Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much. I’ve always been a bit shy and I had no circle of friends like everyone else around me seemed to have. I thought I was just not fitting in, too boring for others to be interested in me, so I gave up trying and settled for isolating myself more and more. I can see now how I got trapped in a mindset of anger, blame and judgement.

First, I blamed my parents for my perceived inadequacy – wasn’t it their genes and the way they brought me up that had produced this lacking person that I was? Then I blamed everybody else for not loving and liking me as I was – turning it all around. Now something was wrong with the world, not with me, and I could feel angry instead of sad. Finally, I blamed God for creating this whole mess where there is this good but helpless me, surrounded by a loveless, hard world.

It was no surprise that when I later actually had a partner that loved me, I could not let him in. I could not really believe that he loved me, always wondering what it was about me that he felt attracted to. For a long time I thought that he must simply be too lazy to go out and make the effort to find somebody better than me. Maybe he had the same lack of self-worth as me? At the same time, I adored him, every little bit of him, and I never stopped loving him to this day. But why couldn’t I believe that he loved ME? I obviously had some issues with love, and with particularly the way I saw myself.

On one hand, I craved love and felt that I deserved it: on the other hand I had so much self-doubt as to whether I was lovable by anyone.

I was filled with so many ideas, wishes and concepts about love. I wanted it to be given to me, someone had to come and fill me up with it.

 I had no love for myself.

 And no matter how much I craved for it, I couldn’t let my partner’s love in either – what a dilemma!

After many years of living, or rather hanging on like this, unsuccessfully trying many kinds of conventional and spiritual healing therapies to sort out my unresolved issues and emotions, I landed with Universal Medicine. There I started healing sessions with an esoteric psychologist, which was supported with other esoteric hands on healing modalities to address the tensions and contractions in my body. And what unfolded in me with this is nothing short of a miracle.

After the initial working through my anger and resistance to feel the deeper layers of sadness and self-neglect, I started to accept that nobody but myself was responsible for my state of being; no more blaming of the world, my parents or God. This was hard at first, but also turned out to be a great relief. I started to claim my power back, step by step, no more being the helpless victim of the world, other people or outside circumstances.

Then it was time to look at the issue of not feeling lovable. I could readily give a list of reasons why I wasn’t up to scratch, but the list of the opposite, why I deserved love, was surprisingly much longer. And strangely it was more uncomfortable to express that list than the negative, self-criticising one.

So I got some homework to do – to look into a mirror every day and tell myself that I love myself. Sounds easy enough, but it wasn’t. It was quite confronting to feel the initial embarrassment, the squirming and trying to get away when I said “I love myself” or “I love you” to my face in the mirror. But I persisted and gradually I could accept that I am deserving of being loved. Looking deeply and openly into my own eyes I could see and feel that I am actually really full of love. The more I allowed that to be, the more this love expressed through my eyes, it just kept growing and flowing, so much that I sometimes freak out a bit and had to look away.

It is incredible how much our eyes can shine and overflow with the expression of love.

The effect of this daily ‘exercise’ was that I discovered what love really is.

First, I realised and accepted that I can and do love myself in full, unconditionally. Then I felt that this love is my natural inner essence, a state of being that is and was always there, and that it needs no input from outside, no confirmation or justification from anyone. And I felt that this love is like a well that just keeps flowing endlessly, filling myself, my body, and it is the same love that fills the space around me, encompassing everything and everybody else. As within, so without – it shines in and through everybody and everything equally, without judgement or measuring.

I realised that if we truly love ourselves completely, we cannot help but love everybody equally. In fact, we can only know true love by loving ourselves completely and unconditionally. When we fully accept and surrender to that endless unconditional love that we feel deep inside, we simply are love and see that in truth there is only love.

It took a while to fully integrate my newly discovered self-love into my daily life due to my stubbornly habitual, self-doubting thought patterns. Occasionally I still get caught in them today, but the depth of love as an almost tangible foundation in my body has been steadily growing with the support of the Universal Medicine philosophical teachings and healing modalities.

And as I expand in my awareness of myself and life around me, I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally. It rather flows through me, coming from a universal source that is the same in everybody. It’s up to us to allow it, feel it and live it at any moment. Then this love will guide our movements and actions and this will bring harmony into our lives, our relationships and affect everybody around us in a healing way.

There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love. I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love. 

By Regina Perlwitz, committed student of Universal Love and Truth

Related Reading:
Expressing Love – I Love You
Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?
Accepting All of You

623 thoughts on “Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

  1. The concept of being ‘filled up’ with love suggests that on our own we are empty, but what if this was not the case and we could feel completely content and wholesome even before interacting with someone else?

  2. I love to re-read this Regina, it reminds us we are all worth appreciating ourselves. We all bring a unique quality of expression that may vary one from another, but we are all equal and deserving of love. The easy way out is to blame others and God for what we think we lack, but we don’t actually lack anything, we have it all within.

  3. “Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much”. The fact that we are naturally very loving beings should mean that everyone misses love immensely, especially in this world where there appears to be a lack of love. But so many of us seem to give up on love, mostly because of the false and harmful versions of love that we are presented with as the real deal. Luckily the real quality of love is always there waiting for us to reclaim it – and it never gives up on us!

  4. “and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love. ” Isn’t this just ridiculously amazing? It is something that is truly truly magnificent , and it does not matter who you are, or what you did, it is there for ALL of us ALL the time.

  5. I now know what Love feels like in my body. And that is the most amazing, enriching quality, a feeling that does not allow me to harm myself or others in ways that I have so frequently done in the past, and allows me to feel an appreciation of myself and others that is growing and expanding all the time. Thank you to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, my life is expanding with absolute joy.

  6. Thank you, Regina, for sharing with such honesty how you have re-discovered the joy of loving yourself. Without self-love, life is missing a dimension.

  7. Letting love in and letting love out is our natural way of being in life… how far have we strayed that this is largely unknown in todays society?

    1. I love your blog Regina. “Looking deeply and openly into my own eyes I could see and feel that I am actually really full of love”. Just reading this sentence warms my heart, my whole body is expanding and a knowing that i am “full of Love” engulfs me.

  8. Another lovely thing is that we can never truly stop loving anyone unless we just stop being the love that we are, so if we just be love we can add the experience of showing love to various people in our lives like building a circle of love that just gets bigger and bigger.

  9. “I started to accept that nobody but myself was responsible for my state of being..” – acceptance is one of the most beautiful things for the grace in understanding it brings.

  10. I have discovered that having no love for oneself is such a game to play as it gives us so many excuses as to why we cannot do such and such. It’s a game of holding back a choice we actively make on a subconscious level that keeps us in the individuality that we all seem to crave.

  11. Sometimes we think it is easier blaming the world and others for our misery however it never works in the long term or allows us to really commit to life in an open and loving way.

  12. It is true, and I have experienced this myself, where ‘love’ is sought because it is felt to be missing. And I find this to be a great part of human life: the fact that love is known and therefore it is known when it is missing.

  13. When you share here that “First, I realised and accepted that I can and do love myself in full, unconditionally.” it is huge, to love oneself without any conditions – that is so unusual in this world but exactly what is needed in society. It would transform all our relationships from abuse to love as we would only allow ourselves to be treated in the way we treat ourselves.

  14. “I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love.” This is such an amazing and powerful truth. And when we actually commit to doing this it is so easy!

  15. Never likely we blame the world for not loving us when we are looking for it on the outside and expecting it to look a certain way before we accept it. Then to find that we have love all along inside of us and that the version we have been chasing is only a poorly made copy.

  16. Love is nothing to do with ‘attraction’ and all to do with openness and intimacy – any two people, regardless of their gender or whether they are friends, family, lovers etc, can have the most incredible love if they are open, transparent and willing to be all of who they are with each other in that relationship.

    1. No guidelines, manuals of how to, papers or thesis but simple transparency to be yourself and respect another with this equalness!

  17. “And as I expand in my awareness of myself and life around me, I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally.” When we can get to this deeper understanding it becomes very simple to allow this continual flow to course through us with the divine purpose it was designed for.

  18. It is amazing how we can be so quick to blame others for not loving us when it is in fact us who are not loving ourselves. The more I appreciate and love myself the more I naturally feel love from others, even when someone maybe trying to argue with me about something I can still feel the love they are, they are just not choosing it at that moment so do not take it personally. It is a game changer and takes away the element of that person hurt me etc.. and brings it back solely to ourselves and the responsibility we each have to live the love we are regardless.

  19. At times we can come to the point that we like to blame God for the mess we are facing in life. But we then always have to remember that it is actually us who are making the mess and God is just allowing it to be in his loving beholding, because he cannot else then respect the free will we al have as from universal order.

  20. Love has no picture. The return back to love could be the messiest process but during this time love could be deeply felt, so we keep going deeper, breaking down the fakeness, the accepted normality of disconnection, we are asking ourselves and each other that every moment needs to be felt and responded, communication is crucial. No niceness is needed.

  21. Overnight, for a couple of nights this week I felt as though I had slept deeply feeling a sense of absoluteness and deep love that was reaching a new depth right through my whole body. These feelings just go on and on deepening it seems, the same day lived to a new depth.

  22. ‘It’s up to us to allow it, feel it and live it at any moment. Then this love will guide our movements and actions and this will bring harmony into our lives, our relationships and affect everybody around us in a healing way.’ – Beautifully explained – question is are we willing to allow it and more so, are we willing to take the responsibility that comes with living it?

    1. I agree Michael, i do not have an idea of what love truly is but what I can do is to live it to the best of my ability and to let it guide may way. And up to now I am not disappointed as I do feel full of appreciation for the reflection love brings to me in any moment, the reflection of what already lives deep within but only needs to be reactivated to live it once again.

  23. Love a beautiful sharing offering the real appreciation and holding it offers us, is within us and who we are simply there and waiting to be accepted more and more as we surrender to it and is there to be forever evolving and growing within us.

  24. Love is so much more and when we ask to feel more we are offered more and more – so keep asking and one will receive!

  25. I agree infinite love, that holds us all, I feel it and I now it, and I am learning to surrender with it.

  26. We know love is everything, so it is quite crazy that we shy away from it, for fear of loving ourselves. There is so need for any fear, only Love because it is already within us.

  27. “…. as I expand in my awareness of myself and life around me, I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally.” The more love we feel inside the more we want to share and emanate the love to everyone, not keep it to ourselves, as you say Regina.

    1. So true Sue and Regina, it is like it is way too much to keep inside to ourselves. Naturally the more we love ourselves we cannot not but show this deep love to everyone we meet. It is one of the many joys that the more we simply live the love we are the more everyone benefits.

  28. It’s amazing how awkward we get around love, even when true love is on offer. Maybe the missing of it creates such a tension that we can’t be at ease with it and most importantly ourselves. Whenever I find I can’t accept or express love I haver to go back to how loving I am willing to be with myself and if I will let others see that too.

  29. “Looking deeply and openly into my own eyes I could see and feel that I am actually really full of love. The more I allowed that to be, the more this love expressed through my eyes”, a gorgeous sharing Regina, seeing and feeling the love that you are and that all of us are. I remember being told as a child to stop looking art myself in the mirror or I would become vain.

  30. It is remarkable how the more we cease living in ways that are unloving, and the more we let our natural essence that would otherwise flow through us express, the deeper our understanding gets of what love actually is. And so true, the deeper you go with this understanding the more evident it becomes that what we keep defining as love, is nowhere even close to the exquisiteness that we keep discovering.

  31. We just can’t appreciate enough can we? When we deeply appreciate ourselves it opens us up to appreciating everyone else too, and it becomes win, win all round and we all expand.

  32. In the early morning light after breakfast my husband and I went outside to take a photograph of us together as I needed an up to date shot for a newsletter. I was blown away by how much difference it made to forget the camera and just feel him beside me in the togetherness and love that is our marriage, first and foremost and that when we do this it can be felt so clearly in the photograph. It feels like a marker of how far I have come in loving myself and therefore of loving others too.

  33. To get to a place where you feel settled within your own skin, not needing anyone or anything and be totally cool with that is a place that I would never of imagined myself to be. Sometimes I let thoughts take me out occasionally, however the feeling of Love and Joy in my body and presence is remarkable and I can feel how this is what I am bringing to other relationships in my life. Very precious indeed.

  34. It’s that tangible foundation of love in our bodies that supports us in all that we do. If we ignore this we are back in our heads and lose that true connection not only with ourselves but with everyone else.

  35. We really do have many ideas and pictures on what love is and what it looks like, all of which is the opposite of what it truly is. Culturally it means different things in many area. But what are all these difference and is it love? Learning to Care, Nurture and love ourselves in every way is the first step to re-connecting to what the truth of love is. For its only then we can be that way with another. Its never static, always evolving.

  36. We grow up thinking that loving yourselves is being selfish and that is what we are made to think, but in truth we have to love ourselves first before we can love anybody else because the love is in us to be expressed, not outside of us to be taken.

    1. I love this Carmel, “love is in us to be expressed, not outside of us to be taken”. There is also something about letting people in too and what it is that they are sharing. I have found that really letting people in has been a process for me of letting my own love out. The more I let it out the more I allow in. Its a wonderful process to observe,

  37. Regina, this is so beautiful and all encompassing “There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love. I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else.”

  38. I love the reminder that love is a beholding energy that does not judge but simply is there for us to reconnect to whenever we choose.

  39. That’s the thing really we are of and from love and we’re designed to express it, but it’s about us allowing it to be expressed through us, and the more we do the more we feel the love we all are.

  40. ‘I blamed God for creating this whole mess where there is this good but helpless me, surrounded by a loveless, hard world.’ – An amazing expose Regina – we are so stuck in the belief that ‘love’, whether it’s from God or our surroundings in general, should come and rescue us from our misery.

  41. Very true – in retrospect my feeling is I was rather encouraged to dismiss myself (not pay attention to myself) rather than appreciating and truly caring about myself.

  42. ‘I started to claim my power back, step by step, no more being the helpless victim of the world, other people or outside circumstances.’ – How different the world looks and how different we relate to the world, once we stop seeing ourselves as a victim OF the world.

  43. ‘I was filled with so many ideas, wishes and concepts about love. I wanted it to be given to me, someone had to come and fill me up with it.’ – You have described very accurately what humanity at large believe love actually is, something to be delivered from outside us, to be given to us, particularly in return for the ‘love’ that we ourselves are ‘giving’ to others. We are lost in the ultimate conditional ‘love’.

  44. Best homework in the world – to look into the mirror and take a moment to appreciate ourselves. Its not what I was taught when growing up and have studiously avoided that, and taking any time to appreciate myself which is bonkers when we think about it. How on earth are we going to get to know ourselves, let alone develop our self worth if we don’t look inward from time to time?

    1. I agree Simon. Looking in a mirror – something I have avoided for a long time, with various forays and then a quick escape – is something very precious. Do we see what is really there – or what we want to see? Or are we quick to judge and not look beyond the surface?

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