The Only ‘Esoteric’ in the Village – Discernment or Judgement

By Fumiyo Egashira, Japan

This is about my trying to be esoteric and discerning, but because there was no self-love to begin with, I ended up being judgemental. This was exposed through my noticing of a sense of ‘relief’ which followed an uncomfortable sensation in my body: this ‘contraction/relief’ mechanism was traced back to an old belief I had held.

The other day, when I was checking out what my friends were getting up to, reading about what they were recommending – practitioners/presenters/modalities/methods/events etc – I noticed something: I felt as if I was looking for an evidence, a clue to form a judgement and to satisfy myself that they were not esoteric, not of truth, and actually feeling almost relieved when I decided that they were not. Relieved as if I somehow believed that it would make me less if they turned out to be of truth. 

A very similar belief actually came up during my session with an Esoteric practitioner a long time ago, and I thought I had got over it.

This realisation horrified me, pushing me into deep self-loathing and shame, then reminded me of something which made me laugh out loud: ‘The Only Gay in the Village’ – a sketch in a British comedy series called ‘Little Britain’.

In this sketch, this gay guy is dressed and behaving in a very obvious gay manner. He basically shuts himself off from the world, refusing to make connections, and remains aloof, claiming ‘he is the only gay in the whole village’ – while in fact there is another who is willing to embrace him into the community. He likes his position of being the only one so much that he blatantly refuses to accept that there is another gay in the village.

I am not gay, and I don’t live in a village, but wasn’t I separating and excluding myself from the others just like this character while whinging about not having anyone nearby who understands me and my choices – when in fact, the world could be full of equally beautiful people, just like me?

What’s also poignant is this: in this sketch, it is hinted that this ‘gay’ guy may not really be gay after all – this stopped me. This is just so exposing, embarrassingly so.

Here I was, judging the others’ choices as loveless, while I was the one who was holding back that love because I was disconnected and could not feel it inside me – hence the belief that said I would be less if I acknowledged the others’ glory.  

I was desperately looking for that missing part – love – knowing it could not be found outside myself, yet I kept looking out, until I convinced myself that the world had let me down.

So I had to ask myself – do I discern, or do I judge?

It is probable that I do discern correctly. But something else can happen as well.

What has often taken place is this:

I don’t allow and honour my own feelings fully, so this leaves an opening for judgement to be formed very, very quickly – about the subject, and also about myself for making that judgement itself. Once there’s an opening, love starts leaking and what’s not love is so fast to take charge and make the whole thing so complicated and emotionally charged.

I could have gone on to beating myself up for falling for that, but that sketch was way too funny and I had to surrender.

After all, “The Only Esoteric in the Village” in itself is oxymoronic – because when a separative perception takes over the Truth for me to experience the world this way, that’s no longer esoteric.

The old beliefs, the judgements – do not stand a chance against the True Love.

264 thoughts on “The Only ‘Esoteric’ in the Village – Discernment or Judgement

  1. I love the comparison between the only gay in the village, a very funny english comedy, but not such a funny subject of separation and judgement at play! As I discover and allow myself to feel my inner beauty the more I am seeing it in people on the street. This is a major shift in how I see others and is simply a reflection of the shift that has happened within.

  2. Like to see the glory the whole family Benhayon is living in because the loving choices they made for a longer term is confronting to all of us who made not such a loving choices in their lives. All gets revealed and we can get confronted with the fact that all the not loving steps we made has an effect and the only way to build love again is to make steps back.

  3. We can become enthusiastic when we find something that feels true and beignet to this that people just aren’t getting it the way that we are….but as is a fact we are all on an unfolding path equally, to our true essence and expression, we are a community, the whole of humanity.

  4. Great blog Fumiyo and I love your honesty. There is a part of us that can really get off on being the only gay in the village. But it’s not the part of us that seeks truth, in fact it’s the part of us that seeks to keep us from truth.

  5. It is true Fumiyo how quickly a judgemental thought can come in when we are not being loving ourselves. We can so easily carry the arrogance of being the ‘only ‘eso’ in the village’, an arrogance that I have felt in myself too, when there are many who live lovingly and deeply caring, but do not need to make sure the world knows about it.

  6. The judgements we have of ourselves is our trick of wanting to cap ourselves in limitedness when in truth we are always expansive and grand. This becomes judgements towards others and voila we have made judgement and separation rather than appreciation and love, our normal.

  7. So true Fumiyo – the more love we know in ourselves the more love and equalness we offer another person. Life is definitely not just about us getting there but us all getting there together.

  8. Very true, ‘Once there’s an opening, love starts leaking and what’s not love is so fast to take charge and make the whole thing so complicated and emotionally charged.’ Key here is to close and heal our openings, which I am still working on.

  9. We are vehicles of either truth or the picture of what we think truth is. This is the reason why many clash externally, and internally. I do my best to not hold back – this helps me discover the false beliefs, but also confirms what is true. I had an interview today and was ‘stumped’ by a question. I then found myself in nervousness and the interviewer asked me if I was. I was real and honest – I found the empowerment from it and was able to answer later on anyway. I didn’t get the job but I felt the power in being myself and my potential. It was profound. This was more valuable to feel inside than to get the job. More importantly they got to feel this too. I was honouring me which was inclusive to them and all around me.

  10. I like what you are sharing here Fumiyo, it is a great example how that what we put out into the world is reflected back to us.

  11. When we value and appreciate who we are, there is less room for judgement and a greater awareness and understanding of others and the ways in which the world works. When we connect and value who we are, we then connect to the quality of movements that allows us to discern and move in a way that supports us to make decisions and our natural abilities to observe the world without judgement just a full heart of honesty, openness to learn and oodles of understanding of the whole picture and that is a pretty cool outlook for any village, city, state or country to consider.

  12. Honesty is one of the key tools we need to embrace when tackling judgement. we judge more than we realise and it is one great barrier to letting another in. Who likes being judged?

  13. ‘Here I was, judging the others’ choices as loveless, while I was the one who was holding back that love because I was disconnected and could not feel it inside me – hence the belief that said I would be less if I acknowledged the others’ glory.’ Wow, something to appreciate here, how you have let yourself feel the falseness of what you had gone into. I can relate to what you are sharing, for me it comes down to cherish and honour the relationship I have with myself first and from there I cannot but share my embodied love with others.

  14. I love the very real and revealing awareness you raise Fumiyo, we can kid ourselves for only so long, but underneath there is always a well of love waiting to be lived through us with everyone.

  15. A great example of how easily we can judge, I love the honesty you share, ‘Here I was, judging the others’ choices as loveless, while I was the one who was holding back that love because I was disconnected and could not feel it inside me.’

  16. I love this blog. It is a total illusion to think that we are the “only” one who feels like we do. Underneath all the protection that we put up we are in fact all the same.

    1. We all have spikes and defenses – the fact we can see others more easily does not take away from the fact and we should take heed of what we bring to situation. Its why getting some help and being open to others is so important, because they can see things are so obvious, unless you are living them as your way not realising how wayward they are.

  17. It’s so easy to tick the box of being “esoteric”, but that’s more a doing and a trying, and it can become a label that makes us separate from others. But if we aren’t being love and living from the connection to our innermost heart then we aren’t truly living esoterically. It’s something that is so simple yet boy do we know how to complicate and reinterpret things. Thanks for your honest expression Fumiyo.

  18. The moment we ‘try’ we are gone, lost to the jaws of a beast that seeks to keep us from the truth of who we are. We are love first before we are anything else, therefore what is the depth of the illusion we are ensnared by if we in any way try to be something we already are?

  19. We all without exception have a soul, and are intrinsically full of love. Can we see it in another, can we always make a point of connecting to that rather than any other behaviour that is layered on top for whatever reason? Failure to do so just exposes our own judgements and reactions, which is equally something to be learnt and observed.

  20. I love the absolute honesty here Fumiyo. Its something I have felt myself before and it is very uncomfortable to admit it to ourselves, but it is only in exposing these separative thoughts and actions that we can unify into the Oneness and Brotherhood we all so desperately, if unconsciously seek.

  21. Lovely, Fumiyo. Your honesty is inspirational and what you present here is an illusion that is very easy to fall for – the oxymoron, which you so delightfully expose.

  22. This is one of the most beautifully honest and powerful blogs I’ve ever read. I can really relate to comparing myself to others and hoping I’m the only one with ‘the truth’ ha! It really is very funny. The more I get honest with myself the more I can appreciate that everyone has a connection to truth and when any one chooses truth we all benefit.

    1. ‘The more I get honest with myself the more I can appreciate that everyone has a connection to truth and when any one chooses truth we all benefit.’ Beautifully said Leonne, as through honesty we come to the truth, and in truth we are all equal, and our expression from here is one that represents and honors all of us.

  23. Stunning article, Fumiyo, super-insightful and super-honest. That phrase ‘…love starts leaking…’ is sublime and describes perfectly the process. Yes, when we’re busy judging there’s not a lot of love in the house! Love your surrender into the humorous aspect of what you’d created as well.

  24. This feels like an important observation – the one about not allowing and honouring our feelings fully. It’s almost as if if we don’t read and appreciate in full what we feel, the process is corrupted from the start. This is as much about observing, reading, understanding and accepting as anything else.

  25. As long as we seek for identification so that we can make it about us in contrast or separation to others we will compare and judge. All of that is the opposite of esoteric but nevertheless needs to be dealt with as part of the esoteric journey back to the esoteric, i.e. the essence within, hence the process of discarding the lies and patterns and ideals and beliefs that make us blind to the truth.

  26. When we only know ourselves to be the misfit or loner we have made the choice to be that and obviously it gives us something (identification) even when we are suffering the negative consequences that come with it. We really need to get to the truth of why we are doing what we are doing otherwise we are lost in the illusion of being helpless, overwhelmed or fighting life whereby we are actually the creators of our own fate.

  27. I still marvel in complete awe of just how finely tuned our bodies are in sending us specific messages, alerting us to the truth we need to be aware of in any moment. What a blessing it is to have our own personal guide with this degree of finesse, that lets us know whenever we step away from being all the love that we innately are.

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