925 thoughts on “Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?”

1. Could it be when we say we are okay when we are actually feeling amazing is abusive and will contract us from our divine connection?

2. Lifting the lid on abuse in the slightest way leads to accepting ever-increasing abuse to others and self to be the norm.

3. For many years I followed a diet and participated in activities that were socially accepted and in many cases were seen as being part of a healthy lifestyle. This lifestyle was based upon ideas I learnt from other people. However, once I started to listen to what supported my body by how it responded positively to my choices rather than what others said was beneficial, I started to make very different choices and what I chose before I now class as being self-abusive.

   1. I have found this as well – once we listen to our body and take note of how we are feeling, the old ideas of what is supposedly healthy and good are shown up for what they are: someone else’s prescriptions, experimentations and good ideas, if they are indeed good. Our own body speaks loud and clear, we just need to listen.

4. It is true, we do get uncomfortable when we talk about our abusive ways because we do not want to take responsibility for our behaviour and then make choices to change. We tell ourselves that we have no idea if we are being abusive or we make excuses that it’s someone else’s fault but in reality, we do know.

   1. Yes, we make very lame excuses indeed, put ourselves last and then get bitter and resentful that we are last in line and that everyone else ‘has it better’. All the while, we deep down know exactly what is going on and that we have made those choices but would never admit it, not even to ourselves.

      1. Gabriele you have hit the proverbial nail on the head when you say
         “All the while, we deep down know exactly what is going on and that we have made those choices but would never admit it, not even to ourselves.”
         We are so dishonest with ourselves and that is another layer of abuse to unpick, we use an intelligence to harm ourselves and when it is pointed out it seems so ridiculous that we would do such a thing but we do.

   2. We do know if we are being abusive, we just don’t want to be responsible, we know these substances are not good for us, ‘I am talking about drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco or any other substance, about going to bed later than what our body clearly signals to us, about asking our body to do the impossible, day in and day out.’

      1. It’s like we are oblivious to the needs of our body and treat it worse than we would our car – in many instances anyway.

5. Often we are not so willing to admit that we are being abusive to ourselves, but the response to that question of “would we treat a baby in the same way” is a great one for highlighting the fact that we do know what is okay and what is not – very well.

   1. We do know what is true and sacred even but so very often, we choose to act and move in defiance of this inner knowing.

6. Its weird, sad and downright awful that we have so many different forms of abuse: ‘physical, mental, emotional, financial or sexual abuse’ just trips off the tongue and we know each one is real and common in society. If we were to step back for a moment and look with fresh eyes we would consider that the world has gone mad to have this as a thing here on Earth.

   1. We have normalised what cannot and should not ever be normal and keep lowering the bar on what is acceptable, putting up with a way of life that is not what it easily could be.

7. “Abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium” – this ‘rely upon’ bit really stands out for me, and I cannot argue against it being true. It sounds strange, but it does seem like we are needing even just a small dosage of abuse to feel ‘balanced’ or it could be a case of not having to feel out of place. I know for myself how I have eaten something that I know not to support me any longer, or spend hours on the Internet, to be ‘naughty’ or as a reward when I am actually feeling amazing but in actual fact to take the edge off and reduce the grandness and its possible expansion and more-ness.

   1. We know when we are abusing ourselves, and not being honest, ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ Absolutely, a lot of our ‘normal’ behaviours are a form of abuse.

8. How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?
   Where has our true intelligence gone, when we actually can not get to the depth of this truth? We need wider ways to ponder.

   1. Are we intelligent, what is going on that we treat ourselves with such lack of self love?

9. If the way we treat ourselves is less than we would treat a newborn baby or a vulnerable child, then we have to question why we are not just as valuable and worth taking time over. This then lays a foundation for that way of moving to become our normal and means we can support others in a more caring way because it has become a standard that is completely normal.

   1. Great point; we behave as though there was a certain age at which it is okay for abuse to start and is even considered normal, as though it were part of growing up. Who says?

10. We can only abuse others if we have put ourselves into a state of abuse ourselves. Therefore I agree that abuse begins with self-abuse and to take it further I would add that self-abuse begins the moment we do not honour and treasure the preciousness within – that tiny spark of light that can never be snuffed that burns deep in the hearts of us all and reminds us of our universality.

    1. So the more we honour ourselves, the less normal abuse is out there in the world (and so the more likely that we will call it out). Its a great place to start, and there is no barrier to each and every one of us giving it a go.

11. it is a very compelling example… The idea of keeping up a child in such an abusive way, is so obviously abuse… And yet as you say, what do we do with ourselves.

12. I like to return to this blog from time to time because it lays a very important foundation for us in that if we abuse our bodies in any way then we are not only tolerating abuse but actually championing it.

    1. Great point Elizabeth, if we abuse our bodies in any way, then we are saying this is ok to behave in this way.

13. Having a deeper level of connection with my body is supportive in being more aware of the abusive mind chatter that is running in the background – this is great as prior to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon there would have been no awareness of this at all, let alone it being abusive / self-critical..

    1. We consider it normal, this self-abusive chatter and derision until we start to question the chatter itself and its content and realise that it does not have to be like that.

14. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves”
    How beautiful is that — an oh so brave statement that shares with us the truth about life and what we come to feel when we connect to our hearts again. There is no hesitation as abuse is abuse and love is love.

15. I think it’s really helpful to consider and reflect on actually how are with ourself – how is that relationship for it is foundational to how we also are with everyone else. Do we let negative or undermining thoughts run in our mind and how much do we listen to and care for our body…?

    1. Yes the thought process is very important. I love the reminders from the body about stinking thinking and how much it hurts.

16. Thank you Gabriele, I was feeling this abuse myself the other day when I had pushed myself to do all kind of things, like going to the market, visit my father, have dinner with a friend when my body was very loud and clear after I came back home from work, to have some rest. I can feel how I am used to ‘keep on going’ instead of choosing what my body is communicating all of the time not only when it fits me.

    1. Interestingly, we have made going against what our body is telling us, loud and clear, our normal and everyday activity, many activities.

17. Thank you Gabriele – this blog has also offered the opportunity for me sit up – very straight indeed, and have another look at where there is even a tad of abuse / self abuse being accepted in daily life.
    “but what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?”

18. I love the question at the end; ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ It makes a complete mockery about the way we use the word abuse and what we deem it to be. I know for myself there are things I would and have done to myself that I would never dream of doing to another so why would I do this to myself, What level of decency, love and respect am I therefore holding myself in?

19. Yes our ideas of what abuse is what conveniently allows us to not address all the subtle forms of abuse that we impose on ourselves as such then on others. Anything that is unloving is an abuse to who we are, the love we are in essence, as even thoughts of self-doubt, judgement and comparison are abusive games we play that keep us from living and reflecting the greater love that we innately are.

    1. Abuse starts small, very small and then grows incrementally as we make ourselves get used to the ever-changing and in fact worsening ‘new normal’ – bit by bit into the full catastrophe.

20. Differentiating what we have power over and what we don’t is very important for us. If we can redress the balance we start to see that we can be on the front foot and avert many of the disruptive experiences that were once quite normal from sticking the head very firmly in the sand!!

21. There is no doubt that our lack of understanding of the being that we are with in the body allows us to continue on a path of self-abuse, where we attend to the body for how it looks, or possibly how fit it is, or even getting it healthy, but not how it feels within. The Ageless Wisdom puts the body front and centre, and offers a depth of understanding of the soul within the body that is the marker of our truth.

    1. We regard the body as an outer shell, containing the mind and being entirely driven by it and never do we accord it the respect and decency we would any fellow human being or animal, for that matter. If we were treated as we treat ourselves and were animals, we would be reported to the RSPCA and hauled over the coals for our cruelty.

22. The more honest we are with ourselves the easier it is to identity what is abuse and the easier it is to make those changes to live a more loving and consistent life.

    1. Yes, because we wouldn’t recognise it if we were not prepared to bring that level of honesty to ourselves.

23. Great question Gabriele, ‘Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?, the answer for most including myself is yes, the more I understand about abuse, the deeper I am feeling into what is abuse, and every time I override what my body is asking particularly to go to bed, I am in fact abusing myself, thank you for the timely reminder.

24. Any situation that triggers energy of hurts and/or emotions we carry in the body lead first to abuse of self and eventually of others.

    1. Any hurt left unattended to makes us the target of whatever wants to come through us, mainly in reaction and retaliation.

25. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” – yes Gabriele, the more you allow self-love to be the natural way of living, the more you realise the extent and truth of what you share here on abuse from self-abuse.

26. It is when we start comparing the obvious abusive behaviours with what we consider our normal that we overlook where we are being self-abusive, on what in comparison may seem less, but however we want to re-interpret it abuse is still abuse and it comes with a lack of regard and responsibility towards ourselves and indeed flows on to effect everyone else. The more we accept the minor abusive behaviours the more abusive they will become so that what may have felt abusive becomes part of our everyday patterns.

    1. If something gets a little bit worse every day, we tend to turn a blind eye and, before we know it, we are faced with the full catastrophe.

27. Thank you Gabrielle. for you expose the lies that we have incorporated in our daily lives that are abuse. Uncomfortable to admit, but truly serving if we did!

28. As everything else, abuse starts small and is in the detail; when we let it slide and say yes (and that might mean not saying no and putting up with what is happening), we can easily go into free fall and all the way into what we would commonly call abuse and are repulsed by. But why did we let it slide to start with?

29. Imagine a law that said all abuse was illegal, including abuse to ourselves. It seems to me the cycle of abuse will be never ending until we higher our standards in every area of our lives and understand that life is not truly about us, and that one action of abuse or harm such as simply overeating has much greater impact and reach than we could imagine.

    1. We don’t need more legislation, we need understanding and love.

       1. Hear Hear Gabriele. A loveless world will not change through legislation, simply a deeper understanding of the truth of our being connected to God within and through our body, can restore harmonious living from Love to humanity . This will herald the end of abuse in any form.

       2. We definitely need more love, and understanding.

30. We feel completely different about ourselves when we honour what is true for ourselves rather than doing something to please others.

    1. We sell out to another’s demands when we do things to please others and lose any authority – and our confidence as well. We become like a slave.

       1. That’s a great way to describe it – when we try and please others it becomes a matter of authority and of giving away our authority and personal jurisdiction to something outside of ourselves – it’s a bit like un-anchoring a ship in a turbulent storm.

31. Such a powerful article Gabriele exposing the abusive cycle we can be in with ourselves. We have normalised the ‘self-abuse’ instead of seeing the harm we do to ourselves everyday is still part of the same energy of abuse, the more we call out this abuse the more likely we are to be open to seeing the larger forms of abuse around us. It all comes down to responsibility and being open to see the truth.

    1. And vice versa – the more we see the obvious and in our faces kind of abuse, the more the intricate nuances of abuse and self-abuse come to the fore and expose themselves.

    2. Being open, honest and responsible is important in calling out abuse in ourself, not allowing so called ‘normal’ abuse in any form.

32. What we regard as abuse really depends of the level of self acceptance and love we have for ourselves, and the more that the love builds the more abusive patterns are discarded. There are many things that I catch myself doing which feel abusive to my body, like rushing in the morning and the way that I get into my car, which a few years ago wouldn’t have even crossed my mind as being abusive as the more obvious behaviours were still at play such as drinking and smoking.

    1. The more we see and feel, the more we see and feel – as we discard the more obvious abusive patterns, the subtler ones get revealed. And they are those we would not have noticed years, months or at times, even days ago.

33. Lack of sleep can make us cranky and in that crankiness we can be difficult for others to be around – that in itself really is a type of abuse for both parties.

34. “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal” and this is how we can avoid looking at abuse in the detail we need to to step out of that damaging acceptance, that abnormal ‘normal’ – clearly exposed as not normal with your great question around sleep: when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation. But we so easily do this to ourselves, pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference?

35. Yes and this can feel like a judgement and harsh therefore overwhelming – where do you start when the abuse is not just in the confines of your home or community but world-wide? Yet it started by letting things slide in our own bodies and at home, therefore to have any impact on the greater plan we have to start with our own bodies in our own lives and build a body that can support the level of awareness we are struggling to embrace. Then we won’t be overwhelmed, we will know what we can do we must do with the full awareness that we never do it alone.

36. There are so many ways abuse is happening around us that it has become the normal and we have a gazillion ways of distracting ourselves from noticing it so it doesn’t impulse us to do anything about it, because when you do see it you cannot BUT get active. That is what is so clever about negating the energetic factor as being of any importance, because we can then only consider abuse as the more extreme forms of abuse we can actually see with our eyes and measure by the severity in that way.

37. A great call and question to ask. We have the tendency to look for the culprit in others but how is the relationship with ourself, how are we treating ourself, as that is what we bring to everybody else.

    1. We can reflect another way of living to another, a way of caring and nurturing ourselves, and who knows it may inspire another to live differently.

38. It’s so true that what we might consider abusive towards others we normalise in our relationship to ourselves, a great example being what you’ve shared Gabriele about sleep deprivation, and another being just how hostile our thoughts can be throughout the day – if we said some of these thoughts out loud it would be a serious concern.

39. Self-abuse has indeed become so normalised in our world. At this point I can see not many people are willing to recognise how harmful self-abuse is. It has become a way of life that so many people have accepted and often don’t think to question it because everyone else is also living the same abusive way. If we self-abuse then we are adding to the energy of abuse that could potentially do greater harm elsewhere where we may not see or witness. But in the world of energy we in fact contribute to a pool of energy that harms another human being if we say yes to abuse in any shape or form. When we understand this, then it calls us to take another look at our level of responsibility and all our choices.

    1. With self-abuse, we normalise it by our behaviours and add to the pool of energy that keeps reinstating it every moment by humanity world-wide. We aid and abet what we in truth abhor so it is recirculated throughout the world and amongst all people.

    2. True, do we want to add to the energy of abuse, or instead choose love, ‘If we self-abuse then we are adding to the energy of abuse that could potentially do greater harm elsewhere where we may not see or witness.’

40. Great questions here, how can it not be abuse if we do it to ourselves as well, but the really uncomfortable thing for me reading this was how we can use abuse to ‘rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium … now this stopped me for I know that I can easily go into self bashing thoughts and then the food usually follows, but to consider that I might use this as a coping mechanism … I do, and that’s definitely something to change.

41. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” I see it as for any moment or millisecond that we do not honour and be absolutely honests what are our feelings we are in abuse.

42. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine helped me to understand and see the abuse I had towards myself, before meeting Serge I really wasn’t aware of the levels of abuse I had towards myself. This allowed me to work on this bring loving ways in and so it continues and the more subtle choices are revealed with my body’s guidance.

43. Great reminder that we are always contributing to the pool of energy rippling out from any behaviour and thus have a responsibility to not perpetuate what we don’t want in our lives anymore.

44. Thank you Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for opening my eyes to every form of abuse you have shared with us Gabriele, as I have partaking in all you are sharing in the most abusive ways!

45. Could it be that we are so used to filling our emptiness with anything other than Love that we accept abuse in its many forms? Then even when we stop abusive behaviours do we let go of the underlying condition that caused us to go into what-ever that abuse was? And read on for there is an expanding on what is shared about the blogs from Eunice Minford referred to in his blog; “This might be a hard pill to swallow when its full ramifications are realised, as we can be stuck in the illusion that we are living relatively healthy and harmless lives but when examined energetically we are in fact abusing ourselves and others frequently.” This leads us to Gabriele’s question where does abuse start and it is most definitely with our-self.
    Then when all the cards are on the table about abuse we understand it has many avenues that it takes to keep us from our most Loving aspect and a lot of Soul-searching is needed to look into our behaviours 24/7 so we can open our-self up to healing many ill ways that have abused us on every level for life times. Until-True-Love is opened to us in its Truest-form, then many ways become open for us to live Lovingly to the best of our ability and it can be lived to a level that is not a momentary thing, but a Love that is, continually breaking down our abusive ways!

46. We don’t see pushing ourselves to get a job done abusive but when we listen to our body it willing shows us that it is going against its natural rhythm, and I know I used to do this countless times during the day. To counter it I ate sugary foods but there was always a permanent raciness in my body. I am now so much more aware of all the different things in my day that can push my body out of its natural rhythm. What I am now learning to do is refine it even more. I recently had a session where I was in deep repose but after the session I carried on as I would normally do and fell over and injured my wrist and spine. This really showed me I had not truly connected to the next step that was being offered to me, and although it was not the usual way I would go into drive, I was still out of rhythm with where my body was at. I am constantly going to a deeper level of what self abuse looks like and how it shows up in my body.

47. In truth, we don’t want to see the abuse we do to ourselves because of our attachment to comfort. We don’t want to let go of our behaviours to comfort us because they help to distract and numb ourselves from what is going on.

48. ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ That’s a yes from me, and for abuse to stop externally it needs to stop internally first. The body is an honest guide should we need some direction.

49. A powerful message. Sharing on abuse and self-abuse the deeper insight and reality of what this actually means. The unleash the “accepted ” forms of abuse by exposing them for the exact same abuse they are compared to more obvious situations – where raw abuse is shown. Raw or unraw – abuse is abuse and we need to be more honest now: as keeping silent and unaware will only creates the toll to go further and increase all the abuse going on in our world.

50. This is a massive and I mean MASSIVE topic Gabriele especially because most of humanity think they are not generally self abusive when they actually are and coupled with the rising illness and disease stats wonder why we are getting so sick. It is rare to treat ourselves with true love and care but could this in itself be part of the ill?

51. It is a great exercise to check if what we are doing to ourselves or to another is something we would do a baby, as if not why do it to ourselves?

    1. Under the toughest exterior is the sensitivity of the baby and when overridden anything it possible. Though sensitivity is a quality that allows us to feel and read what is going on around us, it is a quality to embrace.

52. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ When I observe a situation where someone may be choosing to over-ride the very clear signs of exhaustion and pushing on to get something done, I do not hold back in challenging what their body is really asking for and the freedom of choice available to them. If I am to apply the same situation to myself I used to be totally unaware that I too, am choosing abuse over self love. A willingness to allow space for deeply surrendering and to listen to what is needed changes everything, particularly different choices. Distractions serve the purpose of allowing abuse of self to continue – end the distractions and the abuse will also begin to disappear.

    1. Maybe it’s about ending the monopoly of the mind over the body that’s going to stop the abuse, more than anything else in this world of ours?

53. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” I would say yes, because they are a coping mechanism for the lack of true honesty. It is a way we have lived for so long now that to consider the level of abuse we consider ‘normal’ that should not be normal at all is challenging. Sticking our head in the sand seems to be the more popular answer – having been there for most of my life and still getting to know when my head is still there when I find a I have a mouthful of sand again eeeek!

54. Some people can see self-abuse as okay because it ‘doesn’t affect anyone else’ – but in fact it does. Any form of abuse harms everyone – you cannot abuse yourself without abusing another in some way, shape or form.

    1. So true Jenny, this is a common way of thinking, that what we do to ourselves does not harm another or the rest of humanity. But when we understand how energy work and understand how life on earth work, then we cannot deny the fact that every choice we make does impact on everything else.

       1. We are very powerful but not ready for the responsibility that the awareness of this power brings to us. So meanwhile, we engage in delay, and delay, and delay …

55. If we start from the marker that anything less than love is abuse we can see how far we have strayed and how much this can depend on the people we hang out with or associate with. My old life and the people that I hung out with regarded drinking excessively normal and not an abuse in anyway, if we could hold it together remain employed and live a life. I’m along way from that life, but also still a long way off the marker of being all about love so still generally in the self-abuse category.

56. ‘self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal. Sobering indeed.’ Agreed Gabriele, especially when ultimately and truly we are such precious, awesome, loving and powerful beings.

57. And it is sliding scale – we put up with a little bit of something and then that little bit gets bigger and bigger, more extreme even and before we know it, we are into full-blown abuse and wonder how to put a stop to it.

58. Could it be that when we do not deliver a Loving consideration to anyone so a level of Love is not expressed this is not only abusive but the start of a deeper relationship with abuse? So when Love is expressed from our essence then we are allowing our true self to evolve from a deepening level of expression.

59. This blog is a game changer – showing us that there is so much more to us, and that indeed we are living in more abusive forms ourselves that we call normal, that actually are harming to us, even though it is acceptable form of self-abuse. Thank you for making this clear, better know what is true than being under the ilussion of not knowing.

60. Abuse goes far far beyond the physical segment of it.

61. A great question to ask and to put into perspective how we treat ourselves. Everything starts with us, how we are with ourselves, and this is then reflected in every relationship there is.

    1. So true Esther – this is the fulcrum which everything comes from.

    2. This is my experience Esther. There is no escape in the truth that you’ve presented, every choice we make relates to everything else in life. We tend to compartmentalise our life but it doesn’t work, and eventually we can see a pattern play out that is very difficult to avoid. So I agree, If we are abusive with ourselves our relationship with others will also be affected.

62. As a handyman, come painter and jack of all master of non,,! I could never get-it how someone could punch a hole-in-a-wall or door as they would always have to get some work done and that I would or could never be that far out of control. Now I have an understanding that it is all to do with energy, so it makes much more sense, how some people get more lost than others? When we lose our connection anything is possible and a general snapshot of what is happening in todays world reflects the energy the majority are in.
    Living with respect and decency towards our-self has a huge knock on affect that can reverberate around the world, just like a pebble that is dropped into a crystal clear lake the ripples carry to the furthest reaches and return.

63. I have just read an article about competition and comparison and see in a clearer way how aligning to the competitiveness that is set up in our societies is a serious form of self and social abuse, disregarding and dismissing our qualities and value in place of scoring ourselves against others.

64. Having an awareness of both self-abuse and self-love, offers opportunity on a daily basis to the choices we make during our day

65. I like your comparison in your blog – we would never tell a child, to stay up late, but for us, it is often normal to push to the boundaries and we only go to bed, when we don’t have a choice any more, the tiredness has overwhelmed us. This doesn’t make sense. The good news are – the more we are connected to our bodies, the more we receive the messages from the body which tells us when to go to bed.

66. I know I can be abusive to myself in ways that would not usually be considered abusive. For example the way that I talk to myself sometimes, with negative chatter, and the food I can choose to eat as a result. Anything that is an imposition on the body that has not come from a true impulse can be abusive. If I put myself down or allow feelings of not being good enough, that is abusive. Anything that results in me feeling smaller or believing myself to be lesser than others is abusive. Learning how to love ourselves is an ongoing process, and involves listening to the body, talking to ourselves lovingly, and allowing ourselves to be all we can be, without arrogance and without imposition on others.

    1. Oh the words we use – we just have no real clue about the foundation they lay. Listening to the body and speaking to myself as I would to a delicate, precious baby has been a life-changing experiment for me.

67. Sleep deprivation is one thing that we do learn from a very early age and it is probably the first form of abuse in our life. Then that sets us up for a continual barrage of abusive behaviours that we all consider to be normal.
    So observing the way the current young-one are nurtured without having to go through any sleep deprivation, and thus there is little other abusive behaviours thrust upon them, which brings a more socially acceptable way of living that is virtually abuse-less. Maybe one day a study will be done on the long lasting effects of sleep deprivation and the unfold abuse we live in our later years?

    1. So when we are in our next incarnation the study can then continue to shed light on what is happening to us from our previous life!! Now that is definitely the way of the future.

68. Once I begin to look at the many ways I abuse myself with the seemingly little things like eating food I know doesn’t agree with me or not resting when I need to and pushing through something with gritted teeth, I realise that it is more damaging than just that moment as I somehow still hold a demonised conception of myself in a way that makes me think that I deserve to be punished when my body reacts to the treatment I am giving it instead of simply not doing these things. This comes from the idea of being ‘a sinner’ that I was indoctrinated into believing from an early age by the catholic church. Having written this I realise that I am investing in this as it gives a sense of self. A false sense of self that is!

69. Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” such a great question and imagine if we all asked ourselves that every day, it would be exposing and if done honestly could have the power to expose the ways we let ourselves down through not honering ourselves in a higher or more evolving way.

70. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ It is self abuse but this is only a symptom of the consequences of the start of self abuse. This starts with reducing the self awareness connection with one self and then what is abuse is not recognised as abuse as ones self awareness is not their to alert oneself to the abuse and therefore it goes un-noticed.

71. Wow Gabriele what a real understanding to look at of the start of abuse in the world coming firstly from how we treat ourselves as individuals and the start of this to call out and see our responsibility with ourselves and to deepen and treasure ourselves lovingly offering this reflection and way for others to feel also. True responsibility and very inspiring and much needed.

    1. As within, so without.

72. We do consume substances that are toxic and impact in our bodies sensitive bodies homeostasis, and then call it normal, caffeine, alcohol, etc…we do not really ponder what is happening to us when we choose them, because our bodies heal and do well, until they don’t and when they don’t we raise up our arms and often say why me? We pollute ourselves regularly in many ways – emotionally and otherwise and it is something that I am only just grasping the significance of….

    1. There is also the desperate hope that something will happen to us to change our self abusive ways so we can have a reason for why we needed to change. I have noticed this way doesn’t offer lasting change, simply a glimpse of what we would naturally like as our way of living.

       1. Yes, some even toy with the idea of an illness that will really shake them up and out of their stupor. Quite extreme when it suits us to believe that our ill choices are stronger than us.

73. For me self abuse is really the start for abuse in every way. Thank you for sharing your experience with that so eloquently in your awesome blog Gabriele. If I am talking to my self in a judging or bashing way I am abusing myself – I was not aware of this fact for a long time and was wondering why I felt not simply good. Since I know it my live changed a lot. I do not allow myself to talk to me in this bashing way anymore instead I am looking what I can appreciate instead – not so easy I have to say but it is working and now I am less hard to myself and to others – that means also less abusive.

    1. Negative self talk is so pervasive that it takes on forever finer and more subtle nuances, as in assuming that one is always in the wrong and needs to make amends for example, without reading the energy of what is coming towards us.

74. Gabrielle, reading this article I can feel how there are so many subtle ways that we abuse our bodies. For me the abuse can come in the form of trying to fit in and be liked and saying yes rather than saying no to something that doesn’t feel OK for my body – saying yes to please others. This form of compliance and overriding of my body feels very harmful and unloving.

    1. It is simple isn’t it when we listen to our bodies, they know when something doesn’t fit, our bodies feel and register everything. In whatever way we are not being true to ourselves there is disharmony.

75. Truth and pregnancy will always be true or false. So, why do we put self-abuse on a sliding scale?

76. Living in the lie that we are not abusing our-self when it is very clear that from what you have shared that we are in situation where our body is telling us we are sleepy but we push by that point and get over tired. “Sobering indeed.” And sleep is just one simple example!

77. Gabriele I’m coming to the understanding of just how deep self-abuse can go with ourselves that we are prepared to be dishonest in order to stay in the ‘comfortable’ way of life but I feel we actually hate it because we know at some level it is very self-abusive and keeps us stuck in the rut until the rut becomes so unbearable that we climb out.

78. The example of how we would treat a child is a good one. If we were to take care of ourselves and love ourselves in the way that we would treat a small child our lives and health would be very different. And the way that we feel about ourselves would be different too. It is possible to be abusive to ourselves even in our minds. If we took care of the way we talk to ourselves making sure it is kind and loving we may not turn to abusive behaviours that are physical.

79. It comes to me that when we get emotional we are being Self Abusive and this is accepted as normal. If this is true how many other so called normal or natural actions are learned skills to keep us in denial of the truth? Thus a Livingness where we get a look at our ”real quality of our daily lived life,” so we do not fall for the usual, normal, it is human, natural, she-will-be-right and the all-is-good that keeps us numb to what our body is sharing! Our words carry so much true power to transform our relationship with our-self and an appreciation of our essence and the wisdom we are all connected to bring an amazing shift away from the fatalistic approach as described above.

80. A very sobering blog….with a reality check question for each one of us to reflect on: ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’.

81. I am becoming more and more aware of how I can be really abusive to my body. To the outside world it does not look like abuse; things such as pushing myself to do things in a quick way, rather than at my natural speed; eating a little too much; staying up a little bit later; rushing to get out the door in the morning. All these things are felt hugely by my body and are starting to feel very abusive, even though in society they maybe considered ‘normal’.

    1. Beautifully said Rebecca.

82. Being self-righteous or holding onto right and wrong is self-abusive and abusive to those we are being self-righteous or arrogant with. Most of us don’t see this as abuse, we feel it in our bodies though, and then mostly react to it but don’t then expose it as the abuse it is.

83. Abuse a word that often gets us to run off, sit up straight or attack…it is connected to so many horrific things that evoke get up to, and yet look again and it is possible for most of us to see how we are self abusive in some level. It is all in the perception of our normal.

84. The list of self-abuse is enormous, and the more I look at abuse and re-define what it means to me the longer the list gets.

85. It seems to me we have allowed ourselves to become abusive towards ourselves and it is so insidious that it has become an ingrained part of our behaviour. So it would make sense if we can be abusive to ourselves then we would naturally be abusive to others as there would be no distinction.

86. Once we know that anything that is not truly Love is abuse, our whole perspective changes. We have accepted that so many behaviours and states of mind such as ‘doubt’ or resentment’ are okay and natural to have and not abusive, when in fact these reactions are not love or anything like it; It is looking like a large part of our lives is actually abusive, and the most accessible way to know this is to reactivate our gift of clairsentience – of being able to feel energy. It is then clear to us what Love is and what abuse is.

    1. Spot on Lyndy, our clairsentience is absolutely key in allowing us to feel what is true or not.

87. Depriving ourselves of sleep and true rest is a great example of how we can abuse ourselves; it can be a similar relationship with our food and even in how we move throughout the day.. Would we be so careless, disregarding and dismissive of a child if we were tasked with looking after them, as we are with our own body?

88. We are so much more abusive to ourselves than we are likely to be to another – why do we feel we can have internal talk that we would never say out loud to someone we love.

89. When we treat ourselves and our belongings with loving care and tenderness, it feels very harsh when someone then slams the car door, or roughly hugs us… and yet thats how most of us live our everyday. We innately know as children how to be loving and harmonious – how transformed would be the world if our young were encouraged to hold these qualities as they grow and mature through life.

90. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” amazing point and one whilst so obvious is so often ignored.

91. When we deny our tenderness and harden off, it does feel like we are being abusive to ourselves. We come from love and anything not loving has to be abusive.

92. We seem to live in a society where we are asked to perform the impossible day in and day out and this does take a toll on our bodies there is no doubt about it. Companies are asking their employers to work harder, longer so that the profit target is reached for the year and then they increase the margin the next year on going. What I have noticed is that people are let go and the other remaining people have to pick up the work load and all this is in the name of making profits but who apart from the shareholders benefits from such huge profits every year. To me our current way of doing business is not healthy for the people or the company because the profit monster has an insatiable appetite.

    1. Yes, profit desires forever more profit and nothing is ever enough; its appetite is insatiable and it will gobble up people’s health and well-being, justify abuse and self-abuse, neglect of those nearest and dearest – and all in the name of the bottom line.

    2. Yes, we push ourselves to the limit and more and more of us fall to the side. But one day we will realise that it has never been about survival of the fittest but that it has always been about us all and that nobody is to be left behind but always considered to be part of the whole because we simply are all part of a grand whole.

       1. Survival of the fittest buys into competitiveness and every man for himself which is not what we come from; it is against our very nature and hurts us deeply.

93. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ a great question to ask Gabriele. Amazing how we can slant and manipulate things. Abuse is a abuse, no two ways about it.

94. Abuse begins the moment we separate from the love that we are, as all that exists past this point are choices and movements that cannot come from love.

95. Gabriele, reflecting on what you are sharing here I would say yes abuse has become ‘normal’ and accepted in our society, it seems more usual to be self abusive than to honour and take care of selves. When someone does honour themselves by going to bed early, not drinking alcohol, being honest and sensitive – then often this person stands out as being ‘odd’ and different and that there maybe something wrong with them – now this really does seem like we as a society have got things the wrong way round when abuse is the ‘norm’.

96. For me the greatest form of self abuse, and therefore of others, is blame. If I see the world in pictures of right and wrong rather than my responsibility for a series of choices, then I am abusing myself with unkind, demoralising thoughts, more evil in their energy as I judge myself on that scale of right or wrong than a self inflicted physical blow, for is it not those demeaning thoughts that make us feel bad about ourselves and lead to the physical actions? They prevent us accepting and appreciating who and what we are, at heart loving human beings with the ability to be gentle and tender and kind. Should we be able to arrest that inner abusive flow of thought energy then the self bashing would stop too and our expression in the world around us also.

    1. The negative self-talk, blame and reproach are like the scorpion’s tail that comes from behind, long after the event and after the dust has blown over. It is a way to keep inflicting self-abusive thought patterns onto ourselves and make sure, as much as possible but never forever, that we don’t move on.

97. We make think we are not abusing ourselves but our body will always show us the truth; and if we listen we learn so much and it is then our choice to change it.

98. You ask the question about whether worldwide abuse starts with self abuse, as an offer to consider the responsibility we have in setting the standards we then see across humanity and there is an invitation here too… none of us are powerless to make changes and this is a point of inspiration for today.

99. Mostly in our societies we have become numbed into a state of lack of awareness therefore accepting of everyday self abuse. Which in a way has normalised with pushing, striving, stressing and really working against the body. We have also created the many more props and distractions available to keep us spinning around in a cycle of self abuse. Until of course the body shows signs of disease then some of us still refuse to stop. Even choosing a more conveinient outer source to blame our ills upon.

    1. Yes, as in microwaves and mobile phone towers cause cancer apparently and coffee is good for us, keeps us going. And that is a good thing, right?

100. Where do children learn self-abuse? Could it be their role models that express; do as I say and not as I do, your not old enough yet and when you grow up you can do what you want as long as is doesn’t hurt others.

     1. Yeah, do as you like and don’t make any waves and if you do, make the widely accepted ones, even if they sit at the margin of normality. Just don’t rock the boat, whatever you do. Don’t make us look in the mirror of our choices and lack of responsibility.

101. When you put it like that, it’s a bit difficult to not see how ridiculous our perception of what abuse is.

102. What I have noticed is when we start to address what constitutes ‘abuse’ for ourselves, it tends to start with the obvious physical things we see or hear or do, then as our relationship with love grows – becoming more self honouring for example, gradually we move into addressing the more micro and subtle things that we feel and register as a hurt… These subtle disturbances register in our body and are felt as a hurt – equally as if it were the physical abuse … but because they are not the obvious ones, there can be a potential to override or dismiss this. Tip is to stay with the quality of love – the love you know to the core within your own body.

103. Saying ‘Yes’ to Love in all areas of our life … we cannot only love in parts. That is not Love.

104. The difference it can make to deepen our level of self care, even just a little bit can never be underestimated, as every incremental change will eventually lead to a much deeper and more focussed level of caring for ourselves which can and does have a hugely beneficial impact on our overall health and well being.

105. It is so abusive to do this sort of thing to ourselves, like overriding the messages of sleep. It can feel normal because we have done it for such a long time, that we accept it as our normal behaviour, without understanding we would not do it to another so why would we behave like this to ourselves?

     1. The thing is when a level of abuse is normal for someone they then expect others to do the same thing… like bullying someone because they don’t want to go out late at night to have dinner or don’t feel to stay on the computer all night like their friends. We then either align with them just to not be picked on or we stay true to what our body is feeling and say no to abuse even if the other person reacts.

106. We can trundle along for years in the ignorance or self denial that we are hurting nobody but ourselves, that is if we are even aware that we are in abusing ourselves. The more we are able to see the abuse in doing things like smoking, drinking gaming etc, the quicker our bodies are at showing us what is and what is not true. My body is very quick to let me know these days if I have not been self-loving even down to not putting slippers on when I get home.

     1. I have also been working on shedding things from my life that are not loving or supportive and increasing my self-care that in the past was just basic maintenance. As you have said, Kevin, now even small amounts of an abuse are instantly flagged up!

107. Abuse has become so normal that we don’t even realise we are abusing ourselves… however it is our abuse of ourselves that perpetuates the abuse in the world.

     1. Okay so as a quiet experiment today I am going to clock how many things I do that if I were to do to a baby or young child would be considered abusive and see where my self-abuse plays out. Bringing stuff into my awareness stops me being able to pretend I am powerless over change.

        1. Great start – what would it feel like if we observed someone doing this to a baby and small child; would it be abuse? So why am I doing it to myself and pretending that it is okay?

108. When you stop and really ponder on whether the way we are living is abusive or not you actually start to see that yeah there is a lot of abuse playing out. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I was offered the opportunity to truly stop and see what was really not loving and abusive. Over time since this point of realisation I have noticed more and more the things that I allow that may seem small and significant is actually really abusive. Attention to detail with ourselves and how we are with ourselves has to have positive effect on all those around us. It comes down to what we really value for ourselves and what we think we are worth.

109. I love the analogy of keeping a child up when they are tired because I recognise it in terms of myself – oh yes I have spent years doing ‘just one more thing’ before taking myself off to bed and it’s delayed my bed time well beyond what my body actually needs and then I’m not in a place of stillness so don’t sleep straight away. We do sabotage ourselves a lot and some simple moments of self care would make all the difference.

     1. Absolutely Carmel. I can relate to this too. But now that I am aware of the difference it can make to how I feel when I do listen to my body when its tired and respond by taking myself to bed, I am appreciating how much more supported I feel to do what is needed in my day.

110. I have found that no matter what anyone does or says to us it only affects us if we 1st are not truly honouring and loving ourselves. So yes we can say that hurt or blame another but that does not bring us back to ourselves. As we were the ones whom 1st chose to step away from love and by doing so allowed abuse in our lives, the rest feels like an outplay of that slowly getting more and more in our face until we see the reality and wake up call that we need to come back to love.

111. “It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms” i totally agree, for me this is where I first was challenged with the level of abusive things I did that I “needed” yet I soon came to understand that I really knew these things were abusive without someone needing to tell me what they were. As with many areas of life, if I need something I don’t often see the truth in it.

     1. That is very true – when we put need ahead of truth, we wear blinkers and regard everything in light of giving us what it is we think we need.

112. If self-abuse encompasses anything that is not truly loving, for ourselves and others, then without perfection we all have a long road ahead to eliminate it.

     1. Yes, just words are enough to cut more deeply than a blow or a knife could ever do.

     2. It does seem, like a long daunting road to eliminate self-abuse but knowing we can do it in one moment means we can in the next and then the next one. As soon as I see it this way it seems a very doable task and one I can play with and have fun with rather than thinking how on Earth can I possibly do that!

113. ” Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves? ”
     From my observation we are one has only to see how many people are over weight or obese, if we did this to a pet it could be considered abuse and most likely reported to the authorities.

     1. It makes it so simple and undeniable when we consider doing some of the things we do to ourselves to an animal or child… if I spoke to a child the way I speak to myself sometimes there would be no doubt that it would be seen for what it is, crushing, life-warping, psychological abuse.

114. Yes Gabriele, self-abuse is every-day occurrence and it is up to us to define what that is, and refine our living in terms of the beautiful, tender, love and care that we are truly capable of.

115. I distinctly remember a beautifully gentle lady I know suggesting I treat myself as lovingly, caringly and with as much attention to detail as I would a very young child. It’s something that has stayed with me, as I know, if, and when I treat myself with any less care than this, I have slipped into a level of disregard which is simply a societally more ‘acceptable’ way of labelling self-abuse. That’s what most humans baulk at seeing about themselves. It’s way easier to call it out in the way others choose to live rather than own up and ‘own’ what we are actually doing to ourselves and our bodies.

116. “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal” I completely agree, this is the normality that is our life today, it is the world and it is something that we need to ask ourselves if we want to keep our life being this way or not. Do we want finer abuse or are we wanting love? After all only we can change what we allow.”

117. Understanding how even the most tiny act of abuse to ourselves .. the negative sliver of a thought that creeps in about something.. has a deleterious effect on ourselves is quite a wake up call when we can feel how we live on a daily basis in what we might have previously called a loving way. It brings up a whole new definition that abuse is being anything that is not 100% Love.

118. Great last question. Shaking, making us aware of what it is actually that we call abuse and that in truth there is so much more abuse than we have made it so to be. A profound blog that gives more voice to what abuse is and can give more detailed description to and observe in a more honest way.

119. We define things by measuring them towards something worse or better and then make it our normal and with that we deny ourselves to see what is really going on because everybody has their own set of normal which then determines the normal that is defined by what the majority are seeing and living as normal. However this is something we have created and has nothing to do with what is truly natural to us.

120. It could be said that anything that we allow into our lives that does not truly support or empower us, is not love and therefore it is abusive.

     1. Simply stated, and oh so true, Sandra; ‘anything that we allow into our lives that does not truly support or empower us, is not love and therefore it is abusive.’

121. We only ever treat people the way we treat ourselves, we may try and do better and be more caring to others, but true care is felt in the love some one lives. Often we abuse ourselves and think it won’t matter, but we all feel it whether it is said out loud or not. We are sensitive and everything we live is felt by everyone else.

122. Anything that is not love is abuse so the answer to your question would have to be a YES, as yet, I am not loving me to the depth I can.

123. Why is abuse inflicted to self so ingrained as almost everyone would do it to themselves? But the truth is we are love, and so there is such resistance towards being that.

     1. We resist what we are and what we yearn for most and choose to keep running around in circles, chasing our own tail and exhausting the earth’s resources, our physicality and our very being.

124. Its not until we start deepening the care that we take of ourselves that we can start to appreciate the subtle levels of abuse that we have allowed, as they no longer become acceptable.

     1. Abd the more care and love we shower ourselves with, the more we recognise as abuse what only yesterday seemed ‘normal’, a given and a tainted or merely functional version of self-care and self-love.

     2. So there is an ‘always’ about this; an ongoing deepening and development of our understanding of care, respect and self-love. This is bringing an understanding and inspiration to how we can commit to life in a very every day and sustainable way.

125. The answer is yes, we are in an abusive relationship with ourselves that spills into every aspect of our life. Welcome to the new world we have created by choice, be it ours or one we have accepted. It starts with dishonouring our body, but, our body is forever ready for us to return.

126. Great question here Gabriele – “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?”. I also pictured a child saying…’but I am full’ and the adult going, ‘too bad, you will eat more’ and shovelling food into their little bodies. And if I take that as my body saying to me ‘I am full’ (which it does) but my mind going, too bad, I want more of this chips,chocolate, last helping of dinner etc (which it does)…. I would never do it to a little child, but I totally do it to myself. Great ‘food’ for thought.

     1. Great example and abuse becomes so much clearer when we take a baby or small child, an animal even and realise that mostly, we don’t accord ourselves the same level of love and care. Why?

     2. Great point Sarah… our minds are never satiated – always wanting the next thing whether that be food, clothes, a need of some description. In contrast our bodies know when we’ve eaten enough – it only needs what is required to nourish and support its harmonious ways.

127. ‘It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in…’ absolutely. I know just how uncomfortable I get when I feel my choices, but in that I know it’s an avoidance tactic of accepting the inner gorgeousness within and the greater love and responsibility I am being called to.

     1. I read the other day that there comes a level of self-acceptance when this exploration into the way we live can be playful and curious rather than critical and abusive. Applying to ourselves the understanding, respect, care and patience that we know is essential in our communication with young children for example, opens up the possibility of being really honest about our choices and behaviours without adding to the habitual abuse.

128. If we can abuse our own body in even the slightest way we are capable of abusing another. This is worth exploring for we can go deeper and deeper with correcting self-abusive thoughts and behaviours until there is not an abusive gesture or movements in our body. We have nothing to lose by giving this a go except the abuse in our life!

     1. Coming to the realisation that if we can abuse our own body, even in the slightest way, then we are also capable of abusing another is a real life changer – one that many people don’t want to see, because that then means once we have arrived at this awareness, as a flow-on, we are being asked to step up and take personal responsibility for all our actions and choices. That’s a big one for society on the whole to accept, but that will be the only way our current ways of living will ever be turned around to not hold even a whisker of abuse.

        1. The realisation that we abuse ourselves more so than we abuse animals, others or nature is very sobering and makes us realise that the buck, as they say, stops with us. Everything always comes back to self.

        2. This is big one for society to accept as you say Judith as it is asking for people to take responsibility and the fact is we all want change but only few of us are willing to make the changes in our own lives.

129. The number of gorgeous older women (60s,70s,80s) that I know in the community of Universal Medicine just blows me away. It its love in our hearts and the joy, and the vitality that make every day lived ever more beautiful. And I am sure that there are many beautiful elder women in other groups, bringing their wisdom to all.

130. This blog brings a deeper level of awareness to how simple it is to be acting abusively with ourselves from something that has been accepted as normal because ‘everyone else does it’ in some degree – from a harsh inner dialogue to pushing oneself throughout the day with out heed to the body calling for a pause and re-connection.

131. Keeping busy is an easy way of not addressing things because we don’t have the time to look at anything in detail. Not many people will think that busy is not a good way to live but it is an abuse to ourselves to do something as simple as not going to bed when we are tired. It is a pattern to stop and take a look at why we behave in this way.

     1. Keeping busy and busying ourselves evermore is a ploy to keep us from pondering more deeply which would invariably lead to the revelation that we are in a mess and a pickle, multi layered and sticky as treacle; when busy we have the perfect excuse, or so we think, to not allow for the space for truth to raise its supportive and ever-loving head.

132. I think we generally have taken dis-regarding our body and it’s signs and signals as normal, and in that have normalised self-abuse in many ways. If we bring value back to our relationship with our body it makes it much more obvious when we are going against ourselves…

133. Are we in abusive relationship with ourselves this has to be a resounding yes we are! It seems to me we can see this playing out in life that because we abuse ourselves it is therefore easy to abuse others as there seems to be no distinction between abusing ourselves and others it melds into one.

134. Abuse is so important to understand where and how it affects us on a daily basis so we can start to expand and redevelop all our relationships in every area of life.

135. ‘self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal.’ This is the crux of it. We have settled for certain levels of abuse as a normal in our current way of life. As long as it doesn’t ‘bother most’ is also seen as ‘acceptable’. As we let slip our marker of truth in abuse we lose our way forward together as a humanity.

136. Until we stop chiding ourselves, being hard and self-punishing, and start to truly appreciate the beauty and preciousness we are, having fun and enjoying ourselves – society cannot possibly be freed from its non-loving ways.

137. There are so many layers of abuse – right down to the finest details – all are important to call out for the abuse that they are.

138. It’s interesting how we are much quicker to clock abusive relationships with other people than we are with ourselves. How many people can say they truly love being who they are and they cherish and adore themselves every minute of the day? And if not then surely this is already the hallmark or the beginning of an abusive relationship.

139. There is no doubt for me that I am my own worse critic, in my work I see people who also are only able to focus on the negative aspects of self and talk about themselves with only critique and what needs to be improved. This is abusive on many levels including physiologically.

140. Its interesting to consider that even something as simple as not going to bed when we feel tired actually feels like an assault on the body, once a pattern of going to bed early has been introduced.

     1. … and once we let ourselves feel what going to bed later than what the body needs feels like from the body’s perspective and does to our rhythm.

141. Self abuse starts in the smallest things that are becoming more and acceptable and always have been to our bodies , our health and our well being in so many ways as you clearly show here which is a real reflection to see there is another way to live with ourselves firstly and hence with others in our quality and love with true honesty and responsibility.

142. We have without a doubt accepted abuse as normal in our society. The fact is that we champion it, glorify it and idolise those as role models who have mastered the practice of self-abuse. We teach our children how to override loving and honouring our body, our tenderness and delicateness, and impose that this is how we succeed in or manage life. As this has continued to develop as our education, deeming abuse as normal behaviour, we become more and more desensitised to the truth of what we are in fact saying ‘yes’ to as a humanity. We are saying ‘yes’ to abuse. Every subtle movement made in disconnection to our love and our tenderness is an abusive movement away from who we are. In every moment through our living day we reflect the degree of love we live for ourselves. What is offered here Gabriele is very powerful if we are open to being honest about the quality in which we live our lives, as such the level of responsibility we are willing to live with. For our current culture condones abuse, as is what is reflected through how our children are faring today, the statistics of abuse in relationships and self-abuse throughout the world in general if we truly open our eyes. The only way for this to cease is for us to take an honest look at the quality of life we are living and the degree of love we are saying ‘yes’ to and stand up for through every facet of our lives.

     1. Well said, abuse has a way of permeating into every area of our lives, it makes sense – if we drop one area of life that every other area gets effected too. Then it becomes a question of standards, and are we willing to make love our standard in every area of our lives?

        1. Once we let something slide and accept a lesser version, whether that be respect, tenderness, love, truth – anything for that matter – we are on a slippery slope and set the goal post forever lower and lower. We then call love what we would have once called abuse, we call respect what we would have once known is in fact abuse, and on and on it goes.

143. Our body will show how abusive our relationship is with ourselves and this can be read even when the effect may be hidden.

144. There is so much I can do to deepen the care I give myself, and if I’m not giving myself and my body the care and upmost respect it deserves then what am I giving those that I care for?

145. Even doing nothing a whole day – that is hanging around, being on facebook, clicking along on the internet and just totally loosing ourselves can be self-abuse because there is always something we can and nothing is more healthy for our bodies than doing things with a true purpose and putting our energy into something that is worthwhile. This just turns the world as it is upside down.

146. Are we in an abusive relationship with ourselves? Yes, so much so that most of us put boxing gloves on in our teens and spend our lives giving ourselves persistent jabbing upper cuts, only to be laid in our coffins at the end of our lives , still wearing our boxing gloves.

147. Gabriele, this is a great article and has really made me question self abuse, I can now feel that overeating is self abuse because it is going against what is supportive and necessary for my body, it feels that anything that is ignoring the signals from the body is abusive.

148. It is easy to abuse ourselves when we leave ourselves and choose to take on behaviours with are not ourselves, being honest and open about the way we live are living starts to highlight all the different pockets of abuse.

149. We truly are our own worst enemy! Who knows the best way to sabotage every plan to fail. Knows every button to push to launch the rocket that sits quietly in the silo. We tie our shoe strings together to ensure we fall And, enjoy digging the pit we fall into and then continue to dig. I would say that qualifies us to be in an abusive relationship with ourselves because we would not put up with these actions from someone else.

150. Generally we tend to view and treat our bodies as something that gets us from A to B, it is something that functions so we can achieve what we want, and all this is driven from our minds that has no care for our body – it is a means to an end… hence the abuse of our bodies.
     In contrast, if we live from our hearts where abuse does not exist, there is total love, respect and honouring of everything and everyone… hence the loving nurturing care we offer ourselves and others.

151. Left to our own devices we can create our own hell by the way we treat ourselves. This then leaves us gasping for love from elsewhere. But if we treat ourselves with love we have no reason to gasp, and our days spent with ourselves can be glorious, whether we are with someone else or not.

     1. We will look outside if we are not certain what love is as we know we need it but don’t know where it is. Once we know we are love, then we can express it out and enjoy love when it comes back.

152. In college we would do all-nighters in studying and partying, hence the saying work hard and party harder. Is this behavior what we pattern our life’s on? Self abuse is the seed that grows into, just a way of life.

153. Is it possible abuse is the same for everyone and that anything less than True Love is a form of abusive behaviour towards our-self and this has a reflection for others?

     1. I agree Greg, we have learned to categorise between good and bad and everything in between but with that we have only given us more options that are not true instead of a true choice.

        1. So true Esther, and the more we choose “Love” the different options no longer become an opportunity to check out so we start to evolve and leave the good and not so-good behind.

     2. Greg that is certainly true although I think for many of us we accept different levels of abuse and what we define as abuse depending on our background situation and past experience.

        1. So true DN, it is definitely a learning curve no different to other aspects of life.

154. I would add that even allowing ourselves to indulge in any negative mental self-talk where we tend to beat ourselves up for doing something we thought was wrong or making a mistake is definitely self abuse, and perhaps even more damaging in the long term than physical self abuse because of how insidious it can be as the self-deprecating thoughts eat away at us as they ‘run’ in the background like a computer program.

155. ‘what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?’ – Yes indeed, how often do we, with honesty, examine the quality of our lived life, if ever?

156. Abuse can be very subtle indeed. I realised yesterday at work that I needed to stop but kept doing what I was doing until I finished about 1 hour later. Well past the point where my body was clearly saying stop. This may seem no big deal, but its still overriding the body’s clear communication. When we do this we are in abuse. It’s not about not working hard either, for we do thrive on this. But it simply about listening to and learning to honour our bodies.

     1. This is so true Jennifer, and often when we look back at what could have caused say a backache or knee pain or exhaustion the messages and signs from the body were there, but we chose to override once again. This is definitely a sign of abuse.

157. “Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” – the more we love the more we discover how much we have not been in love but instead abuse. It can then become deliberate and convenient to not love – to not feel how hurt we are by this and how come abuse ends up as the easier option to dabble in and bank on. Banking on love right now is banking on our future’s quality to come.

     1. Agreed Zofia and it is the future that deep down, we all crave for and know is our truth.

     2. I agree Zofia. We avoid love because it will expose the abuse we are saying yes to – and so choose more abuse instead to offset the love that we are naturally being pulled towards.

     3. The great observation you have made here Zofia has explained an ongoing pattern for me, where I have deepened my self-care/love, felt so much more aware and sensitive and then reverted back to more self-abuse as if I did not want to see just how much I had let my true self go for so long. But the funny thing is that it is just as easy to continue to choose self-loving acts as it is self-abusing ones. We just need to get to what hurts we may be using as an excuse or protection to do so out of familiarity or comfort.

     4. ‘ It can then become deliberate and convenient to not love – to not feel how hurt we are by this and how come abuse ends up as the easier option to dabble in and bank on. Banking on love right now is banking on our future’s quality to come’. This is so perceptive. When the compromises have been too much it has been much easier to bury and/or go into denial – to numb what we don’t want to feel. We then start to feel more at ease with this as it becomes so familiar. The problem is that seed is still in there and the moment we start to let go we will have to feel it to heal it! That said each time I have had the courage to go there and let something go the benefits of this nomination have been profound in how I then feel in my body and how this then supports me in relationship to myself.

158. Interesting point about pushing ourselves being a form of self-abuse. We generally in society champion working hard and pushing one’s self, striving and never quitting as something to aspire to. But we have to question whether it’s worth it when we feel the impact on our bodies, and the quality that we’ve been in, and how this affects everything else that we were doing or producing, in that state. Our bodies are capable of doing an amazing amount of work, but only under the right and self-loving conditions, otherwise it doesn’t sustain and is short-lived.

159. Seeing myself as ‘simply human’ is where the abuse seems to start for me. From here I can make a hundred choices but none of them come from my heart. And so whether I like it or not they harm and hurt us all. Abuse is a misuse of our power. Thank you Gabriele.

160. Gabriele, this is a really important question to ask; Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?’ If we are honest then it is almost considered ‘normal’ to be abusive with ourselves, it can be very subtle such as staying up late when we are tired or thinking critical thoughts about ourselves and being hard with our bodies, this is still self abuse we just do not usually call it this.

161. When I look back at how abusive I was to myself, with the drinking, smoking and all the rest I must have really hated myself to treat myself so bad and I expect in a few years I will look back at now and see the way I am living now as abusive, going by the statement that anything less than love is abuse.

     1. I feel the same Kev, how I used to treat myself was so dishonouring and abusive all wrapped up with how I was feeling about myself. Being loving with myself has bought about great change with this but in a few years time, like you, as it is an ongoing process, I am sure I will look back again and say the same.

162. Yes abuse has been normalised in many ways, we treat ourselves rough and do not really care for ourselves and call that normal….

163. It is so true, without understanding the energetic quality of our movements, we do not appreciate what is abusive or impacts ourselves or other people.

     1. There is certainly no discernment when we have closed ourselves off from awareness and wall off any notion of Energetic Integrity and Energetic Responsibility.

164. If we were all taught from young about our responsibility in energetic quality then there would be no abuse… because we would be responsible for our own behaviours and know the energy we live impacts others.

     1. A teaching that would be profound worldwide and bring about change that would heal many of the ills that we are facing today.

165. Self-abuse has become normal – we have so many distractions in life to avoid looking at our own behaviours. We easily point the finger at others but not back at ourselves – its like we think its hidden and no-one will know… but the truth is our bodies expose the truth, and we all feel abuse all of the time – even the tiniest detail is evident if we allow ourselves to feel.

     1. Pointing the finger at another’s abuse or a behaviour is also a way of trying to absolve oneself by saying that one’s own behaviour is not as bad as … But abuse is abuse and minimising it does not let us off the hook when honesty and the quality of life for all are to be accounted for.

     2. And when I am honest about this it is like an opportunity opens up for me to re-write patterns of behaviour and see the choice I always have to treat myself with respect and care.

166. I have been feeling how the slightest self-dishonouring reduces spaciousness and disconnects me from the joy I naturally am.

     1. These simple observations are such gems. We are so quick at blaming people, circumstance and at times more abstract themes such as the day of the week for how we feel. What if the greatest impact on our experience of life comes from our own thoughts and actions?

        1. We are the instigators and the recipients of our choices.

167. The last question of this article is the common sense and sharing of equality, that will bring us back to the collaboration and unity of our true nature… we actually love working together.

168. I think it’s great to raise this question and self-inquiry; considering if or where or when we are being abusive to ourself, not in an alarmist kind of way but appreciating the impact of how we treat ourselves, not just on us but on those around us too.

     1. I agree Fiona the wisdom we learn from reflection is very precious indeed.

169. It is indeed incredible how the mind can convince us to override what our body is feeling, whether it is to push through tiredness or consume things that will harm us. And we think we are intelligent..?

170. Choosing to stay in old familiar patterns can be a form of abuse. While they remain hidden and we are not conscious of them we are none the wiser, but once we have clocked them we need to unpick them so as not to perpetuate them and their effects. There is no point giving ourselves a hard time over what has been. We can only start with now and choose to move differently going forward.

171. Abuse is letting any energy that’s not Love through. Whether we like it or not, everybody gets what we choose. It’s just up to us to be aware of this truth so we know we don’t have to absorb. Thank you Gabriele.

     1. Well said, Joseph. I agree that we get what we choose, but we do not like to own up to that as it exposes the moments in our day when we are disconnected from ourselves, checking out and being irresponsible.

172. In answer to the title question, yes we are – everyone is in an abusive relationship with themselves whilst there is even an inkling of disregard or dishonouring of ourselves and our bodies.

173. When a “boundary” is found we tend to test its validity many times, and for some if not most this seems to be the nature of evolution? So why not test the boundaries of Love?

174. Gabriele, its great to call out this abuse; ”about going to bed later than what our body clearly signals to us, about asking our body to do the impossible, day in and day out.’ Reading this I can feel that I can be in abuse with my body and that I witness abuse everyday; in how we move furniture, how we carry things that are too heavy for our frames, how we talk about ourselves, how we push ourselves to keep going when we are tired – this is all abuse and has become so accepted as ‘normal’ behaviour that we don’t consider it abuse.

175. It is so true… The disregard that we can be so casual with is innately abusive to this extraordinary vehicle that can align with every particle to the divine.

176. The more I develop a deeper relationship with my body by paying closer attention to it, focusing on how it feels rather than the constant chatter in my head, the more I really want to look after it. It’s much more difficult to be self abusive because when we start paying attention to our bodies, the communication from the body about what works and what doesn’t becomes pretty loud and harder to ignore and override.

177. Each day we go through life and the question that comes to me is how often am I deeply loving and honouring of what my body needs? Even the subtle ways we can do that extra thing when our body is saying ‘no’ is showing how we are abusive to ourselves.

178. It is a constant refinement to feel and clock any areas of our lives where we permit abuse. Our bodies tell us instantly but are we listening intently?

     1. This is so key Janet… our bodies are never not speaking to us – it is up to us to heed the messages, a moment by moment choice of honouring our bodies.

179. My thoughts can still trick me sometimes by being abusive and self bashing, that I am not good enough, but I am catching this and becoming more aware when this happens, and accepting where and why I am doing this. I usually find I have been abusive to myself and got overtired before these thoughts kick in.

180. Gabriele, it is important to talk about abuse and for us to be honest about it, when I was ill recently I realised that I had been pushing myself with work, putting this over and above my health and well being and thus I got ill from not caring for myself – to me this feels like abuse and is something that I am now changing.

181. Being delicately loving and tender with myself and observing those thoughts that come to try and sting me back into submissive self-beating, I realise what a hold they have had over me. It is beautiful to surrender to the sweetness of me.

182. Being prepared to shine a light on the abuse in our relationship with ourselves (the derogatory inner dialogue, dismissive approach to our bodies, poor lifestyle choices etc.) presents us with the brilliant opportunity to make changes from the inside out. We can only imagine the ripple effect of this.

183. It is so much easier to blame another or a situation as the source of abuse of life, rather than attend to the irresponsibility of some of our choices and disregard we live in.

184. I know for myself that sometimes when I am feeling super good I can then subconsciously but deliberately sabotage it by eating something or picking a fight with someone or push myself too hard. There is something almost too simple or too good about feeling amazing. Choosing a disregarding behaviour is a familiar thing that is somehow easier to choose. It’s worth noticing this oscillation and observing it. The healing is in uncovering the underlying reasons for the self-abuse.

     1. Yes, there is always a reason, there is cause and effect. And therein lays the true healing.

185. We innately support a 3 year old and yet do not offer the same quality and level of support to ourselves. Yet we are no different other than in having a bigger physical body, we are no less sensitive or of needing less support.

186. I saw a young man yesterday who the week before had badly hurt and bruised his foot at soccer. I asked him how the foot was going and he said he’d already gone back playing soccer. It was difficult to believe that he would have done this while the foot was still hurt and bandaged but he had. Then I remembered how when I was young I probably would have done the same – the desire to do ‘what we want’ is so strong.

187. When we honestly look at it there is so much abuse we can cut out of our lives by just learning to say no to all these little or big things that we know our bodies do not like. We can also add in things that are not over indulged in but that our bodies do like, like a soak in the bath after doing physical work.

188. Your example of keeping a child awake is something that we would never do but yet is sooooo common in adults, overriding exhaustion to watch a to programme, met that friend etc. We do it so often we don’t even notice it as harming. Great to bring light to it.

189. Bringing this up to greater awareness has to be a good thing, because when it is discussed openly, we have more ability to question ourselves with our own behaviours and feel whether we are abusing ourselves in our daily lives.

190. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Great question you are asking ! I got asked once, if I would treat my best friend how I am treating myself right now- and the answer was No. The answer to the question you are asking is coming from the mind in its arrogant state of being: “Because I can do so!”. Free will is something given to us. It is on us, how we use it: to stay individual and disconnected to the all, having a seemingly feeling of belonging although we all know deep inside, that it is just a fill-in to the deep separation we have choosen by not living and connecting to the divine expression we all are.

191. The more we let ourselves feel, the more sensitive we allow ourselves to be, the more we are going to feel the subtle (or gross) ways that we undo ourselves…. be that with what might be terms mild forms of abuse to ourselves. But the more there is towards us, the wider the door has been left open for abuse of all descriptions to play out unchallenged.

192. It is clear that there is a sliding scale in what we call abuse and more so, it becomes more difficult when we start to look at the level of abuse we bring to ourselves. So how have we become this way as it is actually very simple as we can say that abuse is when we bring any harm to us of others as a fact?

193. It seems we no longer see ourselves as the delicate tender beings we are as babies when we become adults, yet those qualities are always there and need to be nurtured every day.

     1. The being always remains the same, no matter if it is in a small body or an adult body. We should never treat a child less known, wise or treat it more loving, caring any special and we should never treat or expect an adult to be less caring, tougher, more robust or wiser than any younger. When we start living and reflecting these truth, the world would be in much more balance today.

194. I agree with this, from the perspective that I have observed it in my own life, abuse begins with self abuse.

195. These are the finer details of what abuse truly is, simply pushing the body past the limits of what is loving for it is abuse, Wow, that requires a closer look at my life and all of my behaviours, are they loving or not.

196. There has been a level of numbing that we have taken as normal that is clearly highly self-abusive. The ripple effect if that is we now take as normal the seeds of abuse that then lead to greater abuse. Measurements for the rates of obesity have to keep adding new categories because the numbers keep rising and making a mockery of what we would once have called obese. Surely we have to stop ignoring self-abusive behaviours or what else are we normalising and to whose detriment?

     1. Sure Lucy, we are just extending the scales but actually are not committed to look any deeper to the root cause of the abuse that is all around and therefore is being received as normal. So we may ask, what are we avoiding to go to if we see the abuse becoming more and more extreme with the response to only adjusting the scales and to do research to find the solution that temporary will relief us from the tension the abuse is bringing.

        1. Yes, let’s stop adjusting the scales, in fact let’s go back to how the scales were and be honest about how bad it was. Adjusting to a new level of normal is harming us because we fall into a trap of not realising how bad the situation is.

197. What do we get out of being abusive? Whatever it is for anyone personally, introducing love into our lives requires to let go of it and in that sense the start of practising self-love means to say no to the abuse. This simple No is already a Yes to love.

198. The more loving we are with ourselves the more able to we to let go of abusive behaviour that we would have once considered as normal and it continually goes on as we deepen in this.

199. ‘For example: when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation. But we so easily do this to ourselves, pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference?’ I really appreciate reading this and reminding myself of the value in going to bed early and not trying to complete everything that day. My day can feel complete without every chore being done that evening. I love it when I put myself to bed early and wake with more than enough time to get everything that is needed done.

200. Profound .Thank you Gabriele as we are needing to be way more real and honest about things; how they currently are. No more holding back on what is actually palpable and visible in so many ways, where only our resistance to see is in the way.

201. It’s true that abuse of others starts with self abuse, because if we live with self care and self love that care and love is what our body holds, and that is what we then bring to others.

202. Abuse has many faces and disguises itself in our way of living that is hidden from what we understand at the time. For example, when I used to smoke it was relatively simple to give up eventually, but when I did, the idea that there would be replacements was ludicrous. But indulging in food was hiding a deep feeling of being empty, so food became a way of filling the emptiness that was left from not healing the empty feelings that were there, which were causing me to smoke in the first place. So even health food had a level of abuse, for if anything that is not done in full connection without emptiness, has a level of abuse. Then as you have shared Gabriele, this is “what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life,” I felt all of this two (2) days ago in the queue at the supper market, when I saw a man buying a packet of cigarettes.
     Keeping life on the shelf and not exploring what is happening with complete “honesty” is also abuse on many levels.

203. The more we talk about this the better. It brings the extreme behaviours we see in society back within our responsibility and reach to do something about.

204. This is beautiful in showing the responsibility we all have with ourselves and our bodies and how lovingly we treat ourselves and our body first and foremost in taking responsibility for the enormous abuse we have in the world today. A powerful lesson in self acceptance and living who we truly are with all we feel and know .

205. I am realising more and more how my beliefs I have about myself are an abuse, a dishonouring of who I truly am. I’ve found the more accepting I am of myself the more I see these beliefs and the disregard for what they are and how they play out in my life.

     1. Yes, I too am finding that the lack of self-worth that has lived unexplored within myself has resulted in a number of behaviours that I have turned a blind eye to that has caused me inordinate amounts of unnecessary difficulties. These could have been avoided and the ripple effect on others also could have been avoided, because there is always a ripple effect so how about having a ripple effect due to self-love rather than self-abuse.

206. On the subject of abuse, I find this a critical and very sobering question to ponder..”How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?”

207. “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal”. Yes I find this a true statement as I look over my own life and see the areas I escape into abusive behaviours. More self-care and consideration and self appreciation is definitely called upon here.

208. In answer to the title I would venture to say yes, we all abuse ourselves in varying ways… and some of those ways we justify by calling them ‘normal’ But how far away from true love are we if we can call abuse normal?!

209. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” This is a great question to ask ourselves… every moment of every day – are we being loving with ourselves or just taking ourselves and life in general for granted?

     1. There is something so dismissive about taking ourselves and our bodies for granted and then we are surprised when our bodies flag up the disregard and abuse.

        1. Yes, we act surprised when the body shows us what we have been doing with and to it and either keep ignoring the symptoms as long as possible or run for a quick fix.

210. Yes the ‘normal’ behaviours create the bedrock for more extreme abuses to occur because abuse has become unchallenged, normalised and tolerated.

211. If we get angry about anything at all we hurt ourselves more than we hurt others. When we lash out we are expressing a deep level of pain and frustration and cementing more abuse in our own bodies. If we stop and begin taking responsibility for the outplay of life our bodies are harmonious.

212. Committing to be really really honest with myself as consistently as possible, means that patterns of abuse have less and less places to hide. It is then in conversations with others that I support myself to see behind what is going on and make the changes.

213. The beautiful expansion that we feel in our body when we are expressing truly confirms us and instantly pulls us, and offers the opportunity of the next.

214. The more I become aware the more I also become aware of the abuse I allow in so many ways. From allowing negative thoughts, not respecting myself enough to take care of me, for example taking the rubbish out to the bin without wearing a coat when it’s cold. Thinking it will be ‘alright’ its only a short distance because to be honest I cannot be bothered to put on a warm coat. My body tells me loud and clear when I am not treating it with the care and delicacy it so deserves.

215. The simplicity of the truth that anything that is not love is abuse… makes it so easy for us to see the quality of our behaviour and make changes if we so choose.

216. If we take into consideration the energy we are choosing to live with, divine fiery energy or prana, then this determines the abuse that we are choosing. We are pure, sensitive and full of love so if we step away from this at all, even the slightest, then this is abuse.

217. ‘but what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?’, this is the big question Gabrielle as it is bringing it too close to home for comfort…literally, Our comfort is being challenged and we will defend it no matter what the cost.

218. The more we connect to and move with our bodies with great detail, the more we feel the huge importance of supporting it and nurturing it with deep love and respect because we are then understanding that it is a vessel for heavens wisdom.

219. For a great evolutionary read this article or even just its title “Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” should be the question posed on the front page of every newspaper throughout the world.

220. To inflict abuse on ourselves is to seed and collude in the abuse we see all over the world… if it is allowed at home in our relationships with ourselves, then we have no foundation to arrest it in the rest of our lives.

221. As one discovers more about self-love, then what constitutes self-abuse exposes itself

222. Self abuse is to hold back your love.

223. This is a great call, Gabriele, for us all to reflect on the how we self-abuse, in the way we treat our own bodies or even the lashings of our thoughts that criticise and judge us.

224. As a parent I have been party to and constantly observe the nurturing care and diligence that is offered to our offspring, yet rarely do we make this a benchmark for our own self care.
     We tuck our children in at night but we do we tuck ourselves in?

225. Gabriele, this question makes me aware of all of the abusive ways in which we live, especially the subtle ways; ‘what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?’ What I can feel is that commonly the way we eat can be self abusive; the way we communicate with each other; the way we work – often pushing ourselves to work in a hard and fast way; the way we rush around – the list could go on, its great to reflect on the actual quality of how we live everyday.

226. How we treat ourselves is hugely important and sets the stage for us to reflect who we truly are – divine instruments of God.

227. Abuse begins the moment we do not appreciate that we are vessels through which the divine can be expressed. In this way, we pollute our temples and allow such riches to be plundered.

228. We have even managed to take self-abuse to the point that healthy behaviour is actually abusive such as what we can observe in almost any gym now with so many people seeking to create the body they want rather than to truly support their body to be healthy.

229. Abuse has been normalised so much that we don’t realise how much it infiltrates our every day seemingly non-abusive lives.

230. We should call it for what it is when we choose to drink and say, I’m going out to abuse myself and my body tonight. If we did speak this way, at least we would be honest about our choices, and may even have a moment to really reflect when we say that.

     1. Yes we would be taking self-honesty to the next level in doing this.

     2. Great point Julie… bringing out the honesty like this brings a reality to the way we are living and our choices.

231. It is easy to call out abuse when its about others behaviours and in severe cases there is an outcry, most of us do not like to see abuse occurring to others, such as domestic violence, child abuse, a fight in the street, and so forth, it feels awful and can be even traumatic to see how we can harm each other. This can be very disturbing and bring up many mixed emotions.

     BUT how do we treat ourselves?

     For many of us we may not even recognise we are being abusive to ourselves, living in abusive ways as described in this blog. Why is there not the same outcry we would have towards others being abused? For many of us we recognise abuse when it is the high end but it is the abusive ways we live everyday as simple as not caring for ourselves and not treating ourselves with value. The antidote to abuse in our world, begins with our relationship with ourselves, and if it becomes a loving one, that changes how we are with others and this spreads.

     1. And not only that – in some cases, if it were done to animals, people would call on the RSCPA but when done to humans, nobody bats an eyelid and if they do it’s but a mere light flutter and not the tsunami it ought to be. What would be the sentiment about a dog whose owner fed it a liquid that made the animal vomit and feel ill all of the following day? In human terms we call it a hangover and shrug it off. Is there something not right here in the way we apply differing measuring sticks to the same occurrence, animal or human?

        1. Absolutely Gabriele… and not only are there different measuring sticks for animal and human, each human has their own version of measuring stick which can be very different from another humans!

232. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse…” the abuse of not looking after, caring for yourself and your body.. because what you look after, care for, you do not abuse.

233. I am reminded from this blog that I can take myself away from abusive situations where emotions are running high. I don’t necessarily have to stay for if I do I am causing harm to myself and not honouring myself and actually fostering the toxicity. This is abusive on all levels.

234. Gabriele, this is a great question; ‘what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?’ What I observed recently was how easy it is to slip into self abuse, I had an incident at work where I was working very steadily and calmly, sat at a chair and then I was told to speed up and just ‘get the job done’, I sped up and noticed that I stopped checking my posture, that the quality was not there, I was bent over, kneeling on a cold floor and was pushing myself to work in a faster way that felt really unloving and abusive to my body and this was because I put pleasing colleagues over my self care and natural pace.

     1. Great lesson on what happens when we succumb to a rhythm that is not natural.

235. Most of humanity are living in abuse when it comes to their food choices but if you were to bring this to their attention most would scoff at the notion as it has become the norm to eat in this way.

236. Self-abuse is more sinister as it’s not so obvious and out there for all to see, and even to ourselves. Most of us know if someone has abused us or are being abusive, and we can talk about it and get support etc., yet do we give the same attention to self-abuse? Do we see it as the same harm?

237. Life is hard enough without us abusing ourselves too! If we take care of ourselves we give ourselves a fundamental platform to be able to deal with life. If we are not prepared with a healthy body and mind we will get rocked so easily and be unable to deal with any attacks that come. We don’t have to add to the abuse with our own behaviour.

     1. Could it be that life is not hard at all but that we make it hard through our choices? And especially our self-abusive choices, in whatever form they may come?

        1. Very true Gabriele. We do not do ourselves any favours by making unloving choices. We experience what we ourselves create. We can support ourselves to experience life in a very different way.

238. It is hard to imagine a day without some form of self-abuse, whether that is overriding needing to rest, or pushing myself to complete work, or simply not drinking enough water. In opposition to that, and in a way forward, the dedication to self-care, a care that is borne from the honouring of self is apparent and on offer at any point I choose it.

     1. I appreciate the list of self-abusive behaviours, everyday occurrences that seemingly don’t matter and that we are keen to brush aside as mere trifles but they do add up and they do take their toll on the body.

239. “unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive? …”This is very much the core of where self abuse starts.

240. It’s crazy that we have varying degrees of abuse – some acceptable by some and non-acceptable by others. But everyones standard is different and that fact should rattle society and make us see that we need to re-evalute how we not only treat ourselves but each other.

241. I came across a brilliant quote today by Serge Benhayon which relates closely to this very topic: ‘We are capable of harm because we choose to not feel the fact that we harm ourselves first before we harm another’. (Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, p.109)

242. Getting down to the ‘nitty- gritty’ of abuse, I have come to the understanding that checking out of our bodies is very abusive as the gap that this leaves allows something else to enter. When we are not with ourselves those seemingly random thoughts can come in and play with our minds and play they do.

243. I find it interesting how it is possible to look at abuse in terms of what self-harming practices are available today in our modern world. And yet, is there a question yet to be asked about our human history of self-abusive and its many ways of transforming practises but always remaining as an upfront and personal force in all of our lives?

244. Here is such a great white elephant in the room for all of us.
     How have we all just accepted self abuse in so many ways as normal?
     I know that being blind to my own self harming ways makes me more likely to treat others in the same way.

     What I see here is the great starting point to reverse a globally harmful way of living and treating one another.

245. What we have come to call our way of life is actually all abusive as it does not come from the love that is us in our hearts.

246. What is not true is not love and therefore is abuse.

     1. Simple but very true. Therefore anything less than love or truth should not be tolerated or accepted as being normal or ok.

247. Gabrielle when you put it like that most or our normal behaviours are self-abusing, their is really a stop moment. There are so many things which we feel are normal, but in truth are self-abusing when we look a the grand of it all. As simple as going to bed late… pushing the body to stay up when in truth it is ready to go to bed.

     1. Yes, especially the sleep thing – if we did what we do to ourselves to another we would call it sleep deprivation if not torture but some of us engage in it nearly every day and then some more on the weekend, as a reward no less.

        1. It is mind shattering when we look at it like that, yet we ‘think’ we are intelligent and clever because we can go against what our body is telling us, in this case being up till all hours and then needing coffee and sugar to get us through the day – crazy really.

        2. It is certainly a very twisted and convenient use of intelligence, so-called. Abusing the body has been elevated to an art form and gets encouraged and indoctrinated from an early age.

        3. It seems as if we want to continually test the body to see how much abuse we can get away with. Like how much of this food can I eat before I will noticeably show signs even though I know I react to it a little bit.

        4. Yes, we try to get away with what we can and settle for better – a little less of this, a little less of that or ‘“in moderation” rather than making different choices altogether.

        5. I find that at 1st they can be seemingly insignificant choices but one choice usually leads to another. I find this very much when it comes to food as one choice which I know is not honouring my body then leads to a series of them and then it takes a big effort to pull myself back! Whereas I could have just said no to what it was and yes to love in the 1st place!

248. When we become emotional we are also being self-abusive and indulging in this.

     1. Spot-on Michael, hearing people say that they ‘are’ their emotions is definitely an indulgence, and they are being honest with a blindness to the truth!

249. Self-abuse or living in dis-regard to what our body is feeling is True take a lot of ill energy, and it is what we choose most of the time because we are numb to what is happening to us. We have to align to not wanting to feel so as to not feel the Truth that is simply waiting for us to re-connect to. As you say Gabriele; “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?”

250. It’s so easy to look outside of ourselves and blame others for treating us badly, but is this any worse than the way we treat ourselves? If we take a good look at our behaviour and our thoughts can we really say that we do not abuse ourselves? And if we are abusing ourselves how can we expect others not to?

251. Our focus becomes so fixed on all that is outside of us that we fail to maintain the regard and care of our self in our pursuits at our own cost – but what cost does it take before we actually take notice of the consequences?

     1. Well said Michael, whenever we put something we are ‘doing’ as more important than our ‘being’ this is abuse. I can relate to this as a mother/wife, when I have kept going until everything is done, cleaned and tidy ready for the next day at the expense of my body… just kept pushing through as I had a picture that needed to be fulfilled.

252. How high is everyones individual bar where abuse starts and what it actually is. Very interesting question to ask !

     1. We let our values slide south and declare as ‘normal’ what has never been normal and is certainly not ever ‘natural’.

     2. This is the real question we all need to ask ourselves, what is normal and where does abuse start. Most of us have all been living in some form of abuse that we would not be able to identify what is abuse and what is not, until someone who is living a life reflects a different way of living which is of true love.

253. Its brilliant to start this conversation, to undress our justifications and take a magnifying glass to the accumulative dishonour that not only has become our everyday way but in turn supports our declining global measure of wellbeing.

254. That is so true, we do things to ourselves many of us would be extremely hesitant to do to others or demand from others and we don’t feel there is anything wrong with that.

     1. Christoph so true we self abuse without a moment of stop or thinking. We don’t value our selves enough to say no to our own self abuse.

        1. There is a level of responsibility that goes with valuing ourselves.

255. “The question is: what do we opt for and busy ourselves with, instead of addressing our deleterious food and beverage choices or our pastimes, from evermore entertainment to gaming and harming food and beverage choices?” – This is a great sentence as it reveals a series of key words here: “busying ourselves instead of adressing” what needs to be addressed….We are masters of distraction – we know exactly what to get busy by so we are distracted to the point where we can then excuse ourselves from any true action to be there to make a change as such. Essentially this is a form of self sabotage – allowing a distraction from what really needs to be adressed whilst keeping busy with that which is not of importance. The real question then arises from this revelation: what are we not wanting to address that is true and waiting to be addressed? And what will that unfold for us if we were to take that offer up?

256. “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal.” – Sadly this is the case…and hence what it shows to me is that as a society we have allowed certain wanton behaviours to replace our normal gentle way of being with each other and this has happened gradually as a sliding scale so that what is in truth abusive is actually seen as normal today. So it is worth re-looking at how this has happened and tracing back in all the little ways that it has occurred – and also allowing ourselves permission to look at how we have contributed to this in terms of allowing such behaviour from another or how we have also behaved in such a way no matter how subtle it may seem to have been.

257. Self-abuse is a poison doing much more harm than we may be aware of as it infiltrates areas in us and our lives where we may not recognize it at first sight. Thus, there is much to become aware of, more layers and pockets than obvious, before we really can say that abuse is not part of our lives anymore.

     1. I would even say, I single thought of self doubt is a form of abuse.

        1. Indeed Stefanie, how critical and abusive our internal dialogues can be.

     2. Alexandre its great what you share, we don’t realise how self-abuse can be in the smallest of things in our lives and yet we have not recognised it as self abuse. Absolutely correct to say we have a long way to go before we can say self abuse is not part of our lives.

     3. This is true Alexander, the more aware I become of the abuse I am in with myself the more aware I become again. It is a deepening process where by what may not have seemed as an abuse then is seen as one now, as the layers are addressed..

258. ‘It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium.’ – Yes, we don’t want to know that ‘slamming the door’ is an abusive act, in fact most people would see that as a perfectly normal way to ease off the steam.

     1. and they wouldn’t consider building a head of steam as abuse either, though it is, for themselves and others.

     2. Isn´t it common that people say it is good to let out the emotions if they are there?
        What if the truth is, not going into emotions and reactions in the first place. The attachment to reactions and emotions is huge in society and is even seen as normal and as a good thing to be in. Out of experience being an ex- emotional addict, living a harmonious life is much more worth aspiring to.

        1. And, when living a harmonious life becomes our normal, reading the madness that abounds around us is a reflection of where we have come from!

259. If we hold our life from a place of true harmony, if we understand our days from a quality of tenderness and care, boy wouldn’t we notice when it wasn’t there? To me this explains why we so often turn a blind eye and continue to be numb. To admit how much that we and others do that is not true is huge and super confronting. Thank you Gabrielle.

260. Very simply and beautifully summarised Jane! I am actually feeling very tired right now so rather than pushing myself ‘to do’ more I am going to have a lie-down!

     1. The key is to recognise that when we are pushing our selves and we need to stop.

261. We can observe that when we have not treated someone else as well as we know is true, then we can look where in or own life we have made choices which are not loving toward others or if we are treated in an abusive way we can have the same realisation. But more powerfully we can heal our own self abusive patterns by making more loving choices consistently toward ourselves, then bring this level of love to others and receive the same back.

262. Some people lived a healthy life, took care of themselves and then worked someplace, dined out or attended some event indoors that allowed smoking! It has taken years to ban smoking because of the damage secondhand smoke can cause. What else have we accepted as normal that is self-abuse?

263. Abuse is far more prevalent than we care to admit… we treat ourselves with contempt, disdain and disregard for a start, and these are forms of abuse when given to another, yet we don’t see it, or want to feel it, when we do it to ourselves!

     1. We take our body for granted and think we can do whatever and get away with it. We basically treat it with disdain, is my experience.

        1. Yes we do not value our bodies, there are times when we literally don’t care what we do to ourselves, we may regret it afterwards but that doesn’t stop us from doing it again.

        2. It’s interesting how it is our body that is with us till we pass over, it is the one thing that is with us with every movement, thought and action yet we don’t think to treat it with the utmost care. I find it interesting how we as a society do not consciously consider when young – how our bodies will last and we’ve us in our lives.

        3. Yes, and yet our bodies consistently lovingly keep showing us our choices, how we are abusing them.. it is for us listen and take notice.

264. This is a much needed blog Gabriele… re-defining ‘normal’ and what abuse truly is.

265. I can sense that we have to become deeply honest with ourselves to be able to see any abuse in our lives. It is from this dishonesty that we are able to live against our nature, the divine beings we are.

266. In the past I abused my self with bulimia and very controlled eating and exercising, yet back then my thinking was I can do this to myself and it is okay, it’s my body. Because I would never do this to myself again, more self-abusive ways have come up to be seen for what they are and let go of. I find myself shocked at times at the level of abuse some allow from themselves and others, but when I look at where I might do that, the shock turns to understanding and awareness and that we all have a choice.

267. Yes Jane I agree and we currently have a situation where we define abuse based on an intellectual comparison with a more extreme behaviour rather than using our bodies as a real marker of what is abusive or not.

268. What I realised a few years ago is that many of my so called indulgences were simply coping mechanisms that were in fact extremely abusive to my very delicate constitution. I realised that drinking alcohol, coffee and eating chocolate are in fact very toxic, toxic treats that would ultimately make me feel worse a short while after indulging. And then begins the classic catch 22 situation – feel a bit depressed, dive for the ‘treats’, poison myself and then feel even worse, so dive for more ‘treats’ and so the cycle continued. The true way out of the dilemma began with restoring my sense of self worth and then I had something genuine inside from which to gauge the true quality of a ‘treat’. These days getting my head down early is the real, positive treat that enables me to feel bright eyed and waggy tailed all day long without needing the usual coffee, chocolate or other stimulants to get me through the day.

269. I like what you are saying here that abuse of others starts with self-abuse and this makes sense to me. Whenever I don’t take care of myself and get tired and/or stresssed I am far more likely to not be patient and understanding with others.

270. Love the simplicity of this relationship Jane that we can all return to as a powerful guide through life.

271. Brilliant article Gabriele. Even putting oneself down or jokingly calling oneself ‘an idiot’ is a form of self-abuse. Self-deprecation is a way of life for a certain country (and thus her colonial offshoot!) and this is what makes British celebrities so charming when interviewed, compared to what appears to be gross self-interest of their American peers – yet it can be a quite destructive way to go, very sneakily luring us away from the beauty of truth.

272. Reading this article and the comments that follow, it can be mind-boggling to fathom and indeed accept how rife abuse is in our lives. And more specifically how rife self-abuse is. If I don’t have a precious relationship with my body, I am in abuse. If I don’t have a relationship with my soul I am in gross abuse. And If I’m not in relationship, open, allowing and understanding, of humanity at large, I have shut my heart down hard – enormous abuse.
     We are precious (that word again) beings that are made to express love in all that we do. Abuse is anything less than that.
     So, yes – abuse is rife in our lives, in our relationships with self and others, because that marker of what is absolutely NOT abusive is evasive to most, and lived by very very few.

273. There is a strong point here about abuse starting from self-abuse. If I take an example – I treat others with as much love as I treat myself – so if I take care of me first, if I support myself, if I truly appreciate me – then I more easily see this in others.

274. When we are honest about our own abuse we will be honest about the abuse that we allow in the world

     1. Yes Elizabeth, honesty will bring us back to our true essence from which we can clearly see how any abuse that we allowed into our personal life is contributing to the abuse there is in the world.

     2. So very true Elizbeth… honesty is key – it opens the door for true and lasting change.

275. If I am in connection with my body I am more likely to listen to what is ok or not ok for it. If I am not in connection with my body I am able to make decisions and choices that are totally disconnected from what is actually needed. I have been playing with this, and it is possible to go from one to the other in the space of a few seconds. This highlights the importance of supporting ourselves to stay connected so that we are more likely to make true choices and not abusive ones.

276. Anything that is not love is abuse which means most of the worlds population is acting in an abusive way most of the time. This can only result in abusive relationships both with ourselves and everyone else. We choose the extent to which this plays out in our own lives.

277. Something so simple as listen to our body when it is ready to go to bed and not override it has such an impact on our every day life. The quality of our sleep determines the quality of our next day and our choice to not honour when our body feels ready for bed is an abuse. My body has shown me this in the past, when I stayed up late and as I became more aware of it could feel how much it affects each day.

278. Yesterday I was on the receiving end of an abusive comment, it really struck me how vile it felt in my body and how this behaviour has been considered normal for so long. It is only by speaking up and calling out abuse that what we accept as our normal will change.

279. Is it possible to have a relationship with anyone, when we don’t have one with ourselves? Does life become an illusion?

280. There is always a deeper level of care and gentleness I can bring to my day and my movements, letting go of abuse is not static, it is constantly changing.

281. Making life a struggle when it need not be is a form of self-abuse. This can be done in many ways, for example having an intense conversation with someone, doing something in a complicated way, staying up a little late etc. The choices we make on a moment to moment basis reveal what we are doing to ourselves.

     1. Well said Thomas, creating complication and drama is not readily seen in society as self-abuse, but if we stopped for a moment and asked our body, we would feel the full extent of all the ways it infiltrates our lives and hurts our body and relationships.

282. One act of abuse begets another. They don’t appear out of the blue as we like to think they do, but build from one harmful choice to another. If we ever needed inspiration to address the ‘small things’ we choose then surely this is it Gabriele.

283. Blame is but an excuse for not taking responsibility for our part in the whole. We create our reality through the repetition of movements. If we move in self abusive ways in what we eat, drink, how we are with ourselves and our body, how we think about ourself . . . basically how we treat ourself on a daily basis . . . we are actively inviting abuse into our life.

284. Food for thought or food for abuse? So much is placed on the table when we say; “But we so easily do this to ourselves, pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference?” This is great Gabriele, and as we are so much more that a physical out-play when we come to understand that their is more going on behind the scenes then we can come out from behind the eight ball so we see the whole table. So what energy drives us to be hiding behind the eight ball so we get exhausted and other such abusive behaviours? As Eunice Minford shared” We live in an interconnected sea of energy and we are either contributing to the pool of abuse or the pool of love with every choice we make. We are all responsible for the quality of life we have in the world today and we can change it by choosing love, first, middle and last and in between.”

285. Taking on beliefs, ideals and pictures is not only abusive in itself for the body (because these things are not borne from truth and anything that is not from truth is abusive) but leads to self abusive thoughts and actions, that then call in more self abusive thoughts and movements and so the cycle of abuse repeats. In addition to this we pass on our beliefs to our kids and we encourage those in our lives to adopt the same ideals and philosophies as us and so the net of abuse widens and this rather ugly arrangement is not only how we unquestionably operate but a way of living that we hold as true.

286. It seems self abuse comes with a comparison side. We take a look around, see what the so called ‘normal’ way of being with ourselves is, then do the same. Unfortunately, the so called ‘normal’ has become abuse. If this is how we roll, then making self love ‘normal’ world change the world.

287. ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ – Hitting the nail on the head here, in fact most people are defending their self-abusive behaviours seeing it as their right to do so.

288. ‘Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?’ – actually most of the time until we make a true and consistent shift towards love.

289. This blog is a great reality check – to question our behaviours in relation to how we view others behaviour eg child sleep deprivation – and yet the truth is we do that to ourselves without blinking an eyelid!
     Clearly we must believe it’s ok to abuse ourselves, our bodies, but it’s not ok for someone to abuse another… how, when and why has that become normal??

     1. And the obvious lesson here is that if we abuse ourselves then naturally we will attract that same abuse from another.

290. Could it be that we hold onto self-abuse as our right and not consider that like the responsibility to be honouring and loving if not respect-full of another we have a responsibility to be honouring and deeply loving of ourselves?

291. I love the simplicity of the invitation to look at what we would call abuse to another and whether we would use the same definition of that behaviour when applied to ourselves… maybe the level of self-abuse is way deeper than we first consider.

292. There is really no such thing as acceptable abuse, if I bash myself on the head, whether heavily or lightly, I’m still bashing myself on the head.

293. I’ve come to understand the abusive nature of sitting in front of TVs or screens night after night. We subject ourselves to an onslaught of images, sound, lies and violence and instead of being with ourselves, we check out in front of screen and this is considered normal. Self abuse on a grand scale and no one is aware its happening.

294. ” Are we in an abusive relationship with ourselves?” This is a fantastic question to ask ourselves shinning a light on all those hundreds of ways we can self abuse allows us to see where simply more love and deep care is needed.

295. Only when we know and understand the absoluteness of Love, can we recognise abuse in all its forms. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and new awareness gained from attending workshops and presentations, I can spot and often clear abusive behaviour and thoughts, but it is a constant unfolding, never fixed and reached.. Without awareness, we’re stuck in the mud of routine and daily self abuse.

296. I’m in the participating in a Esoteric Yoga program and it has highlight how the way I can move and go about my day is abusing and shutting down the sensitive and delicate being that I am.

297. There is a sliding scale to self abuse from the very evident such as self harm, drug addiction, alcoholism and the like, down to the finer details of self doubt, staying up late, spending hours surfing the net or watching TV, living lives devoid of purpose and connection. The more I have dealt with the biggies, the more these subtle levels of self abuse are coming to light and the greater my appreciation of what it means to live a harmless life, in true respect of myself and everyone else.

298. I used to think shouting was not abuse unless abusive language was used. Now, I have learnt that abuse can be expressed in very subtle ways, like a shift in someone’s tone of voice that feels judgemental or loaded with frustration.

299. A great question and shocking answer when we look at it as anything that is not love is abuse, is so true and makes so much sense as not listening to our bodies is abuse in every moment . What a difference this would make to us all and the world as a whole if we started listening to and honouring ourselves our bodies and lived all we truly felt.

300. I must have absolutely hated me and my body for the abuse I used to hurl at myself, so many things I used to do that to some may seem normal activities but now the mere thought makes my toes curl.

301. If we are honest with ourselves, and that is the only way to make life changes, there are many ways we abuse ourselves on a daily basis. Unfortunately though many would not look at these ways as being abuse as they have become normal ways of being and it’s only the ‘big’ forms of abuse, such a rape, physical violence etc that are taken notice of. But if we were to come to accept the example of the baby you have given we may just begin to look at abuse in a very different and honest light

302. We have been conditioned to think that it is abnormal to stand out and have a truly amazing life rich in love and not filled with self doubt or an emptiness left over after achieving everything. So with this, there is always a part of us seeking to have something to hold onto, to identify with in order to not be showing how much we love ourselves and love all together.

303. Is it not so that self abuse is now so normal that no one bother to look deeper? Therefore I am very much appreciating your awesome blog Gabriele as it is the clear massage most of us needs to read to get the possibility to open ourselves up again and change what is so abusive or self abusive.

304. When I stopped drinking and smoking I thought I was done with abusive behaviours. While it’s true that it was a step in a loving direction it certainly wasn’t the end of abuse in my life. My thoughts are probably the way I abuse myself most. If I spoke those thoughts out loud they would be noticed and I would be forced to address this abusive relationship I have with myself but because nobody else knows what goes on in my head the thoughts often go unchecked. This reminds me how important it is to pay attention to the way I speak to myself.

305. As uncomfortable as this may be I feel we ALL need to have this discussion and reflection on ‘how do we abuse ourselves?’. If we stopped abusing ourselves and it could be the really really seemingly ‘little’ things like being harsh with our bodies while drying ourselves after a bath or shower, not going to the toilet when we need to and leaving it so we can finish a task, over eating, not resting when our bodies need to, taking a phone call when we felt not to etc then so much abuse would automatically drop in the world because the less we abuse ourselves the less we can then abuse others and in many case we abuse ourselves more than others! But it still adds to the abuse in the world cos abuse is abuse right. This is definitely something for me to reflect on. Great blog and great to start this discussion where hopefully more of us will sit up straight!

306. From what I see we have gone so far into abuse that there is going to be some or many steps out of it. Looking at what we allow as a society and as people you can see that we have set the level of abuse high and in that we ‘hide’ the subtleties, the every day or the every move that then keeps feeding or leading to the extremes. Like we all know from ‘little things, big things grow.’

307. It only takes a moment to check-in with ourselves to see how we are – how often do we do this?
     What do we do when we don’t feel anything and how much stimulation do we need to register that we have a body? Stimulation could actually be abuse to our precious body and being.

308. Our bodies are registering even the slightest form of abuse that we allow or inflict on ourselves. Why do we / would we allow this opens a deeper level of consideration..

309. Is not anything that is a step away from the connection to our natural divinity an abuse? We dishonour the truth of us and our expression. Not only in our actions but in thought and word also, in every movement that is not aligned with love…toward ourselves or another.

310. This is a great topic to be discussing in public. The word abuse and all its connotations need to be exposed, unpacked and brought back to the truth. It is easy, as you say, to point the finger at another re abuse, or to see it clearly being done to another, but we are more blind to where we do it to ourselves and explore what constitutes abuse.

     I have been exploring this for a few years now and looking more and more at where self-abuse plays out.

     Yesterday my work day was pretty full-on and on the way home I felt like popcorn for dinner. The urge was strong but I felt into my body and I had run a bit of anxious energy during the day in it and I felt so strongly that it would be abusive to eat the popcorn after my body had been with me all day, supporting me, providing a steady foundation at times, and also ‘putting up’ with the anxious energy which I know is not its natural state. So with that understanding and appreciation, I did not go to Coles and buy the popcorn, and came home and cook myself a nutritious meal. So that was awesome, but putting myself to bed and feeling how tired I was, I knew I needed to go to bed, but pushed the envelope and watched an episode of something. Interesting to see where the self-abuse also kicks in as I see that now as self-abuse, because I am not honouring what my body (and me) really want to do which is to go to sleep.

     1. Quite interesting, all the choices big and small that we continually make – and we can oscillate between yes and no to the various versions of self-abuse and the latter might well follow a choice to honour ourselves if only, to reward ourselves. How crazy is this?

311. Self abuse has become our living way, which is why we no longer recognise it as abuse.

     1. So true Alexis. I have been keeping myself up at night on my phone, scrolling through endless distractions until I feel completely worn out. I’ve become so used to doing this that I find it difficult to simply go to bed with some energy left and enjoy being with myself in my bed. It’s actually normal to feel great and go to bed feeling tired but not exhausted. When I nominate this it frees me up to make a loving choice.

        1. ‘When I nominate this it frees me up to make a loving choice’. I would take this even one step further and say that when we nominate and subsequently remove self abusive choices then this in itself returns us to being love itself, because the fact of the matter is, we are all love, it’s simply that we make so many unloving choices so consistently that we’ve completely lost sight of the fact.

     2. Alexis, said in one, and sadly true.

     3. Ouch, Alexis… but how very true. We don’t recognise self-abuse because we have made it our living way. The bizarre thing is that there are some who choose to defend living self-abusive ways with everything they have, to champion it, rather than make steps towards changing what does not in truth truly support them.

312. If we consider the ways in which we are abusive to ourselves, the flow on effect of that same level of abuse to others is guaranteed. Saying no to abuse, including saying no to our own self-harming behaviours is actually saying yes to a much more loving way.

313. Even having a negative thought to oneself is abusive. I hadn’t really clocked that as I was growing up but now if I do ever entertain any negative thoughts I am aware of the change in my body and how tight it makes it feel and not only that how it affects my sense of self-worth and desire to nurture myself.

314. It is only when we put the true words on behaviours that we can really feel the impact of these behaviours. For example calling drinking alchohol, smoking, taking drugs etc self-abuse would for many seem extreme but it simply is abuse because these products are poisonous for our bodies and they put an enormous strain on the working of all our organs for example the liver and lungs and when we truly stop and see this it can support us to change.

315. When I consider the last line of your blog, the word the come up is honouring. When a new baby is born they are revered, treasured and absolutely felt to be the special, divine magic that they are. They are honoured, we honour them and we treat them with that honouring energy in all that we do with them and around them. We know they are ‘special’ and that is how we relate to them. So how come, 20,40,60,80 years on from that newborn moment, very few of us are treating ourselves in the same way. And of course once we stop honouring ourselves, it is a small step to abuse. Although I would also say that the very act of dis-honouring is a form of self-abuse, already. This is powerful stuff for me to consider and exposes many, many areas in my life where I am not fully honouring myself – thus I am self-abusing.

     1. Otto what you share makes sense. In the honouring of ourselves there cannot be self-abuse, only act of self-care and self-love. If we consider how many times a day we dishonour ourselves that equates to how many times we self-abuse, even on subtle levels that’s can be quite a lot! Anything that is not self-honouring is self-abuse…. something to deeply ponder on.

     2. Very true. In addition for further understanding, I got to realize that self-abuse although harming myself serves as a protection at times while honouring myself would break open the wounds and hurts I have buried and try to keep asleep. It´s a strange logic but nevertheless something that plays out and understanding it helps to put an end to the self-abuse and strategy of denial.

        1. This takes it even deeper Alex and is great. We need to be this honest to really understand and feel the root of this abuse and I definitely concur that I too take the ‘safer option’ of self-abuse. As you say – a strange logic – and in fact totally illogical.

        2. Now this comment made me sit up straight – can you explain in more detail how that plays out? Self-honouring as a means to unearth some old hurts and wounds? Is it because of the grief over our self-abuse? Or is there more?

        3. With self-abuse I can numb myself, bury stuff even deeper; self-honouring gets rid of everything that doesn’t belong and thus brings up what has been stored in the deepest pockets of denial so that we can avoid dealing with it as we may find it too challenging. Honoring is healing but also asks us to meet the demons we held at bay by not shining a light on them.

        4. Thanks; so self-abuse adds more of the same sludge and everything turns even more ‘normal’, stagnant and turgid while self-honouring uncovers more layers of the old encrusted sludge so it can be removed from the system.

     3. It all starts when we want the infant to do something, smile, eat, poo, walk, etc the moment we introduce this desire for them to move and be and reward this the infant stops simply being loved for being, there is nothing as glorious than holding a new born baby, a sleeping new born is divine. I love that we know a depth of stillness that is innate and cannot be denied when we simply just have to look at a baby. We most definitely live further away every day from the simplicity of being.

        1. This is the detail to which we need to be looking at this. Where does it all start and examining every movement in our lives. It might sound like a tall order, but what I am seeing is that as soon as I start to make more honouring choices, the dis-honouring stuff, sticks out like a sore thumb – thus offering me continual invitations to refine.

        2. Yeah Otto, the detail is everything and our intentions of why we do what we do, what is moving us, what energy is moving us.

316. It is like we arrogantly believe that we have the right to abuse ourselves and nobody is allowed to comment, it is almost an unspoken pack about self-abuse being off limits but if we find out a girlfriend of ours is being beaten up by their husband, we are shocked and horrified. It is about time we begun to care as deeply for ourselves as we do for others, for abuse, is abuse, no matter who is inflicting it and ironically, usually the most pain that we feel, is the harm we do ourselves.

     1. The pain continues long after the bruises have healed when we ignore the self-abuse we allow into our life’s.

        1. I agree, at least the bruises indicate that something is wrong but the way that we slowly chip away at ourselves and end up using food, drink and activities to confirm this chipping away is warranted, is sadly considered “normal” part of life. So, we have much work to do in order to change our collective perceived concept of what is “normal” and that seems to be the life work of Serge Benhayon, to shift the tides and bring a new normal back to humanity.

317. Pingback: Are we in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves? – The Truth about Serge Benhayon

318. One form of abuse that I regularly indulge in is distraction on Social Media – when this is done at bed time it does not give me a suitable wind down and a restful night’s sleep.

     1. And your honesty and openness about this offers up a very simple ‘what next?’… the simplicity of awareness and then our choices.

319. Simply put Elizabeth, and provides a very simple guide.

320. Abuse is abuse whether it is done to another or to ourselves. It is the latter that we need to look at and address for when we call out that which is not loving towards ourselves we then naturally and without effort loving towards others.

     1. I agree that it is about the calling out of our own dishonouring and the overriding what the body requires to be harmonious, that sort of abusive ignoring leads to active harm in so many different ways, negative thoughts being one of the consequences.

321. By bringing a deeper level of love, care and attention to how we take care of ourselves, we start to appreciate the more subtle levels of self abuse that we have been allowing into our lives, and then we can really start to address and change these behaviours.

322. What a superb question: ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’
     That clearly detects the level of intelligence we have accepted that suited our careless minds, whilst a true intelligence is awaiting for us to attend to and live by.

     1. Yes it shows how we can hide something we are already and always feeling and in this way what is it actually inflicting on our bodies? I mean if we can be aware of it as an ‘abuse’ and only see it one way or in one area then it can’t be isolated and so we are being affected only just choosing to not see it, strange yes? Or more so crazy and yet we can do it.

323. Blame goes out the window when we first take responsibility for all of our choices and the quality of relationship we have with ourselves first.

324. Abuse has become so extreme in society that we have become numb to the lesser forms of abuse. It’s like our scale of acceptable behaviour keeps being pushed away from respect, decency and care for ourselves by what we see in the news. Learning to not abuse ourselves in the slightest way is where we really learn what abuse is and sets a standard for how we will treat other people.

325. ….’self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal. Sobering indeed.’ Absolutely Gabriele, it is very sobering. And listening to how our body feels is how we know when we are allowing that abuse.

326. As our abuses in society become more extreme, we ignore of the subtleties of how we are abusive, because the more subtle behaviours are deemed to be everyday, normal. But its in the more subtle ways that the abuses can potentially be more dangerous for they creep up over a period of time. Being more loving with ourselves is the only way to see this more clearly and the only way to let go of ways and behaviours that are harming ourselves. If we harm ourselves we are also harming those around us. That is challenging to feel.

327. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ – this has been a really good measure for me, using my love and respect for others as a measure of integrity and love for myself.

328. We are good as a society at seeing what others do that is abusive towards others and at times we are appalled, but we don’t seem to class how we are with ourselves as equally abusive. No-one I know says, I’ve been really abusive with myself today or for that matter, most of my life. We make up a story about things that happen to us and make it about the person or thing that inflicted stuff onto us but never choose to see our part in it all because we are too busy blaming.

329. I have been aware of how abusive my negative thoughts can be, and it makes a huge difference to how I feel when I notice and don’t let them in. It is something I have chosen and I am now choosing not to choose them anymore.

330. You bring some good points here Gabriele. I’m sure most people do not even think about how they are treating their bodies, let alone be honest about the fact that they are abusing themselves. Using the word abuse makes us sit up and take notice. And in fact it is an accurate description of what we do if every choice is not made from love.

331. Clearly we need to reassess how we are living, what we are choosing and the impact all this has on our relationships and our health.

332. Self abuse is played down as an issue but have we stopped to consider that we could only abuse another after abusing ourselves?

     1. True; we like to think we can keep those two instances separate but they are not, it is one life, same person, acting out towards another/others or attacking self.

        1. #OneLife #OneLove

333. I find the relationship you describe with listening to my body is continuously deepening and the more I honour the messages from my body the more I see the places that I am still abusing my body.

     1. Fiona I can relate to what you are sharing, my relationship with my body is continuously deepening, my body is giving me messages all the time what feels supportive or not.

334. When we say no to abuse from another we start to see more the abuse we are doing to ourselves.

335. Without a marker of absoluteness like LOVE everything becomes relative, hence what we consider to be abuse depends on how we like to define it personally – usually by comparing it to acts of less or more severe abusive behaviours.

     1. That’s true in my experience as well; as long as someone somewhere is worse off, we think we are okay and remain immersed in that uncomfortable comfort.

     2. How very true Alex. Everything that is not true beholding observational Love is actually abuse, though many in relationships where there are arguments and abusive words consider that they have a non-abusive relationship simply because they do not come to fisticuffs. The comparative, relative way of viewing life is such a measuring of life and truth.

     3. All measurements require a base level, an absolute. Without that then the measurement becomes invalid and undefinable.

     4. It’s a merry go round of choices and as you are saying without “a marker of absoluteness like LOVE everything becomes relative” then we have no way of seeing the whole picture or you could say complete mess. We add and delete or pick and choose were and when we see things or not. It’s like a scale and we can call it a ‘good’ life.

     5. There is an insidious evil in this isn’t there… when we can remain comfortable on the basis that someone is worse off, or doing worse things, it makes our standards of self-abuse okay. If we are not willing to set ourselves the absoluteness of a marker of truth only, then we will always be caught in the shadows of comfort.

336. It really is becoming very clear that what is truly harmful to the human body needs to be explored as all these new activities and foods and beverages take their place in our lives so fervently, because without the guide or marker of what is actually harming us and what is not, is it possible that perhaps we are all collectively saying yes to things that our bodies do not want or need?

     1. Our body IS the ‘guide of what is actually harming us and what is not’ and we are never without our bodies but we are choosing to live without honesty and responsibility.

     2. This is the key to it, and the starting point. An absolute redefinition and re-marking of what abuse actually is.

337. It is a real problem that self abuse has become the norm, because abuse of others, follows on from self abuse and neither is being called out for damage it is doing.

     1. Working backwards from this…by your ‘formula’… if we were to start calling out abuse then we would have to start looking at the abuse we doing to ourselves. Thus, is it possible that the abuse is not being called out, because we don’t want to accept the responsibility of the fact that it is in fact us that is the start of the abuse in the first place?

        1. This so obviously shines the light on where our responsibility lies. If we are not willing to see the ways in which we ‘abuse’ ourselves we can either be numb or blind to it outside of ourselves or righteous about its existence.

        2. As with everything, this shows the power in walking the talk, before we talk that talk.

338. “But what about the application of the term ‘abuse’ when it comes to drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, kicking the dog in anger, spending hours gaming or watching TV, punching a hole in the wall, slamming a door?” – so uncomfortably true Gabriele, the truth is, we are living in a world and living our lives through choice in absolute abuse when we consider all the tinniest things that are not love or loving towards ourselves, our bodies, and others too. Anything that is not love, has to then be abuse.

339. From a discussion recently, I came to understand that I constantly dishonor myself and what I’m feeling and that this dishonoring is the abuse I pour into my body. Now I’m giving my self some space to really feel this in my body and from there make a different choice. Again I have to ask the question of humanity, “Why is it that we are not taught from day one to honour ourselves in everything we do, because we are so worth cherishing this deep respect ourselves?”
     And I have to wonder if we were encouraged to do this as a child would this have an impact on our health, would this reduce the rates of illness and disease?

340. I have recently become aware of how much I abuse my body when I hang on too long to empty my bladder or as delay or ignore listening to my body. Any pattern or behaviour that is not truly self loving is a form of abuse.

341. Good point Susan. And not only that, we will also dish it out to others. It’s a vicious cycle that maintains an abusive status quo.

342. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” I feel that for most of us it’s because we don’t value ourselves in the same way we value others. We become accustomed to the abuse we heap on ourselves so it becomes so normal we don’t react to it, just accept it. Abuse towards another will more often than not illicit a reaction so we get to feel that our behaviour towards them is unacceptable. Of course our body is constantly communicating a response to our self-abuse too, however if we say for example, consistently overeat and get bloated and uncomfortable (our body communicating to us) we can just accept this as normal and eat until we feel this way. Amazing how we can override and reinterpret our body’s signals in this way, just so it becomes a convenient truth for us so we can stay in the comfort of not facing our irresponsibility and self abuse.

343. The fact that we condone abuse does not make it acceptable.

344. Is it possible in life for something to become so common and normal that we have to redefine it out of our reality?

     1. It looks like we redefine the meaning of words all the time; health for example is now just the absence of a major disease or serious medically diagnosed symptoms but has been stripped off true vitality, joy and zest for life.

345. Self-abuse can be so subtle. Energetically all forms of abuse – however ‘bad’ or less than ‘bad’ – are still forms of abuse. We have a lot to learn.

346. Asking the body to do more than it wants to sounds so ridiculous, but it is so true that we can listen to the mind sometimes more than the body, yet the body has so much more wisdom.

     1. Absolutely Gill and we work very hard to make it more difficult to hear our body by being abusive to it in all of these ways.

347. How easily I identify abuse outside of myself, yet ignore the areas of self abuse that I allow within myself. How insidiously self abuse is, and the layers of camouflage I have held to not be there. For me it is hanging onto comfort of where I live and the house I live in. The question I ask “will I/we find another house so beautiful as this one”. Mind you the beauty is only in the eye of my husband and I and perhaps this house for others would not hold the same for them. Thus to stay in comfort is self abuse and it is this that I need to bring my awareness too.

348. Everyone is affected by abuse and there are degrees of it we have become immune to feeling or even noticing so that it isn’t even considered abuse in the mainstream any more. Having negative thoughts about ourselves is one such abuse that we rarely clock as it can be deemed as just background noise in our heads.
     If we let our heads get away with that it is easy to see how other abuses can become acceptable and supposedly normal to the point where we are only shocked when extremes are brought to our attention.

349. We have created a scale of abuse where we can say that one form is ‘not as bad’ as another and by all accounts in a very temporal sense we can say this is so. However, energetically speaking, abuse is anything and everything that is not honouring of the innate love that we are. Put this into the equation and we suddenly have to examine every thought, belief, ideal, behaviour and word that pulls against the expression of this love.

     1. A massive call to our own responsibility. Could this be why so many of us take the ‘easier’ route and allow the abuse to perpetuate?

        1. And the so-called ‘easier’ route being the more arduous one in the long run; abuse and self-abuse have a limited shelf life, in the bigger scheme of things.

        2. Arduous because we have to walk it over and over and over – until we chose a different path – the path that was always available to us. Crazy games we play to avoid exposing our errant choices. “I know this is the wrong path, I know I’m going the wrong way, I know it won’t get me anywhere, I know its exhausting me, I know my body is being hurt by me choosing this path…etc..etc..but I’m gonna keep going so that it all looks like I’m doing well and moving in the right direction, rather than just stop, be honest, transparent, fragile and accept that I am grander, greater and infinitely more divine than this and that right next door to this path, just one step away from it, is a very, very different path, that will nurture my body, support me in every movement and lovingly guide me back to where I came from in the first place.”

350. Sometimes we are in something so deep and familiar that we have lost all sense of it being abuse. I have certainly been that way with food. And I was also that way with a house I was living in which looked amazing in many ways – an acreage with a little mountain, beautiful trees and a stream. It was only when I moved house to a nearby country town and found out first hand how ‘easy’ the living was, that I realised the abuse level of having clung onto that so-called ‘paradise’.

     1. It is easy to fall for images and pretty pitcures, they are oh so convincing until we feel what is really going on from and in our body.

        1. I like this Gabriele, if we are ever unsure if something is abusive or not, ask the body it never lies.

351. Allowing abuse in our lives is self-abuse.

352. “abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?…” What a great statement that brings to question as to what point does something cross the line to become abusive to another or self harming?…

353. ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ If I am rushing to be on time or to get everything done at my work it feels as abusive for my body. It is ‘normal’ and accepted but actually to be honest it is self-abuse.

354. I can feel how I can let negative chatter run riot in my head, that is definitely an abuse to catch and stop, thank you Gabriele.

355. In answer to your question Gabrielle . . . “Are we in an abusive relationship with ourselves?”. … Abuse can only start with us as if we are not in the whole mode of abusing ourself on a regular basis we would never ever allow another to abuse us. But as it stands with abuse being normal for most of us and with self-love and self-caring acts being looked down upon and judged as selfish or self-centred in many circles, one would have to admit that we have a lot of ground to cover as a humanity to get back to a basis decent foundational love of our self and one another.

356. Indeed the subtle nuances of our daily sleep cycles can become very self destructive and over time manifest as a dull exhaustion that we counter with coffee and sugar until this oscillation becomes our accepted norm.

357. This is great to examine in the detail for when we look at the mechanisms we use for ‘maintaining equilibrium’ which in fact are abusive we can get down to much finer points. An example is overeating. We sometimes overeat hugely, and it is painful but we can also overeat when we eat just one mouthful that is not required for our body for nutrition and is instead eaten with another purpose.

     1. Very true Michael. I also have found we can undereat as well which can be equally abusive to our body. With food and life it all comes down to what will support us at the time to be all the love that we are – there is no right or wrong.

358. This blog is so needed so that we have a platform to discuss the effects abuse has on us. For example a friend of mine is seriously ill and I noticed for lunch that they were eating foods that we both knew were not at all suitable for their condition, and I raised the possibility of their body going into reaction. It seems that this food for lunch was considered a treat for being so good during the week. Looking deeper into what was at play before me it was easy to observe that there was something more insidious going on. For instance where do these thoughts come from that have us believing it’s okay to put harmful foods into a sick body that will make it even sicker? That doesn’t make any sense to me.

359. We become links in the chain of self-abuse. Someone above us is given a deadline and the responsibility if it is just passed down to the last person. It becomes an upside-down pyramid with all the pressure at the bottom, and we except this as normal?

360. If it is not love it is abuse.

     1. That’s it Mary Louise, there are no middle roads

     2. Very simple and true whether this is with ourselves or with the others it matters not.

     3. So spot on and so simple, yet we try and complicate it all.

361. Good question Gabriele: ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ And the answer is ‘yes’ from where I stand. I have often noticed that when people say things like, ‘Can’t wait for work to be finished then off to the pub for some drinks’ it is said in a tone that wants you to join in and say (in a longing tone) ‘Yes that’ll be fantastic’ . The invitation is always there to comfort the person going to the pub (or it could be anything, not wanting to pick on pub-goers) so that you will say ‘me too’ and join. We know we are abusing ourselves and so we need this continual confirmation from others to say that it is okay . . . when we know full well it is not okay.

362. “The question is: what do we opt for and busy ourselves with, instead of addressing our deleterious food and beverage choices or our pastimes, from evermore entertainment to gaming and harming food and beverage choices?” – in other words how much abuse is actually in our lives but we simply are choosing to ignore this? This is a great reminder in order to feel how much we allow on a small scale that then feeds things on a larger scale.

363. Awesome blog re-defining abuse Gabriele! What we know to be abuse in our body is different to the current societal definitions of abuse, and this discrepancy needs to be highlighted, explored and then bridged so that we are all talking about the same thing. Some people might argue that abuse is not in the detail as you have presented, but I am one to agree that the finer details are indeed the telling ones and the determining ones for how and where abuse actually begins.

     1. Abuse might start seemingly ‘small’ but this small then determines a new standard and it is mostly downhill from there; we get complacent and the body will adjust as best as it can until such time that it cannot sustain the status quo any longer and we get presented with the account for our behaviours.

364. Abuse exists for as long as we want it to exist.
     Without our contribution it has no existence.

365. Responsibility is sometimes presented as being taking care of everyone else and that you yourself don’t matter so much but what if that’s actually irresponsible, because we need to care for all of us equally so, ourselves no less than any other and to ignore that we actually make abusing ourselves normal…

366. Such a great blog Gabriele, exposing self abuse for what it is, a disrespectful, loveless choice to hold back from ourselves our true essence and a relationship with God.

367. One form of abuse is not speaking up, holding back, because the thing that was there to be expressed is still there and causes a tension in the body. Having said that, if our first response would be one of emotional reaction, sometimes it is good to wait till we have calmed down and then express how we feel at a more suitable time. We are more likely to be listened to if we speak absolute truth with no emotion or judgement lacing our words.

368. When we are willing to ask the question ‘why?’ when we make deleterious food and beverage choices we can begin to gently undo the compulsion to busy ourselves in this way.

369. It is abusive to accept and allow abuse.

370. And even with awareness we can still drop into self abusive behaviours, be it eating foods to numb ourselves or allowing in thoughts that create self-doubt and insecurity. We need to be constant and vigilant in our relationship with self.

371. Great to expose different forms of self abuse from extreme examples and – cutting to those more commonly accepted as normal behaviour, like drinking alcohol and staying awake even though your body is tired. Both are very common in most households (and I use to do the same). With awareness and understanding we can build a different relationship with our bodies one that appreciates its beauty and preciousness and treats it with loving gentle care.

372. “… self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal.” Our societies the world over are so saturated in self abuse that when a few people begin to climb out of this rut, the contrast is so stark that they are deemed to be ‘aliens’. There is much for us to realise in our journey home to truly loving our selves once more, and I for one truly appreciate all the Universal Medicine has enabled me to see, understand and implement in my life that is transmuting this vast and entrenched behaviour beyond all imaginings.

373. Another difficulty that we face is that many of those people in roles to support those who have self-abusive behaviour or self-harm are actually still in the same behavior themselves only on a lower level.

374. Great article Gabrielle, just yesterday I could feel in my body how harmful it was to take on and be caught up in others emotions, result was my kidneys were feeling it, an evening call going much later than I would have liked making my bedtime much later than my usual, all this I realised was an abuse to my body, and this it was spelling out loud and clear, I definitely don’t want to go back there again, I will be more aware of the choices I make in the future in regards to my body.

375. The list of things we allow as self-abuse but we would not allow a child to do the same. Would we be incensed if some also did things on the list to a dog? Why are we holding ourselves as less?

376. The accepted ‘normal’ (which defines abuse), in our current society is most definitely abusive. The quality of food we eat, what we put into our body, how we speak to each other, and what we accept as okay in our relationships indicates this. As illnesses and diseases rises and violent behaviour increases, we need to look at why we have accepted such a level of behaviour in society that creates all of this.

377. I have experienced that whenever I hold back on expressing my truth, any patterns of self abuse become more prevalent. By choosing to hold back my love, I have already chosen abuse, food is my go to place to dull feeling the hurt from choosing abuse over the love that I am and so the pattern continues.

378. Abuse is the opposing energy to love, until all our choices come from love, we are allowing abuse into our lives. It’s not about perfection, rather, being constantly aware of our choices and honest about where they are being impulsed from.

379. This blog is so inspiring as it leaves us with nowhere else to go but to take a deep and honest look at how we treat ourselves – through our actions, how we speak and our self-talk thoughts.

380. Each one of us has to go from being in an abusive relationship with ourselves, to caring for ourselves, from there we can go to loving ourselves and then from there we can return to being the love that we already are. This systematic way of returning to love is one that I am now living. It is a way of being that I have been supported to return to by the Ageless Wisdom, as presented by Serge Benhayon.

381. Today I sat in a training session and the subject of self-harm arose and it was agreed that perhaps the most concerning form of self-harm can be self-neglect but it is not always as apparent as the more obvious forms but then this is what we have all mastered to some degree in our process of ‘growing up’.

382. Saying yes to something you know is not true, hurts your body and others too. Because no matter how much you think you commit, your every cell is saying ‘no way!’. This discrepancy causes a mismatch in us and is an abuse of our health. Thank you Gabriele.

383. “Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” This is such a great question and one that actually stops us in our tracks as it asks us to look at every aspect of our lives, be honest with what we are seeing and then have the courage to change what is not true.

     1. True Elizabeth, we are often conscious of an abusive behaviour, no matter how ‘mild’ we can justify it to be, and yet it is the willingness to change what is not true that either keeps the body receiving the abuse, or frees up the body from it.

        1. Even though we all know and can honestly feel that our behaviours are not good for us we like to delay and hold out, just in case some sponsored science assures us that they have some obscure health benefits.

        2. Gabriele, I had to giggle at this as you expose the games the ‘human psyche’ plays to hold on to the comfort and delay.

384. ‘…self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal…’ so that we are and or can pretend to be blind for what we are doing, even justify or excuse it to not ever be asked to question what we have accepted as the not really comfortable but spiritually comfortable norm. Basically we are hiding in the norm until we align towards true and natural values that expose the norm for being the unnatural and thus unnormal state of being that it is.

385. Every time I ponder this question I get to really feel just how different my life is today from when I first came to Universal Medicine, my understanding of what is and is not loving, true and supportive let alone abusive is completely different. Whilst today I would say the vast majority of my life was abusive, at the time I would have said it was normal.

386. Abuse feels rife in our society and we all are aware of it – yet when it comes to topic of self-abuse, this feels a little rare, yet any form of abuse out there stems from humanity who are in self-abuse. Thus it is great to be talking about the many thousands of ways we harm our bodies and actually each other.

387. I used to think overeating was normal and would never have considered it as abuse but now, I know anything that hurts my body is abuse. Overeating hurts my stomach, makes me feel tired, grumpy and not myself.

     1. ‘I know anything that hurts my body is abuse’ Chan Ly having the sensitivity to feel hurt is already a blessing. Many people have de-sensitised and numbed their bodies to such an extent, they no longer feel the hurt and abuse they cause themselves and accept whatever they feel as normal.

388. The self-abuse factor is so large because we think we can get away with it, even though we know it’ll catch up to us eventually.

389. When we start to honestly observe every act and every movement through the day, there are countless moments where we have the choice to honour or to dishonour ourselves.

390. As self care and self love develops and deepens within a person, in equal and opposite movement, do the habits of self abuse become exposed

391. The subtleties of this blog keep on unfolding for me each day. Thank you Gabriele for supporting me to fine tune my radar, a constant process that brings new learnings each day. What a joy to embark on a journey of eradicating abuse and accepting only love in the world, at first on an individual basis that when truly embodied unfolds into the collective way of life.

392. When we take responsibility for all our choices we can leave the old victim role behind.

393. Self abuse is in many forms too, one form is the way we think about ourselves, such as being degrading and harsh and rough with ourselves, expecting perfection, and only seeing negatives when we are in fact all amazing with gorgeous inner qualities.

394. Thank you, Gabriele, for opening up this conversation about self-abuse…not a topic we are too comfortable talking about but necessary to stop this common and ingrained behaviour once and for all.

395. Excellent blog highlighting the types of abuse that we are so willing to turn blind eye to.
     What you expose here is extremely important especially when we realise that any abuse towards other first must come from us abusing ourselves.

396. It’s easy to react to the abuse we receive from others but if we observe the abuse we heap on ourselves we are left with nowhere to go but to take responsibility. So many times I’ve felt powerless because I’ve felt I couldn’t stop another from abusing me when all the while I’ve been providing permission through the way I’ve chosen to treat myself.

397. Your comparison at the end of your blog about depriving a child of sleep being abusive, but that we dont consider it to be self abusive if we override how tired we are and keep pushing ourselves to stay awake until we end up exhausted, really stood out for me. I dont even want to begin to think about the number of times I have done that to myself, and although it is a rarer occaission these days, it is still some thing I can do. Taking care of ourselves at this level supports us beyond measure, and we can only benefit in the long run, along with everyone else.

     1. Sleep deprivation has been, and probably still is, used as a form of torture, yet as a society we can often champion our lack of sleep following a ‘big night out’, as though it’s something to be proud of, like a badge of honour. In effect, we are normalising self-torture.

398. It is interesting how we use the term self-abuse to cover things like cutting, under eating but we do not see drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes as abuse, even though they have both been scientifically identified as being a poison.

399. Even though we now have and use the word self-abuse, we use it in the third person about others and their actions! That parent thing comes to mind about do as I say and not as I do. We continue to sidestep our responsibility for the abuse we allow by our hand to ourselves.

     1. So true Steve, it is like the white lies that we make okay.

400. This is quite incredible, that abuse can be described as a coping mechanism. A very sobering thought and not one to be passed over without careful consideration because it raises questions about where these coping mechanisms come from, and why they are here in the first place.

     1. Great point Shami. We associate ‘coping’ as a strategy of dealing with abuse and yet we do use abuse as a coping mechanism. This reveals much – perhaps it’s our own grandness that we have trouble coping with?

        1. Perhaps, or there is the possibly that grandness is very known and is something that each person can nestle in too easily, so maybe grandness is not the trouble. Maybe comfort and familiarity is so entrenched in to our collective human movements on earth, that to leave all of this behind and to take on the innate responsible granditude that we all are is rejected in favour of the identification and huge array of successes in this that the comfort and familiarity offer.

401. Even not going to the bathroom when we initially felt to and holding it even for a second is abuse. Not sharing our love for others in deep appreciation on a regular daily basis is abuse. Allowing ourselves to sneak a handful of almonds and eat them right before bed is abuse too (speaking from experience here). When you stop and feel it, there is a huge amount of behaviours that we have accepted as the norm, but are good to revisit as inspired by this revealing blog by Gabriele.

402. This is a great expose of abuse in all its various forms… and no matter where, how or why it is delivered, abuse is abuse.

403. I have come to understand recently that our self-judgment, self-critique can be very harsh – to beyond abusive to downright denigrating even… and it may initially appear like a long path back to self-love, self-nurturing and self-honouring, however the truth is every moment is a new moment to make a new and loving choice, and the simplicity of consistently making a new choice naturally brings about a new way of being with ourselves.

404. ‘Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?’ If we admitted this we’d see how we encourage and condone abuse from very young and also see that perpetrators of abuse are us all when we choose that energy. Making out particular people are evil helps no-one because the root cause isn’t addressed within society; instead a person is scapegoated so we don’t have to see what’s going on and address it. That’s not to say the person doesn’t need to be stopped and imprisoned but if we don’t understand where abuse begins and label someone as evil then how can we support someone to return to love. Anytime I consider myself bad or wrong I too am adding to this energy of blame and persecution rather than love and responsibility.

405. and that’s the problem Elizabeth, we think that the abuse that we see ‘out there’ has nothing to do with us. We say to ourselves that we are ‘good’ people who wouldn’t harm others and so we continue as we have always done, perhaps we sponsor a child but other than that we don’t change. But and it’s a colossal ‘but’ we are ALL collectively contributing to the abuse. There are perhaps a handful of people in the world who are not contributing to the abuse that abounds this earth but rest of us sure are because living less than our divine connection to God is abuse because when we are not living in direct connection to God then we are allowing the exact same energetic source through our bodies and into the world that carries all of the atrocities with it.

     1. We are contributing with every choice that we make and we know it.

        1. Ok, so we ‘can’t always see the direct damage/affect our every choice makes’ but we can feel the affects because it’s not possible to ever stop ourselves from feeling energy and so I wonder, do we truly think that we’re getting away with it, or are we simply in cahoots with everyone else? Who’s going to blow the whistle on the whole of humanity? Actually I know of one man that’s doing exactly that, Serge Benhayon.

        2. It looks as though at times we need to hit rock bottom to come to our senses.

406. Our bodies are precious so if self abuse has become normal for us then it shows how very far away from our true essence we are actually living.

     1. So true Elizabeth, I absolutely agree. I find the more I live in my essence the more layers of abuse is exposed and discarded. Whereas before there were many mild forms of abuse I would have accepted as normal because everyone around me also accepted them as normal.

407. Awesome question Gabriele. I don’t believe I’ve considered the ‘accepted self abuse’ types we choose to appear more abusive when inflicted on another person, such as the example you gave of the child and sleep. Amazing what perception has done for us, really taking masking our ability to feel what’s honouring of ourselves and what isn’t.

408. An provoking question Gabriele “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” We could even go so far as asking, does the abuse start with the unwillingness to be honest? – the denial of our truth.

409. It is even self-abusive to be abusive as being abusive creates a well-founded fear of being abused. The actual act is self-abusive and so are the consequences.

410. Yes we are in an abusive relationship with ourselves. Some of us are gradually learning to surrender to Love, true Love, and let that be the energy that impulses our every move. What a difference, and what a ripple this makes in the sea of life.

411. Oh Gabriele, I love the expose you offer. When put in such content you see there is no difference, abuse is abuse no matter which direction it comes from.

412. ‘The question is: what do we opt for and busy ourselves with, instead of addressing our deleterious food and beverage choices or our pastimes, from evermore entertainment to gaming and harming food and beverage choices?’ – in order to start getting honest with ourselves about the choices we are making, we must first acknowledge the ‘knowing’ that something is wrong and feel the impulse to bring about change, otherwise why change anything? Once we start re-connecting with our inner heart we can feel the disregard. It’s from this place that the honesty begins, offering us an opportunity to explore how we are choosing to live and equally, the different choices we could be making.

413. That is such a great example about deliberately keeping up a child when they are tired and want to go to sleep. In that instance it is so clear that such an action is abusive, so it leaves less room for pretending otherwise when you do it to yourself. I bet most of the choices we make for ourselves would not be able to stand the ‘what if we treated a child like that’ test.

     1. Very true Golnaz and just how are we teaching our children to behave when they are making such decisions for themselves.

        1. A very important question Michael. With the escalation of abusive and disregarding behaviour among the young, and the normalisation of self-harm, there is desperation and much finger pointing. But rarely are adults stopping and considering what kind of reflection and role models are we truly providing.

414. The greatest antidote to self-abuse is appreciation. And I know this because, despite it often feeling like the hardest thing to do when I am feeling self-abusive, if I can manage to go there, then the self-abuse (in whatever form it is manifesting) will evaporate immediately.

415. If we accept that abuse is only those extreme things like rape, violence, cutting, torture etc, then we are setting ourselves up for lives where subtler levels of abuse is ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’. But what is our true nature? What if our true nature is to be love, or to live in the absoluteness of harmony with each other? Then anything less than that can be construed as abuse too.

416. When you start to look at ways in your life that are abusive towards yourself, you start to uncover areas/ways that you would never have thought were abusive but the more tender and loving we become with ourselves, the more we do uncover such loveless choices, and that’s the beauty of true love, it just keeps deepening but asking for anything.

417. A beautiful blog showing us something, showing us that life is more than meets the eye and that the not so obvious is actually harming us the most. Hence, why we need to take it deeper for ourselves and watch the areas where we self-abuse first.

418. “…what do we opt for and busy ourselves with, instead of addressing our deleterious food and beverage choices or our pastimes…” A good question Gabriele. What do we opt for? Seems like we opt for compete ignorance a lot of the time instead of developing a questioning nature and becoming more conscious of the things we choose and why.

419. The title alone would have got me really angry in the past, most likely as it hits a nerve and that is the fact that throughout my life I’ve also pushed myself and always in effect been abusing myself but never wanted to admit to that fact. When we introduce Universal medicine and a number of years of healing and support not only can I clearly see that I was abusing myself but I am open to embrace the truth and fullness of what loving myself looks like. No longer fighting but embracing truth and with that healing all the scars that I had built up along the way.

420. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” A good point Gabriele. Time to call out our own self-abusive behaviours that we wouldn’t tolerate doing or seeing done to another.

421. Self abuse is multi-layered and not until it is exposed in the way of Universal Medicine, do we fully understand the harm we routinely cause ourselves. Apart from drinking and smoking, we engage in silent, internal wars, beat ourselves up with self criticism, undermine and consider ourselves worthless. Until we become aware of our own lack of appreciation of ourselves, we’re imprisoned in patterns of hidden self abuse.

422. Gabriele, what you are sharing here about keeping a child awake even though they are exhausted as being abusive, makes me also consider how if we kept feeding a child, even though they were full and kept giving them food they didn’t need until their stomach hurt that this too would be abuse and yet overeating in adults is common and so for me this feels like another form of self abuse.

423. I was shocked to meet two people after two years to find them considerably heavier in weight, looking unwell. and treating it as normal. It’s one thing to know you’re overweight and begin to diet, another to understand the root cause of overeating and treat that.

     1. I agree – perhaps they felt the same as they may have changed their diet and lifestyle as well so that, subjectively, not much changed?

424. Are we not the experts on self-abusive to ourselves? There is always that next step till it becomes numb and we have to step up the game. Abuse – is just a way of life that we hone. We need to stop and realise what we have excepted as normal is not! And, change the path we have been walking.

425. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Yes, we could look at many things like making a baby smoke a cigarette or making it drink alcohol, this would indeed cause an outrage in many but what is the difference from a babies body to our bigger but exactly the same body?

426. If we all could feel or get an understanding of just how precious and highly tuned and sensitive or bodies are, we would have the awareness that we are all in self-abuse, and that even moving in rush mode is self-abuse as are those invisible yet totally harming negative and judgemental thoughts we have about ourselves not being good enough, and making ourselves less by giving our power away.

427. You have touched on such an important point here. We accept far more and inflict far more abuse on ourselves than we would on another. In order to stop abuse of others we each and every one of us have to look at the abuse we have accepted as normal and apply a more loving approach to ourselves at which point we will pick up abuse quicker, be that of ourselves or others.

428. We poison our bodies with our thoughts: self doubt, self criticism, trying to be right, aiming for an impossible perfection – we have so many ways we can make ourselves ill and our health improves simply by honouring our bodies and what we feel.

429. Abuse to me is anything that does not lead either ourselves or another back into the arms of God.

430. What on earth is a ‘forthright citizen’. It feels that this is a rigid stance that we assume that negates our ability to feel the fact that assuming such an identity is not only not necessary but prevents us from feeling the truth of who we are.

431. If we are not in a constant known relationship with God, then this is abuse.

432. To recognise Self abuse, there has to be a moment, or period of awareness that gives insight to the choices and consequent result of such behaviours. Sometimes this comes with from the reflection from another or a stop moment from emotional disturbance or a situation of ill health.

433. Food of course is always a great example. At times we overeat, bloat and then feel exhausted and sluggish and so need to eat more to get energy and so it goes on.

     1. Following on from that as we eat more we get fatter and then don’t feel good about ourselves so need to eat more as a reward or to avoid feeling and then get fatter and heavier and more exhausted so eat more – all this is of course highly abusive to our bodies and ourselves. At what point do we just STOP and re-connect? Sometimes only when forced to by an illness or some such event.

        1. From your sharing, Nicola it is easy to see how we can spiral down the self-disregard track, where one disregarding choice can lead to another and before we know it we have fully locked ourselves into a self-abusive relationship.

        2. ….. and as our weight increases we start to feel ‘bad’ about ourselves and how we look, not fitting into our clothes. We want to blame our body for looking this way, when the truth is, we are using food to avoid dealing with whatever it is that we are not wanting to feel and address. We are choosing to abuse our body, underneath our dis-comfort and negativity towards our body is deep hurt from our choice to abuse our gorgeous self in this way.

        3. Very true Rachel, and we can also spiral up 🙂 it is amazing how our bodies respond to even the smallest loving choice.

434. Living anything less than what we are here to do is evil, and deeply abusive. We might say the wisest words but if we don’t live in alignment to our light, we just harm and add to the darkness of this world. Thank you Gabriele.

435. When a young child is tired we put them to sleep, when they are hungry we feed them a meal that will nourish them, when they need to go to the toilet we put them on it immediately. So what happens later in life : when we are tired we push on and often only sleep when we are exhausted, when we are hungry we may snack on some junk food to get us by till we finish the task at hand and often then, we will not eat a meal that will truly nourish us. Often we hold off going to the toilet un till we are bursting. Imagine if we were to honour our self the same way we would a young child.

     1. What would be very revealing is if the kids started to abuse themselves in the same way as the adults. Perhaps if it was right in front of our faces we would realise what we are doing. But hang on a minute, it IS right in front of our faces, it is being reflected back to us in the state of our health, the level of our vitality and in the quality of our relationships. We must be mighty intent on ignoring it, aided and abetted by an energetic consciousness that is constantly looking to keep us in the dark.

436. I feel this abuse is more dangerous because it has been accepted and it is something that slowly chips away at us. I see it like a drip feed of poison into us – something that may seem insignificant but poison is poison and the build up of it eventually has quite a catastrophic effect in the body.

437. We have even mastered abuse to the point that we can dress it up as ‘healthy’ behaviour such as making and drinking smoothies. We would never sit and eat several pieces of fruit daily however when we juice them or make a smoothie we consume almost all of the fruit itself and a huge dose of the sugar that they contain. Promoted as being healthy but truthfully not so.

438. It is crazy that we need to go to such a hazardious action like cutting for us to be shaken out of our indifference, that says a lot about our level of honouring of the body, whether it is our own or somebody elses.

439. When in ignorance of a marker of true care of self, every behaviour can be somehow justified as it has no reference that we can measure it by. Bring love to the equation and every tiny bit that is not loving sticks out like a sore thumb.

     1. Yes Alex, bringing love into the picture is literally like opening the curtains and letting the glorious light pour through us.

     2. So true, Alexander … I remember the days when I used to put myself on rigid diets to change the shape of my body and loose weight. Of course, they never worked for long, I was looking for a quick fix, changing my appearance on the outside, but for true change I needed to re-connect with myself on the inside and feel the love that I am, from there I began to feel exactly the changes that would support me and my body has naturally changed to it’s true shape, as a result of my choice to start truly caring for myself.

440. Yes Gabriele, abuse does not end with physicality. Sabotaging thoughts that we allow and align to are self-abusive as we turn our backs on the beauty and power of our innate essence – who we truly are.

441. When we are in the pain of not feeling the love that we so crave, then it is understandable that we would be angry at the person we most crave that love from, the person who can give us the deepest flavour of that love. Ourselves. Thus, the self-abuse.

     1. True Otto and masterfully expressed – the complete opposite of what we are falsely taught by society and systems from a young age – to seek outside of ourselves for recognition, reward, achievement, success and love from another, mistakenly believing this will fill the craving for the emptiness felt from dis-connection with our essence.

        1. I am so often in deep awe at the perfection of the way we are designed and how the whole jigsaw fits together – thus, to disrupt that it, is no surprise that a perfectly, brilliantly designed opposite is required. And hence, we have the systems that you exactly describe Stephanie – the absolute perfect set up to morph us into a way of being that is in direct and exact contrast to what we actually are. The question then becomes – who had the ‘intelligence’ to set these systems up? We did. How did we know how to do it so perfectly? Because we know divinity and truth inside out and thus, by definition and only because of this fact, do we know exactly how to contra it. Our intelligence, our choice.

442. For many it is the easier option to self-abuse than it is to take responsibility for the situation that we have chosen to get ourselves into.

443. I think that is the trouble, most of our self-abusive behaviours are deemed normal and are seldom frowned upon and in a lot of cases laughed about.

     1. It is quite common to make fun of self-abusive behaviour, not only is that ridiculing ourselves it is also confirming the belief that we are not capable to take responsibility for our own actions.

444. Self-abuse only occurs when we do not accept who we truly are, and then fill the void with who we are not.

445. I find that abuse starts with myself and what I allow with myself and also with others. It can be so easy to blame others and things outside of ourselves but ultimately it comes down to responsibility and what we are willing to allow or not allow.

     1. I agree James, I have to look at how am I treating myself, allowing abuse in my life. In changing this the ripple effect helps change the tide of abuse in the world.

        1. It sure does and it is amazing how the more we treat ourselves with the respect and love we deserve the more the subtle forms of abuse we see, call out and no longer accept.

446. Many of us have become so used to abuse that we do not even register it as abuse. Thank God Universal Medicine exposes every level of abuse so that we can start feeling/seeing it for ourselves.

     1. Universal Medicine has reset the bar for the whole of humanity.

     2. Hear Hear Mary-Loiuse, and with this awareness we can start to make changes to our lives.

        1. Yes Ruth now we are no longer stuck in a cycle of abuse if we choose to get out of it

447. It’s kind of comical when you think about it, we have this body that is the key to us and who we can be but we abuse and trash it and judge it when it breaks down.
     We are full of love, yet we hold it back, or even totally deny it exists, and then crave this love from everyone around us. Can we really be that stupid when we even look at this love everyday in the mirror and still not drop to the floor in awe of what is staring back at us.

448. The list of self-abusive behaviour is endless, but we have to start somewhere – let’s face it we are not doing so great by ignoring how we treat ourselves.

     1. Very true. A huge marker.

449. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” It’s interesting how we can tell ourselves or justify with conviction in order to keep the abusive status quo so as not to honestly admit what is really going on.

450. Abuse passes as many day by day, ‘normal behaviours’, so much so that if we really evaluated how we feel at the end of a day, we would feel that abuse was there in many parts, sometime small and subtle but these are the worst kinds.

451. I often think the way I think of myself is much much more abusive than the words I would allow another to speak to me. It’s crazy that in so many cases we are our own worst enemies, when we could constantly building a deeper level of respect for ourselves and others.

     1. Good if but terrible and sitting up straight for point – if a hatchet job is to be done, we sure know how to execute it to perfection, on ourselves.

452. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ What an important question, Gabriele, calling for us to examine our every choice and movement in daily life with a marker of love and true care.

     1. Also on the other side of the same coin – We do tend to treat people better than we treat ourselves eg. We are more tender with a baby than we are with ourselves or we may tidy the house more for others yet live in a level of cluttered or disregard or we may put more effort into making dinner for a friend than we do for ourselves. However although we ‘do’ more for the other the quality, the energy behind it is actually done from how we treat ourselves every moment up to that point.

453. Self abuse is a dangerous one as it can be hidden from the physical eye, playing the long game in wearing down the human till we end up with drug addictions or selling our bodies away.

     1. It can only be hidden from the physical eye when we have chosen to invest in what we see as being the truth. However when we feel energy first and then see the energy before us then the elements of abuse are obvious. Making sight our first sense over reading/feeling energy is an abuse on ourselves and perhaps one we choose to not be aware so we then do not need to be responsible for living all that’s possible, who we are, the light of the soul that’s available to live if we keep our bodies clear.

454. Through making these abuses normal we are dropping our whole standard of living and accepting a function that drains us of our natural joy & vitality.

     1. Awesomely said Lucinda. Love it.

     2. Yes, you bring to a point how adjusting our way of normal by the lesser quality that we are living we are bringing our whole way of living down, step by step, until our natural joy and vitality are only words but not a lived truth and nor are they truly felt anymore, as we are continually settling for something less.

     3. Absolutely Lucinda… I often thought it was working hard that drained me, but in actual fact I have come to understand that it’s the disregarding choices made on a regular basis around the work that I do that drains me far more. Taking care of ourselves naturally brings joy and vitality, not taking care of ourselves and being in function mode brings the exact and equal opposite.

455. Redefining self-abuse in the way that you have is an eye opener, Gabriele. It’s not always the extreme behaviours that we abuse ourselves in, but recognising what we have accepted as normal, like staying up late with excessive TV can also be abusive.

     1. Exactly Rachel not drinking water when we are thirsty is self abuse.

     2. Or not going to the toilet when our body gives us the message to go

456. This is a great blog asking us all to stop and reevaluate how we are with ourselves first and then with other people that we share our lives with. Is it possible that by taking more care of ourselves by catching those times when we are self abusive then we are less likely to be abusive to others. Imagine how our society would be if we took such care of ourselves that naturally we would care for others.

457. There are so many abusive acts that we consider “normal”, but as you point out Gabriele that abuse at any time in our lives is not acceptable!

     1. It’s well worth looking at the areas of ‘acceptable abuse in our lives’to be aware of them and support ourselves to let go of them and create more space in our bodies. More space in our bodies allows us to bring more of who we are to all we do and everyone we are with. Recently I’ve been looking at these areas in more detail and although it can feel like there’s quite a bit, such as holding expression back, staying out longer than my body needs, eating a few more spoonfuls of something, getting caught up in a conversation from my head, not going for a walk when my body feels to etc, I appreciate the awareness so I can make different choices. The different choices include listening to my body and agreeing to the rhythms that I know work for me to be in my fullness.

458. The sleep deprivation is such a good example Gabriele, because it is something most people can relate to.. staying awake when we know our bodies want to go to sleep. Following the messages from the body is the best medicine we can take to care for ourselves.

     1. The interesting thing is that the body can actually go without food but it can not go without sleep. Sleep is fundamental for our quality to be there. Yet we as a society overeat and under sleep. This is abuse at both ends.

        1. Yes, clearly brought to a point here Johanna. Sleep and food, two of the main factors in life that are essential for us, and we use them in complete disproportional ways as to how we need them.

        2. We can survive without food, with just water for weeks. Sleep is a cycle that doesn’t work well when ignored. All living things on this planet are all governed by the sun. Why do we find it normal to use caffeine as one of our main goto’s, to push our body’s beyond self-abuse.

     2. I agree – and it can be related not just to not getting a specific amount of sleep, but also the quality of sleep we allow ourselves

     3. It is literally torturous to not to go to sleep at a good time for your body, worse is broken sleep as it is so instant how tough it is on your body.

459. Many of us do seem to be in an abuse relationship with our bodies while mollycoddling other parts of us at the expense of the body.

460. Food has to be one of the most prevalent ways in which we self-abuse, as a society. It’s a very effective way of dulling how we are feeling, therefore, making it easier to ignore any issues we may be facing. However, the issues stay with us until we choose to address them and they generally become more intense as time passes. Therefore, all we are achieving is delaying dealing with our stuff and all the while the consequences of doing so is impacting on our every movement, which in turn impacts on everyone else.

461. I love the way you have brought to our attention, Gabriele, that we would not do to a child what we would do to our own bodies! This is such a great practical tangible way of pointing to the silent, abuse we perform everyday on our own precious selves and bodies.

462. Anything that is not love, is abuse.

463. ‘It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium.’ – it absolutely does – we are faced with a choice as to whether to stay comfortable and continue on as we are, despite knowing that everything is not quite as it could be, or, to stop and start getting honest about how we are truly choosing to live. To explore where we are allowing abuse into our lives and to allow ourselves to feel how this impacts on us and everyone else.

464. For me self abuse is a way of living, or has been, and I have been exhausted as a result. I am forever criticising myself, assuming Iv’e done something wrong or blamed myself for everything that is going wrong around me. I also abuse others by blaming them for what they are doing wrong. Doing wrong is all about pictures of how we think things should be, ideals, but in Truth, there is not right and wrong there is only what we do and what we don’t do and the energy we are aligned to when we do that. One feels great, the other doesn’t.

465. If we have these ‘normal’ behaviours in our daily routine that we perceive as tolerable but are in truth self abusive, then when we are confronted with other forms of abuse are we not more likely to overlook this and accept it as also ‘tolerable’? Could the psychological effects of self abuse be much worse than we think?

466. If we didn’t abuse ourselves then we would get to feel the love that we are.

467. At the core of it all to not honour what we have felt to be true, is a form of disregard and self abuse, as we are going against the natural flow and ease of life.

468. When we connect to truth and love, it becomes very clear what is abuse and what is not.

469. Self-abuse, when we go look beyond the more extreme behaviours is all too evident in everyday life. We even have classed some as a ‘good night out’ or ‘treat’ ourselves to large portions of cake or play ball with the ethos of ‘work hard, play harder’. For me I know it starts with the smallest compromise to what I know is true, the smallest lie leads to the mess of my self-abuse. It starts when I ignore the initial lie. What or who do I put as more important than my health and wellbeing knowing that this is the foundational quality I bring to everyone and everything I do?

470. I feel that although some things like too much gaming or staying up later than the body wants are not generally talked about as self-abuse because they have become normal, there are other things like drinking too much or getting burnt in the sun that people will say ‘it was self-inflicted’. We can feel our body either at the time or when the distraction/substance has worn off, so we always know when we are abusing our body.

471. “It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium.” It’s very true. I remember when I first heard Serge Benahyon talk about alcohol being something that was self abusive, and being a big drinker of red wine found this hugely challenging. But having given it up and not had a drop for approximately 10 years now, I have a clear understanding of what he meant. To ingest something into my body that made me feel light headed, slightly nauseous, gave me stomach cramps and often a headache and feeling sluggish the following day, leaves me with no doubt that what I was doing to myself was nothing less than self abusive.

472. The double standards of how we live are very insightful if we are willing to stand back and observe for a moment. The adult – child scenario is a brilliant starting point because there is much we wouldn’t inflict on a child but will choose for ourselves – all the while the child looks, learns and takes cues from their environment. Then we stand surprised, shocked and even disappointed in their ‘behaviour’.

473. If we did not self abuse then there would not be an iota of separation in this world. Its as simple as that.

     1. So true Joshua, if there was no self-abuse, then I would say there would be no abuse in the world. My understanding is abuse starts from ourselves first before we are abusive to others.

474. Tuning in the microscope to look at the smaller details of abuse, seeing what is there, how it plays out in our lives. And it takes some honesty to call this abuse as we often associate abuse with the big ticket items.

475. “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal. Sobering indeed”.
     There are so many things that are detrimental to the body and this is abuse – even in the way we walk can be harmful and abusive on the body and the surroundings – everything affects everything.

     1. Yes and your comment has made me think that if my posture is compromised then this too is a strain and therefore an abuse to the body. I’ve just completely changed the way I was sitting and boy oh boy does it feel much better.

476. Anything and anyone that doesn’t support our glorious way of being is abusive.

477. Yes this is a great point Elizabeth. Life and people are always reflecting to us and to see it this way is a great support in our awareness of how we are really looking after ourselves.

478. I was talking yesterday with some old friends about their children and supporting them through things like drinking, smoking and drugs all of which they are beginning to experiment with. It seems to me that the foundation for all of this is to build, support, nurture and appreciate them to treasure themselves as deeply as possible. The more we treasure ourselves the more clearly any of these behaviours will be exposed as self-abusive and thus the more we can truly feel the effects that they are having. No amount of cautionary words from parents will equip them with the tools needed – it is only when they feel for themselves what these behaviours are doing, that they will have the strength and conviction to say no to them.

     1. Yes, the stronger the need for numbing, the greater the attraction of smoking, drinking and drugs.

        1. I agree. But I also feel that it has a lot to do with where each individual has set their own bar of self-love. If this is very low (they don’t value themselves at all) then the choice to indulge in any of these abusive practices is not a huge ‘leap’. But if the bar is reasonably high (they have a level of self-appreciation, self-preservation and self-valuing) then they are more likely to respond to the negative impact that is happening to their bodies and lives.

479. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” great question and as I now appreciate, how can we stop abuse in the world if we don’t stop it with ourselves first?

480. Another example of using words to not express the truth. We have turned a blind eye to the small things we do that are not loving and we don’t want to call it out for what it is. This article is very exposing of this and a great reflection for us all.

481. It’s like we have made self-abuse normal so it’s great to expose just how much of what we do everyday we would consider abusive if inflicted on another and then open up to exploring how to start treating ourselves in a more loving manner. Our bodies will certainly appreciate the difference.

482. Wow. That is a beautiful call to responsibility and having a relationship with ourselves that is respectful, consistent and sustainable.

483. I often think if I would treat someone else that i love dearly, the way I treat myself – would I keep them up at night even when they are tired, would I make them eat food that will make them feel racy or tired? If I would take more care of them, then I can take more care of myself

484. There is a part of me that still baulks at the term abuse, wanting to pretend it is not as bad as it first appears, but I appreciate more and more being honest about the state of our world, relationships, lives… it is only from this stark clarity that we are ever likely to change.

485. This seems such an obvious question when we only have to reflect on the trends in society as a result of ‘lifestyle’. We have normalised disregard of ourselves in work, recreation, family life and in our relationships. because we have stopped holding ourselves with love and care.

486. Before Universal medicine my life was in a total state of an abusive relationship with myself, and going with the guide of anything short of love being abusive as the marker I am still way off the mark but at least now I know where the mark is and that it does exist whereas before I was stuck in a consciousness that glorified crazy lifestyles.

487. We can hurt another’s feelings when we don’t listen to them but we can ignore our own and not see that as abuse. Dis-honouring what we feel leads to self doubt because our body knows absolutely and in an instant whereas our minds have to work things out and are not always right. Self doubt is like a chemical poison in our body and stops us from expressing Truth.

488. The race in-between birth and death, that has been the abusive relationship with ourselves, we call life. Do as I say and not as I do, does this ring any bells?

489. What is stated here is huge. We have become desensitized to abuse to an extent that increasingly only the more extreme cases are registered as abuse. The article by Eunice Minford sited as reference at the end of the blog explores this beautifully.

490. This is such a good point. We need to treat ourselves the way we would treat a small child. If our behaviour towards ourselves is any less than the loving way we would treat a child then we are already in abuse.

491. If we allow an ounce of abuse from another then fundementally there has to be a level of abuse towards ourselves taking place first.

492. This is a much needed topic for discussion and you have lifted the lid here, Gabriele. To consider the finer detail of any choice as self-abuse that puts pressure and tension onto the body, (this could simply be walking in hardness not even stressing to the max), or poison in the body… (this could simply be excess sugar not even alcohol or nicotine) is the point at which we can make a change to the way we live.

493. Thank you Gabriele, this is a topic that definitely needs to be explored! So maybe we could be taught from a young age what certain things do to the body and how abusive they can be? Then as we are growing-up we are aware of circumstances that we can control? Learning from our own mistakes so that we are never told to do this or that brings a simple understanding of consequences.

494. Yes when you think about it why do we allow subtle levels of abuse and not the daily ones? In the end it is the daily ones that can build the bigger ones. When we take away the foundational blocks the top ones won’t be able to stand.

495. The normality of everyday abusive behaviours has reached crisis point, few people question the fact alcohol is a poison, as is nicotine, Overeating is another form of abuse. An increasing number of women of all ages are grossly obese and barely able to move one leg before the other. It’s most worrying when we’re unaware we’re self abusing. And it can be in small everyday things too, like when we fail to give ourselves loving attention, eat nurturing food and say no to self-critical thoughts.

496. This really is a wake up call, calling out the obvious so clearly and straightforward. We need to stop as a humanity and take a step back and really observe and see the state that we are living in. There is no point in going forward when we simply keep running in the same tracks. And everything is there for us to see in our living ways, we only need to stop and take notice AND be willing to make the changes that bring true change instead of creating another loophole where we think we do better but simply have found a way to fool ourselves and still do what we want to do.

497. Thanks, Gabriele. It is really useful to reflect on how I look after myself by asking whether I would treat a little child in this manner.

498. ‘Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?’, yes we sure are, which also means that we are in an abusive relationship with God.

     1. Alexis Wow! thanks for this pull up what an ‘ouch’ and something to sit with and contemplate. I will take your wise words into my day for sure.

499. Waking up to the feeling of self abuse from food, drink or drugs feels the same regardless of substance.

500. The ending question is very pertinent for me: “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” I am forever finding areas that I am much more considerate to others than myself. For example a while back I was hesitant in having a friend stay with me because I did not think my home at the time was nurturing enough. Someone asked me how come I was prepared to live in a place I did not consider nurturing enough for someone who was going to only be there for a few days? I had not seen the irony of that and was prompted to reassess my relationship with my home.

501. Don’t you love that word ‘normal’ or at least the perception we hold of what it means to us at any point. One thing I have found that if you have the awareness that a change is needed, that at some point there is something that is out of place, then it is up to us to action that point. Like this, abuse, I agree with what this article is saying and it makes total sense but is agreeing enough at this stage? Or is there a part of this puzzle that I am now aware of that I need to action to support this change? We all play a part and it matters not how we consider it’s importance to be, we all have our part to play and the sooner we live our part the quicker this all comes to an end. So when you see the word ‘abuse’ look at the role it has in our lives, it looks like a big thing and we can focus on those and dismiss them as not being apart of our lives but where does abuse sit in the detail.

502. I find it fascianting how I can have and do things I know are not supportive or will effect my body yet choose to do them anyway. It shows that there is much more at play then purely what we see as any so called ‘intelligent’ human being would know not to keep choosing if the end result is far from the love that we are.

503. It is quite incredible the degree of abuse we will dish out to ourselves without blinking an eyelid… and yet we would not tolerate that in another for one minute. It rather exposes our level of self-respect, honouring, nurturing and self-worth!

504. The more gentle and tender we ourselves become in our living ways, the more abuse stands out like the proverbial. We have been unaware of the level of abuse we have been living in, and it is deeply beautiful to get back into proportion and live in a harmonious manner.

505. It seems so much easier to look and blame others for the abuse we experience in life and yet it takes a much greater honesty to feel into and look where the self abuse starts within us.

506. An ‘unwillingness to be honest’. Good food for thought this one. Where are the areas in our lives that we are unwilling to be honest with ourselves. What is it that we don’t want revealed?

507. Abuse is so well endorsed in our society that when we do speak up about it and rightfully claim the truth it is often poopooed and not taken seriously. Sure sexual or physical abuse for example might be obviously seen and experienced and seen for what they are but what about the more subtle abuses we do to ourselves and another like calling another a rude name or even deliberately retaliating by ignoring them?

508. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and one that we can put ourselves through for extended periods of time.
     Having public awareness on a very large scale to support people to confidently “say No” to lack of sleep, would be a great offering towards the prevention of mental and physical ill-health.

     1. I feel being on the mental merry go-round of thoughts is also a form of torture, this is something many of us get caught in throughout our everyday living.

        1. Yes – this is so true, a hidden self-torture of massive proportions with external outcomes.

509. ‘Dr Eunice Minford, a general surgeon in Northern Ireland, asks in her article, ‘Abuse – just a way of life’ (1) whether abusing ourselves has become our everyday reality and is now considered normal’, reading this I would say yes self abuse has become normal, there is abuse with alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, exhaustion, driving ourselves and emotional abuse, it seems that we all live with some form of abuse and no-one calls this out for what it is, instead we see the abuse as positive things – things we enjoy and indulge in and get pleasure from rather than calling it abuse.

510. It does indeed become very uncomfortable when we realise the low-level of constant abuse we inflict upon ourselves and others from behaviours that we have succumbed to as being normal when they are not.

511. There is definitely work to be done for all of us, to complete be out of an abusive relationship with self.

512. Gabriele a great topic you have got going hear, we really need to look at the details of our lives and see where we are allowing abuse and have made it normal in our lives.

513. Thank you, Gabriele, this is calling for more responsibility and clarity in what we term as abusive and catch the patterns we can still do in our lives, sometimes without even noticing. This can only deepen our own quality of self-care.

514. It’s a brilliant conversation to be fuelling and actually looking at these behaviours with this much honesty is hugely supportive. If we are trying to give up certain foods because we have been told by some doctor or article that they are bad for us, it is highly unlikely that we will stick to that commitment. But if we are able to be honest and see that it is actually a form of self-abuse then we are far more likely to sit up and take deep notice. Take alcohol for example. We can go round and round talking about how it’s not very good for you, or got too much sugar in it – all of which are true but are ‘soft’ facts. The truth is alcohol is a poison and thus forcing it into your body (your body certainly doesn’t want it) is an absolute abuse in the same way that forcing someone to drink acid is abuse. Seeing it this way is much clearer, more definite and thus supportive for the person to then have the choice to make the changes. We are constantly softening or diluting the truth of the abuse to enable us to keep running it.

     1. You have made some excellent points here Otto and I agree that considering every action we make as either abuse or not really does hit home more than the typical ‘anything goes besides violent physical or sexual abuse’. Also, how we define abuse certainly is directly correlated to the level of self-love and care that we have developed for ourselves. Years ago I would have called drinking alcohol excessively abusive (as you mentioned) but now if I had a decaf green tea and experienced the raciness that comes with even that very tiny amount of caffeine in it, I would most certainly consider that abusive to my body.

        1. I was watching someone move around the kitchen yesterday and could see and feel them bumping and banging all sorts of things. I really felt it, it stuck out and I could see how it would ripple through their whole body, putting their whole body into a state of tension, hardness and protection, and it has inspired me to look much more deeply at every movement that I am making. Years ago, I would never have noticed this and would have considered this level of ‘detail’ to be ridiculous, but it stuck out so sharply. I wonder what I will be noticing in another five years?!

     2. Yes, a very simple answer to many of the unspoken facts in the world, to become more honest and name the things for what they are. Otherwise we keep on fooling ourselves into the endless abyss of moderation, undermining our own truth and getting more lost, resulting in more extreme forms of abuse that will be accepted as normal.

     3. I love this Otto “We are constantly softening or diluting the truth of the abuse to enable us to keep running it.”

        1. It’s the ultimate irresponsibility – feign ignorance.

515. Not listening to what our body communicates sure is self-abuse and it has become so common in our society that we don’t clock it enough. With the word abuse only being used for more physical violent actions we left the truth and settled for less.

516. I agree that abuse is often a term reserved for those more extreme acts that are illegal or rightly called abhorrent and that most of society has agreed to not engage in. However it is very clear that we are living far away from a truly harmonious and united society so it is a very worthwhile discussion to have about what would society be like if we broaden and deepen our understanding and awareness of what abuse could actually mean and be in our daily lives, including starting the conversation with how we abuse ourselves, meaning simply the ways we treat oursleves as less than the love we are.

     1. I agree, first we may have to consider we are Love and are never anything less, even if our movements/expressions are less than Love this does not effect the fact we are Love, nothing can alter this Love no matter how deep within it may be.

517. Yes we live so far from these qualities that if we define honouring preciousness as the minimum of being loving you can easily see that we are seriously abusive on a moment to moment basis!

518. Sadly it becomes very clear that we live in a society where we allow abuse everywhere, but most of all abuse from ourselves towards ourselves – we seem to have accepted that as a normal way of living.

519. Gabriele, your blog reminds me of the saying – “physician heal thyself”. Given we are all physicians of our own life if we do not heal our hurts we remain doing things that continue to harm us in one way or another.

520. When we can get it truly right with ourselves and knock all the self abusive things we do out of the park and learn to love ourselves then we can truly love others and abuse will be reduced to the history books.

521. There have been some very significant moments in my life, but one of the most powerful of moments is the moment that I first connected to, felt and recognised the beauty, steadiness and magnificence of who I am, my essence. It is in feeling this that I have then steadily been able to begin the journey of changing the way I am with myself, how I hold my body, how I walk, how I talk, the thoughts that I have. This is not a perfection and it is not always held and lived, but it is a foundation that I now have to come back to each time I sense that I have left it, because I know without doubt that no matter what I face in my days, my essence is forever unchanged within, and it is from here that all in my life can be understood and if need be a choice made to live differently. It is from this foundation that self abuse is slowly and steadily played less on that record in my mind.

522. Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive? Its absolute fact Gabriele, we can have double standards in this way and not want to turn it back around to us in reflection.

523. What is so very important for us all to consider is just how much we deem it normal to critique ourselves, or to look in the mirror and find something about our body that is not “up to scratch” or to tell ourselves how horrible we are if we have “done something wrong”. The record that we have allowed to run in our minds is a most damaging form of abuse, as it is with us every moment.

524. If everybody is doing it then is it self-abuse? We seem to think not but abuse is abuse and it’s always clear to the body.

525. Because we think we can hide the self-abuse. The fact is thought that we live in goldfish bowls and everything is seen and felt.

     1. Good point Michael. We actually can’t hide anything. We can only kid ourselves that we can get away with the way we treat ourselves, but ultimately it is all seen and felt and contributes to the way we feel about ourselves too. Compromise is abuse. If we do this regularly we erode our sense of self-worth which only serves for us to be less than who we truly are.

526. It’s very apt to question the form of behaviours we do to ourselves and accept them as normal, when In fact yes if we took a step back to see how we were treating ourselves, we wouldn’t like it!

527. The true reality of abuse and self abuse we inflict on ourselves and the normality of it is brilliant to see here exposed for us to look at and acknowledge .Only then can we start to make a difference in the abuse in the world as a whole with every detail seen for ourselves first in how we are living and the acceptable norm of it all.Learning to live the love we are and caring for ourselves is the first step to bring about the much needed changes in the way we live as a whole.

528. Self abuse has become so normal now that our understanding of what constitutes abuse is a long way from the truth as we are familiar with extreme examples taking this title.

     1. We do not want to see what is deemed as normal as abuse because if we did we would have to get honest about the loveless way we are living.

529. The way we treat our selves forms the foundation of all our other relationships. When we start to address the quality of our own self care, it initiates a positive ripple effect that can be seen, felt and understood by others. If we want to address abuse in our societies, being a living role model is fundamental.

530. “…self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal” a great place to start in relation to fully understanding this is to be willing to look at our own lives and where we are ignoring the signs and messages from our bodies that are asking for much more care to be taken.

531. Well said Gabriele, abuse in its many forms needs to be exposed if we are to live the life we truly and innately deserve, one of pure love.

532. “Are We in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” – is a great question to ask Gabriele though most of us would baulk at it i.e at the idea that we were in an abusive relationship because of the severity of that word “abuse or abusive”. When we understand more of what love is in truth, we can answer truthfully the [your] question.

     1. Yes, I agree, Zofia, when we understand more about love, we realise that anything that does not hold this quality is in fact abuse; my resistance to accepting this truth is diminishing.

533. Lifting the lid on what we consider to be self-abuse is so important if we are to improve the nation’s and world’s declining health.

534. I feel what you have written Gabriele goes to the heart of our problems
     “but what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?”
     Is it possible that we are so disconnected from ourselves to such an extent that we have dulled our innate sensitivity that we seemingly cannot feel when others are abusing us? Is it possible that when we stop abusing ourselves we will not allow others to abuse us, or for that matter anyone else. I am learning that everything comes back to how we are with ourselves.

535. Gabriele what you share resonates with me. Introducing self-care programmes in workplaces has to be approached delicately. There can, for example, be resistance to using drinking alcohol, over-eating (obesity) and smoking cigarettes as examples of self abuse or neglect. I’ve met fearfulness and reluctance to directly name self-abusive behaviours in-case it causes offence. This is an indication of how bad the problem is. Freedom to choose (regardless consequences and cost to the human being, families and society) is considered more important than commiting to love and care for self.

536. Yes, Gabriele, there is a different threshold to be agreed to here – anything that does not hold us in loving regard for ourselves at any point in the day can be classified as abuse, because why should we get away with treating ourselves as less than the exquisite and divine beings we naturally are?

537. It seems to me that we think we have a right to do whatever we want to ourselves, and so we do. I’ve long been aware that I treat myself the worst, my family come next on this sliding scale, and with complete strangers getting the best of me. But then that in itself is a lie as the quality in which I treat myself is all that can be reflected to others, and in truth I’ve got very good at pretending with others, albeit I can’t maintain that as well with my nearest and dearest. On the other hand when I do love myself, then I can’t help but share that with everyone else, and we are all winners!

538. We abuse ourselves because of how we think we should be behaving, how late we think we should stay up, how far we think we should be able to run etc etc. It’s all from our mind and from the perceptions that we have about how we ‘should’ be. But to be loving to ourselves we need to listen to the body and not override it. A totally different way of living.

539. More layers of abuse reveal themselves when we start to unpack what abuse truly is.

540. To bring deeper awareness to abuse in its many forms is healing in itself. To bring a deeper level of honesty to the abuse with self is a key to turn it around, re-connect and express from love with ourselves first and then others.

541. Self-abuse has become a sliding scale that does not seem to have an end point?

     1. Yes, self-abuse just keeps on getting worse and each step is normalised, allowing for the epidemic and the entrenched misunderstanding of what our body represents, to escalate and proliferate.

542. When reading: “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal” what I felt was the word ‘finer’ is used to describe the elitism of some of the items ingested that are very harming. Yet some considers these things highly desirable and a lot of time, money and effort go into the entire process, to consume and therefore abusing.

543. What is considered self-abuse changes as we allow ourselves to see the abuse and put things in place to change that behaviour. I know from my own experience there was a time when having negative thoughts about myself and others was thought of as normal, now I can see that it is abusive.

544. Reading this again this morning I am asking myself where am I obviously treating myself less than the awesome beautiful woman I am. Thank you for this point of reflection.

545. I find the analogy of what we would consider abuse to do to a small child or baby a great marker for us to consider whether something is self-abusive. We would not give them alcohol (they are too pure), cigarettes (why would you do that to your delicate lungs), or even get a tattoo (their tender skin is way too precious). Although we believe that things change they do not. We are just as pure, delicate and tender as an adult and deserve the best of care, and we are the ones who can give this to ourselves.

     1. Beautifully said Fiona… our purity, delicateness and tenderness never go away – it is us who leave them behind… only to re-connect to and honour if we so choose.

     2. A great marker Fiona – if we are not treating ourselves with this same care as for a baby = we are being abusive to ourselves. This opens another Pandora’s box to expose!

     3. I have seen baby’s with pierced ears. Without judgment, what is the level of acceptable self-abuse are the parents allowing for themselves?

546. Self abuse can be in the way we choose to walk – hard with long strides, body tense or loose with shoulders swinging gently, hips swaying with a naturally sexy movement? We can feel abuse in our bodies if we take time to stop and check in with our movements.

547. I agree with you; once we start calling self-abusive behaviours out, we see it everywhere and ‘normal’ does not cut it any longer.

548. “when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation.”- This statement surely puts things in a context that is hard to argue with. It also made me feel how we say boys are naturally tough and like to fight, be aggressive, and into intense competition, but would those same people say a similar thing about a beautifully innocent, tender, newborn baby boy? I doubt that very much, and if they did, it would most certainly not be based on any truth.

549. “. . . self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal.” And we are wondering why our world is how it is right now! Perhaps it is time to accept that we play a special part in this mess. It always starts with oneself to change and your awesome blog Gabriele is an invitation to do so.

550. If we didn’t allow ourselves to be abused by ourselves and others then we would be able to feel the love that we are.

551. Great question Gabriele, ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ My understanding is that abuse is abuse no matter who we direct is at. I also recognise that society tends to class most self-abuse, especially minor ones as normal, but to me, abuse is abuse, no matter how small or large. So, I feel that any form of abuse should not be tolerated or accepted as normal.

     1. Yes abuse is abuse although these days it is the norm. Normal for many has become abuse so we need to redefine normal as we often thinking it is ok because it is normal and for sure if normal includes abuse it is not something to condone. A recent article and audio on Unimedpedia talks about this: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/truth-in-words/warning-words-could-be-damaging-your-health.html

     2. I have also noted that there is the abuse we see which results in bruises or something tangible like a broken table as a result of a temper, and then there is the emotional and psychological which is becoming more accepted and recognised. I hope one day we take it a step further and look at energetic abuse – bearing in mind when you break down our bodies and our cells we are all made of energy.

552. Clear and concise is the example of how we would treat a young child and that of ourselves when it comes to what we consider abuse. It would appear that the less preciously we value ourselves the more likely we are to accept abusive behaviours, actions, words and thoughts towards ourselves and lose sight of the natural grace and delicateness that we were all born as.

553. Its like self-abuse is inversely proportional to self-love… increase one the other decreases… Increase self-love and the self-abuse gets exposed…

554. We have accepted abuse as normal, so much so that most of us are not even aware of how abusive we are just to ourselves.

555. We are abusing ourselves and one another when we are living less than the love that we are.

556. Also how abuse in a relationship, a nasty comment from a partner, wife or husband here and there, seems okay or acceptable because you have been in a relationship with them for a long time. Still absolutely not okay.

557. Our first abuse was the creation of ‘self’ and from this point came the many abuses born from identifying as an ‘individual’, when the truth is we are one of the many who make up the All that we are. Thus self-love is the antidote to self-abuse and thus all other forms of abuse as it is the bridge back to the true self – the Soul- that we are each an important part of.

558. It’s a beautiful expansion on abuse you have shared here Ariana, and it’s very empowering to realise how much we do not have to accept that’s become our normal way to live and experience life.

559. If self abuse has become an accepted and ‘normal’ way to live in society then we have collectively chosen to not only not speak up about it, but perhaps also to not live with love and care so as to not stand out. It’s an interesting question to ask “How did we all become self abusive and for this to be normal when it’s anything but natural to fight ourselves and our body?”

560. That is a good reference point, asking, would I ask this of a young child or do this to a young child? If not then it is probably something that is harmful to us. We do need to question why we do or allow this.

561. I’m sure that for most the harsh realities of living in a world where abuse is the normal and not understanding how to cope with or handle this situation leads to further self-abusive behaviours which are not even considered to be abusive. If we live disconnected from love we will not even realise we are being abusive for merely coping and surviving life will feel the ‘best it can get’, however this kind of life is far short of the love impulsed life we could be having on this planet and thank god there are people now living and inspiring humanity to raise the bar of what we would consider abuse. How else is it going to end?

562. From the start of the day when I get out of bed or even before that when I wake-up till the end of the day when I say my prayers all can be done in abuse to varying degrees and some or all can be done in Love or at-least starting with gentleness on the way to being self-loving then Love. So much to do and all is simple when our inner-heart is re-connected to as our ideal and believes drop away allowing us to open-up to a deeper existence with our sacred self.

563. Some very subtle choices that we don’t even consider to be abusive towards ourselves and another are being played out all the time, the more you start to look at it the more you realise how much our life has been built up on loveless, dis-regarding and abusive choices.

564. This is an awesome question to ask ourselves Gabriele… “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Very sobering to consider indeed!

565. Well said Gabriele. I read a blog about the drinks we give to a child and how we start either breastmilk or formula and then slowly that degrades to juices, soft drinks, coffee, and alcohol as we get older. We would never give a child/baby coffee as a child but we do so readily as an adult. It is an important point to look at our behaviours and see if we do it to a child….and if the answer is no…the question begs…then why are doing to ourselves?

566. Even just in the way we talk to ourselves we can find a level of abuse we would never inflict on another and yet we are happy to run this mentally abusive inner monologue

567. ‘For example: when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation.’ It is so clear when pointed out in this context how abusive we can be to ourselves and yet it has to be shocking to get the point, so numb to our self-abusive ways we have become!

568. Its interesting how much society allows abuse and wants to see it as an accepted norm. I remember when, in my youth, it was considered normal to abuse yourself with alcohol and late nights. Crazy behaviour but supposedly okay because everyone did it. Of course this type of activity still happens today.

     Its amazing when I think of where I am at now because of the choices I have made inspired by Serge Benhayon. It actually feels abusive now to eat out at night in a restaurant that is loud, with food that is prepared without clear, loving energy.

569. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ – Oh Gabriele, you have asked a brilliant question, one we don’t want to hear! Beacuse it exposes the total lack of love and care for ourselves and for most people that is too painful to admit. And not to forget the spiritual pride that would kick in.

570. I wonder how much our level of self-abuse is connected with how badly we feel about ourselves?

571. I notice a lot of self-abuse happening but what I also notice is how proud many are for example about pushing themselves into exhaustion and consider it an achievement.

     1. It’s a self-appointed badge of honour, a way of reaching out for recognition and approval,

572. Abuse does not only relate to our actions, but our thoughts, inactions, movements, facial expressions, intent – EVERYTHING. In a nutshell whenever we are not expressing or moving in connection to our Soul (and its qualities of love, truth, harmony, joy and stillness) it is harmful and therefore abusive.

573. I completely agree Gabriele and it also seems to have a relative factor. Whereas in the past it might have only felt abusive to me when I slammed a door, now it feels abusive to me when I close a door with a lack of presence or quality. The more loving we become the more anything less than love and presence stands out as abuse.

574. Everytime we don’t listen and honour what our body feels, we open the door to self-abuse

575. Everything starts with our relationship with ourselves. Poison our self with negative, denigrating thoughts and we contract away from being who we truly are and blessing the world with all we have to offer. Self-abuse in a capping we put on ourselves so that we don’t shine and instead stay comfortable in our little ‘hidey-hole’.

576. I love your example: ‘when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation. But we so easily do this to ourselves, pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference?’ And I agree we often use different measurements and demand things from our body we wouldn’t ask of another.

577. YES, and to not appreciate ourselves deeply and in detail.

578. I totally agree that “self-abuse in its ‘finer’ detail has become a way of life and is deemed normal”. When I look around me I see so clearly that this has become one very entrenched normal, one that has been echoed in the way I chose to live for a very long time. I can see that I used to abuse myself with food, alcohol, late nights, stress and so much more, but not for one moment did I ever consider that I was abusing myself. These days I accept that that is exactly what I was doing; a harsh reality but one that when accepted opens a doorway to a new and self-loving way of being.

579. We would not speak to anyone how badly we speak to ourselves. That’s just a fact, it is abuse and the only way for the world to be different is to love ourselves first, I found starting with the body the simplest route to changing this, by no means free of abuse, not by a long way but at least I know there is another sat to live and what really is abuse.

580. To limit abuse to excess behaviour give us a free pass to a wide range of abusive choices that are not as obviously excessive only because they do not leave an instant blue mark or injury. It is like committing a perfect murder….the dead is done but it cannot be proved. or so it seems as when we start looking at it from a point of energetic quality the abusive will always become clearly visible.

581. What if the meaning of the word abuse is ‘everything that goes against our natural state of being’. This would be very revealing both from a physical point of view as from that of the lived quality we choose from day to day.

582. What a profound question Gabriele, it only asks us to wonder what is going truly on to understand that the issue or situation is actually self created and we come to face that we have the key to switch it around. In this instance to be honest of where we are at with the topic : abuse and self-abuse and to come to the truth of things.

583. “when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation. But we so easily do this to ourselves, pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference?” Gabriele what a great reflection of the difference in how we treat babies and our children vs how we treat ourselves, the word abuse can be banded around easily but until we really see how abusive we are with ourselves.

584. Very true, we would do many of the things we call normal to a tiny baby, it would be rightly deemed as abuse. But just because it’s an adult doesn’t make it any less abusive.

585. This is certainly food for thought… It quite stopped me to think of the example that you gave of forcefully keeping a child awake (which would be repulsive) and then comparing that with how we treat ourselves….

586. Yes what is the difference to keeping a child up or ourselves? With growing up we actually received the badge to freely abuse ourselves because that is what adult life is like when you look at it honestly and free from all the excuses we make about the way we are living. One thing that comes to my mind is not appreciating ourselves, it can be so easy to just think negatively about ourselves and others but this feels and is actually very abusive.

587. Abuse comes from the Latin words ab “off, away from” + uti “use”. Abuse is therefore when we relate to something away from the way it should be. That brings an interesting twist. The body is a vehicle that we have to experience life with the goal of evolving. Yet, by-and-large, this is not what we do. We choose ill-being in many ways. On that count, we should clearly see that we self-abuse. But, if you take into consideration that the way of initiation is a process whereby we extract ourselves from the(self-abusive) fog where we are living by means of questions about how am I living, we could say that the body is being (even if partially) used in a way that allows us to evolve even if what we do does not help us to do so. Hmmmm.

588. It is often so telling to ask whether we would treat a child the way we do ourselves as in this blog. However just as we learn to become disregarding of ourselves in life we can also learn to bring back true regard, removing self abuse and building a foundation of loving choices toward ourselves as a way of life.

589. I used to drink a lot of alcohol and smoke like a chimney and never considered abusive at all if I wasn’t hurting anyone else but I was so wrong on so many levels.

590. It’s a great point Gabriele. If we wouldn’t do a thing to another – someone we love – or even a stranger perhaps, then why would we do it to ourselves? I feel sure that abuse ‘begins at home’ in the way we are with ourselves. And this is why to love ourselves in so important because everything else stems from this foundation.

591. ‘… a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive…’ This I would agree with Gabriele, challenging as it might be to admit to. Your example of keeping a child up till late, by what ever means possible is a great example of the absurdity of the choices we inflict on ourselves.

592. There are some seriously good points to consider in this article. I know that there are things I used to do to myself that I no longer do. And this refinement of what I have accepted as ok continues to refine and I am less and less abusive to myself.

593. It’s correct in what your saying Gabriele. Abuse needs to be redefined for each of us by letting the love back IN. The more we claim the extensiveness of feeling the love the more the abuse will not stand.

594. Worldwide there have been investigations and commissions into physical, sexual and verbal abuse, but you raise a great point Gabrielle that there’s is an enormous amount of abuse that occurs within our own internal environment and this too can have detrimental affects. Should we also be looking at why this is happening, and how we can change it?

595. It is a great subject to explore because we often don’t want to look at the fact that whatever our normal behaviour pattern is.. like going to bed too late really jumped out for me.. and contemplate that is abusive. But if my body is calling out for rest and I am choosing to override it, it is the same energy as other things I may think are abusive.

596. I have been pondering on this very subject myself of late and while I may no longer smoke or drink alcohol I have been pushing my body in other ways. The simple act of not going to the toilet when my body says time to go is indeed abusive to my body. When we consider the apparent small ways that we abuse ourselves, its no surprise really that the obvious more commonly thought of abuses occur. It’s possible that even those less apparent abuses are in fact the steps that lead to what is deemed more serious?

597. I once recall looking at myself in the mirror when I had finished a whole bout of self depreciating thoughts and was left feeling not so great. I was shocked by the level of hurt and trauma I witnessed in my eyes. At times I have also been surprised to feel how agitated my body feels, and for how long, after an outburst of emotion even if it is a brief swear word. Focusing on just the more severe forms of abuse in life lets us ignore our awareness that the subtler forms of abuse very clearly impact our lives.

598. ‘uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes ’
     Yes it can be uncomfortable to look at the things we have chosen and do as being abuse when we have previously labelled them as pastimes. The important thing I feel is honesty and not defense of behaviours.

599. Thank you for calling out what we tend to now deal with in our backyards as we are so often expose what is happening in others.

600. Thank you Gabriele for re-focusing the lens on the more subtle aspects of self abuse that we so glibly want to ignore. When we consider these aspects of our accepted ways of life, smoking, staying up late and so on, it exposes how we allow abuse to spread in our societies un-checked. It will bring a powerful change to our world when we fully appreciate that how we treat our selves offers us great opportunities to resolve our many issues with abuse that abound today.

     1. Well said, Rowena, for it is only through changing and healing ourselves first can we truly make changes in the world that heal.

601. Some very good points here Gabriele. Inflicting abuse on someone else is obvious, but do the same to ourselves and it is considered normal. A very good point to raise and expose.

     1. Yes, it is a great point Rebecca. Also, I feel self-abuse is less likely to be noticed by people if it is not severe, so the minor incidents tend to go undetected. Also, I realise self-abuse doesn’t have to be physical, for example, it could be what we say to ourselves in our heads where no-one can see or read what abuse is circulating in one’s mind. I would say this kind of abuse is very common and I feel we need to start the conversation and bring awareness to this insidious form of abuse, expose it for what it is as they can have harmful effects.

602. How often do we push ” past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness. What’s the difference? How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Even the more subtle messages from our bodies, such as not honouring the need to go to the loo, not eating food that nourishes us and not gong to sleep when tired etc could be labelled as small examples of a form of abuse. Do we try to ‘push the envelope’? Yet ultimately our body has the last say, in the form of illness and disease, which we rail against. Time to take responsibility for the abuse we practise against ourselves?

     1. Yes as amazingly forgiving as our bodies are to everything we throw at them ultimately as particles responsive to the order of the whole universe they must eventually reflect to us how we are living and bring to account the balance of love and abuse that we have been living.

     2. Good use of the word ‘push’. We wouldn’t push someone in the street…so why do we push our own body.

603. This is confronting for sure. Not so easy to play victim when you are also the perpetrator. The examples you gave really hit home. I know I’ve engaged in many instances of self abusive behaviour and that’s just over the last 24 hours. Pushing myself to stay up late is a big one and the thoughts I allow towards myself have a huge impact too – and don’t even get me started on food! Your insight reminds me that there is room for a lot more love in my relationship with me.

     1. Yes, Leonne, it is an interesting exercise to consider how we ourselves are perpetrators of abuse in everyday life.

604. Great blog and exposé Gabriele. What if abuse is living any less than the love we truly are or not holding another in the love they truly are?

     1. I second that, it’s simple and straightforward and there cannot be any ifs and buts. But then again, we do have a way of adopting convenient half-truths as so-called truths and labelling them as ‘normal’.

605. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” A great question to raise here Gabriele, and one that many of us would do well to ask ourselves. If we were to accept and appreciate ourselves so deeply that we gave the same level of love, care and attention to our own bodies that we would give to a baby, then we would start to see and feel the level of self abuse that we have been allowing in our own lives.

     1. It’s a great way to expose the lack of care and preciousness we hold ourselves in by comparing how we treat ourselves to that of a baby or young child. I wonder where that line is when we begin to lose our value and the care changes, would it be age 10 for example? What an amazing society it would be if we never changed the level of care and love we had for each other and ourselves from birth onwards.

     2. I love watching adults cradle babies, especially in a work situation. They just melt, a whole layer of protection, front, pretending, hurt sloughs off and you can see a tender being who connects with their own preciousness. Its all there for all of us no matter what, but do we choose to live it for ourselves?

606. A great blog and I feel this ‘a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive’ needs to be explored and discussed much much more.

     1. Yes, we need to come to a point where we are willing to see the truth and the consequenses of our behaviours and the choices we make.

     2. Absolutely agree Vicky its time to take a deeper dive in to our so called normal behaviours and see where we are being abusive, I feel we all will be surprised with what we are covering up.

607. Thank you for shining a light on the abusive ways that we treat ourselves which we would not dream of inflicting on another. As I have been deepening the love and care I treat myself with it has exposed the various ways that I have and still continue to abuse my body including my bedtime and food choices.

608. Self-abuse is anything that does not lovingly support us.

609. Gabrielle, your example makes it very clear how dishonest we can be when it comes to abuse in any way. We push through the button of enough is enough many times a day not only when it comes to sleeping as in your example but also eating, drinking, talking etc. etc. Our frustration, that we maybe unaware of, makes the circle complete because when we are not willing to feel how we are frustrating ourselves we will likely choose abuse next time round.

610. A great question to ask. We are quick by pointing out abuse when we see it but are ignorant to the self-abuse we inflict upon ourself and with that oblivious about where abuse starts and how every little self-abusive act contributes to all the abuse we experience in this world.

611. A brilliantly questioning and exposing blog Gabriele about the levels of abuse that we may not consider abuse to self simply because we compare them as being ok compared to the atrocity in the world today. I love this sentence ‘I am talking about drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco or any other substance, about going to bed later than what our body clearly signals to us, about asking our body to do the impossible, day in and day out.’ All clearly outlining self abuse yet what we have deemed and accepted as a society ‘legal’ and ‘socially acceptable’. If something is legal or socially accepted it just means that a lot of people are doing it and not that it’s good for us. Thank you for this blog which makes us consider the levels and varieties of self abuse.

612. I feel that if we were honest with ourselves we would admit to being self abusive, you mention Gabriele drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco, taking drugs whether they be recreational or pharmaceutical. I would add allowing negative thoughts to infiltrate our mind, is it possible that we distract ourselves from the negative thoughts that enter our minds by using whatever means to dull them?

613. The answer is Yes! We have all accepted self-abuse as just part of living life. How have we gotten to the point where the wheels have fallen off our wagon and we continue to drag it around. The writing is on the wall but we refuse to read. How much longer until we are put on the endangered species list!

     1. Love what you have shared Steve, but is it possible that we are destined to not be hear so we need to “read” between the lines get on the band “wagon” of Love for we are primarily heading for extinction as a “species”, so forget about “endangered” and say no to abuse of any-kind?

614. Every choice makes a difference – however small it may seem – for example, being in bed even a few minutes after the body is calling deep rest and ignoring it builds up a momentum of self-harm / abuse.

615. A great reminder Gabriele to be vigilant with self-honesty to bring deeper awareness to where we are abusing ourselves from ill choices that have slowly numbed us out and been integrated into our lives and accepted as a normal way of living.

     1. Honesty is the stop moment and the eye opener we need to extricate ourselves out of what we conveniently call ‘normal’. And then comes responsibility.

616. When you look at it like this Gabriele, you find abuse in every single nook and cranny of living, working, relating. We are living in a world that is keeping us in the status quo of self-created abuse under the guise of entertainment or social exploits, for example hunting, shooting, fishing “for sport”. The only thing we are exploiting and shooting here is our own love, and, the love of our world and its people.

     1. Well said Zofia, there is no escape the abuse is everywhere, it really is about us taking that step to take our responsibility to another level.

     2. Beautifully said Zofia, it is us bludgeoning what is most dearest to us and then hurts us the most, creating the cycle of a perpetual abuse pattern as we try to avoid the hurt we are actually feeling – as a result of what we have allowed and inflicted upon ourselves and everybody else.

617. It is true we do seem to have this belief that abuse means x, y, z and anything out of that limited bracket is considered normal and ok by societal standards – after all, everyone else is doing it. These so-called acceptable choices are taking their toll on our physical and mental health.

618. When we take a deeply honest look at this question of abuse then anything that takes us away from being who we truly are is abuse. And anything we do that does not support and inspire another to equally know who they are is abuse.

     1. Yes, this brings the word abuse back to it’s original meaning, anything less than the divine quality of our origin is abuse.

619. Gabriele, just reading this title makes me feel like yes ‘We are in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves’, it seems the ‘norm’ to stay up late and not listen to our bodies when we are tired; to eat foods that are not nurturing and supportive because we like the taste of them and like to have ‘treats’; have drinks such as alcohol that might be poisonous but we drink it anyway – there are many ways we abuse ourselves and do not label it as such, instead labelling them as ‘treats’ or something to help us relax, or something we ‘enjoy’.

620. These are great questions and really shine a light on the quality of life we are choosing for ourselves. Becoming more aware of our behaviours and allowing more kindness and love to be bestowed on us from ourselves supports us to change these abusive patterns.

621. ‘but what happens when we go a little deeper and examine the real quality of our daily lived life, what we do to others and especially, what we do to ourselves?’ Beautifully asked. There is a can of worms here to be opened. Thank you for opening it!

622. Thank you Gabriele for the way that you have brought a stop in to reconsider what abuse is and so what that word actually means in the context of normal daily life, is very powerful and has the potential to change everything.

623. Some great points Gabriele, I agree that abuse starts with ourselves often with something seemingly minor and subtle but slowly it can become more obvious and extreme and eventually turns outward to others. As we are all love essentially any deviation away from living the love we all are is abuse which shows how far we have deviated away and so we now term abuse the more extreme acts otherwise we would all have to admit we are living far from the truth and love we all know and deep down crave.

624. Any movement where we are not self loving you could say we are abusing ourselves as in truth in every moment we are either being one or the other, that is self loving or self harming.

625. I used to think that allowing myself to eat and drink whatever I want and do whatever I fancy was being self-loving. And I am sure I will find what I am doing right now and accept as normal or even supportive would one day be abusive as I deepen in love and adjust and refine my choices accordingly. This is a beautiful process of unfolding.

626. This is brilliant and alerting. Sleep deprivation has been and is used as a form of torture and millions of us are doing it to ourselves every day… this definitely qualifies as self-abuse.

627. Yes indeed, if we are not living the love our body and being is, but instead force ourselves in the many ways we have ‘normal’ life made to be, we are in abuse to our being and our body. A body and a being that does know so well how to live a life void of abuse but that we arrogantly neglect because of our investment into the creation we have human life made to be.

628. Every time I override my body I am essentially abusing it. So for example if I am doing one thing and thinking of another thing I’m in total abuse of myself.
     This more subtle abuse eventually leads to the more extreme abusive behaviours that are now rife in our society.

629. A good question, Gabriele, it is as if we think we don’t matter, that when we do it to ourselves, it isn’t abuse, we think our bodies can cope, that we can get away with it. But the sad truth is, we can’t. Sooner or later our bodies will call a halt, literally, with a collapse, an accident, something that makes us stop. We then have a choice to ponder on what has happened and learn from it, possibly changing our ways, or we ignore it and carry on. But that will lead to an even greater stop further down the line. Best to listen right from the start!

630. I was tired last night and went to bed early but wasn’t able to fall asleep because my family was up and getting on with their night. I could get upset and be disappointed and say everyone is in abuse with ourselves. Or I could be very loving to myself first and foremost in acknowledging that I am tired and I took the steps to take care of myself. And since I couldn’t fall asleep feeling the movements of everyone, I went to talk with my family individually (not about sleep just about our day) and felt we went deeper in our intimacy and went back to my room. They continued their night activities and I went back to sleep and did. As a family we all affect each other, but we are a family not a cadet, the intimacy I felt with myself (feeling tired and going to bed) cannot be forced onto anyone (although I have tried in the past with no success) everyone has to feel this with themselves and make a choice. I appreciate the respect I gave myself and the space I offered to others for us all to grow together in the imperfection but deep love in life. I love the quality of holding and as imperfect as it is, every step in life I will hold myself.

631. To continue to see others and ourselves as two separate worlds, deserving of different types of care is like continuing to live thinking the world is flat. You can do it, but the results won’t be great or have anything to do with the facts. Thank you for that Gabriele.

632. Absolutely Gabriele – great blog. It all starts with us and our own relationship to ourself and God. The quality of this relationship is how we are with others. Abuse has become ‘normal’ as you have cited with Eunice’s article – a normal way of behaving towards oneself and others and the environment. And it is so easy to point the finger and blame others when it is equally about ourselves and our actions.

633. A great question Gabriele. . .. indeed, how is it that anything that can be called abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves ? Do we have such little regard for ourselves that we attack ourselves on a constant basis just because everyone does it and therefore considered normal? Time to set the standards for a new normal. One that does not allow any abuse whatsoever, so matter how insignificant it seems now for we have a long way to come back from what we consider is normal today.

     1. The truth is that any abuse whatsoever should be unacceptable, but whilst that is not the situation in which we live, it is the responsibility of all of us to raise the standards by which we treat ourselves, so that then ripples out, is seen and felt by others and the bar of standards is raised.

634. It would seem that if we are accepting something that we would never do to another, this exposes a lack of self-love, self-acceptance or/and self-appreciation, which is very sad, considering how normal this behaviour has become.

635. ‘How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?’ – great question, Gabriele. We make all sorts of excuses for ourselves as to why certain things are ok, but how can they be ok if we would not accept them from or do the same thing to another person. Are we, therefore, saying that we are not equal to other people, that different rules apply to us? If so, why? What is our investment, or what are we avoiding? Why has it become so normal to have this double standard?

636. ‘….. I am talking about drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco or any other substance, about going to bed later than what our body clearly signals to us, about asking our body to do the impossible, day in and day out.’ – not listening to our body is self-abuse as our body never lies, it is always supporting us to come back to a state of equilibrium. In fact, anything that is not loving, is abuse.

     1. The scope of our self-abusive behaviours is wide and has gained enormous momentum, grotesque momentum really. It attracts the label ‘normal’ and flies under a lot of people’s radar, is hardly ever questioned.

637. Fantastic sharing Gabriele, two things hit me right between the eyes reading this one ‘what do we opt for and busy ourselves with?’ now there’s a question one which asks us to dig deep and get truly honest with ourselves in most case it’s not that we don’t have the time to truly care for ourselves it’s how we in fact spend our time; and then how can we treat another ‘better’ than we treat ourselves … this makes no sense when you consider it … either we appreciate that to treat another in any other way is not fine, then why exclude ourselves? And what might be going on if we in fact do this? Are we truly taking care of another or just wanting to look good? Surely a standard or a quality applies to all … this has given me a lot to consider.

638. If someone caught us talking to a child the way we can talk to ourselves when we perceive we are less… would we not have them reported or be up in arms from the level of abuse? There is much to consider in this blog, thank you for going there Gabriele.

     1. A great point. If we actually vocalised the self-doubt that we run in our heads we would perhaps see it as the abuse that it is. Silent words in our head are no less abusive than those that are vocalised. It reminds me of the excellent motto “if you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it on-line”. It is very clear to us all what abuse is, so actually it is just about being honest with what we are allowing.

639. You can’t screw another over without having totally screwed yourself over first.

640. The world is awash with abuse and yet it’s foundation is love. This to me is a living tragedy.

641. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?”
     It is for sure self abuse the only difference is that most times its not conscious abuse.

     1. The quality of our movements are but a reflection of the quality of energy we are aligning to – is it love or is it not? If it is not love, then it is abuse. The equation is as simple as this and if we react to such truth then we are seeking the complication of the ‘many shades of grey’ we create to veil our wayward (unloving) ways.

642. A great way for me to see what is abuse or not, is asking myself, if I would subject a friend to the same treatment.

     A wise man suggested to me to treat myself like I would a good friend. A very illuminating process.

     1. I like this Ken, ‘would I subject a friend to the same treatment?’ it’s great to bring a stop moment and consider this, I am sitting here already looking at how I go about the day where this could be applied.

643. It’s these seemingly fine details of abuse that continually crop up along our journey of daily living that keep me asking myself what is love and what is not. Life is a forever unfoldment of what we say yes too and what comforts and or old patterns we are willing to let go of and explore in more detail that will re-connect us to the love we are. It is our bodies that will always show us these patterns but it is our heads that sometimes hold us back from its wisdom.

644. I have been abusive and I have been abused, we attack one another often wth a harsh word or blame, but it takes many forms and has many levels, and one thing I have noticed about doing it or being done to is that it stinks and you can not feel good or in fact love yourself if you are willing to abuse another “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” Absolutely it starts with self-abuse, who has given themselves harsh word when they look in the mirror and at some point made fun of how someone else looks, within is self-abuse this becomes the outer.

645. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Yes Gabriele, we can trick ourselves when we don’t want to address the lack of love we are choosing for ourselves, or don’t want to change certain behaviours because of what we think we get from them.

646. This article has bought me to realise that it’s so easy to abuse ourselves in so many ways other than the obvious substances etc. Thank you Gabriele a great reminder.

647. So interesting that things that, if inflicted upon us by another, or us onto another, we could quite clearly call abusive, yet when we come to ourselves, it’s our normal. The way we work is a huge one: for so many it’s the norm to work for long periods without moving, under enormous amounts of pressure and stress that often we put on ourselves. Or, we rush around, increasing our own stress by trying to do too many things at once and not completing anything. Yes, often there are external deadlines and pressures that we have obligations to meet – but it’s our choice as to how we are with those pressures, and whether we use them simply as a point of reference, or a metaphorical stick to bash ourselves with.

     1. You can see how beliefs and expectations are an integral part in self abuse here Bryony, When we’re not caught in them and can just take note of what’s going on in our own bodies then yes,we can use that stressor as a point of reference to learn from – rather than stay embroiled in the reactions.

     2. Gosh yes I remember that feeling of working and totally overriding your natural bodies need to move. Once when working on a job with a deadline once we finished working every hour under the sun I woke with 20 cold sores and a kidney infection! That was a long time ago and I should appreciate how far I have come as I would never do that today.

648. Thank you Gabriele for this powerful blog. The scary reality is that abuse, especially self-abuse has become normalised in society. I feel part of the reason for this is that many people are not speaking up about abuse, perhaps not open to seeing what is abuse and avoiding seeing the truth of what is really going on.

     1. It suits us to keep our blinkers on; should we take them off and be honest, we’d have to take responsibility for our part and that can seem like a scary thing. In truth it helps set us free but to experience this, we need to be in the livingness of it and not cast stones at it from a safe distance.

     2. I really think we would be shocked at the level of abuse that people say to themselves, it is deeply sad how lost we are in general as a humanity.

649. We all have our own version of what’s normal, that in itself shows that there are varying degrees of self abuse that we are willing to tolerate. Introducing self love begins the diminishing of abuse, until we all hold ourselves in equal sacredness.

650. Gabriele, this is a great point; ‘when a child is tired and we refuse to let them go to sleep, but forcefully keep them up by any means possible, we would call that abuse and sleep deprivation’; this is not something that happens very much, there is a common sense that we as adults seem to have with children, that when they are tired they go to bed and it would be very unusual to try and keep them awake, also most children seem to have bed times, whereas as adults it seems that we do not have bed times and also that we push past and keep going no matter how tired we are, so as adults we treat ourselves with much less respect and care than we do our children.

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