OMG! Where’s My Wallet?

You calmly reach into your jacket or maybe even the glove box of your car for your wallet, only to find it mysteriously missing, even though you could swear that you put it in that exact spot after the last time you used it. “No big deal, it must be in my other jeans inside the house,” you say to yourself, albeit in a self-convincing manner that already feels to be one that is losing confidence… rapidly. Before you know it, you are desperately looking in every nook and cranny of the house, ripping through drawers, cabinets and closets until the whole place looks like it has just been through an FBI drug raid!

I imagine I am not the only one who has gone through at least a semblance of the above scenario, whether it be via lost keys, credit card or even sunglasses, but after recently experiencing similar situations with both a seemingly lost passport and credit card, I decided to open up my own little investigation (minus the FBI tactics) to get to the bottom of why this has been a recurrent theme throughout my adult life. My amateur detective hunch was that it had something to do with presence (not the birthday type, either).

Earlier this year, in anticipation of an upcoming business trip to Europe, I offered to retrieve passports that I had packed away during our family’s recent move to our new home. “No problem, this should be easy” I thought, only to find myself hours later frantically rummaging through every box in the attic after all of our passports were not in the box I originally thought I placed them in a year ago. My anxiety level was going up every minute that went by without successfully locating them. I noticed during this whole process that my mind began to come up with all kinds of crazy scenarios that would explain their disappearance, such as “the box they were in was never loaded by the moving company” or “maybe I never even packed them in the first place.” I was beginning to believe they had fallen into another dimension, really!

During this panicked search, worrying that we would have to pay hundreds of dollars for an expedited passport renewal, I became aware of just how disconnected I had become from my body and how I was being led by the thoughts in my head rather than staying settled and present with myself. My breathing changed from gently via my nose to through my open mouth and my heart rate was higher than normal, all signs that I was a bit ‘out of it’ when it came to my normal daily rhythms. These were my initial retroactive observations that would go a long way in arriving at a clear concept of the ‘culprit’ responsible for this lifetime trend of losing things.

After not being able to locate the passport and indeed having to pay that huge fee for an expedited one, a number of months went by and I found myself back up in our loft area looking for a storage bin. As I opened the closet door and looked down at the bins, I could almost feel what was barely hidden right before my eyes. At the bottom of the stacked bins lay a number of small items neatly packed away, among them being all of our passports!!! “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I exclaimed out loud, in somewhat of a self-berating tone. But right after that I had to laugh at the crazy emotional rollercoaster that I had just put myself through, when they had been lying under my nose all along, as I had actually looked at those very same bins during my initial search at least three or four times. It was in this moment that, only upon reflection later, I would realise the biggest clue to this mystery had then been revealed to me. Neither did I know that I was about to get the clincher a few weeks later.

The readers of this blog might think this is a fabricated story just for dramatic effect, but the truth is that about a quarter of the way into the writing of this piece, I actually ‘lost’ my wallet! Other than later providing the obvious title to this writing, it brought me to a point in my understanding of this pattern of losing and finding things that I had never had before. You see, even after the last episode with the passports, I dropped into that old pattern of scrambling around the house looking for it, calling the last store I used it at, assuming that someone stole it out of my car, etc. etc., even though no money had been taken out of any of my accounts. But this time, in the midst of my panic about the ramifications of losing my wallet and having no success in locating it, I simply called off the search, laid down on the couch, and surrendered. Not in the sense of giving up, but with the intention of saying no to the nervous energy that I had let drive me up to that point and to allow myself the space to feel all that was coming up for me in that moment.

You see, there was actually a deep sadness that I felt from the fact that I had created these emotionally charged scenarios by ‘losing’ things and in the reactions that ensued I had chosen to let go of what I now know is the true essence of stillness and settlement that is our natural way, which I had been connecting to more and more in my daily life. Immediately upon getting up and preparing for work, I received in my mind the exact location of my wallet – in my toolbox at work! – a place that I usually do not store it, for sure. The choice to become very still and accept the possibility of being more ritualistic in the way I store things to support myself revealed to me the truth of the situation.

There exists a myriad of ways that we avoid this natural stillness within us – eating sugary foods, drinking caffeinated beverages, intense exercise, over-working, creating dramas in our lives, etc. – but what became so obvious to me in this last episode of misplacing my wallet was that there was an underlying pattern here in which every time that I thought I had lost something, I inevitably ended up finding it right under my nose! I can’t tell you how many times this has occurred at my work, where I couldn’t find a certain tool, searched all over the airplane and hangar, thinking the worst, only to find it patiently sitting right inside my tool bag, as if to say: “Are you finished playing games and looking outside yourself for all the answers? I was waiting here all along!”

It was with this realisation that I had come to the underlying message that these experiences were offering me: that in life we have many times been taught to look for recognition, acceptance, approval, and ultimately love from an external source, without first connecting to and feeling that we have all that we need right here inside our inner hearts.

There truly is nothing to ‘find’ outside of us that can be any more meaningful, fulfilling or wise than what can be felt by allowing ourselves to simply be without the need to do anything to prove that we are good enough in the world. Continuing to search for these things outside of us will only result in the same kind of emotional turmoil that I had put myself through during all those years of apparently losing things. But now I can say with authority that I have truly found what is the most treasured thing I can imagine… ME, in my true essence.

… ME!

By Michael Goodhart, Aircraft Technician, B.A. Psychology, Lover of People, Nature and the philosophy of Universal Living, North Carolina, USA

Further Reading:
Anxious Much?
Returning to our essence
A Relationship with Stillness

71 thoughts on “OMG! Where’s My Wallet?

  1. Gaining from our loss happens when we are reconnected to our essences and find our way home to the innate Love❤️ we can all connect to, and everything else is an illusion and can most distressing until we regain our inner-wisdom and live in the Joy that is innately within us all equally.

  2. I love what if offered here in that if we go into the feeling that we are missing something, or something has been lost in a search we are then lost ourselves. If we remain still and connected to that quality from in we realise that nothing is truly lost but there with us all along.

  3. What you are saying makes sense to me Long because I have felt for myself the two energies and how different they actually feel in my body. It has taken me many years to come to this realization as I numbed my body so much that I couldn’t feel anything and so was running with a disregarding energy with no comprehension there was another energy to choose.

  4. The hyper-reactive state that we live in most of the time is very exhausting. And I can feel the impact of this on me at the end of a day; when annual leave comes around or when I wake in the morning. I love what is presented here. That there is another way to be. That settlement and stillness can be our default; a feeling of living without panic and the stranglehold of time.

      1. Living with settlement and stillness is preferable to living in a reactive way, there really is no choice to make.

  5. Have lost my wallet in a restaurant some 47 years ago and at the time I went searching for it to find it under a table a long way from where I was sitting so it had been kicked there by a staff member to retrieve there ill gotten gains at a latter time, good thing I was aware at the time and felt the impulse to look all around.

  6. Love the symbolism offered here – instead of looking outside ourselves for who we are, it is time to claim what sits right under our nose and that is the gorgeous, expansive and loving inner essence that is us.

  7. We are taught from an early age that it is acceptable and part of life to look for recognition, acceptance, approval, and ultimately love from firstly our family and then the circle widens to friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, work colleagues etc. What we are not taught is how to connect to ourselves first. I have only come across Universal Medicine that positively supports and encourages everyone to reconnect back to their inner heart and live from there. I know that when I’m with my inner heart there is nowhere else I would rather be; but too be honest, I cannot maintain this quality as the pull to get caught up in the world by reacting, or sympathising is still very strong. It feels as though I’m trapped in a game with an energy that does not want me to reconnect back to my inner heart because if I do it has less control over me, I will no longer be the puppet to its commands. Understanding life is all about energy first is again only something I have found that Universal Medicine teaches and it makes so much sense when this teaching is applied to life.

  8. I love the last paragraph and it’s especially apt as I was feeling that perhaps I missed out on some vital information recently, that I would never find without being told. What I’ve felt so many times in my life is that even the most golden nugget of wisdom is only knowledge and can never be grand if I do not connect and live from my essence. What’s needed will come to me like the ‘lost’ equipment in the hanger that was underneath your nose 🙂 but not until I surrender and stop looking outside myself.

  9. How I can relate to your blog Michael, of going into panic and nervous energy searching for what I have felt was lost to again find it right in front of me. At the moment I am packing up in view of moving house and it is so easy to loose things as I have to put them away in different places than I usually put them. This whole experience has been an understanding of constant conscious presence. So that I can easily find where I put things temporarily in the whole process of getting the house ready for its sale. One thing for sure I can’t loose the whole house, as it is there before me, my learning is to stay present and all will be well!

    1. I love what you say Mary about ‘constant conscious presence’. It is a way of living I am very inspired by and the more I do it the simpler and more spacious life seems to be.

  10. What a great (and funny) personal anecdote to tie in with the lesson, realization and wisdom you’ve come to, Michael.

    While chuckling at some of the moments you shared, I could truly relate with the reactions, emotions, and extreme possibilities your mind resorted to. They all feel so familiar and vivid to me… because that’s exactly the same way I was often, and sometimes am, taken out of my body. In those moments of panic, the world becomes a scary and dangerous place, no-one can be trusted, I have lost my marbles or is experiencing early-onset dementia, life is not what I think it is, etc. – all a part of hysterical psychosis. If we’re being fed the same thoughts and stories, they must come from the same source. And since everyone on this planet at some point reacts or has the exact same thoughts as someone else in a similar circumstance, whatever is being fed to them has to also originate from the same sources as well. This highlights to me that these reaction-feeders are indiscriminate of who someone is, their geographical location, age, personal history and so on as humanity shares the same repertoire of drama, reactions and psychosis. Yet we also share the same relatable feelings in the face of love, tender care, utmost beauty and stillness – the exact opposite of what were mentioned before. Therefore, I may feel inclined to suggest that there are two completely different sources of energy which, as you have demonstrated to clearly, we always have a choice to choose where to align our body to and tap into at any given moment.

    1. We are nothing other than the energy that impulses us. Take the impulsing energy away and we’re as empty as the skin that a snake has shed. And we’re either being impulsed by the consciousness of God or we’re not and every single one of us can be broken down as being in one of those two categories. Sure we can and do kid ourselves that we’re who we believe ourselves to be but that’s simply a thought that’s fed to us from the consciousness who were not.

      1. The sooner we fully accept this fact the simpler our lives will be, ‘We are nothing other than the energy that impulses us. Take the impulsing energy away and we’re as empty as the skin that a snake has shed.’

  11. By coming back to the stillness we essentially are, we can find the meaning and our implication on every trick or mistake we may have

  12. I have noticed that in the same way that I justify going into mild panic when I can’t locate my wallet immediately I also don’t question the fact that I tend to over check that my wallet is in my bag whilst I am out. However knowing that it’s what we communicate with our bodies that dictates our alignment in life then our ability to ‘justify’ something doesn’t make a difference to our alignment i.e. when I check that my wallet is in my bag for the third, fourth or fifth time whilst I am out I am motivated in that moment by fear, which is an alignment to the the consciousness that works to keep us away from the divine consciousness.

    1. Taking a moment to stop and check what are we aligned to, what energy are we allowing to run our bodies…’saying no to the nervous energy that I had let drive me up to that point and to allow myself the space to feel all that was coming up for me in that moment.’

  13. It’s amazing how quickly we hit the eject button and leave ourselves behind. A programmed way of being that takes us away from what’s on offer inside of us in the name of dancing around the misery-go-round to evenly return to what was there all along. The more we learn to buckle ourselves in and not escape when the flight seemingly gets bumpy, we learn to truly fly and then we get to soar to greater heights.

    1. Martin I can so relate to what you are sharing, I’m so sick and tired of playing the game of reacting which takes me away from me. So the idea of buckling myself into me is a great idea or maybe I should try super glue?

  14. There’s an expression that goes ‘you’ve got every right to feel that way’ and it’s usually used to justify feeling pissed off about something. It’s a statement that closes situations down, apportions blame and ensures that there’s no evolution. This blog made me think of that expression because it’s similar in the fact that we so often feel justified in feeling something negative and that justification takes away any opportunity to deal with whatever it is in a different way’ “the guy’s an arsehole of course I’m pissed off”. Certain expressions are part of particular consciousnesses and one consciousness will use expressions that are constantly closing us down and the other consciousness will use expressions that continually open us up to behave differently and to therefore change our ingrained habits and behaviours.

    1. What’s interesting is that there’s another phrase that we use in these situations and that is ‘it’s my God given right’, and we then follow it up with a negative emotion, as in ‘it’s my God given right to be angry”. Funny how we use God’s name as justification to feel something that God would never feel and interesting that we never say “it’s my God given right to feel joyous”.

  15. In the same way that we don’t question going into panic when we lose something important, I went into annoyance when a friend cancelled for dinner 15 minutes after she was due to arrive. Initially I listed all of the things that gave me good reason to be pissed off and ate my dinner feeling agitated. I then remembered that access to God is reliant on our alignment and that we can’t ‘think’ our way back to Him, we can only align our way back. And so I did. Bit by bit I re-aligned my thoughts (stopped entertaining negative thoughts), made my physical movements conscious, chose to complete some tasks (my way of supporting myself back) and sent a message to my friend to encourage her to also re-align rather than not contacting her so that she could ‘stew a bit longer’. And hey presto we both re-aligned and once back, being back confirmed that there is no where else that I want to be other than back in the arms of God.

    1. I agree with you Alexis, there is no where I would rather be than back in the arms of God. It is such a settling feeling knowing that I am held by the universe, it gives me such a feeling of confidence. It’s not mumbo jumbo there is such a strong sense of beholding and belonging that I haven’t felt for life times. It’s not something to hold onto, you don’t have to because you can just sense it’s there.

    2. A great addition to the blog Alexis as it shows again how the dramas we entertain are nothing but a choice. Sure it may take a little work to come back to ourselves, to realign, but isn’t it worth it? We can turn live in the fantasies of all that is not love or connect to the reality of all that is, we just need to gear our movements towards it and ‘hey presto!’ we’re back in.

      1. Martin I resonated with what you said about how we can turn life into a fantasy and live in our heads imagining how life could be or should be. I can remember as a young teenager I lived with my head in a book I would be absorbed by them as it was a way of checking out of life. I didn’t want to be a part of the mess I could see around me so chose to live instead in the fantasy of the books I was reading. It was as you say a choice I was making at the time. I had no idea how detrimental this way of escaping life would have on me until years later.

      2. Yep Martin and alignment is a moment by moment choice. Choose to re-align, choose to re-align, choose to re-align,no need to go into internal dialogue, no need to phone a friend (unless it’s supportive to our re-alignment), just re-align, re-align, re-align over and over again.

    3. What a gorgeous example of a situation that could cause reaction in many of us, and how you chose to re-align to God and that from there felt that, ‘there is no where else that I want to be other than back in the arms of God.’

  16. Panic is a very disembodied state, it is literally the process of us jumping ship. We are outside of ourselves whist our bodies are jangled beyond recognition. our breathing becomes erratic, our heart rate increases, our ability to think becomes greatly impaired, we might vomit or act in a very reckless way or our bodies might just shut down completely. Whatever the effects of shock are, ‘we’ are no longer there.

    1. What you are saying Alexis reminded me that I noticed recently watching children seated in a small roundabout that could be spun round very fast. It seemed to me that they were using the motion to not be there their eyes seem to glaze over. It reminded me of watching someone years ago take drugs to check out, their eyes would glaze over too. Interesting that something so seemingly innocuous can be used to check out of life and at such a young age. I don’t think we really stop to consider what we are doing to our children in the name of having ‘fun’.

      1. Mary I’m not sure about kids using roundabouts to check out, they certainly won’t be checked out of their bodies, they’ll be experiencing the sensation of being spun very fast. As an adult I have gone on roller coasters and although I was still connected to my body it did feel like a disconnected state in many ways because I had so much adrenaline running through my body that I was totally scrambled because my nerves were so acutely jangled. It was not a natural state at all and the effect of the motion of the roller coaster car careering around the track felt similar to being in a car accident, in that my body was jolted violently around. I suppose that all the things that I hated about the ride were all the reasons why people love them.

  17. I recently had an example whereby I completely mislaid a pile of documents, that I had prepared, and needed for an upcoming meeting, and, more so, further down the line. This ‘collection’ had a normal assigned ‘home’ so they would not be mislaid, as they were important, however, I had taken them away with me a few weeks back, and not used them since. I went into search mode, and could not find them, having to attend the meeting without them, fortuitously I knew the material pretty well. After the meeting, I could have distracted myself searching for them, but had two different appointments so chose to let it go. Getting on with my day, in the early afternoon, I went to get a piece of paper, and magically the missing pile of documents were under that paper, this brought a big smile to my face as this was a beautiful magic of God moment.

    1. That’s a great example of staying steady Lorraine, and allowing the Truth to come back to you without effort. I have had similar moments of finding something right under my nose once I let go of the drive and anxiousness. God does have a great sense of humour with these things.

  18. I mislaid a key yesterday and whilst being curious about how I must have been moving for this to come about, I was super steady and clear about not letting the situation have an impact on a long awaited meeting I was having. This feels very cool and a big change. I prioritised relationship over drama and magic happened.

  19. Michael your blog came into my mind this morning. I was 5 minutes from starting to teach an esoteric yoga program and the platform that I usually use wasn’t working. I stayed super connected and didn’t go into any kind of reaction whatsoever, I phoned a friend who suggested re-starting my computer and hey presto it worked and the best part was that I didn’t have to use the class to re-connect me to myself because I was already connected. Answers come so much more easily through space when we allow them to, it’s much harder for them to struggle their way through emotional congestion and panic.

    1. Ahh yes, I actually recall that yoga session, and as a participant in it, I would never have known you experienced any disruption of the kind right before the class if you had not mentioned it. It was actually a very inspiring moment and showed me how it really is a choice we make to let go of our connection with our body that leads to so many emotional rollercoasters.

    2. It is true Alexis, answers come a lot quicker through space than panic and nervous energy. Just allowing me the reminder again of conscious presence all along the way.

      1. Space is where it’s at, truly. Which is why the consciousness that wants to delay our return to God is almost entirely focused on getting us to either cut down our sense of space or fill it with utter rubbish. And this we do willingly, nearly every waking minute. In fact we actively look to fill the space that’s all through us and all around us with energetic white noise. There’s a constant backdrop in our lives of blah, blah, blah but the glorious thing is, we can drown God out momentarily but when we do choose to stop drowning Him out then he comes through loud and clear. Hallelujah to that!

  20. Thank you 🙏 Michael, what a great reminder as life curve balls 🎱 shares on many occasions that we think we have lost someone who we love 💓 love but in reality they have been born into a deeper realms where they can be held in the LOVE 😇 of the truth of who we all innately are. And if you want to believe we come from the App’s 🦍 that is 👌 okay. Because as Heavenly beings we are LOVE 😇 and never lost.

  21. I laughed to myself at remembering that feeling of utter doom that is way beyond the reality of simply losing something. I’d always judged myself for being slightly crazy in how I felt and blamed a role model of mine when growing up for my reaction because they too acted like it was the end of the world losing something.

    But what if they, like I had, connected to the feeling of eternal emptiness when we do seek something outside of ourselves and abandon the amazingness of who we are?

  22. In our house, it is called the man look. I have also found in search of misplaced items when I can’t find them; it is because I have a picture of where I put them. It can become an elephant in the room.

  23. I can so relate to this! Thank you for the reminder that we can say no to the nervous energy and that there is another way to respond to life.

  24. Thank you Michael for a very revealing present that to stay present and in stillness with our inner-heart we have nothing to find but ourselves.

    1. And thank you Michael for exposing what can start to initiate us straying from this presence, ‘I was being led by the thoughts in my head rather than staying settled and present with myself’.

  25. Absoulutely get it Michael, when we have lost our connection and then the focus on being present 💝 so we never fully complete a task before we move onto the next and this leaves us open to forgetfulness. As I have also found myself in this same situation but when focus on my Soul-full connection and breathe everything gets completed and thus no confusion and nothing misplaced.

  26. I has a similar situation recently Michael, I needed my driving glasses which also double up as my sun glasses which I thought I had put in my bag. I looked in my bag and couldn’t find them; they were a very expensive pair of glasses which were not insured. I could visualize how I had left them on the seat of the Taxi as I paid for the fare, they were so light and delicate they would easily fall into the well of the car and be lost. But after a slight self- bashing of not being present when paying for the Taxi ride I got on with what I was meant to be doing, which was to provide software training for a group of people. Having finished the training I felt an impulse to look into my bag and there at the bottom of my bag were my driving glasses in their soft case! There was absolutely no way they could have been there before as I turned the bag upside down to try and find them, but there they were. First of all I have to deeply appreciate the magic that is at work here the fact that a pair of glasses can go missing and then turn up as if out of nowhere to me is absolutely fascinating. And this also shows me that there is far more going on underneath the surface of life than meets the eye. That life itself is full of magical moments which is the universe communicating with us but how often do we take notice?

  27. I can so relate to this happening years ago; every time I coulnd’t find my wallet or car keys straightaway, my heart would start racing like mad and a veritabe inner tempest of agitation, turmoil and despair would engulf me. These days I just stay settled, stay with my breath and know that whatever I can momentarily not find – and this is getting rarer and rarer, teetering on the edge of extinction – is there for sure and that I’ll be guided from within as to its whereabouts.

  28. ‘Mistakes’ we make are only ‘mistakes’ if we do not learn from them. To stop and understand what is happening is indeed a blessing worth every penny.

  29. I too have found myself in a panic not being able to find my wallet or phone or keys or passport, and then feel super sheepish when it is located. Each time I swear to myself I will not let myself get so carried away and distracted in the search for the missing item but it is like this frenzy wants to take over and there appears to be no quelling of it till one finds the missing object. But it is still clearly a choice to align to the frenzy rather than stay steady and feel what is needed, and read the situation in terms of understanding what the real message is. There is a gift in each of such messages to us, should we choose to see it as the blessing that it is and has on offer.

    1. It’s interesting isn’t it that so many of us would read this blog and say ‘well of course I went into a panic, it was my wallet/passport/keys’. We do exactly the same thing in numerous different situations, we say ‘well of course I got pissed off, the person blah, blah, blah’, we all justify our poor behaviour with the poor or imagined poor behaviour of others rather than say ‘my bad, I jumped ship, no one else to blame but me’.

    2. What you describe Henrietta is the choice to ‘go out’ or ‘go within ‘. It’s okay if we ‘go out’ per say, if every move there after is to ‘go in’ but we do as you say, ‘go out’ and stay out until the adventure (or misadventure) ceases, then we do it all again. It’s not too unlike needing to complete some work and choosing to watch a movie for two hours instead; one is adequately distracted and entertained whilst the movie is playing but when the movie finishes, the work is still there waiting to be done, and so, another movie is needed. When we ‘go out’ our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are not unlike the movies – not real, over acted, false, misleading, built on fantasy and highly entertaining. All the whilst the option to ‘go in’ offers something far more beautiful and sustaining, something that never ceases and keeps on expanding.

      1. The more I realise the awesomeness of the ‘in’, the more I realise how paltry the ‘out’ offerings are. Like there is no movie that comes close to the magic of our relationship with the stars for example.

  30. Michael – I love your sense of humour and lightness in your writing – and your topics are always ones we can all relate to in some way or another. Thank you so much for your inspiring sharings.

  31. Thank you Michael, and not just for this blog but for all your writing. As a reader I can share with you the joy of getting to know people who write and open up their lives, we get to know you and how you feel, what you learn, etc. It’s a simple yet powerful sense of joy to be let in by someone who openly wants to share their life – thank you. It’s a reminder to me also to let people in in full because that’s how we grow a richness in relationships. We can be a bit cagey in society to give the full version of ourselves, the fragilities, the strengths, the beauty, and what we are learning. But it’s the whole person we love, not the parts.

    1. Beautifully expressed Melinda, letting people in so that they can see that there is no perfection that we are all deeply sensitive and delicate allows others a choice to reconnect to their same qualities or not. But at least we have this reflection now.

    2. Absoulutely Melinda, what is so openly 🎙shared also opens the door 🚪 to our own healing 💪so we can walk 👣🚶‍♀️the path that re-imprints our past misgivings. And this level of True healing comes about through us being absoulutely honest as Michael has and by feeling our relationship with what has been shared and then releasing that pattern of behaviour through simply nominating.

    3. I am practicing giving the whole of myself over to others and loving how this feels because the more of me that I give over the more of me that gets revealed and the depths of us all are really quite beautiful. We’re such beautiful beings, truly we are.

  32. What an awesome blog Michael! You write so beautifully and so reflective of what creation offers us. Nothing- because we are only entertained by its drama. I loved how you reminded me of this and could so relate to the movements that propel me when I continue to look outside myself. Where’s my wallet or where’s ME!

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