Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

Love was always an important subject in my life, because I’ve been missing it so much. I’ve always been a bit shy and I had no circle of friends like everyone else around me seemed to have. I thought I was just not fitting in, too boring for others to be interested in me, so I gave up trying and settled for isolating myself more and more. I can see now how I got trapped in a mindset of anger, blame and judgement.

First, I blamed my parents for my perceived inadequacy – wasn’t it their genes and the way they brought me up that had produced this lacking person that I was? Then I blamed everybody else for not loving and liking me as I was – turning it all around. Now something was wrong with the world, not with me, and I could feel angry instead of sad. Finally, I blamed God for creating this whole mess where there is this good but helpless me, surrounded by a loveless, hard world.

It was no surprise that when I later actually had a partner that loved me, I could not let him in. I could not really believe that he loved me, always wondering what it was about me that he felt attracted to. For a long time I thought that he must simply be too lazy to go out and make the effort to find somebody better than me. Maybe he had the same lack of self-worth as me? At the same time, I adored him, every little bit of him, and I never stopped loving him to this day. But why couldn’t I believe that he loved ME? I obviously had some issues with love, and with particularly the way I saw myself.

On one hand, I craved love and felt that I deserved it: on the other hand I had so much self-doubt as to whether I was lovable by anyone.

I was filled with so many ideas, wishes and concepts about love. I wanted it to be given to me, someone had to come and fill me up with it.

 I had no love for myself.

 And no matter how much I craved for it, I couldn’t let my partner’s love in either – what a dilemma!

After many years of living, or rather hanging on like this, unsuccessfully trying many kinds of conventional and spiritual healing therapies to sort out my unresolved issues and emotions, I landed with Universal Medicine. There I started healing sessions with an esoteric psychologist, which was supported with other esoteric hands on healing modalities to address the tensions and contractions in my body. And what unfolded in me with this is nothing short of a miracle.

After the initial working through my anger and resistance to feel the deeper layers of sadness and self-neglect, I started to accept that nobody but myself was responsible for my state of being; no more blaming of the world, my parents or God. This was hard at first, but also turned out to be a great relief. I started to claim my power back, step by step, no more being the helpless victim of the world, other people or outside circumstances.

Then it was time to look at the issue of not feeling lovable. I could readily give a list of reasons why I wasn’t up to scratch, but the list of the opposite, why I deserved love, was surprisingly much longer. And strangely it was more uncomfortable to express that list than the negative, self-criticising one.

So I got some homework to do – to look into a mirror every day and tell myself that I love myself. Sounds easy enough, but it wasn’t. It was quite confronting to feel the initial embarrassment, the squirming and trying to get away when I said “I love myself” or “I love you” to my face in the mirror. But I persisted and gradually I could accept that I am deserving of being loved. Looking deeply and openly into my own eyes I could see and feel that I am actually really full of love. The more I allowed that to be, the more this love expressed through my eyes, it just kept growing and flowing, so much that I sometimes freak out a bit and had to look away.

It is incredible how much our eyes can shine and overflow with the expression of love.

The effect of this daily ‘exercise’ was that I discovered what love really is.

First, I realised and accepted that I can and do love myself in full, unconditionally. Then I felt that this love is my natural inner essence, a state of being that is and was always there, and that it needs no input from outside, no confirmation or justification from anyone. And I felt that this love is like a well that just keeps flowing endlessly, filling myself, my body, and it is the same love that fills the space around me, encompassing everything and everybody else. As within, so without – it shines in and through everybody and everything equally, without judgement or measuring.

I realised that if we truly love ourselves completely, we cannot help but love everybody equally. In fact, we can only know true love by loving ourselves completely and unconditionally. When we fully accept and surrender to that endless unconditional love that we feel deep inside, we simply are love and see that in truth there is only love.

It took a while to fully integrate my newly discovered self-love into my daily life due to my stubbornly habitual, self-doubting thought patterns. Occasionally I still get caught in them today, but the depth of love as an almost tangible foundation in my body has been steadily growing with the support of the Universal Medicine philosophical teachings and healing modalities.

And as I expand in my awareness of myself and life around me, I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally. It rather flows through me, coming from a universal source that is the same in everybody. It’s up to us to allow it, feel it and live it at any moment. Then this love will guide our movements and actions and this will bring harmony into our lives, our relationships and affect everybody around us in a healing way.

There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love. I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love. 

By Regina Perlwitz, committed student of Universal Love and Truth

Related Reading:
Expressing Love – I Love You
Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?
Accepting All of You

834 thoughts on “Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was

  1. The most beautiful thing to feel with love is that there is no doing nor trying in love – there is only the deep surrender to what we know to be true and already lying within us.

  2. It is one thing to love and adore another, but completely different to let oneself love and adore oneself. This is something for us all to learn to allow into our lives.

  3. Interesting how we can accept criticism towards us so much more easily than accepting love. And this seems to be a universal phenomena.

  4. Definitely a little bit of a dilemma! ‘And no matter how much I craved for it, I couldn’t let my partner’s love in either – what a dilemma!’ And on reflection what I was feeling was how many of us in the world do this .. not even with a partners love but just craving love and yet not letting true love, or more, surrendering to the true love within!

  5. Sharing your re-connection with the love of the inner-heart invites other hearts to beat to the rhythm of Divine love.

  6. Gosh a dilemma indeed that I am sure many know, craving love yet not actually letting it in when its truly there! The irony is it lies within, it never left us rather we left it so when we allow ourselves to re-connect with this then of course everything around us changes as well ✨

  7. I soooo know or rather knew this one ‘First, I blamed my parents for my perceived inadequacy – wasn’t it their genes and the way they brought me up that had produced this lacking person that I was?’ Blaming everyone around us for how we feel yet do we ever consider that through choice and responsibility we have the power to change and be and live who we truly are. However, in order to do this it sure helps to have people around you that are living and reflecting this way and it was not until I had this, through Universal Medicine, that I could then spot the blaming and being a victim and start to claim responsibility and make different choices. Since then I have never looked back and it has been and continues to be pretty amazing ✨ This also highlights the huge responsibility we have as parents and adults in bringing up and supporting the younger generation to make loving choices in their life that supports them now and into their future.

    1. Well said Vicky – it is so easy to blame another and in the process we are simply not wanting to take responsibility for our part in anything.

  8. Regina I have learnt that love is nothing like I thought or told it was. Most of us know ‘love’ as an emotion we write about it, make films, sing songs and it is all about emotional love. When actually true/ real love doesn’t have a drop of emotion in it. So somewhere in the history of man we have fallen hook line and sinker for something that bares no resemblance to the truth. This doesn’t surprise me because we have settled for less and accepted the less as being the all that is.

  9. “There is no failure, never a judgement or punishment in love. I can be lost in a state of despair, stuck in negative thinking or unpleasant external circumstances or feeling hurt by something, and all I need to do is remember and come back to love, allow it and feel it – and it will be there, unchanged and forever holding me and everybody else. Pure love”. Regina this really is the key isn’t it. Love is actually all there is but we have woven an absolute matrix of ‘what is not love’ and stuck it over the top and in the process we’ve lost sight of love. And the dismantling of the ‘what is not matrix’ has been and continues to be an ongoing process for me, one that has been supported immeasurably by Universal Medicine.

    1. Alexis I totally and utterly agree with you- I have also been totally supported by Universal Medicine to keep looking and working on my issues around God, love, lack of self worth – my list is long. And I could have given up years ago, but the truth can never be denied and will always bubble up to the surface which means that in the future the full truth and understanding of what Universal Medicine presents will be known to everyone and everyone will be guided by the principles of love.

  10. Regina this is so beautiful I simply had to repeat it “First, I realised and accepted that I can and do love myself in full, unconditionally. Then I felt that this love is my natural inner essence, a state of being that is and was always there, and that it needs no input from outside, no confirmation or justification from anyone. And I felt that this love is like a well that just keeps flowing endlessly, filling myself, my body, and it is the same love that fills the space around me, encompassing everything and everybody else. As within, so without – it shines in and through everybody and everything equally, without judgement or measuring”.

  11. I believe that the majority of us have so many misconceptions about love we have fallen for the what is not love rather than what is true love, to the point where it is possible that we have given up on love and accepted the corrupted version because may be we feel we don’t really deserve true love that is for others not for us? This can then allow jealousy and comparison into the mix of the self worth issues so is it any wonder we are so messed up over the four letter word?

  12. To see the grand nature of love and all it brings is worth the commitment to developing the qualities in our life.

  13. “I realise more and more that this endless supply of love that I feel inside is not from and for me personally. It rather flows through me, coming from a universal source that is the same in everybody” When I connect to this Regina what you are talking about here I know I am connected to the all.

  14. “… we can only know true love by loving ourselves completely and unconditionally.” I have found it quite astounding how much my world has changed and continues to do so as I deepen my love for myself.

    1. Beautifully said Jstewart51, it is an incremental process to deepen our love for self but each step is indeed an astounding one.

  15. Love is a choice available for all. These days I’m becoming more aware about the thoughts and ideas, the ideals and expectations around this topic that I had and how much have conditioned me in my life. All of this is a whole package of information that feels too heavy and restricitive to live with.
    Now the more I surrender to the fact that love is my natural state of being the more I know from inside what really it’s about. Far different from what I thought or expected, greater indeed, a quality that we all can live. I feel that adjusting to this new relationship with love is starting a completely different relationship with myself. I’m opening up to the possibility of bringing in to my everyday life the intimacy and loving care I’ve ever expected from outside, how grand and precious is that.

  16. Thank you Regina, I so needed to read this today, there is a lot for me to ponder on as there were so many gems of wisdom here throughout the blog. I’m going to do the mirror exercise as I have dropped away from my self love, and I do know from experience that when I love and adore me the love then flows to others.

  17. What supported me deeply to get more towards truly Loving people was letting them in my heart no matter how they behave.
    They don t even need to be trustful just all is needed is my openess which Can be felt in the chest where rest our inner heart.

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