in - Appreciation, - Conscious Awareness, MENTAL HEALTH 440 Words

Appreciation and a True Smile Back

Have you noticed how many parents instruct their children to smile back or say ‘hello’ when you first meet them?

In my part-time work at a supermarket checkout many families come through every day and I enjoy looking into the eyes of the babies and children because I find that in the way they look at me they are truly seeing me and feeling who I am, exploring who or what is there to be felt. So I look at them and sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing more needs to be said or done.

But the parents, wanting their child to ‘be polite’, often instruct the child to smile back or say hello: it feels like they are being asked to perform on behalf of their parents.

In reflecting on my own childhood, and that perhaps I was brought up in the same way, I wondered if I sometimes smile to be polite too?

I know that in my work it is expected of me to smile and be nice, and I can switch that on really easily, but it feels so much lovelier when the smile is a genuine one from deep inside, one that arises because I am enjoying the experience of truly meeting another person – be they adult or child – and my inner playfulness simply and naturally bubbles up, and I naturally smile back in response.

I feel a true smile like this also comes from appreciation. For example, I was recently in a conversation with two beautiful ladies who were expressing their appreciation of me and as I felt what they were saying, my whole body responded with a delicious warm feeling and I began to smile because it felt great. As they watched me, I noticed that they were smiling back in response and our smiles simply grew and grew with the gorgeous feeling of harmony that was developing between the three of us – they appreciated me and I appreciated them in that moment.

And that is what I am learning – to appreciate – both with others and myself.

I was on a course run by Universal Medicine recently where we did a practical exercise on listening to others with appreciation: it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.

I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.

Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Carmel Reid

900 thoughts on “Appreciation and a True Smile Back”

  1. “It showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too”, is something I often didn’t do years ago. And over the years since being involved with Universal Medicine, I have realised I often projected judgment upon others.

    Roll on post Universal Medicine and even though it is far from perfect, my appreciation of others has increased more and more. Because at the end of the day, they are offering a reflection that I need to look within (as well as vice verse) more and more and there is always more appreciation that can be offered to others – its limitless.

  2. Some people have learned to walk around with a fake smile on their face (as I have in the past, and still sometimes do), whilst others walk around with a frown. Both of these can be exhausting. When we allow our face to just be and keep our awareness and appreciation as Carmel has so beautifully shared in this blog, a natural way to be can be expressed in our face, free of stresses and impositions and we can shine from the inside out, smile or no smile.

  3. A true smile comes from the heart and expresses through the eyes before it reaches the lips.

    1. Spot on Henrietta, we can fake a smile, but our eyes and what we emanate cannot be made up.

  4. Carmel, this is really gorgeous what you are sharing – to smile a genuine smile and not because we are required to makes a world of a difference for ourselves and others too!

  6. Appreciate-ive-ness is for ourselves, with an inner knowing we are more than this physical vessel and our smile can be a conformation of the absolute authority we are living because of this know wisdom.

  7. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” I agree. Last week I deeply met with people in my volunteering work and received back more than I gave in this connection. It felt beautiful.

  8. “and my inner playfulness simply and naturally bubbles up, and I naturally smile back in response.” Reading this and my body was smiling.

  9. Thank you Carmel, it’s a beautiful and simple exercise to bring into our lives to listen to others with appreciation, and offer understanding instead of criticism or judgement. Even if it’s not voiced, it is felt.

  10. Isn’t that evil how we teach children to use a smile to manipulate a situation? Like, do we seriously think that it has worked for us therefore imparting a valuable life skill?

    1. Appreciation always feels lovely, it enriches ourselves and others, ‘I was recently in a conversation with two beautiful ladies who were expressing their appreciation of me and as I felt what they were saying, my whole body responded with a delicious warm feeling and I began to smile because it felt great.’

  13. There is so much behind a smile, when we smile for who we are everyone melts around us.
    A true smile is worth double it’s weight in Gold.

  14. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” I so agree Carmel. I love appreciating other people but find appreciating myself a tad more difficult as yet. It’s an ongoing project…….

  15. We were in a line at the checkout in a very busy grocery store and we had a little child with us who absolutely captivated the lady on the checkout. she kept working but was chatting away to the child to the point where everything stopped the checkout lady only had eyes as it where for this child who is as bright as a button and extremely engaging. It was a very beautiful encounter it was clear to everyone that the child brought joy to all who met her and even better was that no one behind us in the queue seemed to mind as they were equally captivated by the scene in front of them. It was one of those heartfelt moments that everyone enjoys and wishes that there were many more such encounters for them to enjoy.

    1. So much expressed freely through the body of a child – a great reminder for what we all can come back to!

    1. So true Elizabeth. I’d far rather a heartfelt response – however tricky to deal with – than a manipulated ‘nice’ one.

  17. The fact that there are people in the world who are able to truly connect with children is a wonderful thing. And I reckon that there are many many more than we perhaps would initially assume.

  18. A lot of the time we listen to provide an answer rather than listen to truly hear what another is saying.

  19. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” I completely agree.

  20. When we listen to someone in appreciation our whole body ignites and there is so much joy.

    1. Yes, listening with appreciation is hugely different to listening with judgement, ‘it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.’

  21. I can remember as a child wrapping myself around my mother legs and hiding in her coat to avoid saying hello to people it was so cringe worthy having to say hello to total strangers I hated it. And I dislike parents who expect their young children to say hello to me, if they don’t want to as I remember how I disliked saying hello when I was small. Why do we put such unnecessary burdens on such young children?

    1. I can remember a young child wiping her cheek after I kissed her goodbye – she must have felt my being ‘nice’ and it didn’t feel good to her. Her mother told her off but I supported the child saying I bet she is picky about going to birthday parties too? The mother replied with surprise, ‘yes’. So I explained that the little girl is very sensitive, can feel energy and that we as adults needed to appreciate her absolute honesty.

      1. Yes when I go to visit my grandchildren I wait for them to come to me – and so far they run into my arms. I never want to put a young one into feeling they ‘have to’ hug or kiss someone because they are a relative and its expected of them.

  22. You raise a great point here to consider Carmel – to listen without judgement, and to truly appreciate another are what makes our connections with others true and loving.

  24. A real smile vs a put on or forced smile makes a massive difference to the person receiving the smile too. One invites another to share the joy and the other asks another to also fake it.

  25. I had a some of these true smiles shared and appreciated today by those involved and they light up the world. We are family, we are all connected, more of this please, it is our natural way.

  26. I met someone ( a stranger) this week at a meeting and appreciated her for the way she spoke up in a challenging and assertive way as to how she felt about the topic under discussion. She was genuinely surprised as she said she wasn’t sure how it had come over. We went on to have a beautiful conversation. Appreciating and supporting others begins with supporting ourselves.

  27. Allowing children to be who they truly are- without having to smile or hug someone they don’t wish to engage with is very important. It teaches young ones to trust their feelings – their innermost.

  28. A super market once asked its female employees to look at each customer, smile and greet them. This was misunderstood as an invitation by a lot of men and was stopped. Forcing people to smile is not supportive.

  29. How much do we need others to perform how we would like? And how much do we initiate, what truly feels right? We can bring a spark of light to life no matter where others are at. Fact 🙂

    1. Simply because we are not made to mechanically smile, but actually breathe our breath and from connecting to our inner-heart we feel our expression — laughing or no laughing.

  31. I wonder how many of us judge ourselves as well – as in pick out the faults we see in ourselves first and focus on that rather than truly allowing ourselves to appreciate the beauty that is in us as well…

    1. Yes we do judge ourselves a lot, Fiona, and picking up on the self deprecating way we talk about ourselves is a great way to stop that and start appreciating the qualities we bring.

      1. Appreciation is key. When I find myself condemning myself or an action(again) I am now focussing on appreciating what I do bring. Someone supported me with this this week – and I felt I stood so much taller!

  32. Understanding that everyone, without exception, is already everything helps us to appreciate them as equals even though they may not yet be living it in full. We are reading with understanding, not judging.

  33. Just the word appreciation has such a warm glow to it bringing a smile to our faces, and that smile just grows as we expand to appreciate each other.

  34. I’m so glad I came across this blog again today. I’ve been noticing how much I can listen with judgement and that now when I do, I realise it is because I have dropped my appreciation for myself and for the other person. Appreciation dissolves judgement.

  35. Very true Carmel, I can not say it in any other way.. ‘I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.’

  36. So simple yet so true Carmel. Appreciation is confirming, enhancing and to smile from the heart is such a natural response.

    1. And can brighten another’s day for hours without imposing or being misunderstood.

  37. Our relationships change when we stop criticising each other and appreciate the qualities we bring, and we definitely need to start with appreciating ourselves and fully accepting how great we truly are.

    1. Love it Carmel – I am certainly learning to appreciate myself more and more and with this comes a deeper acceptance of myself an the grandness within. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.

  38. If I think about how young children know and feel what is happening all the time and how they want to respond it highlights the fact that we drop this and learn another way that is not so true.

  39. I agree Carmel that ‘truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.’, and this for me is what life is all about. True connection, connection to love with ourselves and others is what bring the realness, the truth and the joy to life reminding us that who we are is far greater that being ‘polite’ and ‘nice’.

  40. Children naturally like communicating, they love connecting – sad that we see so many children full of sweets and foods that dulls that connection and instead encourages emotional stimulation that will leave them and parents exhausted.

    1. Yes they do – love connecting. I was shopping this morning and observed several young ones in their supermarket trolley seat watching me. I smiled back – we met each other – a beautiful moment of connection their mother had no idea about.

  41. How often we do that, we ask others to perform in a way that fits our perception of what is deemed to be right in society. After reading this blog a few months ago, I have been asking myself – what would happen if we taught children to be honest rather than good? When posing this question to parents, I can see them freaking out. Freaking out because it exposes that we don’t want children to be honest, we want them to act in our play.

  42. Appreciation is a bit like looking through a magnifying glass to enjoy and maximize what is right in front of us. It opens up a space to bask in to discover that something can be so simple and ordinary yet breathtakingly beautiful and magnificent at the same time.

  43. When my flat mate expresses her appreciation of me, it is so very healing to receive, my whole body relaxes and settles in the confirmation of what I myself felt and what another has seen and then fed back.

  44. humm I really like this exercise you did ‘listening to others with appreciation’ and feel to bring this into my day. I can already feel how potentially life changing it is for everyone involved!

  45. There is such a huge difference felt when we smile in a true way rather than smiling to be recognised or accepted by another, one comes with a neediness the other smile comes with the joy felt in the body.

  46. To be fair, my parents never instructed me to “smile”. But, as I grew older I actually learned that it is what people liked to see – but there’s a catch there, it’s not that people like to see the genuinely in a smile, but the protection. When we smile out of protection we actually comfort people in that what they’re doing is okay, even if what they’re doing is not okay.

  47. When our eyes connect with each other it can be the equivalent of an awesome hello in which no words need to be said.

  48. When we met another from the depth of our being it feels like the whole world lights up in a very gentle and loving way.

  49. I’m engaged in a small group that writes about appreciation even day and it is beautiful to feel how taking such a positive attitude to everything can completely turn our lives around.

  51. Yes – accordingly we have a lot of opportunity to appreciate us, in our many silly and serious ways. When we allow our naturalness to be ; being it smiling when we feel to, look someone in the eyes, connecting to our joy etc.etc. , we come to find that those ‘needed smiles’ are no longer needed, because being your naturalness is enough for you to be all of that.

  52. I recently had to waif for half an hour to be seen at a Government Department (In Australia); there were a lot of people waiting and not many seats left. Normally like most people I would choose to sit at least one space away from anyone so as not to impose and to be in my own space, but there were no such spaces available and I chose to sit next to an Aborigine lady and we got talking. It turned out to be a fascinating and educational conversation and I really appreciated the connection we made. I live in a street with several Aborigine families and I am slowly getting to meet them; it turned out this lady was the cousin of one of the men who lives down the road who I speak with most days.

  54. Today I had an experience with a young girl where we spent a short time together and I painted her nails. When we met up with her parents they said to her “Make sure you say thank you”. She turned and said thank you and it had nothing on the true thank you I’d had moments before where it came from her heart.

    1. We are brought up to be polite with words and expressions that are expected of us, but that takes away the spontaneity of us feeling and expressing whatever is there to be expressed.

      1. And how imposing it is on us when we are told what and when to appreciate and how to respond.

  55. I was amazed the other day to notice how when I truly smiled from my heart when I saw someone and I totally let them in with no holding back or reservations, they opened up too and I though what if that is the one moment of the day he felt truly met and seen for who he is. Wow what power and responsibility is in a smile.

  57. We so often look at the negatives in a situation and in our own behaviour we forget to observe and appreciate the millions of things that are there to be appreciated – small details lead to larger details – we need to completely change our approach to life.

  58. Appreciation is a quality needed in our way of living for us to start to see just how gorgeous we all naturally are. In that appreciation is a unifying quality offering connection and a natural pull to go deeper with each other in how we express and what we share.

  59. Appreciation opens the door to a deeper connection with others as when we are in (giving or receiving) appreciation it warms us as well as warms others. With that there is no surprises that a smile comes from deep within.

  60. What a sweet and yet quite magnificent blog. It’s true that judgement gets in the way of our being open to appreciation and that appreciation is a beautiful confirmation of our worth and allows for a deeper relationship with ourselves and others, When I feel judgement creeping in I pull it up immediately and gently let it be known that there is no room for judgement in this body and as I surrender the love comes flooding in to fill the space that judgement was about to claim.

  61. ‘Judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation’, I love this line, it’s also true for how we talk and feel about ourselves.

  62. Appreciation is such an important foundation for life. The smile that beams out is so very natural. You just can’t help it.

  63. From my observation children are generally raised, as you have expressed Carmel, to ‘do the right thing’ yet it seems we are not questioning whether this way of living is supportive. It appears we assume these forced behaviours are part of living as a respectable human being yet ignore the fact that they rob us of our natural expressions with each other.

    1. I agree, Thomas, we think it is important to always be polite and it is important always to treat people with decency and respect. We can speak a Truth without any judgement, without emotion and if, for them it is an uncomfortable truth then so be it, we need to express it if the impulse we feel is true and not in reaction to anything else. If we don’t express what is there to be expressed then we are holding back and making ourselves ill.

  64.  ‘It showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation’. This is such valuable wisdom Carmel. When love and appreciation are felt we leave no room for judgment to enter.

  65. With judgement we can feel superior and safe “distant from that specific situation or person”.
    But what if that is actually the energetic imprint we give in our relationships with others. Plus is this safety, actually safe or actually very imprisoning and lonely?
    To judge we have to separate as we all have a free will to choose and live life — who are we to judge another? Powerful blog that presses on the right and such important (urgent) bottons and asks the needed questions. Become aware and ponder on these.. When we seek truth we will always find it.

  66. A smile from that divine place deep within, not from being polite or of obeying any etiquette, is an invitation for others to connect to that same divine place in themselves too.

  67. It’s actually disgusting to feel how underneath a smile made with no real connection is an energy of avoiding true connection in the first place. Being polite actually feels imposing as you are trying to be something rather than simply just be you.

  68. It is interesting to consider that we have a true smile, that emanates from deep within and is genuine and invites us to connect, while we too have that superficial smile, that we might have learned from young because we were told to do so. But in this superficial smile there is a protection, like how a dog is showing his teeth, telling you to not come any closer.

    1. This is true, Nico, when we understand that our body language can be read by everyone, what is the point of offering a smile that is not truly from the heart – it’s like telling a lie. Our body always tells the truth so even if our lips are forming the shape of the smile there will be a part of us that tells a different story. Too many of us learn to shut people out at an early age and we miss out on the true brotherhood available to us all.

      1. Indeed Carmel. But the question remains with me that while in fact we all know this, that we actually do love people to the bones and want to connect deeply all the time, why have we made life about protection and security in which we try to avoid this connection continuously?

  69. There are some great comments here, thank you, every one deepens our appreciation of a true smile. I recently sat with a friend in hospital and as we sat in silence just enjoying being with each other, our smiles deepened and we commented on how much we appreciated each others company with no need for conversation.

  70. This is beautiful Carmel. When we listen with appreciation, we are allowing space – and this space the other gets to feel themselves. It is a very precious stop moment – and how beautiful it would be if this is what we allowed for each other – our children absolutely included.

  71. In fact you can say that we have bastardised our smiles as they often do not come from that inner place of sacred stillness we all carry within, but instead are from complying to a picture, like being polite and to not to show our real face.

  72. Thank you Carmel, listening with appreciation is something I am going to do, and explore that with everyone. Your observations of children really show how there is so much communication is already being exchanged without the need for the child to be made to smile.

  73. I have had this experience too Carmel – to me it highlights how deeply affected everyone alive has been by not feeling loved. We are so scarred by feeling rejected in our life, we gear everything around making others feel safe. If only we could see that this just perpetuates the misery, after all, we were the ones who dropped the Love ball in the first place. This rejection seems real but is just a game.

  74. Yesterday I spent some time with family and a young baby who is not yet one. Everyone was so determined to get him to smile, they even threw him (gently) in the air to get him to change his expression. Yet this didn’t work but when I looked in his eyes and held him on my chest he seemed to communicate so much more than you could ever say – the universe and the stars were in there too with the rich colour and his big retinas too – amazing! It felt so great and like we knew exactly how each other felt. So why do we so callously settle for a surface expression on our face when we are always saying so much with our every cell, if we just are willing to stop and listen? Thank you Carmel for helping me stop today.

    1. Oh wow – a moment of truth – the need to have a baby smile is a symptom of our general neediness and when we love ourselves from the inside out, it gives a baby permission to love themselves too and not to feel they have to perform for anyone. I love this sharing, thank you Joseph.

  75. In my upbringing I too was told to be polite and be friendly with people while nothing in my body felt to express in this way. I can now feel that with this imposition I was told to not listen to this inner feeling but instead to neglect these and instead made politeness and being friendly as my way in life.

    1. This instruction to be polite or be nice is insidious in our society and a child who speaks absolute truth is sometimes considered rude and told off. As a result we live from lie to lie, no-one getting the reflections they truly need and so nothing changes.

      1. Exactly Carmel, nothing changes and we keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. While we think we are advancing on the outside, we actually are not and keep each other in this conundrum of not living the truth that lives within.

  76. Appreciation helps encourage more appreciation, and can definitely bring a smile to our faces.

  77. I can relate appreciation of another with a smile by being with myself. For eg as I walk in the joy of being consciously present with my body I cannot help but be open and warm to others by receiving them from the warmth and appreciation of who I am.

    1. Indeed Rik, everything we experience is a reflection of how we live our lives, as what we live within we will meet in the outer world.

  78. Medicine talks about ways to keep our heart healthy and learning to appreciate is definably a great way to do this.

    1. Very true Elizabeth for it not only opens our heart but the heart of others. So really its great community medicine as well.

  79. Appreciating another is also an appreciation of one’s own qualities and a double love bomb. Appreciating another is an opportunity to see the essence of who we all are and that is an awesome opportunity of connection we can encounter always.

  80. That sounds a great idea Carmel, listening with appreciation, ‘and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.’

  81. I love it when I meet someone I don’t know and the moment of lights up with the joy of connection and a smile burst back – just the same as with a friend I know intimately.

    1. Jenny, this is lovely – I am discovering the same thing – in the past I wouldn’t have dared look a stranger in the eye – now I smile and say hello to everybody and (they don’t all respond) sometimes I get the most amazing smile back, as you say, a beautiful moment of connection with another human being.

  82. It’s possible to smile and greet someone in mild irritation, to present a nice face but underneath be saying ‘I disagree with every word you speak’. It’s common to put on a front that seems pleasant to others eyes, but below that be upset or jealous of them. No wonder we are sceptical and cautious to accept and embrace the smiles that we see everyday. Yet all of this does not discount and cannot block out the simple fact that we also have immense power to convey the truth, God’s Love and grace, just in a single look. The difference is just the intention and energy we choose to do these things in. This great example that you give Carmel shows how every act in life can become magical and loving too if you connect to you and remember the truth.

  83. I was recently part of a women’s day presented by Natalie Benhayon and we participated in a practical exercise where we were appreciating each other’s qualities – it was amazing, and I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time, with in appreciating the others in my group and in appreciating myself – it makes such a difference to our day when we appreciate everything and everyone around us.

  84. You just can’t fake a true smile as it does things to the whole of your body not just the lips, ever part of your body shines and emanates that warmth and glow that a smile is. Anything else is just a poor version of what really lies within.

  85. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” Absolutely Carmel and it also deeply confirms each person too and that feels so very beautiful and so very needed too. Thank you.

  86. I am often aware of how many opportunities in a day there are to have these smiles that grow and grow Carmel. There are opportunities with every person I meet, and when I skip over them or find myself trying to get out of connecting as fast as I can, then I really miss out and I quickly feel the regret. It is part of self-care to let the appreciation and connection settle into the body.

  87. Yes Carmel, we are instructed by our parents from a very young age to be polite, smile and/or hug adults. Its interesting to observe how often young children don’t want to.

  88. What I love about babies is they do exactly what they are feeling, they really look at you, they refuse to look at you etc they don’t do anything to please or be polite as you share here Carmel. We call being polite socialisation and a good thing, but in truth it is the opposite of how we should be raising our children or being ourselves. I work with children who have autism and aspergers so they don’t ‘do’ normal social cues that well, but I love that they just say what they are feeling or thinking, but we find that awkward and rude. We are along way off from being ourselves on a daily, moment by moment basis.

    1. This is so beautiful, Vanessa, society may describe the children you work with as ‘abnormal’ but from what you write, they are the normal ones because they are still in touch with their natural expression.

  89. Children have a heightened level of sensitivity something we forget as adults. They are beautifully clear and very aware energetically of what they feel around them but they begin very early in their lives over-riding this innate way of being in the world. What an lovely experience to have re-connected you Carmel back to the true essence felt in a natural smile. As I feel appreciation in my body now, I can feel a natural curve playing with my lips as a smile begins to find its way out.

  90. Listening to others with judgment is so insidious that most of the time we do not recognise that we are doing so. Realising this, as you share Carmel, is a game changer that opens up a whole new way of relating with people, which I have found cannot help but result in the appreciation of them.

  91. With developing appreciation of myself so I have found it is so much easier to appreciate others and to smile from my heart.

  92. I am learning that appreciation is a full body experience and it is not something we give but something we enjoy together with another person.

  93. Carmel it’s great what you share about how we easily listen with judgement rather than appreciation. What we don’t realise in that moment, that energy is felt by the other,our body language is so obvious that we don’t even need to say the words. But when we truly are smiling from within and appreciating ourselves and another, in that moment, that is truly felt and that’s when they too cannot but smile back in truth.

  94. A smile explosion! I love it Carmel and can definitely feel here, and recall for myself, times in which that same kind of warmth has grown in my body and bubbled up into an uncontainable and delightfully contagious smile. Delicious : )))

  95. You cannot fake a smile. People know if you are putting on an act or not. No one is dumb when it comes to this level of communication with each other. Sometimes a fake smile is the most imposing as it is covering up something that is not wanting to be shown.

  96. I agree, when we appreciate others and ourselves it is like a light bulb goes off inside. We fill ourselves up when we appreciate.

  97. Learning to smile for others when it does not come from a true impulse deep within, is one of the first signs of a child choosing to shut down their clairsentience (their ability to feel the world) and opting instead to play ball with the societal ‘norms’ (that have strayed so very far from our true normal) that keep us living in separation to the great love that we are.

    1. That is true, Liane, and we can feel the difference: when a child smiles from its innate natural joy, we can’t help but smile back and we can feel it through our whole body, whereas when a child smiles politely, we move our lips into a smile to be polite back, but it’s not a whole body experience.

  98. “it showed me how much I listen with judgment..” Until I read this I hadn’t quite realised that so often our default position is to listen with judgement, to wait for the other to say something we can use to justify our feelings of either superiority, inferiority or any other position. It’s a truly awful way to be with ourselves and others and will only foster comparison, separation and more judgement. Appreciation is the powerful antidote that wipes out judgement in one fell swoop.

  99. I have come to understand that appreciation is a total science, it keeps deepening, and the more I express with it in my movements the more beauty and joy is reflected back to me confirming that which within.

  100. What teaches children manners is the fact that they are respected at the same and equal level to adults – then they will naturally respect and express in a way that is true to the situation, with respect.

  101. It’s beautiful how true appreciation doesn’t leave room for judgement and that doesn’t mean that we can’t be discerning of the energy another is coming with but that we don’t react to it if they feel off by condemning them.

    1. This is such a great observation, Fiona, we often react emotionally to other people and what they do or say, but if we can read the situation that helps us to understand and see past the behaviour to the beautiful essence within. We all have a reason for doing what we do, and if it comes from a past hurt, there is nothing to judge. We certainly do not need to take anything personally because it is all down to energy.

  102. Beautiful Carmel, our smiles are an extension of our love, joy and appreciation.

  103. Appreciation is such a fundamental key to our livingness, it is one thing we crave, and yet cannot give it to ourselves. Perhaps, once we have mastered it, we can inspire others, particularly parents, to live with appreciation for absolutely everything, because even the Bad Stuff is teaching us something by reflection.

  104. Appreciation is really important, and beautiful to read how through appreciation of yourself, you were able to smile and expand the joy with everyone else, it is lovely when we smile from the inside out, and everyone gets to feel it and join it.

  105. When we smile from who we are we cannot but help to light the world with the warmth of our glow.

  106. Gorgeously and simply put Carmel – appreciation is the antidote to judgement and thus it is the quality that allows us to see another for who they (and we) truly are and not the layers that may get in the way of this essence.

  107. Appreciation can not be played down for how powerful it truly is. Learning to appreciate myself has had a huge impact on all my relationships as I am develop more love and acceptance of myself this has naturally extended to everyone I now connect with.

    1. This is true, Anna, when we appreciate ourselves it gives us a confidence which takes away the anxiety about what other people think, therefore we are less needy in our relationships, which leaves other people free to be themselves.

  108. Agree Carmel, sometimes we smile just because but I have also found that a smile can actually confirm the joy that I hold within me but are not always accepted and being let out so the smile can also be at least for me a rewiring of the picture I hold myself restricted by.

  109. In the appreciation of oneself there is a confirmation or a reminder if you like of all that we are, so when we appreciate others we are also confirming them which they can feel and their sweet smile shines through.

  110. I so loved that blog Carmel, it’s so simple. When we appreciate another nothing but love flows through our body. Appreciation being the key to living the love we are.

  111. Reading through some of the comments above reminds me how we often adapt our behaviour to give off a certain image, to please others, or to keep the peace, but that is not a true representation of who we are. When we let ourselves be fully seen, warts and all, and we are open to truly seeing and feeling others, there is a whole different level of communication that feels amazing.

  112. Your words remind me Carmel of looking at a stunning sunset and how there’s a warm feeling inside that just rises up. It is like you can’t help but feel connected to nature and wonder and so it’s almost impossible not to smile, even if it is just on the inside. This morning I went walking in a market and practiced feeling the connection that was there between me and everyone else. The more I did this, the more I found people just started to open up and be with me. From here the smiles we shared felt amazing, confirming, instead of looking for, the beauty we are.

  113. Reading this I felt like smiling, and it is true what you have written Carmel, when we genuinely smile it comes with a different quality than smiling because we have to, and is infectious.

  114. I love observing children they are some of our greatest teachers. I know if I have any expectation from them in either returning a smile or saying something they just look at me slightly bemused and walk away. Children can feel if there is anything other than truth being presented to them.

  115. From very young, I have had this belief that I looked angry/miserable/serious without a smile and that was repelling people away, and there have been some periods when I was very conscious to smile to show that I am not angry/miserable/serious. But the truth is I WAS angry/miserable/serious and I don’t think putting on a smile changed anything.

    1. Well said, Fumiyo, the rest of our body language will tell the truth and our put on smile will only generate a feeling of mistrust. That’s why we may feel that certain sales people are untrustworthy because their smile is laced with a need to close the sale.

  116. The quality that is felt, of a smile that is naturally shared as the result of a loving and honouring connection with another, is a deep confirmation of the oneness that we are from, appreciated and known as such in the moment. With this quality of smile there is a divine richness that is shared, in our being together in Soulfulness.

  117. Your words today leave me reflecting Carmel, how much of our lives are tainted by reciprocation. If we see someone offer something we offer it back. We listen to tales of woe and say ‘oh yes that happened to me too’. Like a multiple choice quiz we know exactly the answer that should be supplied, in each situation and happily fill in the blanks. But is it true, is this how we really feel? Is this what we actually had to say? For when a connection is there, there’s no need for this game of energetic ping pong at all.

    1. ‘…this game of energetic ping pong’ what a great expression! Yes we do follow up stories with more stories or swap experiences, this is so true! It’s like sharing a brotherhood but in a false way.

  118. I was just walking into my house when I felt it was time to slow down and be present with myself and my movements and how much I appreciate being with others and the smile that connection brings.

  119. Reading this blog Carmel has allowed me to appreciate the little moments I have at work with the many customers who come my way. I have one little baby girl who comes in with her mum quite often and we always have a deep look into each others eyes. Her mum always wonders why she does this and I simply tell her she is admiring the beauty she knows she is. We always have a laugh and a chat and it feels so lovely to note that we don’t have to hold this for just children but we can have these moments of connection with everyone. A very cool way to spend a day at work.

  121. When parents carry a picture of how they and their children have to be in the world, we have to play certain games to fit in and be accepted, to appear good and nice. Living according to pictures keeps the world in a comfort zone, where truth is being hidden and reflections for evolution are not lived.

    1. I have seen great evil cloaked in a smile and if we do not discern the quality of that smile as either expressing the warmth of love or not, we will fall hook, line and sinker for it every time.

      2. It goes to show the importance of discerning by what we feel and not just going with what we see with our eyes, because when we feel what is going on we can be aware if the smile is coming from deep joy or an emptiness

  122. I love the concept of connecting deeply to another and listening with appreciation rather than any form of judgment… this is something the world is truly lacking and as such is suffering from.

  123. What a sweet blog Carmel. You remind me how so often I make conversation not because there is something to say, but to relieve a tension. That tension seems to come simply from what I feel. Sometimes I sense that if I just cleared this conversational junk out of the way, I would not be able to stop myself from feeling the love and care that is there and the connection that is possible with everyone around. Rather than choosing to fill in life with obstacles and verbal walls, today I am inspired to experience and feel and appreciate.Thank you.

    1. Wow! I love what you have shared Joseph, and along with what Carmel has contributed I feel that our evolution is founded on this kind of open expression.

    2. This is a great comment, Joseph, to talk in order to relieve tension, yes, I think I do that too – the silence feels awkward because in the silence we are feeling and the talking stops us from feeling, as you say, the love and connection that is naturally there. Perhaps the tension is us not living and expressing the love that we naturally are.

  126. Carmel the insidious nature of being polite is something that you’ve clearly exposed deeply harms our children, in many ways it is abusive to ask someone to smile or say hello when they don’t truly feel to do so. Asking someone to do this because we are wanting to be polite further compounds the issue, the problem and the child soon learns that what they feel is less important than playing the game.

  127. From the other side of the counter as a customer I also find connecting to people, who appreciate a smile and being connected to, in a way so that they can be open and natural in their conversations. This brings a joy and smile to faces on every occasion.

  128. Truly listening and observing others is an art that we appear to have lost in the hustle and bustle of modern day life. But it is an art we definitely all need to all resurrect to revitalise our quality of relationships we have with each other.

  129. There is no need to be ‘nice’ because that has a horrid, sticky energy, that can feel draining. It’s far better to simply be open to feeling what is needed in each moment and express from there, with no imposition.

  130. This is beautiful Carmel: “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience”.
    By this one sentence, and the addition of this one life – it is known that through loving appreciation of oneself, appreciating another is just simply a heart-warming growth, just like loving yourself!

  132. When we listen with absolute presence, we are given everything that needs to be said in that moment without a moments thought.

  133. Doing what we are told instead of doing what we feel, is a sure way of learning to disconnect from our innate ability to read, feel and respond to energy i.e our clairsentience.

  134. Recently I was writing an email on what I felt might be a difficult subject and I had no idea how the recipient was going to respond. I went through all sorts of drafts, it took hours, and the one I truly clocked was the one in which I was trying to be ‘nice’. It was long and complicated and didn’t feel great. It’s funny how we feel the need to apologise, justify, and weasel our way out of problems we’ve created… all so that other people will ‘like’ us. In the end I made it polite and short, just saying what I needed to say with no fluff – and had a beautiful response back. We can waste a lot of time being ‘nice’ and it is not necessary.

  135. .”And that is what I am learning – to appreciate – both with others and myself.” Gorgeous Carmel. We are so quick to judge and condemn. Appreciation serves everyone and then those who receive it go on to appreciate others……

  136. Thank you Carmel for spelling this out so clearly as often I get caught in going into judgement or reaction to others and to hold them in appreciation feels like a simple and great way to undo this pattern. I guess when we appreciate someone we are connecting with their essence and their qualities and seeing that first before anything else including any behaviours or traits that we may find disturbing.

  137. Recently, I have been in judgement of another and was not listening with appreciation. But the reflection was in how much I still judge myself ( an ingrained pattern of mine). Time to let that old habit go…..

  139. ‘Listening with appreciation’…..as I read you blog Carmel, I could feel how much I also listen in judgement, not from the appreciation first. I just had such an aha moment and that others would feel that is how I listen. I will be looking at how I listen going forward and more importantly, listening with appreciation first.

    1. What a great tool to teach so many work places as we go about our daily meetings and relationships with colleagues. This is what brings true harmony that is so amiss on so many levels of our daily interactions.

  140. I will have to try the exercise of listening with appreciation. I am so interested to see what I find. We don’t know if we are judgemental till we choose to shine a spotlight on our own behaviour.

  141. Yes Carmel…. a real smile is felt as well as seen, it comes from our whole bodies as we open up and let the world see us rejoice. There is so much healing in a true smile. whereas in the one that is put on and sadly encouraged today, it is the opposite – the false smile communicates that shutting down is the way to be and that above all else you must perform, perform, perform… in order to be accepted in life.

  142. Something I have noticed is how we can be smiling from our whole body even when on the phone and you can’t help but notice that the person on the other end can feel it too.

  143. I had a reminder yesterday that so few people actually appreciate themselves and what they bring to the world. A dear friend was turning 70 and retiring. He is such a caring, gentle and genuine man and I could feel how he brought so much wisdom and life experience to the mainly male employees of the company he worked for, but he expressed his total surprise at the deep level appreciation that was shown to him at his farewell. When I said that I wasn’t surprised at this response and that maybe he wasn’t appreciating himself as much as others did, he was stopped in his tracks, finally responding ‘maybe I don’t.’ He is definitely not alone; I for one acknowledge that it has taken me a very long time to truly appreciate me, and I am only now coming to understand why.

  144. At the checkout this week I experienced a couple who absolutely avoided eye contact – it was an extraordinary experience – they focused only on the shopping and their eyes did not raise up to mine at all, even with payment (by card) and taking the receipt. I’m use to not getting a lot but this felt so disconnected, I felt sad. The warmth of just a fleeting glance into another human being’s eyes can make such a difference to our day, feeling that momentary connection that reminds us of who we truly are.

  145. Carmel, this is a special blog and a warning to all parents to allow children their own natural expression (without pandering and relinquishing the parenting role) rather than imposing a way of living.

    1. I agree Joel, I know as a parent I have imposed on my child to smile or be polite instead of allowing her to express what she feels.

  146. This blog made my whole body light up with appreciation. Thank you Carmel for sharing and allowing me to feel through your gracious words that that is all that is needed to deepen my connection to my soul!

  147. I too work at a supermarket and absolutely love those moments where I connect with a customer – I always feel more energised after an encounter like that

  148. Inspired by Chris James on the recent UK Healing Power of Sound Retreat, I have been noticing the ‘mask’ I wear which communicates to the world that I am friendly, approachable, open, safe….. But in truth it is a false face, an unreal face that stops others from being able to see me fully, that supposedly protects me from the world, that I use to feel accepted and liked…. I’ve been focusing on letting go of this mask since then and the effect on my body has been profound. I also feel I can see clearly – like a fog has lifted from before my eyes. Interestingly though, those who know me as a smiley person have been asking if there’s something wrong with me. Just shows me that others can also invest in us being a certain way and when we change this, becoming more honest and real, it’s not always welcomed.

  149. Reading this reminded me that when I was a teenager I used to joke and smile but feel really sad and unsettled inside. But what I particularly remember is that on a few occasions when I actually felt lovely inside and more connected with myself and was not putting on a front people saying to me what is wrong with you are you ok.

    1. As you say, it is the connection that matters – when we ignore the outer mask of niceness or even anger if that is what is being presented, we can feel to the deeper essence of a person and feel the innate love that is there. When we feel that, they know that we feel that, and the connection is there.

  151. What you share about meeting children and they have to smile reminds me on a story I heard, that we give hands when we meet is going back to ‘the time’ where we did so to show that there is no weapon in our hands. We are polite to show that we are nice people, not want to fight. But this habits can be faked – can they not? I can have a dagger hidden in my clothes or other hand and I can wear a mask of politeness while I hurt with words. In fact we can not trust this masks and behaviors – they can be fake. What we can trust is our feelings and awareness. As you describe Carmel how you did feel the true meaning behind the words that appreciated you, you’ve got a sense of their truth and so – respond from your body.

  152. When we look at anyone or anything in judgement we can feel ourselves harden and contract and when we look at anyone or anything in appreciation we can feel ourselves open up and expand. A simple choice!

  155. I was walking around today and noticed a friend and actually clocked he was not smiling but upon recognising me we smiled and said hollow hello. I then felt to smile and be happy and this left me feeling not so good so I gave up being happy and reconnected to my joy and felt an immediate change in my body. So to me it is all about the energy you are in, never in the smile – bring back the joy!

  156. Our inner-smile or ‘from deep inside’ never leaves me unless I get caught in recognition and happiness and this is what happened to me the other day. Now my inner-smile comes from joy! I have found happiness passed very quickly and it left me feeling terrible so I quickly renounced the happiness and went back to being joy-full, this was a great lesson.

  157. “In my part-time work at a supermarket checkout many families come through every day and I enjoy looking into the eyes of the babies and children because I find that in the way they look at me they are truly seeing me and feeling who I am, exploring who or what is there to be felt. So I look at them and sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing more needs to be said or done.” These are beautiful, honest and truthful connections so why does it make people feel so uncomfortable that they encourage their children to be “nice” instead?

  158. Connection is more then an eye glance or a exchange of lovely words.

    It is a connection acknowledging that the connection was never discounted but to appreciate and respect the connection was always there.

  159. Thank you Carmel I am loving reading your blogs as they are simple truths that come from your observations of life that many can relate to. They remind me how important it is to be myself. Appreciation of ourselves and others is a great key to a genuine smile. I love to smile but seem to have an assortment of different smiles up my sleeve. To simplify life I can see that I can clear out those smiles I do lip service to and instead embrace my beautiful ‘light up the world’ smile that comes from deep within!

    1. ’embrace my beautiful ‘light up the world’ smile that comes from deep within!’ Beautiful words, Kathleen and how light the world can be when we all meet each other that way

  160. Lovely blog. I feel the same when I am with people on a walk, for example, and we are able to appreciate being with each other and being in nature without necessarily having to talk and certainly not trying in any way to please each other. This true connection that we can have with others is a blessing and feels very wholesome.

  161. Such an important blog Carmel, we have a responsibility to appreciate not only ourselves but others too. As you say, when you are do this, the other cannot help but respond genuinely and openly.

  162. Appreciation is the antidote to all sorts of bad feeling. Starting with ourselves we can then truly appreciate others and all they bring.

  163. When we ask children or adults to perform we are asking them to disconnect from their true expression. I understand that it’s important to be courteous and polite but this need not mean that we have to unduly ‘please’ others.

    1. It is interesting to ponder on the energy of being ‘nice’ when we can feel how false it is, it is so much a part of our ‘polite’ society, it makes you wonder what else in our daily communications is false.

  164. A great article Carmel, when I appreciate myself I cannot help but appreciate others and this joy simply bubbles up and reflects out to others in our shared joy.

  165. I agree Carmel, when I am in appreciation of life, of myself and everyone else there is a smile on my face, naturally so – I do not have to force it or fake it, it is simply the joy I feel inside that emanates out.

  166. Appreciation is actually the key to true understanding, for it helps to expand our awareness beyond the narrow bandwidth of judgement and condemnation.

  167. Interesting that so many comments have picked up on the use of appreciation – in a recent encounter I found myself being very critical of other people but realised that it was a cover for my own judgement of myself. When I changed to appreciating the other people, and how much they have done that is amazing, it changed the whole tone of the conversation. How many workplace issues could be changed to a positive outcome with some simple appreciation?

    1. Love what you have shared Carmel, the concept of appreciation is expanding for me as I read your blog and comments. I feel I have never fully appreciated myself and what others bring. As I deepen and ponder on my relationship with appreciation I can clearly feel how it is intertwined with love for If I do not lovingly appreciate all I bring how can I appreciate what another brings and not in comparison but in their own unique way because we all have a different aspect of God to appreciate!

  168. Carmel I love what you have shared especially following sentences as it is exactly what I discovered as well: “. . . it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.”

  169. An awesome blog to re-visit and be reminded of the simplicity and power of appreciation in our lives. Appreciating myself has been key to deepening the relationship with myself and with others, how great if this was taught in all school to support and inspire children.

  170. To receive a smile from another person that is full of appreciation and love definitely warms our hearts and we can’t help but reflect the same back. If we all express from this same level of appreciation and love not only with our smiles but with all that we express, imagine how powerful this is?

  171. Children offer us a great reflection of how to ‘be’ naturally – and a true smile is definitely heart-warming!

  172. Great reminder to listen and express with appreciation, leaving no space for judgement and then others get to feel the real you and share a true smile together.

  173. That polite smile has recently been feeling more and more of an effort than I was previously aware of, it comes from a ‘I have to do this’ that stems from when we are little as you’ve shared Carmel it’s taught to us so early as well as rules of not being able to smile at certain people case they ‘get the wrong idea’. All this controlling of something as simple as a smile – what other natural expressions have had rules imposed upon them?
    Appreciation is an amazing piece of medicine for life and something that I couldn’t do without now, appreciation of my choices that allow me to feel the difference between the polite and a true smile, a polite connection or a true connection with people. Appreciation brings a certain quality to life that draws us up and out of the checking out and withdrawing from life and other people and allows us to see that it’s not all doom and gloom but can actually be very light and enjoyable.

  174. I think the key to connect with self and others is through appreciation. It is a bridge that we can see traits in others, that we appreciate that are also in us or it inspires and calls us to be more. Life with them becomes a constant cycle of confirmation and inspiration. Why wouldn’t you want to connect with people and smile?

  175. Carmen, re-reading your blog I felt how important it is to let others in by being open without any judgment of ourselves and others but just the appreciation of the power and responsibility of our reflection.

  176. From reading your blog again made me realise how I still smile with politeness instead of appreciation. I also appreciate the times when I do smile with love and appreciation how lovely that feels. I love the part where you share about listening to people with appreciation instead of judgement or comparison. What a great point to raise, I realise I do not always listen to people with this level of appreciation. It is so awesome to now be more aware of this and choose to listen and move with appreciation more consistently.

  177. The connection with children through their eyes is always a loving relationship that is never veiled by the things we spend a lifetime collecting to hide from the world and others. Could, wearing sunglasses indoors be our final method of protecting our self from others?

  178. Oh the emptiness of a false smile or a pinned on smile, one that tries to hide real sadness or irritation or boredom. And yet when we are smiling with an authenticity that comes from that warmth within that you describe here, it’s contagious and those false or pinned on smiles that were in front of us can change and reflect back to us something really true within a nano-second.

  179. ‘That judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation’, When we feel the essence of another we can’t help but feel the appreciation for them, for we feel the love that we all come from.

    1. I agree, Kim, once we get past what the eye sees or what the mind thinks it sees and feel deeper, the essence of every person is a reflection of our own.

  180. Accepting another’s appreciation of us, is as you say a heart warming experience, that we can open up to. Appreciation brings so much joy in our accepting and allowing, that we are all love and that we all come from love.

    1. Absolutely Jill, the more we accept and appreciate ourselves the more we allow the appreciation of another to be felt.

  181. Appreciation adds so much more depth and quality to all our relationships, including our own personal relationship with ourselves, and our own personal relationship with evolution.

  182. Listening to others with appreciation whole heartedly totally muscles out any room for judgment…. love it Carmel! Awesome blog thankyou!

  183. Absolutely gorgeous and Inspiring Carmel! I so know what you mean about a true smile, it is so heart warming to receive one and for one to bubble up and come out. Connection is instant, and then we have to do the next part – appreciation and the enjoyment of that connection. What I love is how this can be in our everyday things in life like shopping, cooking, walking and driving!

  184. Thank you Carmel, it felt timely to read and note how appreciation has become more of a focus in Universal Medicine presentations lately and how true it is for me that there is a very natural way of meeting another from a fullness within me, which is open and receiving of another, but not needing anything from them, such as politeness.

    1. Hi Simon, yes, it gets interesting when we start to explore just how much our communications are based on our needs for something back from others rather than simply expressing what needs to be said.

  185. Carmel I remember reading your blog a few years ago, and I definitely noted that though I LOVE to smile I very often smile to be polite and as a kind of safety mechanism, not because I genuinely feel to. Interestingly though I’ve stopped this the majority of the time, sometimes I still feel bad or guilty for not smiling. How crazy to feel bad for being true to yourself, but what an amazing lesson to be reminded of – thank you 🙂

    1. Funny you say this, Meg, because it was picked up in a recent work feedback meeting that I don’t smile so much when I greet customers, so I’m observing this and can feel it’s because I am meeting them fully, not simply smiling to be polite. Having said that, it’s good to be aware of the question ‘Am I meeting them fully?’ because sometimes I am concentrating on the till and not them. The polite smile feels so awful in my body these days, I don’t like doing them any more, but I do find myself walking around smiling a lot simply because I’m enjoying the feeling of being me.

      1. That’s very interesting! I am guessing that every situation is different for you. I do find in general that when I meet someone it’s a natural reaction to smile, not from being polite but just from the joy of them being there.

  186. No coincidence that I’ve read this beautiful sharing today. Only yesterday I really let myself truly feel appreciation in full – a return comment of true appreciation had been made and I gave that my full attention. Just as you share Carmel a delicious warmth and inner glow just filled my body and up came the smile with an acceptance of that gorgeous moment shared between two people. ‘A true smile back’.

    1. Funny how we bat away deep appreciation from others – maybe it is the uncomfortable feeling of the reflection that we don’t appreciate ourselves so deeply – how wonderful that you were able to let this one in, Marion.

  187. It is such a joy to experience truly connecting with another, it may just be, simply eyes meeting or a smile shared, and in that beautiful moment, though maybe only fleeting, a deep love and equality is felt.

  188. When we look at the eyes of a child or baby who also looks at you without any kind of protection, there is something very unique happening: beauty goes to new highs in an encounter where innocence and openess are clearly felt and where you can feel the true depth of a small child, well beyond its age.

  189. I discovered that smiling has been a way to pretend all is okay when it is not, to keep a distance by trying to convince everybody I can do it on my own and I am fine. It is a mask a lot of people are wearing to keep others out. While a smile from inside out is something completely different, it is like you say Carmel is a very heartwarming experience when appreciation and connection from the heart is shared and a smile is naturally coming to the surface.

  190. I still find and I feel always will find, that upon meeting someone that I don’t know, and feeling the warmth in their eyes and the loveliness of a connection instantly made, that this is still delightful, inspiring and always has a lovely reflection of the interconnectedness of us all and how separation really is not who we are.

    1. Chris, I have seen how you meet schoolchildren with a naturalness that offers a true meeting with the safety of knowing that they are OK, and it is glorious to see the beaming smiles of joy on their faces as they experience being truly met, perhaps for the first time in their lives.

  191. I am beginning to realise that appreciation is like glue when I am aware of it, my everyday transforms it into something more remarkable and extremely beautiful and provides a platform for another moment.

  192. That is a beautiful sharing, Carmel and a pleasure, to feel deeper what a natural smile truly is and how true connection results in either sharing the inner joy and a natural smile occurs or sometimes, like it is easily possible with children, the contact goes deeper and smiling isn’t necessary to trust the natural intimacy and two people (also strangers) allow to look at each other in appreciation and contact even without a smile – I love, when this happens – with children and with adults! A smile from politeness creates more distance, a smile from the heart confirms the natural connection.

    2. I know that too Stefanie, that a smile in return from the heart is so confirming that we know each other from deep within, also with completely strangers I meet on the street. And that is very special to me and confirms that we are all equal. The relaxation of my body and firmness that I can feel in it after such a meeting is something that I appreciate as being of great importance to me as this builds the trust in me that when I live with a open heart and let people in, I will not be crushed, but instead be confirmed and reinforced in who I truly am, every time when I meet someone and can show my inner smile that is confirming that we are all the same.

    3. I am aware of having used smiles out of politeness and for a number of other reasons in the past but have experienced the distance it creates as you write. Eventually people start looking at you and you can feel their question…why is he smiling at me again? It creates an unease, distance and face ache! Letting smiles come from the joy felt from within is totally different and all feel the expression of what they know to be them too, drawing people closer in connection.

      1. Face ache! Oh yes…that is familiar. Also the distance between ourselves and others. A smile can be like a sign posted on our face, that says “keep away” from me, a layer of dishonesty that we use to conceal our fear, anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness…
        Who are we hiding those things from?
        Is it as much from ourselves is it from others?
        I know I have smiled to convince myself that I am OK when I am anything but.

      2. Wow, Rachel, I hadn’t seen it that way, that a smile can be an expression of ‘Keep away from me’. It is a dishonest expression, for we are not separate. And oh yes, when we smile to hide an internal grief – that hurts everybody. Genuine smiles are so much more fun.

      3. Great point Michael of the distance that the falsity of the polite smile creates.

  193. Great sharing and inspiration. ‘It showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.’ I have often caught myself listening with judgement and you are so right that the best remedy is to start listening with appreciation and just smile from who we are.

  194. A true smile from the heart is infectious, all you want to do is smile back. This is a beautiful blog Carmel, the joy you have described is heart warming.

  195. Our true smile is that unstoppable confirmation that what has been connected to and felt is Truth. When expression is nurtured and founded from Truth the need to cover up the absence of it with a controlled smile no longer exists.

    1. Well said, Giselle – we cover up the absence of connection with a false smile – so that makes sense and next time I catch myself smiling in a false way, I can use that as a marker to check in and reconnect.

  196. Appreciation is truly amazing, it unlocks our hearts leaving us open to, not only the grace and beauty of another but, of ourselves. As you say Carmel, from this place the truth and depth of our smiles fill our bodies, “span centuries”, even lifetimes, creating a feeling of timelessness and uniting us as one.

  197. A truly beautiful sharing Carmel. When someone smiles at you from a place of joy within it is felt in the heart and through the body. I am always instantly inspired to connect to and appreciate the same within me and the same joy is naturally shared in return, through my body with a smile. I agree that this is a truly harmonious feeling, as the love we are within is known and shared with another.

    1. ‘the love we are within is known and shared with another.’ these words take us to a deeper place of recognition when we truly meet people – one that goes beyond the current time and spans centuries of interaction.

  198. Very lovely appreciating those moments Carmel, “I look at them and sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing more needs to be said or done.” That is one of the most confirming moments we can share together, when nothing need be said because the equalness and mutual understanding is shared and felt – how can we help but smile.

  199. “….much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.” I had not consciously thought about this before but this is so true. With this awareness now I look forward to bringing it into my future interactions.

  200. Such simplicity in this beautiful sharing, Carmel. A smile coming from our innermost is a beautiful confirmation of our appreciation.

    1. I love this Anne, I had to reread as I could feel there was a gem that I hadn’t felt. I reread until the I felt the inner smile which brought great appreciation for myself. Thanks ;).

  201. This blog on asking children to smile at the ‘nice lady’ or ‘nice man’ got me thinking about how many adults rush at babies and are very eager to take them off their carer and hold them. They then often proceed to ‘goo and gah’ at the child. This leaves no space for the baby or younger toddler in arms to have the choice of whether to go to that person or not.
    I now understand why I always feel to stand back, meet the child’s eyes and let them be. That’s what we do with adults. Babies and children of all ages are no different in how they like to be greeted with this loving degree of respect either. Any smiles that then arise are the real thing and an absolute joy to behold.

    1. I remember kissing a little girl goodbye and she wiped her cheek as if to remove the imprint I left there. She was told off by her mum but I realised what had just happened and therefore explained that she could feel the falseness of my gesture. The conversation continued when I explained that she’s probably very sensitive and can feel people and her mother agreed and commented that she had been reluctant to attend certain birthday parties. We may think children are being rude but they are simply being true to themselves and what they feel.

  202. I feel that we don’t even have to be explicitly told to be ‘polite’. It is so ingrained in our society that any, child, baby or adult will fall in the acceptable grooves of society if your own essence is not upheld first.

    The problem of this is that smiling comes from the protection of not wanting to get hurt instead of the pure job Carmel described above.

  203. Love this to listen with appreciation 🙂 thank You for sharing this with us and making us more aware what a true smile is and where it comes from and giving us the understanding of the taught smile the masked one of politeness and niceness. With love Nadine

  204. I’ve recently found that my daughter will identify in photos a fake smile from a real one. It is interesting how adults to not register the joy an amazing young person can be in without needing to shape their face outwardly with a ‘smile’. She recently had a photo taken for an award and standing in her steadiness was not registered by the photographer who showed her how to ‘smile’ ‘for the camera’ – the photo on the award was by her own nomination pretty horrible , it ticked all the visual boxes, but it was not her at all. Give me a true smile anyday, or a no smile joyful child that does not need to look a certain way to be full of heavens love.

    1. ‘full of heavens love’ is a beautiful description and highlights the importance of feeling a person rather then ‘looking’ at them and registering only the smile.

      1. True Carmel – or judging that with no smile, that there is an absence of joy, which is definitely not the case. I can watch my daughter in all her power and beauty, dancing, totally lit up in her own heavenly loveliness – with a totally relaxed face, no outward smile – its not needed.

  206. Wanting a smile from others is an imposition, an investment to fulfill a need of wanting joy confirmed back to us. Asking a child to offer a smile in exchange for something is bullying. If a child gives this smile, it is stopping everyone to evolve; if this child does not give a smile, he/she is labelled as disobedient and difficult. All children can feel this.

    1. Wow, Adele, strong words, I don’t suppose the parents will see it as bullying – those sort of instructions probably come under the title of ‘Politeness Training’. We are trained to be ‘nice’ like saying ‘Thank You’. I have often felt the delighted way a child has received something from me and felt his or her gentle appreciation, even though they’ve said nothing and the parents have got angry and said ‘say Thank you’ in an insistently pushy way. The fact that it is stopping everybody evolving is huge and a good thing for parents to consider.

  207. Smiles are infectious. I love smiling at people and they seem to want to smile back, its all about connection without attachment.

  208. There are some gorgeous comments here, and each one gives me food for further thought, thank you. By way of an update I recently took part in a pairs exercise on a Chris James retreat in which we spent a few minutes telling another person what we appreciated about them and then they did the same to us. It felt beautiful to both give and receive, and made me realise how any jealousy I may have had simply melts away when we appreciate another because we can make a choice – compare myself with everyone and make myself feel less or appreciate everyone and allow them to appreciate me and what’s more, not dismiss their appreciation.

    1. I have recently discovered appreciation is the antidote to jealousy. It doesn’t stop the jealousy but it stops it infiltrating and instead can pass through us allowing us to recognise and appreciate where another person is without hanging on to any of the deep hurt that comes from feeling such behaviour come through even the most dearest of friends/family.

  209. Carmel it does make you stop and feel, how a true smile starts with self appreciation. When we self appreciate we are then open to appreciate others, we allow ourselves to listen and respond back with appreciation and no judgement. This is a great way to make true connection with love and openness.

  210. Carmel this is a lovely sharing of connection to others that can happen anywhere and anytime. It is true that a natural smile is so obviously beautiful as the face of the person lights up and we can see the inner person shining through.

  211. Great observation Carmel… I know I often smile out of politeness. It’s much lovlier when the smile is genuine though, there’s something beautiful about sharing it with another.

  212. ‘So I look at them and sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing more needs to be said or done.’ So true Carmel. I’m in the presence of a six month old baby. When I look into his eyes it’s as if he knows who I am, an eternal and loving connection. I am truly held in that moment, no expectation or judgement. The truest reflection of how we can be.

  213. Yes, Carmel, I have noticed how many parents instruct their children to smile and say hello – as well as give hugs, say thanks, please, excuse me and many other performances that they then learn have to come from their heads and remembered obligations instead of their hearts. And resentment, protection and shut-down develops. I really feel for the kids being pushed out of themselves in this way, and often find a way to let them know that it’s OK not to ‘do’ smiles, hugs and thanks for me unless they feel to. What usually happens next is that the children, after a break from the obligation while they feel into the new situation, start expressing when they feel to, and the hugs and smiles come naturally thereafter, a true meeting between us. Even if not, there is a silent, shared knowing of mutual understanding and appreciation that feels true and complete, and which I love and value beyond all the outward social ‘conventions’. Heart-warming it sure is!

  215. There is, as you point out, a huge difference between a ‘nice’ smile on command and a genuine heart-warming smile that comes from our whole being and body, and everybody can feel it if they but let themselves feel it.

  216. I am back to your blog Carmel because it is such a beautiful reminder of how simple life can be when we appreciate – ourselves and others.
    What I have learned recently is the lack of equalness I have in the way I open myself to people. Some people I am willing to let in. For others I have all the barricades up in the form of my judgments. And for most people there is a degree to which they can come in. This is reflected in my smile and the ease in my body. The people on the “outer rim” get the super faux smile..tacked on to my face like plastic toy. It is a smile from the very surface out, and my body is ramrod stiff. People that I am at ease with get a deeper smile, one that comes from a warm body and openness.
    So here is my question to myself: if I have grades of smiles and grades of allowing people in, am I really letting anyone in, in full, and is anyone getting to see my true smile?
    And what would happen if I just let go, dropped the judgments and the barricades and let people in? It is surely time to find out.

      1. I re-reading this comment and your reply Carmel I can reflect on the months between and contemplate how have I gone with developing my openness to people. What I have learned is how much my willingness to be open is related to how open and deeply caring I am with myself. When I am placing myself under a heavy load of expectation, being too harsh, or letting my level of care slide…that is when I am more likely to push people at arms length.
        What a great lesson in the fact that as we treat ourselves, so do we treat others.

    2. Rachel I agree it is surely time to find out. Judgements can be so subtle but definitely standing in the way for truly letting people in and just having a natural connection. Where do I still make it about myself and am I not willing to accept and allow my grandness to come through for all to join.

      1. I had a wonderful lesson recently. I was working with a dear friend, a person I trust with all my heart and being. The project was a challenging one and without clocking it I had slipped into a controlling mode. I could say that suddenly the love and trust had evaporated and we were tussling over an imaginary issue…the fact is that it was not “sudden” but a distinct series of events that started with the need to make a certain outcome happen.
        It was very subtle, but when considered in relation to the beauty of love and open heartedness not so subtle at all.
        Here is the obvious key – the body. Am I feel warm and released across my chest when I am with someone? Or am I as stiff as a ramrod?Is my face open or tight and held in slightly worried tension?
        This calls for delicate inward attention, equal to the attention I bring to the things I do.

  218. I love the point you make about either listening with judgement or listening with appreciation, this is often a great reflection of how we are with ourselves. If we critique and judge ourselves harshly this is how we view life and others, if we have more understanding, appreciation and love this then gives us a foundation to then be this way with others.

    1. Viewing life from appreciation and letting go of judgement makes all the difference, it feels so much lovelier in the body.

  219. This is gorgeous Carmel. Smiling from a deep inner part of us feels totally different to stretching your mouth across your teeth to be polite! And it’s true when we listen with appreciation it is not possible to judge, we are open and receiving.

    1. Jo, your description of the difference in smiles is hilarious – ‘stretching your mouth across your teeth to be polite!’ I’m still smiling 🙂

    2. The fake stretch of a persons mouth across their teeth in politeness means nothing and feels absolutely empty compared to the real thing, well said Jo.

  220. Thank you for this gorgeous sharing of appreciation the love for each other is truly felt when a smile comes from appreciation of the connection between each other.

  222. Yes – absolutely true Carmel – our way back to love is making it all about people and the relationships and connections we can develop with ourselves and each other.
    “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience”.

  223. What struck me most is your description of an exercise during a Universal Medicine workshop when you say’ “it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation”. Well worth remembering and so true, it can feel as though the judgment is already there before the person has even opened their mouth!

  225. Beautiful blog Carmel. Your example of how a true smile comes from appreciation of a person and the two beautiful ladies who were expressing their appreciation of you and smiling while you were smiling back at them touched me and I couldn’t help but smile with all of you. Thanks for that.

  226. Carmel, feeling the depth of how you accepted the appreciation and accepted it in full is inspiring. How can we not fully bask in the glory that is offered when we deeply accept and appreciate our own beauty. For then when others feel the magnificence and the divine spark that we are emanating from it is a simple joy to share that with them. Your way is absolutely inspiring.

    1. I loved this too Natasha, being able to accept appreciation as well as to give it, is for me the gem in Carmel’s blog. When appreciation is given and received with another there is trust, equality and joy.

      1. Hi Bernadette, So timely for your response to this blog. Appreciation is so very important and I have been given a great sense of it over the last few days. It is the ‘thing’ that brings us back to ourselves and allows us to deeply see and let go of all our hurts that we carry. Most of us have so so much to be appreciative for, and so many of our lives have changed dramatically since meeting Serge Benhayon and to stop and really take stock of how far most of us have come really is just so important. I feel it helps us accept more of out sacredness and our divineness.

  227. ‘Truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart warming experience’ – this is so true Carmel and it reminds me that it cannot be done if I already have an ‘agenda of doing ‘ on my mind when I meet them. Thanks for the reminder! I work in disabilities and some of my clients are not ‘going anywhere or doing’ and they must really feel the difference. I especially see this in aged care with tired staff working under pressure (not enough staff) they already are ‘onto the next room sometimes’ when they are with their client and it feels so awful especially when the clients need some care and they might only talk with the staff in their day.

    1. I have recently joined a local Activity Day Centre for people aged 50+ where the average age seems to be 70+, and it has been interesting having conversations with some of the elderly – for example, with a lady who has dementia, ‘What work did you do?’ or even ‘Whereabouts in Frome do you live?’ is a question she cannot answer, so the conversation is very in the present moment. And for another, who loves to talk and, given an interested audience, doesn’t know when to stop – it has given me a new appreciation of older people who have not had the amazing opportunities I’ve had through Universal Medicine, and I find I walk now through the town with a different perspective – not just in my own little world, but feeling the people around me, noticing their faces, their age, how they are walking, and staying with me at the same time, just feeling more of what’s going on.

      1. I love what you offer here, Carmel: walking through town with the awareness of all the people around you. I started doing that in the big offices I work in too. Walking feeling very present and also aware of each person that is there too. Connecting to them in that acknowledgement and appreciating them. Recently I started feeling when meeting another person, I do not only meet this person, but I also meet their family, friends and people close to them by truly meeting the other.

  228. ” … listen with appreciation … ” Thank you Carmel for this reminder of how to truly be with another and not be ‘protecting’ oneself by judging them or assessing them in some way. If I take a few moments and feel into how it would be when I was saying something and the other was listening to me with appreciation, then I would feel: heard – held – valued – equal – empowered – clearer. That’s quite a list from an act so simple as listening!

    1. So true, Dean, we all can appreciate and the effect, the power is huge. It often melts defenses, hardness and opens us up to connection and to the deepening of love.

    2. Beautiful Dean – ‘an underestimated power we all have access to’. There is so much on offer in the liviing feeling behind this one comment – gold – thank you.

    3. Yes Dean appreciation is definitely underestimated. Its a powerful friend we all have free of charge that is in built within our hearts. When we honour our own power of appreciation, it has snowball effect throughout our life and our connections with others expand.

      2. Appreciation ‘a powerful friend we all have free of charge that is in built within our hearts’. Beautiful Kelly, how can my heart not but expand in appreciation when I read true snow balling comments like that!

    1. Which is totally awesome Heidi because one genuine smile can light up anothers smile which in turns smiles and lights up anothers smile… and the ripple effect of the genuine smile spreads from one person to the next, and the next, and the next in a true pyramid effect…..

  231. Very inspiring Carmel. I loved reading your blog. I very much enjoy smiling. I naturally smile quite often and I can feel my face if I am not smiling when I feel to. My face almost aches. I find that a smile as we walk past people in the supermarket etc is a beautiful offering and connection.

  232. Carmel, this made me consider how much a true smile starts with appreciation of ourselves first, which allows us not only to then appreciate others, but also allows others the opportunity to appreciate themselves. The world definitely needs more ‘true’ smiling.

    1. Beautiful point Angela. Appreciating ourselves is the foundation for the flow of a true smile to surface and bloom – and offers this equally to others.

  235. ‘judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.’ – Beautifully expressed Carmel and a great reminder I will take with me into my day.

    1. That line resonated with me also Anna, it is indeed a gorgeous reminder to take into the day.

    2. This line was a beautiful reminder to always listen with appreciation, it feels beautiful in our body and the other person feels met in a way that is so confirming.

  236. Listening to another in appreciation of ourselves and for who they are is the perfect way to bring understanding, love and connection to any relationship. Thank you Carmel

    2. So true Francisco, everything changes when we live with an appreciation of the beautiful inner qualities we each hold.

      1. Not only is that totally true Kate but I am beginning to realise that appreciation is like some magic ingredient that whenever added to any part of life, transforms it into something more remarkable and extremely beautiful.

      2. Beautiful Dean. I’m also realising that appreciation is more than a support – it is a foundation and a responsibility – and as you say transforms, literally like a magic and often under-utilised ingredient.

    3. Yea true Francisco. It does bring understanding and an acceptance of who people are. Super beautiful

      1. Yes Dean, appreciation is remarkable and can bring a dire situation to harmony if we choose to truly appreciate.

    4. Jenny James, you wrote: ‘appreciation is remarkable and can bring a dire situation to harmony if we choose to truly appreciate.’ This feels like a huge statement because it can change the face of mediation, international negotiation and simple family relationships because it takes away the judgement and trying to fix, it takes away the calling the other side ‘wrong’ and fighting to win them over to our opinion/religion/ideas. By simply appreciating ourselves and understanding each other more, it is indeed possible to bring a dire situation to harmony.

  237. As you say Carmel connecting with and deeply appreciating another is such a warm gorgeous feeling for all concerned
    Thank you Carmel for this simple and beautiful reminder.

  238. A heart warming blog to return to Carmel. Appreciation and a true smile back – the title alone offers so much. Your realisation about having been listening in judgement, and the difference when there was appreciation – a real game changer for whole societies who unconsciously judge, size up and pigeon hole so quickly based on the outer rather than in connection and self acceptance, easily seeing the unique spark in us all and appreciating that first before anything else.

  239. By judging another we put up a wall of protection, that doesn’t allow another person in, and stops them from being themselves, we often do this so as not to feel something inside of us we don’t want to feel.
    The harshness we judge others with is how we are actually treating ourselves and judging ourselves, rather than appreciating all the amazing things about ourselves and others.

    1. True, Thomas, when we constantly judge ourselves it leaves no room for appreciation. Conversely, when we fully appreciate ourselves there is no judgement.

  240. Thank you Carmel, for a heart warming read. Appreciation of ourselves and others brings so much joy. No joy, or appreciation, can ever come from judgments.

  241. Carmel, to listen with appreciation sometimes gets lost when I am again in my protecting mood and come from my judging mind. Your sharing reminds me how healing appreciation, and to listen with appreciation, is. Thank you.

  242. I can feel the beauty and simplicity in just meeting someone. Without there being an energy of performance, where we need to do something, get a certain result or are after a response. Just being as we are in full acceptance of ourselves and the other…and then magic happens.

  243. What a great opportunity to truly meet people Carmel… and they line up just to meet you and be met. We have all gone shopping and gotten home only to remember that we forgot something…what about the people you meet! Do some of the people you meet, go home with something they had forgotten they have always had… just by being met by another?

  245. Carmel , what a beautiful reading to take into my day- true appreciation of others and connecting from me with a smile. Perfect!

  246. To feel the warmth and love that comes from truly connecting with another, brings a smile to the face that comes from the heart.

  247. Reading this blog Carmel, lead me to reflect on my day yesterday and I realised I didn’t stop to consciously appreciate many of the lovely experiences I shared with others. Thank you for the reminder – appreciating in the moment brings so much love and emanates this love within and in others. So simple.

  248. Such a beautiful blog Carmel – I am continuously developing truly listening and appreciating all who I come into contact with. I always thought I was a good listener and appreciated people, supporting them to be themselves. But I have recently felt how I can impose, often talk over them by feeling a need to supply an answer, make them feel good about themselves, feeling responsible for so much. But to simply listen, surrender to all they are saying and deeply connect to them with zero expectations or responsibility has opened up my ability to truly appreciate and feel a deep sense of true love for the person I am listening to. It is becoming a truly joyful experience.

    1. Yes, Gina, I agree, I often catch myself feeling a need to supply an answer, or to interject a story of my own, but that interrupts their flow and to surrender and deeply connect is a whole new way of being that I can work on. What I have to say is nowhere near as important as just being and feeling that connection.

  249. It is beautiful to allow a child to be who they are and stay in contact with how they are feeling but also important for some children to be taught how to say hello and wave at someone otherwise it could lead to them being rejected in the future.

  250. Appreciation is the way forth for our future education system. Bringing up children, schools, Universities… On that foundation true learning and expression can unfold.

    1. Absolutely felixschumacher8. I am a teacher and spent half my lesson the other day presenting about this very thing after witnessing a student completely dismiss the assistance of a librarian in the library by not engaging with or appreciating her help. Their holiday project was to engage with and appreciate all kinds of people they interact with in their everyday lives. See what transpires.

      1. Love this, Gina – that could be our homework for life – to engage with and appreciate everyone we meet in our everyday lives. I find at work there is a general disgruntlement that bosses ‘never appreciate us’ so I often say “well, why don’t we appreciate ourselves?”, and that’s what many colleagues do – we make it kind of a game now, when someone finishes their shift to tell them how amazing they’ve been. We need to develop a culture of appreciation in our work, in parenting, among friends, in schools – everywhere.

      2. This is fabulous to read Carmel – how you have made it a part of your daily life to appreciate each other. Amazing, because only today I was talking with a colleague about this very thing – that our employers do not appreciate us so rather than be swept up in the ‘disgruntled’ energy, the best way to move forward is to appreciate ourselves and each other. Watch out for Teachers Are Gold – about to launch and appreciation is the foundation of this project.

    2. An educational system based on appreciation will remove competition and comparison from the educational equation. In turn this will allow the acceptance and appreciation that we all have unique qualities and abilities that although different complement each other. True learning based on building these qualities will nourish and grow true wisdom and much more lovingly prepare our students for the present day harsh world after graduating. Brilliant Felix!

  251. Carmel I am too enjoying appreciating myself and others. I find such joy in appreciating the amazing qualities in a person and everyone does have amazing qualities. For me it is about being open in myself so that I can then feel the beauty of another and when I feel that I find it difficult to hold back the appreciation so I love sharing it with the person.

  252. I absolutely agree with you Carmel. I too found it so heart-warming to be open and meet people from inside out, just because I am just so joy-full meeting them. I have been also used to smile to be polite, but I can say from my experience that smiling from inside out is so much greater and healing for you and the other. It has such great effects. Time to smile from head to toe, just because it is so gorgeous to meet someone, because you know you meet an equal loving person – who we all are in our essence.

  253. What magnificent wisdom you have shared Carmel. I am smiling with so much appreciation as I write this. I have found it very difficult to appreciate myself and this then affects my ability to appreciate others. I love the idea of listening to someone in appreciation as opposed to listening in judgment. I am inspired to begin to listen to myself and others this way.

  254. A true smile is effortless and says so much without any words having past our lips. That is what amazing connection is all about. Thank you Carmel.

  255. Lovely reminder Carmel, listening with appreciation. It brings more lightness in the conversation and it is an opening to deeply connect with the other. As well as the smiling to another: a brief invitation to meet, greet and connect with the eyes.

  256. It really does feel awul when you can feel the strain of a child or anyone for that matter trying to be polite by smiling when it’s the last thing they want to do. There is no point to it, as everyone can feel it, so we’re not escaping anything and we may as well just be how we feel in the first place. As much as we’d like to think we can control others’ reactions, we can’t.

  257. Deeply connecting and appreciating others is a truly heartwarming experience. Thank you Carmel perfectly timed for me today.

  258. I like that Carmel. Truly expressing leaves a warm and complete feeling in your body , and appreciating another, from the heart is a great way to express. it’s a real marker of truth in life.

  259. Carmel, I love your description of connecting with and appreciating the two beautiful ladies, and how the appreciation kept building and bringing the natural smile from within. I love it when I melt like that and the inner radiance and connection with others just cannot help causing a big smile on my face.

  260. It really is lovely, as you say Carmel, to feel appreciation. We are so used to ‘feathering our own nests’ that the liberating feeling of appreciation, consciously allowing ourselves to feel this, enables us to really spread our wings.

  261. A polished polite nicety could never leave you with the heart-warming feeling that comes with a genuine response from a true connection…. it is just incomparable… an appreciation of those rare moments is an added blessing to the experience.

    1. I agree Sam and the blog I have just read brings a true heart warming feeling from the connection it expresses.

  262. We can smile with the mouth or with the whole body. We may be very good at hiding behind a smile from the mouth but we know when someone is truly smiling at us and when we are truly smiling at someone else.

    1. A whole body smile, that’s a great way to put it emfeldman. That would be every cell delivery the same message.

  264. I find being around small children is very healing, they don’t pretend, their innocence is very refreshing like a glass of clean water or breath of fresh air. And yes, we don’t need to talk, just being and connecting is enough.
    Appreciating people and giving them space to express is also healing experience for us and for them. I see it as a true compassion.
    Thank you, Carmel, for sharing your story. With Love

  265. This stood out for me ”So I look at them and sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing needs to be said or done.” – Beautiful. I simply love quiet moments… there is so much said when we say nothing.

  266. I recently noticed that when I am running around smiling all day without it truly coming naturally from inside, I get exhausted and want to eat much more than I would on a day, where I find an expression on my face that is real.

    1. Ha! Thank you, felixschumacher8 for the connection between smiling and eating – something for me to observe at a deeper level when I am at work doing great ‘customer care’.

    2. Wow.. what a great point felix.. its like if we’re being polite for the sake of being polite and not just loving from inside out… it can actually be exhausting.

    3. I know the feeling you are sharing. And it is sometimes quite hard for me to sense, that when I do not smile, if I don’t feel like, just because someone else is smiling at me, they are being disappointed not getting a smile back. Instead of accepting me not smiling. But still – as long as I set this “not wanting to feel it” in front of how I truly am, it feels even worse in the end. Because I spoiled a moment of truth. For both of us.

    4. Something that I have been noticing more is my smile and laugh too. Is it really coming from me or is it just being polite and nice?

  267. The way you describe smiling with your friends Carmel, feels like a sun rise to me. So natural, glorious and warm to feel. What you share with the politeness reminds me too how we often focus on the end result in life (like a smile) in isolation, instead of focusing on the connection that provides it.

  268. Thank you Carmel for sharing, I can so much relate to it how I often don’t truly listen and observe, but have the answer and also the judgement already there to be placed on the person. I have just been on a Universal Medicine Retreat where we practice to listen through observation and it was amazing to feel that there was no judgment at all and that space was created to express .

  269. What I found out for myself is that whenever I rush and cut someone speaking or judge them while listening – I do not honor myself at all. And because there’s no stillness or love for me – I can’t hold it for the others. That truly is a great observation you are sharing*

    1. Hi christinahecke, holding a stillness for others by first allowing that stillness within ourselves – this feels truly supportive, and something for me to work on, thank you.

      1. That’s a beauty I’ve explored. You’ll love it. It opens up and holds you in stillness and harmony. Both. You and the one you’re with. It feels very connecting to be with others like that. No matter what they bring.

    2. Yes Christina by holding ourselves with such stillness first, it opens up the space for us to observe and deeply appreciate our connections with others on a grander scale. The world just opens up in our stillness.

      1. “Be you and the world will adjust”. Something I read today. Feels awesome looking at how I used to play out life “When I adjust I won’t be troubled.” Awesome to start reconfiguring my self to the beauty of simply being, not needing to be something or someone. It is a process. But I am rather looking at it then keeping me locked in the prison of fulfilling or playing “nice”. Which to me turns out to be the most evil..

  270. A genuine smile is gold. True gold. Nothing like plastic smiles because we ‘have to’. How lovely it is to meet babies and kids via the eyes. My experience is the smile on my face just appears out of nothing. An appreciation of feeling the connection from me to the other.

  271. I love your example Carmen of your experience with the two beautiful ladies, joyfully and divinely connected in appreciation. Simply gorgeous!

  272. I used to always smile, no matter how i was feeling inside. When i started following workshops with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine i came to realise that it was a form of protection, of not letting people in and see me as i was in that moment. I was struck by how hard it was to let this reflex go and learnt to only smile if it was felt within first. And as you say Carmel it is now all about letting people in instead of keeping them out.

    1. well said Carolien.. I am still noticing myself doing that.. smiling just because i’ve looked at someone even if in that moment I don’t feel to smile. It then becomes more about what you feel to express from inside of you rather then to please others. A work in progress for me.

      1. i agree Ariel, i sometimes catch myself doing it still, i feel the next step is to learn to trust that my eyes will convey the smile just as much and that the connection comes from my heart not the smile.

  273. Good point, Sandra – ‘Why would I ever consider engaging muscles around my mouth to form a curve that doesn’t reflect the love and appreciation I truly have for another.’

  274. It is funny how we are forced as children (and adults) to smile politely when really it is very rude to offer a false smile. I have a friend who was so conditioned that she often presents with a fixed smile. Sometimes she will share a really sad or particularly painful story with me and even then she has that awful smile – looks more like a grimace to me. I have shared this with her and we have given it a name “smiley face”. I used to experience it like an assault when attacked by smiley face as if it was forcing me to have to smile back even if I didn’t feel to. Through understanding I have learnt to accept smiley face and understand the hurt and protection that is under it. I am glad you have brought attention to this ghastly falsity that we impose upon our children and each other.

    1. Yes, Nicola – I have seen that too – where people speak and then switch on a smiley face – it feels awful. I’ve seen politicians develop a constant and fixed smiley face to avoid those candid press photographs catching ‘ugly face’. Our understanding of the underlying hurt and protection will help us to stay steady with our facial expression so we don’t feel the need to smile back unnaturally. We engage with their true essence, not their learned behaviours, and meet them at a deeper level.

      1. Great comment Carmel about holding ourselves steady in the face of the fake smile of another and engaging instead with their true essence. Resisting the pull to smile when it seems to be asked of me from the outside or any other response that is not true, is a constant work in progress of choosing to be connected to me and aware of my true impulses rather than be carried away by the outside.

  275. Carmel I really appreciate how much you have shared in these paragraphs. Your wisdom and commitment to sharing is hugely appreciated, thank you. I also appreciate the feeling from smiling deep from within the body and let that smile flow outwards. Why would I ever consider engaging muscles around my mouth to form a curve that doesn’t reflect the love and appreciation I truly have for another.

  276. This made me smile! It is quite engrained to be polite.. it just happens sometimes, but I agree, far more real to smile in the warmth of enjoying meeting someone.

  277. I love this Carmel.. it really is true that when asking our children to be polite and say hello or smile, we are asking them to perform on our behalf! I have been increasingly aware of this – needing my son to be a certain way with people. I’m learning more and more to let him express how he feels to, and similary, dropping some of the ‘niceties’ that I had bought into as well. There is nothing more gorgeous than truly meeting someone.

    1. And I’m sure your son, being fully himself, and not having to ‘perform’ will simply amaze everybody with his own gorgeousness. :o)

  278. Hi Carmel I have also learnt a lot about appreciation since studying with Universal medicine. I have come to understand that building appreciation into my daily life gives me much more purpose and that by open myself to share what I appreciate people open themselves up as well. These experiences can be fleeting and small but build up and make a huge difference in a day.

  279. I agree, listening and allowing to express from the heart opens up for a new communication. It is then much more supportive, as we react less and judge less..
    And its a quite nice challenge to not be nice but making real contact.

  280. Great reminder to listen to people in appreciation! How often do we know the answer already, when we listen with judgement, even before the sentence isn´t even finished from that person. With some people it is no problem to listen with appreciation, with some it is harder- I will observe myself much more now, after reading your blog- thank you*

    1. Thank you, Steffi – your answer also reminds me to listen to people with full attention as well as appreciation – it is so easy to focus on what we want to say next and to listen less as a result. Sometimes leaving an appreciative silence gives them the opportunity to ponder and say some more.

      1. This is very important Carmel, sometimes I can feel a tension when there is a silence and I am so used to fill this with talking and this is not in appreciation of the other person. It is not wanting to feel my own uneasiness with what they are feeling but when I am leaving a silence it can bring so much more depth for the both of us.

      2. Silence – yes, it can be uncomfortable because in the silence we feel our own lack of stillness, the tension as you describe. Allowing silences in group meetings can sometimes help everyone to deepen and from there amazing things can happen.

    2. You comment made me laugh … sometimes we know the answer we even finish people’s sentences for them (out loud in some instances!), snatching the moment from them and taking over. Listening from the hearts ears is truly a warm and loving experience you can’t help but smile and bathe in the glory of connection.

      1. Yes, Suzanne, I’m still learning this in project meetings – my habit is, because I’m naturally such an enthusiastic person, to cut in quickly with something i think is amazing . . . but it doesn’t truly give the other person space for what they said to be heard and felt and pondered on by the rest of the group. There’s something here about leaving time and space for everyone to be heard in full.

      2. Beautiful Suzanne, what you and Carmel share reminds me how so much is actually said in the silence. Its like we fill the space in order not to feel this. I am beginning to find that allowing space to connect leads to much clearer communication.

    3. Great comment Steffi. I know that I too can cut people off and finish the answer for that person when I am listening in judgement, but when we truly listen with appreciation it allows the space for others to open up and express what they really feel too. Thank you this comment has allowed me much more to ponder on.

    4. Yes Steffi, it’s a great reminder to listen to people in appreciation! So often we can find ourselves only half-listening to another while we disect what they are saying and try to come up with a great response – what an awful way to communicate with people! I really appreciate Carmel’s gorgeous reminder that by letting go of the trying, and instead simply listening and appreciating what is being shared, there is such opportunity for connection and true understanding – and to share a true smile:)

  281. “nothing more needs to be said ” I love this line for it’s simple truth and practicality – often we can speak for the sake of speaking, but when deeply connected I often don’t feel the need to say anything in these moments.

    1. Speaking for the sake of speaking – yes – I occasionally catch myself going into verbal garbage mode and it doesn’t feel that great. When I’m with friends sometimes it feels lovely to simply walk together in companionable silence, each of us being present in our bodies (which I am often not when I ‘m chatting). The connect we have with each other when we are connected to ourselves is profound.

      1. Me too Carmel. The last couple of days I have had a really sore throat and almost lost my voice. I work in the retail sector so it is hard not to speak to people! So it has been a lesson to really observe what I am saying and not say too much. I find when I stop before going into ‘garbage mode’ I instantly come back to myself and I either don’t feel to say anything or what I was going to say then becomes far more succinct. It is amazing how much I find I can waffle!

  282. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” I couldn’t agree more Carmel.

  283. Carmel, this is beautiful. To let ourselves simply be and connect with another, with out performing or expectation… we can learn so much from babies and young children as you share here.

  284. “that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… ”
    I love this!
    Thank you Carmel for your sharing has supported me to deepen my letting go of judgement within myself and of others. Appreciation being the key.

    1. I love this line too Julie! I feel that this is a great principle in listening to our bodies communication too. If I appreciate my body and listen to what it is saying, then there is no room for self-judgment or critic.

  285. Smiles can cover so much but when “the smile is a genuine one from deep inside” it does feel so warm like a genuine invitation to come and join in and be a part of something really special to share. (of which it is) I had an inner smile reading this – thank you Carmel.

  286. Reading your blog bought a smile for me Carmel. What you have shared is a gorgeous reminder of expressing in truth in all ways, then what is expressed is what is needed in the moment, nothing more nothing less.

  287. This showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.
    Thank you Carmel, this is a very timely reminder. So simply beautiful, to listen with appreciation.

  288. This is gorgeous Carmel, I know I too can listen with judgement and not even notice it at times. Thank you for the reminder to listen with appreciation, it feels so much more honouring of the person we are listening to.

  290. Appreciating others and myself is something that I slowly bring into my life, it is such a habit to constantly Judge and criticise myself, which then makes me do the same when relating to other people. It feels that it’s a lot to do with accepting the way things are, and not this constant idea and belief that things should be different or certain way, which causes a constant tension in me.
    Thank you Carmel I appreciate your beautiful sharing.

  291. In my experience there is an energetic meeting with children, before the parents tell them to “say hello to….” or ” say thank you”. I often feel a connection even when they don’t really look at me out of shyness. The learned politeness does the opposite, it creates a shield.
    I love what you say about listening with appreciation. I have noticed that I have the choice in situations where I feel impatient or disinterested. I can give into the impatience and feel disconnected from myself and separated from the other or I can connect to myself, be present in my body and feel the other person. Then there is a real meeting and that an be so very joyful.

  292. What a great blog Carmel. I love the times at work when everyone stops to appreciate a funny moment. The look given to one another is affirming the joy we all feel and the whole body can’t but smile and take this all out to the world.

  293. There’s nothing like a smile from the heart. It is like a ray of sunshine warming the world. And I can feel that is what your smiles are like Carmel.

  294. I have found that this type of appreciation – genuine and heart felt is actually very good medicine for the body. The human body loves this, as you describe, responds with a natural warmth and sense of harmony…good, cheap medicine, with no side effects!!

  295. Carmel, seeing another for who they are in truth first and meeting them from that reflection, is as you say, a heart warming experience indeed. The equality in those occasions, opens the moment up in all directions.

  296. This is a seriously great reminder to start the day with. To listen in appreciation of the person speaking. To hold them as rather glorious first and with no judgement. Thank you Carmel.

  297. This has highlighted a behaviour, that is, people (myself included) do smile sometimes to be polite and nice. It is done so you can, in some cases, raise the white flag and signal you mean no harm to the other party. However, as you said Carmel, a smile from a place of deep joy is something very contagious which can be shared.

  298. It is much more fun if we just allow ourselves to feel and express from the body – no forcing of this or that just being in the moment naturally appreciating what is there for us all to share.

  301. It’s so true Carmel. When I work with children in schools, often in big groups, I feel that most of the work is done just when the kids are coming in. We have eye contact, it feels lovely, and then we simply have fun, singing and moving, for the rest of the session.

  302. Truly listening to someone IS a heartwarming experience Carmel. It brings me great joy to feel your words and that what you have written has so much meaning. I will forever work everyday to let go, let other people speak, feel what they have to say, feel them and respond naturally. The other way of sitting with anxiousness waiting for the other person to stop talking so I can blurt out my answer and be done with it is not a true way to communicate. It falls very short of how lovely a moment can truly be and falls far short of ever understanding people and the world.

  303. We can all tell when a smile is a “put-on” smile or genuine one. It is so true that when a child (or an adult for that matter) genuinely smiles, no word is needed. Thank you Carmel for writing this.

  304. I am connecting, smiling and appreciating you Carmel from one side of the world to the other; what a joy
    “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience”
    This is such a beautiful expression, thank you Carmel

  305. I love you comment Brendan and agree, I can feel in every ounce of my body that simplicity is the way. Thank you.

  306. I really appreciated what you shared here Carmel as it felt lovely to begin to consider the possibility that by listening to another in appreciation rather than judgement we get to feel the true beauty of that person. Smiling when it comes from the heart feels so different from the forced smiles we so easily give out or impose on children and adults. It feels at times as though we are asking with these smiles, for recognition or for someone to say we are ok, putting on “a happy face”. Whereas a true smile asks for nothing in return but is just a beautiful expression of the inner joy we can no longer contain and must share it with the world.

  307. Then you have the kids that don’t smile back, or be nice and polite and a lot of the time these kids are seen as trouble or naughty, must be confusing for them.

  308. This is a beautiful way of connecting, thank you Carmel. Smiling and appreciating you right now.

  309. I love the way babies and small children look at me and when we connect, I smile with joy. They always respond with an amazing smile from their heart. Such love and playfulness. Sometimes, they play hide and seek with me behind their hands and I respond, as their mother or father is busy at the supermarket checkout. I can see it in their eyes, they see you and know you instantly.

  311. Beautiful blog Carmel. Because I work for people, I am always told to smile, and I rebel to the fake smile of politeness, to the forced imposed smile. On the other hand, there are others that ask me to smile and I know they do it because they know my essence and they have felt my playfulness and my joy and when I am not there they miss it. So I take it as a reminder of me being in appreciation. One of the things I noticed first when I did a course with Universal Medicine was the way the practitioners and Serge´s family smiled. From within, not as a response to anybody but to their inner yumminess, what you talk about, feeling appreciation.

  312. I am finding more and more the true power of listening to another especially when there is more appreciation vs judgment involved, a great way to build more intimacy in my daily interactions. Thank you Carmel for a lovely sharing!

  313. Thanks Carmel. There feels to be an honouring between the child and me when I just allow them to be as they check me out. Supermarkets are great for this as you see the babies and children really feeling and looking at everything/everyone around them choosing who to connect with or not. I just had a funny image wondering what must it be like for kids with these great big people they don’t even know bearing down on them, ‘in their faces’ so to speak, and beaming, with ‘baby talk’. Must be quite confusing and maybe a bit scary when the smile doesn’t match the body language.

  315. The smile can be an odd thing if one is not truly connecting with another. It is in fact not smiling but gritting or baring one’s teeth. This is evident in a child who is instructed to smile when they clearly do not want to. Also I can find myself smiling against my better judgement out of habit or in a nervous kind of way. Women are especially taught to smile from an early age. So, one can never be really fooled by a smile if one feels what is going on… it has to be heart-felt and then it melts you.

  316. Carmel, I love supermarket queues as I also ‘enjoy looking into the eyes of babies and children’ and chatting with them. I have to admit that I have never encountered a parent who has instructed their child to smile. Probably because the child and I are already smiling and chatting together or a baby is already ‘gooo-ing’ at me. I sometimes ask a parent if I may hold the hand of a very young baby and they always say, “Yes”. I am constantly amazed at how open children of all ages are when they are truly met – with a genuine smile. Sometimes, just for fun, I smile at young children and look them in the eye as they pass by and they invariable turn around to watch me for as long as they can. No matter whether young or old, everyone opens up to being truly met with a heart-warning smile!

  318. I know just what you mean, Carmel, about looking and smiling at children and babies particularly. It is beautiful to get that feeling of connection. I have been trying this with adults over the last few years also and it is amazing the great responses I get.

  319. Thank you Carmel, I appreciate your wisdom 🙂 You have also brought to my attention how often I can listen with judgement too, instead of listening with appreciation; I will really notice how I am in my next conversations.

  320. A smile can speak a thousand words, as can a few words of appreciation.
    To say ‘good morning’ to someone, with a smile on your face, can sparkle something in that person’s face. If we all did that maybe it could bring many changes to others’ lives.

  321. Yes, Carmel, it is incredible what a difference appreciation will bring to our lives. It helps to open up and be true again instead of building walls of judgement and protection around ourselves.

  322. Carmel, I can really appreciate what you’re saying here. When I can feel the warm, loving smile within my body, then naturally the smile to others is an extension of this inner smile. I know this smile is always there – but I’m not always connected to it, and then the smile I give to others is empty of me and neither of us feel the appreciation of each other. This has been a lovely reminder. Thank you

  324. Great topics to raise, Carmel – so much is imposed upon us from so very young, isn’t it?
    Reflecting upon how I was told to be, I’d say that the influences I allowed to determine my niceness, politeness, and most certainly ‘the smile’… weren’t solely from someone telling me (‘outwardly’) what I should do, or how I should be. I very much looked to others FOR how to be, and then emulated them.
    Looking back, I can see how strongly I gave up on just allowing an authenticity to the way I was. Donning politeness and niceness, well it gave a certain safety, a security… I would be approved of, liked, and potentially not attacked nor judged.
    Today, I still catch my self occasionally doing what I call ‘over-smiling’, recognising this when it occurs and realising it’s not needed. Yet most of all I truly know and feel the genuineness of my smile, and as you’ve shared Carmel, it most certainly comes from a feeling of true connection with another/others and the deepest appreciation of all that they are.

    1. Authenticity versus what’s expected or being nice are so worlds apart…. I feel completely exhausted if I do the ‘over-smiling’ as you mentioned Victoria, it leaves me feeling drained and like I haven’t even heard or connected with the other person, or myself for that matter.
      Everyone knows when a smile is put on, and it feels awful. But the warmth of a genuine smile is always welcomed by all and feels amazing receiving it and being the one smiling.

    2. So true Carmel and Victoria. When reflecting on what you have both written, what struck me is the misconception of the child or person who does not want to give into this politeness and niceness, and when they don’t have the skills to express how they feel, they are branded as problem children/people who don’t perform as “normal” and need to be educated on “good” behaviour or, worse, medicated for being non-compliant.

      1. That is such an important topic Caroline. It deserves its own blog – at least (‘book’ comes to mind…).
        Personally, I have clear memories of distinct times where I didn’t ‘perform’ to expectation – basically, the roof would come down over my head. It was awful and oftentimes led to deep despair, yet there was most definitely a stronger part of me that simply could not give in to what was, basically, another asserting their dominant control.
        Leaves me pondering all the more deeply, just how ‘controlled’ we allow ourselves to become, by buying into it all in the first place…

      2. Wow – this is a huge point Caroline. I had to re-read it 4 or so times to let it really sink in. Blimey, no wonder we have more kids displaying more ‘behaviours’ in schools (and home) where what they are being asked to conform to is becoming more extreme in both playground and classroom. What a cry for help. This is a slant on a topic that is needed in broader awareness. As Victoria says, a book maybe? A training package for schools?? Front page of national newspaper, headline news… Sky writing?!
        So, just to sum it up again, to let it sink in: first kids feel the naturalness of who they are, then they feel they are being asked to shrink this and squeeze a shrunken false surface version out instead that ticks boxes, because everyone before them has done the same and leaves their depth in favour of this massively reduced outer box ticking….and we wonder why they react…with no words to express this and say ‘no, I’m staying me thanks’, they understandably erupt into disruption, and all the rest. WOW. Then they are labelled as being a problem, not society… That’s a pretty huge indictment on where we are at.

  325. Carmel, I can relate to your blog, both from my own experience and also from my pushing that onto my own children when young. And I have a couple of parents where I work that do the same thing with their children. The need for them to speak to others feels quite uncomfortable for the children and I can feel how imposing it is on them when we push our stuff onto them. Also, as you say, asking them to perform. I can see how that behaviour disempowers them and would take them into not trusting in their own feelings, or confirming for them that just being them is not enough. A choice where everyone misses out on what a child naturally brings to us, that little ray of sunshine and deep joy within our hearts.

  326. Carmel I love this. True smiling versus programmed smiling. I have experienced both and the feeling of these can be felt by all. Those on the receiving end of the polite smile can feel this and know it is purely functional. It is almost a dismissal of the person as we are saying I must do this, not, I choose to do this. Equally so those on the receiving end of a genuine, full smile feel fully met and seen and nearly always respond in kind to this.

  327. I remember as a child being instructed to be nice and give family members a kiss even though I could feel this was not right. It was like their feelings were more important than mine. I work with healthy babies and mothers and the 6mth olds always intrigue me as they sit on their mother’s lap and eye ball me and they will not smile (doesn’t matter what the mother says or does) until they connect and feel that you are ok. What follows is this beautiful smile and playfulness which then causes me to smile. It is like we are both appreciating each other in that moment. Great blog Carmel.

    1. You remind me Anne just how strong the pictures are we feel we have to live up to of what is pretty widely held as being a ‘good parent’ – that our children’s feelings could come consistently second to this, through most of our societies. Ouch hey – all back to front.

  328. Carmel I know I also was ‘programmed’ to smile and be polite too (but also to be ‘seen and not heard’). Well really that was ‘NOT seen and not heard’! But now that I’m aware of the programming we get as children, I see young children still being expected to perform in that way no matter how they are feeling. Often, indeed, just the eyes smiling is more than enough – kids get it. And yet I’ve been in situations where a parent insisted that a child hug me after having just spent a great day with the child connecting with each other in joy, appreciation and trust, and truly seeing and hearing each other. I can feel the child’s reluctance to spoil the loveliness of the time we shared by having to finish it with an enforced hug. It puts the child into such inner conflict between wanting to please the parent and feeling to be true to themselves. But at least I know that the child has now the awareness of both ways of being, they have a ‘marker’ to build upon for the future.

  329. Carmel this is a lovely blog. I love the infectiousness of a genuine smile. Your blog reminded me of how I have often seen extremely shy children and wondered why they are scared. From the point of view of the child, who is 100% love and knows no different, the world must seem like a confusing place, full of love and wonderment but also full of despair and the sadness of humanity.

  330. Simply beautiful Carmel, thank you. I love that you are listening to people with appreciation. I am inspired to build this in my life too.

    1. Me too Bianca… and this just makes me appreciate all the more the power of how inspiring what we share can be for others.

  331. I often feel affected by parents forcing their children to speak to me or hug or kiss me. It’s such a huge imposition on such a sensitive soul. It’s such a reflection for me, as I am always finding myself doing the ‘polite’ thing with others when I really don’t feel to, but fear dissapointing or offending them.

    1. Great connection to make Elodie! Maybe playing with your words, doing the “‘polite’ thing” is also “such a huge imposition on such a sensitive soul”. And imagine how it is for those that miss out on your truth…everyone loses.

  332. Thank you for sharing your beautiful smile Carmel, I can feel it in your writing. I am starting to further develop my appreciation of myself and others and this blog supports me in connecting to that feeling.

  333. I love how often in the supermarket I will find I am being watched and really checked out by a baby or toddler – and can gaze into each others eyes. Just yesterday I shared one such joyfilled moment. Generally it is often very apparent that our litte ones are not used to being really seen for who they are on the inside, the amazing being and inner sparkle that we all are. Their faces may not smile in a fixed stance – but the quality of the moment shared is gorgeous. Appreciating who we are inside first changes everything.

    1. I love this Kate.
      How many adults go into an anxious attempt to make children smile – pulling a face, acting silly, instead of just letting them be and letting them look.
      Little wonder it has taken us some time as adults to let go of needing to smile, even if it is a complete sham, and feels no good to do.

  334. I loved reading your blog Carmel, so simple with such a powerful message and reminder, thank you.
    “And that is what I am learning – to appreciate – both with others and myself”
    If we can truly appreciate ourselves and others a natural smile comes from within and is deeply felt.

  335. This is gorgeous Carmel and so true. I have fallen for that trap of forcing my children to be ‘nice’ before but it felt horrible and the forced smiles were so fake, really hollow. In contrast, when that smile comes from a genuine feeling of appreciation, love or playfulness, it just bubbles up to the surface radiating warmth, love and joy – well worth the ‘wait’. (I’ve just realised how ‘cold’ politeness can be… !!)

  336. Yes, I have a fake smile, I can relate to that, it is automatic in certain situations. It’s almost like I cannot help it, it is programmed in: when I meet someone I smile. It feels like doing face gymnastics, it’s a bit forced and my face starts to hurt after some time. Whereas with a genuine smile I can feel my whole face light up and open up and my features relax.

    1. Oh..the fake “smile”..I know it well and I love the way you describe that you almost can’t help it. I am learning not to do it, to not give a smile just because it is expected. It is so interesting to observe people’s reactions. They often look bewildered, sort of lost at sea, because a game they did not even know they were playing is not being played.
      They are not being snubbed or ignored because they are being looked at, steadily, but it is by a face that is not playing “aren’t we nice and happy” face games.
      My own feelings are interesting, as such intense discomfort arises when I do not give in to do what is expected.

  338. Carmel how lovely to read about smiling from what we feel not what we think should do. I too find that taking the time to connect with other and truly appreciate them naturally invites an appreciation of myself.

  339. To really connect with people is a true delight, as their true response is often a beautiful smile. Thanks Carmel.

  340. Gorgeous Carmel, great post and I am totally with you re bathing in the pools of deepest love seen in any baby/young child’s eyes. Speaking with our eyes that hold such love is the ultimate in connection.

  341. I’ve noticed that with children and their parents also, as if the parents are needing them to perform. Yet the children’s stare is so there and amazing anyway. I am in customer service too and I realized whilst reading your blog that I sometimes use smiling to engage a person or to give an impression or to be noticed…I have also been noticing that when my smiles are not genuine my head and /or my neck does something weird and it hurts a bit- so that’s a good indication for me, even if a tad odd perhaps!

  342. So true Carmel, thank you for highlighting how we listen with judgment, I cringed when I read this, as I know I have done this, basically because I was in constant judgment of myself. I know the more I accept and honour who I am, there is no room for judgement anymore – only love and a deeper connection with others.

  343. To connect, let people in and naturally smile is an amazing exchange that makes all the difference in this matter of fact, get the job done world we live in.

  344. Another beautiful blog to learn from as a parent and an other another confirmation of the ability children have to just be and connect with whomever is ready to do the same.

  345. So true Carmel. I too was taught to smile as a child, to be polite and nice in order to show off to my parents of how good mannered I was as a result of their parenting. I can feel that this is still there in my nowadays life, smiling to be polite, without any feeling of joy, but instead with an insecure and discomforted feeling, that I give a polite smile to gain some kind of reward for how well mannered I am.
    But what a difference it is when I meet people, like you describe, in true appreciation to myself and the other. The smile that then appears on my face is genuine and coming from a feeling of joy that emanates from deep within. It is a smile that radiates from me into the world and invites others to join me in this deep appreciation of the beauty of life.

  346. In that moment when someone gives you a genuine smile, you are truly connected with each other. It touches my heart… It feels so different to a fake smile.

  348. Thank you Carmel. I grew up with strict rules and was very much expected to behave in a certain way. I would have my elbows whacked with a knife if I dared put them on the dinner table when eating. As I read your article I reflected on this and how I had all the hatches well and truly fastened down when I attended my first Universal Medicine workshop. I am definitely prising them open one by one, but a few are quite rusty and hard to shift. I too love the joy of meeting children and babies, there is no judgement. This is how I would like to be in life too, open, sharing warmth and true connection with everyone I meet, not just children.

  350. What a difference there would be if we all started listening with appreciation rather than judgment, as is so often the case. Thanks Carmel.

  351. How true Carmel, that smile that comes from what we feel inside, compared to being told to smile, smiling out of obligation, the forced or ‘retail’ smile, etc. I have been asked throughout my life ‘why don’t you smile’, as what I was feeling was written all over my face and I was feeling ordinary, mostly. I only have really smiled with any consistency, since my time with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, because I have, at last, been able to feel the love that I am and that others are as well.

  352. “It showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.”………..That is simply beautiful Carmel.

  353. This blog makes me think of how I meet a lot of people on the street and the smiles that I receive often are the ‘polite smiles’ with only the lips curling but the eyes not really joining in! I catch myself doing that sometimes too when I am very busy and rushed but when I am present I really try to look the person in the eye and smile or nod.

  354. I have a big smile on my face right now from feeling the joy that you have expressed here. Appreciation of who we truly are is so important.

  355. It is also an abuse to force your children to be friendly without knowing how they feel truthly.

  356. Ah! Yes the need to be polite! What would it look like if we were true instead of polite? What would it feel like to have everyone listen with appreciation? I might start practicing that… thank you.

  357. What a lovely blog! A definite connection between appreciation and a true and warm smile. Not put on or forced; just there and alive.

  359. Thanks Carmel, I love the part about listening in appreciation and then you can’t judge another. Also felt the beauty of connecting to others in harmony through appreciation, I had never thought of these moments in that way. Thanks for sharing.

  360. A very wise woman shared with me that making the space in my day to connect with whomever I am working with and really appreciate the true joy of being with that person, whether it be working, shopping or whatever… Thank you Simone Benhayon. This small life tip has transformed my working life.

    1. How beautiful Heather – I can feel the appreciation for the tip that Simone Benhayon passed on to you – and I too will now be more aware, not so much in the workplace for me, but out and about, while waiting for a lift, while in a supermarket queue etc. For I am finding more and more that people are aften wanting to engage – even if ever so briefly.

  361. Ah the simplicity of truth. When we re-learn to listen with appreciation and just to allow ourselves to feel it, it does warm the body and the body of the person we are interacting with. No wonder you all had smiles on your faces! Remembering how wonderful and loving it is to have appreciation for ourselves and others is one of life’s true joys.

  363. Thank you Carmel for this lovely reminder to listen without judgment or even wanting to chip in but rather to listen with appreciation for another. Mmmm I feel a lot of practice is in order for me on this one : ) As you say if we can stay with that appreciation “that judgment of another is impossible”.

  365. Carmel, that is great what you share, listen to others with appreciation, wow when we connect to that then there is no room for judgement.

  366. Carmel you expressed a natural way with others very beautifully, and I too can relate to parents making their children say hello or goodbye as I work with kids and families. You can feel the tension from the children who don’t feel the need to share a hello or goodbye from the energy of, but have to, and feel pulled by their parents need to have them be polite and satisfy their need to look like they are bringing their children up in the ‘right’ way.

  367. That is so cool to expose the judgment that comes instantly when listening, and to undo this by listening with appreciation…this is life changing, if we all listened with appreciation life would be very very different.

  368. I too have been the parent who asks my children to be polite and say ‘hello’. I go into reaction because I feel I might be judged as a parent but not truly feeling what is really going on for my children. By me expressing and truly connecting with everyone I meet, appreciating myself and others is the most natural way to be. Great reminder to allow my children to be who they are, appreciate them and let go of any expectations and judgement. Thank you for bring another level of awareness for me to look at.

  369. When someone automatically smiles to be nice it feels false, and when someone smiles from there heart that also can be felt and it feels beautiful.

  370. A smile can certainly say a thousand words. Appreciation is a gorgeous key to bring us back to our true selves and into our bodies. Appreciation confirms us in any moment being who we are, and so much more. I feel sad that this is not a strong part of my day to day life, but also feel inspired to re-learn it’s powerful properties.

  371. Carmel, I so know what you mean when you say that the children are instructed to smile. On the surface this seems normal. But it is in no way allowing of the child to express what it is they may want to in that moment. I can feel welling up inside of me at this moment the reality of having grown up this way and having adopted it as my way of being. What I am feeling is how absolutely disregarding it is OF HOW I FEEL. How much I have closed down to give another what they want. Thank you, reading your blog has actually given me great insight into a behavior of mine, where I hold back speaking up – a behavior that is still lingering to this day. Some how I now feel that I will be able to counter this behavior more consistently.. A big big thank you again.

  372. Thankyou Carmel I appreciate your beautiful sharing. It is all about people and our relationships , imagine a world where we all appreciated our self and each other for who we truly are.

  373. I love the honesty of children when they are left to express very naturally. It is so refreshing and real. They can really teach us a lot about being true to ourselves.

  374. With babies I usually feel that there is nothing that is closed off, in that sense I wonder if they actually can or need to let anyone in as there is nothing that keeps anyone out in the first place.

  375. I love that – listening with appreciation instead of with judgement or just waiting to talk again! Appreciating ourselves and others is key to bringing a real love for yourself and others.

  376. Carmel it is so true what you are saying, it feels like the kids are beings expected to perform on behalf of their parents – it is not great to feel how awkward a lot of kids feel when they are being asked to say or do something that is not natural to them. That is how they start to learn that expressing their truth is not good enough.

  377. I love the connection you make between appreciation and a true smile. There is a great that I can connect to, in my own experiences the true smiles are when you have a true connection, I can feel them in the train, walking in the street or in a one to one conversation, it is a great feeling.

  378. As we grow up we hone our skills to calibrate our behaviour according to each situation we find ourselves in, and a smile is a useful one to be good at. This kind of smile doesn’t know the taste of appreciation and leaves the emptiness behind, and I have tasted that many times.

  379. Thank YOU Carmel. Smiling from a feeling of deep appreciation is extraordinary. Not only does the ‘Smiler’ feel utterly gorgeous and completely connected but the ‘Smilee’ can feel the true connection in the smile and it’s ability to ignite the flame we have within. With two flames on fire the two souls ( sometimes more ) then share a moment of sheer joy that feels eternal. All in a split second. Smiling from WHO WE ARE is very healing and great universal medicine.

  380. Beautiful, Carmel. It is indeed so much lovelier when the smile is genuine and comes with the appreciation of another – it may look the same, but the difference in feeling is unmistakable!

  381. The beauty of a true smile, appreciation and a moment of connection – such power have you captured Carmel. I have found this so simple and natural with children but as adults it’s worth asking ourselves how often do we put on a mask for all to see? The smile, the portrayal of the happy self is so very common, a bit like the response when asked ‘how are you?’ – ‘good’. I’ve found that if I’m not connected to my body when I’m interacting with others then the mask is more likely to be present, and there can be no true connection with another.

    1. Yes Michelle I agree, sometimes adults do so many things not out of a true feeling, but because we are chronically socially conditioned to do so. Children are very natural at expressing their true feelings, slowly but surely we may return to value this form of true expression as it is so needed.

  382. This article and all the comments are great to read. For a long time I have smiled when I have not felt to, and smiled out of anxiousness or an eagerness to please, but not as a true gesture of joy. I can more and more feel the strain of this smile and how I no longer want to be this way. It is great to be exposed to a young child who has not lost this connection to just being who they are, and who will not give you a smile for your sake, but only if it is truly heartfelt. I no longer look to make a child smile when I connect with them, but instead allow for them to see me and make of me what they will, with no expectations.

  384. Is it not true that a smile can speak a thousand words. You feel the presence of that person just by that smile.

  385. A lovely young friend (20 yo woman) shared a great self-awareness with me the other day about her true and her false smile – and what it feels like for her as a kind of marker of the quality of her relationships. Our youth are having their photos taken and published so much more than we ever did – (with everyone having both camera and computer in their pocket!) – and this raises interesting new revelations. She has noticed that when she is with someone who she feels really ‘knows’ and loves her as her – the smile in photos lights up her whole face – she described it as kind of like a warm celebration…whereas in contrast when with people where it is more about appearance, or the deeper knowing of each other is lacking – her smile becomes one sided, ‘crooked’ she said. Then she notices who comments on and likes each of the different kinds of photos on social media – and the ‘friends’ who say how ‘pretty’ she is on the ‘shallow’ smiled pics further reveal to her the lack of desired quality in that relationship. We also talked a bit about why we are so often waiting for someone else to ‘make the first move’ – and offer that deeper connection we all crave. Thanks again to everyone on this blog thread who show such a willlingness to appreciate and see the inner quality of us all.

    1. A beautiful sharing, Kate. It is so wonderful to have friends amongst us who are prepared to bare themselves and explore what is truly going on. To me, that is friendship, and even if I know them or not, I can feel the depth of the connection and that speaks volumes.

      1. Thanks Jenny for highlighting how wonderful it is to have connections and real conversations about whats really going on in peoples lives. To be treasured for sure.

  386. From my experiences, and through the presentations of Universal Medicine, I am learning that although we all have that ability to connect deeply to another, I’m aware that I don’t always take that out with me and connect with others in everyday life. What re-reading this blog has reminded me of is the fact that we have in the world loads of children that are willing and naturally wanting to connect to another and that adults are the same but we have just forgotten this fact.

    1. How great it would be if we could always naturally feel that deep joy of connection in everyone we meet. It comes from always feeling our own connection. Sometimes when I’m connected and enjoying being me, I walk around smiling to myself and then it becomes infectious as I catch the eyes of someone as I pass; it’s fun.

  387. A lovely blog Carmel. You shared so beautifully how our smiles can grow from the inside when we connect to the loveliness we are and how others feel that and respond.

  388. Hi Carmel, your blog came up again for me as I had my photograph taken and this was an amazing learning of showing the world the true me, my true smile from within and not the false one put on so easily to hide behind especially in front of a camera.

    1. Good point Tricia. The smile we put on for the camera is often not truly ours. The camera is a great source of reflection for us and shows us how we feel about being ourselves and what we choose to show the world.

  389. Connection with another is amazing, it is what life is all about and as Matilda Clark said “true connection reconfigures the world!” I can feel that when I share with another. Thank you.

  390. Carmel I smile from deep within everytime I read this ,thank you i feel the smiles of everyone i have seen each time i read it and it is very joyful and loving to connect to everyone in this way and share this.

  391. A smile speaks a thousand words. Your love of life, Greeting someone with a smile, could make them feel appreciated. A smile is one of the few things in life that is free to be enjoyed by all.

    1. I agree with you Mike. A true smile from the heart makes someone feel appreciated. It is also lifting and expanding at the same time and quite powerful to receive.

  392. Over the past few days, I have been listening with appreciation so much more (which makes me realise that I hadn’t been doing so that much previously!), and it’s true, I then am able to express that appreciation so much more too. It makes a huge difference.

  393. I love this Blog Carmel, how you connected in appreciation with the other ladies. I found recently that the more I connect with people in general and make eye contact, the more I realise that people are really up for it and you can tell they are willing to be met.

  394. I remember the first time I looked into someone else’s eyes, during an exercise at a Universal Medicine event. However much I wanted to do it I couldn’t, my eyes would dart off and I would blink, I seemingly had no control. So I developed a strategy to look behind the person’s head so that it seemed I was looking at them.

    It all feels very different now, and I know that part of the change is my willingness to be open to the other person seeing what’s behind my eyes… all of which was so natural when I was a child.

  395. Great comments on this thread. Thank you, Carmel, for opening up this topic. It can seem like a small thing and in fact it’s everything!

    1. Hi Julie, yes, the comments are amazingly inspiring and with each example given, we can develop our awareness of the false social masks we put on and how it feels to make a true connection with another.

  396. “it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.”
    This is huge. Appreciation is such a big word and the breadth and scope of appreciation is so far reaching it’s intangible to me right now. I have only recently come to realise the importance of appreciating everyone and everything around me, which goes against the culture we have been thriving on as a society where we knock and belittle everyone and everything around us. It is a big cycle to break, but even in the smallest of encounters appreciation can break through these layers of judgement we have created.

    1. Hi Jenny, it’s something I am still learning because recently I was with a friend who was upset and it was only later I realised I’d been looking for what she was doing wrong and could change in order to ‘help’ her rather than simply listening and appreciating her and all the amazing things she is already doing to help herself, which gives her the space to choose what to do next.

  397. Beautiful Carmel, thank you, the quality of a true smile and the love and appreciation from it is simply amazing.

  398. Thank you Carmel, I have also realised I have spent a long time listening with judgement. It’s so much easier to be able to listen with appreciation and without needing to fix. I love how you say it’s heart warming to connect to and appreciate another human being, it really does feel heart warming.

  399. Another great blog Carmel that gets even better reading it the second time around. I’ve found recently that if I allow a conversation to be more true and real that the genuine smile and warmth is there – even with grown men. Whats more of an amazement to me is starting to appreciate the true tenderness that is so strong within them that I would normally have dismissed.

  400. This is so true – “…truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience”.
    I had a lovely connection with a man working at the rubbish re-cycling centre yesterday. I was assisted by him in the most beautiful way after asking one question of him- he came to the car as he didn’t want me to lift anything that may be slightly heavy for me. We shared a few moments enjoying conversation together, before he held the flow of cars up for me to get out….waving me off with a radiant smile.

  401. hi Carmel, such a beautiful and simple observation, yet incredibly profound. Sometimes i catch myself giving someone a smile that is not authentic. When i catch myself doing this i can feel it in myself as being a desire to be liked or be seen doing the ‘caring’ thing. And then there are the times when a true smile comes out, when you’ve caught a persons eye, and the feelings that bubble up are of recognition and a deeper understanding. It can be such a quick moment and yet the depth is astonishing. The smile then just bubbles up automatically and my heart sings in those moments.

    1. As you say, Janine, fleeting but deep – I was sitting in Hyde Park in London on Sunday, admiring the stylish hat of a lady coming towards me and as she passed – I must have had a smile on my face – she caught my eye and smiled back. A brief and joyful moment.

  402. I love the link that you have made between appreciation and a true smile. It isn’t a connection I had consciously made but now I have read it, I can feel the truth of it and can also feel what a useful marker this will be in the future.

  403. Appreciation of another, I have only really started to accept this as a natural way of being with someone. I have got on with my life and got on with people in a very functional way and have had some deeper moments with some people. With these people there has been a pinch of appreciation but over shadowed with judgement or nit-picking whilst looking to find and connect to who that person is naturally, yet getting caught up in random, unimportant stuff. Lately the more I have started to appreciate myself I can see and feel the appreciation I have for others. It can be anyone and someone that I don’t even have immediate contact with… Life starts to seem a whole lot more loving and joyful when I do.

  404. The other day at work, it was a very busy day and this little girl came for lunch with her family. She was being playful and running around, when she saw me she stopped and gave a smile. I felt that smile and automatically my body smiled back, it felt like beautiful joy inside of me. She then ran away – and came back; she felt comfortable to express and say a few words, and off she went again. Just watching her in playfulness was so beautiful.

  405. As someone who was labelled a “grumpy” child, I quickly realised that if I smiled at everyone I met then I was acceptable. It was not the “heartfelt” smile you speak of Michelle.
    Serge Benhayon’s presentations have enabled me to make that “truer deeper connection” that comes from my heart. No need to pretend now.

    1. Wendy your comment has really touched me. I recognise what you say and have had a lifetime of smiling and being nice, even when it was not real. I too feel blessed that I have been supported by Serge Benhayon’s presentations to find my way out of that pattern. Now most of the time it is the “true connection” from my heart – wow, such a contrast.

  406. True connections, not fake smiles…appreciating each other. Letting yourself just be and allowing that love to emanate. Oh… how the world would change…

  407. Just being ourselves, yes, today I was listening to the recording of a presentation made in August 2014 and heard the words “The greatest form of acceptance is to release what you are” I love that, it feels so much simpler than ‘trying’ to be anything.

  408. What I have observed and felt about smiling, is that when I ‘have to’ or do it, it feels quite draining and unreal whereas a true deeper connection with people opens me to a complete natural heartfelt smile from my heart which feels really lovely all over.

  409. Carmel, what I find really interesting here is that so many words can be used to
    express ideas on the subject of non-verbal expression!

    1. Yes, Jonathan that is interesting… Perhaps so many words do need to be used because non-verbal expression/ emanation is so powerful. To describe the power needs a multitude of words to capture its essence.

  410. It is surprising how much we miss! Here we are ‘trying to teach’ our young children to be “polite” when they already have a Way that is far deeper and more loving than “polite” right in front of our eyes.

    One of the hardest things about being in the service industry is not being ‘seen’ for who you are…but kids can’t help it!

    1. Ha! Yes Jo, I love your words: “Here we are ‘trying to teach’ our young children to be ‘polite’ when they already have a Way that is far deeper and more loving than ‘polite’ right in front of our eyes.” Well said!

  411. Beautiful Carmel, it makes me smile deep within through my whole body to read 🙂

  412. I wonder if we use different muscles when we smile a ‘polite’ smile and a true, warm one? I was studying my own and other people’s Before and After photos and looked at the mouth, and then played with my own face, making it smile. The polite smile is simply a widening of the lips, I can feel my cheek muscles doing the work, and the mouth is curved like a thin rugby ball. When I laugh and smile with joy, there is a natural lift to the corners of my mouth and the cheeks are relaxed, it’s a whole different shape and I can feel it in my body, not just my face.

    1. These are very powerful observations Carmel. To smile and feel the quality of that smile in our faces is a very important awareness to develop. When I fake a smile, my eyes feel dull and disconnected and the lids crinkle around to make a smiling shape. When my whole being smiles my eyes feel deep, open and hold the person I smile with. This is a very tangible sensation, and it is so beautiful to feel.

      2. I agree Rachel, a fake smile makes my face tense and this is the only area of my body that seems to be working. When my smile is genuine, I can feel my body relaxed and at ease.

  413. I notice when I am at work serving my customers if I am really with myself and have a warm smile that it immediately melts the person I am serving. Even the most stressed out, in a rush person. It may not happen immediately but every time they come in it slowly chips away at their hard layer of protection or defence and they join me in that moment and love it. I have chipped away so speak at those layers of protection and defence and wow what an amazing freeing thing to let go of. It leaves me open to having deeper relationships with everyone I meet and I love it.

    1. Wow – that’s amazing, Natalie. How powerful it is when we are really with ourselves and have a warm smile and beautiful that it melts the person you are serving, very inspiring!

    2. Hi Natalie. I have experienced this too. A great deal of my customers are simply shut down to any contact while they whisk through the till. But if I greet them warmly they start to respond. I love it when my day is filled with moments when people start to open up. What I then have to catch is the expectation I place on myself and them to do this. I then have to drop my attachment to people responding in this way. I can be open and warm, and they have a choice not to be.

  414. I recently watched a video of a black woman trying to interview far right extremists and she was approaching them with a smile. It was amazing how far this gesture took her in her quest to open them up. You could see some of them drop their guard and to me that showed the power of a genuine smile.

  415. Hi Carmel – it felt so lovely to read your blog again – it certainly is heart warming in a way that the feeling goes through and fills your body with wonderment. The wonderment comes from a realisation that when we trust what we feel inside the world becomes a different place to the one we experience when we close ourselves off from humanity and decide to do it our way and on our own. Your blog truly expresses the beautiful woman that you are.

    1. When we close ourselves off and hold back our expression, humanity loses out. Even if we can’t feel ourselves as beautiful, others can and do, and who are we to judge ourselves as being anything less than beautiful and worthwhile spending time with?

  416. Thank you Carmel. It is very easy to use a smile out of comfort or to play the nice game. But it’s amazing to have children who connect to what’s real and not what is nice. This is a very inspiring marker and a game changer indeed.

  418. Carmel I love how you shared that children are “truly seeing me and feeling who I am”. Could we imagine a world where everyone greeted each other this way. There would be no room for forced smiles and being nice. A great reflection from children for us to learn.

  419. I love it that you talk about appreciation bringing a true smile. I have noticed a few times recently when I have been practicing appreciating when I have been looking at someone and appreciating them to myself, they caught my eye and smiled like a shy child. In these instances I wasn’t smiling, I was just looking at them and admiring something about them, but it was quite exquisite that they could feel it, they knew I was appreciating them and they let me know in their response.

    1. How amazing, Golnaz, that ‘they knew I was appreciating them and they let me know in their response.’ It shows how people can feel our energy even when we say nothing at all.

  420. Hi Jonathan, I shudder at the picture you paint, but it is true, I have felt the impact of that condescending smile and evasive answer. I imagine it is hard for politicians – it seems they are always on show, with a fixed smile that never truly relaxes because the media might take a not-so-nice picture and use it to pull them down. On the other hand if they were truly themselves and always open and honest with nothing to hide, they might still get attacked by the media but those open to it will always feel the truth of what is being presented and it wouldn’t bring them down.

    1. Hello Carmel, I have found opportunities, while driving here in France, to make contact
      with people at road junctions for example, where you can ‘let people out’ who are feeling increasingly trapped and thus becoming frustrated. One can make eye contact through the windscreen and convey warmth, and I feel that perhaps one could start a trend.
      Sometimes though, my attempts are just met with bafflement or bewilderment by
      people who are unused to this sort of behaviour!

      1. I agree Jonathan, I enjoy taking every opportunity on the road to let people in and it is lovely to see their faces light up. It costs nothing and it provides a moment for both of us.

    2. Yes, I have noticed this too Carmel about politicians and the fixed smile they carry. I agree with you that if they were truly themselves without playing the political game and relaxed a little they might stand firmer in feeling what was true and not be so concerned about image, or how they look? Perhaps some of the falseness and charade that is played out for the public might be cut?

    2. Yes, I very much agree, especially when one has been trained in being nice and polite all the time.

  422. Thank you Carmel, for sharing this lovely piece with us. Smiling a really genuine heart-felt smile can be a very powerful way of de-fusing a difficult or embarrassing situation
    I find. You feel you can really ‘break the ice’ and make contact with someone.
    Conversely, those fake smiles used by people on television, especially some politicians
    are repellent, and seem to convey a laboured attempt at ‘niceness’ or even worse
    condescension.

  423. Hi Michelle, I love your words ‘Appreciation is truly lovely for getting our stuff out of the way and connecting with who we are with with no forced effort, but in fact a very natural joy.’

  424. This is an awesome blog that I can relate to deeply. It seems like a simple and easy thing to do, yet to actually let go of everything that we hold onto and meet each person with no judgement or pre conceived ideas which interfere with you having those free, open meetings is something that I have come to realise is present regularly. Dropping all of those impositions and being simply open and free does create space for the most beautiful connections with people. Each time I do this I can feel that everyone just melts with what they feel and the deep genuine smiles come pouring out.

  425. These comments are truly inspiring and keep reminding me to observe how I am in shops. In one I visited today, there was a nervous young man being shown how to operate the till. I asked him if it was his first day and was he finding it a bit terrifying. I explained that I worked in a shop too so I appreciated what he was doing. The lady who was helping him joined in the conversation and it felt lovely as we three made eye contact and shared a moment of smiles and laughter together.

    1. Moments like this make such a difference to our days. Since reading your blog Carmel along with all the wonderful comments, I’m really enjoying finding opportunities each day where I can connect with others in this way too. It feels so playful, and people do actually light up!

  426. Reading this Carmel, made me smile and reminded me that when we receive a genuine smile from someone, we feel it and both parties feel better for having felt that connection.

    1. Yes, we do feel it and there is something really solid and complete about it, nobody is left wanting or unheeded.

  427. So true Carmel babies and very young children seem to look through you if they were, with such beautiful honnesty, looking at your soul. They lock into your eyes with stillness to connect deeply. When it happens to me I feel totally blessed and look into their eyes with the most exquisite tenderness feeling that this beautiful moment is heavenly.

    4. I agree Maryline, when I look into the eyes of babies and very young children I can see the purity in them. The world hasn’t tainted them yet and I can feel the beautiful innocence and potential from them.

    5. “When it happens to me I feel totally blessed and look into their eyes with the most exquisite tenderness feeling that this beautiful moment is heavenly.” That is so beautiful, Maryline. It brings an awareness of an appreciation of that moment of connection in a way that I had not done previously. Thank you.

    6. Yes, Maryline, now I recognise that babies are bundles of Love, I love staying with a baby’s gaze and feeling the connection to my soul. It is a beautiful moment of stillness, and it feels timeless, and everything else drops away.

  429. Appreciation, is something that I am learning to appreciate. It is a heartwarming experience to appreciate ourselves and others and feel our imagined isolation and individualism turn into harmony. Very special, thank you for sharing, I am appreciating, feeling those babies and children’s eyes truly connecting and seeing the true you! Thank you.

    1. Hi Samantha, I like the way you refer to ‘our imagined isolation and individualism’ and how we can feel it ‘turn into harmony’. That puts it into perspective for me in that harmony is our natural state – anything else we feel is the direct result of the choices we have made.

  430. I travelled in and out of London yesterday and was yet again inspired by the number of opportunities there are to build back our true connection with one another, and that fleeting moments of eye contact and true connection reconfigures the world!

    1. So true Matilda, since I have become open to such opportunities, I have been amazed at how many there are, how often they occur and how I never noticed them in the past.

    2. That is so lovely to read, because it is so true. That true connection warms any heart, and as you say it only need be in a fleeting moment. Somewhere from early on we are led to believe we need to go out and conquer the world, do things on a big scale, when in fact love is in the simplicity of our everyday livingness.

      2. So true Jenny. The warmth and openness in our eyes, and the way we present our bodies in tenderness is more earthshaking than the the fanciest manoeuvres carried out by a corporate giant that seemingly “owns the world”.
        We need to examine our scales! In doing so we can feel that the way we are in ourselves carries tremendous weight.

    3. Yes, Matilda, I am constantly and pleasantly surprised at how easily people are willing to make eye contact and smile in a natural way when we do the same with them. It feels gorgeous.

  431. The simplicity and joy from connecting with another is something that expands the heart with warmth and lights our day ! Thank you Carmel for sharing something to be appreciated with a twinkle in your eyes.

    1. Yes Brendan, I sometimes clean in a noisy engineering factory, and as I move around there, make a point of looking people in the eye as I smile and say hello. It sometimes takes a while to get a response,many of them don’t enjoy their work and ‘switch off’, but its so gorgeous when they look back at me and smile too. Not from politeness; there is genuine warmth in their eyes.

    2. As I read your comment Michelle, it reminded me of a walk through the park today, seeing a young child having so much fun pushing a gate open, going through and then coming out again. This was repeated many times so as I walked past I smiled and said a few words, acknowledging the joy of such a simple action, and received the biggest grin back, it was priceless.

    3. Me too Brendan, that made me smile I absolutely love connecting with people, and yes without doubt that’s what makes life so enjoyable and meaningful … people 🙂

    4. I love those moments of true connection with another, for instance I might smile or share a few words with a person at the supermarket checkout or the post office. These moments lift my day and make me feel bigger and lighter!

  432. Here, here, Michelle, it is so beautiful when we express with simplicity. I love the way Carmel speaks of others appreciating her and how she felt a ‘delicious warm feeling’ inside which comes when we truly listen – both to our body and to the words of the other person. As you say when we get ‘our stuff’ out of the way there is a ‘very natural joy’.

  433. Here’s an interesting observation about the way we expect kids to smile and perform, and what this can be like for them. My amazing 5 year old daughter had school photos at preschool last week and found the whole experience really uncomfortable. She has always offerd a deep connection in her eyes, most often without the mask of a ‘nice smile’. She describes that the photographer kept telling her to smile, and say cheese, and got quite annoyed with her. So here we are in a society where a child offers an amazing depth of connection in their eyes and presence, but we are so fixed on a limited surface level look to tick boxes that the whole connection is entirely missed, (and even shunned!). The message this sends our kids…that who they are is not it! We’re not connected to us and so dont connect back and feel the beauty, so we ask for a look, a pose to be beauty, or be ‘nice’, or ‘happy’. Are we telling our kids that whats outside is more important and is more recognised than whats inside? My daughter has asked for a bit of time off to recover from the experience, and fair enough when we feel the message thats coming with this kind of experience.

    1. Wow – thanks, Kate for sharing your daughter’s experience, and how deeply she was affected by it – it shows what kind of false, ‘cheesy’ smile a dis-connected society expects of us. In my experience, when a photographer truly connects with people, the photos are very different – vibrant, stunning, capturing the essence of the person.

      1. A “gosh” from me too Kate! You are right when you say, “we are so fixed on a limited surface level look to tick boxes that the whole connection is entirely missed.” We do miss the quality of the presence of a person and child shown through their eyes and body in favour of the false mask of a “nice smile”. We deeply hurt children by not recognising their quality if it is not expressed in a form that we approve of. We can smile and be totally empty in the eyes. My niece is amazing. She is 4 years old and has the most beautiful, powerful eyes. She sees and feels everything and has never pandered to adults in her life. When I smile at her sometimes she doesn’t smile back and I can feel that she feels the falseness of my gesture. In that moment she can feel that I need something from her and she doesn’t play that game. I love what she offers because in that moment I can then feel the falseness of my action and it’s another point in time where I can let the mask and false smile go. Our wise little ones have so much to teach us don’t they?

      2. So beautifully, honestly and revealingly shared Rachel. What you reveal here from your gorgeous, and perhaps initially slightly uncomfortable experience with your neice is game changing. That the natural wisdom and depth of a child feels the neediness coming at her in the falseness of the smile, the wanting something back, but that the gift she offers back if so much greater, the opportunity to feel that in that moment we might be less than our potential – and that there is more to us than the surface level interactions we have normalised.

        I can well and truly relate, not just from having been the grown up exposed by such a deep gaze, (or being the child who reacted to the discomfort of the adult and learned the false smile back to avert the discomfort) but also as a parent of several someones who offer this depth in thier interactions in the world.

        What I realised from your sharing is that there is a tendancy at that very moment that the unease is felt by the surface smiling adult, for the parent to go into damage control and make an excuse, or tell the child to smile back rather than being able to feel the absolute blessing that momentary discomfort actually offers us. I can definitely recall as a child being actively coached in this front we are supposed to present to the world, because its what has become normal to relate from, but golly don’t we all miss out!

        Gorgeous to feel you taking this blessing to let go of something that you too, like so many of us, picked up as a child, or along the way through life…the surface smile…and instead allow that warm, full, connected expression to shine through all the clearer.

      3. You are so right that children see and feel everything – where I work we can give children stickers – some happily take them and wear them proudly like a badge, an award, but some of the younger ones refuse, much to their parent’s surprise. My feeling is that they can feel the energy with which they are given – if I am trying to please, doing what I’m supposed to do, i.e. customer care, rather than truly caring about them, they can feel the falseness of it and what they are rejecting is that energy.

      4. Very true Carmel! Really good portrait photographers connect with the essence of
        their subjects and that makes a huge difference to the quality of their pictures.

      5. I know that one with our kids, my daughter also does not play ball with social niceties. Give her a present with lots of ‘need’ of whatever it may be – appreciation for buying it, making it and it won’t be worn – ever.
        I learnt the hard way with a cardigan I knitted as she never wore it, as it was totally loaded with me wanting her to like it, proud to have made it and all that ‘yummy mummy’ stuff. Very exposing but yet very real and thank goodness as it’s a great opportunity to let go of all that sort of stuff, that just is not true.

      6. What an amazing and truthful young woman your daughter is Vanessa. You brought back a memory for me of wearing jumpers my mother knitted, actually hating them, but being “good” and doing what was expected. It is just like the false smile, playing at pleasing people, but not so lovely on the inside.

      7. So true Carmel – the first photos I ever had taken when the photographer asked nothing of me and just let me be me was an immensely healing and very gorgeous fun too.

      1. Hi Jane, the whole giving of presents is a can of worms in itself! I used to buy presents for people that I felt were useful, but it was always a chore going shopping and I always felt anxious whether they would like it. Some presents are given as a thank you, it’s as if a simple ‘thank you’ spoken isn’t enough, we have to give something tangible, as if there needs to be a balance. Do we give expecting something back? Obviously we are used to paying for goods and services, and that somehow extends into our friendships and personal relationships. Christmas is a potential minefield of disappointments. A few years ago, I decided not to send out cards any more and within our family we eventually decided not to give presents – we used to have a list where everybody wrote what they wanted so, although there were never any surprises, there were no disappointments either, but now not buying presents saves so much money! And we don’t have the stress of Christmas Shopping, we simply spend time together, which is lovely.

    3. That is massive what you have shared, it is such a rigid ideal or belief how people should ‘be’ for photos instead of seeing the true beauty and depth of what is there.

      1. Yes Vicky, I remember those photographs from younger years and the false smiles that usually had gritted teeth behind them. The dreaded school photo or the photographer coming to the house. All showing a picture of what was not real and not much room for my inner beauty to shine.

      2. I feel this is true in other situations too. At work I am asked to ‘smile’ in order to sell things! When I do this it feels so fake and I hardly ever sell anything! When I remain true to myself and share the true me I smile naturally when I connect with people. More often than not they then buy something! A real lesson in staying true to me.

      3. Rebecca, you have just reminded me of a store I worked in where the owner took note of how I warmly and naturally greeted most customers, as they entered the store – based on ‘liking’ this they decided to ‘try’ and ‘replicate it’ and made it company policy that every customer had to be greeted by any and every sales desk staff member as they entered – and were told to smile ‘at’ everyone. This felt so yukky and false, like everyone entering was laced with this pseudo surface expression and box ticking.

        Such a contrast from a genuine inner-joy bubbling up from inside, or a genuine appreciation of another that warms the heart and the body joins in with what we call a smile – but what a different smile that is. Smiling ‘at’ says a lot to me – like it is directed and external. Smiling ‘with’ is more like a celebration, or confirmation of something that already is, a connection. This blog and the ongoing comments continues to offer so much, and I find more and more revealed with each comment and experience shared.

      4. Ah, Kate, yes, smiling at or smiling with – if we connect first then we are ‘with’ and the smile comes from within. And I agree, each comment takes us to a greater awareness of how we relate with others.

      5. Hi Rebecca – ah yes, the ‘Customer Care’ smile – not to mention ‘engaging’ with them – I recently saw a customer care training video showing a lady serving and chatting with the customers – it looked so false – I like to feel them first and then the conversation flows naturally and the smiles are genuine, no-one trying to please anybody. True connection, one Son of God with another.

      6. Vicky, when I look back at my child hood pictures there are many where I was forced to smile and you can tell straight away how unhappy I was. I only have a few where my smile was reflecting my natural beauty and that’s when I was under 2 yrs old.

    4. How amazing for your daughter to ask ‘for time off’ and an inspiration to be truthful and not pander to conventions. It is also a reflection of you, Kate, of providing such a confirming home where she has been able and supported to express what she feels and demonstrates the wisdom that children have when they are allowed to be themselves.

      1. Thank you. It is gorgeous how naturally children express what’s really going on, all that they feel (which is a lot!), when they are known for who they are – before ‘doing’ anything.

    5. My God Kate, you’ve opened a can of worms for me here! This specific example brings up all those times I made my own children “smile for the camera” – FOR THE CAMERA! Not because they felt or wanted to, but to please the receiver/s of the image. No wonder they all made faces – they were being honest. Kids are amazing and it’s never too late to turn this around. I remember when my children were still only crawling, they would ‘eyeball’ random people we would meet (for up to a minute!) and the intensity of their gaze would either amaze or make them uncomfortable. Thank-you for bringing the awareness that the depth of connection and power in a child’s eyes is an opportunity for us all to heal and re-connect with ourselves.

      1. It is shocking really how much as adults we impose on children because we are afraid to see and connect to the deep truth they offer. I too can remember being forced to pose and play the game and the pictures that came back were never as lovely as those where I was allowed to just me myself.

      2. Rowena, you raise a great point here – we could trawl through all those school photos and family albums and see the difference. I agree, children naturally being themselves feel very different from the cheesy smile created for the camera. As for adults, how often do we allow ourselves to be truly ourselves?

      3. So beautifully and honestly said Peta. I love that you offer us the fact that its never too late to turn anything around as we get the chance to feel more of what might be going on.

        Your sharing of “smile for the camera” opened a can of worms for me too, from a different angle. You prompted me to remember many times as a child in front of a camera lense being told to smile in a certain way. One time in particular for passport photos aged around 4, and the stress put on me to perform was so horrible I cried and got in so much trouble. As parents we are led to belive their is a certain expected ‘look’ that we are supposed to be able to extract from our children. The result for me was demoralising, to be there, present and glowing and be in an instant told this was not ‘it’ and be narrowed to this one particular expected surface level facial expression is horrid. The unspoken messages in these instances take their toll. And yet how understandable, as parents we have been raised this way too, “say cheese” and the like.

        There is such value in this blog and following discussion in allowing us the opportunity, perhaps for the first time, to stop and really consider these moments we expect kids to put their face into one surface level position to please others and to tick boxes – and the depth we miss out on and potentially quash in those moments. We very quickly understand that ‘doing’ is more valued than ‘being’. I recently had the opportunity for a photo shoot with a beautiful man who saw first who I was – there was no doing to do, just being – what a contrasting and healing experience.

      4. I used to hate having my photo taken, the false poses and pretense, but I still fell into the trap of ‘act to the camera’ with my own kids sometimes. And I love the way children do ‘eyeball’ people Peta, it’s as if they see through to our very soul, and give that opportunity for us to do the same.

    6. Yes, it is crazy all the ways in which we are not allowed to just to be ourselves. I have never liked being photographed because it always seemed to involve posing which always felt a bit false to me. It feels so important to allow and encourage kids to be who they really are and not who the world tries to mould them to be.

    7. Wow, this is a very thought provoking thread. Rachel’s point about us being able to feel by reflection from a child’s eyes a falseness in ourselves is awesome. What a marker!

      1. I agree these comments and this conversation is great. I have had many moments when children or young people have exposed a need in me that I had. It is very refreshing to truly see this and be honest with myself as in the past I would ignore the reflection I got from them and override it thinking that ‘I’m okay’.

    8. Rachel, this is so great what you are sharing. I can relate to the false smile and just reading this thread I can see how this is something I have done from a young age. Thank you for this conversation.

    9. So true Kate, we are treating children at though they are dummies, just there for our own entertainment and yet in doing so we further lose our connection with them and ourselves. The pressure put on children these days to preform is ridiculous and harmful, that it is super important we catch it like you have and let me know it is not normal.

      1. So true Amina I see it happening so much – how we can put pressure on children all the time and not realising what harm we can cause.

    10. …wow…I have just realised this is why I have so NOT enjoyed protraits and photos that as a child (and even up to the present day) I have been a part of… I have just noticed that much like your daughter, I feel comfortable to just look and connect – and if I feel to, I might smile … but the instant I get ‘say cheese’, or the order to smile (especially by an annoyed camera-person!) – I find I just can’t, and I end up feeling miserable trying to force a smile onto my face when I don’t actually feel to smile; and I too have experienced that message – that who you are is not enough…put on a ‘nice’ smile. Now, unfortunately, with cameras… I don’t want to be in front of them as I immediately and somewhat automatically anticipate the hurt to come…. and become anxious.

      1. This discussion about asking children to smile for the camera so explains why some children’s school photos don’t match them or how they look and present themselves on a daily basis. I see this every year when the obligatory class photo and individual photos are taken. These individual photos are then constantly on view, as many schools use these to identify the child on the computerised class roll and school files, as well as on data walls set up to track each student’s progress. As a result, if there were moments of discomfort for the child, they are kept on show and are not put away as so many people think they are in a drawer, album etc. at home.
        Thank you all for bringing this out into the open. It’s also raised a lot more for me to ponder on about my own relationship with the camera and photos I’ve taken or had taken of me over the years.

      2. You make a great point, Judy – photos on show often make people feel uneasy – it is because we can feel the falseness of that moment and know it is not truly us?

  435. Thanks Carmel you have reminded me to appreciate my children and how lovely their eyes are and how naturally they want to connect without bias. We as adults put so many conditions on that connection and I know I have in my life. How simple is it that appreciation can break all that down. I must confess I am still learning what appreciation truly means and feels like.

  436. Since reading your blog Carmel I have become very aware of how I smile and how other people smile and if these are genuine or not, the difference between a false and a natural smile feels completely different, it is beautiful to smile from within and for someone to smile from within at me. I have also noticed that if I’m at a checkout I now want to connect with people and get away from the script and that I can do this by simply engaging in a true, honest way, whether it be by being genuinely interested in the person working at the checkout, asking them how they are, lovingly saying goodbye or smiling truly from within, thank you for writing this article Carmel I have found it very inspiring.

  437. Beautifully and simply said, Carmel.

    That gorgeous look we get from babies and young children, when they look deep into our eyes, is unadulterated by any ulterior intention than pure, unladen curiosity and presence of connection: there is no ‘petty-footing’ around another’s feelings, so as not to offend their sensibilities; nor is there any insidious manipulation, in the way of trying to affect the response we want from another, either to further our own self-interested ends or to boost our own self-esteem.

    1. Beautiful words, Conor, thank you, I love the ‘pure, unladen curiosity and presence of connection’ that children offer. I find there is much to ponder on here, particularly in the words ‘insidious manipulation . . . trying to affect the response we want from another’.

  438. Thank you Carmel for this beautiful sharing and all the comments you share also bringing a real aliveness and reality. How we all feel everything and love smiling truly from within, connecting to others truly if we can allow ourselves to, how this is infectious and we can give each other permission to be truly met – with deep appreciation says it all.

  439. Rachel Mascord made a comment earlier: ‘You have shown that we can get behind the nice, polite, trained facade, right to the heart of another person who is just the same as us.’ Great words. When a receptionist takes a long time to answer my call, instead of berating her for the delay, I often say something along the lines of, ‘Wow – you must be having a busy day’ and they respond with something like, ‘Tell me about it!’ It feels so great to greet people with appreciation and not frustration.

  440. Thanks Ryan, I am finding these comments are a beautiful daily reminder for me to check in with my face, as I walk around the shop where I work and how I greet both adults and children. Today I caught myself smiling at a child who was looking at me seriously – interesting that children know when a smile is false – I could tell he knew – he was a beautiful reflection of truth!

  441. Yes Shirley-Ann, what a beautiful connection to share. The gift of being present! These moments can slip right by us if we’re caught up in ‘doing’ rather than ‘Being’.

  445. Jacky, It is quite an insight (truly) you bring up, that “blind children smile the same smile in the same situations as sighted, without seeing the behavior.” There is so much we don’t realize we are feeling!

  446. Thank you for sharing this joyful experience Carmen and the expansion appreciation brings to all our bodies. It is truly a gift from heaven.

  447. Carmel, I love the observations you made here and it has always felt wrong to me too when adults tell their children to smile or what to say to other people. What’s the point, if the feeling didn’t come from them to smile or speak in a certain way, isn’t it quite fake and empty when they do so to just be polite. The funny thing is, everyone can feel this hollow expression, but we play a game of ‘politeness’ because we’ve been told the same thing and have bought into it. To me being genuine is the way, even if that means you say something that may surprise or challenge someone. I love to connect with supermarket employees, and have found a lot of times they are astonished that anyone has even attempted to speak with them in a way that goes beyond “Hi, how are you?”. One time I even commented that the check-out person looked quite exhausted and it lead into a short honest discussion about how they had been pushing themselves lately and drinking a lot of caffeine to keep going. How cool is that to allow someone the moment of pause to feel where they are at with their health and how they take care of themselves. We can too often get caught up in the task at hand at work to do this, but it’s of great value if we can be honest with each other and help in observation without judgement.

    1. I agree, Michael, I had a deeper chat than normal with a nurse who was checking my blood INR – she is the local lead on diabetic nursing, covering for colleagues who were off sick and she was commenting on the huge increase in diabetic patients just in the last year, and her concerns about there not being enough staff to help. We were talking about children with diabetes and the excess amounts of sugar added to so many foods. It was only a brief encounter but felt very lovely and gave me a greater understanding of what’s going on in our local health service. I left her room smiling and could feel a surprised reaction from the other patients waiting to see her as I walked by.

  448. What you wrote about smiling from appreciation is lovely Carmel. I also find true smiles infectious…have you ever noticed two people in a room exchange a true, heart warming smile and find yourself smiling too, simply from observing?

  449. Thank you Carmel. Reading your article I recalled a favourite entry in my Mums wartime autograph book……”a smile costs nothing yet creates much”….. So true!
    Interesting to note that blind children smile the same smile in the same situations as sighted, without seeing the behaviour.

    1. Wow, that’s a good one Jacky… it reminds me to feel more and not rely on so much on my ‘lying eyes’.
      I have noticed though, a genuine smile causes the other to light up like a Christmas tree. Smiling hearts.

    2. Thanks, Jacky – it is definitely a natural thing our body does when we feel joy and, as your mother’s wartime autograph book says, it creates much. How many wars could be avoided if we naturally smiled and appreciated everyone instead of judging them?

  450. I love connecting with the eyes at work, it makes such a difference. People can feel our presence and the impact is so big.

  451. Carmel, this blog was very inspiring to me. As I entered a supermarket yesterday, I remembered your beautiful post and I had a beautiful eye and smile exchange yesterday at the supermarket check out – very simple and heart warming. Thank you.

  454. I love this Carmel, thank you for sharing. “I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.” Now that’s a true smile in words. Awesome and powerful.

  455. Carmel thank you for those lovely comments. A smile is worth a thousand words in any language. We can learn so much from our children, and not keep trying to change tem as they grow up.
    There is a wonderful song called “Why don’t we listen to the children” The words are inspiring and beautifully written.

  456. Gorgeous Gyl. I do this too at the check out in shops, restaurants etc. people working in the service industry do an amazing job and are so often under appreciated. Feels so great to re-imprint this with genuine gratitude and appreciation.

  457. Hi Carmel, as a customer it is literally heart warming when someone smiles from their heart and not from their face, we can all feel the difference. I know I have done the smiling to be nice thing too and having read your blog will be more consciously aware of the question ‘Am I listening with love or with judgement.’ Thank you

  458. Thank you Carmel this is so lovely and inspiring. My niece once described me as the smiliest person she knew and I can feel how often I have put on a fake smile so someone will like me or not be angry with me. Growing up I was conscious of a lot of suppressed anger in my father so although we often clashed when I was older I also did a lot of pacifying by painting a smile on my face and it is only in recent years that I have started to smile less but much more genuinely. It feels completely different and it is so beautiful to have that moment of connection with another in appreciation of each other.

  459. Gorgeous Carmel, thank you for bringing this up. I was brought up in a family that held a strong belief in manners/politeness, I now see how it has suffocated my expression and those around me. Recently I have been noticing how people say “goodbye”. Often there is a need to draw it out, with smiles, nods, white noise, waves and turning backs. A reluctance to complete. How much more powerful to arrive at a connected silence and smile from here.

    1. Wow Lucinda, tricky goodbyes, e.g. do we stand at the door and wave till they’re gone or, having said goodbye close the door and get on with our lives? Oh you have started a whole new topic! Another example, have you ever held one of those parties that you miss most of because the person who ‘must leave early’ then spends half an hour at the door talking with you before you leave? How do we make ‘goodbye’ a true and simple completion? We so don’t want to appear ‘rude’. Thank you for raising this one, there is much to ponder here and to develop our awareness of.

      1. Gosh… yes, those long extended goodbyes that are drawn out…. why do we do that? Is it that we want confirmation from others that we are loved and in those moments we have that need to be filled?

      2. Hey Rachel, I feel you’ve hit the nail on the head, that we seek confirmation from another that we are liked or loved and in that look for or want those needs to be filled – I can feel that one – but as we know that gorgeous and yummy love we look for is inside us all.

        How amazing is that and how much more simple it makes life.

        And as I write this I’m also aware that then how awesome and amazing it is that when we choose to be and feel the love within us, we don’t go dumping our stuff (issues and hurts) on others, and look to others to fill our needs and give us what we want.

        I can actually feel how we project so much stuff out and on others, and we / they don’t even realise – but when we choose the love within us it feels there is a space, a knowing we carry, we come to the day, to people to a meeting even a good-bye with this clear space around us, not needing, projecting or leaving any of our issues or hurts.

        How awesome is that.

      4. Indeed Rachel we are with ourselves, flowing from our bodies then there can be no doubt of when to complete.

  460. You have shared an interesting point Carmel. I have noticed too how children are taught to be polite and nice… (including myself as a child), but when this manner is expressed without the heart as a genuine impulse behind the gesture, it becomes empty. I have only just remembered that I made a conscious choice as a child to turn on the “niceness”, to get people to like me and to diffuse any unwanted angst from others. I have made this way of interacting my core, and I am just realising the “fakeness” of how this is…. huuumm…

    1. It seems many of us simply want to be ‘liked’ and often it’s is us who don’t like ourselves and we live with constant internal self-criticism instead of ongoing appreciation that naturally generates a true smile.

      1. This is very true, Carmel. The key was always to value and appreciate myself and then it wouldn’t have mattered who liked or didn’t like me. The need was to be valued by others so that it would negate the internal self-criticism. As a child (and adult) all that was/is needed was/is self-appreciation…. huuumm…. Smiles do light up the face much easier that way!

      2. Hi Rachel, ‘The need was to be valued by others so that it would negate the internal self-criticism.’ Good point, I have often felt as if I am battling with myself, pushing to rise above the mire of despondency, forcing a smile as if everything is ok, desperate for any kind of acknowledgement from the people around me, when all I need to do is simply appreciate who I am.

      3. What a gorgeous awareness to share Rachel and Carmel – and so true (from experience!). Those doing ‘nice’ – ‘like me’ masks – seeking outward approval when we’ve not got in happening from the inside….and how very (very very) different, more natural, welling up from an internal glow are the other kind that just cannot be contained. Mmmm appreciation of how far I’ve come – and theres a smile to match.

  461. Lovely blog Carmel. A few weeks ago whilst driving my bus I pulled up to a bus stop and a man asked me for directions. Before I closed the doors I glanced to the left and saw his daughter (about 7-8 years old) looking at me with that shy, innocent look only a young child can give. I smiled at her and she shyly smiled back which then made my smile wider and the effect on the little girl was amazing- her smile became very wide, her eyes lit up and her whole body came alive. Very Joyful.

    1. Ah that’s awesome, Tim, thank you for sharing that here – I can feel the joy and appreciation for that little girl in your words. No patronising, simply meeting as equals. Gorgeous.

    3. Thank you Tim what a lovely reminder that we do not need to say anything, meeting someone and connecting to them with our eyes and a smile becomes a whole body experience that can not be denied. I know when I do this it leaves me with a joyful warm glow in my body and a feeling of completeness. There is no need, or judgement just one person meeting another, and as Matilda said it is moments like this that change the world.

      1. I agree Matilda and Alison, moments like these do change the world.
        I am now working on smiling at adults!!

  462. A lovely reminder Carmel of how much difference appreciation makes and wow what a different world it could be if we all practiced it more. A great point too about parents telling children to smile. This births a false smile that may stay with them for life if it becomes programmed in.

    1. Yes, we can all work on changing the programming – it feels like these comments are taking us to a deeper level of awareness of the ‘false smile’ and how deeply ingrained it can be.

  463. So much has been shared here and so sweetly and simply. Connection first, without a rule book, and the rest comes naturally: the true smile, appreciation, intimate listening…thank you all.

  465. I know that so well, when I am appreciating another or when I am appreciating me I can not help but beam with a smile, but as soon as the appreciation turns into something else, seriousness comes in and there is either a false empty smile or none at all.

    How inspiring would it be if, instead of asking a child (or an adult) to smile and be polite, we made it about appreciating and true contact with others and if any of us struggles with the appreciation at any point we helped them with that. Then a heart felt smile and care towards others comes about naturally anyway, without having to try.

    1. What a lovely idea Golnaz to support people with appreciation if they are struggling. This feels like an amazing way to build true connection with others.

    2. It would be a sea change wouldn’t it “if, instead of asking a child (or an adult) to smile and be polite, we made it about appreciating and true contact with others.” For school children it’s drummed into them about being polite, but without the heart there is no richness to the expression. There is a natural richness to appreciating and connecting with others.

  466. Such a good point about how we can listen with judgment without even realising. Thank you for sharing this.

  467. Hi Everyone, I love the way this topic has expanded – each comment has been a little gem in itself, thank you! Especially the reminder to listen with appreciation and to always bring it back to appreciation – when I’m feeling low, I can choose to appreciate myself instead, when I catch myself judging another, I can change that to appreciation. I feel that the smile is a natural joy bubbling up from within.

  468. I have done a lot of telephone customer service in my lifetime, so I can totally relate to ‘turning on the nice’. I remember noticing how I could change the timbre of my voice to sound more pacifying if I was dealing with someone who was raising a complaint, and now I can see how manipulative that can be. Since I re-learned how to speak and listen to someone with understanding and appreciation I feel like it is an entirely different experience speaking to people on the telephone. Even though we are not face-to-face I can feel them and myself having a real meeting as two people, not as ‘customer’ and ‘guy on the other end of the phone’. Thanks for sharing this, Carmel!

    1. I also work in customer service and have noticed the difference when I am just “doing” and talking in a way that is accepted as polite versus when I fully embrace whoever it is on the other end of the phone, without any judgement and with full acceptance that they too are another person just like me who wants to be heard and treated with love and care. The results are always so beautiful, and it’s like I make new friends all day long – even the ones that call with a complaint or an issue, do not tend to dump their issue on me, but feel that I am there to support them, so the issue gets solved easily.
      In the past however, I may of just gritted my teeth, been polite whilst on the phone and then got irritated at them afterwards. Just thinking and being honest about how I have spoken this way to people in the past feels horrible and I am glad I now have a new awareness and am not afraid to be more than “just socially polite”!

    2. Ha! You’ve just written a whole course on ‘Telephone Techniques’ – yes, speaking to anyone on the telephone without letting our personal issues and expectations get in the way is awesome. Interesting how we adjust our voices – have you heard how many adults raise the pitch of their voices and smile when speaking with children? It can sound incredibly patronising. I have found that children respond well when I speak with them the same as I do with the adults around them.

      1. Absolutely Carmel, I notice all the time how adults adjust their voices to speak to children and it sounds very patronising, like the children are stupid and wouldn’t understand if we spoke to them normally. This happened to my son recently and he got very upset saying ‘she’s not talking in a normal voice’.

      3. I agree Carmel, when we speak to children as we would with any adult it’s amazing the responses we get and conversation we have. So often I have been blown away by such wise words and observations that many children have shared – and some of this has been from children of a very young age – they say it how it is and so often hit the nail on the head.

    3. Thank you for sharing your experience Naren, in how changing your approach to listening to people and speaking has changed your life.

  469. Oh gosh yes I completely hear what you are saying it takes the magic away from a moment when we then tell them to do something. It’s like asking them to say ‘thank you’ because its ‘polite’. I realised that in my life I have smiled at people because I have wanted them to ‘like me’ which feels so horrible. I am aware of this now so don’t do it as much.

    1. Hi Vicky – oh yes, thanks for reminding me of that one – smiling to be liked – a good one to let go of. That could also be linked to putting smiley faces at the end of messages . . . 🙂

    2. I agree Vicky, thanks from the heart is very different form thanks born out of being polite.

      1. Definitely Rebecca and Vicky. Thanks from wanting to be seen as nice, or from seeking approval, when contrasted with a genuine smile or appreciative thanks, is so much more loaded. This variety of thanks or smiling seems to ‘offer’ something on the thin superficial vaneer level, but the main current is one of ticking boxes, neediness and taking. Great to feel Vicky and Rebecca, it is very likely something most of us have done (and/or received) at some stage, or maybe still do.

  470. Thanks for your blog Carmel, I have noticed myself being judgemental whilst listening and am working on appreciating instead. I am going to experiment with my smile, and whether it is being nice or genuine.

  471. Carmel, This weekend I gave a child a playful necklace and she was exploring it and interacting with me non verbally. Her eyes said so much. I could feel a mutual appreciation of each other. She is a quiet person and her mother respects that and did NOT tell her to say thank you! Yes, in my experience too, this is so UNUSUAL and it allowed for a much deeper more real connection to unfold between us.

    1. Exactly Jo, I don’t need for the parents to say ‘say thank you’ because with some children I can already feel it, it’s like we have some special communication going on, which is fun, but I can also feel the child shut down as they return to the pleasing personality they have to adopt around their parents. It is wonderful to experience children being allowed to be themselves fully, not in a disruptive way, but being naturally tender.

    2. This is lovely Jo, I have a 4 year old son and I feel the pressure of asking him to say thank you, even though he says it with his eyes, so it is inspiring to read your comment, I will ponder on this.

    4. That is lovely. I have 3 kids. Sometimes they say thank you. Sometimes not. When they don’t, what I find fascinating is watching the person who isn’t getting the thank-you! Amazing how it exposes their neediness.

      1. Love it Otto, ‘what I find fascinating is watching the person who isn’t getting the thank-you! ‘- this can be very interesting indeed! Just goes to show how much expectation there is around particularly children always smiling and being polite towards adults/’grown ups’.

    1. I agree Jenny, I am smiling as I type this. Love what you shared Carmel – you can hear and see the false smile when the person on the other end of the phone has to say the same script over and over again. I often open up a conversation appreciating that they have to answer the phone with same lines to each person and how amazing it is when they do it with a welcoming voice. When someone smiles from the heart, it is like a big warm blanket enveloping you and it is impossible not to smile back!

  473. Thank you Carmel. For a long time I have done the ‘ polite and nice ‘ way, it hasn’t felt like it had a depth to it. When I am smiling from a genuine place within me I feel like all of me is smiling, and that smile comes back from others.

    1. It’s true Ruth, it is as if we feel the smiling from within the person first, before we see the smile on their face. When our smile comes from within, it’s like a warm ray of sunshine.

  474. I know that polite smile you speak of Carmel, very well. I am also aware that there is a huge difference when I smile to be polite and when I smile from a genuine warmth. The first is more like just the muscles of the face are moving and my jaw and back of my head can actually ache and feel tight, whereas with a genuine smile I always find it lights up my whole body and doesn’t hurt.

    1. Thank you Shevon, I had been wondering how to tell the difference, because both true smiles and polite smiles come very easily for me so I will check into how my face and jaw feel next time. I’m also learning to feel what’s happening in my body when I meet people, so I can sense and appreciate who they truly are, which is fun.

    2. Shevon, I am a master of the fake smile – and I find it exactly the same. The fake smile is me forcing my muscles into a position – whereas the real smile just feels natural.

      1. For me a genuine smile comes from within my joyful loving heart. It let’s someone in completely and let’s them see me in all my glory. It feels simply exquisite to share.

        You can see it in the eyes first but the whole body is expressing it, not just the mouth.

      2. Love your honesty Shevon, Carmel and Cheryl. I wonder if it has got to the point where most of us don’t easily know the difference between a false and non false smile. I used to attend one regular work meeting where I constantly had a false smile on, to cover unease I think, and I found it really hard to stop it. By the end of the day I would also be exhausted, and pretty much unable to recognise the me who had been at the meeting. It was pretty ‘icky’.

  475. Great blog Carmel, I am really only just learning to appreciate where I’m at, as I was always looking ahead to where I should be therefore missing beautiful moments of self appreciation in the moment. Also by listening or looking at others with judgement or comparison I was missing out on the appreciation there as well. It’s great to have these things pointed out in a forever unfolding, leaning process. Thank you Carmel I appreciate it.

    1. Same here Kevin, I’ve found a large amount of my time is taken up thinking about the past or what will happen in the future. When I do have moments of being in the present everything seems simpler again and I can enjoy being me.

      1. Even just reading your words David, “moments of being in the present everything seems simpler again and I can enjoy being me.” – I can feel the truth in this and I feel the simplicity, the lightness and the enjoyment of just being me when I live and feel present within each moment – everything is so much more simple.

      1. Hear hear Carmel (and Kevin) this feels such a joy to read – “not trying to be ahead of ourselves”.

  476. I was in a Turkish Restaurant in London with with my 5 year old son yesterday. We had a very attentive waiter looking after us. “…he’s very nice isn’t he Dad? but his smile is fake”. He was right. And then we went to check in to our hotel. The check in lady was the same. All smiles and protocol. I could feel the script from which she had been told to read and behave. So it’s not just the kids that are being “asked to perform”. And wow how different is it when that smile comes AFTER a connection and appreciation.

    1. Hi Otto, your story reminded me of a time at an airport when I spotted a beautiful young lady working in the perfume department. She came up to me and started with the ‘script’ and the smile, but I noticed her high heels and the hard floor and I said ‘Do your feet hurt standing on this floor all day?’ and she absolutely melted, after which we had a beautiful conversation as she told me what country she came from and it was a delightful moment of genuinely interested exchange between two people, and both of us were smiling.

      1. I love this Carmel. I can feel her melting with your care and connection. What if the people “speaking from the script” just want to be met too? You have shown that we can get behind the nice, polite, trained facade, right to the heart of another person who is just the same as us.

    2. Yes, I know that experience Otto – I notice it particularly from call centres when I am asked ‘how I am?” or at the end of a shopping experience when the assistant says have a nice day; at 6pm in the evening! Talking from scripts rather than from what can be a natural connection with another human being. It’s quite awful really how ‘customer service’ has become – putting on a false front and being nice.

      1. I work in a call centre where we aren’t scripted and despite the freedom this creates I am becoming increasingly aware of how difficult it can be to shake loose the stiffness that comes from making sure you don’t break the rules of political correctness and the organisations Code of Ethics. I am finding my way and have even had staff comment that it seems like I am having fun with the customer despite the nature of the calls we get. Thanks to the support of Universal Medicine presentations and practitioners and my being a student of The Way of the Livingness I can bring this sense of playfulness and joy to my work.

        Political correctness and codes of ethics seem to have ever increasing rules as a solution to stop us from abusing each other because of our judgments and prejudices but it simply does not work. It is awful and creates so much tension and anxiety in the body and therefore a lot of illness and disease.

        This is a big topic. Why do we feel as a society we have to control what others say by creating rules of political correctness and other impositions such as to how we are supposed to engage with others?

    3. That is so true Otto, in the Service Industry especially, people are trained to express what they are not genuinely feeling and we all know it. It’s so amazing how we all know it, yet all go along with it. We can feel when someone is stressed, anxious, tired or fed up and we all attempt to disguise it with a Smile! It’s a very thin veil indeed!

      1. Yes I agree Rowena, we all know when a fake smile is on. When I smile from the inside it’s like Carmel so beautifully describes: ‘(her) inner playfulness simply and naturally bubbles up.’ Just gorgeous. I can feel it in myself whenever I find I have made a fake smile – my face feels like it’s cracking up. To only notice I’m making a fake smile when my face is hurting and not before leads me to realise I could pay a lot more attention to the situations when that happens. I could then ask myself why am I being polite? Have I just judged them incapable of having a genuine, honest communication? Have I not just shown it is me who is unable to have such a communication?! So now I know the next time I feel my face cracking up with a fake smile I can take it as the perfect opportunity to choose to be appreciative, and perhaps vulnerable, instead.

      2. I love your questions Karin “Have I just judged them incapable of having a genuine, honest communication? Have I not just shown it is me who is unable to have such a communication?!” I shall definitely be reflecting on this more…

    4. This is so true and feels hugely important, being confronted with a false smile is a horrible experience. I reckon we can all feel it but often I have pretended I can’t and try and convince myself that the person is being genuine. This would be a great one for staff in any industry to cover in training, focusing customer service on being genuine.

      1. Absolutely Stephen, I have worked in the hospitality and service industry for 20 years, and not once has it ever been covered in staff training – more so the complete opposite, something that I found very hard to take, and would often speak up and call it out in meetings or even simply at work. What we are often told and I have seen written in staff training manuals is that we have to put on our ‘game face’ – how wrong does this feel, and no matter what pretend everything is okay. But as so many have shared we all know when we are met by a falseness or a ‘nice’ smile – and can see through the mask as to how they really feel or what is going on. Often what I find helps to break this consciousness is simply and genuinely asking the member of staff, be it a waitress, at the check out, or on the phone – when I feel it is right – (as we too can put on the pretend niceness as in how are you and not really mean it or have an interest or care) – ‘How are you?’ or “How’s your day been, what’s been going on, what’s it like to work here etc” – then what we are often presented with is the truth, it’s like it breaks the so called ice, to open up a new level of connection, relationship and care.

      2. Stephen – Your comment made me feel what an imposition a false smile actually is. To smile without checking in with yourself or with the other person. Basically it’s a lie. And no-one likes being lied to. It’s also such a guard. “Look I’m smiling, everything is fine…so don’t even ask me how I am” !! Isn’t that amazing. What truths may actually be lying behind this most socially accepted and most freely used form of expression. There should be a National Smile Honesty Day….where you are only allowed to smile if you really feel it or mean it. Then (assuming everyone was honest – which is a daft assumption!) we would really see the decimation in humanity.

      4. So true Stephen, and I wonder how many people when faced with a false smile react in response to the falsity, maybe without even knowing it. If a false smile is greeted with unfriendliness in return, the person with the false smile may go on to wrongly judge the world as not being open to them, when this is not true, they are just not open to the falsity. And so self doubt may creep in, and then the need for more falsity to cover this, and so on…..and with every step there is, a further move away from the loveliness within.

      5. Oh wow – another training course being re-written – Customer Care, I love it!
        These comments are bringing a whole new meaning to the word ‘smile’. How about something along the lines of:-
        Smile: a whole body activity that naturally happens when one person engages with another in true and joyful appreciation.
        False Smile: Turning up the corners of the mouth in order to create an impression of friendliness.

  477. …. a smile from appreciation instead of being polite or having to feels completely different – in fact complete polar opposites. The first one feels false and as if putting on a show or a front which often encourages others to do the same, whereas the second feels that it is something warm and natural to share with another with no force whatsoever – a smile from the heart. Thanks Carmel.

    1. I completely agree Susan, I do find catching myself when I put on a smile to be polite, it definitely does not feel good in me, so I am sure the other person felt that. So yeah working on a smile from appreciation, that has a completely different feeling in the body.

  478. Thank you Carmel, I also enjoy in the check out cue, looking in to the eyes of children in the carts in front of me and ‘sometimes I can feel that we are truly connected in that moment and nothing more needs to be said or done’. It’s like a secret moment of shared tenderness.

  479. I agree Rachel, reading Carmel’s article helps bring awareness that I often listen with judgement and that ‘judment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation…and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too’.

  480. Thanks Carmel – what a great top tip I am taking from this line: “it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.” I will give this a whirl as I have recently become aware of how automatically I judge people and situations…. Great to have a way to help reduce that perhaps – I will certainly give appreciation a good go. For starters, I appreciate you, and your lovely smile 🙂

  481. Such a great blog Carmel and yes how true it is that there can be absolutely no appreciation if there is any judgement present…they just can’t co-exist. Just this past week I had a session with a Universal Medicine practitioner in which I realised how little I truly appreciated myself for who I am rather than what I do. The smile that you talk about feels like that too it’s not something you are doing it’s more like an expression of who you are being.

    1. I just felt to share that I love connecting with people who work at the checkout in supermarkets, shops and waitressing too – without making a point or trying I simply ask because I feel too, how they are, how there day has been which can often be taken by surprise, as in who me, but opens up for a lovely relationship, one that has grown with many. My niece even sometimes asks as we walk away ‘do you know them?’ 🙂

      I was so blown away by one girl and the absolute time and care she took putting each item through, the gentleness and tenderness she packed them away with – with no rush or worry about the queue – that I shared with her, how awesome this was, how amazing it was to see and feel and how much I appreciated it – her reply ‘I do it the same way I would want someone to do it for me” – amazing and truly appreciated.

      1. Absolutely Ryan I had another beautiful experience at a check out recently, where a young man moved the items with such delicate loving care, he picked up each single item with his finger tips of both hands so delicately, moved and placed them down in exactly the same way – it was amazing to observe and feel and absolutely appreciated. The really beautiful thing was that he called it and knew how delicate he was – he actually told me when I shared how much I appreciated him and the way he picked things up, and moved them with such awareness and care – he said ‘yes I am delicate’.

      2. The checkout girl’s reply is gorgeous. ‘ I do it the same way I would want someone to do it for me’. How beautiful life would be if everyone brought that into their work.

    2. This is a big one for me too Elaine, learning to appreciate myself for who I am as opposed to what I do.

    1. Hi Ben, you’re welcome, and I look forward to hearing more of your own insights – when I hear you express your wisdom in groups, I feel inspired.

  483. It’s the simple things in life that are so significant, I love it Carmel. People at the garage or the supermarket, or the cleaner in the bathroom, are often surprised to be looked in the eyes, or smiled at. It’s a beautiful two way experience when we connect and appreciate.

  484. I agree Jane. Just reading this passage warmed my heart and I felt myself smile as I read it. How often do we shut ourselves down to the possibility of this sort of warmth and true connection? We put up the cardboard cut-out of “polite” when deep inside we are nothing but a deep, warm light that naturally seeks connection.

  485. Carmel, what a beautiful blog. I’m starting to feel how key appreciation is, it’s still something quite new for me, as my default is and has often been to see what’s not right or what else needs to be done rather than taking a moment to stop and actually appreciate the right now. And that is something that’s so lovely with children, they really do drink you in and they are so natural, a real delight. Your blog is perfect timing as I’m looking at how I can allow more appreciation in my life right now.

  486. How freeing is it to feel you don’t have to put on a smile, just simply allow yourself to be and smile when you really feel like smiling. I once had someone say to me “come on smile, it can’t be that bad” which really felt horrible to hear because It hurt as in that moment I could feel they weren’t appreciating how I was feeling and were telling me to be a certain way.

    But the biggest ouch is the fact that I have done this to another before. I had told another to smile, in that same way, and until now hadn’t realised how dismissive this ‘throw away’ comment actually is, of them and how they may be feeling, something that I am now aware of and can appreciate for myself and then with others.

    1. Hi Gyl, funny, isn’t it how we want everybody to be happy around us and want everybody to smile, it is as if we are missing the natural joy we know is there in every person we meet. When my face is at rest, my mouth turns down naturally, so I learned to keep it in a permanent smile, or to switch my smile on whenever people are around so I don’t look miserable (I notice some politicians do that too). It puts a tension into my cheeks as I constantly lift the corners of my mouth whereas a truly joyful smile comes with no effort at all.

    2. that’s so true Gyl. I’ve been guilty of this in the past and had it said to me. It’s such a flippant comment and dismissive. It just feeds the belief that we buy into that we have to perform for others and put on that mask.

  487. Thank you Carmel for your blog, it is ‘simply’ beautiful and it reflects so much of your own inner beauty. I too have put on the ‘forced’ smile so often in my own life to gain acceptance and identity, having been given the idea as a child that it was sooo important to be nice, pretty and acceptable and nobody ever told me that the smile needs to come from the inner heart and build outwards. As you say, it is important to appreciate ourselves and all that we have been given by way of reflection and love.

    1. Hi Sue, ‘Nice, pretty and acceptable’ oh yes, and not just in how we look, but in what we say too. I learned to make sure everybody was comfortable around me, because sometimes when I said what I felt, people would get very upset and then I’d get upset for upsetting them, so I would hold back from saying anything. The trouble with holding back is that nothing changes. I’m learning (1) to appreciate that what I feel is important and (2) if it feels true, to express that in a non-emotional, non-judgemental, appreciative way. I still get it wrong sometimes, but instead of being upset, I can choose to see the reaction/reflection back as an opportunity for me to learn.

  488. Both the blog and comments are truly lovely to read and bring much to consider. It made me realise that I am often so “busy” getting through the check out line, getting my money or credit card out, thinking of my pin number, thinking about how much I spent, counting my change, getting my enviro bag out, loading up my goods, thinking about how long it took me to get through the queue and where I’m going next, THAT I forget to connect with the person who is helping me make this transaction happen. I’m looking forward to my next exchange at a check out counter. I’m taking the time to connect and appreciate!!

    1. Yes! How beautiful is it for the person at the checkout to be seen and appreciated for the beautiful person they are…all of that rage, “you are too slow”, and worse “you aren’t even a real person” they get all day!
      Carmel, you are an inspiration, in every way.

      1. Thank you Rachel and Gayle – life for checkout staff could be changing all over the world as more people connect and truly see each other – who knows, it could expand to all service staff. I often say a few words of appreciation to the ladies cleaning toilets at airports and other public places, it seems they are so used to being ignored, it takes them by surprise when someone says hello.

  489. I agree with your comment Simon about how children may be naturally drawn to someone and not to others and that we teach them to be nice and pretend, to override their natural feelings. I notice that my young son is very honest in this way and it is great to have the reminder to not try and make him be ‘polite’ and ‘nice’ but rather allow him to be honest and be himself.

  490. Carmel, thank you for these insights. I could really feel your glorious connection with the two women and the joy that gave you all. Every moment gives us an opportunity to appreciate , and the joy that brings.

  491. Gorgeous Ariana, thank you for sharing this, I too have felt able to appreciate others more than myself, but as you say with the inspiration of Universal Medicine, the Benhayons and also blogs and comments like all of these, I too am learning to accept and appreciate myself a whole lot more, and allow others to appreciate me too. I was too quick to try to knock this back or play it down instead of stopping, accepting and feeling the love and truth all around and within me.

  492. Thank you for the reminder of the importance of appreciation. After a lifetime where criticising and nit-picking was considered more important than appreciating, appreciation is still not my default pattern and I need to actively choose to do it. When I do remember to appreciate, the impact is amazing both on myself and others. I can recall a few times recently when I just took a moment to appreciate someone as I was watching them walk by: they turned, caught my eye, almost looked embarrassed and smiled like a child. It was beautiful. Someone earlier on commented ” this appreciation thing works”. It certainly does!

    1. Awesome Golnaz, great reminder, I too have spent a lifetime criticising and nit picking, and this feels like it has always started with me. Just as we can choose not to love ourselves we truly cannot love another, then if we choose to not appreciate ourselves, I feel we cannot truly appreciate another. So out with the old foundation, criticising and judgement and in with the new – appreciation.

  493. Dear Carmel, I love how you described the moment with the other ladies and the smile growing from deep within you. And we really miss out on this loveliness when we judge rather than appreciate others and ourselves. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  494. Great point you make about listening with judgement rather than appreciation. Judgement means we filter out a lot that is there to be appreciated and so we miss a broader and deeper view of another. Judgement means we narrow the potential of our relating to others – and we certainly don’t smile!

  495. Hi Carmel, what a lovely blog. I really loved ‘it showed me how much I listen with judgment, and that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too.’ I am choosing to bring more appreciation into my life and the above example is another gorgeous way to do that, thank you.

  496. Carmel this is so beautiful, it is true, being polite is not in anyway honouring or appreciating the amazing person in front of you. I know I can definitely sometimes smile, just because someone smiled at me – very polite, but not necessarily true to what I feel, and not appreciating exactly how much our eyes and bodies express, without the need to smile or perform. Every day I am learning more how important appreciation is, and the joy we miss out on if we do not really deeply appreciate who we are and what we have.

  497. A simply beautiful and very inspiring blog Carmel…..enjoy appreciating the lovely woman that you are.

  498. I too love how babies and young children look at us, they drink you in, there is no shyness or being coy just straight out staring and seeing all of you, without apology. We have much to be reminded by the very young. And genuinely laughing and smiling is definitely one that brings so much joy. I had a day recently that was just amazing, and I kept appreciating every moment of it and sharing that with those I was with. Appreciating all as it occurs allows us to be in the moment not wanting it to be different or something more, just really appreciating the moment and you in it.

    1. I particularly liked this part of the blog too. When kids are small they respond very naturally… sometimes drawn to someone and their face lights up, and they also make it obvious when they don’t want to go anywhere near someone. It’s such an honest way to be, and it’s a great shame that we teach them to be ‘nice’ and pretend… which is a game that all adults play. That ‘being nice’ is something I’m working hard to unlearn now so that I can be more honest and just be myself!

    3. So true Vanessa, we can learn so much from the very young. They are completely in the moment, so honest and true – they simply just say how things are, honouring everything they feel and do not try to be anything but themselves. It’s such joy to observe and a learning to be around. I love it when I or another genuinely laughs or smiles, you can feel and hear the difference in your body when you laugh from your heart, a true, genuine laugh from joy – it’s as if your whole body laughs.

    4. Oh Vanessa, you just reminded me of being told when very young “don’t stare…it’s rude”. I had completely forgotten that! I learned to avert my eyes. When I became a student of Universal Medicine I started to heal the deep lack of confidence. I found I could very naturally look into peoples eyes, with no shyness and no reserve.
      There is simply nothing wrong with “staring”…and when it is staring with appreciation..then it something truly amazing.

  499. Beautiful blog Carmel, I too as a child was always told to be polite and smile at a guest who came into our home. I remember how uncomfortable I felt when I was forced to be polite to a guest. It is still something I see happen around friends and family. Like you I now look in to the eyes of children and make a connection with them, often within minutes you will get a smile, for me that’s enough, I don’t expect them to speak to me if they don’t feel too.

  501. Wonderful Carmel. Thank you for sharing your observations of how in our society we often tell our children how to be with others which completely disempowers them and shuts down their natural response and connection. I can still clearly remember being told by my parents to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and it then became a pattern repeated out of politeness rather than from genuine appreciation. As you say if we appreciate children for who they truly are rather than their coerced polite behaviour they learn to appreciate themselves and develop self confidence and self worth.
    A strong foundation for them to stand upon as they grow up. With appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who teach us all to appreciate ourselves and others.

  502. Thank you Carmel, really beautiful to read. Reflecting back that is so true. Within recent conversations when I’ve felt the appreciation or the others appreciation of themselves I can’t help but smile. And its very different from the false, polite smile that is easy to slip into when saying hello to someone.

  503. Thank you Carmel, I have also had this experience with parents often instructing their children to smile or say hello so the child is seen as polite, I have noticed that the child then often looks uncomfortable. It feels very different when the smile and hello comes from the child, this feels natural and beautiful.

  504. A heart felt blog.
    I have felt not listened to all my life. It felt like people were just waiting untill they could talk. I understand now that listening is a whole body thing. When I am around children I just allow them to be themselves, and I just be myself. This is a great way to start true communication. When a parent makes a child say hello or be nice, it is just reinforcing the idea that you have to not be yourself around people. It takes a huge amount of energy to no be yourself. This is part of the reason I have been so exhausted in my life.

  505. Oh wow, Carmel, you really make it so clear and accessible! How simple it is! and how beautifully expressed. I have experienced both ways many times, myself smiling because I was told so many times to be pleasant, friendly and polite, and now noticing so much about how parents encourage their children to do the same. I can feel now how that way cuts off true communication immediately, and the child disappears inside itself. A moment of appreciation and then love is lost. It also occurred to me that we could practice this with ourselves, for instance, when we look in the mirror how much do we judge ourselves? If we just appreciate what is there to see without judgment, then our appreciation grows and we can feel that smile grow from the inside to be expressed for ourselves, and then shared in abundance with everyone else.

  506. Dear Carmel, what a truly heart warming and beautiful blog, one I can so appreciate and relate to – I too have found not only with children that a true connection can simply be in a smile and most definitely in a connection with our eyes – which can feel much deeper than any polite words can express. The love and warmth I feel and I know can be felt by others is amazing. This can be at work, home, with partners or even strangers passing in the street.

    It can also be when we choose to express our deep love and appreciation of another or ourselves, it doesn’t have to be anything big, and as you so rightly say this appreciation just grows more and more as we choose to feel it, share it and communicate it – how we so feel to, by a smile, words, our eyes, or even a little yeah I love me/ life/ people appreciation dance 🙂

    And I absolutely know what you mean by judgement and how if we listen with judgement then there is no room for appreciation – we have all ready a preconceived idea in our head of how another is or can be – and therefore there is no love, openness, acceptance or appreciation of another and what they can bring. I have found that this judgement starts with me, how I hold myself, the words, the thoughts the way I choose to express, then what I hold or project on to another – I have already shut down to letting them in. With that there is an arrogance and a hardness that I know best – ouch

    This morning I had a beautiful opportunity to feel this with another and what they shared was just as you have expressed – how when in judgement we do not take the time to truly listen, to feel and appreciate what another is expressing to us or with us – and often we do not have to say anything in return, it may just simply be by being there, being open to truly listen, not judge or take things personally, that we have and create an opportunity to really appreciating people, life, ourselves and all that being in this world brings.

  507. Really gorgeous blog Carmel, thank you. Today has been a fantastic reminder of appreciation for me as I remembered some lovely moments from the last few weeks and it led me to be so aware of the appreciation I had for that moment. Then reading your blog was so perfectly timed. Wow, does the appreciation ever stop?

  508. Lovely blog Carmel, thank you. I hadn’t considered that appreciation was so interactive, but of course it is, as you described and I have read with appreciation too. It feels almost infectious!

  510. Awesome Carmel, smiling from a place of joy or love or appreciation has such an amazing effect on others, because it makes them feel like they have been seen. But if we smile because we have to or to be polite, then no one gets to feel anything deeper than small talk or polite conversation, completely missing out on an opportunity to have a really awesome talk or connection, which can happen if it starts with a genuine smile. Thanks for sharing.

  511. Beautiful Carmel. I have lived with a false veneer of niceness for as long as I can remember, smiling to please people so they like me or don’t think me rude. This behaviour had been so deeply embedded into my belief system that I had never stopped to question it and never been conscious of how this truly affected me or others. Thanks to Universal Medicine and the wonderful courses I’ve attended I began to see the lie that I’d bought into. I began to see through this veneer and the falseness of it and I started to accept and appreciate myself for who I am – a beautiful and loving woman who is enough and doesn’t actually need to smile to gain popularity etc.
    How much more beautiful a smile is when it flows from appreciation with no need or expectations present 🙂

  512. Beautiful Carmel. I am learning to deepen my appreciation with the support and inspiration of Universal Medicine. I am appreciating the small details within my encounters and observations. I am feeling how appreciation brings magic to life, it is indeed a heart-warming experience.

    1. So true Anne-Marie, appreciation does make you aware of the magic of life and God all around you – and just how awesome and amazing life is – often it’s in the simple little things that we can so often miss.

  513. Thank you Carmel for expressing so beautifully your experiences with appreciation and smiling from there and I totally agree and am finding the same. A true smile from within radiates through my whole body as does a smile from another in that quality. Simply delicious!

  514. Thank you Carmel, a great reminder to appreciate others when they are speaking. You are right that this can be so powerful and remove the negativity or judgement from our listening. This is such a great tool that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have taught.

  515. Thank you Carmel for a beautiful observation. I love how you have shared the ripple effects into your work when closing to appreciate yourself and others. Inspiring!

  516. Thankyou Carmel, in all my knowing of you there is so much to be appreciated. I have been with that genuine smile you have and it is very heart-warming. How great that you are there at the tills just being your truly amazing self – a gift for us all.

  517. Since attending Universal Medicine courses I have noticed that I am more willing to give and receive eye contact from others. When we connect to another, that deep smile can be felt in the whole body rather than smiling to be polite which I have found feels very thin and superficial. The fact that I can now feel that deep smile from within by choice and look into anothers eyes is something I can and am learning to appreciate even deeper.

  518. So true and well said Carmel. I have had similar experiences with children where they are expected to say thank you for something, but it is coming from the parents and I can feel the child’s bewilderment because for them the connection was all that was needed and there was a natural unsaid appreciation for that moment. Appreciation comes from within us and I am slowly learning to appreciate myself and others, and the simplicity that brings to everything. As you say Carmel, ” Truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.”

  519. Well said Jinya and James. I have recently been incorporating appreciation for myself and others into my daily life. It is a change of perspective that I have felt really does bring a deeper connection to me and others in everyday encounters. Appreciation for others has always come easier than appreciating myself, but like you James, it’s getting easier and feels great.

  520. Hi Carmel, it is amazing how something so simple makes such a difference to the way we feel and such an effect on others around us. I too am working on appreciating myself, though sometimes surprisingly difficult, the more I practise the easier it becomes.

    1. Hi Laura i feel that is the key with so much of life – simplicity. I have observed and felt when life is simple, when I choose to make simple choices with out added complications, dramas, stories, what if’s and but’s – then all of life flows, there is a joy, love and beauty in all I feel, observe and do. My body feels more open, light, I feel more joyful and clear, so much more amazing than the tension, heaviness and stress we can create when we complicate and over think things and life.

  521. I absolutely agree: ‘I have found that truly connecting with and deeply appreciating another human being is a heart-warming experience.’ I have just had a conversation with my sisters about appreciation and how little we have learned to appreciate each other and others and how very important and supportive appreciation of another is. It lifts you up and carries you on angel’s wings.

    1. Yes Esther it is a ‘ heart-warming experience’, and it does indeed ‘ lift you up’.

    2. Beautifully expressed Esther, appreciation is very important, and its great how Carmel writes about a few really simple, practical, every day ways we can express and feel appreciation.

  522. Thank you Carmel. I so clearly remember being taught to ‘be polite’ and how uncomfortable this felt as if I was being asked to put on a false face. Equally uncomfortable that I passed on this same instruction to our own children in order to ‘fit in’ with social convention. I can feel the tension in my body as I write this. How much more enjoyable to choose to appreciate yourself and everyone you meet with no judgement.

    1. Thank you for sharing Mary – I agree that what you have described as ‘social convention’ (being polite) is damaging, as it ensures that we express what we think we ‘should’ express our entire lives, instead of what we truly want to express in every encounter.

  523. Hi Carmel, I love what you say – “it showed me how much I listen with judgement, and that judgement of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation… and when we express that appreciation, the true smile cannot help but be there too”. This is so beautiful. I have experienced the power of this with my customers at work. If I listen to them with judgement my day is harder and then I feel a hardness in my body and across my chest. Whereas if I open to each customer with an interest in who they are and appreciate them for that, my day is easier, more lovely, more enjoyable, and I feel a warmth and openness across my chest. Appreciation can confirm the beauty of each moment, and if a day is full of moments of appreciation the day is then full of beauty!

    1. That is very beautiful Rebecca and thank you Carmel, for opening up the subject for discussion. Appreciation makes so much difference and is so gorgeous to give and receive, as you say, our whole bodies smile when we openly appreciate one another.

  525. Thank you Carmel. How inspiring! I will certainly take this into my day – appreciation. I too know the judgement you speak of like a continual filter judging what’s right or wrong in what another is saying, but reading this blog and being open to appreciating myself and another feels so gentle.

    1. What a great and inspiring blog Carmel. I too as a child experienced being asked to smile, be polite… This is so unnatural, very different to a genuine smile. Thank you for your sharing on appreciation, I am inspired to explore it more myself.

  526. Here here Carmel, so beautifully expressed. Appreciation is such a valuable and amazing tool. I am slowly learning to appreciate myself more and more, something I never did prior to attending Universal Medicine courses as I have always found it easier to appreciate others or objects/events but harder when it comes to myself. The more I stop and appreciate myself the more natural it becomes, and wow it feels great in my body.

    1. I agree James. Let’s make self appreciation and appreciation of others the new ‘normal’.
      ‘that judgment of another is impossible if we listen with appreciation’ – I hadn’t seen it this way before.

    3. Thank you James, I have also found appreciating ones self was a bit of an alien feeling in my body for a long time. Yes, it does become more natural and feels great in my body.

    4. I can totally relate, James. In the past I have found it much easier to appreciate something in another rather then in myself, but I realised that this set me up for a constant game of comparison in life. Without self-appreciation as a foundation (which I am now steadily building), I have always found myself to be at the mercy of never truly feeling enough.

      I have also found it easier to appreciate myself for the things I do, rather then just simply appreciating me for who I am, such as appreciating how naturally loving, tender and playful I am. I have found that only appreciating myself for what I do, keeps me on the outside of appreciation, and I am now discovering that there are many levels of appreciation that go deep to our core.

  527. Thank You Carmel Reid for sharing this blog – I am very inspired and take on board the bit about ‘choosing to listen to others with Appreciation.’
    I also love when you talk about a genuine smile as I know exactly what you mean.
    At a Universal Medicine course recently, Serge Benhayon presented to the group about hugging another person in Appreciation. I now practice this in my life and it really is very different to my previous hugs. This Appreciation stuff makes so much sense.

    1. Yes this is brilliant Bina, I was at this workshop too and I haven’t hugged the same since! It really does make a difference! To truly appreciate someone is a beauty-full feeling, it allows you to feel the love that is already there.
      I used to have a habit of saying to my partner I love you but to be honest sometimes it sounded a bit flat. I am now realising that by appreciating him in full I am able to feel the love between us, it can be felt so tangibly that I love you no longer needs to be said as the feeling says it all.

    2. Totally agree Bina – genuine smiles are easy to pick out amongst ‘fake’ or forced smiles.

    3. Bina this is so true – I too, though not everyday, so thank you for the reminder – have been hugging people in appreciation rather than as before most often from a need. And wow – it feels so different, there’s no need, no want for them or you, to feel or be a certain way, no emotion, or anything put on them or left behind – there’s just this amazing love, appreciation, clarity, honesty and truth – and when you walk away you and they are left feeling complete. A very different feeling hugging in appreciation of another.

      1. I agree Gyl, that when you walk away after hugging in Appreciation it feels complete and you are not left with any need. It is like everything is full up inside you and that is more than enough. I also noticed and felt there is no hardness in my body and when I used to do the ‘I love you’ hug there was a tension and it was coming from emotional love which is different to the pure Love I experience in an Appreciation hug which always leads to a True smile back.

      2. A hug is such an intimate experience with another, and it feels very powerful to enter into such intimacy from appreciation – thank you for sharing, Bina and Gyl what Universal Medicine presented in this recent course.

  528. Carmel this is so much of my own experience ( I too work on the check out at a supermarket and I love the opportunity I have to really see and feel every person who comes my way – and to also show them myself, my warmth and loveliness, through a look, a gesture or smile – whatever feels true in that moment) .
    Thank you for expressing so beautifully what I am also rediscovering – appreciation. It is truly a beautiful tool that I had put aside for too long. Now that it’s out of the closet, my life is changing on a daily basis. Your words were a timely confirmation of this.

    1. And you do that beautifully Anna as I have experienced as a customer when I met you working on the check out at your work place.

  529. A beautiful blog Carmel. I am starting to appreciate what an amazing tool appreciation is. There is so much to appreciate in every moment and it’s not even about being ‘positive’ but just a change of perspective that is very powerful.

    1. Thank you Jinya, yes, living with appreciation is contrary to the way many of us have been brought up, but very powerful in creating harmony within our selves and our relationships.

  530. Hi Carmel, what another beautiful simple blog shared from a very simple and everyday experience that I feel we can all relate to. What you share is so true… it made me consider how often I have smiled at someone with an expectation that they will either smile back or respond in a certain way, and that when someone smiles back in this way (as a ‘having to’ or ‘polite’ thing to do) that the smile does not often feel that great to receive, because it’s felt as being forced or as an obligation… Even though it may not be consciously clocked as such at the time, it still feels yuk, uncomfortable or a ‘something does not feel right’ feeling in the body.

    However, as you share above, when we smile in response to genuinely connecting to another person, to appreciating them and whatever is being shared, we open ourselves to receiving a beautiful smile back, that does not come with pressure or force and therefore allows an even deeper connection with the other person – often without the need for any further words at all… Thank you Carmel – as I read this, I find myself smiling back…

    1. So true Angela, a smile from the heart with no need or want for anything more can be such a loving and open way of expressing and communicating, often with absolutely no words needing to be said. I love to smile and share that with people I meet and see, often complete strangers just because that is how I feel to be, and as you say some of the most beautiful and deep connections I have had, have been through the simplicity of sharing a smile, and appreciating a smile, or even not a smile back, but just allowing and appreciating that connection and person.

      1. Hi Angela and Gyl, I agree, deeply connecting with other people, allowing and appreciating that connection, with no need for words or needing to smile back, keeps our interactions simple and true.

  531. You are absolutely right, I woke up last night and felt how I had not been appreciating myself. How when I don’t appreciate myself, I am actually accepting abuse; and now feeling when I truly appreciate me it’s a bridge to feeling connected within myself. It’s as though I have been walking down a path and feeling not quite connected and present with what I am feeling, like I’m walking beside myself. 
I felt this morning when I don’t appreciate me, I haven’t been allowing myself to feel all of the beauty that is me. With appreciation,
 Denise

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