641 thoughts on “Learning to not React to Feedback on our Work – the Power of Observing, not Absorbing”

1. It was refreshing to read this blog again as I’m about to return to work after being on holidays. I found that in this role, I was constantly reacting and putting my body in stress. So it was a no wonder that I was struggling with settling.

   What I’m learning more and more is that the more I’m offered, the more fitness level is developing. It’s no longer becoming a routine of things and if anything, you could get stuck in a rut of doing things and being comfortable with that.

   We are continually being offered evolution and it may not be how we expect it to be. Our perception is continually tainted if we have expectations of how things need to be, that’s when we get hurt more often. Remove the expectation, then our investments don’t hold us to anything.

2. ‘I could feel how in one instance he had likely been very stressed, tired and frazzled and on the next occasion not so much, as there was a different feel to the email and his response’. I totally understand this statement more and more. Often I find work emails loaded with a lot of the other persons energy, and if we are not in a good place ourselves, then we become affected and take it personally – ‘absorbing’ everything like a sponge. But a sponge can hold so much before it becomes dense. No different to our bodies too.

   We learn eventually that ‘observing’ is so much loving to our bodies and ourselves. It is a working progress and the most powerful gift you can offer yourself and the body on a day to day basis. Worth every reaction and response to build this muscle…

   1. I’m also finding that when we become so diluted and trying to do things to prove to yourself or to another, our responses become diluted to the extent that it causes chaos and confusion amongst the team. The affects and effects on the team is multi fold and we then, start to loose not only trust, but commitment to and from the job too.

3. It is our responsibility as to what quality of energy we allow to run our bodies in every moment of the day, ‘I have also been reminded of my responsibility with regards to my own energetic quality in every moment, to ensure that I can observe and not absorb and therefore, respond not react.’

   1. We have many responsibilities and the one key one is to ourselves. This then paves the way for another to be too, if they so choose to do so. Learning to observe is no different to watching a movie and not getting caught in the emotion of it all…

      1. Shushila I like what you have written that we have many responsibilities and the key one is to ourselves. We do not pay enough attention to ourselves, instead we look outside of ourselves, this leads to an emptiness that we then try and fill by using other people to fulfil our needs. This does not work, I have tried that way of living and it is horrible, because I blamed other people for the misery I was feeling rather than taking responsibility for the way I was living life in complete emptiness.

4. Our job is simply to catch a reaction as early as possible – to catch when that happens and to cut it then and there. To continue with the reaction is an indulgence and gets us no where but backwards. “To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work. I have also been reminded of my responsibility with regards to my own energetic quality in every moment, to ensure that I can observe and not absorb and therefore, respond not react. It is up to me to ensure that if I’ve had a ‘bad’ moment that it is not taken to my next activity or it will snowball into a ‘bad’ day.”

   1. Great to call it out Henrietta, ‘To continue with the reaction is an indulgence and gets us no where but backwards.’

5. The quality we hold in any one moment will be the quality that we then deliver in another moment as one comes from the other. For example if you are stressed and feeling compressed then your delivery will certainly be tainted by that energy of stress and compression, where as if you are free of this then the quality of the delivery will also be lighter.

6. There is certainly an art in giving and receiving feedback. The art is in getting yourself out of the way.

7. I work with people in very close proximity with sensory impairments. It’s so obvious that although they may not see or hear your tone, they feel how you are and react/respond to that. Is no different sans impairment, the energy that we are in communicates a lot to others. Knowing what energy is bringing responsibility into the situation.

8. Life is like a mine field if we go into reaction and we have no where to turn, but once we drop into our Essence, Inner-most-heart / Soul we become a radar for reactivity and respond to every situation life can throw at us, not in perfection because we can get caught with our guard down.

   1. The quality of vibration we hold in every moment is key, what energy are we aligned to.

9. In offering feedback it is how you express it rather than what you say or write and this is felt by the recipient.

10. What I am learning is that when we react, it has not been considered. The relationship or person we are reacting to has not been considered, our words have not been considered that we say to the other person and our bodies have not been considered (if we react we are not fully present with our body and mind being one/ steady or have a deep settlement within the body). Whereas if I allow myself to feel what is going on within my body, allow myself to have a settlement within my body (nothing perfect but there and building) and allow myself to read a situation, to feel a feeling, sensing and not ignoring this the less likely I am able to react and the more likely I am able to respond from a place of both consideration and understanding.

11. Do we react and how do we react (even silently) it is key to be aware of this, as if we are aware of this then we can change it, we can respond in a different way or look at why we have reacted and how. Also if we react then this reaction can be running in the bodies in the background affecting all that we do during our day or days or weeks. This is what I am seeing more clearly as well.

    1. Reaction does not feel great for those reacting, or those around, ‘To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work.’

12. I find it is definitely a wise move to read why something is happening or why someone is doing something so looking at the bigger picture rather than just react to the superficial incident or action.

    1. Taking the reading deeper supports us to bring in more understanding.

13. I really appreciate reading this today, it explains something that happened to me this morning when I received an email answering a request I had made. Whilst I was open to and understanding of the reply being a ‘no’ I was also holding an expectation of a ‘yes’ which then led to a hurt, the ‘no’ answer also came with a quality of energy I didn’t want to feel and acknowledge in full. Looking back now I bypassed that moment I needed to give to myself to simply feel how I felt and resolve the hurt and move on. As a result I have been a bit unsettled today. Giving myself that moment now to sort through it and allow healing to take place has restored my connection to myself.

    1. Great to read how you brought in another level of understanding and healing to support you with restoring your connection with yourself Melinda.

    2. Melinda Knights what you have shared is that we have many pictures and expectations on how life should be according to the ideals and beliefs we have taken on. To give ourselves a stop moment to feel the unsettlement in our bodies is key. Otherwise we build up resentment, frustration, even anger because we didn’t get the results we felt we should have done, or deserved.

14. When we bring our essence to everything that we do then it is easy to receive feedback from another because we know that what we do is not who we are.

    1. Thanks Elizabeth, that is a great discernment to make.

15. I have found that how I am with myself does affect how I am with others. In person or via emails, text or on the phone. We are told to be polite at work (and even then it isn’t adhered to in some circumstances) but the quality we are with each other needs mention. It’s something we don’t talk about enough.

    1. Our quality of energy is always key Leigh, I agree.

16. Not reacting is best and when we do react it is, as you said, important not to act from the reaction but to come back to ourselves first so we can then respond.

    1. And catching the reaction is an art in itself, and in my experience has been one where I have caught it gradually, very gradually and incrementally earlier and earlier.

       1. Henrietta Chang I agree with you from my experience also. My reaction was as immediate as switching on the light and in some cases I went into full blown defence. But as you say catching reactions has been a learning process so that most of the time I do not get caught up in a reaction. If I do I can feel how unsettling it is in my body, so I bring myself back and then dissect why I reacted because this supports me to understand my trigger points, and let’s face it unless we work on them we all have trigger points. Children especially seem to know exactly what buttons to press to get a reaction.

17. Our sensitivity to any kind of criticism is directly relevant to our self worth and we can either react defensively or use it as an opportunity to learn. The way the criticism is delivered also depends on the mood at the time of the person delivering it, for example, if they are not feeling well, they may sound more ratty than normal. We need to read that and then there is no offence, only understanding.

    1. Absolutely Carmel, read and observe the situation, which helps us deepen our understanding.

18. I like what you show us here, that we have a choice in every moment and do not have to follow a way of handling things that is so common and habitual for us, that we can stop and take a step back and allow ourselves to observe what is going on instead of getting swept up in the activity and emotions of the day.

19. We are great because of who we are not because of what we do.

20. Yesterday someone reacted very strongly to a question I raised, what for me was an innocent question. I replied very quickly in a way that I thought was appropriate yet when I relayed the encounter to a friend she said you mustn’t lash back. I didn’t feel that I had but on further reflection I realised I could have been far more loving in my reply even if the other person was walking away at this point. It is great when we can honestly support each other to look more deeply at what is happening and thus see where our ‘reposts’ come from ..if there is any reaction there and if it is covering up a hurt or maybe even the others, and in that we are protecting them – and us – from deepening.

21. This experience brings the word ‘self-care’ to another deeper level. Certainly is very healing being at work, at school, at home…wherever we go out there holding a loving quality inside us. This is not weak but a powerful way of being that allows us to see all in transparency. Any energy of competition, hardness or defensiveness melts just because we are present, feeling and observing. Truly we can change the world in a split second.

22. Observe rather than absorb and reacting to other’s emotions is a very wise way of being wherever we go. I didn’t know this could be possible before knowing Serge Benhayon, but now today is very key in my day to day, very simple and really supportive to approach my daily work harmoniously. It is a choice that brings lightness, fun, joy and a deep appreciation for being me.

    1. Inma Lorente there is so much that we didn’t know that has been exposed by the teachings and presentations by Serge Benhayon. Maybe the hardest teaching to accept or come to terms with is that we do not think, that our movements determine how we think, change our movements and this changes our thoughts. I have tried this out and it certainly works, I was stuck in a dense form of movements which fed me thoughts such as misery, the desire to withdraw from life as what was the point of life we all live in such a messed up way and we don’t seem to care that the way we live is actually harming us. Just look at the health statistics of the world, we are very sick. It’s taken a long time to change the way I move and recently I have found that an exercise class called MoveFit (https://movefit.uscreen.io) is so supportive from being very stiff and controlled in my movements, I’m feeling a lot more fluid in my body and this fluidity is supporting me as I find that my thoughts are very positive and can now say I actually enjoy life. I have put into action what was presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and it works.

23. I know the difference between reacting and not reacting rather too well! Not reacting (not absorbing) is so much more loving and not at all exhausting emotionally or energetically. Whereas reaction is like jumping into the muddle pool with someone .. nothing changes or heals in fact with this the situation gets worse.

24. Most of us consider not reacting to the situation means hardening up and not feeling the hurt. Interesting that what you have observed puts this belief on its head: “in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react”.

    1. Yes…it is like observing and feeling with no judgment to what’s going on, no pictures, just a beholding quality of being with ourselves no matter what, really precious.

       1. Which is a beautiful way to live and we don’t need perfection to live this way, just practice.

       2. Also, not taking things personally whilst observing.

    2. The hardness is a reaction in itself. Reacting isn’t about flying off the handle but can even be in the quiet or polite persona we portray. Often seething underneath.

       1. I can relate to hardening myself in a futile attempt to protect myself. with little understanding that words can be used as lethal weapons, as they enter our bodies without a mark but can be so destructive. That is why the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are so important because if we read the energy behind the words spoken or written, then we can stop them from penetrating our bodies so that they cannot poison our bodies. It’s the energy that comes with the words that is so destructive.

25. There are a couple of points here that call to me. First, are we prepared to express ourselves fully in spite of how it might be received (and not react when someone higher up the decision chain suggests some edits), and then there is the question of how consistent can we be? Imagine if the feedback had been the same, if that was you or I in that position but by being consistent day to day we are able to offer the same reflection.

26. It is simple Anonymous, we either react or we respond. At the time though it is not so simple. Even, holding ourselves to ‘you must not react’ I feel is not loving. My experience has been, we are usually faced with a system that is run a certain way that does not truly honour us. Accepting the system is like this helps and, accepting you can still be all of you in the system also helps. I wonder how much of us actually are comfortable that systems are like this and, if it was a system that was truly supporting us and we were also being pulled up to be more responsible, would we react?

27. It works every time: feel and surrender and there is no need to protect or react, the next step taken would be of clarity and appreciation.

28. Yes, definitely, to ‘Observe and not absorb’. What I am learning is how observation deepens as I become more able to accept what I am feeling. I can feel how it used to be more of a settling with a storyline that would somewhat seem to make sense more in my mind, and that it really needs the body to be there present with what is taking place. There’s much to be felt.

29. I’m known as a sensitive yet this can be a blessing or hindrance. It becomes a hindrance when every nuance from another is picked up and absorbed as a personal attack as this is destablising. To observe and not absorb what others say or do builds settlement within that is unshakeable.

30. Yes this really is a huge process, and something that is so powerfully effective in healing to understand and to live

31. In all situations where feedback is different to what a person has offered, it is important to always hold yourself in deep appreciation of all that you bring and not interpret the feedback as meaning you are less. The space that ‘observing’ allows is very powerful and feel very confirming of the choices that are made from that point on.

32. A timely reminder for me at the moment to observe and not absorb, thank you.

    1. Life is very different when we make the choice to observe how things feel, rather than reacting to everything. We can be a small boat knocked by the waves or we can be steady ship. We get to choose and observing life and being honest about how it feels is where we need to start.

33. The great thing about work, is how there are certain rules that we all need to adhere to and be accountable to, and how there are consequences to not following these rules. So with this basic structure in place, all that is left is to raise the standards of these rules, bit by bit, so that the quality of life at work is constantly developing towards greater and greater respect and understanding.

34. I used to hate, and often felt humiliated, when I went into reaction when ‘told off’, but these days most of the time I welcome the lesson and the awareness I am being offered, and yes there is always something. It can still feel uncomfortable, especially if my reaction is a bit extreme, but as long as I make sure I am still connected to me I know that the lesson will show itself, and then of course it’s up to me as to whether I choose to take it on board or not

    1. “I welcome the lesson and the awareness I am being offered,`’ I agree Ingrid. There is learning in every situation and interaction. We learn most from our reactions and discomfort especially when things don’t go our way or as we expected.

       1. I can clearly see, that it is when “when things don’t go our way or as we expected” that we can go into the biggest reaction. It is as if we have already mapped out the future and now suddenly someone is taking that away from us. Yes, expectations that are not fulfilled can be the biggest test of accepting that things will not always go the way we planned.

       2. Tanya Curtis of FABIC uses an apt expression ‘smashed pictures’ to describe this. When first introduced to it, gave me an ‘ahah’ moment as I became aware of how I had set myself up to be constantly disappointed! We’re often not open to what is before us because we’ve already ‘mapped out the future’ instead of living life in the here and now and as offered to us.

35. This is a great learning to let go of individuality and not see feedback as totally personal. It also shows that how people are living is so key to how we express and share with each other and that we have a responsibility in terms of how we live and therefore how we are with others.

    1. Spot on HM – any reaction to something is the individuality arcing up and wanting to take hold. If we can see everything for this (the energetic outplay) that it is, then it is easier to step back and give oneself the space to simply be and observe what is happening and hence not react but respond as needed.

36. It’s great to have this bigger picture presented how often it’s not about us, but can be that the other is tired, etc. and this highlights how we need to read and discern what is going on and to be open, observe and understand and the example given here is a great reminder of how when we do stay open and observe we allow another the space to come back to being themselves.

    1. I agree Monica, very often ‘It’s not about us’ and when we make it so, we limit the opportunity offered to respond with understanding and wisdom.

    2. Staying open and observing, and so giving another space – however much they need as we have been given.

37. The reflections we have from other people at work are invaluable as they cover every aspect of life. From things like observing how naturally gentle they are, how playful, how they handle making mistakes or how reactive they are and if resentment plays out. The list is endless.

    1. Yes, I have learnt heaps from being at work and being willing to look at my relationships and consciously work on them.

       1. Work and family are divinely designed for us to see ourselves and relationships with others more clearly, if we’re open to.

38. When receiving feedback I always fine that it is very important not to give our power away whilst at same time being open to hearing what is being presented.

    1. The Gentle Breath Meditation’ supports us with this. Connecting to our breath, makes it much easier for us to ‘hear what is being presented’.

39. I too have found how observing what is going on has really helped me stay steady during the day, the more I observe the less I am caught off guard and if I do go into reaction I look at where or what happened that made me drop my awareness and it becomes a constant learning.

    1. Yes Sally, the beauty of accepting our constant unfolding is the learning offered. Being caught ‘off guard” and unawares is by divine design and offers the greatest opportunity to learn.

40. Observation is awesome, especially when it is applied to ourselves for all the mistakes that can be made and viewed without judgement.

41. I can add another saying to this mix which as wise friend said to me the other day – ‘reflect not react’. And I have been using that a lot lately, so when I start to react, I (as much as I can) stop the reaction and start to ask myself, why am I reacting? what’s got me so hot under the collar? Do I have a part to play in this scenario? It helps enormously – especially when you are absolutely honest.

    1. Sarah Flenley that’s a great question to start with
       “Why am I reacting? What’s got me so hot under the collar? ” Or what energy has entered to press my buttons so that I feel I have to defend myself?
       By taking a step back it is then possible to read the game being played by the energy that is always looking for a reaction as this keeps us all away from God. If we could truly understand that life is set up in such a way that constantly keeps us from accessing God by keeping us all in the emotion of reaction, then we would understand that if we applied the opposite and didn’t react to the energy we would have instant access to God.

42. Not only do we have to deal with what’s coming at us in the form of criticism for whatever reason but we also have to deal with other people in verbal combat with each other – this I have always found to be difficult. So, far the only way I have found is to acknowledge that it hurts when people are like this with each other and to get some understanding as to why and what’s going on for them. As in are their own hurts from childhood being triggered by each other, is there control issues or are they reflecting to each other what they do not want to see in themselves – the list is endless.

43. More and more I stay steady with myself in one of my work environments and notice what a difference this makes. The person criticising( in reaction) gains a respect for us as we observe and understand what is happening. Now to be able to live this in all areas of work.

44. The thing is if we react at work, or even at home to someone we lose our ability and our clarity to help support that person. The best way we can change a situation is by remaining steady and super loving and providing a steadfastness that others can rely on and be supported to resource their own steadfastness.

    1. Very true Meg, even if we know the other person is not being loving the moment we try to go into the right and prove a point we too are gone and so no longer can discern or feel what is going on. And as you say we then can no longer support the person as we have gotten caught up in the energy.

45. There are no threats to someone that chooses to move confirming him/herself. This helps to generate a quality that impress everything we do and help us to deal with how others react to what carry our impress. But if you impress something being in disconnection to your body and you react from the same quality, this is a different ball game altogether.

46. It is important to recognise when feedback is for the development of oneself or when it is a direct criticism, because the latter does not foster understanding because it is hurtful.

    1. Which begs the question of what can we do when something is hurtful? If we are not invested in the outcome, or being right, then its much easier to just see whatever happened for what is really going on rather than as a personal challenge / put down.

       1. Absolutely, not take it personally.

47. The key for me is to come back to worth. To then express with this quality in any response.

48. “This experience has provided me with an opportunity to reflect on the importance of not reacting, of not absorbing or taking on, whatever emotions or energy come with any form of communication, including via emails.” Not reacting to life is one of the biggest lessons we have to learn if we are to truly bring all of who we are to the world.

49. The power of observing is a wonderful way to support our inner healing. We can so often head down the path of reaction and judgement but when we stop to connect and feel what is truly going on the levels of understanding are felt to explore.

50. To be able to observe life and not take things personally is a game changer, we can then be free to respond to any situation in front of us and be more understanding and accepting of others.

    1. It sure is a game changer and then from this place of observation we get to understand clearly what is going on and what energies are at play and so can then bring our all from love to the situation and not out of reaction trying to fix or change something.

    2. A gorgeous way to live our life, for self, and for others Anna.

51. The power of observation is the ability to receive what is being expressed by another instead of interpreting what words ‘may mean’ — if you do not truly listen and feel what is said it could be called ‘may-hem’. Observing and reading the depth brings an understanding in knowing where another is at, and where you are at through reflection.

52. It is important to never take anything personally for only then can we consider what has been said from an observational viewpoint.

53. I can relate Ariana as I can feel when I react emotionally the ripple effect of my actions on others is not only unfair but totally disrespectful and is something I just don’t want to impose on others any more.

54. That your work colleague gave two different assessments or reviews of the same document goes to show how when we get frazzled and don’t stay on purpose we can easily make errors in judgment. I can really feel how when I go into overwhelm myself this happens all too easily.

55. As children we have an enormous ability to simply observe life. Part of our education ought to be how we can remain observing life whilst not reacting/judging. Serge Benhayon first presented the teaching on how to observe and not absorb/react to life back in 1999.

56. The less identified we are with our work the more we are able to receive feedback about it, whether it is positive or negative.

57. “This experience has provided me with an opportunity to reflect on the importance of not reacting, of not absorbing or taking on, whatever emotions or energy come with any form of communication, including via emails.” . . . Now this is great advice for any workplace situation. Thank you for sharing your experience.

58. Work is the place where through our commitment and engagement with all that there is, we get to evolve, and part of that is learning to observe fully the activity of those we work with.

59. Learning to not react takes time and much effort, but first, it takes to being in commitment to self in every way – building that foundation of strength within so that it becomes possible to observe and not absorb every little thing. This is definitely a lifelong project that will take years to master… but, as they say, every journey begins with the first step and if we don’t take that 1st step we will never know what the end result could be!

60. It is amazing what happens when we stop reacting and allow things to unfold. It takes the push and the drive out of things and allows us to connect more deeply with others.

61. This also is relevant when we are talking to employees or any one who enters the workplace with us. I used to think constructive criticism, either giving or receiving was the way to go but now I see that staying deeply connected and expressing with love the truth that we know in our hearts is all that is needed.

62. For so many of us work is a major issue and yet at the same time it can be the one thing that supports us to have purpose in our lives, the key as you share is that ability to observe and not get drawn in, I’m also finding that when we observe and are then faced with the truth, it’s what we do with that.

63. I so much prefer communications on a face to face basis and it doesn’t lead to mis-interpretations which is followed by reactions.

    1. It is often the face to face that brings more than just the words that are expressed to communicate.

64. It is true that how we are affects everyone – as is highlighted here – it is so evident that we can be in 2 different states on different days depending on what we are taking on or reaction to or not reacting to.

65. When we feel down and out, stressed or overwhelmed, we often blame our To Do list and the fact that things are just ‘too busy’, but could we instead address the QUALITY rather than quantity of what we are doing and assess whether in fact our activities and conversations are draining us because we are absorbing rather than observing life?

66. This highlights something I’ve noticed recently in myself and those around me … if we take things personally we each come from our own version of right and nothing changes, but if we can take a breathe and allow ourselves the space to observe and understand any hurts we may be feeling we open up the space for a very different type of response, and we find a different way to be and work with another.

67. The justification game comes into full force when we are not observing what is offered in the workplace from the feedback of our roles. When we observe and feel the intentions of the communication, we can often read another level that is not offered to us when we go straight into reactions or hurts.

68. I learn every time I open an email or speak to people that what we hear and what is being said can be interpreted in many different ways. What we say and how we say it can be very different to how it is perceived. Observing and not absorbing is medicine!

69. We can learn a lot from feedback if we do not give our power away to the person who is giving us the feedback.

70. To go into reaction causes a huge ripple throughout our body as the hurt that has been triggered begins to awaken and expand. As most can probably attest to, it feels horrible at that moment so we then tend to go into self-protection mode, justification, explanation, anything to say we have done nothing ‘wrong’. And unless we are able to separate the hurt from the initial issue the ripples from the reaction will continue to flow and grow. ‘Learning not to react’ is one of the most supportive lessons we could possibly learn.

71. ‘or go into a spin about your abilities’… it used to take the slightest comment, not always directed at me, to trip me into a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-criticism, feeding the beast that I carried around of lack of self-worth. I can still feel the residue of this when I am challenged in any relationship (work, home, friends) but building respect for the qualities we all bring to the table, arrests this old pattern and leaves me much clearer in each situation to not react but to learn, deepen my understanding of everything at play and stay open in my interactions with others.

72. In a recent conversation with someone, she expressed to me how I had upset her, for which I instantly took responsibility for and thereafter changed my ways to be more honouring and respectful. The growth in our relationship which has followed has been beautiful, there is an honesty between us which I treasure. And I know that this is due in part to my willingness to be accountable for myself – knowing that I am not perfect and will often need to be called to account for my behaviours, but that this is not a bad thing, it is just part of being human, being in groups, and learning.

73. I can relate to the workplace not being accepting of feelings and our sensitivity that everyone has. But do I allow my feelings to be fully known to those I work with? Or do I work hard at keeping them contained. I feel the latter is true at this moment but I know I can share my feelings with others so what are the conditions I have accepted that say I can’t do that at work?

    1. I recently shared with my work colleagues that I had learnt a lot about myself in how I had been dealing with feedback on a big project I had been working on and that it was clearly an ongoing process as I kept discovering things about myself I hadn’t considered before. The meeting was very different from that moment on as it seemed we all got an opportunity to own our own responses or reactions rather than blame anyone else when we discussed our next event. It was quite a lesson to observe the power of simply sharing with out indulging.

74. Observing ourselves without judgment (reaction) in situations provides such a great foundation for being the same way with others.

    1. Simply reading ‘without judgement’ seems to make more space for me to breathe… I look forward to when we have made living free of judgement our normal.

75. ” On this occasion I took a moment to feel and observe the quality or emotion behind the email, as well as my own quality at the time. I also acknowledged that I felt hurt by the comments and the way they were delivered and I took a moment to feel the hurt ”
    Feeling the hurt is a huge step in understanding the fear of rejection, for rejection is our ultimate nightmare.

76. Life is like a play. We buy into the story line and find ourselves getting aggravated and antsy, we need to look around at the stage and be reminded it’s not all it seems. Thank you Anonymous for the prompt here.

77. Letting down my guard and being more open, honest and sometimes therefore vulnerable with the people I work with has had an amazing impact on my sense of well being and my love for the work I do.

78. I think if someone gives us genuine feedback from the perspective of helping us grow and evolve it’s actually amazing, I think when we react it’s when we feel judged. One of my life principles is that no matter what situation I’m in I utilise it to the max, so I learn, grow and become a stronger and more loving person, and this is definitely a principle I turn to in difficult moments.

    1. Could it be that when we feel judged by another it is a reflection being shown to us of the judgement and criticism that we can sometimes give towards ourselves? We are essentially reacting towards how we have been living in relationship to ourselves… I know this has certainly been the case with me.

79. We cannot hide and pretend that everything is ok when energetically it isn’t even when we claim that we do not verbalise it. We may not go on or harp on about things but it is fact that we are affected by everyone and everything whether seen or unseen.

80. We can not underestimate our capacity to observe. Its not about standing back and not being involved but allowing someone else to be in their own emotional state – whatever that maybe, without taking it on. The more we can observe, we begin to see the layers of our own reactions so that we can say no to reacting and remain in observation. Being in observation is a blessing for oneself, for taking on and owning the emotions of others is toxic to ourselves. But it is also a blessing for the other as they get the opportunity to feel what they have chosen too.

81. How awesome it is to give ourselves the space to express what is needed and also to observe others within this space too. I have also found when I have received feedback from a work colleague particularly via email to pause before replying and observe the energy within the email as everything holds an energetic imprint. I sometimes also find that words are not always needed as our movements are also an expression that holds the same energy too.

82. “To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work” – so true Anonymous, if only we could actually see the energy we are leaving behind, littering and indeed equally gracing people with too, the world would become truly responsible.

83. Our quality is taken into everything that we do, ‘It follows then that if we are feeling frustrated, tired, stressed or equally, joyful, gentle, rested, calm, then this ‘quality’ is actually present in whatever activity we are doing.’ How important is the quality we choose to live in then?

84. When you connect to purpose, the state of the world and what we are truly here to do, you can’t help but see it’s not limited to delivering projects or reports on time, but involves us reflecting Love. When we connect to that there’s no space for taking things personally – it’s a huge waste of valuable space in this life. Thank you Anonymous.

85. Reaction in any form never brings my true good or benefit to anyone no matter how good the intent may seem.

86. ‘We can all relate to having ‘bad’ days, but are we aware of how this affects everything we do and the people we interact with? ‘ So true Anon, by energetic law our bad days can effect everyone else’s as well.

    1. Very true Jenny and we do all know that, even though we may say “I am just having a bad day” as an excuse. It important to reflect on what we ourselves have taken on that has resulted “in the bad day”. Its our choices that have resulted in that.

87. The trouble is that most of us go into our workplaces already loaded and on the defence for what we anticipate will come at us.
    We know that what we have all created – because we are all complicit in this – are workplaces that are toxic, void of any real care for the people in them. And so we go in, in reaction to this because of course it impacts us.
    But in reaction we absorb and of course add to the toxicity we are reacting to in the first place.

88. Our living way has a clear impact well beyond ourselves. We share it with the people that we interact with on a daily basis. It affects us and them. Annoying and irresponsible as it is, such a generous sharing offers us a great opportunity for others to learn/practice holding themselves no matter what.

89. Bringing space and understanding is always helpful, and supports us to stay observing and not absorbing.

90. Any form of reaction is extremely harming not only to ourselves but also to everyone. The only way to stop reacting is to bring understanding.

91. I love being given the opportunity to understand people and situations more, so it is important for me to stay observing, ‘that we are constantly offered the opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through observing and not absorbing.’

92. Feedback often comes with a charge and it is very difficult not to react to negative statements, however true, delivered with frustration, rage, anger or blame. We can learn enormously when we keep our time in reaction to a minimum and to understand the underlying truth to the feedback, whatever that is. With some practice this becomes enormously empowering.

93. The more I allow myself to observe and listen to what another is saying the less I find myself reacting. I can then either take on board what they have said and learn from it or I can see it as effectively trying to bring me down. I have learnt that it is going to really be one or the other. Either it will be truly supportive or it will have a poisionous undertone to it even though it may be sounding helpful and the person cares it all depends with what energy it is coming with. So then the more I read the energy the clearer things become and it is no longer personal rather a choice of energy. It makes things much simpler and also gives me a greater opportunity to learn especially when the person is presenting truth to me but I may not want to hear it!

    1. Thank you for this James. I’m facing something similar and when the quality is to undermine I just have to read it and let it go. It is not personal.

       1. That is the key to remember it is never personal rather an outplay of energy. I find the moment I take a moment to observe what is going on rather than wanting an immediate answer I am far less likely to react to the person as know it is not really about me.

    2. Yep I agree and as you have said in another comment also to not take it personally and see it for the outplay of energy that it is.

       1. The more we see it as an outplay of energy, we get the understanding it is never personal. But if we have invested in an outcome or recognition in anyway then comments from others can be soul destroying.

94. In a world where reaction seems to be the norm it can appear unreal or magical when someone is not reacting but responding to not just a feedback but a critique that easily could be the cause for an argument. Just one person not being part of reaction gives the opportunity for everyone involved to get back to themselves and a connection with each other so that the conversation changes from tension and potentially conflict to talking WITH each other and coming to an understanding.

95. So often we can take other peoples comments and feedback personally and react without thinking. Sure it depends on the way they are syaing but what if they are only saying it because they have a reason to. I find the hardest feedback to deal with is when it comes with an arrogance of I know more than you, but still in that instance the choice(s) we have made may warrant the feedback. So instead of reacting what if we took a moment to go ok this person has a point, sure it may not be being said lovingly but still what can I learn from this. We are here to learn to return back to and love the love we are so are going to make mistakes, just how humble are we willing to be and how quickly do we want to come back is up to us.

96. It seems so simple to just let ourselves feel that a comment hurts. Yet we have mastered pushing down these feelings so we can appear to soldier on unaffected. This happens a lot at work where we expect ourselves to be professional. Meanwhile our body cops the impact of the hurt instead of staying open and gentle as the author describes.

97. That’s a different approach to what were usually encouraged to take. It makes sense that we pause before jumping the gun with emotions. The effect that short moment would have on us and everyone around us is massive! I’ve worked with some explosive people, and it isn’t easy to be around for anyone. The disharmony in the office creates a silent tension that is very destructive.

98. When we take the time to observe and not absorb, and also take the time to prepare a body that is more open and steady to do this, we can receive a much deeper understanding of people and what goes on around us. It is worth taking that time to develop that quality.

99. It’s easy to react to something and take it personally but if we can take a step back and let ourselves just observe what is being said then we have the opportunity to learn regardless if the feedback is ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ – we can reflect on if there is a genuine point there for us to recognise in our expression or if there is something else going on, perhaps an emotional reaction from the other person from something that has come up for them…

100. It took me a wee while before I stopped reacting to one guy I know through work, when I looked at it I realised he was only doing his job the only way he knew how and that he really didn’t have very good people skills and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. I once wrote an angry email to the guy and I am so glad I didn’t send it because it was totally out of reaction and far too heavy for the situation.

101. For me it’s not even just about work or feedback. It’s about learning not to react in any situation, whether it’s a positive or negative.

102. “Often we want to avoid feeling any hurt and we react by hardening ourselves as a form of protection” The fact is that, even though we try to avoid the hurt, this remains there hidden under the hardening. Ultimately there’s nothing that can protect us from feeling the hurt. It’s when we allow ourselves to feel it, that we open the door to its healing.

103. I am learning to see the criticism that comes in the form of attack off another, as a compliment (when I read the energy quite often they are seeing me live a quality of myself that they also know is a part of them yet have not yet put it into action in there life which creates a tension/jealousy/fury in them), as I observe and read what is energetically taking place and then there is nothing to absorb.

104. Our workplaces are perfect training grounds as it were to learn not to absorb but to observe. If I’m absorbing at work I get extremely drained – a sure tell-tale sign that I’m caught up and not reading what’s going on around me, and whether I’ve come into this situation with my own investment – do i want recognition and acknowledgement for doing a good job? And if so, why…The world of work is one which in today’s world is built on the false values of recognition and being better than another. It is actually designed to shut down any true confidence we have. But it is not about running away, or shutting the door behind us as it were – it is actually about presenting this different way right there in our offices and workstations. When we do this, when we bring the self-appreciation we have for ourselves to our workplaces, there isn’t the opening for absorption that there was before, and this is the inspiration workplaces the world over need to feel and see.
     And hence the blessing that is offered in the training ground of ‘work’.

105. When observing we get to see the bigger picture and reasons comes naturally. Taking things on and reacting obscures everything with the taint of our own emotions and stops us seeing the fullness of what is taking place.

106. It is really worthwhile not just going with the perceived meaning of words, but to let ourselves feel the whole of what is communicated much of which will be energetic. Similarly when we communicate ourselves to be responsible in feeling the whole of what we are communicating and not just look at our words. We are always always receiving the whole, a large part of which is energetic, regardless of what our mind chooses to focus on.

107. Brilliant sharing Anonymous. When viewed through objective eyes, when we are able to take a step back, we can see these incidents and rude exchanges are absurd and minuscule in their size. But by taking it ‘personaly’ and buying into the game we take a simple situation and make it enflamed. It’s just energy at the end of the day and as long as we hold back from feeling this we’ll be taken for a big ride.

108. Great what you share about your colleague viewing your documents at two different times, we have very different perspectives depending on how we have been feeling, this is the power of choosing to care for ourselves and be steady. Less ups and downs and less reactions and issues. Observing how we are, allows us to be aware of why we respond or react in a certain situation. Our perspective is only our perspective, this is well worth remembering.

109. Being able to not react to criticism from others and instead to be detached, not taking it personally and to view as if one is an observer to what is being expressed enables one to bring clarity and truth to the situation. Then one can discern whether the criticism is valid or not and act accordingly.

110. I had a reaction to some feedback the other day, it wasn’t negative just not what I had expected, and that was where I had set myself up to react .. I had an expectation and so when it wasn’t this I became disappointed. I felt I had read the situation but clearly not fully, a great learning opportunity.

111. It is so cool when we can view our days as explorations and opportunities to observe and practise – this way we are much more open to what is going on around us and much more honest about how we feel… curious rather than critical.

112. We often react before we know it and this can so easily lead to more reactions where we lose our steadiness and internal compass to understand what is really going on underneath.

113. I appreciate what you have shared here in how you simply read what was happening and not reacted. Reaction brings in complication muddying the waters even more, but by you remaining open to understanding and responding from this angle it gave the other person the opportunity to view it again and come to a different conclusion which would probably not have been the case if you had chosen to react. A wonderful example of observing and not absorbing.

114. As I become more willing to see what is actually going on I’m more easily able to observe, and therefore less likely to get hooked into reacting. Practice always required (!) but it feels very confirming to stay steady and with myself in what could otherwise be an upsetting situation/interaction.

115. What I am working on doing at the moment is when I get feedback or have a conversation where i normally clam up and feel like i have done something wrong, in the past this could be a feeling I could carry through my whole day or week. Now I am working on letting it go as quickly as possible because when I am in that ‘mistake’ feeling I cant move on or grow

116. Allowing ourselves the space to see what is really going on under the surface, and not be quick to take things personally, gives the opportunity for a wealth of learning and insights about ourselves and others.

     1. Well said Jenny, we are always offered an opportunity to evolve and learn with everything in life.

117. When we do not react in a situation we offer ourselves and others the opportunity to learn everything in that situation available to learn. We do not leave cloudy in emotions but with clarity and deeper wisdom.

     1. That’s great Samantha, so in any situation like this article we’re offered the opportunity of either a cloud of emotion or clarity and deeper wisdom. They could not be further worlds apart.

118. It is such a different experience to observe rather than react to feedback allowing for a space to feel what is of truth and useful rather than taking it personally.

     1. Yes, I agree. It is the space that not reacting allows that offers such incredible opportunities to learn and change entrenched habits and patterns of behaviour.

119. I had a conversation with my manger the other day and was asking for some feedback previously given to be explained to me in more detail. I stayed steady through this focussing on my movements to stay present. I found it much easier to observe and communicate from this and gained a deeper understanding of what was discussed.

120. It is so interesting, emails, depending on how we are feeling at the time, can be open to much reinterpretation and misunderstanding, whereas when speaking directly with a person we can get very clear very quickly. Observe and don’t absorb in order to respond rather than react is an important contributory factor. It can take time to develop this ability but the resulting effects are vastly different.

121. The way we communicate with each other is foundational to the quality of relationship we have with ourselves and with the other, and hence our honesty in any reactions or responses are actually beautiful to feel even though they are not beautiful to experience.

122. If I find myself reacting to something, then I know this is a sign that there is something for me to heal, or that perhaps I am not fully with myself on all levels. What a blessing to have this exposed!

     1. It is a huge change in me too that, from reacting most of the time (justifying my reactions in between!) I now allow there to be space, a sense of responsibility and willingness to learn when I can feel the initial whispers of reaction emerging.

123. The understanding you bring here is much to be valued as it is needed through our whole journey in life and allows our true relationship with ourselves and the importance of this.Observing and not absorbing is the magical key for us all wherever we are.

124. Thank you, this reminds me not to just ignore these critical emails but to reply with truth and love to the best of our ability.

125. When we fume away in silence we may think we are clever because we are hiding what is going on behind the surface, but truth is that it is equally harmful as any violent act, both to ourselves and those receiving our fume, which is not only the one person it was directed at.

126. The workplace is the perfect playground to practice observation (of others and ones own reactions) and to keep coming back to a place of clarity no matter what challenge is put in front of you. I love it because there are so many people that I would not normally come into contact with at my workplace, and there is always an opportunity to learn and bring so much more.

127. Whatever the feedback is we receive, whether its good or bad, there is always something for us to learn, if we are willing to be open to understanding that that is the case.

128. When we don’t react to something that someone says to us we open the possibility for greater truth to be felt and shared.

129. Anonymous, reading this I can feel how important it is for us to appreciate ourselves and to keep appreciating so that if we receive critical feedback we can not take it personally because we know how awesome we are, we can read and understand where the other person maybe at and also respond and not react because we have a strong foundation and confidence in ourselves.

130. I guess that is what is meant by the term, ’emotionally maturity’, when we make the shift from absorbing the stuff of others to standing back and observing which is a real game changer.

131. It is so important to read between the lines with emails or colleagues who are attacking us or who are coming on strongly about something as once we have done the reading we can no longer take anything personally.

132. First lesson in the first year of apprenticeship:
     Observe, don´t absorb. Respond, don´t react.

     All other lessons: easy to learn

     All emotional problems that may occur on our work site is because of the quality of relationships, our inability to handle them with respect, decency and integrity.

     1. If this was the way we were taught at school and then when we go out into the work world I wonder how much more productive we would be. Yesterday A colleague in another department was furious because 2 other colleagues were late and did not appologise so she then spent at least the next 3-4 hours if not all day going around slamming into doors, throwing things down, effectively wanting to show everyone she was annoyed – yet this achieved absolutely nothing. For me it was like what was the point of it. I felt that she was hurt by the lack of respect by the others and wanted everyone else to see it. Yet all it did was get her more upset and agitated. Yet if she had just observed the situation, not reacted then her day would have been completely different. The choise is always ours – just often when we are in something it is hard to see the daylight amidst the fog.

133. ‘I do have a choice as to whether I respond or whether I react’ – If this was fully understood and lived by all, we would most likely live in a harmonious world…

134. That is a great observation about feeling the hurt allowed you to stay open and in your body rather than going into the reaction essentially being in your mind.

     1. Yes it is in a moment that we have that choice not to run away from what we are feeling but to carefully and gently explore what it is, where it has come from and what the triggers might be. Uncomfy at first but as it develops our relationship with, and knowing of, ourselves the knock on effects are inspiring.

135. The willingness to learn is a major key to be open and learn by whatever comes our way as we know we don´t need to be perfect or match any image but can forever evolve.

136. Observing instead of absorbing situations we are in gives us back our own power in which we know what is best to do in any situation. Otherwise we are on the mercy of our own unresolved hurts that will only bring stressed feelings and will never give us the space to come to the understanding what is truly at hand and only add to the situation and keep it unresolved and alive.

137. Developing a relationship with myself as a student of life has been the first base for me in being able to accept feedback without reacting or taking it on as a critique.

138. We learn so much about ourselves when we get feedback from another. It can be easy to focus our attention on the person giving the feedback, but our response shows us our relationship with ourselves.

139. Reacting to feed back with understanding makes all the difference and learning to do this by observing and not absorbing really is a revolutionary change around in our lives allowing so much wisdom instead of the harmful reactions we can live in otherwise and is very powerful and freeing .

140. I know I have become more aware of the way I am communicating. Sometimes I can be a little brash or to abrupt and when I re-read it I can feel the massive impact that this has. Now I take my time and re-read through and also reflect as to what I have gone into and absorbed for this to be a way I was expressing.

141. ‘On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.’ – I know well what you are saying here, in the past reaction was often my behaviour, today I know the difference and can feel the harm of the contraction if I react and harden my body, as opposed to remaining open and present, even when I feel hurt.

142. I can relate to this line after a recent experience “I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react”. By allowing myself to speak up in the moment with how I felt, allowing myself to feel the hurt and nurture myself as this happened, and understanding that the energy coming through the person was not them, that they were wobbling away from their natural essence, all of this supported me and I found my body stayed open and so did I to the person. Taking care of myself within the situation was key, as was knowing the person’s essence and that they are simply a vessel for energy.

     1. Indeed Melinda, in deeply nurturing ourselves we support ourselves greatly to understand that we are dealing with energy and not with the person that is the vessel and in that state we too are able to hold the other person in love as well and to not brush them off for what they are doing as being the bad guy or woman.

143. The art of observation can be a life’s work, but it needn’t be arduous or hard, although challenging yes, because it rocks away at the basis upon which you stand, asking and questioning you all the time to reconsider every point of contact you have with the world. But this can be a joy, a simple uncomplicated joy, as in observation I have found therein lives the glory of each person for who they truly are.

144. To identify oneself with one´s work is supposed to be a value as we will be engaged and committed to what we are doing; that as such may be a good thing but being identified with what one does also sets us up to react when things don´t go the way we want them to be, ie we need something back from what we are investing in, usually recognition, success, confirmation of doing well. So it may come down to being committed to one´s work and at the same time not be identified by it, then any feedback or critique can be considered and reassessed without reaction.

145. It seems that the opportunity to learn this presents itself often currently – reading being the answer in every case.

146. I wonder if we would have reacted differently had the feedback been ‘good’ but also not actually right??! I hope that makes sense! The sort of feedback I know I have given, that I wasn’t really paying attention but just had to get it off my ‘to do’ list? Equally unhelpful feedback but because it agrees with what we have submitted it is more willingly accepted and skipped over. Just a thought to add to the discussion here 🙂

     1. Lucy, that’s a great point – feedback based on ‘good’ or ‘nice’ is indeed equally unhelpful, I’d say straight out harmful, as it keeps us stuck.

147. “We can all relate to having ‘bad’ days, but are we aware of how this affects everything we do and the people we interact with?” This brings an enormous level of responsibility to our interactions and really should be our normal. It would offer an ease within the body which can be taken as medicine, medicine that could be called preventative or simply unimposing on the body which means the body can get on with the work it needs to do without over compensating for our choices.

148. What if no comment or feedback was personal, but simply something for us to learn from? And what if we approached feedback for others as not a criticism but an opportunity to help another person evolve?

149. When we observe and bring our awareness to what we’re feeling/ sensing/ reading between the lines in the way another has expressed and what it brings up in us then we give ourselves the opportunity to respond with true clarity and grace, rather than just add to a whirlpool of emotion…

150. There are two kinds of reactions – one is reacting to something that we know is not of truth, love or harmony, the other is reacting to how the first reaction makes us feel and us not wanting to deal with it.

151. It is interesting to ponder how we can feel and know things are going on but learn to observe them more rather than react to them. I have found that I still feel the yuck, it can not be avoided, it is is all over the place, but how we respond to it, is the key. It is something I am refining all of the time.

152. What a beautiful sharing of allowing true understanding for ourselves and everyone around us and the difference this makes in our lives wherever we are. “I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.” This is so much more loving and caring of ourselves and others .

153. I had a similar experience recently and changed my response to a colleague whom has from time to time told me what I should do and not do in emails. It felt very freeing to have changed myself so that what she did no longer affected me.

154. It is so true that reacting to situations like feedback from others just puts us into a stress reaction where we often start our own self-critical loop. Observing and not judging allows for the space to consider the whole of the situation, such as what is happening for the person giving you the feedback and also for ourselves.

155. I love feedback, especially as I learn a lot about the other person during the process.

156. ‘Often we want to avoid feeling any hurt and we react by hardening ourselves as a form of protection: we get frustrated, we lash out, we might withdraw.’ When we allow ourselves to feel our hurts we have the opportunity to deepen our understanding, heal and close the opening that takes us to reactions in the first place,

157. Only when we know ourselves for who we are we will be able to not react because otherwise that what we are not, will react to being questioned for not being what it is expected to be, by something or someone.

158. Seeing the many ways that people can react to feedback at work, I would absolutely agree it is our choice how we react or respond. It may not feel like a choice when we are in it and the autopilot response takes over – based on past hurts etc. But even our patterns of hurts are ones we have chosen as we find some form of ‘success’ in them.

159. We all deserve to be supported by those who have higher roles and have more in experience in our chosen field but due to job demands and life stresses it can be hard to communicate – hence we forget the responsibility of nurturing a person whilst helping them to improve their skills and expand.

160. For most of my life, I was often devastated by feedback, and saw it as an attack on me. My reaction would be silence, withdrawal, self berating, feelings of humiliation and hurt. I believed I had failed in some way. Such joy to have left this ‘old over-sensitive self behind’ Now, I embrace constructive feedback and see it as essential to life and a great source of learning.

161. When we observe, rather than absorb emotions, we’re better placed to read what is going and support self and others.

162. I am receiving so much feedback at work at the moment. I am opening to a new level of responsibility and therefore all the gaps and cracks are being highlighted. It is so exposing. I could react and take it all very seriously and feel really bad about myself. But I am choosing to see it as an opportunity for growth in every way. I am taking it lightly, observing myself and my mistakes, sometimes laughing at them. It is really great to be on a big growing edge.

163. Interesting how we don’t have a filter on what we read in the same way as we might when someone is speaking to us. In one way we are more open and less protected however we also forget some of the need to discern the quality that the words come with when written.

164. Anonymous, this is a great question; ‘We can all relate to having ‘bad’ days, but are we aware of how this affects everything we do and the people we interact with?’ I am becoming aware of just how much the way I am feeling affects those around me, I have noticed if I’m having a bad day that Im less playful, less joyful, less patient and less understanding and I have noticed that how I am is often reflected back to me in how others are to me,

165. Taking responsibility to observe and not react to what has been presented in our lives allows us the opportunity to become more aware of the way life constellates, and seeing the bigger picture of how our experiences are the result of our movements up to that point in life.

166. “It is up to me to ensure that if I’ve had a ‘bad’ moment that it is not taken to my next activity or it will snowball into a ‘bad’ day.” I am reading this having just come out of the ‘bad day’. What I am particularly aware of is the negative snowball or domino effect it can have on myself and others around me. My key is to not make it personal-if I do, then I am gone.

167. I’m noticing how stress has such a huge factor on how people relate to another. When I am at the receiving end I get a very clear lesson in how it feels and how there is nothing more important than how we treat each other – something I can remember when I get a little stressy and need to stop, reconnect with myself and the love we all share so as to bring that through. It’s the quality in which what I do that makes the difference.

168. Our actions are an end product of a series of movements that we have put in place determined by the source of energy that we are aligned to – either all that is love, or all that is not. These are the only two sources from which we can fuel our every thought, word or action that follows thereafter. If we stay with love, we will have all that we need to respond to the situation at hand, no matter how much it may escalate. If we withdraw from this source, we align ourselves to the other source (not-love) and subsequently will get lost in the reaction on offer.

169. My relationship with reaction is changing… it used to be volatile, chaotic and immediately blurted out. When I feel a reaction in me these days, it is extremely uncomfortable (which I actually take as a positive because it is out of whack with how I normally feel), but I curiously and carefully ask myself what is going on, what part I have played in whatever situation is going on and whether what has happened has triggered something unresolved that I am carrying about with me. This is all building on my understanding of myself which is supporting me to take responsibility for how I am in the world. Ongoing learning which I am enjoying.

     1. I like this Matilda, ‘I curiously and carefully ask myself what is going on,’ no being hard with yourself or giving yourself a hard time but curiously and carefully asking what’s going on here, it feels a very loving way to get to what it is and see it in full and take responsibility.

170. “Have you noticed that when receiving this type of feedback in written form, such as via email, your reaction can be immediate and even stronger than if sitting down with the person?” This is so true Anonymous. Whereas if and when we actually take the time to talk things through wiht the person face to face and express what needs to be said, the energy of emotions is immediatley dispersed and has no where to go except straight out of the body.

171. I agree we need to feel the hurt, not dismiss it or allow it to escalate into a situation we don’t want. In doing this we are honouring ourselves and not just sweeping it under the table.

172. ‘I also acknowledged that I felt hurt by the comments and the way they were delivered and I took a moment to feel the hurt.’ This is a step that is so important in not going into reaction that I have recognised too. It is the protection that we seek in what we do in the reaction to not feel the hurt which already exists. In allowing ourselves to feel the hurt we can stop the reaction and change what happens in such a situation the next time.

     1. To not stop and feel the hurts, perpetuates more of the same.

173. During the last financial meltdown, Enron fired all of their staff with a text message. How many more people affected by this single message, beyond the recipients? The reaction from a single event sent giant waves across the world.

174. What we offer in the workplace is not about the outcomes, even though we would all think it is, it is actually about who we are and what we bring to the workplace but simply being who we are.

     1. Well said Heather. And therefore the more we value being who we are the more we naturally bring.

175. To not react but rather be aware of what is at play is to surrender to the bigger picture. When our bodies are in a cycle of responding to what is needed, then reacting isn’t even a choice anymore.

176. The key may be to stay in our fullness whether what we get is feedback, confirmation or somebody’s reaction or even fully considered and executed attack. To not react but to stay as we are – now for the learning of this as it is possible.

177. Love the statement “Observe and not absorb”. I’ve been working on it and every iteration I follow there’s more and results in deepening quality. Thank you for sharing!

178. “I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.” This is gold. In letting ourselves feel the hurt we get to feel that the hurt is of our own creation. Another cannot hurt us, it’s our reaction to them that is when the hurt comes in.

     1. This is true – once we react we stop feeling and we need to come off the reaction first.

179. I have been particularly aware recently of this reactionary hardness or protection that can set in and then filters everything we are experiencing so everything starts to be perceived as a threat or in a way that is not actually true.

180. Anonymous, this article has been really supportive for me, I had a situation where I felt very hurt by someones comments to me, I allowed myself to feel this hurt and to be honest about this, this felt very natural and I could feel that this is how children are, if they are hurt then usually this is felt and expressed, this allowed me to calmly feedback to the person, without reaction about how the comments had felt.

181. As soon as we react to any body or any situation we harden our body and go into protection. We then become a vessel for the wrong energy to come through us and we do not respond with love. We need to read the energy so we can call the energy out but keep on loving the person.

     1. I agree I feel the real mastery of this comes into play when we start to see actions/energy and people as two totally different entities/occurances. When I clearly see this the reaction just drops away. We get part of our identity confirmed and solidified by our reactions. Reactions keep us viewing the world as seperate units of individuality making the world go round rather than the whole ever expanding energy we are all equally a part of.

182. What I have noticed is the more connected I am feeling with my body, the less likely i am to react . There is something quite profound in realising this, as it shows how very much life around the human body is constructed to constantly pull you out of yourself .. to be distracted by things, which then this leaves the door wide open for the human being to be on the back foot… to be at the mercy of anything that comes your way.

     1. It’s a bit like being in the eye of the storm. It might seem extreme to consider everything around us as being a potential storm – yet on an energetic level it’s totally different we have just decided we aren’t going to recognise it, but we don’t stop feeling it.

     2. It is as if we are being set-up, every time. To have greater awareness can offset this from happening.

183. Learning to observe instead of reacting takes a bit of practice. Something that I have observed is that reactions can be quite subtle and when we react we then move into a familiar pattern that gives us relief or somehow makes us feel better. I familiar pattern for me is to eat. I have realised that I eat from reaction sometimes. This is really interesting to observe because the hunger I feel doesn’t make sense either. I may have only eaten a short time before and the hunger is almost ravenous, and I can eat ravenously. This is still a very much work in process for me as I recognise that this is not about food, but about an old familiar ‘goto’ pattern that I have used. This is where observation is key, for when I observe myself I am not judging myself and I see more clearly the pattern. The moment I judge or make rules I am feeding (pun intended) my reaction and the pattern. Fascinating stuff.

     1. It is fascinating Jennifer. what I have a tendency to do when I react is go into my head and starting thinking things over and over, chuntering I call it. This stops me being with me and observing, but I am aware of this and am working with it and it has reduced a great deal, it is still a familiar pattern I can slip into though. I get myself back to me, with my body, then observe what triggered it and see it what it is presenting, can take time sometimes other times it’s quite quick, and from this if I feel to I can respond and express.

        1. The word ‘chuntering’ is such a great description. It sounds like a kind of disgruntled grumbling and a train chugging along. It also reminds me of the word churning which I recently came across as a describing what people who hoard do- continuously move items around a house but never clear the house of them.

        2. Ruth, what a funny word ‘chuntering’ is. I love it. Its not a chatter, but a chunter, that goes on and on, making the groove in the record even deeper, without a way off that spot.

     2. ‘Chuntering’ – I love it and your exposure of it as the futile round and round going nowhere activity in our head that it is. Thank you, Ruth.

     3. This is such clarity and awareness around the subject of reaction. Thank you Jennifer. We have our ‘goto’s’ and it is important to catch them.I wonder if the majority of times we go to eat is about reaction to something that has happened.

184. Acknowledging our reaction or response to something is really important, as this helps us to understand the outplay thereafter. For example, getting stressed or upset about an email can cause us to feel frustrated about other things later on in the week, it may create seemingly ‘random’ complications at work or an underlying feeling of stress. These are usually the things that make up ‘just one of those bad days’, but what if these days were actually outplays of choices we made at another time?

185. As long as we need someone´s approval or things to be a certain way to feel okay within ourselves we will react when our expectations are not met.

     1. Yes I have experienced how I project out and onto the other person so as not to simply feel the hurt. I look for ways to hurt back first. This hardens me because I have chosen to protect myself. All way too late after the fact, rather than be vulnerable and admit to myself the hurt that I feel.

186. This situation you describe really shows the importance of staying steady within ourselves and when we feel the feedback is overly negative without a reason, it is important to not react straight away and give it space. I often found then it comes around in the end. Most complications and stress in our bodies is a result from reacting and getting driven to get it done instead of reading the situation and doing what is truly needed.

     1. I agree, Lieke. Allowing the space for understanding diffuses a lot of potential conflict.

     2. Going to simplicity rather than feeding off the drama.

        1. Easy if we stay true to the responsibility we all have, to enjoy what we offer in our fields of work.

187. ‘It’s like there is no filter on your reaction and you can fume away in silence, or go into a spin about your abilities, often letting the emotions build although they may never be expressed.’ – You have observed this very accurately and I can relate to this as a way I would often react in the past and I was even considering that to be not only ok, but normal. Today I know that such a reaction would be harmful not only to the person/s it is directed at but myself and everybody else equally.

188. When we do not express at the time what is begging for us to give voice to, then we serve only to stockpile an energy of discontent that in time needs release of this tension within.

189. “Observe and not absorb”is such a fundamental teaching that would ease the lives of so many people in the workplace today – Teachers, nurses, doctors, complementary therapists etc. taking on others problems seems to be almost hardwired into our psyche. If we do not fall into the sympathy trap, which exhausts us, we can get labeled ‘hard’, when in fact we are preserving our energy so we can be there for the long haul…….

     1. Yes Sue, and when we don’t go into sympathy we are more able to read what is going on and give support from this.

     2. Yes, we don’t need to be perfect at it but just living the maxim, however imperfectly can have a very large positive influence on our life.

190. Anonymous, this is really interesting to read, I can feel how so often in workplaces we react unnecessarily without reading what is truly going on, for instance that someone is having a bad day, if we simply understood and instead responded there would likely be less hurts and upset and emotions in our workplaces.

     1. Bringing true understanding to our workplace makes all the difference and offers healing to the environment and the people working there.

191. It is sometimes surprising how quickly situations and attitudes can change at work. This lack of consistency indicates that, as in this blog, these are directly affected by outside factors. A consistency of living and therefore working come from a connection to the qualities we have within us and expressing these in all we do.

192. Great article. I also was pondering on reactions lately and how I feel hurt or feel the other as a reflection of my own staff which I avoid to feel. There I can choose: reaction or taking responsibility for my own issues.

193. I wonder if we actually don´t react so much against what comes at us from the outside but what comes up from within when triggered. If there was nothing to be triggered there would be nothing to be activated. So maybe we actually react to the unresolved stuff we carry with us and avoid facing and dealing with.

194. That’s super supportive Jane. Something that we may not consider up front is that this is a very self-caring action, at least on the surface. But really it is something that can really use to sustain ourselves throughout life. In observing whats going on around us and also for ourselves it is a deeply self caring activity. Because as you say we begin to see more of what’s really going on and not take things on personally. That in itself is huge.

195. As we all learn to understand both ourselves and others we begin to allow space to read what is truly happening and not take everything as a personal insult. The more I remain connected to my inner heart the more I can allow love to lead the way and not let in what is not love.

196. If we develop the ability to observe and not absorb we come to realise how little our individuality matters, and feel the benefit of being able to read and understand a situation and so bring about a feeling of harmony and working together as a whole for a common purpose. Then there can be appreciation of each other all around, and so much more honesty and openness.

197. This relates to experiences I have also had which have shown that it is so important to understand why situations occur as they do and to not take on everything that is said or sent you in emails without first feeling whether it feels complete and true or whether there is something else going on.

198. I have seen in others and felt in myself the powerfully destructive impact that tearing ourselves apart over mistakes and criticism can have, when we could be growing and learning from the challenges we face – it can be tricky to turn an old pattern of reaction around, but so worth it

199. A reaction is an avoidance of feeling what needs to be felt in order to evolve.

200. We like believing that our thoughts and opinions are inherent static things that we consciously come up with and own, yet in this example we see that the same person can have completely different thoughts and opinions about the same piece of work at different times, to an extent that he himself thought he had viewed two different articles. There are often moments when people say or act out something and then later are bewildered by it. Most of us have had some such experience.

     We are not the masters of our thoughts the way we believe we are. This is deeply significant and we should be exploring this.

201. The workplace offers us a great opportunity to observe and not absorb, not only it prevents our bodies from talking the poison from others but also allows for true productivity as our movements are aligned to purpose not taking things personally but offering a reflection for the good of all.

202. How often do we see or expect ‘life’ or people being against us as in rejecting, criticising, disliking, disagreeing etc. This attitude is a set up for reaction !
     We need to change the attitude, i.e. is not preparing for protection but being open to whatever may happen with a solid sense of oneself. The more we deepen within ourselves, holding ourselves with acceptance and appreciation the less we will react to anything as we will be able to recognize it for what it is, i.e. observe and understand it.

203. ‘To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work.’ – To live with stress has become so normal in our society that we seem to think it is ok, with no regards to what it actually does to our body, our health and wellbeing.

204. I have felt very abrupt and rude feedback from some people. I can see that they do not like the reflection they receive from me and to combat this they have to put me down. I can see the ‘game’ that is being played out, and that they do not like that I am not playing the same ‘game’ as they are. I love what I am doing, no matter the task or environment, never complain or “bitch” about others and always have heaps of energy and offer to do what ever is needed.

205. Super blog as we can never get enough reminders on something that can affect us and cause stress and tension in our bodies; taking on other people’s stuff and emotions. For when we take on stuff that is not ours, it is toxic in our bodies. I had this experience only a few months ago when I took on another’s stuff, I did not feel like me, I felt really heavy, wanted to cry, wanted to hide…. was just awful. Needless to say I learned my lesson and am much more discerning, but still a super reminder to: Observe and not Absorb!

206. It does make such a difference to observe not absorb. The feeling in the body when we absorb something can be all consuming with emotion and reaction, it feels awful. The feeling in the body when we observe has a detachment, an acceptance and a distance that allows, supports and holds the situation without an agenda.

207. To be at the mercy of our emotions is destructive and leaves us in a constant state of tension or anxiety. Learning to observe our own emotions and not attach to them releases us from this poison. The Gentle Breath Meditations supports me to be an observer in life, not an absorber of my own and other’s emotions.

208. It’s supportive to be in the presence of one who knows how to give feedback at work. I remember my manager sitting down with me to review a letter I had written in haste following a complaint from a course participant. Without finding fault in what I had written, he gently helped me to see how certain statements might be viewed by the recipient and offered other ways to express myself that would not exacerbate the situation but bring about understanding and learning. It was a tutorial on how to respond to conflict without falling into the trap of reacting, but responding in a neutral and non-emotive way.

209. The Gentle Breath Meditation is such a simple and powerful way to develop this ability to observe and not absorb life around us. It changes everything in life to develop this…

210. I have to share a funny expression about giving someone feedback, for really there is an ART in giving feedback! When one values the qualities a person brings, you can highlight these and share how much these mean to the team, and then it allows the person usually to be more open to areas where they have not perhaps brought these same qualities or areas where they may be ‘weaker’ – ie areas they have not worked on. And so there is an expression that says you deliver feedback as a S*%T sandwhich – in other words you begin by some awesome qualities that the person has, then you deliver what needs to be stepped up/worked on, and then you finish once again with a deep appreciation of the person and their amazing qualities – like a sandwich. NOW… one must be aware that this is not a protocol or formula just to follow like that. One has to genuinely connect with the person in order to feel what they do bring, and what areas they are needing to be supported in to lift their game. Seeing feedback like this makes it more fun.

211. Feedback is an important part of our learning, and this gives us permission to grow on so many levels. However, it is very common for people to struggle with getting any feedback that is not gushing with praise. I know I can certainly struggle with this, and so to me, this does expose that there is a part of me that is very attached to or invested in what I have produced or ‘created’, and that I want others to ‘like’ it. It is like I seek approval from others before actually stopping to give it to myself first. And the most important part is that the focus should never be on what we produce, but rather the focus should be how we are in the moment of the production. The HOW rather than the WHAT is key. And so this helps us realise that it is all about the energy that we are in and that we are choosing – and this in itself de-personalises things and hence teaches us not to take any feedback as criticism, but rather to see it as an opportunity to assess HOW we were with what we did. And so if the HOW feels clear and great, then WHAT is imprinted with that.

212. The power of observation cannot be overlooked and once the choice to observe has been incorporated into life it is life changing. Observation creates space to stay connected or to re-connect to the essence of who we are and others are and not get caught up in what is not true, This blog has been a great reminder and very exposing of the dynamics playing out everyday in which we all play a part. Thank you so much Anon, your expression is deeply appreciated.

213. We are so set up to believe all of our worth is based on what we do outside of us – so when this gets questioned, criticised, pulled up, exposed or commented on, it can feel like a direct attack on who we are, when in truth who we are is not defined by what we do, and therefore we can learn and grow from feedback rather than being defined by it.

214. Yesterday at work was a great opportunity to observe my pull to react about something. While I could feel the reaction I could also consider to simply remove myself from the direct situation until I had a deeper perspective, I had a sense I didn’t fully understand why a decision had been made. Giving space to it allowed for others to offer more clarity and me to let go it needing to be a certain way. Giving space and moving on with something else was very supportive to shift the deeper pull into reaction.

215. De-personalising feedback that we get helps us to truly observe more what is actually being said to us and what there is for us to see in our own work without indignation/ hurt or any other emotional reaction taking over!

216. When others are reacting around us, it can be very powerful and supportive when we are able to observe and remain with our selves, in our stillness. Even if we don’t say anything, energetically, you can feel the situation being diffused rather than inflamed.

217. This blog offers a great blueprint for all businesses to support their staff.

218. With any feedback or reply by another person and our reaction to it we need to take in consideration our own state of being, sensitivity and openness to receive and understand or not as well as where the other person is at and coming from when saying what they are saying. It is never just the words but the place and that means the quality, energy and intention it is coming from.

219. It feels awful when we absorb other people’s stuff. Learning to quietly observe is the key to not taking things on. When we are given feedback regarding our work, can we learn to observe the feedback, the energy in which it is delivered, and most of all ourselves?

220. ‘We can all relate to having ‘bad’ days, but are we aware of how this affects everything we do and the people we interact with?’ I have observed how this unfolds in our lives, that when we are aligned, everything flows beautifully and when we are having a ‘bad’ day everything goes wrong – harmony reflects harmony, so harmony inside creates harmony outside or at least an ability to see disharmony without reacting.

     1. To stay aligned and truly connected with ourselves and the bigger picture we are all part of is indeed the best way to avoid trouble…

221. True feedback is to support our constant evolution. This is always the most loving support if we choose to see it for what it truly offers.

222. The more I am able to not personalise things the simpler my life is in every way.

     1. I totally agree, Vanessa. When we take our selves out of the equation it’s so much easier to see everything as a whole, to read what is truly going on, without any judgment, and to be aware of how things are affecting everyone, not just us.

     2. Yep, that is the game changer Vanessa, when we learn to stop personalising things, this supports us to not absorb, which makes it easier to remain open and observe.

223. When we get caught in stress reaction it not only impacts on ourselves but also those around us, which heightens the situation and makes it ripe for further reaction. Therefore how key is ‘observe and not absorb’ for a consistent, harmonious and productive workplace.

224. Twenty years ago, when you left the office, you left work behind. Since then the boundaries of the work place has totally and utterly changed and now combined with the fact that we live in an ever-international world, the emails come through 24 hours a day. It is imperative that we learn the life skills of managing ourselves amongst all of these energetic packages that are coming into our sphere. Of course on top of all of this is social media. It really is the Wild West and we need to really take care of ourselves, each other and the future generations in supporting a way to live amongst this. I would suggest that very, very few of us are really appreciating the impact that it is having and certainly I am still learning an enormous amount and still trying to navigate my way through these uncharted waters.

225. We only get affected by that which we have meddled in. It is never anything but a choice.

     1. Very wise Michael, for everything is a reflection of very choice we make – yes we are responsible for everything we create.

226. This blog has been super supportive this week with colleagues in having to audit work and deadlines. The willingness to understanding and change ones movements, makes the difference between surrendering and reacting.

227. Beautiful Anonymous. This is pure wisdom about dealing with your hurt. The fact is we are all hurt; and our hurt is the cause of our broken relationships which is the cause of many of our disastrous outcomes. “On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.”

228. You never know what others around you through your day are feeling or going through in their lives, hence why it is important to respect the fact that there may be people around you feeling sensitive.

229. We can have dramas happening all around us and the ability to ‘observe and not absorb’ can be challenging at first, but is way less exhausting.

230. Anonymous, I love how you have demonstrated that we always have a choice. When you received the first feedback on your document, with a looming deadline, it would have been so easy to have allowed the panic to set in and to go into overwhelm and from there ‘giving up’ is just around the corner. Instead, you allowed the space to feel everything, which supported you to stay calm, appreciate all that you had worked on and to question what was really going on. Awesome work.

231. ‘He also thought that perhaps he had been looking at a previous version of the document when he reviewed it the day before.’ …. it shows how just how much we, and our work, can be affected by our emotions that when your colleague was prompted to review his comments on two different days, he/she felt that he/she must have been reviewing two different versions of the same document.

232. Yes, if we do feel hurt by something or someone, there is every opportunity in the moment to acknowledge it and deal with it, and then we are free to move on. But if we identify with the hurt, bury it or go into blame, it keeps running and can spiral into all sorts of dynamics or complications.

     1. A wonderful thing Janet to observe the hurt rather than be the hurt. It is a choice few people know they have, and a blessing when we do.

233. Absolutely Susan. As it is in this humbleness that we are able to truly appreciate the bigger picture and learn some of our biggest lessons in life.

234. The quality of our emotions has a huge impact on everyone, ourselves included. The reality is that we can infect our entire day with the effects of one bad moment and spread the poison of it far and wide. When we allow ourselves to feel the awfulness in the moment, release and move on, we contain the damage to just a very short period of time, claim our responsibility in the situation and actually grow. Life is not perfect but as my mum would say, “there is no need to make a song and dance about it!”

235. Such a valuable lesson when it comes to anything we read at work. I know that I recently reacted to an email I received even though it was not relating to my performance but a request I made. A reminder to read everything energetically before the words.

     1. Yes Michael important to read life energetically but only if we also read ourselves. To react to something is the body signals we are not fully aligned within. Wise to read this and ask ‘Why am I reacting to this?’ “How is this about me?’

        1. Great reminder Kehinde. The true learning comes from reading our own reaction and what comes for us to observe and discard.

236. This is a great blog to read because having read it, later in the day I received an email and it was one that I wanted to reply to instantly in reaction. But having read the blog I stopped left it and pondered over what was actually being said and then was able to go back with a more considered reply. I have noticed how there seems to be a pattern where something is trying to pull me out of myself to go into a reaction over something rather than holding steady and observing what is actually going on.

237. Anonymous, there is so much wisdom in this article, it makes me realise how much emotion and reaction there is in workplaces and how harmful, tiring, unloving and unproductive this makes our workplaces, if we could instead respond rather than react this make a huge difference to how us and our colleagues would feel at work.

238. The first paragraph should start with who has not had some critical feedback! How many people have lived a life as a pinball in the game of life? Years ago, I had a job that required doing a large number annual assessments. My boss would have me correct items on everyone, repeatedly. One year, I sent a past evaluation he had virtually re-writhen himself in the past year and was returned covered in red ink and comments:) When we do not react to others, it gives us an interesting view of the world in which we live!

239. Being aware of our state of being when we give feedback is so important if we want to support another to hear it and be able to respond as we might like them to. From either end, understanding, awareness and the ability to observe and not absorb is key.

240. What I notice from feedback (and I’m talking about negative feedback) is that the initial feeling is that it hurts – there is an ouch that I instinctively want to push away… and hence the myriad of ways that I can do that. However, there is another way… which requires me to stay steady and not withdraw or shy away from the situation. When I manage that one of two things happens… either I’m open to the learning or I can see its not me at all but the other person playing something out. Either way it becomes a positive experience with some real gold.

241. A reaction to perceived criticism, combined with panic about the looming time frame, can be there so quickly that it can be very difficult to take a step back and get the whole picture. It seems that we all have a version of not being good enough in us that has to be healed before these things don’t touch us anymore, before we can truly “observe and not absorb”, as presented by Serge Benhayon.

242. This is deeply empowering to the individuals you are working with Jane. To stand back and observe brings the space to see things differently.

243. Reacting to life and to others is a all too common way to be. For myself I know that I have justified my reaction because of my hurts and often wanted to blame the other and make myself the victim. But stopping to observe more it becomes easier to not react, as much, and I am able to take greater responsibility for my reaction and bring a greater understanding to the situation and the other person.

244. This is a great lesson for us all to remember, ” observe don’t absorb”. I have had some great opportunities just recently to put this into action in my life!

245. In the lack of self-acceptance, the spirit will grab onto whatever it can find in order to create an issue that does not exists but which will give us an excuse for us to react and delay that which is our natural flow of our evolution, and so we will seek recognition and the need to constantly be confirmed by another instead of walking in the glory and absoluteness of who we are.

246. ‘ To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work.’ This applies to all areas of life!. It’s so wise to be honest, to admit when I’ve reacted and just clock what went on. To have a few moments where I reconnect with myself. Today was super busy with people calling for attention left, right and centre. And though I had a few moments I remembered I didn’t have to add to the demands and create stress. So much more able to return to myself and feel at ease than I would have done a few months ago. A big part has been for me to say, yes to whatever is needed and what still needs to get done but had to be put aside, will be for another day.

247. Observe and not absorb is key here – I have been watching this play out in my office, and the fact that we can choose to react to how someone is behaving, or we can see that everyone allows an energy through them which is healing or harming. And in that choice, we will communicate in totally different ways.

248. That’s immensely inspiring Jane. I have been practicing observing and I am with you on the fact that it is indeed a powerful thing to do. The power of observation makes us feel more open, understanding and actually closer to people. I have been learning so much about myself, life and other people by observing more.

249. ‘I have also been reminded of my responsibility with regards to my own energetic quality in every moment, to ensure that I can observe and not absorb and therefore, respond not react.’ This is hugely important as our reactions colour our perceptions, therefore we are not able to truly discern situations.

250. What a great exercise Jane in supporting others to have space between them and a reaction! This really is a process of learning though as learning to observe doesn’t happen overnight, but simply giving oneself permission to a have a go is already incredibly empowering.

251. I have learned not to trust my head when I receive criticism, constructive or otherwise because my head is always ready to take full blame.

     Universal Medicine has supported me to develop a way of living which is very compassionate and loving; it has been and can be called “The Way of the Livingness”; by following my inner heart I am actually learning from difficult things that happen instead of mostly bashing myself and setting myself back over small ‘mistakes’.

     I am getting so much better at allowing myself to feel what is coming up in me and stay steady in myself, knowing there is nothing wrong with me, life is not about perfection and this is just another opportunity to learn.

252. By staying steady and unattached you allowed for what could have been a messy interaction, the space to dissipate and go no further.

253. Getting caught up in reaction leaves me spinning in a very stormy sea at the mercy of the next wave rather than when I stay steady and open, observing what is at play, and therefore able to understand what is going on and respond and support from there

     1. Very true Matilda. If we react we can lose our ground and lose our ability to observe.

     2. Love this analogy Matilda – do we abandon ship at the first sign of a few waves or remain steady at the tiller reading the weather and charting a true course?

254. When we react we allow ourselves to get drawn into the emotion of the situation, we give our power away and loose our ability to read what is truly going on.

255. ‘On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.’ – I love what you share here, Anonymous, it’s absolute gold. Rather than trying to avoid the hurt, which hardens the body and shuts us down, to a certain extent, by remaining open, you were able to feel ALL that there was to feel, meaning, along with your hurt, you felt the amazingness of all that you are and all that you are a part of, equally you were able to feel the difference in both responses from your colleague and knew exactly how to respond with wisdom, knowing they too are a part of the same whole.

256. It is well worth astutely bringing focus to the quality in which we express, move, talk or pause in any moment of the day

257. I have noticed that once I get caught in reaction, it is a slippery slope with actions that roll on and grow like a snowball. So learning to catch and stop the reaction, sometimes I take a breath and pause before doing anything. That gives the space to feel what is happening and then we can feel what to say or do.

258. Giving ourselves space to observe and reflect on our behaviours and any reactions they may be stemming from is a very loving gesture towards oneself and equally all others.

     1. Absolutely Abby, our reactions are cues, they say more about ourselves than they do the other or situation. What a great opportunity to accept the responsibility of what is being shown.

259. The power of observing and not absorbing has the power to change the world.

260. The world of work is sadly very loaded with the notion and pressure of performing constantly at one’s optimum and well beyond that. The pressure we don’t even realise we take on is huge. So to let go of this as you have described here is inspiring and very powerful.

261. All day long, we find ourselves in reactions, receiving reactions, and sometimes not knowing how to handle reactions. How do we
     Know if what we are seeing is true, or a reaction? It can only come from observing life and not being caught up in it.

262. Life is so much more enjoyable if I allow myself to observe a situation and not immediately take it on.. it allows me the space to see what part I may have played in creating the situation, and if I am honest with myself I can bring a greater understanding and then express from what I have felt rather than the reaction that can be so easily triggered.

263. This is brilliant exposé of how much time and energy we waste reacting to things that are nothing to do with us at all, internalising negative feedback rather than simply reading the energy.

264. What service are we bringing if one critical email causes our determination and self worth to crumble? You could call this a need to develop ’emotional resilience’ to withstand these things, but actually the key is to APPRECIATE everything we do and have a platform that is unshakable.

     1. An unshakeable platform built on a quiet, solid relationship with ourselves in which we know, appreciate and value our innate qualities… I am saying yes to that, Susie.

     2. Beautiful Susie, I’ve never connected to the term ’emotional resilience’ but absolutely buy-in to what you say here ‘ APPRECIATE everything we do and have a platform that is unshakable’ Awesome.

265. Yes, to ..”letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react…” gives a pause or space to process and gather a clearer impression of the more of what is going on… and consequently, the ‘knee-jerk’ reaction does not happen.

266. Letting our emotions boil away unexpressed ultimately leads to us blowing our top, usually at our ‘nearest and dearest’. The healing begins with the willingness to take a step back, acknowledge, feel the hurt and engender a space where we can see our responsibility in the situation too, thus dismantling the usual victim/aggressor dynamic with startling ease.

267. When you start to see the world as a constant conversation of energy, it stops you from thinking that the projects and tasks that will get you somewhere. They don’t at all. It’s the quality of energy you live, and let come through your body that is the true work, we are here to do. If you are au fait with the energy in what people say you won’t be upset or taken aback. Through consistently choosing to move with connection – this is how we build true Love in this world. Thank you Anonymous.

268. In the same way receiving an email or text can allow us to ‘spin off’ into reaction, so too can the writing of such a communication be charged with reaction, turning missive into missile. Equally, measured and beautiful communications, and responses, are possible – as said, it’s all about the quality.

269. I’ve been on the receiving end of a strong reaction to feedback. It made reflect on myself and also what was a going on for the other person. Was the element of truth too stark to be received and what was their emotional state at the time? On my part, I observed that timing of feedback plays a part too as is the way in which it is offered. If tinged with judgement or criticism it is likely to be flung back at you. Continuing to appreciate and love another as you express what needs to be said is at the heart of feedback that is received and understood.

     1. Yes Susan, life is a constant reflection of where we are with ourselves. To receive a strong reaction can be seen as a positive means we learn from it. Instead of pulling back or becoming defensive, we can instead drop into more love keeping open the connection with another. It can also reveal something about the other person we may not have been aware of their sensitivities, tensions and insecurities and offer an opportunity to support not judge..

        1. Beautiful Susan. Staying open and reading our movements as they happen, supports us to see the whole picture.

        2. Absolutely they do. It’s as if our Soul steps in to say hey, what about this? Nominating what is there to be seen, takes you to the next level of awareness and understanding. When we play with life like this we get to enjoy it so much more.

270. It is really interesting to observe the way we react or respond to emails and written communication in contrast to the way we react or respond to having someone express face to face. Written communication carries an imprint of a particular moment and this reminds me how important it is to be present and connected when we communicate this way.

     1. Yes Leonne, I’m sure we have all had an email or two that has an unpleasant feel to it, anger, resentment, abusive, how we write is no different to how we are when in person with someone.

271. Our workplaces are awesome environments to learn about ourselves and to develop within – a microcosm of the world. There is often so much going on that to remain steady within ourselves is the first learning and priority!

     1. Precisely – every aspect of life presents an opportunity for learning and growth.

272. What I have been realising recently is that if everything is energy first then there is no such thing as ‘my’ work and this has really helped me to not take things so personally when people comment or react to what I am saying, writing etc.

     1. Beautiful. Thank you Andrew.

273. We are never going to be able to change everything that happens around us yet we always have a choice how we are going to deal with it. We can either react adding more tension to the issue, or we can as you say observe and respond in a way that can bring acceptance and understanding.

274. Life is definitely what you make it and because we don’t recognise Reincarnation and Karma as a fact, we act as victims and react emotionally at what life dishes out to us, not recognising that life is merely reflecting our own behaviour patterns and it is us who are given the opportunity to change.

275. Observe and not absorb, is something I am working on also and learning to receive what is there instead of seeing what is there and not reading it from what I’ve felt first.

276. Quite often our default can be, “Ive stuffed up, done something wrong” (which is part of our obsession with getting things right and/or wrong), but what you are offering us here is to not go into that automatic mode and to stay as present as we can with ourselves, and feel the quality of energy of the interaction, and what is felt in our bodies. I find that tricky at times if I am honest, as I am used to going into reaction. But I am working on it because the times when I observe, I am much less at the mercy of what is going on.

277. Quite a life changing blog if the world put this into practice.

278. As an employer it is absolutely wonderful to work with people where we all give each other feedback and do not take it personally. There is a huge joy in working together as a team with a common purpose where we do not bring in “our stuff” and it is not about me, or you and no identification or ownership as to what each one of us does. We all love, trust and respect each other and work as one contributing with our different strengths. We delight in what happens whether it is some amazing thing we have done or written as a team or some oops moment that we all learn and grow from.

     1. Susan I have seen you and the people who work with you in action and you are the same. It makes work an absolute joy and certainly redefines what many ascribe to the word work.

     2. This is inspirational for team work Nicola, no comparison or competing, making it about me or you. Having love, trust and respect with each other… you are all a role model for team work.

        1. Thanks Ruth. Don’t know why it is not the way everyone works – it is such a joy, so much fun and magic becomes a normal part of every day!

279. When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings instead of jumping in with reactions, we allow a pause and the opportunity for changes to take place. By feeling a hurt and holding ourselves as you describe, we are not resisting it and moving against the tide causing a tension. When we return to the truth that “everything is energy, therefore, everything is BECAUSE of energy” we can easily learn to observe not absorb, because we understand the game of hurts and reactions energetically.

280. When we react to a situation we then carry those emotions into the next moment and that can create a false impression – someone may think we are being rude even though that is not our intention, it is just that our actions are us not being fully ourselves but in an emotional turmoil that creates tension in our body that makes our voice sound sharp.

     1. True Carmel. A great reminder that our state of being determines the quality of expression that comes through us.

281. Observing and not absorbing at work is something I am dealing with in my current workplace, which is not only new, it has tight timeframes to deliver a project. When I absorb something someone has said, or go into reaction rather than staying steady, I lose my sense of steadiness and then it feels like I get knocked around because I’ve moved away from what I know my centre to be. When I observe, it is the total opposite. My new environment is certainly putting me to the test.

     1. Super cool Jane. I love the fact that, once we experience dealing with whatever is happening around us with steadiness we know that this is actually possible. I am finding that it is great to look back and observe what has led to that moment of steadiness – a moment to appreciate the stones we built up to that moment. Likewise, reflecting on the previous steps that have led to a situation where we find ourselves not holding the steadiness we have experienced.

282. A great little experiment that shows us that we cannot control how another lives or responds on any one day. And therefore, for our own well-being is to observe and understand and therefore not be swept into another’s current.

     1. Yes and often when one remains steady and unaffected, as in not adding to the reaction that could otherwise accelerate into a more intense situation for everyone, it begins to diffuse. Energy is communicating in every moment.

        1. Totally true that energy accumulates, we can feed a frenzy or feed a returning to calm. It really is up to us.

     2. Well said Rosanna – it shows that there are two worlds we can come from – that of response or that of reaction. And this rule is valid for each and every one of us.

283. I work in a busy frontline services job role a while ago I became aware I was absorbing alot from the day. I had a rash on my stomach and yawned continually on the way home from work feeling alot lighter afterwards. When I realised why, I focussed on staying with my body, feeling my hands and feet, how my body was moving, it’s posture etc, and fairly quickly the rash disappeared and then the yawning stopped. Learning to observe from staying with my body was and is a great learning.

     1. Great example ruthketnor, it is not surprising that absorbing others emotions can make us ill. We are yet to appreciate just how much taking on what is not ours to deal with can make us sick.

     2. Fabulous example of what we can do for ourselves, how important it is to stay connected to our bodies.

     3. Brilliant Ruth. Reconnecting to our body is the key ingredient in observation. Observing how we feel in the world as opposed to looking out from just our eyes and interpreting what we see with our minds.

284. Love your blog and observations Anonymous – in the past I have reacted also unfavourably and slipped into old beliefs of not being good enough etc etc; the fact that I am also practising to observe and not absorb, makes for one these types of communications/feedbacks much easier to handle and for the other, to come away from the ‘me’ and observe the all including where that communication came from.

285. I have learnt so many lessons at work. Learning not to react to feedback is a big one.

     1. Me too Debra. I have been on many courses recently in which feedbacks of our ‘performances’ are given all of the time. Learning to learn (pun intended!) from them has been incredible.

     2. Yes – this is a big one to learn and in many ways, I am still learning it. Letting go of investments in what ‘I do’ and being seen to be doing it ‘right’ goes a long way in mastering this lesson!

286. To observe and not absorb is such a supportive way to live for us all. By taking on another’s ‘stuff’ we are letting ourselves get caught up in what is in effect the drama of another’s life, rather than simply allowing both the other and ourselves to be. We are all travelling the same path, but may be at different points along that path, so the most support we can give another in any situation is to simply respect where they are at.

287. Anonymous although I agree with you when you say “What I could feel clearly through this experience is that we take every moment of the day to our next activity”, my experience is that I can change the way that I am feeling quite radically by changing how my body is feeling. For example if I am feeling frustrated then if I go to hug someone and commit to surrendering my body into the hug, then this kind of re-boots my system and ensures that I don’t take frustration into the hug and beyond.

288. Reaction leads to reaction and inaction as far as reaction goes leads to further inaction.

289. With so much time spent at work there are so many opportunities within it to learn from what comes up. Developing the ability to not react to what happens really is what makes this possible and then it’s an experience to appreciate.

290. I can still remember in my youth being told my best was not good enough. Does this rejection leave early scars, yep! It becomes effortless to not absorb from others when we have contracted from life. Losing one’s armour and no longer being affected by others allows us to be more amore with our self and all others!

291. Anonymous, what you are sharing here could be life changing, choosing to respond and not react is huge, if we read the energy of the communication, had understanding of where someone maybe at and where we are at and then respond and from here this could take away the drama in workplaces, bring understanding and make our workplaces much more harmonious and productive.

292. Reading energy is key in staying open and transparent as if we don’t we will be drawn into the emotions, something we we are not, and get lost in the miasma these emotions are bringing to us.

293. To observe and not absorb is very much supported by an attitude of respect towards each other, i.e. we let ourselves and another be for who and where we are at, accepting the imperfections and appreciating the qualities. Respect is a choice, a posture I can take, a willingness to be with people and with it comes observation and unfoldment.

294. When we react or absorb stuff it is an abuse our bodies don’t need, sure we can live in reaction for years but is it really doing us any good?

     1. If I am honest reactions are not doing us any good as they cause turmoil in the body and overshadow the stillness that naturally is within. But my mind can sometimes be stubborn and arrogant when it persuades to be right and in that state of being I easily tend to react and fortunately I am not like that for years.

     2. Definitely not doing our bodies any good as it is in constant reactive mode and on high alert – very stressful and tiring and also not allowing for clarity of any sort …

295. Anyone who does not respect another or criticises another must hold the same disrespect and judgement towards themselves. So it is important to read how we feel and how others are. If we react, we have taken on what they are putting out.

296. We are very sensitive beings and can instantly feel when someone is upset with us, even from a distance. The more we remember that “everything is because of energy”, the more we give our selves the space to observe the situation. Often the observation alone sets a completely different tone to the ensuing conversation with remarkable results.

297. When we invest in doing a “good” job then when someone gives us feedback that we don’t like it is very difficult to accept it because of the investment that we have. We need to learn to work in a way where we do not need recognition or acceptance. Then it is easy to receive feedback.

298. Wonderful Anonymous what you have describe in your honest blog is to learn to observe or to not take things to personal. Often it is more easy to react as the reaction is like a release but most of us are not aware of the energetic effect this will have. I love that you put your finger on this topic and made it more transparent as if more people get an understanding that everything is energy I am sure they would start to change their behavior.

299. Very true. I know that when I feel the bigger picture there is no self at that moment and therefore the personal issues and openings for reactions are not there and seem so insignificant. The feeling is more a feeling of holding a quality that is true and one that supports a moving forward whether others choose to go there or not.

300. “Often we want to avoid feeling any hurt and we react by hardening ourselves as a form of protection: we get frustrated, we lash out, we might withdraw” – reactions are such saboteurs of relationship.. If we started to become more honest and admit to what quality we are giving off, and equally respond with openness or encouragement if the other person can feel that [quality] from us, then relationship would be relationships, and not just two people who happen to be together forming some sort of connection.

     1. I agree Zofia. Staying open and not taking things personally gives space for relationships to develop.

301. I am appreciating more and more how taking things personally just feeds the emotional web and holds us back from expressing the wisdom that is there for us to share.

     1. Well said – treating things personally is also such an arrogance really isn’t it – as if everything has to do with us all of the time … To learn and practise to not take things personally, to take a breath and observe and feel in truth- makes an enormous difference as to how we will perceive life and all that comes with it.

302. Technology provides us with instant communication, which has it’s own challenges as not only are we able to write to another in our reaction to something, we also receive messages loaded with emotion. What you are presenting here is the difference between being drawn into the emotion of the situation, which is incredibly draining and generally very unproductive, or addressing the situation with love and wisdom, offering an enormous healing to everyone.

303. Being able to keep a little space between what is going on in front of us allows to feel what is true in that instance… as soon as we get sucked in we lose that perspective and the Truth can feel hard to find. It’s just a tiny bit of space needed, but it’s the most important one in our lives!

304. The way I see it is that if I am not on a growing edge within my role then I am simply coasting in comfort. If there is nothing left to learn what am I doing in that job? If there is no constructive feedback from my manager there is nothing to support my growth. I am always open to hearing how I can improve. It’s arrogant to assume there is no room for improvement.

305. It is well worth the effort of considering everything and not going into an immediate knee jerk reaction. This approach has certainly saved me from blowing a few fuzes. When we bring understanding to the situation it opens the whole thing up and no longer becomes personal.

     1. Key word is ‘personal’ – not taking things personal but truly discern what is being presented makes a huge difference to ourselves and all around as well,

306. All too often we can take feedback personally and then we get hurt….and this part is super revealing on what we then do with the hurt: “Often we want to avoid feeling any hurt and we react by hardening ourselves as a form of protection: we get frustrated, we lash out, we might withdraw. ” – a classic attempt to bury the hurt instead of simply feeling it, expressing it with vulnerability and then learning from it and moving on! Easy to say but not always easy to do, though it is simple to do and equally so freeing to do too….ah the freedom of being honest and vulnerable!

307. A beautiful sharing Anon! And helps us all in seeing that there is indeed another way to be with things, that we do not need to be caught up in the emotional dramas that can be so easy to fall into when we are not fully ourselves.

308. Email correspondence absolutely calls for deep discernment and remaining very open to observe and not absorb. I agree the filters of truly assessing what is going on seem to be missing when things go through the internet. It’s up to the sender and the receiver to use wisdom and love when communicating this way other wise it is a fertile place for misinterpretation and personalisation to twist what is being presented.

309. When feathers are ruffled and we feel oppressed then in allowing the space for things to naturally unfold the energy can shift as we all get to feel the expression, which we can align to thus adding support. So it could be a “bad day” or simply that when we put out a reflection for the world even in a simple email then we all get a chance to align thus the energy shifts and things become different so we can observe the same thing without the same reaction? Could it be a package of energy can take time to go through any-ones filters then causing a shift in their perspective takes space and thus because their body now moves in a way that aligns to a deeper reflection they see things differently?

310. We have a big responsibility with our choice to either react and hurt ourselves and others around us or respond and offer everyone a healing.

     1. Love this – react and hurt or respond and offer healing – simple and so true.

311. So brilliant Anonymous, when I read the opening words of this blog – everything about me related to the situation you described. The more I contemplated what you offered the more I could see that this happens in every area of my life. When I see what people say as just the words and take life at ‘face value’ I am gone – when I observe and feel energy I am free as a bird. The choice and way forward is clear.

312. When we personalise things we lose all perspective and everything becomes much greater and emotional. It’s an absolute joy to start to be free of this way of reacting.

313. This also exposes the importance of reading situations first and seeing energy at play. In the past I have not been very good at this and instead would go into a form of reaction but now I am slowly starting to do this more and more. Reading situations or space (rooms etc) first not only supports us to observe and not absorb but also gives us a greater understanding of what is truly going on. It is also interesting that you had 2 different responses from the same person on the same document at different times in the day it would be interesting to know what times of the day i.e are we clearer and more focused in the morning and not so clear and focused in the afternoon? It also exposes a lack of consistency, quality and steadiness throughout the day .. I can definitely put my hand up for this one! Still very much work in progress to read situations, not absorb and stay steady and consistent throughout the day in the same quality I started the day in.

314. Oh I can so relate only yesterday I got an email and reacted to what I could feel in it, it took a walk round the block and some connection time with friends to get me totally back.
     Learning to not take things personally is a forever developing process but attribute that is worth its wait in gold. We spend far to much time and energy reacting when life is always calling us to be more.

315. Responding to life is not a choice we make in our minds, its established from a deep sense of commitment we choose to live with.

316. We tend to identify with our reactions and say ‘That’s just who I am’ but we are not our reactions, they are simply behaviours we adopt when we don’t understand the energy that is running us. What has helped me to be less reactive is to understand the underlying hurt that I am being reminded of.

317. There is a great learning to be had in our life when we begin to consider that how people are in and live in life leaves an imprint on our world and this imprint of energy is what we live in every day. To get caught up in the sea of emotions of others has been what we do, but what is presented here is the very real fact that we do not have to remain in this pattern, for that is absorbing what is around us. Where with much love, understanding and awareness we can begin to live from what is within us and observe what is happening around us. Responding then becomes how we move in our day, with reaction and defence becoming a thing of the past.

318. Reading this is truly a stop moment. It clearly exposes the responsibility we all have. We very quickly lash out and react in life, essentially affecting everyone with our own pent up emotions. Yet as this article shows, there is no need to do this and that it actually harms everyone when we do. In my experience, having a deep knowing of my own steadiness and appreciating it in full is a great support when it comes to responding to each situation.

319. I once received a message asking for my help on a work project, not only was the text message itself full of stress, the words ‘I am desperate’ were included. Before I even read the message I felt myself go into an anxiousness and after reading it, I felt a great sense of complexity come in around what I should do; because I felt torn between what was right for me and what someone else really needed.. A small example perhaps but it was quite full on at the time! To make my decision, I needed to put the phone down and take myself for a little walk around the house before I could see through the emotional fog, the complexity and find my conclusion.

320. I often find that if I was not 100% with myself and giving a task my all, or was seeking recognition from another when doing it, if I get critical feedback I can get more defensive because a part of me knows that whatever the resulting mistake, it can be partially due to my choice not to be all of me in what I was doing – I am learning how this doesn’t have to be a criticism but a learning.

     1. My experience is showing me that we 100% of the time have something to learn from any given situation especially if someone is being critical. When I’m present then I’m actually more open and attentive than normal when these things happen, scenting that there is an opportunity for growth.

     2. Very well put Rebecca – not a criticism but a learning – how awesome if we all can view feedbacks in this way – our learning what grows exponentially 🙂

        1. I agree Karina – sometimes it takes me a little while and I often go away and feel into what has been said and realise it is not a criticism or something that confirms me as a bad person, but an opportunity to learn.

321. I have learnt over the years that staying true to our connection and being able to read and observe others allows us to remain open and honest in all interactions. We can learn so much more about ourselves and others when we let go of protection and open up to the unfolding relationships we have with people everyday.

322. Learning to not react to anything that happens to us in our life is so beneficial not only to us as individuals but to all involved.

     1. Yes as reactions often tend to lash out at others, coming with an energy deeply harmful to self and those it is directed at; responding instead offers stillness first and then clarity which in turn can be a healing for involved.

323. You bring a very simple equation to life here that we, if applied, would all benefit from.

     1. When something is not simple it is not from Heaven. The choice is ours to apply it everyday 24/7 and live in this way.

324. This goes to show how important it is not to take feedback personally.

     1. Spot on Leonne – though of course this is not always easy to do when we have invested in something and are expecting an outcome of sorts. But what I love about what is revealed here in this blog is the fact that no matter what our communication with another, it will be ‘flavoured’ by how we are in life in general and how we are in that given moment (are we stressed or are we settled and calm etc etc)…and this is the important part to understand about ourselves as well as the other person. And so communication becomes an art, an art of understanding self and another!

     2. Yes to receive feedback, let it settle, feel the clarity of it and then respond with this clarity so it can be of benefit for all concerned, including our selves.

325. Reactions create so much wasted energy just from the contraction and hardening of our body as a protective and defensive mechanism so as to not feel unwanted emotions. This is a movement that is deeply harming to ourselves and others when re-acting to our reaction. No wonder we are so exhausted or having sleepless nights at the end of the day with this endless cycle of reactions playing out.
     “On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react”.

326. It is really a vicious cycle when we lose ourselves in reaction to someone else’s reaction and so on; this is a very familiar way of how life seems to be – at work in family, relationship, politics etc To figure a way of observing and not reacting is like stopping a chain reaction not just for oneself but everyone in the chain.

327. We have to detach from the truth in order to go into reaction, which makes it almost impossible to see the evolution that is being offered to us in each and every moment. The world is in constant reaction which is why it’s so out of kilter.

     1. I love how clearly you state this Alexis:” We have to detach from the truth in order to go into reaction, which makes it almost impossible to see the evolution … ” This is such a valuable insight for all of us. So we can really look into what lies behind the reaction – what button got touched that we have not looked at, where have we not been with ourselves in truth, or left our selves for a moment. Once we reconnect to our innermost we then can view what has been delivered from a point of stillness, which then offers clarity and truth again and then we can respond in a way that is healing for all.

328. Those four words ‘observe and not absorb’, given to us by Serge Benhayon, are so simple and yet hold the key to how we can live with each other harmoniously in the world.

     1. Indeed so Janet – and like he sometimes uses also the analogy – “being a fish in water without getting wet”

329. When we react our thoughts escalate and can often consume us but because they are are not verbally expressed we think this is ok and no harm is done. The truth is reactions are felt whether they are verbally expressed or not. Observing and not absorbing is one of the most powerful tools we have and allows us to receive clarity about a situation that we would not normally have.

330. It is my experience that when I react to something, I disconnect from my ability to feel and sense what is truly happening. What I do when I am aware of this, is to put any replies on hold until I can regain my sense of objectiveness and can respond more appropriately.

331. To allow another’s feedback in allows for a space to read and understand not only our own hurts and reactions but also another’s quality and sometimes reactions.

332. I have reacted also to a piece of music before, saying I don’t like it but on getting to hear it when I was in a different mood or more connected to myself my feeling about it was quite different. So I guess anything out out a reaction needs to be looked at again when the waters have stilled.

333. Anonymous, this is really helpful; ‘On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.’ I have in the past reacted to emails and gone into self doubt about what was written, believing it to be true rather than having the understanding that the person writing it could be having a bad day. I can feel how in life if we respond and not react then life would be much more steady without all of the ups and downs and we could stay confident in who we are and simply learn from situations.

334. Referring back to the stillness in my body has become an excellent tool when having to have tricky or sensitive conversations with people. I find it establishes a spaciousness that supports open conversation and empowers both parties to respectfully resolve the issue.

335. Anonymous, there is always a learning with every reaction we experience, and easy to say sometimes and not do – but understanding situations makes us far wiser and loving.

336. I find I’m more likely to react or be irritable when tired, or at the end of a long day. Being aware of this supports me to take breaks during the day and care of myself. I always write important emails in the early morning and sometimes, if something is contentious, park the email and return to it the next day to read again before sending.

337. This week I’ve opened up to the honesty of feeling the hurts behind receiving negative feedback; how raw I felt and feared the feeling of shame. It highlighted how much I’ve tried to hide from critical feedback to the point of being sensitive even when it’s delivered lovingly and for my benefit.

     I haven’t appreciated myself from when I was small. This was reflected in how my qualities went ignored or criticised. It suited me to not read the situation: how my qualities could not be seen by those around me because if they were acknowledged, then the person acknowledging them would have a hard time continuing to justify their misery. I abandoned myself – what I brought to express obviously wasn’t making a difference I thought. I chose to believe the criticisms and that there was something wrong with me. I chose to do whatever it took to be recognised and approved, so desperate was I for any resemblance of love. Giving my power away in this way meant each negative critique aroused a sense of shame which I had believed and blamed others for instilling in me from the criticism I received. But, as I write this, what if it’s a sense of knowing I turned my back on God and the divinity in me that is given for us all to shine?

338. When we absorb, we go straight into the ill energy that has caused us to react in the first place, further inflaming the situation, allowing our hurt to fester, leaving us open to further future ‘attacks’.
     When we observe we have the opportunity to feel the truth of what is going on and can choose to allow the space for the other person to connect with the truth within themselves also, without judgment.

339. Observing allows us to take a step back, to objectively read what is at play, and to come to an understanding of the situation. When people feel understood, emotions defuse.

340. “We can all relate to having ‘bad’ days, but are we aware of how this affects everything we do and the people we interact with?” – so true, such is the comfort in not (wanting) to feel the energy we are in and thus leaving behind in our wake .. like a scent of perfume that lingers where we walk… for others to love and enjoy or be put off and revolted by.

341. Love how by feeling what you truly felt Anonymous, it allowed you to remain open and then to respond to the situation… and when we respond, rather than react, there is very little to no complication – it makes life so much simpler and harmonious for everyone.

342. ‘we are constantly offered the opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through observing and not absorbing.’ – by staying with yourself and observing the situation, you honoured yourself in sharing your feelings with your colleague, without judgment, giving them the opportunity to consider their initial feedback to you and the space to recognise that it was not a true reflection of how they felt about your work. A beautiful healing for you both and a powerful example of how everything matters, however insignificant it may feel at the time, and ALL of our choices have consequences.

343. This would apply in all situations and relationships that offers us feedback and the quality that is not driven by emotions but a willingness for us to gather a deep understanding of the situation.

344. I recall many years ago as a junior nurse having a patient speak to me in a way that I felt hurt by. In that moment I was not able to ‘soldier on’, I just broke down into tears and had to sit for about 15 minutes to let this pass. As I reflect on that I see no how beautiful that moment was, because it was a confirmation of my own sensitivity and how I did not hold that in. Yes I reacted, but I let go of that hurt immediately. We were also more delicate with each other after that.

345. This year I am seeing some very strong reactions to feedback in the workplace. It seems like people are only just coping and then the feedback tips them over the edge. This makes it very difficult as a manager to give feedback! What has been described in the article feels spot on. The reactions are the ‘go to’ solutions for when a person feels threatened and can’t cope with the hurt.

346. When we accept our gift of reading, and practice this as our living way, we take ourselves out of the firing line for all the emotions that try to fill our space.

347. I love how observing takes the judgement out and allows us to read what is going on for the other and have an understanding.

348. Reacting to what others express is like reacting to the weather. We are letting our way of being be determined by something that is out of our hands.

     1. I love the absolute sense that this offers it brings it all into perspective.

     2. This is a very good example but even with the weather we feel we have a right to do so. I always thought that being influenced by the weather and being affected by it (for me especially mood wise) was normal, but got to understand, through the presentation by Serge Benhayon, and little by little feel and experience that this does not have to be this way, that I actually have an inner quality that I can always bring to life that has nothing to do with the outer circumstances.

349. I enjoyed reading how you constantly checked in with how you were feeling in order not to let things snowball. It’s very true we can end up at the end of the day either overloaded, stressed or upset when we forget to stand back and allow a bit of space as you did in this example.

350. The responsibility we all have to not react is enormous and the understanding you share is beautiful to remind us all of the harm to our bodies and everyone around us by doing this it causes.The knowing of taking time to pause and read what is going on makes so much difference and something that would be amazing as part of our learning and education.

351. I, too, realise the importance of what feeling or emotion i am taking into one moment from another. This is such powerful observation and can affect our communications so much. Moments are so powerful and can add up to an awesome feeling of connection or a feeling of negativity and reaction. Thank you for sharing.

352. Imagine if we really were able to observe life and not absorb it on a mass scale… the world would look and feel entirely different. The beauty is that there are role models out there who are really living it… what an inspiration they are!

353. Dear Anonymous, this is a great sharing. I really enjoyed how you allowed yourself to feel the hurt when you received the reaponse and remained open instead of hardening up in protection. This insight has inspired me to take this more consistently into my life.

354. I have noticed with individuals who do as your write ‘observe’ and do not ‘absorb’ or ‘react’, not only are they more at ease with life, but they also have a wonderful harmonious effect on everyone around them.

355. I had my annual review recently and was given a huge amount of feedback by my manager. The constructive feedback that she gave me was extremely valuable in that it exposed for me the areas where I need to improve. I know that there is growth available for me in these areas, not just in my role at work but also generally in life. I totally embraced what she said even though it was hard to hear. It would have been easy to take offence or disagree, but this would have been losing out on a valuable opportunity to evolve and grow. This is what keeps life interesting. If we are not prepared to grow then what is the purpose of life?

356. When we react we need to look at ourselves and our own involvement rather than the perceived instigator.

     1. Absolutely Michael, when we react a neon arrow should light up above our head that says ‘ take a look at why you have gone into reaction, because you are the origin of the reaction, not the other person’.

357. The time we give to taking a moment to observe and see what is truly going on, is time worth spent.

358. Once realising this …” letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react…” is the greatest gift and ‘U-turn’ to Surrender that we can give ourselves.

359. This is very good to remind us to read the other person and where they are coming from – to have the same person review a piece of work twice but with different reactions each time shows how much or our mood we project onto our work and all our communications.

360. I used to react very badly to criticism from anyone, especially in the work place where we can pride ourselves on doing our best, or was it that I thought I did better than others and took the criticism as an insult? Interestingly now I can observe it for what it is when criticised, and can feel where the quality of the energy is that it has been given in. This diffuses any reactions immediately.

361. From my experience, I can tell when the feedback I have received is to truly support me, even if it is uncomfortable.

362. ‘To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work.’ Yes – I am becoming much more aware of the bigger picture and how in reacting we are harming to a large extent. Being observant without taking it on means we can hold steady and read what is going on providing space between us and the issue. Not only do we benefit but we offer a steadiness and consistency to all around us supporting others to feel that there is a different way and that we don’t have to get caught up in drama.

363. I had a similar, but different thing happen this week where every single one of my colleagues and including myself went into self doubt about a situation and judged ourselves based on an outcome, or more to the point a potential outcome. We all felt bad for what we could not do, rather than see what we did do and confirm that what was done was actually really incredible and an expression of community, team work, dedication, commitment and essentially love. When we go into this in automatic pilot, we actually can’t see the amazingness we have each delivered in detail, in fact we can’t see it at all.

364. Yes there is a responsibility in any interaction to take ownership of how you are when you respond and to ensure you are not bringing other issues into a fresh situation. Therefore, being aware of how our body feels and having an ongoing relationship with that awareness gives an opportunity to be more aware of any reactions. This should be part and parcel of our life education

365. An inspiring blog Anonymous – to be in awareness of a feeling generated in our body from any communication with others, whether written or spoken, brings the opportunity to choose a pause and response, rather than getting pulled straight back into a reaction, which just magnifies the whole thing out of proportion.
     “I do have a choice as to whether I respond or whether I react to such feedback”.

366. This is a very clear example of what can happen when we take things personally and make it all about us as the individual, rather than seeing that there may be other things at play, by stepping back from the microscope so to say this gives us all an opportunity to look at all the angles and realise that it is not always about us; that the other person may be struggling with all sorts of issues that we have no clue about.

367. Great example demonstrating how differently we can respond to something, work or otherwise, depending on where we are at and how it is vital to read situations and not go into reaction. So much wasted energy and sometimes irreparable harm can be done when we over-react to receiving feedback that we perceive as negative.

368. It goes without saying that all reaction is the root cause of all illness and disease

369. By reacting to anothers behaviour or comments, will simply add fuel to the fire. However by responding from a place of steadiness and truth, we can offer an opportunity for the other to reflect on how they have communicated which can and ususally does lead to a much clearer and mutual understanding and appreciation of each other.

370. Taking a moment not to react to an email or a text message particularly if we have received it late in the day when we are tired is essential if we are to give ourselves the space to observe.

371. Often when I have reacted to an email it is because I have not stopped to really read what is being said. When I go back to read it again it can feel totally different. Reactions can cloud our understanding and we jump to conclusions and re-interpret what has been said.

     1. I had this last week Alison, I reacted to an email to which when I returned to it some days later, in connection with myself, it read completely differently to how I first read it. A prominent example to me of how my reactions play out when I’m not observing.

        1. It’s truly a blessing when we get to register this and feel it so clearly as your example here Ruth. Every moment is an opportunity and a learning. Forever are we called to return to the truth of who we are within.

     2. I have done this many times too. Your words remind me how important it is to be connected to my body when I receive communication from another,

        1. Very true Leonne when we react we are no longer with ourselves, but in the emotional reaction that can take us off into a spin and take us further from our connection and cloud our understanding of what is really happening.

     3. Absolutely Alison. I also notice that in reaction I see things differently, I hear different ‘tones’ of voices.

        1. Yes I have noticed this too Priscila, I can hear tones of criticism or judgement where there are non, except possibly my own.

372. Something that really stands out is our responsibility in how we choose to react to a situation or bring truth to it. What keeps being shown to me is to allow space with things, not need the answer and bring understanding as to why something is going on. We can’t change other people but sometimes, if not many times I’ve found its myself that sets up a situation to play out in a certain way.

373. You’ve raised a great point which is that although we all have ‘bad days’, during these days it isn’t just us living in a bubble of frustration, sadness, contraction etc., we actually still live in the world, interact with just as many people and thus our actions carry the same potential for impact as they do on our ‘good days’. Perhaps letting go of this responsibility and losing our purpose within our relationships, communities and the world contributes to the ‘bad day’ itself..

374. This is a great lesson for us all. We have no control over the responses and reactions of others, but we definitely have the choice to be connected to ourselves and therefore able to read the situation and what is going on with another, without dropping into hurt and blame.

375. A very timely blog for me as I experienced something similar this week. After sending a couple of emails that came back with very strange replies I realised that the person I was emailing was obviously not taking the time to read all that I had written. So I went back with a very firm and claimed response sharing my observation and her next reply so very different.
     I am learning that if we are not connected with ourselves when we are using the computer that we will be shown very quickly, but we usually blame the other person, the computer, the Internet etc instead of stopping and checking in as to where we are at that moment in time.

376. The take home message I get from this blog is that everything we do in life matters, both at work and at home, and prepares us for the next moment to be ready to respond rather than react. Therefore how I support or care for myself at home is actually very important so that when I am at work I am not stressed, tired, anxious or teasy and therefore the level of care, understanding and communication I can offer others is so much more consistent.

     1. You have highlighted an important factor. We can’t just hope that in the moment we will magically be able observe and respond instead of reacting to the situation. The way we have been taking care of ourself, our actions and our thoughts ahead of the event determines the quality and how responsive we are.

     2. And even the moments on our own for they prepare us for our next moments and those with others.

     3. Agree Andrew. And also the way you are at work will then affect how you are when you arrive home at the end of the day! And everything else in between, it’s 24/7!

377. ‘It is up to me to ensure that if I’ve had a ‘bad’ moment that it is not taken to my next activity or it will snowball into a ‘bad’ day.’ yes if I stay with that bad moment I take it to everyone I see and all I do, stop for a moment and bring myself back to me,to my body, I can begin again from that moment. Great blog.

     1. This sentence shares the importance of ultimate responsibility. That everything affects everything else whether we choose to be aware of it or not.

378. It does seem that when we react, all manner of thoughts flood our head and make the situation more than it actually is.

     1. Gosh, that’s exactly it Julie. In reaction we have blurred eyes, ears and thoughts – we no longer see clearly.

     2. And we can never respond or read the situation clearly when we are in any form of reaction.

379. It is always great to know to that there is a choice, that to react is not a predetermined outcome and, that there can be a gentle, quite and observant response to all of life – even to the parts that hurt.

     1. A very great thing to know. And makes me further appreciate the reflections of people around me over the last ten years who have shown me that this is possible through their living way.

     2. Agreed. In the midst of when I react still, in knowing this, I find that there is only so far I can go in my reaction before I make it about love again – it simply hurts too much to stay in the reaction.

380. We are always going to react if we have an investment or need for something for another person or thing. Being aware as much as possible where we are at with our presence is a great start as reactions come when we are not supporting ourselves with our own love basically.

381. Observe and not absorb is the quality of true confidence, of presence.

382. We have much responsibility for the energy in which we live our days – and this includes how we receive and either react or respond to the communications of others. We might consider that to respond is at the root of responsibility but to react is in truth irresponsible.

     1. “to respond is at the root of responsibility but to react is in truth irresponsible.” Gosh I love that Richard.

383. Anonymous, this feels really important and would make a huge difference in workplaces; ‘I also find myself considering how much it could support us all in our workplaces if we were all to explore the wisdom of those few simple words, “Observe and not absorb” (2) and be more open to our own and others’ feelings at work.’ I can feel how in the reactions this can cause tension, upset and disconnection at work and this can stop the team from working together efficiently and lovingly, if we stopped taking things personally and had the understanding that others maybe having a bad day or that there may simply be something to learn from a certain situation rather than going into reaction then this could allow the work environment to be more enjoyable, harmonious and productive.

384. Also makes it super important for us to deal with our own hurts and resolve any issues within others as they present – as these are what drives us to take life personally.

385. A very valuable point Susan. If we do express from reaction then others actually think that that is what we are like and we then all miss out on the beauty that each person is here to bring. Not taking things, situations, life personally is absolutely the key. Observing what is in front of us and responding is the most supportive way for all.

386. It’s not until you stop and feel what we have been doing to ourselves from reacting to the world around us what we have done to our body! Have you ever seen a photo of someone that had way too much time on his or her hands and covered their car in coins? What if every time we absorbed just a little bit from someone else, it was a coin we stuck to our self? How long would it take before we could move from the weight?

387. This is of course an essential piece of awareness for not just staying sane in the workplace (Which of course is a big plus) but for having clarity where there is usually only stress and dysfunction

388. To me many of us have to learn this lesson being presented in this blog, to not absorb and react but instead to observe and from that to respond with the understanding we got from the reading we were able to do in that observational state.

389. Connecting to our inner stillness can transform the most fragile of situations and bring a trusted quality of openness and observation readily appreciated by everyone in the situation. It is quite extraordinary to experience how quickly a situation can turn around when everyone feels understood and appreciated.

390. How much of the responses we receive and give in life are governed by emotions. This in itself feels very whimsical, imposing and potentially imprisoning, which makes it so important that we discern what is going on when we receive a response from someone and also how we communicate outwardly. It is the perfect reason we should never get too up or down in life, as it is on this roller-coaster where life becomes less than fun and we can cause harm where we should cause none.

391. If we don’t react but observe, we do realise that all is just energy and people really aren’t out to hurt us on purpose but almost definitely the energy coming through them is.

     1. Yes and we tell someone that something has hurt us in the way it was expressed, it gives that person a moment to feel and reflect on how it was said.

392. So often we can think that we have a right to be annoyed or frustrated but pay little attention to the impact that it then has on ourselves and all of those around us. If each moment we stopped and allowed ourselves to feel what was going on and how we felt about it and then not take it to the next movement, everything would change.

393. It’s so important what is being shared here. Evermore so now that email communications enable such a rapid response/reaction in the workplace. I feel like it should be part of company training programs; now that would be super supportive. The immediacy of emails means that we have to be super, super present and attentive to ensure that we don’t get wrapped up in it all. That is not an easy skill and something that we all need support with.

     1. Yes, because there is such a demand for immediacy and a lack of tolerance for people being a smidgen slower it leads to more volatile interactions and misunderstandings. Part of the company sign on training!

        1. And with smartphones, the boundaries have almost all but disappeared. Thus, we have to be super, super aware and attentive to ensuring that we maintain our presence. One trick that I have found very supportive, is that I have switched off my emails from coming immediately to my phone. Thus I don’t get constant ‘pinging’ in my pocket. When I am ready, I get my phone to ‘collect’ the emails and deal with them when I have the space and presence to do so.

        2. I have done the same!! I was really surprised at the withdrawal process I felt. The concern that I was missing out but once I got over that I wanted to apply the same focus in every aspect to my phone – to choose to go there rather than be pulled there. Discovering ‘do not disturb’ on my computer has meant I am so much more focused when I am writing too. Seriously practical top tips coming through from Otto and Lucy here 🙂

        3. Ooohhh. “Do Not Disturb” on my computer?? Never heard of that! Now it’s F12 on the keyboard – thanks Lucy!

394. What you are sharing here, Anon, is a very powerful example of the importance of living with energetic integrity. We are continuously transmitting energy, therefore, it’s very important for us to understand the source of our contribution, is it loving or harming? We are all collectively affected by the energy that surrounds us. It is irresponsible and completely untrue to ‘think’ that our contribution doesn’t matter, or won’t affect anyone else, that if we are tired, it’s ok as we will feel better tomorrow. Every movement in every moment counts, our energetic footprints are continuously recorded, and felt by us and everyone else, always.

395. The only way to avoid workplace dynamics is to not react to other people. We have to learn to stay with ourselves no matter what is occurring and this builds strength in us and a consistency in valuing who we are.

396. Anon, I love how you draw attention to the fact that so often the way we receive feedback in an email can be very different to how we receive feedback face to face, for the fact that with email, there isn’t the same filter and the emotions we may feel at the time, may never be shared, yet energetically they are deeply felt and indeed impede the quality of our movements. It also begs the question, would your colleague have given the same feedback if it had been face to face. Being in your presence may have given him/her pause to reflect and allow greater consideration to what they were going to say, in person.

397. I experienced something similar this week when proofing a document. The first time I read over it I felt annoyed I didn’t like the sentence structure I felt it waffled on and it wasn’t clear and precise. Then second day I was asked to read it again, nothing at all had been edited or changed but I felt completely different reading it and felt it flowed and was on point. This showed me how I had lived the first day compared to how I had lived the second day.

398. “Observe and not absorb” is a very potent reminder that we need not be at the mercy of what is coming towards us; and to the degree that we have resolved our held hurts, this becomes easier and easier.

399. “Observe and not absorb” – probably the best two words of advice for any workplace issue, drama, situation. To observe is to behold in love. Self-observation being the way to holding oneself and others in love.

400. In whatever situation be it at work, home or social event, if we react to people or situations we miss out on so much and complication can creep in. Learning to observe and not absorb is less draining, exhausting and stressful, and it is supportive and evolving for everyone.

401. Great sharing and this is something I’ve been working with recently too! I notice that at times I’m hyper sensitive to criticism and how a comment can really hurt and I’m getting more honest about that and I’m beginning to understand that taking a breath in that moment, observing in other words allows me to more clearly read the situation and any dynamics at play. And it reminds me that it’s not just about me, there’s things going on for others and you get some of that .. here there is an irresponsibility on how many of us live and work where we take our actions from one to the next … everything we do matters and it impacts everything else and this is still a big learning for me, I find momentary stops in my day take me back to the bigger picture and allow more space to observe.

402. Brilliant sharing, spot on with what you offer. When we are invested in doing something, it is very difficult to step back and observe in this way you refer to in this article. This does not mean that we disengage, we can give work our 1000 percent commitment but in a way that knows it is still just a thing we do, not who we are. From here, “critical energy’ becomes fascinating and interesting, something to grow from, not a threat that may knock out our self-worth.

403. It’s a great point that our emotions affect not only us but everyone around us too. It’s not that we can never feel an emotion or hurt but what do we do with it – do we indulge in it or do we observe as you say and acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s not something we want to run with…

404. Our workplaces are set up on the basis of performance, reward and competition. This breeds the never feeling enough, always wanting to do more and be more – a perfect set-up to perpetuate a model that is based on performance, function and the end-result, and not on people itself. Sadly, there is a long way to go before the tenets of decency and respect towards others is really embedded in the workplace. Until then, it is ironically the perfect training ground to observe and not absorb the toxicity that will fly around. The more we do observe, the more we set the shining example of how we can be at work and how we ought to be with each other.

405. There is so much more going on than meets the eye, that is why it is so important to stay connected to you, build a strong and steady foundation which supports not reacting to life, but to respond to it by reading the quality of energy around you.

406. There is often so much more being communicated than the obvious, and this we also receive through our own filters. Great example of the importance of not personalising things, as everything gets a bit muddy when we do. Observation is so key in seeing things clearly.

407. What great insights you offer here – thank you. An ’email’ has been a way of revealing to me to understand that I might not be observing the whole situation but rather personalising things when it simply isn’t required.

408. “On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.” Accepting to feel the hurt and letting it go allows us to respond and not react, A great article on observing and not absorbing thank you, it goes to show how we need to not take things personal, interesting how the two emails were different according to how the person was feeling.

409. Imaging how different the world would be if we all practiced observing and not absorbing. Absorption is the moment we fall for the illusion of this world, allowing an alignment to an energy that is not of truth.

410. It is so poisonous when we absorb another’s emotions. The harm can easily spread if we do not take a clear view of what’s being played out and stay free of any judgement about it.

411. ‘It is up to me to ensure that if I’ve had a ‘bad’ moment that it is not taken to my next activity or it will snowball into a ‘bad’ day.’ This is something really important to realise and live with, to not let it snowball but to melt the snow by breathing our own breath and change the quality of our movements.

412. I was reacting to something recently that had upset me and then had the blessing of meeting a friend who has terminal cancer. My friend has accepted her condition and had such great wisdom, vast perspective and no time to waste on indulging in emotions and reactions. Being with her touched and inspired me and made my little reaction seem so ridiculous it just fell away.

413. These are such valuable points you have raised – to observe and respond, or absorb and react? I know that these are words I carry with me always because they support me to not go under in the overwhelm and be left to live with the ensuing anxiety and nervous tension this brings with it. Therefore, in my toolkit for life, I carry these words always for they remind me that the choice is always mine and no one else’s as to whether I absorb it all and go under, or observe it all and stay afloat. By staying above the water we are able to provide a true reflection for others to see that there is another way to swim in the great sea of life and not get wet.

414. When we find our-self in a position where the truth is presented and we go into reaction and stop observing, our body can take it on, as an example I ended up with a ankle injury. To put this into context I had not moved I remained seated at my computer and read an email reacted and straight away my ankle felt like and was sprained! So our body feels more than we would want to admit and could it be we are or always have been feeling from our body and we have learnt to override these feelings and numb our-self with our mind to the truth we are feeling? Understanding that we can observe and not absorb can be understood but to have it as a Livingness so we are not taking things on is definitely a learning curve.

415. The dynamics of the workplace can be extremely challenging, but each of us has within the capacity to be the one that shows there is another way, simply through our inner connection.

416. I have also realised thier is so much more power in observing rather than fighting / reacting to what is happening. I like what you share about avoiding feeling hurt and hense behaviours to support in not feeling.

417. It’s interesting isn’t it how many variables there can be depending on the quality we choose to be in. What you are sharing here is that it is a total waste of time to react to someone in a lesser quality because in the next moment their quality and responses could be completely different! It then supports the truth therefore that the quality we choose in each moment is incredibly important and the only responsible way to be is to check in with our quality regularly each moment to ensure we are clear and are not harming at the very least.

418. Yes not reacting to feedback is something I am learning too. It is very supportive to take a moment to stop and feel what is going on for me from the feedback and this helps to not react outwardly or inwardly but feel the space to be myself in the respons.

     1. When we don’t take things personally, we are less likely to react to feedback or even criticism. This is what I am learning too.

419. Emails can be really tricky – the pull/expectation to respond immediately can be very strong and we need to be very attentive to the energy at play here. Stepping away and then returning even just a few minutes later can totally change my awareness of what is actually going on between the lines of what has been written. The immediacy/speed of this form of communication can really suck us into the drama of it all.

     1. Very wise and excellent point Otto!

     2. Great point Otto. I find the when I come to my work, or my computer and ope up my email first before taking a moment to feel into what the impulse is, what the first thing to do actually is, that I get pulled into a vortex of react and response, with all these demands smacking up at my face! There needs to be a real presence when reading emails – which I’m still working on to not get sucked in.

        1. And the sending of emails – that is a huge responsibility. As you say, an email can feel like a smack in the face, so we need to be very, very attentive as to what we are sending when we press that button.

420. A huge new life-skill of mine is to chose, when it all gets very lively and full-on, to take five minutes and walk around the office block. So often in the past I would have slammed a reply to the email, or jumped straight into some kind of reactionary action – but this new trick has brought me a greater awareness that has then totally transformed what my next move becomes.

421. I have found in these situations, I go into defence, trying to protect myself from feeling the hurt there and the fact that perhaps the comments have exposed a level of need for recognition from outside. But what gets lost in this is firstly, the opportunity to read the quality of what was expressed to us and equally our responsibility in the situation if the feedback is valid – what can we learn from this and how can we grow to be more of who we are.

422. Thank you for sharing. It just goes to show to allow ourselves to feel the hurt and not get caught in the emotions. Not absorbing the energy and the responding in reactions. I know I use to do that a lot and found myself spinning in the emotions for days on end.

     1. Absolutely Amita, we can waste many moment in the emotion of a situation.

423. This is perfect – as I was just clocking how some people might be taking out on others just because they are having a bad day, and it is indeed in our power to observe and not absorb, and this choice is greatly aided when we are able to understand our experience from an energetic point of view rather than a personal one.

     1. Agree, when we allow the space to read what is truly going on in a situation we can respond in a way that can bring clarity and understanding.

424. This is sound advice and an even sounder approach to life. How often do we jump into things at the first point only to find out later that there was possibly an overreaction or we have viewed something a bit sideways. Whatever you are meet with spending a moment or a pause to breathe is always a point to give yourself space to see and read what is actually going on. Often things can be cleared up without to much drama but if we react at the first point usually this feeds an escalation that is more difficult to stop once started, observe and not absorb, truly a great plan.

425. It is a significant revelation here that the very different emails you received were from the same person reviewing the same document, the only difference was that different times.
     What a great example of how the energy we are in at any moment tangibly affects everything we are involved in and the impact we have on others – and therefore the importance of taking care of the quality of our energy the best we can.

426. Corrections are an important and essential part of growing and learning, every situation is different that is why it is always of value get a sense of whether the person initiating the correction or critique is reacting or not and whether there is a point of learning being presented to yourself or not.

427. A great inspiration to allow ourselves to feel the situation and not take it on as an emotion. Rather we need to acknowledge and feel our hurt and learn from this. We also don’t know what the other person is going through in that moment either that may have influenced the communication.

428. We can stay steady in our true energetic quality when we don’t hand ourselves over to reactions.

429. You are so right, it is far easier to react in a severe way via emails than in person.

430. “To get caught up in a reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support yes”. So true. Our own alignment to either fiery or pranic energy enables us to read ( or not) the situation and thus not get caught in the energy emanating from another, still very much a work in progress for me.

431. One of the difficulties of feed back is that its a false understanding , even the words say it , whats been fed.
     The truth would be ” reflection” , reflection the possibility that a person is not expressing all that they are with where they are personally on their life. When reflection is given one can respond or react to the reflection this is part of free will.

432. This makes sense that when we allow ourselves to feel the hurt we keep our body open – as opposed to hardening up in reaction or burying what we’re feeling. That openness allows my delicacy to hold me, and in that I can move through/respond to the situation.

433. Ahh those “bad” days. Why does life need to be up and down and why do we just accept it? I have found the more I clock how I am when my days are “good” the more I see how the best experiences come from being connected with yourself in all you do. Those bad days or moments are simply messages reminding us of our inner-disconnection to ourselves and how we truly feel.

434. “To get caught up in reaction is to put our bodies into a stress reaction, which does not support us, those around us, or our work.” When there is such a clear and strong change of feeling in the body when we do have a reaction to something, it does beg the question as to why there is not a more accpeted view that any reaction we have is going to have a physical and detremental impact on the body.

435. I can relate to the injustice I have felt in the past when there has been criticism or negative feedback, especially when I felt it was not deserved. However, if everything happens for a reason, I know any interaction is a learning curve and staying open, knowing we are not perfect, is by far the best way forward. Whether it was justified or not, not reacting is a choice that supports us all in the longer term. It is all felt in the body, and reactions tend to encourage more reactions.

436. ‘Observe and not absorb’ is the absolute key to sanity, true healing and true relationship. It is just not worthwhile to get caught up in someone else’s emotions, ideals and illusions. We are all brothers working out way out of here through raising our awareness. If we say no to reaction the energy we hold will help both ourselves and the other person, as well as the whole planet.

437. This blog highlights why reading a situation or another person is so important: because it allows us to see what’s going on for the other person instead of taking something personally. Usually the other person’s aim isn’t to hurt us but to want us try to see things from their point of view.. it’s just that sometimes this comes out in the wrong way, particularly if they’ve got something going on. That’s not to say that we let them off the hook – we all have a responsibility in how we behave towards one another, and sometimes people need to be called out on what or how they’ve delivered something, but if we bring understanding, we can do it in a way where we’re not needing anything from them and it’s resolved within ourselves.

438. Choosing to observe and not absorb is a crucial life skill that should be part of every child’s education so that by the time they get to the workplace it is their natural choice. This would have a life-changing impact on the quality of relationships and relieve so much of the current stress and anxiety and bring more flow to life. I know that I have wasted so much energy in the past going into reaction over what I perceive as unsupportive feedback whereas if I had taken a moment to step back and read where the person was at a lot of trouble and upset could have been avoided.

439. Reading your blog Anon is very timely, as I just had a situation with a friend where I started to react but realized what I was doing and walked away and read this blog. Earlier in the morning with the same friend, I did react, so this time at least I stopped it before full on reaction and the next time (which I am sure there will be) I will read the energy as it is coming towards me and not absorb and not react. That is my plan anyway, lets see if my movements are aligned to love enough for the plan to be followed through!!!

440. Each moment affects the next moment but we are always presented with an opportunity to live differently and thus start a great momentum of movements; the domino effect and the ripples our choices make can work in both ways.

441. Beautifully shared. It allows me to feel the responsibility here that we all have in the way we express – but before that – the way we are living. To not take things personally but rather see it as energy is healing to the body as it supports us to not react.

442. “On reflection, I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.” Such a clear example of how vulnerability and fragility is actually empowering and powerful.

443. I can really relate to this as the quality of my moments such as talking to or emailing something is in effect the quality of my previous moments. The idea of having ‘down time’ is a lie as everything, our choices follows us everywhere.

444. Great observation, that really we can get too involved with life and take it into our bodies where it can fester away. To have the ability to step back and not get so involved is a great asset to have. And something I’m re-learning.

445. “I realise that in letting myself feel the hurt, my body remained open, gentle and calm and then it was simple to respond, not react.” This is life changing the fact that when we let ourself feel what it is that comes up for us even if it hurts we actually remain clear and able to respond changes the way everyone in the world can approach things. I know how often I harden up to ‘protect’ yet what a beautiful example of feeling and in that the space to deal with things comes up. Also how incredible to see the difference in feedback and the responsibility we all have in how we communicate, send e-mails etc.

446. This is a supportive realisation… when we are ctritised at work, especially by a boss, it can be easy to react and think our work doesn’t come up to scratch. But if we observe the situation and see where the other person is at and not take what was said personally then the ball game changes completely.

447. Through observing myself mainly, and others to a degree over the past few years is has become apparent that what we express reveals us more than it does the other or another person. We have it seems been taught that what other people say to or about us is important and can surely be hurtful at times. But it is particularly the case when people say hurtful things, that I observe their communication is primarily revealing their own hurt or levels of stress and not really anything about the subject of their expression.

448. We are not taught to feel our hurts, so we bury and conceal them, yet being able to feel we are hurt is the very thing that supports us from going into reaction. It has taken me quite a while to learn this, usually going straight into frustration, and if the ‘issue’ is not resolved, resentment. Being able to see my hurts for what they are and stand back from them and observe, instead of jumping in with an immediate reaction has made life far less complicated and offers so much more clarity and understanding around each situation that arises.

     1. If we were not encouraged to feel our hurts or feel any emotions that were coming up when we were children, we can give ourselves and our body permission now at any time to feel what is there. It has taken me a long time to be okay to say when something has upset me or I felt frustrated etc. I would usually be hard on myself and act like I was fine.

449. When we are open to feel more, it is almost always that what comes at us is expressed from someone who is similarly affected and therefore there is always understanding present to anyone and anything that happens. The honesty of it all is we affect each other. The state we are in affects everyone and this gets passed on whether expressed or not, until someone chooses to stop the reaction and to see the situation clearly, then understanding ensures.

450. When we have expectations from things we have done and expected something from it, we have already set ourselves up and built a house of cards.

     1. Spot on Steve, life is so much simpler without expectations and comes free from self-induced sabotage.

     2. This is so wise Steve, so simple and yet absolutely gigantic because, if I am being really honest with myself almost everything that I have ever done for a huge part of my life has had some kind of expectation (even if it is only tiny). Thus, if what you’re saying is true, and it is, then I have been continually walking myself toward the edge of the ‘cliff of reaction’. Thankfully, I am now learning to move with far, far less attachment and am way more equipped to observe life play out, rather than get wrapped up in it. But I still have a way to go until I am totally free of this.

451. “Add to this the workplace environment, which is not particularly supportive of employees showing or expressing their feelings and thus increasing the likelihood that we are in protection and reaction.”
     Its strikes me Anon that this journey with protection is something we begin choosing in our school years, which in the most part is not an environment that supports students to openly express their feelings.

     1. So true Lucinda, we are set up from young to not Truly express so our movements are restricted and thus we lack any understanding of how True expression opens us to observing life thus we are taught to react.

452. Thank you Anonymous. When we do take a moment to stop, feel and acknowledge such interactions, we can prevent the snowball effect of carrying one bad moment into the entire day and hence infecting everything with the same negative energy. The more I have come to appreciate the immutable truth as presented by Serge Benhayon, that “if everything is energy, therefore, everything is BECAUSE of energy”, the more I have been able to build a strong and steady connection to a stillness within my body that allows me the space to feel and respond to the quality of energy around me. While not picture perfect by any means, living in this way empowers an essential and extremely supportive way of building relationships that hold and support one another, even on our ‘bad hair’ days. Observing not absorbing engenders immense respect and integrity, qualities that support us to grow and expand rather than shrivel up with angst.

453. This is a beautiful example of learning to observe and not absorb and how powerful this is in our lives. Taking the moment to read the situations and responses we get allows us to feel what is really going on and come to an understanding of where others are coming from and not take life so personally which is very honouring of ourselves and others and creates a space of openness and love in our lives .

454. On many occasions, I have reacted to an email and then stewed over it only to find that the next time I read it I don’t have the same reaction, and that what has been written makes sense.

455. Anonymous, what you are sharing in this article is very wise, I have seen and experienced how reacting does not work, it is exhausting and can make issues seem much bigger than they actually are, we can get lost in an issue, go into self doubt and this then affects the quality of our work and relationships.

456. I love it. This is a huge tool for life. Thank you for this very real example of every day life and how we can choose to respond or react.

457. A revealing example of the consequences of reacting and the effect of absorbing and not just staying steady and observing.

458. You unravel how easily we get caught up in the emotions that get triggered in situations but that that lets us interact on a level that is somewhat distant to what is really going on. We are so used to staying on this emotional level with each other but what you show is, that there is another way and when we allow ourselves to observe more we open ourselves up to see more of what is going on, which helps us to understand and stay more focussed with the task/moment at hand.

459. This is a great topic to explore, I was thinking of a few times that I have gone into reaction on receiving emails that pointed out things that needed doing and writing a reply with such an angry response but fortunately not sending it until I had time to feel what was really going on. After phoning the person and expressing how I felt instead, I realised I had totally over reacted and had to take into account this was just the way the person operated it was nothing personal.

     1. I’m with you on this; a few times I’ve saved myself by leaving an email in DRAFTS for a beat and then coming back to it! “Phew – thank goodness I didn’t send that one!” A classic banana skin of reaction.

460. This was a great reminder about the bigger picture, that each interaction we have with another can come loaded with every choice they have made up until that point. I have certainly felt how coloured my perspective has been when I have allowed stress and push to rule my body.

461. ‘What unfolded has shown me that we are constantly offered the opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through observing and not absorbing’ Beautifully seen and said. Likewise also good to stop and feel where we are at before responding to another i.e. are we steady and present with ourselves or stressed and rushed .. it makes all the difference to what we are sending and how it is received either by email, telephone, text or in person.

462. I’ve noticed with myself how I can read an email one day and feel a big reaction to it, leave it and come back to it the next day and be able to see something completely different in it. Providing the space to observe what is coming at us is hugely valuable, and learning to understand more about ourselves and how we feel is an amazing way to avoid conflict and stress and actually develop much more meaningful experiences and relationships. The more observing that is done the easier it gets to respond in the moment to an intense interaction without getting caught in any harming emotions.

463. A brilliant article and invitation to explore the impact of how we approach things; the more open and non-reactive we are the more we are able to ‘read’ how we and others are feeling, making sense of our interactions in a much deeper and richer way. This understanding is gold.

     1. Yes, a superb article and understanding this ‘gold’ is so empowering.

464. Learning to observe not absorb what is going on within and around me has had a profound beneficial effect on my life, partciulary relationships with colleagues with family. I don’t seek perfection, and at times tumble on the trip rope, but for the most part it is my constant guide and companion.

465. Beautifully said Anonymous. I have certainly experienced times when everything looks awful and bleak and yet another day the same circumstances can seem great. To me this is a testament like the reviews you got, of the power of energy. You follow this up with an awesome point – you show that by being effected by this untrue quality we magnify the yukky energy and practically join right in. Reacting comes up for me from thinking I deserve to live free of this unloving stuff, instead of accepting and understanding that’s actually the nature of our current life.

     1. ‘Reacting comes up for me from thinking I deserve to live free of this unloving stuff, instead of accepting and understanding that’s actually the nature of our current life.’ I find this happens to me too, it’s a kind of arrogance and unwillingness to commit to life in full, appreciating what we have to bring, what we all have to bring, and that everything is a reflection and a possible advancement.

     2. This is true Joseph – so easy to continue magnifying a yucky energy by going into reaction, thus causing another reaction. This then becomes like a merry-go-round of intensified reactions that is going absolutely nowhere except to pollute and poison everything, including our bodies.
        “being effected by this untrue quality we magnify the yukky energy and practically join right in”.

466. Beautiful blog and so needed as this is happening a lot in our workplaces. We tend to communicate from our reactions and not from the truth that is in front of us. Actually we then live in a pool of reactions, a continuous chain of reactions to reactions which actually do not lead to anything, at least will not serve us in any growth or improvement, of the business we are in and if we are honest will be felt in the end product that we deliver.

     1. I agree Nico. There is a term in English called ‘chain reaction’ one feeds and builds on the other and leads as you say no where or fuels more discord. The only way to break the cycle is not to get on it in the first place. Communicating from a place of stillness and detachment supports us to move into virtuous, not vicious cycles.

        1. Indeed Kehinde, that is the only way to stop it but the question remains what will bring us to that point. Are we honest enough to ourselves and as a team to come to this conclusion on our own or will we be forced by calamities and major incidents to take this step? The step to truly discern what is needed to overcome what we have experienced but in truth all already know from the inside.

467. Awesome blog, it shows how powerful it is to observe and not absorb. I have found if we avoid feeling our hurts and further bury them away so to not have to deal with them, this could potentially lead to further explosions of anger, frustration and hurts, potentially inflicting this onto ourselves and others. Allowing ourselves to feel our hurts and work on letting them go, observe each situation and learn, and heal our hurts, I feel this is a responsible way to respond to hurtful situations.

468. To observe and not absorb is one of the most liberating things ever and incredibly powerful. Well worth investing in – priceless in fact!

     1. Yes and the great thing about this is that you can’t buy it or own it! Its all about the willingness to just be and live!

469. Thank you. This is an almost hilarious example how the feedback we receive is influenced by many factors and can be at times only about the person giving the feedback. At other times the feedback is very valuable and important and needs to be heeded in full – we just always need to read everything about the feedback and we then know how to respond.

     1. We need to learn to read everything in life about everything and with everyone – learning and continuing to learn observation has been an absolutely valuable tool for me in my work, life, family, with friends and in community.

470. By knowing the document was the same document that had been reviewed both times, you allowed your co-worker to bow out or back out of his originally comments without a true explanation, and allowed him to save face, even if just with himself. Maybe he had a chance to reread what the original scope or requirement of the document was.

471. Thanks Anon this is such an important conversation to introduce and a basic tool in understanding and practicing energetic responsibility- you have offered yourself and others true healing.

     1. Indeed Bernadette, practicing observation allows for the what is and the what is not to be clearly felt.

472. Thank you for sharing the key words here “allowing ourselves to feel the hurt”. It is so often a marker that we don’t allow ourselves to drop into but instead harden and then reaction takes over.

473. Insightful and evolving reading Anonymous…yes we all come across the exact same situations you’ve described with bosses, work colleagues and your blog really helps show another way to be at work, in life, to not take on and close down but to stay open through the beauty of observation and feeling.

     1. True. In complete agreeance to what you have shared Zofia and in addition I loved how anonymous let him or her self feel and observe their own hurt while observing everything else. This is so important in us supporting ourselves to remain with our bodies and not letting ourselves go into our minds to solution and remain in reaction.

474. This matter of quality, and the quality we are in as we go about our day, is super-important: the difference between how your colleague responded to the same work on different days captures perfectly just how acutely the quality we are in impacts ourselves and others. It also demonstrates how wildly we can oscillate from one state of being to the next.

     1. And also what imprints we leave behind for others to read, feel, see and experience which can then potentially affect them and their next moment.

        1. Responsibility with a capital R when we look at our movement, way of being and quality like this.

475. What a great set of observations you have laid out for us Anonymous in this blog. The ability to hold ourselves steady in the midst of another’s (or potentially our own) storm, and in life in general (for there’s certainly plenty we can react to if we choose) is an ability to be fostered and appreciated for sure. I love how you took the time to calmly review, read and feel what had taken place rather than head straight into reaction. Beautiful work, and beautifully shared for the development of all.

     1. Yes. And it only takes a moment to give ourselves the space to review and feel, rather than leap from our chair in reaction (usually a disaster).

     2. Being with the grace of allowing the world to be what it is around us while holding the quality of who we are is an enormous blessing on everyone around and an amazingly true reflection of what is possible.

Comments are closed.