Abuse – Turning a Blind Eye no More

I used to consider abuse as something that wasn’t part of my life. I saw it in the news, films and read about it in papers. Abuse to me was extreme: extreme cases of violence, beheadings, bombings, attacks, rapes, fighting, shootings, stabbings, war, domestic violence, shouting, swearing and attacking people, someone physically self-harming or cutting themselves. Never once did I consider that abuse – which we all normalise and make okay, which we turn a blind eye to daily – is in all our lives.

I have not hated abuse enough to say absolutely no to it any way, shape or form, be it in how I treat myself or what I accept from others.

I have abused myself in many ways, such as choosing negative thoughts about myself, putting myself down, choosing abusive relationships and staying in them, eating and drinking foods that are harming to my body, drinking alcohol – a known poison to our bodies – staying out till the early hours of the morning, not going to bed when I was tired, not resting when I needed to rest, not listening to my body, my truth, deeply disregarding myself, playing down my light, giving up when things get tough, being nice, having no true purpose, pleasing other people, not speaking up, not saying what needed to be said, reacting to life, being emotional, indulging, seeking drama and blaming myself, fighting my light, creating problems when there are none, sabotaging my awareness and avoiding responsibility.

All this to keep me, I would say, separated from others, being an individual and away from the true purpose of why I am here – to feel deeply where people are at and to live in a way where I do not accept any form of abuse, zero, none at all, and by that living way inspire others to do the same: to reflect to people that there is another way to live.

I was and still am at times abusive towards others from lack of understanding, judging people or needing them to be a certain way, creating drama or complications, giving up or withdrawing. I am aware of what abuse is now, and am working on my things, and on not allowing any abuse into my life – zero, none whatsoever.

In the past two years I have been on the receiving end of sexual abuse, one an online case where I was sexually harassed with vile and disgusting messages from someone I knew on the social media platform Facebook. I reported this to the police, and in turn through the amazing work of the police and myself in standing up and saying no to abuse, this person was arrested and charged with a sexual offence.

More recently I experienced a physical sexual abuse where I was getting a dress taken up, and the tailor put his hand up my skirt and pressed it against my pubic area, pants and legs when there was absolutely no reason for him to do this. When I reported it to the manager they didn’t care, like it was no big deal. I reported this to the police, and again this person was arrested but because there was no evidence, he denied it, one person’s word against another, so no case will come of it, but the incident will be held on record, so if there is ever another report of this, mine will be there to support it.

For me, reporting these instances was not only about saying no to the energy of abuse for myself and my body, but this choice was for everyone to be able to say no to abuse. This was about truth, and not allowing a behaviour that is not loving to come through anyone.

If we don’t reflect that there is another way to live, then who is going to?

But what really struck me was how many people – both women and men, people who you think would be supportive, such as some police officers, professionals and people you know – turn a blind eye to abuse like this, with comments such as: “He didn’t mean it,” “Just get your dress,” “Don’t go back to the shop.” Very few people had the same feelings as me, although there were two people who were very supportive – my partner and one amazing policeman who during our conversation quoted Einstein:

The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” (1)

But before I was able to stand up and say no to abuse in its many ways, shapes and forms, not just the above, I had to say no to abusing myself. I had to get clear and re-define what abuse actually is. To be absolutely honest I still am re-defining what is abusive every day.

We cannot just go to the extremes of abuse, as this normalises all the so called day-to-day abuse we say is not abuse, such as the incident above, and lets us ‘get away with it’: for example, in how we treat each other in our own homes, with our families, partners, ourselves, those people we say we care about a lot. This can be through a touch, a tone of voice, being ignored or spoken to in a way that is not love.

Abuse is anything that is not love. Simple.

The truth is we have normalised abuse into different levels of so called acceptable abuse in our lives every single day: fighting in families, friendships and private relationships is par for the course, just something we do, even joke about with friends. Where there is any form of dis-harmony there is abuse: a person who walks through the door abusing their partner when they ignore them, people bringing home ‘stuff’ from the office and taking it out on those in the home who have nothing to do with it, the fights with colleagues, the stress, taking out our unhappiness and misery on family, friends, or partners. Just as a tone of voice can be abusive without even raising it, so can a touch which is not gentle, or someone not dealing with their anger and bringing it to a relationship.

As a child growing up, we would never dream or say this is the kind of life or relationships I want, or how I want the world to be. So, what makes us settle for less… what makes us accept, choose and allow abuse in our lives? Do we care enough about how much people suffer to live in a different way, or are we happy with our comfort and indulgences in life?

There is no middle ground for abuse, the “Oh that’s okay because they didn’t hit me or them” – no grey scale or differentiation of any kind, not allowing abuse to continue, not tolerating it, making excuses for it, and turning a blind eye to it. It is only once we choose to get very real and absolutely honest that we are willing to be open, truthful, understanding, and accept seeing abuse in this way – let’s face it, the world is very loveless. Only then can we start to heal the abuse we have created. The abuse we knowingly chose to do to ourselves and each other leaves an aftermath of emotional pain, hurts and trauma which we carry in our bodies.

Until we all take responsibility for loving ourselves deeply, which naturally leads to our truly loving and not harming another, there will always be abuse in this world.

By Anon, 40, UK

References:

  1. Goodreads.com. (2018). A quote by Albert Einstein. [online] Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/29875-the-world-is-a-dangerous-place-to-live-not-because [Accessed 27 May 2018].

Related Reading:
My understanding of abuse
Must abuse only happen in war for it to be classified as a crime against humanity?
The silent abuse – leaving an abusive marriage

763 thoughts on “Abuse – Turning a Blind Eye no More

  1. It is true there are so many forms of abuse and so many of them are left to run without hindrance, so it is time we got real about it like so many are doing these days and be silent no longer.

    1. Here here Kev, this is so needed in our world, to arrest abuse and start living a more loving way. To know what is abuse we also have to know what is love. By living more lovingly we will begin to realise abuse of any form is not acceptable at all.

  2. “Turning a blind eye to abuse no more” – when we turn our eye to abuse, we turn our bodies into fortresses where the entry of love is not given easy access as it would if the fortress was not in existence. Bringing the fortress down may make us a vulnerable target, though openness is the only way love can get through and reach us

  3. I like how you are sharing in this blog that saying ‘no’ to abuse is not just about stopping the immediate abuse that is taking place for us personally but that it also supports the whole community to say ‘no’ and to raise its standards of living.

  4. “Abuse is anything that is not love. Simple.” Which means that we need to be calling out a lot more abuse than we currently do while establishing a new marker of what Love is, everyday of our lives, so that we have a trustyworthy comparative with which to identify both the gross and subtle levels of abuse we have allowed to persist.

    1. Yes and this makes me wonder whether unless we connect back to what love is (or even just genuine decency and respect) and feels like in our bodies then it will be impossible to actually identify and notice any abuse. Without love in the picture we would just assume abuse is a normal part of everyday life that cannot be changed.

  5. ‘Where there is any form of dis-harmony there is abuse: a person who walks through the door abusing their partner when they ignore them, people bringing home ‘stuff’ from the office and taking it out on those in the home’ – when these things happen they feel awful and it feels like abuse – but we do not call this out as abuse, it is great that this article is bringing truth to what abuse really is and how widespread it is.

    1. As we evolve out of the extreme abuses, the more subtle ones get revealed to us. I have discovered recently that simply continuing to focus on what I am doing on the computer whilst my wife asks me a question can hurt her as much as a punch.

    1. Therefore, the way to say no to abuse is through deepening our love for ourselves, and therefore, everyone else. As our love deepens we will not be able to accept any abuse.

  6. There are times when I may have said what was correct, justified and faultless, yet when I walk away I feel a yuck feeling within me, it all feels wrong and in that moment I know Instead of love I have used force to communicate and that I have been abusive.

    1. I can totally relate to what you’re sharing, Golnaz, – the justification of ‘right’ as opposed to the surrender within and the sharing of truth. The former feels hollow and the later is confirming.

    2. Whether we accept abuse or dish it out ourselves, our body registers abuse instantly and it will let us know whenever we say yes to abuse.

  7. I am hearing and seeing more and more how so many women at some point in her life has been abused. That if we had a huge room of women and asked this question I am pretty sure nearly every hand would go up. That is shocking. And of course this is not to say that abuse does not happen to men as it does. What it does show is just how much we have accepted abuse as being okay and something that just happens. This is on all levels from verbal, online and physical. Also how much verbal (and sometimes physical) is received by staff in public areas. For instance in my local leisure centre when I went to talk to the receptionists there was a new sign up saying they do not tolerate abuse from any member of the public. When I asked her does this happen a lot she said yes. So absolutely we simply cannot turn our backs or a blind eye to abuse anymore … not that we ever should have in the first place!

  8. The teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom have wakened me to what abuse is in its many forms. The place I have started with is addressing the self-abuse I was living in simply with the inner thoughts and the way I spoke to myself. What a revelation it has been to see how abusive I have been to myself.

  9. The time has come to adopt a personal zero tolerance policy towards any abuse. Abuse prevents us being all that we are, it dehumanises us and starts to turn us into animals.

  10. The more I choose to re-connect with my body, the more obvious abuse is becoming to me – from within my own mind and from events around me.
    ‘To be absolutely honest I still am re-defining what is abusive every day.’

  11. “I had to get clear and re-define what abuse actually is. To be absolutely honest I still am re-defining what is abusive every day.” That is the point the more we see abuse the more we will see what is acceptable and what is not. As you say anything that is not harmonious is abusive, and this is the marker I am constantly redefining in my life too.

    1. I feel the re-defining is a ‘re-setting’ of our awareness and honesty as we go deeper in expanding our love and flushing out everything that is not love, that we have been allowing. Nothing stays still, therefore, if we are not re-setting our standards, what we are accepting – this creates an opening for abuse to sneak back in.

  12. The world can only remain the way it is if we choose not to see the truth of what the world is, what if we started to say “I want to see everything” from abuse to the depth of love and wisdom that is on offer. Then our lives would transform from the inside out, it is possible to consider how whole societies would change from one simple choice.

    1. I love this David “I want to see everything” from abuse to the depth of love and wisdom that is on offer.’ particularly as I do not feel I have really said I want to see everything with regards to the depth of love and wisdom that is on offer. Probably because my socks would well and truly be blown off but hey let them be blown off thats what I say!

    2. You raise a great point David – we are either open to seeing the truth, or we are not. There is no in between, if we think we can filter and just see what we want to, we are actually saying NO to the truth, choosing instead to create our own version of the truth. It comes back to one choice, our choice to be the love that we are, or not.

  13. Once we start our pealing the onion, we get to see and feel the insidiousness of what we had ignored or worse, excepted as normal when it came to abuse in our life! There does come a time when we have had enough and reawaken from our nap from life.

    1. I agree Steve – from ‘peeling the onion’ more layers of what has been accepted as normal in my own life is being exposed. Uncomfortable yes. Establishing a stronger and truer foundation within is worth every ounce of comfort / discomfort being exposed.

  14. We cannot deny any more the corruption and lies that have founded many of the systems and institutions of this world … more and more of the abuse and rot is being exposed every day.

  15. Abuse is avoiding, ignoring and or denying truth … and in this we create karma for ourselves.

  16. I’m observing how every time I revisit this blog, which is very often, I can feel a deepening within my body of everything that’s being shared, – very beautiful to feel the tangible layers of acceptance as I let go.

  17. The antidote to abuse is love. There is so much abuse everywhere in life every day. I tend to check out when I sense what is loveless, it may not be directed at me, but nonetheless, abuse affects everyone. The only way to not check out or numb myself in the midst of an abusive world, is to acknowledge to myself what is abuse and to move in deep love for myself. For example sitting in a classroom yesterday and feeling so much emotional and verbal abuse being poured out to the class by a teacher, I was nodding off to sleep. To remain in my body was not easy but I committed to it by acknowledging the abuse felt and began moving my body in a way to not judge, to keep opening, by rolling my shoulders out and not crossing my legs. I came back to my body, in the love that I felt within.

  18. The more we deepen our commitment to living with love in our own expression, the more fine tuned and expanded our understanding of abuse becomes, and also the clearer it becomes that we are never in any shape or form a victim. In fact it builds a deep sense of empowerment and responsibility.

  19. Being individualistic is a form of abuse because we are seeing ourselves as more important than another, or lesser. In other words, we are not seeing us all in Brotherhood as absolute equals.

  20. What we eat somehow plays a major role in setting us up for our abusive-ways or the foods and loving conversation in every way allows a true energy to be part of who we are and thus allowing us to bring a stop to the abusive-ways and the thoughts that bring in the abusive drinks and foods that become a distraction that lead us to a different energy and the perceived thoughts that we think are non-abusive because the energy dare not devolve what level of abuse is going on.

  21. When I started to say no to all subtle forms of abuse I thought that that is not possible in this world where all is based on abusing each other and so little based on brotherhood.
    Now I start to experience how cool it is to make those choices and that it is possible in our daily life at work etc to claim ourselves back and still do what is required. That is true freedom and bringing back the love in our body and life.

  22. One form of abuse is wanting people to be different from who they are when everybody has free will to make their own choices. We will all get there in the end, reconnect within, in our own time. Love is providing them with the space to do just that and it is our own livingness that will inspire change, not anything we say or try to push.

  23. It’s possible that the reason we have turned a blind eye to abuse is that the abuse comes thicker and faster as a reaction to its exposure. It can be easy then, for the one who has exposed the abuse (or the one who has witnessed the abuse) to hide and retract, but therein lies the problem… when we all do this the abuse is given free rein to do as it likes.

    1. That’s true, Rachel, the way for us to counter these ‘reactions’ is to say yes to love, to deepen our relationship with ourselves, so it isn’t an option for us to contract, rather, we are able to hold our selves steady being the love that we are.

      1. This is truly what we need to learn isn’t it. Knowing that the love is stronger and building that as a true knowing takes time. I am learning to let go of worrying about what others may think and build this steadiness with myself… it does support the not reacting in situations. The stronger I am in relationship with myself the less I seem to react.

  24. Abuse in the world comes in many and varied forms. Abuse in the press is something I cannot turn a blind eye to anymore – it is deceitful, manipulative and like a river of sewage. For me, I have to look at my part in it, to look at where I am living any form of lie whatsoever.

  25. As our love deepens within ourselves we get to feel more starkly what is abusive, it therefore makes sense that this ongoing process means that ‘To be absolutely honest I still am re-defining what is abusive every day.’

  26. Thank you for sharing, what stands out is as you say: “The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” So often we call people innocent bystanders but if we see something there is a reason why we are seeing it and we then have a choice to say no to it or allow it to continue.

    1. Maybe not so innocent as they have numbed themselves so to not feel what is going on and thus the energy that they are using is putting a sheep in front of their eyes deceiving them and thus leading them to the slaughter of living a love-less life.

      1. Ignorance is no defence – we are always making choices – just as we can choose to be open to and aware of everything that is going on around us, we can equally choose to be blind and ‘ignorant’ to how things truly are – this is a choice.

      2. True Greg, yet it can seen innocent at the time even though really I can never really see that I had no choice or say in anything that I have done so cannot say I was very powerless rather given up at times and that was when the wool has easily been pulled over my eyes!

    2. We need to become that black sheep and stand out from the crowd because we are simply moving in a way that has released all our addictions of being lead to the slaughter-house.

  27. It is great to make a list of all the things we do or have done that can come under the handle of abuse, because unless they are named and shamed they can just continue to carry on with some under the radar still.

  28. Having a deeper understanding of abuse like this really exposes all of the more subtle and sometimes insidious ways it exists in our lives but also offers the choice to then remove it too.

    1. Very true and it feels super important that there isn’t a smidgen of judgment in the process – a very sneaky way of keeping us in circulation energy with abuse.

  29. This makes sense; ‘But before I was able to stand up and say no to abuse in its many ways, shapes and forms, not just the above, I had to say no to abusing myself.’ It is only when we treat ourselves with love and respect that we know what true love is and we know what is not love and and so abuse stands out and we can then say no to it.

    1. I love what you share here Greg about how simple the antidote to abuse is. It is simply us choosing to connect with our loving essence and if there be abuse around us, it cannot enter and pollute us.

      1. Absolutely Elizabeth, it is the most simple thing in the world when applied, that is within all our essences and thus our will to stay reconnected to that essence, thus developing a deep-humble-appreciative-ness of who we are.

  30. “The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” – I’ve never thought of myself as a facilitator or perpetrator of ‘danger’. However, I can completely feel how this is so whenever I am not standing up and saying no to abuse.

  31. Abuse can only enter our realm if we have not build a solid foundation of love, the stronger our foundation and the less we compromise the smaller the gaps through which abuse can sneak in.

  32. Until we are willing to see the extent of the corruption we are embedded in, there can be no true arrest of it. This is why seeking comfort in all its forms can never truly evolve us, it can only sink us deeper into the dishonesty we are a part of but are refusing to see. Attuning our senses to that which is uncomfortable for us to feel – the lies, the horror, the greed and the utter selfishness and division we have let run riot among us – is unpleasant but very much needed if we are to bring about a global change in the way we are living and rebuild the very structure of society so that the systems we create are founded on a bedrock of truth, integrity and care for each other and not the poison of self seeking self and all the abuse that shortly follows such positioning.

  33. We can only truly say no to abuse when we stop accepting it in our own lives – and we can be our own worst offender.

  34. Imagining that all space around us carries the greatest intelligence. Disconnecting from that, every tiny little thing we do, in a split second sometimes, to not access what is all around us, is simply very crazy and utterly ridiculous.

  35. How much do we interfere with others’ abuse? When we hear a domestic argument going on do we call the police, or rush in and help? In some neighbourhoods shouting and swearing is ‘normal’ but it is still abuse. Most of us wouldn’t dream of interfering, it might be risky, we might get hurt, but does calling the police help? Each situation must be assessed on its own merits, but key for us is to reflect on our own livingness and check for the smallest smidgen of abuse in our own way of being.

    1. I’ve always found it so very tragic when someone has intervened to defend someone they don’t know, who is being attacked, only to be killed themselves. I hate the energy that is working so hard to deter us from following our natural instincts to help defend each other, to unite and stand up to abuse.

    2. By building our own loving ways we are naturally ‘intervening’ by saying no to the abuse that becomes highlighted due to the deepening loving way in our own lives.

  36. I have found myself judging others for being abusive, and wondering why people are so horrible to each other? Is it any wonder though if this is how I am treating myself and we are all treating ourselves? It’s actually difficult to fathom how much abuse there is. what will make us stop the abuse in our relationship with ourselves? Often I have found we can be so set on abusing that it can take a shock or big stop to get really honest and really let ourselves feel how abusive we are to ourselves.

  37. We have all been guilty of only choosing to see the extremes as abuse, ignoring all the seemingly little abuses that occur daily in families and between work colleagues. We see familiarity as an excuse to abuse. But the seemingly small abuses can be even more harming than the extreme ones, often psychologically scarring someone for life.

  38. My self-abuse has been anything that has kept me from embracing the light of the Soul in my life. When I see that then there is ever work to be done refining my choices with myself and with others around me.

    1. Every moment you smile, because you want to control a situation by being liked, keeping a false harmony, not claiming your authority etc.. you not only abuse another but yourself as you say No to expansion and power. What if other people react, because they don´t get pampered? They get reflected that love is not about getting pampered and treated professionally. So let them react.

    2. Indeed, particularly with relatives or family friends, where every cell in our body is screaming out to steer clear of them, and we are told, ordered even, to give them a hug and a kiss. This is where the self-abuse starts – the over-riding of what our body is communicating to us due to the constant conditioning from outside that we ‘need’ to do certain things and behave in a certain way to be ‘accepted’ in life, when everything we know to be true within is saying NO.

  39. I realised last night how simply my intention changing in how I do something can turn it from love to abuse and vice versa.

  40. Thank you for writing this article about abuse. It makes me realise how important it is that we love ourselves and do not allow any abuse in the relationship we have with ourselves – for instance how we feel about ourselves and how gentle we are with ourselves. I can feel that then we will know clearly what is and isn’t abuse from and towards others.

  41. We can be so powerful when we each speak up about abuse of any kind in our daily lives. We may assume we are isolated units but we actually have a very loud voice as we start the tide turning.

  42. That very caring policeman, quoting Einstein, must have restored your trust that there are people in the world who do care after the response from so many others who simply wanted you to forget about the incident and just get on with your life. It is this sort of response which then allows incidents like the one you experienced to continue to happen and to grow in intensity, as for the perpetrator there is no consequence for his/her actions. For the healing of the major forms of abuse in the world we need to begin to call out the littlest forms, without fail.

  43. ‘The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it’. This is such a powerful quote and message, and something that we all have taken part of, consciously and unconsciously.

  44. It is quite shocking how people turn a blind eye to abuse. When a man puts his hand up ladies skirt and places his hand on her groin area, which part did he not mean? And then the other comments, of just get your dress, and don’t go back to the shop, just highlights how much we as a society accept abuse, subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse and nothing will change until we all take responsibility to be more self-loving.

  45. “For me, reporting these instances was not only about saying no to the energy of abuse for myself and my body, but this choice was for everyone to be able to say no to abuse.” Too often we turn the other cheek and fail to make a noise about the abuses that occur everyday. When one person stands up to abuse, then it definitely establishes a benchmark that assists others to do the same.

  46. ‘If we don’t reflect that there is another way to live, then who is going to?’ – it’s for each and every one of us to take responsibility for the way we are choosing to live and in that, to always ensure that we are making choices that reflect what we know to be true. There is no room for us to ‘switch off’ and ‘take a break’ from this responsibility – for this is when we slip and say yes to abuse, however tiny it may be, this is how it can creep in.

  47. When we consider that “abuse is anything that is not love”, we can apply this to any moment in life. It offers us a way to fine tune our living and make ever so slight adjustments so that we really observe the difference when we choose love and when we do not.

  48. I can really appreciate that unless we want to see that there are things we have taken as normal that are actually abuse we will not see it, because if we did, we would have to do something about it.

  49. Being honest about the level of abuse we are prepared to run with like you have Anon is really and truly the only way back to living together in harmony. What I relate very strongly with is the call to living responsible in every choice, every interaction and in every moment. How I have avoided this, but can now see how this is actually true love and that there is a joy in this. I don’t live it twenty four seven but I am stepping up more and more and can feel the huge difference and impact that this has on everyone.

  50. We register abuse in our own bodies, no one can convince us otherwise if what we feel is not loving or respectful of the delicacy we are. I know for me this is a building process of the love and respect I treat myself with, that allows me to feel what is not loving ie, what is abuse.

  51. “Abuse to me was extreme: extreme cases of violence, beheadings, bombings, attacks, rapes, fighting, shootings, stabbings, war, domestic violence, shouting, swearing and attacking people, someone physically self-harming or cutting themselves” – abuse is anything that is a lie away from the love something is or we are. And since we have created a life that means we live in a vast sea of lies from the structures of business, finance, medical, educational, the legal, justice and political systems and many more insitutional establishments so too do we equally live in a vast sea of absolute abuse.

  52. When we are talking about such things as Abuse it is super important to stop and consider just how normal abuse is, as you say Anon, time to not turn a blind eye. And as part of that I think we have to ask ourselves why do we want to turn a blind eye it the first place?

  53. That is the thing we need to get very honest about abuse because for the longest time the masses just carry accepting it until it directly starts effecting us personally, then we might do something about it.

    1. I love this, Joseph, and feel this is the path for us to truly reconcile our relationship with abuse, once and for all.

  54. ‘Where there is any form of dis-harmony there is abuse’ It can be very subtle but good to discern. It is a work in progress for many of us to change our ways of being as common abuse has, as you say, become so ‘normalised’ we don’t realise it is abuse.

  55. With everything that’s in the media at the moment, this blog feels so very relevant and important. We all have free will to make our own choices in life, in order to do this, we must decide what feels true for us. It’s very easy to be manipulated by clever marketing and to abdicate our responsibility to actively make our own choices by ‘going along with the flow’ – which is a pretty slippery path as how do we really know what we’re agreeing to? What abuse are we unwittingly perpetrating? I have found that when I connect with my body, I know the truth, I may not like it, I may resist accepting it, but I absolutely know it and it’s in this that I put my trust.

    1. Accepting that we live in, and are a part of, a society that is rife with abuse, even more reason for us to deeply discern what we are agreeing to, what we are saying yes to, what feels true for us, even if no one else around us has the same interest or awareness. At heart, we all care, deeply, however, we have allowed our selves to become desensitised to the truth, to the reality of how we are living. Just because our lives feel ‘normal’ is merely a reflection of what we’ve said yes to, it doesn’t make them true and honouring of who we are.

  56. We generally recognise abuse but doing something about it requires self-love, a willingness to expose it and a deep understanding of energetic responsibility. Standing up to abuse may not be so easy if we lack some basic foundations to support us to expose it and eliminate abuse from our life.

    1. Being open to recognising abuse is an invitation for us to deepen our self-love, to treasure ourselves enough to say no to the abuse and a great place to start is the way we abuse our selves.

  57. Once we start to admit that abuse is not just the more extreme in your face physical and emotional harm we can inflict on one another, and ourselves, but that in fact “Abuse is anything that is not love” we will also start take our relationships our understanding of personal responsibility to a whole new level.

  58. I have found that I have turned a blind eye to abuse if it has not been hurled in my direction or in the direction of the ones close to me… (and even then if lesser scale abuse did come my way, I used the ‘ignore it’ and ‘it will go away syndrome’ Why is it we are only ever really prepared to stand up to abuse if we are the ones affected or our close friends and relatives? Yet, abuse is prolific everywhere… in all walks of life, in every family, in every industry. It’s shocking really, not least when we begin to clock just how much we self abuse even in the smallest way.

    1. Yes, until it is personal we turn the other cheek – I wonder if that is a throwback to religion? Wherever it came from it has allowed people to get away with things so we now have degrees of abuse when we should have set the bar really low and chosen to embrace calling out anything that wasn’t loving and held ourselves to that level without needing others to call it out.

  59. This is a great question Anon… “Do we care enough about how much people suffer to live in a different way, or are we happy with our comfort and indulgences in life?” How much responsibility are we prepared to take for our choices and how willing are we to make true and lasting change, and in that inspire others to also do the same.

    1. Actions speak louder than words, it’s not about how much I say I care, it’s how I choose to live in each moment that reflects, unequivocally, how much I do care, and this is felt by everyone. We should never underestimate how powerful this expression of love is – how much is noticed and felt, even if nothing is actually said.

      1. Well said Alison. Looking back at the times in my life when I have thought that I have been my most loving/caring are the times in my life that the truth of my body conveyed that I was my most abusive (towards myself, which then flowed into every environment I took my bankrupt body into). Now my body conveys a deep level of self care and this then bleeds into the rest of my life, regardless of whether or not I mention care or love and irrespective of whether or not my actions are specifically to do with ‘caring or loving’. Simply walking down the street by myself can contain and convey a very deep level of love, far more than when I used to do volunteer work at the local hospice, with a body that was utterly exhausted and devoid of love.

  60. Without love there is no abuse as the abuse will be the norm, i.e. no awareness of abuse in absence of what defines abuse. With love the awareness of abuse being everything that is less than love is brutally obvious like blood on snow.

  61. The list of abuse feels endless in our lives, I want to throw my hands in the air and say ’Where do we start? Of course, the answer is with Love as the baseline.

    1. Absolutely, and keeping things simple – awareness, acceptance, understanding, surrender, more love and setting new standards.

  62. Our self abuse knows no bounds: overeating, eating foods that do not truly nourish, having negative, self-judgemental thoughts, walking in a hard way, pushing through life, there are many ways we move that leave our bodies feeling tense.

  63. “Abuse – Turning a Blind Eye no More” – nothing makes us more blind than the slightest abuse. Nothing makes us more seeing than the commencement of love and its presence.

  64. ‘The abuse we knowingly chose to do to ourselves and each other leaves an aftermath of emotional pain, hurts and trauma which we carry in our bodies.’ And these, now in our bodies, are fodder for more abuse being expressed from those very hurts and reactions.

  65. Whatever we feel is intrusive and causes us disharmony within must be honestly looked at and considered. So often what may be considered the smaller abuses of life are swept under the carpet – but never truly hidden as they remain within our body as a marker to be healed. As you say Anon “Until we all take responsibility for loving ourselves deeply, which naturally leads to our truly loving and not harming another, there will always be abuse in this world’.

  66. When we are not aligned to our naturally loving way of being and living, every movement will be abusive.

    1. So true Michael, so simple, powerful, to the point and no messing around, saying it exactly as it is.

  67. Anything less than love is abuse is simple but such a huge thing to get your head around but now that I am realising more and more that when I am abusive to myself it effects everyone and everything around me I am far more inclined to be more loving to myself which also has an effect.

    1. So true kevmchardy… when we are loving of ourselves, people around us just melt – it’s like they are given permission to be what they innately know as true too. And there are some who react to loving ways because it exposes their own lovelessness but that’s great too as it presents them with a choice – to be loving with themselves or not.

  68. Anon, it feels great to make everything about love and to say no to abuse in whatever form, this feels like our true way of living together.

  69. Anon when we are willing to see just how deep the levels of abuse go it eventually becomes clear that the wars, domestic violence and celebrity suicides are the very pinnacles of the iceberg. Below that is the society that we say is working when abuse is woven into the everyday norm, abuse that we don’t even consider is abuse until we peel back the covers.

    1. Yes, we focus on the pinnacles yet are perhaps too overwhelmed to look to see how long the iceberg has been forming out of obvious sight. But it was in sight, we just let it go.

  70. It is beautiful to unravel something one has accepted for so long knowing all the while that this was not right and true. To be standing firmer on one’s feet and claiming the love we all so very much deserve is a blessing for us all.

  71. Abuse is like a splinter in your finger! You may not even be able to see it, but you can feel it! Are hurts we carry around not the same? Often, you must dig deep to remove that which is causing physical pain. And then, there are the splinters that if left and not dealt with, can fester and infect the whole being!

    1. That Steve is a brilliant simple understanding that if we do not deal with our hurts they can fester the whole being and we can spend a whole life time jaundiced towards ourselves and other people.

  72. Thought provoking article, which made me ponder, as I can see myself being abusive towards others. I now realize this can only happen when I choose to be abusive towards myself. And to that I did not claim a full stop, not tolerating any abuse more.

  73. In essence our understanding of abuse and decision to eradicate it from our lives is a never ending job because it is clear when we look at the world events, we have slipped a long way off the mark.

  74. There are lots of forms of abuse – some you can act on right away, some you can respond to by not reacting and somethings are so appalling that you simply choose to live your way even if it will take a while for the truth to be recognised.

    1. True Christoph there are lots of forms of abuse, this blog and these comments ask us to redefine abuse and its different forms, from a stand point of our innate and sensitive nature rather than the slipped and accepted ‘normal’.

  75. Also to realize that when we say no to abuse people will react.
    So it is shaking our comforts which is good but sometimes challenging.

    1. Absolutely – because currently most of us are not being honest about what abuse is and, therefore, how abusive we are all being, to our selves and each other.

    1. And in so doing, we support each other to know that there is another way to live, a loving way that honours us all.

  76. It is interesting how we coin the phrase a blind eye, when in reality we actually do feel and know what is happening just don’t choose to attend to it.

    1. So true Jenny – everything is felt and we all do know the truth, we just resist by choosing to not be aware, which takes so much more effort, not to mention the harm we cause our selves and each other in the process.

  77. If anything that is not love is actually abuse there comes this feeling of purpose to be loving with myself in all that I do.

  78. We are all crushed by abuse in different forms and ways in our lives in the smallest of ways that makes so much difference to us making us less with the crushing and shrinking that occurs hidden within us with the allowance to what is not us innately and the acceptance of this.

  79. ‘Abuse is anything that is not love ” is a very true and an amazing understanding that would change the world with the depth of abuse exposed and the way we live and what is considered normal. Loving ourselves and respecting ourselves in every way is very beautiful to feel and honour amongst each other with a new raised bar of integrity and love in society is much called for with abuse having got so far and so accepted as normal. A brilliant call and level of livingness shared here for all to ponder on.

    1. I agree, Tricia – understanding that life is, in fact, very black and white, in the sense that everything is either loving or it’s the complete opposite, abusive, has been a massive revelation. I’ve spent most of my life in the ‘in between’ grey area, which I now realise is all of our own ‘creation’ to avoid taking responsibility for our abusive ways.

  80. The outcome of our blindness is with us – now we have to decide what to do – to wake or run from the consequences of our holding on to blindness for far too long.

  81. ‘I was and still am at times abusive towards others from lack of understanding, judging people or needing them to be a certain way, creating drama or complications, giving up or withdrawing.’ love the responsibility this demonstrates in us living only our loving nature and being aware of anything which does not come from it.

  82. I have learned that standing up to abuse does not need to be crushing… quiet the opposite intact. It’s the allowing of the abuse that crushes as there is an internal withering from not expressing. Speaking up frees us up and is expansive.

    1. Very true Rachel – speaking up is liberating and expansive while holding back from calling it out enables the abuse to not only continue but to magnify.

    2. well said Rachel, abuse will be abuse and this will go on for many generations to come until we start to respect ourselves and each other enough to say – no more abuse.

    3. This is so very true Rachel. “It’s the allowing of the abuse that crushes as there is an internal withering from not expressing.” I can so relate to the ‘withering’ as the words I really wanted to say get stuck, almost choking me as I hold back. I also know that it can be so very hard to speak up at times like this, words almost fail us, but if we can share how we feel, even if it is in the most simplest form, there is the most wonderful feeling of liberation as the truth is presented, even though it may not be readily accepted.

    4. Absolutely Rachel, and I love how you have described this internal withering that happens as a result of not expressing when we feel something abusive coming towards us. By actually speaking up when this happens rather than keeping quiet, its as if the abuse can literally bounce off us as it has no where to go, allowing us to remain feeling full of who we are.

  83. When we make life all about self, we are very selfish and individualistic, thus it is easy to self-abuse as self likes to indulge in the comforts and the many distractions in this world. The game changer is when we heal our issues and hurts, and learn to let go of self, we are able to see the bigger picture and our life becomes infused with purpose and service as we are all here to work together to evolve one another.

  84. Anon, I would agree with this for me too; ‘I have not hated abuse enough to say absolutely no to it any way, shape or form, be it in how I treat myself or what I accept from others.’ I am finding that recently this is changing and that no longer can I turn a blind eye and stay silent when I witness abuse in its many forms.

  85. “If we don’t reflect that there is another way to live, then who is going to?” This is so true Anon. If we know there is a way to live that truly supports us to be healthier and more loving with all our relationships then we have a responsibility to share that with others who may not be aware that thye too can make similar changes in their lives.

  86. Surely saying that abuse is anything that is not love revolutionises the way we interact with people in society? If not then have we really listened?

    1. It also revolutionises the person who lives it, especially if it is not a slogan but a way of living or a livingness.

  87. When we experience abuse, in the moment straight afterwards, if we don’t immediately say no, but instead, start to normalise what just took place in the context of there are so many worse things happening every day, or, what difference is it really going to make anyway ….. this is what we need to remember – ‘This was about truth, and not allowing a behaviour that is not loving to come through anyone.’ In so doing, this does make a difference and it does become easier for others to also stand up and say no to abuse.

  88. Although when you reported the tailor incident to the police Anon, supposedly ‘no case will come of it,’ in many ways things have ‘come of it’ already… you have spoken up, taken action, the tailor is on warning that this behaviour is not ok and now has a choice to not do it again… and at the end of the day your report is sitting there waiting to support another if he does repeat the offence. So all that you have done in saying no to abuse is on record and telling the world this behaviour is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated – a powerful stand we can all take.

  89. Thank you for this very simple, clear description of abuse; ‘Abuse is anything that is not love. Simple.’

  90. Anon, I can really feel how the things that you have listed below are abuse; ‘I have abused myself in many ways, such as choosing negative thoughts about myself, putting myself down, choosing abusive relationships and staying in them, eating and drinking foods that are harming to my body.’ It is great to call these things out as abuse rather than just accept them and keep these unloving and harmful behaviours going.

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