To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are

Observing how many adults act around children, I have noticed there is a common tendency to treat them as being lesser. This comes from a belief that a child is born empty and that as he/she accumulates experience, knowledge and skills, only then does the child become worthy of being considered equal. Sometimes this may not occur until they reach their mid-twenties or above! I remember as a teenager aching to be older so that I could be taken seriously and without being dismissed as inferior.

There is an adult propensity to dismiss a child and all that they have to offer, because in our arrogance, we believe that they don’t have very much to offer at all yet, and that we have to instill in them everything we want to see come out of them.

We are of the belief that a child is an empty vessel, starting from scratch, and that it is up to us to fill them up with knowledge and teach them the ‘right’ way to behave. Many parents also hold the belief that kids are too young to understand, too young to be aware, too young to know what the right and important choices are, or just simply, they need to be protected.

But what if our children are born already full, wise and knowing and we don’t give them the opportunity to recognise this, articulate this and live this?

As adults we tend to also hold the superiority card, believing that because we have lived longer and because we say so, we are therefore wiser, deserve more respect and expect children to simply do as they are told.

Quite often this can be communicated to a child with dismissiveness, frustration or anger. This whole approach to children is also reinforced by the education system, so that it is rare for a child to be consistently confirmed for who they truly are.

When a child is treated in this manner, how does this actually make the child feel? I know when I was a child I was quite crushed, to say the least.

There can be three ways a child can cope with this – either they can:

  1. Give up and withdraw
  2. Rebel or
  3. Conform

I remember feeling of very little worth and always feeling like I had to prove myself, yet at the same time not get in the way. I chose option C – I conformed! I became ‘good’ at following the rules… doing my homework, doing as I was told, even when I didn’t want to, and telling others what they wanted to hear at the expense of how I was feeling. I buried my true self and my true voice, feeling that I wouldn’t be understood or that I wouldn’t be listened to. When I did show my true feelings, I felt they were not really respected and whenever I did voice things that were deeply heartfelt, they were quite often derided as being too innocent and naïve.

The consequence of the above choices ultimately only undermined my own sense of self-worth because I was constantly compromising myself. Furthermore, in not understanding that it was in my own reactions and choices that I was eroding my sense of self worth, not necessarily how I was being treated, I went into feeling like a victim of life.

It was clear to me that no matter how ‘good’ I was, I was never going to be able to achieve the recognition and love that I was seeking from the adults around me.

It didn’t occur to me that I could love and confirm myself for myself. As a result I placed a lot of expectations on myself, and as I grew up into a young woman I derived a lot of recognition and satisfaction from being efficient at work and getting the job done well (a little arrogance was formed as a result) – a poor substitute for the love I was really craving.

But what if we were to honour our children for who they are and not what they do? How would this then make a child feel?

What if we stop for a moment to consider our children – and I mean, really consider them as an equal to adults? What if we stopped to consider the vastness of what they perfectly bring just by being who they are?

What if we stopped to consider that when they are born they are already whole; that they are already glorious and are already little bundles of huge wisdom and lived experience. What if we stopped to consider that by having them in our families they are an enormous singular and unique addition to the whole, with the potential of contributing their amazing piece of the jigsaw that makes up the one humanity?  

I know that when I hold my children in equality and value everything within them, they feel:





Confident to express

Allowed to make mistakes

Allowed to claim they are imperfect

Allowed to accept themselves as they are

Open to others

Open to love

Open to giving and open to receiving

Open to being themselves.

When they meet new people they don’t hold back from expressing confidently and truthfully. They don’t get caught up in the cycle of feeling inadequate and worthless because they are a child. They don’t get caught up with cliques and jealousy over friends; they are open to all and play equally with all. In their naturalness they inspire so many adults and other children around them as they constantly inspire me.

Within our families we have access to so much love, wisdom and common sense simply through our children, so when I hear the adult response claiming that children do not know, or are too young to be self-aware, I beg to differ. The truth is, children are very aware, and very self-aware, but because the trend isn’t to allow children to give voice to what they are ‘feeling’, but only ‘doing’, we are missing out on a very rich and expansive vocabulary and dialogue with our young ones.

Yes – we do see a lot of ill behaviours in children, however is it possible that it is our misinterpretation of their essence that actually precipitates this behaviour? Could it be that this ill behaviour is simply a reaction to the fact that we don’t honour them – truly hear them and truly meet them for who they are?

As both a parent and teacher, I have observed how children always joyfully rise to the occasion when they are treated as equals and are given responsibility; they open up and get super engaged and are enthusiastic all the time – an absolute joy to observe.

As adults we can become arrogant with the ingrained belief that with age we have superiority because we have lived longer, but when we dismiss our children as being less, and because they end up believing this, then these consequences play out, and like a catch 22, we believe what we see, and so we go round in the same circle again and all is repeated…

As a child I remember how it felt not to be given the opportunity to put voice to everything I knew to be true, which was deeply felt, but lay buried well on into my adulthood. It was through having met Serge Benhayon and in having attended Universal Medicine workshops that I have opened up to feeling how painful shutting down my true feelings and voice as a child was for me. I am now making sure I don’t repeat the cycle with my own children. They are met and loved for who they are, and their feelings and true voice are honoured daily.

By Michelle McWaters, Bath, UK

Further Reading:
Good Parenting Skills
Receiving a Healing Through Children
The Beauty of Meeting Children and Allowing Them To Be

561 thoughts on “To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are

  1. What is ironic is that even according to science, the brain, or so called centre of intelligence, is never so active and capable as it is in the early stages of development. But that aside, anyone who has raised a child, realises that there are characteristics and traits to that child that were there almost from birth that have nothing to do with their response to the world around them.

    1. I remember holding each of my children when they were born and I could very clearly feel the essence of both very succinctly, yet they were so different from each other. My daughter felt incredibly still, delicate and wise and there was this enormous power emanating from her. My son felt incredibly joyful, round, sensitive and still – with a melting quality that is hard to describe. They still have connection with their essence – the power and delicate grace of my daughter, and the squidgy meltingly deliciousness and joy of my son are lived daily, blow me away daily and inspire me daily. This is not something school has taught them, but is something school could honour. Sadly since the essence of our children are not actively articulated or celebrated, for most the school system encourages a shutting down of this awareness. Fortunately for my two children school has not managed to suppress the innate awareness of what they bring because these qualities are celebrated every day at home!

  2. If we just make the attitudinal shift for a nano-second that children are simply small adults, full of wisdom, knowing and access to pure truth, and then even just try an experiment in engaging with them in and from that belief, the difference in our interaction and their unguardedness is palpable and rewarding beyond belief.

  3. When children really are met, it’s like rekindling the fire, the spark of which is always there, and will always be there… And that fire cannot help but light up someone’s life.

  4. “But what if our children are born already full, wise and knowing and we don’t give them the opportunity to recognise this, articulate this and live this?” I very much agree with you on this, we absolutely underestimate what our children bring and do not draw from the riches we all carry within us but keep us very limited in how we live and experience life.

  5. It’s crazy, or should I say dismissive, to try and hide things from children and deem them with the inability to understand human life. It’s crazy because we have all been children and most likely have some recollection of how observant and aware we were of our surroundings. Knowing how the adults felt, who was upset, who was not safe to be around and so on. How can adults dismiss awareness and wisdom in children when they too have been there? We are all seeing and feeling.

    1. It is still believed to be the right way to not involve children in life or tell children what is going on with the family in the Chinese Culture. Children are always believed to be inferior, and they never cease to be children in the eyes of parents even if they are 40 years old. Children in this sense never get to grow up, and neither do parents–we just do not want to take or teach responsibility, evolution is not in our agenda in life. But this is all going to change now.

  6. As children we are very connected with ourselves and we are able to smell ideals and beliefs a mile away. Parents living an ideal is greatly felt by children — some of us rebelled against it, some of us withdrew and some of us conformed. But when I became a parent myself, I also lived this ideal up to a certain extent. As I did not give myself permission to voice out how I felt when I was a child, my child also did not express how he felt, and the struggle continued. It took a long time until being very honest that this way of relating between us is too devastating to bear, that the support needed for us to see the situation clearer came to us from a third party being loving enough to express it to me honestly and directly. Dropping ideals in life frees up a lot of tension and allows much more space for us to truly express ourselves.

  7. “It didn’t occur to me that I could love and confirm myself for myself”. Yes a very common factor that I would say applies to us all. We are so trained to always receive from the outside that it does not come to us that we could bring all that we crave and yearn for to ourself.

    1. Yes, I agree, I find that with challenges in life can we drift away from loving ourselves, revert to old patterns of disregard and perpetuate a problem. Loving and confirming me is something I feel that I do not do enough.

  8. Working with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon one gets to see and know that despite the fact we were not truly heard or seen (met) as a child we can actually do this for ourselves no matter what the age. At 64 I can claim this to be absolutely true.

  9. ‘It didn’t occur to me that I could love and confirm myself for myself.’ It’s amazing to me how long I have held back from allowing myself to love and confirm myself all because I have not wanted to accept the investment in holding back and waiting for another to bring me self-love when, by definition, it is only something I can connect to myself. The more I accept this the more I am open to loving myself.

  10. ‘It didn’t occur to me that I could love and confirm myself for myself’. The more I appreciate and value what I bring, the more I am confirmed which feels truly gorgeous….. and is the complete opposite to how I used to live always believing I did ‘not deserve’ and I was not worthy of God’s love which resulted in me shutting down and giving up and not being able to connect with anyone or allow them to get close.

    1. Yes, there is a protection that comes in and shields that go up – after which what comes out is a little scratchy and defensive, perhaps even hard. We don’t get heard or understood and it feeds the belief that we need to protect ourselves because we are misunderstood and not heard. It really is a self-perpetuating cycle.

  11. Often children hold a truth and simplicity that can be exposing to adults this can be part of the reason why adults ‘look down’ on children- to diminish and reduce the reflection of truth, simplicity and transparency that they offer.

    1. I often hear these truths from the children who attend the daycare centre close to my work. The conversations that the children are wanting to engage in with their parents which exposes the way they are living often leads parents to dismiss and ignore rather than to stop, reflect and learn. What is interesting to note here is how quickly we push lessons on our children to learn yet when the tables are turned the levels of responsibility can change to suit our needs.

  12. It’s rare that we are truly met and heard and yes Adele it starts from birth. We are not aware of our unique essence and the brotherhood that links us all, so there is a lot of reversing of patterns and fixed beliefs to come back to ourselves, then lovingly appreciating our responsibility to bring ourselves in full.

  13. wow- what are we actually doing to kids if we force them to not be themselves by not holding them as who they are! It’s pretty awful to see how adults directly contribute to the next bunch of kids growing up into a world where they are surviving rather than living because they are not themselves. What an awesome blog to read and see how it is possible to no longer hinder others and that is starts with a process of being true to ourselves first.

  14. How beautiful is our soul that it has given us all an opportunity to re-imprint the shutting down with our children in this life and that we learn to value their voices by equally valuing our own.

  15. I can remember as a child being talked to, or at by adults and how this would differ greatly to what it felt like to be spoken to in a normal way, not above or below but just equal. As adults being interested in children without wanting to control what they say or how they respond is a great responsibility. And perhaps it starts even younger by not talking to babies in goo goo ga ga voices.

  16. The frantic pace and overstimulating world around us has us on the constant hop going from one thing to the next looking outside ourselves for recognition and confirmation that what we have done is right or good enough. But like you Michelle until more recently it never occurred to me ‘that I could love and confirm myself for myself.’

  17. It is interesting that we actually have so much that we can learn from children and it makes sense we then try to reduce this and cut down the wisdom that they know- often expressed with such simplicity and then try to feed them knowledge which is a reduced from of this wisdom- all to not be exposed for the choices we have made as adults to move away from our own innate wisdom.

  18. It is such a good call, we are so trapped in this belief of incompetence of children that we don’t give them the opportunity to show the wisdom that is already within. It is in allowing this that we all flourish and so do children in the confidence and responsibility that is their equal part as it is ours.

  19. I really don’t think we can hold the superiority card as adults. When I look at how full of life and joy children are, we as adults are living a shadow of that former fullness. We may think we know more than kids but we have lost touch with the most important things in life.

  20. I also played the ‘good card’ as a child. Although I kept playing it for some time, I can remember a point of realising that being good didn’t work , it didn’t bring love and it left you constantly having to do something to be recognised (which also felt empty compared to love) This cycle caused a building of frustration and resentment and an unawareness that it was actually my choice to be good rather than true to myself that was the problem!

  21. I too remember when I was a child couldn’t wait to grow up so I could make my own decisions of how I wanted to do things and not being told how to be something that was not true for me only pleased others of how I should be, indeed if we supported our young to be who they truly are without such impositions the world would be a different place.

    1. Yes Francisco, I remember wanting to look older and get older quickly when I was young. Lots of young people want the independence, but have not had the practice of handling responsibility. In many ways we adults have contributed to this.

  22. Beautifully shared Michelle, I am raising a young child and am always blessed with the deep wisdom she shares with me often. Holding children in absolute love and equality allows the space and grace for a child to express openly and honestly and to feel the powerful ripple effect this has on other children to express in this way as well.

  23. I have noticed how easily I can go into enertain the child mode, when around young children which of course they love. But what does it really bring them?

  24. I love that you have asked whether it possible that our misinterpretation of a child’s essence is responsible for precipitating their ill behavior as a reaction to us not honouring them and responding to them in light of who they truly are. It is so easy to point the finger and blame but not so easy to step up and choose to see the harm we could be causing through not truly connecting to our kids.

  25. Michelle, this is really supportive to read, I can feel with my own son how without realising it that I can sometimes hold the idea that he needs to be taught whats right and wrong and that he needs to learn how to be, when in fact when he is being himself he is naturally loving, respectful, gentle, wise and expressive and often times it is me that learns from him.

  26. Unfortunately this attitude and belief has been rampant in society, it is time that such evil beliefs are seen for what they are, ‘As adults we tend to also hold the superiority card, believing that because we have lived longer and because we say so, we are therefore wiser, deserve more respect and expect children to simply do as they are told.’ Time to bin such beliefs.

  27. One of the best parenting tips that I have learnt is to treat our children with equality and let go of thinking that I am superior just because I am an adult. Our children are very wise and intelligent beings and if we forget to appreciate how much wisdom they offer we can easily start to lose connection to who they really are.

  28. I can remember so vividly as a child being dismissed, not being taken seriously and treated differently just for being a child and feeling quite outraged about it, but not able to express through fear of reprisals. Being treated lesser because you are younger is nonsense and hopefully will be a thing of the past in the future. I have seen such wisdom in young kids way beyond their years and we are all born with this and it should be encouraged not stifled.

  29. All children are adults at some point, so why treat them differently just because of the difference in physical size?

    1. And you could also say children were adults at some point, so why not treat them with the equality they deserve?

  30. I am in total agreement Michelle that when we bring our focus only to what our children do and not to whom they naturally are, we “are missing out on a very rich and expansive vocabulary and dialogue” with them. From stopping and taking the time to listen to them and to respect what they have to say we will soon realise that they are not just empty vessels that we need to fill. These beautiful beings carry a well of wisdom that we also had access to as children, wisdom that when honoured will definitely add to the quality of all our lives.

    1. Oh yes. And in those moments of recognition of old patterns repeated, I now know that I am in the driving seat and have the power to change… and that actually that is a blessing of a responsibility.

  31. It’s not just with children but with adults too – we talk, meet and greet people just ‘as they are’ like a robot who happens to have a fleshy body. And the worst thing of all is that we play along with this game that we are just another ‘normal’ human being. When you start to see through these lies and understand that this is not ‘it’, that we are multi-dimensional beings who have lived many lives and all have access to incredible awareness and wisdom, well it can’t help but bring true compassion, care, kindness and Love to life. For underneath it all as you show Michelle, we are all from heaven, here with the purpose to show our true light.

  32. Reading this I was imaging how schooling would look different if we were accepting that children are full to begin with. We would still have learning of course but it would be more discerning of the individual, and learning at all ages, and latterly would be more related to acquiring a skill to do a job, like Doctors or accountants or whatever, the recognition and identity could be removed from the training as it would be more about the practical skills necessary to fulfil that role, but with a heavy leaning towards intuition and trust in our natural wisdom.

  33. Michelle it’s an extraordinary price of writing, thankyou. So many gems of wisdom expressed, including this line about children “What if we stopped to consider the vastness of what they perfectly bring just by being who they are?” Children really reflect how we naturally are and are meant to be when we live from our essence, and in that they expose how the systems we have in place (including education) lead us away from this natural way of being and expressing.

  34. Wonderful sharing Michelle, absolutely we create a catch 22 of treating children as less so they behave less than they are naturally. We actually have so much to learn from children as they are open hearted and can lead the way for us adults who tend to have become protected and masterful at not being ourselves. Time to break the cycle!

  35. As children we are easily connected with the all, with God. We can clearly see what is true or not. But we find our moment where we start to numb ourselves to fit in and and not be exposed as that will be attacked by all who is not ready to make life about truth again.

  36. Reading this really brings it home to what we are missing out on with the relationships we have as children and with our own children, and it’s easy to see how children then contract and hold themselves as less.
    At this moment as adults it seems we are worlds apart from where the children are at, and we could learn so much from them – especially when it comes to being open hearted and playful.

  37. Michelle it is truly beautiful reading this again. The equality you hold children in feels like a truth we all innately know and can live with each other no matter the age.

  38. This is such a brilliant blog Michelle. When children are treated as less they grow up to become adults that live less than their true potential. Yes they may tick all the boxes but in truth the world misses out on the ‘all’ that person really has to offer. I shut down to my true potential as a child and have grown up to be an adult that ‘delivers’ and ‘ticks boxes’ but thanks to Serge Benhayon I am beginning to see that there is so much more to me.

  39. Beautiful Michelle, ‘But what if our children are born already full, wise and knowing and we don’t give them the opportunity to recognise this, articulate this and live this?’ Working with children I have observed how true it is that children are already wise and knowing, I am often blown away by their honest, simple, loving and playful approach to life. Treating children as equals I see how much wisdom they have, how much love and care for others, how much creativity, all of these qualities are natural for them and they come with these qualities when they are born, we are from my experience definitely not born as ’empty vessels’, more like full, amazing, loving vessels.

  40. So many of the issues that seem to erupt from with-in as we grow I feel stem from this very basic understanding – that the essence of a child isn’t truly valued when young. If it was then I know from experience I wouldn’t have gone about life seeking attention, recognition and acceptance in some rather un-healthy ways. Supporting the already existing foundation of self worth, wonder, and joy a child naturally is, is the most loving and supportive start that can be offered. Sure a child needs to be safe and watched over, but not imposed upon and shaped into an image of what we think we want a child to be. Children aren’t something we design after the mould has been cast forth.

  41. To hold another in the knowing and understanding that we are all equal regardless of our bodies age, shape, colour or size allows respect and Love to be expressed without the false picture and beliefs that we readily adorn when expressing with others. We are in truth universal and therefore equally of God.

  42. Thank you Michelle for offering true parenting – to see our children as equal and no less and support them to feel listened too, loved and valued. As well as knowing what consequences are. This is a whole new way of raising kids to be all that they are and not feel like they need to seek attention or recognition because they see themselves as enough. As parents we are their first teachers.

  43. ‘ it is rare for a child to be consistently confirmed for who they truly are.’ How sad is that – the preciousness of our essence and the joy of being who we truly are totally squashed by those who have had the same done to them…and so it goes on. But we can stop the chain of reactions and start to live the Love we know we are and bring the change that inspires and evolves our gorgeous kids.

  44. I could not agree with you more Michelle, thank you. What a precious it is to give and receive love equally, teaching and learning from one another irrespective of age or title;
    “As both a parent and teacher, I have observed how children always joyfully rise to the occasion when they are treated as equals and are given responsibility; they open up and get super engaged and are enthusiastic all the time – an absolute joy to observe”.

  45. We are all so amazingly sensitive and completely sense when we are not seen or met, for who we truly are. This is devastating, unless we know where we are from without doubt and have complete understanding.

  46. It is interesting that we continue to play the adult card – the adult knows best over a child when we have each been a child and know the harm of such undermining if not crushing ideals and equally know and have lived experience of our greatness and wisdom irrespective of our size.

  47. Let us, as a species, face it… We are generally not happy with our lot… only 15% of the workplace actually enjoys being at work… That’s very big percentage not being happy in something that takes up a lot of their lives… And here we all are living this, and so what are your children picking up? And then from this dissatisfied platform people try and as Michelle says inculcate beliefs and formulas. But really is needed is for a deep deep healing to be taking place across the board, and this is Where Universal Medicine comes to the fore.

  48. What a gift and blessing it is to be truly met and heard; what a gift and blessing it is to truly meet and hear another, irrespective of age, gender or title. A beautiful reminder Michelle to give and receive love.

  49. Very beautiful blog Michelle, and so very true, if only we were to meet children in the essence of who they are, then it would mean a lot of things. We would have children growing up knowing who they truly are, making choices in society, growing up to move into jobs where they could make decisions for the whole, not just for themselves. It really would be a very different world.

  50. I remember as a child my parents keeping things from me because they felt we were too young to understand, but in truth I was very sensitive and was aware of all that was going on without knowing the details, this made me learn from a very young age that as children you prefer adults express what’s truly going on rather than live in the confusion and chaos of what is not said and being swept under the carpet.

    1. I remember the exact same thing Anna, of being swept aside to “go play” when there was a death or other serious matter as it was considered I could neither understand nor feel anything. I was possibly more aware than the adults and acutely sensitive to everything going on. It would have been great to have been held as an equal and equally wise and deeply sentient being and encouraged to express. It’s great to have this understanding and insight now and that it’s been a long term generational attitude to children.

  51. It is offering great love to our children by seeing them as responsible and offering them the opportunities to live that. This is not an expectation because everyone makes mistakes, but it is to express to them what we know they are capable of and to communicate on a level which is equal.

  52. We are always determining the quality of all of our relationships by how much we are willing to listen to our heart and meet ourselves deeply.

    1. A beautiful comment Vicky, to “Know thyself” is an enormous gift to offer others as the deeper we can meet and know ourselves the deeper we can meet and know our fellow human beings.

      1. So very true Melinda. These connections with others are nothing short of divine and the alchemy that takes place is always so confirming.

  53. If we are truly loving, it is impossible to hold anyone as less or greater – for love behold all equally regardless of age or any other distinction.

    1. Exactly Deborah. And whenever there isn’t this equality it is simply a sign we have dis-connected from true love.

  54. Michelle thank you for the distinction between children voicing what they are doing or more importantly what they are feeling. Reading your blog again today I came to realise how much the accumulation of knowledge and it’s false (but common) link to our value plays put in adult relationships. We can attribute worth, seniority, hierarchy etc to people and less value to others all based on this ability to memorise information and think things through (IQ etc). Yet what if we approached everyone as equal vessels of love and wisdom, as all knowing, and held each other in “the vastness of what they perfectly bring just by being who they are?” Imagine the change in adult relationships?

  55. I am open to the possibilities of Love. What seems impossible is only so when we choose it to be, when we choose to focus on the complications rather than simplicity. Sometimes I still see myself crave love like a child but I accept these moments as they are my choices, and yet I am open to the possibilities of truly growing up. Therefore I give myself the permission to truly express how I feel and to express everything that is felt, I am learning to feel before I open my mouth to speak and to refrain from speaking when I am not loving to myself. I am accepting all my choices and embrace the consequences, to once again take responsibilities in all areas of life. I commit to caring for myself and when I don’t, I accept the consequences too.

  56. Michelle it’s such a powerful blog that I have come back today to read it again. I have been looking deeply at being met for who I am in essence (or not) and how this has affected my life, and though it did not happen in my childhood I can do that for myself now, and in so doing be able to meet others in their essence more fully and consistently. I remember being met in my essence in a session with Serge Benhayon, it went beyond how I currently see myself and even beyond my deepest appreciation and awareness of myself. It was an amazing experience to be seen for who I am even more broadly than I can see and meet myself, and to only be seen for this, not to be seen for who I am not (we can be very critical and degrading of ourselves and each other).

  57. Yes so much is communicated to children that we don’t actually say with words, and this is what we ought to be more honest about as adults…the fact that we often give children a limited range of options to choose from rather than allowing them the space to feel for themselves.

    1. True – we often seek to impose on children our own expectations, limitations, pictures and notions of right and wrong and seek to control their behaviours, choices and lives rather than allowing space, inspiration and true parenting to support their own true expression and evolution

  58. In my work at a supermarket I see a lot of families and it is very noticeable how children when they are not being seen for who they are and are kept as less because they are young go into the three points you wrote down. I can see the rebellion, the shutting down and the being good/conforming and being the good daughter or son. Yet I don’t see children in their fulness and amazingness which is quite sad and showing of the way we are parenting mostly is not truly successful.

  59. Thank you Michelle for honouring children in their essence, and writing about what you have discovered. This is a wonderful re-imprinting for many of us.

  60. A great question herewith is raised – why is it that we seek to lessen another or to see them in a light of seeming failings or deficits rather than confirm in another their strengths, true expression and their unending potential?

  61. It becomes imperative to understand that our behaviours do not define us and that we are a divine being regardless of the expression we are choosing in any one moment – we are therefore absolutely equal to all other divine beings and it is our responsibly to inspire another rather than to judge or condemn.

  62. We always have a choice to accept the lesser offering and choose to live with a lack of self worth or say no to this and love, honour and cherish who we are.

  63. Because we have lived many years in this life it does not automatically mean that we are wise. I have met many older people who are still living irresponsibly, totally detached from the consequences of their self-centred actions, and I have met many children whose wisdom used to astound me. These days I am no longer astounded as I have come to know the fact that children may be smaller and younger than me but it doesn’t mean that they are not as wise. It is up to us as adults to honour and respect this wisdom in every way.

  64. Every voice deserves to be heard. I certainly learned this the hard way as I chose to not speak out for myself as a child believing in the picture that children cannot speak up against elders and there was also nothing in my reality that encouraged me to do so–but that was because this picture has already existed within me. So to break this pattern I had to live what I know to be true–that every voice deserves to be heard, and give this to myself by allowing myself to speak up in situations especially that I feel uncomfortable in, such as without making myself less or smaller (even though in age there is a difference) when I am with my parents. The truth is when I hold back my expression with my parents every part of me is choosing to remain as less, which is what I know to not be true and therefore to change this deep pattern, I started to express and in fact, there was a long period of bracing myself of the reactions that come back but when there is consistency to not give up, even though speaking up as an equal is still very much unaccepted, I have the support now of acceptance and confirmation from my body to continue. Recently, when truly expressing without reaction and with love, this was appreciated from my parents. Therefore it takes a lot of patience to change an ingrained pattern which is normal for a whole culture, but there is infinite patience and that is what I have been taught from love.

  65. This blog should be read by every parent, teacher and everyone, as it exposes the falseness in which our society has based the way to raise children. It needs to be clearly seen, to approach children’s education in an honouring way that truly respects their unique nature and wisdom

  66. It’s possible to conform to the rules of school because we’ve given up, I remember that as a young child I was constantly told to not express what I was feeling, I was told to shut my mouth, to stop provoking, and many other things. At the time I could really not understand how I was providing them when I was just saying what I felt, it felt crazy to not say what I was feeling, and the worst thing is that I thought adults would understand if I kept expressing the truth, but the more I expressed the worse the situations got. But this is so harmful, not only on a psychological level, but on a physical level as well. By giving up on expressing truth, on being who we are, we also give up on caring for ourselves, we give up on the rest of the world and our society becomes one where we are all isolated, lonely, and suicidal…

  67. Remember Play-Doh? The modelling clay for kids where you could make what ever you wanted. It had a press that you could make shapes by just changing the die to get a shape you required. Do we do this with children, pressure them to become something we want?

  68. The ’empty vessel’ idea that is propagated is deadly. I am a parent and I have no doubt that our children were born wise, with all they need ready to unfold. No baby is an empty slate, look in their eyes, feel their quality… we do our children a great disservice when we choose to ignore all that they already are.

  69. It is a sad fact to realize the extend that we conform as children in order to fit in and be “loved” by our families, only to suffer the consequences as adults of not living and expressing our truth in everything that we do. Raising our children supporting them to be who they truly are is the greatest gift we can offer them as a parent and to humanity as they represent a beacon of light for others to express their truth from their hearts.

  70. Ask a child some complex question about maths, current affairs or a similar knowledge based set of facts and sure they do not know as much as an adult. However, ask them how something feels and they are the masters as you get the answer unfettered by what is nice or polite. There is alot for us adults to learn from this.

  71. Out of the mouth of babes is actually quite an accurate saying, for children generally express themselves with no reservation, filter or ounce of doubt, which something we could learn from – why do we then develop anxiety, nervous tension and mental health issues?

  72. We can and do learn so much from children if we remain open, ‘what if our children are born already full, wise and knowing’?

  73. We spend a large part of our adult lives getting children to behave a certain way, which is ironic: as wayward adults, we often find we need to spend a large part of our lives resurrecting the very qualities we had as children, before they were knocked out of us.

  74. ‘It didn’t occur to me that I could love and confirm myself for myself.’ It didn’t occur to me either. How did we miss someone so basic, so fundamental? It leaves us with a wobbliness that makes for a shaky adult life.

  75. I had a very confirming experience the other day. My toddler who is 16 months, was visiting a nursery. She was walking around and fell over, and the nursery manager said ‘whoopsie daisy’ Our daughter looked at her with a blank expression, got up and then re-ordered and tucked in all the chairs to which the nursery owner said ‘clever girl’ – and again – she was met with a blank expression. You see, our daughter has never been spoken too like that, so she didn’t understand what the lady was trying to say – but it absolutely confirmed to me that children know so much, and the very act of her tucking in chairs was to bring order to the environment.

  76. ” I am now making sure I don’t repeat the cycle with my own children. They are met and loved for who they are, and their feelings and true voice are honoured daily.” It seems so strange that the people we are closest to – our children and partners, flatmates etc don”t receive this honouring. Instead they often get the worst of us.

  77. Not allowing the truth of reincarnation is a big part of seeing children as empty vessels to be filled by those around them. I often hear parents comment on how different their children are from birth and they seem to grapple with the truth that is so obvious from what they see and feel in their children – that we have lived before and come in as ready made parcels with distinct traits and qualities! My other observation from this is when a child is brought up in denial of their wisdom and lived experience we create a cycle whereby those very children become the adults that do that to the next generation of children, alongside systems like education that can treat the child like a blank slate.

  78. ‘I buried my true self and my true voice, feeling that I wouldn’t be understood or that I wouldn’t be listened to.’ I’m amazed at how ingrained this feeling is. I have been in further education many times but this time, where my voice is being heard, what’s coming to the surface is the hurt of not being listened to: that I didn’t listen to myself and had buried my voice, my whole expression. Now I’m starting to listen to myself and not try to ‘read’ how other’s may want me to be, to let go of being the ‘weirdo’ as I was called once at school by one person –
    it fitted a perception of myself and justified my keeping away from others under the pretense that if they knew me they’d think me weird. But all that happened was all those around me had conformed to a superficial, functional way of living and I wasn’t weird at all, I was simply aware there was way more to life than getting good grades.

  79. “I am now making sure I don’t repeat the cycle with my own children. They are met and loved for who they are, and their feelings and true voice are honoured daily.” How beautiful it is to know the truth about how to truly parent our children and be able to break the age old cycle. The hurts of not being met as a child are carried throughout our lifetimes and influence our relationships until we come to know there is a truer way to be.

  80. When we continually compromise ourselves we lose touch of who we truly are, ‘I buried my true self and my true voice, feeling that I wouldn’t be understood or that I wouldn’t be listened to.’

  81. To honour our children for who they are and not what they do is key, they bring so much just being themselves, ‘In their naturalness they inspire so many adults and other children around them as they constantly inspire me.’

  82. This seeing our children as less continues right into adulthood, thinking that as parents we have the wisdom they will constantly need. Yet, our children can be the reflection in our lives of a more true, honest and loving way to be, a reflection of wisdom that we didn’t have as children and gave up on so we could not be that reflection to them. Reflections go both ways and seeing our children as complete and not ‘in need’ heals deep scars for all.

  83. ‘Could it be that this ill behaviour is simply a reaction to the fact that we don’t honour them – truly hear them and truly meet them for who they are?’ And could it be that we do not want to see the impact we are having on our children because this would require us to be honest and to take responsibility for our part?

  84. When people are truly met, it can absolutely transform lives. Just imagine if so many of the people who have created such havoc in the world were truly met when they were children… The world would be a different place very very different, and if we start meeting kids now it will definitely be a different place.

  85. Just because children may not communicate in the same way that we older people do, doesn’t mean that they are not aware or are not intelligent. A few years ago it was thought that babies did not feel pain, so they had little pain relief. Then it was realised that they do. We all respond to what is around us, but babies and small children have few if any walls of protection built. They are beautifully open, honest, vulnerable, precious, vivacious, joyful, in the moment, non controlling, accepting. I call that true intelligence. Something that we would all benefit in returning to.

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