, we know its there, but there is a shame attached to feeling it, so everyone suffers while avoiding talking about it. No one wants to admit they feel it. Jealously is not something I have openly voiced before.
I agree Kathryn, deep appreciation of ourselves and others will allow true relationships to blossom and flourish.
Love your comment kathrynfortuna especially ‘Jealousy creeps into the cracks of every single unclaimed part of our lives’. It also exposes how much we look outside of ourselves instead of simply focussing on ourselves and confirming how lovely we are.
So true Vanessa. The quest for outside answers can leave us always unsatisfied. And yet if we focus on our own loveliness and many ways of expression we can really build a very beautiful depth of self acceptance.From there its hard to be jealous. 🙂
Powerfully said kathrynfortuna!
The insidiousness of jealousy and it’s devastating effects. This needs to be discussed infinitum so we get to see the truth of this and see that this is not who we are.
‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small.’ Its so exhausting to keep ourselves small when all we know deep in our hearts is the immeasurable love that we are.
Well said Kathryn. Well said indeed. We all know we have it there, we are just running ourselves Into the ground trying to deny it.
It is indeed very exhausting to keep ourselves small. For me the way out of that is building a foundation of appreciation for all the beauty and love I naturally am and am already expressing in life so far. I know there is so much more of me to express but I feel the importance of a true foundation which really is the relationship I have with myself.
We have all fallen for the comfort of keeping ourselves small when we are so much more – it makes you wonder where we would all be in life if we had chosen to remember and live how amazing we truly are and not reacted to another’s reaction of that.
So true Samantha, I know that I played into the keeping myself small game for most of my life. I have had many what if moments, along with should have, could have moments too. But I have chosen to not look back, to not stay in the past. But I agree, if we had chosen to be all of us ‘all’ of the time, it is amazing to think just where we would all be.
Yes so true, I can clearly see now how I lived in a way that was playing small. When we choose to live in a way that lets our true beauty shine through there is no looking back and no place for jealousy.
I agree Chris, jealousy can rear its ugly head in the most sneaky and manipulative ways. We can sometimes not even be aware of how we are behaving and it is blatant jealousy, but we can’t see that we are behaving so, because we are not choosing to be responsible for our actions. This is quite endemic is our society today, it has unfortunately become the norm.
That feels super important Marika, to be able to de-personalise what you are feeling and observe. It means that we are not taking on and feeding this energy snowball that is jealousy and it is seen for what it is.
The evil of jealousy has no place in truth and in love, when love is what we choose and who we be, jealousy cannot touch us. The truth is, jealousy in the world exists as a reflection and a reminder to us that this is the power we carry, this is the responsibility we can live.
There is much in your statement – ‘My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy.’ – exposes the extent we are willing to go to in order to not see and live the truth. This has allowed me to look much deeper at the choices I have made and the illusions I still hold on to tightly so that the next layer will not be exposed. Thank you Anonymous for bringing honesty and challenging the choices we make.
This is a fantastic sharing – “Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” – This is precisely what we need to understand and that the jealousy is fuelled by there own self criticism. Starting to let all of you out is not just a healing for yourself but a massive healing for all those around us as they get a true reflection of who they are too. Letting go of our shield and being all of us is the only way forward for true brotherhood.
I was just chatting to a friend last night about jealousy and how I’m now viewing it within me. I’m now seeing how I can use it to feel where I’m not stepping up. I feel it come through me for another, I observe it has come in and then look at what triggered it. By doing this I see where I have chosen to hold back, bring love and acceptance to this place and take a step towards stepping up. I have a moment of appreciation for the person who has brought up the jealousy for they have then shown me where I could be if I so choose. It turns out jealousy isn’t as bad as I thought when it’s observed and seen as an opportunity to feel where we have chosen to be.
I can so relate to your blog Anonymous, when Serge Benhayon brought Jealousy to light in my life, I see many ways I had allowed it to effect me. I still have many moments when I clock myself wanting to dress down or dull my light so I don’t have to feel what may come at me. It has been a huge game changer to become aware of jealousy and not take it personally.
Quite incredible that we actually keep feeding jealousy amongst us by making ourselves so small and insignificant lest we trigger it in somebody.
This is significant what you say, Gabriele. I needed to read it three times, but what I understood is: That actually playing small triggers and feeds jealousy more than just being big as we are – because the latter actually exposes jealousy and the one, who feels jealous, can deal with it, if there is an openness to do so.
It is true kimweston2 – the areas we allow jealousy to affect us are countless and in fact a norm in most peoples lives.
I have noticed that when I react to other people’s jealousy towards me I become more threatening to them, but sometimes when I do not react and hold myself lovingly without diminishing myself to make them feel better or to avoid feeling this terrible evil energy, I become an inspiration to them.
I love this article because it brings it back to the fact that in life everything we experience is a reflection of the choices we are making. We can either choose to live in a way where we react to those around us, or we can see that we can choose to bring our all to life. If we see that life is always about choices it empowers us to know that we can always choose differently and through doing so create and live a life that is joyful. There is such a beautiful simplicity to life when we live with this level of responsibility.
Once we start taking responsibility for our life and stop playing games or hide we don’t need to be jealous anymore. We become living inspirations and will be feeling what effect our reflection has on other people.
So I know jealousy and have felt it through many people I love in my life from a very young age, as I’m sure many others have. It just prompts me to think, why would I allow such energy to come through me towards another when I know the devastation it has caused in my life? Is it because, through not wanting to feel jealousy I have made myself less, myself small thus not being full of who I truly am so then seeing what others are perhaps living that I have said no too sparks this jealousy to come through? It feels like jealousy could be used as a point of inspiration, like ‘yes I can be this too’, rather than focusing on something we don’t have.
Jealousy is generally fuelled by comparison and I know that I have been guilty of this also. By giving in to the jealousy we feel from another is the same as giving up on ourself and agreeing with them that we are not worth it, by allowing it to undermine our self- confidence. When we accept ourself in full then there is no room to be affected by jealousy from another for we know truly who we are. This is what I see reflected in Serge Benhayon who never ever plays it small, even though there is so much jealousy towards him Serge remains totally steady to the core of his beingness to continuously shine, share his wisdom and be an inspiration for all.
Yes Deidre… Serge is a great example of holding steady despite the jealousy that continually gets fired at him. A toxic emotion like jealousy would never penetrate his extraordinary stillness.
Oh yes, this is a game I know well – and I can really relate to the dressing in what I feel gorgeous in being ‘too much’ or will draw too much attention and wouldn’t want to ‘over-do it’. Now, thanks to the inspiration of Natalie Benhayon and other women alike, I am not scared to where what I feel to and know that I too can clock the energy that comes for me through others to knock me off or make me doubt how truly lovely I feel when I take care and choose what to wear from me, and nobody else.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing this blog on jealousy – it is such a strong force that can keep people (who would otherwise be close) separate and apart. It is what drives nations apart too. This is a conversation that needs to be opened up to all to have – talking about the way jealousy has affected us and made us play small or change the way we are OR talking honestly about the times when we have felt jealous of another. By talking honestly about these things, we get offered the opportunity to feel what is going on and heal from this.
Jealousy is very insidious because it puts us into a trap. We feel the jealousy towards us and start to diminish ourselves, playing small as shared in this blog, that leaves us less than who we are. From that contracted place we see another choosing to be more and now we are the ones that go into jealousy as we do not like to feel how we have put ourselves down. And so we stay stuck until someone inspires us to nominate the jealousy we are in and we can free ourselves from it and move on.
To be honest enough with ourselves to as you say Anonymous, ‘clock’ jealousy in action, be it in ourselves or another, is so enormously freeing as the binds are revealed for the restraints they are, keeping us held back from truly appreciating our self and each other.
Jealousy comes in many forms depending on the personal and perceived hurts of the sender, but the really insidious fact about jealousy is that it is another human being being confronted with a reflection from someone who is taking responsibility for their evolution and the sender is not – ouch!
Jealousy holds back both giver and receiver: one withholds expressing appreciation to another, the other plays small to avoid jealousy. Neither serves humanity. When we hold jealousy within, it is toxic and we become small and contracted. Being our magnificent selves, where-ever we are and regardless of how we’re seen , is the ultimate way to be. And in this way, we inspire others to be the same.
That’s the truth Susan Wilson, when we haven’t taken responsibility for our life/evolution jealousy raises its ugly head in response to the person reflecting this back to us by their moving forward, or attaining that which we wish we had. At the time it can be difficult to see this and painful to admit it, but is only through being deeply honest and truthful with ourselves that we can see jealousy for what it is, and how we use it to stay small.
And we try to mask that in many ways, so we don’t feel what is actually going on.
Very true Emily, jealousy is incredibly ugly and barbed, to feel for another and to be on the receiving end of, we don’t want to admit to ourselves that that is what it is, but when we do, it’s so healing to be able to see things for what they are. On the receiving end we can choose to clock it and continue to live in the fullness of who we are, when we are the perpetrator it’s a wonderful to have the opportunity to explore and discover what has prompted this response in us, what is our need, where are we lacking …. it’s all learning and new opportunities to see and be more.
What you’ve presented here Anonymous is massive, as it is the evil of jealousy that plagues our society, in that it has become something that is so common place, it sooner goes unnoticed than it is identified. Thank you for sharing your own revelation as I’m sure is so easily related for most if not all. Jealousy is absolutely something that requires careful diligence to expose its insidious harming nature, that serves only to come between one another.
For me it starts with comparison and then jealousy can sneak in..How much I compare to either feel more or less is still something I am working on…It is definitely something we use to avoid feeling our self worth and not going deeper in the hurt that is there within us. Kind of a distraction.
good point steffihenn, if we didn’t compare and judge ourselves as more or less, then there wouldn’t be the need for jealousy, just an acceptance of our choices.
Yes, this ‘comparing thing’ is quite imbedded in our behavior. It almost runs automatically. Getting aware of this is a good start, because comparing is always an outward searching for confirmation, which we do not get.
as long as we don’t compare our current and past behaviour 😉
Oh, this can happen… 😉
I agree Marika, since that retreat so much has come clear regarding other people’s reactions to me. Mine was the opposite-I was so sure no-one had ever been jealous of me. How in denial of my own power was that?
I Can relate to this feeling..”I can feel that when I wear clothes that I don’t feel to, it has an effect on the way I bring myself out in the world. I am holding back from saying, “YES, here is the amazing, powerful woman that I am.” This is something I have done all my life and only since studying with Universal Medicine did I realise what it was I was hiding and why.
“My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy. “ This is huge and a powerful way to refer to a life that really captures so much!! Creating a character that is not us but that suits a powerful reason is many people’s experience. So, when we deal in our daily life with people, who really are we dealing with?
What is interesting for me is that most of us seem to have been on the receiving end of jealousy and can admit being jealous of another. We know when we have been on the receiving end as it has been deeply felt. Jealousy is not spoken about and is even avoided / denied in conversation but we know it exists. So where does the jealousy come from that is so clearly felt and why is it that I still believe my own thoughts do not impact another in the same way that smoking a cigarette does. My thoughts matter because they CAN be felt. Of course I don’t like to accept this fact as it would mean I would then need to take responsibility for every thought in every moment not just the ones when I feel like switching it on and being loving. Great blog and a great discussion about the evil of jealousy.
This is a great point Fiona. “My thoughts matter because they CAN be felt”.
If we hold ourselves in our glory in spite of any jealousy or comparison then the world around us can be inspired to be more. If we let the jealousy drag us down to the same level… what does that show the world?
I agree Marika. Being able to see and read jealousy is very powerful, and I find that it supports me not take on the attacks that I sometimes receive from friends or family when they are indeed jealous or in comparison. I find that often jealousy is expressed in a disguised way; through sarcastic comments/compliments, dirty looks or in the form of sabotage. Being able to read when this is happening allows us to understand deeper what is going on in situations, and offers us an opportunity not to react.
Great wisdom Susie, I have never been a fan of sarcasm and have been on the receiving end of it most of my life. It changed many early decisions on my part. I totally own those decisions but it is interesting looking back to see the mocking that I felt about what my heart really wanted to do. It is a major form of sabotage I feel but that is why it is important to see it for what it is, bring more understanding so as you say, we can choose not to react.
Well said Lucy, and it’s interesting to observe how jealousy loses its power and force when we do not react.
I would add to the list how jealousy can expressed in a disguised joking way but it is not honoring but degrading or putting down the person or what the person has done. This is great to nominate Susie and become aware of!
It’s peculiar how someone’s jealousy of us has us questioning if there is something wrong with us to have instigated that reaction in another; I have felt that, too, Anonymous. However, as you share, simply calling jealousy for what it is and moving on instantly, not dwelling or dissecting where and why the jealousy came from, means we can continue to express ourselves, free from its hooks and intimidation.
Yes, Coleen, I know I have wasted a lot of time dissecting situations when I could have simply acknowledged it as jealousy and moved on.
Yes – it’s as though we then add unnecessary analysis on top of the jealousy and this can then take days, weeks, months to resolve. I’m with you, Janet – call it and move on – no need to make a mini series out of it.
So true Coleen! I too have questioned and even blamed myself for creating a negative situation when jealousy has come towards me. To recognise the energy that is coming through and bring instant understanding to the situation frees us to shine on.
Yes – that’s quite a common fallacy as I understand it, Jane – the assumption that we ‘must have down something to deserve it, somehow.’ Understanding that jealousy is nothing more than the self fury of one who has not made the same choices as you is very freeing from the force of the onslaught.
I was jealous the other day and after writing this blog I felt ashamed that this happened to me again and made a longer story out of it. So great point Coleen to nominate jealousy and move on and to keep an eye on how much we appreciate oursevles and others.
I agree Marika. I also was there and saw and felt all you describe. For me it was revelation that so much jealousy took place in my life- jealousy that I chose to not see because I didn’t want to feel that that was coming through those who were close to me and who I trusted.
An amazing insight into jealousy and the web it can weave throughout our lives if we live unaware. Like you Anonymous I felt jealousy as a child and as an adult held myself back from expressing my feelings. It feels so refreshing to have the ‘evil of jealousy’ out in the open where we can deal with it, as it affects us all so detrimentally when we hold on to it as a way to deal with life. It feels important that we can claim these feelings as it allows others to know that we are all not so very different – and begin to let go of these feelings and replace them with love and understanding.
“To be confronted with jealousy in your own family, by your parents and siblings, is heartbreaking, as these are the people you love and want to be loved by.” This line has brought up some sadness on this very fact. It truly is heartbreaking to feel this however to bring my love and understanding to this situation is even more powerful and key in the healing process for all. Thanks to Serge and his enormous contribution to humanity we can now see things in a different Light. While jealousy is toxic to the max we don’t have to suffer the effects of its evil anymore – It has been exposed.
Great comment Marika, I have also observed the fact that when people start connecting with the fact they can feel the jealousy it also makes them anticipate it and harden in that anticipation. There is a hardening which then doesn’t have the same flow as simply being comfortable in their own skin. So to have this conversation is fantastic, we need to get up close and personal with jealousy.
“So to have this conversation is fantastic, we need to get up close and personal with jealousy.” Through all the sharing in these comments we can become more honest where we are with jealousy.
Agreed Janine but also where we harden to that jealousy rather than simply feel it, clock it and move on.
Dear Anonymous,
the first thing I reacted to was, that how can our own family be jealous? No way no possible! But I have to admit, that it can be.. I have been blinded to that fact already as a child. Jealousy is not just about wanting something what the other has, it is a reaction to something what the other chose for themselves, but we have not for us. For example joy or connection, vitality or just the fact that someone nurtured him/herself and we did not. Jealousy is all about our choice which we could have done – but did not. From this perspective, yes parents though they love us, react and try to sabotage what we emanate. I also speak from my own experience as a parent.
But coming back to why we do not shine and hold back because of jealousy.. this is understandable, because no one wants to feel the hurt this brings. On the other hand what a waste of energy to put a lid on something which naturally wants out, which is beautiful and to every extend inspirational.
Thank you for this blog.
Great sharing Sonja! And I like to add it is not just “a waste of time” to put a lid on our grand shining (love that picture) – it is also so exhausting!
Yes, it is exhausting; this is a very valid point, Sandra.
I agree with you both Sandra and Sonja it is exhausting fighting our own light and there is definitely no joy in it. But their is a lot of joy shinging our light.
“My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy. If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” I can totally concur with this Anonymous, I used to be really proud of being a no fuss kinda girl, rarely wearing make up or brushing /styling my hair and wearing practical flat shoes. I realise today that it was all a well planned guise to keep me comfortably locked in a familiar cycle of being unseen. Celebrating yourself from the inside out the key to breaking this prevalent cycle of jealousy.
‘Celebrating yourself from the inside out is the key to breaking this prevalent cycle of jealousy.’ Great comment lucindag and when we do this it is impossible to keep ourselves small.
This is great to read Marika, I too am committed to working on observing and not reacting to another’s jealousy. It really helps them too, if we stay amazing and don’t back down. I know when I have been on the other side of the fence, those who kept glowing in the face of my jealousy really showed me how strong they were, and that strength inspired me to let go of my jealousy and let them in, to lead the way. In truth we are all just as amazing, we simply need to keep shining no matter what, and remind others of how awesome we can all be.
Good point, when we feel truly amazing within ourselves there is no space for jealousy, nor does it feel natural to hold it against another.
I experienced jealousy yesterday and it was great as I received an answer to a question I had been asking myself. Through this jealousy I realized I was not living the way I want to live and are naturally good at. I felt the hurt and the sadness but now I have the answer to my question and I can work on this and start to live my life in a bigger way than playing it small and working hard at keeping it small.
That’s awesome lindellparlour, evolving out of the nastiness and condemnation of jealousy. Perhaps one day all people will be looking at and dealing with jealousy in the same way.
They will Suzanne as they have us who are walking the path before them and showing the way.
And that’s just it lindellparlour, rather than shining brightly and feeling joyful, we work hard to play that down so as to not cop jealousy.
That is so interesting how we can be affected by others jealousy. The comment ‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, ..’ is something I can really feel that I had not appreciated before. I have been looking at and working on where I’ve been feeling jealous in past relationships, but not at the effect of others jealousy on me, thank you. Feeling the jealousy from others has made me hide- ha, no more!
Reading your amazing blog, anonymous and all of these comments, I can feel how I chose to disconnect from myself growing up. I was bullied by the local teens where I lived every time I set foot outside my house. I ignored them, well tried to, and can feel how energetically, it was like I held my breath, hoping they wouldn’t see me. But they did and so the protection began.
I feel very inspired by reading all the comments too Alison. Understanding that we really have to understand what jealousy really is and how it is played out in our lives. And to be honest to look at ourselves and what beliefs we might still hold to keep us trapped in the evil jealousy & comparison game.
Reading everyone’s comments I’m also appreciating the importance of clocking jealousy and recognising it for what it is and then choosing not to let it ‘affect’ me …. if I don’t stop and call it out, even to myself, I’m allowing myself to be hurt, even though I know what’s going on and it may only affect me a tiny bit, compared to how debilitating it used to be. None the less, if I don’t take that step to stop it, it’s still affecting me on some level I feel.
What feels very important in this blog is to not hide behind what other people try and impose on us. So as an example, if someone is jealous, and we choose to play small, then we are confirming this to them and showing that their jealousy has allowed us to be less, rather than claiming the fullness of who we are. Anonymous, it feels as though you are starting to no longer hide away, and that is a very beautiful reflection for us all.
“Learning not to take things personally…..” Thus giving yourself permission to be all that you are. Beautiful. Shine on Anonymous.
Absolutely sueq2012. How wonderful and freeing it would be for us all to know what others do is more about them and less about us.
Yes sueq2012, not taking things personally is a big one and something I’m still learning. It doesn’t just go for jealousy, but if someone is angry or frustrated and it is directed our way, it still isn’t personal, it’s their reaction to something that they are venting.
Yes Sandra, when we can see that what is coming at us is a reaction, then I feel it becomes easier to see jealousy or anger as it really is, as a way to keep us living as less than we truly are, and not take it personally.
Jealousy is more about the person who feels jealous than the one they feel jealousy towards.
Jealousy is something that I never liked to feel, yet has been common place at times throughout my life, my solution was to harden, ignore it and pretend it was not there. When that didn’t work I would be very good at self destruction. So I chose to conveniently allow it to affect my entire life. These days that is changing – the more I appreciate myself the less I choose to stop feeling what is really going on. Likewise I’ve felt times I’ve chosen to be jealous of others rather than responsibly appreciating myself and them. To call it deeply evil is in my view a very apt connotation.
I like that, being ‘responsibly appreciative’ instead of feeling jealous because I could have made choices that would see me with whatever it is that I am jealous of, but haven’t. As Serge Benhayon presented, jealousy is self fury because of one’s own choices, and is felt like being run over by a mack truck.
In the past, I’ve done this too Anonymous, dressing down because I don’t want to be perceived as seeming ‘too big for my boots’… but now I don’t feel this way anymore because it would just be dishonouring how I truly feel about myself. It was huge for me to dress up for work and walk through the door feeling awesome and dulling that down now would just dilute myself. It has taken me a while (many moons in fact) to accept who I truly am, but I refuse to go there anymore because it is the truth of who I am, in fact who we ALL are, and this needs to be reflected back to the world otherwise we shall stay dim and diluted for ever more and we can’t have that can we 🙂
I haven’t worn my beautiful dresses for a few weeks (for me a sign of dressing down again) and started to wear them again today! It has such an impact and is very supportive for my natural expression and not to hold back.
Thank you for sharing, the whole jealousy thing needs to be de-bunked for what it is. Let people be jealous, but do not lessen yourself because of it. I know I have held things back, changed the way I walk, talk and am with others because of it and it is crippling. It took me years to come back to appreciating myself and knowing that who I am is truly amazing irrespective of what another may think, say or do.
I like the use of the word crippling, James. For it is crippling for both the jealous person and the one on the receiving end. Lose lose situation. Until Serge Benhayon began presenting on the evils of jealousy, I thought it was just something you had to put with because we are human.
I know what you mean Suzanne. For me, before Serge Benhayon presented on jealousy I did not really understand it – I had felt it heaps growing up from others and at work etc. but as you said just put it down to something people do. Whereas now I can see it for what it really is. Especially when I look back it makes far more sense to me now. It also means I am more able to undo some of the patterns and behaviours that I took on as a result of it so I would not have to feel the force of jealousy from others. Jealousy is extremely crippling for all involved.
Awesome comment James and that is the key, as while we are connected and in appreciation to how amazing we are, jealously can’t touch us.
It sure can’t Vanessa. Something I have learnt and am learning is the best form of protection is love, I used to think retreating or hiding away was the only way to deal and cope with life but that just made things worse for me.
Jealousy does feed the illusion of separation. But in fact we are all connected and ONE. So if one of us does a step forward or is successful in a way – it is value for all of us. Inspired by others and their choices we step up – our stairway to heaven is prepared by our brothers.
Yes, a super important point Sandra – true evolution includes everyone, no one is being left behind.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world. ” this is something I have really started to understand deeply, us holding back and playing small effects everyone. If Serge Benhayon had held back his amazingness we, all would being missing what we are experiencing now. Serge Benhayon playing big has inspired so many of us.
I have been caught up In the jealousy game and kept myself small in the fear of others reactions. Especially when I was young, I would fear of being bullied and pushed out of group of friends, so I use to really keep myself small. I only showed a bit of myself once I started full time work, but even then I was holding back. It has just been in the last 5 years have I started to really come out as I have started to get a better understanding of jealousy.
I was bullied and pushed out of my group of friends when I was young, I know now it was because of jealousy. I remember faking doing badly in an Italian test when about 11 years old, so my ‘friends’ wouldn’t see that I was better at learning Italian than them and so then still have friends.
I guess every one of us has her own strategy how to avoid jealousy, but ‘to keep ourselves small’ is very common – even it is not promising because the moment we make ourselves small, we feed our own jealousy against others who don’t. And so, jealousy is still with us.
The only way to defend jealousy is by appreciation.
“The only way to defend jealousy is by appreciation” is a great notion. You’re not fighting back at all, rather letting the jealousy know there is a higher energy, or a loving energy to inspire, that of appreciation.
That is a great point Sandra the moment we play small we set ourselves up to be jealous of others because we do know that we hold back and have much more to bring and that hurts.
Well said anonymous8, we guarantee becoming jealous by playing small.
I had not until this year (the Retreat in the UK) really clocked how jealousy within my family had affected me and still does. There was a part of me that is not willing to accept this is possible and so play it small. Learning not to react to jealousy is something I am still very much learning as playing it small has been my way of avoiding having to deal with the attack that was coming my way.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me..” – Yes, thank you anon I totally agree, clocking it but not taking it personally and not diminishing ourself is super healing for ourself and also the one being jealous – as it doesn’t feed the energy they are in and they get the greater opportunity to let go and see that they can allow themselves to shine too.
Beautiful comment Fiona – I concur with every word you have written. To not take things personally but to observe is one of the most powerful stances and tools we can choose. And if we do take things personally that is also a ‘hurray’ moment because (if we choose to feel) this reveals a place where we are still carrying hurt and so it can be healed.
I agree, Fiona …. I love this line too …. when we choose not to take it personally when we feel jealousy from others, it shows we’re really choosing to claim ourselves, to stay with the gloriousness of who we are whilst also allowing the understanding that the other person is just choosing to react to what we are reflecting to them. If we allow their jealousy to ‘affect’ us, to dim our light, we are taking away that reflection and taking away the opportunity for them to choose differently in the future.
Well said Fiona, I would say that it is a lot about responsibility and knowing we can add to the energy or the opposite, let it go and allow them a true reflection and the opportunity to do the same.
Yes Fiona and there is something really powerful in ‘clocking’ jealousy but not allowing it to run our show. Being in reaction to the feeling is a waste of energy, and if we choose to merely observe it then its effects become much lesser. It is worth reasoning that although the feeling can be quite strong it really can’t touch us unless we choose to let it.
I know that too, the fear and holding back because of jealousy. It is there to try to protect me – but it hurts so much to hold back – me and others – so it makes no true sense. To find a way to deal with jealousy is not just worth it – it is our responsibility and joy. One has to start to be able to inspire. And so we will work together here and step by step cut the feeding resources of this energy.
Thank you for exposing the evil of jealousy and the many ways it impacts our daily lives. One of the issues that I was particularly struck by was: ‘Being unemployed often, I did not participate in life fully and was very protected and hard. By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about.’ I can relate to having hidden at home when I was a single parent but also supporting those who are unemployed my awareness has grown that there are other factors at play behind the apparent choice to not participate in the job market. Addressing jealousy in society at large would have huge benefits for everyone and also lower the financial and personal cost of unemployment.
Great comment Helen Elliott. This is an area, unemployment, that is seldom looked at in this way. Most of us are so unaware of the deep motivations that are governing our choices. Comparison and jealousy need to come out of the closet. Let’s treat them for what they are and take a good look at how they impact our lives, Time to free ourselves from their restrictive binds, belittling ways and imprisoning influence.
And the trick Helen was holding myself in deep self worth and self loathing thinking i am not good enough or can’t do things-that was my excuse not to participate full or at all in the job market. And this was all just a big lie and excuse of not taking responsibility for my amazing light (to avoid reactions and jealousy) and the unique qualities i bring which are much needed in the job market.
Amazing blog thank you – it really does hurt when your family or close ones act in jealousy and revenge. Great to bring the understanding and awareness to it.
Understanding and recognising it for what it is makes all the difference I reckon
For a long time, I couldn’t even entertain a possibility that someone could be jealous of me. Yes, I have been jealous of others, countless times, but not the other way round – that’s what I thought. The more I feel into what jealousy does, seeing it as an energy that is really about stopping us from living our power – I could see how it really has done a successful job of reducing my self-worth while maximizing my self-loathing. Understanding life from an energetic point of view is an amazing medicine. Now I know how I had taken everything very personal, reacted and cowered myself not to be seen or heard.
Brilliant point Fumiyo, I agree seeing jealousy or anything else for that matter, as the energy it is makes all the difference to be able to observe something for what it is rather than getting caught up in reaction to it.
Amazing insight into how much we have allowed jealousy to shape our life, our every move.
Fumiyo, this is a beautiful understanding of how jealousy has such a deep effect on us and how when we can see it for what it really is, breaks it down and allows us to live truly in an amazing way.
Yes I agree, once we start to see the world from an energetic perspective everything changes and we stop taking reactions personally.
After reading this today Anonymous I realised just how much effort is put into dulling my light so as to avoid the glares/stares of jealousy. It is not so much in the words but the energy felt from another that really penetrates so deeply within. Not only did I feel it big time but I know and recognised that at some point I’d dished the same penetrating energy out.
I’m sure I haven’t totally felt either how exhausting it is because of the great effort it requires to constantly override what is my first and true feeling, with a behaviour instead that dulls me. It is no wonder I needed to comfort myself with bags of lollies growing up!
Reading your amazing blog, anonymous and all of these comments, I can feel how I chose to disconnect from myself growing up. I was bullied by the local teens where I lived every time I set foot outside my house. I ignored them, well tried to, and can feel how energetically, it was like I held my breath, hoping they wouldn’t see me. But they did and so the protection began.
Especially people like you Marion who shine out a lot of joy just stand out quickly and can attract jealousy, It is our job to learn to be who we are no matter what other people choose for themselves. And the joy is much needed in our world as a reflection.
Jealousy can also be behind behaviours like bullying and “put downs” and other forms of abuse. It’s not uncommon for someone to misuse their position of power to bully others because they will not own up to the simple fact they are jealous. I hope the word “Inspire” becomes more commonly used in our society because we can choose to be inspired by others to make new choices for ourselves and step up, or react badly and in comparison and harm both ourselves and others with jealousy.
“It’s not uncommon for someone to misuse their position of power to bully others because they will not own up to the simple fact they are jealous.” Once we allow ourselves to feel jealousy we can see through behaviour like your describe here Melinda. Than we don’t have to take things personal or as an attack but can read the underlying energy.
Indeed Melinda, the outing of jealousy can be different. By reading your comment I realize I was the bullying and putting others down type as a way of expression my jealousy. I was in such hiding when I was a teenager and in my twenties that anyone with more light, joy and love ánd who I could feel had an opening, I would pick on and bully. I was just not able to deal with the reflection of my hurts, the big hurt of me not choosing my own light.
What you are sharing here is a great reminder on self awareness Caroline – I love your honesty.
Jealousy has an enormous effect, both receiving and feeling jealous of others builds up big walls that are sometimes not that easy to walk around. The only thing is to see it for what it is, and stay connected and be inspired instead of jealous.
Well said Benkt. Inspiration can lead to so much, jealousy though, not so much..
If I appreciate the achievements everyone else does make, I do not have do get jealous and instead of hardening up can start to appreciate myself.
Yes, jealousy does build up walls, both for the one in jealousy and the one at the receiving end.
Yes Suzanne it harms both in more ways than one!
The insidious part Suzanne is jealousy is like one of those bank counter screens that instantly pops up with a push of a button that over time just refuses to come down.
Agree Benk, there is a great opportunity to appreciate another’s qualities and be inspired by them to be more of the love that we all are. it is just a choice.
I agree, since attending this retreat I have become more aware of when I become jealous of another and I have been taking that moment to see that I can appreciate this or that in them and be inspired by the reflection that they are offering. There are some areas in my life that I have not put any attention into so when another brings them to my awareness now, I can choose to be open to it and learn about it, or I can react. Jealousy is a reaction to something we know we can be or do, but something we haven’t yet chosen.
Jealousy comes in many forms and sometimes they are obvious and sometime they are not. So, it is not always easy to pin point but when we allow ourselves to feel into what we’ve experienced, then it becomes so, so clear that jealousy is present or not. The best way to not react or get hurt by jealousy is to recognise it, acknowledge it and to simply understand that the people who are jealous are very hurt themselves.
This is such an important topic to speak of and one which I feel has been largely ignored within our day to day dealings with each other, and I suspect that we have only just touched the tip of the iceberg regards to the scale of jealousy and comparison within our interactions with each other. Especially when we look at the level of self loathing and lack of self worth issues, and insecurities we hold onto, all of which add to the fuel of jealousy.
Jealousy is aptly named the green-eyed monster… that must be colour blind for there is no black or white… when it appears it consumes everyone.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” This is so true and a great starting point to achieve this is by appreciating oneself and another is acknowledging and ‘naming’ jealousy when it is there.
“My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact.” I can relate, I kept myself small and invisible thinking if I was not seen I would not be hurt. How very wrong was I. Keeping myself small was also a way to ‘fit in’, and to make others feel comfortable because if I allowed all my light to fully shine, I also felt I would be ‘too much’. The consequences of playing small was complication, a struggle-filled life and illness.
Anonymous, this is a great article, I can feel the truth of this, ‘ If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world’, I have kept myself small for so long, I am changing this now, realising that keeping myself small does not serve anyone, it has been beautiful to allow myself to open up and start to stand tall no matter what reactions this creates around me.
Jealousy is a shocker both coming at you and coming through you. Not many will deny that. What I have learnt in my experience is that bringing understanding to the table is the way to handle any jealousy coming your way. It is not always as you may first conclude if you feel deeper . . . if you feel what is there under the jealousy. Understanding yourself and another is a great way to not be affected by this energy and to not sit in judgment of the other because they are feeling jealous.
Jealousy is a poison thats has affected my relationships too. The only antidote of being jealous of another is appreciating them for who they are and what they bring and taking responsibility for why I am jealous. The antidote for someone being jealous of you is not holding back one inch of who you are and being it in full before them.
“The antidote for someone being jealous of you is not holding back one inch of who you are and being it in full before them.” Well said Jinya.
Thank you, Anonymous, a very timely read for me, as I have recently been looking at and starting to take responsibility for the harm caused by being jealous of others, including my daughters, and also coming to terms with how jealous my family were of me growing up and the knock on effect this had. I feel that jealousy is the elephant in the room that it finally feels good to talk about.
This article shows the lasting destructive effect that jealousy can have, even within a family when a child grows up holding back all that they are for fear of provoking jealousy from a parent or sibling. Serge Benhayon presents on the importance on self-love and appreciation of yourself for all that you are so that there is no space to feel jealousy towards another and to be unaffected by others who are free to deal with their own issues with jealousy.
Yes, Harry I have experienced somebody looking at me once and then turning away and blocking me completely out, avoiding my reflection.
Yes, I have had the same thing happen to me Janina, only now I have the full understanding of what was truly going on.
I tend to enjoin this game too and hold back my light and measure myself to the people I will be with because I am afraid of the fury that might come to me when I choose to live my light in full. What I have realised over time is that by doing so I allow the energy of jealousy to rule my life and that by choosing so I have become part of it. Actually my choice to live a smaller life, contained in the grandness I actually am, incites a fury to others in me when I am reflected with their choice for the light to me, the choice I avoided to make. So choosing jealousy and playing small is not the way to go as it does not make sense to me as we all fool ourselves in playing this game, all to avoid to live the grandness that we are and to take on the responsibility that comes with that.
I felt the force of jealousy yesterday as I interacted with a man at the market as his 3 young children were simply being kids. We had a lovely interaction that felt playful and innocent as I appreciated how lovely his children were – I was feeling full and lovely and not holding any of my joy back. His wife turned and glared at me and it came with such a force that said ‘how dare you – who do you think you are’. I felt myself contain my joy at that moment because of her reaction and it wasn’t until afterwards that I clocked that it was from jealousy.
I’ve been on both sides of jealousy – When I feel jealous of someone, it feels like a poison being injected into me and it says ‘you’re seeing how another has chosen something for themselves that you haven’t chosen’ – that’s the poisionous sting that hurts when we feel the choices we’ve made or haven’t made.
When Serge Benhayon presented on jealousy, I became aware I had never really identified the feeling in body before as jealousy and often felt stuck in the discomfort of anger. I now realise under the anger was the sadness of me holding back and I am able to take responsibility for my irresponsible choices in life, let the pain of that go and reconnect with my essence, accepting responsibility without comparison, understanding I have been holding back my true expression.
Yes, seeing the green eyed monster in another person’s face – they look very grey overall and I always feel they are bent over in their expression without noticing it. Once we become aware of jealousy it loses a lot of its force.
Jealously is one of those things that we all avoid knowing about. It is horrible to experience regardless of whether you are the person being jealous or the one receiving the jealously. It is definitely something that has to be dealt with.
Also when there is jealousy it colours everything – Relationships do not grow and love cannot be expressed. It is so poisonous to everyone.
Jealousy is so insidious; it has a habit of sneaking in to your consciousness even before you register it is there, and then of course it is too late, the damage is done in one way or another. I find it to be very invasive as it infiltrates every part of my being and the feeling is quite horrible in my body. On the other hand when I open up to another and allow myself to be inspired, the feeling is one of lightness and expansion in my body which comes with the opportunity to learn, to grow and to appreciate what this person is reflecting back to me.
Thank you for your precise and so well observed blog Anonymous. What you have put down on paper describes exactly where I have come to. After that amazing Retreat I became aware of jealousy that was being projected at me and was able to name it. Before I could feel it but didn’t know what to call it exactly. I too made myself immensely small so that I would not be noticed and so avoid jealousy, or I would list my short-comings to let the person know in advance that there is no need to be jealous of me! Ridiculous. As you say, don’t take any of it personally.
‘I too made myself immensely small so that I would not be noticed and so avoid jealousy, or I would list my short-comings to let the person know in advance that there is no need to be jealous of me!’ This made me smile Lyndy as I know this procedure in putting myself down and it does indeed seem crazy to do so when the way we live can actually inspire so many women and men alike to live in their fullness too. It’s like jealousy is a trick so as to not shine as bright as we are because others might see that they too have this light within them – but that’s exactly what we are here to do.
I can relate to having the list of self-diminishing short-comings, apologizing for myself before, during or after…depending on the intensity that I was feeling but had no real awareness at the time of what was happening. It is amazing how much we turn a situation on ourselves when we don’t understand the energy of what is happening.
A great blog exposing just another way we can use something to hold ourselves back and not take responsibility for the divine beings that we are. There are so many ways in the world that we can do this and this blog unravels one that is widely used. It is great to see people letting go of the fear around feeling jealously and claiming their power and reflecting their love and light to all those around them.
The thing about jealousy is that it can also not be verbally expressed, but in gestures, and movements which avoid showing another love when we can feel that they are shining so brightly and we haven’t managed to choose the same of ourselves. Jealousy is in affect blocking out our own greatness as well as making other people doubt theirs.
Harrison I’ve learnt through practitioners that jealously is something that can happen without a person even knowing it and directing it towards someone without even being aware that it is staking place. This places enormous responsibility on each and every one of us to stay connected to our essence and to not allow evil energies to work through us to attack our fellow brothers. We all lose our love when jealously is at play.
“This places enormous responsibility on each and every one of us to stay connected to our essence and to not allow evil energies to work through us to attack our fellow brothers. We all lose our love when jealously is at play.” this is GOLD Tracy, thanks for sharing that. Yes what ah huge responsibility to the subtlety that we have.
It came as a shock to me Harry because I’m not a jealous person, but when I was told that it could happen through me and I may not even know it I was like wow, that really does bring responsibility to the table. The moment it has come through we can push that feeling aside to not feel it and we aren’t aware it’s taking place. However the other person has clocked it and felt it.
I love your response here Harry, so much wisdom expressed.
“Jealousy is in affect blocking out our own greatness as well as making other people doubt theirs.” That is so true Harry, and the only true way to deal with jealousy is to see it clearly and call it out for what it is.
Oh absolutely Harryjwhite. Jealousy affects every single movement of our bodies. Jealousy affects how we walk in to a room even before we have seen the person ‘who makes us jealous’. And this proves the point to me that it isn’t about individual people or the triggers that they pull. It is about an energy that will run rampant through us if the level of appreciation and self-love is not kept topped right up.
Oh Otto you have nailed it again. There is gold in your every word. This makes jealousy less about the individuals but the energy we choose which affects ourselves and other people.
Jealous is not who we are, but an energy we choose to align to and then feed.
The passion with which so many comment on jealousy shows me that we can all feel that this poison has run us for aeons. So now it is our responsibility to move our bodies free of it.
Nailed it harryjwhite! ‘Jealousy is in affect blocking out our own greatness as well as making other people doubt theirs’.
That’s an interesting one to be aware of, a withdrawal of loving expression as a way of manipulating someone to lower themselves to please another. In these situations it would be great to continue to shine and to also not hold back our love to others.
Love your last line HarryJwhite, “Jealousy is in affect blocking out our own greatness as well as making other people doubt theirs.” a beautiful way to understand jealousy.
Jealousy is an interesting phenomenon of coming from a very clear source but that devastates you affecting how you deal with everybody afterwards.
Absolutely- great expressed Harryjwhite. It blocks out going deeper in ourself and in effect to make someone else doubt and degrading them. What a horrible non loving game, only because we don´t want to feel and feeling protected and safe in comparison and defining ourselves in what we do instead of what we are in everything that we do.
True Harry, it starts with blocking out our own greatness, it is only in separation from our own greatness that we choose comparison and jealousy. Being in our greatness and appreciating it we enjoy each other in full.
It usually isn’t spoken harryjwhite, but is most definately felt. Sometimes it can be seen as you say, by a person’s gestures. The biggest giveaway for me is in someone’s face – you can often see it in their face as they choke on their own fury.
The retreat about Jealousy was incredible. We all know jealousy in some form and it has suffocated the potential of humanity and has imposed such radical changes that we are a speck of what is possible.
Often jealousy from another has not so much to do with the quality of our life as we all see it on the outside, but rather the emanation of our light. We are always assessing each other energetically – whether we like to be aware of the fact or not.
Isn’t it bizarre, that deep down we want harmony and love, yet in reality as you describe Anonymous, we sit here fighting and cutting down each other. Just because we don’t reach out and physically hit other people, its like we are prepared to accept this way of being. But the actual energetic fact is we are at war with every other human being. Imagine a way where we actually saw each other as true brothers, and consistently lived in a way that honoured and cherished all others. Well The Way of The Livingness is here and is all of that and more.
It is like a war we have accepted as you describe Joseph, not on a physical level but on an energetic one. As long as we are not aware about the energetic laws which we did not learn as children, we do not know to how to deal with them.
Yes, totally spot on… ‘Clocking-it’ .. recognising and naming it (jealousy) in that moment allows you to remain connected to your body and, offers space to recognise and feel the enormous presence of your love staying WITH you.
The antidote to jealousy:
1)Clock jealousy, it can come as subtle as a 0.01sec glimpse from a passerby sometimes on the street— appreciate our deep sensitivity and ability to feel and read.
2)Nominate jealousy—so this is what jealousy feels like, yucky as it is, we now have a marker, nominating it we do not have to take it on.
3)Read deeper—to offer understanding as to why us or others direct jealousy, and offer deep and tender understanding to ourselves and others,. When we clock the poison of jealousy, it could easily play us in furthering the separation of humanity. Appreciate that we are given the opportunity to actually heal and live brotherhood. Jealousy does not have the oxygen to exist in the united light of Brotherhood.
The evil of jealousy is that it is an attack on our light, both on the giver and the receiver. The fact that jealousy is so rampant and widespread without so many of us being aware, is a clear reflection that we have acccepted a diming of our light to be normal in the world, and let’s be honest, how has that served us all? The escalating rates of illness and disease, the disconnection and wars, the greed and poverty, these are all unnatural states in our world made common, from the unnatural act of us shutting down our very natural ability to shine in our true light—and every single one of us human beings is suffering deeply from the consequence of holding back our light.
Thanks Anon, for what you have shared about how jealousy has affected you and also many others. It has been incredible to understand after much thought and pondering how much a truly evil force jealousy is on the planet. How through our own selves not wanting to feel the better choices or appreciation of another we can react in jealousy instead of celebrate and help pull up another, we can try to pull them down, and ourselves first in the same act. The presentation on jealousy by Serge Benhayon at a Universal Medicine Retreat was very powerful in helping so many people to understand that when we react to someone in a negative way it could be jealousy and comparison to the fact that we are not where they are at in love and life. I know the ugly and evil force of jealousy made me play it small and also do things, like “enjoin”, that were not me just to avoid being attacked by the jealousy of others, not to mention tone down my light, the way I dressed, acted etc etc . Learning to clock myself and others if I smell jealousy being the culprit in a situation and calling it out for what it is has helped immensely as it breaks the energy of jealousy and its negative force.
Imagine how much more evolved in group work, harmony, peace and brotherhood the world would be if jealousy wasn’t being used and wielded by so many.
A wise woman once said to me, be all of you in your awesome power and do not be any less, even if other people around you react like crazy. While at the time I said yes to this, I know that I have allowed old habits of measuring myself against others as described in this blog, making myself small to fit in or to not ‘take flack’ I agree with anonymous, I know this harms both myself and those around me and when I do stay true to myself, how much I have to offer, simply being me.
I have found that the deep harm experienced as a child from female friends and family members, has built a pattern of emotional attachment for me with men, in avoidance of the jealousy felt with women, I sided with male friends and family members. This was a measure of protection taken, which was not true, and it was not loving towards myself or to men. This ingrained pattern then controlled most of my life and the attachments with men were always with need. The poison from childhood jealousy and all jealousy in general, when not cleared affects all relationships.
So inspired to look honestly at the many ways I keep myself less to avoid jealousy. It’s me believing that I’ll be met with jealously that harms me -whether I am met with jealously or not I have already imprisoned myself.
Love this post, and the insights you draw, the dressing down aspect to avoid the potential onslaught of jealousy is very relatable, and I know from experience that not wanting to be seen or publicly speaking, or even standing on show in front of ‘audiences’, is something I avoid in part because of this ‘firing line’ where my expression can wilt or I jump into my head to avoid feeling what’s going on…. of course, though disconcerting, it is equally an excuse to not take responsibility for being STEADY in our amazingness, which I can feel is the key to dealing with jealousy, since we’re never not going to experience it. It’s part of life unfortunately. The more we can accept ourselves, our love and the steadiness this brings as the backbone, the less we can be rocked by such attacks.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” That’s it in a nutshell really. If we all dim ourselves down, look dowdy, depressed and miserable, then there is no-one to show us who we truly are and we all feel lost. Enter bright, shinny, whole person and we have a choice. To light up in response and choose to shine ourselves or shrivel up with jealously. Choosing the former is much more fun, celebrating one another in all our glory just creates more joy and glory. What more could we ask for?
I love the simplicity of the last line – living another way from who we truly are – by not holding back what we feel to express in each moment for fear of the reactions of others or to protect our hurts.
This is so beautiful and a much needed article. We don’t talk about jealousy in society much and get to the real heart of it. To be at the retreat was amazing because it allowed us to see how the avoidance of jealousy transforms us into something/someone we are not.
Thanks Anonymous – this is a worldwide problem and something that every single one of us has to deal with – either jealousy towards us or our own jealousy towards others. Jealousy at any time is horrible and sometimes the jealousy plays out in very covert as well as overt ways. It does need to be clocked when it’s happening. On a broader level, imagine if worldwide jealousy was ‘outed’ for all the damage it has caused humanity. Its very insidious tentacles are everywhere: behind wars, in politics, and multi national organisations drive for profits at the expense of humanity and the list could go on. It makes the effort at the individual level seem small on one hand but enormous on the other in terms of starting to help turn the tide back to the realisation that the more each and everyone of us shines in our own unique ways, the greater the benefit for us all.
The irony is that when I/we are jealous we are desiring in the other what I/we actually already have, just not expressing it. The result is I/we feel hurt/loss/guilt/etc., and as you say anonymous, “If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.”
Jealousy does feel awful, and I too have done my best to fly under the radar my whole life afraid of standing out. Wanting to do well, but behind closed doors so no one has to know.
This really is quite a commitment to keeping yourself small, and quite a worthless exercise for everyone, as you leave little room to inspire others who then have less chance of inspiring you back.
Thank you for a great reflection of how we can play into jealousy in different ways, all of them I can relate to. “Permission to be me” is very lovely to honor our selves with, supporting our own unique gifts and letting our expression out. Building and strengthening this in ourselves offers the same foundation and permission for others to choose the same for themselves. When this approach starts to be ‘our normal’ there will be far less jealousy because we will be connected to our own self-worth and appreciation.
Jealousy is a huge issue, it is so imposing and the reaction to that jealousy is often to contract or reduce who we are to avoid feeling the jealousy, as has been shared in this blog. In my experience, jealousy is more about the other person than it is about me and I can’t contract and reduce myself enough to avoid jealousy – some people see a homeless person and are jealous that they don’t have to have the stress of paying rent or a mortgage. When I feel jealousy from another I am now starting to identify it as such and working on not reducing myself to make them feel more comfortable or reduce their imposition on me from their jealousy. I am also feeling when I might feel jealous of another and then looking at the reflection of what they offer and the choices they have made that I have not made. Thus what may start as a twinge of jealousy can become appreciation and inspiration.
I have found a similar thing Lee. Understanding what jealousy is, and how I use it and play it has been crucial to understanding how I have been in relationships. I am not perfect by any means, but certainly much more open in seeing it and working on it.
‘jealousy can become appreciation and inspiration.’ I totally agree Lee. Jealousy has this stigma of being a horrible thing – which it can be, but no-one every looks at the other side of jealousy, it’s beauty and what it offers. It’s a very clear message of what is lacking in your life and/or what you should have in your life. There is heaps of appreciation and inspiration in jealousy.
Thank you for sharing your experience Anonymous. I am learning that if I don’t appreciate myself I am unable to believe that anyone in their right mind could be jealous of me. When I do not see jealousy for what it is I can end up in reaction, feel hurt and shut down as a result. When I see it and name it (as you so beautifully describe doing) the jealousy does not impact me.
True Leonne. Allowing ourselves to nominate that jealousy is there and why helps us not to react and take things so personally as we can then see it is about the other person and what has come up for them. I’ve found building the appreciation of myself and my choices has helped me to deal with what otherwise may feel like an awful attack.
To build a foundation of appreciation for ourselves closes the door for self doubts in. If we start appreciating ourselves we cannot but appreciate and express that to others.
So true Leonne, appreciation of ourselves is key as it allows us to feel our wholeness and beauty, which in turn allows us to feel this is the same for all others also. When we then feel jealousy, we can have the understanding that it is not who they truly are but something that is being chosen to express in that moment. It does not have to be personal, and we can see it for the truth it is. Children definitely need to be supported with this as otherwise they can shut down from jealousy, and this causes a myriad of problems in later life.
I can relate to your comment Leonne “Since I have learnt to appreciate and love myself I am more aware of the harmful force of jealousy when it is projected at me and an able to understand it is coming from their hurts and I don’t need to contract to make them feel comfortable.”
I agree Leonne, once we start realizing how amazing we all are we need to become aware how much jealousy and comparison goes on in our life since our early childhood years. And I am myself not free of jealousy and at times struggle when I get a reflection of somebody asking me to be more, to take more responsibility to step up more into my power. But I am able now to nominate and understand and not just ignore it, and focus on confirming and appreciating myself and the other person.
Great point Janina. I find that the more I allow myself to feel the more I am able to catch my own jealousy and arrest it. Jealousy can so easily be transformed into joy and inspiration if we allow ourselves to feel the blessing of our relationships with others that have chosen to evolve in areas where we are holding back.
I can relate to what you say here Leonne. When not seeing jealousy for what it is, this can end up in reaction, feeling hurt and shut down. Deeply appreciating myself for who I am in truth is the game changer here.
Spot on Leonne, jealousy can result in a reaction, feeling hurt, poor me and shutting down. There is no expansion in your livingness only contraction.
Very true lindellparlour. When we allow the jealousy to affect us it can tend to make others more comfortable as they have ‘brought us down’ to a level that does not ask them to look at their own choices.
I’m super sensitive to people bringing me down. I got caught up in it yesterday and it wasn’t a direct jealousy it was this person’s grumpiness directed at me. Unfortunately it worked for this person as I backed away and dimmed my light. Definitely something I need to start working on.
That’s the thing with jealousy, it is sneaky and not direct most of the time. I remember meeting up with a friend when I was in my early 20s and expressing that I felt amazing (after being depressed for some months). She reacted by saying she felt terrible and it was clear she was disappointed I did not feel the same. I was shocked as I had mistakenly believed that the people who cared about me would be glad that I was finally starting to feel better. When we start to live in a way that is true it reminds others of the choices they have made and gives them an opportunity to be responsible.
People want to be around like minded people to stay comfortable and not be challenged on their way of living. If someone enters who is shinning bright or simply living at a higher level than the other person they are going to react as it will remind them they to can live like that and it allows them to feel the sadness, hurt, anger, that they are currently sitting in. Hence the reason why some people drop out of your life when you are making changes for the better.
Beautifully said lindellparlour. I just had a conversation with a dear friend that was quite difficult as she was calling out some jealousy I expressed towards her yesterday. I knew what I had done yet did not admit it at the time as I was ashamed. My friend shared that she felt our relationship was unable to evolve from this moment on as the jealousy I allowed had completely undermined it. I am seeing that we cannot sweep jealousy under the rug as it absolutely destroys our relationships.
Absolutely, jealousy cannot be swept under the carpet. You do not evolve and neither does your relationship with the other person, even if they are a stranger on the street. Your friend has been very honest and loving and called out your jealousy. You in turn have been very honest about how you felt after you identified your jealousy. To me, it sounds like you guys have a true relationship where you can openly express to each other the emotions you sometimes bring to the relationship. What a great foundation the two of you are co-creating.
This is true lindellparlour and it shows that appreciation is key in allowing ourselves to feel unpleasant things. Thank you for reminding me to appreciate the beautiful and true friendships I have built.
This is interesting we have a case of someone that in order to avoid jealousy learnt to play small, but is not small, and another of someone that learnt that lack of appreciation towards self is the perfect way to avoid feeling jealousy directed towards you. Both cases show that we go really out of our way and come up with clever strategies to avoid an insidious phenomenon.
Good call Eduardo. We go out of our way and then our clever little strategies completely fail us. The jealousy doesn’t go away and nor do we learn how to observe it without being affected by it.
How powerful is this Leonne?
Clocking the jealousy and than naming the jealousy, disolves the impact.
It is as simple as that kathrynfortuna. Considering we are already feeling the energy of jealously, it also reminds us that if we don’t become aware of it then we are using a lot of energy to ignore it and pretend we are not feeling it.
There is a natural way of being that doesn’t need the force of jealousy, the fury that separates. It’s very simple and needs so much less energy. I grew up with a natural gratefulness for people who had developed skills that I still needed to learn. I partially lost that skill and re-launched it with the help of Serge Benhayon.
Well said Felix, and thank goodness for Serge Benhayon, a man who is helping so many people to re-launch their capacity to appreciate and adore, both themselves and one another. Jealously is just that, a “fury that separates”, it separates us from one another and from our selves, but in reality, all we are doing is seeing in another our own potential and if we choose, we can step up to that too. We all equally contain the same glory and beauty within, so every time we see it being reflected in other people, celebrate for the amazing reflection it is.
Jealousy is a clear sign that people choose not to honour themselves first. This opens the door for not choosing what they really would choose and resenting the fact that other people did not choose what they chose and hence they are free to choose what they feel that is evolving for them.
To re-learn to clock jealousy has been a powerful way to become more at ease with situations when I fully show my beauty. Not taking reactions personal makes life so much easier.
…and arrests the poison. Without feeding it, it can not survive. That is how we beat it, and the way to not feed it is through self-appreciation – keep that tank topped up and we are well on our way to jealousy-free-relationships.
That’s a great way of dealing with it Otto, I’ve just recently started sharing with friends everyday something I appreciate about myself. It has felt a little awkward but the difference in how I see and feel about myself and others is palpable already.
Absolutely Otto! Jealousy can be defeated with self appreciation.
What is so amazing about this kind of wisdom Harry is the support that it is for us. It’s the same with everything that The Way of the Livingness shows. Amazing support to enable us to see the bigger picture and from whence we are then so much freer to make a choice. It is still a choice and it is still my responsibility to make that choice – but at least I am more aware of what is at play. For example with what you have said… I then know that if I am feeling jealous, I need to deepen my self-appreciation – that is a life-changing gem that needs to be in everyone’s “manual”.
Brilliant comments Felixschumacher8 and Ottobathurst, with deep self-appreciation and appreciation for others, this definitely assists us in eliminating the energy of jealousy. To not take it personally is another great point. So, we have the tools to combat jealousy it’s a matter of applying it and being honest and aware of what is going on around us.
Thank you Otto – well said
Absolut! To not feed the jealous-monster is the way.
Otto what a gloriously simple antidote !
That is the gold right there, an antidote to the poison that is not complicated or hard. Thanks for the reminder Otto.
self-appreciation too supports us from both ends of the jealousy spectrum. It assists us to build our own inner strength so that we don’t take on what is directed towards us, which results in us avoiding and hiding who we are. But it also means that we are much less likely to be jealous ourselves, because we are not living less and if we see someone who is walking their full light we are much more able to appreciate what they bring and be completely inspired by them. Win win really.
Super cool Jennifer. Love the “win win” of it all. And we are inspired by them because we know that everything that they are, we are in absolute equality.
Powerfully said Otto. If we are living full of appreciation for ourselves there is no space for jealousy, simple.
I agree Felixschumacher8, that has been a big learning for me, not to take reactions personally, which would only make matters worse. Now that I have let this old habit go, life is much simpler…
I was actually quite aware in feeling jealousy but reacted to it instantly… It was too painful to feel what other people did and what they choose . Learning to observe everything and to have an understanding why people react and act was a very freeing lesson. Not shying away to shine, no matter what, is still an ongoing, neverending process – to be aware of everything around me is the best “security” I can have.
“Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it is starts with you being who you truly are.”…..beauty-full and indeed it does. Thank you for writing about jealousy – I have heard Serge Benhayon present on this and yes it is/was an incredible process to see how jealousy holds so many of us back. I have been on the receiving end and also been jealous of others – it is hideous and has no place – truely – in our world.
“Sometimes I dress down on purpose. I don’t wear a beautiful dress when I feel to and only wear a little make-up instead of what I feel. I do this as I believe that I will be ‘too much’ with my joyful, shining eyes and gorgeous dress and people won’t be able to handle it.” – Assessing how we will be received and then ensuring that we slip in under the radar so as to not trigger anything in anyone. It’s insidious and ensures that no one rocks the boat to say ‘I feel lovely and joyful, you too are the same but haven’t chosen that for yourself yet’ and everyone stays in their old comfortable ways.
So true Sandra – the insidiousness of comfort. It is assuming and imposing of us to believe that it will be too much for others to handle and in hiding in this belief, we are arresting the development and evolution of ourselves and everyone.
Shining out in dressing often gets accompanied by a comment regarding why are you shining that does not honour you and that aims to avoid jealousy directed at you. There is always a reason and the reason is often a false.
It is confronting to get honest about jealousy, because I get aware of the multitude of situations in life where jealousy is played out.
Agree Felix, because we know deep down the complete sabotaging intention and devastating effects of jealousy, the word ‘jealousy’ itself is not an easy word to speak of or call out, and often it is denied when raised.. because of the known horror that it is. But we must get used to, or familiar with it as it’s the only way its potency can reduce its foul pungency.
Well said Zofia “But we must get used to, or familiar with it as it’s the only way its potency can reduce its foul pungency.” To stop jealousy we have to deal with it and nominate even if it is challenging and confronting because the energy just feels very ugly and dark.
It is confronting felixschumacher8 because it often comes from those closest to us…and that’s what we haven’t wanted to see and feel.
Agreed Felix, it is very confronting indeed as we can then feel the harm and hurt it has caused.
Jealousy is a game we play where neither person wins. The person on the receiving end of the jealousy feels the brunt and ill effect of what is coming towards them and the person who extends the jealousy often feels awful about extending this if they are aware of it. I know I have been on both ends both the giver and the receiver and is not a fun game to play. The way I have been working with jealousy is connecting with my essence and deepening my appreciation and love of myself. This way when jealousy comes towards me I don’t shrink and am able to hold myself in this love and when I hold this consistently, I feel the love that I am and no longer have the need to compare myself with others, which is the breeding ground for jealousy.
The retreat in 2015 was the first time I allowed the understanding of what jealousy is and how it plays out in our lives, to be exposed and reflected upon. It was the first time that I started to feel what it was like and how it played out in my life. I am aware that I lived in denial of its subtle presence whether it was that someone was jealous of me or that I was jealous of someone else. There are many layers still to be exposed and this blog has allowed me to once again visit this ‘Evil’ and again claim back what I have ‘sold out’ on in my life, in order to fly under the radar and avoid being attacked. Flying under the radar means that I have been accepting the ‘belief’ that I am less. How many of us make this choice? Thank you Anonymous for exposing more about the sinister workings of jealousy.
We need to become aware of the pattern and behaviors we have been using to avoid jealousy to be able to free ourselves from them. And to work on self appreciation continously.
Jealousy, insecurity, lack of self love, all these go hand in hand as we hold ourselves back from being all that we are. Lots to ponder on in this blog, thank you for sharing Anonymous.
Learning not to turn jealousy expressed towards me back in on myself with the subsequent self-questioning and self-worth wobbles it brings, has been a challenge and is still a work in progress. So I take much away from the simple yet profound statement you make: ‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.’ Love it.
I agree Cathy, we have to be careful not to take on other peoples comments and then question ourselves. Often I find people can be extremely critical and judgmental without really realising they are because of the overwhelming energy of jealousy they may be feeling. The snap comments can be taken in, mulled over and bring us down. Whereas when we call it for what it is, it stops it entering our bodies and affecting us. For me the more I appreciate, honour and confirm myself the less anything from outside can affect me.
I am currently exploring jealousy and how to hold steady in light of what is thrown my way. I am recognising the avenues in which it arises and how i am simply observing it without altering or dimming down the truth and beauty that i am.
It’s great to explore the jealousy as you share Marcia, and get it out in the open to really look at it. Learning to not being affected by the force of jealousy either as the creator or as receiver, creates such a feeling of spaciousness…because of acceptance – the acceptance of oneself and one’s equal beauty in relation with another. In this there is endless joy to celebrate with them.
This is beautiful Zofia and I celebrate in the wisdom you have shared.
Awesome reflection you are for others as well Marcia. I’m learning to feel the jealousy and know that it is there but not make that the person. It’s a work in progress and making sure I don’t slide back to make the other more comfortable in the process. Because when we do we are giving another an excuse or reason to not be all of who they are.
Jealousy is a very harmful force only if we don’t understand what it is and allow it. Unimedpedia Jealousy – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html provides many great insights in Jealousy. Since working on this word and gaining a deep understanding of it my life has transformed.
Great blog Anonomyous and thanks Nicola for the link…..”jealousy is nothing more than self-fury. It is a personal attack on yourself for not doing what you knew had to be done, which is then vented outward to those who are doing what there is to be done.” S.B.
Reading the blog, comments and Serges quote has given me a greater understanding of jealousy and where I am in it.
Thank you Nicola, I will check this link you’ve shared. By understanding it and be more willing to recognise it when it arises means I will not react so easily or get hurt by it. I am still learning to cope with jealousy that I receive so this would be great to get a deeper understanding into the harmful forces of jealousy and not to take it personally.
Hi Chan, if you want to take it personally when others express Jealousy towards you then take it as a confirmation of how awesome you are!
This is great Nicola to turn our relationship with jealousy around” if you want to take it personally when others express Jealousy towards you then take it as a confirmation of how awesome you are!”
Thank you Nicola for the link, it is definitely well worth listening to with its many insights into jealousy. It has given me a deeper understanding of myself and the ways in which I have, and still can, allow jealousy to play out in my life.
Yes such a powerful statement – “If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.” Staying in the doldrums of jealousy as our norm feels like having a blanket over our heads and not allowing ourselves to stand up and ask ourselves why its there and shine the light so others can choose to remove the blanket also. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for never holding back and reflecting the amazing qualities we all are here to live.
“if we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.”
And we show each human being that it is no big deal, that each of us can choose our divine essence and grandness back, for we all have it inside us.
“If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world.” I love your highlighting we can all bring this innate divine reflection equally and the responsibility each of us has to not hold back 1 mm, but give everybody and every situation our all.
Jealous is like taking a knife and stabbing another and then stabbing yourself in the process. It is a brutal attack on both as it shuts the other down for living their light but shuts us down from the potential of living that light also. Evil!
Yes Joshua. This is my experience of jealousy. It attacks both parties with equal venom. The more I acknowledge it and it’s effect, the more I can feel that it is my number one responsibility to get every last drop of it out of my life. Appreciation with a capital ‘A’!
And how shocked I was Joshua, to find this kind of knife in my pocket. But by realizing and accepting that I am sometimes jealous I started a healing process. It is quite uncomfortable to find yourself jealous but by observing it we can take it as informing us of the choices we have not made but would like to, and so get a deeper understanding of us and others. I see my responsibility in realizing the knife I carry with me and step by step transform it into loving choices, taking responsibility, not to give up on love anymore and appreciate & celebrate who we are and what we bring – every one of us.
So true Sandra. The only way to offer the opportunity for another to put down their sword is to also put down our own
Brutal description, but that’s exactly what it can feel like if we don’t choose to observe it and bring understanding. Jealousy devastates the body, but worse is that there is no physical cuts. The energetic cut and poison is just as painful though.
It eats away at the person you are jealous at, without a shadow of a doubt.
An insidious game of the mind to keep us hidden in our comfort zone..
A very vivid description Joshua that lets you feel the truth of the brutal attack that jealousy is, affecting both parties equally, achieving what it sets out to do, that is, shut down the potential of those involved living their light in the world.
Far more damage can be done to another energetically than ever could be achieved physically because, energetic harm can affect us over many lifetimes while physical harm is just left to the realities of a single life.
Totally Joshua, that is the stark truth that absolutely everyone needs to become aware of.
Thank you for bringing up and sharing about this very important topic which most of us have experienced and often continue to experience on a regular basis. In my experience, in the past when I have felt jealousy from another it has attacked my self worth and made me go into a lot of self doubt which affected everyone around me as I was not me. It is so empowering to be able to clock it and not go into the same reaction. Observe but not absorb.
Thank you Anonymous, becoming aware how jealousy has played its game is crucial in letting go of the ‘I am insecure and will hide because I will never be enough for anyone.’ And I agree it is very important to clock when we feel jealousy coming at us and also the other way around. We all have added to this evil play and it is time to take responsibility for our choices and feel the hurt so we can be inspired by someone who has made the choices we have ignored to make.
“My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact.” This feels a very powerful statement as it is true we are never small. Thank you.
We have all learned to play small but this is not who we are and it is important to understand this to live in our true potential and grandness.
So many people hold back on being who they really are because of jealousy. I was at one of the Universal Medicine Retreats in 2015 and it was so healing to talk about the effect jealousy has on us. I could even say that I have been so sensitive to it, that I would end up saying things that I didn’t mean in conversations, or would lie and not tell the truth so that another did not feel uncomfortable. Makes no sense and to live in this was is deeply damaging.
Wow this is so apt for me to read today. I was putting make up on, which is rare for me, and I began being very self critical followed by comparison and fear of jealousy as I walked to put the rubbish out.
What’s painful is knowing the depths I’ve put myself down to avoid jealousy and the subsequent health effects to which is added self loathing that runs in my body. Can avoidance of jealousy be better than feeling it in all its manifestations around us in the world? No it is so self destructive.
So what’s next? Self acceptance of all my choices, connection with knowing I am always amazing and beautiful whatever my choices and how ever I look, appreciation and acceptance that those who are jealous -which includes me sometimes- are hurting from not appreciating themselves and wanting to admit that pain and make different choices.
Amazing blog.
Anonymous it is great that you are now not allowing the jealousy of others to stop you being your amazing self.
What’s fascinating to me is how we all can feel jealousy from another person even though they haven’t outwardly said a word. This in itself proves that different emotions emit an energy that can be received naturally. I have felt this myself and been on the ‘sending’ end of it too, but I also realise now that looking at people who are living a full, vital, and successful life in purpose can be hugely inspirational for me to step up my own level of commitment to myself and others. Also, this blog has inspired me to get rid of an oversize winter coat that has been bugging me as it feels like I am hiding in it and I have too nice of a body to hide!
‘In becoming aware of the evil effect jealousy has on us, we can set ourselves free and start living who we truly are.’ I have often been jealous of others not twigging that it is simply choices I have not made and not realising that the jealousy creates the biggest road block to me simply being everything I can be. The potential of everyone of us, if we live all that we are, is immense.
“It starts with who we truly are”.. Yes that is magnificently true! When jealousy is exposed and or felt, we can feel a crippling down from feeling great, amazing, awesome and joyful. But what if we open up up even more and let them see even more glory. Sounds almost cruel right? Well it is not, everyone deserves love and an emanation of joy and love. So it does not matter how they feel about you, your reflection – we all deserve to feel real beauty inside and out and that it is equal to them – so no hiding. I will practise with this from today on. Let’s give everyone the full opportunity to connect to your sparkle – so they find their sparkle too. Thank you Anonymous.
This presentation was so revealing for me. Understanding how much I had changed to try and not stand out and to avoid jealousy. Thank you for writing about it. It was incredible to hear how many people had been impacted and to accept responsibility where we have felt jealousy towards others.
Interestingly only a few days ago I remembered a comment that a friend made to me when I was about 10 years old. I can remember that we had just walked under a bridge and my friend cut me down scathingly after I had spoken, even though that was 40 years ago it still feels significant to me. The way that people treat us has such a massive impact on how we then choose to behave, thankfully with understanding we can learn to release the stranglehold that these incidents have on our lives.
Anonymous what you have shared here is so important, jealousy has played and continues to play a huge role in why we have settled for the the vastly reduced life that we have .
Thanks Anonymous, such an important topic to understand and to not only feel when jealousy is coming from others, but when it arises in ourselves too. I can very much relate to what you’ve shared, as l’m sure most can, and am also aware of having my fair share of jealousy with others too over the years.
Through understanding what jealousy really is, knowing that it is just a reflection of where a person is at and the choices they have made so far, and that it isn’t actually them but an energy coming through them, has made me much more understanding and less reactive to jealousy. It has also allowed me to be get closer to and heal relationships with people who in the past I had avoided because of my reactions to the jealousy coming through them.
I also remember being at the Universal Medicine retreat last year and discussing the topic of jealousy. During those conversations it dawned on me so much of what I did and how I was had been a result of my reactions to jealousy. How I dressed, walked, talked, and essentially dumbed myself down in life. It was a devastating yet amazing realisation that I had turned myself into person who wasn’t half of the potential of what she had inside. The great thing is that through that understanding I have been able to get to know who I truly am more and no longer do I constantly find ways to hold it back, although in all honesty it is still a work in progress.
That is beautiful Eleanor and worth appreciating.
I too attended the retreats where jealousy was discussed in March/April 2015. They were life changing for me. Since then these retreats I have been able to observe how jealousy has had so many people including myself, my friends, my family, my clients etcetera reduce themselves in a way so they don’t stand out … so they don’t draw attention to themselves, so they don’t feel the unpleasant feelings of jealousy that can be felt from another. I recently had a young school student who shared how he purposely got answers wrong on one of his exams so he didn’t get better grades then his friends – he did not want to hear the comments that would come nor feel what would come from them. I just pondered how this young boys future had already been altered by his experience of jealousy. I further wondered how many people (children, teenagers, young adults, elderly) have reduced themselves in order avoid feeling what they don’t want to feel from other people – to avoid the feeling of jealousy. My conclusion – everyone!
Agreed Tanya,
Everyone is affected by jealously, from others, and if chosen from ourselves in being jealous of another. Personally, the energy of jealously was a choice I made for much of my life, because I then didn’t have to take responsibility for how my life was. It was a choice to wallow in my lack of responsibility and believe that was my lot, and that others were “luckier” than I was.
I have since learnt that luck has nothing to do with my or anothers life being what it is, as each of our lives is a direct result of the choices we make, with this understanding, I am now able to be honest when I feel jealous, or feel the jealously of another. This honesty is the vital ingredient in choosing love and appreciation of self and others over jealously.
To truly feel the force behind jealousy and for that to come through loved ones can be very painful indeed. But when we start to see jealousy for what it is, not take it personally, and commit to not holding back our light because of it, then jealousy can’t touch us. I do still react to jealousy at times but a lot less than before, and I find that holding the love and understanding I have for the person that it is coming through also helps a lot.
To see jealousy as the evil energy that it is but with the understanding that the person isn’t this energy does help to not take jealousy personal.
This was such a revelation for me:
“I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me”.
Also to realize for myself every time in my life I have been jealous that was my reaction to the reflection of the choices another had made for themselves that I hadn’t chosen for myself.
Dear Anonymous,
I personally know how hard I have made myself to protect (so I thought) myself. I am coming to learn that being myself, loving and supporting myself is my only true protection, if it can be called that. When I live hard and protected, jealousy is not only something I feel coming at me, but is also something that I feel, it is in my body before I can blink. When I am being myself, this doesn’t happen, but it is felt around me, this is something I am beginning to come to grips with. As for sometime yet, unfortunately this will be an energetic reality in our world.
“I am coming to learn that being myself, loving and supporting myself is my only true protection, if it can be called that” I agree Leigh it is important that when we harden our body we don’t actually protect ourselves from energies like jealousy but rather harm ourselves as we are not able to nominate what is going on around us.
True, in a hardened state we cannot discern what is going on around us. Why is it we ignore that our bodies are the direct recipient of choosing to harden against what we feel. In hardening, we loose the ease of movement and flexibility, this we often blame on sleeping crooked, or with stress. When it really is more our choice to harden our bodies, in preference to saying what we feel.
Brilliant and much needed blog anonymous. You uncover how we create our lives in reaction to jealousy from others “I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!” ….and then a way to deal with it once we become aware of it in our lives, “Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.”
Awesome!
Anonymous, your blog is so pertinent to read today as I feel how the poison that is jealousy and worse how I’ve decided to react to it. I too have played small and then gone into resentment on the other who was jealous of me, an ugly game. I cried when I read you line ‘Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.’ as this is what I’m now learning, how to be me in the face of another’s jealousy, to appreciate them and to see that it’s not personal – at that moment when they are jealous they are in their own self fury at the choices they’ve made and directing that at the person reflecting that they could have chosen differently, it’s about them and understanding that is huge, and takes away any need for reaction. At that moment it’s about observing it, and deeply confirming ourselves and our choices and appreciating that another is reminded that they can be more the love they are.
It would be interesting if we did a study to see how many things we have done in life have been to avoid being seen and avoid jealousy – from the clothes we wear to the job we chose and the entire life we lead.
Yes it would be interesting and sad at the same time. I think that is where all the jealousy stems from, seeing another and the choices they have made, then consciously or subconsciously eating yourself away with “if only I had …” Fill in the gazillion blanks. Well I have made the choices I have made and now with all the wisdom I have accumulated through those experiences I can make fresh choices.
Very well said – we are who we are and can grow to be more of that, with wisdom thanks to our experiences – every person has their own path and expression.
Something very powerful that I have observed and learnt concerning jealousy is it comes from many places, it does not always need to look on the surface as though it is mean, curt, or attacking, it could come with a smile and a soft voice, it is all to do with the intention the person is communicating to you with. It can come in all situations where I have been talking with family, friends, fellow students and people I meet in my day, it does not always ‘look’ on the surface as though it attacks, but it can be felt. If we allow ourselves to feel all that we can, we get to observe and not absorb the jealousy that is around us and we get to be honest when we feel it towards another. When this conversations occur if some one is not empowered within themselves and in appreciation of themselves they can often do anything possible to intimate, dismiss and undermine the light of another. This is the destructive, reductionist trick that we play on ourselves and each other and it results in a continuing path that brings pain and disillusion. To appreciate another’s light and love is a true way to break this pattern, when we see another shine how awesome it is to appreciate it and then the magic occurs, we feel an expansion of light and love within us, we reconnect more deeply to our own divinity. Serge Benhayon, observed my light and love, he appreciated it, I felt his light and love and appreciated it and I reconnected more deeply with my own and began to heal my hurts. This is healing, this can occur every day with every one we meet. This is how we can alter the scourge of jealousy.
“Something very powerful that I have observed and learnt concerning jealousy is it comes from many places, it does not always need to look on the surface as though it is mean, curt, or attacking, it could come with a smile and a soft voice,” It is important to understand and nominate that jealousy can came in different ways like you say Samantha even with a “smile or soft voice”.
If a person is jealous they are only so because another has made different more self loving choices to them. A bit like the woman you described as you entered the room when she saw you she got to feel all of you and the loving choices you had made, in turn feeling the choices she had or had not made. In this moment we have a choice we can either be inspired, and choose to live in a more loving way for ourselves, or not wanting to take the responsibilty of this and be jealous. Which is a horrible energy not only fired at the other person but fired internally causing even further harm to us. It is great you, along with Serge Benhayon, have exposed jealousy for the evil it is.
It’s interesting how we go straight to jealousy instead of admiring and being inspired by the other person, and telling them so.
Thank you for sharing this, anonymous. Jealousy is such a huge issue in today’s society, however it is almost always swept under the rug rather than talked about. If you look at something like alcohol addiction, drug addiction or even terrorism, they are problems affecting everyone, are made very public, given media coverage (lots) and made quite obvious for everyone to know about. Jealousy and comparison, on the other hand, are similar in the fact that they affect everyone, but are totally kept silent. It is impossible for jealousy to resolve itself… We need to start having the conversations where we expose this for the evil that it is.
Great call Susie if we don’t start having these conversations jealousy will continue to fester and poison our society with detrimental effects for all.
Is it possible that our alcohol and drug addictions and terrorism are an extreme result of jealousy?
Something I have observed concerning jealousy is how many people, myself included, have adopted the ‘them and us’ opinion, as though that person is mean and jealous is some how less, and so I am not, which turns into a righteousness, a reaction in itself.. The whole wrestle of this is very distracting if we choose it to be and it leads to great disharmony and frustration. We have a responsibility to make a choice how we react, respond, act when we feel jealousy from another person… we can loosen the grip it has had on us through choosing love, through understanding through knowing that we are all equal and that the stillness that we some times deeply connect to is an all encompassing divinity and this is much greater then any evil and jealousy that attempts to disempower and intimidate.
Beautifully said Samantha, love most certainly is the antidote for all that is not love, and as it is at each and every one of our cores there really need not be separation between us.
Yes anonymous, jealousy is a very insidious and ugly behavior that we can receive and also give out to others when we go into comparison. A telltale sign that we are not feeling our amazing selves as if we were feeling our fullness, jealousy or comparison just couldn’t get in.
It has been a great experience to observe and support my children as they start school; there are mean words, and angry fists that come due to jealousy. Supporting their preciousness and connection with their inner divine light is what I share with them. We have all observed children and babies shining their light and love, and we all often tell ourselves that it is ‘normal’ for this feeling to dissipate as someone grows up…but why? I am returning to this way of being, illuminating and shining the divinity that I naturally am. I went hard, protected and defensive, aloof and yes jealous through feeling hurt or attacked, but now I am returning and the layers are dissolving. As adults we can live with the same joy, preciousness, love and light as a child; jealousy if reacted to begins to veil this but it can be once again revealed through choice.
Exactly, davidsonsamantha – why accept it to be normal that we lose our connection with the way we are born to be, only to come back gasping for it years later.
I love how powerful it is to truly begin to deal with jealousy-
I am so glad there are people beginning to show the way.
It is a whole other ballgame when we actually are able to bring in what we know and feel about jealousy to when we rear and educate our children- our next generation. In effect we are supporting them to be fuller in their light and grow up allowing them to express all they feel going on around them eg jealousy in its many forms.
I also attended the UK Universal Medicine retreat in May 2015, it was a life changer, I blow away some behaviours and habits that had played to so much in my life, I learnt to hold myself in the face of jealousy and see it for what it is rather than recoiling and reducing myself as I once had. I also came to feel how we are ‘all’ responsible for this reduction and jealousy, we have all felt it, and we have all thrown it out at another. It is not about who has which car on some ones body being beautiful, it is about the light that shines out of us, our connection with our inner wisdom and divinity. This is what is attacked through jealousy. How can we change it, we learn to love ourselves and feel it all but observe and not take it on. When our love is our foundation the evil of jealousy can not touch us. For me this is a work in progress, but it is progressing and now I am often reflecting love in the face of jealousy, this offers a healing for myself and those who do not feel ‘good enough’ in themselves and buried the big light that they have shining out of them and so bring jealousy through. Love yourself in full and you will Love all in Full.
Ive experienced jealousy from both sides of the coin where I feel it directed towards me, often from those I love, but also being jealous myself, again, often of those I love. As I’ve begun to understand that all jealous feelings mean is that someone else is giving me the gift of awareness that I too have the potential to make the same choices myself as the one im jealous of, I’ve come to understand it more as a gift from others and this really helps me cut my own jealousy to others but also helps me feel really loving towards those that are jealous of me, for the same reason – I’m giving them a gift of showing them what’s possible in themselves. So when I see them scrabbling in reactions my heart kind of smiles knowing that they’re just getting to that understanding for themselves, like I did, which helps me to not take it so personally these days. ❤️
This is gorgeous Racheal – thanks for sharing
Rachael, this is exactly what I felt yesterday ‘ jealous feelings mean is that someone else is giving me the gift of awareness that I too have the potential to make the same choices myself as the one I’m jealous of’. My beautiful friend was presenting to me the same choices I can make for myself as she has done for herself. There is evolution in this.
so cool what you just shared! I love how you understand so well, its amazing how freeing ‘jealousy’ can be, when we work with it as you describe- we are then free to make the same choices to lead us to where that person is at, or have what they have.
Thank you Rachel for your honest and beautifully expressed comment.
Wow, this is just awesome. What a refreshing and helpful way to look at the subject.
I also played this game and it got to the stage where I felt I was almost busting out of myself, there was a constant disharmony and frustration because I was holding myself back “My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact.” I began to see how I held back who I was in situations to avoid jealousy and I felt sickened by it, it was good to feel. I am still learning to shine and be myself in full, and it is amazing how much we calibrate to situations and peoples reactions to us, there is a lot to learn….
Hear hear Samantha, my sentiments exactly – there is a lot to learn.
I agree with you Samantha and Giselle there is a lot to learn constantly and this is great!
we could be cousins, your description of how you reacted to feeling jealousy from others is identical to mine! Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine so much for presenting on the ‘science of Jealousy’, once we conquer this we will have no reservations about presenting our truth in the world.
The science of Jealousy would be a very supportive syllabus to study in our earth education.
“Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.” Realising the different guises that jealousy comes in has been a huge learning for me – I would often think that I’d done something wrong or that there was something wrong with me and at the same time realising those moments when I may direct jealousy towards another and recognising the feeling for what it is. It’s great to have this out in the open and the discussion started on just what it is we’re doing to one another and ourselves when we compare ourselves to another and make ourselves less.
So true deborahmckay and thank you for highlighting this aspect of jealousy that has been presented in this blog. So often I have felt jealousy and taken it personally and reacted through contraction or in the way I see the other person. I have found that when I am able to recognise the jealousy for what it is and not react, no reducing of who I am, I am no longer affected by it.
Also I am much more expressive with my clothing and accessories now than ever before, I am happy to wear a hat whereas before I would be trying to look like something or someone and I always felt uncomfortable and like a fraud trying to ‘pull off a look’ that just isn’t in me any more and that is so awesome, to feel free to express.
I love both your comments Vanessa. Really so inspiring. I feel I’m getting there but can still shrink to fit in at times when I feel jealousy coming my way.
Yes that trying you speak of Vanessa tells a lot, it shows we’re looking out there aksing for a response, rather than just presenting us. It’s great and it feels very different when we just feel what to express and do it with no attachment – something I am leaning more of – there’s a huge freedom in it, where we surrender and let go and just be us, and knocking out those places where jealousy lives is key to living this way.
Awesome Vanessa when we express from a well of inner appreciation then there are no limits, no fashion wrongs or rights, simply an expression of who we honestly are.
What I have come to understand more is catching when others are jealous. Instead of shrinking because of the uncomfortable energy at play, I now see it for what it is, allowing me to make choices that are usually true rather that ones to make others comfortable.
Love this Vanessa – the freedom to express because you don’t let the judgement and the jealousy stop you from just being you. That is a big one.
It is amazing when we start “to feel free to express” Vanessa!
I know what it is to be jealous and to feel jealousy and I understand it is right to be called evil. What is more insidious is the jealousy that is not so obvious, when you are blind to your own jealousy – that is very yucky to feel and own as something that can be at play in our lives. Though recently I have felt very comfortable in myself and when I see people looking I say to myself ‘yeah look’ it’s ok for you to look and be whatever it is for that person but for me to stay me and totally ok with being me.
You are right Vanessa it is the not so obvious jealousy that is the insidious one, I have noticed this play out in my own life along with many others and it is ugly to feel but very important as it needs to be dealt with.
I love your honesty Amina.
Well said Vanessa and much food for thought
“When I returned from Australia I had a situation where I entered a room of people –dressed beautifully (make up and shining!) – and there was a woman who looked at me once and then turned away. I could name that this was jealousy.” Super spot on, we are more then human, and we light up a room when we walk in, sometimes people don’t want to see that light because it has choked them and reminded them that we are taught to play small in life, and that ‘being dull’ is the way to go to fit in.
Spot on harryjwhite. We do indeed light up a room that is dulled by others, believing that that is the way to fit in, because this is what we have been taught from a young age. I too did this for many years, and I was also told not ‘to be too big for my boots’, so learnt to keep myself small, and felt jealous of others as a result. As a small child I was super bright and shiny, and even though this became dull over the years, I am now able to connect to that essence that has always been there once again and more and more am able to hold myself in all that I am, even when I feel the jealousy is there.
I like your comment Harry, and it is true how when we choose to be the love that we are and present that to the world it can be too much for some, and it is always a choice for us to fit in or reflect to others the beauty and love that we all are.
“It is always a choice for us to fit in or reflect to others the beauty and love that we all are.” I agree Francisco. We need to become more honest about how we are living our life and what we are choosing and also to heal what stands in the way from shining our light.
Well said Mary “Jealousy rots us all it is highly toxic and usually kicks in when we are children, you can actually watch it happen to a small child who is so full of the joy of life and the drip feed starts because adults cannot bare to be reminded that they were like that once and they too had the joy squeezed out of them until they became drab and dull like every one else in the family.”
Amazing, glorious, loved it! Jealousy is super ugly to feel, especially when it comes through people we know. Its true that as children we are bright individuals, sparks of the universe and then we learn that a force is coming at us when we are divine and glorious, and this force is jealousy. Loved reading your description of how when you began to feel this you gradually dulled and ‘toned down’ your self expression, often we get told we are “show offs” “too big for our boots” etc etc. Your blog really does break down jealousy very well.
Yes most of us have learned to play small as a direct result of the force of jealousy, and those remarks like “show off”, “too big for your boots”, “big-head” and “who do you think you are”, “know-it-all” etc are all designed exactly to coerce someone into reducing their expression. It is great to start understanding what jealousy is, calling out those moments for what they are, not take them personally, so that we can reclaim our true expression.
Spot on Harry – we do learn fast as children that if we tone things down or water down our grandness then we don’t get attacked by others through jealousy. But this does not break the cycle, it simply perpetuates it (we learn to not shine and the person who is jealous never learns to heal why they are jealous). So though it sounds crazy and scary, it is about shining on despite the onslaught – this is something I am certainly still learning to do! The more I stand tall and allow myself to be seen, the more I am aware of how some others can feel very uncomfortable about this! And so it is a learning and a process for us all, to stand tall and to shed the discomfort, and to shed any jealousy that simply comes from realising that we too could stand tall with the other!
It is great Harry to nominate the lines we might have heard when we self expressed as children. I experienced the other day with my parents when I showed them a flyer with a photo of mine and said to them what amazing woman I am. The response was “self appreciation stinks” that was an interesting moment. I shared with them that I do this now regularly and that it is great and asked them about their experience. Self appreciation is something you do not do in front of other people but the underlying message was you don’t do that all together. But I do now and it is beautiful to appreciate myself on my own and to other people. And that is the foundation to be able to stop jealousy.
Jealousy can have such a detrimental effect on all human relationships. Jealousy is a poison that can sink personal relationships and nations. It is a condition that has no bounds but the bounds an individual is willing to restrict the expression of jealousy.
True Luke. You highlight how poisonous jealousy is. It effects us on a global scale. It makes us at war and compete with each other.
So true Luke when you look at the broader picture between nations. How many wars started as one leaders jealousy of another? How much business competition is fueled by jealousy? This evil extends far when all is taken into consideration.
Such an important point you raise Lee. The effect jealousy can have on countries. Even here in Australia we have seen it and how disturbing it is to the country because of the way that the energy of jealousy feeds the disturbance, without anyone being aware of what is going on. Then the gossip starts.
agree and one could say jealousy is lower then barbarism. So I wonder how advanced are our modern nations or our relationships?
‘Jealousy is a poison that can sink personal relationships and nations’- yes Luke, and we can clearly see this all around us if we too choose to look. We need to stop feeding the evil of jealousy and start to take our responsibility for the part we play.
Agree fionacochran01, the moment we accept any form of jealousy in our life it begins to poison everything we consider our life.
Yes its very poisonous- it does no one any good, and I am so pleased to be part of a growing number of people worldwide who are saying NO to jealousy, by dealing with why and how it gets there in the first place. From first hand experience, I know jealousy feels great when I send it packing and allow inspiration to be my house guest instead.
Well put Felicity. I would say it is near impossible to send jealously packing if we don’t put something in its place. Appreciation and inspiration are good substitutes in my books.
That is brilliantly summed up Luke, we do need to give ourselves something else to do with the hole that jealousy creates, and appreciating and being inspired by that very person is just the thing to fill it with.
Amen!
It is so important to explore and really define what our relationship with jealousy. I have been both on the receiving of jealousy which sucks, but also been totally jealous of others which also really sucks as it is usually just a reflection of where I could be if I was more committed to life.
Good point Kevin – the door swings both ways and the poison of jealousy both hinders our own development as well as our connection to other people.
I agree simonwilliams8, it doesn’t matter which way the door of jealousy, which is a very heavy door, swings, the hurt to ourselves and others is the same; as you say it is poison and therefore we both suffer in our own ways.
I agree jealousy sucks on both ends, be it receiving or giving, so it really is worth becoming aware of it and step by step taking off this weapon/armour and show ourselves.
That is a good point Esther, I have felt the jealousy and comparison in my body and let me tell you it really sucks to also feel it within. I found it really important to be honest and nominate what is going on for me and it then goes. Taking responsibility for our choices is a big factor in this.
Great article!
I can say I have had the same experience as you kevmchardy, been jealous of others and had jealousy directed at me. I suspect there are very few who havent felt this. In my experience too, it feels horrible both ways and everyone is hurt by it no matter which way it flows. Naming it as it occurs goes some way to clearing it but choosing to step up and commit fully to who we are and not hold back for fear of the backlash is super important. A daily work in progress.
Absolutely Jeanette – I have been on both the sender and receiving end of jealousy – and totally agree that being honest about this is the first step. But that the next step is to take responsibility for who we are, knowing that when we hold back from expressing this, it not only harms ourselves but stops others from feeling this within themselves by reflection and therefore harms them also. It’s not our responsibility for what others do with this reflection, however I feel it is absolutely our responsibility to reflect what we do know about who we are.
My experience of the discussions at the retreat was that everyone, has had these experiences. It was very uncomfortable to look at the ways I have contorted my life to avoid feeling it from others. Then Natalie Benhayon dropped a perfect reframe – if you are not feeling like other people are jealous you are not really stepping up! – love it.
A beautiful and well worth daily work in progress. It is so important that we become aware consciously of the jealousy in our lives from the past and also that which takes place in the present.
Yes I so agree Jeanette, ‘choosing to step up and commit fully to who we are and not hold back for fear of the backlash is super important. A daily work in progress.’ I am so getting this, everything comes back to how we are choosing to live in every moment, the responsibility lies with us. The more we choose to love, respect and treat ourselves with true care the more we build a strong foundation upon which we can bring the all that we are out into the world.
Great points Jeanette and Angela. Jealousy is a very widely used invisible currency in all relationships, but one that we don’t talk about and keep hidden – much like the blackmarket. I also feel that knowing why we use jealousy as a tool to hide/avoid who we are (whether on the receiving end or dishing it out end) is also key. This brings understanding to ourselves and others, which then allows us to step into our responsibility of not holding ourselves back at all and living all of who we are in full.
Yes, I loved that too Joel when Natalie says if you walk into a room and no one is jealous then there is something not right. I must say Natalie is well claimed and has acknowledged her values and what she brings. She is a woman who is in deep awe of herself so to speak. She is a great reflection just how much you need to confirm yourself in the detail in what and how you bring what you bring to yourself and others. She confirms her own miracles, and that could be simply looking in the mirror into your own eyes and feeling your joy.
Great point you are adding Joel “if you are not feeling like other people are jealous you are not really stepping up!” The more we step up the more other people will be challenged by our reflection. Learning to deal with and nominate jealousy-and not simply to react.
Jennifer this is a great description “Jealousy is a very widely used invisible currency in all relationships, but one that we don’t talk about and keep hidden – much like the blackmarket”. At time i feel jealous towards my partner but this is something i don’t like to nominate or share with him. And if I do, I can actually appreciate at the same time the qualities he is offering me in that moment, he is bringing that connection with others.
Agree Jeanette, it is my responsibility for myself to make sure I commit and deepen my connection with my body in order to be able to read and identify when this energy is at play and keep reflecting the love within me no matter what.
This is an important point Rik to constantly confirm and appreciate ourselves so we have a steady foundation when we are confronted with jealousy or people reacting in others ways.
So true.. when I can see/feel another making choices that I have not made yet & I know that I could’ve I then have a choice to either be jealous or be inspired. It is easy but we get caught up in comparison & then jealousy creeps in so quickly.
So true Pinky. I love what was exposed for me in this statement..”Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.”
It has been in the self attack that I have sustained the most damage.
Totally Pinkylight, comparison most definitely is the precursor to jealousy, both being most damaging to ourselves, and our brothers, in other words everyone else!
And that is the ‘to be or not to be?’ question – to be jealous and ‘suffer the slings and arrows’ – or to be inspired. When we choose to be inspired something magical happens, we start to see that we are that gorgeous beauty-full-ness too and always were and we start to give ourselves permission to flaunt our love and our fabulousness.
Thank you A. and Kevin, I agree, jealousy really sucks, and I have been suck-cessfull at being the perpetrator or perpetrated the ‘sucker’. As well as being sucked in by others jealousy and this suck-ceeded in making me play small, suckering up to other and not shining!! Could it be to “succeed” in life we can take simply responsibility for all that happens around us and see everything as a blessing thus being inspired to even shine more as a loving Son of God?
Yes gregbarnes888, taking responsibility for what happens around us does seem an antidote to being jealous of another. It takes away our victim/blaming mentality and lets us feel how we are equal and inside have the capacity to make choices that determine our quality of living.
I love this play on words Gregbarnes888. It is fabulous and very entertaining.
Kevin – I have felt more and more that the actual direction of the jealousy is of little consequence. Just the very existence of even a drop of it in any relationship is enough toxicity to affect both parties. I am still seeing the scale to which it has and still does affect my life.
Beautifully said Otto. To accept is to become so you’re spot on – not one drop of jealousy is acceptable in either direction.
True ottobathurst. Regardless of the direction, jealousy is poison to any relationship.
I agree Otto, it matters little whether we are on the receiving or giving end of the jealousy, the toxicity is extremely harmful to all, on many levels. Becoming aware of the more subtle, but just as pervasive, ways that we project jealousy toward another is an on going process of truly watching ones reactions and behaviours. This allows us then to see the scale to which we still allow jealousy to ‘infect’ our lives and relationships.
Thank you Otto this is very true and has played out through history so much and now still that it not only hinders our own personal relationships but also has and can hinder many group projects.
I agree Otto and we have to be vigilant. The less we let it affect us the better. I remember Natalie Benhayon presenting once, that if she’s not feeling jealousy from others, she’s not doing her job and something is not right. I love that sista and her sass! I still struggle with it when I consider how amazing Natalie is. Wow!
I agree jsnelgrove36. Jealousy ” it not only hinders our own personal relationships but also has and can hinder many group projects.” Something we need to nominate when working in groups as well.
I’ve been on both ends also kevmchardy, as I’m sure almost everyone has. I’ve noticed jealousy come up more for me now in my 30’s than in my earlier years which is interesting.
I’ve been on both the receiving and projecting ends too. The choice to not be jealous but instead to be inspired by another is a powerful one and so freeing. It has helped my relationships where I could have otherwise put a wall up with another.
What a beautiful choice Annie. To be inspired rather than jealous. In this way we all recieve the healing 🙂
Yes, very simple way of behaviour to actually be inspired and feel that this is something you know you just have not chosen it. I remember a wise person said when you feel comparison first arising in you to cut it off as a choice. Choose you and feel your qualities and potential before you are owned by the force of jealously.
Yes kevmchardy, exploring how jealousy plays out in my life, on both ends, has been really beneficial for me to be able to identify when I am feeling jealous or when another is feeling jealous of me. I have found that simply nominating this jealousy is a great start.
I loved your honesty Kev, commitment to life is key…. I know I have had huge lack of commitment to life in the past, which was an open door for jealousy and all manner of destructive emotions to blow in! Time for me to reassess my commitment me feels!
I love your honesty Kevmchardy and what you’ve shared has been my experience too.
This is a very honest comment Kev and one I can very much relate to, having experienced both I can say that it really makes your body ill and is an awful way to live. I am step by step working through this and this article is a great point of reflection.
Yes I have seen and been on both sides of the jealousy swing door and I can says its one of the most toxic emotions there is, that can be inflicted on another person, or willingly indulged in. I know how poisonous jealousy feels in my body, I can’t bare it. I know when it rises up, I simply can’t bare its foul stench in my body, I KNOW I have to deal with the underlying issues – quickly!
I am so pleased to say that I have dealt with jealousy of another, and actually been inspired to say “that person is awesome, she/he is living proof that if they have something I want, they are living proof I can have it too.”
If we start appreciating who we are and the quality we bring we can be inspired by others too. Understanding that comparison is harming and does not make sense as we are all different in our expression and what we are bringing to the whole. If we don’t compare we don’t get jealous. And the key for comparison issues is appreciation.
I agree Kev, jealousy has two sides to the coin – receiving and directing it. Like you have said, when I am jealous of someone really it has very little to do with them, and everything to do with the choices I have or haven’t made.
I agree Kev, it’s important to recognise it within ourselves, one – to stop it, and two – as an opportunity to grow and deepen our livingness.
I totally agree Kevin both sides of the Jealousy coin is hideous and each time when we stop and see our part in it we get to take the time to see that it is not real, it is driven by comparison and that it is there to foster separation. I love your point about it being a great reflection of you commitment to life, rings home to me too.
I agree kevmchardy we have to look at both sides of the coin as we have all given and received. The poison of jealousy is toxic and debilitating for all involved regardless of where you are standing.