Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response

Recently I fell into a whole selfcreated story around my worth and my competence in relation to my work as a nurse. This happened because I assumed something and reacted.

What happened was that one of the patients that a colleague and I were responsible for was allocated to someone in a different team. My colleague was still involved with this patient but I had been removed. I had returned from days off to find out in a roundabout way the patient was now on the other team’s list, and that my colleague and the other team nurse would be working with her. It all felt a bit ‘hush hush.’

I immediately went into a reaction. But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason. I doubted myself instead. How many of us do this to ourselves?

“What have I done wrong?”

“Why doesn’t the patient want me?”

“Everybody obviously knows about this, how embarrassing.”

I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly. I had taken on ‘wrong,’ ‘not worthy of being a nurse’ and ‘shame of being singled out’ – personas which were definitely NOT me.

I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me. It is astounding the stories we can concoct when we place ourselves in such positions!

It felt terrible. Especially since it is rare now that I do this. I generally stay very solid and connected with me and can feel very clearly whether something is true or not.

I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption. I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.

I knew that the only thing to do was to ask directly and I felt to do this openly with the other nurse, no matter who else might be in the office. It felt like a useful topic to discuss between us all because I knew I was not alone in this experience – it has happened to most of us.

So, the next morning I asked if there was a reason the patient had been moved: “Was there something I had or hadn’t done to upset the patient or the family?” and “If there was, could we talk about it as I would really prefer to know straight up so I can learn from it rather than it being hidden?”

They all laughed in surprise and someone said, ”No one would EVER not want you to be their nurse!”

I shared about my reactions and they said, “You’re not alone there,” and “Isn’t it horrible what we do to ourselves?”

A great discussion around reactions in our work ensued. It was wonderful. I could feel we all felt supported by the fact that I had spoken up and asked the question and that we might all do that more readily if anything similar should arise. It was like we now had permission to be more open about such situations.

It turned out that part of what I had been feeling was true in that something had happened, but it was concerning another nurse who had been assigned to and had had a difficult event occur with the patient while I was away. She had been working together with my colleague to tie up the loose ends to the satisfaction of the patient, her family and themselves.

I had made it ‘all about me.’

I learned a lot:

  • To not assume anything
  • To ask questions or express what is going on for me before letting things get out of hand
  • To remain present and connected with myself as I normally would have, which naturally ensures that I am able to respond to a situation rather than react to it.

I recognised that a past hurt led to this reaction and began taking steps to address that. Why did I need to be accepted and recognised as a ‘good or perfect nurse.’ Aren’t I enough as I am?

And, appreciation for myself was needed for speaking up, even if it had taken a while.

Through this experience and being willing to look at my part in it, I also got to appreciate my awesome colleagues for their openness and honesty and their willingness to go there with the discussion around such reactions.

By Jeanette

Related Reading:
Why are we so reactive?
An intense day?
Reaction versus response

685 thoughts on “Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response

  1. Just goes to show how many times we have reached an incorrect conclusion because of a reaction, assumption and our own perception and taken it a fact rather than challenge it by speaking to others concerned – I have found that in the past I can do this before something has even happened. So, freeing to start to let go and begin to understand how we can observe life and respond to it rather than be caught up in reactions.

    1. Correct, I have often done this as have pretty much all of us, we jump on an idea that suits our agenda, rather than being clear on a situation. Being aware of reaction or response in our life, brings clarity for sure.

  2. The technology for building new buildings is amazing. Near where I work, in three years a large old building was removed down to the four levels underground and seven multi-story buildings, the shortest one is 20 stories and the largest 39, have been completed. But, it still cannot compare to the structures we create around us in an instant from reaction!

    1. I very much like what you illustrate here Steve, the stories, in other words, the world we are creating for us through the many thoughts we have. Abstract and absurd but that is what we do.

  3. This just proves once again that it is so much better to keep things out in the open and not bottle them up. This scenario could have gone on for days, escalating into something out of control that never actually was anything in the first place.

    1. Yes, a very tangible example of how we create stories over stories in our heads and let them determine our everyday life. We are the creators of our own ways.

  4. An example of the self-created roller-coaster that you stepped off, back onto steady ground, by simply being honest with others about what you were feeling.

  5. I love what you shared here Jeanette, so easy to relate to, as yes, reactions are just there for us to buy into, at any opportunity. It’s great to clock it, have a stop, as you did, and check if what we were sure was a fact, is actually true, or just all made up in our own heads. On our own it can be very difficult to move on from something like this, so it is important that we are open to supporting each other with reactions; not making US wrong, but just keeping aware and being open to look deeper into it, check with others involved and get to the truth of the situation.

  6. I love the lessons you learnt here – it always brings true inspiration when someone shares the actual experience of their own learning.

  7. I used to spend my whole life reacting pretty much to everything. Now, I have felt and had the experience of what it is like to not react, but respond instead. The difference is quite remarkable for all concerned.

  8. Our sense of self-worth (or lack of) is a huge governing factor in our lives. What was fascinating for me to feel was that I had always thought that I felt pretty good about myself until I started to get really honest and discovered that many of my behaviours were as a direct result of how shabby I felt about myself. For example always encouraging other people to talk and feeling really uncomfortable talking about myself, helping others at the expense of how I felt and not being able to accept help myself, taking public transport everywhere and never considering myself worthy of getting a car and so the list goes on.

  9. The less I react to situations, the more I appreciate the steadiness in my body and the lack of physical symptoms and emotional turmoil that used to occur as a result of me reacting. Its incredibly liberating to allow another to be ‘in their stuff’, to still offer true support when required, but without getting tangled up in it all.

  10. My reaction is to either shout at someone or walk away and in both cases the emotion is anger. The reason I get angry is my own way of being – not expressing what I need, expecting others to know what I need and do what I want even though I haven’t expressed it – ‘but he should KNOW’ kind of thing. If we don’t express, people don’t know, and if we don’t ask we will never learn. Expression is such a huge part of our lives and we are generally not very good at it. When I am angry it’s too late, I cannot express tenderly when I am angry, so I walk away, calm down and then I can speak, but it can take hours or even days so that is not a recommended way to be.

  11. It’s not easy to let go of our addiction to reactions, I think it’s something to do with a feeling we are entitled to our reactions, like a right to entitlement – all bosh of course.

    1. I agree Ariana, it is interesting feeling we are ‘entitled’ to our reactions. It is like I was frustrated earlier at something I could not change and all that getting frustrated did was to wind me up more and somehow I was justifying to myself it was ok yet it achieved absolutely nothing!

  12. The moment we make ourselves small we have lost ourselves. Self doubt destroys. Even if we feel that we doubted ourselves and held back this is ok – accept it, learn from it and let it go immediately for it has no place in our body as it is not who we are.

  13. When we open up and are not afraid to show our weaknesses we not only allow others to explore the same but too we will connect with our strength that is far grander then any weakness we may be confronted with.

  14. Thank you Jeanette, many will relate to what you share, we’ve all been there! The mind is lethal if we allow it to get out of control and hold sway over us. This blog supports us to see in technicolour how bad it can get and potential consequences, if left unchecked. You show that when we pause and reflect we’re given space to see the full and true picture and choose to bring ourselves back.

  15. Reactions are God’s way of bringing us new awareness. So long as we observe what we feel and why, they offer us a bridge to more deeply understanding ourselves and others.

  16. Wise words shared here Jeanette. Reactions, assumptions and holding back our expression are killers of true communication.
    “I learned a lot:
    To not assume anything
    To ask questions or express what is going on for me before letting things get out of hand
    To remain present and connected with myself as I normally would have, which naturally ensures that I am able to respond to a situation rather than react to it”.

    1. Assumptions to me are killers as you can walk with these for days and at the end to find out that they were completely false and only served to make you feel less.

    2. I’m great at clocking when others are making assumptions, but not nearly as aware when I am making my own assumptions. I now realise that even with this constant reflection I’ve been resisting taking responsibility myself. Loving the deeper awareness, thank you, Jeanette.

  17. So through our own expectations we have a reaction to them not being met but in doing so we also miss the truth of the situations in front of us.

    1. And the fun too! Life is so much grander and filled with laughter when not oppressed with our own expectations and pictures.

    2. Absolutely – we are missing out on the wisdom being shared with us because we’ve limited our view to fit a picture, which will never be met, because it’s not true. We are restricting ourselves to exist in a box when heaven is all around us.

  18. It is great to observe why we go to that place where we think that we must have done something wrong. We can question ourselves so much when it’s actually nothing to do with us, so pausing and feeling what is happening stops the reactions and allows the responses.

  19. In the reaction, you speak of, Jeanette it can be easy to become more paranoid that others are against you. We can let our mind run epic scenarios about all kinds of stories that magnify the original reaction into deep insecurity. We need to be taught in school the whole topic of reaction and being responsive to situations. How much more prepared would we then be to live life!

    1. Precisely rachelmurtagh1. When I look back on the times I have reacted in any way, paranoia stepped in and took a firm hold of the reins the instant I abandoned them. From thereon it was a wild and painful ride, out of control and never pleasant.
      If the topic of reaction and being responsive to situations were taught in schools, before anything else were even contemplated, life could be very different. With the understanding there would be clarity, honesty, simplicity and basic respect for one another. We would be more ‘fit for life’ and also much more appreciative. With honesty and transparency trust can be built.

      1. As soon as we react we do ‘abandon’ ourselves, but it could be fair to say that mostly we only know ourselves from this place. I know for me this was certainly true, lost, unsure and insecure it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and found out what it is truly like to be in connection with myself that I knew being lost, unsure and insecure was not the real me. The two worlds of abandoning myself and being in connection to myself are worlds apart and whilst I am not able to maintain full consistency with connection yet, I would say that the times I am, now out weigh the times I am not. This to me feels amazing.

    2. I very much agree Rachel – it would make an immense difference if we taught children the simple difference between response and reaction as well as learning to see the whole, the bigger picture, that we are all part of, as opposed to taking things personally.

    3. And, it’s important to be aware that when we are entertaining these conspiracy stories or whatever they may be, we are treating those around us differently as we’ve allowed ourselves to be affected by untrue stories, which will be reflected in our movements and how we talk with everyone, everything will be felt.

      1. Gosh, yes. This is so true Alison! I know when I have concocted a conspiracy story how I am in reaction to others around me who don’t deserve it. They definitely feel something is up and can ask… “have I done anything to upset you?”

  20. I heard somewhere long ago that ‘assume’ could be translated as “making an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me'” … and this is often the case – our assumptions end up making us look ‘silly’ because they develop into a story that just isn’t true.

  21. Reactions from our thoughts can dig us deeper and deeper into a shrinking muddle and it can leave us feeling depleted and giving up on our commitment to life. As a self-destructive mechanism it can be very successful and it pays for us to be vigilant and stay connected to our innermost because it feels like an uphill struggle sometimes whereas a few gentle breaths is all it needs to re-align.

  22. If we were all able to pan back and see life as it truly is, then we would realise that there is actually no such thing as individuality, we are in fact a united whole. Therefore anything that points to us as individuals can’t have its roots in truth.

  23. Great story and good lessons. For me, communication is key – it’s the gateway to connection and can unpick the perceived (and real) tricky situations.

  24. Self-worth and appreciation come as a package with a humbleness that is all about our divine connection to our essence, esoteric or inner-most all being one in the same. So our deep-humble-appreciative-ness is all about the energy we are connected to and that essence is full of a lived joy that makes our day worth while or looked forward to.

  25. It was great that you addressed the situation before letting it run for longer, it is so easy for us to let our minds run away with us in situations like this unless we express openly what is going on. I have been down the same path many time often to find it was a story of my own concoction or like you having some truth in it that needed to be exposed and sorted.

  26. No wonder feelings of instability come in when we make situations about ‘our self’ – to do so we have to dis-connect from the ‘All’ that we are a part of, we become like a rudderless ship, lost at sea, bobbing around in the darkness as we dim our light. We think we are alone, when in fact we are actively choosing to shut ourselves off from those around us.

  27. I hate the energy that twists our thoughts and feeds us untrue stories as ‘supposed’ proof and justification as to why we are failing to meet the picture that we ‘think we should be meeting’, when in truth we are already divine with absolutely nothing missing other than our choice to re-connect to this knowing within and live our truth to the best of our ability.

  28. Reactions versus love what a difference appreciation makes as does not making every thing about oneself and being able to simply observe and appreciate all.

  29. This could have happened to anyone and it is inspiring how maturely and ‘out in the open’ you handled it. It is incredible how much unnecessary torture we can put ourselves through with assumptions, instead of just speaking up to clear any miscommunications.

    1. This is so true Fiona … our assumptions play on our minds constantly until they are expressed, creating all manner of complications, when it is so much simpler to express what is needed at the time.

    2. It is, particularly if we acknowledge that we actually do this over and over again. Each time we may be equally as incredulous as the last, as to how we could even entertain the thoughts that we did, which are so very clearly untrue …. yet we continue to do this. The more we move in appreciation of the truth of who we are the less space there is for these thoughts of self-doubt to creep in.

  30. When we let our mind jump ahead and are focussed on ourselves we can imagine all sorts of wrongdoing towards ourselves and there we are trapped in a prison of our own making.

  31. This statement is so familiar: “I immediately went into a reaction. But I didn’t share this or ask any questions to find out the reason.” And what has really got my attention is the second part. If we want to resolve any situation it is obvious that we need to seek greater awareness and understanding of what is at play. Interesting that reaction and the lack of a true desire to gain a deeper understanding go hand in hand. In fact it seems the choice of closing down and battening down the hatches has happened even before we register the reaction.

  32. How immediately we make every situation about our selves and fail to see that every situation is a product of many people’s choices and that there are other people to consider and appreciate aside from our selves.

  33. Jeanette, how quickly you showed how we go into reaction, when simply we were going about our day and then bingo, we have lost the love that we are, there and then. You have given me again the constant reminder to ask what is going on here, instead of going into my head about some story that may fit the situation. A beautiful blog to read on the expression of expression with self-love.

  34. ‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ How often do we do this – in fact it is automatic when we are in reaction. When we make it about responding to a situation, it becomes about everyone.

  35. Maybe we could have a badge we wear on our selves along with our Inner-heart that simply will say ‘TRANSPARENCY’ so we are always asking the questions before any internal-rhetoric has a chance to distract us?

  36. Reactions have the effect of undermining our self worth and self esteem … whereas responding to situations builds our confidence, trust and faith in ourselves and in others.

    1. Spot on Paula, it is that simple. When we react we undermine ourselves and others however when we respond we building ourselves and others. Would love to see you comment on Billboards around the world.

  37. We can easily misunderstand because there are times when people do wish us harm but they are making it as difficult as possible for us to discern their actions against us so it makes sense if we then have an overly developed radar for such situations.

  38. When I have been in a situation which has triggered a reaction in me, I can feel all the words I want to say build up inside of me, but there is no way I can get them out; they stay stuck. And as long as I stay in that reaction those unspoken words go around and around, building a bigger and most uncomfortable tension in my body. Learning to respond and not to react is a continual work in progress, but to get those words out of my head and to be able to lovingly express them is absolutely worth the commitment.

  39. ‘I had made it ‘all about me.’’ – A great expose Jeanette – this is a very common way to respond in situations, we have learnt to make it about ourselves rather than understanding that we are part of a whole and make that the focus.

    1. Agreed when we do this there is but no choice to react but then we realise it’s not about us and very often has nothing to do with anything we’ve done and hence when we give space we are free to deal with what is in front of us.

  40. No one is ever wrong. We are not bad and we are not sinners. We may not always act as such but that NEVER changes the underlying truth of the fact.

  41. It is so interesting how when we start thinking and live the head, the mind creates such stories that put us off track and send us up dead ends to distract us from what we know in the body, when all along, we were living in a great flow. Great that you caught it and called it out Jeanette.

  42. when you think about it, it is really silly that we have these internal conversations and reactions and not being open about what happens and how we feel. it has been a process for me to learn this, as it requires a sense of self-honesty but much more so an understanding of not being wrong and being here to learn. If we learn to not have to ‘get it right’ or ‘be good’ etc which restricts and imprisons our true expression, then we can learn to explore all the falseness and ideals we have taken on and let them go. Openly talking about what we feel and what happens and clear so much with more often then not an unexpected ease.

    1. I agree Carolien and if we all took that stance together then it would go an awful long way to ruling out comparison and competition because we would understand that in truth there is no wrong or right and that we are all in this together, supporting one another to return to the beginning again.

    1. Taking thing personally pulls us straight back to ‘self’ again, where we feel lost, alone and alarmingly open to believing stories that simply are not true.

  43. Relying on assumptions often results in a degrading of a situation. Far better to express how we feel and ask pertinent questions. Then everyone can feel the clarity and move forward.

  44. It is amazing how we instantly and automatically think there is something wrong with us and spiral downwards in the lack of self worth. I know this behaviour only too well but what I am learning to live by is that there can never be something wrong with us even if we know we are holding back on expressing what is true for our well being and that of others. Each and every one of us is a student of life learning what we are to master in this life time and it may be very different to the person next to us.

    1. Indeed Steve! Since lack of self-worth is such an endemic problem, self-doubt is easy to go into when another is in the midst of a reaction as we try to shy away from the effect of it, rather than read it for what it is.

  45. When we make an assumption and run with a story we project, even a simplest communication feels like an impossibility – because we somehow know it would open up space and very likely go against the story we have concocted.

    1. And we can at any time stop reacting and find out what the true situation is, especially when we realise that we are not in immediate danger.

  46. “It all felt a bit ‘hush hush.” The classic kind of atmosphere that can, if we have not established a strong knowing of who we are, so easily make us assume it must be us that has caused the hush. When we are able to observe the situation and read the hidden nuances, we get to see beyond our noses and understand the real reasons behind the hush.

  47. I had something similar happen just recently, thinking a friend wasn’t replying to me because of something I did. Even saying it now I can see how irrational it was. And how much it gets in the way of communicating and sensing what is going on. Could it be that we like to fall into the doubt so that we are not completely connected and bring our all?

    1. Great question, Aimee ….. does doubt provide us with the justification as to why we ‘can’t’ bring our all – great excuse not to step up and take responsibility.

  48. Recently I was at the receiving end of a reaction and at first I was a bit taken back ,though as I let myself feel and truly observe what was going on for the person it made sense and I could understand that it was in no way personal to me.

  49. Sometimes it is really hard not to react, it’s like whatever the situation they know exactly what buttons to push and if you’re not feeling connected and steady they’ve got you. Learning to respond is definitely a process and I have found that I can only do this when I am connecting to my essence within and I can read what is needed and how to respond.

  50. Self-doubt is an insidious way of undermining ourselves, creating complication and undue stress. When we stay steady within ourselves, nothing can disturb our foundation.

  51. Our assumptions are usually based on the lens or perspective that we see life through and our previous experiences, and can be quite limiting.

  52. It is so fascinating to observe how we can turn our movements from one being in service to one being self-abusive. I too include myself here. The fact is we do read and can sense changes that occur around us all the time and often there is a call for us to step up into more power. But if we are not in full appreciation of who we are, the love we align to and live guided by, of our purpose and the quality in which we live and work in we essentially disconnect from our all-knowing of what is needed next in response, and allow the space to be filled and flooded with reaction and all that is not love which specifically targets our strengths with self-doubt and self-critical talk which is abuse. As you have shared it is empowering to be open to the honesty in our bodies as therein is the wisdom in every moment as to whether we are honouring what is true.

  53. Space feels so relevant here as the more space we allow the more opportunity to observe and feel what is happening and then to respond with a deeper understanding.

  54. Super powerful example of how the thoughts we have affect the way we move “I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly. I had taken on ‘wrong,’ ‘not worthy of being a nurse’ and ‘shame of being singled out’”

  55. “I eventually came to my senses and realised I had totally abandoned myself because of an assumption.” It’s such a great topic, since reading your blog I’ve become more aware of what assumptions feel like, and there is definitely a sense of something not feeling clear or true about the energy of an assumption when I’m in it. There is definitely a story like quality in assumptions because when I read a situation I feel the truth and know it with my whole body, but an assumption is whirling around in the mind only.

    1. There is a settlement that is felt in the body with the truth, whereas, with assumptions we are second guessing, and this uncertainty can create anxiety. Because things are unclear, it’s easy to assume things are far worse than they actually are.

  56. The great thing about your reaction and then you asking for clarity about the situation was that it opened up a conversation that everyone benefited from and expanded everyone’s understanding and learning how we can all feel quite vulnerable at times.

    1. Yes Gill, very true. I am beginning to ‘get it’ more, the fact that vulnerability isn’t a bad thing, it actually opens the way for everyone to feel safe enough to be vulnerable too when we allow ourselves to feel and express it. Physically to me, when I allow that, I feel no constriction or pressure across my heart area, its as if it expands and I can breathe more easily. It feels warm and inclusive.

    2. Yes, being open to express vulnerability can lead to more understanding all round. I was taught to ‘act strong’, but when I am more open about how I’m feeling the situation can change. We are more alike than we give credit for.

    3. So true Gill. It’s a real light bulb moment when we realise that it’s not all about us, but that any realisation we have, like the one Jeanette had, will always be one that so many others can relate to. So, to be able to express how we are feeling in a situation like this will serve to offer others the opportunity to share their experience as well. The healing power of the ripple effect in action.

  57. Making assumptions rather than simply taking a moment to speak to someone to find out what is going on can be so fruitless, and often very damaging or hurtful for everyone involved.

  58. It is very horrible the lengths we go to to abuse ourselves. Seeing the reflection of abuse another does to themselves really does make me stop and question the abuse, even if it is minor, I do to myself and the impact this has not just to myself but on everyone.

      1. That’s a brilliant saying and it is so true. I’ve gotten myself into all sorts of complicated situations due to making assumptions.

  59. It is great you were able to see this ‘I saw that I had an investment in people liking me, in needing to be seen to be ‘a good nurse’ and in not making mistakes.’ What I have found is even when we don’t feel like we have things like this within us anymore, when we go deeper and are more honest with ourselves there is a little bit more that is found within us that needs to be cleared.

  60. If we consider the long term effects of taking things personally, these everyday kind of reactions can go on to create an insidious bed of underlying insecurity, stress and resentment that then plays out in many other areas of our lives, not to mention our health.

  61. “Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response” – there’s always valid reason when we don’t make it about ourselves.

  62. ‘I shrank and made myself small. This then began to be reflected back to me rather quickly as I was so affected that I did a couple of things very awkwardly.’ This reaction to life can be the norm and modus operandi for so many of us. Once clocked and arisen out of however it can feel truly awful to find ourselves back there, especially if we are aware that this behaviour really isn’t us at all. Jeanette, in this blog you have busted through the general belief that our behaviours are who we are – as you have shared, we are so much much more than our behaviours would have us sometimes believe.

    1. True, in our society it is common belief that our behaviours are who we are – how different would we relate to each other if we instead connected to ourselves and others in essence. From a place where we all know that we are already all that we need to be, completely irrespective of our behaviours or our identification with them.

    2. It’s odd that we understand that little kids have inappropriate behaviours that do not tarnish ‘who they are’ but we do not afford ourselves the same understanding as adults. We often judge ourselves and each other for behaviours rather than looking deeper to what has triggered the behaviour.

      1. Absolutely Fiona. Generally, as parents, we know that when our toddlers tantrum or our teenagers act out that this is simply a symptom of something they are feeling but not expressing verbally. We held them as babies and know their essence well. In this understanding, it doesn’t make sense that we would not make this same connection to all others since that essence never fades for any of us no matter what is going on for us.

  63. Jeanette, I can feel and have experienced how easily this happens; ‘Recently I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth and my competence in relation to my work.’ Its great that you write about this because it’s supportive to know that other people have had these thoughts and my feeling is that often our lack of self worth and self doubt is not founded – that it is a lack of presence and a lack of appreciation for ourselves and the qaulities that we bring to our workplaces.

    1. Very true, Rebecca, the more we value our selves and all that we bring, these self created stories about what we are NOT, will not be entertained.

  64. What has rejection ever done for us? It fills us with imagined hurts and feeling less! Both of these causes the body to react and contract and over time can cause illness. Breaking this cycle at the beginning by expressing is a way to avoid the spiral of rejection.

  65. ‘I still did not ask what happened or try to resolve the situation straight away, but allowed the feelings of unworthiness to fester and build in me.’ – if a friend shared this situation with us – we may lovingly ask why, why didn’t they simply ask what had happened, rather than immediately ‘thinking’ they had done something wrong to cause this change. Yet, we often don’t apply the same love and consideration to our selves, revealing an attachment that we are holding on to.

  66. Isn’t it interesting how often we immediately go into doubt about ourselves if something goes wrong, or even changes and we find out about it at a later date? But how often do we appreciate or confirm ourselves when things go well, which is more often than not more frequent than when things go wrong?

    1. Yes! Having always had an addictive personality myself it was a big pill to swallow when I was honest with myself about being addictive to reacting / reaction = drama.

    2. Super honest Michael and this applies to me too. I also find my addictions to certain reactions are related to old hurts I have not yet healed. It is great to be super honest and be open to healing on a deeper level.

  67. Jeanette, I love how you were able to talk about this and clear the air – so many times we can just remain silent forever and things stay between us unnecessarily, cluttering and reducing the quality of the relationship with ourselves and with the other.

  68. When we are not with ourselves we can jump to conclusions that are not true, and yet we can swear by this being the case. And then we can feel like fools when we discover things to be otherwise and how we have unnecessarily reacted. But these are all cases we can learn from, for in essence life is a life long school of learning and the more we use this as a means to grow, the more we can truly evolve.

  69. I indeed recognize that I assume something and react and then it shows up to be different. Then I feel awkward, a bit shame too.
    This blog reminds me to be transparent about it when this occurs.

  70. When we are honest with each other there is a feeling of ease that comes into the body which can be felt by all involved. I love how you have described it here and the new-found flow that was between you all when you established what had happened.

  71. I know that if I get stuck in making life all about Me that I have just committed myself to a slippery slope of self indulgence that usually ends up in an argument or similar disruption not to far along the road. Learning how to spot the self-indulgence before tipping into it is an art form, one that can never be practiced enough.

    1. So true, Rowena – there are many opportunities each and every day for us to choose to let go just a little bit more as we deepen our relationship with our selves, considering everyone, rather than just our selves. It’s never about perfection, or getting anywhere, rather a willingness to let go of the control and deepen our connection with our body.

  72. In this case nobody did something actually wrong, it was quite the opposite. But it could also be that we make a mistake. It happens because we are human. Therefore it is so important to build our self worth on knowing, feeling who we are: a beautiful, divine being.

  73. Beautiful sharing Jeanette of how we are offered situations that will highlight an aspect to be cleared out more thoroughly, and regain the greater space and love in our bodies.

    1. These words are Gold Elizabeth for we must value ourselves deeply in order to care deeply for ourselves and support our true wellbeing and by knowing that we are already all that we ever need to be is the ultimate foundation for our true health.

    2. So true Elizabeth and I notice our society doesn’t confirm that we are already enough, we are more often than not bombarded with the message that we are not enough. And, I reckon this affects us on some level especially if we absorb these false messages.

  74. In a conversation recently someone said to me that reactions are part of being human. True to an extent however returning to be being all we are and not just human means learning why we have them and then making different choices.

    1. Reactions are certainly very prevalent in day to day life, however, that’s not to say that there isn’t another way that we can choose to live where we don’t react, rather, we observe with understanding and love, allowing the other person to feel that they too have the opportunity to be more loving.

  75. ‘Recently I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth.’ And yes we can all do the same. The key words here I feel are ‘self–created story’, for we can create all manner of stories to justify low self worth, when this is actually a poison to our body.

  76. It reminds me how convincing the voice inside our head is, and that the truth can be something else all together. Its why communicating is so important, as if we don’t express it and allow other angles of reflection, we can imprison ourselves in a world with no out.

  77. Making anything ‘personal’ is always a great recipe for introducing blind-spots into our ability to see and know what is really going on around us.

    1. Great point Golnaz, personalising life does get into judgement of our-selves and others so easily and once we start to realise we are all in this together it becomes simpler to see what is ‘really going on around us’.

  78. ‘Taking it Personally – Reaction versus Response’, this title says a lot and I can feel how so many times I react and take things personally, rather than reading the situation and what is truly going. It is almost like a default that I would go into self-blame and self-doubt when something happens. Staying present with ourselves and reading and understanding the situation feels key.

  79. There is a world of difference between reacting and responding in situations … reacting creates complications, is isolating and exhausting; responding is simplicity itself and leaves us feeling vital and connected with others. To understand this and to live it (with no perfection) is pure gold.

    1. “There is a world of difference between reacting and responding in situations”, so true Paula and it’s equally true to say that it would be a very different world if we responded rather than reacted.

      1. I agree Alexis … responding brings harmony, truth and integrity to the table which is so very needed in todays world.

      1. A college professor once told the class I was in the meaning of degrees: BS was the easiest, Master of Science was just more of the same and PhD stood for ‘piled higher and deeper. How have we been taught to react, when we have letters after our name, with all the bull we have had to swallow to achieve them?

      2. And BS needs to be placed sparingly as it can cause a reaction that will turns the fertiliser sour and are we all not searching for fertile ground, where Truth becomes to a degree to start with, what is simple to understand?

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