I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.
For many years I have been diagnosed with depression: at one point in my thirties when my behaviours were even more erratic than usual, I was diagnosed with bi-polar. As a human being needing to operate in the world, I have sought medical advice from doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and counsellors. I have searched into the spiritual world for ways to help my personal angst and I have sought support from friends and family. Earlier in the year, I finally was able to admit to myself that although I have moments where things appear okay, the real truth of it was, at the very best each day was a painful upheaval and struggle, and at the very worst, there was little will to carry on.
A few months ago, I hit rock bottom. All my symptoms escalated, I was not coping and had no will to deal with my day. Life was impossible and I just wanted to check out; it was too painful, too hard. I was shouting a lot, in overwhelm, crying and just wanted to end it all. These symptoms were what had led to my diagnosis of bi-polar a few years previously. I saw my GP regularly at this time, who was very caring and supportive because I was scared. I also saw some practitioners from Universal Medicine (UniMed). All suggested I get on some anti-depressants to support me and give me some space to explore possible causes for these symptoms, which had arisen all my adult life.
I am not a stranger to anti-depressants. Continue reading “Depression, Bi-Polar & the Medicinal Qualities of Love & Choice”
by Jo Billings, USA
I am a woman of 40 years old and have spent about 33 of those years dealing with depression, anxiety and self worth issues. I spent many years in psychotherapy and have been on and off antidepressants since age 17. I have delved into diverse healing modalities to try to clear the suffering. I worked with naturopaths, acupuncturists, healers and shamans for a long time… but was still living daily with emotional pain.
I was plagued with the feeling that not only was I not sharing love and joy (because I couldn’t feel it myself) but that I was just adding to the pain and misery of the world with my own suffering. I felt confused and didn’t know how to live my life. I felt so off track, so lost from myself. I kept saying to myself, “I want to know Truth”. Continue reading “From a Life of Depression to a Loving Life”
It was late 1999. My life had undergone major changes in the previous two years. My husband had died. Following his death, I had sold the business that we had started and run together for a decade. The business had been on the main street of town, making us very much a part of a small community. I just had to get up and go to work, and the world came through my front door. It was a wonderful segment in my life. And it was over. I was feeling displaced. I was menopausal. I was depressed. But I figured I had good reason to be so I wasn’t looking to fix it. I was just dragging myself around.
My daughter told me that she thought I should go see this guy who had come into her workplace. I don’t follow everyone’s suggestions, I assure you, but I do most often follow my daughter’s. And so I went. I arrived at his home sceptical, determined to keep my secrets close to my vest so as not to give this guy anything to work with – (he wouldn’t pull one over on me), and I was more than slightly irritated that I had to go through the motions of acting like I wanted to be “fixed” when I really didn’t care if I was or not. Continue reading ““Can I Have That Guy’s (Serge Benhayon’s) Phone Number ?””
by Gabriele Conrad, Goonellabah, Australia
When I first saw Serge Benhayon in early 2004, it was a mixture of curiosity and my aching right shoulder that prompted me to break my resolve to never ever try anything again, be it mainstream medical or so-called alternative. I mainly came because my shoulder, even though much improved, was still aching and I only had a limited range of movement. I had a frozen shoulder, but I never called it that – I suppose I just did not want to own up to what I had actually done to myself through years of massage practice and hard work on the land.
That I had been suffering from depression since my early teenage years I only mentioned at the very end and in passing – I didn’t even know why it came out of my mouth. By then, I had been through nearly 40 years of severe bi-annual bouts of depression and didn’t even consider that it could be otherwise. I had suffered from, or should that be indulged in, suicidal ideations – not because I really wanted to die but because I did not want to live anymore. When I was not acutely depressed I was very serious, glum and mainly outright pessimistic – whilst trying really hard to be as normal as I possibly could and carry on with life regardless. Continue reading “How My Depression Disappeared”
by Amanda Woodmansey, Melbourne, Australia
I can remember feeling unwell all of my life, and when I was old enough, searching for answers to my physical and mental anguish. I had followed a religion as faithfully as I could, believing at the time that it was my shortcomings that were the cause of my woes, and not the impossible quest to be good within an extremely misogynous organisation. Continue reading “The Path to True Wellness – it’s a Loving Choice”