I Love You… But…

Love usually comes with conditions, expectations and images of how we want another to be. We say to someone we love them, we care for them, want to be with them, all the while what is expressed comes loaded with conditions of how we want them to be. If they are how we want them to be then we say we love them, although it is not a love that is unconditional. It is conditional. We have a level of judgement that comes with the love we are prepared to show, share and give to another.

We want to be loved but are not prepared to drop our guard and truly love another, unconditionally, in full, warts and all. I observe people say how much they love someone, followed by a ‘but’ – I lovebut when they are not in their essence, living who they truly are, I cannot be around them.

There is a level of acceptance we do not allow; we have expectations of another to be a certain way for us. We do not allow or create a reflection for them to live all that they are. Instead they are met with conditions. It is these conditions that create tension; even though it may not be said, it is felt through our movements.

There are many times I have felt a tension from someone, not knowing if it is something I have done, or not done. They may not have said anything but I can feel in my body there is something not quite right. For many years I sat with this feeling of awkwardness; it would at times be very uncomfortable, usually with myself analysing what I did wrong to make another feel so distant. There was always a dissecting of what I did or could do to make things better.

It was not until recently and after many years of attending Universal Medicine presentations and sessions that I have come to a deeper understanding of what is at play – games that our spirit loves to indulge in regularly, for it, our spirit, is cunning: it is a side and part of our being that likes to keep us in the overwhelm and complication of life, along with the avoidance of feeling what we know to be true.

It likes to keep us as a participant of as many games as possible, planting seeds of doubt, second guessing and blaming. We are extremely good at judging others. We have at times a massive lack of acceptance of ourselves and our own grandness, which in turn is reflected and often directed at another.

To recognise, accept and love another in full, as the amazing grand being they are, can be difficult for us. Our spirits love to keep us in a level of competition and comparison. It loves nothing better than to play it small, or to keep another as less, to stop at any cost true love being expressed, lived, moved and reflected.

What I have come to feel is a deeper level of acceptance for myself, and to see others as equal beings; that no one of us is ever or always perfect. We are after all in a human body, a form that is far removed from our natural state of being. That in itself is the first hurdle.

The lies we live are being fed to us and choosing to reflect this to all is a hard act to keep up! The façade at times becomes exposed, although our spirit is quick to jump back in the game as soon as truth begins to rear its head. Clever, manipulative, sneaky and extremely creative, we have set up many distractions and addictions to keep us busy, all in the name of avoiding Love – that is until we begin to expose them for what they are.

Moments constellated to connect deeply with another, to show a true way, a reflection of Heaven, our Soul tapping on our door, reminding us of where we all come from. A place where there is no judgement, comparison or jealousy; a place where true love, equality and brotherhood reside and originate. No bastardised versions of truth as there is only one truth, one Soul and one God and an acceptance of all equally so.

Yes, this is another plane of life, an existence many of us do not recognise yet, but one that lives within us all. That plane of life is getting closer and closer to our planet Earth every day. It is being felt; people are beginning to question life, how they live and why they live the way they do. They are feeling there is more to themselves and others.

We are being given an opportunity to feel what it is to truly love ourselves and others, without conditions, expectations or judgements; an allowing and acceptance of each other, a deep love that we have not expressed on earth in this life or for some thousands of lives.

We cannot deny what is on offer. We cannot avoid what is being felt.

Love, as we have known it to be, is not working. When we are told we are loved by another, without it even being said the BUT is felt. It is that ‘but’ that leaves us feeling empty, seeking true love and yet not thinking we know what it is. If that were the case, if we did not know what true love was, would we be questioning the love we have lived thus far?

For me, my relationships have changed enormously since becoming more open to and exposing my spirit’s game plan: switching the focus from others to me, opening up to the love that is on offer, knowing that I am forever supported and loved… that it is not a love I can get from outside of me. No one else can love me unless I first allow the love I am to flow in and through me.

My spirit loves nothing better than to keep me in the doubt of “Do they love me?” – wanting love to be proven and shown, instead of showered upon me from the Heavens.

True love is not something anyone else can give me: it is already living within me. I have up until this time not allowed myself to access, appreciate or live it. So when I hear someone say, “I love you… but… “ what I recognise is the lack of understanding and the judgement, no true acceptance or appreciation of another. It feels enormously harmful. I myself am not yet completely free of this but as I become more aware of the energy at play I can see it for what it is and the harm it can cause.

Our lives are lived on a very superficial level, occasionally dipping our toes into the shallows of Heaven. We play it safe, allowing our moves to be governed by a leading hand – a hand that has its own personal agenda, the hand of our spirit – whose aim is to keep us away from re-connecting to our one true source, our Soul.

We have a choice to choose which hand moves us – the hand of God or the hand of the spirit. The hand of God is what guides us back to Soul, to a life lived in true connection, where we can love, reflect love and see all as equals.

We have an enormous opportunity and responsibility to look in the eyes of another, to connect to the love they too hold deep within them, to offer a reflection that ignites in them a deep pondering, a time to reflect and question which hand it is guiding or moving them through life.

To truly love another is to love unconditionally, connecting to and feeling ones essence, then when you say “I love you,” you truly love them.

By Nicole Serafin, 46, Woman, Self Employed, Wife, Mother, NSW, Australia

Related Reading:
Expressing love: I love you
Being your own valentine – real love begins with YOU!
True love … no Valentine’s Day card required

362 thoughts on “I Love You… But…

  1. I loved this reminder but if I had read this years ago, I would have thought the spirit was the thing that led us. When I think about that saying, mind, body and spirit, I have come to discern that the mind and spirit are the two that keeps us at distance from our soul and with that comes the separation from others too. This is conditional love, you give me this and I will give you that in return, its an expectation.

    When I connect to the soul, everything around is rendered and it does nothing but love serving and brings it for the all. That is unconditional love and is for the all, with no image, expectations or outcomes. I get it…

  2. As we evolve understanding the non-imposing nature of True-Love as it deepens within us, and we also loose our relationship with our past, by understanding that any way of living that was not of service to humanity needs to be healed by becoming transparent to every form of ill way of living from our past and in do so we can heal all these ill ways and become aware of True evolutionary way of living.

  3. A much needed read today as I find myself being hard with another. The situation is quite simple, I have held onto judgement instead of love. When simple things can change and everything is simple once the energy behind it is understood.

    1. I also call it control of it needing it to be a certain way, so in that I make the call of judgment. In that I am the one left wounded and hurt, instead of bringing in understanding and appreciation of what also has been offered to me too.

  4. “True love is not something anyone else can give me: it is already living within me.”
    So often we look outside of ourselves for love- emotional love, which comes with conditions. But if we recognised that we come from Love, and it is already living within us, there would be no “needs” to chase. We would then be more accepting of others, knowing that they too come from love. And wouldn’t the world be a more loving place?

  5. True love doesn’t even recognise the word ‘but’, so if someone is proclaiming that they are in love and yet is tagging the word ‘but’ into the proclamation then it ain’t true love. There is nothing that any of us can do that will effect God’s love for us, nothing whatsoever, including the most despicable of acts. Love just is, it’s not dependant on anything.

  6. We are only capable of putting conditions on another if we have put conditions on ourselves first. The ‘I love you… but…’ has always started in me first, with my own conditions upon myself. And I love the responsibility of this, as it means that I have never in fact had a problem with the other person, there is something sitting right under my nose that I can look at first. This is a work in progress.

  7. “To recognise, accept and love another in full, as the amazing grand being they are, can be difficult for us.” – I too have realised that I allow people “in” only so far, in other words my loving of them is actually conditional. This is not a fun realisation however, it allows me to begin working on letting this go first by exploring it and then experimenting by just letting their grandness in and learning to be comfortable with the intimacy and the nakeness of the experience.

  8. To build a relationship with the hand of God and to surrender to its direction is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and those around us.

  9. On a deep level we all crave true love. But we then substitute this for recognition or some form of superficial emotional ‘love’. How quick are we to abandon what we know to be true and why does this happen so easily? We must have attachments or something else that we get from what we are investing in on a superficial level to deny a truth we know to the bone.

  10. Conditions stop the unconditional love from flowing. We place conditions on ourselves first before placing onto others…any condition is a lie about what love truly is..

  11. “We want to be loved but are not prepared to drop our guard and truly love another, unconditionally, in full, warts and all.” So true Nicole. We want to be loved unconditionally – but are we prepared to do the same for another? The ‘But’ creeps in. Learning to love ourselves warts and all is a start.

    1. This is so true Sue – true love must begin with oneself and the intimacy we learn to surrender to with the deepest part of us.

  12. I can feel so much in what you have shared here, so much that would be considered normal in relationships. Conditions and expectations are such heavy weights to bear, we walk with them, we carry them and they harm us as much as they do another because they deny the fact we are all from the same essence and that essence has no judgement whatsoever.

  13. I feel that actually life comes with conditions, we place so many conditions on ourselves and other people we seem to have painted ourselves into a corner because we have so many conditions it stops us from just being ourselves. I can feel that when we have conditions on life it stops the natural flow that we are all a part of.

  14. I loved reading this; the exposing of what’s not love but we wish it was so we can continue the game of trying to capture love and own it. This game detracts us from feeling the devastation of not connecting with the love we actually are. And, at the same time, I’m feeling my spirit loves this game. Now to ask myself, is it really worth being a being of love not being love?

  15. Do we as a standard, live in a world of buts? Why do most people do things if it is not for some personal gains? The list has not been selective; It covers every aspect of life; jobs, relationships, love, beliefs and the list goes on. What would the world look like if everything we did, was done with unconditional love that supported everyone?

  16. When we say “I love you, but…” we are putting conditions on our so called loved one to be what we want in life, rather than respecting the other to live their life as they choose.

  17. When we love ourselves more deeply how can we not love others the same way and see them as equal. So that just shows the importance of self-love, self-worth and self-care.

    1. Yes, that is very true. The ‘but’ signifies the conditions, therefore it is not Love with an ‘L’ but love with an ‘l’. Give me the capital L any day. There is much more space and truth in Love.

  18. How much do we truly love another if our loves comes with conditions? When we do something only because we want to be acknowledged, to be liked & praised? Are we truly doing it out of love if there is an emptiness in us that we are looking to fulfil or is our every so altruistic behaviour actually selfish?

  19. Oh those little buts! They are a give-a-way aren’t they 🙃 this week I have had a beautiful and not so easy week with lots of things coming up regarding how I am both with myself and others in relationships… those layers just keep on peeling. Through the process though I allowed myself to just be with what I am feeling and have come out the other end (a pun wasn’t intended but I have just seen one) with my heart more open and even more loving with myself and others which is pretty cool ❤️

  20. Attending Universal Medicine workshops are a life changer, every aspect of my life changed completely for the better. Nothing can beat the feeling of getting to know ones true self again.

  21. We know all too well the extent the spirit will go to keep us going around in circles but we have fallen for the trap that this is all there is.

    1. Sadly true Julie. No wonder mental conditions are going through the roof. Accepting a lesser version of whats available to each and every one of us is most definitely a trap. The spirit is very cunn8ing and sneaky.

  22. Every movement we make is felt by all, we cannot get away with it no matter how clever we think we are. Another can choose to live in whatever way they choose to; my responsibility is to hold them in the love they are from a place of love that I am.

  23. It would be great to hold others in love in it’s truth – and not in conditions. Do something rash – let yourself go and just love.

  24. Unconditional love and acceptance of another are one and the same, and we get this refection for our relationships from God’s unconditional Love and acceptance of us all.

    1. Yes God’s love for us in unconditional. I also know one or two humans who are able to offer a similar reflection. How fortunate are we to have that!

  25. Our spirit is relentlessly playing games that creates conflict and pain; never stopping. But there is such irony here, as I and we are all made of pure love.

    Right now I’m working with gentleness so that the games of the spirit can be kept at bay and I get to show what I’m really made of.

  26. This reminds me of a visit to the doctor I had yesterday, it went so quick it left me wanting more and deep down I wanted to feel loved, seen, met. It is curious to feel this as a patient because often health practitioners can complain about people talking too much, not wanting to leave… Makes me wonder if this has to do with love too, that people don’t feel truly seen for who they are, not truly heard and met and therefore crave more. What if we meet all our patients or in general all people we meet? This will then totally change because when we are met the craving for more ends.

    1. I love your honesty in your comment. I’d always assumed I only wanted to be loved by close friends or partners or family. But now I can see this isn’t so. When I’m not connected with the love I am inside I’m wanting to be loved and accepted by everyone I meet. Being honest about this and not doing an intellectual pretence otherwise, allows me to observe the hurts this produces and feel how thwarted this way if living is. Then I have the choice to connect with the love within and not continuously seek it outside myself.

  27. Nicole thank you for outing this aspect of ourselves that is so cunning and devious; our spirit will do anything to stop us from returning back to our soul. I’m just beginning to understand it is absolutely pure wickedness to constantly fight against its return to the soul.

  28. If we use the, ‘ I love you, but’ are we living in the darkness protecting our light. As a child, we are born to shine. What is it that is outside of us that effects our choices to shut down?

  29. When we say to someone we love them, do we really or do we love them on certain conditions?
    When I look around me I would say we love conditionally, we love some more than other depending on our need for them and their need for us. I have come to the conclusion this is not love at all. I have also come to the understanding that until we love ourselves we cannot possibly love another, it is just words that have no meaning or real substance. This is a big ouch!

  30. Talking to someone yesterday, she became suddenly very aware in her body of her judgements about her partner that she was making, and when she let go of the frustration that he wouldn’t change, she realised how she had been imposing on him. From these emotions, we are not loving.

    1. One of the greatest things we can do for another person is to give them space – no imposition. Our emotions are a form of imposition and do not support another to be love and express love. When we can hold another in love whatever then a true relationship is born and at the same time there is no end point to love so a relationship requires both parties to continually open to more transparency and deeper honesty. This possibility is stronger the more love we have for ourselves.

      1. Yes, no matter what we hold them in Love knowing that we all have free will. I can even feel there could be judgement in that sentence because who is to say the picture of free will I have is the same as that of another. Love is also responsibility, joy, truth, stillness, there is no activity, it is what it is, and we are it.

  31. “True love is not something anyone else can give me: it is already living within me.”These are simple facts that if taught properly in schools we would have much less mental health problems.

    1. I agree LE. We are taught that love has to come outside of us, something that is not what we give ourselves. Yet, from learning to love myself more and more the less I need it from others to prop me up. This means I also have more to offer others as I am not so much in need.

  32. Understanding and knowing the truth regarding spirit and Soul is something that is fundamental to our whole wellbeing and something that everyone should know.

  33. Why would you ever ‘but’ the sweetness and purity of a true ‘I love you’. In relationship we are offered everything be that with partners, siblings, friends, colleagues or one off interactions; we are born to love and be loved and with each other we can reflect this shared quality.

  34. There’s nothing more lovely than being loved unconditionally. I’ve not always been loved this way so came to the conclusion that to be liked, for people to want my company I needed to be needed – that was the surest way to guarantee friends and support. So I checked out what I thought a person needed and went about giving it to them. When I met people that didn’t need anything from me but loved me for being me – whether I was upset or joyful – I realised I needed to learn to appreciate what my presence brings so I didn’t feel unbearably uncomfortable. I had to start loving me and letting love in.

    1. ‘I realised I needed to learn to appreciate what my presence brings so I didn’t feel unbearably uncomfortable. I had to start loving me and letting love in.’ Well said, Karin when we are with people who know themselves and fully appreciate/love themselves it tends to highlight our own lack of self love/worth. We all know deep down that living a lesser version of ourselves is just a delay tactic.

  35. It is certainly a constant learning how cunning the spirit is, how it knows the next move almost before we do, and being increasingly aware of its games helps us to not get so caught by its tricky ways.

  36. ‘We have at times a massive lack of acceptance of ourselves and our own grandness,’ I can certainly relate to this and now I’m coming to see this as a choice that I don’t have to indulge in. Coming away from it can feel tricky at times but it is so worth it because then we bless everyone we know with who we truly are and inspire them to be themselves and come together in that acceptance and brotherhood.

  37. Nicole, I love that you are exposing this; ‘We say to someone we love them, we care for them, want to be with them, all the while what is expressed comes loaded with conditions of how we want them to be.’ It is clear that this is not true love.

  38. Beautiful; ‘To truly love another is to love unconditionally, connecting to and feeling ones essence, then when you say “I love you,” you truly love them.’

  39. This is so true; ‘There is a level of acceptance we do not allow; we have expectations of another to be a certain way for us.’

  40. We can end the ‘I love you but…’ and change to –
    I love you because you are here and I learn so much from your reflection – thank you, thank you, thank you for shinning your light that I may see who I am.

  41. The thing is that there can be no buts. Our commitment, love, respect, care, sense of joy need to be unconditional. Not perfect, simply unconditional. There are no buts and definitely not following ‘I love you’.

  42. Whenever I hear the word ‘but’ in any context I feel the potency of whatever was communicated before tit fizzle out and the focus becomes the latter part of the sentence. In the case of “I love you,” or anything else that feels lovely to receive, the use of the word “but” feels like a real manipulating gesture, like the person is half offering something, then whipping it back to deliver the blow of what they actually want to communicate.

  43. The definition of ‘But” shows it can be being a; conjunction, preposition, adverb or a noun. Could this be the greatest non-committal word we have in our vocabulary to hold ourselves back?

  44. Love is something within us, not something we dish out with a spoonful of conditions, when you do this and this and that, I will love you. It is a holding of another, for who they are unconditionally.

    1. We all have a connection to the love that exists within us all. When we try to withhold this love, our body becomes a pressure cooker, that normally regulates this pressure with reaction.

  45. What I can feel reading this; ‘There is a level of acceptance we do not allow’ is that I accept people that I do not know very well, such as people I meet in shops or in the street, for who they are, but this same level of acceptance is not there for people close to me, it seems that the closer they are the less acceptance there is – that’s interesting to be aware of. It makes me realise that with people closer to me I have more pictures and expectations of how they should be.

  46. The deeper level off acceptance I have felt since being involved with Universal Medicine is astounding. with this new found acceptance life has become magical in every way.

  47. One of the biggest conditions I feel we put on others is time – we want them to be somewhere or change something in our timeframes that we set and we do not allow them the space and the grace to come to things in their own time. To hold someone in this offering of space is one of the greatest forms of love on earth. This does not mean we put up with abuse or something that is disturbing, it just means we cannot hold another in judgement if they do something disturbing or harmful.

  48. Knowing the true truth about spirit and Soul is something every single person should know and to know the true truth the only place I would currently signpost people to would be Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

  49. When we become aware of how the spirit loves complication and indulgence so as soon as we feel that, we know we have been caught out by it. It is easier then to bring everything back to simplicity and let go of the drama, when we know the games that are played.

  50. We could try instead – I love you and I love you and I love you so much it’s like an ocean or a Universe, and when you walk into the room my whole world lights up. Now that would be a whole different set up for us to live within.

  51. Love by definition can not have pictures, expectations or conditions attached to it. It is not something we can give, demand or own. It is our natural essence. So if we are talking about conditions we will be refering to something else altogther which we have decided to also label ‘love’.

    We are really shooting ourselves in the foot by not taking the care to communicate exactly what it is we are referring to. Without being clear about what we are talking about, we can never truly get to the bottom of the issues that we are observing.

  52. So inspiring to understand the clarity between emotional love and true love … the difference is so very important to know – and so very needed in the world today.

  53. Expectations, images and conditions are imposed in the hope that we get the best options in life. Yet exactly because of this way of controlling everything, we end up getting in the way of the stupendousness of the true qualities we could be experiencing, relating and living.

  54. Not having expectations at all is one of the hardest things I find to do – even if we drop all expectations of others, we can still hold expectations of ourselves – such as the expectation to drop all expectations 😉 . But once again this shows us how deeply ingrained these things can be and how it can take layer upon layer to be shed to be free of these and hence then connect to the deep love that we are that resides within.

  55. True love does not ever come with conditions – but how often can we honestly say that we do not have conditions in some form or another – so does this not then expose that we are not expressing true love, but more a conditional love that is a warped version of the real thing that we are so capable of being?

  56. The ‘but’ after “I love them, her, him, etc.’ is a sign of our conditional love where it seems to be important that another/others meet our expectations and fit into the preconceived and well laid out arrangement. In short, it is about self rather than about love.

  57. We can feel a ‘but’ coming from a mile away. And I know how much I have used ‘but’ as a safety net and defence. Enough of ‘but’, let’s lean into life and be open hearted, unconditional and full in everything we do.

  58. Using but, is like being on a swing; you go forward then go backwards and there is constant movement, but for the moments you stop and go the other way. All of this motion, but you never go anywhere!

    1. Good point – a form of control and a tactical manoeuvre to stay ‘safe’ and keep people at arm’s length, much to our own detriment.

  59. Removing all the conditions we have created about life is a truly liberating experience and completely changes the way we are in the world.

  60. We all know love deeply but when we put conditions on love then it is no longer love because true love has no conditions, expectations or reward, it just is.

  61. This is such a powerful statement Nicole…’We have a choice to choose which hand moves us – the hand of God or the hand of the spirit.’ Knowing this, and true love is all within all of us, we can stop the old constructs we have had about love in the past and feel the truth you have presented for us.

  62. Every single one of us has built a concept around the word love because we all have ignored the energetic meaning of this word, have come up with our own interpretation and are throwing it around. When energetic truth is concerned, there are no semantics, each word means something and holds a vibration. But when we ignore the energetic truth, we are left with one word (love) meaning from “i would do anything for this person” to “I can hit you but I still love you”. – How can we abuse somebody we love, and still claim that we love them?

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