Living life in a world that challenges me on every level to not react to what I see and feel, but instead to observe and respond, was not something I did well in my teenage years, or for many years after that in actual fact. Reaction was my go-to response, a response I did well, often in many ways leading to more conflict, unsettlement and tension than I had originally felt. The awkwardness in my body constantly left me in a drive, a momentum that moved me from one task, emotion or issue to another; a fantastic and well master-minded delay from feeling what was really going on in my body. Continue reading “No More Pedestal”
I have recently been experiencing quite a free-flowing expression with my writing: without any effort, the words just seem to come out of me when I sit still and allow it. So, it was with a bit of surprise that I found myself sitting here with nothing really coming through me to share.
With a healthy dose of irony, I then began to really appreciate just how beautiful it was to simply sit here and enjoy the silence and spacious potential of the moment, without knowing what was coming next or holding onto any picture or expectation of what I should or should not be doing. This then led to what you now are reading. Continue reading “The Space in Silence”
Love usually comes with conditions, expectations and images of how we want another to be. We say to someone we love them, we care for them, want to be with them, all the while what is expressed comes loaded with conditions of how we want them to be. If they are how we want them to be then we say we love them, although it is not a love that is unconditional. It is conditional. We have a level of judgement that comes with the love we are prepared to show, share and give to another.
Recently I fell into a whole self–created story around my worth and my competence in relation to my work as a nurse. This happened because I assumed something and reacted.
Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much. I’ve always been a bit shy and I had no circle of friends like everyone else around me seemed to have. I thought I was just not fitting in, too boring for others to be interested in me, so I gave up trying and settled for isolating myself more and more. I can see now how I got trapped in a mindset of anger, blame and judgement.
First, I blamed my parents for my perceived inadequacy – wasn’t it their genes and the way they brought me up that had produced this lacking person that I was? Then I blamed everybody else for not loving and liking me as I was – turning it all around. Now something was wrong with the world, not with me, and I could feel angry instead of sad. Finally, I blamed God for creating this whole mess where there is this good but helpless me, surrounded by a loveless, hard world. Continue reading “Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was”
I came to the loving understanding at the age of 63 that I was using suppression to abuse my body without any consideration of how sacred the body is, and how it truly works.
Suppression was a behaviour that I would go to when I felt defeated and crushed and it seemed the way to avoid not wanting to deal with situations every time I felt overwhelmed and could not cope with life.
At a young age I could feel everything. But I never knew that the body I lived in was sensitive, fragile, delicate and that it has the wisdom of knowing, the power of healing and bringing all that is needed from a place within me that is divine and full of love. Continue reading “Suppression – The Behaviour of Abuse”