Blowing in the Wind

All my life I have been blowing in the wind, bending this way and that, adapting to my environment, trying to establish a control over all my relationships so that I wouldn’t get hurt. At school when I was teased I pretended I was OK, I was tough, I didn’t need anyone and shut everyone out. I tried to be ‘good’ and not upset any of the teachers.

When I left school and went to University I struggled with the course; it took me four years with re-sits to get the three year degree but I laughed it off and pretended I was having a great time.

When I went into a career, with every job I adapted to what I thought I needed to be at work as an employee, and as a manager.

When I was married I tried to get it right at home as a wife, with friends as a friend and then with the children as a mother.

By the time I got divorced I was miserable and hugely overweight, so I lived on my own for five years and worked on my Livingness, refining the food I ate and slowly the weight dropped off and I was back to my ‘normal’ slim self, thinking I had left my old life behind.

I was thrilled when a new man came into my life and looked forward to our new life together. Only 18 months into the relationship I was back to being overweight and miserable inside. Only 10kgs this time but enough to know that something was still wrong.

On reflection I could see that once again I had given my power away, adapting everything I did to fit in with what I thought was wanted, despite being told to just be myself. Somehow it felt like I couldn’t get anything right and the constant barrage of what I took as criticism slowly wore me down because I silently accepted everything for the sake of the relationship.

The hurt, the pain and the overwhelm I experienced was huge when I realised that I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.

Some of us tolerate abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse and then once we do it is sometimes too late because we have allowed resentment to build up. We then react to everything, which offers little opportunity for a reconciliation because we have let things get so bad it feels like the relationship is beyond repair.

That is how the world is too, on the macro scale. We have let corruption, jealousy, greed, competition and comparison get to such a high level we feel unable to stop it. We are being railroaded by systems that do not truly care for the people they are supposed to be supporting.

Q: How can we prevent more harm happening in the future on the micro as well as the macro scale?

A: By speaking up. By calling out wherever we feel there is abuse and by honouring what we feel in our bodies and expressing it regardless of the outcome.

We have been so conditioned throughout the centuries by abuse, torture and death that somewhere deeply embedded in our psyche is the belief that speaking out is dangerous to our survival so we clam up. Evil continues because we say nothing. This has to stop if the world is going to change.

The world’s change begins with the self when we individually choose to not accept self-abuse and to stop being so accommodating with others, no longer ‘blowing in the wind’ but calling out anything we can feel in our bodies that is not love.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
My understanding of abuse
From self-abuse – to self-care
How to truly express yourself

407 thoughts on “Blowing in the Wind

  1. Being blown away from our stuck-ness as we get close to passing-over and having a remembrance celebration of a persons life, while they are still with us is absolutely setting a True foundation for them to come back to in there next incarnation. As we re-learn to appreciate a person and what they bring in each incarnation as a celebration of life and not being focused on dying and the death process then this is creating the space for them to pass-over in the most Loving way possible for them.

  2. It also feels there could be a certain amount of healthy surrender blowing in the wind however this is from a point of knowing and honouring who you are first, in our expressions and movements.

  3. One day I was walking down the street and realised that all of the relationships i had been in to date were purely based on the fact that the other person liked me. I got a sense of acknowledgement and worth in having a partner, I could relate to other women and talk about our boyfriends, I always had somebody to text about my day, or call to have a chat without it being weird. Although, I have had some very beautiful relationships with men, I can see the falsity and just how much I had put my partners on a pedestal, two, three steps above me. So, we as women want equality and to be treated as equals, yet it is a common trait that we put men above us, we treat them like kings and hold ourselves as their servants, so when they respond to what we offer, we blame them, point the finger and accuse them for being arrogant, ignorant and all else. But the truth is, we set the standards, we allow ourselves to be treated this way and therefore it is our perceptions and behaviours that need to change before we can expect this to happen in any man.

    1. Speak from ideals from the head and it can fall on deaf ears, but when we speak with a genuineness you can’t but help but be engaged by it. Even if it is something the other person doesn’t want to hear, it can still give them pause for consideration in the face of any reaction they may have which they can always come back to.

  4. It’s interesting to observe in myself that I don’t need other people’s views or opinions to blow me off course, just having a busy day in the office can do that. Steadily though I am learning how to come back to feeling which job takes priority and reminding myself I don’t have to do everything all in one day, tactics which all help to keep a steady hand on the tiller.

    1. Yes – very easy to blow ourselves off course with all the beliefs and ideals about how we want our day to pan out. If we are very busy we can often put our tasks ahead of the quality in our bodies and say I’ll take a moment later, which in such cases is often when we get to bed time! Whilst it is much easier to say than do, remaining with our bodies and clocking our connection can be in short moments throughout the day that support with this steadiness along with an ability to call the day complete even if there are tasks outstanding (I am still working on this one).

  5. This very much exposes how we need to deal with our issues before moving on to whatever is next, otherwise the same issues come with us and arise in the next situation. Once we truly heal an issue it no longer follows us.

  6. We learn that it is ok or even natural to be taken by life where it is taking us to, but we have all experienced how that feels and that it is not a very steady way of living. To live by our inner truth and make that our daily marker brings a steadiness that has us stand tall in a world where chaos and disharmony reigns and this then will become a marker for all; that there is another way to live in this world, a way of living that has true love and deep care at its anchor and core.

  7. When we claim our truth and that truth is the truth, I find that I am far less rigid, far more open and part of society as a whole. It’s the difference that I feel each and every day that counts so much.

  8. There are many things in life that generate the wind that blows us off track. Emotions, drama, holding up pictures which we then try and calibrate to, beliefs that we take on unquestionably, which in turn get us acting and thinking in a way which is not true, food and drink choices, entertainment, zoning out with technology, sport etc. But what all of these things have in common is that they disrupt and interfere with our connection to our bodies. It is our connection to our bodies that supports us to steer a steady course through whatever life presents us with.

  9. I used to put up with things and then, when the resentment and hurt got so much, I exploded. It’s like I was afraid of being rejected or judged for saying anything and then, when I did explode, the relationship suffered. Both ways I avoided intimacy. I didn’t give the person a chance to feel who I was or care for me.

    1. This is such an honest revelation and one that we can all learn from. I can relate to the lack of worth that means we are afraid to express honestly what we feel and that we settle for compromises consistently that don’t feel true. I used to convince myself, perhaps not in so many words, that what I settled for was what I deserved. Yes, that explosion too is the fall out of not expressing in the moment. Over time I have realised that my increasing foundation of self worth has supported me to express much more honestly in the moment which has resulted in a much more seamless and even life.

      1. When we express what is there to be expressed at the time, we can freely move on. Holding on to something by not expressing leaves us in that energy until it is expressed creating a great deal of tension along the way.

    2. This is an important aspect you address here, that when we do not express we do not allow another to see who we truly are, what is going on, and thus shutting them and the world out. We do not allow for the natural care that lives within us to be there and in expression.

  10. “The world’s change begins with the self when we individually choose to not accept self-abuse and to stop being so accommodating with others…” Learning to say no – to ourselves and to others – a sea change in how to live a life of quality.

    1. Learning to say no I think is one of the most self loving things we can do. Not getting caught up in sympathy and not compromising ourselves to please, we can support ourselves far more than we know. When we are strong we actually support others so much more and in ways that are much more true.

  11. It took me a long time, and much introspection, to see that for most of my life, especially in relationships, I had accepted “abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse”. I could give myself a hard time for not recognising what was actually abuse, but I can see that I simply accepted certain behaviours from others as normal. But it was not until I began to bring an honest look at the often abusive way I had been treating myself, that the truth of what abuse truly was, was exposed, and in the process I was continually amazed as how much abuse there had been in my life.

    1. Yes and it’s the expressing with love bit that’s so important too. If we express in a hard and unloving manner it can set up reactions all round. Honouring what we feel is so important.

  12. ‘When I was married I tried to get it right at home as a wife, with friends as a friend and then with the children as a mother.’ so many ways in which we seek to get it right based on things which we believe or think are the ideal ways to be so much to our own cost.

  13. Yesterday, I had a goldfish day where my mind was blowing in the wind, feeling into why I concluded that the body was telling me to slow down and except a bit of repose into my life.

  14. How common is it for us to pretend that everything is OK when it is not, and to just soldier on and bottle things up? I am certainly familiar with this and used to do it all the time. Now thankfully I have learned that this does not serve me at all. And so once again, though it still happens to me to bottle things up, I have learned to express things – either speak to another about what I am feeling, write in a journal or in some way move or walk with myself in a way that allows me to feel what I am feeling and do what is needed in order to acknowledge any hurts or issues and hold myself lovingly around this.

    1. Hear hear Henrietta, bottling things up I have practiced all my life and it has never worked for me once. I am learning to express but it is hard once I reach for the withdrawing and bottling up card, but I have seen the light that expressing is where the answer lies.

  15. I too have allowed myself to be ‘swept around’ by things around me, not really holding myself steady in life. But once we realise how we have been living and learn to be flexible and maleable in and with the wind and yet hold our steadiness then life begins to take on a different experience. It is easy to be affected by the things around us, to let ourselves be swayed by what we hear and see around us especially IF we do not hold a steady connection and anchor deep within. And this is a life long work in progress that we are all here to learn and deepen.

    1. I have found that letting go of my hurts, especially the deep rooted ones have really supported me to build that foundation of connection and settlement. The more i have let go the more I have been supported by my body in this steadiness. It really is incredible that you don’t have to try. The more clear the body is the less emotional and the more steady you become.

  16. ‘Blowing in the wind’ is a great analogy for the chaos we as a humanity create every day – what if we were to breathe our own breath and bring stillness to our everyday, how different the world would be then.

  17. By wanting to be accepted and ultimately to get recognition I have – and sometimes still do – let things pass or play nice. And if you’re like me you know deep down it doesn’t feel right. Like you’re sacrificing how you really feel for the sake of being ‘safe’.

  18. It has taken a long time for me to start to realise just how abusive it is, and not just to myself, but also to others, when I keep bending to please others (which I tell myself is to make it easy on the other person, but really it is an attempt to make it easy on myself and deeply manipulating). The truth is that by choosing to not offer my full expression I am cheating everyone – myself as well as others. Even if the person does not like what I reflect and reacts, they still deserve the best that I have access to.

  19. Oh my I can so relate, I have been blowing in the wind in many situations in my life, especially growing up, I was very flexible to the needs of other – forgetting myself in all of it.
    Not now though, now a days I am a lot more knowing of myself and have the confidence to stand strong in what is true for me.

  20. When we have a solid foundation of knowing who we truly are, then we can hold ourselves steady, no matter what force is coming at us.

    1. Spot on Paula, and just because we might be on occasion swayed or even knocked off this foundation, does not mean we cannot climb back on again, and each experience offers us an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and any potential areas of growth (which really is an endless experience).

  21. The power of expressing how we feel is not to be underestimated for in this we get to know our self and can begin to explore and unfold more of who we are and let go of who we are not.

    1. There are children today that are being raised to embrace what we are all born with and have no fear or trepidation of expressing what lies within which is the truth and love.

    1. I agree Michael and having had a strict upbringing from ‘the children should be seen and not heard’ era it took me years to learn how to speak up, and even now I have to watch I don’t slip back into old patterns. Encouraging children to have a voice and ask their opinions on things goes a long way to having mature and confident adults.

  22. Until we know who we truly are, and stand solidly in that knowing, we will always be swayed by whatever wind is passing by.

  23. We learn to conform, adapt and fit in, which in itself is maybe not a bad thing, but we have created a world where we live by pictures and beliefs and that what is innately ours is not honoured nor lived. To return to our natural way of living we have to tune in with ourselves, every single one of us, and live by the deepest truth we know, which then can be deepened with every step more.

  24. It is astonishing and very interesting what we put up with or accept for the sake of keeping a relationship functioning or what we believe to be intact. But what is the quality of the relationship if we tolerate abuse from others so that they don’t leave us or get angry or stop talking to us etc? And what is the real effect on our physical and emotional health when we compromise in this way?

    1. It is absolutely astonishing Andrew, but it is exactly what I did. I grew up with the reflection from those around me, continually saying that to keep a relationship going you had to compromise; so compromise I did, for way too long. And I can say without doubt, that my health, on all levels, suffered immensely.

  25. You may have been indoctrinated as a child, to appease and please others, as I was, but there comes a time when we consider why it is that we bend and blow in the wind for everyone else, and don’t stand our own ground. When we stop and feel it in the body, we know the direction to follow.

    1. “… there comes a time when we consider why it is that we bend and blow in the wind for everyone else…” so true Gill – there always seems to be a time in everyones lives when we re-set, and its usually triggered by our bodies bringing us to a stop eg exhaustion, or a major event occurs (to us or to another) that makes us re-assess our lives.

  26. ‘…and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.’ such a huge lesson in learning of what manifests when we live less than all of ourselves according to our awareness.

  27. We set ourselves up when we make our lives about being good, looking for approval or recognition and believing we are the labels placed on us. Our body communicates what is going on and we have the choice to listen or reject its offerings. It is simple when we stop and know we are already enough and if we choose to live the love we already are then everyone and everything benefits.

  28. Part of feeling able to sleep well at night is when I feel my day is complete – and this really only comes about when I feel that I have expressed what was needed in the day. Of course this is a work in progress of learning what and how much to express and in what way, but essentially if there is something that remains un-expressed or in-complete as I call it, even just nominating this fact, helps to complete it till such time that I can address the situation at hand again and give this another go. This is all a means of being able to support the microcosm in its expression so that then we can bring more harmony to the macrocosm and its expression.

  29. “The world’s change begins with the self” – this is a key sentence that reveals that for any true change, we must first be open and willing to allow that change from within. But there is more to this than just allowing change for it is not just about any kind of change – it is about a connection to our deepest essence that than allows the rest to unfold in its natural way, not ever in a way that is unnatural or requiring masses of effort. For it is all about the source of energy that determines whether the change is true and lasting or not.

    1. A great question Steve. Why do we wait so long before we ask for help? We make life hard but it need not be that way. We are not alone here, we are many, many to help and work together with.

      1. Our pride runs very deep, does’t it? It doesn’t make sense that we would wait for the end game before becoming humble, but sometimes it is only disaster than can get us over the hurdle of deeply seated pride.

    2. A great question to ask Steve … why do we leave things until we are desperate when there are so many others constantly around us to ask for support – we are never alone unless we believe we are. And why not make changes when things start to go pear-shaped rather than when they have become a squashed pear?!

  30. Thank you Anonymous, I could have kept reading. I have recently realised how much self abuse and self neglect I live in, still anchored by the belief that doing for others feels good, but not for myself. I can see how the feeling good by helping another is really just a temporary relief from not living in a self loving way (ironic, isn’t it?). The truth is my doing for others doesn’t come with the quality of love because I’m not living love first for myself in my foundation.

    1. The less that love was my foundation the more I was compelled to do for others but as love becomes more and more of a foundation for me the more that I can feel that I am doing for others by simply being myself.

  31. We are at the mercy of life when we allow it to control our lives. When we hold ourselves steady in the knowing of who we are we have a solid foundation to go out into the world, be a part of it but not affected by it.

  32. ‘I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.’ – it’s amazing how relentlessly we can repeat the same pattern over and over again, we would rather abuse our selves in this way than re-connect and trust in the truth of who we are. Instead we trick ourselves into ‘thinking’ that this is protection, we’re saving ourselves from being hurt again, but the opposite is true, we are deeply hurting ourselves, more than we can ever imagine. The only way out of this abusive cycle is love – to deepen our love for our selves, express our truth trusting in our own amazingness and accept others as they are, holding them deeply in our love.

  33. ‘ Evil continues because we say nothing. This has to stop if the world is going to change.’ We have allowed ourselves to be caught in a vicious cycle of thinking we’ve let the world get out of harmony too far and cannot stop it for fear of repercussions to ourselves and our families so we say nothing and the state of the world becomes increasingly abusive. But, at some point, we have to make a stand. Saying nothing incurs such evil that saying something is preferrable. What if saying something is always preferable? We won’t then be living with the painful knowing we are enabling evil to reign, and engaging in the abusive ways of trying to rub this awareness out of our awareness

  34. “… but I laughed it off and pretended I was having a great time.” What a massive disservice we do our selves and one another when we hide the struggle and pain we are experiencing, as it then allows the disharmony to devolve into abuse and in the process our true marker of how loving and honest life should really be becomes totally submerged.

    1. Pretending that I wasn’t hurt by something was as equally damaging to myself and to the person/group that I was being hurt by. Not expressing what hurts us, enables the ill action to continue.

    2. Pretending only encourages abuse to continue. Honesty brings a reality check that is supportive for everyone.

  35. The word trying comes to mind, especially to match a picture held in our heads. Relationships are rarely lived spaciously in the here and now, we’ve already capped them by racing into the future. Allowing them to deepen and unfold naturally comes from a place within ourselves where we are steady and ever evolving.

  36. We live in a system that is set up to not care for people, but those systems were set up by people. I witness this so regularly, we are so wrapped up in our issues, our dilemmas and hurts that we are losing the will to do our everyday job. We no longer do our jobs properly simply because we are way too focussed on ourselves, and our lack of consideration for others stops us from realising that our behaviours actually have an impact. The person who answers their emails in a rush and frustration because they’re getting too many of them, or the person in customer service who is just looking to pass you onto somebody else… all of these behaviours are creating a society where we don’t trust one another even the slightest.

    1. So true Viktoria, and to be on the receiving end of this lack of care may confirm to us that we are not worthy of care, we feel the hurt, contract a little bit more and tell ourselves that we have to look after ourselves in this loveless world, leading us to be even more focussed on our selves to the exclusion of others, who don’t care about us anyway ….. and so the cycle continues. Or, we can buck the system and be the love that we are, enjoying caring for those around us, as we deeply care for ourselves and reflect that there is another way to live that reflects the truth of how we all want to live together, honouring the divinity of who we are.

  37. ‘The hurt, the pain and the overwhelm I experienced was huge when I realised that I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.’ There is a lot of comfort in giving our power away but there is usually a price to pay for it – a lack of evolution and a huge stagnation. The wake up call is sometimes not pretty. The lesson you are sharing here is so incredibly pertinent for all of us. Simply allowing ourselves to be all that we are in every moment allows each relationship to deepen rather than using it as a place to hide and retreat from our power.

    1. Michelle what you share is very pertinent to me. It is some time since I have chosen to act in a pleasing way with others in order to lesson potential attacks but having started a new job recently I have felt the pull to go into old ways of being, a sort of ingratiating niceness. And I can feel clearly how it stunts both me and the person I’m engaged with.

      1. I am sure this is very common and it is so important we bring understanding to ourselves in situations like these. When we realise that our blocks to being ourselves in full are simply filters we put up because of our hurts then it makes it easier to deal with our hurts objectively and let them go. Sometimes the hurts run very deep and we are not even aware that we are carrying them, but over time under the blessing of cycles we come round to the same point again and again where we are offered awareness and healing. When we have gone around enough times we miraculously get to the point where not only are we able to nominate the awareness that something is amiss, we are ready to go there and feel the hurt that precipitated the behaviour. When we finally let it go we can look back in appreciation to all those moments that allowed us in awareness to chip away at it until we got to the core of the issue. No matter how much we try we cannot force the issue and clear it. I have learned that it is only when I am truly ready can I deal with those deep seated issues, so it is important to give the issue space in the appreciation that everything constellates the way it does so that we can heal it. In doing so we bring more of who we are to humanity. With this in mind we are healing not just for ourselves but for all.

      2. Michelle thank you so much for expanding the topic further. You have laid the process out very clearly and enabled me to connect with the fact that my ‘ingratiating niceness’ began at school when I was attempting to lessen the verbal attacks I was getting from other girls. Your words have really helped me to understand the behaviour more. Thank you.

  38. ‘….adapting to my environment, trying to establish a control over all my relationships so that I wouldn’t get hurt.’ The path of surrendering any need to control life in any way frees us from so much stress in trying to make it a certain way and lets a greater intelligence come to the fore.

    1. To me one of the most responsible things we can do is heal our hurts. Without any hurts to protect we are more accepting, open and transparent with others; much more at ease with life and ourselves we no longer impose on others or try to hide who we are.

  39. Blowing this way and that by whatever breeze is coming our way, we lose touch with our own truth and what supports us to be able to live that truth, allowing ourselves to be a puppet for different winds to work through us, rather than being true to who we are. The world is crying out for us all to re-connect within and stay steady to what feels true for us, this is the only way we can regain a true way of being together that honours the divinity of who we all are.

  40. The wind is our own creation – when we stand steady in who we are, everything else is a breeze that simply passes by.

  41. “Some of us tolerate abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse.” Yep been there and got the T-shirt and forever thankful that in meeting Universal Medicine, I have the opportunity to re-assess my standards and begin to raise them to a new marker, one of unconditional respect, a quality that at present is not that abundant in the world but one that everyone is entitled to receive.

  42. ‘… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.’ The space we leave when we contract and do not express ourselves in full will be taken by an expression of something which is not true which then manifests itself in our life. We totally underestimate the owner of expression.

  43. When we allow ourselves to be blown by the wind we are contributing to the world being as it is, change happens when we accept that change is needed and following what everyone else is doing is not the answer. As you say speaking up and allowing truth to be expressed regardless of what may come at us is the way to bring about change.

  44. More recently I have appreciated that when I stop and really pay attention to what my body is feeling to do, the more I naturally synchronise my decisions and actions with my partner and/or my work colleagues, as I connect into an inner wisdom that is innately in tune with my fellow beings. This alleviates a lot of stress in attempting to fit in, please others and actively anticipate the next move, when all that is needed is to become obedient to the next leading impulse.

    1. I love this Rowena. I was at a sound group the other evening and as we were toning I found myself simply observing the impulses that came from my body. I had no idea what tonal range my voice would produce with each new out breath but with each one the tone would be different and they fitted in perfectly with what everyone else was doing, supporting the whole group. When we get ourselves out of the way (and without thinking) we can follow the impulses that come through without attachment to them or investment in outcomes, which allows us to observe more – deepening awareness.

      1. The over commercialisation of Christmas is obscene and exploitative. To be able to stand apart from it all, see it for what it is, and choose a truer way brings, stillness to the season.

    1. Indeed Ariana … a new year and a new way of being in the world, breathing our own breath and holding steady in the truth of who we innately are.

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