My Evolution as a Woman

Here’s a sentence that you may have to read twice: “for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.” My suggestion that you read this sentence twice is not because it’s a difficult sentence to understand, but more so because it’s difficult for most of us to admit.

I have had these feelings since the age of about 9 and can pinpoint the exact moment that my body first registered the physical stab in the gut that accompanies the jealousy that underpins these feelings. Continue reading “My Evolution as a Woman”

Time, Life and Me – Now One and the Same

How often do we say “I don’t have time,” “If only there were more hours in the day,” or “I need time for me, everything I do is for everyone else”?

Common, tiring and ever so draining, constantly wanting more time, never feeling there are enough hours in the day to fit everything in. Our lives are so full of things to do and places to be, it makes sense we feel this way.

I can totally relate to all of this, as in the past I used to squeeze as much as possible into a day. Looking back, my days were gauged by how ‘good’ they were based on how much was achieved or completed. Continue reading “Time, Life and Me – Now One and the Same”

Workplace Abuse: Are You Being Followed?

For most of my life I was locked into complaining about the abusive situations in my life being unfair and unnecessary. It was my “Why me?” war cry. I felt picked on and bathed in a tremendous amount of self-pity at the personal nature of the abuse.

And yet abuse is experienced by all of us at one time or another. We don’t always allow ourselves to feel it, preferring to pretend that it isn’t there. Maybe we feel unable to deal with it or maybe we don’t want to deal with it, or perhaps it is so commonplace that we’ve just become submersed in its subtle ways. When the abuse becomes extreme, we often become much more motivated to explore what it might be about, because the tension in our body is so uncomfortable. Continue reading “Workplace Abuse: Are You Being Followed?”

Self-Doubt: It’s not a Little Problem

Recently I have come to see just how insidious self-doubt is and how it plays out. I once viewed self-doubt as something that was just there, that I accepted as a normal part of being a human being and that it was something that I couldn’t change.

I know there have been times in my life when I would feel the Truth of a matter ever so strongly. I knew exactly what had happened, what had played out and why – but I would not hold it. Instead I would hang on to something that was said about me, and it was this aspect that would have my full attention. From here I would be pulled into the black hole of confusion and doubt, swept to a place far away. I would so easily let go of the Truth that I had felt and would make things complicated, defer to another’s opinion or the majority view, become confused or upset, or even want others to feel it as I did, although they did not. Continue reading “Self-Doubt: It’s not a Little Problem”

Anxiety: Why are you Ruling my Life?

I had an anxiety problem. Well, this is what I used to tell myself anyhow. In fact, I didn’t have an anxiety problem at all. I may have all the symptoms of anxiety – a raciness within my body – and yes, it can get to the place where it is a problem, but to say I have an anxiety problem does not quite go to the heart of the matter.

Let me explain.

I remember anxiety affecting me at age 4 as I waited for the school bus and it has been with me ever since. I remember sitting in class at school not being able to answer any questions because I felt anxious and fearful, so I learned to sit and listen and be very, very quiet. I had determined very early on that this was the best way not to get attention and to stay out of trouble. I may have been quiet, but I observed everything around me with an absolute astuteness.

Continue reading “Anxiety: Why are you Ruling my Life?”

CLOCK WATCHING – A Race with Time

As long as I can remember I have always been a clock-watcher, constantly checking the time or racing with it, my wristwatch firmly placed on my bedside table and an alarm clock ready to start my day. This was my safety net that I thought would give me a good night’s sleep, but often left me worrying whether I would get up on time or get to work on time.

I would often feel like I never had enough time to get everything done in the day and was clock watching at every opportunity. To others I was known as the punctual, hardworking and reliable one that could be counted on to get to work on time. I was prepared and would wait ahead of time for others. As a result, I often found it hard to unwind at the end of the day and this would lead to my collapsing into bed feeling exhausted. Continue reading “CLOCK WATCHING – A Race with Time”