Recently I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth and my competence in relation to my work as a nurse. This happened because I assumed something and reacted.
What happened was that one of the patients that a colleague and I were responsible for was allocated to someone in a different team. My colleague was still involved with this patient but I had been removed. I had returned from days off to find out in a roundabout way the patient was now on the other team’s list, and that my colleague and the other team nurse would be working with her. It all felt a bit ‘hush hush.’
I immediately went into a reaction. But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason. I doubted myself instead. How many of us do this to ourselves?
“What have I done wrong?”
“Why doesn’t the patient want me?”
“Everybody obviously knows about this, how embarrassing.”
I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly. I had taken on ‘wrong,’ ‘not worthy of being a nurse’ and ‘shame of being singled out’ – personas which were definitely NOT me.
I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me. It is astounding the stories we can concoct when we place ourselves in such positions!
It felt terrible. Especially since it is rare now that I do this. I generally stay very solid and connected with me and can feel very clearly whether something is true or not.
I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption. I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.
I knew that the only thing to do was to ask directly and I felt to do this openly with the other nurse, no matter who else might be in the office. It felt like a useful topic to discuss between us all because I knew I was not alone in this experience – it has happened to most of us.
So, the next morning I asked if there was a reason the patient had been moved: “Was there something I had or hadn’t done to upset the patient or the family?” and “If there was, could we talk about it as I would really prefer to know straight up so I can learn from it rather than it being hidden?”
They all laughed in surprise and someone said, ”No one would EVER not want you to be their nurse!”
I shared about my reactions and they said, “You’re not alone there,” and “Isn’t it horrible what we do to ourselves?”
A great discussion around reactions in our work ensued. It was wonderful. I could feel we all felt supported by the fact that I had spoken up and asked the question and that we might all do that more readily if anything similar should arise. It was like we now had permission to be more open about such situations.
It turned out that part of what I had been feeling was true in that something had happened, but it was concerning another nurse who had been assigned to and had had a difficult event occur with the patient while I was away. She had been working together with my colleague to tie up the loose ends to the satisfaction of the patient, her family and themselves.
I had made it ‘all about me.’
I learned a lot:
- To not assume anything
- To ask questions or express what is going on for me before letting things get out of hand
- To remain present and connected with myself as I normally would have, which naturally ensures that I am able to respond to a situation rather than react to it.
I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that. Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am?
And, appreciation for myself was needed for speaking up, even if it had taken a while.
Through this experience and being willing to look at my part in it, I also got to appreciate my awesome colleagues for their openness and honesty and their willingness to go there with the discussion around such reactions.
By Jeanette
Related Reading:
Why are we so reactive?
An intense day?
Reaction versus response
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I’m so glad I read this blog. This is something I often go into, reaction and taking things personally. You see you get these thoughts constantly fed to you, there’s this narrative that constantly plays out and from there it leads to something else and then another and so the cycle continues. And then you discover it wasn’t what your thoughts was feeding you, it was something completely different 😬🙄
I totally understand how we have people in our lives that also invoke this, in other words, they feed that weed in your brain and from there it germinates. As for us, it is our responsibility to stay with ourselves and be present in every moment. Discerning what feels the truth and what doesn’t. It is a fitness that develops, and develops with consistency so then we can observe more and more instead of being absorbed by it.
An amazing learning, I love how we learn so much from life if we are open, ‘I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that. Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am?’ Absolutely, you are more than enough.
These past hurts are sometimes never ending, but I much rather that than remain buried in my body, causing havoc to my relationships with others. Let go of these baggages, they are not worth it, being with another is more important.
Trouble is appreciation can’t be forced, it has to flow naturally because when it’s manufactured like it is in many spiritual practices then it simply pumps more prana into the world and it’s prana that’s at the root of all evil, literally ALL EVIL.
When we take something personally it’s like slapping ourselves in the face and yet we always blame the other person, despite the fact that it’s our own hand that did the slapping.
“Taking it Personally” – one day none of us will take anything personally because we’ll all know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we (as in the individuals that we perceive ourselves to be) don’t exist and that what we all are is portals, fleshy tubes through which one of two intelligences come and so at the end of the day who is the who that’s taking things personally, they don’t in truth exist.
The more understanding and awareness we have the more we do not take things personally, ‘what we all are is portals, fleshy tubes through which one of two intelligences come and so at the end of the day who is the who that’s taking things personally, they don’t in truth exist.’
“It felt terrible. Especially since it is rare now that I do this. I generally stay very solid and connected with me and can feel very clearly whether something is true or not”, Jeanette once again I can really relate to what you’re sharing. And the recent feelings that I have had have reminded me of a way of living that I used to experience all of the time; my self worth, my identity, my daily emotional wellbeing being dependant on whatever was happening around me rather than being based on who I know myself to be in my core. In my core I am a continuation of life, an unbroken thread that remains constant. My word this is highlighting just how corrupted we have allowed ourselves to be by a consciousness that’s absolutely wreaking havoc with us.
“I shrank and made myself small”, Jeanette I feel the pull to ‘shrink and make myself small’ at the moment as something has happened that I have reacted to and can feel self doubt and self recrimination snapping at my heals. I am, to the best of my ability attempting to step out of any self-incarcerating thoughts and choosing instead to re-connect with my body. ‘Self-incarcerating’ really describes what I am doing to myself perfectly, I am holding myself down by using the connotations of ‘right and wrong’ to go into judgement. I need to bring the clarity of alignment back in, i.e. to live the truth that I know, which is that I am either aligning to a consciousness that isn’t true or I am alining to a consciousness that is and this I am doing with my every word, my every thought and my every move.
Self-incarcerating thoughts can easily creep in if we go into reaction, if we judge our behaviour, go into right or wrong, then self doubt and self recrimination can start to take over and connection with our body has gone. A stop moment and re-connecting with our body is a wise choice to bring back our alignment to love.
I appreciate the blog Jeanette because I did the same thing today, made an assumption and went into a story and shut down a little. It was all an unnecessary complication. Also your comment about your situation coming from a past hurt has been very supportive for me too, because it makes sense why I made a certain assumption and then reactivated a familiar hurt.
I can so relate how we go into reaction from a past hurts, it’s like a domino effect once one domino goes down there is that chain reaction, now I can say I know where that is coming from it’s an old reaction to something that happened in my childhood, wow am I still hanging on to those past hurts well time to let them go.
As we deepen our awareness of our connection, to our Essences, Esoteric, Inner-most-heart or Soul, which are all one in the same, then every situation in life becomes simpler to respond to and thus reactions are eliminated.
In the UK we are getting the election results from yesterday’s votes. I went into a huge reaction – instead of looking at the bigger picture. There is a bigger plan- which I know nothing about. All I can do is to be open to the people I meet every day and bring more love to the world.
Appreciating when we are settled and surrendered, having this as our foundation, and then when we move away from this into a reaction it is easier to recognise and call out.
” I had made it ‘all about me. I learned a lot: To not assume anything…..” A great few lines for me to re-read this morning Jeanette. Having pictures and expectations – and making assumptions- do not support us in any way. Its so easy to get the wrong end of the stick – and it can be downhill from thereon in. That’s when we make it all about ourselves.
Making it about ourselves is so common in nursing or any other job or other area of life and it causes so much harm as you’ve clearly described, Everything you thought and made you feel smalller about this instance was seperating you from other nurses and in that time you were in reaction you didn’t walk in the fullness that you are. How important is it then to stay open and vulnerable, appreciative of ourselves and the others which will support us to just ask if we don’t understand why things are happening around us.
“I had made it ‘all about me.’ It is such a common thing to do, I see this in myself and those around me, usually it’s then a downward spiral. I feel this is because making it about ourselves cuts off the bigger picture and all that is there to be sensed from the many factors contributing to what is actually going on. Making it about ourselves reduces it down and activates all the stories.
I can relate to that feeling of ‘I used to act/feel this way regularly, but now I know it’s not me’ and rather than continuing to dwell in that negativity to start taking responsibility for how I feel in the moment. It’s amazing to have that solid understanding of what energy is and isn’t me.
Taking it personally exhausts us and puts way to much pressure on the body.
When we take it personally we miss the divine teaching that is on offer.
So true Anonymous. As individuals we aren’t aware of the bigger picture on offer from the divine
So many times I have made the assumption it must be me that got things wrong. Why do we do this? As I address my hurts this reaction has been reducing – phew! Taking things personally – such a trap.
Why is it that we automatically assume that we have done something wrong without investigating the facts beforehand. Recently, this happened to me where someone said I’d done x,y,z and for the first time in my life I said to myself, hold on a minute what if it’s not my mistake and the other person has got it wrong. On further investigation I discovered that I was correct but in the past would have just taken it on board that I was wrong without question and would give my power away to another.
“It is astounding the stories we can concoct”, I agree, and it’s fairly common. I still see this in myself and once the story is allowed to take hold, and it always has a very negative slant on self, then it can escalate into many different physical, emotional and mental stresses – a very depleting experience. I agree that it’s very supportive to come back to a connection with the body.
From my experience and continual learning its all in our movements, so wondering before you went back to work and doubted yourself how you had been feeling before during the time you had off? Also this is a really good example of the importance of communication and asking rather than not saying anything and getting caught up in a belief that just is not true! Awesome blog, thank you for sharing.
When I react I’m making it all about me. In contrast a response is usually less about me and more about the other person – far less of ‘me me’ is involved.
Taking things personally can be addictive, it’s not something that is innate to us and yet so many people in the world would think “It’s just a part of who I am”. The more connected I am to myself the more aware I am of whats actually me and whats not.
We tend to all take things personally because we see ourselves as individuals, we see ourselves as very specific people with specific traits, we are literally consumed with who we perceive ourselves to be and so anything that happens we make it solely about ‘us’. And yes everything that does happen is happening solely because of us but not in the same way that we think it is. What happens to us happens as a result of the consciousness that we’re aligned to and which of the two consciousnesses we’re aligned to is governed by the way that we move our way through life. So yes everything matters but not in the way that we perceive that it does.
Assuming something about another is so awful, its projecting onto either a person or situation something WE think about them not allowing them to just be or the truth to unfold.
And that unfortunately is the way that all of us live our lives because that way that we think is given to us by the consciousness we’re aligned to and therefore the only way out of that way of thinking is to change the consciousness that we’re aligned to and the only way to do that is to change the way that we move.
I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that. Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am…” Aren’t I enough as I am? This is a big question and it seems that society (and education in particular) is always pushing us to do or be more, rather than accepting and loving ourselves for who we are “
To build a living way that means we can stay steady, observe what is right in front of us and to not react is well worth the effort.
rachelmurtagh1 I agree with you when we stay steady and not react it is a game changer. By observing, it’s like taking a step back, this allows space to discern what is going on and supports us not to judge what is happening, there is no need to defend or justify, this way of living is very liberating.
Yes, you reminded me of the title of a play, ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ by Shakespeare. Now there was a man who saw through the human condition and its stories and dramas!
‘ I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.’
To avoid feelings of shame I’ve tried to be whatever indispensable version of perfect that another person would need of me. Mistakes brought the fear of being shamed. However, living this way was a lie. What’s changing is me discerning for myself where I’ve messed up, being understanding and loving as to why and taking responsibility for my part.
The big thing has been not taking on other people’s responsibilities. This hasn’t always been appreciated but the foundation of being my own person is supporting me through this age old pattern of subservience and becoming of service.
Beautifully expressed Karin. Anticipating shame plays a big part in keeping us in illusion, holding us back from getting to the truth of things.
I used to appreciate my chameleon-like nature – always fitting in with everyone else, wanting them to approve of me. It can be quite a shock for them when I no longer play that game. Avoiding taking in their reaction to me then has been something that took a while to understand and accept, regardless.
Appreciating ourselves is an important tool, ‘ appreciation for myself was needed for speaking up, even if it had taken a while.’
‘…being understanding and loving as to why and taking responsibility for my part.’ This is huge. When we don’t beat ourselves up we can see more clearly and bring understanding so that another time we wont make similar mistakes.
Jeanette this is a great blog to support us all to explore how we let our minds carry us away with such negative thoughts about ourselves. And how easily these thoughts can fester and completely take us out.
I have found that by addressing the situation by nipping it in the bud straight away doesn’t allow the mind to take control and poison us with its negativity.
I have come to understand a little more just what the energetic impact is when we choose to react in a situation. It affects not just the people involved but everyone, as we add to the soup that we all pool into… only to make further reactions easier to make because of the collective consciousness.
Thanks Rachel, this adds to the understanding of responsibility we have not to react, as that pool of non-love energy we add to fuels all the abuses of the world.
What a great offering is your blog Jeanette, and so supportive for everyone who reads it. You have reminded me to not make assumptions, not embellish situations with stories, and to face up to the discomfort of complication and ask questions to get clarity.
“face up to the discomfort of complication”, now that is a good point. The mind loves to embellish situations, taking us in many directions and dis-empowering us even further in the process. Easily cut by asking questions.
Yesterday I had two opportunities when I could have embellished a story – and circulated what could be described as gossip. I caught myself about to share a story and felt -‘no need to spread this further’.
Absolutely, not to have expectations, assumptions, or beliefs, they can cause problems, ‘I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption. I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.’
It is so crazy that we go into our head, make assumptions about people or situations and build a whole story of our own and this blog is a great reminder that It really is so simple to just ask for clarity and be honest about our own feelings.
So true Judy. We can make mountains out of molehills if we make up stories in our head, rather than addressing what needs to be said, that brings more understanding and an end to the drama playing out in our mind.
Yes, we create false scenarios, and let our mind take over, then we go into a reaction, ‘This happened because I assumed something and reacted.’
I am deeply inspired by someone in my life who has taken to, not reacting to a whole new level despite intense onslaught. To know that living in this way is not only possible, but done with strength, awareness and purpose has moved me beyond words.
Staying steady is not easy at all because the hidden forces that are attempting to constantly knock us off our path of steadiness know the intricate details of who we are and focus in on the exact things that will make us wobble, if not tumble. So it’s supportive to keep reading what’s going on and to bring everything back to energy and alignment because when we allow ourselves to get swept up in reaction then it’s so much easier to be side swiped because we’re no longer reading, we’re reacting and when we react then it’s anyone’s guess where we’ll end up!
We catch hold of reactions, or run with them, but if we do the latter we are on a runaway train of an energy source that is not who we are.
And basically that train has taken us so far away from the station of who we all are that we’ve completely lost sight of the fact that we’re the collective consciousness of God. We’re currently locked into a way of thinking and moving that cements the illusion of our assumed reality. We all think that we’re individuals having either a gay old time, a crap time or one of the million trillion other variations of life but the truth is we’re not, we’re just temporarily trapped in the illusion of life. But we will eventually all move our way out of this way of thinking/being/living, it will however take time.
If I don’t appreciate or love myself, I am more likely to assume that others won’t like me either. Accepting ourselves is also accepting others can love us and if we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we love someone else…
This is such a great blog because it encourages us to look at how we get caught out by going into the reaction to life rather than just observing it. It’s so easy to go into the reaction because then we can make it all about ourselves. And there is a part of us called the spirit that is egomaniacal in that it is has ungoverned impulses that direct our bodies to do its bidding because it is so wrapped up in its own survival.
What I am coming to realise and accept is that if I do not acknowledge what I have sensed in my body with the authority of that knowing then I lose it and go into my head. I do not have to seek the confirmation from another – that will be there and come to me so long as I hold myself in the truth of who I am and what has been offered to me.
Beautiful Caroline, acknowledging the authority, the truth, of what you have sensed in your body first makes it easier to become the master of the mind, the observer of it, and say no to the many directions away from that authority it will try and take one on.
Yes it is incredible how much we can project onto a situation and how much we can assume and then take that as truth. It can be so real in such a situation and I find it very interesting how the assuming and projecting actually stops us from expressing and asking questions and then as a result we are never to know the truth about the situation because we have just projected so much that we can’t see it any different way.
Often our thoughts can run us around in circles and have us believe nonsense which effectively can affect our mental health. That’s why it’s important to watch and catch the negative thoughts about ourselves and others, and keep catching them until they have lost their hold. Even the smallest of niggles and subtle thoughts can take a hold and need to be cut. Then add a healthy dose of appreciation in its place and the body will feel lighter and our thinking clearer.
Reaction Vs Response is the same as reaction vs indulgence in what ever poison we choose. It is a learning process to stop indulging and choosing love.
Clocking how much we react to life and to each other, even in the subtlest of ways it becomes apparent that there is a hardly a moment in the day where we are not in reaction of some sort. No wonder we live in nervous tension and stress.
When we consider how much of us in this world are trigger happy with reactions, it’s well worth the connection within to choose differently.
I am noticing more and more how people do take things personally even if I don’t, in that moment, and how I can then either react to how they are reacting and get caught in an energy that goes round and round or even judge them in some way for their reaction, neither of which is helpful. Observing, staying connected to my inner heart and allowing deeper understanding to emerge brings a connection to others too and when in doubt lovingly ask, as you did Jeanette, to confirm what in truth, we already know.
What a fabulous lesson you share, Jeanette, in which there are so many aspects to learn and appreciate. Thank you.
I can relate to this …I have jumped to a conclusion in my mind that can justify a hurt that can then have me reacting strongly to something that wasn’t real in the first place. A very humbling scenario. There had to be a lack of love in me in the first place to even go there.
Evidence of the affect of assumption and not expressing what we feel and … doesn’t it feel horrible when we do this! Great that you cut it. On reflection I am just wondering how many of us in the world are living with a feeling of self doubt or lack of self worth etc just because we have assumed something about ourselves, another or and event and not expressed how we feel? Expression really is key ✨
It seems to me that when looked at on more than a superficial level the whole fabric of society is made up of assumption, reaction, complication which then feeds the self doubt and lack of self worth this engenders. The process is much like the one used to ‘felt’ a blanket or a garment – it requires great friction and a lot of hot water to shrink it to the denseness required with tendrils, strands and fibres entangling and tightly knitting with each other at every turn. Looked at like this we can see how this denseness and compaction within and around us then makes it virtually impossible to feel what is truly going on let alone express it.
It’s never personal. Our reactions are just an exposure of our addiction to creation. It’s never about x y z, or whatever story we come up with, but always showing us the huge investments and addictions we have to creation.
I’m learning to stop the stories that can go on in my head. Like I like silence in my day – so things like background TV or car radios aren’t my cup of tea, it’s like I can’t hear myself think. Well, so too with these stories in my head, possible scenarios etc. they’re like background noise circulating about making me feel a little nauseous and not with myself. Not great at all.
Our own personal little radio station, forever broadcasting until we realise that we have the means to simply switch it off, say no to the, more often than not, ridiculous content it spews forth.
Projection is such a trick – a sleight of hand to not take responsibility – great you caught it.
Jeanette this is one of the best blogs I have ever read, because I can so relate. Since reading this blog it has been easier for me to realise when I am being paranoid and letting self doubt in instead of seeing it for the clarity it is.
I know and understand that everything is energy, yet when it comes to people I don’t feel the energy first. I make it all about the person and take it personally. I know that I would react less if I observed what energy someone is in (including myself) and then I wouldn’t get taken by surprise so much.
Thanks Rachel, I appreciate your honesty, I’m exactly the same. I often can make it about energy first but the issue is investment in and attachment to certain people and not accepting it as it is, and wanting it to be different. It’s a form of imposing in its own way, so I am looking forward to being more detached and offering people space by respecting their choices.
Rachel I have a tendency to do the same and can feel the ‘heating’ effects of getting caught up in the characteristics of a person and how they’re behaving as opposed to the beautiful cooling effect of seeing everyone as walking portals through which energy is coming and then being displayed in the form of their behaviour.
I absolutely love this, it’s all about not letting our imagination fester and instead going straight to the source, to find out what is truly going on.
‘eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption.’ I have done this so much and reading this makes me realise how unloving this is.
When we take it personally and not see it for the energy it is we can get in a right mess.
I hate reactions and hate how we fuel them by making life personal and not about energy first.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of taking things personally when we are still learning that everything is because of energy first and foremost. For me at the moment the scales are tipped in favour of the former, but with increased awareness and observation I am hoping the balance will soon tip the other way!
I agree. The more I truly accept and honour myself, the more open I am to the minute by minute learning that is on offer, free of the critical voice that keeps me busy feeling inadequate.
When I react and take things personally I completely shut down any opportunity to learn. It is like in reaction I become impenetrable to what is on offer. When I don’t react and see the opportunity to learn, there is a rich exchange that many can grow from.
I reacted the other day at work that was out of form for me. Our office is small and open plan. There are seven of us in the office and consist of: the boss, two for finance, three maintenance managers and head of security. There are four that are non-sports people: the boss, finance and me. I was having a conversation with one of staff when a football conversation started with so of the workers and the all the others in the office that all support different teams. The crescendo of voices vying to support their teams rose to an all-out din to the point I could not hear the person I was talking to and just said WHAT! I stopped enjoining them by not reacting further by finishing the sentence with a ‘what the (expletive)‘. My short expression worked, and the din ended.
“I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth and my competence….” and that is just what we do, fall/ dive head first into our stories without the understanding of energy first.
What have we excepted into our life as normal when we take it personally?
I notice that the less time I spend looking after myself on a daily/weekly basis the quicker I am to react to any given situation. The more time I spend looking after myself the easier I find it to respond to a situation and remain steady.
I am realising recently that it is super important to be aware of those thoughts that come into our heads and can take us way off track or blow things completely out of proportion. They can sneak in when you least expect it and one of the ways to combat this is to maintain a steady consistent connection with the body and from there an awareness as to the energetic quality of these thoughts so we can tell if they are from love or not.
Staying in and connected to the body – yes – a recipe for reducing those pesky thoughts that can drop in with such ease if we don’t remain alert and aware of the body..
There are daily reminders of the tunnel of complication we head down when we take things personally and don’t address the thoughts straight away.
In the past if I ever reacted to something I only saw one explanation to it: the other person or the situation was wrong. More and more though, I am noticing that it is possible to know as early as the start of the morning, that it is going to be one of those days! If I ever react, I can trace it back to me being off to start with in one form or another. Turns the whole thing right round.
Yes we can’t blame any more. Taking responsibility for our movements and our expression – every moment counts.
Oh the joy of not reacting, but staying steady and holding ourselves and others in love.
Hear, hear. It is a joy that ever deepens.
I’m noticing the clear difference in observing and not reacting recently, and the fact that when I do react, there is a definite purpose to it – it’s like eating a chocolate bar – it’s very intentional too take us out. The irresponsibility is that we do it and don’t care what the impact is on others.
It’s valid to question whether we use the same force that’s coming at us to react or whether we drop into our lived quality and respond from there.
There really is a different between reaction and response they come from two completely different places. Reaction is the spin out, the self doubt, the drama etc etc whereas response comes from as you say a lived quality from the body, there is a calmness, steadiness, questioning, and of course no attachment to whatever has gone on or the outcome.
I so agree, Gill. With assumptions and reaction we weave complication into our lives when it has absolutely no place there.
The importance of being open and honest, transparent and unguarded is made very clear in this article. Thank you for sharing this.
For me the absolute relief in bearing myself to the world is unparalleled. Stripped back and bare is now my daily attire.
Sometimes can make the assumption that the people we know would not be open to discussing things that shine a light on our own or their behaviour, and then when they do we are surprised. This is a great example of what assuming can do and how destructive it can be.
Agreed, and it is our own arrogance that assumes we know better when actually there is a whole world of unspoken communication going on that if we reminded ourselves how to listen to it and how to read it, we would know what to say, when to say it and actually, if it needed saying at all!
So true Lucy Dahill, and as we know, communication is far more than words.
We only know what’s given to us by the energy that we’re aligned to and there is not one single extra piece of information that we’re capable of knowing outside of that. And indeed there isn’t even a ‘we’ that knows these things because the ‘we’ that we believe ourselves to be is also given to us by the consciousness that we’re aligned to. The world is made up of two forms of energy and that’s basically all that exists.
Lucy I’m rediscovering that there is a huge depth to life that is there waiting for us to communicate with and for the majority of us we are so shut down we are totally unaware that there is such a wealth of divinity to tap into.
Being Honest with our selves is a great way to interact with others and then we get an open and honest response without the usual banter or facade that can ensue when we are closed down to sharing!
Being honest isn’t our usual modus operandi however lying is. The trouble is the consciousness that sets us up to be dishonest won’t give us the option of seeing that that is what’s going on and so we’ll swear blind that we’re being honest when there’s not an ounce of truth in what we’re saying.
“I knew that the only thing to do was to ask directly and I felt to do this openly with the other nurse, no matter who else might be in the office” Expressing what we feel is so important as the outcome may be very different from what we imagined..
Responding to life is a healthy way of living; reacting is harmful to our bodies and to our health.
There is space in response as opposed to being hemmed in with reaction and as space = the intelligence of God then responding offers not only us but everyone access to the intelligence of God.
What you describe here is a simple everyday occurrence that has a great impact on our life and hence the importance of addressing what is going on with ourselves to clear things and not have unnecessary and untrue stories run our lives.
Taking things personally stops us seeing the bigger picture – from recent personal experience what was interpreted as rejection, and therefore not caring, was actually another deeply caring and honouring me.
Yes, when we lose sight of the bigger picture and take things personally we can get into all kinds of unwarranted scenarios.
Yup. Taking things personally definitely blinds me to what is really going on.
Reaction is making assumptions that often are not even true… we immediately make up a story in our minds without knowing the facts – and there is inevitably humble pie when we find out the truth!
I have observed that when one person reacts due to another’s unreasonable behaviour the ‘victim’ can often feel justified in their hurts and hold onto them. This insures a stalemate and the right and wrong consciousness. Holding steady, staying strong and reading the unreasonable behaviour is supportive to all and it gives space for the one instigating the problem to see that their behaviour is out of order.
When we think we are right and the other is wrong what energy are we using? That way we are on a hiding to nothing and no truth can come out of it. Reading the energy at play is becoming so important these days.
Jeanette this almost made me cry, I can so relate, lately however I am questioning more of my assumptions and like with your example I find it most freeing when I confront the ‘issue’, more often then not I find it has nothing to do with me, but instead something I had half read, but not read fully.
What I allow to enter my body to doubt myself is nothing but energy to condense and crush the magnificence of who I am. It is a force I call on to avoid responsibility and as I become aware of this game I play it is getting easier to say yes to what is being asked of me.
It makes sense that when we react it’s all about what we want and expect from a situation or another person. If we didn’t have an investment, then things wouldn’t bother us.
Knowing the difference between reaction and response is a game-changer – it brings a choice: live a rollercoaster lifestyle, or live a life that is steady, harmonious and magical in its constellation.
I have lived both ways and can say from my lived understanding that living a life of reaction is purgatory and in total contrast, living a life from response brings a steady joy. Thank you Serge Benhayon for making so many of the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom so accessible for us all.
Far more preferable to not react to start with. But even when we react, it is possible to stop, observe and acknowledge what has just happened and bring it round to responsibility.
From experience, we make life very difficult for ourselves when we react – respond to life and this allows all manner of magical constellations.
The assumptions always seem to be negative and to play out emotions like not being good enough, or not being wanted, etc. They are like ready made stories that drop in when we go into doubt or perceive things incorrectly. I liked the openness you chose and the honesty about how you were feeling, it’s good to clear these situations up quickly before the spiral into more negative emotions.
I love those conversations when I open up and another ‘goes there’ as well. Getting underneath surface chat and into something much richer.
Agreed Leigh, open Honest conversations with the ensuing appreciation that we build is a platform or foundation that is an essential part of our richness.
It is interesting to know and to observe how we filter life through our own insecurities and hurts. All we really need to be doing is to observe without attachment what is going on before us getting ourselves (and our hurts) out of the way. How many of us are open enough to go there however taking responsibility for our reactions, like you did Jeanette? The more we are aware of our hurts and reactions and the more permission we give ourselves to go there to let them go the more we free ourselves up for this observation – no longer to contribute to the (emotional) mess we call society but to start neutralising it and healing it in our turn..
Our own self doubt is so harmful to us and to everyone else. But when we make our lives about others and get ourselves out of the way, then the support and true understanding that is on offer is undeniable.
Thank you Sandra, as what you are sharing has to also come under the realm of being judge-mental, which is an interesting word with the judge getting mental instead of feeling what is True from our bodies and then being open to the ensuing Honesty and thus we can then start to head on down the road to the Truth!
We may feel tension in our body but when we speak up with love and not in reaction it can be a huge blessing for all. Often we doubt or hold ourselves back because of the strength and power we are and hold and the immense impact this has in the world.
Anything presented to another with love has the potential to be life-changing – present something without love and likely you will get a reaction.
Jeanette, thank you for sharing your experience of reacting and going into self-doubt and self-critiscm. It is so easy for us to take things personally and not share how we are truly feeling and so it is great that you decided to be honest with your colleagues. I can feel how this openness and honesty will allow others to share what is going on for them too. This can then stop things from going around in our heads causing unnecessary anxiety. A great lesson.
Reaction vs response – learning how to be in the world – this is something we need to be encouraged and supported from young and that needs to be included in our education system.
As a parent I would say that there’s probably no role on earth that’s more full of reaction than parenting! If we are to truly teach our kids the difference between reaction and response then we need to live it first.
Sometimes the rush to blame ourselves and feel shame happens before we consciously realise it has and that is where we have to be kind and honest to ourselves the moment we spot we have ‘done it again’! Even if we have done something, just looking at what we have done and cleaning up the mess doesn’t work. The more important question is why we found ourselves in a situation where we made that decision. The decisions come from the movements in our bodies. So if it is think we have done something when we haven’t, or feeling shame for something we have actually done, the level of Love and the opportunity for honesty and truth is the same.
It has taken me years of trials and tribulations to find response can eliminate reaction. One causes stagnation the other evolution.
Yes, responding brings simplicity and a settlement – whereas reaction creates all manner of disturbance and complication.
It can be easy to see when we react to things in a big way, but catching those subtler moments of reaction can be easier to miss if we are not ‘on it’ with self-awareness.
It is really interesting to point out how critical we can be of ourselves and that we can automatically think that we have done something wrong, rather than reading the situation or asking questions.
Yes, reading the energy of a situation supports us to understand behaviours far better.
Responding rather than reacting offers so much more space for everyone to get a clearer understanding of the bigger picture that is being offered.
I used to be very much riddled with insecurity. It’s still there but now there’s space between me taking something personally and reacting, and me observing, putting aside judgement and seeing what’s really going on.
I have had that experience as well Shirley-Ann, not having an idea or an expectation, just an open door without any thinking attached to it does make it easier for people to come toward us if they feel to. So easy to try and control situations that are impossible to control, which is just another form of reaction.
Such a great example you give here how we constantly create our own stories through the many thoughts we allow in our heads.
I have tied myself in the most convoluted knots with what I think others may or may not be saying/thinking about me. It is exhausting, self-abusive and totally counter to the true building blocks for relationships… openness, transparency, honesty and a willingness to be seen and met simply and gloriously as we are.
Reactions abound…I keep telling myself: “this time I will not react” but to no avail, as the reaction at times feels near impossible. So I have begun by taking little steps such as observing how much I am reacting and in what way I am reacting (eg. getting frustrated and noticing my voice get hard). This is a great start. And then I can explore the situation more and more and let myself keep feeling the different stages of the reaction. It is like learning the science of how it all happens. And then in this somehow as I explore it more, I get to understand how it is all driven by energy and this helps me to de-personalise things. The not reacting part is not happening, but the learning about the reactions is at least a start to understanding how to change this all.
In our disconnection we can fabricate a story in our minds that is so far from the truth and yet it fools us. But fooled we cannot be if we stay connected with the body, for the body communicates with us with far greater delicacy than the mind alone can ever do.
It is only when the opening is there because of the lack of connection to the body that these stories can come in and take a hold – forever long we choose by not addressing the matter openly and honestly.
I had a similar thing happen recently where I was not invited somewhere, where I would have normally been invited to. For about a day I went into reaction, but in a feeling sorry for myself kind of way, assuming that I was not wanted. Then I emailed the person who sent out the invites and it was a clear oversight and I was more than welcome to come along. What we can put ourselves through for no reason! But the question is why and how. When we are normally not this way how is it that we have resorted to this behaviour and why? When things like this happen we can see very clearly that we have allowed an energy that is not who we are to take hold and it takes us to stop to say “hang on, that’s not me what’s going on?” that puts a stop to this. Otherwise we continue on a ‘downhill spiral’.
Your 3 bullet points of learning are absolute gold… thank you for sharing them.
We are stronger for understanding what is shared here. Being open and honest in our communication with ourselves and others clears the way for true relationship and collaboration.
Taking things personally just shows us that underneath there is a hurt which has surfaced and needs attention, and once that is dealt with our reactions can change in intensity.
When we react we become confined within certain parameters while we then respond there are no limitations.
True appreciation for ourselves is invaluable, and should never be underestimated.
There is so much power in taking a pause moment when we feel a reaction and allowing space.
I had a situation with a colleague and I could not tell what they meant by what they asked. It felt underhand and untoward but the question was seemingly innocent. So I simply asked them that I could not tell what they were truly asking and we had a honest conversation after that and the matter was cleared up. Asking is a great way to seek a greater understanding.
Self-doubt is such a destructive thing and yet it is something we choose for ourselves. We have another option to understand on a deeper level and make a different choice.
Responding rather than reacting to anything that happens, makes life so much less stressful and allows everyone to be who they are without judgement.
Yes and far less draining, reaction exhausts us when we respond we do not get drained.
When we react, it is like a hole in the dyke, the longer it is left un-dealt with, it will continue to grow.
Past hurts can get us in to a lot of trouble. The more we value ourselves the more these hurts fade away and when a situation arises the stronger we are to respond appropriately. When we start and end the day with a focus on our own self care’ paying attention to the quality that we are bringing to ourselves, this supports us too and is a basic start to feeling our own love.
I feel like because we never speak up and say things straight, either when we do have an issue with an-others behaviour, or when we feel like something might be personal, we are left to just quietly erode our self esteem, but as you so beautifully shared, speaking up makes the whole situation much clearer.
It is super inspiring and refreshing to put this into practice and see how simple life can be when we are open and honest.
I recently had an experience of being on the other end of an interaction where I made the choice to no longer speak to someone, and the other person could have taken my decision personally – it was a situation that I had myself been in and had taken very personally in the past, but i realised, being the one actually making that choice that it was not at all a personal decision, but 100% just to do with me – so there was nothing personal about it. It is amazing how quickly and easily we make it about our own faults rather than being open to what else might be at play.
Oh wow how often I have done this! Someone can just look at me differently or speak to me in a certain way, and i would take it personally, even though i know when i have things going on for me and I maybe don’t smile at someone or am more curt with someone, it has nothing to do with them at all.
It is so easy to go for reaction because we have made it such a common way to live but as you unravel here there is another way, a way that is less complicated, a way that brings us together, has us understand and move forward together.
Speaking up, when we come from and with love and not out of reaction allows everyone an opportunity to see things differently, more clearly and thus everything can be clarified. So often we can go away from situations thinking completely different things to each other, but when we express in full we go away the same.
We are all in the same boat and talking about how things are for us help us to stop making everything about us.
Exactly, we get to see that we are all the same and that its ok. When we speak about such things we are no longer separated by our thinking but united by the common understanding.
Sometimes we do really well and others react in unpredictable ways which can be surprisingly positive or devastatingly-seeming negative. That is their right, though does not protect them from the consequences.
Being oversensitive to criticism can have us reacting to life a lot more than what is healthy for us and can have us look at things from a viewpoint of our hurts; then we will not see things clearly.
Redefining the way we hear ‘criticism’ to being opportunities to learn and review, accepting wholeheartedly that we are students of life and that learning is what we are here to do, means we stop defending, protecting and/or reacting to every perceived ‘telling off’. In fact we do not see them as that at all, but are open to and encourage them as the opportunities they truly are.
It is interesting how certain situations can ‘catch us out’ in terms of revealing specific things that we might still be attached to.
We sure can be and then we can reinterpret what is being said or what we have seen and make it all about us when it had nothing to do with us!
A great sharing of the importance of appreciation for ourselves and how this allows us to see the bigger picture of what is going on and not make everything so personal and the beautiful understanding this allows.
Appreciation is like a key or the glue that holds us together when we are going through any type of resistance that we are feeling and will unravel us. So always stop and take a moment to appreciate the love we all can bring then everything else becomes like water of a ducks back.
‘I immediately went into a reaction. But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason. I doubted myself instead. How many of us do this to ourselves?’ It is great you have written this, this is something I do a lot and i know many others who do, it feels really important to not doubt ourselves but to understand what has happened and why – always being loving, supportive and gentle with ourselves.
In any situation it is love that responds and all that is not-love that reacts. Therefore response versus reaction is a very good marker to see exactly where we are at with the expression of our love. Naturally what is not of the love we are made of will be felt as a tension within us so in a way it is normal to feel the initial reaction to this. However, how we respond from this point – whether we go into the reaction (absorb the tension) or not, will be determined by how much love we are willing to express and the depth of love we are willing to go to in order to counter that which opposes it.
“I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me”. If only we were raised to see that when we react, make ourselves small, lack self-worth etc that it is an energy passing through us, and nothing to do with who we are. Then we could see it for what it is and avoid the tail spin from negative thoughts and feelings.
I recently had an experience where I reacted and very clearly made something all about me. Whilst in reaction I was not able to see the truth of what was going on, but once I stepped back and communicated (rather than just assuming what was going on) I realised that what I thought was an issue was nothing at all. How often do we get caught up in things making them issues, when there is nothing to get caught up in and no issue in the first place.
Being open and honest simplifies life beyond measure. Sometimes it does take me a while to navigate through old patterns to get to what is simply needed, but the more I do it the less there is to work through to get to the simplicity.
Going into reaction is such an easy way to avoid taking responsibility.
Very true Rowena. I have noticed when I am in reaction I am often wanting to blame someone else and therefore not wanting to see the part that I have played, thereby not wanting to take responsibility.
What I like about this situation is that Jeanette spoke up and the conversation between her colleagues took place. This is a good example of how speaking up can clarify matters and stop the negative thoughts.
And how not speaking up and running with assumptions lets the negative thoughts run riot.
A simple response take the cold calculated thoughts away and allows us to deepen in the most Loving space.
When we nourish and nurse ourselves are we adding to the cycle of Love that brings a deeper understanding about what reactions are and what they feel like in our bodies so we can go about life responding in the most Loving ways!
I love that phrase Greg “nourish and nurse ourselves”. To nurse is seen to be all about others, but we can certainly nurse ourselves as well.
Being well it is simple to nurture ourselves and when we are off-song the greatest way to return to ourselves that inner lived quality is to nourish our body with a simple walk.
Nicely put, I feel nursing and nourishing ourselves goes a long way towards supporting us in dropping the reacting.
Yes I agree and have often experienced that when I am in reaction to something ‘nursing myself’ out of it is the only thing that works..be very gentle with myself and avoiding any self-criticism, blame or judgement about it is super important otherwise it just adds more reactions on top.
So True Andrew, appreciating that we already have all the tools to bring a Loving response is an amazing feeling and if we don’t respond then we are out and all we need to do is take ourselves for a walk to reestablish our divine connection.
Oh yeah Greg I love walking as a way of bringing myself back if I am stuck in a reaction to something – very therapeutic!
When we are so in-tune with everything and respond we still benefit from walking as we are deepening our connection to our essences.
A great point Ariana … are we being irresponsible in our reaction or are we being responsible in our response?
A great question indeed for a reaction never helps anyone and only furthers to delay our inevitable return back to the love we are. Even when we maybe fully justified in reacting to a situation, the fact is to do so we have to abandon the love we are and that is never justifiable.
This highlights how very important it is for each of us to express what we are feeling … it not only supports us but supports everyone else too.
I like this. Taking things out of the limitations of living with ourselves as the focus and having a relationship with the bigger picture that we may not know the unfolding of – in this example the impact of Jeanette being open and honest and how everyone else responded and opened up too.
We are sold from the beginning that life’s about right and wrong – and so we try to navigate life being the best – only mistakes are part of our every day and nothing to do with who we are inside. Our beauty is untouchable and not defined by activities and outcomes.
Very true Joseph, right and wrong essentially are the same and are void of truth.
I agree with you Joseph that from young we are taught the right way and the wrong way. This leaves no room for understanding or a learning from what is presented. Again we have sought to box life in to control it rather than let it unfold.
Thank you Jeanette for writing about this – the difference between keeping things about self and opening up to the much bigger picture that is life.
It is an important fact that we sometimes choose to not see – that whenever we react, the reaction is actually revealing a lot more about our own unresolved issues than it is about we are reacting to.
Very true – if we have no issues, the reaction is usually short and replaced by an awareness of what exactly is going on.
If we truly appreciate the power of even our simplest moves then we will be less susceptible to being knocked by what happens on what we might consider to be a ‘bigger’ level.
Reaction changes nothing. Response opens the door for us to move forward.
Great wisdom captured so simply. Such an understanding has the potential to change every single aspect of human life and society.
Something similar happened to me with a client recently and I, (long story though I won’t go in to it) went into one in my head and by the time I rang him I was ready to explode and I kind of did and told him what for and then after hearing what he had to say I realised I had got the wrong end of the stick. If I had rung him straight away I would have avoided a minor embarrassment and settled the matter without getting my nickers in a twist.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ You are not alone, we have all become very good at this and created lives with it being all about me, often even in the guise of not being it is often self-motivated.
It sure is Michael and I know this well! It is so easy to make us the centre of attention when it may have nothing to do with us. I find this a lot when someone maybe speaking and another person jumps in and gives their story about what happened to them when it may be a similar sounding situation yet be completely different.
It is a very beautiful moment when we open up and honestly share what is happening for us, it enables everyone to share their own misgivings, which invariably brings greater understanding and awareness for all of us.
Yes it is the allowing of ourselves to be vulnerable that makes the way for others to allow their own vulnerability and feel that it is actually a great thing to do/be, not a weak thing as is so often touted.
‘To ask questions or express what is going on for me before letting things get out of hand’ …. this feels so important for all relationships. Without this open honesty we continue to make assumptions and potentially feel very hurt by things that may very well not be true – before we know it, we’ve created a major issue, which may be completely baseless because we have chosen not to speak up and share how we are feeling.
“I recognized that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that.” It is a huge step forward when we can recognize what lies behind our reactions and deal with the backlog. When consistently addressed over time the tendency to react lessens, we can observe such situations with a little more space and come to see that more often than not, they do not revolve around us.
‘Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am?’ – Ha, the billion dollar question Jeanette! We are indeed ALL enough as we are.
Some days it is so simple to give a response and other days there can be an instant reaction. The more I am with myself, love myself and everybody and the more I maintain the quality I want to live in the less I react.
I find this also Monika. The more I have given myself the space to be with my true quality and honour that, the more observation is naturally with me and it is less likely for me to take something personally, reinterpret, misinterpret or go into reaction over something. With the observation I am able to read the situation clearly and respond as needed.
Love it, Johanna. And from what you share it is also very easy and effortless to have understanding. Control and taking things personal don’t go together with understanding. There is simply no space for the first when we make it about love.
It’s the space that we give ourselves BEFORE the moment that challenges us, that sets up how we respond.
There is a heat that accompanies reaction whereas responses feel like they are accompanied by a cooling quality.
A great example where we notice something but then automatically assume that we are at fault – a protective mechanism to guard against the possibility that it is our fault. Sometimes it can be us who get the blame but we get attacked because we have done a particularly good job and learning not to react in those circumstances can be very beneficial.
Taking things personal and the need to control go often hand in hand. Surrender, true observation and understanding are great tools that support us to realize that we are so much more than just physical human beings and that we can connect to our multidimensionality.
When we take things personally, we have already separated from the magnificence that we are a part of, the control comes from wanting to protect ourselves from getting attacked and being hurt. However, when we re-connect to the truth, through our bodies, we remember that we are not alone, that there is no right or wrong, just an amazing journey that we are on together full of learning with enormous support available from each other.
I’ve noticed that control can slo come in when we want to mitigate the outside situation so we don’t need to feel the unease or unrest. However when we allow ourselves to develop a deep settlement and marker of ease in the body then it is far easier to read and understand what takes place.
That need to control in order to feel in command is so debilitating and how I lived much of my life. Surrender, true observation and developing of understanding as a result are so much more empowering of all concerned.
Assuming can get us in deep water…we can lose our way and lose the truth of what is going on in a situation. Assuming has a set agenda and outcome, it is a prison cell, no freedom of movement.
And it is a sneaky one that appears in a split second… it is a mind game and something to be truly aware of.
True and assumptions are enough to give someone with a reputation that destroy their lives or have them shunned by society. We do not bother to think for ourselves and get swayed by the crowd or by our own agendas…and truth gets ignored.
Assuming is all based on pictures and doesn’t offer space, love or as you beautifully say: ‘freedom of movement’. Assumptions grab you and before you know it your thoughts and movements have changed.
Yes I can feel that in my movements , when I have chosen an assumption, you do get caught up in them and they drag you along, you can feel chained, enraged, judgemental, righteous, fearful, small, bloated and pumped up etc..there are many outcomes, but the push and force is the same…we are being puppeted, by an agenda already set, we do not think for ourselves, we are owned.
I wonder what makes us assume versus consider and look and explore the depth of what is being asked or said? It would make life much simpler if we wanted to see the whole rather than assume the best or worst.
I love your pondering in this comment…we are so often quick to jump to a decision or idea….an assumption…I would say there is something of relief and blame in it, irresponsibility…it is a lazy way of living, we we do not need to be truly awake and make responsible choices. Correct life would be more simple if we looked at the whole, rather than our narrow personal perceptions in life and there is something about how we like the detraction of the complicated rather than the flow of the simple…that is really there for all of us to look at. Thank you.
We jump to the bit that suits us the most in any given instance at the expense of the whole that every single bit is a part of. In isolation we can manipulate and invent as it pleases us and make it all about ourselves. As one life and one life only, this self-ish bit cannot gain traction.
Someone once broke down the word assume for me – it makes an ‘ass out of you and me’ – and I have always remembered that. It really is a foolish and limiting human pursuit.
It is a dangerous and harmful choice to ‘assume’, I agree, it does make a fool out of us and for sure keeps us in the mud and no arising out of it, very limiting. We think we are right and entitled to our assumptions, which can result in all levels of denigration, but where does the right come from…It shows our lack of confidence in our bodies, we rely on the thoughts in our head, not understanding that the quality of those thoughts directly correlates with the way we have been living and moving and how much we have been in relationship with and honouring of our bodies. The fuel we put in, the moves we make, the ideas we allow to percolate either nourish and enhance of fog and corrupt.
Assumption is all consuming and we need to get our “ass” into gear and move the loving “me” into the divine reflection that is Ass-umpt-ion-less and an Ass-umpt-ion is like a judgement on steroids.
Well said Samantha and what is assumption based on? It’s based on our pre-determined ideas about something or someone. It is rigidity borne from rigidity. It goes nowhere.
Yes we do not like to think we have set agendas we walk around with, we like to call ourselves ‘open minded’, but if we do not deal with our hurts, if we think from a selfish place…we have an agenda…this can be as small as trying to get the big piece of cake at dinner time, to stabbing someone in a mob lynching…how big our our hurts…and our ideas of entitlement of those hurts…this is the factor that many of us do not consider when we make a decision….assumption. We are lead by the ring in our nose, a slave to ideas/pictures that we do not deal with or question and think are part of us.
When we respond, rather than react, we not only have a very different experience in our own body and well-being, we also give space to all those concerned.
Definitely. When I react to things not only do I feel tight and restricted but so does the situation and, I am sure, the other people involved.
I love what you share here Jeanette that in reaction we are making it all about ‘me’.
A shattered mirror refracting bits and pieces of us all over the place.
And in true reflection we are prism that will expand the light like a rainbow around us.
The greatest movie ever, Robin Hood, 2018, shares how we can, by working together pick up the pieces of our life and put things in a true perspective and together reflect the full spectrum of light from our Divine Holiness.
Just goes to show how many times we have reached an incorrect conclusion because of a reaction, assumption and our own perception and taken it a fact rather than challenge it by speaking to others concerned – I have found that in the past I can do this before something has even happened. So, freeing to start to let go and begin to understand how we can observe life and respond to it rather than be caught up in reactions.
Correct, I have often done this as have pretty much all of us, we jump on an idea that suits our agenda, rather than being clear on a situation. Being aware of reaction or response in our life, brings clarity for sure.
And what’s even more freeing is to be so steady and connected that if we are directly attacked it doesn’t affect us at all, (or hardly at all). And that’s not because we’re hard and resilient but more that we’re so committed to our quality and alignment that that commitment supports us to stay steady.
It’s great to catch ourselves reacting to an unmet expectation, see it for what it is and release it.
The technology for building new buildings is amazing. Near where I work, in three years a large old building was removed down to the four levels underground and seven multi-story buildings, the shortest one is 20 stories and the largest 39, have been completed. But, it still cannot compare to the structures we create around us in an instant from reaction!
I very much like what you illustrate here Steve, the stories, in other words, the world we are creating for us through the many thoughts we have. Abstract and absurd but that is what we do.
This just proves once again that it is so much better to keep things out in the open and not bottle them up. This scenario could have gone on for days, escalating into something out of control that never actually was anything in the first place.
Yes, a very tangible example of how we create stories over stories in our heads and let them determine our everyday life. We are the creators of our own ways.
What an amazing experience, and how much do we allow a space for all of us to express when we say how we’re feeling.
How true, the ripple effects of saying straight out what we feel is beyond measurable.
An example of the self-created roller-coaster that you stepped off, back onto steady ground, by simply being honest with others about what you were feeling.
Reactions are gifts for learning from if we choose to accept them as such.
I agree Ariana, it is interesting feeling we are ‘entitled’ to our reactions. It is like I was frustrated earlier at something I could not change and all that getting frustrated did was to wind me up more and somehow I was justifying to myself it was ok yet it achieved absolutely nothing!
I love what you shared here Jeanette, so easy to relate to, as yes, reactions are just there for us to buy into, at any opportunity. It’s great to clock it, have a stop, as you did, and check if what we were sure was a fact, is actually true, or just all made up in our own heads. On our own it can be very difficult to move on from something like this, so it is important that we are open to supporting each other with reactions; not making US wrong, but just keeping aware and being open to look deeper into it, check with others involved and get to the truth of the situation.
Issues are a simple side effect of living less than the divinity we naturally are. Connect to the universe and there’s nothing to personalise.
I love the lessons you learnt here – it always brings true inspiration when someone shares the actual experience of their own learning.
I used to spend my whole life reacting pretty much to everything. Now, I have felt and had the experience of what it is like to not react, but respond instead. The difference is quite remarkable for all concerned.
Our sense of self-worth (or lack of) is a huge governing factor in our lives. What was fascinating for me to feel was that I had always thought that I felt pretty good about myself until I started to get really honest and discovered that many of my behaviours were as a direct result of how shabby I felt about myself. For example always encouraging other people to talk and feeling really uncomfortable talking about myself, helping others at the expense of how I felt and not being able to accept help myself, taking public transport everywhere and never considering myself worthy of getting a car and so the list goes on.
The less I react to situations, the more I appreciate the steadiness in my body and the lack of physical symptoms and emotional turmoil that used to occur as a result of me reacting. Its incredibly liberating to allow another to be ‘in their stuff’, to still offer true support when required, but without getting tangled up in it all.
My reaction is to either shout at someone or walk away and in both cases the emotion is anger. The reason I get angry is my own way of being – not expressing what I need, expecting others to know what I need and do what I want even though I haven’t expressed it – ‘but he should KNOW’ kind of thing. If we don’t express, people don’t know, and if we don’t ask we will never learn. Expression is such a huge part of our lives and we are generally not very good at it. When I am angry it’s too late, I cannot express tenderly when I am angry, so I walk away, calm down and then I can speak, but it can take hours or even days so that is not a recommended way to be.
The moment we make ourselves small we have lost ourselves. Self doubt destroys. Even if we feel that we doubted ourselves and held back this is ok – accept it, learn from it and let it go immediately for it has no place in our body as it is not who we are.
Yes, truth and love is more important than reaction, however justified.
What if we felt into every situation that would have caused us to go into reaction in the past? What would life look like for us all?
When we open up and are not afraid to show our weaknesses we not only allow others to explore the same but too we will connect with our strength that is far grander then any weakness we may be confronted with.
Thank you Jeanette, many will relate to what you share, we’ve all been there! The mind is lethal if we allow it to get out of control and hold sway over us. This blog supports us to see in technicolour how bad it can get and potential consequences, if left unchecked. You show that when we pause and reflect we’re given space to see the full and true picture and choose to bring ourselves back.
Reactions are God’s way of bringing us new awareness. So long as we observe what we feel and why, they offer us a bridge to more deeply understanding ourselves and others.
What amazing opportunities—every time we are not are full self with reactions there is a need, an investment to look at, and a hurt to let go. More please.
Wise words shared here Jeanette. Reactions, assumptions and holding back our expression are killers of true communication.
“I learned a lot:
To not assume anything
To ask questions or express what is going on for me before letting things get out of hand
To remain present and connected with myself as I normally would have, which naturally ensures that I am able to respond to a situation rather than react to it”.
Assumptions to me are killers as you can walk with these for days and at the end to find out that they were completely false and only served to make you feel less.
The trouble is we all assume that life is only what we see and it’s not. We assume that we are only human beings living quite separate lives, going here and going there, randomly doing this and doing that and yet there is energy impulsing every move, every thought and every word. Our strings are being pulled by invisible puppeteers and yet because we can’t see them we assume they’re not there.
I’m great at clocking when others are making assumptions, but not nearly as aware when I am making my own assumptions. I now realise that even with this constant reflection I’ve been resisting taking responsibility myself. Loving the deeper awareness, thank you, Jeanette.
So through our own expectations we have a reaction to them not being met but in doing so we also miss the truth of the situations in front of us.
And the fun too! Life is so much grander and filled with laughter when not oppressed with our own expectations and pictures.
Absolutely – we are missing out on the wisdom being shared with us because we’ve limited our view to fit a picture, which will never be met, because it’s not true. We are restricting ourselves to exist in a box when heaven is all around us.
In the reaction, you speak of, Jeanette it can be easy to become more paranoid that others are against you. We can let our mind run epic scenarios about all kinds of stories that magnify the original reaction into deep insecurity. We need to be taught in school the whole topic of reaction and being responsive to situations. How much more prepared would we then be to live life!
Precisely rachelmurtagh1. When I look back on the times I have reacted in any way, paranoia stepped in and took a firm hold of the reins the instant I abandoned them. From thereon it was a wild and painful ride, out of control and never pleasant.
If the topic of reaction and being responsive to situations were taught in schools, before anything else were even contemplated, life could be very different. With the understanding there would be clarity, honesty, simplicity and basic respect for one another. We would be more ‘fit for life’ and also much more appreciative. With honesty and transparency trust can be built.
As soon as we react we do ‘abandon’ ourselves, but it could be fair to say that mostly we only know ourselves from this place. I know for me this was certainly true, lost, unsure and insecure it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and found out what it is truly like to be in connection with myself that I knew being lost, unsure and insecure was not the real me. The two worlds of abandoning myself and being in connection to myself are worlds apart and whilst I am not able to maintain full consistency with connection yet, I would say that the times I am, now out weigh the times I am not. This to me feels amazing.
I very much agree Rachel – it would make an immense difference if we taught children the simple difference between response and reaction as well as learning to see the whole, the bigger picture, that we are all part of, as opposed to taking things personally.
And, it’s important to be aware that when we are entertaining these conspiracy stories or whatever they may be, we are treating those around us differently as we’ve allowed ourselves to be affected by untrue stories, which will be reflected in our movements and how we talk with everyone, everything will be felt.
Gosh, yes. This is so true Alison! I know when I have concocted a conspiracy story how I am in reaction to others around me who don’t deserve it. They definitely feel something is up and can ask… “have I done anything to upset you?”
I heard somewhere long ago that ‘assume’ could be translated as “making an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me'” … and this is often the case – our assumptions end up making us look ‘silly’ because they develop into a story that just isn’t true.
Reactions from our thoughts can dig us deeper and deeper into a shrinking muddle and it can leave us feeling depleted and giving up on our commitment to life. As a self-destructive mechanism it can be very successful and it pays for us to be vigilant and stay connected to our innermost because it feels like an uphill struggle sometimes whereas a few gentle breaths is all it needs to re-align.
If we were all able to pan back and see life as it truly is, then we would realise that there is actually no such thing as individuality, we are in fact a united whole. Therefore anything that points to us as individuals can’t have its roots in truth.
Great story and good lessons. For me, communication is key – it’s the gateway to connection and can unpick the perceived (and real) tricky situations.
Self-worth and appreciation come as a package with a humbleness that is all about our divine connection to our essence, esoteric or inner-most all being one in the same. So our deep-humble-appreciative-ness is all about the energy we are connected to and that essence is full of a lived joy that makes our day worth while or looked forward to.
It was great that you addressed the situation before letting it run for longer, it is so easy for us to let our minds run away with us in situations like this unless we express openly what is going on. I have been down the same path many time often to find it was a story of my own concoction or like you having some truth in it that needed to be exposed and sorted.
Taking thing personally pulls us straight back to ‘self’ again, where we feel lost, alone and alarmingly open to believing stories that simply are not true.
No wonder feelings of instability come in when we make situations about ‘our self’ – to do so we have to dis-connect from the ‘All’ that we are a part of, we become like a rudderless ship, lost at sea, bobbing around in the darkness as we dim our light. We think we are alone, when in fact we are actively choosing to shut ourselves off from those around us.
I hate the energy that twists our thoughts and feeds us untrue stories as ‘supposed’ proof and justification as to why we are failing to meet the picture that we ‘think we should be meeting’, when in truth we are already divine with absolutely nothing missing other than our choice to re-connect to this knowing within and live our truth to the best of our ability.
Reactions versus love what a difference appreciation makes as does not making every thing about oneself and being able to simply observe and appreciate all.
A reaction is like those roller coasters that shoot you into them from the ground. The fastest one goes from 0 to 149 mph in 4 seconds! Do we react faster?
In any emotion [reactive state], truth is always blurred to not be seen.
We are actually using the emotion to avoid the truth, choosing the distraction of drama to absorb our attention.
This could have happened to anyone and it is inspiring how maturely and ‘out in the open’ you handled it. It is incredible how much unnecessary torture we can put ourselves through with assumptions, instead of just speaking up to clear any miscommunications.
This is so true Fiona … our assumptions play on our minds constantly until they are expressed, creating all manner of complications, when it is so much simpler to express what is needed at the time.
It is, particularly if we acknowledge that we actually do this over and over again. Each time we may be equally as incredulous as the last, as to how we could even entertain the thoughts that we did, which are so very clearly untrue …. yet we continue to do this. The more we move in appreciation of the truth of who we are the less space there is for these thoughts of self-doubt to creep in.
When we let our mind jump ahead and are focussed on ourselves we can imagine all sorts of wrongdoing towards ourselves and there we are trapped in a prison of our own making.
This world is full of an absurd energy that wants you to take it seriously and fight back. See it for what it is and it holds no power.
I agree.
This statement is so familiar: “I immediately went into a reaction. But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason.” And what has really got my attention is the second part. If we want to resolve any situation it is obvious that we need to seek greater awareness and understanding of what is at play. Interesting that reaction and the lack of a true desire to gain a deeper understanding go hand in hand. In fact it seems the choice of closing down and battening down the hatches has happened even before we register the reaction.
Our perception and our reactions are closely linked.
A day can be intense without us being intense within it.
How immediately we make every situation about our selves and fail to see that every situation is a product of many people’s choices and that there are other people to consider and appreciate aside from our selves.
Jeanette, how quickly you showed how we go into reaction, when simply we were going about our day and then bingo, we have lost the love that we are, there and then. You have given me again the constant reminder to ask what is going on here, instead of going into my head about some story that may fit the situation. A beautiful blog to read on the expression of expression with self-love.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ How often do we do this – in fact it is automatic when we are in reaction. When we make it about responding to a situation, it becomes about everyone.
Maybe we could have a badge we wear on our selves along with our Inner-heart that simply will say ‘TRANSPARENCY’ so we are always asking the questions before any internal-rhetoric has a chance to distract us?
Reactions have the effect of undermining our self worth and self esteem … whereas responding to situations builds our confidence, trust and faith in ourselves and in others.
Spot on Paula, it is that simple. When we react we undermine ourselves and others however when we respond we building ourselves and others. Would love to see you comment on Billboards around the world.
Yes it would make a great quote for sure.
We can easily misunderstand because there are times when people do wish us harm but they are making it as difficult as possible for us to discern their actions against us so it makes sense if we then have an overly developed radar for such situations.
So true Gill. It’s a real light bulb moment when we realise that it’s not all about us, but that any realisation we have, like the one Jeanette had, will always be one that so many others can relate to. So, to be able to express how we are feeling in a situation like this will serve to offer others the opportunity to share their experience as well. The healing power of the ripple effect in action.
When I have been in a situation which has triggered a reaction in me, I can feel all the words I want to say build up inside of me, but there is no way I can get them out; they stay stuck. And as long as I stay in that reaction those unspoken words go around and around, building a bigger and most uncomfortable tension in my body. Learning to respond and not to react is a continual work in progress, but to get those words out of my head and to be able to lovingly express them is absolutely worth the commitment.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ – A great expose Jeanette – this is a very common way to respond in situations, we have learnt to make it about ourselves rather than understanding that we are part of a whole and make that the focus.
Agreed when we do this there is but no choice to react but then we realise it’s not about us and very often has nothing to do with anything we’ve done and hence when we give space we are free to deal with what is in front of us.
No one is ever wrong. We are not bad and we are not sinners. We may not always act as such but that NEVER changes the underlying truth of the fact.
In my job there is an expression that is often used (it may be common in others too). “Assumption is the mother of all mistakes”
That’s a brilliant saying and it is so true. I’ve gotten myself into all sorts of complicated situations due to making assumptions.
when you think about it, it is really silly that we have these internal conversations and reactions and not being open about what happens and how we feel. it has been a process for me to learn this, as it requires a sense of self-honesty but much more so an understanding of not being wrong and being here to learn. If we learn to not have to ‘get it right’ or ‘be good’ etc which restricts and imprisons our true expression, then we can learn to explore all the falseness and ideals we have taken on and let them go. Openly talking about what we feel and what happens and clear so much with more often then not an unexpected ease.
I agree Carolien and if we all took that stance together then it would go an awful long way to ruling out comparison and competition because we would understand that in truth there is no wrong or right and that we are all in this together, supporting one another to return to the beginning again.
yes, that’s why i love the communication of jeanette for it was an invitation to others to join her in that stance.
Yes, being open to express vulnerability can lead to more understanding all round. I was taught to ‘act strong’, but when I am more open about how I’m feeling the situation can change. We are more alike than we give credit for.
Relying on assumptions often results in a degrading of a situation. Far better to express how we feel and ask pertinent questions. Then everyone can feel the clarity and move forward.
Yes the simple asking of questions instead of assuming something can already make a big difference in our communication and therefor the way we work and relate with each other.
Agreed no assumptions, no rose tinted glasses, just ask to see the full truth.
In reaction there’s a million choices of what to say, in response there’s just one – Love.
That is it exactly Joseph. Love is the only way.
It is amazing how we instantly and automatically think there is something wrong with us and spiral downwards in the lack of self worth. I know this behaviour only too well but what I am learning to live by is that there can never be something wrong with us even if we know we are holding back on expressing what is true for our well being and that of others. Each and every one of us is a student of life learning what we are to master in this life time and it may be very different to the person next to us.
When we react, are we the domino that falls and affects those around us?
Indeed Steve! Since lack of self-worth is such an endemic problem, self-doubt is easy to go into when another is in the midst of a reaction as we try to shy away from the effect of it, rather than read it for what it is.
When we make an assumption and run with a story we project, even a simplest communication feels like an impossibility – because we somehow know it would open up space and very likely go against the story we have concocted.
And we can at any time stop reacting and find out what the true situation is, especially when we realise that we are not in immediate danger.
Reaction closes a situation down and condemns it, whereas response opens situations up and enables them to fly.
“It all felt a bit ‘hush hush.” The classic kind of atmosphere that can, if we have not established a strong knowing of who we are, so easily make us assume it must be us that has caused the hush. When we are able to observe the situation and read the hidden nuances, we get to see beyond our noses and understand the real reasons behind the hush.
I agree, a great example of how by us being vulnerable everyone gets an opportunity to voice their vulnerabilities too and see if they make sense or not.
I had something similar happen just recently, thinking a friend wasn’t replying to me because of something I did. Even saying it now I can see how irrational it was. And how much it gets in the way of communicating and sensing what is going on. Could it be that we like to fall into the doubt so that we are not completely connected and bring our all?
Great question, Aimee ….. does doubt provide us with the justification as to why we ‘can’t’ bring our all – great excuse not to step up and take responsibility.
Knowing you Jeanette, I wholeheartedly agree; “No one would EVER not want you to be their nurse!” Thank you for the awareness and insights you share here.
Recently I was at the receiving end of a reaction and at first I was a bit taken back ,though as I let myself feel and truly observe what was going on for the person it made sense and I could understand that it was in no way personal to me.
Sometimes it is really hard not to react, it’s like whatever the situation they know exactly what buttons to push and if you’re not feeling connected and steady they’ve got you. Learning to respond is definitely a process and I have found that I can only do this when I am connecting to my essence within and I can read what is needed and how to respond.
Yes Gill, very true. I am beginning to ‘get it’ more, the fact that vulnerability isn’t a bad thing, it actually opens the way for everyone to feel safe enough to be vulnerable too when we allow ourselves to feel and express it. Physically to me, when I allow that, I feel no constriction or pressure across my heart area, its as if it expands and I can breathe more easily. It feels warm and inclusive.
When we pause for a moment and feel the truth of a situation, simplicity is revealed.
Self-doubt is an insidious way of undermining ourselves, creating complication and undue stress. When we stay steady within ourselves, nothing can disturb our foundation.
Our assumptions are usually based on the lens or perspective that we see life through and our previous experiences, and can be quite limiting.
It is so fascinating to observe how we can turn our movements from one being in service to one being self-abusive. I too include myself here. The fact is we do read and can sense changes that occur around us all the time and often there is a call for us to step up into more power. But if we are not in full appreciation of who we are, the love we align to and live guided by, of our purpose and the quality in which we live and work in we essentially disconnect from our all-knowing of what is needed next in response, and allow the space to be filled and flooded with reaction and all that is not love which specifically targets our strengths with self-doubt and self-critical talk which is abuse. As you have shared it is empowering to be open to the honesty in our bodies as therein is the wisdom in every moment as to whether we are honouring what is true.
Space feels so relevant here as the more space we allow the more opportunity to observe and feel what is happening and then to respond with a deeper understanding.
Super powerful example of how the thoughts we have affect the way we move “I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly. I had taken on ‘wrong,’ ‘not worthy of being a nurse’ and ‘shame of being singled out’”
When we make ourselves small, are we creating a tripping hazard for all those around us?
“I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption.” It’s such a great topic, since reading your blog I’ve become more aware of what assumptions feel like, and there is definitely a sense of something not feeling clear or true about the energy of an assumption when I’m in it. There is definitely a story like quality in assumptions because when I read a situation I feel the truth and know it with my whole body, but an assumption is whirling around in the mind only.
That is a great observation Melinda, deepening my understanding as well.
There is a settlement that is felt in the body with the truth, whereas, with assumptions we are second guessing, and this uncertainty can create anxiety. Because things are unclear, it’s easy to assume things are far worse than they actually are.
Making assumptions rather than simply taking a moment to speak to someone to find out what is going on can be so fruitless, and often very damaging or hurtful for everyone involved.
And not to mention exhausting… with the amount of thoughts that can go on in our heads and the emotional up and downs from playing into the assumptions.
And also very exhausting, unnecessarily so.
It is very horrible the lengths we go to to abuse ourselves. Seeing the reflection of abuse another does to themselves really does make me stop and question the abuse, even if it is minor, I do to myself and the impact this has not just to myself but on everyone.
It is great you were able to see this ‘I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.’ What I have found is even when we don’t feel like we have things like this within us anymore, when we go deeper and are more honest with ourselves there is a little bit more that is found within us that needs to be cleared.
If we consider the long term effects of taking things personally, these everyday kind of reactions can go on to create an insidious bed of underlying insecurity, stress and resentment that then plays out in many other areas of our lives, not to mention our health.
“Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response” – there’s always valid reason when we don’t make it about ourselves.
Absolutely Zofia – when we are with purpose, connected to Soul, all makes sense and can be seen for what it truly is and what is called for in response is clear.
‘I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly.’ This reaction to life can be the norm and modus operandi for so many of us. Once clocked and arisen out of however it can feel truly awful to find ourselves back there, especially if we are aware that this behaviour really isn’t us at all. Jeanette, in this blog you have busted through the general belief that our behaviours are who we are – as you have shared, we are so much much more than our behaviours would have us sometimes believe.
True, in our society it is common belief that our behaviours are who we are – how different would we relate to each other if we instead connected to ourselves and others in essence. From a place where we all know that we are already all that we need to be, completely irrespective of our behaviours or our identification with them.
It’s odd that we understand that little kids have inappropriate behaviours that do not tarnish ‘who they are’ but we do not afford ourselves the same understanding as adults. We often judge ourselves and each other for behaviours rather than looking deeper to what has triggered the behaviour.
Absolutely Fiona. Generally, as parents, we know that when our toddlers tantrum or our teenagers act out that this is simply a symptom of something they are feeling but not expressing verbally. We held them as babies and know their essence well. In this understanding, it doesn’t make sense that we would not make this same connection to all others since that essence never fades for any of us no matter what is going on for us.
Jeanette, I can feel and have experienced how easily this happens; ‘Recently I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth and my competence in relation to my work.’ Its great that you write about this because it’s supportive to know that other people have had these thoughts and my feeling is that often our lack of self worth and self doubt is not founded – that it is a lack of presence and a lack of appreciation for ourselves and the qaulities that we bring to our workplaces.
Very true, Rebecca, the more we value our selves and all that we bring, these self created stories about what we are NOT, will not be entertained.
Appreciation – of ourselves and others – is so important. It reduces self doubt and self criticism.
What has rejection ever done for us? It fills us with imagined hurts and feeling less! Both of these causes the body to react and contract and over time can cause illness. Breaking this cycle at the beginning by expressing is a way to avoid the spiral of rejection.
‘I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me.’ – if a friend shared this situation with us – we may lovingly ask why, why didn’t they simply ask what had happened, rather than immediately ‘thinking’ they had done something wrong to cause this change. Yet, we often don’t apply the same love and consideration to our selves, revealing an attachment that we are holding on to.
Isn’t it interesting how often we immediately go into doubt about ourselves if something goes wrong, or even changes and we find out about it at a later date? But how often do we appreciate or confirm ourselves when things go well, which is more often than not more frequent than when things go wrong?
I’ve come to realise how much reactions are actually addictions for me.
Yes! Having always had an addictive personality myself it was a big pill to swallow when I was honest with myself about being addictive to reacting / reaction = drama.
That’s an interesting one to ponder.
Super honest Michael and this applies to me too. I also find my addictions to certain reactions are related to old hurts I have not yet healed. It is great to be super honest and be open to healing on a deeper level.
Jeanette, I love how you were able to talk about this and clear the air – so many times we can just remain silent forever and things stay between us unnecessarily, cluttering and reducing the quality of the relationship with ourselves and with the other.
When we are not with ourselves we can jump to conclusions that are not true, and yet we can swear by this being the case. And then we can feel like fools when we discover things to be otherwise and how we have unnecessarily reacted. But these are all cases we can learn from, for in essence life is a life long school of learning and the more we use this as a means to grow, the more we can truly evolve.
When we are honest with each other there is a feeling of ease that comes into the body which can be felt by all involved. I love how you have described it here and the new-found flow that was between you all when you established what had happened.
I know that if I get stuck in making life all about Me that I have just committed myself to a slippery slope of self indulgence that usually ends up in an argument or similar disruption not to far along the road. Learning how to spot the self-indulgence before tipping into it is an art form, one that can never be practiced enough.
So true, Rowena – there are many opportunities each and every day for us to choose to let go just a little bit more as we deepen our relationship with our selves, considering everyone, rather than just our selves. It’s never about perfection, or getting anywhere, rather a willingness to let go of the control and deepen our connection with our body.
Beautiful sharing Jeanette of how we are offered situations that will highlight an aspect to be cleared out more thoroughly, and regain the greater space and love in our bodies.
Learning that we are enough is foundational for true health.
These words are Gold Elizabeth for we must value ourselves deeply in order to care deeply for ourselves and support our true wellbeing and by knowing that we are already all that we ever need to be is the ultimate foundation for our true health.
Agreed Elizabeth it has been fundamental for my health, wellbeing and life.
Beautiful words Elizabeth. It is very simple and all that is needed to know and live that we are enough in everything that we do.
So true Elizabeth and I notice our society doesn’t confirm that we are already enough, we are more often than not bombarded with the message that we are not enough. And, I reckon this affects us on some level especially if we absorb these false messages.
In a conversation recently someone said to me that reactions are part of being human. True to an extent however returning to be being all we are and not just human means learning why we have them and then making different choices.
Reactions are certainly very prevalent in day to day life, however, that’s not to say that there isn’t another way that we can choose to live where we don’t react, rather, we observe with understanding and love, allowing the other person to feel that they too have the opportunity to be more loving.
It reminds me how convincing the voice inside our head is, and that the truth can be something else all together. Its why communicating is so important, as if we don’t express it and allow other angles of reflection, we can imprison ourselves in a world with no out.
Making anything ‘personal’ is always a great recipe for introducing blind-spots into our ability to see and know what is really going on around us.
Great point Golnaz, personalising life does get into judgement of our-selves and others so easily and once we start to realise we are all in this together it becomes simpler to see what is ‘really going on around us’.
‘Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response’, this title says a lot and I can feel how so many times I react and take things personally, rather than reading the situation and what is truly going. It is almost like a default that I would go into self-blame and self-doubt when something happens. Staying present with ourselves and reading and understanding the situation feels key.
Honesty in relationships opens so many doors in a magical way.
I agree Paula, it allows us to be real with each other and share who we which builds intimacy.
There is a world of difference between reacting and responding in situations … reacting creates complications, is isolating and exhausting; responding is simplicity itself and leaves us feeling vital and connected with others. To understand this and to live it (with no perfection) is pure gold.
“There is a world of difference between reacting and responding in situations”, so true Paula and it’s equally true to say that it would be a very different world if we responded rather than reacted.
I agree Alexis … responding brings harmony, truth and integrity to the table which is so very needed in todays world.
Reaction is born from a thick bed of judgment fertiliser by a substantial sprinkling of right and wrong.
A ‘fertiliser’ is always made of a lot of crap!
A college professor once told the class I was in the meaning of degrees: BS was the easiest, Master of Science was just more of the same and PhD stood for ‘piled higher and deeper. How have we been taught to react, when we have letters after our name, with all the bull we have had to swallow to achieve them?
And BS needs to be placed sparingly as it can cause a reaction that will turns the fertiliser sour and are we all not searching for fertile ground, where Truth becomes to a degree to start with, what is simple to understand?
And we make the judgment on ourselves first and create the story from there.
‘But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason.’ Yes, I don’t either. At first I’d say it’s because I don’t want my worst fear confirmed – that I’d done something wrong which I’d linked to actually being defective in some way. But I wonder if it’s actually the opposite – that if I am open with another, fully willing to be transparent, I get to feel that there is nothing wrong with me even if I’ve made a mistake. Writing this is actually very healing for a situation I was in recently where I have been the one putting pressure on myself to prove I am capable. Sharing this in the group has meant dropping a few layers of protection so then I get to see and feel my innate qualities that no mistake could ever wipe out.
Great sharing Karin and in that exposing how we may actually be wilfully clining on to these beliefs to not have to open up and take responsibility for what we bring to this world. They are of course a great excuse to keep ourselves small and insignificant. The lie though is we are never insiginificant and are always contributing.
Ah the good old lie of ‘making a mistake’ and the absolute glut of repressive hindrances that accompany it (shame, self doubt, self flagellation, remorse, anxiety, obsessive worrying, blame, self hate etc). Rather than the lightness, acceptance and self love that comes from seeing things that could have been done or said differently as a ‘springboard for evolution’. Everything is an opportunity to expand, let’s not choose to contract.
I find it really interesting how situations appear to be set up to affect us individually and personally at a very deep level, whether they are speaking in the exact tone of voice of one of our parents, or using the exact words that have bad experiences associated with them, they are specifically designed to make us react. Once we can clock that and take away the individuality aspect, then we can observe calmly and not react, knowing that who we are is perfectly OK.
The power of response is such an immense gift to witness and even more of a grace when we can embody it our selves. It brings breathing space to every situation and therein inspires us to realize more encompassing resolutions to our conundrums.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’ – I love what you share Jeanette – a gorgeous reflection that we are all a part of so much more than our selves and to always be aware of this when we start to adopt our ‘self’ hat.
Reaction nearly always leads to more reaction, whereas response at least provides a greater opportunity for more response.
Yes, to read what is happening. That makes not reacting easier.
The key is to find out why we reacted – if it is because we have an opening, i.e. a past hurt that gets triggered, then that is the important point. If we reacted because it was just horrible and nothing more, then this is fine and one can be pragmatic about dealing with the situation.
Yes, our bodies register when something is ‘off’ not in harmony with our nature and it is what we do with the awareness that makes the difference. Being reactive in my experience only adds to the mess.
Once we do get out of our own way everything changes as you shared Gill ‘the true picture emerges’. Removing self exposes the truth then there is an opportunity to make a more loving choice from responding to the situation thus its allowed us the space to be responsible and take responsibility. Life changing, for everyone.
I have been in huge reaction most of my life, which was draining to say the least. But I discovered that in not reacting, I could read the situation better and know exactly how to respond!
Jacqmcfadden04 I agree with you when you say you have been in reaction for most of your life ditto that for me too, and as you say it is a constant drain on our energy levels. Is it then any wonder we are constantly looking for something to stimulate us to stop us from feel the exhaustion in our bodies. The more we react to life the more we feel exhausted, the more we need something to stimulate us to stop feeling so tired all the time.
When we start making assumptions, its like digging a whole for ourselves, with one assumption leading onto the next, thus we keep digging and the whole gets deeper.
Assumptions occur when we hold back on asking the questions. With assumptions, we are making choices based on information which may not be correct, this is then felt by those around us and if they are also making assumptions, it’s clear to see that very quickly we can get into a way of being together which is based on subjecture and fabrication. No wonder the world is in such a mess.
Why do we hold back on clarifying what we are feeling and asking the questions? Even if the answer is something we don’t want to hear, by having a conversation we allow the space to share honestly with the other person. If our relationships aren’t based on truth and transparency – what are we actually doing here together – playing games in an arrangement which is assisting us all to hide away rather than claiming who we truly are.
Yes, we can create a magnificent story that has us as the victim – so much better to simply ask the question.
Important to note that regardless of how well we feel we’re doing, we can be pulled up at anytime to face a truth about ourselves.
So often when we look at the cause of why we reacted it is because an unresolved hurt has been poked.
And when you consider that in truth there’s no such thing as ‘hurt’ and then you consider how much reaction we’re all constantly in then you get the smallest glimpse of what a complete set up this illusionary world of ours is.
“I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away” When we do not address things that make us feel uncomfortable when they happen they often become ‘mountains-out-of-molehills’ in our mind.
As soon as we make something about us it can be easy to then justify our reactions rather than just ask the question.
How effortlessly the self-diminishing thoughts come through our mind. A perfect set up to remain imprisoned in playing small, rather than let the world see the inner beauty and expression in full.
its”I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me. It is astounding the stories we can concoct when we place ourselves in such positions!”
‘Through this experience and being willing to look at my part in it, I also got to appreciate my awesome colleagues for their openness and honesty and their willingness to go there with the discussion around such reactions.’ When we open up we give others permission to do the same and they get to feel safe to be transparent too, sharing the love that they are with ease. What this does for our relationships cannot be underestimated.
The mind spin that can occur when we disconnect from ourselves is absolutely awful and leaves us totally depleted.
When we fail to express in the moment the moment can be lost, which is significant. I have regretted holding back and not speaking up about something in a professional context a number of years ago, and whilst the expression of what I wanted to say may not have made much difference in the long run, that thing left unsaid left a stagnation in my body that has remained with me. At the time I didn’t really understand the full importance or clock the responsibility we have of expressing how we feel, nor was I fully aware of the consequences of what may happen when we don’t. Since then I have come a long way and I have learned from this. Now when I get an opportunity to articulate what is needed I take it.
“Better out than in” as they say. We honour ourselves when we express what is there to be said and it might actually be supportive for another to do so. Holding back serves no one, least of all ourselves.
Agreed. When we hold back in this way we are also diminishing the power we have that can make a huge difference to not just one as that one interacts with many more hundreds.
Jeanette, I have experienced this and can feel that in the past; ‘allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me. It is astounding the stories we can concoct when we place ourselves in such positions!’ I allowed these stories to take over and so I had a really negative picture of myself, with low self-esteem. I now know the stories and pictures are not true and so no longer have this negative self image.
What you are sharing in this article is brilliant, I can feel that so often we go into self-doubt and being hard on ourselves – taking things personally unnecessarily so. It’s great to expose this and for us to deal with things practically and to ask questions rather than jumping to conclusions and thinking there is something wrong with us.
When we fall into reaction we are completely lost; when we fall into understanding we are found.
A great accessible lesson for us all Jeanette, amazing to clock even in hindsight, the reaction, the self critique and its spin of created stories that ultimately leads to a form of self abandonment and separation.
The more we work on reactions then the quicker we get at catching them and coming back from them.
When we respond it is a confirmation of the truth, when we react we are just playing out something.
Its interesting how quickly we can jump to conclusions but when this is based on a reaction, its more often an incorrect assumption
When we have insecurities, which are based on how we live and the choices we make, we can easily let them own us. In this context, life is filtered through them and it is easy to become paranoid and read things incorrectly.
Jump to conclusions’ is the same as ‘jumping to incarcerations’, there is no freedom to move (for either party) or to feel the energetic truth of anything.
It is easy to react when something happens that you don’t like, but what if that activities are pure lies? It times like those perhaps that only way is to provide space, understanding and get a real sense of why something has happened. Then we can respond.
Its only with a bit of space, when we can step back from the situation, that we have any hope of seeing it clearly.
It is so useful to be more aware of the thoughts that enter our head and that we run with for they are constantly shaping and influencing the quality of our life.
There has been such a massive shift in myself with the way I handle work situations today compared to how I used to handle them 10 or 15 years ago and all of this is thanks to the support of amazing Universal Medicine practitioners.
Reactions are based on emotion and responses are based on choice.
We all have access to unlimited wisdom within our own bodies and when we react it is usually our minds taking on thoughts that are deliberately designed and fed to us from a source that does not want us to know Truth. We can reconnect within at any time and from there we can observe and read the energy of any situation which gives us the understanding so that we have no need to react.
I love this blog because to me it demonstrates just how easily we can be swayed by what others are doing around us when we have not learnt how to fully anchor our selves to our inner being. This is what we should be teaching every kid in school even before they can read or write, so that they grow up knowing who they really are and how to read the truth in every situation.
We can go into reaction so quickly, I would say I spent most of my life in reaction and it has been a work in progress to extricate myself from what I think is a response and what is actually still a reaction. A reaction for me is loaded and has a force, an agenda, a response is from love and considers all angles, not just our self-made issues.
Life can become so complicated when we make it ‘all about me,’ doubt ourselves and make assumptions. Although we often think it will be difficult to say how we are feeling – especially if we have created a mountain out of a mole hill – it is in fact way easier to simply express our truth … and as so beautifully shared here, others often feel the same way and or it gives permission for them to also express, which creates a positive culture wherever we are – work, home, community, everywhere.
When we express the truth, we have completion and move on.
Learning the difference between reacting and responding to situations in life has completely transformed my life. This is one of many simple tools Serge Benhayon presents, that has the potential for true and lasting change, if we so choose to use them.
When we react, we are seeing everything through our ‘self’ prism, which clouds our understanding. The truth always considers the whole, not just an individual.
‘a whole self created story’ I have come to see during the years that when I loose my connection with my body and am therefor less present it is easy to have stories emerge in my mind and run with them. These days I recognise them quickly and know I need to reconnect to my body and then look at what it is in me that I need to look at that left an opening for such a story to be created.
Assumptions cause so many misunderstandings, reactions, complications and angst … yet when we simply connect to ourselves we can see and feel the truth of any situation – life is so simple living this way.
This seems like a great experience, very trust building and this is always needed when working in teams.
Yes I agree being open and honest with each other is essential to a team working together harmoniously.
A lack of connection and communication often leads to a reaction, whereas a richness of these things often leads to an appropriate response. Great example Jeanette.
Whenever we make things personal, we know we are not love. Love includes everybody and doesn’t blame one person.
Your sharing confirms how every situation offers us something to learn and how life is all about that. Great you spoke up and shared with your colleagues, an opportunity for all of you.
So interesting how so many of us blame ourselves when something went wrong, but when something went wonderful we don’t claim our part in that. Clearly we don’t think ourselves but get our thoughts fed to us.
Because we have been choosing to live in a way that is far away from the truth of who we are, we have forgotten how amazingly magnificent we truly are. To consider ourselves anything but divine, we are doing our selves and everyone else a great dis-service.
Thank you for sharing this Jeanette, it is so important that we talk about what is going otherwise we live in our self created stories.
Investing in having people like us can be totally debilitating, draining our energy and our confidence. We end up changing the way we do everything in order to meet other people’s expectations and that is exhausting because we are not being our true selves.
Isn’t funny how far we sometimes go to get people to like us when all that is required is for us to like/love ourselves. It’s that disconnection with ourselves that we are truly missing and as yes said Carmel it’s exhausting not being who we truly are.
Feeling expectations from those around us can be very imposing, if we allow them to be so. It helps to consider that perhaps the expectations are a result of the person not wanting to take responsibility for how they are contributing to the situation or how they could be contributing to the situation.
When we know who we are through feeling and connecting to our qualities and that sense of an inner stillness, underneath all the noise of the mind, it becomes far easier to stay with that and not get distracted by the self-created stories and dramas we can go into.
Being “right” inevitably leads to there being a wrong, and when we thinketh without the usual feeling from our body then “reactions” are likely to ensue, but a Loving response with all our body feels True.
Right and wrong are exposed for the reductionist, harmful choices they are, when we feel from our bodies..truth feels expansive and silky, not compressed and abrasive…a sure sign to heed.
Absolutely, Truth is simple without the complexities and our bodies feel this and thus we become more transparent in our relationships as we no longer hide in the judgement of being right, and thus making another wrong.
When someone responds to me in a loving way I am left feeling open and expanded, certainly not undermined like I feel when someone is in reaction to me. In this case, the key is not to get confused between the needed pull up and the reaction. it is important to read it and to take the lesson of the pull up without taking on the hardness.
Being open is taking the individuality out of the equation and thus we absolutely know how to respond and assess the situation.
Reading how you noticed the whole scenario happened after you had “assumed something and reacted”, I reflected on how often I do this myself in various aspects of life. A significant tale-tell sign is the word “assume”. That in itself exposes the fact that I am already in some form of protection and trying to control the situation based on some past experience or another – I am certainly not open in the moment, reading and willing to be responsive with all the love that I am. A great one to catch going forward.
It’s such a familiar way of reacting and going into the questioning of ourselves with what we have done wrong. I love how just the simply open conversation gave space for it to be what it was and how there was much learning for everyone involved.
It surprising how rare it is for someone to lay their cards on the table, being prepared to open themselves up to vulnerability. However, every time we do this we give someone else permission to do the same.
There are certain situation in which we are more likely to react that others because of things which may have made us feel a hurt before or because of a level of investment we have in them but this just goes to show how much we have to learn and let go of from what comes us when we chose to stop and make a different choice not to react when we feel them come up.
The biggest drama’s I have are the self made ones, even if there is something that is genuinely going on for me it is the amplification of drama in my head that causes me more anxiety than the reality of what is actually going on. The more present I am with myself and the more quality I bring to what I am doing the less room there is for reaction as I am more able to observe and detach from what is going on instead of getting caught up in a self created drama.
What if we didn’t take things personally, perhaps then we could be open to respond instead of react. For what if the only reason we react is because another is also reacting and not responding?
Jeanette your post shows us the futility of making it all about us and the expanse [of appreciation] that happens when we make it about everyone.
Well said Sofia, we create a reality in self, one where we have all these thoughts that keeps us small and in separation, through communication and appreciation we can break this not only in ourselves but each other too. Those thoughts can only exist in the privacy of self for once exposed will be seen for the nonsense they are easily.
Jeanette, I love that you openly expressed how you were feeling to your colleagues – this is so simple but wonderful in that allows others to do the same and then there is openness and honesty.
Jeanette, this is so helpful to read. I can feel that I can take things personally and make up stories which put myself down without really knowing the facts and finding out what is really going on.
A vivid and honest example of the science of reaction that offers us much to learn from.
When we react to situation or person, it’s the soul’s way of communicating to us that something remains unresolved within ourselves. To understand this opens the way for more honesty about past hurts or needs waiting to be exposed and healed.
‘I made it all about me” Great to have it outed that when we react all focus is on ourselves. When we react we dig ourselves a hole and fall into it and feel bad about ourselves. To respond with questions to find out why or more about a situation brings everyone into focus.
‘I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction..’ this is super honest Jeanette, and this shows that all our reactions can be traced back to past hurts which means if we commit to healing our hurts we are then less likely to react and more likely to be ourselves in any situation. Therefore, we are able to be more of a support to others instead of contributing to issues and dramas in life.
I hate the abusive energy that exploits our lack of self worth and works with us to create stories about why we aren’t good enough, or how we have failed, convincing our selves that we are something that we are not. The more we allow ourselves to accept how exquisitely divine we truly are, and live this as our foundation, this energy cannot touch us.
“I had taken on ‘wrong,’ ‘not worthy of being a nurse’ and ‘shame of being singled out’ – personas which were definitely NOT me”. Any persona that we take on is not us.
Just writing it down in black and white makes it very clear how absurd our addiction is to making life about ourselves when it’s always about the universe.
This blog highlights how expressing truthfully and honestly our feelings resolves tension and stress which otherwise fester in the body and can lead to illness and disease.
Stories verses Truth. One route puts us center stage and everyone else in the wings, while the Truth brings awareness of all and makes everyone an equal player.
I love what you say here rowenakstewart. So very true.
Taking it personally is based on the falsity that it was us that did it in the first place.
Great example of how easily our thoughts can lead us astray and how easily it is for us to come back when we simply express with honesty and openness with others. Inspiring.
we can so easily fall for a perception of what has gone down, allowing the influence of our own unresolved hurt and self-perception to distort and inform our interpretation – ending up constantly re-inforcing the self-abusive stories that we run. It is great to unearth our unresolved hurts and allow them the space to clear which such situations can offer – and greater is it learning to develop true observation to understand all that is at play and the offering of deeper insight and wisdom in each moment.
We can go into such a spin when we react – mentally creating all sorts of stories and scenarios that in the end are often not true, however, to respond is to express our truth in that moment, which often brings a level of unity and harmony that surprises and is truly supportive for everyone.
The power of vulnerability speaks volumes in this blog. It can seem so much ‘easier’ to take the victim/blame/woe is me route where you don’t do much but beat yourself up but that just creates layers of hardness. But here you chose differently, to be vulnerable and ask the question – regardless of who was around – and look what come out. Taking it from the ‘woe is me’ to true brotherhood where people come together to support and unpack a bit more about themselves.
The head is great at taking over and re-writing the scenario to suit another agenda, but how important is it to stay with the body to the best of our ability and be open and honest and ask just as you did Jeanette!
Beautiful sharing Jeanette – this is a classic scenario that we can all relate to and shows how easily we can make assumptions that have no basis whatsoever! And this is a blessing to realise for it shows us the areas we need to let go of or work on, especially in the valuing ourselves department! 😉
If only we were able to constantly present ourselves as ‘here I am’ rather than ‘here I am not’ then life would feel radically different.
I agree Alexis, however there will always be fluctuations as nothing/no-one is perfect.
It feels very liberating to be able to present myself in all of my imperfections.
We can so caught up in a story in our head, especially when we make it al about us which takes away the ability to simply observe and question. To speak up about it, even to hear ourselves say it out loud can be all that is needed to break us out of it and return to ourselves and a state of simple observation again.
“Recently I fell into a whole self–created story”, one day we will realise that the whole of life is in fact a ‘self-created story’, we’re making the whole thing up, literally nothing is as it seems.
The more we let go of our pictures, of how we ‘think’ life is, the more we are able to see how very messed up life actually is – all through our own making. However, just as we have chosen this self induced mayhem, so can we choose to connect with and live the truth and step by step, we have the ability to walk our way out of it, together.
And walking our way back together is in actual fact the only true way forward.
I love this Jeanette as I am sure there a so many that relate to what you share, as in your example when you spoke up. I know I am very familiar with it myself. What I love most is how supportive and healing it is to openly discuss this. It shows we are not alone, that we may be rather off in our thoughts and perceptions and that speaking openly about it can get us right out of the rut it had put us in.
Agree Carolien, it can be hard speaking out when you are not used to doing so but I am certainly learning that the more I do the easier it is. What’s more, the tension within me and others completely evaporates when I express honestly from my own experience. Everyone benefits from honesty and transparency.
I agree with you: ‘Everyone benefits from honesty and transparency’, for this is the foundation for intimacy and offers us a settlement in the body.
Even if people react, by expressing openly and honestly the invitation is there for others to do the same, it’s their choice whether to do so or not, but the space is there to support them to do so and the rest is up to them.
I have found that even if people react it may just be because they are not used to such honesty and openness and something is triggered within themselves. More often then not though I find that in a later stage they will get to it, in their own time.
Absolutely Carolien, it is very supportive to openly express how we feel. Our expression is so powerful, it has the ability to deeply heal and also support others to also heal when it comes from an openness and honesty.
Yes Carolien, powerful to openly share with others what happens when we react. When Jeanette expressed her feelings to her colleagues about how she reacted, every one related to and learned from it. She transcended from making her reaction something about herself to something common to all of us and brought greater understanding to her team of nurses.
We can clear so much stuff out of the way when we are simply honest about how we are feeling.
Spot on Andrew – as they say ‘better out than in’ – so it is best we keep expressing what we are feeling.
And express it. “Better out than in”. Just today I expressed a minor kernel of something that had been niggling me for a long time. Immediately felt clearer and immediately saw that there is more to express. Onwards.
It is very interesting how deep down we know what to do but can totally ignore it and go with whatever else comes up in our mind to ‘crush’ us. The great thing to become aware of though is that we first choose to be hard of ourselves and not follow our feelings and then the thoughts come, we basically allow it to happen. And that is where we can learn and reclaim ourselves.
We would never go into the questioning and self doubting in these situation described by you, if we would appreciate us for who we are and what we bring.
Absolutely true Stefanie, there was not enough appreciation of not only me but also the myriad of things I/we do and the way I am and we are, as people who happen to be nurses, with people. There actually is a lot to appreciate and value that is wonderful in a single day at work.
So true Stefanie, we would cut out a lot of complications in life if we consistently commit to appreciating ourselves.
We all know exactly who we all are in truth and yet at the same time don’t have a clue.
Agree, it seems we have no clue – the only way to reconnect to the truth, that is already known is to move our body in a way, so that we get access to that greater understanding and awareness. We cannot grasp the vastness of our being from our mind- it has to be moved and lived from the body first.
The mind has access to a very limited range of information, whereas our bodies have access to it all.
Appreciation is huge, it is a constant unfolding and a learning particularly as women to appreciate our qualities rather than what we do.
There is always this instant link, that we can only appreciate us, when we have DONE something really great. What if, simply breathing and being present is already enough to be appreciated?
It changes the landscape when we want to see the bigger picture and know that it isn’t always just about us.
Thank you Jeanette, indeed why would we need to be more ; a perfect nurse, when we are allready enough by being us. Full stop.
And of course, there is no such thing as a perfect anything!
An example from ages ago has stayed with me. Someone was at the receiving end of something unkind. He just said out loud “Ouch, that really hurt”. There was no attack, no defence or anything like that in his expression. Just an open and generous expression of his response to the earlier comment. Everyone in the room was offered a moment of clocking the fact that we all knew the truth of the situation.
This has remained a great example of how I can respond to any situation – not about necessarily saying anything, but about staying open, transparent and not losing the fullness of my expression from the heart.
What a great learning to find yourself in Jeanette: to be able to weedle out the remnants of that picture and replace it with what is truth.
When I pay attention to my walk and thoughts, I find i’m ready to respond to anything.
Everything wants us to get out of surrender, as we are the most powerful in that. The moment I focus on supporting myself in everything possible and what works for me, may it be a walking, or reading in a book that supports me, calling a certain friend, doing exercises with my body to be present e.g. to be in a surrendering I am rock solid towards any kind of attack. Or lets say, I have space to observe what is going on instead of me jumping in the situation and reacting right away.
Messages from childhood can haunt us all our adult lives. I embodied the fact of always being ‘wrong’ so that when anybody offered a different opinions to mine I assumed I was wrong, that my way of doing things was no longer perfect or acceptable. It is an insidious way of keeping our self worth at rock bottom.
Yes that wrong right thing is really awful for if we hold ourselves in judgement of being either (both as untrue as each other) then we hold others in the same judgement and so it goes on and none of it has anything to do with love or truth which is what really matters.
It does sustain itself in that way doesn’t it and so we end up doing it all, one or the other or both even. And since we do it all it then becomes normal and we lose sight of the beauty and love that is held within that knows no right and wrong.
It does indeed sustain itself for if you hold true as being the true right then both wrong and right are equally not true so not true right. Therefore when right calls out wrong as being wrong it is simply one wrong calling out another wrong and no true right can come of it – what a devious game!
Simply understanding that we can only react to something when we make it about ourselves rather than observing and truly understanding it for it is a hugely empowering realisation.
So very true Michael – not always easy to maintain though through healing unresolved hurts it becomes progressively more achievable.
It is amazing how easily and quickly we can take things personally, when it may not have anything to do with us just what the other person may be going through in that moment. We are constantly being given opportunities to learn to observe life and its movements and not react to what we see.
We certainly can go into a whole other world in our minds full of conspiracy and the clue that it is not true is how unloving the thoughts are. It always gives itself away by how cruel the thoughts are.
That is a fantastic clue isn’t it Vanessa, there is no love or care or consideration for oneself or others in cruel thoughts.
When we make it all about us and realise that we are doing this, then understanding is possible. If not and in the blindness, we stumble through life.
How easily our mind can play with us when we don’t express openly with our colleagues. I feel many of the disagreements at work are because we go straight into reaction without taking a moment to stop, and instead allow our minds to run riot with the crazy stories we concoct.
Great that you were able to express how you felt Jeanette and that your colleagues were so supportive. We do seem to have a tendency to let our minds run away with all sorts of possibilities of how we could have done something wrong and by bottling these thoughts up we make matters worse. So to be able to express what you are thinking is a great healing for you and an opportunity for everyone of your colleagues to also grow from the sharing.
If we let our heads rule the show then the nonsense that we can come up with is quite ridiculous to another person but can feel very real to ourselves.
Such a refreshing read this morning, it makes so much sense if we are invested in not making mistakes and doing a good job, it puts so much pressure on ourselves that it is inevitable that we will shrink and make ourselves small when something comes up.
Rejection from a reaction is an instant self-destruction button that gets pushed and starts the apocalyptic movies running in our heads of possible outcomes. Expressing and understanding moves everyone forward.
Jeanette, I found this article really helpful to read and when I had a situation yesterday that I could have reacted to and gone into my head about I decided instead to ask questions and find out the facts. I then listened to the facts and instead of going into reaction and self doubt I simply listened and learnt from what was being shared. This felt like a very simple and supportive way to be, so thank you for your inspiration.
Now that is very cool. Well done.
‘I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that. Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am?’ A great question: ‘Aren’t I enough as I am?’ We identify ourselves with a doing of some kind and measure our worth by that instead of valuing ourselves for what we are…the qualities that make up our essential self.
This shows the importance of connection as without the clarity that it offers, about what it is true and not true, we can be convinced by these personas that we adopt. It occurs regularly for me. When we are not connected a whole host of complications with huge ramifications can occur. Imagine you lived your life with the persona that you described- lacking value of yourself as a nurse, suspicious about other people etc It would leave little room for connection with people, evolution or enjoyment of life.
Funny how we have a tendency to make the negative things in life all about us and yet when something positive happens we tend to play it down and try and pass the compliment and praise onto another. What is that all about?
‘I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption.’ I’d say I notice the urge to abandon myself is there but even if the conclusion I’ve come to is correct in someway the most destructive thing is to abandon myself because then I lose out on the lessons being presented to me that’ll support me and others in life.
Exactly Karin when we jump ship we inevitably end up in shark infested waters, whereas if we choose to stay onboard the ship of connection then we can steer it through even the most turbulent of waters.
It just goes to show how baseless assumptions and assuming is, built on what we think or could possibly be but not a truth.
We don´t get taught in school or get raised with the priority of our own connection and its quality first. No wonder, we get lost as adults very easily, if challenging situation occur like this. Or wait, what if it would not be even challenging, if we would claim us and who we are first, as then we can see and read much clearer what a situation is truly all about. True self confidence comes from our own connection to us.
Taking things personally is a quick reaction when we haven’t observed a situation because we haven’t maintained that connection to ourselves first and we have let go of that quality you speak of. The void of not being with ourselves has to be filled with something and this is where the self doubt comes in.
Absolutely – so much so that we can believe that the things we react to and the reactions themselves are actually part of us and yet nothing is further from the truth – it is in our connection to who we truly are that this is so obvious and in simply making this a focus we can begin to let go of all that is not true.
How powerful is this, when we assume we deny what is there to be read/felt and known. We cut ourselves off from who we are.
When we allow the images and pictures in our head take charge and run the show it can take us on a huge rollercoaster ride and feed us all sorts of scenarios and assumptions that can make life very complicated, unpleasant and strained. Your example Jeanette shows how quickly these images and pictures can dissipate when we express how we feel and reconnect to the truth.
It just shows how quick the ‘self’ is willing to get involved and make it all about self rather than remain steady, connected to our quality and the purpose.
Learning to observe what is going on around us and see it for what it is, rather than have a reaction to something is so incredibly liberating. It frees us up in so many ways and allows us to feel the truth of any situation.
It sure is liberating Sandra and takes away all the blame we can have towards others and the world.
Yes, the world doesn’t revolve only around you.
How much time and energy do we waste getting upset by our assumptions that are more often than not is just made up nonsense in our heads, that when checked out with another person, simply turn to dust.
I agree Rowena it is crazy how much nonsense we can get in heads which is totally made up and void of all reality!
Your colleagues certainly are awesome Jeanette as are you. It just goes to show how supportive people are especially when we have built relationships, are open and honest. What a great confirmation.
Yes, they are definitely awesome and I find I have so much more appreciation not only for each of them but also for myself as a result of seeking transparency.
Expressing honestly without blame or judgment toward ourselves or others clears the way for greater understanding..and true relationships.
well said Victoria, there is so much more to be discovered when we allow ourselves to be as we are and drop the ‘being good’ and ‘not making mistakes’. In honesty and openness we can discover how equal we truly are.
Honesty with ourselves is very healing. Thank you Jeanette. Where there is any reaction I too have found it is always revealing and a great indicator of where we can bring more love and understanding.
We can be so quick to react, become self-judgmental and give ourselves a hard time for no reason what so ever!
It never ceases to amaze me how much in our day goes unarticulated, how many things we have felt fall beneath the radar. We have been trained (or we train ourselves) to only speak about topics that are ‘safe’, that do not cause reactions or tread on anyone’s toes, but as so very beautifully illustrated here so often in the fear of being confirmed as ‘wrong’ we miss out on opportunities to clear the air, bring people together and get confirmed in the awesomeness of what we naturally bring – a real indictment on how we communicate with each other and the foundation of fear and insecurity we have generated as normal.
A simple and clear example of something we all do in our lives. I love the simplicity which is so powerful. Just recently I realised the same pattern of self judgement I would go into in situations where I fell ignored, not included, overlooked etc. I found it important to bring myself back and claim the love I was before and still was after the perceived event. Going into stories in our head creates damaging outcomes for self and others and once this is realised the energy around a situation changes to one of love and not harm.
‘I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.’ – Jeanette, I love how when you stopped, clocked that you weren’t being your self and allowed yourself to feel what was truly going on, you could feel it all so clearly.
True responsibility right here.
This shows how very important expression is for all of us – and it only takes one to start the conversation for all to benefit.
Yes, very true, “it only takes one to start the conversation for all to benefit”, we are not here for ourself but for all.
What a great experience Jeanette … this is how work culture can be open and honest and truly supportive of staff – and consequently all others they relate with.
Thank you Jeanette. I like how through you being honest and open with your colleagues they too were open and honest with you in your discussion with them about reactions. What a difference from round with the thoughts of doubt to communication, discussion and a deepening of understanding and awareness for all.
The moment we take things personal, we don´t trust that we are positioned in life by a much higher reason than what we want and desire.
What a beautiful scenario from which everyone could learn its lesson as you opened up and talked about it. What if we would communicate constantly about situations that are occurring and bothering us? We would evolve tremendously as a species in intimacy and transparency if we would not pass those moments unnoticed that offer always growth and reflection.
True Stefanie and there will always be moments being presented to us, they are simply an opportunity for us to reflect and grow as you say and nothing to fear.
Honesty releases us from the need to go into hurt and as has happened with you Jeanette we open up everyone to express their feelings and to realise that’s okay to be less than perfect.
There is much to learn from those moments where we do go into reaction, if we recognise that we are in reaction.
Vital piece of the puzzle here. We have to first be honest to make that recognition.
When we understand how important it is to appreciate our-selves it comes with a humbleness and no WOW factor, so one could say there is a deep-humble-appreciative-ness in the way you have shared Jeanette.
To be humble is to; being the base we use to overcome the spirit and become soul-full; So the spirit feels the truth of the soul.
This is such a great sharing and so applicable in so many life situations … and when we are willing to be open and honest in what has happened it creates a space for everyone to connect and discuss what is going on and to break patterns of old hurts and behaviours as we do. This is how we support and grow together.
We have a right, but the consequences are not worth it. Some rights are not very useful.
What a beautiful blog. In my experience when something like this happens and we can find a break from our reaction we can often simply feel whether an event happened in response to something we did or whether it was unrelated and we can then ask to confirm. This would then change how we ask the question as well.
We are learning about how destructive and debilitating assumptions are within a family in my counselling course at the moment, and this is another great example of it in the workplace. The seed of doubt is such a yucky one that takes us on a path that can be miles away from our innate centre and we act out and think things only found way out there. Awesome opportunity you gave yourself and your work mates by bringing it back to the truth.
So great that you were willing to open up that discussion and with that support more awareness and clarity for everyone there.
The world is tough enough without us beating ourselves up.
This is so true and often we are our own worst enemies. I learnt a long time ago that it’s a waste of time worrying about what others think of us because they are too worried about themselves to be concerned about what we are up to and we can twist ourselves in knots over some perceived issue.
Great sharing Jeanette, thank you. I’ve been the queen of taking things personally and it is beautiful to actually build my own self-worth and confidence to be able to understand and observe what is taking place and to not react and, as you say respond with what is needed. Absolutely still a work in progress and love the learning.
When you take into account the multitude of choices that we have all made that shape our lives (and if you believe in reincarnation, all the other lives we have lived previously) then it’s pretty absurd to be taking anything personally. That’s all then, and now is now.
It is so easy to doubt ourselves and make ourselves small that it feels like it is actually a desire most of us on some level possess. I at least have in the past found it easier and comforting to hide away and make myself small than to hold steady to the truth I feel within and risk rocking the boat so to speak. It is never worth denying our power. Not even for a moment.
It sure is not Joshua and the more we confirm our power the more normal and everyday it becomes. No longer do we need to cower at the feet of the unseen forces and back away from the truth and love we know.
Very true Joshua – whenever something goes wrong at work, I have a momentary panic as I question whether I’ve done anything to contribute – I realise I have a very deep seated fear of letting other people down, which results in my being extremely hard on myself. The more I deeply appreciate, claim and live the truth of what I have to bring, this fear can no longer exist.
I can totally relate to what you’ve shared Joshua. What is it about playing small that can be appealing? I reckon it is a way to not take responsibility when we play small, it also means we can take a step back from life and not be proactively in purpose and commit to embracing responsibility and truth. It’s a very common trait I recognise within myself and others.
And, I agree playing small is giving our power away and it is never worth it, like you shared Joshua, ‘Not even for a moment.’ but I find even though I know that playing small is harmful. I can sometimes find myself falling back into this trap. It is awesome though to now be aware of this and be more able and willing to be in my power and not play small.
Brilliantly shared Janette and a welcome reminder of the importance of voicing what we are feeling.
And what a ripple effect this has to the group to also voice what is felt. If we all stay in our silos then no one is expressing or opening up, which means everyone potentially has their own reactionary story going on if they have not read the energy clearly.
That was one of the elements I loved hearing about, where Janette shared on the affect her asking the question had on the whole team .. and therefore the patients they care for.
Love the transparent way you approached the conversation with the intention to have it whoever else was present which allowed for others to learn from the experience as well and support each other in the future the next time something like this occurs which it undoubtedly will.
What I love about this is after you had communicated with your colleagues you then knew you had to address and heal an old hurt you had been holding onto that led to the reaction in the first place. ‘I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that.’ To me this is what responsibility is all about. Not only that you actually appreciated that fact that you spoke up and also appreciated the openness and honesty of your colleagues who were willing to go there and have the discussion with you. Very cool.
When I do speak up in a group for example it’s interesting to note how many others feel the same way and then we can have a discussion. It feels so great to express – and we can learn from it – regardless of the outcome.
” I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me.” When we make assumptions and don’t express how we feel we set ourselves up for misunderstandings.
We can project so much onto people; to the point where we are entirely making up situations in our head which seem very real. Its’ only when we communicate, that these assumptions and total stories get revealed for the false things they are. This blog is a great example of the whole process and complication that ensues, and shows again the power of communication and expression.
Expressing what we feel always dissolves the images our mind creates separating ourselves from the real truth. How freeing this is..
Goodness Jeanette, this is such a familiar one, but so good to bring it to our attention. How often do we want to make uncomfortable situations all about ourselves, rather than standing back and observing the bigger picture, and that more often than not there is a very good and practical reason as to why things have to change without our involvement.
It is so easy to go into reaction if we do not practice our expression with people around us. We just end up making assumption and that is the opening to a multitude of self fabricated stories into our head that could be avoided.
When we assume, it is said we make an ass of u and me. But, by not expressing, our mind makes us solely the beast of burden, we have created!
So well said. Straight to the point.
That’s great Steve. ‘U’ actually have nothing to do with it, the entire load is on ass, oops, i mean us.:-)
It is interesting that when we give these little thoughts energy they can grow into huge complications and at times keep us completely from speaking about it because we made it so big in our minds. Which shows that there is no small there is only energy and what energy we align to governs what we will do next.
This brings the importance of attention to detail and not dismissing the small stuff but to feel, read and deal with everything as is needed. If we ignore or do not deal with something, it has the potential to very quickly become about something completely off track to the root issue which means that when we do eventually go to deal with it, we are then potentially left dealing with an issue that is not really the root issue – what a waste of energy and life. So then as life beautifully does, a similar situation will need to come our way until we see it for what it was.
A great example of what happens when we go instantly into reaction and don’t express what it is we are really wanting to say. This then often sets off a chain reaction in our minds, where the reaction seems to go forth and multiplies, and before we know it we are regurgitating ancient hurts that have been not been addressed. But how quickly this can all be brought to a most welcome halt if we simply open our mouths and speak the words that are waiting to be shared. Not always easy, often takes practice, but oh so worth it!
When we allow ourselves to get in to feeling cornered, contraction sets in, it lets our mind become a movie being played in fast forward in a loop! All that is required is for the thing below your nose to open and express, and the reaction disappears.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ – it feels like we are so set up, energetically, to go into self doubt and question what we have done wrong, why have we been ‘struck off’. This can only happen when we allow it to, when we make it about our selves first – without this attachment it wouldn’t occur to us that we are the reason the patient was moved – rather, it’s far more likely that it was a decision to support the patients needs at the time.
The thoughts we allow to enter our minds can be so destructive and they can go on and on and on as we dig ourselves deeper into depression. It helps to understand that our thoughts are fed to us from whatever energy we align to, and that alignment is totally our choice.
An assumption is a self-concoct idea about a situation either from a lack of self-worth or possibly from an anger or another emotion and appears never to be correct, so it is better not to assume if you can.
It is about being absolutely honest with oneself that makes you ask the questions that need to be asked and to not hold these for yourself.
This is such a great experience to share, thank you Jeanette. I know this pattern too of assumptions and then not expressing how I feel and letting things get out of hand. Once the doubt is seeded it can run through our body like a virus quickly spreading and taking hold, and colouring our experiences. The thing is even if something had happened related to you as a nurse (or any one of us in any situation) we can still use it as a learning opportunity and a chance for healing. We can still bring our love, openness, vulnerability, wisdom and willingness to work together to any personalised situation. A great read.
Brilliant sharing Jeanette, it is amazing that you expressed how you felt and cleared the reactions. Everything you’ve shared I can completely relate. This reminds me of the many times I got myself into a huge knot because of my lack of self-worth and assumptions. We can get ourselves into some sticky situations when we take things personally and react, this is a great example of how to untangle ourselves out of these situations and I find expression is the absolute key.
Thank you Jeanette your awesome blog showed that it is so much better to speak up and ask than only to react. And it is not only a great support for yourself and your wonderful colleagues it is for all of us.
In reaction we make it all abut ourselves first and foremost; as understandable as this might be, it doesn’t support openness and transparency between work colleagues nor the interaction with a patient and their family/carers.
I love this blog because I feel it’s something people do a lot and go about life reacting to stories that may have even happened. Something like this happened to me today. I got that the people in the room have different perspectives on the situation but I had such an urge to try to convince them to acknowledge my perspective. I realised everyone is free to think what they like and I am not there to be controlling. I also tried to understand what happened and was very tempted to apportion blame. But what matters is that I do have work to do: going to a deeper level of appreciation of myself and others, on dropping my defences including any judgements on them or myself (worrying about how I’m perceived, will they gang up against me), and being open no matter what. Though it feels a little challenging, it’s great that there are many more opportunities to practice this with this group of people and be so open.
And the cool part is when we address and nominate what is going on with us it is out in the open and we can see it for what it is.
Projecting onto a situation can leave us in hot water very quickly!
Thank you Jeanette. You have opened the door for all of us to talk openly about something we all do, assume and invent issues that keep us locked in ‘Me, me, me Mode’ that can generally spiral out of control. It is quite a U turn when we choose to ask questions as it exposes those sneaky thoughts that seek to isolate and undermine all of us.
‘I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me.’ Oh I so recognise this, yes it is amazing how thoughts we are fed can go round and round in our heads until we feel totally diminished, especially when the Truth is the absolute opposite!
As women often our first ‘go to’ is to make ourselves wrong. Just have to note how many times we women apologise for ourselves!!! It is a consciousness that we really need to liberate ourselves from. Thank you Jeanette for bringing this back to common sense by clearing things up with a couple of questions.
When we write them down in black and white our reasons for reactions are absurd. How crazy to spend time focusing on such small fry when we are in truth so grand so huge. Clearly put it’s an addiction to persist with this personalisation.
The things that have hurt us in the past act like a trawling net, they gather things from near and far that actually have nothing to do with us whatsoever but the pain that we carry makes it all about us and in turn adds to the pain that we’re already feeling.
Over the years my need to be liked and included has greatly influenced my behaviour and how I’ve felt. It’s amazing how deeply this need runs in my body. I live in a block of units and when my neighbours in the block of flats opposite put a muslin sheet over their kitchen window so that we couldn’t see in, I took this as a personal thwart and felt a pang of rejection even though these people weren’t even directly in my life.
A cracker of an article Jeanette and a very important one to share publicly because I would put money on it that there is not a person alive who has not done the same in some shape or form.And I love your honesty about making it all about you. I am realising how much I do that as well in many sneaky ways….it is great to expose this,,,,well done!
‘I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption.’ This is a great sharing because we all have done it and how easy it is to rectify.
Expression is everything but what we often do not realise is that not expressing what is there to express, is an expression in itself, albeit not a supportive one for us!
Great point Liane, I have given this form of expression a nickname, I call it ‘constipated expression’. This is when we hold our expression back and let it build up to the point when it finally has to come out it can be a very painful experience.
It is actually a negation of oneself, the negation from one’s absolute honesty and truth.
So true Liane- we are expressing all the time – through our body language, facial expressions and our vibration even if we don’t use words.
How true we are expressing vibrationally in every moment and movement we make. With or without words we are all feeling the quality of the communication.
The choice to speak up and ‘clear the air’ so to speak is a big one, especially in healthcare. Much is said behind closed doors and very few people actually say what is going on for them. Which only perpetuates the mill of rumours.
My feeling that not to speak up is a big one for us all, in all areas of life and work. Many like to complain but hold back in taking an issue to the relevant person, expressing it how it is without emotion or worry. We used to do this as small children – children honestly call it as it is but it is a skill we lose out of fear of reaction or having been told it is rude to do this. As we are learning here, not to is simply detrimental to our well being.
Great point Michelle about how this can be an issue in all areas of work and life, and I think when things get bottled up they can then come out with an intensity that then hinders rather than helping!
I know in my own case that when I have not expressed, the issue can become magnified and I have seen this in children also. When we express in the moment the issue no longer has the potential to own us nor do we bury any associated hurt.
You can clearly see how this creates an ‘atmosphere’ in any work place. Speaking up brought that breath of fresh air – honesty.
Taking things personally… we do this so often yet in so many cases it’s got nothing to do with us. When it does, not talking about it makes it worse because there’s no opportunity to learn from it. I love how you being honest with your colleagues Jeanette opened up the door for greater understanding and closeness with them.
Even when something is totally about us we have the choice and therefore the opportunity to not take it personally.
Like you I rarely react these days so when something does get through it usually not only surprises me but often makes me laugh too because there is something so absurd albeit experientially real about these situations. It certainly helps not to take them personally and check out what is truly going on. There is always a learning.
Great point Richard – taking it personally and taking it on. ha ha love your making a me-all comment below too 🙂
me too.
Another thing is that sometimes people can react to us not because we did anything wrong so to speak but because we are so loving or so great and that sets up a reaction. I have discovered that there will always be people who love what I do and those who react and dislike it so I might as well be me in full and let others be as they are. It is great that you clarified that particular situation though.
Brilliant Nicola, I love what you’ve shared. It just shows how worthwhile it is to just be ourselves, we can’t please everyone and not that we need to but we can either not be ourselves and receive reactions or just be ourselves and receive reactions. Definitely much more joyful and easy to just be ourselves.
So true, Nicola. I am experiencing this at the moment, where I’m being excluded by a group of people around me because of my alignment to love, it’s causing quite a reaction from some where some spiteful comments have been made. Rather than taking it personally, I’m taking it as one massive, gorgeous compliment 🙂
ha ha yes indeed it is a compliment and one well deserved.
Yes, ‘I might as well be me in full and let others be as they are’ – cool suggestion….
Beautiful what can develop from honesty, had you kept all of that to yourself there would have been so much less learnt and a lot more hurt carried around. It feels like you brought people together by sharing rather than increasing separation and reactions. Inspirational.
‘I had made it ‘all about me.’ When we become aware how small we have made our world it is time to look inside what we have been choosing along the way, where and why we started to absorb instead of observe.
Truly something to appreciate Jeanette, what you have brought to the team by your openess about your doubts and your selfworth is priceless and supports everyone to open up about how they value themselves in their work.
It only takes one person to share the truth of how they feel for others to feel safe to do the same. What a gift you offered to your work colleagues, starting a much needed conversation. You have set a new standard from where you’re all more able to support each other to speak up and share how you are truly feeling.
This is such a great reflection. And what if you had in fact made a mistake or something had been picked up that was lacking in your ability, what an awesome feedback that could be to know exactly what areas might need attention. But we can only embrace such an invaluable offering if we remain steady, appreciative of the quality of our commitment and the love that flows through us. As soon as we allow in those thoughts of doubt and self negating we are lost and it is so easy to slide into that. Thank you for the wonderful example.
Beautiful how Jeanette’s sharing with her colleagues was a gift for everyone there… and for us and beyond…
Daring to be open and share ourselves (our process) offers everyone permission to be more open and trusting and this is what makes a truly supportive community; this is also what I see is so often missing.
I have spent lifetimes abandoning myself every time I felt abandoned… what a horrible thing to do to myself just when I need me most!
No more.
I will stay on top of this one until I heal every last self-worth issue left in me until I can not fathom self reacting with self-abandonment ever again…
…and I know this will inspire others to begin to truly befriend themselves once again as well.
We tend to turn on ourselves with a viciousness that no-one else could ever get close to, no matter how hard they tried. We become experts at self-demolition and take that for granted until we are shown another way to be and live and take tender care of ourselves.
What a lovely, tender comment, thank you Jo, I had never really looked at it like this “I have spent lifetimes abandoning myself every time I felt abandoned… what a horrible thing to do to myself just when I need me most!” I love what you have shared here and also the term to “befriend” ourselves. Truly lovely.
It feels very liberating when we voice these assumptions and pictures we hold. It releases us from their hold and allows others to support us by expanding our view of the situation.
It sure does Leigh, and it also opens up the topic for everyone else and together we expose any insecurities or doubts we may be holding on to that don’t serve us in any way.
It is important to address the hurt and why when it is presented like this. I came to a realisation recently, due to attending a Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 2 course that focuses on childhood hurts, that when we deal and heal our hurts, we are clearer to feel truth of all things rather than being clouded by judgement. It’s an amazing course and I recommend it.
Loved that you also wrote about this experience as well and totally agree in communication is key and even if we feel stupid or silly to say something is really important … as you found out. Also a great lesson for us all in not to assume.
I agree, being honest and saying how we feel is essential for health. Hold back and be dishonest and we all miss out.
Same here Vicky, with full expression we are able to respond to life and there is no need to react.
Making oneself vulnerable offers to others the opportunity to do likewise.
Yes, even though I may feel people judge me for being vulnerable, I know it’s so supportive for everyone; it’s one less person saying we have to put up the defences against one another. It’s someone making a stand and saying life is all about coming together.
Great sharing. Leaving uncomfortable situations unresolved only fester and undermine our confidence and wellbeing, the consequence of which can impact upon us for years to come if not for lifetimes.
Being willing to express from our vulnerability and not from our reaction is something that is so valuable in life. What you show here Jeanette is that we can’t afford not to express or ask questions, and making assumptions and going into reaction only complicate a situation.
Taking things personally is something most can relate to and it is great that you were willing to go there and discuss it with your colleagues so that you all had the opportunity to learn from the experience. So often we retreat into shame and hiding and it is great that you broke that cycle not just for yourself but for others by your willingness to start the difficult conversation.
‘Ask, don’t assume’ was once a great revelation for me. I was Miss Assumption which would lead to criticize myself, but more often others. When I did stop my assumptions in the moment and asked a question first, I often felt embarrassment – of what I thought was going on and why. Nowadays I just have to laugh at myself when reactions with assumptions pop up. I ask a question or I observe what is really going on and find out it has little to do with me….
‘They all laughed in surprise and someone said, ”No one would EVER not want you to be their nurse!” When we fail to appreciate our awesomeness consistently enough those little voices that like to self-sabotage can very easily come in, which can soon escalate out of all proportion.
Oh its awful what we let run us isn’t it! One little thought becomes a million others and suddenly we are so far from the truth we might as well be in Mars. It is so unloving, that is the clue that it is not on track. A beautiful sharing Jeanette and one everyone can relate to.
I love the honesty in this blog. It is very common to make situations ‘all about me’, grabbing at events and internalise them, when in fact if we were to take a step back, observe, ask the right questions we would get the bigger picture without emotional investment.
What a great story Jeanette that shows the poison of assumption and thereafter the beauty of vulnerability.
Why is it we can get caught up in the negativity of the thoughts that are streaming through us? Where do they come from? If we were to wake up and realise that we are walking around in an unseen pool of energy that has a very negative effect on us as it passes through us we might just exert ourselves enough to free ourselves of the stranglehold it currently has over us all.
Reading this article I can feel how important it is that we express honestly what we are feeling. When I have done this I have noticed is that this the allows for openness, connection and support with others.
Jeanette, I love that you have written about this. I have certainly jumped to conclusions and thought that I have done something wrong and gone into self-doubt, rater than simply find out what has happened and why. It is very beautiful that this discussion was started in your workplace.
This is a great sharing Jeanette thank you, incidents like this do show us how we get caught up in wanting to be liked and seen as being good in whatever capacity we believe ‘good ‘ to be.
What a great example of how we can screw ourselves up inside with negative thoughts and all along there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sure everyone can relate to doing this from time to time.
A beautiful example of not creating a new layer of hurt by being open and asking the question so that it could clear.
Great example Jeanette, of how we can turn a molehill into a mountain by carrying about old undealt with hurts.
When we allow ourselves to get painted into a corner and our world closes down, our mind becomes a movie being played in fast forward in a loop! All that is required, is for the thing below our nose to open and express, and the reaction disappears.
Thank you for sharing clearly and expansively Jeanette. This kind of situation crops up all the time and doesn’t need to at all! I love how by talking about it as you did it was possible for it to become a learning in different ways for different people and gave a stronger sense of support and openness with your colleagues.