Cleaning Up My Mess – True Self Care or Keeping Up Appearances?

I’m sure most people would list living in a clean and orderly environment as being high on their list of self-care priorities. After all, living in a messy environment is not nurturing or supportive for anyone. For quite some time now I’ve been pondering whether the way I clean my surroundings is truly caring and supportive, or pure function carried out only for the sake of keeping up appearances.

When I create mess and disorganisation, I know it is a reflection of the relationship I have with life and the relationship I have with myself. At times I have found myself heaping harsh judgement on others when I clock the mess they live in, and I’ve certainly harshly judged myself too.

I have begun to appreciate that the reason why we do things and the resulting quality we do things in is more important than what we actually do. My hurried tidy-ups before guests arrive and hidden drawers full of odds and ends don’t honour the importance of my relationship with myself and my environment. In fact, they show me that I am living in a way that is anything but supportive.

Each pile of clothing or solitary utensil left on the kitchen bench seems to make it more difficult for me to feel what is going on around me. When the kitchen is a mess, I can’t even cook a decent meal because I feel ‘all over the place.’ This revelation has helped me to make sense of the tangled relationship I have had with mess throughout my life. I am beginning to see that I’ve often found myself living in a messy way, despite the fact that I dearly love simplicity and order.

When I was a child, my room was constantly messy. I can remember ‘cleaning’ my room by shoving whatever I was playing with under my bed. This went unnoticed for quite a while. It got to the point where I had trouble sleeping, as I would lay in bed feeling stressed about what lay beneath me. Yes, the mess was horrible but it was my secret; it felt too big to sort out on my own and I didn’t seek help, as I was scared of the consequences.

Eventually I stuffed so many clothes, toys, shoes and half-eaten sandwiches (yes sandwiches!) under my bed that they lifted the mattress! When my ruse was eventually discovered, I felt a mixture of shame and relief. I was in big trouble and I had no choice but to start cleaning up. It was hard to face at the time but when everything was back in order I was able to sleep soundly once again.

I grew up feeling that cleaning was either a punishment or a chore. My mum worked hard to keep the house clean for the whole family but I took this for granted as being ‘what mums do.’ I only helped out when it suited me. I struggled to keep my bedroom in order right up until my early 30’s and I often felt ashamed of the way I kept my personal space.

I’ve lived in share houses for most of my adult life and although I was generally able to keep common areas tidy, my bedroom was more often than not a huge mess that I did my best to hide from others. Around seven years ago a friend needed to use my ensuite at short notice and discovered how messy my bedroom was. I was completely mortified and I have cringed whenever I thought of this moment as the years went by as I felt that my messy way of living exposed the fact that I was not a good, ‘normal,’ clean and caring person.

Real changes began for me about three years ago when I had a chat with Serge Benhayon. Serge shared that he religiously makes his bed every day, as this is part of his commitment to himself and his commitment to life. I realised that up until this point I would usually only make my bed because I was hastily preparing for a visit from a friend or family member. I viewed cleaning as a waste of time, something that you occasionally did to keep up appearances and I absolutely could not see the point of making a bed that I was just going to sleep in again that night.

After this conversation with Serge I began to make my bed every single day, even if there was no chance anyone except me would see my handiwork. My choice to make my bed has become as important to me as getting dressed.

And if I do leave the house without making my bed or tidying my room?

Well it’s a sure-fire sign that I’m choosing to create stress and complication for myself. Cleaning, keeping my environment tidy and making my bed each day have become essential parts of my commitment to self-care and order.

It has taken me a long time to admit that I was making a mess in order to avoid feeling how powerful, aware and responsible I really am. Now I can see that I have used mess as a (somewhat putrid) security blanket to help me dull down what I feel.

Today I started to clean up some mess that I had begun to accumulate. I felt more clarity as I brought order to each part of my room. When judgmental thoughts about the choices that lead to the mess being there in the first place came up, they were swiftly thrown out with the garbage.

Now I know that cleaning up my mess can support my connection to the truth of who I am. When I make my connection to my Soul my first priority, when I am cleaning or in fact doing anything for myself and the quality is truly caring and supportive, I am then able to offer true support to others.

Cleaning up our mess is a task that goes far beyond our relationship with the physical world. As I bring order to my environment, I begin to see that my relationship with objects and mess is simply a reflection of the relationship I have with myself and with life. And the more I throw out the things that do not support me, the more space there is to feel just how amazing I really am.

Over the past seven years I have cleaned up the mess in my body through the elimination of alcohol, cigarettes, gluten and dairy, and I’ve cleaned up my relationships by taking responsibility, letting go of reactions and supporting myself to give and receive love. I am beginning to see that there is always something rotten to let go of and something wonderful waiting to take its place. When we clean to keep up appearances or meet an ideal, we are cheating ourselves and everyone else. True self-care simply supports our connection to ourselves. When we choose self-care we support ourselves to feel the truth of who we are.

A huge thank you to Serge Benhayon for giving me the support I needed to start pulling things out from under the bed, and making it too!

By Leonne Sharkey

Further Reading:
Clearing Out Clutter – The Room at the Back of the House
The Power of Making My Bed in Love
What’s all the Fuss about Self-Care?

771 thoughts on “Cleaning Up My Mess – True Self Care or Keeping Up Appearances?

  1. It is a truly liberating thing to clean up our own mess, irrespective of how big or small that mess actually is.

  2. Our homes are a reflection of our bodies… Every time I have shifted and cleared or healed something from inside, ( and old belief or hurt), this has always followed by the impulse to clean and declutter my living space: as the old saying goes; as within so without.

  3. When I give care, and attention to any room in my home, it always feels so much warmer, so much more inviting and open. Everything counts even the small touches of love by adding a bunch of flowers or burning a smelly candle. Each touch of love building and communicating what needs sorting or doing next.

  4. Mess can be such a great place to hide but in fact it clouds our view and outlook on life, so when we clean it up, we naturally feel more space and in that space we can commit more deeply to both ourselves and life. And the idea that if we do find something rotten in our clean-up, it’s an opportunity to let it go and in that we have more space to feel more of who we are and the power we really are.

    1. If we are using mess to hide then it could be said that in some of those cases mess is a form of protection. Not something we would normally associate mess with!

  5. I love how life plays out and shows everything what is happening inside us with symbols or scenarios that just represents everything. Like keeping the garbage underneath your bed- showing you you are holding onto stuff and don´t want to be as clear as you could be. Especially during night we clear ourselves from all the intensities of the day, burdening us with items underneath the bed, that are unsupportive, logically will make it harder energetically for us to become clear. How everything is a reflection for us and that true change in the outer starts always first with a YES to ourselves.

  6. I can certainly remember that cleaning up when I was young was a bit of a chore. I still carry the left-overs of that with me but I so love living in a beautiful clean clear house that I surrender to the cleaning and then end up really enjoying it. It is especially lovely when someone else is also cleaning alongside you, as it were, and a dialogue about the new upgrade happens!

  7. ‘I grew up feeling that cleaning was either a punishment or a chore.’ I certainly felt that cleaning was a chore, something to brace myself for, harden and get on with. But what if we see it as a beautifully supportive tool to support us to feel great in life… who does not feel gorgeous in their body when a room is tidy, clean and everything is in place?

  8. I love cleaning, de-cluttering, cleansing … for the change and shift you can feel afterwards in yourself and in the energy of the place. It feels lighter, brighter, zestier. Conversely, hoarding stuff feels dead, heavy, sluggish.. and the body moves or has those same qualities too. It really is a no-brainer to keep things as simple as you can, to operate in life as simple as you can too.

    1. I love de-cluttering and cleaning as well! It is a constant support I supply myself to have a new foundation of truth and adjusting to the level I am at. And in fact whoever that visits our home, gets the blessing of a pure and claimed space as well.

  9. My personal “no go” area is a drawer full of messy stuff that doesn’t belong anywhere, and often isn’t even needed. It sits like a drain hole sucking any ability to confirm the order that is so loved by me. In my new home, a detox is occurring that is leaving no stone unturned given there is no space for anything that is not needed. It occurs to me that regardless of whether a home is large or small, there is still no space truthfully for anything that is not needed.

    1. That could be a quite confronting but a liberating process, I know for me I have held beliefs that I need to “hang onto things just in case I need them in the future”.

      1. I know that “hang onto things just in case I need them in the future” very well, and at the same time I just love clearing, throwing things out so that I can feel space everywhere in my house and an order and rhythm that supports.

  10. So what do we not want to deal with or truly feel? As to me a mess anywhere in our life reflects this … and I know this one well! Being with this more what I can feel for me is an underlying anxiousness yet when I do clear spaces it feels really good and very supportive so therefore is creating a mess ultimately about sabotaging ourselves to not be all that we can be and for life to be simple and have a true order and flow?

  11. Cleaning up our mess, whether it is refining our diet, saying no to abusive thoughts and behaviours is a necessary part of bringing self care into our lives.

  12. “When we choose self-care we support ourselves to feel the truth of who we are” .. otherwise it gets hidden under a mountain of stuff!

  13. Cleaning up for me also is similar to completing. Without completion, nothing new and even bigger, grander and more loving and glorious can start. So a very supporting action for me to put in my daily rhythm. Also so that I don’t have to take it into my sleep and cause restlessness there.

  14. No matter how small I may think something is tidying it up no doubt has an impact on my body. It makes me appreciate whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’ the impact everything around me has on me and everyone who lives in and enters my home.

  15. The effects of living in a clean and tidy house (and driving in a similar car) are big. Recently with clearing out the big storage room I have upstairs so much ‘old and not needed stuff’ came out it felt amazing to let go of and feel the space this literally made in my body. Space for more love!

    1. It does feel amazing to work through what we store in our homes and lives, everything either needs to have a purpose or needs to, I do not mean that we can not have something there for beauty and enjoyment, I love flowers, but I can feel how much I have hung on to stuff and how it has physically and energetically got in the way.

  16. More than making my bed, I love feeling how I have made my bed when I get back into it at night. Which leads me back to how I am when I make my bed in the morning. Through this I am learning that no moment is separate from another and that through simple actions such as make our beds, we can deepen what we feel in our bodies. Quite extraordinary really.

    1. I love that fact too, that everything is actually building on the next moment and we can choose how the next movement will have the possibility to expand, because of the movement that led to it. And how supportive it is, when you might have lost your connection throughout your day and you are coming back to your bed made in connection in the morning, you get energetically reminded of the truth. You are actually supporting yourself constantly by your own movements.

    2. Thank you Jennifer, more than ticking the box of getting things done is the reason why we do things, is it simply because it has to be done or because we love and care for ourselves and others? A bed can be made both ways but the one made with love feels amazing to return to and sleep in at night.

  17. We can never judge another person for where they are at, because to even have an opinion would require one to stand in their shoes for at least a year if not many in order to give a clear and concise understanding of all the pressures and challenges that this person faces each day. Therefore we could say that the internal world that another person is experiencing and which is being expressed out in to the physicality of life is not to be dismissed or cast aside as unimportant and is actually to be considered at all times.

    1. It’s very true Shami, a judgement can happen in seconds and label a person, whereas understanding, or at least a willingness to understand, allows us to learn and stay open, and to develop wisdom about people and life. Judgement is a just dead end cutting off the love we can hold others in and the learning.

  18. Connecting with the purpose behind why I’m doing something really makes a difference to the quality in which I do it and my motivation to do it as well I find. Like you share the difference between cleaning as a chore, or to just keep up appearances as opposed to because you know the difference it makes energetically as well as physically to the space you live in and that others also come into…

  19. “I grew up feeling that cleaning was either a punishment or a chore”. Totally. When I read that I was like, absolutely, that is/was the same for me. I remember my Mum to get my sisters and brother to clean, she used to make it a ‘tornado’ and we had to clean as fast as we can to get it done. So whilst it was a bit fun, the premise was more on getting it done fast, to get the chore over and done with.

  20. There is a vast difference between clearing and tidying up for ourselves and clearing and tidying because of another or situation. The latter is that our movements come from outside ourselves and not from us. I feel like a robot contracted and diminished when this happens as there is no connection to self. When I clear space for myself and everyone who enters it there’s an openess, a freeing up and the room feels so much bigger that it is no wonder that I feel the reflection of expansiveness in my body. Sensing and making it about purpose for the all cleaning, clearing and decorating becomes a joy.

  21. It’s not so much I allow everyday mess to build up around me but when I have an impulse to clear out a cupboard or do some decorating and I begin, somewhere in the middle I get distracted and then everything gets left! So in effect I feel what needs to be done and say yes to that – step 1, I begin the process of clearing out – step 2 and then in the middle I begin to feel the expansion in my body and I wobble! So step 3 is saying yes to the expansion and step 4 is accepting the expansion and the what is more into my life. Sounds simple – work in progress

  22. I too love order and simplicity, and it is great to understand that making our bed daily is a part of us committing to ourself and to life.

  23. The underlying reason behind why we are doing something can make such a difference to how we feel about doing it and the way in which we go about it as well.

    1. So true Fiona for when we understand the reason why we are not so hard on ourselves for our own and others imperfections.

  24. The old adagio: this is my home, I have the right to do as pleased here has to be read: I have the right to do as pleased with my body. And, you indeed have the capacity to decide the quality you want for your body (ergo for your home).

  25. I can relate too what you’ve said Leonne, ‘I dearly love simplicity and order’ but I tend to delay cleaning up for instance doing the dishes after my lunch or dinner, I just postpone the moment and stay in the mess for an hour or more and this does not sit true in my body, it is a comfort I allow myself to be in, a childish stubbornness of ‘I decide when I will do it’ do you know what I mean?

  26. “And the more I throw out the things that do not support me, the more space there is to feel just how amazing I really am.” I so agree, as i am currently undergoing a major de-cluttering process myself.

  27. Getting caught up in what things look like leaves us empty and hollow. The only thing that fills us up is a true connection with ourselves.

  28. I am spending my life now clearing up after all the mess I have made for aeons – not speaking up, giving my power away, judging people and getting immensely frustrated, protecting myself with images about what is pure and failing to discern that there is a false good . . .and the list goes on. Still clearing up!

    1. Lyndy I can so relate to what you have shared here, I’m clearing up the mess I have left behind from past lives and sometimes the feeling I get with this is very unpleasant to deal with.

  29. Thanks again Leonne, some great gems here for me including “I grew up feeling that cleaning was either a punishment or a chore” and that cleaning and making beds etc, are a waste of time. These beliefs still operate in me almost like an image of what cleaning is, instead of it being a natural expression of our self love and the order and support it offers us back. I know for me too getting out of it was always highly prized as a teen, as there was this over riding belief cleaning was somehow the bad job to have to do, and it was something that was resented, often felt exhausting, especially if there were other fun things to do. It wasn’t always like that but overall cleaning was like drawing the short straw! All of those imposing beliefs and reactions get in the way of feeling the true relationship we have with cleaning and what it offers us, particularly when we can clean with the quality of love from our soul.

  30. I am someone who lives a clean and orderly life. I work cleaning other peoples homes which is a real blessing and offers me so much in return. It was many years ago I realised I did not give the same attention to detail in my home as I did in the homes I cleaned during the day. So I booked my own weekly clean with myself and wow this was an amazing decision. Wednesday was my booked clean and what I would notice for the rest of the week after the clean was my home sparkled back at me the love and care I had supported it with on the previous Wednesday, it felt so amazing to feel this….

    1. That’s lovely Toni, I’ve noticed I also can give more attention to someone else’s home if I’m helping out, there can be a real “I don’t matter as much” consciousness instead of supporting myself with equal love. Your booked clean is an awesome and fun way to enjoy your expression of love in your home.

      1. Yes I agree Melinda and the fun keeps coming everytime I walk into a room and it twinkles its shine at me… very lovely and extremely nurturing….

  31. When we consider cleaning and caring for our space as part of our commitment to ourselves it really opens things up, and indeed it also supports in our commitment to life. I love cleaning, because as I do it I feel how I’m setting up the space for the next thing whatever that may be, that there is a space for next and there is a clarity I can feel in me and my body. This is all something that’s unfolded for me over the last 10 years and it’s amazing to feel how I live now in comparison to 10 years ago and how with my deepening commitment to order I’m now more committed to life and the world in general.

  32. I agree our quality is always super important, ‘I have begun to appreciate that the reason why we do things and the resulting quality we do things in is more important than what we actually do.’

  33. From my experience, something I know too well is that the hardest part of cleaning up any mess is taking that first step as the mess usually feels overwhelming and we wonder where to start. But what I have also discovered is that once I take that first step, and making it a small and achievable one, everything else seems to flow and I end up wondering why I put it off for so long in the first place. Procrastinating doesn’t usually make the mess any messier but it does make it feel so much bigger in our mind, and the longer we put it off the ‘bigger’ it gets.

    1. I agree Ingrid, something that seems big to tackle often only takes me half an hour and I wonder why I put it off.

  34. “My choice to make my bed has become as important to me as getting dressed” . . . just as cleaning up after a meal is just as important as eating it. Making our bed and cleaning up after ourselves is a natural completion of the activities of sleeping and eating. It is great to complete all that we do. In fact, if we complete for example cleaning our teeth with wiping down the bathroom mirror and basin we walk away from the bathroom with everything polished instead of walking away with clean teeth and a basin splashed with toothpaste! It really is common sense in action.

    1. Love the association of completion with the tasks and activities Kathleen. Interesting I have this habit of always cleaning/drying out around the sink after I use it, be it at the shower room at home, work, public toilets, airplane toilets!

  35. Mess on the outer reflects the inner world just as much as an obsessively created outer without love and presence can reflect a desperate need for a counter to the inner turmoil and chaos.

  36. I can totally relate to keeping a tidy in order place reflects how we treat ourselves as I am learning that everything is the all and we can’t have one part of our life a mess without it effecting every other part. AS I have said I actually love cleaning once I get started but with everything going on in life for me it is creating the space which I am still learning how to do as well.

  37. If I am honest I have always been a messy person who really doesn’t like the idea of tidying or cleaning until I start, and once started I love it and love the outcome and how it makes me feel so it does make me wonder why my consistency is still a bit wanting.

  38. It’s not the things but the love lived inside the person’s body that makes the home a real home: a place of love.

  39. “When I create mess and disorganisation, I know it is a reflection of the relationship I have with life and the relationship I have with myself.” I have gone into anxiousness about this and I realise it is a time to stop and look deeper within, to see what the reflection is trying to tell me.

  40. In my life I have had times where everything was neat as a pin and then gone to a complete mess and I realised that it was my consistency that was really the problem. I am always working on this as it demonstrates my commitment to life.

  41. ‘It has taken me a long time to admit that I was making a mess in order to avoid feeling how powerful, aware and responsible I really am’. Love the honesty here, which is a super invitation to get honest with ourselves and how we are living and expressing in our homes, at work and in all our relationships.

  42. I am about to start to do a thorough declutter , starting in one room only (I hope I can stay in one room ). Reading your sharing again has helped me to re focus my energy for the job and I look forward to it!

  43. “For quite some time now I’ve been pondering whether the way I clean my surroundings is truly caring and supportive, or pure function carried out only for the sake of keeping up appearances.” This is such an important point about our quality we are imprinting into the space and objects as we clean them. There is so much to be said about our ‘quality’ of presence and what is left there when we leave it for others.

  44. When the kitchen is dirty or messy I also don’t feel to cook until it is clean… sometimes I’ve cleaned out the entire fridge too and recycled old food so I can see clearly what is there to cook. Like everyday life, it’s the clarity and simplicity that I’m looking for and love.

  45. This brings cleaning and tidying to another level, not as a most do, or a should do, but as a support for us in how we are and how we live, and I was struck by what you said about using mess as a security blanket to not feel how powerful we are, and I’m now considering what I do and what messes I create to do the same … time to let a few more go.

  46. When we first start cleaning things out it is amazing to realise how much we have hung on to, and how little we actually need.

    1. Yes very true Jenny, I recently cleared out about 30% of my wardrobe and I don’t even notice the difference, in fact I can now see what other clothing doesn’t support me anymore.

  47. Once upon a time I was a non-bed maker, now I really enjoy making it with my husband each morning, it is never missed, no matter how late I am for work, it is just a part of my life. I would love to get to this stage with folding my clothes, my room is very clean but my wardrobe can easily go astray. Folding of my clothes is the first thing to go when I am in a hurry and let’s just say that I am in a hurry a lot. Knowing that this is a reflection for my relationship with myself makes it even more difficult, as I can get myself down by critiquing my messy cupboard. I am working on bringing more appreciation to myself in the day and I am feeling that this will grow my personal regard and love for myself. Every day, there is something more to work on and evolve, if you are wanting to shift unwanted patterns and habits.

  48. I am in the midst of moving homes and having moved previously found it stressful at times and tiresome. But this time I have felt a real flow of simplicity and have found it fun too. I have been packing a few boxes each week and not leaving it to the last minute taking care to pack the items and really enjoying the cleaning out process. Showing me that my movements that have got me to the next moment will then support me when we unpack the items into our new home. The quality of our energy will ultimately support us long after the movement had even been made and that feels amazing.

    1. Very cool Kelly. Likewise all your choices and the quality of your movements up to this point are what is making the house move fun, planned and organised at this time.

  49. In my experience any mess I create is the consequence of delay and thereby creating even more of a delay by avoiding to take responsibility to clean up the mess; it´s a vicious cycle that actually can easily be stopped. It just needs to do what needs to be done.

  50. I used to judge the tidy up as a boring and a ‘secondary activity’. Because of that, I ended up in the past in a some kind of mess, controlled in some way, but messy at the end of the day. I wasn’t fully commited with this because I didn’t appreciate enough the order and the quality I live in when the space where I live is cleared. Now I don’t differenciate activities between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ ones like in the past did. I’m realising that I am always the emitter and the receiver of what I bring into my life (directly or indirectly). It’s being a process, but what I feel now is that the more I take care of my space, the more the space also takes care of me… and I even enjoy doing it, because is a way of establishing a good foundation in my life, which supports me more than what can be seen in the physical order achieved.

    1. Love your comment about not differentiating between ‘good’ or ‘bad’ activities. I have been experiencing the same as I realised that although the activity changes, I am the one doing them!

      So as you brilliantly said, you are the emitter and the receiver of the activity!

      When I notice that I do not approach an activity with the same enthusiasm that I approach other activities I have been exploring different ways to do the task – in ways that support my body position whilst doing the task. It’s been fun and interesting to explore it.

  51. So timely to read this again today as I have been cleaning out my house, specifically moving items of furniture that don’t get moved very often and end up with a big pile of dust behind and under them, as well as some items that I had considered lost. It’s amazing how it feels to clean up this mess in the actual physical way but I can also feel a corresponding ‘cleaning out’ going on throughout my body. Although once the furniture is replaced you can’t see the sparkling clean floor the space feels lighter and so do I. Note to self – remember to do this more often!

    1. Love it Ingrid, the note to self to do those detailed cleaning more often! This morning I decided to do a ‘deep clean’ in the shower plug and had your comment in heart! Even if we are not seeing it, it does feel great.

  52. “As I bring order to my environment, I begin to see that my relationship with objects and mess is simply a reflection of the relationship I have with myself and with life” . . . Yes my mess is always a reflection of how I am traveling through time and space. It shows me if I am blindly rushing through or if I am travelling at a steady pace.

  53. “At times I have found myself heaping harsh judgement on others when I clock the mess they live in” I fell into this one yesterday (not harsh, but judgement all the same) whilst visiting a tenanted property, it was extreme and long term mess, but I had to pull myself up knowing I have no right to judge and in particular and crucially need to observe where do I live mess is in my own life. And I have to be honest, on the surface there seems a good level of ‘tidiness’, but this is the deception, when I feel and clock the things left incomplete, or placed in an energy of distraction, or ‘oh it (I) doesn’t matter’ comes in for example, it is an equal ‘mess’. Appreciative of this understanding I can ‘tidy-up’ and reflect a deeper level of love.

  54. Leonne, this article is so supportive to read, for years I lived with mess around me and just thought I was a messy person, I have recently realised that I actually love order and being tidy and this feels much more lovely, supportive and natural for me.

      1. Yes and I find that bringing order, clarity and flow to my movements brings harmony naturally.

  55. I have never really seen as clearly before that dismissing cleaning or attending to things left piling up is a way of dismissing something about ourselves. It feels related also to lack of commitment to life and getting on with the details of life.

  56. “Now I know that cleaning up my mess can support my connection to the truth of who I am. When I make my connection to my Soul my first priority, when I am cleaning or in fact doing anything for myself and the quality is truly caring and supportive, I am then able to offer true support to others.” I love what you have exposed here about what cleaning is really about. It does make such a difference to our lives energetically. It actually feels like a science in energy. Cleaning our environment and what that can reflect back to us, about ourselves is priceless wisdom found in the simplest of reflections. Available to us every day of our lives.

  57. When things get disorganised and messy, whether it’s literally when our home becomes a mess or figuratively in relationships, it’s important to ask two key questions… 1) Why is ‘other work’ or distractions more important than maintaining a supportive space for us and others to live in, and 2) what do we get out of having a messy room or relationship? Could it be that ‘mess’ is sometimes a super effective antidote to how life could otherwise effortlessly flow and feel fantastic?

  58. There are so many books on self awakening and self-awareness, so many courses, so much information… And yet as you say Leone, when we start the simplest things we can truly start to know ourselves and evolve out of the old paradigms… Simply the mess… That we have lived in.

    1. It’s as simple as that and we like to complicate it to avoid our true power. Heaven forbid, someone find out who we really are and what we are really capable of. We need to stop fighting our own potential.

  59. I choose to come back to this blog today as it resonated so much with me since I first read it and the comments some months ago.

    I am usually a very organised person and I absolutely adore order and how it supports the flow of activities in a day.
    However I realised a similar pattern of ‘letting some mess accumulate’ slowly and surely, very sneaky! Like pilling clothes in the toilet, pilling papers on my desk, pilling things in my locker at work…

    it all starts with what looks like just a ‘tiny’ thing but what I realised is that this ‘tiny’ is already a confirmation of a choice to be dismissive well before or to create a distraction from something I was focused on.

    So since then, I have been constantly checking in with myself to not let things pile up or to get dismissed. And it has been amazing to see how much simpler it is to keep things flowing rather than causing little disturbances and distractions along the way.

  60. I can’t say that I concealed my life under the bed in the way you did when you were a kid but I have my own little hiding spots even now as an adult that badly need to be cleared out and exposed. My house looks really tidy, I never leave dishes in sink, I make my bed daily and do the laundry every day, so over all, even if I don’t have guests, my house looks very neat and tidy. Hidden though, are draws full of random stuff and clothes unfolded shoved in my closest, baskets under my closet and baskets that my husband refers to as my nests. Every couple of weeks I will fold everything, put it away and then it just slowly reverts over time. I can really feel from your blog how I use these pockets of disregard as an excuse to not be all of me, to not be in my power. As long as I have my shameful mess, then I couldn’t possibly shine? Thank you for your honesty, it is so appreciated.

  61. When there is order and clarity the space to be more of the love that I am is all there in those moments. I could relate to that creating a mess to avoid how powerful we are. Something to consider in a relationship with another, what space do I bring to that union?

  62. One of the many teachings of Serge Benhayon that has hugely transformed my life has been the understanding that it is one life, everything matters and to bring the same love and energetic quality to everything. I used to be fantastic at work but not always so great in other areas such as caring for myself or my body. The opportunity was to take the area where I rocked and bring that to everything. I have experienced great joy, simplicity and transformation in living that way.

    1. SO cool Nicola. This teaching is something I have been exploring with more detail recently and I cannot agree more with you with the feelings of joy and simplicity of living this way.

      I too used to have specific tasks that I would do really well or focus more on. The choice to bring the focus to myself before I do an activity has been showing me how I can have joy and fun in any activity.

      When I am facing an activity that I do not enjoy so much, I have been playing with myself and asking how can I make that activity more fun. Sometimes what was required was to make a very simple adjustment in my position when performing the task so that the body does not feel any tension. On other times is accepting that I need to do a specific task! On others it just need some playfulness and to drop any seriousness!

      It has been super fun exploring it and applying the same dedication and attention to detail to tasks that were previous ignored.

  63. I am now very particular about how I keep my underwear drawers and my wardrobe. In fact in writing this, it has reminded me that there is one drawer in the kitchen that needs sorting out. These details make a big difference to how I feel each day, and it about acknowledging that how I live matters.

    1. Likewise Debra! I recently noticed that I was finding it difficult to keep my scarves visible and organised in my wardrobe. Just got a very funny hanger for them and every day I love spending time choosing which one I will wear. And great reminder about the kitchen drawer, I can point out one that needs some tidying up too!

  64. I have also judged others when I have clocked the mess in the house, but over time I have let this go with the understanding that is where they are at – and that is okay. So accepting and allowing are key factors in not judging others.

  65. Awesome to read Leonne, as I know this so well, loose ends will be left hanging when we choose to not clean up. Keeping us feeling dull and not up to scratch in life. It is a true reflection and it is an commitment to make to ourselves, and not to anyone else.

  66. I have a very specific rhythm when cooking – I’ll start off getting the room tidy (if needed), then the prep and cooking while tidying up as I go, and wash up what I can before I get to the eating. Its a ritual that for me infuses and informs the whole experience. The settlement I experience from cooking in this way, no matter what kind of day or week I am having, is deeply nurturing – making love in the kitchen.

  67. I was helping someone clean out their room and what I realised was, it was more enjoyable than I first thought. Clearing, organising and cleaning felt great. I find it is easy to help others declutter but when it comes to my own room or house I hesitate to start or make excuses to be busy with other things. Decluttering is simple and easy but my mind often makes it more complicated than it is.

  68. This is so supportive to read again Leonne, and another great reminder to examine my relationship to my home, and to see cleaning as an opportunity to express my love and the qualities of my soul in every task.

    1. Yes indivertibly Melinda, our responsibility is to look at each loving act as a blessing and then the next place where ever that is will as be blessed so that we appreciate the space in-between.

  69. ‘True self-care simply supports our connection to ourselves.’ And when we are truly caring for ourselves we are caring for everybody and the amazing thing is we find ourselves equally taken care of by those around us whether they be friends family or strangers.

  70. Its an interesting thing to reflect on why we would choose not to clean and therefore live in a messy or even dirty space. I find that some areas are easy but others I find more challenging to clean. Its important to contemplate what this means for each of us in terms of the reflection of each area on the house for ourselves. What I can see is that there are areas in my life that I am willing to compromise on, but what is the effect of this compromise?

  71. There is mess on the outside and sure that is a reflection of something (and could be many things), but this is nothing as compared to a mess on the inside (especially when covered up with a nice controlled environment on the outside). I’d rather see the honest mess then a cover up that makes it difficult to pin down exactly what is happening.

  72. There are so many ways we can reduce and distract ourselves from the otherwise vast space that is all around us – in this space, everything is revealed, it’s just a matter of being open and present with it and our movements within it.

  73. Mess is simply showing me how i am living – living messy! It’s annoying and uncomfortable on some level because it does not support me.

  74. The love of myself now is my motivating factor for a life of clarity, order and cleanliness, from my taxes to my kitchen cupboards.

    1. Awesome Heather you inspire me to work on this, commit to living with more simplicity, clarity, order and cleanliness in all areas of my life.

    2. Beautiful Heather. I had not clocked this in myself until I read your comment. My dedication to myself guarantees that I want to have order, flow, cleaniness and clarity around me and in my life. Agree, from wardrobe, accounts, kitchen cupboard, workspace, handbag, wallet, relationships… so inspiring!

  75. What stands out was reflected in a session recently, that we can be doing the same thing but what is the quality of energy and ultimately what is moving us? What type of energy is this, is it for us to look good to another or are we fully appreciating and multidimensionality of each movement that we make, what its actually doing.

  76. ‘Serge shared that he religiously makes his bed every day, as this is part of his commitment to himself and his commitment to life.’ So I ‘am getting that cleaning is not a chore but is a commitment to life as is everything else we do. So if we work and are not committed to life does this then reflect in our cleaning? Could it be that starting our day with a commitment, that is to life and that commitment can start to flow into the rest of the day? Then one Loving act leads to the next act, which can then also be Loving because the first was also a commitment to Love and life? Maybe this is how we then move into the day starting out with a Humble act of Love that is a commitment to life so as we go about our day we can be connected to deepening levels of Love and thus greater serves to humanity!

    1. Thank you Greg for your comment about commitment to life in making our bed, and starting our day with “a Humble act of Love” and that “one loving act leads to the next”. When we break all of life down into energy everything is an opportunity to express and be the love that we are.

      1. So true Melinda it is the domino affect. When we allow life to unfold we start out with the first domino being at-least gentle on the way to being self-loving. Then True Love can start to takes it place in our life and that first domino never leaves us for we will always find an area in our life where we can bring a deeper awareness and be at-least gentle.

    2. I like how you have broken this down gregbarnes888. It starts with a commitment to making simple loving acts for ourselves that then ripple out into our days and thus has a knock on effect on others.

  77. Yes!, i love this feeling of clarity and space when i tidy and clean up…” I felt more clarity as I brought order to each part of my room..” The body certainly does relate and respond energetically to the changes we make in the environment we live in… a wonderful reflection – one that indicates we do register and feel everything.

  78. I am finding clearing and refining myself and my environment an ever deepening process and as I do so I am discovering that my horizon forever expands.

  79. Leonne, since reading your article previously, what I have noticed is that now if someone is coming over to visit and I tidy the house for this reason – rushing round to get it done in time, then this feels awful and not loving for myself, my house or my family. If on the other hand I tidy to support myself and my family the house feels amazing and this feels truly supportive.

  80. It is very telling how we can rush around to clean and detail when someone is coming over , but sometimes forget to give ourselves that same level of honouring.

  81. This blog reminded me of cleaning up before a cleaner came to my house to do a spring clean, this was definitely because I wanted to keep up appearances. But I equally know and appreciate cleaning to allow the flow in my house to occur and feel the gorgeous space I can create.

  82. So taught into me is the ‘keeping up appearances’ approach that I have to be very attentive to the quality with which I tidy up… I am freer than ever before of the pressure to to prove my worth through being seen to manage my home efficiently, but the whispers of the rules still appear.

  83. Living an ordered life in honour of ourselves and others, provides for a natural flow that is supportive of us all.

  84. I like the title Leonne. ‘Appearances’ ‘veneers’ ‘masks’ ‘shows’ have all become an integral part of what we see it is to be human. There is so much judgment that we have to protect ourselves with appearances. Also we know what is true deep inside and when we don’t match that we put up a pretend smoke screen or do an imitation of the truth. Time for genuine dedication to being true in our lives not matter how imperfect that may be. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.

  85. I find cleaning and clearing for me at times removes the cobwebs and the lingering effect of an old pattern, at times it feels like paving the way for what is on its way, and at times it simply allows me to deepen my relationship with the area that I am engaged in. Whatever the flavour, I could be doing more. Thank you for the inspiration.

  86. Like refining our diet or sleep patterns or exercise routine I find I am always refining cleaning and organization of our home. I can feel when something needs to go or a space that needs to be re-organised but when this gets left and is well overdue it makes a big impact on how the house feels. The same with leaving repairs and maintenance for too long…. it is like leaving addressing and healing something in our selves for too long also.

    1. Thank you Aimee, it’s a great point you make that whether we attend to our body or our home it’s all the same thing.

  87. Cleaning up by putting everything out of sight is like putting on a smile when we actually are sad or unhappy. It looks good but it doesn’t feel great.

    1. I agree Lieke, as years ago we would have visitors from the States come for a couple of weeks and my life was so chaotic that the house was never ready in time, so we would put everything in back bags, stuff it in a cupboard and sort it later. But I remember standing in the kitchen feeling the space around me and it did not feel loved or cared for, yes it was clean and free of clutter, but it felt horrible.

  88. The purpose and intention behind why we do something makes such a difference to how we feel whilst we’re doing it and the energetic imprint that we leave in our wake, and also our willingness to do it in the first place!

  89. “And the more I throw out the things that do not support me, the more space there is to feel just how amazing I really am.” Clearing the things that do not support me is like taking blinkers off and discovering a world I was not able to previously see or feel.

  90. When kids are explained why it is important to put things back in their place and how it supports them and every –one else, then more often then not they will do it with out a fuss. When it from an order and/or control by the parent then they tend to react to the energy and not want to play ball with it. In the first incident they feel connected to and considered, in the second they feel controlled and bullied.

    1. With adults too Mary-Louise I observe that when I share with my husband or a work colleague how things in certain places can either support or cause disruption in the space they understand it immediately and more so, it opens up a conversation. Sonetimes we agree together that there is a different place to keep certain things and it feels great to have this discussion and decision made together.

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