To Change My Name or Not – That is the Question

Over the past 16 months I have lived through a separation and divorce from my husband of almost 28 years. The first thing that I want to say is that I dearly love the man I was married to, however we both wanted to live life in very different ways. We both realised that we could not continue to live together as the tension and pain of each other’s ‘wanting the other to be different’ was constant and causing us both much heartache.

So we decided to separate and then divorce when we were able to. The process of this was done with deep respect, and at times, with a deep love of each other as we organised and moved through this challenging time. Continue reading “To Change My Name or Not – That is the Question”

Learning to be in Relationship without Pictures

The mental pictures that we hold onto, if they are not expressed openly, clearly and respectfully, seem to be one of the causes of conflict in the world.

Recently I went on a trip with my son. The picture I carried was we would enjoy common time together, while the picture that he carried was he would enjoy his time and do whatever he felt like doing. He is twelve and at the age that he feels compelled to make his own choices. Continue reading “Learning to be in Relationship without Pictures”

The Dummy

Our grandson is turning 2 next month, and until yesterday he had a dummy. He had several actually, often at the same time. Sometimes he would walk around with one in each hand, one in his mouth and swap them around, as if somehow one of them could give him more than the one he already had. He is very expressive, but would speak with the dummy in his mouth so that we could not understand him, and when we asked him to take it out so we could hear what he was saying, he would get upset. Continue reading “The Dummy”

To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are

Observing how many adults act around children, I have noticed there is a common tendency to treat them as being lesser. This comes from a belief that a child is born empty and that as he/she accumulates experience, knowledge and skills, only then does the child become worthy of being considered equal. Sometimes this may not occur until they reach their mid-twenties or above! I remember as a teenager aching to be older so that I could be taken seriously and without being dismissed as inferior. Continue reading “To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are”

True Family

True family is a phrase often used fraudulently and not applied in its fullest sense. However, in the core of what true family stands for, lies the key to returning society to its joyous and harmonious state.

My first sense of true family was sitting down to eat dinner with Serge Benhayon, his wife Miranda, his three out of four children present at the time – Curtis, Michael and Natalie – and his ex-wife Deborah. YES – Ex-wife.

Myself (Michael Brown) and Miranda Benhayon, Vietnam 2010
Myself (Michael Brown) and Miranda Benhayon, Vietnam 2010

Continue reading “True Family”

It’s All Just Child’s Play – Or Is It?

I had always been one for cleaning up children’s toys at the end of the day, leaving everything clear and ready for the next day.

There was always the question there – “Was I being perfectionistic?,” “Did I have a problem with a messy house or ‘struggle with clutter’?” and then I realised that it was the order that brought simplicity. Continue reading “It’s All Just Child’s Play – Or Is It?”

Control or Connection: It’s a Choice

The Oxford Dictionary describes Control as “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.” For me this goes very light on addressing and describing Control and almost presents a level of acceptability of its place in the world. Continue reading “Control or Connection: It’s a Choice”

Giving Your Power Away: Why Being ‘Good’ Doesn’t Work

I made a choice in my childhood to give my power away in exchange for some attention, the second best thing to love, or so I thought. In essence, I wanted to be seen by my parents and I wanted their affection, so I found a way where I knew I could make this happen. Continue reading “Giving Your Power Away: Why Being ‘Good’ Doesn’t Work”

Expressing Myself and Being True

I recently came to a realisation about the different ways I express myself with friends, family and people I meet for the first time.

The different way of expressing myself with friends compared to how I express myself with others feels like it came about as a way to offload some of the pain I was feeling in my relationships within my family. Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us. Continue reading “Expressing Myself and Being True”