How was your Day? – “Intense”

The last two years of my life have been very, very busy. I have been living away from home a great deal and the work hours have been long – between fourteen and twenty hours a day, mostly seven days a week. The work has been challenging on many levels, the learning curve steep and I can say that I have never worked this hard in my life. On top of this I have been juggling my family life, maintaining and building my relationships and also trying to keep abreast of the other work that I do besides my day job, as well as finding the space in all of this to look after myself.

Certainly it has been a busy time but my story is not unique: working hours are expanding, the internet has blurred the boundaries between office and home, and many of us are seeing that, with the world as it is, there is always work to be done.

For this whole two year period I have been running a dialogue that everything was super ‘intense.’ Every time I spoke to family or friends and they asked how it was going, I would reply that it was ‘intense.’ Every day I would wake up expecting the day to be ‘intense’ and every night I would go to bed reflecting on the ‘intense’ day that I had just had. On top of which, I would look at the schedule ahead and see that, sure enough, it was going to be ‘intense’… next week… next month!

I was writing my own future.

I knew it was going to be ‘intense,’ I said it was going to be ‘intense,’ I invited it to be ‘intense’ and, sure enough, it was. I was pre-disposing myself, my movements and my body to an ‘intense’ day and therefore was immediately holding myself in the tension of that intensity:

intense = in-tense.

But there are extra levels to this game that I was playing.

I was pre-laying excuses for my irresponsibility over this period. By getting out in front with dramatic stories about how full-on it all was, I was absolving myself from any slip-ups that I had been making along the way, whilst also trying to ensure that people didn’t pull me up for some of the choices that I had made – how could they possibly understand or challenge the way I was being, because they’d have no idea what I was going through? The more dramatic it sounded, the more excuses I had.

Furthermore, by running this dialogue, I was completely and consciously capping my awareness. I was giving myself pre-meditated permission to keep my head down, the blinkers on and just get through the day and by doing this, was choosing to not read the truth of each situation. I was in effect saying; “No, I don’t want to know or see more, because that might expose the game I’m playing, so I’m just going to deal with the intensity in front of me.”

I had built the perfect merry-go-round to keep me exactly where I was and, whilst on that merry-go-round, there was no way that I was going to say yes to seeing more, yes to anything else I could be doing, yes to awareness, yes to growing.

But the truth is that the ‘equation’ that I coined earlier in this blog, intensity = in-tense, in fact works the other way.

And it all starts by getting self out of the way.

All of the above is protecting the creation that much of my work is, the investment that I have in it and the recognition that I seek for it.

And this puts me in huge tension with the truth of what I am, the true purpose of what I am doing and the enormous power of my true expression and the all that I can bring to the world. It prevents me from walking alongside the unfathomable support that I have on offer, in partnership and absolute equality with my heavenly brothers and heeding the undeniable pull of the true divinity that I am and to which I can inspire many to return to.

So, living an iota less than this then obviously puts me in tension!

Very simply, if I get myself out of the way, then I will not be in this tension, I will not be in-tense and thus the day can no longer be intense.

No self = no tension = no in-tense = no intensity. 

So you see? The intensity is created by me.

Since really accepting this game that I was playing, a huge weight has lifted from my body. It is early days… but something happened last week that shows me I’m definitely onto something. I was in the shower contemplating the day and suddenly found myself asking, “what else could I do today?” For the last two years I have been constantly struggling to deal with the mountain that was on my plate, and so the notion of asking for more would have been utterly insane!

But here I was, with space, a lack of ‘tense’ in my body and a true willingness for more.

I said at the beginning of this blog that I have never worked this hard in my life – if I make work ‘hard’ then yes, it is ‘hard.’ It really is that simple; a choice to choose self and thus to stay in-tense, or a choice to accept and appreciate how much more powerful I am, how we are designed to work and how true evolution comes from saying yes to more.

And now, with this new learning, I am seeing that there is room for a great deal more and, amazing beyond amazing, that fills me with joy.

By Otto Bathurst, 46, man, husband, father of three children, Film and Television Director, Bath, UK

Related Reading:
Stress at Work
Addicted to Being Stressed
High Stress, Poor Health: Can we Change the Way we Work?

794 thoughts on “How was your Day? – “Intense”

  1. Revelation delivered – it’s like we use the word ‘intense’ to otherwise say ‘back off, I’m doing the best I can and you have no idea what I’M up against’. Of course people will not ask further questions, or like you said Otto, pull us up for our choices. Fact is, we all are subject to energy, we can all feel it, it’s just about having a body that is surrendered to that and not fighting it by going into control and tension.

  2. Yes, really the only thing we have to do is move our body and the rest is clear, we don’t have to ‘make it happen’ or make it special. We are just responsible for the quality in which we are moving around. When situations are intense we can still stay with ourselves in the quality we have chosen and enjoy, because of that, the situation, there are no ups and downs then.

  3. To live in tension (in-tense) is a 24 hour-job. We not ony have to prepare for it, lace our day with it, act in a way that guarantee bringing it to ourselves, but also talking about the day to get relief while engaging in circulation energy that feeds the next day.

  4. Wow – thank you, thank you, thank you for making the space to write this Otto, it is a blog I will definitely be re-reading as I so often wrap myself up in the ‘intensity’ of work.

  5. All we have to do is bring all of ourselves to each day with love integrity and awareness and the space will be there for what is to be done. Thanks Otto for exposing how we can set ourselves up to be less and avoid what is so lovingly on offer.

  6. Thank you Otto, this is perfect timing for me to read this today as lately I have been saying to others how intense life has been for me. I can see how I am creating this and then constantly confirming this back to myself giving me an excuse to avoid responsibility and my greater awareness.

  7. “It prevents me from walking alongside the unfathomable support that I have on offer, in partnership and absolute equality with my heavenly brothers and heeding the undeniable pull of the true divinity that I am and to which I can inspire many to return to.”
    This statement is how it actually is, in truth. We are here fully supported by our heavenly brothers. The question I constantly ask myself is why do I not accept in full my equality to my heavenly brothers? It is totally ridiculous that we doubt this truth, but we do, and until we are able to accept in full our equal grandness, the tension of our lives will be felt in our bodies.

  8. This is a great reminder of how we are always setting ourselves up for the day and the future with the inappropriate use of words.
    “I knew it was going to be ‘intense,’ I said it was going to be ‘intense,’ I invited it to be ‘intense’ and, sure enough, it was”.

    1. Well said Stephanie, the responsibility of how we live, speak and move becomes much more refined when we know, without doubt that such a way we choose will bring more of that same way.

  9. Love it Otto. I get so in-tense sometimes I feel like the world has closed in on me and I may explode – which is not at all pleasant for me or others to experience. Recognising the absorption of the intensity around us as a bodily tension is definitely the first step to deconstructing it.

  10. Yesterday I felt totally committed to the job I was doing, even though the amount of it seemed impossible. I found myself feeling joyful as I committed more and more, and enjoyed engaging with everyone along the way. I observed myself talking to a customer and asking her if there was anything else that I could help her with. I felt so committed I wanted to go the extra mile even though I already had so much to do. This felt so different to the days when I wade through my work feeling grumpy about it. I felt on top of my work instead of drowned by it. It was all in the attitude.

  11. I loved that I reread this blog today as I have just started a new job and had fallen into the ‘this is so intense’ trap as I am learning new systems and new skills. Reading this is a great reminder that I can take a step back and take the self out of the picture and simply allow things to unfold.

  12. I can certainly relate to this one. How I create the intensity is interesting. You are correct Otto, it’s the self getting in the way, whether for identification or recognition etc that is what leads us to feeling in-tense. Over the last month or so, what I have observed is that I have a lot more space in my day, but I am recognising that I don’t know how to be in that space, so I have created all sorts of things – intestines, issues, dramas, being busy or even time out to make sure I am receiving some kind of identification. Learning how to be in space with me is a weird but amazing feeling at the same time and I don’t have to exhaust myself or get in-tense in the process.

  13. It is valuable to read and be reminded that we create our own intensity when it comes to situations. Intense would be a word I would have used when visiting the dentist but have chosen of late to change the relationship I have with my dentist and the work that needs to be carried out. So, now I appreciate what my tooth is telling me, the healing that is being offered and the disregard that can be released due to the procedure. Also, it is not the dentist we dislike; it’s the procedures and the previous bad experiences that cloud our perceptions. So, it depends on how we look at things that can make a situation intense or not – ultimately it is our choice.

  14. I do find it revealing how much my perception of how something is going to be affects how I actually am whilst there/ doing it – it’s amazing how much we can create ‘drama’ where it’s really not necessary!

    1. Where it’s not really necessary.. or doesn’t even exist to start with! Drama and stress are things that are very real human experiences, but entirely created by our perceptions and expectations of how we want things to be, or think they should be, vs an acceptance of how they actually are.

  15. Absolutely Otto. Having stops and check-in moments through out the day allows you to press reset on any old patterns of stress or drive that have kicked in and allow you to feel the effect this is having on the body. Then you can settle into your body again, and move forward with a reset quality.

  16. Beautifully called out the games we set up so we can be excused or irresponsible in life. I can relate to the examples you have given, as saying you are busy and thinking you are busy is a great excuse to not engage with the rest of life fully. It’s a sneaky way of saying back off everyone!

  17. Exposing the games that we play can sometimes be uncomfortable, but once we take that step and feel the release and freedom from the shackles that held us in that imprisonment in the first place is beyond making a different choice it is aligning to our true innate being and quality and saying yes to that.

  18. It’s a beautiful thing to come to such a place of honesty within oneself, to not judge or be hard on ourselves, but instead to delight in the revelation presented and see the power we have to change our lives.

  19. I love that you have ‘called out’ so beautifully the relationship between intensity and self and that manipulating life by choosing ‘intense’ is self indulgent. Lots to reflect on here – thanks Otto.

  20. Constantly saying that our life is ‘intense’ can also be a way of seeking recognition and a ‘well done’ for making it through the period of intensity… As you’ve shared Otto life is getting busier and busier, but do we see this as an opportunity to give our all to every moment, or are we constantly trying to cope with our ‘intense’ world whilst actually blinding ourselves with the hamster wheel we’ve created to keep spinning around and around?

  21. There is an intensity in the use of the word ‘intense’ that is designed to impress, put others on the back foot and alert them to the fact that we don’t want to be questioned about what is really going on; ‘intense’ is a handy and dishonest smoke screen.

  22. It totally freaks me out how much some people can get down in a day showing us all that it is possible and possible without being intense and you are right Otto, it certainly does boil down the purpose of what we do and how we live, being able to deeply care for oneself but also keeping that self out of the way of the purpose.

  23. This is fantastic Otto. Many of us think that life is intense because of the intensity of this world and not because of how we are in it necessarily. Yet the quality of how we are in it is everything because we can choose to take the intensity in and hence feel intense within us. Or we can just choose to be with it all holding our own quality of gorgeousness and space.

  24. I felt myself squirming when I read about the creation of “dramatic stories about how full-on” your life is, as I was an avid creator of those stories too. I can now feel that I wanted others to feel sorry for me but never really thought about the fact that I was already laying down the excuses in case I messed up in some way. When we start to understand that we create our own lives, then it is clear that we create our own stress, so conversely we can also make the choice to heal it; the power to do so is ours and ours alone.

    1. So well said Ingrid. All this drama of ‘intense’ which most of us do, is just creating a problem, a hiccup, a glitch in the glorious flow of life so that the human spirit can get some ‘relief’ from evolution and its extraordinary and continuous expansions.

  25. I am seeing more and more how the human spirit just loves to have an intense day, something it can hang onto and identify with to stop the ‘flow’ from heaven.

  26. What I am learning is that when I make anything that I am involved with intense then I know I am completely off track and running to someone else’s rhythm.

    1. Or that the rhythm that you are running to is one of drive, centred around self? – that is often what gets revealed to me when I feel that intensity creep in. Big picture stuff doesn’t leave room for petty individualism such as intensity.

      1. Great reminder that when I am getting caught up in drive, intensity, needing things to be a certain way (even needing or wanting myself to feel a certain way), I’ve forgotten about the bigger picture and made it all about me.

  27. “No self = no tension = no in-tense = no intensity” This is something I really needed to read today. I so appreciate what you have shared here Otto as I was convinced the course I am doing is so-o-o intense but today I will approach it in a whole different light!

      1. Absolutely Otto, we, as an identified human-being, play right into it feeding the overwhelm to make it all so-o-o-o-o dramatically overwhelming. ‘The woe is me and my lot’ card keeps us from stepping up and taking responsibility for what is before us. To put it simply all we need do is live each and every moment in connection with our innermost and allow and accept everything that flows from this connection even if we don’t really understand in the moment where it is leading us.

      2. That letting go of the need to know where something will lead or what it will look like lessens the intensity we create, because it allows space – the opposite of intensity, which is a sense of compression.

      3. Yes Bryony, and the more we surrender to our inner impulses, like a jigsaw puzzle, everything we do seems to fall into place and become something we had no idea of in the beginning.

      4. Which is sooooooo much less intense than how most of us are living – and yet we avoid this path because we want the ‘easy’ life. Makes no sense.

  28. Intensity belongs to the self the human spirit creates, which is part of what you are already saying here Otto. The stance of intensity closes down the space within us and without of us and is the human spirit’s way of clinging onto its own identity. It is imitating the amazingness of life in a ridiculous gesture.

  29. The more I sit with this the more I realise just how often I am enticed into accepting the heaviness that an intense day brings. So there is a lot to do, we can either embrace the activity with a light and playful heart, or make heavy weather out of it. Both bring an energetic quality, one that lifts and lightens or one that darkens the horizon, always a choice.

    1. Or is the ‘heaviness’ actually our resistance to the invitation to be more? As someone who frequently has and still does feel that ‘heaviness’, I can speak from experience that it is amazing what happens when we choose to surrender into whatever is needed, rather than remain in the intensity of self.

  30. There may be tension in life, but do we have to live in it all the time? It is simply being everything we are from moment to moment and that guarantees a certain quality in our movements and everything we do.

  31. We always have a ‘choice’ (or an alignment to make) of whether the day will be intense or not. Intensity is out there in the world being offered around like ice-cream. I have just been through a big house-move which also involved buying lots of things like new furniture and a fridge etc. The move itself was intense in terms of the energy involved of having to extract myself out of the ends of my previous marriage. On top of that the wrong fridge was delivered (2 days late in soaring 30 degree temperatures), the wrong bed was delivered (so had to sleep on the floor), the wrong curtains were delivered, the wrong blinds arrived, the fire log heater which was ordered a month ago, I find out yesterday was not even ordered. Had I succumbed to the frustration and intensity of it all I would be a real case. Interestingly I was able to keep observing and be detached from it all knowing that there is a bigger picture to it all. And sometimes I just laughed. The man I spoke to yesterday who forgot to order the fire (ha ha!) couldn’t believe I didn’t rage and rant at him and thanked me, ending up giving me a free delivery (when it comes ha ha!)

  32. An amazing blog thank you for showing the shift in the body that takes place by not focussing on the jobs alone but bringing in the bigger picture, bringing that lack of ‘tense’ in the body and a true willingness for more.

  33. This intensity that we can choose to live life in is what leads to exhaustion…and if I may say it is not what we do or how much we do that leads to the so called intensity as I know of people who only work 2-3 days per week, who have no children and who find it overwhelming to deal with just some basics in life in terms of preparing dinner and cleaning up the dog’s toys. And this intensity that they live, is no different to an intensity that another lives in working 7 days per week and juggling more. The fact is that the intensity is being felt – an intensity that shows that we are not living in a natural rhythm and trusting in the space that we can allow in life no matter what. So the bottom line is that it is us who create the intensity in order to not feel how easy it actually can be, how harmonious life actually can be…

    1. Brilliant. Exactly agree with you and what you explain exposes perfectly that intensity is not a quantifiable measurement – it is purely a manifestation of the tension of what we are not living. And thus even those who are working 7 days a week and juggling loads have to ask ourselves; what more is there that we can do? Also, there is another factor that comes in to it – purpose – a constant refinement of the impulse behind our moves and choices.

      1. Love this inspiration to always be asking what’s next and saying yes continuously to what’s needed… the more I commit to just doing whatever it is I can feel that’s needed in any moment, the simpler and more joyful and lighter my life becomes. I’m doing more, but it feels almost effortless, like I’m not actually doing it at all, just being guided by what feels true to do in any moment. It’s quite incredible how this has happened, in a short space of time, simply by saying yes to life, yes, I’m here and I want to be doing this, letting go of any pictures of what that ‘yes’ will look like or how I think I might feel doing it.

  34. Otto, absolutely brilliant blog, and one I have thoroughly enjoyed reading again…this part jumped out at me in terms of how we create our own days/weeks/months: “I knew it was going to be ‘intense,’ I said it was going to be ‘intense,’ I invited it to be ‘intense’ and, sure enough, it was. I was pre-disposing myself, my movements and my body to an ‘intense’ day and therefore was immediately holding myself in the tension of that intensity” – how we choose to percieve things and how we then live it is what brings the tension to the situation, rather than it being the other way around! I know I still have much to work with in letting this all go, but I am re-newed in my inspiration having read this blog again!

    1. And reading your comment re-inspires me. We have much to learn from each other and when we walk as equals, sharing our learnings with honesty we can really support each other. We are not designed to walk through life solo and a wide, true family is something that I am really allowing myself to treasure.

  35. Lately when people have been asking me about my work I have had a similar response, that it is full on. The interesting thing is that I can feel this will pass and it is not as hard or ‘full on’ as I am making it in my head. It actually feels more like a delay tactic to feel how capable I am.

    1. Say ‘yes’ and what you need is already there. We constantly under-estimate the power that is available to us if we are prepared to get ourselves out of the way.

  36. A great reflection… We can either be in tension , or truly in the flow. In that flow starts with the extraordinarily beautiful, practical and simple cycle of in breath stillness out breath stillness.

  37. Acknowledging that by pre-determining how one’s day is going to be is providing an excuse for one’s irresponsibilities and slip-ups is a very profound observation – thank you Otto for your honesty and sharing.

    1. And ultimately the only person we are lying to is ourselves. The humbling absurdity of this is something that I try to remind myself of frequently. No matter how polished the presentation, I am but a simple fool that is once again lying to myself. I say it like this not to beat up on myself, but just to expose the silliness and futility of it all. And yet what you say JSTEWART is very spot-on and is a game that, despite writing this blog, despite knowing exactly what I am doing, I still play.

      1. Yes, and it is quite extraordinary how even when we know we are not being in truth we do not stop and change but carry on in ‘our own way’. Is it because we do not wanted to be judged? Be rejected? Seen as a failure? ……….

  38. It’s really helpful to reflect like this I find on how much or where we have projected expectations or preconceptions about how things are going to be and the effect this has had on the way we have responded to a situation…

  39. This is such a great piece of writing Otto, your honesty and willingness to see through what most would be stuck in for evermore is awe inspiring. If people could really come to grips with what you are sharing here, life humanity, our evolution would take off in leaps and bounds. Imagine life without tension, stress and all the other things we create for ourselves to stop or interrupt us from our full potential.

    1. Imagine our lives without self – because all of these things that you describe are self-made, self-created, self-fed and thus self-fulfilled. The deeper the connection we have with who we truly are the less we seek recognition, relief, emotions, escape, etc…and thus we just do what is needed to be done.

  40. Buying into intensity is a choice, an alignment we make with something that is outside of ourselves and that has nothing to do with us – unless we allow it.

    1. When we start to ignore those thoughts of being too busy to take on anything else, feeling like we’re already too stretched, too tired, etc, and just say yes to what’s needed next, life takes on an amazing dimension – or rather, we allow ourselves to feel the fullness of these additional dimensions that life is offering us all of the time.

  41. ‘True evolution comes from saying yes to more’ – so interesting the limits that we place on ourselves in our minds, e.g. about how much we need to eat, sleep, work etc, are often totally independent of the natural limits of our physical bodies, which are capable of an enormous amount, when treated with love and respect and when we live aligned to the body’s natural rhythm.

    1. Look after your car and it runs and runs and runs. It’s the same with our bodies and yet most of us treat our cars better than we do our own bodies – which is pretty insane for multiple reasons – not least that we can replace our car, yet our body is the only one we get for each life. I have found that a deepening awe of my body supports me to connect to it and really appreciate the incredible vehicle that it is.

  42. I understand now that the quality of my every breath determines whether I am holding my body ‘in-tense’ or whether I am allowing there to be space for whatever unfolds moment by moment.

    1. That’s beautiful, thank you Matilda. When I feel an excess tension in my body or holding of the breath it can be a sign for me that I am trying to control a situation and with that is a signal for me to let that go and come back to how I truly feel to respond from my whole body and not just a picture in my mind about how I think it should be…

  43. Awesome awareness and honesty and this just shows how much we do write our own future. Reading this I reflected on how many people in the world consider they have had a stressful day, or week, or month or that their work is super stressful or their life is stressful .. just so much to do and so many demands and then we create the wheel of … stress, or busy or intensity .. a merry-go-round that we feel we cannot get off or stop, and so become more stressed or tense! But it can be done. You can have a super jam packed full day everyday without it being stressful, ‘busy’ or intense. I know because I have seen this being lived by the Benhayon Family consistently for years. I guess having the awareness first that we are like this and adding/creating to the stress or intensity by our movements, thoughts and what we are saying is what needs to happen, because as soon as we are aware of what is truly happening, we can start to make the changes needed to support us, so it is not intense or stress-full .. we can change our movements, thoughts and what we say.

  44. Life becomes intense when I try to control and seek recognition and identification in what is happening. Recently I can see it’s been to be identified in struggle and being in a poor position. Even writing that feels exhausting but that’s what I’ve done, invested in life being hard and harsh. Thank God there are blogs like this sharing that all of these games can be let go of.

    1. When I see them as the games that they are, it allows me to be light-hearted with it all, not take it too seriously and move on, crucially, without judgement. This is really important for me as I can often fall into the trap of it all becoming too intense (repeat intended!)

  45. Last week was a busy week for me, I was being pulled in lots of different directions. A part of me wanted to start calling my week ‘intense’ and look for excuses as to why I was not coping but the content of this blog stayed with me as I felt the responsibility being asked of me and instead felt the joy in saying yes.

  46. ‘I was pre-laying excuses for my irresponsibility over this period’. Beautifully expressed Otto and revealing of how we play games with ourselves and then complain about the consequences we created!

    1. !! So it’s the perfect set up. We create the issue and then we can grump and complain about that issue – thus enabling the delay and irresponsibility to deepen….which results in it all becoming even more intense – which then validates the story that we told in the first place!! Embarrassing to have it exposed like this.

  47. You reveal so much in this blog Otto including how to love with true joy. How can there be any joy when you are constantly feeling a great level of unresvoled tension in yourself and your life?

  48. We certainly are ‘creating’ our own day. Only yesterday, even when I know better, I was working on something with a colleague and we had set it that we would do 7 hours work (9am to 5pm). As it happened it was a very hot day and I felt that when I got to five and a half hours of editing that I needed to finish it, but I didn’t speak up because we had a kind of goal-thing going where we wanted to finish a document (and this made sense). On top of that was over a hour more on the computer. I was aware all day of keeping on my presence, of getting up and walking around and drinking lots of water, but really I also needed to finish slightly sooner as I could energetically feel what was happening. I have recovered now but I needed ‘recovery’ time and that no longer makes sense to me.

    1. I agree a similar situation played out for me yesterday. I knew i needed to rest as I was physically not well and I even told people I was going to do that yet I found myself “just” fulfilling one more task because it seemed to fit in in so many ways but my body came back depleted and run down. Sometimes continuing gently is not enough our bodies need to stop and recuperate – and yes it is only because we have created the exhaustion in the first place.

      1. I know this scenario well Elaine. I agree that we have created this exhaustion in the first place and sometimes it is a big healing from aeons ago, because we are now so strong that we can clear that out. I know for myself that it is easier to say that we need to honour this, than actually carry out that honouring as i have momentums and ideals about ‘working’ that get in the way. My beloved ritual these days is to make sure I surrender several times in a ‘stop-spot’ through the day, and it makes the day very beautiful..

  49. Like the China wall, it’s us who create the great obstacles in this world, then get excited that they can be seen from space. Yes we have become masters at complication but this doesn’t stop the fact that Love is truely easy in the first place. Thank you Otto.

  50. I know this well, it’s when the self comes in and wants recognition for all it’s hard work it’s done, not wanting to accept that it is part of the all.

  51. This is something I have been clocking in my movements over the last month. It’s been very freeing to see that it’s been my own creation that’s creating the intensity. Yes, things are getting busier and there is more to do in a day, but if the quality is not there then what is the point of the actions?

  52. This is such a beautiful and empowering offer for us all Otto as it exposes the momentum that can bring on regret in our more elder years, ‘What on earth did I do with my life and where did it go?’ If we surrender to the rhythm of unfoldment and presence there will be no regret –regret being one of the greatest hindrances to passing over gracefully.

    1. No-one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Thus, as we approach the time of passing over, the truth lies in an honest and utterly un-judgemental appraisal of our lives. From this we then have the choice as to what we are going to let go of, or what we are going to take with us to the next life. If we beat ourselves up with regret, we are denying ourselves the love that is needed to know that we can let go and that everything will be ok. (actually it will be a zillion times better!!)

      1. This is also an appraisal that we can be doing moment by moment through observation – simply because we love ourselves and others, so there will be no build up of regret, but a beautiful completion in each footstep so that the past no longer binds and holds us.

  53. Otto this is a blog that I will always come back and read, as for a start your writing it proves that you are seeking to live absolute truth by the act of writing it. You created space in your extremely busy life to sit and express magic that can help us all live that truth.

    1. Expression of anything that we feel to be true is a bridge to further evolution. But the real gold is in walking the talk and this blog is something that I need to re-read as well, because I have found that these patterns can easily resurface, whenever I drift away from myself.

  54. ‘I was writing my own future.’ So simple and so stark and yet that is exactly what we do .. my version being busyness and what you offer here Otto is pure gold … I use this as a cloak to avoid responsibility, if someone challenges me, I will come out with my busy excuse, I did it today and that excuse came with being aggrieved that someone would ask more … don’t they see how much I do … aah the need to be identified and the need to be left alone all rolled up into one. And in all of this I feel the lack of responsibility, what if I asked what is needed here? And how can I support without any drama or need but just a willingness to be there. And as I write this I can feel the tendrils of my comfort … for in order to live this way what would need to change, what comforts would I need to drop and there in lies my responsibility, and the question arises, how willing am I to be the one? How willing am I to see, to be aware, to be responsible?

  55. As much as there is work to be done, i know that living and stating how ‘intense’ our day is, is like a validation and offers recognition. Yet lately i have been experiencing so much energy supporting me, the more i say ‘yes’ to more it flows easily – rationally it does not make sense but in fact it does. We limit ourselves that so much is too much, yet we are more powerful than we want to know.

    Funny, I say ‘I love working, BUT i add, it’s intense’. It’s like if i don’t add the intense part, then it does not validate how ‘hard’ I’m working.

    Otto, you introduce and for bust, this idea that life makes us intense, it is us. There is so much more we can tap into and this is the key. And when we do, life becomes about abundance, not limitation.

    ‘It prevents me from walking alongside the unfathomable support that I have on offer, in partnership and absolute equality with my heavenly brothers and heeding the undeniable pull of the true divinity that I am and to which I can inspire many to return to.’

  56. It is fascinating how we create the intensity and build this into our lives, so when it comes, it’s like ‘I told you so, I knew it’.. we did but it doesn’t have to be like that.

  57. It is very exposing to realise and own that we can often create very intense and dramatic lives in order to feel accomplishment at enduring life or to pull attention to ourselves. Letting go of this pattern can allow for more spaciousness and also less individualism.

  58. From what is shared here, you could say that we reap what we sow. How we express about our day or how we look at what will be next plays its part in what will unfold for us.

    1. Exactly. And taking this metaphor further (perhaps too far?!) if we sow it, we then reap it and then that crop is what we then eat….and so it becomes part of our body and deepens and deepens and around and around we go. And thus, it is in those very first movements – the seeding. That is the key to it all. Love where you have taken it Sally.

  59. ‘And now, with this new learning, I am seeing that there is room for a great deal more and, amazing beyond amazing, that fills me with joy.’ Beautiful Otto and super inspiring. There is always more on offer, we are expanding, just like the universe.

  60. I love this blog. It shows the canniness we do possess in mastering these games that we delude ourselves from – games we orchestrate to shut ourselves down from being more aware. It also shows the power of honesty and willingness and what takes place when we allow ourselves to dismantle the games we play – the awareness that we claim back, and the joy that this brings.

    1. What’s cool to appreciate in the games that we play is the mastership that we have of those games – as you point out. What I get from that appreciation is the then unavoidable fact that I must know everything about what I am avoiding – otherwise how can I be so precise and efficient in designing the games to avoid them? It’s a tongue twister, but it makes sense to me and thus one can take the awareness and flip it into appreciation and acceptance. We are majestic; and thus, some of the games that we play to avoid that majesty are pretty impressive!

  61. This blog has opened my eyes to see how addicted to tension we actually are. We work with it, talk about it, take it to bed with us etc. We fuel our relationships with tension many times in the day so no wonder we end up exhausted.

    1. And thus as it is with all drugs that we can get addicted to, we then have to ask the question – what are we running away from, what are we hiding from, what are we suppressing or denying? For me it was all about self. If I took the ‘drug’ of intensity, it kept my world all about self – which, no coincidence, is what all drugs do.

  62. “No self = no tension = no in-tense = no intensity.” . . . now this is my kind of equation. I love it. So simply and so true.

      1. Absolutely agree with you here Otto, and thank heavens for you sharing your story so everyone who reads it get the Ageless Wisdom straight from you even though they have never heard or may never hear of Universal Medicine.

  63. I’m struck by how in some days, when the quality is there and I flow with my day enormous amounts happen, get done, complete and I can feel this dance with the all in the day. When I introduce my stress or intensity there is a wobble, I lose the flow and then suddenly I’m having to push, its exhausting and invariably the wheels come off and very little actually gets done in that quality. So exposing which is exactly as it should be in order that I can learn that its quality and connection first, and then everything else flows from there.

  64. Amazing sharing with us Otto. There is so much to see and feel, let alone be bogged down with a busy schedule, which isn’t bad but we have to ensure things are appreciated.

    1. Yes, so true. How amazing to be packed to the brim in terms of being super super busy, in the ‘intensity’ of life, but at complete ease with this – wondering from this spaciousness what else needs to be done. That’s when we claim purpose in a very joyful way back into our lives.

  65. What I love about life and living it with the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom (, is that it is always showing you there is more, more to expand to, more to surrender to. I think we are so capped in our current way of thinking. For example, for many these intense days lived would be the limit, there would be no more, and definitely no asking for it. I love that there is always more, if we are open to it.

  66. It really clicked with me today Otto, that when we are in our own struggle, which can be different for everyone, we are on a merry-go-round and we are more looking at finding it ‘intense’ and saying we would like it to be different but at the same time constantly feeding it by our own investment in it. When we are in this we don’t accept we could be more amazing for the better of everyone and that is why it is such an illusion when we are in there because we still might be thinking we are really trying to get out yet it is for our own convenience and not for the growth of everyone and that is what makes the change.

  67. I have also found that when asked how I am or how my day was, I can get stuck in the pattern of saying ‘intense’, ‘busy’, ‘fine’ etc – all words that answer the question but dont truly express anything about my day, and in some ways box in or cement the day in a certain feeling like it being a busy and ‘big’ day rather than it being an amazing day full of great conversations and a lot of activity.

    1. Oh yes. I too have done this for aeons. It’s like people asking “how are you” and then your reply “fine”. In my case it was very often a trick to allow me to not take responsibility for the moves that I have made. Because, in truth, if my day was only “fine” or it was “intense” then there is much that I need to look at, and yet we throw these words out with such regularity and abandon that they lose any of their purpose. It’s becoming more and more clear to me how essential it is that we are super attentive to the words we use so that their truth can really serve.

      1. I agree Otto – and in those moments when there is not the time or truly the space to give a fuller account of our day, there is a way we can express/sum up the day simply that is honest rather than a brushing off. I can express honestly that actually, I am a little tired, or if I have actually taken the time in my day to appreciate all the amazing moments, share genuinely that I am amazing. It is taking the opportunity that the moment offers for connection with another and honesty with myself

      2. I’m really playing with this and what you say is so right. Being honest and transparent doesn’t necessarily mean that we then have to get into a long, drawn out conversation that we may easily not have the time for at that moment. So great to practice delivering truth even if it is quick, rather than brushing it away. There is one small problem that I have noticed – when doing this, the other person is so often so surprised and pleased to hear a true response that I can then feel that they want to go deeper!… then i just have to lovingly claim it and know that as much as could be done has been done. Complete.

  68. What a super beautiful support and so very true, however we decide to deal with things we have to live with it. Simple, and to me it shows the importance of self-love and self-care, with everything we do it is the care and love that we allow that lets us and others strive and bloom.

  69. You unravel beautifully how the many pictures and expectations we have predetermine our life. With that we do not go openly into the day and embrace what comes towards us but have given our day already a frame within which we then work. It is like your example of intense, that was the main tenor you had your days set up in. Really fascinating and so awesome to undo this.

  70. It is great to re-read this blog and see how we can create our own intensity and nervous tension just in how we relate to life and events.

  71. Thank you Otto, it’s my second read and I understood the in-tense-ness we create by being less than our amazing self, our soul and the essence of that in human life. Any day, even without a workload, can feel in-tense when we separate from who we are, and are then in the tension to return to our true selves.

    1. Absolutely. The ‘intensity’ has zero relationship to the actual work-load. I have laid in bed doing nothing and felt the ‘intensity’ of not being connected to myself; the mind explodes, emotions run, nervousness, self-doubt, anxiousness, jealousy and all sorts can come crashing in. Crazy intense…but I’m still just lying in my bed!

      1. Love this point you have just made Otto and will remind myself of it when I contemplate the enormous list of tasks, work and writing that is laid out in front of me at the moment (having recently moved house and still not having it fully furnished and adapted). It doesn’t matter ‘how much’ there is to be done, it is simply the energy we do it in. We imagine that when we get everything in order we will just coast along and have fun and that we will be ‘there’! But there is no such thing, because the next expansion is already calling. Time to laugh and surrender!

      2. It was a while back that I realised that the “To Do” list would never get any shorter! And nor should it – for we are designed to do, we are designed to serve, so the list should in fact always be expanding. Our role in it all is to ensure that we too are expanding and can thus embrace what is being offered as a way to serve.

      3. Yes, that is so crazy, we all play it in our head and the body has to deal with it, but the fact is that it is actually not really happening and yet we make it happen. All the while, in your example, you could just lie in bed and be still with no intensity to ail you with.

    2. This made me smile – likewise I’ve sat there worrying and getting stressed about something that is coming up, or OMG how am I going to get all these things done… yet at that moment, with all that space around me, I am simply sitting. Nothing hard about that!

  72. Funnily enough I was chatting with my husband the other day and we were talking about how much we had to do. But the day hadn’t started yet and we both stopped and realised the label we were putting on our day- much like intense – we can set ourselves up to live in a picture and not the truth of a situation

  73. Intensity is an energy we choose to fill up space and ensure we are numb to life. Like a rollercoaster wheel that keeps speeding up it seems impossible to stabilise let alone get off. But the key is what is driving this ride is the tension we feel but seek to over-ride. Beautiful Otto.

  74. Intense is the perfect distraction from giving ALL that you are to EVERYTHING that you do. Imagine if in those moments, days or weeks when things are fast pace and busy, we brought our highest quality to it all…

    1. Intense is also the perfect excuse to not give the All to Everything, when the pace drops off a bit – because intense also gives us the perfect excuse to seek relief.

  75. Since first reading this blog Otto, I am seeing how much I set myself up for intense, difficult or hard days by the quality of my thoughts and in any moment I have the opportunity to make a different choice.

  76. I like this blog because it gently makes fun of the drama we like to create in life about life. When I keep things simple and just get on with things without worrying about how much there is to do, it all feels effortless. However I can also get into the stories about being too busy, which keep me out of this simplicity and ease in life.

  77. I love how much we can influence the way our day is going to be. I find things get ‘in-tense’ when I have started in a rush and not listened to my body in the morning. So take work for example I can set myself up by running late so already feeling tense and then it is like a compounding effect. Whereas when I give myself the space in the morning I find that I am far more in flow and whatever comes gets dealt with rather than seeing it as something frustratingly in my way! When we work with the flow of the universe it almost feels effortless yet work against it and life can quickly become a struggle.

  78. This blog really brings home just how much we get in the way of our own flow and the flow that’s possible for us all to be in rhythm with. No wonder exhaustion is high on the illness and disease statistics in society – we are using a false unnatural way of living, moving, working that goes completely against the divine order and flow of our particles.

    1. I agree. Is exhaustion high on the statistics? If it is then that is terrifying because I would suggest that exhaustion is possible the least diagnosed issues of modern society and is way, way, way worse than any statistics are telling us, in that a huge percentage of us are living with a level of exhaustion that we are totally ignoring. Consider for a moment if the consumption of all coffee was frozen for a week. Everywhere, everyone. Then consider the true picture that would be revealed; it’s actually kinda unimaginable. We are nowhere near realising how exhausted we all are.

  79. Thank you Otto. Such a real and practical sharing that many can relate to. I love the part at the end where you share about JOY. When we don’t choose to be with intensity in life we open ourselves up to feel and live the joy that naturally feels within.

  80. If I let my mind run the show then my day can feel super intense, if I stay with my movements then my day has a natural ease and flow.

  81. This pattern of making excuses is indeed a way of covering up and avoiding the honesty of various situations and choices we have made. It can perpetuate an ill pattern of behaviours and a momentum that can only ever keep building until we are brought to a stop in life through an accident, illness or dilemma in life.

  82. I too lived with the dramas and the continual thoughts of ‘how could others possibly know what was going on in my life?’ …“could they possibly understand or challenge the way I was being, because they’d have no idea what I was going through?” What an exhausting way to live, living with the self-perpetuating and self-created tension. To step out of my own way, to observe my life with the utmost honesty and to be open to making different choices has been the recipe that has turned this deleterious way of living (existing) into a way of life that is a joy to live.

  83. No matter how much we have to do in one day, I have found it quite surprising that there is enough time when I get out of the way and allow the day to flow. That seems to bring space to allow it to happen.

  84. I completely agree that when I make life intense it is because I am demanding or wanting something out of it rather than just sensing what needs to be done and rolling with that. And when I am in the intensity of self there is no room for joy.

    1. So this is really useful. I’m not feeling the joy? Stop and observe and be honest about what is running my day. These brilliant tools we have make living life a joyous game.

      1. Exactly Otto – the lack of joy is a dead give away that something is up and I’m not feeling myself and great point that if we are not feeling ourselves than something else is running us.

    2. Yes, and intensity is felt on a physical level: When I’m in the intensity of self there’s a pressure and a hardness that I inflict on myself, and then life feels squashed and pressurised. When I let go of doing everything I think I need to do and just go with it, get on with what’s right in front of me to be done, there’s a natural flow and simplicity to life, and so much more space in my body.

  85. A beautiful understanding and learning on the stress we cause ourselves and the intensity of life we allow to affect us .Taking true responsibility here for the energy of our thoughts and the way we play at life is deeply interesting to study and the sense it makes of how we set ourselves up to be.Getting ourselves out the way and allowing feels a much better option in life and very supportive.

  86. As we let go of intensity and struggle in our lives, we allow more space for deeper love and joy to be our every moment.

  87. “intense = in-tense.” How wonderful it is to feel the truth of words and what they hold for us in terms of how we live and see life. When we have a picture and or dialogue playing out on what we feel life is going to be we not only hold our bodies in tension but also halt the opportunity to be open to whatever shall unfold in it’s own time and space. Life is a series of moments that we can choose to either forecast the what could be or leave space to an expansion of something much more. Life is a forever unfoldment of truth with our choices.

  88. The mind chatter that can make everything intense in my day if I allow it is the only thing that needs to go and I am on to it! Big time!

    1. I love the concept that everything matters but struggle with it and that responsibility it brings at the same time.

    2. We truly are the makers of our future and every seemingly small choice to be with our true flow (which is simply saying yes to the grand flow of the Universal orders) matters significantly in how much space we will feel in our bodies and lives.

  89. “Very simply, if I get myself out of the way, then I will not be in this tension, I will not be in-tense and thus the day can no longer be intense. No self = no tension = no in-tense = no intensity. ” Love this Otto. What do we now choose?

  90. These days I like to say that my day or my week or my month …and my life has been and is very FULL. There are times when it feels intense, there are times when it feels overwhelming, but overall when I am with myself there is a fullness in my life that feels amazing and I am so appreciative of! And so perception is key and as perception is governed by the energy that we are in, it is a tell tale sign of the choices I have been making and the energy that I have aligned to on a moment to moment and day to day basis.

    1. I really appreciate this Henrietta. Full. A great word to use. What I like about it is that it is a really call to be constantly looking and refining our choices, because when I hear that word I am immediately drawn to ask “Full of what?”

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