by Rachel Mascord, Dentist, Sydney, Australia
Today I became re-acquainted with music videos. I also got newly acquainted with the ‘pornification’ of our society.
As a teenager I loved my Saturday morning television fix of greatest hits, or ‘Rage’, ABC TV’s Sunday morning music staple. Many years have passed since I have watched a music video. This morning’s viewing at the gym proved to be educational… and deeply disturbing.
All the clips portrayed women being sexual to a degree that was blatantly pornographic. One video stood out in particular, and not for the loveliness of its music or the artistic quality of its content. No… it grabbed my attention with the fact that it was focussed on the bare behinds of its three featured dancers.
And I mean focussed.
The video was dominated by close-up shots of these women’s behinds as they danced. They were almost ‘wearing’ strips of Lycra that turned into G-strings, so everything that could be exposed was exposed. When the camera was not intently focussed on their rear ends, the three were simulating ‘girl-on-girl’ action.
Now, I am not easily shocked, and I am not a prude. I love sexy clothes, make-up, and I love to dance… but this!! It was straight-up porn, attention-grabbing with what the director would probably call ‘shock value’. I can’t imagine that they could even try to call it art. Here it was blaring out at the local gym at quarter to six in the morning.
I felt shocked, bewildered and embarrassed. I was embarrassed by imagery that I did not (and would never) choose to look at. I was embarrassed because I understood that I was being shown something that said “you’re a woman; this is your purpose and function”.
I was embarrassed by something else too. These sexual images abound everywhere, from the advertisement of perfume and underwear, to the covers of so-called women’s magazines in the supermarket. I have learned to ignore them and pretend they are not there. I have learned to keep my eyes open, but place a veil across my vision, blocking out the things I do not want to see.
I was embarrassed because I recognised that I had been ignoring the pervasive and spreading harm of ‘normalised’ pornography, staying silent and hoping it would go away.
It hasn’t gone away.
In fact, it has become more extreme.
What do these images say about our society, about women and about men?
What does it say about us that on one hand we have people complaining about paedophilia (as they should), but on the other a laissez faire attitude to the imagery that abounds our streets, supermarkets, child-friendly TV shows and public spaces?
Why have we allowed ourselves to become so silent, and afraid to say ENOUGH?
The following troubling ideas came up over the day as the shock faded into an urge to understand and express my feelings on this:
1. Women and men are being perceived and used as objects
Women are used as objects, even in their own videos. The women in music videos are reduced to ‘hot arses’ or ‘great breasts’. They are not humans, not people… just arses, breasts or whatever it is that has become the current focus in terms of sexualised object.
The body parts have strict compliances about size and shape. Breasts must be large, rounded and heaving. Buttocks have gone from boyishly slim, to ‘bootylicious’ large. The belly must be flat, ‘six-pack’ preferred. It used to be that girls were used in this way for male artists’ music videos. That has changed. The song in the ‘hot arse’ clip (don’t even ask me the name of the song, I have no idea, and was listening to my own music) seemed to be sung by a woman.
What does that say? Have women given up to the point that they are saying, “Yes, men, we are just boobs and arses, and pornographic stunt dolls for your pleasure”? Madonna, imagining that she is amazingly ‘liberated’, uses men in the same way. They are her ‘toys’, and a collection of body parts for her, and our, visual stimulation.
Who are the women and men in these clips? What inspires them? What do they long to express? How do they really feel about the way they are being used?
2. Pornography in music videos and in advertising
OK, it’s not X-rated… not yet anyway. Are we willing to wait for it to get to that point before we wake up and act?
Thirty years ago, Robert Palmer created a stir with a video that featured a wall of almost identically beautiful, blank faced, inexpressive women dancing to his song ‘Simply Irresistible’. Presumably, ‘simply interchangeable’ as well. The women were sexy props, adding the only chutzpah to a dull song. They were passive and knew their place.
Duran Duran produced a soft porn music video back in the eighties that was restricted to late night viewing only. Perhaps a few people complained at the time, but the majority just accepted it. Thirty years later, Duran Duran’s ‘shocking’ clip has become tame, and would unnoticeably blend in to the porno-fest that video clip shows have become.
This reliance on pornographic imagery has spread further afield. According to a number of perfume and expensive clothing advertisements, the latest fashion for women includes being raped by a man, perhaps even a group of men. Apparently we don’t enjoy frolicking across a grassy field, smelling lovely anymore. No, it seems we will only purchase these products when we are shown what a sexy victim we will become by owning them.
Pornography has become normal, so normal that we don’t blink when we and our children are exposed to it.
3. Role models for young women and men
As a young woman, I was influenced by what I saw in music videos and magazines. I was super-smart, with a great mind, and great potential to do well in any career I chose. Yet I was also vulnerable to body image issues, which have taken a great deal of self-loving commitment to heal. These images clearly said what was sexy and what was not. I did not match the narrow image that defined sexy, and that was harmful enough. This is true for very many women.
Young women and men are now contending with a multitude of problems.
The restrictive body image stench remains, although apparently we have ‘progressed’, because large buttocks are now acceptable. Fat people are still portrayed as the butt of jokes. ‘Normal’ people apparently don’t exist. So if you fall in the 95 percentile of body shapes, you won’t appear in an ad or a video clip.
On top of that, we have a massive problem with the fact that young people are learning about their bodies, sex, sexuality and how to express as a woman or a man from the pornographic images in advertisements and music clips.
As a woman, you are to look hot and passively accept your role as an object for men’s gratification. You are allowed to be aggressive, but only sexually, and only if you eventually submit. As for your opinions?… Your feelings?… Unimportant. Your expression in the world is limited to being the ‘sexy object’.
Young men have to be buff, aggressive and unfeeling. They are supposed to sit back and judge each woman according to the sexiness of her anatomical parts. To connect to her an equal human being is anathema.
How are young women and men ever going to learn that there is something called love-making, when all they see is sex? This is not even sex between people, it is an act carried out between faceless body parts.
How are they going to learn about the beauty of their bodies that comes from wholeness and self-connection? How will they learn to recognise and appreciate the beauty in the eyes of someone who is deeply self-connected, self-aware, and lives lovingly?
Apparently we live in a progressive society. Where is the progress? All I can see is that we are living in a ‘soup’ of imagery that is offering young people less and less to connect to, and be inspired by.
The caricatures of women and men that are portrayed in video clips and advertisements are an insult to both genders.
Both are reduced to the lowest expression possible: men become brainless thugs, answerable only to their genitals, and women become live action sex-dolls, faces pulled into the same, ridiculous, open-mouthed blankness and bodies contorted into poses called ‘sexy’.
4. Parenting in the era of socially acceptable porn
How on earth do parents cope with this?
Do they have to restrict their children’s access to music video shows? Do they watch these shows with their children, and explain the problems with what is being portrayed? Life is challenging enough, child-proofing satellite TV and Internet access, especially when techno-wiz children run technological rings around their bewildered parents.
Or have parents simply given up? Have they fallen into the trap that I fell into, of becoming willfully blind to that which is glaringly and painfully evident?
5. Free speech versus controlling prude
I love this argument. Apparently, what I am calling for is censorship, and apparently this is the greatest evil on earth. It allegedly makes me prudish and controlling.
On the other hand, there is the great virtue of free speech. This seems to equate to the fact that anyone can say and do whatever they like, hang the consequences, because people are free to look or not.
Hold on… not so free. I had no choice whether I looked or not on Wednesday morning. I guess I could have gone to the weights room, picked up a 5kg dumbbell and lobbed it through the TV screen. Tempting, but it might have had an adverse effect on my gym membership.
I have worked hard at ignoring the billboards on buses and at the sides of roads, but the fact is the images are there, affecting all of us anyway.
At the supermarket, I have magazine covers with half-dressed women in my face. Body comparisons are emblazoned all over them. Who is sexy? Who is not?
How about who is amazingly self-aware?
Or who is living their true expression, inspiring others to do the same??!!!!
The free speech advocates seem to feel that these images have no effect on anything or anyone. Hold on, if that is so, then why go for the porn and the sex? If that argument holds true, then why don’t they portray something else? Clearly they don’t because ‘sex sells’. In other words it does have an effect, and it does have a grip on people.
Free speech advocates want the argument to cut both ways: no, it has no effect, hence I am not responsible for anything; and yes, it does have an effect because people ‘want’ it, and look at the great effect on the bottom-line. Pun intended.
Freedom to say NO does not apply to those who do not want to be bombarded with pornographic images. Apparently the only opinion we are ‘free’ to express is an opinion that agrees with the permissive, given-up zeitgeist.
6. Confused agendas
The creation and possession of child pornography is a criminal act. Great, so it should be. Showing pornography to children is a criminal act. Good, agreed. Letting your kids get up on a weekend morning to watch Rage or other music clip shows is not.
People kick up a big stink when a newly released, once-convicted paedophile moves into their street. They don’t complain with equal vigour and commitment when every tween’s favourite, Miley Cyrus, produces a music video that belongs on the shelf of a seedy ‘adult shop’.
Why the contradictory focus?
Why so much energy placed in some areas, but the big, pink elephant that has us squashed against the walls is blatantly ignored?
There are more and more people writing about the issues I have discussed here. Karla Willows in the UK has made the valid point that these pornographic images are pervasive and harming to children. She asks the question “How do we explain them to children?”.
Just ponder that for a moment. What would you say to a four or five year old child to explain a music video, such as the one I described at the beginning of this piece? The innocence of a child highlights the demeaning qualities of these images. These images are now too freely available and too easy for children to access. What harm is being done to them in the process?
But I would also go further, and say that these images are harming to everyone. How then are we explaining, excusing or rationalising them to ourselves?
The only reason that we do not feel the harm is that we choose to block it out and ignore it. We hide our hurts under the armour of sophisticated ‘open-mindedness’, aggressive sexuality, or adopting the unfeeling male and female caricatures championed in pornography.
To those who would say that young people are not being affected, I would say open your eyes, rub the sleep out of them and LOOK. Young women do not know how to dress in a way that is self-honouring or self-respectful. Skirts are short to the point of obscenity. In winter, they wear barely enough to protect themselves from mild days, forget about the truly cold ones.
Many young women and men are dull-eyed. Some of them have given up, barely speak and are perpetually physically hunched over. These are teenagers, at a time when vitality should be high, and life naturally glorious! According to some people, this state of apathy is just a ‘stage’ and ‘normal’. Apparently it is not normal to look radiant, with clear eyes and an open face. It is also not normal to dress with respect for self and the weather.
Some young men hang out in packs, looking girls up and down like objects, in a way that they have learned from their favourite male music artists. This is intimidating and demoralising, whether the looks are appreciative or dismissive.
Another symptom of our hyper-sexualised culture is that young people are ‘sexting’ each other. For those who are unaware, a ‘sext’ is a sexually explicit message or photograph primarily sent between mobile phones. It can include a photograph of oneself, either naked, or with breasts or genitalia exposed.
The willingness to take and share such images shows a deep-seated lack of self-respect, let alone self-care and self-love. These images, once sent, are completely out of the person’s control. They often end up posted online for all to see, become another source for bullying, and have resulted in young people committing suicide. Reputations and lives are ruined, but how do you say “No” to the pressure to comply, when all around tells you that your value is purely determined by certain parts of your body?
I would also say to people ‘wake up’ and pay attention to the fact that children are also using smart phone technology to download and share pornography at school – primary school.
To those of you who feel these points are irrelevant, and reflect a backward view, I would say, if we allow things to continue along this path, the day will come when a ‘progressive’ video maker will produce a truly X-rated clip. They will dress it up as ‘pushing the artistic boundaries’ and intellectuals, sitting in their ivory tower institutions, will engage in empty debates about the societal impact and the artistic merits of such a step.
Meanwhile, there is a lived reality that includes younger and younger children engaging in rough, painful and degrading sex acts.
Given all of this, is it not time to re-establish a way of being that is founded on the qualities of self-honouring, self-respect, dignity, grace and self-love?
What would our world look like if those were the principles upon which life was truly lived?
These reflections were inspired by all that I have learned as a student of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon, and predominantly as a student of myself. Universal Medicine shared the tools to help me remove the veils from my eyes. I made the choice to do so, so that I could see clearly again.
I can truly say “I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now my heart can see”.
It is time we all learnt to open our eyes, to see the ugly truth of the pornography-infused life we have created, and say ENOUGH!
Further Reading:
Porn – An Addiction Worth Talking About
Porn Addiction – What Are We Missing Out On?
Pornography, Internet & Sex – An Insight into a Distorted World
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
This is a topic of conversation we must have with each other because we have allowed the pornography industry to take hold of our society so that we are constantly fed pornography wherever we go. It’s in our everyday life and if we don’t want to see it we filter what we want to see and not see but it doesn’t mean the problem goes away.
For example when you take your young child into the petrol station to pay for petrol how do you explain to them the naked women or partly dressed women on the covers of certain magazines, or papers? Surely we should be able to take children into public spaces without seeing the objectification of women because this is what it is and this has an effect on everyone as boys think it’s normal at a young age to watch porn because they see their peers watching it. Is it then possible that they have an expectation that girls will behave in the same way to what they have watched. This then place a pressure on girls to behave in a certain way if they want to get the attention of the boy/s because society places a huge pressure on them to conform to what the majority wants or needs. Our society is completely out of kilter and it is blog sites such as this that support society to come back to examine and discuss what is truly going on.
Pornography is about flesh and keeping interaction at the level of flesh on flesh, there’s not an ounce of depth of being in pornography. And ultimately as what all of us only ever want is to be met on the level of being then even though we might think that we’re being ‘satisfied’ we’re actually not, not at all.
Alexis it seems to me that it’s gone beyond the interaction of flesh on flesh, we are becoming more animalistic in our behaviour, What standards society did have have dropped dramatically over the last 20 years almost as though there has been a backlash to the change in energy that the world has been experiencing. If this is true then it proves that we are feeling energy all the time and can never stop feeling it and we are all in reaction to the opportunity to be more loving towards ourselves and other people.
There is a consciousness that pervades across the fitness industry too. As there are videos that you can down load for a monthly fee that will assist you to get fit. A friend of mine decided to download one and showed me some of the exercises I wasn’t shown the video. Interestingly after a week they started to have negative feelings about their body that they were not good enough just as they were that they needed to buy certain things to make themselves appear to the outside world that they were fine and in control. And thankfully they started to question where these thoughts were coming from. It was suggested they stop using the fitness app and get fit by just following a routine that was worked out for them. The thoughts that had been coursing through their mind stopped and they then realised that these seemingly innocent videos do have a subliminal affect on our minds that we are not aware of. So how much of what we see do we accept without thinking that then effects how we feel about ourselves and others. Certain music can affect you too
I had a friend who started dressing in clothes that were considered edgy and they became quite obnoxious and aggressive for a while, again it was pointed out to them that maybe the music they were listening to was affecting their behaviour far more than they realised. When they stopped listening to that type of music they became more of themselves. It seems we do not discern the energy that is coming from these ‘entertainment’ industries and so get taken in by them at a great cost to our bodies.
This was written six years ago and music videos are still the same 1D versions of people. They remind me of movies whereby the scripts are repeated over and over again and extremely predictable. There are however some people making a difference, look at Robbie Boyd’s “Hey girl” as an example. There’s no sexualization of women in sight.
Thank you Rachel, agreed when we set our foundation as a Livingness from our soul-full-essences, then we are deepening our understanding of a different way of living and this then reflects an open and transparent way that is Truly sexy without the need for any type of naked-ness.
I really hate that when it comes to saying what we feel is harmful and honouring our say, we are often having to rely on regulations and our feeling is not seen enough as evidence to qualify our discernment.
The gym is also my place where I get to see what the current music videos are like, having also grown up in the era of ‘Rage’ when soft porn was not the norm. I too am concerned about the role models these videos are setting for our young people. The message I get ids that you have to be skimpily dressed and overtly sexual to be cool, popular, have a boyfriend etc. I am glad I didn’t grow up with this pressure but that doesn’t help this generation!
I agree the role models these videos are setting for young people are deeply concerning.
I used to be deep into porn. It was a point of stimulation I needed, a kick I felt I needed. Something to look forward to in a deep sad world, where I did not know how to deal what was happening around me. If it was only that, than I could say it was just another addiction. But in the mean time it became normal for me to see women as object I could use. On video, but also in real life. In took a long time to see women as the sacred beings they are, to be intimate and not see them as an object or image.
Willem thank you for your honesty that through porn, your way of looking and being with women changed to see them as objects on video and in real life. When you were young you were naturally a very sensitive, sweet and caring child. As we grow up we numb ourselves in order to cope with life, this cuts us off from our innate sensitivity not just with ourselves but with all others, the result is the disconnection, in the disconnection we can objectify, even murder because we have dulled our senses so much that we have lost our sense of being.
Before we can change something we have to acknowledge that it is there. At present it seems people are not willing to do so and the longer they choose not to, the bigger the mess that needs ‘clearing up’.
Why has it become OK for music videos to be this graphic and extreme – essentially delivering soft porn. How are we OK to just let it happen and allow it. Gone are the days where the number of ‘trending songs’ could be counted on both hands, and where the artists’ video clips were of them singing. Now – there are so many songs, so many artists and such graphic video clips all to be noticed.
“OK, it’s not X-rated… not yet anyway. Are we willing to wait for it to get to that point before we wake up and act?” I don’t think we will publicly allow it to become X-rated but it has so cunningly snuck its way in and we are not so ‘awake’ to it. It is important as you have raised here Rachel we need to bring this up when appropriate and more often than enough. I’m just glad we are redefining what true sexy is — beauty from the inside out the esoteric way because it is super-sexy and this can be seen and felt. We need to live and present true sexiness — “How are they going to learn about the beauty of their bodies that comes from wholeness and self-connection? How will they learn to recognise and appreciate the beauty in the eyes of someone who is deeply self-connected, self-aware, and lives lovingly?” and “How about who is amazingly self-aware?”
I would also answer that question you ask Rachel – What is it about sex that appeals to me? and What is it that is sexy in me? …
The standards of what has become acceptable in society with porn has lowered and dropped to the floor as women become objectified for their bodies and lose respect from the opposite sex for the exposure of their bodies. It shows the lack of intimacy in relationships as the number of people looking at images has increased to the extreme that it has.
I was listening to a conversation recently where it was expressed that the explosion in pornography shows that humanity is crying out for true intimacy. When there is a call from humanity it will be answered. That to me is amazing because it feels to me that yes there is a controlling energy that seems to be having its own way at the moment, but we are not alone and are being supported in so many ways that will bring humanity back to the truth of who we are.
I remember seeing pornography for the first time and was with a group of girlfriends and was confused as to what I was seeing as i hadn’t heard or seen anything like it before. I didn’t like it as I you could feel it was totally exploiting of the women and degrading in every way. I only saw it for about 15 mins and the image and feeling of it stayed with me for years. What I can see now is that even later on in my life when I had a one night stand and there were only a couple, they were still feeding the same energy. The moment I started respecting and loving myself was the moment I truly said no to that energy.
I’ve been in the same club as you, in that hoping by ignoring things like pornography they will somehow go away, but of course when we ignore things they actually get worse. I think it’s a question of standards and always rising our standards so our every movement, word and thought says that pornography and treating women (and men) this way is completely not acceptable.
Life requires us making constant decisions regarding what do we allow ourselves to see and, hence, what do we choose to ignore. Anyone may choose to ignore what many others choose to see (hence demand). Yet, those that demand what they demand may choose ignore what they do not want to see of what they demand (or, at most, simply justify their choice). When they get what they demand, because it confirms them in their vibrational choice, things are very difficult to be changed around and life gets reduced to an insignificant point that becomes the everything for the many, one by one.
Indeed Rachel enough is enough especially as now it is so common and mainstream it is almost acceptable for men to make degrading comments towards women and somehow it can be laughed off. If it’s not love it’s not acceptable and should not be tolerated.
Pornography today has become so insidious because whereas what used to be considered vile and vulgar portrayals of over-sexualised people, is now everywhere in our media images, considered as normal – and what’s worse, is how our young girls are growing up with the pressure to conform to this.
There are so many images these days that are imposingly sexual.
I have noticed that small children emulate this style of music video dancing too, which look so foreign to their little bodies. I love watching children dance when they are themselves, they are beautifully awkward without a care in the world, not dancing to prove anything to anyone, but simply for the enjoyment of moving their body. Watch a child try and copy these moves from these videos, in all honesty is quite sickening.
I totally agree with you Jennifer, I saw posted on face book a young family member copying a dance routine she had been exposed to and it was sickening to watch. But if the parents don’t see this behaviour as harmful then there is not a lot one can say. I’m a prude it seems but too me young girls in particular are becoming sexualized at an age when they are not mentally or physically able to deal with such intensity.
It is time we all learnt to open our eyes, to see the ugly truth of the pornography-infused life we have created, and say ENOUGH!” 100% agree Rachel that we enable the pornography industry by staying silent.
We sure do Elizabeth and it starts with all the subtle remarks that we do not say no to, that we allow to run wild, that escalate into more extreme words and actions which fuel the industries we hate and despise.
‘The only reason that we do not feel the harm is that we choose to block it out and ignore it. We hide our hurts under the armour of sophisticated ‘open-mindedness’, aggressive sexuality, or adopting the unfeeling male and female caricatures championed in pornography.’ This is so true. We are all responsible for the rise in pornography and the deterioration of the fabric of our society. We have to be willing to take a stop and consider the undermining that is going on, the manipulation and control and the denigration of our bodies. We need to consider what’s happening and claim back self respect and value ourselves as more than sex machines. We don’t have to use each other or even ourselves for gratification. Having seen the harm it is not that we have to march in the streets but if we want things to change we must be willing to respect and take care of our bodies until we discover the awesome beauty that lies within that is so much more wonderful than any sexual titillation or pornographic image.
Enough is enough – what we see everywhere in adverts, movies etc.. is completely distorting any true sense of reality and love and making it all about physicality when we are far more than flesh. When we make it about the love we are then you only have to look deeply into a womens eyes to see how truly magnificent she is, the same goes for a man – it has nothing to do with looks. The more we live this the more we too fall in love with ourselves.
In reading your description of the music video with the three women, I wonder what it was like for them in making that video and how they felt about themselves afterwards. And if for them, it was really worth it.
There is a huge desensitization that has occurred in our society and this has happened little by little so that initially the changes seem small, but over time you can see what has crept in and is hugely impacting on everyone despite its subtle ways! Sexualisation of women, the levels of violence on screens and video games etc etc. In some video games (which incidentally are available to children) they have characters that can run over someone with a car and kill them and also go up and rape a woman. This is totally inappropriate for any age regardless of being an adult or a child, but this certainly instills from a young age the normalisation of criminal behaviour and the deep disrespect and domination of others including women.
A very pertinent blog for our times indeed! Thank you Rachel! And it appears that we have a sliding scale of indecency and disrespect and objectification of women that is rampant. You only need look in women’s magazines to see advertisements in there that are symbolic of gang raping of women – and this is being advertised for women (not men) and promoting a product for women! How bizarre and extreme is this? It is instilling in young women that they are to be used and abused and that their bodies are simply objects for sexual abuse. What are we allowing by turning a blind eye to this in our societies – how far will this all go before we call a stop to it?
We become so desensitised to these sexualised images that the line of what is normal, decent and honouring just keeps being moved.
These images tell us that many of us women are happy to portray ourselves as sex objects, as housewives, mothers, CEO or whatever role we wish to grab onto. They show the disconnection we (I) live in, and are hurtful because we ought to admit the fact.
The funny thing is we tend to focus on the fact that it’s the women who are being portrayed as ‘sex objects’ but overlook the fact that so are the men. There’s a stereotypical idea that men are happy to simply just have sex (as opposed to making love) and aren’t as fussy as the women who they have it with but I wonder if men are largely ‘set up’ to be this way because the stereotype exists. There’s also a lot of pressure on men to be this way, to come across as sexually confident and rather lad-like in their promiscuity. A lot of men and women would not agree with me when I say that deep down we would all love to be in a deeply loving, monogamous relationship but none the less it is what I believe to be true.
That’s a very valid point, I can only imagine how many men actually crave tenderness & care with their partners but are afraid of being called a wuss, or any of the other colourful names we have concocked to encourage men to be hard, harsh, aggressive & violent.
Absolutely Viktoria and I can’t help but wonder how many men feel pressurised to perform in the bedroom? To be athletic adventurous lovers impulsed by imagery and peer pressure as opposed to simply following the bodies lead to true intimacy.
Imagine not being able to express your natural tenderness with your partner because you feel their demand on you to be the strong, tough guys/woman? Imagine living a life where you have to constantly walk around with an armour (like the ones we see in movies from the medieval times) just to prove that you’re tough enough… How sad is that, but we don’t have to imagine it because all it takes is a quick look around the street, our workplaces and family homes to see it all happening right under our nose.
We cannot lie and pretend that pornography in any way, shape or form doesn’t hurt and every single one of us at that. When we can truly sense its impact in our homes, society and in the world we are supported to call it out through our willingness to stand for love and what we know is true.
Life is so very simple – at the end of the day all you need to say is: is something of true love or is it not? We all know what is truly loving because we know what is not loving. If something is not of and from love then we need to say no to it or better still say yes to love and that takes care of everything.
This is a fabulous blog Rachel. Gone are the days when porn was restricted to X rated movies and magazines that were shuffled out of the shop quietly in a brown paper bag. Music videos are quite shocking with the way men and women are portrayed and treat each other. These are our role models? As you say, how can our kids learn that there is a magnificent thing called love making rather than the denigrating sex they see portrayed?
The question that comes to me is how did we get here. It feels like our freedom to say no has been pushed aside and our moral standard has consistently been edging downwards while we dis-own our responsibility to simply stand by and express our truth.
The sexualisation of women is everywhere these days. In my day (the 1970’s) The Top of the Pops and Pans People dancing in babydoll lingerie was considered risque. Now there’s bumping, grinding, tweaking and all manner of sexualised dancing, which seems to have escalated in the lack of decency department with the introduction of music videos. The videos have become more important than the song or the artist combined.
“Madonna, imagining that she is amazingly ‘liberated’, uses men in the same way. They are her ‘toys’, and a collection of body parts for her, and our, visual stimulation” – agree Rachel and from what i see ‘using men’ the same objectified way as women are used – i suspect is a cover for “empowerment” between the sexes… i.e. the domination now of not a woman, but instead a man. All in all, it’s just plain abuse. Abuse that comes from the disrespect of a human body to be able to degrade another human being.
I recall a recent trip to Byron Bay (a sea-side town, renown for its surfing and beaches and parties) for work purposes, and I had not been there in a few years despite living not that far away. I drove in early in the morning and was looking for parking. As I was driving through the town, I had to do a double take as I saw a young woman walking down the street carrying a surf board wearing a wet suit – not your normal wet suit to cover you and keep you warm, but a G-string wet suit! I thought this was a joke! But as I turned the corner I saw more of the same! My heart simply sank in realising how much the young women in our society have given up on themselves and their self respect in favour of sleezy sexualised attention. Now, some might say this is normal, that G-string wetsuits are the norm, but they were certainly not the norm when I was growing up, no different to Rachel’s blog and her sharing of how much music videos have changed! Our world is fast morphing, and to me it makes me realise once again how important it is to make sure that those of us who do know the true values of a women, live them in full for all to see and be reminded of at all times.
Awesome blog Rachel, and so true that we turn blind eyes to what happens around us, and in the process we allow things to fester unchecked and grow into a far greater problem than it ever needed to become. It is important to call it out for what it is, as you have done here, and give a chance for the population to gradually become aware of the erosion. But as women who are aware, it is equally important that we are here to reflect back to all what it is to be a true woman rather than an object with breasts and arse used purely for another’s pleasure. For it is only with the reminder of a true reflection that another who has forgotten will remember again.
The level of sex and sensationlism is so out of control, so much so that we could even merge the two and say we have a sexsationlism plague happening with humanity. It is destroying our relationships, our youth and as it has become a normal thing to be sexually erotic with the basic things in life it can only bring abuse, devastation and loneliness and a humanity that is totally destroyed with no respect for each other and our genuine and natural divine beings that we are.
“I was embarrassed because I recognised that I had been ignoring the pervasive and spreading harm of ‘normalised’ pornography, staying silent and hoping it would go away.” Yes, this is exactly it Rachel, and it is then we realise that the only way that anything we dont like will change, is by taking responsibility for our own part in allowing it to continue. And thats the bit we dont want to admit to.
This blog is a great reminder for us all to wake up to the fact that the progressive erosion of our values of what is considered decent and respectful in society is proportionally resulting in a lowering of what is considered normal and acceptable in our behaviours that are actually just plain abusive or derogatory.
The world needs to continually keep ‘super-sizing’ what it offers the masses, in order to keep titilating people’s senses. Our senses get used to what stimulates them very quickly and so food companies, media companies, the porn industry etc need to continually keep increasing the intensity of what they offer, otherwise people won’t feel the stimulation that they so desperately want to feel. And the reason why we’re all so desperate to feel ‘something’ is to fill the gap that has been left by us not being able to connect to ourselves.
Leading to ever more extreme behaviors. Where does it end? That is what we are seeing these days.
Recently while researching for a presentation on our teenagers and technology, I very innocently stumbled upon pictures of full-blown porn while looking for images of children playing on their phones. I had only gone to the second page of the internet on images, and there it was. So if I can find it that easy, we know children and teenagers can.
Spot on Julie, porn is rife and it is also so easily accessible on all levels and for all ages, be it on TV as disguised porn or on the internet with no holes barred…Quite disturbing really as these images come with a strong energy of disrespect, disregard, objectifying women and putting women down – if this is what one grows up with as an example of sex education, no wonder domestic violence is on the increase and relationship issues are hitting the roof. We need more true examples to get out there into the world to let people young and old know that this is not the only option, that there is a true and beautiful way to relate to each other.
When we do not express what we know to be deeply true we still express as this cannot be avoided, though the expression then is much lower in quality to our natural expression…lowering the standard in society for all.
We normalize only what we have said yes to. The now so silent expansion of porn all over the world exposes the complex package of images many around the world have said yes to.
“I have learned to keep my eyes open, but place a veil across my vision, blocking out the things I do not want to see.” – This really made me stop and consider how much we do this throughout our day, how much we block things out that we don’t want to see or deal with for some reason…
We all have a responsibility to speak out and expose the lasting harm that is caused to society by ever more explicit pornographic images being peddled as ‘art’.
We cannot escape the reality of how we live, though we may choose to ignore it or deny it.
We get sad and outraged when we see obscene gestures, movements and gyrations. It comes as a shock and suprise to us when we come across this. But is this extreme isolated or does pornography have much deeper roots? The more I sit with what you present Rachel, the more I feel pornography is fuelled by anything we do to stimulate ourselves. Whether it’s shopping, social media or arguing we are constantly using things to escape from ourselves. Our pornography issue feels like a symbol for this.
Something that has been popping up for me lately is the word ‘food porn’ which is watching cooking shows or adds. It’s the same evil in a different bag, feed images to tantalize the spirit.
The sexualisation of women in music videos is a responsibility for recording artists to consider deeply. The legacy they are leaving the world in an effort to sell music will surely become something they regret.
Brilliant Rachel and deeply uncomfortable and rightly so. We’ve chosen to close our eyes, I know I have and we cannot have it both ways, saying it doesn’t affect us and yet these images are used because they do affect sales. We’ve become lost in an image obsessed morass, and we’re forgetting that we’re more than our body parts, we’re living, breathing, loving beings, time to come back to that and say enough to the gross abuse we’ve been allowing with porn and the sexualisation of both men and women. We are so much more than this, let’s live it.
I love what is shared here about Who’s is amazingly aware? How many of our current magazines would then hold the news stand?
It is outrageous and deeply shocking the way we hold and view each other, the way we have let pornography colour how we feel within. But where does it start and truly begin? It seems to me, the more I live and consider it, that pornography doesn’t live in a web site or magazine but is a stimulation we seek when we feel sad and empty inside. So possibly this is the true elephant in the room – why are we so miserable that we seek this abuse and say it is good? Thank you Rachel for what you shared in bringing this much needed Topic to air.
We normalise porn in society, no doubt, why is it that we do not even raise an eyebrow…well most of us, when women are laying on cars with hardly any clothes in or leaning on double glazing like it’s their biggest crush…who questions it….I have a son and daughter and even at their young ages the stories and pictures are coming home about what makes a woman and man, it is shocking how insidious this stuff is, and I for one will not be ignoring it or normalising it. I have in the past, but I see now the shadow I have been under and I am commited to calling out this rot in our relationships, both men and women suffer through porn soft or not in society. We are made for much grander and meaningful interactions.
Our moral compass appears to have stopped working for what is now normal! There was a time when we as a collective agreed what was acceptable; today is now the Wild West where anything goes. How have we lost who we are, in such a short time?
Your point about censorship is so true. Anyone who speaks up against abuse, pornography or discrimination is apparently trying to ‘censor’ freedom and many people address this with utter disgust, particularly on the Internet. What is the point of free speech, free access to anything and everything and pornography if we have a society where physical, verbal, cyber and emotional abuse is rife and a large percentage of the population are suffering from illnesses, mental health conditions or unhappiness?
‘I have worked hard at ignoring the billboards on buses and at the sides of roads, but the fact is the images are there, affecting all of us anyway.’ Rachel, I can say the same. I have managed to put on a filter to all of this as it is everywhere I have not wanted to look. I have believed there is not much I can do about it, so turned away. Yet, I expect there are many many people who feel the same and just like me haven’t spoken up. It’s great that you have written this blog and called it out.
The thing is, that no matter what is happening on the TV screen it is important not to react or to make it personal. I know this can be difficult sometimes, especially when you care so much about people and it can be frustrating to see the state of the world today with so much insidious darkness and chaos, with children growing in to adults in a place where there is little true love being expressed. But we cannot take any of this personally, because as soon as we do then we are lost as well. The key here is in understanding the hurts that are driving these behaviours forward, to look and see the person behind the image and to love yourself no matter what because from there all people are loved too and then it is not a world with little true love anymore because there will be one more person expressing from their inner-heart, and this is what really makes the change – when true divine love is being expressed.
It is horrible to think that the teenagers of today are being influenced to believe this is what a relationship looks like, and therefore is it any wonder our young men are confused when all they see is pornographic images in movies and music videos, and then think this is how you treat a women.
Teenagers are being brought up in a world where the standard of relating has plummeted to an all time low. Everywhere they turn they not only see the abuse and corruption that exists in the music, porn, and film industries, they are watching the adults who are personally in their life turn a blind eye or consider this to be normal, therefore effectively confirming it all as okay.
I was shocked the other day when I realised how young children were who were watching pornography on their mobile phones, and how many teenagers think that that is how women should be treated, we have to say enough is enough and start doing something about it.
I agree it is time to live life by these principles, ‘time to re-establish a way of being that is founded on the qualities of self-honouring, self-respect, dignity, grace and self-love’. Long overdue time to live life from being love who we truly are.
A very powerful blog, with a great wake up message to not be complacent or blind to what is being passed off as acceptable when we know how deeply disturbing it is to allow any form of pornography to pollute the innocence of young children.
Pornography is loveless but it’s not something that I was aware of when I watched it from my own lovelessness. It is only since returning to feeling love in my body that I am able to feel the things that are devoid of love.
Couldn’t agree with you more Rachel, there are so much rot that is circulating around the globe and only getting worse. It is abhorrent what is going on out there in the world, yet we choose to turn a blind eye to a lot of it, if it isn’t happening in our back yard, then we don’t want to know. Yet the proliferation of pornography and imagery now available, it is very hard not to see it.
What you raise here Rachel needs to be brought up for discussion, and to remind people that we should not have to tolerate this in society today, it is not wise or acceptable.
When I was in year 7 (32 years ago), I was part of the Student United Nations and I submitted a notion to censor pornography – I was embarrassed to see the porn magazines in the newsagents and felt it was time to put a stop to this. It did not get picked as a topic of discussion so no more came up from this. However, it was something I always felt strongly about. Over time, in conversations, be it with women or men, they always said to me I had better get used to seeing porn around, as this is the way it is. My battles to stop or ignore porn seemed to be to no avail, and strangely, I decided to explore it to see what the attraction was. This very short dabble in porn revealed to me that I was scared to let myself truly feel and live being a woman, and from that fear it was easier to choose something that numbed me out (hence I seemed to not feel the fear) rather than allowed me to see and be aware of the coldness and objectification of the porn and the damage it was doing to me and every woman in the world. But more so, the numbness that came for the shock of what I saw, stopped me from feeling how miserable I was in life. This is big and helps me understand that porn is a symptom of how miserable and disconnected we are living in life. Might be another blog in what I have shared here…
There are many things in our society that have been escalating over a period of time, and pornography is only one of them. It is interesting to see how this escalation happens, and I can really appreciate how Rachel has shared this in her blog. These days it has come to a point that what was once considered pornography and somewhat restricted to magazines (in a time when the internet was not so easily available to people), it is now found all around us and deemed ‘normal’ and not really classified as pornography. The shock factor has worn off the initial tame attempts and so today it has to always exceed what is already out there if it is to grab any attention as such. The demand is the key culprit as is the silence of those who do not speak up to put a stop to this.
Pornography is a deeply deviant deviance from love… and its current prevalence is an indictment to the state of our relationships and disconnect from love.
Sexually explicit imagery is rampant with technology and I agree it shouldn’t be normalised. How do we feel when young children show signs of inappropriate sexual behaviour? Do we ignore this and hope it goes away?
I have had discussions on this topic with young people. Many laugh it off and think I’m just old and easily shocked. They don’t connect the dots and see how this leads to behaviours in society where women are treated as objects. We are seeing the consequences of this objectification in the widespread abuse of women in things like verbal abuse, rape and domestic violence.
It is true Debra, it is important that we all start to connect the dots of how and why we undermine our very values that uphold the basic decency and respect of our society and begin to correct anything that destabilises this integrity and equilibrium
It is so easy for all of us to see only what we want to see, rather than the stark reality of the integrity of humanity sliding down into depths of degradation that are now considered totally normal in every day.
It is quite shocking to see how young teens are copying their pop idols clothing (or rather lack of it) in order to feel they belong and fit into what is acceptable in society. This blog is a strong call for us all to wake up and stand up for what is truly happening here.
It really is no wonder the level of abuse that is increasing year on year is where it is at if pornography is so readily available. What is being asked of young girls today from the boys has never been so disturbing yet for them this is all they know. We have start looking in our own back yard and make changes before we start to see any changes that are so desperately needed.
If girls and boys grew up in families where the mother and the father honoured each other then their children would go out into the world and naturally honour others as well as only be in relationships where they too were being honoured. Our dishonouring of each other starts at home.
Indeed Rachel, enough is enough and we all have to come to this point before this ill way of exploiting men and women in the imagery world we live in.We have to open our eyes and feel what is presented here and forget what we see, as the imageries are luring us into a way of being we actually are far off, actually the opposite, and when we fall for these imageries we need more and become numb for and unaware of the harm that it is causing, not only to us a a individual, but to ur children, families and societies as a whole.
People become outraged when a child is harmed by an adult through physical or sexual abuse, and quite rightly so. But what if they were harmed simply by being in a house where pornography (of any type, including these music videos) was being used by an adult, whether they see it or not? If everything is energy, then the energy behind pornography is present whether they see it with their eyes or not.