I have never considered myself wanting control over life or being a controlling person who is not open to people. My version of ‘control’ is someone who places undue influence over another. I have thought that when I am with other people I am never dictatorial or dominating. Instead, I have generally felt that I am an ‘easy going’ person who seems fair and ‘goes with the flow’.
As an ‘easy going’ person, I would often find myself:
- Being very easy to please,
- Not saying a lot, and
- Agreeing with what my friends would like to do.
To me as an ‘easy going’ person, I would have never thought that I was harming anyone or me in any way.
I have been discovering recently though, that I have often placed more control over life than I would ever have first thought. I am realising when I am with other people that:
- I have held back what I am really feeling so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. I would often feel very clearly something may not be quite right with a situation or circumstance I may be in. It seemed though, that to honour my feelings would be an impediment or a hassle to others. I remember when I was at school assemblies many years ago and sometimes needing to use the bathroom during the middle of the proceedings. It seemed from early occurrences that not only were the people around me disrupted when I went, but so were the speakers and teachers. I quickly learned that holding on and putting up with my own discomfort was easier than the discomfort of feeling the imposition I seemed to make on others when I did choose to honour my feelings.
- My life has been riddled with moments of silence. This is often felt as an awkward silence where I would hold back things I wanted to express to someone but never felt that I could. It felt like there was this great weight holding my voice back and it seemed too difficult to voice what I wanted to say. I would subsequently find out on many occasions that what I wanted to say was actually something the other person needed to hear because it would have really helped them with their day. One of these examples happened to me recently after grocery shopping when talking with the checkout lady, where I wished I had said what a lovely person she was and how much care I could feel she placed in doing a quality job. I could feel she seemed a little down at the time and I wanted to share exactly what I was feeling about her: instead I said nothing.
- Often with friends, organising a get-together had to be focussed around ‘doing’ – an activity or some form of stimulation – like a movie. I would find myself thinking “What are we going to do after we finish the activity together?” It seemed like being with the other person and not doing anything would be too boring and I always felt like I had to do something with them to cover that up. What happened to the days when I was young where I could lie on the riverbank and cloud-gaze with a friend… and have the most fun from the simplicity of doing very little?
These memories of being with others have showed me that I often control the situation to make sure the activities I do with friends do not create moments where we could just talk and get to know each other better. It almost seems like a shield of protection.
Holding back what I am feeling helps me to ensure that I will not get rejected from my friends for doing or saying something that they would not like.
I have felt that being silent helped me by ensuring that others will not get put off or reject me for the truth that I would bring to situations.
I realised the pattern of doing things and wanting to be kept busy when I hung out with people helps to ensure the others don’t see me for who I am. It helps to minimise the rejection for being someone that they may not like.
What if using control over life as a protective shield didn’t help me at all? What if being more of a controlling person in these situations actually hurt me?
Since realising this, I have gotten rid of my protective shield and been more open to people than ever before. I have been sharing my smile, imparting my joy and most of all being more of me. I can see now that I choose to be comfortable by using control over life (in the disguise of an easy going person who was actually being a controlling person) instead of being me, the joy I am, in each moment of my life.
This was inspired by the joyful way I am forever seeing my friends and family live on a daily basis. Through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have been guided to open up and be more of the amazing man I am.
By Joshua Campbell (21), Living in Christchurch New Zealand
402 thoughts on “Learning to Let Go of Control Over Life to Being Open to People”
Joshua, what stood out for me was the not speaking up when something is needed to be said. Because in that, the should have’s, the could have’s thoughts consume us it feels that incomplete conversations were had. This has played out all my life and no doubt for many others too.
When we communicate, and we do it with wanting or trying to hurt, please, be accepted, liked, not liked, (the list could be endless) and with also our end goal too, then that is not from a loving place, because we wanted an outcome.
When we communicate from that loving place, without any intention but to deliver what is needed, then that is a different story and we move on with our lives and not get caught up in the life’s flow. What a different way to live…
Linda spot on – the ‘easy going’ character that we think we are portraying is actually the one that is controlling things in a very subtle way by enabling other forces to work through us and others, hence taking away our very natural and beautiful way of being and expressing with those around us.
Silence is a golden moment that offers us the opportunity to feel if a voice is needed to express truth or if just the presence of the body is needed as a reflection to support another. Everything has its purpose so long as we do not bastardise it.
Henrietta, silence can be louder than the words themselves. Because in that moment we are offered what is needed for our bodies to feel whatever is being presented.
And yet another word for the ‘easy going person’ is what I call an ‘enabler’ – by staying quiet and not voicing how we feel or what is true for us, we enable people to be affected by other energies/forces and to then continue to live in a way that is not supportive to them. When we look at it this way, it makes us wonder why we do not speak up all the time…
Awesome sharings Joshua – and I love how you have busted the ‘myth’ of the ‘easy going person’ or really we should call them the ‘conformist’. I too have been one of these, and still find myself falling into that pattern or behaviour – conforming or changing how I am naturally so as not to make others feel uncomfortable, and yet in the process not voicing what is true and hence helping others to grow and evolve.
“instead I said nothing.” And then we spend the next few hours going over in our head all the things we might have said – how exhausting.
How imperative is it in our lives to feel what is true for us and then also for another as we evolve, so when a person is open and ready they openly ask the loving question then we can share drops of wisdom, otherwise we can get caught in trying to please another when all we have to do is be connected to our essences and have supportive loving conversation as people feel the difference.
Beautifully put, Elizabeth. And we can feel the faces we each put on, the story lines we broadcast, the character we play, and its manipulative whiff, it slowly erodes our trust for each other.
As I read this the word Nice kept coming to me. Being a nice person is often fostered and encouraged but it doesn’t support us to be a true person.
Absolutely Leigh, niceness come with a sugar coating and we all know how poisonous sugar is!
It’s a very insightful sharing and something I am sure manny people could relate to. I can see the same in myself of using certain behaviours and ways of being with people that places a shield over the essence of who I am, instead of being myself in full. A loving work in progress…
So True Melinda, are we not all a work in progress to our most loving ability, therefore full-ness depends on our steps in a true direction that we are prepared to walk as the most loving discipline and then how we have walked in all our lives….!
Allowing ourselves to be transparent, to be seen for who we truly are is a work in progress, an unfolding.
“What happened to the days when I was young where I could lie on the riverbank and cloud-gaze with a friend… and have the most fun from the simplicity of doing very little?” The joy of just being with another.
I remember those days Sarah as a child in the summer holidays we would lie gazing up at the sky on hot sunny days for hours just being with one another was enough, no need for chatter, just being and enjoying. We don’t seem to do this any more everyone seems to be caught up in being busy.
In what ever way we use control it is always used as a protection to not get hurt.
It’s true Annelies, and we don’t see at the time the even greater hurt of living separated to our essence and the love within, which is what our protection blocks us from being connected to.
Joshua after reading your experiences I’m realizing how much I’ve held back in the past with some old friends. If a plan with them didn’t felt right I would separate, didn’t go and put an excuse instead of bringing an alternative that felt great to me. I held the belief that I had no space to share my point of view, which now I see it would be an amazing opportunity to be honest and real with people who I dearly love. Having the opportunity to look at these behaviours in my relationships is a gift because I can re-imprint the moments in which I wasn’t truthful, and as I’m seeing there are always new opportunities to bring my spunk, realness and joy with others again.
The example of the checkout lady is very close to what I experienced before. Feeling a clear appreciation inside for another and not saying it because maybe is not convenient as I don’t know her personally. It’s like when I don’t respond to what I feel inmediatly my mind starts to think and racionalize that situation. In that moment I have a choice, giving my power to my thoughts or to simply express and see by myself what happens…Maybe what I thought was wrong is what is needed at that very moment.
Thank you Inma, it’s great what you have shared here about giving power to our thoughts or going with expressing how we feel… we can give our power to our thinking or our feeling.
Joshua I hope you will write a book, I love reading your writing and would definitely buy your book. You have so many beautiful and relatable things to share. Today reading I really connected to this line, to “…not create moments where we could just talk and get to know each other better. It almost seems like a shield of protection.” I can see that I steer conversations a certain way so the person does not see me in full, what a great insight to receive, thank you.
I agree Melinda, Joshua has a wonderful way of expressing, and this is certainly something for us all to be inspired by for writing, speaking and generally sharing how we feel in each situation.
Being ‘nice’ is very controlling and manipulative, it is used in a calculated way to get what we want instead of expressing truth where we have to get out of our comfort and protection.
Being ‘nice’ feels false and so horrible for all concerned.
Being easy going is the energy of nice, I agree it is a protective shield we use to not let out the truth of ourselves lest we have to feel the reactions from others. We smother deepening and connection by controlling what we think is safety but no security is ever felt until what is Truth is expressed and let go.
Brilliant Joshua, I too can very much relate to everything you’ve shared. Going from being very protected with people to now being more open and loving feels amazing. Also, there are moments where I still hold back and allow control to kick in and this no longer feels OK, in fact, it feels awful and every time I notice this happening, I call it out and observe why I fall for this silly game. It is no fun for anyone when I allow the awful energy of control to control me instead of allowing love to be expressed.
It is lovely to read how open Joshua is now choosing to be, ‘I have gotten rid of my protective shield and been more open to people than ever before. I have been sharing my smile, imparting my joy and most of all being more of me.’
‘Easy going’ is a pattern of a strategic movement we apply with some people (and probably not others) when there is an implicit vibrational pact.
The pact of staying in comfort and not evolving comes with our accepted ideals and beliefs that in honesty feels super uncomfortable in the body.
Often that easy going vibe can be so controlling and in turn manipulative, where we show up as easy going but we’re not really; when we are truly open there is no need to be anything other than ourselves and meet life as we do.
I use to pride myself on being easy going but now, I can see how harmful this is and how it was done with control and a level of falseness. There is not an ounce of easy going-ness in someone who walks in their true power, they simply emanate authority and love.
I find being easy going also carries judgement—when others have choices that support themselves and permit themselves to say no, the easy going or nice energy would judge this as too fussy and high maintenance.
A nice person is very controlling – demanding a very particular behaviour in return. A true person allows us to respond in any way we want.
So true Christoph and there are many forms of control, who would have thought being nice is one of them. I certainly fell for this one hook line and sinker. It is the insidious less obvious forms of control that are harder to discern and I notice this is the most common form of control in our society.
It is very apparent…being nice is superficial…the correct words may be used but the energy imparted is not loving but controlling and imposing.
This is a huge turn around, and very brave too, because I can see how safe and comfortable it must have felt to be ‘the easy going one in the back’ to someone who is leading the way on quality in and for relationships.
Thank you for sharing this with us Joshua, for it shows us that we have been used to see contraction (holding back) by people all around us “that it nows seems like “normal”” and how truly fabulous to feel and have many more reflections of people on this website alone – not holding back and actually expressing their truth, with the essence of who they are. I like that, I love that actually.
A great sharing Joshua, and it exposes how playing nice and not speaking up is such an insidious form of control, one which is less obvious but often more harming .. what I feel when I do this (and I recognise many of the instances you share here) is in each case it’s about ourselves under the guise of not disturbing the other, but in truth it’s about our comfort and not wanting to be seen and not being willing to allow others to see what is truly going on. A great lesson to consider for me today, thank you.
Yes, niceness is a form of self-protection.
Great to have this exposed: holding back from expressing honestly is a form of self control and harmful to self and others.
It is great to bring awareness to our inner drive to control others and feel the harm this causes ourselves and others. This is a constant work in progress: control creeps in subtly and we need to be vigilant and aware in all relationships.
Going into control really pushes people away and it creates a lot of tension. I am learning to let go of control and learning to allow things to unfold without any expectations.
Absoluteky Chan. Being nice then controlling is a guarantee to push others away as no one can accept this abuse imposed onto them forever.
Allowing and accepting things to be in a flow, a natural flow of the Universe.
Bringing in ideas of how we want things to be rather than just allowing this to be, can be the difference between remaining open and transparent to being closed and reserved.
Thank you, Joshua, for revealing how we interfere with the flow of what each moment calls for when we hold ourselves back in any way. We are part of the whole, and the whole needs the whole of us for it to be what it is.
When we hold ourselves back everyone misses out, dropping away protection and letting others in is key to developing and deepening our relationships with others.
Letting our protection go, and staying open, open to receiving and sharing our love with all.
Having always kept people at a safe distance, believing they would hurt me, but actually I was hurting myself, it now feels wonderful to let others in especially my family…. I can also feel when I do this, I am letting more of me out!
Using control as a form of protection – definitely something to ponder on and consider from multiple angles.
I have played that so called safe game too Joshua, going with the flow, staying quiet to not upset, and not having an opinion, all as l form of protection, hiding myself away. I too thought that I was an easy going person not realising it was a form of control, a very sneaky one at that.
I recently realised how easy it is to be controlling, especially when I have lots of expectations and pictures in my head of how I want something to look or turn out. Feeling in control is a way to avoid feeling hurt, the hurt is an inevitable outcome due to holding onto expectations and pictures. So, when I want to let go of control, it’s not about being less controlling but I realised it is about letting go of expectations and pictures in my head and also about letting go of protection.
Control is about protection. However, the more open we are the less protection we need and therefore less control.
Beautifully claimed Joshua. I have found that my attempts to avoid the rejection of others usually results in my rejection of self – and hence I feel rejection anyway. Perhaps I feel a greater sense of being in control when I reject myself – but the fact is that living in a more self-loving and claimed way is much more joy-full and truly productive and hence a preferable choice all round.
We have made the world into one big regularity body that we do not know how to move to our natural rhythm anymore.
That other people get interrupted when we get up to go to the toilet is a great misconception that we learn from young, that can hold us in its grip our entire life. This is one thing I learned in the presentations and workshops I have attended of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, that it is ok to go to the bathroom or attend to any other needs you have, you just go without a big fuss, and the presentations continue, nobody is interrupted nor do you get judged for going or excluded from what has been shared during your time of ‘absence’.
Becoming more aware allows a beauty to emerge even if what emerges is not so beautiful.
I love this Eduardo as it brings forth true beauty; the more we allow ourselves to see / be aware of the more we understand the grandness of the universe and our part in it.
Great observation Josh that we can ‘think’ we are doing one thing but are in fact doing the exact opposite.
Hence why it is so powerful to discern the energetic quality and intentions of something because then we are less likely to be fooled. Our eyes and our thoughts can deceive us but when we read the energy, the truth is clear.
I never used to think of holding back as control, but it is controlling on so many levels: controlling and measuring what and how much I say, and to whom, as a way of controlling another’s reaction or response towards me. Learning to express what we can feel, without trying or needing to get it right, and without needing another’s response to confirm us, is actually a lot of fun, when we don’t judge ourselves or measure ourselves against what someone else thinks of us.
Accepting ourselves fully allows no space for self judgement.
This is such an astute blog, and very eye opening. I too have thought of control as being over bearing and almost bullying but in fact those examples you give here, where we do not just simply be ourselves but hide behind situations and activities rather than just allow ourselves to be there with others and let things unfold … this is also control and one I so recognise; and when we do so, we are not in the flow of us or of life.
Thank you Joshua for a great blog, I can relate to controlling, keeping myself safe by the way I would engage with people by asking them questions about themselves that way I would be able to stay hidden but still have the feeling I was conversing. These days I am more open with sharing myself, I know there is still much more of me yet to come out and express.
Joshua you have indeed changed your ways. You have changed to a person that openly expresses how he feels and does not hold back. What I now see is a beautiful tender man who is very aware of his body and is able to express how he feels with much exquisite detail. Inspiring for any man to see. Thanks!
Inspiring insights Joshua. Who could have thought that being silent is a way of control?
I know what you mean Willem and I have discovered holding back in any way is a form of control. Also, being nice and accommodating can be a very subtle form of control.
You unravel beautifully there how the perception of one thing/behaviour can be revealed as the complete opposite. This shows how we put certain behaviours into certain categories and do not go by the quality they bring in each moment. We can say we have become somewhat lazy, wanting one straight answer for each scenario, but with that we are encapsulating ourselves and denying us the space to unfold and grow.
Silence is often not golden, but an indication of us not being willing to express what we would actually like to say. The expression that may have in the past been not delivered with love, kindness, wisdom or respect pollutes what is then there to be said, and it is held in, but in each and every moment there is an opportunity to express with the all that we are, regardless of the past.
In every moment through our day we are offered the opportunity to be moved by the natural flow of our Soul, with God, or not. And so it not possible that with any movement made in separation to our Soul we are in control, as it is a resistance, a holding back or a withdrawal away from what it otherwise our natural expression of our true and Soulful way of being.
I feel in what you say Carola, that when we are in the movement of our Soul, control is unnecessary. They are in fact opposing energies.
SO true Carola, this is why there are many versions of control, it is made to look different but at any time where we are not expressing from our Soul it is already a form of control.
There is much wisdom in what you share Joshua! I have held myself back in many areas of my life and am working at changing this when I see this behaviour. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon and his presentations of the Ageless Wisdom for my changes.
This article changes the face of control and how we would mostly see it. This part isn’t about the dominate and obviously forceful one but about the more meek and mild nice one and yet most would be sympathetic to this and not see it as controlling. Yet here we have it being ‘outed’ for the control it is and seeing control as someone simply not being all that they truly are in any moment for any reason. When we are only seeing something one way it actually allows it to exist within us in all forms and so if we truly don’t like how something is and feels then it’s a responsibility for us to see it in all forms. This process of how we are and how we see things is very personal, as in it’s always reflective to how we are in any moment, how we truly are in any moment and this is always ongoing. I loved reading this article again.
I experience control as many levels. It’s great to unravel them and come to live our true self.
It certain is Sylvia. I find going into control creates so much tension because it doesn’t support us to be who we are, our true self. Once we feel the tension, what do we do? Most of us try to numb it to avoid taking responsibility and to avoid being love.
I’ve used having to have all the answers and being seen to keep it altogether as a way to control people and situations, so they don’t really get to know me.
Being more me… it can be so simple or we can wrap it in up in a million different ways to do the opposite. Simple works for me!
It´s really interesting to expose in how many and very different and even hidden ways we can be controlling. To clock the impulse of protecting oneself is the give away to recognise the controlling behaviour.
‘What happened to the days when I was young where I could lie on the riverbank and cloud-gaze with a friend… and have the most fun from the simplicity of doing very little?’ I get a real sense of innocence and openness and just the joy of being together as one.
What a great expose of the many forms control can take. We think of controlling as a very overt and obvious kind of dictatorship or bullying, but it can be what might be termed ‘passive-aggressive’ as well… A kind of withholding of oneself as a silent protest at the injustices of the world or situation.
Holding back is a draining and exhausting way to live life, and so controlling! I too have used the holding back and staying silent methods so much that they’ve become ingrained patterns of behaviours that are not the easiest to let go of, but I can feel how holding back causes complication and confusion and disharmony, every time. It’s controlling and disruptive to hold something back that is there to be said.
Its quite funny to know that not committing ones full self to life is controlling and its the most sinister form of control as it gives one the impressing that one is the opposite .
Great point, John – the extreme is when we we make it look as though we’re committed but really are just going through the motions, so it’s a double whammy of control – not committing to life first of all, and then adding to it by pretending that we are.
I can relate to so much in this blog especially the ‘easy going’, person who kept the peace and held back from expressing as it would make others feel uncomfortable, but in fact I was only hurting myself and playing small – mainly lack of self-worth. Over the years I have worked on and healed my hurts that today I can express what is there to be expressed and that feels very freeing and also at the same time supports me to deepen the trust I have with myself.
There are so many ways of control, the very obvious ones and the less obvious you describe here Joshua, being easy going and not demanding, but in fact this one is just as controlling. I recognise what you say here about control being about protection, I know when I am in control, really I’m just looking out for me and I’m missing the bigger picture and in fact I’m not me, and everything feels awkward and often contrived. When I let go and am more open with myself and others then things are different and life is more of a flow and there is much more of a meeting and connection with those I am with. This feels a more natural way to be and it’s a so much more expansive and joyful way to live.
I loved what you shared Joshua it seemed to be very much how I have navigated through life, going with the flow, watching what I say and relating by always doing with people, that way I could be with people and keep me hidden, safe, very controlling to say the least, I was amazed when I first heard this explained to me, it was hard for me to see this at first, but when I did I realised that I was holding me back and not accepting me and not allowing others to see the real me.
I have come to the realisation that if I do not value myself and feel my worth, I walk through life expecting rejection and therefore feel isolated and constantly having to prove myself to others. Yet another way of controlling everything and everyone around me.
Lucy, this reminds me of the games I used to play to bring in rejection and complication so my relationships do not evolve. I find the key is, to be honest, open, venerable and loving, it is so simple, no dramas, issues or rejection. Why would we not opt for being love?
An inspiring read Joshua. So much energy is poured into what others think, we all know it, and we often talk about it, but for some reason often we’re not prepared to cut the cycle of it. Thanks for doing your bit to remind us that it’s not that big a deal and that the quality of relationship can be greatly improved when we are not sitting back discounting ourselves and being ‘nice’.
It’s ironic we try to control situations as a form of protection, because it offers us zero protection. Everyone can see the game we’re playing and it’s so obvious when we’re not being ourselves. We generally want other people to be themselves, yet when it comes to us, we sometimes think that it’s not enough – so we bring in complication and control, instead of accepting and just being all that we are in full, without holding it back.
“We generally want other people to be themselves, yet when it comes to us, we sometimes think that it’s not enough – so we bring in complication and control, instead of accepting and just being all that we are in full, without holding it back.” Brilliantly said Bryony. And in our lack of acceptance we are exerting control over what can happen around us.
Who would have thought that the ‘easy going’ person was actually more controlling than not! Perhaps they are not outwardly controlling situations but they are certainly controlling the volumes of wisdom, love and honouring of the body that could otherwise be lived.
Great point Rachael, this then exposes how control can be woven into so many areas of our life and this is a choice we make. Also, being able to recognise where we apply control is great so we can work on letting it go, and to understand that it is simply a resistance to love and expressing the wisdom that is flowing through us.
I love your smile and the joy you bring, great that you are now sharing this with more people, ‘I can see now that I choose to be comfortable by using control over life (in the disguise of an easy going person who was actually being a controlling person) instead of being me, the joy I am, in each moment of my life.’
Thank you Joshua in exploring all those situations and for bringing it back to the core of simply allowing ourselves to be who we are in full, and to express what we feel openly with others. It’ a much more simple way to live than the myriad of situations we find ourselves in by holding ourselves back.
I relate to holding back things I have felt to say.. For me it usually is only held back from one situational event before where I was shutdown. I am sensitive and know what I know. Like you say Joshua expressing you and all you need to say can be the most wonderous gift for another to receive that can change their day and life. When I understand and have accepted my expression is not for myself but for another it is unhealthy to hold back.
‘What if using control over life as a protective shield didn’t help me at all? What if being more of a controlling person in these situations actually hurt me?’ I agree Joshua it is truly harming and it has its effect on our body and also we are depriving people of the reflection they actually need to get by making it about ourselves.
Thank you Josh – the examples you give are not the things we normally associate with control but they are common and reveal that control shows itself in many ways. The thing with control is that it robs us of the opportunity to truly connect with ourselves and with others.
It certainly does Leonne and it can create complications and drama whenever we are running with control. From understanding control can come in the most subtle forms is an eye opener for me and this is helping me expose the many ways I play out control.
Great to be exposing these subtle, but still harmful forms of control, I love your honesty Josh.
Hi Josh, what a great and revealing article. I appreciate your honesty. Your story also sheds a different light on behaviors that I would not have deemed controlling, but they are. Good to ponder on this, as I see I am also much more of controlling person than I thought up till recently.
I too used to think I was an open and easy-going person until I realised I was keeping people out by asking questions about them. I was genuinely interested but it was a very safe way to have a conversation- me ask all the questions and not have to answer any. Truth is I would have loved to share about myself but I didn’t think anyone was interested – mainly because I kept them busy asking questions about them! Even when a question did come my way I would answer very quickly and superficially – minising the amount of time I was the focus of attention. Great to express that 🙂
Gosh Lucy I can relate to what you’ve expressed here, it as if I was not allowed (I did not allow myself) to take space. Open and easy-going in this way is just playing the game of niceness.
I love this blog Joshua. Control can show itself in many forms but the more willing we are to see them the more likely we are to free ourselves.
Control is a great way of letting the mind dominate life at the expense of the body and it’s living universal wisdom.
This is an interesting view on what being easy going is really about. Thank you for your insights Joshua.
Being easy going, or being nice is the cloak of a person not willing to walk as who they are in the world.
I can totally relate to this measuring of how much of me I would let others see. I too thought it was about me just holding back and stopping something potentially disturbing from affecting others therefore was less of the harm. But what I have overlooked was that when we stop the truth from being expressed, something else is getting expressed. It is not possible for us not to be expressing something with our every breath. The more I commit to bringing love into the way I am with myself, the easier and more natural it seems to get for me to express and share the truth with others.
It is exhausting to be anyone else but ourselves. There is no performance when we are just ourselves, no matter who we are with and what we are doing. It is the most freeing and most powerful experience. I can’t imagine how anyone would not want to hang out with this amazingness 🙂 But of course, it is everyone’s right if they choose to remain in comfort and fair enough for that, but what others choose cannot and should not affect the level of awesomeness we know being ourselves entail. In fact, how could anyone know they can be that, if awesomeness was being held back?
‘I have been discovering recently though, that I have often placed more control over life than I would ever have first thought.’ This is definitely true for me too, and I have come to realise that most of it comes from a form of protection, not saying what I know, holding back what I feel, and in general not living who I truly am. Thankfully now I am more aware of this I have been able to live more of me, and less of who I thought I needed to be.
This blog kind of highlights in general our unwillingness to just put ourselves out there no matter what happens. I can relate so much to holding my expression back, being mute when things need to be said or someone needed to be confirmed. What’s helped me start to change that is I realised these moments are not about me but the growth and support of another person.
What are the chances of reading two of your blogs on the same day Joshua. Both written when you were 21. I’m so blown away by your openness and willingness to lay it all out and be vulnerable at an age where you are being absolutely bombarded by society to be the complete opposite. Incredible. A true role model for anyone of any age!
Brilliantly exposed and elucidated upon Joshua. Do we actually take responsibility for the part we play when we hold back our expression with others – of the love, care and truth we inherently know?
This is absolutely a form of protection and keeping our lives ‘safe’ and in control – that we ‘fly under the radar’ so to speak…
What if this ‘low flying’ does no-one any true good whatsoever, and it actually harmful? These are questions for all of us to ask ourselves, in consideration of how much of our life is about oneself only, in negation of the greater whole of which we are an intrinsic part, and in which we rightly deserve to PLAY our part, in full measure.
This is awesome Josh, so many in life choose to live with this constant control and protective shields and never question this. When people such as yourself begin to let go of this control and protection you reflect to others the power of this choice that allows you to feel lighter, more joyful and more ‘you’.
A really elaborate and insightful blog Josh about how holding back what we feel we naturally have to express, as big or as small as that is has a massive effect on those around us, and how our part within the whole is vitally important – equal to everyone else’s.
Thanks for sharing this article! The ways and level we use control give our life the perception it is going a certain way is quite destrctictive, to families, relationships and ourselves because it is always like setting a certain tone, but forgetting there is greater tones for us to reach.
What you have expressed in this blog Joshua I can really relate to; I can feel the hurt, harm and damage I inflict on myself by holding back; let alone what harm I cause to others. Thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom.