I decided to change how my handwriting looked when I was around fifteen years old. I remember the moment vividly. One of my friends at school knew a guy who was into handwriting analysis and so she’d had her handwriting done for a laugh. I listened to the interpretation of her idiosyncratic scrawl during a morning break with great interest: a squiggle here meant this and a flourish of a certain length meant that.
My natural writing was quite long and flowing. I felt it was old fashioned and not à la mode; I preferred what I was hearing about what ‘boxy and bulbous’ meant, compared to the psychological profile that my natural scratching suggested.
The whole encounter got me thinking about what my handwriting said about me – and more importantly, whether I liked what a so-called expert, who had never met me, might say about me from looking at it. I therefore set about – quite determinedly – to create a new look for myself through my handwriting.
I practised for hours, perfecting something that I thought presented me in a more compelling fashion. I even asked my father which versions he thought more professional, thinking ahead to job applications and covering letters, in those days always written by hand, so people could assess you from your handwriting, as well as your content… sad, but true.What I came up with fitted the bill, looked good, on-trend, sophisticated, neat and in synch with the zeitgeist. So I just switched. Overnight. A conscious choice, requiring me to shift my hand position, quickly bringing with it a permanent callous I wore on my finger for years.
My natural writing had an angle to the right and it reflected the natural angle my hand lay in as it moved across the page. To make the shift was only a tiny degree or two away, but trying it now I can feel that my hand has to tense up to accommodate the position, my wrist locks and there’s a knock-on effect in my lower arm and right shoulder, such that my torso twists ever so slightly.
I felt nothing of this at fifteen years and continued writing this way for three decades, scribbling through university, through jobs, through meetings, courses and workshops – all in this adopted style. People liked my handwriting: it attracted praise and admiration. So I’d tell myself it had been a good decision. When computers came in and the amount of handwritten work declined considerably, the callous on my finger disappeared. Funny, that.
Soreness, though, became a regular feature. A niggle, but a feature. Writing for lengthy periods or at speed really put a strain on my arm and shoulder, but I totally disregarded it. That ever so slight angle change in my hand to accommodate the upright writing meant I was doing something that inherently altered my body’s natural flow and created related pressure in the front of my shoulder.
I developed a point of ongoing, intermittent soreness there, bad enough to be the subject of a couple of x-rays and specialist consultations over the years. But I never made the connection until now that perhaps the pain could have been introduced, enhanced or exacerbated by the continued daily ‘misuse’ of my natural bio-mechanical flow when writing.
I can’t possibly be sure, but what I do know is that whenever I would be taking notes in a fast-transcribe situation, the pain would come. Persistent, not too painful, so I would do a quick stretch and carry on. I would override it, in other words. It’s sad to think now that a momentary choice from a lack of confidence and appreciation of my own true essence as a teenager might have been the set-up for this future shoulder affliction.
Often when writing in this ‘rapid-transcribe mode’ and overriding the pain in an endeavour to capture every spoken morsel down on the page, my old natural sloping writing would kick back in at the point when the adopted form couldn’t keep up. An unconscious, automatic thing, but a default back to my original nonetheless, bringing more ease and flow, entirely legible afterwards, not looking like I’d just run the written marathon it had in fact been. I used to joke with myself that I had a split personality because it looked as if two entirely different people had been taking my notes.
The mere fact that I continued to use the adopted style, regardless of its limitations and disadvantages, was a reflection of just how much more important I held the outside assessment of my handwriting – and how people might judge me from it – and how I didn’t accept the natural, graceful flow that was my own exquisite representation of my true self.
I happened to be at a series of events over several days, scribbling away, and I clocked myself switching writing modes as usual whenever the pace picked up. But I also noticed a calmness come over my whole body. I felt totally aligned – ears and hand working in perfect harmony. It flowed, I caught what I wanted, it was legible, and at the end my hand, arm and shoulder did not feel abused or in any pain. Fascinated, I decided to continue using my natural, ‘original’ handwriting for the remaining days’ events. I found it easier on my arm and kinder to my body. My calmness continued, the flow remained and it began to dawn on me that I had missed a great trick here over the years.
I’ve now reverted back full time to my natural way of writing, out of choice and out of respect for my body. I’ve also accepted it as the true reflection of my personality and essence and can now appreciate the flourish and flair it brings to the page and the softness and grace it carries. I marvel that it’s always been there for me, a dormant part of myself that I denied, just waiting in the wings in case I ever wanted to pick it back up. It feels good and true when I am writing now. Gliding and not tense, not holding myself to be in a certain way. And my shoulder is pretty quiet too.
Handwriting is one of the ways we naturally express our unique essence and I can now appreciate it was my lack of self-acceptance and self-confidence at fifteen that led me to change my handwriting, to negate and devalue what was so individual to me, the true essence of me. I denied my true expression all those years.
I overrode the pain it brought to the part of my body that bore the brunt of an unnatural way, adopting instead an external stereotype that I hoped would do it all for me, when in fact ‘it’ was there all the time. All because of not feeling good enough, not accepting my own true amazingness and the unique way in which I express.
I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression. And any decisions I make to override my natural flow and my natural essence might just have a long-term impact on my body and its wellbeing. That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, ‘Go with the flow’ for me these days.
By Cathy Hackett
Further Reading:
Your Body Tells The Truth
I Found Observing My Body Is A Great Support
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I was writing some notes to family members, when posting some things overseas. What was interesting was the fact that it took a while for my hand writing to return. My body had got so used to navigating a keyboard, even though it can be clumsy at times (as I had taught myself in typing on a keyboard). But that’s how my body operates and is fine with it. It is I who compares to another as their skills are so called correct.
Who is to say there is a right and a wrong way to do things? It is whatever works for you and your body that matters. And keeping up with everyone is a falsity to be accepted, when everything about us is unique and yet the essence we carry is no different to another.
Being left handed is not a hindrance to the flow of your expression.
Agree Mary, left handed is no different to a right handed person. No different to a person’s skin colour, religion sexuality etc, different on the exterior, but same same, interiorly.
In supporting and accepting your magnificence gives permission for other people to likewise express their unique self, ‘ I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression.’
It’s amazing how we pretzel ourselves to be accepted by others and in that accommodation, we harm ourselves. Why do we do that? It isn’t about a thing it is about everything around us.
If we look at the art of writing, which is now disappearing with everything becoming digitised, other conditions are going to develop. The world of digitising is ideal for the young generation where they have grown up around iPhone, computers as their toys but this will take away the connection of being with people. The older generation will and are struggling with this digitising systems.
Despite all that is going on around us, is for us to remain connected with ourselves, not pleasing anyone, or jeopardising our bodies. The number one person is to take care of you first and the rest will either follow or not. When we come to us and we make it about that, we provide a reflection to others and the choices that they can choose that too.
In other words do not write me of! Because appreciation, that which is our essences will always bring us back to the True way of being.
And how wonderful Cathy, that you have after all these years been able to bring back your natural expression through your handwriting and been appreciating and accepting of this in more ways than one!
That confirms that we can come back to us after being separated, anytime, any place and anywhere.
Maybe it’s time for us to start accepting our own unique amazingness, ‘All because of not feeling good enough, not accepting my own true amazingness and the unique way in which I express.’
Cathy this is a great example of the many things in life that we can over-ride and adopt a not so natural way of doing things. It is exactly as you have shared – a lack of acceptance and a lack of connection to self that then leads to not valuing and appreciating who we are and how we express and hence the seeking of a different way to express which stiffles our natural way forth.
It is a great example of how we adopt, or change how we are to supposedly gain something from the outside, which can be at the expense of our body, ‘It’s sad to think now that a momentary choice from a lack of confidence and appreciation of my own true essence as a teenager might have been the set-up for this future shoulder affliction.’
I remember as a child learning to write and different styles of writing, and it did feel like trying to conform my body into a certain way of writing. I naturally have quite big writing and it’s very expressive and flowing, but it often feels uncomfortable to write, so I would say my body is still carrying impositions for writing as I don’t feel the ease physically.
I’ve always really liked my handwriting and how clear it is. I used to refuse to do joined up handwriting at school and purposefully made it not joined up. These days as I am not fighting anyone sometimes the letters just join and that’s ok.
Doesn’t this show how easily we change ourselves to accommodate and fit in with the world around us. If we are willing to change our handwriting at the drop of the hat, it makes me wonder what else we are willing to change – and – how much of what we stand with today is authentically us.
That is a great point Meg, ‘If we are willing to change our handwriting at the drop of the hat, it makes me wonder what else we are willing to change ‘. Worth taking a moment to ponder on this.
So you became your own handwriting analyst in reading that it revealed that you were trying to fit into an image and your natural handwriting is in the flow of who you are.
I have noticed after an Esoteric Yoga session how my handwriting flows differently, in fact the way I approach everything from this inner stillness has a beautiful quality to it.
I’ve noticed that as I type on my keyboard after an Esoteric Yoga session. It is more in line with the quality I was just in. An example of how our quality in one moment flows into the next.
Cathy you bring up a great point here, that we feel we need to write in a certain way to be more accepted in life, and go to great lengths to try and achieve it, when in truth all we are doing is trying to be something we are not, when we honour ourselves and write in our natural way it has its own rhythm and when we try to change it we are going against the natural flow of our body, so no surprise you ended up with a callous on your finger, and your body was already giving you a clue then.
Our body keeps showing us what is natural to us in one way or the other and this can make us aware of what we have not surrenderd to, in your case, and I use your words, ‘how I didn’t accept the natural, graceful flow that was my own exquisite representation of my true self.’ so beautifully expressed Cathy.
If we change things in our life, be it hand writing or how we walk because we have seen someone do it differently, or have been told to, or someone has said something hurtful we are not changing things from our body. Your blog Cathy shows the untold harm that can be caused if we don’t stop to feel what is true before we make changes.
Nailed it Alison – Cathy’s blog is a classic example of what we may all have done by looking at the outside appearance rather than feeling what is actually supportive for the body.
I can see how this story about your handwriting can be applied to all forms of our expression in life from how we speak to how we move our bodies – do we curtail and modify our expression to what the world wants or do we hold true to our own natural expression.
Love the fact that underneath the imposed way you thought you had to be was the gorgeousness of you and your writing, untouched and still ready to bust out.
Although nothing can beat what flows naturally out from the body, we may try to force ourselves becoming an image of ourselves like in many areas of our lives. This is an effort to try to become someone else that reflects lack of self-worth we are not willing to face.
This really makes me wonder what decisions I have made to put my body in a state of tension so frequently. Like, what am I not accepting about me so that I have to put my body in a position or maneuvering that would cause discomfort? And what I realise is how I have accepted these little niggles here and there as normal.
You have given me much to consider here Cathy about my handwriting, at times it is hard to understand what I have written as it is not very neat, I am inspired to look more deeply into this as there can be a drive in the way I write that gets in the way of the natural flow.
To straighten up your writing you compromised the alignment of your body. It just goes to show how these simple choices that make sense at the time can be so dishonoring in the long term.
“Funny, that.” Our body is always knocking on our door but sometimes it takes us a while to get the message.
I had a recent similar experience about clothes. I was supported recently to look at my clothes and style and it was revealed how much I dress for others, for recognition, to be seen a certain way, etc… and how rarely I actually dress to what is truly me – my own unique natural expression. How many ways do we squish, force, re-arrange our selves to fit a picture, or fit into the world, to be seen a certain way? My guess is in quite a few ways…
The creation of images on others of ourselves is not consequence free.
Love the fact that it is just a choice… a choice to honour your essence or not. And one that has been with you always even through the decades where you were unaware of what your handwriting was truly doing to you. Our essence is always there and so is the choice to always connect and live it.
I love how our bodies reflect the truth of what is going on. When we appreciate who we naturally are, no longer are we governed by what the world wants us to be.
From connecting with children and teenagers I have found that this feeling is huge in our society, ‘All because of not feeling good enough, not accepting my own true amazingness and the unique way in which I express.’
Wow. This is so very telling of how much we let ourselves be boxed in and conform to something we are not as opposed to being raised and nurtured in the acceptance of who we truly are. I tend to rush my hand-writing having been told in the past at a workplace that I need to speed up! Bam – the notion that I wasn’t good enough and that I better get things happening quicker. That rush is still probably in my body, and it’s in these details of life, such as writing and typing that we get to see all of our behaviours play out and the detrimental impact they have on our physical state. I’m going to look at my relationship with my handwriting all over again me feels.
I wonder what other ways this lack of confidence and appreciation plays out in teenagers… appreciation of ourselves from day one is so important.
The world is constantly communicating in many different ways that we are not doing things the right way, or that we can’t do it that way, or that no-one else does it this way…basically saying we are not worth appreciating and that there is something wrong with you if you do it your way. When we take this personally we then go about trying to fit in to a way that didn’t make sense to begin with and then have to live with the inevitable consequences of going against what we felt was true.
I can so relate to this Cathy, it wasn’t until I left school that I discovered I had a beautiful flow to my hand writing. I spent many years trying to put my writing in a neat approved box. Never enjoying writing and forever critiquing myself. As with many things I have done in my life, I stepped outside of myself instead of accepting and honouring the beauty I already am.
I keep a journal and I was looking back over some entries this morning. I could tell what kind of mood I was in with each one; when I was in a hurry, when I was not very attentive, when I was at ease with myself. Our handwriting definitely reveals a lot about us. No wonder they use handwriting experts in organisations like the police force.
I changed my handwriting and my walk when I was in high school to fit in with what I thought was cool. But, it is not as innocent as that… by changing my movements I limited the ability to express myself and that causes damage, both physically and energetically.
You have exposed here Cathy, just how lacking we are societally, in parenting our children and indeed each other – that they can know with certainty that who they are is ‘it’, and no outer measures need to be lived up to, nor given away to, whatsoever.
How insidiously thoughts of doubt and lack of worth can enter us – perhaps seemingly ‘small’ at the time, but once given hold and indeed confirmation through our behaviours, we are entrapped and essentially slave to that which would have us ever-feeling we need to ‘measure up’ to it. That is, until we recognise that we were always ‘enough’ in the first place.
I can remember having to copy the shapes of letters etc and having to get to a certain ‘acceptable’ standard before being allowed to use a pen. No wonder so many of us have issues with how our writing looks as we were not given the freedom to truly express in this way from our bodies. This does not go away even though for many of us we no longer write very much. Interesting to explore this and feel the impact that it has had on my body and the way I perceive myself.
Thank you Cathy for sharing your evolving relationship with your body and your handwriting. For me the more I appreciate different aspects of myself the more my acceptance of who I am and what I bring grows and the judgemental voice in my head that for as long as I can remember has judged my handwriting as not good enough is quieted bringing a natural ease and flow to my body.
Such a great awareness Cathy. I’ve noticed my handwriting is different on different days. I’m aware that the way the writing comes out is a reflection of the depth of my connection to myself, like how settled and still I am in my body – or rushed and under a little pressure. However from reading this blog what I’m now aware of is checking in with my posture, feeling how I am sitting, any tension already present etc. Some simple movements and adjustments here would support me to connect more deeply with my stillness as beautifully presented and supported by Esoteric Yoga. To expand on this Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy supports a deepening awareness of our posture and how we can adjust and release tension with simple movements and awareness. Both Modalities offer such a great opportunity to bring more awareness to the quality of my movements.
It’s beautiful to observe how your honesty and will to come back to your essence, have transformed what was harming to you. It’s never too late to rectificate what we know is not loving for us.
Your experience Cathy clearly reveals the huge impact that every choice we do has in our lives. No matter how small or unseen that it is, it always have an effect in our body and life.
It so amazing how a simple change can have such an impact on our bodies and how if we’re really invested in the outcome we can ignore the impact, often trying to fix that impact rather than tracking it back to where it came from originally. And as I write this, I’m considering what things might I have changed because I thought they looked better or were judged better, and how has this affected my body? A great blog with much food for thought.
Handwriting in the context of conforming to what we think is expected of us is a worthy topic to explore and your story sheds much light on it. It demonstrated that a seemingly small change can have a huge impact, physically and psychologically.
I wonder how many of us have negated what the body was communicating to us so we could fit into a different picture we held about ourselves, I know when I did ballet as a child I would squeeze my foot into a Pointed shoes and endure quite a bit of pain because I wanted to be a ballerina and do Pointe work. Luckily my pain threshold was quite low so I gave up on that one pretty fast but I can relate to how when we don’t live in the appreciation and acceptance of ourselves we often search for something outside of us to complete us in someway or change the way we are doing something even if it means overriding what the body is feeling. What a beautiful awareness to come to Cathy and the steps you took to heal this so you can express more of you and your amazingness.
This is fascinating, I wonder if our handwriting grows and evolves with us?
If one deeply ponders on what is shared here, we will have to apply what Cathy is sharing about her choice to change her hand writing, to our selves as it is but one way that we “deform” our bodies to fit an idea we may have. Personally, hand writing is one of my adjustments, along with how I stand, walk, sit, talk, converse and many more, my personal list is quite extensive, so how much pressure has this placed on my body?
This is a great example of by trying to fit in with others, accomplish a certain look or pleasing others we actually forsake our own natural and unique expression. When we begin to bring more value to who we are and what our true qualities are, we will see no need in changing how we express for anyone or any outside influence.
I remember just copying the way my father wrote and growing up I wanted to write like him. I’ve never really looked at my handwriting deeply. I know that in one job I wrote a lot and it got to the point where I found it very difficult to even read what I had written. Often I would be thinking faster then I was writing and when I read back over it parts were missing or mixed up. It was like my thoughts were trying to push me to write faster and in that rush you would jump ahead. I type more than I write now, but I have just started physically writing again and my style is all over the place and often hard to read. It’s possibly time to slow down my hand as the article is saying and look back at how I wrote and where my style came from. From what I can see now my style was made from what I saw and wanted rather then from a true choice from me.
Amazing sharing Cathy that for me highlights how our bodies are always reflecting the truth of our choices to the point that when we forgo walking in appreciation of who we are, in connection to our essence and expressing freely what we feel, we are living a deformed version of who we are, literally. Our greatest freedom is found in living in connection to our essence within; being our true selves.
Many of us think what others have is better than what we have got, and try and be someone/something else, anything but ourselves. It’s such a tragedy when I come to think of this possibility that others actually might be thinking what I have got is good enough for them, and this insatiable desire of ours not to claim who we are. We are just as amazing as each other.
In the appreciation and acceptance of who we are we allow our expression to flow according to what is needed and not the pictures of how we would like it to be like.
It is extraordinary to learn that it is possible to detrimentally effect the body and its wellbeing through overriding our natural flow like you did here. I wonder how many of us are suffering unnecessarily from a choice to go against our essence… and that could be reversed through embracing our true expression?
‘Going with the flow’, quite a symbolic comment when you make reference to it regarding our writing and expression….
It is amazing how often we can incorrectly change something that comes natural to us according to the opinions of an expert instead of honouring the wise and solid expert within ourselves.
It is so interesting reading this as I have 2 ways to write and they are markedly different. One is my natural way but I have no idea when I learnt it! The other takes me straight back to my childhood. I feel steady and my writing is clear and legible…quite a difference from my handwriting normally. It is nowhere near illegible but it is more rushed and at times lazy – hence illegible to others. I wonder if there is anything in those words that could give me an indication of how I express in other ways too? I don’t feel the answer for me is to go to my childhood writing but I am sensing there is something in its steadiness that I would do well to re-connect with!
Beautiful. The natural flow of your expression was waiting patiently for you to reconnect to it.
Like many I also experimented with ‘styles’ as a teen however always coming back to what is inherently my own, particularly when it comes to writing notes quickly. That always reveals to me where I am at with myself. Connected and flowing or not. I gave a teenager a card for his birthday recently and he asked me to read it to him. He couldn’t read the writing as he was not used to connected up words! I am getting old.
When we write in our natural flow it has an ease and a fluidity that is expressed from within, it is when we go against our natural flow that we start to compromise our movement and it is no longer true, and as a result our body has to compensate and that is why our hand or shoulder hurts, because the body is trying to tell us we need to revert back to our natural flow.
My handwriting seems to change every time I put pen to paper, I have always found this interesting. I have not so much thought about it since computers have been so dominating, as I rarely put pen to paper now. I still can’t escape that everything in life is there to show us something or reveal something to us. My changing writing exposes that fact that I do not want to know my own power yet, I would prefer to jump around taking on other people’s energy than feel the full consistency and strength of who I am. I have never really said that out loud or really even thought it, it just seemed to flow out after reading your beautiful little article, so thank you.
One small adjustment of our movement putting the whole body in alignment to receive and experience the world with ease and harmony – simply exquisite, and totally insipring.
There is something truly glorious about being connected to oneself and to heaven, pen in hand, and my whole body acting as a scribe for love.
Melinda I totally get you here. I feel exactly the same. It’s a religious experience.
How often have we and do we make changes in our daily lives to accommodate a belief that instead of going with the flow actively goes against it?
Your blog and all these comment has made me remember a friend’s story about handwriting. He was naturally left handed as a child, but when growing up it was considered wrong, so at school, any time he wrote with his left hand he would get a smack with a ruler. Eventually he trained himself to write with his right hand. I remember being shocked and saddened when I first heard this. We go against what feels natural to us to fit into societies idea of what normal is.
I remember too that moment in my life when I started writing that I was considering how my handwriting should look. I remember wanting it to be unique, beautiful and spunky at the same time. Looking back it is interesting how we from such a young age can make it all about our appearance to even the point of handwriting. This indicates where the world is at with assessing people by their outer and what they put out instead of seeing the essence of that person first – that would change everything from job applications to writing notes.
I know exactly where I’m at by my handwriting – whether it’s scrawly, messy, or rushed – clear indications that I am not present and not expressing truly – or whether it’s more focused and every letter has a purpose and clarity – that’s a great indicator I’m present and everything is going good 🙂
Our handwriting is indeed very revealing as to how we live. I am now wondering what my true handwriting style for me is. As I also adapted many different styles from mimicking perfectly how I saw my peers writing. Eventually I stayed with one style of one particular friend as I liked all of her style and taste and how she lived even down to how her family home felt to me. I have mostly stayed with that style although depending on how I feel (or perhaps how I have been living) my writing can also vary greatly. I will be more closely observing this.
I remember watching a student write on a document they were handing in when I was once training. They wrote so fast that I had to stop them and bring their attention to how fast they were writing. This opened a whole discussion about rushing. In his handwriting I got to feel how he was living and the state of his nervous system because of it.
It was mentioned to me a number of years ago that when I was a child it looked like I would be left handed. In those days this was seen as a bit of an obstacle for people, so it was decided that I would be right handed. Every time I picked up a pencil in my left it was moved to my right. I went through school and learnt to write with my right hand but my left hand was never forgotten. I can in fact write well with both. I also used to play tennis with both hands (therefore never having a backhand!). It is interesting that I use my left hand for so many more things than my right. I have often wondered how life would be different for me if I had of been allowed to go with what felt true for me, but now at 40 I accept that I am right handed with a very active left hand! Funny though, my youngest daughter looks like she may be left handed and I had the thought of supporting her to be right handed, but after reading your blog and feeling how my body felt with that decision we will just see what she chooses. After all it is her body, not mine.
As a child I was encouraged to write tidy and in primary school I would receive awards for my neat handwriting but as I reflect this has changed. I feel there is some need for recognition for how it looks but I am not so hung up about it like I used to be. I love the awareness Cathy has with her body and I am inspired to feel more into my body when I write. Thank you Cathy for sharing such a beautiful expressed article.
You mention how you made a very conscious choice to change something about yourself to be seen in a different manner. I too made clear simple decisions to change my way of being to fit into an idea of what I wanted life to look like or be. What really fascinates me is we convince ourselves as adults we are unaware of many of the life changing decisions we make, or how our lives have turned out the way they have, yet we can still clearly remember the ones we made in our youth…. Who are we really fooling?
I recently had an experience where I had to sign some papers in front of someone and they had their hand on the paper as I am writing ready to pull it away and give me the next paper to sign. I felt myself contract and this affected my signature. Then when I felt this I chose to let go in my body, stretched up and signed the next paper much more connected to me. With this, the person removed their hand and waited for me to sign, confirming that our movements and how we hold ourselves, affects everything.
This was so good!
No body = No expression
Handwriting is a super example of how different aspects of our body in this case the hand are expressions of our inner self, whether we block it and try to manipulate to be something else or whether we appreciate our unique expression…nothing we do from the body is not connected to the body, we can work in the flow and support of our body or work against it and basically hurt…Awesome sharing Cathy!
Wow Cathy what a great blog – handwriting…you really brought home how writing is an expression of ourselves, and how we treat our handwriting is very connected to how we feel about ourselves…I’ve always loved my handwriting, it was easy to write like i did, and but i never appreciated it….but i also, like you did at times think it was old fashioned and not in vogue….
Cathy I adore the way you have such a connection with your body to the degree that you have become acutely aware of how adjusting your handwriting has impacted your body. How many health problems occur as a result of the unnatural ways that we move?
The way we move our hand and write is an extension of our bodies. When we move in our natural flow so too does the whole body. Same as the way we speak walk and talk. Everything is connected. Thank you Cathy for this powerful blog.
Go with our bodies natural rhythm and flow and appreciating that is an inspiring message Cathy, thank you.
“I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression”.
Yes Shirl this is very powerful as our bodies play a very big part in our expression! Without the body there is no expression!
So enjoyed reading your sharing again today Cathy I ‘noted’ 🙂 when you were taking notes in fast-transcribe your body gave you some pain, persistent not too painful at first. Your response being a ‘quick stretch’ and carry on. How many of us are given a little warning at first that something is not quite right. To then think a ‘quick fix’ solution will suffice. I have on many occasions overruled the wisdom of my body therefore, pain being a more permanent visitor to constantly remind me of my past choices.
Taking back the gift of true responsibility and introducing self- loving choices is a wonderful pill to swallow as the pain eases and old patterns are revisited and rewritten. (re-imprinted)
Changing the way we write to fit in sounds ridiculous when we say it but the unfortunate and sad truth is that nearly everybody does this and it is only one tiny example of the many things we change to fit into either how we think we should be or how someone asks us to be. It begins as early as preschool when we learn to write and we copy from the teacher on the board. There is never an encouragement of our own true expression and instead always praise and recognition for getting it right or getting it in the lines. The consideration of what this does to our body is brilliant in this article and takes it to a whole new level of considering how even the most tiny change can and will change our body for many years to come. It’s well worth sitting down and considering all of the fine details in life that we have changed about ourselves to fit in.
There are so many mannerisms we have picked up or taken on as ‘better’ or keeping up with others. I remember changing my handwriting style to be in the in crowd. It looked nothing like my usual handwriting. I eventually let it go but never truly came back to a flowing style of my own. I’m writing this comment out before posting to feel what it is like and there is tension in my forearm, and tiredness in my hand. Thank you Cathy for sharing such a valuable understanding of the side effects of manipulating ourselves in even the slightest way.
Yes Elizabeth I was just going over some notes in my notebook and stopped to appreciate just how lovely and delicate my handwriting is. Where I once saw it as very childlike, it now feels very delicate and yet very powerful in its expression. Our handwriting would alter as we ourselves grow and evolve over time. Awesome.
This shows so clearly how much effort we learn to put into the outer appearance while the inner well being is completely neglected.
I love this! Such a beautiful way to express how being someone you’re not is unnatural and reflects in your body; it is the tell tale sign. Also, I interpreted the physical pain to reflect the inner pain one feels when they are not confident with who they are and try to hide behind a facade. But you cannot keep up that facade for long because your true essence always will take over and shine brighter and stronger, melting away the mask.
So today I was more aware of how I can write yet be completely checked out! Meaning write but while I am writing be thinking about something else, instead of being completely with what I am writing; and I could feel how unloving it was to do this.
Yes, it brought this home to me too Elizabeth, ‘how our writing is an indelible part of our expression, which can reflect to us how we are living’.
I love your expression Cathy this blog says so much that everyone can relate to from the details you notice and bring to everyday life. What an amazing learning about ourselves our self confidence and our expression from our natural beauty that we all hold and just need to bring the appreciation to everything we are and do. Handwriting says so much when we look at the details with honesty lovingly.
So much can be read from our handwriting. I know that mine changes depending on how I’m feeling or how much time I think I have. It is a natural expression of how and who we are. We cannot hide, even if we try.
Beautiful blog and something I could relate to. We are amazing and the intricate workings of our bodies is to be celebrated. It is so easy to not value ourselves and go into comparison. Looking deeper the clear and loving essence we all are can be felt and claimed.
The pen is mightier than the sword, has lost its way. I have always marveled at the beauty of handwriting that is a living and flowing artwork. My art in painting lies only in painting walls. The artworks can look lovely but without an expression through them they are nought. I find that the purpose and energy behind the words however presented, written or typed is the true work of art.
Great point Karin in why rush with our handwriting at any given time? Even with notes. From what I have learnt from Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practioners is being fully consciously present in everything we do (including handwriting) is truly supportive for us and others around us. Plus when we look back at our notes instead of the rushed energy reflecting back to us we would have the consciously present energy reflect back 💕
The greatest amount of handwriting I do today is for prescriptions for my patients, and what a giveaway it is – scrawly and illegible when I am fretful, and running behind. When I stop, re-collect myself, my writing settles, expands. I could say it slows down, but it is not so much a matter of slow, it is more that it is done in my time, not “frantic-time”. It feels beautiful, but work in progress because I do not allow it enough.
When I have had a Dr’s prescription not once have I been able to read it – so what chance does the Pharmacist have in giving out the correct pills. They must have a clairsentient approach to just knowing what that patient requires:) Possibly this is why now everything is computerised.
You are correct Marion. Doctors are notorious for their bad handwriting. Why this should be is a mystery. What does it say about medical training that it impacts so badly on the writing, and hence the expression of the person?
As for pharmacists – they are a blessing with their capacity to know what is needed for the person with the prescription.
I am a natural left hander and I remember being forced to write with my right hand to try to improve my writing…what this blog is showing me if that maybe my writing was less about hand dominance and more about a willingness to express more naturally.
this is great Cathy it makes me reflect on my own handwriting, and see that I have always struggled with it, and I can feel how it all comes from the idea of how something should be seen by others. I can feel I have given up a bit on my handwriting and started to do as much as possible typing my way forward. I can feel this inspired me to go and feel what my true handwriting is and be full in my own expression.
Reading your comment today Shirley-Ann and having felt into my body more of late while writing (thank you Cathy) and the ease of which I write with a pen/pencil/crayon far outweighs the tension that my body is held in as I use my laptop. So revealing as it seems I am more self critical of my inability at times (work in progress) to flow naturally with this, no surprise that ‘tension’ is revealed! Thank you body.
After rereading the blog this morning what came to me was that it is possibly not only my hand writing I have adopted to fit in to an image I hold of how it should look like for the world, but that I have for sure also adopted many other movements of my body in order to fulfil images I am holding. Adapting my movement to these images is one thing but I can now also feel the overall consequences this has on the natural expression of my body that is being capped and distorted by this manipulation of the original movements that not only give full expression to who I am, but also define who I am and how I communicate at any moment in my life.
True Nico, it is in all kinds of movements of our body, and it has a great impact on how we express and hold our body. It affects everything.
Yes, I noticed how my handwriting changed every time I went through a major change in my life.
That’s so true Elizabeth. I do not like it when I do lazy ‘g’s so when I find myself doing them I know I’m letting what supports me slip.
Thank you Cathy for your blog, I remember feeling so much intensity of emotions and strong feelings in my body as a teenager, not knowing what to do with it trying desperately to fit in, be loved accepted and not appreciating myself, pushing the physical limits of my body to try to get a sense of who I was.
Growing up we are not appreciated for who we are and the essence of our beings and the unique and beautiful expression we bring, we learn quickly that we get recognition and approval for what we do, how we look Etc. We go on to carve out a life based on this hurt, as not being met as children, which by its very foundation cannot fulfill us, as we are looking outside ourselves for something we have inside our hearts.
That is indeed where the falseness of life creeps in Thomas, as of the moment we are not appreciated for who we naturally are and bring in life, we start to adopt our behaviours and way of living to match that what is generally accepted and asked of us. And along the way of life we forget where we originally have come from and are in the belief that we are that what we live but in fact is a false life compared to where we originally come from.
Thomas, I feel this is a key point – from being born with our own unique expression we quickly learn that if we copy others or live up to expectations from the outside, we get recognition and we make that the goal in life. A constant need to be confirmed that we are ‘good enough’ or even ‘better than’.
This is unfortunately how it is at present, and it sets us up to look outside ourself for recognition and approval, and all with a foundation of hurt, and we wonder why our world is a mess.
Absolutely Brendan, claiming and appreciating my own unique way of being and doing things, has been and still is a very healing and confirming, it feels like I’m re-turning to the true essence of the little boy I once was.
I also remember trying different styles of handwriting at school, and every time I ended up reverting back to my everyday natural handwriting style, for me it was too difficult to maintain any of the alternative styles. It was great to read how you have come full circle back to your original natural way of writing.
You really got me pondering about my relationship with my handwriting through the years, Cathy. It’s been quite a rocky relationship, from not liking my handwriting, to loving it. I often felt my friends had better looking handwriting, so I would copy a few letters here and there. I look back and remember how my handwriting would look very different even within one day. At some point I started to practice to write from the right to the left (mirror reflection). I will definitely be more aware of my handwriting from now on, feeling into my body first and how I reflect myself through my writing.
It is a common theme in many of our lives to manipulate ourselves in to something different, perhaps for social acceptance, maybe from a deep self-rejection. Whatever the reason, I know I have experienced this in different ways and I can see it my family and friends. So, there is no greater moment when someone I love drops all the pretence and just is who they are standing in front of me. It is a moment of pure unification.
So fascinating reading your blog Cathy, what you were able to adapt to and also put yourself through, but then to read how you have come back to honouring yourself and through handwriting able to claim more deeply that amazingness of you.
Some truly beautiful words here Cathy, I really enjoyed reading it, mainly because my handwriting frequently changes itself and I could really relate to what you were saying! I have just started my blog and I hope I can write something as inspirational as you! Thanks for posting this
Tess x
As human beings we are amazingly adaptable and we can train ourselves to do almost anything. The question we rarely stop and ask, however, is why we are so infatuated with trying to be something, especially if that something is not something that comes to us naturally.
Wow, I agree Adam, and while changing or adapting our handwriting may seem innocent, it is not because it changes our whole physiology.
This is a great article Cathy. It’s really great that after all of these years you can now have the awareness about the pain which originated from the altered handwriting – any little movement away from honouring our true nature must hurt the body in some way. Lots to ponder, thank you.
I like your comment Shelley. When we step away from our natural rhythm it is like a vibration that ripples through the body, a shock wave actually.
Reading this Cathy, supported me to become more aware how my handwriting frequently changes. It is similar to my fashion and dress – both absolutely highlight the uncertainty of not knowing who I am and calibrating to those around, the situation, or emulating someone else. This is not as strong as in the past but still evident occasionally in my life. Great awareness to have. Thank you.
Not being good enough, a lack of self-worth and a non-acceptance of my own amazingness used to be the norm in my expression too Cathy, this has all changed with a deepening acceptance of who I am. Doing life from a place of fullness, as that is who we are in truth, changes everything, as anything that feels out of place in our daily choices to this fullness, we would have to say no to. Abuse in any degree gets more and more exposed, whether it has been practiced and accepted for decades or momentarily, it simply does not sit well.
I had to sign some legal documents this week and I remembered this blog I signed with my important signature and then a few hours later had to sign a permission slip I signed in my you can’t really pick out any letters signature – it was a great reflection for me highlighting a bit of inconsistency in my life.
Living with the feelings of not being enough is like dragging a ball and chain everywhere you go. This makes you constantly look for ways to not feel the load of this which compromises us even further. And if we do, we never get the chance to deal with the load, but only hide it in some way. A very well written blog Cathy.
Absolutely Matthew – there are countless ways to distract ourselves from feeling the load, and we see them as a normal things, such as TV, games, alcohol, food, excessive exercise or some even distract themselves in work, hobbies or social life – just to name a few.
Yes Matthew, this way of living and trying to better ourselves by comparing and picking up techniques to look a part is an exhausting way to live. Realising that we all have special ways of expressing and qualities to offer was a huge weight lifted off.
Brilliant Cathy. I can so relate to this – I used to try and change my handwriting all the time, feeling it was never good enough or pretty enough and having envy of those girls who had neat handwriting. It absolutely is a reflection of the overall feeling of not believing we are good enough in ourselves. By exposing your handwriting Cathy you have supported yourself to accept and love yourself deeper throughout all areas of your life. Wonderful.
There are so many things like this where we do not choose to have as much focus on when we are doing them and they are all just as important, but funny how we can convince ourselves otherwise, or override how we are feeling when we do them to the detriment of our bodies. Great to have your experience here Cathy and to feel the change you have chosen for yourself.
It wasn’t until I really started to pay attention to walking that I could feel just how much of the outside world, I was walking with and that my walk was actually a mixture of everything I had taken on. When I ‘found’ me in my walking, it was such a beautiful experience yet also a real marker that I can choose to walk with me or be walked by something else. This was huge, massive in fact… So began my own journey and discovery with true walking.
It is amazing how we are willing to contort our body to try and fit in, going against the flow of what is naturally there – easy simple and uncomplicated.
This is a fabulous example of how if we align in harmony with our body then we are in harmony with ourselves and then with the world around us. What a different world we would live in if we were all taught as children to do that rather than to override our body to achieve particular roles and goals.
It never fails to amaze me that the human resolve can be so strong it can override what flows so naturally.
In so many areas of our lives too kevmchardy. This is a reflection of so many teenagers at school who struggle in an intense environment to express who they are and override what flows naturally in this pursuit. I work in education and daily say to students that it is who they are which is their natural expression, what they feel about something is always correct – whether they hear me or not doesn’t matter. To present that they are living daily with confusion trying to fit in and work out who they are is gold, and that who they are is inside and is it – I would have loved to hear it as a teenager – whether I would have made similar choices or not, I’m not sure, but would have been great to hear nonetheless.
Cathy your awesome blog made me ponder. Where did I decide to do something against my natural expression? As “any decisions I make to override my natural flow and my natural essence might just have a long-term impact on my body and its wellbeing.” That is really an extension and new way to look at my body and also at the bodies of others – Thank you for that gift.
‘ University note taker, neat Mum school letter, messy waitress, you name it I could be it.’ I love what you say here Sarah, a script for every role, this is what we do until we learn that who we are is inside of us and something which no role can define.
Your experience here is a great opportunity for any of us readers to stop and reflect on the past choices we have made to consciously change something about ourselves to gain recognition or acceptance from the world – thank you for this opportunity.
When you write that changing your handwriting “altered my body’s natural flow and created related pressure” – a great example of how determined we can be to change ourselves into something, anything that we think is expected of us from the world around in order ‘to make it’ in some way; and it plays out in all arenas, from the way we write to the way we talk, dress and act. Are we truly ever who we truly are?
‘Are we truly ever who we truly are?’ A great question Gabriele and one upon which to deeply ponder.
Cathy what an interesting blog. I too practiced my hand writing as a teenager. I naturally write straight and broad. I need a fair amount of paper to scribble anything hence the need to curb this natural tendency. I find writing in tiny boxes on administrative forms difficult, let alone signing in a confined space for a passport. People like my natural hand writing when they see it yet most of the time I write slanted because it is far more compact and until now I thought it was more ‘business like’. Reading your blog I realise that our handwriting is a natural expression that need not conform to any ‘standard’. As most writing is now done on computer I will happily revert to my expansive handwriting when the occasion presents itself.
What an amazing sharing Cathy! I will write from now on with a very different perception and really feeling into my body and what is happening when I write. I sometimes could feel hardness in my arm or a tense shoulder when writing, but I never thought about that this may come from the impositions I have put onto myself. Great reflection, thank you!
Agree Rachel this is a very empowering blog as it begins to explore how I write and perhaps also how I type and feel whether the quality I bring to written expression is subtly laced with the impositions you and of course Cathy mention. One thing I noticed just now was a little ‘get it done’ energy in my fingers and wrists, in other words, I wanted to get this expression out there eagerly yet it did not feel as full and complete in itself until I felt a different quality of touch on the keyboard.
Ever since reading this blog I have wondered how people who analyse handwriting will adapt to this new era of the keyboard. Just as people who wanted to be anonymous knew that they would have to disguise their handwriting using newspaper letters, the advent of the keyboard meant it was much easier to consider themselves anonymous simply because the ‘handwriting’ all looks the same. Police forensics into cyberabuse are having to address this very swiftly in order to apply the same skills as handwriting analysis. Psychologically, physically and emotionally though, can we see so clearly where we are not being ourselves and where we have adapted ourselves to fit it?
Our bodies are our greatest marker of truth and if allowed can tell us everything we need to know about how we are choosing to use it and if it is beneficial or delaying.
So true Julie. I find it revealing how subtle yet super pain-full the change in our handwriting style can be for us and what clear messages the body is clearly portraying. Yet through simple choice we can override all of this by placing more importance on the outside than on how we feel within ourselves and our bodies about it
Placing more importance on the outside than on how we feel within ourselves and our bodies about it, so true Joshua. Lately when I do this I then have to feel how my body is struggling and feeling quite tense inside, and I can feel that i’m travelling along a line and only wanting to get to point b. But when I stop and connect, and make it about the quality of what how I am doing it, there is a spherical continuous flow to it that my body absolutely loves.
Reading your blog again Cathy made me think how little I write now and how much I use a computer instead which is probably similar for most people. However I can feel how the quality we type in matters too even though what then appears on the screen will have the same typeface. I have been paying attention to how lovely it is to type gently, feeling the tenderness in my fingertips as I go – no super rushing, just a gentle flowing rhythm that supports my whole body.
I agree Jane – it makes a big difference whether we hammer away on the keyboard or pay attention and gently touch the keys – and the difference will be felt way beyond our own bodies.
I notice how my own handwriting can change quite a lot depending how I have been in the day. Most of the time it’s quite neat and legible but it can go loopy and scrawly at the end of the day. If I’m in a hurry or anxious, I definitely can feel the tenseness in my hand when I write which makes it completely inconsistent. It’s a great way to reflect how we have been in our day when we look at the changes of handwriting from morning to the evening. Great blog Cathy. Ah, but for those who use the computer all the time now, they don’t get to view this difference anymore.
Great point, Gill. If handwriting is an extension of us, just expressed through our hand as opposed to our eyes, our walk, then it makes sense that it reflects our state of vitality – at all times during the day providing feedback on how we’re doing. The body never lies…
I have changed and still change hand writing regularly, for a few years in primary school I seem to be consistent but then it was like I was so affected by my surroundings.
I had different types for every occasion. Over the years I analysed what that meant and put it down to a few things and in a way I championed my ability to fit in to what was needed. University note taker, neat Mum school letter, messy waitress, you name it I could be it. In high school I had learnt how to copy any writing I needed, so all my sick notes from my “Mum” were written by me. I could forge anyone’s signature and thought of myself as a chameleon.
There was this niggling feeling that I also felt that I wanted to know who I was and that started to plague me. When I focused and gave my attention to my writing it could be very neat and easy to read but when I had to pick up the pace, it became messy and not the way I perceived myself to be. These day I write very rarely but my arm and hand get very sore when I do, even if it is for a moment, I look forward to trying what you have presented Cathy and feeling my body what the natural way for me to write is, with no judgment, thank you for this blog, very insightful.
I can relate to what you are writing, sarahraynebaldwin, I also seemed to change my handwriting regularly, never really settling with one style that I felt was my own. I would copy a few letters here and there, that I thought looked cool. With this insightful blog I will be more aware each time I write and let my body decide, not my mind.
Yes, the funny thing is that these days there are very few moments when the opportunity comes to use a pen or paper, its all computers! I will also relish my next handwriting experience with the wisdom brought through this article.
Appreciating me for who I am creates more space in my body for the love that I am.
While reading your blog Cathy I am thinking back of all those moments that I adjusted my handwriting to what was the trend. I thought I had several styles, but now I am really wondering about that. It is really interesting, and it is something I will look deeper in after reading this blog.
There are many so-called experts in the world that tell us what to eat, drink how to move or what is or isn’t good for us, but the best ever expert will always be ourselves.
Very true Matthew and with all the experts we have the belief that we don’t know. But looking really at expertise we find that nobody has true answers and that we are mainly sold mediocre solutions. True answers are in our body.
Absolutely Matthew, we have all the information we need to be the key expert on our own bodies and wellbeing, if only we care to listen to our body. However this requires the willingness to be honest and take responsibility for our choices.
And to know that we are the best ever expert is also so relaxing as I do not need to spend so much time outside of me in finding what is good for me.
You touched on something really beautiful here Cathy, and that is that our body is always there waiting in its natural grace should we choose to realign with it. The amount we compromise and contort our bodies for acceptance and recognition really does need to be seen and understood for the damage it does – from changing handwriting to getting tackled on a rugby field, all are damaging for the body and different forms of abuse we adopt as normal due to the ideals we subscribe to.
This is true Amelia – contorting and abusing our bodies is not only normal in our society, we are being encouraged to go beyond our limits over and over again until it becomes so normal that no one even gives it a second thought.
Agreed Amelia and Eva, we have definitely pushed the limits of our bodies and the statistics of illness and disease are showing us the devastating results.
This is awesome Cathy. As I was reading it I thought of my own hand-writing and how so many times I would wish it was different! Neater, not like this, more like that. And then I read the part where you say that our handwriting is a unique expression of our essence — and I stopped and clocked this with myself. How often have I judged me and criticised me, instead of appreciating all the quirkiness that i naturally am that flows onto my unique handwriting. It’s not like this, it’s not like that, it’s simply like me– and extension of me on paper. Thank you for the revelation 🙂
“Handwriting is one of the ways we naturally express our unique essence” – how true Cathy. I have just come to realise this, and how important it is then, to let the writing just flow from within ourselves, not try to force it into something that we ‘think’ it should look like. I have always been dissatisfied with my writing, thinking there was no character to it. I have always been one to try to get down almost every word when taking notes etc., but just recently, I remember taking notes with so much more ease, and I was really surprised when I read back on the notes, not taken word for word, but as I understood it to be meaning, and the writing just amazed me, it looked so different to the way I have usually been writing under pressure. So now, I will be watching that I am really connected, not into trying, and let the notes evolve as they should, and the writing to be an expression of me.
Great comment Beverley, I am also beginning to see the beauty in accepting my faults and newness in my writing style as a part of who I am.
Thank you Beverley for bringing my awareness to this, when I take notes at a presentation, I try to write every word spoken, which I cannot achieve, not only this it makes my body tense. Yet when I allow my natural writing with bits and pieces of sentences and notes here and there, when I look back on them they make sense.
It’s happened yet again. I was flicking around looking for something to read when the title of your blog called me to consider how I am rushing and pushing myself when I write and if then, then in what other activities do I do the same.
It got me pondering the power of inspiration, for you truly have it Kathy with this issue. How can a few words deliver such deep self-consideration? And it seems that only if someone has lived what they are sharing can this inspirational light guide us.
And then I thought that this is how Serge Benhayon inspires so many, it is with his lived experience, not with dogma and hypothesis.
And then I felt the responsibility of how we all live in every moment, for there is always someone watching and that someone will either be inspired to be more loving by our livingness or we will confirm to them that less loving ways are acceptable.
And I felt how HUGE this responsibility is and how DIVINE it is too.
We end up with all kinds of aches and pains when we force our body into some kind of maneuvering that is not natural to us. When I used to practice massage I had many people complaining about their back pain and telling me to ‘just focus there’ – but where does our back begin and end? How did we have our hips and legs to support our back to be like that? How are we using our peripherals? Our body parts do not work in isolation.
A super important point Fumiyo – we need to be open to the fact that our body is whole and that no body parts work in isolation.
Agreed Eva and Fumiyo, when we act in separation from the whole, the only possible outcome is dis-harmony due to the whole living in parts. As testified by the state of the world today, the whole world living in separation from the fact that we are all one and hence the level of dis-harmony that is seen all over the world.
Love how you brought in yet an other aspect of responsibility Laura B – the way we treat our bodies is far wider reaching than just our own bodies.
Absolutely Fumiyo & Eva – it’s funny how sometimes we think of our body in isolated compartments when it is actually all connected.
Fumiyo as I am working as a bodyworker my focus is to help the patient to re-build a deeper conection to their bodies as that is one way that they get more awareness of themselves about how they are truly walking and moving.
In this blog, Cathy Hackett opens the doors on a very important discussion about the relationships that we can have with our hands. It might seem a bit odd to consider that one can have a relationship with a part of their body, but I work with other people’s hands all the time, and I assure you that relationships are there whether we like to admit it or not. And from what I have observed, how one feels about their hands and how they use them, has a very close link to their expression of love.
I agree Shami, our hands are very important and need to be treated with care and respect. They say a lot about us.
I am starting to choose to be much more present with myself when I write since your great blog Cathy and I can feel how there is a lack of worthiness issue there where I won’t allow myself the space to be with each letter when I write and also how my mind has placed it in the not as important category that doesn’t need as much focus. But if everything is energy, then writing is just as important as anything else that I do, it is an expression that can be full of love or not.
Great blog Cathy about honouring our bodies natural flow.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve started to dislike how my adult handwriting is a lot messier from the days when I used to get marked based on my handwriting in school. But this is making me rethink it, and observe my “messy” handwriting to understand why it is what it is. Great post!
It is amazing how a true reflection from others brings the inspiration to look more closely at our own choices.
Yes agreed Eva, anothers healing is our blessing, by way of inspiration we are supported to feel that we can do it too. Hence no amount of telling makes a difference, it is all in the livingness and the choices that we make that will either harm or heal.
Yes I saw all my kids have to write a certain way to get their pen licence. Some of the teachers that taught them were really open to each child expressing themselves through their handwriting and other teachers needed them to follow the lines and fit into this box. There were children who would not conform, who wanted to express themselves through their hands and these children today, as young adults are still working on that expression. We create a doubt that it is not ok to be ourselves when we are all asked to be clones…even in handwriting… Anyone else had this experience when they were young?
With the electronic digital where paper is mainly used to print things, our expression in handwriting is confined to signing our name. When I left education in the spring of my life you could read my first, middle initial and last name. Today my signature is a piece of art. Over the years as time marches on short notes; someone called, shopping lists and doodles while being on hold has become our only writing we do…which we can do on phones. Are we slowly returning to the time before the invention of the printing press where books were all hand written with beautiful calligraphy and only done by scribes?
Great observation Steve – perhaps we are returning to the dark ages! Then again everything is a cycle. You raise an interesting point and I have observed it quiet a bit in the workplace – how people barely write anymore and when they do it is a bit all over the place. We’ve sort of forgotten the magic and the lesson in writing, and the opportunity it gives us to be consistent and connect with ourselves.
Handwriting is an important part of who we are, our handwriting is a part of our
personality and a reflection of ourselves. Handwriting analysis might provide insight into
a person just as a messy room may provide information about a person.
My natural handwriting is sloppy and far too large to present the person I choose to be. The older I become the more sophisticated I work to make my handwriting reflect who I am becoming. To fit in with my profession I feel my handwriting must be clear, concise, orderly, neat. And what about my signature? A strong direct who doesn’t want a professional looking signature to sign an important document? Lets hope that while we all use computers the art of handwriting does not become extinct.
This line really stands out to me ‘ I didn’t accept the natural, graceful flow that was my own exquisite representation of my true self.’ This is so true for me in the past I really didn’t accept much at all about myself let alone “my natural graceful flow that was my own exquisite representation of my true self”. Hearing those words alone 40 years ago I would have totally shut down and gone into my self-loathing behavours because even back then I knew truth deep with me and wasn’t living it. These days having let go of so many of my hurts they are music to my ears.
Self-doubt leads to us compromising our true expression in an attempt to hide who we truly are. Often the seemingly small choices we make have a huge impact on our lives and a ripple effect on our whole being. Choosing to connect with who we truly are and appreciating our own natural flow supports our expression and connection with humanity.
Gill, this has got me thinking that we all start our writing days copying something externally suggested as ‘right’, be it in print or teacher’s handwriting. So from the get-go we are looking outside of ourselves for our lead. I guess that’s the only way to learn a key communication process that isn’t innate but that we need in order to operate in the society we’re born into. But it’s when we deny our own interpretation and reflection of the individual letters and their clusters – either due to teacher instruction or through low self-worth – that our true expression is suppressed.
A good point you bring in, Cathy, I certainly learned to write through copying what the teacher wrote on the blackboard. We were expected to copy it exactly, something I never found easy. I was never regarded as a ‘good’ writer, probably did some damage when the teacher lauded several others for their ‘perfect’ writing, I seemed to suffer low self esteem from an early age. My writing went from ordinary to quite a mess in my university days as a mature age student, I despaired of it, but accepted it. But lately, when I am writing something, deeply connected, no trying, just concentrating on what I want to express, I am quite surprised, the writing has changed it has its own style (mine obviously) and it is not bad even if I say so myself. So, the key is to be really connected, and just let the writing flow.
Do you remember slope cards when your were learning to write Cathy? Perhaps you did not have them. They prescribe the angle of your writing to something that is deemed to be acceptable and correct. From the outset our writing is subject to these influences, and marked and judged accordingly. Good writing fulfils the adherence to other people’s rules.
What is beautiful in your sharing Cathy is that it is never too late to change, to make a different choice, and to honour our bodies – they respond immediately to our every choice.
It is quite extraordinary the lengths we will go to, to reconfigure ourselves to ‘fit in’ with whatever picture we believe is to be us.
How amazingly gorgeous and powerful would we be if we put that same amount of energy into being who we naturally, lovingly are, and lived from the authority of knowing this!
It would be amazingly gorgeous and powerful indeed and our writing would reflect that. I wonder if now that we are more likely to be on the keyboard the same would reflect in our styles of writing?
It would be extraordinary Paula – we do put a lot of effort into fitting in,and in here lies the fact that to fit in we don’t necessarily honour who we naturally are or how we naturally feel. This has allowed things like peer pressure, role playing, different types of religion and conformity to exist – all with an aim to mould us when we are just running away from ourselves. But is it possible the tension we feel is simply just us not being ourselves? Perhaps sitting with this and feeling into this will spark the very subtle change to make the choice from us first.
Cathy, I love coming back to this article, this stood out for me this time, ‘Handwriting is one of the ways we naturally express our unique essence’, i work part time in a school and have noticed how very different the children’s handwriting is, after reading your article I now have a real appreciation of their different ways of writing, there are small neat styles and big, swirly writing – all gorgeous and all unique.
That is beautiful rebeccawingrave – how precious for the children to be adored and appreciated for their own uniqueness as opposed to striving to become ‘the same’.
I agree Rebecca, and at school it was really interesting to note that those who put themselves down and didn’t try in lessons because they didn’t think they were good enough were the ones often with the messiest writing, like the giving up was even in the way they wrote. We may not have considered it before, but our hand writing is an opportunity to express ourselves, either in full or measured.
Thank you Rebecca, It feels so important that we honor, respect and appreciate children’s unique expression and not try to control them to do things in a particular way, imposing on them our own beliefs and ideals as much harm can be done, rather support them to have a strong sense of themselves.
It is amazing how our bodies continually show us the way.
Our bodies will absolutely will show us the way katechorley, our bodies are continually communicating with us all we need to do is honour what they are telling us.
Yes, more appreciation is needed for our bodies, they are amazing and so loving in how they keep sending us these messages and communicating with us, even if we have disregarded them for years and years.
It is amazing how much we alter our true selves to fit into what we think, the world wants. But a true and clear expression is what is needed for true evolution of all to occur. Beautiful that you returned to what is true for you and all of us.
Cathy, I can say that when I write it does not feel comfortable and I have a tendency to always rush when I write which leaves a tension in my body. I definitely need to bring more focus to when I write and make sure there is more presence and see what comes up for me. Thank-you for your lovely sharing.
Cathy this inspires me to observe my handwriting more, as I also have different forms to write and if I write a lot it tenses up, its with a lot of pressure. Well pressure is something I notice that I always have to keep an eye on and since the last two years as a Student of the Way of the Livingness it got a lot less. I will observe me now more with my handwriting and see what it reveals for me too. As You say, every form of expression is so important and connect to all parts may it be writing, moving, dancing, singing, speaking…expression is everything – so true. Thank You for sharing this amazing revelation with us. With love Nadine
Poignant words Cathy ‘ I didn’t accept the natural, graceful flow that was my own exquisite representation of my true self.’ How often do we look outside of ourselves in the fear of ‘not being enough’ not seeing the immense beauty already within us.
It is quite something that we do dismiss as you describe Jenny “our immense inner beauty” as not being ok for the world. Yet it is our inner beauty that radiates out and lights up the world. The world is very much calling for the light of love and joy of who we truly are. There is no true livingness in forced anything.
So true Jenny…we strive so hard to be the picture we think will make us be like everyone else, and yet the irony is that if we come back to the beauty of who we naturally are, we find we are all the same – our inner essence is the same in each of us, equally so.
Beautiful said Paula, and by accepting our own beautiful and unique qualities we see them in everyone else equally so.
Very very true Jenny. I think it saddens us so much to realise this we don’t even want to go there — and so we see beating ourselves up so as not to go there….
I can relate to the comment you have made Katerina. The potential to feel what we can offer ourselves or others can be daunting,hence the ability to sabotage in the long run.
Very very true Jenny. I think it saddens us so much to realise this we don’t even want to go there — and so we keep beating ourselves up, or judging, or critiquing ourselves so as to always find an excuse not to go there….
I agree Jenny and my feeling is that this looking outside of ourselves in the fear of not being enough is like an undiscovered disease.
Well said Ester, looking outside out of fear of not being enough is like an undiscovered disease. If we break it down we could say it causes a dis-ease and hence eventually illness and disease.
This is very interesting considering when I was around 15, maybe slightly younger I also wanted to change my handwriting.
I remember at 15 wanting to change so much about myself, to be anything but myself. Sad fact that many teenagers feel the same, the lack of acceptance is rife due to not being met for who we truly are.
I can relate Kate. It’s like at that age i wanted tone out of my body and escape anywhere but be in my own body. The world didn’t make much sense. Typical teenager you might say, but I don’t feel that’s true. I have seen what teenagers are like when they have truly met, when they know they can trust the immediate world around them. I’ve seen this in many students of Universal Medicine who are in their teens. It just goes to show what a responsibility we all have in what we reflect to everyone around us. Do we reflect unease, awkwardness, not being good enough, or do we reflect warmth and trust?
At 15 I looked in the mirror at my reflection and asked myself (and God) many questions. I just cannot remember what my handwriting was like at the time. I was into calligraphy and practising scrawly old English writing – not clear in which direction I was going at all!
A great topic and interestingly written
So true Brendan..
“My natural writing had an angle to the right and it reflected the natural angle my hand lay in as it moved across the page.” For me Cathy this captures what a natural expression it is – a natural movement that produces the action with regard for how your body feels to move.
Wow Cathy, such dedication to changing your handwriting, but how beautiful, no matter how many years later, you felt what was innately your true expression and allowed that to come through. Very beautiful.
Absolutely Reagan – it is never too late. Our essence is always there to be expressed.
Agree…and just like with hand-writing it’s never too late to change anything around.
Agree thats the beauty it is never too late for change and we can choose differently any second of our life and undo lots of ill choices. Such a great testimonial of how our essence is always there, it can be covered up and blurred or numbed, but it always stays and can be re-claimed any time.
Since the last time I read this sharing I’ve been so aware of how my writing reveals much about my mood and how connected I am with my body (or not). Our writing is certainly as unique as our finger prints and can be felt by all who read the results. Be interesting for myself being a right handed pen holder to try and write with my left for a while.
A fingerprint that is a subtle measure of our state of being – an energetic fingerprint.
It’s refreshing to see you still handwriting things, rather just typing away. Kids these days don’t even learn cursive anymore, they learn QWERTY as a way to express words. Great article!
Really good point in that with all the technology how many of us still do handwrite other than just the odd notes? I love how Cathy has shared how she discovered it is an important part of her and how this came from what she felt from her body.
‘Amazing how we can transform ourselves to fit in with the world, and then spend our lives managing the consequences.’ Yes Brendan, it’s like we contort ourselves into an unnatural shape and have to spend our whole life living and breathing from that contortion… highly uncomfortable, painful and unnatural.
Loving attention to detail and the knock-on, ripple, big picture effect. Powerfully and totally accessibly expressed. Thank you, Cathy.
Agreed Matilda, I love how well Cathy knows her body and was able to work out so much from such a simple yet powerful connection. Really shows all the answers really are in the body.
Thank you Cathy this is a great article, I too went through a phase where I compromised my body in order to achieve a very polished looking writing – always looking outside myself for something that would make me look good or gave me a sense of fitting in. I am now able to appreciate how much my writing has changed and feeling the ease of my wrist and quality of being in my body and the flow that comes with it is just amazing.
Well said Brendan, if there is no appreciation of our own unique qualities there will always be a compromise to fit in even if it is at the expense of the body.
Thank you Cathy. There is so much to be said about handwriting as you have so eloquently described. As you say, everything is a reflection for us and even the energy we leave in our hand writing can be felt and seen as an expression of who we are. It is beautiful to feel how this is in just everything we do.
What you describe Vicky is a true reading of someone’s handwriting rather than the scripted ‘x means y’ that is taught by the books.
This is very profound when we consider the impact we are having on others by the quality we choose to express in. Our handwriting is simply reflecting the quality of energy we are leaving everywhere.
Great point Victoria. We are leaving a trail of energy everywhere. It may not be able to be seen by everyone but we are all feeling and experiencing it all.
very inspiring
Stark, true, and very sad Brendan. Your comment made me to stop and ponder. We swim against our natural flow and rhythm, and the ensuing complications then have to be dealt with.
I agree with your comment Cathy that our handwriting is one thing that is uniquely our own. Great to be make conscious of the importance of our writing and giving it the recognition it deserves.
This is a perfect example of how each small part affects the whole. I was fascinated to read that changing your handwriting led to tension in you arm and wrist and then a twist in your body. I can relate what you have written so much. These seemingly small adjustments that are not natural to us can have such dire consequences to our health and well-being.
That really stood out for me too Debra – that something we could dismiss as being insignificant actually can be having a big impact on our body and wellbeing..
The impact of those tiny ‘modifications’ we make to ourselves to comply or fit in with perceived social expectation. This article presents a really simple example that we can apply in many areas of our lives.
Its fascinating that if we let ourselves feel it we can assess the whole life of someone through their handwriting, much in the same way as how we hold our body, our handwriting gives away a great deal about our sense of self and how we are in the world.
Your choices here Cathy show the harm we do to ourselves when we are not true and that only by living with ourselves honestly do we drop what is not of us.
In some ways, I feel like I can relate to this. Being left handed, I handle a lot of challenges in every part of my life. Things that people who write with their right hand don’t have to worry about. But when I was in elementary school, I broke my left hand at daycare playing tag. At the time, I remember my teacher at school at the time wasn’t too sympathetic about the whole thing and made me learn to write and function with my right hand while my left was in a sling. And this reminded me of that because I remember the struggles I went through and how I was able to overcome them. But I definitely understand where your coming from.
To be who we truly are sometimes seems to be the most challenging thing in the world, but only because of the hurts we carry that we have not dealt with.
I agree Elizabeth – I know in the past I was ashamed of my hurts and would protect them and even deny them, rather than have them exposed. All people have hurts in different variations, to learn to acknowledge our hurts and then start to let go of them is life changing and truly healing.
This was crazy! Such an interesting read and perspective. As a Kindergarten teacher, I was always careful as to whether or not I was writing letters correctly on papers for students or on the board. I always found it feeling unnatural. Day to day writing, I would write the way that only I can, my natural and free-form font, so to speak. Your perspective on how and why you changed your handwriting and the problems that it caused is so interesting and insightful!
Jenntakestenn reading what you have shared has me feeling the responsibility of being absolutely connected to me when I write. If I hold tension not only does it affect my body but that tension is present when someone else reads it. So what is written becomes laced even if it is very sublets all the history of ‘how’ I’m writing comes through.
Hi Cathy, there is a lot to ponder on here for me as my hands and arms feel quite uncomfortable when I write. I remember too in early education, and later in high school, that certain styles of writing were strictly enforced on us. I can imagine that some of the rigid rules are still overriding my natural expression there. This will be a great opportunity to remember to connect to my essence and body when I write, and see what flows and supports my body.
Yes, I am sure many of us can remember times that we were told to do things, in a certain way, that felt contra to a natural flow we innately knew. What I love about this article and the comments that have followed is that they invite us to re-feel our bodies and respond to aches and pains by letting go, all over again, surrendering to our bodies and responding to their wise signalling.
Well said Brendan. No wonder we end up having a mid-life crisis or a breakdown of some description because we are just missing ourselves and can’t work out why.
I love how even though we may choose to mask our true expression and adopt a different way, our natural connection and ability to return to that truth never goes away. It is just there waiting until we choose it again.
Absolutely Golnaz – it’s strange that in some instances we have to work quite hard to actually suppress it. I know that for many years I was aware of how sensitive I am and yet I would not openly express this, instead turning to many different distractions and disguises along the way but as you have said it remains and is but a choice away to return to.
This is such a great testimony of how we shoot ourselves in the foot when instead of appreciating and deepening our expression we look out for what it should look like and mould our expression into something that is dictated from outside of us. In this way we end up 24/7 ‘performing’ and ‘keeping it going’ instead of ‘being’ who we are and deepening our natural expression. And it is exhausting! No wonder the whole world is so into coffee and energy drinks.
24/7 ‘performing’ and our coffee addiction. Things are starting to make sense. Thank you, Golnaz.
Not only in ‘what’ we write but ‘how’ we write. This article truly reveals how expression is in everything we say and do and whether it is a false or a true expression shows in our body.
I agree deidremedbury – this article exposes that we are being affected by every choice we make, even the so called innocent ones.
Yes Brendan, in a recent conversation it occurred to me just how much justification we make for the choices earlier in our lives rather than reflecting on whether they are worth repeating over and over and taking the opportunity to change the patterns which create the consequences.
Cathy, Since reading your blog I have been really noticing how my body feels when Im writing, I have noticed that if my arm is a little open and my elbow is not bent right in, then my shoulder does not hurt whilst writing. I’m enjoying writing again after years of trying to write as little as possible and as quickly as possible, so thank you for the inspiration.
I can feel the tension in my body with the activities I have pushed myself into. Anything that has been done out of drive and a need for perfection brings tension. Long tern discomfort, pain, injury and headaches have all been part of the telling signs from my body yelling out stop no more, asking me to actually check in with what I’m doing and why. The why is a very good question – when the why’s are answered with loving truth the need to push falls away, and with it goes the tension.
Great article!
I like it!
My classmates used to make fun of my bad handwriting, often joking about my left hand usage to! But all that stopped when I won an essay on a national level and my name was printed in the local newspaper in Kenya!
Looking back over my school books, I can remember a time when I desperately wanted my hand writing to look like my friends beautiful cursive script. I was so slow I never finished my work and my writing was so messy – I soon learnt to allow my natural writing to just be.
Very true Brendan, we basically spend our lives suffering from and managing the choices we have made to fit into the world rather than bringing us to the world.
This is a great example of how far we are willing to go, or worse how we dont’t even notice how far we are pushing our bodies just as long as we get recognition from the outside. For recognition and out of fear that someone might think we are less than perfect. And so we go on building all kind of prisons for ourselves. Trying to look good, do good or be good often comes with very expensive price tags: it compromises our natural health.
Wow! I also changed my handwriting at about the same age and revert to my original one when taking notes in a rush. And although it happened in a different manner, it also was a concious effort to change perceptions of myself.
Me too. I have been through so many stages of ‘hand-writing modification’ and only recently have let myself revert to what feels totally natural. It has been like learning to write all over again – only this time playful and respectful.
Who’s write is it anyway?
I think this whole handwriting thing is a big scam. A ploy to keep you second guessing yourself. My experience – and why this article really resonated with me – shows that there will always be some other handwriting hurdle to cross.
I changed my handwriting at about the same age when one of my teachers said that if my handwriting didn’t improve – she would stop marking my assignments. The previous, very stylish in my opinion, version of my handwriting was wide fat letters with circles [or hearts] over my i’s and j’s. I’ve never reflected on the extent to which this had with me being a leftie…interestingly enough – I was about 8-9 before I realised I was a leftie [having been told that the hand I write with is my right hand, It took a while to sink in]- I just thought everyone else was weird and uncoordinated. Although I was the only leftie in my household of 7, no one pointed it out as different.
I spent the entire summer ‘learning’ to write with my animal themed (dog eared, silverfish) old script writing book I found in my father’s library. I was pleased, my mom was pleased, my teacher was ecstatic. Or so I thought…
I started teaching (in my early 20s) when blackboards and chalk were still the rage. I was by now an excellent scribe – with good form. So imagine my surprise when the head teacher walks into my classroom, grabs the chalk out of my hand and shouts – “No no no that is not the way to write on the board” – and then proceeded over the course of the next few weeks to critique my handwriting, in front of my class, until I got it to an acceptable [her] standard. It was either that or one of my 6 year old students telling her – “You know Miss is not a child and you don’t have to speak to her like that”
So even now, as Michelle and others have said – beyond the physical impact such a small decision has on our lives – are the emotional baggage [hand or container size] that we carry.
I love the article. Anything go against nature will eventually collapse, but it wont collapse alone.
O.M.G. I have a great handwriting, but I never though that such a small thing like changing an angle can be so painful in all meaning of this word.
Brendan, it is shocking when we have it laid out as simple as that. In effect we break ourselves down in our chase to get better and the rest of the time we spend to better ourselves from the consequenses..
How come we listen to an expert or their reinterpretation of what something means? For example most of us might try a psych at some time or certainly hear about them when we grow up, and just because they have some sort of medium to a knowledge, or a source of information, when it is said to us it registers something we want to hear just so we hear that there is something else out there instead of, ‘the knowing’. I have learnt through Universal Medicine that we are all-knowing by connecting to the source of love through your body by simply surrendering and being honest about the truth you are feeling. To gain and know more than another is self-gain and the knowledge is not true even though it is given to you even though it might be ‘right’. The dalai lama says study the ‘expert’ or teacher for a decade. In truth we are all experts when we connect, we might not know the details but we have the awareness to know what will work and what does not.
True Rik, we do have enough awareness to know what will, and won’t work.
After reading this blog and focussing on my handwriting, which I am finding enjoyable but as a result I am now focussing on my typing and the amount of tension created when I type fast, not to mention the amount of mistakes I make if I am pushing to get something finished. What I have discovered is this typing frenzy goes back to the age of fifteen also whilst at school. The weekly typing tests against a ticking clock and music which seemed to speed up always came with a dose of anxiousness, so much so that I had no control over my little fingers and then was unable to strike the keys or they would slip in-between the keys and get stuck (I am talking about the old black type writers with the raised keys, back in the 1970’s), which always made my fingers hurt – no surprise that typing class was dreaded. So becoming aware of my handwriting and the tension held within the body has also highlighted the tension whilst typing.
Yes and we create such a hole to dig ourselves out of, as managing our transformations can be quite time and energy consuming. What an immense relief it is to realise that our natural expression is all that is required.
Ah, when we look back upon those decisions of long ago to change or do something to fit into the world… the impact they can have on us both physically and emotionally, can be very damaging.
Yes, and how we can build whole ways of believing one should be and how the world is/operates, which are all illusory because the premise of their foundation had been made upon a decision that was false or inappropriate. This then leads to living a way that is not harmoniously one’s natural way of being.
Yes Michelle, and all the unnatural ways we force upon the body to comply with what’s on trend or in fashion, or perhaps required in education or at work. “Let the body lead” would be a great new foundation for education and work place practices. It’s the ultimate in ergonomics!
I have always enjoyed seeing and reading something a person who had beautiful handwriting had written. It is the same for people that are musical. I appreciate the art that is presented by both.
A great account. I often change my handwriting as well, and I have several callouses on my finger. This story is beautiful and intriguing. Indeed, this is a problem that many people choose to ignore. It’s funny how the small things in life are so important and how they affect the big picture in general so deeply.
Is that like the times we change the way we speak or the intonation in our voice when we are with different people?
I know this, Cathy, to adjust me to the expectations of the world and turn my truth around in order to fit in and be accepted and recognised. How freeing does it feel now to anew allow myself to feel me and stick to what I am feeling no matter what the outside world is expecting.
Being ourselves is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. We are all amazing in one special way. Keep writing with you natural tempo and enjoy being unique! Cheers!
Indeed xoraxer – enjoy being unique! Expressing who we truly are is powerful in every sense and way beyond what we are able to fully comprehend.
The things we do as teenagers….
I can relate to everything in this story. Even if you changed the context of the story the deeper message is still there. When we allow who we are without trying to change our natural expression everything just flows. I can remember choosing to change my writing in grade 3 because I compared myself to others having neater more sophicated hand writing.
This blogged showed me the comparison and judgement started back then.
A very insightful write about handwriting. I remember early on how I experimented with different writing styles, not realizing handwriting becomes a part of us. This writing helps make the connection that handwriting is really a representative of us. We finally end up with a style we determines best suits us….
what a great article, thank you for posting this! I think a similar thing can be considered for many things in our lives, such as using keyboards and mice (the skin on my wrists directly beneath my hands is worn smooth from resting on desks!) 🙂
‘I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression.’
I love this line. It’s inspired me to ask, how much do I halt my natural expression? I was once crippled by the internal balancing act of weighing up what I imaged others would think and halting my natural expression so much I became ill. Though far less crippled now there is still a seed there of wanting others to accept me rather than choosing to simply just accept myself. Humm accepting myself feels lovely when I choose to.
Cathy I really loved reading this. It took me back to my teenage years when hand writing analysis must have been all the rage as it was on chat shows and celebrities tried it. I remember trying to memorize all that was said so I could write in a way that emulated qualities I liked. I remember wondering if I changed my handwriting would it change my personality.
There are many crazy elements to this. Like I believed the ‘experts’ could tell me more about myself than I knew myself. This tells me I’d lost connection with myself but that I also knew there was more to me than just being a female teenager – a seeking of confirmation that we are more than flesh and bone. I certainly gave my power away to convincing others I was special (by being perfect) but this induced a disconnection with others so I was desperate to fit in too. My handwriting was either pretty good or super sloppy which I judged myself for.
Writing by hand is such a natural expression and yet still people judge themselves and others so harshly for ‘messy handwriting.’ Just this week I found myself saying I can write neatly if I want to! But actually how neat my handwriting is is up to me. I never need judge it as a poor reflection of myself. I can write quickly and eligible to others if that is what’s required. Or take my time and feel how lovely it is to form the letters.
“…I believed the ‘experts’ could tell me more about myself than I knew myself. This tells me I’d lost connection with myself…” Great point Karin. How many of us do this? We want someone else to tell us all about ourselves, not just in the case of handwriting, but in all sorts of ways such as horoscopes, tarot readings or therapists. We so often place our power outside onto other things or people, when in fact it is all within us and we do know everything we need to know about ourselves.
This post is really amazing. I was browsing and found it. I recently changed my handwriting as I was insecure and a friend got many complements on her writing, whilst I felt mine was unneat. This caused to try to change my writing for the past few days. However I am now reconsidering this choice after hearing Cathy’s story.
It’s really interesting that something so small can affect your body so dramatically and for those of us that change our handwriting to fit in, it was really eye opening that it could actually harm us.
What I find interesting is the fact that no matter what changes we make the body still remembers the natural way we do things; as you have pointed out here with the ‘e’ in your signature Susan and as Cathy pointed out in the blog that when she returned to her natural style the tension in her body was no longer there.
Just when I had been contemplating changing my handwriting this blog came right on time. Thanks for sharing.
It just exposes how we are setup Cathy. “… to negate and devalue what was so individual to me, the true essence of me”. Three decades you carried this. Universal Medicine presents all about energy and how laced configurations actually take you away from your natural abilities and gifts to the world. What a gift your handwriting is to the world Cathy. Awareness is the greatest form of intelligence. This took away your awareness, and therefore intelligence to be with yourself and offer what you have to another.
I know from personal experience that my handwriting has changed over the years. Like you, I too used to find fault in my handwriting. I went to Catholic School where we did penmanship workbooks and every week or so we would write out a paragraph and the teacher would put up the best one on the board as an example. I felt like I never got picked. I used to look at other people and admire their bubbly lettering and how graceful their curves were. My penmanship is nowhere near bad but it wasn’t “cute” by any standard. As the years went on and I moved on to high school, I used to steal the way that people did their letters until suddenly my handwriting became a hodgepodge of mismatched scripts.
The first time I felt like my writing was finally mine was when I got my first fountain pen last year. I filled up the ink and started writing and my usual script didn’t work. The ink got choppy and it looked sloppy and awful. That’s when my writing changed back forever. My hands don’t hurt and I don’t feel like I’m always falling behind with my notes. I feel like my writing is finally mine. It’s truly a liberating experience.
When we don’t appreciate ourselves for who we are it’s understandable that we then look around and compare to others and change our natural expression to fit whatever we think it should. And so how powerful it is to truly appreciate our expression and support others to appreciate theirs too!
Yes Fiona, well said, comparison is damaging whereas appreciation is the door to more of us.
This is so true Fiona – the number one reflection to offer others is that we appreciate our own expression and don’t water ourselves down or hype ourselves up to ‘fit in’ or to be anything but our true selves.
Cathy, thank-you for sharing your experience here, it really highlights how everything we do is important in how we do it and the quality that we hold ourselves in is paramount as everything is energy and affects all.
I do lots of writing (as well as typing!) and I’ve alway taken great care with regards to my handwriting and it has changed a few times over the years. Cathy, the points you raise are fascinating and have made me think a little more about my writing technique.
We really affect our lives with our decisions. We may get hurt as a child or a youth or even as an adult and then make a decision not be hurt like that again so, whenever a similar situation arises we are on guard or in reaction or ready to jump down someone’s throat.
I experienced a lot of that coming out of a verbally abusive relationship – even with a 5-year gap into a completely non-abusive relationship, I still had to see, understand and unlearn many protective patterns and accept just how often I misunderstood what is happening. Even 20+ years later this discovery process is ongoing.
“I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression.”
Cathy as I started to read I looked at my left hand where I had previously had a callous that is no longer there. I can feel how I got this from holding myself back and not allowing my writing and me to just flow. When I read something that I have written when I have really been with myself and allowing a natural flow, as I look at the writing I can feel a difference in the energy, it feels like it is written in neon lights.
It is an absolute shocker what we can put our bodies through for approval. I for one can shock myself when I look back over my life and see what I choose to do for approval from another.
It’s amazing how our bodies show us things so clearly but we override this in favour of impressing others or the outer appearance.
Yes Rebecca, this is sadly, all too true of how we are in the world.
So true Rebecca and each time we do that our body suffers!
Cathy this is just fascinating, the way your body had a graceful and natural flow but you changed the way you express to appease the world at the expense of your body and your true expression. I am glad you realized this. I will have to pay attention to my own movements to see if there is a natural biomechanical flow, or awkward restrictive movements.
When we take on ideals of how something ‘should be’ or how we want it to be we stunt the natural flow and rhythm of our body. When left to its own devices and without any outside inflictions upon it, the body knows exactly what to do.
In an era when we seem to be increasingly moving towards digital documents, your words here Cathy remind me how beautiful and open the act of writing can be. It really shows me how connected (or not) I am and the flow in my body, and in my hand.
Great point Jospeh – brings a whole new meaning to the words ‘reading your writing’. Just how much does it tell us, I know that when I feel rushed or under pressure my handwriting is very different from when I feel in the flow of what I am doing etc.
Really amazing..If we take handwriting as a metaphor we can all relate to our kid’ish but indisputable nature of trying to be something else only to satisfy the outside world, which in fact does not give a damn to whatever we are.
‘I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not only in writing but in all forms.’ These lines actually nailed it! Beautifully woven write-up 🙂
Interesting read. It makes sense that when you tense up one area of the body it affects other areas. But I guess the bigger lesson is be true to yourself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I’m 16 and I related to this so much! I recently tried changing my handwriting just cause I didn’t like the way it was and started losing the callous I’ve always had. Then I realised what you did and this just solidified my belief.Thank you!
This blog makes me want to get a pen and paper and start writing. I’m not sure I’ve ever appreciated myself through my handwriting nor looked at my handwriting and seen how beautifully me it is.
Me too Nikki – writing can be such a great marker of presence, how we are with ourselves and what we are expressing for the world to see. I feel the beauty is held in presence, as from this place we can feel the grace and tenderness of who we are.
“I marvel that it’s always been there for me, a dormant part of myself that I denied, just waiting in the wings in case I ever wanted to pick it back up.” Is this the case with all of those parts of us that we ignore or dismiss? Our true selves, and all the accompanying details, is always there waiting for us to come back.
Reblogged this on Action is Eloquence.
A great account Cathy – it never stops to amaze me how deeply powerful it is to truly listen to what our bodies are telling us and what an enormous difference it makes to our overall wellbeing.
Cathy, this blog is huge. What this blog allows me to consider is physics, chemistry, philosophy, mathematics and biology. We accept our physical changes as a normal part of ageing but what you say here is that there is a reason, a cause for all our ailments and its not ‘just ageing’, brilliant.
“There is a vast difference from learning from someone and trying to be like someone.”
Brilliantly said Brendan… and I guess the question here is – why?!
It’s amazing what and how much we change ourselves based on the outside appearance and everything we see. completely retarding how our bodies naturally flow to fit in or reach an ideal.
I never cease to be amazed at how such ‘small’ things (or so we think at the time) are never small after all… a decision to change your hand writing so it looked a certain way was a ginormous step away from yourself in altering your true expression.. and how your body responded to that is amazing! I love how you’ve claimed back your natural way of writing, and in doing so, cleared the disharmony in your body… and most importantly let your natural expression flow. Awesome blog 🙂
So true Brendan, whether it’s the thoughts we hold in our mind or the way we use our body to fit in with the world, eventually we have to deal with the consequences.
I was recently working with a group of students who were preparing for exams. They were sharing how painful their fingers and hand get when writing at this time. As we explored this they realised how tensely they were holding their pens and how this tension spread up their arm to their shoulder and neck. It was great to see this as it allowed the students to feel the difference between writing in a tense way and in a relaxed way. Just by bringing awareness to how gently they could hold their pen and still write in a flowing manner made all the difference.
How wonderful Jane, thank you for sharing this and great appreciation for the work you are doing with students, which will be life changing for them. It brings great joy to see how simple it can be -simply bringing awareness and space to discover a natural and harmonious way of being.
Hi Cathy, such a visible example of what we do to ourselves to be ‘acceptable’ in the world by what we think we need to be instead of using our natural way of being and as you said the grace that it brings. Great realisation.
Yes well said Judy… the ways in which we do this – alter ourselves to be acceptable – is endless… but I’d never thought about those ways as being ‘small’ things like this… Although now I can see some tiny things that I’ve done to alter myself slightly to be accepted.
What a great sharing, Cathy, and an important lesson for us all in not abandoning ourselves to fit in with the crowd or current trend. I am so pleased that you have re-claimed your original handwriting as confirmation of how much more you appreciate who you are and what you bring.
Cathy its amazing that we can completely harm and damage our body to the point that our bones get affected by copying and trying to write in a particular way. It shows very clearly the real importance of needing to not change our natural way of expressing for anyone. This applies to everything.
What I have also observed about repetitive movements or postures that we perform every day is that they are often driven from the emotions or thoughts we are having at the time and if we are not paying attention, these movements then reinforce the emotions! Simply changing our position, our movement quality or posture slightly can actually alter our mood, our thoughts or how we are feeling in that moment.
True Andrew, it’s the things we do often that then can become automatic, so we don’t pay so much attention to the movements. I have been doing an Esoteric Yoga program and it has brought to my attention how often I hunch my shoulders when writing or typing. Now that I am aware, I am choosing to release it when I catch myself, but it’s alarming to clock how often I do it without realising.
I would say from my own experience it is not just the style of writing we adopt but actually the emotional state we are in when writing makes a difference too. When I was at university I would hand write out my notes to study in preparation for exams. Often when I was writing I would do it in a stressed, anxious, tense way, feeling the pressure of the upcoming 14 exams and the lack of time to prepare for them! This resulted in a me literally tensing my hand up when writing and pressing very hard down on the page. This culminated in developing a severe RSI problem in my right thumb half way through my university degree which actually stopped me writing altogether for about a month and led to me having to postpone some exams and coursework. I have noticed since when writing at work that if I become anxious or stressed or have reacted to something I start the hard, tense, pressing down writing style again. I have begun to really question why I do this and been surprised at just how ingrained or automatic this physical pattern of movement is. I have also noticed that it creeps into other movements I do with my right arm as well. Learning to become aware of our ingrained behaviours which play out as ingrained movements is vital for health and wellbeing.
Yes I agree Brendan and much of current conventional and complementary medicine is based on this – managing the symptoms which result from the choices we are making in our life which go against our bodies’ natural flow and harmony, rather than looking at the root cause of the disharmony in the first place.
Great point Andrew, until we make the choice to investigate the root cause of the disharmony in our bodies we will only be band-aiding, giving cause for a bigger eruption later down the track.
A great blog Cathy and a great example of just how much we contort and twist ourselves literally into knots to fit in and to be liked and accepted rather than honouring who we truly are and our natural expression.
Yes andrewmooney26, I used to be very good at that – twisting and contorting, and not once did I make a stop to check how I actually felt about it. I basically had no idea how much every choice and every behaviour affected my health and wellbeing until I heard Serge Benhayon presenting on the topic.
I love hand writing and I love how it can reflect how I am feeling. If my life is in chaos or overwhelm it can be messy and erratic, when I am wanting to control a situation it is neat but has a hard edge to it, and when life flows so does my writing. With onset of computers I now use hand writing less and less and so I am not offered the same reflection that my hand writing used to offer.
Wow Cathy, handwriting is such an interesting thing… I know mine changes day to day depending where l’m at, with the subtleties of changes very evident to me. I learnt to write in the Victorian system and always thought it was from there, but I recall seeing my dad’s handwriting from a few years back recently and being shocked at the similarities… he learnt in WA, so clearly more to it than I was giving credit.
Reading your blog Cathy I could feel how by doing this we put little stumbling blocks up that are continually used to stop our natural flow, it leaves an opening for control to enter. When we alter our natural rhythm we are creating dis harmony within our bodies. And just as your body did Cathy, it will show signs of this dis-harmony offering communication so we may see where we have hindered the flow.
Absolutely Kim – Everything little thing counts and our movements are so super important to how we feel and our ability to express who we are.
I agree kimweston2 – stopping the natural flow is all about control. It is interesting how we learn to do that at a very early age and as years go by keep adding to it.
It is interesting and sad that we learn this at such an early age. We shine so bright we find many ways to dim it.
I can totally relate to your story Cathy. I had a similar hand writing experience in my life. I remember trying out all types of handwriting and never excepting the flow of my own. There was a lot this told me about how much I accepted myself and how dependent I was on other people’s approval for my self worth. It wasn’t until I left school that I allowed and trusted the flow and movement of my hand. I have beautiful flowing handing now that I can feel supports me to write without any mental interference as it comes naturally from my body and not a design from my head.
Yes, Ariana, I agree with what you said here, how we can bend ourselves out of shape to look good or gain approval. Years ago, I was typing under huge pressure many hours a day with the old style manual typewriter and developed a big problem with my right thumb. Then for a break at one point, while still doing much typing, I did a little potting course, using a potting wheel. I had to use that same thumb in a very awkward position when using the wheel with the clay, and now to this day I have a problem with my right thumb, which is quite distorted, so I can no longer hold my hand flat. I can only say that I did this to myself, claim responsibility for not being able to express to the person I was typing for that I could not work under that pressure (a lack of expression, communication). At the time I did not feel I could speak up for myself. Then I managed to compound this by choosing an activity that worsened the situation. I was eventually forced by pain to give up that activity. How crazy it is, how we can override our body for approval. I was so looking for recognition I wanted to be seen to be helping with a project.
“I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression.” Yes, Cathy, I too have found that, appreciating me for who I really am is key to living our lives, it is reflected in all our forms of expression, in everything that we do and say. When we have a lack of appreciation for ourselves, then all that we do and say will be a virtual mess, reflecting how we are with ourselves.
It’s quite timely Cathy for me to read this, as I have been contemplating over recent months, that I distinctly remembered writing with my left hand as a young child. I went to a ‘convent’ school where I recall being hit with a ruler on my left hand often as it was considered – what? I don’t know – to be writing left handed. Subsequently I changed hands and learnt to write with my right hand. Over the years, I noticed how I was ‘poor’ in my ability to catch and throw balls for example, I had a lot of fear. Similarly I had poor judgement in my hand/eye coordination with chopping wood etc. and other such tasks. However at various times of my life, I came to notice that certain things I naturally did very well and automatically with my left hand. One such time occurred in a recreation class where we were asked to deliberately throw and catch ball with the opposite hand we were used to using. Imagine my surprise, and shock even discovering that I was not only accurate but automatic in my ability with my left hand/eye coordination and felt confident trusting my body could do it. Gone was the fear associated with balls. It felt fun and empowering! I was a different person.
I have been contemplating learning to write and do other tasks with my left hand again. I also work as a cook and over the years have developed a larger right forearm muscle. Your blog is inspiring. I am curious to see how much of the body is ” waiting in the wings” to feel itself in its natural alignment and express itself more naturally… Could be an entirely different person waiting to burst out into the world!
Just shows how crazy we human beings can be, trying to fit ourselves into a box that is preferred by other people, so called ‘experts’ ,moulding our activities and making choices to suit others just to fit in. Our bodies know who we are, and we should listen to them, how different it is to live from what feels really natural to oneself, a great way for us to have our lives flow naturally and serenely when we let go of all the nonsense.
Amazing Cathy, that over riding your true expression, through seemingly minute changes to your body posture, could have such a resounding impact on your body. A real testament to the fact that our true expression is all there for us, we just need to honour and allow it to be.
Absolutely agreed Kate, the power of truthful expression is so clear in this example given… if something as ‘small’ as handwriting could have such a significant impact on one’s body… imagine what else we can do to our bodies by the other ways in which we alter our expression.
I agree Brendan – It’s quite crazy that we ‘…spend our lives managing the consequences’ and perhaps even denying the connections between our bodies aches, pains and shortfalls and how we are moving in a way that is not true to the natural flow or essence of who we truly are. I remember trying to change my walk a few times in high school! This didn’t last too long as the feeling was too strange to keep it going, but if I had of, I’m sure my body would have communicated the disharmony loud and clear.
It is amazing how we can take on an ideal or belief without considering how it feels in our body, without being aware of the impact of that choice on our body…and yet the body works with it as best as it can, for as long as it can, until one day to our surprise we ‘suddenly’ have an injury or illness.
I remember making the decision to change my handwriting, this happened a few times actually depending on who my friends were and who I admired or wanted to be like the most. In year 7 I failed my pen licence because my natural hand writing was not up to scratch and this bought I huge sense of failure – I felt I wasn’t good enough as who I was so from then on I tried to be like others. My change of style never really lasted that long and the natural way seeped back in – all my work books looked very confusing and unsure, which is how I felt about myself. Now I write with flow and know my writing and who I am is beautiful.
Thanks for a great awareness on this topic Cathy. I certainly have noticed my handwriting changes when taking notes over long periods. At school we were ‘trained’ to write in a certain style. I’m looking forward to feeling further into the detail of how I’m writing and observing how my body feels and when the changes come in.
Brilliantly said Brendan. An exhausting exercise which is clearly not working for us by resisting the acceptance of our innate greatness.
Thank you Cathy as this for me highlights the opportunity that we have in every moment to surrender to the power of our love and as such allow the activity of love to move us. When we resist this love we accept the activity of that which is not love and in that moment the choices we make can forever affect and impact our natural way until such time that we choose to be aware of which activity is moving us.
This blog is a reflection of the ‘whole’ – everything shows us how far we can choose to disconnect from ourselves. Every movement, activity, expression – all are offering the invitation to choose to return to our heart and that which connects us in brotherhood.
So true Brendan, and making ourselves sick from the held pattern of energy in our bodies that is not in line with the love that we are.
A very gorgeous sharing Cathy. A great example of how when we appreciate our natural flow, our essence our body then moves in a way that naturally expresses this. When we don’t appreciate ourselves and accept our greatness we instead search for acceptance outside of ourselves and choose ways to de-form our natural way to receive recognition and override how this truly feels.
Our lack of acceptance gets exposed in so many different ways, we do not like how we look, we do not like how we dance, we do not like how we sing, we do not like how we write etc. etc. Such a waste of energy when there is nothing wrong with us at all it simply is the fact we were not accepted for who we are when we were young and now we need to ACCEPT ourselves.
Our lack of acceptance does get exposed in many ways, and often in ways that are quite acceptable. Making an effort to change your handwriting to make it neater or look more artistic can be very acceptable. The deeper layer – the lack of acceptance – also seems to be quite accepted and not addressed for what it is. When someone doesn’t like something about themselves there can be plenty of encouragement to work at changing those things. It is not as common for someone to support another in accepting themselves as they are.
I agree Nikki we need to support each other to deeply accept our self, this is true medicine.
It is true medicine indeed. And would be a welcome change in society.
Mary Louise, this is so true, ‘Our lack of acceptance gets exposed in so many different ways, we do not like how we look, we do not like how we dance, we do not like how we sing, we do not like how we write etc. etc’, reading your comment I can feel how crazy this is, we are all unique and have our own expression in all of these things, there is no wrong or right, it is only now in my 40’s that I am starting to accept and love myself and I now realise that the different ways I express are gorgeous, I have recently, thanks to this blog realised that I love my handwriting, I love my gentle ways, the way I dance etc.. it feels so wonderful to accept rather than criticize.
I have even learnt to accept the fact that I have 4 teeth missing from my upper jaw, so you can imagine the huge gab when I smile and this does not affect the way I feel about my self. I remember reading a blog from a student who had a bad haircut and she realized this did not change the way she felt about herself, at the time of reading this I was very inspired and now I feel the same way about my lack of teeth.
Thank you Cathy, what a fascinating story. I never liked my signature which I find to be very boring and almost childish. It simply looks like me writing my name. I have always been very impressed by the grand artistic flourishes that others have as a signature. I have tried a few times over the years to see if I could make my own grand flourish or change it in some way but it was impossible – it seemed I can’t do it any differently to how I do it. Reading your blog has made me realise that my signature is just perfect as it is!
Haha I can very much realte to that Nicola – I have had many attempts to change my signature into a more sophisticated fancy one.. it just didn’t work.
Nicola, I well remember trying to make my signature much more grand, give it a bit of a flourish, make it memorable, but just could not do it, it was not truly me. Surprisingly, I find that it has actually improved a little over the past year or so, seems like a reflection of me and how I have been changing. I make no efforts nowadays to change it in any way, as you say, “it is just perfect as it is”. But then, who knows, it may change of its own accord, as I discover more and more of the true me within.
I’ve had ‘signature envy’ in the past as well but the grand artistic flourishes are just not me. These days I enjoy looking at people’s signature’s and see how they express their name, it can be quite interesting.
The phrase “suffering for ones art” seems very apt here. How often do we sacrifice what feels natural in our body for acceptance from others? This could be anything from what you have shared Cathy to ballet dancers, elite sports men and women pushing and punishing their bodies. I heard on the news the other day that a man died whist trying to be the first solo explorer of the Arctic… it just shows what lengths we are prepared to go to for a bit of recognition.
I was reading an article yesterday about how suffering and disregard are the norm in the music industry – indeed it is expected. As consumers we love to buy into this as it feeds and confirms our own indulgences and we do not have to take responsibility for our choices. As consumers of art, entertainment and so on we encourage those “artists” to live this way as we glamourise it and put them up on a pedestal without connecting to the reality of the utter misery that many face on a day to day level. The phrase you share Rachel highlights to me how ridiculous a situation we have got ourselves into as a society as to accept suffering on any level is so irresponsible.
Our handwriting is a form of expression, when we force it away from its natural flow it takes effort and mind-over-matter. I can completely see how your body had to adapt to make writing in a different style it’s ‘normal’ way. What is so interesting is the the smallest move away from your natural expression had a big impact in the body given consistency and time.
Cathy, it is amazing how little things like a handwriting has such an effect on the body and how through ” little things” you are able to deny yourself so hugely. Your example is showing that everything matters in every moment.
Yes these ‘little’ things aren’t so little. I love you pointing this out. My body tells me what my head may say is nothing that actually is very big. I can choose to override what my body is saying – ignore it so I can fit in, or I can really honour what I feel. My body has never ever been wrong! Not listening so has!!!
Yes that can be seen if someone who is hard and tight in their writing style, and also what I have noticed to see when someone is hunting for attention or wanting to be noticed. Our expression is telling the whole story, we can read a person in all they do and say.
Yes Brendan, and interesting is that we keep going for so long without noticing the pain, and our poor body has to take up with all the lack of care. Sometimes I wonder for how long our body is managing the tension and hardness, and why it takes us so long to realise that what we are doing when we are constantly self harming ourselves. The body is an amazing vehicle.
We seem to put up with any tension while it is bearable and we can still do what we want to do. There is almost a belief that its normal to have tension, a belief which helps us to keep going and override what our body is saying.
Wow this is huge Cathy, and so profound your findings about your lack of appreciation was going against your own flow of writing. I am sure this was huge for you finding out that you had the key to all the pain and discomfort you had. We are indeed the maker of our own life and therefore we also can change it any time to a more truer way of living, what is showing in the flowing vitality in our bodies. This is a great sharing, thank you.
I support a lot of children with their handwriting. I always tell them that it doesn’t need to be perfect but its more about the care they put into it. Sometimes they rush it and just want to get it over with as they don’t want to be corrected or need it to look perfect, so better not try. Sometimes parents can force them to adopt a particular way for them to hold the pencil which is very unnatural to them. This is a great reminder about honouring the body first before function.
It’s great to feel how you teach this Annie – at school we were not allowed to move from writing in pencil to pen until our handwriting had reached a level assessed as good enough. I was one of the last in my class and had to use a rubber grip which was put on my pencil which forced me to hold it in a certain way. To this day I would prefer to write in pencil if I could, however I appreciate my own expression in my handwriting – even if no one else can read it!
I prefer writing in pencil too. When I reflect back there was no pressure for me to be neat or perfect, it was more about learning to write and expressing.
Great point Annie – ‘honouring the body first before function.’ We so often are asked to override feeling our bodies to produce a result driven solely by functionality. When in truth the functionality cannot be sustained, will become exhausted and ill without honoring how the body feels and needs to be supported.
It certainly is an activity that comes with a lot of rules and regulations that often over ride our natural relationship with our bodies. How beautiful to have you as a guide Annie, to support children to connect to and honour their body and writing so that they can establish an ease and confidence in their written expression.
Annie, I too have worked with a lot of students and their handwriting always says so much about them. The biggest thing I notice is how much people rush when they are writing. The raciness in their body comes straight out on to the paper. This is also why it is very important to be really present with ourselves as we are processing or reading any documents, as the quality someone is in can be felt from the writing or typing on the document.
Beautifully said Annie… I remember at school having to write a certain way and being held off from getting my ‘pen licence’ because I wasn’t getting it ‘exactly right’. I’ve played with my handwriting ever since then, always changing the expression of it… I’m going to have a good feel into it and how this is playing out in a larger scale of me in the world!
I remember the ‘pen licence’ and the pressure and competition to get it. You had to have perfectly neat writing and you didn’t want to be the last person not to get a pen. It was never about your expression through your writing, it was only about the perfection of getting it neat.
’I always tell them that it doesn’t need to be perfect but its more about the care they put into it.’ – This is truly beatuiful Annie. Thank you.
Annie this is beautiful to read. It’s about the connection the children have with themselves and the flow of their movements on the page. I have been to some hand writing classes at school a few years ago that shocked me. It was no wonder the children were playing up. They were being asked to conform so strictly to rules without any regard to themselves, heavily criticized so they let that tension out through getting told off.
This is a very important aspect that we still need to bring to education, it is first about our body and well being, what we do and make is secondary.
Precisely Esther, caring for ourselves is our primary concern and raising children with this essential awareness will have a huge knock on effect when they reach their old age. Imagine a whole generation (and more) who live their lives with self care, self nurture and self awareness as their core skills. What an impact this would have on our illness and disease statistics as all those illnesses caused by self harming lifestyle choices would just naturally diminish.
It’s so common for us to apologise to each other for our handwriting being messy, like saying “sorry that I’m not perfect”. We are already fearing judgment of our handwriting and feel vulnerable to reveal our expression, yet it really seems to be that we are firstly judging ourselves for not matching the picture we set for ourselves.
This is something I have done many, many times during my life along. Looking back now I can see how revealing it is of how I judged myself and how much I feared judgement from another .
How true Annie. We have the prefect picture of how it should be instead of what it really is. Thank you.
Whether our writing is nice or not is subjective. I have had people compliment my writing and had people criticise it. This can depend on cultural influences and expectations of what ‘nice’ writing looks like. Luckily our writing does not define who we are and is only one small part of a greater expression of us.
Yes Annie, I’ve experienced the same. Best to not base our own worth on other people’s opinions and expectations. As you say, when to focus on minutae means we miss the grander expression of who we are.
Hi Annie what you bring in here is really interesting as it exposes for me that the way I wanted my handwriting to look was clearly based on all the ideals of the culture and community that I grew up in, as to another person they may want their writing to look different. The fact is each of us doing this in the example do it to become something that is not our true nature – that is the problem.
I would often admire people’s handwriting and wish mine would look similar. I don’t do this so much now. The truth is we all have a unique expression and this can be reflected in how we write, dress, talk, laugh and smile. It is beautiful when we are just being us.
Annie I can relate to this. As a child I often compared my writing with others and changed mine because I wanted it to be like someone else’s, and then changed again when another style caught my eye. . This reflects my lack of self-worth as child and strong desire to be like everyone else and I became a chameleon. Whereas today, I feel the beauty of self acceptance and appreciation.
I agree Annie and our unique expression is not just in our handwriting but within us and all that we do. There should be no room for comparison only appreciation.
Yes, Annie, I can relate to that. My mother had a beautiful handwriting, she was educated when handwriting was considered a very important subject. I went through a period of trying to copy it, but it was just not me, I could not do it. I guess I just accepted that I was a bad handwriter, one of the many things I thought I was not good at. But I have found that over the past couple of years, my handwriting has changed quite a bit, and I am quite surprised when I see what I have written at times when I have been really connected to myself, just how well it has flowed, no effort, and the result is quite different to my old writing style. What a great reason for me to live that way all the time, but not just for the sake of my writing, but for all of me.
Absolutely Annie – the comparison aspect is huge and something to be aware of.
I like what you are pointing out Annie, we are so used to giving up our own expression for an ideal of beauty and right, instead of expressing from our hearts.
Thankyou Esther and Annie, we dismiss ourselves so easily, and change ourselves to be “cool”, popular, or on trend. We really want to “get it right” but in this we dismiss the gorgeousness of just being ourselves and our unique and very loveable expression. I have carried embarrassment about how I write, as a teen my style was quite big, it was nothing for the loops of g,s etc to cover 2 lines. I always felt more comfortable writing on wider spaced lines. Even in art work I started big. How great to open to cherishing this now as a true expression of my essence instead of feeling embarrassed because it was “different” and try to cover it up and change it. Perhaps we can all be a bit embarrassed to just be ourselves, and the way we write, dress, or speak etc reflects our own self love and acceptance (or lack thereof).
Absolutely Annie. I can distinctly remember at school always finding that I wanted my writing to be more like that of a friends that looked great to me, comparing mine to their’s, endeavouring to shape and imitate it to be more like what I had classed as better, in doing so not allowing mine to be what it was and explore that.
Everything we do reveals something about us doesn’t it. I love handwriting and always have and like you Cathy Hackett, have played with changing my natural style. I love to feel how it flows when I feel truly connected to my essence – as if I am not writing but it is being written though me instead – which is something that feels very simple, joyful and harmonious. Great blog, thank you.
I love that feeling too Richard. When we are flowing in our essences we allow space for the language of God to flow through us.
Very true richardmills363 – everything we do reveals something about us. Every move, every expression and even our thoughts reveals something about us 24/7 whether we are consciously aware of it or not.
I didn’t realise that our handwriting was so significant and that it is an expression of who we are. My handwriting has changed many times and I never know what handwriting mood I might be in. This is a very interesting reflection of how I have been in my life. When my handwriting is flowing and beautiful I feel at ease, when it is messy and scratchy I feel rushed and driven. Clearly the way I am within myself can be felt and seen in every thing I do.
Exactly Leonne, everything we are within, and living in our daily life, can be seen in everything we do.
Yes, I too, have very changeable handwriting. I’ve never liked my handwriting and always admired people who can write neatly. However, i’ve noticed that when I am in the flow of the work i’m doing and present with the writing i’m doing there is a distinct difference in the quality of the letters i’m forming. When i’m thinking only about what i’m writing and not the actual act of putting pen to paper my writing deteriorates.
Yes, Leonne, I can relate to this too. I often find that my handwriting is an absolute mess when I madly try to take notes at a workshop. Yet at a recent workshop, I found myself being completely relaxed and at ease, something had really changed in my approach, and I was amazed when I went to re-read my work, it actually looked quite good and did not have the usual gaps where I had missed details. Obviously, by really just being with myself, no rushing etc, I had slipped into my true writing style, that which was suitable for me. You are quite right, this was a reflection of how I was with myself on that day, and similarly with the other times, when I was so busy trying and ended up with a mess. A big lesson to let go of the trying, and go with the flow.
This is very true Leonne, ‘Clearly the way I am within myself can be felt and seen in every thing I do.’ This is what I have realised since reading this article. I now find that my handwriting is a reflection of how I am – it is clear when I am calm and steady and when I am rushing and not with myself. I have started using writing as a stop moment, a moment to come back to me and so my writing may start off scribbled but then I change this, let go of tension in my body and begin to write more gently and more naturally.
Yes Leonne, my experience is very similar… I have always known handwriting reflects aspects of where we are at, it would be fascinating to have more insight into this, but I suspect it is a case of ‘reading’ each person’s individually (haha pun intended!) and that few blanket rules would apply universally.
I also think it would be fascinating to have a deeper understanding of handwriting Jenny, like yourself I have also seen it as another tool to reflect certain aspects of ourselves, and agree that it would be a very individual “reading” for each person,
Yes, I can relate to that Leonne, I have noticed that too and I have also observed that my English, how I speak and pronounce it, varies sometimes. So yes, everything has an effect on our expression.
Leonne it’s great that we have so many mirrors of ourselves, even our changing handwriting. Even the way I tap letters on my iPad keyboard reflects how I am feeling.
This blog has offered me the same reflection Kristy and I have noted aspects of my life that I have changed due to how I wish to be seen or the perception that one thing was better than another. Very interesting to see the long term outcomes when we go against our body.
So true Ariana, this is a great example of how we override what we know to be true. I have found so many instances in my life where I have done this and then when I realise it seems so obvious and each time I am surprised that I have overridden what I have felt. More and more I am learning to trust myself in each moment. This shows to me that there is nothing that is more important than being true to me.
What an amazing story Cathy. This demonstrates how seemingly small decisions impact our lives in many ways, they have a flow on and ripple effect. This shows the harm of what happens when we are not being true to ourselves in every way. Expression in all its forms is so very important. More and more I am learning to express from my truth in every instance and in every way.
I agree Lee. This blog demonstrates the enormous impact seemingly small decisions can have on our bodies. When we consider every single tiny choice we make that goes against our natural way of being and the ripple effects of them, it amounts to a whole barrage of assault against ourselves. This we then live with and accept as being normal until we get aches, pains and illnesses, but even then don’t know how to track it back to our original behaviour change. It’s a beautiful example by Cathy showing how a decision made in her teens affected her for so many years.
Lee and rachelmurtagh1 I absolutely agree. The smallest choice in disregard of ourselves does matter. It causes much harm to our bodies and impacts on our lives greatly, something that I am becoming more and more aware of. I have had a pattern of being what you’d call a people pleaser, but what I am now seeing starkly, is one choice in saying Yes to something when I mean no, causes a lot of complications in my life. Complications in the past I would have cried about and felt hurt by, but now I am understanding that through my dishonest actions (not being true to myself) I created those situations.
Well said and indeed, it shows how one decision can have an impact for many years.
Agreed Lee, expressing from our truth in every instance supports to create harmony in our bodies instead of the complexity and overriding of our sensitivity that results from fitting in.
I agree Lee Poole:’ This demonstrates how seemingly small decisions impact our lives in many ways, they have a flow on and ripple effect.’ this shows how every detail in life is equally important.
One of the handwriting horrors is when left handed people are made to write right handed – I’d be interested to hear people’s experience of that. I see the way left handers curl their bodies around to write without smudging the ink and also, does it makes a difference when the writing is right to left as in Arabic?
This is a great question Carmel, and would be interesting to hear.
Hi Carmel, I’m a leftie 🙂 and definitely position my body/arm in a way to ensure I don’t smudge the ink.. I’ve always had difficulty with smudging things, particularly artwork, and can definitely feel the impact that my body position has had on my shoulders which are often tight when writing.
Lefties did have it a bit more difficult. I curled my arm and shifted my body as the desks I had throughout school were for righties…so I adapted a huge shift 🙂 – I get commented on it all the time, and fortunately nothing painful has resulted – except every so often I get a peculiar look when I have to move a paper (or receipt) 90-degrees in order to sign.
Im a leftie too Carmel, but have never felt that I had to accomodate my body for that. I would find ways of making it work for me. Doing ticks were always tricky, but then I found that if i did them backwards, they worked perfectly. I also experimented with things that I was being encouraged to use my right hand for, and then found it was much easier to use my left hand, although was still able to do other things better with my right hand! So basically I learnt to be a bit of an all rounder when it comes to using my hands, and in fact Im like that in life too!
I love what you’ve written here Sandra and how you approached what you met with experimentation and didn’t find left handedness arduous.
I’ve experimented with using both hands too Sandra. I always found it fascinating how left handed scissors at school were so awful, being unable to cut even paper! I remember feeling let down as a left hander; like the world put more effort into making things that actually worked for the more superior right handers! So I learnt to cut right handed and do other things too at the age of seven or eight.
Thats so true Susie, now that you say that, I realise that’s what I have done too, because as you say the world is set up for right handed people. In fact really anything that has the majority seems to be favoured in the world we live in. But there are so many of us that aren’t in the majority, that we get/have been side lined. At least thats how it has felt up until now and it is with enormous appreciation for Serge Benhayon who supports that everyone is equal, regardless of their differences, that I and many others are truly beginning to appreciate that everything we are and everything we bring has a value.
Yes its interesting Shirley-Ann. Perhaps by using both hands more equally encourages a more balanced disposition.
Yes, I’m a leftie too and I curl my arm around, my wrist used to hurt when i wrote a lot but I had never before considered the wider impact this might have on my whole body. There is definitely a lot of tension I have held in the body trying not to smudge the page and of course when you make a mess it can also feel quite horrible and easy to feel like a failure for not being able to write neatly and easily.
Your comment Stephen makes me realise what a huge ideal it is that we impose on children to write in a certain way. We evidently put more emphasis on our actions and outcomes conforming to these ideals than we do on our bodily health and emotional well being.
Carmel, there are many examples of the consequences of forcing a child to use their right hand when they’re naturally left handed. For example it can cause the child to develop a stammer. An example of a method used to get a child to change from their natural flow to an unnatural one is to hit the child’s left hand with a stick each time they use the hand to write. Some religious mythologies, ideals and beliefs favour the right hand above the left. Left-handedness is equated to evil and consequently the reason why some families adopt these abusive practices towards left-handed children. In other words ideals and beliefs are given greater importance than the well-being of the child.
Kehinde that is extraordinary abuse, and another example of how we completely disrespect the body, push it around, force and distort it to live up to the beliefs and ideals of a disconnected loveless mind. It may not just be that the left hand was considered evil, but the entire body/physicality.
How awful, kehinde2012, and how ridiculous that a child could be treated like that. That is abuse. I have always felt it wrong to try to force a child to do things in a way that is not natural to him/her. I am so grateful to the headmaster of the school my son was soon to attend, who, when we had paid a visit to the school earlier tested my son out on the blackboard, watched how he did things, and confirmed that he was a natural left hander and told me never to let anyone try to change it. That was about 45 years ago, when changing them was enforced by many teachers of the day, all through their own ideals and beliefs.
Yes Kehinde, its shocking to consider how much anothers belief systems impact on another human being, even down to the smallest thing like being ‘left handed’. I can remember someone saying to me “you’re the devils child because you write with your left hand.” It was a shocking thing to here at a young age, and is something that stayed with me for years.
yes, Kehinde, I had this happen to me as a child in a convent school. I wrote about this in my own general reply to Cathy’s blog. I wonder how different I might have been as a person and in my expression, let alone my skills and abilities in life had I been allowed to write with the left hand as it was natural for me to do so! I am today able to write in a limited way with my left hand as over time I have deliberately tried to cultivate my abilities with it. The refinement of motor skills is not there, but it feels good and right to use my left hand.
Beautiful Michelle, that you chose to re-claim and use your left hand, your natural way of expression. It really is never too late to clear and re-imprint hurts of the past.
I know quite a few people that this has happened to.. I wonder why it was though so ‘important’ to write with your right hand only.
Good question Abby. And perhaps worth researching and sharing your findings with us.
That’s horrendous Kehinde – I know a friend who was born left handed but forced to write with her right hand through these kind of consequences. Isn’t it fascinating how even the hand we write with can be looked down upon if it does not meet society’s standards or expectations, or those of religions.
Yes Susie, it’s all about control and insisting that people tow the line. Meeting society standards and expectations or those of religions has nothing to do with protecting and loving the preciousness of a fellow human being
Yes absolutely shocking that someone’s natural way of being can be abused in such a way. Ideals and beliefs being at the forefront of a childs development, not how they are, their connection to their body and fostering that. Unbelievable!
It is shocking Raegankcairney, entrenched ideals and beliefs can numb a human being from feeling any love and allow them to routinely abuse another with no awareness of the damage they are causing. It happens when we are so dis-connected from ourselves and driven by ideals and beliefs we lose touch with our own humanity.
This is so true kehinde2012, ideals and beliefs really are what drives many people in the ‘not so good’ way. Living from our ideals and beliefs can guarantee that we stay protected and not allowing love in or out in the fullness of what we are capable of.
I thought this was an outmoded practice? I know my Grandmother was subjected to it and in the end she became ambidextrous as a result. This force to take us away from what feels true happens in so many areas of our lives.
You will find in some cultures ideals and beliefs that feed this practice are still followed. I agree Kate, impositions that force us to go against our natural way do exist in many areas of our lives. With awareness and deep self love we can return to our true way of being.
A super interesting question to pose Carmel. I had never thought of how being left handed might cause issues in the body because of fear of smudging and/or not being able to adhere to conventions – how this affects how they feel about themselves and being at school… I’d be really interested if anyone felt like doing any research on this!
I agree, michelle819, it is very interesting to wonder if “being left handed might cause issues in the body”, e.g. for fear of smudging etc. Such expectations are put on children, and so often, especially in the past, a left handed child was seen to have a handicap. So to be left handed could cause many children to feel less than the other right-handed students. How awful it is to compare people on this point. Unfortunately people hold so many ideals and expectations of how others should be, expecting a conformity that is unrealistic’, and very damaging of the self confidence of the child in question.
I have noticed this too – but I was always told as a child that left handed people are supposed to have good intelligence! My mother told me that she was naturally left handed but as a child it was tied behind her back and she was forced to use her right one.. Being left handed in her era was certainly seen as a handicap and not a positive thing at all.
I write with my left hand and normally turn the paper I write on towards my left hand so it sits on an angle. This way my hand is relaxed and I do not come in contact with what I have just written.
You’ve reminded me of something Esther, even though I write right handed I turn my page sideways and always felt self conscious about it and tried my hardest to write with a straight page, but it just doesn’t flow – my writing changes depending on the angle of the page.
I so agree with that Carmel, I also feel it is a horror when left handed people are made to write right handed. I remember just before my youngest started school, when we were visiting for some reason, that subject came up and I indicated that my son was left handed. He then put my son through a little test on the blackboard, watched what and how he was doing the exercise. The teacher then turned to me and said “never let anyone try to change it, your son is naturally left handed”. I was so grateful to have that confirmation at the time.
That’s a great story, Beverley, and represents a complete change in attitude in just two generations. I remember my mother telling me about being punished at school for writing lefthanded, back in the days when ‘negative reinforcement’ was considered an acceptable way of teaching. I have heard other tales of people my parents’ age being hit by teachers for expressing their natural tendency to use their left hand in things that “should” be done with their right.
I still hear horror stories from adults about learning handwriting at school. I recently commented on a colleagues hand writing and how nice it was. She told me about how her teacher had refused to give her a pen and was the last in the class to get one, as she didn’t make the shapes exactly like she had been shown. She was even surprised I liked her writing as this feeling of being judged was still strong as an adult.
A perfect way to try and shut down our natural expression and the power it brings.
Very interesting conversation here. Thank you for posing the question, Carmel. It really makes it obvious how the world is really set up for the right side dominance and in support of its comfort. My sister was a leftie and I saw her struggle being told off at school and at home as a kid, she never fully converted though. I am right handed, but when I started play for a local volleyball team at the age of 9 or 10, without any prompt I naturally started playing as a southpaw. Now I wonder if I had unconsciously rehabilitated myself into being right-handed while watching my sister’s misery.
Beautiful Cathy, and so revealing on every level. Doubt about ourselves can result in us denying our natural flowing behaviour, which is true to us, in the attempt to not be seen for who we are, which often does not fit in with the general accepted “flow” of those around us. What a betrayal of ourselves that is, and ultimately of everyone else too, as we are then in pain and hurt and feeling less about ourselves and so they cannot see and feel our true inherent light.
Yes, this betrayal of ourselves is what hurts the most, and how joyful to reclaim our natural expression again.
Yes Janet, when we remember that we are so much more that our hurts, the joyfull reclaiming of who we truly are, is natural.
It is sadly common that by the time we are teenagers, we don’t accept that we are enough and need to invent ourselves in a way that people will like or recognize. Adjusting hand writing shows me the extent to which we will adjust the details. When we want get approval from others we don’t care about whether our body is in its natural flow. Luckily our body only puts up with so much before it starts to hurt and warns us something isn’t right.
I never thought about handwriting as being such an important thing – and reading your blog is a real eye-opener, Cathy! Of course: it’s a movement of the body, like a dance, and so is typing on a keyboard of a computer. Fabulous.
Absolutely, Felix. How we type, the speed and the pressure in depressing the fingers on the keyboard can all or each individually lead to repetitive strain injury and inflammation if left unchecked. So yet another area where conscious presence is required, to be able to discern just how gently – or furiously – we’re typing away.
Very true, Cathy. Having realised a while ago that I was getting pain in my fingers from typing too hard on the keyboard both at work and at home, I have been looking at what my motivation has been in writing. Often that has been “I just need to get this done as quickly as possible” and so I’ve been typing with a lot of frustration. Thus, painful fingers. Since I’ve been more aware of the pressure I use to type, the pain in my fingers has reduced significantly.
That’s a great point Cathy. I notice how other people are typing, how hard they hit the keys and how close their nose is getting to the screen! All this affects the flow and ease in the body. By being aware of the signals from our body we can make corrections before they become chronic, painful conditions.
Thank you Felix great comment it certainly is ahah moment and a real eye-opener when you look at writing in this way . . . ‘”it’s a movement of the body, like a dance”
Absolutely Felix, and it is always our whole body working together. Feeling everything as we move.
So beautiful to bring the awareness to an action like writing or typing as a whole body movement.
Another way to come back into conscious presence with ourselves, connecting to the flow.
Agree Felix, our handwriting does not stop with the actual handwriting, but in any extended form we express what we carry in our hands and in our body.
Beautiful Cathy – I just loved reading your blog and the way you see your handwriting – ‘as the true reflection of my personality and essence and can now appreciate the flourish and flair it brings to the page and the softness and grace it carries’. I too contrived to write in a way that would bring attention and an identity and as yet have not changed, although nowadays I do feel uncomfortable when people comment favourably about my handwriting. I also note how when I am taking many notes there is a change in style and this is something which I feel needs more pondering. As we learn to love our body more it reveals so much of the way we have lived life and where we can make changes that will improve our quality of livingness. As I let go of my stubborn old ways I make way for the unfolding of the innately beautiful, graceful and tender woman I am – and maybe another change in style of handwriting that truly expresses all of this!
When I was young I loved writing my name and how it flowed and looped, but now as an adult it is basically a squiggle in the shape of an L. I have to hold my shoulders tight to perform my signature and once completed it never feels like my signature. From your blog Cathy I can now explore why I chose to go against my natural flow to perform a squiggle that doesn’t truly represent me.
As has been said, ‘the body is the marker of truth’ and this blog is a living testament to this.
What stands out to me in this blog is how vulnerable we can be as teenagers to thoughts about how we may be perceived by others. And what lengths we can go to for a sense of acceptance – choices that can actually lead to a lifetime of physical discomfort and even serious pain. I completely remember doing very similar things and am wondering now how many of those choices are still with me today, playing out in my body. So how much of what feels normal now, is actually a fabricated version of what my body naturally feels like.
‘…how much of what feels normal now, is actually a fabricated version of what my body naturally feels like’.? A great question to ponder on Shami, allowing us to revisit and reconsider choices we made as a teenager out of lack of self worth and through that process to rediscover and reacquaint with our true selves.
It is incredible to read how much this blog Cathy has hit home on the memories we all have with our own handwriting growing up. I have always had neat handwriting and was praised for it as a child and again in adulthood. Over time I realised and noticed that my writing wasn’t coming from my natural flow but the recognition I got from it. Many years later the “ideal neatness” has gone and having read this blog accepting that the flow is an expression of me is a wonderful new awareness. Thank you Cathy.
I agree, Natasa. If the comments on this blog are any indication, the activity of manipulating our handwriting as a way of (re)creating a preferred external image or response seems not to be confined to the few but adopted by the many.
Awesome Cathy, this is a great example of how easy it is to place interpretation on to something we see, rather than feeling the quality of what we are seeing.
Yes, amazing how we adjust and also to remember how and when we made these changes that haunted us for decades. Our handwriting, our choice of clothes, our mannerisms and so on.
Yes, very true I will ponder and see if I made any such changes at any point.
This is true Christoph, I can look back and remember when I made such changes that did not support my body for who I was, creating a lot of angst and hardness in me for not honouring my own sensitivities.
Thank you Cathy, I loved reading this, your blog is a great reminder to honour my unique expression in every way. I have different hand writings at times and they show me if I am present or not so present, accepting myself in full grace or capping myself for some reason. I am looking forward to finding my natural handwriting and claiming and enjoying it from now on.
The things about ourselves that we may consider to be negative or embarrassing are actually where our strengths reside. These things that make us stand out a little or look different are instantly seen as a negative and so much effort goes into hiding these so called ‘flaws’. If we allowed ourselves the opportunity to see and feel them and how unique and special we are, the ability to see and feel the need to ‘fit in’ or conform will dissipate.
This is brilliant. Thank you Cathy. I learnt a lot from this.
Thank you Cathy, for such wonderful insight into expression.
I too have found by starting to unlock my connection I have allowed myself to drop more freely into my natural expression in many areas of my life. Voice is an area that presently is unfolding. It is wonderful to feel the natural quality of my voice without holding back or comparing and trying to sound like someone else.
Wow. Yes – the voice. Yet another tool of our true expression – and what we can do with its tone, timbre, pitch and volume to either stay true to or morph what is naturally ours.
“It’s a shocker just how much we can override the body for approval.” – Absolutely! I now appreciate my body much more than when I was younger and am much more open to feeling what is true for me and my expression thanks to Serge Benhayon.
Great point Ariana a simple choice that gives a life time problem. It is often the smallest of choices that give us the biggest problems.
What a fantastic, enjoyable blog. So symbolic of many things in life where we adjust our natural form of expression. And to complete the story with how you found your natural writing style again through the quality of connection to yourself at a Universal Medicine event is really the most amazing testimony. I myself have experienced just being in the atmosphere of one of those events and feeling how all those ‘adjustments’ begin to clear. Thank you so much Cathy
We often end up reacting to what we do not like about ourselves, or our life, and think that somehow we need to change how we behave, look or act in order to fix it. But within us is something that is worthy of the love of God. That something that is who we truly are, and it is incorruptible and unchangeable.
Reflecting on the way I lived today, I can feel that there were many moments where I overrode what my body was telling me, to theoretically save time or to get something done but the truth is I didnt save time as I was left more exhausted and with less energy at the end of the day to get all the other things I needed to do done. This blog is a great reminder to honour what our bodies are telling us as it is this that supports us to be able to do all the other things we need to get done in our day.
Our hand writing is very telling, in my experience it’s not so much in the ‘personality type’ informing, but of the ‘state of being’ type of informing. As a personal example; I know my hand writing well, I know what it looks like when I have the time and space to write, feeling present and focused on what I’m writing, I also know how my handwriting looks when I put myself in a hurry or need to get something down before hopping onto the next task. Like any other action it holds the quality I’m in, but with handwriting it’s all the more noticeable because it’s there on the paper to be seen. I find observing my handwriting a great way to bring awareness.
Wow Cathy, your blog is a very timely read for me as it has shown me just how invested I still am in presenting a certain image to the outside world of who I am rather than being fully committed to living from the inside out.
I remember a dear friend of mine telling me of his experience at school where the teacher tried to re train all the left handed students to write with their ‘right’ hand. The problems this caused for him were very distressing and he ended up with a stutter. How counter productive and imposing to place this unnecessary demand on ourselves or others. Accepting and appreciating the way our bodies naturally express supports a natural flow.
Given how much we all type these days, I’ve become much more aware of my posture at the keyboard and how my fingers are connecting with the letters. It’s quite clear, from the the sound of the keyboard, when I’m becoming tense, or wandering away from myself. The very slightest adjustments in posture can make an enormous difference and are also a beautiful way to bring me back to my body.
Beautifully written insightful blog Cathy. I love how our body reflects to us how our choices are impacting us. What a great lesson for us all, to trust and honour our own natural expression.
“It’s sad to think now that a momentary choice from a lack of confidence and appreciation of my own true essence as a teenager might have been the set-up for this future shoulder affliction.”
Disease or other body issues always have a root cause. Great to get awareness on this and take responsibility for it, so we can make different choices..
“What I came up with fitted the bill, looked good, on-trend, sophisticated, neat and in synch with the zeitgeist.” Ouch, I know this one. The outside and the ideal pictures dictate how I am and behave. Lack of self-worth is a great excuse to not be in the absoluteness of divine love.
There are so many areas of life we have learned to abandon our natural way to become what we have perceived is what is accepted or will bring us recognition. But are we losing our natural ease and flow with life as a result. What a great insight you have provided Cathy with the example of your handwriting.
I love it Cathy, it goes to show how much we change who we naturally are to fit in with the world even though it may be awkward or harmful to our bodies we override it because it gets us the recognition and fulfills the picture of how we want or need things to be.
Absolutely, James. The only punishment school lines I ever wrote were those that were self-inflicted lines of trial-and-error styles. All in the name of being seen as cool enough to be accepted into a hormone-fuelled prepubescent posse.
So true Cathy, for me rather than change my writing style, ie how it looked, I perfected how to write in a way that would get top marks, making things sound great but effectively just regurgitating things I had been taught and then giving them back what they wanted to hear. So much so I remember having my exam papers on a few occasions photocopied and read out in class as examples of how essays could or should be written!
Cathy, I loved your sharing on writing here, as lately I have been feeling how I feel when I write, and a lot of the time there is a tension when I do write, so great to read your blog and bring some focus to how I write and how it feels in my body.
I’ve noticed a tension in my body when I try to get every word down when I am listening to a presentation. I have been enjoying staying with my own pace and only writing down the essence of what I am hearing. It is very confirming to be able to distill information into what is needed to record.
It is interesting how every aspect of our expression, every detail of life, carries meaning if we are open to seeing and receiving it.
A great example of how we give our power away to external validation rather than simply express our true qualities. It is impressive Cathy that you managed to sustain a whole new way of handwriting for 3 decades! But even more impressive that you became aware of how unnatural it was in fact for you and have let it go.
I think it was my lack of self-awareness – and certainly of body awareness – that meant I continued for 30 years to drag around my belief about what my style of handwriting reflected to others. The altered style remained a consequence of that until I unbundled the belief.
Amazing Cathy – to realise that we can over ride that which is a natural part of ourselves and bring in an artificial way of being at the detriment of our body. It leads me to ponder on how many other areas in our life we can end up doing such things – perhaps change the way we would speak, the way we would walk, the clothes we wear etc etc – how much of this comes from our true natural expression verses one that we have adopted from the outside.
Ha ha, only coming back to the title made me aware of my body position and how much strength I put on my right arm. There’s something not natural about it which hurts constantly. It’s not a lot of pain, but clearly indicating that there’s something to pay (lovingly) attention to. There’s a drive, a seeking for something in that what I am producing on the computer. As well as a frustration that ‘it’ doesn’t work and has never worked. Only acknowledging this creates a whole different flow in the body and in the way I am typing. Thank you Cathy once again.
When I express from anything other than my ‘natural design’ I ‘smudge’ my true energetic imprint and deny the true crystal clear impression that I originate from. I dull myself. Why on earth would I want to do that? That is the answer really, because I have invested in the ‘trappings of earth’ and turned my back on the ever present, already complete essence that I came here with.
Thank you Cathy for sharing how compelled we can be to fit in! Your experience is another example of ‘pretzeling’ in Jean Gamble speak! It my be handwriting or any form of ‘fitting in’ that I engage in denies my ‘true expression’.
Having read your blog a couple of days ago Cathy, I have been bringing more awareness to my own writing and was amazed at the realisation of the level of disconnection that I go into when I go to hand write something. When I am on the computer there is an ease and flow of words, however I feel quite a hardness and tension in my body when I handwrite. I took a moment to reconnect with my body, I slowed down with what I was writing and I was amazed at how different it felt and even looked. I am realising that I have been holding the same imprint and tension in the way I hand write that I had as a child, however, that level of tension is not generally there in my body anymore, yet I have been allowing that energy in each time I hand write.
So true Katie. Handwriting is very revealing…
The tiniest adjustment can have an enormous impact when it is about the difference between honouring ourselves and our bodies…or not. Thanks Cathy, great blog!
Absolutely Sara well said – I agree. We are a vehicle of expression and it is our nature to emanate, so all that we surrender to is what we choose to magnify through all that we do.
It is amazing how we pretzel ourselves to move away from our natural expression to fit into a box that we think is ‘better’ than who we really are. In truth, we are already whole and our innate expression, although it comes from the same source is unique and by honouring it we take a step closer to God.
Now that’s a religion I can relate to Donna, the Church of Connecting to Your Inner Wisdom and God by Honouring Yourself – (COCTYIWBHY)
What a great blog to highlight the importance of accepting ourselves just the way we are.
Today when scrolling for an interesting blog I was drawn back to yours Cathy – just reading the title called me to remember to be present with every breath and every movement, no matter how big or how small, and to just be me. It got me wondering if writing could be used as a tool to restore presence and develop stillness? – I think it is. Great blog Cathy.
I remember being in Year 6 at school (about 10 years old), and would always sit next to my friend and try and copy her way of writing because I thought it was beautiful, and looked better than mine. I told her one day what I had been doing, and straight away she said that she had been doing the same with my writing – trying to change her writing to mirror mine. Since then I haven’t tried to change my hand writing much because I saw how each person’s is unique and we will just end up going on a goose chase to find the perfect style if we don’t appreciate our own writing. Interestingly I have always loved writing by hand. What I never connected it to though, which I think is what I got to in your blog, is that this personal style and flair relates to everything that we do – maybe this is how we can eliminate jealousy and comparison in our friendships
I agree, Jess. If and when we accept that we’re more than good enough just as we are right now, then we know we are enough. So that tendency to compare with another and from which we then either choose to feel better or worse (funny how it’s never that we compare and ‘feel equal’), just doesn’t compute. Because why would we go outside ourselves when we have everything we need already? It’s just a matter of accepting this and fully appreciating our uniqueness.
“Why would we go outside ourselves when we have everything we need already?” – that’s a great question Cathy
It becomes so very clear when reading your words Cathy how very important it is that we regard our posture at any time as it has a huge effect on our well being.
Cathy I did a similar thing – and have three writing styles and can change between the three depending on the day and the circumstance. Recently I had a go at typing my notes from lectures and presentations, this was something I had not been game enough to do previously because my writing speed was not super fast. The notes weren’t perfect but I was able to capture what felt like more relevant points. What I realised when doing this exercise is how distracted I get at my own reaction and criticism of my handwriting and how much that got in the way of being able to listen and take down information. I had always struggled taking notes that were of any use post the event to the point that if I had to do minutes I would get permission to record them. this made me stop and look at what was going on with some of the history around handwriting, and it was all based on wanting to look a certain way.
I’m glad you brought this subject up for discussion Cathy. It’s been a sore subject for me my whole life as I have always seemed to have somewhat sloppy handwriting, with printed letters that flow from one to the next, but can be difficult to read at times (doctor’s handwriting I’ve been told). What I can feel now after reading your blog is how I have been holding onto a self-judgement about my handwriting and not accepted a part of me in that way. It feels like a knot in my gut. Also, there seems to be an aspect of rushing and not taking my time in my writing that would be good to feel into more. I can feel there is more to reveal here and thanks for this interesting opportunity. There is much to learn from our writing.
A great example of how we twist ourselves to fit in and to be recognized as someone, an image we created of us and we would like others to see in us. Its quite impressive to observe through how many transformations we go and how much effort we put into being someone when in truth we are already absolute in our grandness as the divine beings we are. Why do we constantly override our divine essence with the human form? The human form is just a vehicle that we in-house being here on earth and there is no need to bring this vehicle to a material or physical perfection. The human frame is replaceable and is replaced lifetime over lifetime when it has served its purpose and then we come back into a new human frame that is then holding our being as a vessel who’s particles belong to the Universe and with this to the divine order. We are already everything, always!
This is brilliant Cathy, thank you. – From reading your blog I can clearly feel how humanity has adopted ways of expression and living according to ideals and beliefs which are in discordance to our natural ways and essence. I’m inspired and open to feeling into areas of my own expression which I have created according to expectations whether of my own or from others.
I remember looking at articles about what your handwriting says about your personality, which also reminds me of all those endless questionnaires I used to find in magazines, which I would always fill in to find out some kind of description of myself or my personality type. It’s like I was constantly searching on the outside for something to tell me who I really was in order to get a better understanding of myself. Now I no longer need a magazine to tell me who I am as through connecting to my essence I know who I truly am better than ever before.
It is indeed amazing how a comment from someone can limit our entire expression, it makes us so much aware of what we say to others and how we say it.
Yes Carmel – this highlights the responsibility we have in expressing to others and the consequences of needing people to be a certain way.
I wasn’t really aware of this but writing in my diary this morning I could see how it started off ‘neat’ and not natural, and then halfway through changed to something that did feel more natural. WOW I still have old ideals and beliefs from school about my writing!!!!! I remembered your blog and could see just how important our natural writing is as a way of our true expression. Even at work now I have heard people say ‘oh you write it as you have neat handwriting’.
I really don’t like my handwriting, and much prefer typing to writing pen to paper. One thing I have noticed about my writing is that it often changes depending on the day, or even through one piece of writing it could change a couple of times. In general my handwriting is messy and a bit difficult to read at times, and I remember defending it when I was younger when much more was written by pen, saying that it was untidy because I was artistic. To be completely honest I was always jealous of people who could effortlessly produce text in tidy handwriting. Anyway, Im not sure what this all means for me but it’s something I am going to take more notice of the next time I have to put pen to paper.
Thank you for sharing Cathy. It’s amazing how much goes on underneath the surface with so called ‘minor’ things or tasks such as writing. I’ve always written in a very strange manner; I’m left handed but angle my hand so that I write practically upside down – sounds strange and looks quite abnormal, however I’ve managed to write thousands of pages with this awkward hand position. It has definitely been a point of anxiousness in the past – a lot of people have commented that it looks ‘weird’ and I’ve tried many other ways of writing, none of them working very well. Your blog has made me think about how we each have a special way of writing – no two styles are the same – and that I should honour the weird and wonderful way I write rather than feel uncomfortable about it.
‘Honour’ is a great word to associate with all forms of our expression, Susie. I certainly didn’t honour my natural writing style, instead burying its uniqueness in favour of a surrogate that I thought might win me brownie points. It’s so important we can truly appreciate the beauty of our individual essence, in whatever form that is expressed.
Absolutely Cathy, and we can only appreciate the expressions of our individual essence/flair, such as our handwriting or work if we appreciate ourselves and truly accept that we can bring so much light to the things we do. It’s definitely something we need to clock – when we dislike a piece of writing that we’ve done, something we’ve cooked etc., is it the food/writing style we do not like or are we not appreciating ourselves fully at that time, leading to the dislike?
Great story Cathy. Its a beautiful account of how you really claimed yourself through reverting back your natural handwriting after listening to your body and feeling that the handwriting you had changed to was a creation you had made that had got in the way of you expressing yourself in full. It’s so interesting how we innately know our true expression yet go to so many lengths to suppress or change it.
Wow – reading this sounds so extreme for us to change our handwriting to fit in, however I can completely relate to trying to make my handwriting ‘beautiful’ so people would like it. In school, we are told to write a certain way, I remember getting lessons on this, and to rebel against this, I tried hard to create a unique style – but as you share Cathy, this only leeds to a forced expression that is not truly us. As computers have come in I write less and less, but it is interesting to observe how I still have a plethora of different styles based on where I am at. This is an amazing blog to reflect on the realness of my writing and the different styles I still use. Thank you.
Cathy I remember at school a friend that I looked up to had a great signature, in the end I copied the way he did this. I felt his was better than mine. It took me until my mid 20’s to decide to revert back to my natural, full, way of writing my signature and looking at my “copied” signature it feels empty and not me. Amazing to reflect on this as you shared your story of changing your writing. I am sure there are others areas in my life where I adopted what I thought I should like or sound, walk, look, talk like etc..
Our handwriting definitely reveals things about us, and sometimes people will say to me that my handwriting is very neat when they see me taking notes. I am taken by surprise by this, because it appears quite scrawly to me, but that reveals the judgements I can do on myself. I remember experimenting in teenage years with slanting it forwards and then backwards, but never sustained it so reverted back to what felt was the flow. But it’s interesting to notice how handwriting changes when we are tense or busy.
So much can be read from ones hand writing.
The first thing I thought of when reading this blog was my signature, lately I have really noticed how harsh it can be, not from my arm but an overall feeling that something is not right. And then remembering how I used to be constantly praised for my ‘clear and legible hand writing,’ but that clear and legible writing came with a very rigid body that was so desperate to make it clear to everyone so that nothing was misinterpreted. Over the last couple of years this has changed and my hand-writing has developed a flow to it that is still perfectly legible without the tension. This blog has given me a lot to ponder on, such as how we sign our mark in the world with our signature. Thank you Cathy.
I instantly thought of my signature as well and the hardness I go into to sign my name. I agree there is a lot to ponder on, who would have thought. I love your words “how we sign our mark in the world”. Could it be that our signature is a reflection of how we hold ourselves back in this world?
Great example Cathy of one of the many ways in which we change ourselves for whatever reason, and how this then stunts our own natural expression. After reading this blog yesterday morning I was super aware of my handwriting all day and how I was fluctuating between my introduced style and my natural way of writing. There is definitely a flow with my natural writing but the speed and tension with my introduced writing.
Cathy this is an amazing sharing of the effect on our lives seemingly little things can be and I love that ” I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression”. So beautiful and honest.
I once had my handwriting described and as a spider on crack that walked thru ink. I can say that I have never liked writing, being a bit dyslexic I would attempt to hide my lack of spelling prowess by making anything I wrote unreadable on purpose. It has taken 50 years of not truly expressing myself through my writing. I still don’t really know all the rules, when to use all of the things on the edge of the keyboard like “~/ -} but I see it as when we are young and rode our bicycle on the top of a wall because it is fun… we did not need to know about the rules of gravity, that’s how I am expressing myself now with out rules.
A spider on crack walking through ink – you make me laugh Steve. I’ve never been a good speller so when I wrote anything I always had to use ‘easy’ words which sometimes felt like I was capping what I wanted to express. Through this expression program, ‘out of reach’ words are starting to flow into my writing and the amazing thing is I can spell most of them.
I can fully relate to using the ‘easy words’ in the past. There is a common thread from many of us that have also experienced this well of information that is on tap for our fingers. When we are writing, words just flow out of our fingers that we have never ever used it in a sentence… written or spoken. When we re-read what we have written it just feels right. The ironic thing I also find now from expressing more is not so much easy words but simple succinct comments that can speak volumes.
‘simple succinct comments that can speak volumes’ exactly that is what I am finding also and I get blown away at times when I reread old comments that I have written. It’s like ‘wow, did those words actually come through me onto this computer?’ It’s so cool.
A brilliant example of how easy it can be to discard what is true and natural and adopt something false and forced just to fit in and create a picture of ourselves we imagine others may like. What a blessing to re-connect to who we truly are, be ourselves and fully appreciate all that we bring to the world.
Cathy, after reading your article yesterday I experimented with how I write, I needed to write some notes at work and I usually rush doing these, this hurts my arm and always feels awful and the handwriting looks messy, so I did not rush yesterday, I wrote very gently, aware of how my body was feeling and if it tensed up I changed position or wrote more gently, this was very lovely to experience and created a moment of stillness while I was writing. The writing looked beautiful afterwards and I looked back at my previous writing, the difference was huge, and this time I actually enjoyed sitting and writing, thank you for the inspiration.
Ditto Rebecca, I did the same thing yesterday and after having written a whole A4 page of writing my hand, arm and shoulder did not hurt as it would normally, and it felt enjoyable to do.
After having a discussion about this with a friend it became more obvious how stubborn I have been to continue to cultivate a different style of writing even though I realised early on that it caused tension in my body.
I really enjoyed this blog Cathy thank you, I don’t remember specific details but I do remember the feeling of making a number of choices over my younger years to change things that were natural to me to fit in more to what was ‘accepted’ and ‘normal’. Amazing how this all stems from not feeling good enough and not wanting to stand out, rather than appreciating and celebrating our own unique mode of expression.
Cathy, your experience shows the incredible lengths we go to at times to not accept the way we naturally are, and how we can change ourselves based on something someone has said about us. It feels like it comes back to our sense of worth and if that isn’t strong within us, we can easily get swayed by outside influences. It’s wonderful to hear how you’ve come back to a way of writing that is natural for you.
I agree Esther our posture is super important. I know how I stand effects the way I feel about myself and then the way I express. When I stand hunched over even slightly I feel disempowered and I express from a disempowered place. When I am standing with my spine fully elongated and surrendered in my body with full awareness of my body and being I feel 9 feet tall, empowered, tender, delicate and express these qualities.
I agree Sandra, It has a lot to do with our senses of self worth. And the choices we make moment to moment have a lot to do with our sense of self worth. We need to be more honest with our selves and then we will make choices that support us. When we are not honest we make choices that do not support us so we go on a merry go round of not feeling good about ourselves because of the choices we made and then we do not feel worthy of making caring choices because we feel bad about our selves and around and around we go on a lack of self worth cycle. You can see how ludicrous this is when all we need to do is get honest and listen to our bodies and make loving choices accordingly.
And every loving choice is a credit in our self worth bank account that builds and builds so that after a while, it isn’t even an option to go back to some of the old choices we used to make.
I agree Sandra, there were behaviors in my life that were such a daily habit but since consistently choosing another way these behaviors no longer are a choice I would even consider making. Consistency is the answer.
Totally amazing how the body can tell us with a small thing like your fingers did when you first changed and then years later we come back to the point that we can once again choose to listen or not. The body is absolutely amazing in that regard and so loving, caring and fully honouring of our choices, still letting us know with illness and disease if we have chosen to not listen.
“The whole encounter got me thinking about what my handwriting said about me – and more importantly, whether I liked what a so-called expert, who had never met me, might say about me from looking at it. I therefore set about – quite determinedly – to create a new look for myself through my handwriting.” Serge Benhayon has talked much about he power of confirmation and although I am only touching the surface when I read this I know that this is the medicine that alters our need to be shaped by the outside. For in being confirmed for who we are – a rock bed is laid for us to live and express from.
Wow, the things we’ll do to the point of damaging our body in order to “fit in” to someone else’s idea of how things should be or the way they should be done and yet there is nothing better than being our authentic harmonious self as you discovered Cathy.
Cathy’s blog indeed is giving us a great example of how we discard and damage our body in order to fit in whilst there is nothing more beautiful than accepting our authentic and natural way of expressing. We don’t get confirmed as children that we are amazing in our own unique ways. It is time to change the tide for what we all individually bring is so very needed.
Extraordinary to contemplate the physical disharmony we are prepared to accept in order to fit in – the messages are forever there – but the connection is missing.
This is even more poignant Lucinda for the expression that there is none so blind as those that will not see… and feel.
It’s amazing how even though we try and override our natural flows the body never forgets them or abandons these flows for the new unnatural way. The body will continually present our natural way and we chose to go with the flow or against it.
Eventually Truth will always come through and I find your experience of reverting to your natural form of writing, Cathy, when under pressure a beautiful reflection of this.
True Jonathan, Cathy’s story is a great reflection on many levels.
Hi Cathy what you have shared here reminded me of the problems that can occur when I make a change on a garment. As a seamstress I often have to say to my clients that if I take that seam in there this is going to have an affect on the rest of the garment as everything is in relationship with everything else.
That’s a great point Kathleen, it’s not just our fingers holding the pen it’s also our hand, arm, shoulder and basically our whole body. Yet it’s easy to think that it’s just in our mind that our writing doesn’t look good, our bodies don’t feel good either.
This is a great blog about pretending to be someone other than we naturally are – and majority of people to a greater or lesser extent do this. The nice person that is in essence direct and forthright, the bolshie person that is super sensitive and sweet, or just those small tweaks we make along the way ( like our handwriting, tone of voice or the way we dress etc.) that leave us and all others missing out on the already complete and heavenly essence we were all born with. What a wonderful can of worms you’ve opened Cathy.
Cathy, your description of altering your handwriting and how that changed the bio-mechanics of your body, and the physical distress this put your body under, opens wide the relationship between psychology and movement. It is so big I can’t grasp what this could mean for movement science, psychologists and physiotherapists.
Cathy, I found the way you have reflected upon handwriting offers much depth I could easily re-read this and find more to consider.
In a way changing our natural handwriting is a complete negation of who we naturally are and express ourselves Cathy and in that we are even prepared to accept a long term stress to our bodies, which we can ignore for a long time but at the end will present to us some serious injuries in our bodies that will reflect to us what not expressing ourselves in our natural way is causing to our bodies. Why are we prepared to suffer like this while we have already everything that we need inside? We only have to let out what lives within and accept it for what it is. As is our handwriting our natural expression of the essence of who we are, we have to understand and appreciate the importance of this to be shared with the world.
Hand writing it a great marker – the quality of my hand writing always registers with me and there are times it feels beautiful to behold and others where it looks like something even i have trouble reading. It is an uncomfortable external reflection of how rushed, scattered and trying to get things done I can be. Equally though, it is an amazing silent, private and constant invitation to come back to myself and when I’m flowing and full, so is my handwriting.
A beautiful awareness Adrienne – our hand writing is great evidence to reflect on our quality of energy and presence. If I’m feeling rushed or trying to force what I’m doing, my writing will tell me clearly and it feels so lovely to bring it back to presence and feel the flow of me return.
When we try to be different to please another (and that includes ourselves) our body will always talk to us especially if we are going against the natural flow. Such a powerful tool to support us but we do not always appreciate it.
Isn’t it incredible that when we choose something about ourselves that we don’t like and we go ahead and change it according to what our ideals of what we think it should be. This however stunts our natural expression as we adhere to a way of being that is not really who we are. Reflecting upon this, it is madness, yet we do it all the time.
So true Donna, it is also encouraged and celebrated to become something or someone different to who we naturally are. We miss a great opportunity to heal a hurt in this moment of wanting to change and this can have potential life and body consequences for lifetimes.
I have found there is a real difference in the type of pen or pencil I choose to write with. We only have really cheap pens at work, due to budget cuts, and I can feel a very slight resistance on the page when I use them meaning I have to apply slightly more pressure when writing. It may sound like a very small thing, which, in some ways, it is. However, I choose to buy my own pens where the ink flows easily and I can enjoy the process of writing, because I can and I’m worth it. I choose to honour myself and use pens that support me rather than struggle with what is there to use.
Ha! Alison – I’m the same – I buy biros that are smooth to write with on any paper – the cheaper ones have the ink coming out intermittently and are a frustrating pain to write with. When I started my own business back in 1991 I bought an expensive pen (Parker) to ‘sign my cheques with’ and it was lovely to write with. These days we all mostly use biros and rarely write cheques, and I’m learning faster ways to write notes on courses, using pictures and cartoons, which is fun. I used to work at a checkout and was amused at the different ways people wrote their signatures on credit card slips – with care or not – I always felt that was significant.
I really enjoyed reading your article, Cathy, and can well remember my own handwriting being analysed at school revealing ‘supposed’ personality traits. Whilst I’ve never actively tried to alter my handwriting, I’ve recently become more aware of subtle changes, how sometimes the formation of my words on the page just flow and at other times it feels scratchy and more stilted. It feels like this has to do with how present I am in my body when I’m writing, being present allows a flow, as opposed to when I’m writing but already thinking of the next thing I have to do.
‘I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression. ‘ …… simply beautiful to read how you are now choosing to honour gorgeous you.
It is a beautiful work in progress, one that we all can embark on.
How often do we ‘want to be like someone else’, especially growing up We look to copy what someone else is doing, wearing or something they said. The fact is, being ourselves is the ultimate as there is no one else like you in the world and that is worth celebrating.
Yes Mathew, instead of comparing ourselves to others we have to learn to celebrate ourselves for how special and unique we are in our expression.
And how much we seek others approval and thus move away from our natural expression! Appreciating our worth and what we naturally bring feels so beautiful inside, all part of our sharing and celebrating.
‘The fact is, being ourselves is the ultimate as there is no one else like you in the world and that is worth celebrating’. I love this Matthew and wish this wisdom had been gifted to me as a child, when I copied others because I felt I wasn’t good enough.
so true Matt, trying to fit in look cool and changing who we are, rather than honouring it
Well said Matthew, we want to be like someone, but actually we want to act and do like someone else as we don’t really relate to the being of the other. We copy the outer and distance more and more from the inner. What inspires us in the other is the quality of the being and we belief that we can connect to this quality by copying the outer, but this is just an illusion that is fed by the belief that the human frame is who we are. When we accept our divine essence we will embrace our true grandness and live who we truly are.
I agree Mathew, when you stop for a moment to consider how every single one of us is unique in our appearance, the sound of our voice, our expression, it IS pretty amazing… all 7 billion of us. Definitely worth appreciating and celebrating ourselves, and it is awe-some how the one can express in many ways.
This is really lovely Matthew, ‘The fact is, being ourselves is the ultimate as there is no one else like you in the world and that is worth celebrating.’ How amazing if this were taught in schools, it could stop all the copying, all the feeling less and trying to be like someone else that carries on into adult life.
Hear, hear to that Matthew Brown, well said.
What a great comment Matthew, being ourselves is the ultimate and it is very revealing to ponder what stands in the way of celebrating who we are at any moment, without needing to be different, better or improving in any way.
Well said Matthew. It is for this reason that comparison is so ridiculous and is in fact poisoning us, yet we allow it to infiltrate society and our bodies like it is our ally…
…And if we want to be like someone else we have to first be comparing ourselves to them. This automatically creates an unequal playing field that will always tease and play games with our own confidence and undermine our own potential.
Cathy I love and relate to what you share. I remember as a young girl of about 12 changing my handwriting style from a smaller scrawl, to something more round, pretty and curvy just to have pretty writing like my friends. Over the years my writing has mostly remained the same and I hadn’t truly considered the impact that such a change has had, but you’ve definitely got me pondering. Feels like it may be time to see if I am truly going with my flow or just trying to live up still to who I think I should be.
Cathy you have also reminded me of a time when I was about 12 yrs old that I noticed how a friend held her pen. She held it between the index and middle finger, which seemed so cool that I copied her. I continued to hold my pen this way for the next 30 years, silently enjoying the remarks that I got about how unusual it was to hold my pen in this way. When I wised up to the fact that I was clutching at remnants of identity poached from the outside, I went back to holding my pen in the way that I had before and felt much less of an imposter.
Reading your comment, Alexis, it brought back a memory for me too, noticing how someone was writing in this exact same way. I fleetingly tried to copy them, but it was too hard and felt too uncomfortable. I actually enjoy the process of writing and have always loved buying stationary, cool pens with flowing ink, beautiful cards, scented writing paper …. so it’s always been important for me that it feels ‘right’ when I write, or it takes the enjoyment away.
And I think we do this with hairstyles a lot too, something seemingly innocuous, copying a celebrities’ style, but usually this is to look a certain way and portray a certain image, not because it is a style naturally coming out of our expression.
I totally agree Suzanne – and similarly to the pain with Cathy’s hand when writing in the modified way, we also find that because our hair type is different to others we try to copy, it doesn’t work out as well as we think it will
I agree Suzanne, we actually do it with a lot of things. What I like about Cathy’s example is how she describes in detail what happened to her by having a goal to write in a certain way as it shows so clearly how much we compromise ourselves when we have a picture or ideal that we want to be. We simply stop putting ourself into the equation, we negate that what feels good for us and become that what we think we need to be.
Yes Suzanne, we do it with our clothes too, the cars we drive, the houses we buy. We are constantly wanting to present an image about who we are and what we want to be portraying to the outside world rather than living from what feels true.
Great point shared here in the ways it ripples into all areas of our lives. To stand on ones own true feelings can be so freeing once we let go of the ideals of how we should be and ‘just be’.
Gees, what lengths we all go to to fit in. We’re failing kids if society is not teaching kids or allowing kids to know their qualities and actually want to honour them, rather than diminish them.
This is so true Suzanne. And it is interesting that children are using technology as their way of expressing in so many aspects of their lives now rather than writing with pen and paper. Does this not add to the dishonouring of their expression? Everything of course has to be in balance and technology does of course have its place, however we have to ask the question. Technology allows such fast response, that there leaves little time to really feel or ponder on something. Are our children being asked/encouraged to respond in reaction rather than actually feeling if is something is true for them or not?
Indeed. Guess what? My mother is left handed. She does everything with her left hand, apart from….writing. Why? Because it was a nuisance according to her school. The handwriting was considered more sloppy and it ruined what you just wrote. Well, whatever the right reason, it took my mum quite some effort to change to her other hand. Reading your blog Kathy, I realize that if it is not voluntary but compulsory to change who you are are i.e.your handwriting it is abusive and not allowing someone to be who they are.
I guess we go to very great lengths to fit in. The alternative can be frightening – buck the trend but risk ‘upsetting’ establishment.
Yep, it’s a crazy set-up that takes us away from knowing who we are and teaches us to be less, to sell out and to accommodate others in life rather than celebrating the joy and ease of our own expression
Cathy there is such a natural ease in the way that you use words and also a crystalline quality to your expression. Those qualities combined with your insight make up very powerful expression indeed.
So true Alexis, Cathy’s expression feels very whole, flowing, powerful and graceful, just like her handwriting! How gorgeous to have re-claimed this outer representation of her inner qualities, to finally after years of denial, accepted the beauty that flows so effortlessly from her.
Yes, Alexis, the naturality of Cathys expression is beautiful.
It’s a dis-ease, an epidemic … looking on the outside or changing our natural flow to ‘look’ good or fit in with others. And as you have shared how damaging is this? That we spend decades, a lifetime, living a life that is not truly us! I had a real OMG moment reading your blog because I remembered that is exactly what I used to do. I conciously changed my handwriting so it would look neater, more bubbly! and like someone else’s. And used to compare handwriting! My writing now is a scribble and sometimes I can’t even read it! But it is no longer forced or cultivated to be a certain way.
This line is great: “I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression” – appreciation from confirming ourselves, from accepting ourselves is paramount and healthy activity.
This is a brilliant line which made me realise that not even at school are we encouraged to appreciate, discover and understand our own style and rhythm but to mere function and try to represent the generic alphabet as best as we can.
True Abby, it’s all about what we DO and not who we are, therefore completely ignoring our own style and rhythm.
I agree Zofia a powerful line indeed. As I am discovering the more we truly appreciate ourselves, our magnificence, our Divinity the more we are then able to live in the flow of who we truly are without hesitation. And this comes from as you say, accepting who we are and confirming the love we are.
Your observations are insightful Cathy, and relatable, it happened to me also at around that age and i changed my handwriting to be like my 2 brothers, comparing it then to all my family. I’m not too sure i was clear what my ‘original’ writing was back then, i just remember slanting it more to the right as it was easier to write quicker and looked more ‘grown up’. Quicker no doubt because of the anxiousness i was carrying, and the subsequent lack of focus or presence, a continuing theme into adulthood….As you say, is not just about writing but the point you make about acceptance and confidence, the lack of which comes from not being confirmed as you were back then aged 15, by yourself, or others around you, and, even before this age for you to be baited by the ‘inside track’ on handwriting from an ‘expert’ (graphologist). Interesting how we dilute or change our natural essence and just how early comparison hits us to make this change possible that then ties into the issue of self-worth, importance and value.
It is gorgeous that you have reverted back to using a part of yourself you had allowed to remain dormant… to no longer deny but accept it in full as the true reflection of your personality and essence of who you are. It is crazy how we can sabotage ourselves when we make choices from a lack of self-acceptance or confidence and override our true expression… thank goodness the body let’s us know so loudly when the choice is not a true one.
This is brilliant Cathy and VERY inspiring to read. How deeply ingrained it becomes to twist and contort ourselves (literally) just so we can fit in and be accepted. I love the fact that you are coming home to accepting yourself JUST AS YOU ARE!
It is something to REALLY celebrate.
Thank you Cathy, your blog reminded me of how I felt about my handwriting as a teenager too. I had experienced something similar and tried to change my natural handwriting but eventually I would always naturally revert back to my original style. Your blog highlights how willing we are to changes ourselves and the way we do things to seek approval and recognition even with our handwriting. This comes about when we are not accepting, appreciating ourselves. We can certainly correct our unloving choices once we do accept who we are and let go of seeking recognition and approval, it feels very empowering to let go of the control and embrace who we are.
This is great Cathy! Thank you for sharing this, it shows to me how something that we may dismiss as being seemingly minor actually can have a big affect on our body and wellbeing.
This is a great point Fiona, we so often override the little things in the thinking that they don’t really matter or that they won’t really make that much change so ‘what’s the point’ and yet the detail and the small things are just as important as the bigger things which rewrites the way we have been educated to think.
Absolutely Fiona. We also leave a significant impress on the page when writing, and this can affect everyone that will then read it as they are being reflected/confronted with a certain style that either represents our individual expression or represents contraction or hiding – a change in handwriting to tick a box.
I agree Fiona, it is amazing how much such a minor thing can affect our bodies and well being.
What you share here Cathy is so true … I have recently gone back to my original style of writing which has such a natural flow, and my body loves it! There is so much more ease and flow in the writing itself and also in the knowing of what needs to be written.
I found learning to write such a pressure at school. It was something I felt judged on as if it were a reflection on my level of intelligence… now I know it’s simply not true.
An exquisite blog Cathy that has brought up a rather painful memory for me. At the age of 15 (!!) I had an episode where a close relative told me I had the worst writing they had seen and preceded to dissect it fault by painful fault. It left me devastated to a degree that may not superficially make sense, but now, with the understanding that writing is an expression of who we are…then the devastation can be placed in a far greater context. The result was that I lost my confidence completely, not just in the act of writing, but in the “what” I wrote. Attempts to “fix it” were to no avail. How could they be? I approached my writing in such a state of fear that my body was a tightly wound spring.
Eventually I stopped writing, and consequently the flow of my expression.
So here I am now, many years later with a fresh perspective. Now I can deeply read the situation and not just the writing! What a shame that I allowed another person’s disappointment and unacknowledged self-critique to poison my relationship with myself and to seal up all that I have to bring to this world through my expression.
This is a great lesson Cathy, and I thank you for the poignant reminder.
“Now I can deeply read the situation and not just the writing!” returning to our ability to read situations is like the missing link that delivers freedom and purpose to reading and writing .
The act of reading is so much more than our eyes scanning across the letters on a page. We read with our entire body, everything that is before us.
I had a similar experience with a teacher, who singled me out in front of the class and demonstrated how she could write better than me up-side-down, didn’t do much for my confidence or expression either.
Its crazy Kevmchardy, that people lash out like this from what may be a lack of confidence in themselves, or perhaps it they are going through a difficult period in their lives and being unduly picky. What does such a display achieve? Crazy too when you consider the beauty of what you write and what a healing experience it is for your reader. That this could have been suppressed shows the extent to which we have placed style before energetic quality.
It’s amazing how devastating it can be to receive criticism in this way from someone close to us. It can feel like a direct personal attack which has damaging and lasting effects. But as you say, comments like these from others can be from a deeply seated hurt within themselves which they are just dumping onto you. Yes it’s great when we can read situations like this. It enables us to take the sting out of it.
And to read and feel your expression now is confirmation of the love that you are Rachel and that you are letting the whole world see and feel.
Yes, my responsibility was to hold firm to the beauty of the words that flow through me when I am simply myself. That I allowed an opinion to crush that is something worth questioning, and worth exploring very deeply.
“What a shame that I allowed another person’s disappointment and unacknowledged self-critique to poison my relationship with myself and to seal up all that I have to bring to this world through my expression.” What a powerful awareness to come to Rachel and your comment just goes to prove how delicate and precious we are and that our hand writing plays a huge part in expressing our inner qualities. To have that picked apart, literally line by line must have been a devastating experience. In a time when hand writing is becoming a dying art in favour of key boards and phone pads, I wonder how this will impact on our true expression. I love writing by hand and have noticed that my writing can differ depending on how I feel. Cathy’s article brings huge awareness to all those subtle ways we alter ourselves to fit in with the outside world and curtail our naturally flowing expression.
But typing is equally revealing. How am I sitting, how am I tapping the keys? How do my arms and shoulders sit? How graceful are my hands?
I sometimes listen to the sound I make as I type. Utterly revealing of the state I am in.
Whatever we do Rowena is a mirror to how we are inside.
Rachel- thank you for sharing. It is amazing how much we allow the opinions of others to affect us when we have not fully appreciated ourselves, who we are and what we bring. It is beautiful to read about your return to you and your return to writing.
What is also there is the need to conform to increase our chances of success in society, i.e at that time having a certain style of handwriting would likely increase job prospects, even if it were to be at the expense of our bodies. It’s all a bit of a set up, so many things we are asked to do that I feel take us away from acting how we are meant to be.
Reading your comment Rachel I wonder whether the attack on your handwriting was as innocent as you write. Sometimes through jealousy and other such emotions people say these things which have a way of undermining us and bringing us down.
Another example of this not so innocent sabotage happens with our names. My true name is Nicola but I was only called that by my family when they were telling me off or being horrible to me, so it was always used in anger and never said in love. It got so that I could not use my name and would react every time I heard it and so I called myself Nicky. The name Nicky was ok for me and is great for many others depending on how it is said and used. However, in my case it was often used as a diminutive and to make me feel safe and less. I realised this some years ago and decided to reclaim my name. After I started calling myself Nicola again, for one whole year almost every time anyone used my name when they spoke to me I thought they were telling me off and I had a sort of shock reaction in my body – it took quite some time for me to get over that. Once I was able to truly reconnect to my name, I was able to also reconnect to my fullness and grandness.
I love what you share here Nicola and I love how you reclaimed your name! Even though that meant for you to go through a quite uncomfortable phase where every time you heard your name you thought something was wrong with you – what a set up – but amazing that you went through the length of healing this.
I have read both of your comments Nicola, and I agree that there was jealousy in the person doing the criticising. Ridiculous because they are a superb writer.
As for your name, it is a wonderful step to reclaim our name in full. In my family, no one shortened my name, but gave me a multitude of silly diminutive nick names that grated on my nerves. It is extraordinary to consider how many devices we use to keep people around us small.
Yes, I agree Rachel it is extraordinary how many people use devices to keep others down and small and in the process keep themselves small and down. This is truly crazy because the more anyone shines the more we all shine. To appreciate and celebrate the true awesomeness of another is to appreciate and celebrate our own awesomeness as we are all from the same source.
It all starts with how we are with ourselves. The more we appreciate and confirm ourselves the more we will see that in others too. It is also of course important to be aware of what we are appreciating and confirming. If we are expressing from our essence and from love, then we are appreciating and confirming something that we all share and that is eternal and ever expanding and thus we all heal and evolve. However, if we are appreciating any expression that does not come from our true essence then we are giving recognition to that insatiable and harmful aspect of ourselves that is always wanting identification and recognition in its individualistic expression and that too grows.
It is true Doug. It was done to help, but again, does this not confirm how we can fall for appearances and do not stop to check the quality of our actions? Energetic integrity ought to be our initiating point, before we even sit down to write, or open our mouths to offer help to another.
…to seal up all I have to bring to this world through my expression.’ The visual I get of this expression is horribly graphic – like drowning a defenceless animal. Fortunately you had a reserve tank Rachel and I thank God for what your expression is now brining to humanity! You are a true oracle.
That time did feel like drowning in a sea of overwhelm. I nearly lost myself.
I don’t know about my oracular talents, but I do know I have much to express – as many people such as yourself do. The world sings to a tune that is of key. We need many silenced voices to be restored, their reserve tanks activated anew.
We have recently been discussing handwriting in our family, after one of my sons asked if handwriting was genetic, ie that you either wrote like your mother or your father. This got me reflecting on changes in my writing that have occurred at different times of my life. Overall, the more present and still I am in my body, the more neat, open and spacious my writing looks – stress and nervous energy results in the opposite.
That is an interesting discussion, Carmin …. I found it really hard to read my parents handwriting and I’m now noticing at work how sometimes people find my writing challenging to read, mainly as I use abbreviations, which seem very clear to me, but obviously not to everyone. This has been a lovely reminder for me to take more care and to be clearer for the benefit of all, not to take shortcuts.
Me too Carmin. I often joke about how illegible my hand writing is, but when I take the time, am still and connected to me, my writing is quite neat. This is a bit of a sore point as I know that my writing is no where near neat most of the time, which shows the energy in which I am predominately writing.
So true Carmin. I notice how my handwriting changes according to how I am feeling. I have in the distant past been to a workshop that explained about handwriting and what it shows about the person, so at that time tried to make some changes but it didn’t last long!
A great article Cathy.
I recently changed my signature. I did not decide to but found I naturally started to sign my name differently. I am not sure about genetics and handwriting however I feel my signature reflects my own development and self confidence!
Thats cool Bernadette, a re-aligning of yourself is allowing the true rhythm of you to come through. When we start to move with our true flow we start to feel how all our movements change. I like that it has even shown in your signature.
I feel that the flow aspect is it Kim. When feel the significance of the signature, the formality of it had held me in a pattern that I now feel I have released. Hence the new signature has emerged. And I can feel change has occurred in other ways as well. The honouring of myself is the first in step allowing the release of these held patterns in the body!
Now that I’m starting to move more in my natural rhythm and allowing flow, I can feel how I have even held my shoulders in a certain way for most of my life. I now catch myself out with my shoulders up tight and I know I need to stop and reconnect. I also feel this with other parts of my body including how I walk. It’s a complete reconfiguring of our bodies to allow what is true to be expressed as all has been held, protected and hidden for so long.
Your blog was so inspiring to read this morning Cathy, and it helped connect a few dots for me as well. I was taught flowing writing but quickly changed to upright print at a young age, feeling the flowing style was ‘old fashioned’. Then when a long term relationship ended I tried to re-invent myself with a print that had a lot of flare to it with fancy squiggles on letters, and my body had to tense even more to write in this way. However, at this time someone I knew was learning to write and I watched as they took on that tension, wanting to have fancy writing too. On seeing this effect I stopped the fancy stuff and tried to explain we each have our own way of writing but that tension when writing continued for them. Reading your blog I’ve realised that perhaps that tension has been a significant contributor to that young adult now looking at shoulder surgery. It is sobering to consider the impact we have, not only on ourselves, but on others, in everything we choose.
Excellent point Paula – thank you for sharing so openly here. We are all role models for somebody whether we know it or not and we are all responsible for our choices.
I’m struck by how important it seems to be, when you’re young and unaware of your own uniqueness, to be on point with the handwriting style of the time in the mad scramble for identity, recognition and acceptance rather than embracing fully your very own timeless writing. The irony is, once adopted, on point at some time or another becomes off point, leaving you trapped in a time warp that ages you in an instant and leaves you once again exposed to those same insecurities that had you adopting the style in the first place.
“I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression.”-
what a great story Cathy and power-full message, reminding us how important it is to honour our unique style expressed through our handwriting and in everything we do.
Well said Loretta. Our unique style is expressed in more ways than we might think! Just yesterday my sister was telling me about all the different facial expressions I pull in different situations – I’d never paid much attention to it but it’s true that we are constantly expressing not only through what we say but how we move, write, walk and interact, and we each have our own ‘flair’ when doing these things.
Cathy, your blog has a very natural flow to it, I guess a reflection of the flow of your re claimed handwriting.
I noticed that too Annelies. Cathy has a very clear and beautiful expression that flows effortlessly.
Handwriting is interesting and the fact that there is a natural way to each of us. I have noticed that depending on how I am feeling, how connected to me I am, influences the ease and flow of my writing. if I am rushing or disconnected my handwriting is less legible and disjointed. This has highlighted another form of contraction and how we can choose to over-ride living all that we truly are just for the sake of trying to be something not natural to us.
I have noticed this too. When I am present as I write my writing is quite clear to read and quite neat. When I’m not it is harder to read and non-uniform.
I often see how good or not I am feeling about myself in how my hand writing looks.
Yes I do too Dean – it reflects quality of presence I have with myself.
I realise from your comment Dean how judgemental I am on my own handwriting. Pretty much always. There are lots of memories where I’ve been judged about my handwriting and clearly I’ve taken them on board.
I agree Dean, I also feel it when I am actually writing and if there is a flow in my body or not is an indication of my quality of being, it is very exposing!
I have the same experience, I can also feel it in my hand. When I’m connected I can write with not tension or ache in my hand as opposed to when I’m out I can feel how hard I’m holding my pen.
I remember getting a really sore hand in school Kim. I felt enormous pressure to do homework and write stuff when I was actually sitting in class.. my hand hurts now just thinking about it. The voice in my head at the time was ‘keep writing even though it hurts, keep up with the other kids in the class, why are you so slow, why are you not as smart and quick as them, don’t get left behind, you will get into trouble with the teacher and she will tell your parents’.
Thank you Cathy. This is a fasinating blog as it shows just how far we are prepared to go to change ourselves to look a certain way on the outer at the expense of our bodies. This is a big learning for us all.
Elizabeth what shocked me about this story and my own similar experiences is the extent to which we will go to look a certain way…and based on what? A perceived ideal that one thing is better than another and it seems that no matter what the other thing is none of us seem to have it. This should ring alarm bells if we are all seeking this elusive ideal picture.
Yes, Lee – those alarm bells should be warning enough. But instead we believe that we’re the only one lacking and therefore seeking. We’re too busy deep in lack of self worth to notice that this malaise is contagious, having been well and truly caught by the majority at a young age, only to play out for the rest of our lives, unless and until we realise what’s going on and manage to call it to a halt.
Agree it is insidious how we get caught up in the seeking of bettering ourselves creating identity modules trying to fit into a world that reflects us constantly who we are not and that we never ever reach this false perfection. Perfection that is focused on the human frame instead of living in the knowing of our divine origins.
This is so relatable. I remember trying to model my handwriting off other people at school whom I thought were so much cooler than me. In fact the thing I practiced the most at school was adaptation…moulding my ‘versatile’ self to fit every kind of group. Amazing how little awareness we have been taught to harness when we’re young. So much of this separation from ourselves could have been avoided. Suffice to say, it’s never too late to come back to you!
That is such an awesome and insightful observation Cathy! I love it. I love that you have gone back to what worked oh so well before those annoying doubts came in.
Beautiful blog Cathy! This is so funny, but we all do it in some way or another, change ourselves slightly or drastically to fit in to something when we ourselves were perfectly okay being who we are! I did the same thing with my handwriting at school and know the pain well of writing and upholding the created style. At the time (in high school) If I had of known or considered it was because I was not accepting my natural way and that I was perfectly okay I probably would have been a little upset and reactive, because this ‘new’ way certainly had its recognition from friends and peers. And this became more than just handwriting.
Wow Cathy what an amazing discovery and journey through life to come to such a loving place now and learn from. A beautiful reflection and inspiration for others to feel what we are really doing to our bodies and so confirming to simply be who we are !
We can judge just about everything about ourselves and set ourselves up to fail with all the expectations we have to be like others, not like others etc. But as I am learning, this leads nowhere other than to more seeking to improve or avoiding looking at our behaviours and it affects everything about how we move, including how we write. Our body really does tell us everything if we choose to listen.
Wow Cathy, this is a brilliant blog. You’ve got me thinking about how I write, and also how I type. There is a nervous raciness in both that is disharmonious with my natural rhythm which if the truth be told I have been noting for quite some years without addressing. Now I am going to slow it down and see what happens to my nervous system.
I can relate to what you have written here Jeannette as I have also noticed a nervousness when I write, especially dictation and whilst typing. Many years ago I trained at a secretarial college and took a dictation exam, the nerves kicked in to such an extent that I never did dictation from that day onwards – shame really as I had practised every single day for a year and got up to 80wpm. I told myself that if I get that nervous I would never be able to do it as a job – one thing I do know is that I do not like rushing when I write and it feels awful not being able to get the words down quick enough, even today.
I also want to add that after reading this blog yesterday morning and being aware all day of my handwriting, that I noticed that there is less pressure when writing in my natural flow and hence there is less tension going up my right arm, plus there was more of a lightness with it.
Me too Jeanette, I lived in nervous tension for so many years and it affected every aspect of my life and I have been aware of tension when I am writing and typing for a while but keep thinking I don’t have time to make changes right now and plan to address it soon…No time like the present and I can already feel that it is perfectly possible to hold my stillness whilst working hard and only my stubbornness is standing in the way of change. Thank you for the inspiration.
Yes Helen, our stubbornness is standing in the way of change, Also perhaps apathy and overwhelm?
My handwriting has not changed that much from when I was young and I remember well that at some point somebody told me that my handwriting looked quite childish. I can now see that it is not childish but that is still carries the innocence, joy and light that I had as a child and still have.
Love this article Cathy. It describes so well what happens when we go into our heads and come up with concepts about the way things should be, to ‘look good’? Then there is the extreme that my father always talked about. He was naturally left handed , but they tied his left hand behind his back at school and forced him to write with his right hand. The damage done was always so obvious – even as a child I could clock it.
Cathy this is fabulous. So important to consider all the ways in which we express. It not just what we write but how we write and the intimate details in that. I recall playing with my own handwriting a lot over the years. Through my writing (what and how) I can tell how tired I am, distracted, stressed, anxious or completely connected.
Thank you Cathy for bringing my attention to my handwriting, which I will observe more closely now. I remember playing around with my handwriting style a bit when I was a teenager, trying different ways. Nowadays I tend to write so quickly that it gets messy, but I am also very out of practice – I probably type faster than I can write.
A Great sharing Cathy – what an amazing revelation from your different handwriting choices and the curse of not feeling good enough. Thus setting self punishment in always wanting recognition from others to confirm being ok and acceptable. Yikes! the things we do to ourselves to cope with life.
“I overrode the pain it brought to the part of my body that bore the brunt of an unnatural way, adopting instead an external stereotype that I hoped would do it all for me, when in fact ‘it’ was there all the time. All because of not feeling good enough, not accepting my own true amazingness and the unique way in which I express.
I appreciate how you draw our attention to this aspect of life Cathy. It’s like we see a picture of how we would like life to be, and try to fix that on top of reality. But what your handwriting story says to me is that our natural way of expression is beautifully stylish and complementary to our body.
Yes I agree Joseph. When we express from our essence, our true self everything we do is naturally amazing, beautiful, elegant and a blessing. No need to strive for anything, it just naturally flows gracefully.
I agree Susan, it is fascinating to see how strong the mind is to take over from what is otherwise a natural way of being.
What a great example Cathy of how our body naturally knows the way it wants to move and be, and the power we can use to subvert that. Thank you for sharing your discovery as it proves that going against our body’s natural way of being is really no way to live lovingly with ourselves.
Hi Cathy, great to read this and reflect on the judgement I’ve had on my own handwriting that I probably allowed in after I was told my writing had to look a certain way, more upright, rounded etc. I know if I write sloping my words, it feels much more comfortable in my body but doesn’t always look so neat. I can feel now the pretty handwriting is more controlled at the expense of my body. For a couple of years now when note taking my arm hurts, too much trying to get everything down rather than feeling what to write but I’ve not taken the time to really explore this. Thank you for writing about this, it’s time to look at this and experiment further.
Awesome Cathy, thank you for sharing. It just goes to show how the choices we make do have impact on our body.
Absolutely johannebrown17 very well said. Our body is amazing at revealing our every choice, it doesn’t hide the truth, we get to feel everything, absolutely everything. If we choose not to listen the messages just gets louder and louder.
Very clear and simple example of what it means to alter oneself to suit expectations and the consequences thereafter and coming back to the natural flow of your body that is your original expression is answered by your body with a feel of ease. The body responds and speaks very clearly.
This has been such an interesting blog to read. The comments are fascinating and reveal so much about how we either allow our true expression or change it to suit what we think fits better. I love writing, and all things to do with it. The paper, different coloured inks, different types of pens, colouring pencils etc etc. Sitting down to write is a bit of a ritual for me, and when I have finished, it leaves me feeling very connected to myself. There is something about the flow Cathy mentions that is not only about the pen on the paper, but how I allow myself to connect to that natural flow.
I had a similar experience actually, Cathy. At around 13, 14 – many around me started to change their handwriting to make them more round, cute and non-serious. I didn’t like it very much, then I saw someone’s handwriting that looked so neat and simple and I decided I wanted it, but didn’t really want to do a carbon copy, so gave it a bit of a slant and eventually developed my ‘original’ which I do not feel was my natural. Anyway. These adaptations were done consciously. Whatever else could we have done unconsciously to our body in reaction to the outer to fit in, to feel validated? The way we walk, sit, stand, hold ourselves. It is very possible our familiar normals are not really our natural.
‘It is very possible our familiar normals are not really our natural.’ I love this, Fumiyo. If we choose to take the full implications on board, it means being supremely vigilant in almost everything we take for granted about ourselves, to uncover where we may have adopted something at the time seemingly more preferable and in so doing, losing our natural way of being and therefore operating ignorantly now of our original uniqueness. What real treasures might be there to uncover!
Absolutely, Cathy. We don’t realise how many inhibitors we have accepted to mould our way of being. Discovering we are far, far more than what we had ever imagined ourselves to be is just incredibly juicy.
Cathy, I could tell you had written this blog. You have a beautiful way with your words, a choice of words and how they flow. It is very beautiful to feel your natural expression coming through. Totally inspiring.
I had never really considered handwriting in this way, but what you have shared is so true, I remember as a child wanting to change my hand writing to fit in, to look different ! how often does this happen, that even our own handwriting is something that can be a place for lack of confidence.
Reading this I realised I have been writing in rejection of my natural expression since year 5 in primary school. Only neat writers were given their own licence and I soo wanted to write in pen that I tried to make my writing as neat as possible, and I did. Since this time I have been writing in many different styles but none have ever felt like me. I’m looking forward to letting go of controlling myself in order to be neat and revealing my natural style which may even be messy.. It would be funny if it was.
Wow Cathy – what an amazing story and understanding you have shared. You have me pondering if there is anything I have changed about myself in order to be received in a certain way by others… my feeling is yes – a lot actually. I am looking forward to discovering a way that is more natural to me.
It so easy to do at 15, looking around and seeing what we like about others and seeing what works for them and trying it and disguising a natural expression. It’s so interesting to read how this affected so many things, compounding in your shoulder, the burden of not being yourself in this particular expression. It leads me to examine how I may have taken on expressions that may not be true to me and to look at things that are not harmonious and do not sit well and consider it might be something to discard.
Its interest to know how many children do try and change their hand writing I know I did. I always thought some-one else’s hand writing was more impressive and I would attempt to copy. I read some of the comments in response to this blog and many said the same thing. At school there also was a lot of pressure to have the best handwriting as you then got a gold star. This is just one out of many, many more ways that we re-configure our selves as to not be who we naturally are and you can see how we are set up from very young not to be our self. Love this blog it exposes stacks and a must read for all.
This is truly a remarkable blog highlighting how something that may seem so minor like changing our hand writing can have such a huge knock on affect to our body and being.
I agree marylouisemyers, the changing of our expression, even just by a few degrees/slant of a pen can have such a dramatic physical event on the body, and so too on the way the expression that then develops rooting off or deviating from the original way, to always feel like an imposter.
I love your sense of humour Cathy especially when you say “That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, ‘Go with the flow’ for me these days.” This blog is super good.
How far and deep can our ‘not accepting’ go and how many ways we find to cover, change or bastardize our natural way of being? I found the example here from Cathy very interesting because do we not say our writing is reflecting our being? And here we are controlling it, have the idea of finding a ‘better’ way to be and express. And then the hurt appears and we ignore it for a while till we can’t do so any more and then we ask: why do I have a hurt, why me? Then, by dealing and healing the hurt step by step we come back to our natural way of being and we say “Ah, here we are, how great to be here”….
Reminds me on the traffic management in my country – we had roundabouts and trees all over the country till someone thought it would be better to have wider streets and traffic lights instead of the roundabouts. So they changed it all, felled a lot of trees and so on. Took a lot of money, but then it was more modern, you know. Then, years later, they realized that it took a lot of energy to hold the lights and there where a lot of accidents by people who drive over red and so on. They found also that trees are a natural way to slow down drivers and so have good influence of more harmonious traffic flow. So they changed it all back into roundabouts and plant trees. … And I ask myself: Do we really need that detour to appreciate what we have and what is great? Looks like we always think we could better ourselves and surroundings, but what if we had have the ‘best’ already and just have to return back to?
I so remember messing around with different hand writing when I was a teenager and liking other peoples styles and copying the way they did certain letters. It’s so interesting to see everything we do as a way we either express our true self or an alternate version of it.
The heading on this blog captured my attention as I have always had the awareness that ones handwriting can give an accurate description of ones make up and life experience. Thanks for writing about the topic much appreciated
As I was reading I couldn’t help but think about the education system and the way we teach our children to write, sometimes striving for perfection and ideal form. It has me wondering what happens to each child’s own expression and flavour of uniqueness when we are taught something without there being a very important link made between the task and one’s own essence of expression.
I love what you’ve learnt about yourself and your body Cathy, I find that when I am writing for university or taking notes at work in a hospital and have the need or time pressures to do it fast or to ‘keep up’ I feel a tension all the way through my right hand, wrist, arm and shoulder and there have been many moments where I have stopped to shake it off. But I continue the pace because I think that I have to, to get whatever I need done. I am inspired to go away and experiment with this some more and see just how my whole arm and body feels when I don’t push or override, I have a feeling that I always get what is needed done when I choose my quality first and so hand writing should be no different. Will keep you posted!
Top blog Cathy and really about something so everyday yet so relevant and powerful. Addressing how we can at times change things about ourselves because of our lack of self worth as well as how these changes can over time cause the body to present with ailments that clearly show the damage of our choices. Thank you for a fab blog!
There is so much we try to change to fit in and be acceptable to others, and you’ve realised Cathy that example of changing your hand writing was you not feeling good enough as a teenager. It’s sad how we can carry on for decades and not notice the physical impact this has on us. There are many other examples where we have changed our natural behaviour to fit in and not noticed the knock on effects, for example, not speaking out with truth but the effects of the tension in the body are there very physically to feel.
Wow, Cathy – that brings food for thought – we learned to write in italic at school with an Osmiroid Pen that had a special nib. I remember my sense of freedom when we moved up into the higher classes and could write as we pleased – my writing leaned rebelliously backwards for a while until I learned that meant you were ‘sly’ and I didn’t want to be that. Like you, when I am writing notes fast, there is a mix of upright, backwards and forwards leaning letters. I used to get certificates for handwriting, and I love the art of calligraphy, but as for my natural style – I’m not sure what that is so I shall experiment. I do know that I tend to turn the page to an angle so that I can write ‘uphill’ more easily.
I also loved writing too Carmel, using fountain pens with different inks, caligraphy classes and also when i was in China as an adult writing their symbols. I liked caligraphy as it took time to do, there was a certain silence and attention to it, and it always looked so beautiful. I remember always really loving and appreciating those like my best friend (an artist) who could do caligraphy really well, seeing how she wrote with the special pen or how a person from China swished their brush… and I also recall seeing that my similar attempts were not so, or as good. Comparison. However slight, is so deadly because you always look to change the original. And originals are always the best. And never need changing (!)
I too remember that leaning to the left meant you were ‘sly’. Who on earth coined that one? And who wouldn’t immediately lean to the right if the playground were full of the rumour?
When I opened my browser just now and read the title of this great blog Cathy I cracked up because earlier today I was pondering on my own handwriting and feeling it would be good to bring some attention to it, perhaps write a blog from what I observed!
For me my writing gets bigger and bigger the quicker I write which is ridiculous as it takes more time, and space and becomes messy. A kind of hecticness kicks in at a certain point and with that anxiousness. If I am taking a note down for someone from a phone call for instance this can happen. I feel it reflects what happens to me when I get caught up in busy-ness, I feel a kind of uneconomic use of energy happens, a wastefulness rather than a steady staying with me which when I do that instead, delivers a gentle and even script that has a natural and quite lovely flow, in the writing and in the reading of it. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to reflect on such an important means of communication and expression.
I remember doing this too Cathy. My handwriting became a blend of bits and pieces of other people’s hand writing. The ‘look’ of it was important. I even changed the way I wrote the letter ‘a’. It all felt stilted and stiff, and definitely not flowing. It’s amazing what we can impose on ourselves in order to give what we think is a good impression.
Our body offers such a superb marker of whenever we are not in our natural flow. The signs, the signals are all right there, and when we let go of our inner grip to define we open up and shine.
Beautifully said Marcia. Our body is highly intelligent, honest and deeply loving in how it shows us and reveals our every choice.
When we don’t hold ourselves to ransom with pictures, ideals and beliefs of how we should be, we let the gates open to express in our natural flow.
Good picture Marcia – I see all my ideas, beliefs and pictures of how I should be jostle each other to come in through my door and so fill everything up with “what and how I should be”. No room, no space for natural flow. To let go of my ideas and beliefs I have to trust in that there will be ‘something’ left when I do give up on the donned and…that this what is remaining will be good enough. For me it is more easy to give up on the ideas and so on, by starting to appreciate who I am and what my natural being is. Say like I start to appreciate how sensitive I am. This is not something I did create or build in my life – I came with it, it is given to me, part of my being. To appreciate this, what is given to me, bring more understanding to me about me and how life with others works and I start to build a foundation from which I more easily can let go the ‘what is not me’. Because I do not need to be better if I am realizing that I am already great.
Spot on Sandra, when did the world ever tell you to appreciate how sensitive you are? Somehow because these aspects are part of us they get ignored, bypassed, taken for granted – yet as you say if we appreciate the absolute power of these qualities, there is no door to be less that who we are.
Exactly lucindag, we learn to ignore aspects of us, what we BE and then – by missing them – we try to compensate by reaching something, being successful in what we DO. But what we can do or create will never replace what we are and so we never satisfied, always looking for the next or more to fill the hole. To make a turn here and appreciate again what I am, I have first to find out how to see the aspects of who I am in truth. I am so trained in looking outside of myself for solutions, to search for what I am looking for, that I have to learn again to look inside of me, let go of the searching and discover what is there again. It is quite a journey to come back to this way of being.
That is a very interesting experience when we let go of what we have tried to be, as it can feel like being naked, to then re-discover our natural suit of just being who we are.
This is so true Alex it is confronting when we begin to discard all that we have identified with and tried to be, a relationship without guards, conditions or expectations – sensing and trusting a divine plan.
Or hold the outside world to ransom for anything that I’ve chosen. In the past I had thousands of excuses why I behaved like I did. A lot of them were very imposing and / or manipulative. They were like a fortress to protect myself from anyone hurting me. Where in fact – there’s not a lot of times that people really hurt me or tried to hurt me. So why protect ourselves all days long, for a whole lifetime? Where as the Truth is very simple, just connect to our bodies, feel and let go of the built up tensions in our bodies. Our natural flow is so so yummy, but because many of us have chosen the fortress we’re so far away from this natural flow that we can get away with all those (empty) reasons… Once you’re freeing yourself bit by bit, it almost seems incredible how much effort we’ve put into not being ourselves…
The less pictures there are that keep us at bay the grander the view and thus our expression.
This is a great article Cathy on many levels, it presents the simple facts that it is very easy at any age to focus more on what is taking place outside (in the outside world) and want to do all that is required to gain recognition and the feeling that we are getting things right and fitting in. The strength that I can feel from you and your choices to come back to your natural way of being is very inspiring and high-lights that no matter how far you have stepped away from your true self you can always step back if you so choose.
What a beautiful sharing Cathy. You show through your example of writing how we can make choices that go against what is natural for us and because we choose to go against what feels true the impact this has on our bodies for years afterwards is enormous.
How powerful too that after any length of time our bodies have not forgotten their natural way or flow and thus we can return to this and sense our own expression again at any time we choose!
Fantastic that you were able to link your shoulder pain to the change in your writing….if we all began to be aware of our body to this level how much we could save the National Health Service (UK) millions of pounds
This is so true Alison,not to mention all of the Health systems world wide, even if 10 per cent of the worlds population started to be aware,this would make such a huge positive impact as well as inspiring the rest of the world to take a bit more responsibility for themselves.
Yes Alison, this shift in awareness would have enormous benefits
Great point Alison to start being responsible for the way we have created ourselves and all the dis-ease that comes with it.
Love your blog Cathy, it is amazing what we can learn about ourselves and our body from what might seem at the time quite innocuous or simple things like hand writing. Hand writing was quite a big thing when I went to school and looking back it was a class I enjoyed because it allowed my own expression where as other subjects were text book based and felt very regimented and stifling. I do remember a time around when I was 15 when a friend wrote in italics so I practiced this for a while but it never really stuck.
I realise I do not like my handwriting a lot of the time because it does not reflect a stillness and harmony in my body, like I would like there to be. Like Eduardo I can sense a holding back of my true self and a rushing ahead of what is not me. Another nudge to stay truly present and in love. Thank you Cathy and Eduardo for the inspiration.
This is a fascinating read Cathy, thank you for sharing. I remember at a similar age looking at my handwriting then my brother’s much neater hand writing and trying many times to change. It never lasted and I always returned to my own style. Your blog has shown me how little acceptance or appreciation I had of my own style and how I believed there was always a ‘better’ handwriting to be achieved.
Equally Cathy i will share this with my children. There is a big fashion at their school for stationary, pens rubbers, pencil cases etc, indeed i remember this same trend when i was the same age. My children attend a school where they spend a lot of time correcting their handwriting – in fact they have milestones that they are required to pass each year – at some point my 7yr old son became paralysed by the prospect of his writing being too messy – it quickly became clear that the school was making more emphasis on the tidiness of the script than the real treasure that is their natural self expression.
Cathy, it’s amazing how those little decisions have impacts far and wide and how it sets us up and leads to all sorts of unexpected body impacts. That a lack of confidence at a particular juncture can have far reaching consequences. I was struck by your determination to ‘get a right style’ as you saw it then and how dedicated you were in training yourself to adapt it, and follow through with it. It’s amazing how dedicated we can be with ourselves and often in that dedication we can negate our true impulses and what our body is showing us, and what struck me when you started to observe and revert back to your original true writing style was you started to honour and listen to your body; you had the confidence to be you and express how you felt and your body provided the ultimate guide showing you the impact – you respected your body and in doing so your writing was naturally your natural one. We are blessed to have something which shows us the truth of who we are.
I know that when I decided to ditch my adopted handwriting, I was at a point in my life where I’d stopped bothering about what people might think about how it looked and went instead for what was comfortable – a bit like choosing flat shoes over high heels. The stilletos might be OK for one-off occasions but give me my flats any day of the week.
This is very interesting. Thank you Cathy for sharing this with us. It is a common thing to adapt a specific way how we hold ourselves when we are trying to get attention, what causes a tension in an area of our body when we are overriding the natural flow of our body. “I was doing something that inherently altered my body’s natural flow and created related pressure in the front of my shoulder.” Asking myself here why do we have the need for attention, what is the reason for this? If we can allow ourselves to explore this we probably have the key and reason for the shoulder pain.
That is a great point Monika, that we adapt a specific way when we are trying to get attention, and at that point I can feel we’re already prepared to make whatever changes are needed to guarantee that attention and that over-riding our bodies is seen then as what we will do regardless of the physical discomfort or cost. What I feel as I write this is that once we are seeking out, we are lost to what we bring naturally and at the mercy of whatever comes our way, so it’s not just about why we need attention at that point, it goes back further to ask why we abandoned what we bring, that connection to our inner knowing, as once that abandonment happens and we don’t correct it we have to look at and grab at something for attention, and the world encourages this outward gaze so much. It takes dedication to come back and allow ourselves to reconnect to what we feel and begin to express anew from that as Cathy has noted in this blog.
What a wonderful blog Cathy. Hand writing has always fascinated me too, and I certainly played around with it when I was growing up. At junior school we were taught to write in italics, which looked great but was very controlled. I then experimented with smaller writing which was very neat and precise, and went onto a more open and flowing style as I got older, although I would say for the most part I have allowed my own natural style to remain prominent. Hand writing has always fascinated me as it does reveal so much about us, it is absolutley another from of our expression. There is something very beautiful about the act of holding a pen and allowing your true expression to flow from your heart to your hand and onto the paper, and when written with love, a true gift for another to receive.
Absolutely fascinating Cathy! I changed my handwriting too in a similar way…… I don’t write enough these days to really know what my hand writing is like – other than shopping lists everything is digital but I will certainly pay attention next time I do as I too have a painful body!! Awesome discovery!
I love the way you have brought attention to a what seems to be a small detail but yet is an important part of our expression which can be easily overlooked. Working in a school I see and hear every day how much importance is put on how children write and whether it is joined up or not. Sometimes I witness children looking so uncomfortable in how they are being ‘made to’ perform in their writing and I do wonder what the possible long term effects may be. Thank you Cathy as this blog demonstrates that writing is not just about how it looks but shows the importance of considering what else is going on in the body of the writer.
Reading your comment, jsnelgrove36, I just got an image of a little boy sitting at a school desk, pressing his tongue hard on his upper lip as, with utmost concentration and drive for precision, he proceeds to copy a word into the correct ‘intended line’ in his workbook. I worked very briefly in a school and remember witnessing the intensity of focus in children as they struggled to fit into pre-ordained structures and approaches – even in art classes. No sense of spontaneity and everything about control. Feels like we’re churning out cookie cut-outs.
There are so many things that get discussed when it comes to our children and education but very much from a skill and knowledge point of view and how to best acquire it but not from a child’s way of being and it’s natural expression.
Fascinating Cathy and hugely pertinent, I went to an all girls boarding school and much as you have described there was a fashionable script that became the goal of many girls in my year to perfect. What resulted was a group of 30 girls who left school at 16 or 18 with a generic handwriting. Indeed i met people as i grew up that guessed what school i had attended by the style of my writing – no joke! Now that i ponder it, this was another way to bend myself in order to be accepted amongst the other girls, i struggled with reading and writing but felt that if my hand writing ticked the box then I would not stand out so much. What is so thought provoking is realising that my writing today still carries the imprints of a long pattern of hiding.
What a glorious example and reflection of how we take on behaviours and attitudes to create an image of how we would like to be or believe we should be to gain recognition from the outside world all because we do not have the confidence, self-assurance and self-love to know that we are enough as we are.
Thank you Cathy for exposing the subtle ways we decide to change how we appear to the outside world because we have never been encouraged to honour and cherish our natural expression. I have a very keen eye for hand writing and how differently we all do it. Some people write with great ease, the pen looks comfortable in their hand, the writing has an flow and harmony to it. Others hold the pen awkwardly and thanks to your experience with your shoulder, I can see the enormous impact this can have on our bodies, causing complications that one would never automatically connect with something as simple as writing. I know that my own hand writing can differ considerably in relation to how I am feeling, it is a mirror image of my internal world and can be another great reflection how connected, still and flowing I am or I am not feeling!
This is so interesting to read Cathy, I can very much relate to your story, for years I have been very critical of my handwriting as it often looks scribbled and scruffy, but I have realised reading your article, that it is probably because I’m rushing when writing, I have noticed that difference if I do not rush and write in a calm, steady way that my handwriting is not a scribble. At times I too have considered completely changing my handwriting, but now feel to appreciate my own handwriting and experiment with not rushing when writing.
When I first began to hear the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and learning to be ‘me’ again it was a struggle. I realise that for a long time I had compensated myself in many ways and therefore being ‘me’ was something I needed to feel because I understood that there was a vast difference between the true me and the me that was carrying so much load of beliefs and adjustments that I had taken on. The fact is there is still ‘stuff’ embedded within the body. It’s marvelous when the body lets go of this load and incredible to feel the shift from something being energy in the body, to it manifesting itself as a physical issue.
“I now know that appreciating me for who I really am means I am supporting the natural flow of my body, not just in the way I write, but in all forms of expression. And any decisions I make to override my natural flow and my natural essence might just have a long-term impact on my body and its wellbeing. That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, ‘Go with the flow’ for me these days.” Beautiful Cathy. How many of us changed ‘habits’ in order to look good to the outside world I wonder. Our natural expression is the one to go with.
I remember that at primary school my hand writing was considered very neat by my Teachers’ standards. But now I find it can be quite untidy or at other times very neat depending on the focus I have at the time. I feel that when it is neat I am more consciously aware and at other times a little scattered (untidy) Makes sense what you have shared Cathy!
“I felt totally aligned – ears and hand working in perfect harmony. It flowed, I caught what I wanted, it was legible, and at the end my hand, arm and shoulder did not feel abused or in any pain”.
What a very powerful message from your body Cathy and a very powerful message for us all to heed. So timely for me to listen to the rhythm, ebb and flow of my body as I deal with and heal injuries from past abuse.
After I posted my comment and read the other comments I realised something else: the fact that I write in tension (contraction) with my right hand was a reflection of how hard it was for me to be at ease in a world of men that I found to be too violent and intimidating (hence the contraction and resistance) to let myself just be. Lots to heal in here.
And did we not all got taught to write in a certain style? This was introduced for the most of us in school. So from the very first beginning we are squeezed into an expression which was determined by the culture, the nationality, the time we were living in. Though we have learned to write in a certain way, at the end our natural expression is always there to connect to and be expressed.
I agree Sonja, we are always presented with a certain picture when we learn something or simply look around us so exploring how we feel to express is always connected back to our body and sense of feeling. If we trust more into what is presented to us than how we feel in our own bodies we will always be at the mercy of the outer thus trying to fit.
Wow Cathy I have spent years being very self-critical about my handwriting which I felt was untidy and envying others who had what I deemed more desirable writing. I am currently on an appreciation programme but had not considered the detrimental effect of the regular lack of appreciation for my unique expression in the way I write and the impact this has had.
Thank you for your honesty about this fundamental part of our expression and I, for one, will be embracing ‘going with the flow’ in all my expression.
Appreciation for every part of us is key to total self acceptance – including our handwriting and however it looks. Thank you Helen.
It has always freaked me out a bit that ones character or personality can be judged from our hand writing, as mine is appalling, very messy, uneven and all over the place and I never had the perseverance to try and change it. Yes, I could write a bit neater if I really had to, but then it would naturally revert back to this messy scrawl again. Love your writing style Cathy you have a lovely way with words, so I’m sure your natural hand writing must be great as well.
Your writing style is likewise touching and a joy to read Kevin.
Perhaps we need to read our writing a bit deeper, past the style into its deeper quality – the writer’s heart and being rendered in letters and words.
Reading you had a permanent callous on your finger for years – triggered off my own memories of trying to change my hand writing in my early teens as I had quite a lump come up on one finger, gripping the pen so tight, ‘trying to get it right’ as to what was being taught, the tension going up my arm into my neck was quite intense. The intention was to keep up with the latest trend of calligraphy style of writing. The type used for legal documents. Very interesting that I used to think that style of writing shared to the world ‘intelligence’? Taking note of my non callous finger today my writing (no trying involved) has naturally got a tendency to be quite neat and shares much in the way of how I work best. If it turns into a scrawl it means I’m speeding a little to keep up and anxiousness can creep in. Interesting. So enjoyed your sharing with us Cathy thank you.
As a child I loved the way my schoolmate was writing. It was clear, ordered and beautiful on page to see. Somehow perfect. My handwriting changed through the years. It changed with the use but also with the state of being I was in. If I felt stressed and not confident, the writing was small and unclear. In times I felt harmonious and happy, the writing was this way too. Even today it is like this. I also try out some changes of some letters and numerics, like when you change you style of clothing sometimes for fashion reasons. At the end I stopped judging me about my handwriting. It expresses in every moment how I am, how I feel and what is going on. And that’s a good reflection to me.
My handwriting is my barometer for my state of being. I write by hand very rarely now, as most of my work is done on the computer…but when I do it shows me very clearly how I am feeling, how am I treating myself, how present and how attentive I am being.
There it is…my state transcribed onto the page, like a mirror for me to reflect upon.
Yes Rachel my writing can vary quite a bit and it definitely mirrors how I am feeling, the care I am taking or not and whether I am rushing and then I am likely to make more mistakes/slips which end up taking longer. A real marker to remind me to connect with myself before I start a task or come back to myself if I see the reflection of lack of presence in what I am doing.
It is exactly like that, Rachel: “My handwriting is my barometer for my state of being.”
Gorgeous to read Cathy and it brings back some memories of when I started to write. I always loved my mums handwriting and I would want it to look like that yet I never totally got there. I remember also trying different styles: a bit more angled, longer, shorter, rounded etc. but I would always come back to my own natural writing as it felt very artificial to write in another way. So I can totally imagine that if you are able to force change to your handwriting, it puts huge amounts of tension on the body. I love you shared this as it offers everyone an opportunity to see that issues like a shoulder affliction could come from simple choices like changing your handwriting.
Love this Lieke, I tried a lot as well. In school they had books which taught us handwriting and basically I had to follow the lines. I wonder what my writing would have looked like if I had of stuck to embellishing my natural expressive writing? Its a work in progress..
Well yeah I think it is never too late, as your natural expressive handwriting will still be there underneath the learned handwriting in school. Just like our essence is always there how ever far we walk away from it – if we re-connect to it, it is simply there waiting to be expressed. But I agree it needs some practice!
This experience with handwriting Cathy echoes my own. As a teenager I loathed my handwriting and found it horrible and hard to read. I was even embarrassed when others tried to make sense of it. So I persisted in changing it with some success but what I have come to realise in later years was that my lack of love and embrace of myself and my true expression simply was reflected in my relationship with my handwriting. I absolutely adore my handwriting now and find it a very gorgeous way to express myself
This is gorgeous Joshua!
Absolutely gorgeous sharing Joshua. It is true, the more we embrace and love ourselves, the more we love the things we do and our own unique expression.
A clear illustration Cathy of how an imposition we force on one part of us can affect the whole. so, when we change who we naturally are to fit in with what we think will gain approval from others we are no longer in the flow of who we truly are.
Beautifully said Mary!
Absolutely Mary. Everything is indeed everything, even down to what we may deem as small, is in effect monumental to the overall.
A further thing that occurs to me even today is that even within my particular style of writing, it does change and morph depending on how I am feeling… so if I just clock how I am writing, it gives me pause and a reflection of how I am feeling. A great new tool.
Cool Simon! You have just introduced a new tool into the kit bag for self reflection and awareness.. like it!
How strange… I had an identical experience with my handwriting at school, experimenting with a number of different looks, and at some point coming across some very rudimentary understanding of what one’s handwriting meant… and it affected the way I wrote. Another influence was my Dad, and for a time I tried copying his handwriting (not just his signature when I was in trouble!). Like you Cathy, its when things speed up that I struggled to maintain the facade and my natural scrawl would re-emerge… and over the years (I still take alot of old fashioned notes at work) I have reverted back to what I like and what feels most comfortable, which is of course my natural expression.
Simon you have reminded me of how I and pretty much every teen I knew at the time wrote their names over and over, covering ring binders and folders and pencil cases experimenting with a ‘style’ that would be deemed as cool, or giving us a ‘look’ that wasnt who we actually were.
I love this blog Cathy and it has reminded me how much I wanted to write like my mother. She was from Sweden and her hand writing was so different from any other writing I had seen. It was so elegant and graceful and flowed effortlessly across the page, unlike my scrawl that no matter how hard I tried to change it, it stayed the same. Over and over again I work tirelessly to replicate her exquisite form of expression, but in the end I had to give up and return to my own style. A few years before she passed away she had a stroke and lost not only the ability to speak, but also her wonderful writing, being only able to write very slowly in capital letters. It was so sad to not be able to hear her beautiful voice any more, but also to no longer see that beautiful writing dancing across the page.
this blog is showing in a great way how our bodies have a natural way, we think we need to override to fit in into a picture we have of what the outside wants us to be.
What really stood out for me this morning on reading this blog is the sentence; ‘ I denied my true expression all those years’. This is true for me too. For the past 4 years, I have slowly been changing this and allowing more of me to express, and still I find deeper layers of hardness and protection still releasing from my body. This week I have had pain in my lower leg and in my teeth….. my body is showing me just how harmful and painful it was, and is to deny and hold back my true divine expression….
The moment I read the title, I felt a little squirm inside. The reason for this is because it made clear that I do have an undealt with issue here. I write with my right hand. Yet, I do it as a left hand would do it. Believe or not, I was never taught how to use my hand to write by anyone so I do as I learn it on my own. There is no harmony in how I use my hand. It does not allow a flow. It caps my expression and it results in a handwriting that does not reflect my beauty. In fact, in the last few years I became self-conscious about it and felt shame of being observed. When I have to write long, my wrist suffers quite a bit and with it my forearm, elbow and even the right shoulder to the shoulder-blade. I was ready to say that the reason why I still use it is for it is the only way I can write fast (true fact). Yet, I feel there is also a decision made a long time ago to keep my expression at bay. Time to let it go and to start again. Thanks Cathy for this beautiful blog!
Great sharing Eduardo, I am left handed however I have never used my hand in the same way other left handers do, so although I can feel that there is flow in my expression I have recently played with this further to find that there is even more flow to allow. This is an amazing exercise to consider and practice.
Our handwriting for sure is a very personal expression that deserves to be read and recognized for what it expresses and thus to know ourselves better.
Those little squirms always tell us where we are holding back don’t they. What an amazing observation you have made. Sounds like a beautiful unfolding to come with your expression through handwriting.
I can relate a 100% to what has been written here Cathy as I remember about the age of 15 changing my handwriting and being so pleased with myself that I showed my mother and she told me she preferred my natural handwriting, and of course I just thought she was old fashioned and didn’t understand and continued to practise the different styles. I noticed whilst taking my exams at school that my fountain pen worked best with my natural handwriting as it was all about the angle, but when ball point pens were introduced into schools thats when I started to experiment with my handwriting.
When I take down dictation I always use my introduced writing and I always feel anxious and my writing is barely readable, so now reading this I am going to try to write with my natural writing and see how different that feels.
Your comment about fountain pens made me pause Julie.. they did work so much better at a certain angle. I used to think of them as being less ‘forgiving’, but I think you are right. They would work better when I was writing naturally.
I used to love the feeling of writing with fountain pens. I actually found that they encouraged me to write in a neater more present way and I always took much more pleasure in my work than if I used biro!
I always had a love of pens and particularly enjoy writing with fountain pens. If you get a good ball point they are ok too, but some dont feel great to use.
At primary school we used ink pens with an inkwell (back in last century!!) and it was so easy to get blots on the page until you mastered that. We were all taught to write in exactly the same way but of course over time our natural way of expressing, the way we were with the influences around us, with ourselves and our bodies, came through.
Yes Jeanette, I remember the ink wells that were so last century also! The thing I find interesting is that no matter how intense and strict our training in writing, or in whatever for that matter, our natural way of being is always still there to be dropped back into.
Interesting to hear about your observation with the fountain pen as I made one of my own. I was given a fountain pen recently and used it for a while but then stopped as my hand was tensing up too much as the angle I had to use did not fit my natural flow.
This was an awesome read Cathy! I love this example of what happens to our health when we override what we know and who we are because of the need to be recognised by the outer and how those adopted patterns of behaviour stay with us for years, if not a lifetime.
I agree Michelle, Cathy’s great blog is such a pertinent reminder of how our body suffers when we use it in a way that is contrary to its natural flow, often simply for the need to be recognised. And as you say these ill patterns that we have adopted may stay with us for the rest of our lives probably causing much distress to our innate way of being, because if one part of the body is being used in a disharmonious way other parts have to work hard and unnaturally to compensate.
It is huge what you present here Cathy because we all are taught from a young age of how we should write in one way or another and never are we inspired to explore and allow our own unique way of writing. Writing, like drawing, should be a natural expression of us without causing any strain in our body but instead should come from a natural flow in which our bodies give natural expression to what is felt from within and in that our handwriting will be a continuous reflection of who we are.
‘Writing, like drawing, should be a natural expression of us without causing any strain in our body but instead should come from a natural flow in which our bodies give natural expression to what is felt from within and in that our handwriting will be a continuous reflection of who we are.’ This is beautiful Nico and what a shame it is so many of us feel the need to hide our true reflection because of self-imposed beliefs about what is acceptable.
How important too that we are encouraged to listen to any strains or pains that we experience and not only seek support but seek our own reading as to what is going on for us. With a simple surrender beneath a pain the bigger picture is presented to us and the drive, push, picture or belief is easily exposed for what it is – a way of movement or living that is not natural and thus causing disharmony or disease in our life. We know and always have the ability to know all of this and to read our own bodies and from a very young age is when this must be fostered and truly educated.
Indeed Cherise, when we introduce this ability into our adult lives we will bring this also to our children who then will be introduced to it from young age. What a difference will this make to their whole up bringing and further adult lives compared to how I have started this life when I was still unaware of this fact.
Great blog Cathy. It is incredible that you have felt the knock-on effect of even the slightest change or shift because of the way you adjusted your writing. To consider that a very slight hand adjustment can also affect the way we sit and also how we eventually walk for that matter is really profound. Therefore, we are totally out of rhythm with our natural movement, even though it is very slight, we are still out of rhythm and thus affecting our physical dynamics of movement, the physics and also the chemistry of our body. We don’t realise how much of an effect we have.
Yes Matthew, which goes to show too how when we do honour our body and its natural way of moving and being, the righting of the wrongs enforced is astounding, and quite literally life changing.
I love the detail you are willing to look at. I had a similar experience when a friend of mine loosened my shoe laces and opened the tongue of the shoe so my foot could effortlessly slip into place. For the majority of my life I had always used my right pointer finger as a shoe horn to get my shoes on quickly. This would always give a pinch and hurt. It is amazing in how many moments in life we take short cuts that are at the discomfort of the body and consider it normal.
Very true Luke, we take short cuts all the time throughout our day thinking we are saving ourselves time, but I have come to learn it is always at an expense to our bodies, and sooner or later we pay the price.
I agree jacqmcfadden04, apparent short cuts are never that.
Very valid point Jacqmcfadden, rushing through life leads to all sorts of bumps and bruises that we afflict on the body unnecessarily.
If we actually measured the amount of time we would save during the day, I suspect it would be minuscule, the fact is that we are really running aware from our sensitivity.
So true Luke, when we begin to see the details, the mass of movements that make up our day it can be super revealing. Recently I went to test drive a few cars, the first thing that blew me away was the ease with which the seat belt passed through my hands and across my body – indeed I was shocked, it bought tears to my eyes because I registered in that moment the hardness I had accepted as my everyday normal in this one small but equally giant act.
It is revealing lucindag. When I changed my car 4 years ago, I’d started to feel how driving a manual car was actually hard on my left arm and so I bought an automatic transmission car. It blew me away at how effortless driving became and how my left arm and shoulder were thanking me for the change.
Love it, through the details God is found. Sorry to go to the extreme, I totally understand where you are coming from.
Makes it a lot easier Luke ❤ ❤
Haha, and there comes a time when you want to sit down when putting shoes on..! 🙂
Yes Luke, life can be full of moments where we override or ‘take short cuts’ and it is our bodies that don’t feel good or bare the brunt of it. What you are contributing here shows us that there is much detail on offer and of support to us when we take notice of the way in which we move throughout life, if there are any signs of hardness or push we are then able to experiment with another way or enjoy the inspiration (as you have with your friend) that another’s learning is there to offer us.
Indeed, there is much joy to be re-discovered in the details in life. Too bad the current culture is to find short cuts and do everything the fastest way possible. Which makes it impossible to naturally discovery these small details that make a difference to any life.
Interesting that we often choose ‘quick’ over ‘honoring’ – and then… we find ourselves one time not being treated honorably by someone or our body shows us the result of our hurts – and we complain. 😉
Lovely to realize where it starts!
I know Sandra Schneider, double standards…
Awesome point Luke. And this makes me think of all the times I try to close the car door with one finger as I carry a million things…often straining both my finger and my arm as I apply so much pressure on one small area. I’m the queen of saving seconds…but it’s often to my detriment.
And the real irony on these types of examples are we save a few seconds of that particular task however feel strained by the event we need to watch 30mins of TV to recover 😉
How beautiful to read Luke, the level of care of your friend had for your feet. And so true how we are used to have discomfort and not even notice it is discomfort, or choose to not notice I would say.
What a great example you share Luke. I reckon we compromise our bodies like this far more than we realise. Sometimes I catch how I am sitting in a chair, noting the angle and position in far more detail, to the eye it might look normal but I keep discovering little strains and compromises.
Great sharing Luke about the short cuts we take in life at the discomfort of the body. If we look at the details we realize how much we adjust to self-made outer expectations conditioned by supposedly time-saving actions and simple carelessness. I could give a lot of examples, like opening the car door and at the same time twisting my upper body to grab my bag, feeling the pressure on my knees when getting out of the car, or eating standing, putting my shoes on standing…..
Another great example, and the end story is that we wear the after math of our choices.
I like the short cutting you are pointing out Luke. Being efficient and economical has been very much my way of living but very much from a point of view how I thought it to be focusing on the outcome but not on my true wellbeing and in that regard longterm efficiency. When we honestly and caringly take our body into account the word efficiency becomes a whole new meaning.
Very much agree Esther.
That reminds me on a situation I had have last weekend. I burned my fingertips while cooking and wanted to do something against the sting so cooled it with water. A friend said ‘give me your fingers’ and I did. He just held it and I felt my fingertips becoming warmer again, and warmer, and hot, and hotter, … And he said ‘just feel it’ and I did. Then I felt other points in my body hurting, like my temples and I felt this. Every time I did not go against my body-feelings but accept it and felt it, it moved to another part till…it was over. I felt it, willing to feel what I’ve done to myself and then I did let it go. No avoiding, no denying, no judgement and then – no pain anymore. I never experienced a physical injury healing so quickly.
What I learned from that is that going against my feelings, specially body-pain, or ignore it, is so quickly and familiar to me, but it is also the opposite of what does me good.
I agree with you Sandra. I am reading this as I have a particular part of my body feeling the pinch also. It is important to never brush off anything that the body is communicating.
Our handwriting – what a great topic! And astounding how much it can reveal about trying to create a certain picture of ourselves and its consequences – in your case a musculoskeletal condition that feels as though it was self-created through the repetition of a stance that just wasn’t natural to the way your body wants to move .
It makes it so very apparent how much we are the creator of our own woes.
Wow Cathy, I have had a lot of realisations whilst reading your blog. I have never enjoyed handwriting and was relieved when computers were in and there was little need any longer to hand write. It has never felt natural or easy to write and often my hand will get sore when I write. From what you have shared here, I am going to explore more around my hand writing, the energy I write in and how my body feels and see what unfolds from there. Thank you for sharing your experience, I look forward to seeing what happens as I explore this myself.
That’s beautiful Donna. It’s incredible that something as simple as handwriting can expose so much. This blog has certainly opened my eyes a bit more to all the ways in which I express.
I agree Donna I am keen to explore my writing and it’s natural flow, and especially the energy I write in and let go of my school day impositions!
On those school day impositions, my mum told me that she was taught to write copperplate – a style of calligraphic writing – as a schoolgirl in the 1930s and ’40s, which she was then required to change when she became a teacher so she would be compliant with the ‘fashion’ of how to teach handwriting that prevailed in the 1950s. A clear case of a double whammy from the education system and to this day she admits she has no true idea what her natural handwriting would look like. The more I read people’s comments here, the more I see just how many people have been robbed of this natural expression at a formative age.
Oh my goodness Cathy – you have really set off some light bulbs within me! I also changed my writing style when I was a similar age to you for the same sorts of reasons but notice that at various times my writing changes back to it’s old style. I am going to experiment and find what really works for my body because I can feel that how I currently write is not supporting my natural flow. Thank you!
It was fascinating to read of Cathy’s body’s response to the initial act of deviation from her natural way of writing – from finger, arm, shoulder down to her torso there was a strain placed on the body, particularly at the shoulder. This illustrates quite vividly how we cannot escape the consequences of every decision we make to step away from our true selves. Eventually, the body will tell us what is true and what is not. Once shown, the next trick is to focus on a return to the ‘what is’ rather than simply fixing what is broken and privileging function over truth.
That is a very crucial point you make here, Victoria, that in order to truly heal we need to restore the ‘what is’ (what is natural to our being) and not only reestablish function.
Well said Victoria, arrogant we are if we are to override further what our body so clearly advisers us on, all for the sake of appearances.
This is a great point Victoria and how vital it is that we pay great attention to everything that we do and how we do it. It can be the slightest movement that is out of line with the body, but done consistently over a period of time eventually impacts on the whole of the body as Cathy has so beautifully illustrated. This highlights the importance of having an awareness of how we move and how that actually feels in our bodies, in every single thing that we do.
It is quite astounding the degree to which we abandon and abuse ourselves. From the simple act of handwriting – something most would not think twice about – to far more obvious examples, we are masters of abusing ourselves in order to meet what we believe is, or what society sets up as, the status quo. How much simpler and harmonious life would be if we stayed true to our natural ways.
Yes Victoria , It starts with the ‘small things’ that have a seemingly ‘good’ intent – but the whole time our body is clocking our abuse, as we override the messages it sends us.
‘…an endeavour to capture every spoken morsel down on the page’.
There was something key in this line for me – I have felt that need on many occasions. But if I’m seriously aligned with what I’m receiving by way of hearing, I actually find I write much less – a few key phrases actually. And sometimes, when I do this, this is when I print rather than use a cursive script, which makes sense of an earlier observation in this thread. I’ve noticed my husband takes sparse, printed notes. He’s not here to ask but he is a very solid and stable man, very at home with himself. Scribbling furiously in an attempt to capture everything is not his way and something he would never do. This is a good reflection.
I’ve noticed how I take notes has changed over time. I find that if I am trying to write everything down word for word, then I often miss what is being said as I am concentrating so hard on getting it all down. But if I do what your husband does I get what I need. It’s quite interesting to observe. Sometimes I don’t write either, as I just want to listen. That’s always interesting as my thinking brain says, “but what if you miss something?” The truth is that I don’t, because in those times I allow my body to listen. It’s fun to play with.
Cathy wow what an amazing confirmation and acceptance of your handwriting. But what is more evident is that through returning to your natural way of writing your body re-aligned to a more natural way too. Everything is truly everything. I know my handwriting changed from its natural flow way back in primary school when we had to obtain our pen license. I was one of the last in my class to get my pen license at the time and it really stressed me out as I didn’t feel comfortable writing with cursive forms and joining letters, it just wasn’t me. I too had a large callous on my right ring finger and now it too has disappeared as I have returned to what feels right for me and my natural style has returned.
Handwriting is a beautiful extension of our unique essence. Thank you for sharing this awesome blog.
Wow Cathy, what a great sharing on how a decision made years ago can affect many parts of the body. I trust you are deeply appreciating that the body gave you all the messages as to what your choice did to it – many people do not ever stop to connect the dots – and appreciate that you eventually listened to your body and went with the flow. Such a great article.
Connecting the dots – that’s exactly the term I would describe for this article also Sally. So true how often we are willing to avoid or ignore looking at all those dots that in fact are always connected. Self responsibility lies in these dots.
Interesting about the callous – I have the remnants of one. Here the question is: how callous am I with myself? My callous (actually more of a lump really) was the result of pressing too hard, which is a great metaphor for how I’ve tended to do life – in too much hardness and drive. Today I use a computer more than a pen and the trouble spot is now in my wrist, where I can feel twinges. I know this is representative of my lack of trust that I can surrender to divine flow and in this way complete all I need to. What a great reflection the body provides.
Great question Victoria –”how callous am I with myself?” I love how the body does not lie and just shows us how we are living if only we would listen and pay attention to it.
Great blog Cathy. I relate to this dilemma and although I didn’t go to the lengths you describe to change my handwriting as a child, I did allow myself to be influenced by the style many of my peers seemed to embrace. In truth I would say I’m not really sure now what my natural script looks like. I am conscious of switching between a more upright mode and a flowing mode depending on speed required, but have also noticed I can go into printing, which is odd because it is slower still. Actually, now I ponder it, I can see it’s about my love of order, albeit taken so far at times it swings into a quest for perfection. I’m pretty much always discontent with my handwriting because it doesn’t look ordered enough and I admire the handwriting of those I perceive does. Amazing how we can be so hard on ourselves. Perhaps it’s a case of ‘hardwriting’ rather than ‘handwriting’.
I can remember at Uni we had to do an assessment on writing on the whiteboard. No-one in the class was happy with their writing, as a left hander I found it hard as I often rubbed out some words with my hand as I went. Its a pretty basic thing to do but people got nervous about doing this in front of each other, now I can feel it’s also because of the fear of being judged like what you experienced from the ideas from the handwriting analysis person.
What a brilliant analogy for what we do to our natural flow when we try to impose some ideal or stereotypical behaviour onto ourselves.
Yes I was going to write exactly the same Lucy. This is but one example of what happens when we impose upon the body with an ideal and or a belief and we would have hundreds if not thousands of these going through our body at any one given time. And we wonder why we are tired????!?!?? One that comes to mind for me is as a teenager / early adult years I wanted a flat stomach so I held it in (and my breath) for many years just ever so slightly. It is crazy stuff we do to our bodies and our selves.
This is a great sharing Cathy as it demonstrates the effect that overriding our natural expression can have on our health and well being. It also highlights just how important it is to be in our own rhythm.
Absolutely Kathleen, when we try to mould ourselves to fit a picture we perceive to be “better” then our natural expression is stifled, and we end up out of sync.
Yes Hannah and as Cathy has so generously shared this can be so devastating on the body.
True Kathleen, stifling our expression and getting out of sync with ourselves can have a devastating effect on the body.
So true Kathleen, our natural rhythm is something we can so undervalue, yet when we look back as Cathy has done we might just unlock why it is we carry pain or an injury. Changing our writing style seems like such a small thing, yet the impact can be huge and shows how important honouring our natural rhythm and flow truly is.
Great Cathy, I love that discovery of the true meaning of ‘Go with the flow’. Our bodies hold so much wisdom. If this outside force had so much power to influence your writing then considering the world we live in, there is much out there also being influenced that is not being picked up. It all comes back to making choices that support who we truly are and being responsible in that. Great Blog – thank you.
So true there is much we conform to and the impact on our body is being shown in all the disease.
Reading your profound sharing Cathy made me aware of my own handwriting and how it’s never been fluent. For as long as I can remember I struggle with handwriting. There’s always been a drive, a constant push. This has become so normal, even the pain in my right shoulder has become normal. I’ve never ever considered that I’ve chosen something that is not in line with my natural flow. Yes, I’ve always known that it wasn’t normal and had lots of different treatments on it. But never asked myself what I am actually feeling. Only writing this makes me sink into my body, feeling hardness in my right jaw. As if I am constantly trying to prove something. Especially towards my parents. Wow, this is an amazing blog which has got a lot in it. Thank you.
In a funny coincidence (or maybe not so coincidental) I too changed my handwriting around the same age, moving from joined up writing to writing in all-capital letters. When I look back on it I have always thought that it was triggered by seeing a friend’s handwriting and deciding that I wanted to write like that too. But if I am honest, there were a lot of difficulties at home at that time, and I think that I just wanted to be someone else.
But the style of writing that I adopted has never felt very comfortable and, as you found, it has felt cumbersome especially in a situation where I need to write quickly.
I have attempted to switch back to my old way of writing with not so much success, but this has inspired me to dedicate myself to exploring this more deeply, and the reasons why I chose to change in the first place.
Beautifully said Naren – ” I just wanted to be someone else”. Whilst I did not change my handwriting, as a teenager I certainly wanted to be someone else and in fact I wanted to be someone else for most of my adult life. It was only through meeting Serge Benhayon and learning to re-connect with my own essence that I learned to love myself enough to finally want to be myself and not anyone else.
It is crazy how we think that by changing enough of our habits, style of clothing, ways of talking, or any one of a number of outward facing factors we can become someone else and change what is within us. But that is almost always done with the ignorance of truly knowing what is within.
Yes Elizabeth I can so relate. When I look back I now realise that I really just wanted to be myself and not worry about how others perceive me. As the changing myself to fit in was applied in so many areas of my being over a long period of time, perhaps even life times, I can vouch that reconnecting is the key to coming back to myself and living more and more of who I naturally am again.
Naren I adopted the capital letters thing too – it felt like I was placing a framework on my handwriting – a cage of control where my joined up writing could not run away with me. Unsurprisingly this unnatural capital script hurt my hand, for today as I well know control is exhausting.
An interesting blog Cathy, and one that gives another slant (excuse the pun) on how we tend to change our true form of expression to suit the world or what we think others require of us. It occurred to me recently that my handwriting is never the same twice. Sometimes my handwriting reminds me of my mothers handwriting, or my brothers, it can slant to the left or to the right and be big or small. I pondered on this and decided it was because I couldn’t make my mind up who I truly was! Work in progress, and that is why I prefer to use the keyboard then I can rest assured that my expression comes from my heart and not from the part of my mind that can’t make its mind up!
I remember hand writing being a big deal for me also at school, and what I noticed is how changeable mine was depending on who’s style I had just seen that outshone the last, doing my best to replicate it. Reflects to me how strong ‘wanting to be like another’ was, for what was to last a great many more years beyond school.
Your words and the way you express flow with a natural grace as what I can imagine your natural handwriting would reflect if I could see it written Cathy. The grace that is natural to us we can choose to forsake to fit in to this world, as for many a times I have scribbled in haste, the handwriting without reflection of the stillness from the heart as when expressed truly that would naturally extend from our arms into our fingers and onto the page we write. The grace that all our movements express, is an opportunity to live more true in harmony, and it is up to us to learn how soon or how long we take these opportunities in which we are offered, this does highlight the true significance of what time means.
Yes Adele, it highlights the significance of what movement does with us – and if done from strain or contraction it can actually make us feel sick and create pains. How beautiful for nature (our body) to let us know that being our full flowing selves is enough. (And thank you Cathy).
This is such an important point Adele – grace and the timelessness that emerges when we write with a connection that flows through our arms and the fingers that hold the pen, onto the page….and into the readers heart.
I recall writing lessons with their rules and slope cards – conformity to style from the start of forming letters, but nothing asking for our natural grace to express itself on the page. Later, writing came a whirl of haste, just to get all of the information down as quickly as possible. I had hand cramps for my entire time at University and came to “hate” writing.
My answer was to stop. The moment I graduated, there was no more writing until many years later when I rediscovered a voice, and a beautiful expression that the stopping had plugged up.
One simple thing, with such a profound consequence! We cannot dismiss anything in this life, down to the smallest detail.
No stone can be left unturned in developing our true expression, no impediment left undisclosed. For all that we write in its quality is received by another; this is a profundity that cannot be ignored or underestimated.
I was just thinking the very same thing Kristy. How many other seemingly little things have we changed about ourselves in order to fit in to a perceived way of being.
Love your expression here Adele, the absolute beauty of writing or typing through the fingers is a science how the rest of the body is. The fingers are the extreme most points of the body so it makes sense they are because of where the body is at. If you are hard your touch will be hard, and I know if your touch is tender and delicate it is a measure of your choice to be love and allow the natural flow to be.
Thank you Cathy, my writing leaves a lot of room for improvement in many areas, so what you have presented here will definitely allow me to consider and heal another aspect of an interpretation of how something should be!
I am with you Greg my handwriting is terrible and I was always told off at school, but I never really changed it. Saying that it does show me where I am messy and scattered areas that I have had to see and work with. I wonder if my handwriting will improve with increased responsibility!
I agree Vanessa, my handwriting is always a reflection of how I have been. If I am rushed it shows, messy it shows. If I don’t really want to be understood it is illegible! I have really enjoyed the relationship with my handwriting and, reading these comments, have loved that others have too.
Absolutely Vanessa, it will be interesting to see if my level of responsibility will affect my handwriting. I do to think it could get any worse!
For me too gregbarnes888. I will definitely be more conscious of my scrawl, particularly when I’m at work needing to take notes.
Love your honesty Greg, and that’s the first step to stop re-interpretations of how you suddenly think that something should change .. ..
Thank you Cathy for highlighting that if we change our way of being to fullfil some ideal to look better or for some image that we are in fact moving away from the unique gift that we give to everyone in the world. How simple is this. Also your revelation that by changing who we are we are causing our bodies to do something that is unnatural and the consequences of that can be pain and discomfort.
It is so simple Susan. Very simple indeed, but my goodness the pressure to comply with the package of expectations, fashions and preferences that make the Zeitgeist are so very easy to fall for. The way we write, so beautifully elucidated by Cathy is but one little twist we impose on our selves to comply with the world. It is a twist, no matter how small with ramifications….not the least being that every word written is statement that who I am is just not enough as it is.
What a blessing that this must reveal itself in callouses and pain.
This ‘I am not enough’ syndrome is so insidious – if even in our handwriting it pervades, then we must question where else is it feeding this lie. Is it in the way we walk, lay the table for dinner or even breathe? This is Worth a major ponder.