All my life I have been blowing in the wind, bending this way and that, adapting to my environment, trying to establish a control over all my relationships so that I wouldn’t get hurt. At school when I was teased I pretended I was OK, I was tough, I didn’t need anyone and shut everyone out. I tried to be ‘good’ and not upset any of the teachers.
When I left school and went to University I struggled with the course; it took me four years with re-sits to get the three year degree but I laughed it off and pretended I was having a great time.
When I went into a career, with every job I adapted to what I thought I needed to be at work as an employee, and as a manager.
When I was married I tried to get it right at home as a wife, with friends as a friend and then with the children as a mother.
By the time I got divorced I was miserable and hugely overweight, so I lived on my own for five years and worked on my Livingness, refining the food I ate and slowly the weight dropped off and I was back to my ‘normal’ slim self, thinking I had left my old life behind.
I was thrilled when a new man came into my life and looked forward to our new life together. Only 18 months into the relationship I was back to being overweight and miserable inside. Only 10kgs this time but enough to know that something was still wrong.
On reflection I could see that once again I had given my power away, adapting everything I did to fit in with what I thought was wanted, despite being told to just be myself. Somehow it felt like I couldn’t get anything right and the constant barrage of what I took as criticism slowly wore me down because I silently accepted everything for the sake of the relationship.
The hurt, the pain and the overwhelm I experienced was huge when I realised that I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.
Some of us tolerate abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse and then once we do it is sometimes too late because we have allowed resentment to build up. We then react to everything, which offers little opportunity for a reconciliation because we have let things get so bad it feels like the relationship is beyond repair.
That is how the world is too, on the macro scale. We have let corruption, jealousy, greed, competition and comparison get to such a high level we feel unable to stop it. We are being railroaded by systems that do not truly care for the people they are supposed to be supporting.
Q: How can we prevent more harm happening in the future on the micro as well as the macro scale?
A: By speaking up. By calling out wherever we feel there is abuse and by honouring what we feel in our bodies and expressing it regardless of the outcome.
We have been so conditioned throughout the centuries by abuse, torture and death that somewhere deeply embedded in our psyche is the belief that speaking out is dangerous to our survival so we clam up. Evil continues because we say nothing. This has to stop if the world is going to change.
The world’s change begins with the self when we individually choose to not accept self-abuse and to stop being so accommodating with others, no longer ‘blowing in the wind’ but calling out anything we can feel in our bodies that is not love.
By Anonymous
Related Reading:
My understanding of abuse
From self-abuse – to self-care
How to truly express yourself
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
No more fitting in, only saying yes to love, that we innately are, ‘we individually choose to not accept self-abuse and to stop being so accommodating with others, no longer ‘blowing in the wind’ but calling out anything we can feel in our bodies that is not love.’
Being a Student of Silence is sometimes necessary as we learn to deepen our relationship with our Souls and understand and eliminate the incessant noise from our wayward spirit.
I like what you have shared about how we let ourselves ‘blow in the wind’, as it describes the way I too have not honoured what I truly feel, and accommodated others By going along with how things are, and not checked in to connect to what would be supportive for myself. And, on the larger scale, not calling out what is harmful in family, groups, or society, and just allowing it all to happen without any input.
True-Love / Non-imposing-Love is forever deepening and as we understand that the way to open our-selves to evolution is to also be transparent and thus accept all the abuse we have also dealt out so that evolving is undoing our own ill ways.
Calling out abuse against us or others around us, by speaking the truth may not be welcomed, but truth stands alone. It creates a moment of space, one of those that you could hear a pin drop moments. There is a pause for everyone to hear and feel the peal of truth as it rings in the silence.
“I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.” A great exposé of how we contribute to abuse in relationships by accommodating, making excuses for the person, and not our own addressing issues around speaking up. I can see this same pattern in my life, yet the potential is there to honour how I feel and give myself the space to speak honesty and share the truth, even if it’s after the situation.
I was one of those people who accommodated others while raging inside at the injustice of doing so. I agree with you Melinda it becomes a habit that forms a pattern that gets repeated over and over. When we start to honour what we feel and express however painful this feels our bodies actually rejoice and come alive.
And what we don’t heal comes round in a cycle so we have the opportunity to learn and heal it with the new scenario.
‘Some of us tolerate abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse’ I would say many not some and I know I have added to this ill by being a bystander many times. It is truly time to see we are part of the all and that everything matters and everything affects everything. For the more people that do not accept any form of abuse the more reflection and holding this gives to others to also not accept this.
Being and saying yes to love, and no to abuse starts with self.
When one person calls out the truth with authority, they have the power to change a nation. Imagine the power when many do so.
Maybe the boat is so overloaded and full of holes it would be better to sink it and start again?
We are trying to make a corrupt system better. The foundation on which it stands is not love.
When ever our body is burning to hate anything that is less than love then we are on the path of evolution and deepening the innate Love that resides within.
We are so used to not rocking the boat and going with what the majority are doing, that it is a scary prospect to step out of line and be noticed for not agreeing to the lies and the illusion. Calling out the lies make us stronger and the lies weaker.
Saying no to lies and corruption, exposing the rot is imperative, otherwise we are in fact colluding with this energy.
Love this Martin. I see young children making ‘inappropriate’ comments and their parent hush them. Indeed I’ve done this too. Yet the innocence and honesty of young ones is refreshing, because they haven’t yet learned how to ‘play the game.’ Seeing the world through the eyes of a child enables us to see the illusion most of us live in.
“I had repeated the same old pattern and set myself up for another failed relationship… and all because I did not fully express who I was at any moment in time.” I can relate to this too. Not expressing how I was feeling has caused issues in past relationships. This wasn’t something we did in my family growing up so coming to Universal Medicine and learning this was ok was a revelation to me!
This sentence is so true
“We are being railroaded by systems that do not truly care for the people they are supposed to be supporting.”
We have allowed these systems to be put in place because we have given our power away, it started with religion and it has been all downhill from there. Until we are prepared to take back responsibility for our own lives any change will be slow.
There is a definite lack of true care in many institutions, and this is partly because many people do not understand what it means to truly care for themselves.
To actually take control and responsibility in life in a true sense appears to be a huge burden but yet can be and is one of the most freeing experiences – it is not freeing per se of responsibility (for we take more responsibility on), however, it is very freeing as we can drop the games, the lies, and the resentment of holding back which takes a huge toll on the body and the psyche.
I agree Henrietta. It could feel burdensome – to take more self responsibility – but the freedom to just be yourself – no game-playing – is so liberating.
When we reconnect to the essence that is inside of us and allow more of the beauty to be felt then responsibility becomes easier and easier until it is something that is just a natural part of who we are. Just as breathing is a natural part of who we are and what we do.
When we begin to connect with true responsibility we can feel very uncomfortable with the choices we have made that weren’t in line with this and so quite often we find it easier to suppress this discomfort rather than look at it in the clear light of day without judgment.
Awesome expose Martin – a blog in its own right about rocking the boat and how it is a responsibility we all hold to rock the boat when indeed we have become blind to what does not work,
Through our honesty in expression in our day to day, we support in putting and end the vile and more extreme behaviours in the world for any in-expression of who we are, feeds the expression of who we are not.
Thank you Anonymous for your sharing. From a young age we learn to accommodate to others at the expense of ourselves and we are then praised for this and so called ‘loved’. And yet to be and express truly and freely as ourselves is the most liberating and healthy experince when it is done whist holding self as equal in importance and respect as any others. Not an easy thing to live in our current world that fosters and celebrates the accommodation at the expense of self.
Accommodation at the expense of self is abuse, ‘Some of us tolerate abuse without question, sometimes without even realising it is abuse and then once we do it is sometimes too late because we have allowed resentment to build up.’
This is a great question to ask ourselves ‘How can we prevent more harm happening in the future on the micro as well as the macro scale?’ and as always it starts by looking at ourselves, how are we living, how are we speaking to or about others etc. Everything matters ✨
There’s something really humbling and supportive about noticing when we haven’t actually fully healed a way of being. There are many examples I know of this in myself where I’d turn around and ask, why is this happening again? I thought I’d healed this only to feel a deeper level of healing is required. Not being fixated on an end result, of reaching a pinnacle, but feeling throughout I’m 100% ok, that there’s nothing wrong with me and great, here’s another level whereby I can let go of what doesn’t belong and know who I am, makes life a joy and not an arduous task!
Yes I find this too – a ‘here we go again’ feeling when an old hurt resurfaces. I’m now looking on it as an opportunity to go deeper and heal some more, knowing that things unfold in their own time.
‘We are being railroaded by systems that do not truly care for the people they are supposed to be supporting.’
I work in such systems and I see people trying to make the system work or give up caring or be in reaction. I do all three but I am starting to admit the system is caput. This means I no longer worry about it not working and I no longer react to it not delivering, I know it doesn’t. But I’m not left given up, I see what I can bring through to everyone I meet and this is empowering.
Knowing what is true and standing by it, is a great counter to being wishy washy and being swayed by what other people think.
Yes we know what is true but what prevents us from claiming it? Whilst I recognise that standing for the truth is more than incredibly important, I need to bring understanding to those hurts that have been the foundation of the wishy washy. When I get honest and feel deeply what is going on for me I can nominate and clear the patterns that I have used to hold me back, making my knowing of the truth my claiming of it.
When we sit in the back seat of the car and abdicate responsibility for where we go in life and what we do, resentment builds about the constant compromising we are having to do. It is far easier to blame another, or be a victim of circumstance but far more empowering to take stock and consider the choices we are making in every moment. Time to take the driving seat perhaps?
Such an awesome analogy. If I apply it to my life and how I feel it’s spot on. So there I am in the back seat of the car being driven places I do not want to go to! I’m either shouting turn around, or wrong way; or I’m ending up in places feeling sorry for myself or blaming and lamenting about having a hard or terrible life. The rut of emotions entailed with this range from frustration, bitterness, self fury for allowing this to happen, helplessness, giving up on myself and life, anger, hurt, sadness, regret, the list can continue.
I love the analogy because I get to see so clearly all that happens when I hand over the driving to anything other than me driving from my inner knowing. (Examples are like trying to be more like someone else or even something like letting in energy so that I’m not feeling totally with it). Whatever place I find myself in if I have let go of the wheel I simply need to come back to myself.
Exactly, we are the ones who let go of the wheel and then flail around not knowing how to get back! If we stop the drama we allow ourselves space to see that there is even a wheel to be taken and then clock that we are able to take the wheel again and drive. The point is, driving comes with responsibility and we seem to prefer to blame another rather than take the lead.
This is great Lucy and I can certainly relate to the inner resentment and compromise. In my case blowing in the wind has been the outplay of a deep seated lack of self-worth that has had a pernicious hold over the choices I have been making today. I have dealt with many layers of this and they still keep coming! I will eventually hit the root of it, but taking the time and responsibility to be honest with each layer, to feel them and heal them I am building a foundation that in time will become much deeper – very much in the driving seat of the quality I consciously say yes to.
Me too, there is a feeling of not being up for the job, or someone being better at it than me, but that is all coming from a lack of self-worth and in that space anything or anyone could be driving my car, in fact, I would just be grateful ‘something’ was taking the lead. Yet all the while the inner resentment at the compromises was building till there was an emotional breakdown of one kind or another. It is seemingly such a simple question to ask ourselves but offers great insight into how empowered we feel in our lives and how much responsibility we are prepared to take.
There is a such a vast difference to feel within the body when we simply make the choice to claim our own natural authority. This feeling can be transitioned to in a nano second. I have learned that all this sense of feeling unworthy or not equal or not good enough is simply a game we play so as not to step into the responsibility we have to be who we are naturally.
Yep and many a time do we sit in the back seat .. and if we do that then who or what is driving?
Yes, for me, having pictures and expectations of what the other will do – has been the making of resentments. Taking back responsibility for our own part in things reduces the tendency to blame and then feel resentful. Far more empowering!
What a great conversation and analogy with the car. It’s highlighted to me again that I’m the master of my ship, and every choice takes me somewhere and has a consequence.
Is it possible that we want to see only what we want to see and disregard the rest, we disregard the truth. Until it is so in our face that it cannot be ignored, even then we try to ignore it. I know I have done this so many times turning myself inside out in a vain attempt to keep the peace; only it builds up such resentment that looking back I wonder why on earth I put up with such self inflicted abuse. I feel having pictures or investments of how something should be is one of our greatest downfalls.
I have experienced the same in my own life Mary, where I see I’m accepting abuse because I’m invested in a picture of how a relationship could be and what that could give me if it met the picture (all an illusion), when all I truly need is to be the love that I am and express the truth as I need to.
Yes, being the love that we are, and expressing truth keeps it simple.
Yes if we say how we feel, stand for what is true, do not give our power away and love ourselves deeply then of course this will have a ripple affect on the world which is much needed.
There is just so much abuse in the world in one form or another that we must all start to call it out for what it is and stand up for truth, for if we don’t the consequences will be unfathomable.
Yes, saying no to abuse is imperative, ‘By speaking up. By calling out wherever we feel there is abuse and by honouring what we feel in our bodies and expressing it regardless of the outcome.’
At the time, it’s not pleasant feeling my hurts but actually when I do I also feel the love we are all held in all of the time. A great understanding opens up of all parties involved and I can move more freely in life unweighted by protection from those hurts I’ve released. Love is then free to emanate.
I experienced many times how not having a relationship is a time of deepening with ourselves but does not per se mean that we have dealt with our issues in relationships. Therefore it is so great to be in all parts of life so we can see where we still can learn to be ourselves, whatever is going on around us without being controlling.
The small things we take for granted can be the most important. Why do we wear seat belts in a car, but to negate a huge impact!
Staying in connection to ourselves is the foundation of living life. That way we don’t get swayed but can stay rock solid with every choice and every action.
Yes, and when we stay connected to ourselves we take responsibility for the choices we are making in every moment and therefore, the consequences. If you don’t know who you are and don’t live in a way that consciously chooses to stay in connection to your self, and don’t value taking a moment to consider if what you are about to do you really want to do, then you are more likely to be swayed to do things you may not have wanted to do in the first place.
‘Silently accepting everything for the sake of the relationship’ is something I vowed I’d never do. But I did it in other ways like if someone asked for help I couldn’t say no, or if I did I’d feel so ‘bad’ whilst also feeling resentful if I did help out. There was a huge sadness at neglecting myself for others.
What I’m learning is to look after myself and support where it’s needed. It’s not always possible because I have abused myself in the pursuit of being validated as worthwhile and then I have to be loving with myself and say someone else can step in instead. With close relatives this is a work in progress.
Good on you Karin for working with that. It is a little like an onion, a slow peel but be dedicated to offering yourself and therefore everyone else more of you because then you will build a body that can be there for others when it is needed.
That quote is so simple and so clear. I love it and the responsibility it offers/inspires.