True Responsibility – My Understanding

I used to live in a world of blame, drive, struggle, anxiousness and images of how life should look in regards to career, marriage, children and family. This brought in comparison, judgement and jealousy. I was not willing to take full responsibility for my choices along the way. When things did not go to plan according to the image I had in my head, I would blame something, someone, or the situation.

The concept of self-care was never in my world. For me it was all about achieving the successful end goal. I had an arrogance about me of being able to play roles and perform tasks like men, and in disregard of my body I would lift heavy tables, boxes and bags. I prided myself how I could do DIY work around the house, from minor electrics, to fixing things, to putting wardrobes up etc.

This had started from when I was young; I wanted to be seen and recognised by my father that I was no less than a man. I would watch my dad with all the work he did around the home. I took on subjects at school like electronics and physics at the age of thirteen; I was the only girl in these classes. I pursued these subjects until university. I then chose to study Information Systems engineering. During this period, I had the determination to be like men.

What I had not realised until the last five years was that the momentum I was living in was harming my body. My body had become very hard and rigid, my periods were painful and then I developed endometriosis.

Looking back at this, it is no surprise: how could my reproductive system be open and alive when throughout my teens to my mid-thirties I was choosing to be so shut down and driven? I had little connection to what it meant to live as a woman, and what I have to offer in this female body. I had completely sold out to being like how many men choose to live – hard, in control, in protection, dominating, and driven.

It all changed for me around the age of thirty-five – and a few years into my marriage – when my husband and I wanted to have children. My body was not responding so we went through IVF. When that failed I was devastated. I had already been seeing an Esoteric practitioner, as she was a friend of mine, and I had started to work on myself, knowing there was something more to life than the way I had been choosing to live. But when I dropped low after the IVF failed, I decided to attend the presentations held by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

From the first moment I met Serge I could feel the pain and deep sadness in my body come up and as he spoke, tears started rolling down my face. At the time I did not understand what was happening and why I was feeling like this, but I felt inside that what he was offering was what I was missing – my connection to truth.

At the end of the course something made me go up to Serge to say thank you and he gave me a hug. In that hug he gave me these words of wisdom: “Be Love.” Those words have stayed in my body ever since and that was a start to my healing journey. I had felt the truth and absoluteness of that connection to Love, something I have not ever remembered feeling before, and I knew then that it was now up to me to start the journey of healing my past hurts. So I started to attend more presentations and continued to have Esoteric Healing sessions.

Through the presentations I began to understand what true self-care and self-love meant. This I took back and started to implement into my life. I started to attend women’s presentations as well; I was committed to working on myself. The journey has not been easy but the love and support I have received from everyone has been amazing, and this has allowed me to go deeper into surrendering to who I truly am. As the years went by, the words I personally needed to embody were always shared in presentations by Serge, at just the time when I needed to hear them.

What it all came down to was taking responsibility for all my choices and to connect to my stillness and to fully express myself. Over the last five years my body has gone through so many changes, from healing endometriosis, emotional issues, and relationship issues, to changing how I work and relate to others. For the first time in my life I can feel my connection to my sacredness as a woman.

And this is just the beginning…

By Amita Khurana, BA Honours, Hotel Business Owner, Director, Practitioner/Therapist, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk UK

Further Reading:
Energetic Integrity and Energetic Responsibility
Taking Responsibility and Making a Re-Commitment to Life
True Responsibility

643 thoughts on “True Responsibility – My Understanding

  1. To add to this, Henrietta sometimes we want to hang on to those things that have kept us where we once were too. We are identified by these falsities and when we are in the process of changing, there’s always those that like to sabotage as the reflection brings too much for them, so interference can come in. The key is to keep going no matter what…

  2. Amita everything you have described in this blog speaks about my life and how I had taken on drive, exercise etc to protect me and my body from being hurt again and again. And like you the devastation of not being able to be a mother is understood, however now accepted that it’s not the be all and end all of life.

    As humans we are innately tender beings and because of the way we have been bought up, we are so far from it that it’s a no wonder we struggle with this natural essence when we are first presented with it. Once we experience letting go of these hurts etc and we feel the tenderness, then I know personally for me, I cannot go back to the previous way of living.

    What is so beautiful is that we know there is another way and everyone of us are deserving of it. The key is whether we make the choice to expose it within us and learn to live from this other way that has always been within us.

  3. Responsibility also comes with a Deep-humble-appreciate-ive-ness of our divine connection and that we are deeply aware of the same essence in others, which is also confirming of the divinity in everything.

  4. Amita, I absolutely love how you shared about the actual turning point in your life when you knew you had accessed the truth and held this appreciation so deeply that you were willing to start making true changes and living them in your life.

  5. Shedding the layers of the onion, the layers of who we are not, in order to access who we are, can be painful and a bit of an arduous process when we are wanting to hold onto the layers. I have had many layers of who I am not, that I have invested deeply in and the more investment, the more we identify with it and letting go of this layer is painful because of the realisation that we have been fooled to invest it in so deeply. This aspect of being fooled hurts more than letting go of things in itself. Funny that how returning to the deepest part of ourselves is actually quite easy so long as we can let go of all the things we have invested in.

  6. Amita, I love how you shared in your blog that it was no surprise that you developed endometriosis after putting your body through what you did in terms of hardness and competing with the men around you. Not everyone would make the link of how they live and what conditions develop. Many people can easily just assume that it has nothing to do with how we live, that conditions ‘just happen’. Your awareness and knowing of this link between the way we live and the conditions that develop is what allows the actual healing to take place. Thank you so much for your invaluable sharing.

  7. Amita your honesty is refreshing in that you are not apportioning blame.
    I have found from my experience of attending the workshops and presentation of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that we are offered our own knowledge back to us. For whatever reason we have put this inner knowing to one side, when it is offered to us something within registers that knowing and so our journey begins again.

  8. I know you mean Amita when you say ‘Those words have stayed in my body ever since and that was a start to my healing journey.’ Serge once told me to do self-worth to the bone and those words have stayed with to this day and I am still working on it.

  9. Connecting to stillness is it – it holds everything. We can think we are so great and yet what are we without that still connection within us. Nothing.

  10. ‘And this is just the beginning…’ what a brilliant way to end this article. The inspiration to realise that nothing ever ends and for every point of learning or revelation there is the next.

    1. Pearls Matilda – there is no end as there are only cycles. Cycle after cycle, cycle upon cycle, this is the way life is divinely designed to support us with our learning.

  11. It is our ultimate devastation and sadness disconnecting from the love that we innately are and yet our future is indeed returning and living this truth.

    1. Just think that we are waking in the devastation of our sadness of our disconnection from God our universe and every step we take compounds this sadness. If there are life times of walking our sadness have we stopped to consider what impact does that sadness have on our bodies?

  12. There are many women worldwide, myself included, who have tried to prove themselves worthy by going into that male energy of being hard, tough, strong … all to the great detriment of our delicate, sacred, gentle and tender innate way of being in the world.

    1. Beautifully said Paula, it is certainly a familiar path in our current society for women to choose to operate in male energy and drive and one that we get recognized and accoladed for despite the damage it does to our body and psyche. It takes a strong woman to say no to this and to allow themselves to return to the natural delicateness, sacredness, beauty and nurturing that lies within – the true strengths of a woman.

  13. Taking responsibility for our lives is a game-changer – rather than seeking outside causes for our situation we look at our own choices which is a very empowering way to live.

  14. I love your honesty in this article; ‘I had completely sold out to being like how many men choose to live – hard, in control, in protection, dominating, and driven.’ It makes me realise that we can often take on certain behaviours to please others – such as our dads – trying to be like them or receive acceptance from them, this can lead us to changing who we naturally are.

  15. It is amazing the shifts that can occur in our bodies, relationships and lives when we’re ready to let go of our pictures, deal with and heal our issues and be with whatever life presents us with.

  16. As a younger woman I too spent much of my life in similar disregard. I worked outside alot with horses and then as a gardener, and I was forever hauling around heavy bags and wheelbarrows. Then one day I lifted a very heavy door and injured my hand, so much so that I couldnt use it for several weeks. It really was one of those stop moments that made me reevaluate my whole life and I started to appreciate the delicateness of my body and how much I pushed it beyond what it was really designed to do. And this was the beginning of my understanding of what it truly means to be a woman – an unfolding and ever deepening journey that constantly offers me opportunities to be more of who I am.

  17. Most of this life has been painted with your first sentence of being driven. Responsibility was lost and having to do it at the cost of the body, took its place! Until ten years ago self-care was something only women did in my mind. I have discovered the benefits of self-care, and it is new to late. There are bits that from a lifetime of ill choices that have eroded some functions of the body from years of abuse but, the body is amazing like a river that can erode its path over time but still keep flowing.

  18. ‘What it all came down to was taking responsibility for all my choices and to connect to my stillness and to fully express myself.’ amazing wisdom and simplicity to return to.

  19. “What it all came down to was taking responsibility for all my choices and to connect to my stillness and to fully express myself.” Beautiful – and so simple!

  20. “True Responsibility – My Understanding” – my understanding of responsibility changed entirely in being introduced to the world of energy and thus energetic responsibility through (and thanks to) Serge Benhayon.

  21. We all know the truth when it is presented to us, the choice is always our then whether we accept it of not.

  22. I too wanted to be just like a man and did engineering at University but to be honest, although I was good at Maths and Physics at school, I struggled with the level of academic work required at University and with engineering work afterwards so ended up in a much more ‘me’ type of work which was Personal Development coaching and counselling, which I loved and was very good at.

  23. Through self-care and self-love we can bring true healing to the body, miracles are possible when we take responsibility for our choices.

  24. In order to be the love that we are we first have to give up the fight to be everything that is not this love and that we have built an identification around and an attachment to.

  25. It has to be said that Serge Benhayon provides amazing support to women and men equally, that had never been my experience previously, especially in religion where there can be a bias towards men, and there is not much on offer for women either in spirituality. As a woman I have been supported in many amazing ways by Serge and Universal Medicine, to deeply care for myself, to understand the power I hold, to live from the true essence of myself and the sacredness I truly am.

  26. I remember moments throughout my girlhood where I consciously chose to ‘be more like a boy’ instead of doing things the way I felt to do them as a girl and later as a woman… because I could feel the greater respect and admiration rewarded when people exhibit what we call ‘male characteristics’… and yet it never felt right…

    Something felt drefully amiss when I would see a woman walking, working or moving like a man and I knew I did the same thing to some extent…

    All I have felt in in Serge’s presence and in what he has presented over the years has offered me a steady stream of confirmations of what I have always known inside me and has strengthened my choice to listen to that small voice within that always speaks the truth.

    I know it is my ultimate responsibility to be me, to move and express as I feel to; as the woman that I am.

    Even if it is socially unappreciated, this world is in great need of seeing and feeling the feminine and deep down we all miss the loveliness, the suppleness, the curves and the womanly movements that only a woman who is honoring her femaleness and letting herself live her truth in this world can share with us all.

  27. “I had completely sold out to being like how many men choose to live – hard, in control, in protection, dominating, and driven.” Sadly there are many women who live like this, but it doesnt pay as eventually there bodies will suffer the consequences.

  28. We tend to foster our children in feeling divorced from the makings of what is going on around them, yet there is nothing more empowering and equalizing than knowing that every one of our choices shapes the world and our own lives even if the repercussions are not immediately felt, and that we have the power and the responsibility to choose that which supports us and everyone else in every way.

  29. Absolutely beautiful Serge Benhayon offers us the truth of what we know and also a reflection of who we are and the love we come from and resonate with inside us all. “I felt inside that what he was offering was what I was missing – my connection to truth.”

  30. Thanks, Amita. Another life-changing account of personal responsibility and commitment to discarding old behaviours in order to return to the true and exquisite nature of the soul. Serge Benhayon simply reflects to us everything that we too are in essence.

  31. What a beautiful journey of self discovery and re-connection to the essence of the amazingly gorgeous woman that you are, Amita, the woman that has always been there ready to share her love with the world.

    1. It can be quite a process to unbutton all those layers of protection that we have been hiding under, but how divine it is to once again feel our innate stillness and sacredness – this is what is so sorely missed in our world today, as we have chosen to step so very far away from our true selves.

  32. Self-responsibility is ever expanding in my life and I too appreciate myself as a woman in my sacredness more than I ever have, this in turn plays out as more responsibility too, not as something onerous, but a joy to live with more purpose and focus increasingly in my life.

  33. “What it all came down to was taking responsibility for all my choices and to connect to my stillness and to fully express myself.” It is this self responsiblity and connection to who we truly are that we can either resist or willingly take on that will eventually make the difference to our lives, our health and well being, and to all of our relationships.

  34. When we look at success as bringing ourselves more fully to life it can change our perspective on what it is also to be responsible.

  35. It is not always easy to heal past hurts and to change habits of a lifetime and this is why we all need support to do this and I deeply appreciate the support Serge Benhayon and other practitioners have also offered me over the years.

  36. I can understand the tears coming up when you met Serge, for in meeting Serge we meet ourselves and is ourselves that we left and so deeply miss.

    1. Equal to missing ourselves we miss everyone else for when we are not in true connection to ourselves we are not in true connection with others either. The other side applies too as in when we reconnect to our true selves we deepen our connection to all others too.

  37. It sounds very simple to take responsibility for your choices, but the wayward aspect in us just wants to do the complete opposite. Society is also set up so we have a million excuses or can blame others when things go wrong, rather than looking at how we have been. I find the only thing that stops the waywardness and irresponsibility is being very present in my body, which is really honest with me and lets me feel the simplicity of being responsible for myself.

  38. There is nothing greater than living love in your life. It asks complete and utter responsibility and accountability for all we say, choose and do, but it is equally and a joy and a grandness that is natural and better than anything amazing to live everyday.

    1. Yes and I am discovering that living love feels way more settling and satisfying and generally great and simple, because it is who I already am, compared to trying to live up to something I am not that the world tells me I need to be.

  39. Every situation in life is an opportunity for us to learn and gain insight – when we see what part we have to play and our responsibility. Life lived without this, renders our days a dull and dreary struggle.

  40. “I had completely sold out to being like how many men choose to live – hard, in control, in protection, dominating, and driven.” I love how you say ‘how many men choose to live’ and not ‘how men are’ as in truth men are also not hard, in control, in protection and so on, but tender, sensitive, caring and loving.

  41. What a wonderful place to be at ‘feeling your sacredness as a woman’ knowing we can live in a way that supports this connection is so empowering.

  42. ‘In that hug he gave me these words of wisdom: “Be Love.” Those words have stayed in my body ever since and that was a start to my healing journey.’ When Serge Benhayon says ” Be Love” we get alll the Love he is walking every day, his body is Love and as such connected to God and the Hierachy.

    1. Yes, anyone can say “be love” but when someone who totally lives those words says that it is an entirely different experience…. a mega transformative one if we accept the invitation.

  43. “I was not willing to take full responsibility for my choices along the way.” I hold my hands up to this too, I never took responsibility for my choices until I met Serge Benhayon and realised that actually I do need to start taking responsibility for the choices I make and it isn’t anyone else’s fault if something happens because at the end of the day it was down to my choice, and since taking responsibility my life has changed in many ways, and responsibility is one of the key factors.

  44. “I felt inside that what he was offering was what I was missing – my connection to truth.” At the first presentation I attended by Serge Benhayon I too realised that I had met what was missing within me, my connection to an ever-deepening truth.

    1. I had the same experience Mary at the first presentation I went to with Serge Benhayon. What he said was so crystal clear to me, and so many questions I had had about life up to that point were being answered that day in a way that I could understand and they absolutely resonated deep within me. I will never forget that day.

  45. “I was not willing to take full responsibility for my choices along the way. ” this is true for so many of us, and yet when we embrace this and do start to take responsiblity everything in life changes. In fact everything in life is transformed simply through a willingness to see and take responsiblity for the choices that we each make.

  46. The words ‘be love’ sound very simple, but they had me puzzled for a while. What did this actually mean in daily life? For me it also meant allowing the huge amount of love out I feel inside for people and giving myself the permission to be exactly where I am at and not have to be perfect or better.

  47. Taking responsibility for our choices is something, it seems, so many do not want to do, as then we can no longer blame anyone or anything else for what has unfolded in our lives. It can be challenging to come to this place of deep honesty with ourselves but in doing so it has the power and the potential to change our lives, as to know we are responsible totally does away with the belief we are a victim of circumstances and brings in the knowing that what comes next is up to us.

  48. Be Love, we all know it within us and we are of it, I can feel how any time I get a deeper knowing of Love within me, it is a return, not a new meeting.

  49. I also became like a man in a woman’s body. It is a way to survive and function very independently in the world, but it has an effect on your body. I have loved getting to know what my woman’s body naturally feels like and how it wants to move and live.

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