Living True Purpose from my Inner-knowing. Simple.

Growing up I was taught that my main purpose was to be happy, to make life about me and what I wanted. This was exemplified, for instance, by having a boyfriend, earning some money, getting good school and college results and carving out a life where I was comfortable. There was an emptiness in this. It lacked true purpose and I didn’t enjoy the idea of my life being all about satisfying my needs.

I felt during these times that there was a constant striving to attain things and academic qualifications to ‘get on in life’. Life seemed to be about what grades I got in school which would determine which college I could go to, which would then determine whether I would be recognised and successful at my work. Continue reading “Living True Purpose from my Inner-knowing. Simple.”

Fitting In or Standing Out?

When we feel the words ‘fitting in’, we may feel that they suggest that we are slotting into something … fitting ourselves into something … something that is already prepared: a pre-constructed mould. For you cannot fit something into nothing – it simply would not be ‘fitting in’ to anything then.

If we are not fitting in then we may be standing out and much like the words ‘fitting in’, ‘standing out’ suggests that we are standing out or outside of something. Continue reading “Fitting In or Standing Out?”

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse  

As a young girl I was sexually abused by older boys in the back street. At the time I knew what was happening was indecent and intrusive but felt powerless to speak out about what was going on. The trauma or scarring imprint from this abuse was then an overlay through which I experienced life. I acutely felt disgraced, disregarded, disconnected and appalled by the lovelessness in the world. The experience of abuse led me to behave in loveless ways. I had little regard for myself and others. I turned to drugs and alcohol to soothe the pain. I abused myself through food, sex, and had completely dysfunctional relationships with those around me and with myself. Continue reading “Breaking the Cycle of Abuse  “

The Grace of True Healing

Healing usually comes with the notion of fixing something that needs to be fixed. And in some sense, this is true – that healing can be brought to something that needs fixing. But how often do we look deeper than simply fixing the external layer and consider what is happening behind the issue that is needing to be resolved? How often do we consider the steps that were taken that lead to that issue in the first place? Continue reading “The Grace of True Healing”

Freeing Myself in Lockdown

Since lockdown I have grown to love my daily walks, walks that sometimes are just around my neighbourhood. When I can, I go to our local park, which is a bus ride away, and the feeling of being in green space brings me a lot of joy. Going shopping has become an outing rather than a chore and we got rid of our car, saving quite a bit of money per month because we didn’t go anywhere, or more truthfully didn’t have anywhere to go! Continue reading “Freeing Myself in Lockdown”

The Birthday

Around it came again.

Last year as it was fast approaching the end of the year, most were starting the wind down to the Christmas and New Year period: the beginning of December, where Christmas carols are played and decorations put up on display to celebrate the upcoming festive season. “It’s a terrible time of year to have a birthday,” a family member said one day whilst on the subject of going through the timing of birthdays and where everyone in the family fitted in. Continue reading “The Birthday”