Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much. I’ve always been a bit shy and I had no circle of friends like everyone else around me seemed to have. I thought I was just not fitting in, too boring for others to be interested in me, so I gave up trying and settled for isolating myself more and more. I can see now how I got trapped in a mindset of anger, blame and judgement.

First, I blamed my parents for my perceived inadequacy – wasn’t it their genes and the way they brought me up that had produced this lacking person that I was? Then I blamed everybody else for not loving and liking me as I was – turning it all around. Now something was wrong with the world, not with me, and I could feel angry instead of sad. Finally, I blamed God for creating this whole mess where there is this good but helpless me, surrounded by a loveless, hard world.

It was no surprise that when I later actually had a partner that loved me, I could not let him in. I could not really believe that he loved me, always wondering what it was about me that he felt attracted to. For a long time I thought that he must simply be too lazy to go out and make the effort to find somebody better than me. Maybe he had the same lack of self-worth as me? At the same time, I adored him, every little bit of him, and I never stopped loving him to this day. But why couldn’t I believe that he loved ME? I obviously had some issues with love, and with particularly the way I saw myself.

On one hand, I craved love and felt that I deserved it: on the other hand I had so much self-doubt as to whether I was lovable by anyone.

I was filled with so many ideas, wishes and concepts about love. I wanted it to be given to me, someone had to come and fill me up with it.

 I had no love for myself.

 And no matter how much I craved for it, I couldn’t let my partner’s love in either – what a dilemma!

After many years of living, or rather hanging on like this, unsuccessfully trying many kinds of conventional and spiritual healing therapies to sort out my unresolved issues and emotions, I landed with Universal Medicine. There I started healing sessions with an esoteric psychologist, which was supported with other esoteric hands on healing modalities to address the tensions and contractions in my body. And what unfolded in me with this is nothing short of a miracle.

After the initial working through my anger and resistance to feel the deeper layers of sadness and self-neglect, I started to accept that nobody but myself was responsible for my state of being; no more blaming of the world, my parents or God. This was hard at first, but also turned out to be a great relief. I started to claim my power back, step by step, no more being the helpless victim of the world, other people or outside circumstances.

Then it was time to look at the issue of not feeling lovable. I could readily give a list of reasons why I wasn’t up to scratch, but the list of the opposite, why I deserved love, was surprisingly much longer. And strangely it was more uncomfortable to express that list than the negative, self-criticising one.

So I got some homework to do – to look into a mirror every day and tell myself that I love myself. Sounds easy enough, but it wasn’t. It was quite confronting to feel the initial embarrassment, the squirming and trying to get away when I said “I love myself” or “I love you” to my face in the mirror. But I persisted and gradually I could accept that I am deserving of being loved. Looking deeply and openly into my own eyes I could see and feel that I am actually really full of love. The more I allowed that to be, the more this love expressed through my eyes, it just kept growing and flowing, so much that I sometimes freak out a bit and had to look away.

It is incredible how much our eyes can shine and overflow with the expression of love.

The effect of this daily ‘exercise’ was that I discovered what love really is.

First, I realised and accepted that I can and do love myself in full, unconditionally. Then I felt that this love is my natural inner essence, a state of being that is and was always there, and that it needs no input from outside, no confirmation or justification from anyone. And I felt that this love is like a well that just keeps flowing endlessly, filling myself, my body, and it is the same love that fills the space around me, encompassing everything and everybody else. As within, so without – it shines in and through everybody and everything equally, without judgement or measuring.

I realised that if we truly love ourselves completely, we cannot help but love everybody equally. In fact, we can only know true love by loving ourselves completely and unconditionally. When we fully accept and surrender to that endless unconditional love that we feel deep inside, we simply are love and see that in truth there is only love.

It took a while to fully integrate my newly discovered self-love into my daily life due to my stubbornly habitual, self-doubting thought patterns. Occasionally I still get caught in them today, but the depth of love as an almost tangible foundation in my body has been steadily growing with the support of the Universal Medicine philosophical teachings and healing modalities.

And as I expand in my awareness of myself and life around me, I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally. It rather flows through me, coming from a universal source that is the same in everybody. It’s up to us to allow it, feel it and live it at any moment. Then this love will guide our movements and actions and this will bring harmony into our lives, our relationships and affect everybody around us in a healing way.

There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love. I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love. 

By Regina Perlwitz, committed student of Universal Love and Truth

Related Reading:
Expressing Love – I Love You
Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?
Accepting All of You

758 thoughts on “Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

  1. Our eyes can shine love when we start to observe life by receiving images rather than looking at things. This way we surrender to our heart.

  2. Before I learnt about the Ageless Wisdom and The Way of The Livingness I thought I knew what love was. However, I was deeply mistaken and have discovered it ‘is so much more than I thought it was’ – level of truth, integrity, strength, harmony, joy and much more than I ever imagined.

  3. ‘It is incredible how much our eyes can shine and overflow with the expression of love.’ This is undeniable! I’d heard the eyes are a person’s window to the soul before but I have seen it in many people eyes who let through divinity and it is glorious!

  4. What if we choose our parents and what we get reflected in our childhood is exactly what we once did, so that we can grow out of it and choose differently? If we keep ourselves constantly in reaction in how we grew up, the chance to change this cycle is very unlikely.

  5. ‘too boring for others to be interested in me’ This has been a very familiar thought for me too but why do we get these thoughts? How important is it to become aware we have a choice of what kind of thoughts we let in, to what source do we align, love or not love? By all means it is obvious we are already comparing ourselves with others from a very young age and distract ourselves to not feel the power of love that is inside us.

  6. ‘And no matter how much I craved for it, I couldn’t let my partner’s love in either.’ I can relate to this my whole life- when I felt people did love me I tried to pretend it wasn’t good enough, they weren’t perfect enough and I had an excuse to continue my search. I didn’t want to feel, is this as good as it got? Which was actually the emptiness of disconnection I had with myself and had nothing to do with them. I love the homework you gave yourself and feel how wonderful for me to start with this myself. To love myself no matter what I see in my reflection. What a wonderful way to stay present through any self-critique and stand firm. If I never back away from love then I am not at the mercy of me needing others to love me no matter what, which is what I have demanded all my life but never given to myself.

  7. “When I later actually had a partner that loved me, I could not let him in”. Its only much later in life that I am realising that this is the way it works. We need to love ourselves to be able to accept love from others and the expectation that others are responsible for making us feel loved is a setup that is doomed to fail. When we don’t love ourselves, any love we receive bounces off or quickly pours out of us like a bucket with holes.

  8. Love is so much more than I thought it was too – I grew up thinking that it was possible for abuse to be intermingled with love, and that love was this spectacular thing you only had with one or two people – it was directional and you needed another person to have it, not an actual quality within you that can be unfolded and developed and can actually pour out of you in every direction.

    1. Although I absolutely agree there is a contradiction in we have to “learn to be love”. We are great geniuses in being love because that is our origin. We have to let go of the grand avoidances to express all that we are.

  9. Acceptance is a powerful medicine, in that when we accept ourselves and our imperfections, we have the potential to accept our very own amazingness and divineness, and when we do, the sky is the limit.

  10. That is why I now love mirrors so much simply to have that reflection back of my lovely movements, but too the genuine love that naturally emanates from my whole being. At times it is good to have the reflection back as it is a confirmation of who we truly are what ever mood we might have allowed to come in.

  11. Love – indeed the antidote to failure, judgement or punishment.
    Instead of trying to find a solution for situations when we feel strangled by one or all of these emotional states coming back to love is key to expose their falsity and set us free from their grip on us.

    1. The moment we connect to love in a heated situation the whole situation looses its intensity. It is so easy, but so hard at the same time if you are hooked in by the discussion and its game of right and wrong, which is nothing but destructive and entertaining the part in you, that does not want to evolve.

  12. “There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love.” In love we allow space for another to be who they are and to be where they are at without compromising ourselves in any way.

  13. Pure love, I love this sharing and your last words I can feel how much this is actually true for you in your body and its deeply inspiring.

  14. When in the basis of our life, our childhood, we are not met in love it is hard to get used to it when we are adults.
    Like it was for me when I met Serge Benhayon.
    I felt the truth but to let in the love is a proces.
    This way I also get used more to open up to my own partner to have true intimacy. This I was avoiding in all previous relations.

  15. Love is so much more – and such a different quality- to what I thought it was. I used to think love = being the nicest person in the world, pleasing everyone, doing what everyone else wanted me to do … and a lot of emotion to top it all. To discover that love is none of those things but a quality that can be lived and expressed from moment to moment, a way of being that holds everyone as an absolute equal and as the person they truly are, is a quite magical unfolding. And very real and practical.

  16. As someone wrote ‘love is simple’, and that it is. Not so easy at times is to get out of the way what is not love, essentially the Self that seeks rather recognition, but love. With every bit of self we let go we gain back more of the love that just is. Interesting point is that we need to truly self-love and care for ourselves before and while we let go of self to become more of the love that we already are but is clouded by self – perhaps a conundrum for the mind, not so for the one living it.

  17. Love is eternal of that I am sure. A few days ago I got to be with a room full of people I trained with 30 years ago and haven’t seen since, and the love was there still and expanded as we have all blossomed over the years. A very beautiful experience, and we will not be leaving it 30 years again!

  18. It takes a constant choice and commitment to change something. But it can be simple when we change our movements because that can make the difference between it being a constant struggle or a beautiful constant deepening.

  19. “…all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love.” Remembering to do this is key. It is when we forget that we beome so disconnected from the love that is a constant and always available to us.

  20. I love what you share here how when we expanded our love for ourself and life we cannot but be aware of how the endless supply of love inside ourselves is not from us and also it is there to share with everyone and never to keep it to ourselves.

  21. To me that is the best ever homework we could ever get – to look in the mirror ever day and to tell yourself that you love you.

  22. Whenever we blame ourselves or others for the way things are, we are in fact pushing love away. Being open to take responsibility for how we feel, where our life is at is a loving way to approach life. This is a beautiful example of how you have transformed from blame to pure love and an amazing example of how you have done this Regina and this shows us what is possible.

  23. To love myself basically is not truly possible as we are that love in essence. IT us who we are.
    Just self love And self care And nurturing are great ingredients to feel again the love we are through our body.

  24. Love is everything. Discovering that connecting to and living the love we have inside us is the start of magic occurring. For when we love ourselves and appreciate this love, then self love becomes love for all others, it can’t help but do that, for in loving ourselves we see the love in all, it flows out from ourselves to the all. No flakiness involved, but a fact of living love.

  25. The importance knowing and living of love is so much more than i thought it was is so true and is the reality of love in every moment being who we are and what we are made of is so beautiful and empowering to really embrace for oneself and hence everyone. Love is in the air and in the way we move and anything less is not love and we know it.

  26. Discovering that love is an energy, is energy, and by choosing to express with that energy has changed my life so much as I also discovered that in so, so many aspects of life I had not been expressing from or with love.

  27. No matter how long or how far away we choose to go, when we turn around, Love is never far away. This is beautifully said Regina, Love is always here, waiting for us to return.

    1. Yes, this is so true Gill and great to highlight this part because so many people in the world have given up on themselves and their connection to love.

      1. That is my observation too Chan Ly. And the most saddening aspect to me is that they resign them self from the possibility that there is love while from my understanding of life I do know we are all love to begin with.

  28. Love was an important part of my life because I ignored it so much – except in my relationship with my partner where it was paramount. I had no idea how important love was outside that area.

  29. This is what is so precious about the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, of having sessions and doing the training courses and other workshops and the Retreats too – we get to feel what true love is, maybe for the first time in our conscious life this time round….and we remember. Reconnecting to the love that we are in essence means that we never really have an excuse not to be it. We become responsible, we recognise energetic integrity and begin to feel our way growing in awareness and the quality of our participation in life.

  30. When I am connected with my love with me I simply love everyone. It is a lived experience and feels so wide and spacious- I simply love it. Interesting to look at, why we are not choosing this all the time then?!

  31. “It is incredible how much our eyes can shine and overflow with the expression of love.” What a great proof, that it is never about how our eyes look, but what energy they emanate. We respond to energy first before we get seduced by any look. How much are we open to receive or how much do we solely look out.

  32. When we realise our own Love within, it becomes so evident to see that it is …”a universal source that is the same in everybody…” Love is harmless and beholding, and this is what human beings so naturally are. Anything that is not harmless is obvious – it can’t not but stand out and be felt.

  33. Love just keeps on expanding, it can be playful and joyful and so expressive, such as I feel when we bring singing to a group or event for others to have a wonderful time experiencing it with us, as we did last night.

  34. We are all missing true love, we have an understanding of love when we are children as it is naturally part of who we are; we however are not encouraged to foster, grow and deepen our love quite the opposite in fact. So that by the time we reach adulthood we have lost our connection and in our emptiness instead look out into the world for that which resides hidden by hurts within us.

    1. We are currently living in a world where truth is often not welcomed, so it makes sense that people who do not wish to align to truth will be disturbed by someone who moves in absolute truth and exposing all the untruths in the world.

  35. As we are love in our natural state it shows how much we drifted away from who we are.
    That we have to practise to be caring and nurturing on our return to the love we are.

  36. There is a common tendency to blame either others or ourselves if we don’t have love in our lives. Why? Could it be simply because we don’t know, or rather don’t remember, that we all are in truth Love, that it is in fact who we are in essence? Starting out as pure bundles of love when we are born, as soon as we start to develop self-consciousness we quickly learn to put layers of self-doubt and judgment on ourselves for not being what the outside world expects us to be, and from there on we are striving to be the opposite of what we truly are, which is simply – Love.

  37. It is interesting when we find love, we doubt it ,and question it, judge it, and criticise it rather than embracing and joyfully celebrating something that is naturally within us all and has always been there.

    1. Probably because we are not used to it and doubt, questioning and judgment seem to work well in other areas of life. You are right, they don’t work when it comes to love, once it is clear what is love and what is not.

  38. It does become a dilemma of desperately wanting love and also rejecting it simultaneously and shows the mess we can create Regina from how we have been living. We can feel how much we miss love, but put so many conditions on to it, whereas instead, allowing love to simply be in our lives for ourselves and everyone is the key.

  39. Thank you Regina, yes the traditional concept and pictures of love are as flat as a pancake when I feel, know and hear you speak of the forever beholding, universal love.

  40. It does become a dilemma of desperately wanting love and also rejecting it simultaneously and shows the mess we can create Regina from how we have been living. We can feel how much we miss it, but put so many condtions on to it, whereas instead, allowing love to simply be in our lives for ourselves and everyone is the key.

  41. ‘Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was’ – I suspect this is the case for so many of us, we were all raised to think love is what the songs tell us and not the enduring fact of God living within us. God is a ‘withinness’ and the love spoken about in love songs is a ‘withoutness’ that is indeed without love altogether.

  42. I used to believe that love was just an aspect of life, even though an important one. I now know that to live life in full then life is love and love is life.

  43. When we truly love we do not ever stop loving for love is an expansion in our beingness that we share with all, to withdraw love from someone is to contract and to be love less with everyone thereafter. So I deeply appreciate everyone who has ever inspired me to love.

  44. We can be disillusioned by emotional love and the attachments in relationships, but when we learn to love ourselves deeply first, it becomes very clear that true love is the only way.

  45. We are sold such an emotional, needy picture of love… when true love has no need, no emotion, no judgment or punishment… true love just is – a quality that once felt is never forgotten.

  46. We have so, so much to learn from one another’s honesty … I wonder how many other people in the world have walked a very similar path to yours Regina… millions at a guess, which doesn’t make each of our journeys any less as every one will have their own unique flavour.

  47. “Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much.” This really sums up the world today and all that is going on and the very rejection of it in ourselves. A great sharing and understanding of accepting and living our love in every moment and saying no to what is not love graciously.

  48. Yes, once we start to love ourselves again we cannot but love everyone else, as we can feel the divinity in every particle which re-connects our bodies to our common origin.

    1. Yes, and when we start to love ourselves, what is discovered is that there is always more love to deepen inwards to – There is always more love … to embody, to express and live with, infinitely so!… Love is a perpetual movement.

  49. I am learning that true love is the key. If I go into judgment and critiscm of others then this feels cold and there is a separation. If I hold myself and others in love then this feels warm, natural and connecting.

    1. So true Rebecca every time I judge another I realise that I have already held a judgment on myself as better or less than.

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