No More Pedestal

Living life in a world that challenges me on every level to not react to what I see and feel, but instead to observe and respond, was not something I did well in my teenage years, or for many years after that in actual fact. Reaction was my go-to response, a response I did well, often in many ways leading to more conflict, unsettlement and tension than I had originally felt. The awkwardness in my body constantly left me in a drive, a momentum that moved me from one task, emotion or issue to another; a fantastic and well master-minded delay from feeling what was really going on in my body.

Then came a focus on my choices, how I responded to situations and the way I expressed and moved myself, a slow and at times uphill battle, one that was too often left by the wayside to instead ‘do’ life, and do life I did, very well most of the time. But in doing life well, I misplaced the quality of being in how I did it. My life was all about ticking the boxes, keeping up appearances, looking great, working, raising a family, keeping a house, always being there for others, all the while attempting to live up to my unreal standards and expectations – standards that were not based on self-love or self-care that would have supported the quality in which I was living.

Over time, with a focus on and awareness of my attitude to life, my reactions lessened… or so I thought. But instead, my outward and often harsh reactions had become internalised, not expressed but bottled up, adding to the already enormous amount of tension I was feeling.

This tension I felt never left. I added to it, attempting to ignore it, but no matter what, there was always a constant struggle against myself. I was so busy doing life, ticking the boxes, striving for perfection through control, I had not allowed myself to remain connected to my own body, honouring how it needed to move and be. I held a whole gallery of pictures inside me that supported my focus on what I thought I should be or be doing, rather than allowing me to simply be or move from what I was feeling.

My reactions were not directed at anyone, anything or any place, although they were a great distraction at the time: they were from my own unsettlement, not allowing myself to be all of me by moving with a flow and ease, connecting to and appreciating who I was just by being me. There was no allowing or understanding of others or myself.

Appreciating what I brought without having to be or do anything has been a gradual unfoldment. The doing for me has been the most difficult thing to let go of. My worth was based on what I did and not the quality in which I did things. You could say I had to retrain myself, to know I was enough, that I did not need anyone else to confirm that I was all I needed to be.

I could feel how, even though I did not think being me was enough, I had placed myself above others and saw them as also not being enough. In a weird strange parallel, I had instead opted to see myself as greater than others rather than an equal. For whatever reason, unintentional or intentional, I was judging others, comparing myself to them, placing even higher expectations on them than I had on myself, forever looking for and focussing on their faults and reasons why I could not let them be close to me or to love me. Through my own lack of self-worth, I started seeing others as less than worthy also. Of course, this was measured. There were many I placed on a pedestal, including myself at times, but generally though, most would come close to equal or less than me. I have come to realise the overwhelming power of those pictures we carry around inside us in shaping our expectations. When they are not met, I am left feeling devastated and those I have judged are imposed upon by the energy that is always felt from my judgements.

It took a long time for me to realise I was doing this, and it was not something that felt great in my body once I did.

A friend was sharing their experience with me of how they kept people at bay, their own judgements and expectations, and from this I was able to see how my own choices kept people out. The conversation was a trigger for me to become more honest about how I approached and was with others.

The letting go has had to start first with myself, letting go of the doing, giving myself space to feel what is needed next, knowing it is okay not to be perfect, and to not always have to get it right or be seen to be busy every second of the day; allowing for the imperfections to be seen, to embrace all that is on offer; opening up to the possibilities another may bring and allowing them the space that I am now allowing myself to experience, appreciate and deepen into.

The deepening is from what I understand and feel it to be, a forever exploration and never-ending opportunity – an opportunity to receive the world and view it without the filter I once had; to see everyone and everything as if for the first time, no judgement, a willingness to allow everyone and everything the space to be where they need to be and be okay with that.

Without putting myself or another on a pedestal, I am developing a deep and true love for humanity. My journey is far from over and many times when I think I’ve got it, I realise I have only just begun.

By Nicole Serafin, 47 years old, Tintenbar, NSW

Further Reading:
Judgement
Accepting all of you
What is the Science of Appreciation and how does it evolve all of our relationships?

42 thoughts on “No More Pedestal

  1. Not having pedestals in our life allows us to enjoy the melting equalness that is our true nature

  2. “… forever looking for and focussing on their faults and reasons why I could not let them be close to me or to love me.” It’s an awful feeling, I’ve done this myself, and I can feel how it’s just energy running in the mind, yet the heart offers a completely different way of being with ourselves and others. It’s a constant learning and thank you Nicole for sharing the beautiful woman you are so openly and honesty, it’s a joy to receive the realness and rawness you express with.

  3. Our current way of living supports us to look outside of ourselves and to react to any given situation as this stirs up our emotions which are a further entrapment. So to live in a way that we do not react is felt by humanity as a whole and so therefore it is no surprise that we dig deeper into our ingrained behaviour’s to keep us in the motion of reaction so that there is no possibility of change. Is it possible that we are so used to living from our reactions we do not feel there can be a change. As an example, if you chain an Elephant to a post for the greater part of its life even when the chain is removed from around their leg they have been so ingrained by the sound of the chain and the restriction it imposes that they do not move from their post. Can we apply this example to humanity?

  4. Letting go of pictures & ideals and beliefs of how life, a situation or how someone should be/behave is paramount, otherwise what moves us from then on is the energy of comparison- a disgusting and harmful energy that causes more separation in the world. Instead of harmony and brotherhood there is hatred, jealousy, arguments and individualisation and inequality.

  5. Absoulutely Nicole, it is like the stairs to heaven / Soul are never ending and then the realisation we are already their. But the next flight is to the deeper levels of who we are: which is being fully Soul-full because our journey keeps on expanding to deeper levels

  6. Where do we get these standards from?
    ‘unreal standards and expectations – standards that were not based on self-love or self-care’
    Is it possible we are living what is being reflected back to us from a society which doesn’t let up in the constant showering of ideals and beliefs which we take on as our own but really are not. I have realised for example, I have been living other people’s ideals and beliefs of what they expect me to be, I have allowed myself to be imposed upon without stopping to consider that these people are incorrect in their suppositions of what or who I should be.

  7. The more that we let go and allow what is to come up, the more we can feel that there is no gaining of ground in our pursuit to return the the amazing vessel of tenderness and space we really are. Sometimes it can feel very messy and the less becomes ‘more’. I am really appreciating the true reflection you are bringing Nicole

  8. I feel for many of us the doing is so ingrained it is part of who we are, but at the same time it is not us in truth. So I agree we do have to retrain ourselves to know that we are enough and that we do not need someone else to confirm us unless they can truly see the majesty of where all we come from.
    Serge Benhayon is one of the few people who sees past the protection we live in to our inner most and confirms that as the truth of who we are.

  9. We have invented such a complex way of not being all that we are and not only deny the world this reflection but a deepening relationship with our inner most. We have so much to learn from simplicity and allowing ourself and others to be.

    1. How true Susan, how we have build up a smoke screen so as not to see ourselves for who we truly are. Such complexity which brings about more confusion and tension in our whole being.

  10. Losing 👨‍⚖️ Judgement is ABSOULUTELY having porpoise 🐬 purpose 💖in a LOVING way so we do not get wet 💦

  11. I am reading this article and feeling how what is shared was too my way of living. This then opens up the question, how many people live with this supposed unknown judgement? How many people wish for and want true love in their lives and yet despair because it is not felt? How many people hold others out in fear of being intimately known and felt by another? There is nothing more deeply beautiful than to drop the pretense, judgement and perfection and to allow another to see and feel all that we are, our divine beauty and equally our perceived flaws.

  12. We long to be free from tension, to cruise through life with ease – yet this is not ever going to be reality. This idea is coming more from a fantasy to exist without the pull of evolution – what our lives are about. So it’s wise if we start to embrace the discomfort and continual learning that is there as it doesn’t stop.

  13. What an awesome blog, thank you Nicole, it’s a great topic on inequality and holding people out, being saturated with pictures of how we and others are to be, and letting go of judgements, etc, to truly love people. Love is the absoluteness of simplicity, no conditions, impositions, or expectations of how we are supposed to be, just the space to be all of who you are and in your own time. Thank you.

  14. We have all had our different ways of keeping others at bay but when we understand the way Love 💓 works and we start to become Absoulutely Honest life turns the corner so we can see the Truth of who we all innately are and thus cutting all the comparison and jealousy. as you have shared Nicole.

    1. We are all absolute masters at keeping others at bay, even those that we’re in ‘close’ relationship with. And what I discovered much to my surprise is that so often we don’t even realise that we’re doing it. Sure it’s obvious to the person who keeps themselves to themselves but to the people like me who believe that they’re actually good at letting people in and being in relationships, it comes as a very real shock.

      1. Absoulutely, Alexis, the True art of being open and transparent and thus living with intimacy with everyone is staying connected to our essences / Souls.

      2. I agree Greg, as our soul is absolute transparency as is our essence. In fact you can’t even really say that our soul/essence are absolute transparency because those words don’t relate in any way to either, not even in the negative.

  15. It’s interesting how this brings up a memory of my life lived as you have described your process Nicole, the past of getting everything to look ‘right’ and acceptable on the outside to others, no matter what I was feeling in the inside, like no-one could feel what was going on inside. The pictures that society show to appear to everyone that all is great because that’s the game everyone else is playing. The journey to deepen, love and expose these lies, to be real and feel the tension of life supports everyone to also open up.

  16. Three things from this article stand out for me this morning, so thank you Nicole. One that we are all equal. Two that every moment is fresh. And three that the learning is forever and there is so much magic in this.

  17. Surely we have set up this world to react and by reacting we look outside of ourselves, rather then looking within. To me it seems like a horrible game once we react we are gone taken by an energy that is not who we truly are.

  18. Drinking alcohol or smoking the first time reminds of how determined we are to override our body and what it is screaming at us that what we are putting in our body should never be allowed in. But, we still choose to carry on because of outside forces! Bottling up our reactions or putting in things in our body that are abusive and the physical limits we push our self to, all have consequences. When we reawaken and feel what we have done to ourselves and others by our choices, it is the first steps back to who we all truly are.

    1. It is an important moment when we are honest enough with ourselves to admit the impact of the choices we make/have made. Smoking and drinking alcohol are great examples… whilst my body said ‘no’ very clearly to both, I kept giving it a go because I was caught in the ‘that is what you do’ trap of statistical norm.

  19. Thank you Nicole for writing about the way we allow pictures to run the way we feel about ourselves, and rank or judge others as greater or lesser. I am learning like Henrietta to catch the thoughts and reactions and bring love and acceptance to my imperfections and likewise to others.

  20. Reaction more often than not leads to more reaction either from us or from others or from both. It’s like a static balloon and nylon they just seem to get drawn to one another. And also the intensity of the reaction can often ramp up the longer the reaction continues, frustration can lead to anger can lead to rage, one person’s frustration can trigger another person’s anger. Emotion can lead to self-harm and harm of others, in fact emotion IS self-harm and harm of others even if no physical harm is done.

  21. Love this expression which is truly for humanity. Reading it felt like you had a (perfect 😉) insight into the way I have lived life – a huge healing received. With appreciation and love 💕

  22. “allowing for the imperfections to be seen, to embrace all that is on offer; opening up to the possibilities another may bring and allowing them the space that I am now allowing myself to experience, appreciate and deepen into”- this is so important I feel…to allow ourselves to be transparent & vulnerable whilst bringing the all, so that we can inspire the other person to do so equally if they choose. No hidden agenda, only true intimacy.

  23. There are many forms of protections and projections which we use to help us get through life that are far from pleasant or true when we see them for what they are. But such is the descended reality we have created for ourselves as a humanity – we have allowed our collective standards to seep so low that what you describe her Nicole is not only allowed, but often fostered, cheered and celebrated. When we start to wake up to what we have been a part of and see all that’s at play, there can be many tears, as others have expressed, as there should be when we realise we have individually and collectively departed from a way of life that is not only far more beautiful, but more natural. A great piece Nicole, and very exposing for us all.

  24. It’s so easy and familiar to dwell on what we don’t ‘do right’ but actually developing and embracing our true qualities takes care of all that. We are not meant to be perfect – nor hold back what we bring. Staying fixated on hiccups is missing the key: the beauty and power that can be delivered through you or through me.

  25. “To see everyone and everything as if for the first time, no judgement, a willingness to allow everyone and everything the space to be where they need to be and be okay with that” pure gold Nicole, pure gold.

      1. We are all born imbued with the consciousness of God, it is then systematically taught out of us by pretty much everyone we meet. It has taken me until I am in my fifties to find my way back to someone, Serge Benhayon, who has supported me to return to my childhood state. But I am in the minority, there is only a tiny percentage of us that have found our way back, such is the evil system that currently lords over humanity here on earth.

  26. Thank you for this reflection to let go of expectations and love the love that is in and all around us to be loved.

  27. “My journey is far from over and many times when I think I’ve got it, I realise I have only just begun.” – this is Gold Nicole – cycle after cycle we are afforded more opportunities to grow and evolve and deepen our relationship with each other. I get the same feeling too once I have learned or realised something deeply, it makes me feel like a novice and yet wiser each time.

    1. Which just goes to show that deepening our true and innate qualities never ends, there is always more and deeper and that seeking security in what is finite is doomed to fail, offering only ever illusive and momentary relief.

  28. Nicole, Thank you for your sharing especially about how you were living your life in reaction. I too can relate to this and feel like there is still so much reactions running the show for me. I find it very difficult to actually observe and let things be as they are and just simply see them for this and nothing more or less. I have been able to reduce my reactions over time, and this of course has been amazing to feel, but none the less the reactions are still there and it is a process for me to grab them when they happen and learn to just feel and be and give myself space to work through it.

  29. Clocking when and who we put on a pedestal is a gradual process and chips away bit by bit at the belief that we are not all equal.

  30. Quite a few years ago I had the realization that I was being condescending to someone, that I was actually seeing them as less than myself. I sat with this and wondered why I would do something like that when I know deep within that this is not the way to be with people. As I sat with it I came to the realisation that there were people in my life whom I knew well that I ‘looked up to’, admired and ‘loved’ – in other words I did not feel I ‘measured up’ to who they were and what they were living – this was not because they were condescending towards me, but rather because they were living a grandness I had yet to live. From this I then allowed myself to feel that it was ‘easier’ for me to see myself as ‘less’ than them rather than to step up to and live the grandness they were reflecting to me as an equal. How crazy is this?! This made me cry bucket loads of tears in realizing how much I had been putting myself down and not appreciating all I had access to and to learn to live. And this also helped me understand that when I put another on a pedestal, like I had been doing, then automatically I will look down upon another too – for if I cannot see myself as an equal with another living their grandness, then I will maintain a separation with them and all others around me too.

    1. We all walk around constantly saying silently to ourselves “I am this and you are that, those over there are this and these people over here are that”, we’re silently announcing, proclaiming and making statements about who we preceive ourselves and everybody else to be rather than simply feeling the invisible but palpable bond that unites us all as the one unified consciousness of God.

  31. To see oneself as an equal to everyone else can be challenging especially when we have put others on pedestals and seen them as greater than us OR perhaps seen others as less than ourselves. The challenge here lies in the fact that we have pictures, ideals and beliefs that need to be broken in order for us to see us all as equals. Thank you Nicole for sharing your experience and how this can influence us in our lives day to day.

    1. When we dissolve our pictures and stories about who we perceive everybody else to be it’s not so much that we see everyone as equal to us, it’s more that we feel them to be the essence of us all.

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