Julia Gillard, when Prime Minister, was asked why politicians need to act the way they do in parliament, to which her defensive reply was that this country has been built on fiery debate, that much had been achieved as a result of the cauldron that we know to be parliament. Competition runs deep in every aspect of our society and is treasured as one of the great forces that leads to innovation, evolution, and change. But perhaps the question that should have been posed to Julia Gillard was “How incredible is it that anything has actually been achieved in parliament DESPITE the fiery debate that goes on?”
For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together? What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose? Of course to do so would reveal the fact that underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.
Of course, competition is championed as the cornerstone of true success, and sport is its greatest monument. Yet, despite the bubble of pretence that we all hold high level athletes in, the fact is that most if not all at the top echelon of sport have truly low self-esteem. Without needing to name them, there are many recent examples of high level sports people, who once retired, have no foundation within themselves to fall back upon, once stripped of that which consumed their whole identity. Their inability to re-integrate into everyday society and their struggles with substance abuse stand as testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.
Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence. The loser is left either crushed in defeat, or returns more determined than ever to seek to understand their self worth as being directly related to the quality of their achievements. The winner, hooked on the temporary elation fed to them by their success – and devoid of the understanding of their own true worth – must eventually return to the struggle of finding solace in their own empty company.
This is why winners must keep on winning to fill the empty void within them, until they are eventually spat out by the system that once made them great. Alas, stripped of what made them who they were, they become but strangers in their own company. Depression often follows those left to walk the quiet streets when no one is there to remind them of their own name by bellowing it out from the grandstands above.
The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth. In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation – which begins in the playground where we foster the child to value themselves by how good they are in comparison to another by the institution we know as sport.
The reason we cannot see it as parents, and coaches, is that we too have had our true foundations whittled away by such ideals as competition – ideals that are further fuelled and exemplified by the fiery debates of our parliamentarians who defend their verbal stoushes as a necessary function of progress, and by those who defend sport as one of the character building pillars of a healthy society.
In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.
It is a testament to Serge Benhayon – a former successful tennis coach – that he was able to see through the illusion of all the higher ideals that sport seemingly offered, and furthermore walk away from its sweet allure when all he had once known was the taste of its so called success.
By Adam Warburton – Builder, former athlete, Universal Medicine Student
This blog originated as a comment inspired by the blog: From Ball Game to Race: a Not-So-Healthy Competition
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
The other side to this is the abuse that takes place in homes when the opposing team losses. There has been so much research into this but research doesn’t change the fact that the rates of abuse towards women and families increases when there is competitive sport. In America one very famous sports star was asked what was he going to do now his team had lost, his reply was he was going home to beat up his wife the interviewer didn’t bat an eyelid and just accepted that was what the guy was going to do, we have allowed abusive behaviour to become so normalised.
Adam our whole lives are about competitions. It starts from when we are babies. Who has early teeth, crawling, walking, speaking etc. You see mothers taking their babies to classes where they are being shown the alphabet, probably hoping that one day they may turn into a genius.
It’s always about a gain but never about the individual it’s affecting. Road rage is about competition, who has the fastest car and the list is endless.
I don’t like competitions and I’ve never enjoyed observing the losing team, hence why I’ve never been a fan of competitive sports.
I love what Serge Benhayon continually presents to us. And I’ve learnt that it’s not only about us but every one around us too.
Our society has such a huge focus on achievements as founding someone’s self worth. So when something happens and the achievements can no longer be ‘achieved’ then there is nothing more to stand upon. Similarly one can compare all achievements to someone else’s achievements and one will always find someone who has achieved more and others who have achieved less – so no matter where you look you will find someone who you can compare yourself to and can make you feel falsely grander or falsely inferior. How unstable is this as a means to look at your own worth – it is guaranteed to bring you down at some point in time. When will we be ready to look at true self worth and its real meaning and foundation?
And in the glorification of one’s achievement, another could be left devastated. Then it adds more to the lack of self worth, rejection etc issues.
Once again a truth revealed that we may not be wanting to own up to as a society: “competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.” … True character is built from a consistency of acting on behalf of all, rather than making it about being better than another.
This really should be the definition or understanding of competition in the dictionary: “underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” – brilliant Adam – thank you!
To me this is what makes Serge Benhayon so real and relatable that he once was a Tennis coach and was caught up in the dog eat dog world of competition and actively coached and encouraged children to be competitive against each other. But as you say Adam he was supported to see through the illusion of individualism just as he is now supporting those who are interested to see through the complete illusion of life. I always felt there was something not quite right with the way we interact with each other, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has supported me to gain a greater understanding of why life is the way it is, and to have the confidence to say I do not accept this or want to live it in a way that separates us from each other.
Yes, we really need to sack politicians, they revel in fighting and bickering with no sight of harmony around.
And this is all taught and learnt at an early age, ‘which begins in the playground where we foster the child to value themselves by how good they are in comparison to another by the institution we know as sport.’
Thank you Adam, we can all deepen our relationship within our essences and when we do the understanding of what you have shared is profound because of the wisdom it comes from.
Competition sets one against another rather than appreciating the qualities of all.
Which is why a win, or similar always feels like there is something missing, an emptiness … ‘underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.’
When we play this game of being a winner, defeating another, coming out on top, we are standing on a very wobbly grounds. Everything depends on that single point and even if you manage to conquer, there’s the next one, and the next one. There is no true settlement in this game that confirms and celebrates who we truly are.
It keeps us all in the momentum of looking outside of ourselves for acceptance and recognition, and as you say Fumiyo there is no settlement. It’s all a massive plot so that humanity does not get to feel who they really are, we are fed lies so that we do not hear the truth when it is spoken.
When we know we are coming from truth, there’s no need to argue and convince another, it’s like ‘I know what is true, and so do you.’
Always holding all in consideration and truth.
I always wondered – if every politician’s motivation was truly about people that they say they care, and making the world a better place for everyone, why should there ever be any kind of disagreement? It is a very poor excuse that we have to compete against one other in order to bring about something better. It is a deliberate displacement of an argument to disguise the fact that their interest lies elsewhere and nobody really truly cares.
‘For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?’ What could be achieved if EVERYONE worked together not just parliaments!!!! Families, friends, neighbourhoods, communities, schools, companies, towns, cities, countries the list literally goes on
Just as we look back and see the colosseum’s and the activity that took place inside them as barbaric so to one day in the future will we also see competition for the harm it truly is.
‘…competition is not character building, but rather character destroying’ sadly this is not admitted for the truth it is. I have felt decimated by competition – whether that’s when I have lost, or won there’s always someone who is deemed less. Victory is never sweet.
We have competition in the sales team and it feel horrendous everyone feels it but nobody speaks up to say hey what’s going on, except me. It is so demeaning and the stress that it causes surely is not worth it. It is no way to value the people who work for the company. It leaves the sales team feeling divided and so there is no ‘team’ it just becomes an empty word.
There is something very important shared in this article about confidence and how this is a natural part of who we are. Its interesting to consider that something we use to build confidence, competition actually withers our confidence away. Is competition naturally part of who we are or are we taught to be this way to get through life? One could say we are naturally competitive because we see it everywhere we go, in every industry. But sports and politics are highlighted in this article for this is where we see very clearly how it doesn’t work. If competition was good for us would not athletes and sports people thrive in life and be truly well? But this is not the case. The same can be said for politics too. If competition was truly good for politics we would not see the level of abuse that we do here. Its no wonder many people have turned off from politics. But the reality is is this is a snap shot of everyones lives. What we see in these areas is but a reflection for each and everyone of us to reflect on and learn from.
We all want our politicians to work together, regardless of the ‘side’ they sit in politics. Currently its all about having one up on the ‘other side’. Waiting for the opposite party to implode. So the other can take advantage. The current state of politics certainly in Australia, but probably worldwide is showing us loud and clear that this model of politics does not work or this level of being driven for self does not work. Politicians have a very important place because they set to tone of a nation or the community, how we all work together as one.
This would be amazing, ‘We all want our politicians to work together, regardless of the ‘side’ they sit in politics.’
Yes – and this goes for when we choose to compete against anything – e.g. time, space, the world.. when we truly know and love ourselves to the bone, there is no need to compete, justify, prove ourselves to anyone or anything because we absolutely know and appreciate to the core of our being that we are already everything we need to be.
A brilliant blog Adam exposing how harming competition is and yet how many people are addicted to watching competitive sports, and see it as a ‘normal’ thing to do.
As one being heavily involved in competitive state level sport as a teenager I can honestly say that in my experience sport is nothing but the will to dissociate from our fellow brother/s and in order to use the other to gain a sense of power, be it recognition, attention, or validation, through defeat. Worse still is that we see this display of annihilation of another as entertainment, cheering on the sidelines for one to overpower another. There is no fair play in sport as you either defeat or are defeated and the addiction that follows as a result of seeking to fill an emptiness within by all hooked into the game and its outcome – players and supporters alike, is far from representative of what freely living with true power is.
I completely agree if we stopped competition and pitting one team or one individual against another and saw every parliamentary debate as an opportunity to work together for the better of the country – the whole country and everyone in it would be way better off. There’s no room for personal agendas when it comes to the greater good of everyone.
Well said Meg, though it would likely be chaos if all sports and competition were removed from our society – we are so used to having this as an outlet for the inner tension that having to face the inner tension would not be pretty.
It is vastly interesting to consider that there could be the concept of evolution based on competition. But I guess this is what came out of the Victorian era, with theories on survival etc. But what is also interesting and puzzling too, is how there has been lots and lots of very well educated and intelligent people who have respectfully disputed these theories for the rather narrow view of life that they hold, and yet, they still live entrenched in to our societies.
What is intelligence? During a conversation with someone talking about intelligence she told me that a very ‘intelligent’ woman she knew came in one day with a really big burn on her arm. When asked how did she get the burn her reply was ironing her shift while it was on her!!!! We seriously need to question what intelligence means to us and further more what we hold as being intelligent.
If we stopped championing fiery debate and competition and considering it normal to see who can come up with the most ‘intelligent solution’, we would be able to work together for a common goal and build on each other’s contributions rather than ripping them down.
Truth does not emerge out of separation, hence out of a movement built on separative energy.
‘Fiery debate’ is rather a compliment for what is really going on in parliament and elsewhere in our adversary systems, be they political, legal or otherwise. I would rather call these debates slanderous, abusive, denigrating, degrading, abhorrent, dehumanising, vile and divisive, to list but a few possible adjectives here.
What if parliamentarians truly worked together? Then they would actually be working for the people. Without trying to be on top others come into consideration rather than as someone to beat.
What an education this will be , when everyone feels what truly happens after so called success.
Competition is a short term fix for a long term problem. It offers a moment of elation, and seems on the outside to be the answer to your prayers, but within minutes, or hours if you are lucky, leaves you back in the same place of emptiness looking for your next fix.
I find some people love to be heard and be the voice of opposition, seemingly stirring up debate just for the sake of it. Having worked in harmonious groups with a strong common purpose, I would not have it any other way and the quality of the work that results is amazing.
I have always found debates to be like weapons as they are designed to crush you rather than evolve you.
What if we decided that instead of debating so many topics we made group works and discussions about growing and evolving topics and industries.
Absolutely, consider a child born, do they lack confidence, are they insecure, do they hide….no they are ready to connect, be joyful and participate in life….”The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” Lack of confidence is something we adopt as we grow up…and trying to encourage our children to get confidence when they already have it innately can in fact bring an insecurity. Do we have pictures of what confidence is? I say being settled in your body, engaged with life and joyful is confidence or is there an idea that it is about targets, goals and achievements?
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.”
I allowed myself just then to really feel this, and you are right, it is sad, deeply sad that we rob our children of what is their natural birthright. If you look at a new born, they do not need to run around a field (if they could 🙂 ) pitting themselves against another to build their confidence! It is naturally brimming out of them.
We often equate success as winning. And to win, we create opponents, someone to beat, to make less, and unsuccessful. I like what you say about using competition as building confidence when in fact all we are doing is disconnecting from and giving away our true power in order to play along and gain recognition according to the rule book of this society.
Competition creates separation, it is great to have conversations like these and expose how harming sport and competition is for both children and adults.
‘What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?’ Decency and respect is the very foundation of collaboration and without the openness of collaboration and honest discussion the habitual practice of disagreement and competition will all too often undermine and contraindicate our collective purpose.
Serge was very successful in tennis. Now he is one of the most successful people in the world. Success comes from the heart in treating everyone the same as equal as the love you know.
To embrace the truth we must be willing to let go of the medals, treats and ‘good times’ that have sustained us up until now. The whole lot are based on lies and that’s a fact. There is no space in this world for us to try to ‘eat our cake and have it too’. Thank you Adam.
Competition is built on the evil of separation pitting one person against another, and brings in another evil comparison, better than or worse than, these ideals total erodes our inborn self worth and esteem as we see in the broken lives of the top sports people who are no longer applauded for being the best.
‘Co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?’ yes this is what we need to do ✨
Competition sets one against another whereas working together brings harmony to all.
Debate is often taken as what drives us forward in the best possible way. Yet, in truth, what drives us forward in the best possible way is alignment. If we align to the same source, there is no need for debate.
Great point –”if we align to the same source, to Truth in our case, there is no need for debate” Energy speaks volumes, there are no shades of grey; it is either true or not true.
When we identify with something we then champion it and hold it close for the recognition and or the sense of belonging it allures us with. But what if we were to consider the stress, push, drive and illness it can also hold on the body. This constant pressure to always be achieving and reaching such accolades hooks us and our bodies to push to extremes. Anything that requires us to compare or compete against another will only separate us and it is only when we see how this caps us from reconnecting to who we truly are, that we will see a change in the world and the way in which we connect, learn and evolve as one unified community.
More and more I see how competition creates barriers between us, a lack of working together to bring each of our amazing, much needed qualities for a unified purpose. Competition breeds there is only one winner which is complete rubbish – we all win when we all work together and build on what each other brings. Competition breeds insecurity which I have noticed in myself in group work – an ugly energy that wants to dominate and not let others shine, an energy I have to stop by appreciating each part I play in what is being developed even if that part isn’t so obvious, my quality will be felt. I have often wondered how we have ever supported anyone in the public arena when competition is so revered.
I have recently been working in an environment where there is a lot of political debate and I am absolutely shocked by the amount of time that is wasted in petty arguments, backstabbing of others and constant re-hashing of the same conversations, as they go round and round in circles. It is amazing how unproductive and non sensical it is. It feels like a huge game, with our society being effectively the loser. When I imagine how much could actually be achieved working together, it saddens me to realise that that’s not what many of us choose.
Could it be we find fiery debates emotional and we are owned by our emotions so we feel this is the only way? So is there another way where we have Pythagorean debates where we build on what the person has said before so we all end up with a Unifying Truth that will serve all equally?
We can work together as a true team – inspiring and bringing out the best in one another, challenging ourselves and learning without there needing to be the competition aspect.
Politics is set up so that it is all against each other. One party versus another. One thinking their way is better than another’s. Collaboration doesn’t get an edgeways in.
It is true that competition has been welcomed in business, sport (and politics). We seem to have gotten to the stage where people have fiery conversations, debates, heated arguments just to make a point. But in this, we are trying to be dominant rather than working together. Could this be another way of humanity not working together as we naturally can?
As soon as we go into competition with another a drive comes in that throws any form of brotherhood out of the window and replaces the possibility of connection with complete separation.
There is a strong belief that we need fiery debate to innovate. Yet how much of that is us just us pushing our own barrow, needing to be ‘the one’ who comes up with a great idea? When this happens and our egos get in the way, there is no intention to unite and come to something that actually supports all people. This is the kind of collaboration we need, that comes from a united purpose and does not let our egos get in the way.
Its like the foundations of our society are actually corrupt, and yet these paradigms are so pervasive that it feels like we have to rebuild from the ground up… and this is indeed what Universal Medicine offers humanity.
Not many people are wiling to let go of their identity with sports and the “sweet allure that it offers” totally identified with the constant gratification of success, but in truth there is nothing real about it as sports creates separation within men away from the oneness we all belong to.
Believing we need fiery debate to achieve things is like believing we need competitive sport or war to have comradeship (a contorted and separative version of brotherhood that is natural for us all). Your words sum up the harm of competition beautifully. “Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence”.
These are such great points you make Adam. Competition is championed as the great driving force of evolution yet we look at the world, either on the global national scale with the wars and famines, etc., or at the individual level of illness, disease, mental health conditions and suicides, etc., and surely it is obvious it is not working? Similarly the obviousness of working together in times of national disasters is plainly shown to be the way forward. Why is humanity so stupid tokeep repeating an ideal that is only bringing further disaster?
‘underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.’ This is what we all need to be reminded of – when we let ourselves be honest of this fact, and lay ourselves bare, we can then open up to the true inspiration that comes from working alongside each other in appreciation of what everyone brings. But this can only take place when we have that basis of appreciation for ourselves first.
Like so many ills in society today, competition is rife and falsely perceived as natural – the survival of the fittest – in all aspects of life. In perpetuating this illusion we keep ourselves far from what we are truly capable of. It is only through open collaboration, the appreciation of each other’s amazing innate qualities that are equal in value and never less, more, or better than another, that we truly shine. Great feats are built from the will of brotherhood which underpins the teamwork we all yearn for. We know this in our bones. And yet we have subscribed to a lie that competition is what makes things happen. It makes things happen at the mere functional level with us capped in the process.
‘competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.’ So very true and yet our whole societies are built on the value of competition, and we see sport as one arena of this, and added to this is our idea that sport is a good thing but in our pursuit of sports excellence and indeed excellence in all areas of life we ignore the fact that deep in us we are already all we need to be, we abandon us and until we address this we continue to look out there for that next achievement.
Competition is not something that grows us, rather it is something that keeps us small. True collaboration grows us and the recognition that we each bring a piece of the puzzle that is equally valuable.
Beautiful Henrietta, true collaboration is what’s needed in a world that has forgotten what brotherhood is and has championed competition as being everything, when in truth it is harming and has kept us in separation with others for eons.
Competition does not foster one to know themselves in their essence. Surely its time for us all to start valuing ourselves and knowing who we truly are is amazing, that we don’t have to prove ourselves or go against another, we are all equal in essence.
How much could be done and seen through if we could only get out of our own way. If there wasn’t opposing side of the fence and true unity then most of what we see would cease to exist. We think these things like competition or the fiery debate are pillars in our society and yet when they are slightly exposed or looked into you can see there is nothing to stand on and so they are a road block to our true community and they only seek to entertain us. Things should be much much simpler, you look at a community and read what they are truly needing and support them to move there. Universal Medicine and articles from students like this are that read and support and are moving us all to where the sun shines bright and under that we truly work together to bring this whole thing to an end.
Thank you Adam – for exposing the lies – equally as Serge does – as those who have expericenced the evil and want to break through – can by standing up and sharing the awareness they have received.
I love the point about how we knock out what is already natural to us – our innate knowing that we are already enough in order to ‘build’ confidence as if it was something we didn’t have before, only this time, the renovation comes with bells and whistles, all of which is an illusion compared to that absoluteness of what we came here with.
Competition leads to separation and so destroys brotherhood, ‘underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.’
Yes, it is interesting that we think we need to learn to be confident when as little children we are super confident in all that we do and we do not question ourselves but simply explore and are ourselves.
It is such illusion to think that competition inspires us – it does nothing but pit us against each other and give us another means to measure and compare. We come from Brotherhood and competition simply isn’t a part of that.
I so very much agree with you Nikki, competition is not something we innately know and want to be in.
I attended a state government run community meeting once and was appalled at the way parliamentarians spoke to one another and the fierceness of public debate. There was no hesitation in tossing slurs, nasty innuendo, it was no better than a low-level schoolyard brawl minus the fisticuffs. A member of the public spoke up about the concerning nature of the so-called debate to be told by our Premier at the time, a woman no less, that there was nothing wrong with ‘fiery debate’ and in fact, the Australian democratic way embraced it.
I love this blog Adam. To see the ridiculous amounts of money footballers/athletes are paid compared to the salary our keyworkers (nurses, fireman, policemen, doctors, teachers, etc) get paid just shows currently where our values lie as a society. And yes if governments spent zero time arguing and more time working together all would see the benefits. Striving for identification and recognition or using crushing another to make ourselves feel better gets us absolutely nowhere. I feel you gave the game away here when you said ‘false confidence’ in that, particularly with sport, this is exactly what it is … false and not coming from a solid foundation of self-worth and self-love within but instead looking for a score or recognition from another to ‘give’ us this. And yes an absolute testimony to Serge Benhayon for walking away from a successful career as a tennis coach because he could feel and see the complete illusion of it all.
Competition is often championed as something that brings out the best in people but I would certainly question this too and propose that we can bring out the best in each other by working together for the purpose of greater harmony for all rather than pitting ourselves against one another.
Adam, what you are saying here about true confidence being in children from the day they are born is so true therefore it is not about building confidence in children but more about nurturing the essence in children so that they feel that they can just be themselves and express from who they are.
I must admit to disliking the way politicians put others down in order to make themselves look good. It doesn’t work and the people, (us) that they are supposed to be serving miss out whilst they compete with one another in the popularity stakes.
The amount of corruption in sport, which seems to be readily exposed these days, speaks to the hollow at the heart of it.
I never understood sport as a child and hated being forced to participate. I couldn’t see the point, and now I know why – there really isn’t one. Exercise we can readily achieve quietly on our own; true team work in projects with far more purpose.
Competition and it’s sidekick ‘comparison’ not only set people apart but they set people up against each other and hold every element that is in opposition to ‘True Brotherhood’ – They are both infect relationships with and foster poison.
I often wonder how anything gets done in Parliament when so much competitive debate goes on, the question of which party gains the upper hand dominates more than the issues. Sometimes it seems that those being represented, their concerns and needs, are not understood or truly considered but used as fuel to burn the opposition. If they all came together to find ways of moving forward and bringing through true support for those who need it, then imagine how communities could grow and flourish.
You paint a grim picture Adam of what happens when all the glory of winning has subsided, along with the crowds cheering and chanting their names. It must be a bitter pill to swallow to suddenly find yourself sitting on the shelf without the attention and the recognition for being the best, because at the end of the day there is always someone who has the latest equipment that helps them to be that little bit faster or stronger. What really stands out is how we as a society are quick to move onto the next sporting super star.
I agree Julie, only it is not a picture that is the truth of it. Exactly the same as people who get fame from reality tv to go from having everyone know their name to then being completely forgotten about.
Competition destroys who we are. It takes our attention from within and all the joy and wisdom connection brings to focusing on what other’s think of us according to some measure or other. I then measured myself and others according to some arbitrary yard stick – as a teenager it was how my figure compared to others, how pretty I could make myself or how good at surfing I could be. Today I noticed this when I went for a swim at a lido and there were lots of beautiful people there and I initially felt a little self-conscious.It was very interesting to observe how this happened because I had left connection with myself as I was new there and didn’t know where things were etc. It was like an old habit of walking in to a room apologetic, like the new girl in class where everyone is knowledgeable and so I feel like they have the upper hand – another comparison and evil of competition.
This is no big deal as I am clued up on this habit and can easily reconnect with my essence and feeling lovely. I appreciate becoming aware of all the seemingly little things I do to say I am ok – so I can do x better than x person, because then I can support myself to reconnect with me and relate with others in a loving way, seeing them for the glorious person that they are and actually enjoying and appreciating other’s company.
I wholeheartedly agree, I used to to look up to athletes and used to invest a bit of my time living vicariously through exceptionally talented friends of mine, because I believed in the best of the bunch being the be all and end all and meaning of life. I no longer see competition as healthy as I’ve been witness to the before and after of such a way of life. Competition is just an excuse to be better than someone else, when in truth, it’s impossible.
Competition fosters achievement through being better than another. There can be no foundation of what the world and our brothers, truly need within that, for it is all about the individual person feeling they are worth something.
This is wonderfully said Adam – “competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.” I see this play out at work. Much more is achieved when we work together than when we go into competition with each other. The sooner we realize the harm that competition is doing the better for all of us.
The work place is full of one-upmanship behaviour. Just imagine if the competition was dropped and there was full collaboration amongst all the workers? It would transform businesses.
Best description and debunking of the activity of ‘competition’ I’ve heard yet. What’s the antidote? Value ourselves beyond belief, know we are already everything and that each of us are connected and equal in essence.
It’s often proposed that competition brings out the best in people but I would sincerely question this in my experience and think you put forth a great question here – “What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?”. In true co-operation we all work together towards one-unified-truth rather than one-upmanship.
“Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.” What great line, competition just fosters more competition and debate, no working together and certainly not assist each other to see who we truly are in essence.
Competition is so killing off all that is our true essence, it is depleted of love and true joy. What I really take from this blog is how you share that confidence is there from the moment we are born and is, in turn, whittled away on the playground and in sports, I can deeply connect to this fact and see that there is so much more when we just connect to who we truly are, and not let our worth to be determined by the how good we are.
This is a powerful piece of writing. A no-holds barred, tell it like it is, expose on something that is deeply (and dearly) held up by our society. I watched a documentary on national swimming and they interviewed former athletes who were “passed their prime” and this line of yours Adam, summed up the interviews – “Alas, stripped of what made them who they were, they become but strangers in their own company.”
They talked about how ‘lost at sea’ they were after their sporting career ended. I saw so clearly that we (the audience) and the athlete, use each other to get something out of each other, and the results can be devastating. We can pump them up, use them to get Gold or to escape for a few hours from our daily grind of life to watch a match etc…and the athletes get the glory, recognition and fame. When the spotlight is over, we drop them like a hot potato and move onto the next, and then the athletes become ‘strangers in their own company’.
So this knowledge is in the public sphere, we know this is being done and it is a result of ‘healthy competition’. But it seems we don’t want to truly look it and take responsibility for it. Blogs like this are a good start for discussions.
A powerful article Adam and how great to see this published in the media or in popular magazines – perhaps this would not happen in my lifetime as many would reject this truth you share because they are too invested in the illusion but I also feel many would be inspired and confirmed to finally hear someone voice the truth about sports and competition they have always felt deep within.
Great article Adam, when we compete against others we seek to make another lesser, and as a result we ultimately destroy them and at the same time we destroy ourselves, maybe it is time that we see competition for what it is.
Competition is in truth a convenient way of avoiding truth by creating many different versions of it. Take for example the many political parties that abound our many political systems. They present all fragments and view points which are in truth valid and contain snippets of truth, but never are the whole and complete one unifying truth of all. For if that was so would we even need to be debating at all, over what is so evidently clear as truth for all?
In order to escape the pressure of others constantly being in competition with me at school I started deliberately dumbing down so I wouldn’t be a target anymore. This then lead me down the path of self-loathing because I knew I was not fulfilling my potential by ‘hiding my light under a bushell’ – a phrase from biblical times which just goes to show how long we have been dumbing down and dulling ourself just for an easy, quiet life.
Absolutely brilliant blog Adam. Many countries spend millions trying to address bullying in schools and youth suicide without an ounce of apology for the fact that parliamentarians are modelling the exact behaviour they say they are trying to ‘stamp out’. It is a world gone mad and Serge Benhayon is one of the few people that truly make sense.
It is very stilling to stop and feel the deep set competition that is in many areas of life, from the elite, famous, politics, to us and how we consider and live our lives. Does this not bring forth to our understanding the importance of halting our own competitive streak? Beginning instead to feel our worth and that in another, which makes it impossible to compete.
This is true, when we really feel our worth and appreciate ourselves, when we see the worth in another and appreciate that then we have created a foundation of togetherness right from the start. a place of equality and a spring board from which to grow each other so to speak.
Spot on Adam, what indeed could be achieved if parliamentarians worked together towards a unified whole… I can only imagine, as that is something for the future.
the thing about our politicians is that the way our parliament is structured is really just a reflection of society, and so there is no real point in complaining about parliament the way we do without at first addressing how we are in our own homes and in our own relationships, and without at first addressing our own reactions to the world.
Very true, otherwise we are just asking them to do something we haven’t been prepared to do ourselves… all change starts with each of us as individuals, living what it is we are asking another to.
I agree, and what I am sensing and responding to in my own life which I have avoided and was ready to blame, including parliament and council, is to welcome and embrace opportunities and situations within my community that do make me feel uncomfortable because in the discomfort, I get to feel and sense the disharmony (reactions) in my body which I have contributed in the world. So eg. offering to take children to a swimming gala was a wonderful opportunity and one I would take again as there is much to address and heal within me and the world of competition.
“For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?” It seems we don’t dare to feel or think of the potential when we would be truly working together.
Watching sports events or parliamentarians in action in parliament where there are winners and losers, where there may be debate, but that debate is abusive, personal and overall sees one person or group ‘better’ than another and we call this competition the foundation of our society. But we do need to question this as our foundation by looking at our society and how we are travelling. We have skyrocketing levels of illness and disease, including mental ill health; we have rising levels of domestic violence; we have those who work in service of our communities committing suicide at ever higher and alarming rates and we would rather be checking out on our screens than be talking to one another. Abuse begets abuse. It’s time to question the foundation of competition and ask what is competition really doing for our society?
Sport and competition only fills a picture that has been created by believing that we are less than or in someway lacking… it can’t actually ever fill the emptiness but prolong it. The so-called ‘love’ or adoration from fans towards professional sports people and actors is not true and real, but an imposition on the sports or high profile person to be everything for them and if they loose or drop the ball (pun not intended) and don’t live up to that then they are ridiculed and criticized.
You can know who you are by the achievements that you hold, or by the fact of your inner-heart, which knows you amongst the vastness of life throughout the universe – not confined to this place and its agenda which is not to return to soul but rather to foster and to continue an illusional existence based on what is not true or the truth of who you actually are.
Sport, competition and fiery debate but as you have so succinctly put it …. where is the truth in this and in truth what does this leave us with? Little or no foundation and no true understanding, love or evolution. When we see these 3 things for how harmful they actually are it will be a great moment for humanity.
After reading this I am struck by how our systems are built on the premise that competitions rules. So conditioned are we by this notion that competition breeds success that we believe we owe our very existence to it – Darwinian evolution theory of survival of the fittest. So just posing the question – how have we achieved anything based on this means of existing? is very needed.
I’ve lived most of my life devoid of true confidence having chosen the path of competing for recognition and approval. This has resulted in behaviours I’ve been ashamed of – not supporting my fellow man, and disregard for mine and others’ well being. Whereas I’ve worked on truly collaborative and supportive ventures where everyone is there to support one another and if one person is struggling then the group steps up to support them to reconnect to their true worth. The quality of what’s produced is amazing and is there for everyone to benefit from it equally.
Knowing this, as we all innately do, I return to wondering how anything gets done based on a foundation of rivalry and competition especially when a country’s whole parliaments adhere and champion this way of functioning.
I was listening to a politician speak the other day, as he often does, it reverted to a slinging match about the opposition. And like many others, I have witnessed the ‘fiery debate’ that goes on in our hallowed halls.
Then I got thinking, what if for one month, when a politician spoke, they were not allowed to speak ill of the other side or of each other. They could share the facts but could not bully, denigrate, compete with each other. They would be stumped for words. And the listeners would be in heaven I would suspect, because we would not be hearing the distracting harmful words that we have become so accustomed to.
There is a huge difference between competition and cooperation. We all know it and can feel it. It is preposterous that we pretend we don’t know the difference or that we think competition is in any shape or form harmonious and productive to the whole.
How exhausting to way our worth on how well we do things in comparison to another. Sport is but one example of this plague of competition – we do it with our friends, our partners, our parents and sometimes our children. There is a constant worthiness we seek from the outside world that will only take us further away from the equal riches within. In other words, when we connect to what is within, the need to compete or measure ourselves against another can dissolve as we realise that, in fact, we are all equal in being and our expression of that being is unique.
That is gorgeous Adam, standing tall and feeling the truth of this makes me wonder why we have slipped (chosen) to a knowing or awareness that made us not see this.. Were we truly blind or just denying? It is very interesting that this truth now written on paper reveals the hidden agenda”s we might have. And so we must return to our knowing of a higher state that shows us all.
We have created a world where we constantly are trying to become something or someone always in the pursuit of the ideals in front of us driven by the belief that we have to achieve and achieve more with the focus on what the world has to offer all the while all the qualities we need to be in this world can be found within ourselves, but as you illustrate clearly here, we erode them by not acknowledging them keeping us in the belief we are less and need to work hard to become more.
What if politicians did loose the competition and loose the way they speak to each other in today’s society. There is so much complication that comes about by the way they are operating.
It is interesting to read about sportsmen who have been left devoid of meaning in their lives upon finishing their career, and this in the week where one high profile 37 year old Australian sportsmen died, it seems from suicide, though nothing of this is reported in the media, just words like a ‘sad loss’, and other indirect references to a passing. Why we are so unwilling to address suicide, is it because in this instance it shows that sport is not the great bastion of life it is sold to be and exposes something we don’t want to talk about.
In our misguided drive to seek a sense of power, we falsely invest ourselves to champion conquering another, believing that if we overpower another we are powerful. All the while this hunger for power drives us to win at all cost, disregarding our bodies and each other, as such cultivating a culture of abuse that is considered permissible. And so the greatest cost is us.This irony is that with all this we are actually in separation to our true power, as at the end of the day without our achievements, wins, accolades or the drive to succeed or overpower another, do we stand in the confidence and at ease with knowing who we are. For are we not in fact missing understanding and exploring that our great strength is already present within us all, and that living from this strength is the truest success? As from this point of settlement we will truly discover that our greatest power comes from our willingness to work together, in equalness alongside each other.
Competition is based on always going and never stopping, to always become better and better in performance and skill and everything is focused on this one goal all the while we walk away further from our true quality not knowing who we truly are but the figure that we identify with. It is a perpetual cycle we subscribe to that we do not dare to stop as it will leave us empty without, not having learned and being allowed to simply be and express from there.
“What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?” – Great question and one that we surely do need to ask if we are to truly move forwards in consideration of us all and not from an impetus of self-aggrandisement.
And our society, especially here in Australia, will defend competitive sport till the end, claiming that it is so important for the development of our children to teach them ‘healthy competition, discipline, endurance, resilience etc’. As if it were the very preparation for the ‘struggle of life’.
Another wonderful expose of something that drives so many people, causes so much separation, and sets us up for a lifetime of driven disappointment… Whereas when children are taught right from the start that each one of us is unique and that we all shine in our own way, humanities path will be so differently defined.
Yes it would certainly be amazing if, not only politicians, but all of humanity could come to the realisation that by working together and allowing “ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose’, life as we know it today would no longer exist. It would be replaced by a harmonious way of living that at the end of the day is what we all actually want; no need for competition, sport, or what is in my opinion mistakenly considered by Julia Gillard to be necessary “fiery debate”.
The seed of all corruption lies in separation. Of us from each other and also within ourselves when we choose to live out of sync to the great universal harmony and order we are born from and never stop being a part of despite our choice to move out of rhythm to this. All this is fuelled by the energy of competition, the seemingly eternal thirst of the self who strives to be bigger and better than the rest until such a time that we tire of the game and all the highs and lows that it delivers and allow ourselves to surrender back to the true Oneness and steadiness we are. It is only when we know our true worth that we value the worth of another and therefore will not settle for anything less than the All that this is.
A stunning piece of writing exposing a rot right under our noses… the question is are people ready to see something that has so deeply permeated our society having sold us the illusion of healthy fun or possible success… whilst hiding all the while the dark secret that it like many other pillars in life are designed to erode the true and gorgeous qualities we innately possess.
Competition is no basis for society. When I listen to the debates in the Houses of Parliament it is incredulous that any considered, working decisions are made as all is based on beating ones opponent rather than working together to support all in society. One only has to look at the Brexit discussions to know that negotiating the troubled waters it’s created is going to be one arduous navigation if any navigation is at all possible through this ill advised approach that creates more issues than resolves.
Hear hear Adam, the sad thing is we have invested so much in competition being the way to success that we don’t want to see that it’s the pillar of it’s demise.
It is interesting to look at how our parliaments are working and how they think they are giving lead and serve the country with fiery debate. Mostly the outcome is a compromise of the different ideals and beliefs of the many political parties involved but never that what is really needed to serve the country and the people that that live in it in full. To me there is another way, and that is instead to have competitive debates we need to gather as wise and knowledgeable elderly that know from heart what is needed to serve all and then rather in discussion than a debate work in harmony on any issues that need to be looked after.
Parliamentarians are caught in a system that keeps us all locked in a state of stagnancy, corruption, self interest and greed. We should re-evaluate what has really been achieved in the systems of governance that we currently have and ask ourselves if this sufficiently serves the level of intelligence we champion that we have. The debates I see in parliaments around the world are surface level playground taunting where oneupmanship takes precedence over revolutionary change.
One problem with the argument that competition drives innovation is that it doesn’t. Too many times have I noticed teams cutting corners, substituting time for quality and off loading their strain onto others. Dischord never makes for true progression.
When in competition one person or group are considered the winners and all other/s whether they are second or last are considered losers. How can that format ever be considered character building?
Yes we do need to get some new politicians in there that can show that it’s about building something together, not focusing on proving that my point is better than another’s.
“How incredible is it that anything has actually been achieved in parliament DESPITE the fiery debate that goes on?” I completely agree. I also do not feel it encourages the next generation to trust politics as a good profession. Where are our leaders leading by example?
Working together in harmony and for a common purpose means that everyone wins.
I have come to feel competition as being similar to that of war. We pit one person or team against another and there is a fight for victory. In the process there is carnage, injuries, pain, defence, war cries, and the like. All of which happen in war. This needs to be exposed, because sport as we know it is just war dressed up to look fun and entertaining, and it is really anything but. In fact, it is harmful, destructive, and so far from unity… just like war.
Adam what you present here is very profound as it unpacks the actual ‘game’ of competition, underneath all of this, is the lack of self worth, the true foundation of the child is eroded and on it is built a house of cards, built on the glorification of outside of us, but when this pulled down, it is so fickle so lacking solid substance, the person is left empty. What you have shared, competition is not only in sport but covers all areas of life.
We talk of addiction and cry out that we don’t understand why another would take heroin. But never do we question the addictive nature of competition, which in its own way can transform one’s personality just as decisively as drugs, and equally be as destructive on the body. For when one is consumed by competition, the needs of one’s own body become secondary to the drive to crush, and succeed at the expense of another.
As promised, here is another comment from me…
Adam, this blog is GOLD and helps to bust so many common myths out there about competition being ‘good’ or ‘healthy’ for us. You have truly covered much ground here, from the politicians, the sports arenas, as well as schools and children. Anywhere we look today, there is some form of competition happening, so it is unusual to find ourselves in a space where we can be completely free of this audacious energy that saps our true vitality and reduces our connection to our natural essence that bestows its own knowing and authority and needs no audience nor a competitor to feed it. Thank you Adam for your cutting clarity on the subject – and I know this blog is written from someone who has come from a background of competition and has left this behind to embrace his true divine essence! A blessing to us all.
“Underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” – Adam, an incredibly powerful statement and one that holds so much truth! I can’t believe I missed reading this blog of yours earlier – so glad to have stumbled across it now…watch this space as there are more comments to come from me!
Competition simply leaves one with a false sense of elation and one with a feeling of lack of self worth. A game with no winner for sure.
I remember how aggressive I became playing sport. I was gifted with coordination and had a natural flare of skills, but it was my attitude developed from young imposed on me to beat another – crush them. I was a sincere team player very supportive to the objective to win. Sport gave me an elation an emotional thrust, and it did not support me to feel deeply connected to myself.
Harmony in my body is my greatest skill now and / or feeling, much more gratifying then feeling separated from my own divine connection. There is no self-worth in competition as Adam describes and I have experienced playing for elite sporting teams from very young.
How different would parliament be if they had true debates based on how the Pythagoreans debated. The principle was not to debase another but to support and build on what another had said.
“Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.” So true Adam. Co-operation not competition is the name of the game for the future. We are one world
In the sporting ‘comeback’ – just like the pop star’s ‘final return’ or ‘reunion’ show – we see a need for recognition that drives them out of retirement and back into the sporting or performing arena and in some cases back on to the world stage. There is a desperation that can be felt in all of this – and surely an even bigger toll on an older body.
Competition is seen as what drives innovation. And to a certain extent it does. But what is not considered is what could be truly achieved if we actually worked together.
“For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?” A great question well worth asking. The common accepted way of thinking is that if we discuss something by opposing each other we are pushing each other to higher limits so more ‘good’ is achieved through this. Yet as you say, what if we would work together and build on each other, where would that lead us? I know I work much better when I am appreciative of myself and appreciated for my qualities by others as well as I am working together.
“This is why winners must keep on winning to fill the empty void within them, until they are eventually spat out by the system that once made them great”. I watched a documentary that was really exposing how we treat our sports celebrities when we no longer ‘need them’ or they are ‘past their prime’. We literally spit them out. When they are for example swimming for us, and often going for gold, we love them. But when they get older or less fit or ‘less capable of winning gold’ we have no interest in them. It shows how corrupt that system is. Great article Adam, you have a lot to say and I like what you have to say.
Great to be reminded by these beautiful words, that the worth coming from competition is indeed not serving anyone. True worth comes from the essence that we are from birth. Competition is such a trap we keep walking into, until we truly feel the misery it causes. And know that there is an essence that is pure and strong without any outside confirmation.
A powerful article that poses some brilliant questions… “What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?”
Very interesting on the back of this to consider what we have really achieved through our parliamentary and regulatory bodies conducting themselves in the way they do… I would go so far as to say very little if anything of true value to us as a society.
I have never really been in to competitive sport. I liked it as a kid, getting into swimming club, playing tennis and netball. But it was more for fun than anything else. What is now at play with sports and competition is really awful. It doesn’t usually end up being fun, whether it is kids playing on a soccer ground, parents are overly aggressive and over bearing (not always) but it is certainly more prevalent, then moving to competition and professional sports world wide. It does nothing more than foster separation and individualisation. Not fostering at all, that we are here to be love and not separate and hate someone, purely because they like a different football team to you.
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth” – this is a great point. As you say it is just ironic when we think we are bettering ourselves, while in fact we have already stepped away from the truth of who we are to begin with, and the more we try, the further we come away.
This is a brilliant article exposing the total illusion of sport and competition and the untold damage it does to our bodies and true confidence.
You are right Adam, we will never achieve anything positive with the competitive approach that is there in politics, where the whole debate is geared towards out smarting the other one by words and making them look bad or less. In due time though we will realise that true politics is when we all work together towards a one common goal where everyone’s best is taken into consideration and where responsibility is not shunned away from neither the people not the politics there to represent the people.
There is a world of difference between the antagonistic debate we hear in parliament and the kind of philosophical discussion that arrives at a unified truth. One is self-serving, the other serving of the all. Soul in politics – we will have this again one day.
‘In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation…’ Yes, how bizarre that we fail to recognise the innate ‘enoughness’ of our children and try and foist some external measure of success upon them – especially one so damaging, that sets them – us – up for a lifetime’s worth of ills based on the need for recognition and success pursued via push and drive.
Madness indeed – the ever perpetuating cycle of needing recognition and acceptance – add to this the physical damage and disregard of sport and we are really making a nonsense of things.
An American political tactic is to Filibuster, to get the floor to speak and continue to talk till time runs out and stop pieces of legislation being voted on that can stop or delay the process sometimes for years! These actions are like lies there must be a constant amount of energy used to support these efforts. As you have said Adam winning is the same, to win is a moment in time, then it is gone and the chase continues for the next moment.
It is interesting that since a long time now (since 1776 at least), championed by Adam Smith, we have this idea of competition being not just healthy, good for everyone but also the force that brings us to a better life. The truth is that this is not the case. Competition with others is a horrible way of living. In truth, it is not a force able to deliver wellness but one that produces massive illbeing.
If our societies were to truly take heed of what is said here, we would re-think our whole approach to, and inclusion of ‘sport’ in our lives. You have nailed it here Adam: “Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.” Just what are we fostering?
The insatiable drive to be ‘better’, ‘the best’ or simply ‘enough’ is today seeing children at increasingly younger ages doing major damage to the ACL ligament of their knees (as reported in Australian media this week) – children who are focussing on one sport in their lives in the main, and putting far too much pressure on their bodies… I wonder at what point we say, enough is enough – the drive takes us away from our essence and into a mode of being that is basically the antithesis of true connection and brotherhood amongst our fellow man.
“In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.” Sadly your words are so very, very true.
If competition and sport are really what the world believes it to be—true success, the only way is to be honest in how it feels when we do it, as well as to go through life not in competition but in connection, and see how that feels.
The tricky part is when we are not in connection, we could never imagine how without external recognition anyone would be successful, but not until we have experienced connection by willing to let go of competition, that is when we surrender, will we be shown something we cannot simply imagine.
‘Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.’ We can only lose when our goal is to ‘gain’, ‘beat’ or ‘win’ over another.
Hello Adam and it’s a long step in our current land to see that we need not give a child anything. Only the true appreciation and love of who they already are at the forefront of everything. Here we are at a time when we are seeing that sport and competition of any type doesn’t and isn’t working but we are not letting it go. We are now trying to give people life after sport as well, educating them on what is going to happen so they can be better prepared and yet people are still falling. The ‘former athlete’ tag still carries something for us, a recognition of once greatness and not a deep awareness of who we all are. It is like we are now trying to create an afterlife for sport, in the once was for people to try and stand on. As you are saying and as Serge Benhayon has presented true greatness isn’t found in sport or competition it was there from birth we just failed to see it.
When we look at some politicians, and the abusive self-serving way they operate, what kind of role model are they offering the rest of us? They are supposedly leaders and yet do not lead by any harmonious example that a self loving person would want to follow. However, we are allowing this by not saying no to such childish, abusive behaviour and calling these politicians to account for their behaviour.
You have clearly nailed the illusion of competition here Adam… there is no avoiding the reality you present – we all know, see and feel exactly what you are talking about in our daily lives. True confidence is indeed already within us when we are born… it is a matter of nurturing and honouring that as we develop though life. And thank God for Serge Benhayon who, although sport was his livelihood, was able to step away from all that illusion and share his understandings with the world so this crazy competitive way of living can come to an end.
The way politicians debate in parliament can indeed be described a a battle, a battle between the ideals and beliefs of the politicians and political parties involved. It is not about what is needed for the country and the people that live in it, but instead the political battle ends in compromises and never delivers true service to the people they actual represent and serve.
From what Adam writes here I would take it to mean that the more someone feels the need to be in competition, the less sure of themselves they actually are, which in the case of politics in many if not most countries, would mean we are led by people who actually don’t have that great a sense of themselves. I would say we could clearly see that in the politics and the policies that don’t make sense that shape the political landscape before us. Arguing with an opposing party just for the sake of it, blocking and disrupting as we see in those heated debates, it is all there for us to say no to, that we expect much more from leadership, and that this style of debating is not impressive to the voting public and that a new style of politics that see working together and making things happen is our new normal.
I have avoided attending almost any kind of meeting because they seemed like a waste of time. Everyone seemed like they just were there for personal reasons rather then looking at the big picture of ” Why are we here at this meeting?” I feel that this is why our government is so inefficient. Most politicians are more interested in personal gain rather then the good of the country. Most people will agree that if we can make politics about people rather the money it will actually change the system. If a can live my life about people, that is the most important thing I can do to change the system.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have presented a way of life that is about people. Not only has it changed my life, I am supporting other people to change just by living a life that makes sense to me.
When it really comes down to it our politicians are abusive with one another in the name of debating. It makes you wonder what message this gives to the world regarding abuse.
“In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.” – It’s statements like these that need to be studied and analysed for they offer and opportunity to stop, and change the impulse of our actions and movements.
Yes, it is really a wonder anything gets decided in parliament when so much bear-bating goes on. We must remember that our parliamentarians speak for us and we must call them to account on their behaviour as role models for us all. At the moment far too many members of parliament are not role models at all.
I am smiling at the title and the expression ‘fiery debate’ – if only it were, truly fiery that is: steeped in the love of God and a one unified truth for all of humanity rather than politics being about winning the next election and politicians abusing each other in parliament, their debates getting ever more heated and abusive.
I love what you share Adam. “Competition is championed as the cornerstone of true success”. I have often questioned competition openly only to be met with disbelief and ridicule. So ingrained in us is not only the competition but that it serves us. It’s absolute rubbish to me. We don’t need to pit ourselves against another or measure ourselves based on comparison. We all know harmony in our bones and in our particles. What is possible when we do work together in harmony blows any form of competition out of the way.
The illusion of competition is that winning is better than losing, when in fact any type of competition takes us away from who we are, for in truth we are all equal, no one better than the other when we live as the true beings we are.
The short lived glory of winning is no comparison to our true nature. When we live from this place of truth, competition is felt as an abrasion, an abuse on ourselves and on others. The elation of the win offers something fleeting, like a drug, where after the high it leaves the user wanting more.
If the energy and time that is wasted on debates in parliament was used towards working together instead of the need to oppose each other all of the time, much could be achieved in a way of service to humanity.
‘Fiery debate’ is a contradiction in terms. True fire is truth. It was there within us the day we were born, as too so it is now. It needs no debate, only a willingness to live and express it in full. We bring in the debate to afford us an excuse to not live this truth to the degree that we know we can. Because of this we choose to live separation in its place and champion those who allow us to lose ourselves in a sea of emotion that does naught but mask the truth from our eyes. It is a strange blindness that we as a humanity choose when we refuse to live the love that we are.
A super powerful blog, knocking down the underlying self-interested behaviours we so readily accept today. Thank you Adam!
What we need in politics and any form of group work is to all to work together, in harmony and equality for the benefit of all – this is the opposite of competition.
The notion of competition as something good, leading humanity to higher grounds has been around for a long time. This notion postulates that competition forces humans to go beyond what is out there and present something new. New, in this case is taken as better. So, what this notion presents is that competition generates the best of humans and their best makes us better. Yet, in truth, competition cannot generate the best. Only connection can. Working together is the way.
Such a stark fact that yes indeed we are born fully loaded with self esteem, and that it is actually life’s experiences that strip away this inner confidence, and that the very things we value as building our children up are actually nothing more than a guard against them fully knowing that they were enough as they were all along. The example Adam provides of the top level sportsmen and women should be evidence enough, these are not well balanced and confident individuals, these are people fueled by being told they are great without any of their own foundation of being enough as just the person, not the sporting achievement they strived to attain.
Adam this was so supportive to read. Although sport never featured highly in my childhood I can see that competition had strong roots in pretty much all I did. Competition was certainly the foundation at primary school and life was about being recognised for beating other kids at something. I can still see how I let competitiveness subtly influence so much of my day and how it’s the dangling carrot of false self worth. One can never feel settled in competitiveness because a competitor is ever far away waiting to snatch the small moment in the limelight. In this, I can feel how it’s also very destructive to the nervous system.
now here is a radical thought – imagine if we ran the world on a wisdom based on truth and love?
Adam a great point you share here that “Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.” we think if we win we are successful but how can we be truly successful if we beat another?
“Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence”. This is so true Adam; it is sad that our society revers competition so much. Thank you for exposing and highlighting this issue.
The aggressive competitive so called debates in the parliamentary chamber and in sport have a lot in common and have the same effect on the followers, be they political party supporters or football fans. All feel the elation of winning or the failure of losing and the emotions take people away from the truth that working together offers the opportunity to heal the problems of the world and competition brings more aggression and separation.
What remains a rather unfortunate and exposing fact in society is that competition is in no way seen as wrong and is in fact championed for its illusionary virtues by most when its ill fated consequences are exactly what most detest and try to avoid, such as the inevitable loser, the defeat, the destain from being seen as less and not as equal to name but a few of the potential hundreds of consequences.
I always thought that competition was healthy and there for, I was healthy for being very competitive. Now I have come to realise that as soon as you want to ‘out do’ someone you are no longer being loving and have chosen recognition over connection. Love is who we are, so if there is no love, then it’s not a healthy state to be in, in other words we have left the love we are at that moment. You’re worldly prospective and spectacular intelligence is through every word of this article, thank you Adam, you are amazing.
I always thought that competition was healthy and therefore, I was healthy for being very competitive. Now I have come to realise that as soon as you want to ‘out do’ someone you are no longer being loving and have chosen recognition over connection. Love is who we are, so if there is no love, then it’s not a healthy state to be in, in other words we have left the love we are at that moment. Your worldly prospective and spectacular intelligence is through every word of this article, thank you Adam, you are amazing.
This is the sort of article that is absolutely essential to be as widely read as possible… Competition seems to me, when you look into it, one of the very strong foundations of our society, and yet it is innately corrupting… Just by its existence it corrupts, it is not, and has never meant to be a part of our lives… And yet its tentacles reach into everything. So what can we do? Well we can simply stop competing ourselves, I know that sounds simplistic, and yet it is a simple and true path within itself… Because when this happens comparison, and jealousy will be simply let go of… and that would be quite extraordinary.
With sport there is always a winner and a loser, someone leaves feeling elated whereas the other leaves with disappointment. But ultimately neither is left with love or equality. Competition is rife in society and sport is just an obvious outplay of the way we pit ourselves against each other.
The behaviour of parliamentarians sets no standard for the rest of society, they are combative, aggressive and fight to win at all costs. Perhaps time for a new style of politics that puts collaboration and consideration at the forefront.
True, however worth considering that what happens in politics is only indicative of the abuse that as a society we are used to dealing with. We are all tired of politicians behaving like they do, but when one reads the comments section of a newspaper, one realises the same competitive approach that rises from the clash of ideologies is rife throughout society as a whole.
The competitiveness of sport takes away an opportunity for people to enjoy spending time together (often outdoors) and instead replaces it with a win or lose scenario.
If we really think about it, knowing that competition runs across all areas of life, looking at the way the world is and how we are in the world, we could very safely arrive at the point where we find that competition is only harmful for us a a society and as a humanity. All conflict must have their origins in competition. One only has to look at the debates (but are they really?) to see how painful they are, because of their seeming inability to work together.
It is ironic how much the ‘team’ part of sport is championed and talked about. When you boil it down, it seems each and every member, and fan has an agenda for self. How quickly the followers are to turn on those who let them down, to sledge and barrack those who don’t quite perform. How swiftly team members move on for the bigger wage and are quite willing to ‘pay out’ the colleagues when the going gets tough. They say there is ‘no i in team’ but the reality is there seems to be no true team in sport. For ultimately should we not all support each other every step of the way, no matter the outcome? What would it be like to always have each other’s back? and what would our world be like if we no longer opposed but came to see we are all on the one team – Love – and there can be no sides? In this I stand with you Adam as your equal team member.
Competition in my opinion is loathsome. I have felt that way since I was a child. As a child, and into adulthood I saw this as a problem in that I was somehow wrong. Thanks to the understanding presented by Universal Medicine I can see competition is what I have always thought it to be, that is unnecessary and damaging for all.
I listened briefly to a radio phone in on the performance of UK Prime Ministers question time. The comments focused on the performance of the new Prime Minister and the opposition leader, and their suitability as leaders was based on their ability to be combative in the debate and outscore the other. Nothing was in the substance of what they said. There was no value placed on whether they were genuine, just in how quickly they could think on their feet and make the other look foolish. This is the politics we have voted for and got and I suppose nothing will change until we change our view of what we actually want our politics to achieve, for now it is self serving and ingrained in utterly selfish motives that are really hollow.
There are many clear statements of truth here in your blog Adam. The way you write them brings common sense and the obvious to the every man . …”competition is not character building, but rather character destroying….” Yes, we do see the result of this in the career aftermath in highly professional sports men and women, yet as a community, the story is always on the next big win or loss and not on this very obvious issue.
Adam what an inspiring and powerful blog. This sentences got me: “The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” My question is what happened to the world that such an important insight is not a common knowing?
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” And it’s even sadder that we, the parents, were brought up with the same false ideals and beliefs – didn’t really stop and consider that they were false, and continued to perpetuate the cycle of falsehood.
I’ve played some competitive sports in my time (not to any serious level, but still regardless competitive where there is a winner and a loser), and even when winning, the high was short-lived and never able to be sustained. Either way, whether winning or losing, it always came back to self-worth and needing to be propped up or measured by a loss or win. The impact of competition in our society is a long cry away from supporting true health and well-being and so why is it that we insist on describing and promoting this as ‘healthy debate’ …
Here in the UK the current competitive debate to do with our referendum about whether to remain or leave the EU has exposed politicians who are normally on the same side of debates/arguments in their true colours and it is hard to imagine how some of these MPs will go back to working together in government or opposition once the referendum is over. Their lack of true team work has been cruelly exposed and there has been very little actual debate about this once in a generation opportunity to opt for greater working together or cementing our isolation even further because it has been lost in tit for tat point scoring and fear mongering where individuals seem more concerned with their personal position than what is the best thing for our country and the future of Europe.
‘Their inability to re-integrate into everyday society and their struggles with substance abuse stand as testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.’ Great observation about sports stars but also politicians and any other profession where competition is rife – which covers a lot of them. It explains why we have so many issues as a society with low self-esteem because when you have built it on the false foundation of being good at something and then that ends you are left with an empty shell that cries out to be filled with something else – often in excess.
It’s insane how many times I hear sport being described as ‘character building’ for kids. A kid doesn’t need his/her character building. It’s built already. It’s perfect. It just need to be met, nurtured, appreciated and expressed. Which does not equate to trying to beat your brothers.
“…devoid of the understanding of their own true worth…” With true acceptance of self appreciation, all competition evaporates.
Adam spoken with unveiling wisdom. I have never really fallen for the illusion of grandeur. Either arena of sport or politics. They never aspired me. They called for me to leave my truth and integrity to the side. This was not a compromise worth the battle, even in victory. What is surprising is how embracing this is with so many and it seems to be the foundation of our society.
“Competition runs deep in every aspect of our society and is treasured as one of the great forces that leads to innovation, evolution, and change” – absolutely, and it is such a giveaway that there’s no genuine interest in success as one unified community when we strive for the better, the more advanced – there’s only self-interest and self-gain at the core.
Brilliant and honest overview Adam of competition and how it destroys any thread of connection and brotherhood. I totally agree that competition insures individualism… even though sport and competition is hoorayed as teamwork and people working together. If it was truly about this, there would be no-one left behind or lesser than. There is much to expose around competition and all that enslaves us when we are in the thick of it. I would not give up what I now feel in my body, and feel towards others, for any of the competitive sports and relationships I chose in the past.
Almost every day now we hear about major sports stars in the height of their careers being completely out of control in their personal lives. How can we possibly measure success by how many goals we can kick and how many winning shots we can make when we are totally disconnected from ourselves and as a result out of control in the rest of our lives? No amount of competition is ever going to match up to what can be achieved when we work together with a common purpose. Connection and purpose are what is called for, not competition and division.
A great unveiling of the truth behind that illusory ideal of success and its vehicle, competition. When we realise that we’re born with all the self-esteem – and more – that we’re ever going to need, it lands as farcical, indeed a travesty, that we then begin embracing the sorry process of whittling it away in the playground, only to replace it with a synthetic surrogate that comprises a fundamental design fault – that it simply isn’t true to who we naturally are.
This blog makes me consider the state of our politics, if it is true that our politicians are running on a lack of self worth, as I also believe to be the case, then how interesting it would be if we approached politics and politicians, not with the ridicule and scorn we often have for them but instead with the understanding that these are hurt individuals who are striving for recognition in a corrupt system. That is not to excuse the lies and dishonouring behaviour we see displayed but more to start to address the system itself and actively engage in the type of politics we want to see where the leaders of our countries, our industries, are employed with the intention to serve everyone, not to serve the few at the expense of the all. This can only collectively happen if we give voice to what we see is not true, and again doing this in reactionary behaviour is not the answer, it requires a willingness to observe, respond and lay the truth out bare.
very well said Stephen. Reaction serves no one, and does nothing to bring resolution to a problem. Nor does the blame game. I do not pretend to offer solutions to fixing our political system. That will in time take care of itself as we choose to take interest in what truly matters as a society. Until that point, whilstever corruption exists behind closed doors in the home in the smallest of manners, corruption will exist at the highest levels of society. Therefore, the answer is not so much in fixing the system, as it is in gaining the awareness of the fact that the corruption we react to is no different to the corruption we happily live with and accept in our own lives.
I’ve always been massively uncomfortable from watching how in parliament members literally fight each other to determine the direction the country will go in. I may not be an expert in politics, but I know that whenever I have come to a conclusion from fighting and arguing with someone it’s purely for my own agenda, and it is without doubt not for greater good, and never ever the right or true thing to do.
Meg, I used to get quite reactive to the way our politicians behave with each other until I realised that our government is truly just a microcosm of society. If our parliament is like that ,then that is because we as a society are like that. Competition rules, whether it is politics, sport, or business. And it rules because we do not know our true value beyond what we do in this world. If we truly knew our own worth, we would not bother competing with another. After all, what for? It would be pointless, for you are already complete with nothing to prove.
‘It rules because we do not know our true value beyond what we do in this world. If we truly knew our own worth, we would not bother competing with another.’ This is super, super wisely said, it very much exposes competition in every way, after all if you know your worth, why do you need to prove it?
“Competition runs deep in every aspect of our society and is treasured as one of the great forces that leads to innovation, evolution, and change.” It is very revealing that we as a society feel that we have to use competition rather than cooperation to motivate us. Competition pits us against one another, cooperation asks us to work together to achieve greatness. The question arises then as to why don’t we put more effort into learning how to cooperate with one another?
Elizabeth I very much agree, if you really step back and look at things it doesn’t make any sense to always be competing against each other, being the best at something is such a fleeting high and it doesn’t compare at all to the feeling when greatness is achieved together.
Hi Adam – reflecting on the big picture of what ‘abilities’ people come into the world with and the choices they make in pursuing that particular strength e.g sport or singing or artistic, it is interesting how sport is one area that is glorified over and above many other areas. There is pressure put on everyone to be sport orientated and if you aren’t and choose to not complete, a person is judged on this. The bottom line is that no matter what sport one pursues it still contains the energy of comparison and competition, poisoning what is possible. I loved you comment – ‘In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation’ – this is the truth and ensures that many are locked in to the illusion that to be ‘successful’, ‘connected’, ‘valued’ etc, you must be better that everyone else, thus isolating and separating people from themselves and others.
Of course sport is not the only arena where competition runs supreme – including more affable pursuits such as music. Indeed, I would say the most competitive people I have ever met, were musicians. They compete even when there is no scoreboard.
Having the background in music and ‘the arts’ that I do, I couldn’t agree more Adam Warburton.
And couldn’t attest more also, to the work of Serge Benhayon in restoring music to its true expression – which is not about personal attainment or achievement in a way that garners attention or bettering of another, but is actually about the expression of the truth that unifies us all.
It takes great personal mastery and dedication to be a true musician, as it does a true politician or indeed any expression, in a world which has so rampantly allowed us to degenerate into competition and the seeking of personal gain through ‘what we do’. We have deeply forgotten that all that we ‘do’ is about the all, and that we hold the ability within us, to transform our expression to be in alignment to this truth.
‘…testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.’ I find it amazing just how much of what we have previously accepted to be true, when exposed in this way, reveals the truth to be the opposite of that commonly accepted.
A thoughtful blog to read Adam, thank you. Currently our whole existence is built from a platform of being ‘better than’ which feeds the competition in all aspects of life, and i totally agree how “competition is not character building, but rather character destroying”
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” It is sad Adam, all children are buds that will bloom in there own sweet time if given tender loving care.
beautifully expressed Shellyjones44.
What you write here Adam gives a much greater understanding to competition and why we compete. When I read your blog it feels so crazy that we want to compete with our fellow brothers, but I can also see that lack of self worth becomes the perpetual drive to be more than what we already are.
Agreed Alisonmoir, it really does feel like the lack of self worth most people seem to have these days is a very powerful reason competition is so prevalent. It’s not just entertainment, it’s constant one-upmanship.
Thank you Adam for exposing the myth that competition creates character, so often we see sports people who have dedicated their whole life and body to winning that medal and the acclaim, only to find themselves and their lives in a heap when all the cheering has long gone.
Truth is always so simple, and I know at time I can build so much around it that it can feel overwhelming. it always feels so freeing when I can connect to truth then I instantly can feel what is supporting me and what is not.
I have learnt that clever or the cleverest answer is not necessarily the one that supports all equally. Sometimes clever can also be very complicated. Central to my decisions there has to be simplicity and an ability to support people equally.
profound observation Nicolesjardin. Truth is always simple, which is why is it often so hard to accept.
Very interesting Brendan, I have never liked competitive sports but reading your comment really highlights for me how addictive sports and winning can be. This forever chasing to be in the number ‘One’ position, a moment of feeling amazing that never truly lasts. Because it never lasts we chase it even more, interesting how this plays out, I can see why we can so easily get caught in this chasing game to be the best, the fastest, the number ‘One’.
Wow Adam, a deeply powerful blog. It really exposes our illusion in seeking success and fuelling competitiveness, this simply leaves us feeling empty and void of any true purpose in life. Any form of competitiveness creates separation amongst people and we can see all around us that this simply is not success or a way to live harmoniously. Your blog inspires us to question so many aspects of the way we are choosing to live and raise our children, is it truly supporting who we are and humanity?
The founding aspect of any competition is conflict. In order to prove one’s self as a winner, all others must be defeated, and to do so requires them to enter into conflict with opponents. Thus, any competitive victory is not borne out of friendship, camaraderie, or full cooperation, it is birthed by besting another.
Beating another in Parliament through debate, does not necessarily mean that the winner is correct. It simply means that on that particular day they managed to amass more facts, or used their mind in such a way to outsmart another, or came up with wittier retorts. This does not make one correct, it makes them manipulators of intelligence to achieve an outcome that they desire for whatever reason they desire it.
Often that reason is simply the accolades of being ‘right’ which in this case could be seen as a far cry from being ‘correct’. For being ‘right’ leads to ‘righteousness’ and the enforcement of a singular viewpoint. Being ‘correct’ is the unassailable truth which cannot be without taking into account the all.
Nothing is correct or truthful about conflict. Conflict and competition do nothing but diminish one for the benefit of another.
Well said Naren. And in the presence of such behaviour and intention, how can there be true concern and action on behalf of the people – in our parliaments for example? It is simply not possible.
The way you accurately describe how competition affects us Adam presents an image to me of us all fighting viciously and vociferously for our own ‘corner’ and slice of the pie. We sit polishing and neurotically craving this ‘precious’ thing, when all along we already have everything we could ever need, if we just choose to stop and receive.
very true Joseph. Competition arises from our own lack of worth and sense of knowing who we are. Thus we become consumed by needing to prove our worth to the outside world, devoid as we are of the knowingness of our own love.
That certainly does conjure up a rather ironic image Joseph – fighting and competing for something and ended up ragged and discontent when what we are truly seeking is right in our back pocket (so to speak) and that everyone already has already.
There are so many great comments here Adam. I thank you for bringing attention to the subject of competition and Debate. It does make us wonder when seeing the way our Leaders debate (discuss) the future of our country what kind of example are they setting for our next generation of Leaders.? So much time wasted on putting down the other party and each other that could be put to much better use in inspiring us all!
There are just so many millions and millions of people who don’t have a problem losing. Sure they don’t like to, but the thought is that losing just makes the win that much sweeter. It is so incredibly ingrained in our world these days that competition is just the way it is, most people not seeing there being any alternative. Most people see it as inevitable to move from the fun and games of childhood into competitiveness in sport first, then everything else gets laced with the same desire to be better than.
Most debates are built on individual ideals and beliefs and the truth is often left behind.
Adam you raise some great points here. I have seen some debates get loud, competitive and at times aggressive by the way someone tries to put their point of view across, because they want to win, in fact people can be very manipulative in order to get the outcome they want, and nobody really wins as humanity stays in the cycle of competing against one another.
The best way to win an argument is to shout and intimidate. And that may well win the argument, but it will never deliver us any closer to the truth.
In my work in tertiary education I see competition promoted on a daily basis. It is all about getting the prize, the seed money, the recognition, the nomination, the accolade. The more academics publish in peer reviewed journals the more the university is awarded money. Yet many will tell you the disconnect with students who come to be inspired by lecturers but instead are taught by sessional teachers. The latter not being awarded the same recognition and being time poor are often unable to offer students the guidance they need. This is not a reflection on their competence but on the system that seemed to have lost sight of the primary role of education that is teaching.
Thank you Patricia, another example of how irrelevant and damaging competitiveness is on true education.
Many get caught up in sport and live to achieve the highest honour only to realise later that the celebration and attention they are receiving is only about what they are ‘doing’. When success is taken from them everything that has filled them up disappears and the pain of the emptiness is there to be acknowledged. Competition and comparsion has much to answer for. There is nothing to be gained at the expense of another. The awakening from the lie is a beautiful thing, true appreciation and valuing of self can now be lived. Thanks Adam
I have always felt that the adversarial approach in our governments seems to be hugely counter-productive compared to working together for the unity and benefit of all. Ideologies based on individuality clash against each other with vindictive intolerance and loveless self-interest at their core. Adam your article is full of the wisdom and understanding that comes from exploring both ways in full. I just love “Of course to do so would reveal the fact that underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” this reveals the absurdity of humanity when our divine nature is right there for us we drive it out of ourselves, and each other.
Could not have said it better myself Bernard. And so true, we do not acknowledge enough the divinity that lives deep within us all. If we did, there could be no competition.
It is necessary to talk about competition, to start to expose something that is such a part of our society that to challenge it is just too left field for most . And yet we have all experienced the devastation when we lose , or our children, or country or city lose. And then there are the winners… and how long does that last. The extreme highs and lows are what we are used to in our bodies… you could even say addicted to and this is the catch … it is not our true nature, it is a construct, and like all constructs it is in no way helping the evolution (development) of humanity … no … it simply maintains separation as the status quo, and will continue to do so until it is revealed for the awfulness that it is , and like a used colostomy bag, discarded.
Agreed Brendan. Education and many parenting ideals are founded on the belief that competition build confidence, character and resilience. But…Can something that encourages us to separate from the connections we have with out brothers truly build resilience? Can something that encourages us to block out all but the end goal build character? and does it build confidence to teach children to look for their sense of self in winning? What then happens when they stop winning – how will they know themselves then?
Competition needs to be reexamined by parents, educators and society as large and its place in any of these areas reviewed.
Competition builds ideals and beliefs, and as a result we live from those beliefs that we need to be better than another and compete against one another. The world would be a very different place if competition no longer existed.
There are many of us who would agree that the world would be a better place without competition. However, it is worth considering therefore what lies underneath. For competition could not exist if we in have a deeper relationship with our own sense of self. For a person who knows their own divinity cares not for competition, for they have nothing to prove, nothing to show off, and place no value upon the opinion of others to determine their own self worth.
I always hated competition when people would ask why? my response would be: because I don’t like who I become and how I behave. I always said this with a feeling of being a failure as I would watch my friends be very “sportsmanlike” It felt awful to lose and the short lived moment of winning was quickly replaced but the pressure to win again. So I spent most of my high school coming up with creative ways to get out of sport, so I could avoid the scenario, I have had to find ways to deal with it as I have grown up and learn to accept me for what I bring and understand the other games that are at play.
There is nothing that competition teaches us that couldn’t be gained by working co-operatively without the need for winners and losers. Terms such as ‘building character’ or ‘develop confidence’ are commonly used to promote and encourage competitiveness, but there are many other ways to build character and develop confidence that don’t erode our natural willingness to be part of a team and be equal with our fellow humans.
The fact is that if one needs to be competitive, then by default one has no inner confidence, for one is needing to forever assert their value based on the destruction of another, and herein lies one of the great problems of group work. Comparison and jealousy, the two white elephants in the room, prevent society from working together collaboratively for the most part. I have often observed that parliament would operate better if there were no parties, but rather that once elected, all members just worked together. Of course, this too would be prone to failure, for in the absence of parties, members would just collude together to form competing factions. Alas, competition runs deep within the bowels of society. It is a disease who roots can be found in the fact that we do not know who we are, and that we are rejected in truth from the moment we are born.
Once our life becomes about competition, it is difficult to see the harm that it does until you take a step back. For me competition was everywhere, in sports, between family and friends and the workplace, it appears everywhere in life. It was not until I went to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I realised how damaging and unloving competition was, and living without competition is a much more joyful way to live.
Adam – you write with the true voice of wisdom, leadership and humanity. This short article changes everything.
Thank you simplesimon888, competition is what sets us apart – and that is by no means something to be celebrated.
Awesome article Adam. It hurts me to see people encourage their peers and children to compete for, well, recognition basically. I understand, because I once used to agree that competition was healthy, and if I’m truthful, I still do a bit of competing today when a flick over to my default setting. But as you say, it’s soul destroying. Competition just increases the size of the pot that needs filling, and it never gets full. What if we realised we are awesome just as is, without the blue ribbon? What then? No pot to fill, just a life to live, simply and joyfully.
Such ‘fiery debate’ feels devoid of truth and just another form of manipulation in order to impose a particular view as being correct over another.
It’s so true Adam, that we feel sporting activities and winning competitions when young ‘build character’ or develop us somehow. I love what you have shown here in how complete we are when born, not needing to prove or compete with anyone. What if we fostered this completeness, and everyone knew how to do so? It would surely result in a different world – one parliament at a time.
This is so true Adam. I have often spent Saturday mornings on the playing fields during the footy seasons supervising students or watching a game. Changes come from working on understanding your beliefs and what you invest in. Winning is part of the end result of competition and many people still find this hard to let go as identifying in a game or player is part of the sporty culture.
This is such a powerful blog Adam. I never liked the exercise of debate at school because you had to argue a point even if you didn’t agree with it personally. It was supposedly considered healthy to do this. Interestingly though fiery debate was something we got involved in at home based on the news of the day broadcast into our home, particularly anything of a political nature. The debates played in the arena of politics invite you in to play in your own homes and social circles and on and on it goes. Debating is also considered a sport for the intelligent but where is that intelligence coming from? Theses days I can feel how abusive it is to conduct oneself this way and it is as you say devoid of understanding of our own true worth and most definitely is not confidence building.
Very true. My experiences of debating were very similar, and one of the most degenerative aspects about the way debating is taught and fostered is that the ability to get to truth becomes hindered by the process, as the debate becomes more about being right and imposing one’s point of view than it does about exploring the topic together.
This is true Adam that we are born with a natural confidence but this true foundation gets ‘whittled away by such ideals as competition’. Watching children growing up, it is so sad to see them lose their natural ability to be themselves as they start to perform for others to produce the result that is expected of them. You can see a tension build up in their bodies from this and it sometimes affects the quality of their sleep.
When what everyone truly wants is love, competition is not love. Like happiness, it provides momentary elation or otherwise defeat, momentary emotions, but no supporting foundation of knowing the love that we are. Competition in sports is touted as bringing about team work and solidarity, but really serves to further separate people from each other.
Very true Carmin. Competition might bring about team work and solidarity, but it also brings about ruthlessness, and spite. I watched many a man over the years who was quite likeable and amicable off the field become consumed by white line fever once he got on the field, whereabout he became an animal. Competition has a habit of destroying the finer qualities of the human being.
I absolutely agree Adam. Our confidence is damaged on the onset of our first schooling years through the deception of competition, not only with sports but also through achieving. We are instantly asked and pressured to leave ourselves and battle for being identified as the ‘best’ in the class or as the ‘winner’ of the game/sport to measure our worth. And as this has happened for most of the adults living today as we grew up, we think that this is the way to strengthen the character of our children. When in truth as you have said – ‘The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.’ – well said Adam and so very true.
Adam what a powerful blog – I love your following description: “In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.” Therefore you should be a political person in the parliament because your are not blind any more. We need role models like you in there otherwise it always stays the same.
Thank you for your deep appreciation Esteral, however, the issue is not one of parliament alone. The issue rests with the way we have embraced competition in society, which stems in turn from the inner turmoil that resides deeply within nearly every human being that we are not enough just the way we are. So, we need to invest in proving our worth but bettering another, and it is not this becomes the underlying tenet by which we bring up our children that the world and large will change. Our parliamentary system is but a microcosmic reflection of our society as a whole. It is not the case of our woes, and nor is it the answer.
If politicians were working together for a common purpose, and not in opposing parties who are simply selling an image of being the best political party for their own recognition, I can imagIne the immense changes we would see in society. If people who enter politics are already seeking something for themselves, and aren’t truly there to serve people then our society will continue to be a mess. Unless we are working together for a common good for all, in unity and with no need for competition, we won’t see true change in our political system. It’s totally false to assume that within a unified group there would be an absence of innovation due to the lack of “fiery debate”. A lack of competition does not mean a lack of care or intelligence.
Well said Melinda, we seem to try and link the two, ‘care or intelligence’ and “fiery debate and competition”, fooling ourselves that these qualities make up a ‘well rounded” human being.
I was watching my kids running out in front of my place the other day, playing(there is 5 of them). Left to their own devices, the games they make up have no winner, they giggle and chase and race but none is championed as the best. If you flashed to those kinds of activities with adults involved we would give out medals and ribbons and make sure everyone is either recognised for being the best or the worst. That day it was up to them; it wasn’t perfect, and they worked things out as they came up, and I just sat in the car and watched; they were left to do what I can only describe as group work and democracy at its best.
Growing up in the UK and living my late teen years in London – I knew people that would go to football matches most certainly to support a team but it seemed the main thrill for them was the pub before hand drink themselves into courage and then seek out the other teams fans for a fight. This before the match and usually the same would follow after. The weekends in England were punctuated by this activity and yet we champion a national sport even if it perpetuates division and violence.
I have not witnessed this violent sport culture first hand, although I have seen things on the news. I think this is a very valid point Lee, the question is why these violent acts are occurring at a sports event so frequently? So what would be the collective answer to that from entire nations that glamourise sport……possibly fobbing it off and suggesting that some punters and fans are just too extreme, From what I see there is similar violence occurring on the field during a match as there is off in most of these sports, the ‘extreme’ punters that play it out are simply mirroring the behavior of the teams in a less glamorous way.
I love that you have blown apart the belief of the ‘Fiery Debate’! I remember growing up our family was described as a fiery bunch and the way we ‘worked things out’ at home was heated discussions (that I would now describe as arguments.)
We championed this behaviour as being passionate and having ‘Italian blood’ but the truth was we had very little Italian blood but plenty of fight in us. We would never truly resolve or heal our issues but simply go in circles having a winner of a debate for that round. Now my entire family is a student of The Way Of The Livingness, we are blessed to be very united and total able to deal with any ‘issues’ that arise with love and care and actually getting to the core and healing or letting go of what ever that might be…..
this all happens without raising our voices or getting ‘over exited’. It is a huge difference and what we have come to as a family is amazing could only imagine if we applied this on a global scale.
So true Sarahraynebaldwin. Heated debate never solves anything. It only allows everyone to blow off a little steam, and ensure that the discussion is always emotive, and never about the truth of what is really going on.
Amazing sarahraynebaldwin. For an entire family to take responsibility for themselves and commit to working through issues after years and years of the old habit of ‘fiery debate’ or arguments, is a real testament to what the Way of the Livingness presents.
Yes Elodie, I always feel so lucky that my entire family and my husband is dedicated to bringing true evolution and love to all areas of life rather than existing and numbing out with food, emotions and in most cases drugs and alcohol.
For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?
What a great question Adam, just imagine living in a society where joy and harmony were truly lived and experienced!
As you said competition benefit nobody, not the winner, looser or humanity as a whole.
Competition is nothing more than the empty man’s fuel. It serves to keep us under the illusion that we are awake when we are in fact asleep. Meanwhile it undermines our true self worth, and serves nothing more than to keep us in a game that is not even of our own making.
Great blog Adam! Competition holds us locked up in separation and deprives us of the exquisite experience and immensely powerful achievements we are capable of when we join hands and truly work together.
Adam this is a great sharing in the damage of competition in our lives. I see this being played out everywhere at my work, with my kids and previously with my partner until I realised the game I was playing. It’s time we all admit that no one is a winner if we play the competition game and that are only way forward to each reconnect to the fact we are all enough just being naturally who we are!
Yes Sharon, it’s incredible how even in relationships we compete with each other and I even used to compete with myself feeling compelled to get even better results next time. It’s a terrible pressure that drives you to be in constant motion and breeds anxiousness and nervous tension – feels like a setup!
What kind of society have we come to when we are needing competition as a means to spark innovation? Competition is based on individuality, one person winning and another losing. If innovation comes from competition, what quality of innovation are we getting then that is based on individuality – we are promoting more individuality. It feels to me that we are fostering a ‘dog eat dog’ kind of world. If innovation was based on true harmony and working together with a common purpose for all to evolve (learn and develop), competition becomes obsolete because it is no longer about the individual, but about everyone equally.
Indeed we now found ourselves today in the position where street wars are now being fought in the name of sport, and yet we are quick to criticise religion as being one of the fundamental causes of war, and yet we happily turn a blind eye when it comes to sport. We simply do not want to go there, for it has become such an embedded institution. Fans suiciding because their team lost is a common occurrence. There was a famous world cup soccer final held in brazil in the early parts of last century where Brazil were favourites to win, but lost, in an upset people were jumping off the stadium roofs to their deaths, such was their despair. I also remember a soccer world cup from when I was younger where the goalie of Columbia was assassinated when he got home for scoring an own goal that lost them a match. This is not to mention the riots in England, or indeed the riots at local kids rugby league and soccer matches in Sydney on a bright saturday morning, or the abuse of referees etc etc.
So what does it take for people to see for themselves the true nature of sport and competition? For most people – I mean adults – there is nothing in them that says to themselves there is anything to be concerned about when it come to competition. Liking sport or not liking sport is seen as a personal characteristic of a human being, much like having blue eyes or brown. While we approach sport as a personal preference, it is allowing it to be tolerated, as we praise tolerance in humans. But as you rightly say Adam, tolerating sport, like religion has been tolerated over the ages, continues to allow people to die for their beliefs. I wouldn’t call that very intelligent.
Oh my god and the list goes on Adam. When we throw it all into one paragraph we get to see how insane we are as a species. Why on earth do we plough through what’s actually destroying us. It’s just unbelievable.
Agree Elodie, it is unbelievable to think that we do not ever sit back and look at things with simplicity – which actually shows that we do know what we are doing, that we put so much effort into denying the simple truth of things.
I laugh at myself these days when I think about how obsessed I was with athletes and sport. I remember championing Grant Hackett who won his 1500m race at one Olympics and later revealed the fact that he had been suffering from a bad chest infection. I thought this made him even more amazing – how was he able to pull that off and be so sick? Now I just think – WOW – that’s what we do, we applaud self abuse. Because he won, that makes him amazing and strong and a role model. What was I thinking? The man compromised his body for a reward, he compromised is health for Australia and the world’s attention, and to satisfy their need of him to be the best because the pressure of representing a nation was so great.
Competition feels so wrong to me now, I no longer understand it’s true purpose, other than to keep us all separated from ourselves.
Elodie, in those moments all we care about is the achievement, we don’t even know the person who won the race or even care to know them. We just laud them for their ability to win and ignore anyone who doesn’t take first place. No wonder they try so hard, it’s the only time they get seen, even if they are still not being met in the fullness they are as a person, they actually thrash their body to at least get some recognition and as a spectator we all contribute!
Very True Adam. I love the Strength in the way you’ve written it. I can very much relate. I sported very intensively in my younger years and I always thought that I loved it. Allthough I never understood why I became so angry when we were losing or if one of us made a (from my perspective) ‘stupid’ mistake. But I’ve always accepted it for what it was. When growing up, drinking was actually the goal to play a match. Countless hours I’d sit in the cantine drinking beers along with a big plate of fried potatoes. The Truth was that I felt very miserable, as we all did inside of our own bodies. But there was absolutely now way that there was space to talk about this. Now as a parent I see how young the competition, comparing and hardness starts. And how it hurts my child. And when no one expresses anything it gets accepted is as normal. Recently we’ve started talking about it and I’m realising that I need to let myself be heard at school. At least as a support towards my child, if not a support to all the children at school. When asking her if she wants to talk together to the principal she said yes. They are so willing, so connected to what is Truth and what isn’t. It is us – adults – that are afraid. Or should I not generalise but just say, I’m afraid. We only have to give permission to ourselves and with that the child aligns. Maybe not at first but it won’t take long. AMAZING. Amazing Science, which can only come from Heaven.
I was discussing analogies today with someone at work – analogies relevant to the way organisations work. One he used was the sailing crew on board a racing vessel – always working together committed, no loose hands etc. And here is where it veers off track for the real core that is generally missed is that people are needed to work together to get the vessel moving – the next stage is where the downfall begins for we use and abuse that teamwork in order to overpower and overcome, be victorious over others rather than harnessing what we know as an even bigger group and changing the way societies live and breathe with each other. Fascinating Adam to feel how twisted the view have become – where by competition and beating another lays the foundations for the future.
This is a wonderful article Adam; I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and considering what you expressed. I absolutely agree that competition is a destruction force. Competition is all about the individual rather than the whole, so even in team sports it is about our team versus your team. As a society, what we really ought to be putting our focus into is how to work collaboratively with one another. Then we would see some incredible things achieved but not at the expense of ourselves or anyone else.
well said Brendan. At high school I got addicted to the feeling of runner’s high. It was the highlight of my day, and my way of coping with all that was happening for me at school. It was no different, however, to the guy who was smoking cigarettes to cope with the same thing.
Thanks Adam, such a powerful expose of our social constructs and how insidiously competition affects us all. I used to shy away from anything remotely competitive even in social groups or a social setting and the conversation of people sizing each other up and competing. Unfortunately when very sensitive it led to quite a lot of holding back my expression and this is just another way of giving in to those forces that seek to manipulate and control.
Awesome blog Adam. I love the truth in this blog
What an incredible new angle to see a “WINNER!” from, as ” a stranger in their own company”. Wow! I can just see the image for the billboards in the future. The grandstands discarded and empty and a tired worn out, elderly player, bent over his broken racket in mourning-the caption underneath-“do we really want this for your future?”
Then how this follows on to include our children and how they are coerced into this empty striving for a so called “healthy” desire for competition and comparison. In schools this is built up to be a pillar of our society. I love your words..”In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation – which begins in the playground where we foster the child to value themselves by how good they are in comparison to another by the institution we know as sport.” Words straight form heaven. It’s time we took a deeper look at this craze called “Sport”.
Thank you Adam, competition runs deep within us all, no matter what profession, competition is waiting there. Your blog has made me realize that jobs are mainly consisting of competition, for example to get a promotion you often have to compete with the other candidates to see who gets it.
A great article Adam, so true, so much emptiness in competition.
The other thing I am reminded of in reading your blog is how we champion sports as something that is such a great way to bring people together. The latter is almost ridiculous if you realise that competition cannot exist without an opponent. So even if there is more working together as a team, or by a group of supporters, as they have the same goal, the goal is always to bring down another or another team. If we look at the major sports leagues in the world, and all the investments, aggression and violence it accompanies, can we really continue to claim that it is just a game? If we dare to look at the naked truth then we will see that it is no different to warfare. It is ultimately still one AGAINST another.
Adam there is a lot to consider in your blog and what strikes me about competition is the absolute illusion that we need it to evolve or change. Competition leads men to work against each other, for profit and self gain and unfortunately the wellbeing of our fellow man is seldom the main aim, whereas if we were to all work together in brotherhood change and evolution would come from a strong desire to make life equally healthy, vital and joyful for each and every one of us.
I agree Carolien – it is an absolute illusion – one that is often so ingrained in our society that we either don’t see it as an illusion, or turn a blind eye when we do… The more competition we have, the more the separation between us… however when we remove competition, we naturally have brotherhood..
Adam, I work with lots of different groups, and the arrogance that gets generated when people go into ‘debate’ mode is astounding. There is so much that can be accomplished, when people shift from trying to ‘win’ to trying to understand and learn, without fear of what it might expose within themselves.
I see this too Joel in my workplace everyday. The point to be won becomes more important than what is actually needed in the given situation.
Debate operates at a level that is disconnected from reality. Actually, I recall this from school debating (I was a very bad debater – a fact I now applaud). Cleverness was awarded with applause and prizes, but nothing changed as a result of all of those clever points. They floated about in the ether, as substantial as soap bubbles blown from a bubble ring. The team who won felt very good about themselves, as though something of great import had been achieved. Yet nothing real had been achieved.
This way of thinking, that clever arguments are enough has taken us to a ridiculous pass in which we talk a lot, generate anger and fury, and yet society continues to slide.
Very True Joel. I grew up doing debating at school, and it was all about how to get your point across better than the other side. We celebrate this as being the basis for getting to truth, but instead it just causes rifts and divisions. We make debating all about imposing our viewpoint on the world, but what if our viewpoint is wrong? Because we are so invested in making our view known, we are not open to the possibility that another may have something to contribute that can assist us to both get to the truth. Watching politicians debate on the ‘boat people’ is a classic case in point. Both sides are so hell bent on arguing their point, that they forget that at the end of the day, both sides want to see an end to the problem, and that what is needed is an open and honest discussion, based on the acknowledgment that everyone is actually on the same side. But both sides want the kudos for having found the solution, so that they can use it for political gain. And herein lies the heart of the problem why as a society we often find it hard to get to the simple truth of things. Even in the case of charity, self identification stops us seeing the truth of what is often needed, blinded as we are by the self satisfaction that comes with being the ones who are ‘saving’ the world.
Of note for my child’s third year in a row, one of the topics in English in QLD primary schools is “Persuasive Writing”. And I understand they continue to rehash this topic in the coming years.
Why are we wanting to teach kids how to persuade another to do something, think something, buy something? There is Zero truth in this. What it does is encourage kids to learn that they can impose or force their opinions or made up ideas on another. To be right and to win at all costs. To me this seems like the foundations are being set for future arguments and conflict being normal, starting in the playground and ending in the Upper House. Actually there really is no end.
The thing I never got with debating is that there was no genuine conviction from a philosophical truth. It was about the argument and to sound convincing, people were willing to argue with equal enthusiasm despite which side they were on. I could see many people and flip flop different sides without a consistent underlying philosophy.
So true Joel. I have noticed the same in my work where the need to gain attention through intellectual debate often leaves someone feeling less than and what is achieved is no understanding behind the topic and a feeling that we are all back to square one.
Adam, I LOVE the way you write – there is such majesty in the way you use words to show people what is beneath the facade that we accept without asking ‘why’ or going deeper.
In regards to the subject mater itself, you raise an awesome point about parliament. I find myself truly disgusted when hearing snippets of parliamentary debate on the radio. It is not the arguments of the opposing parties that I react to but the venomous volleying back and forth between speakers. . . I often find myself thinking that these people are representing our country and writing the product of these debates into law and they can’t get beyond their own need to be right and triumph over one another to consider the 22 million people they are representing.
The thing about parliament is that as a society we all agree that their behaviour is disgusting, and yet we collectively refuse to do anything about it. All it would take was one election where all refused to vote, and politicians would need to seriously reconsider their position. Of course the deeper truth is that parliament is only a microcosmic reflection of society – of what happens in families behind closed doors, and in one to one relationships all across the world. Therefore the issue of verbal abuse as a strategy to make one’s point known is not necessarily just one for politicians to consider, but one for us to consider as a collective whole.
Correct Adam, and there is another option to instigate change and that is to join a political party and start to call for substantial change from within. My response to the awful quality of abuse that passes for ‘debate’ in this country was to go into a complete shutdown – to not read the paper, to not stay informed, to ignore it and hope it wold go away. Of course we know that does not work. It is no different to the parent who turns a blind eye to their child’s appalling behaviour and wonders why they have a teenager who is so far beyond control that no measures can reign them back to reason.
It is so easy to blame the politicians, as easy as it is to blame the teenager, but we need to look at society as a whole and see that reckless disregard takes place in a context. We all set that context, and we must own our part in it if true change is to ever occur.
We can watch the news, we can read the paper, we can involve ourselves in politics. We can start to look at our attitudes to other people and to ourselves. Let ourselves feel the hurt and all too often disgust at what is going on, because having felt it we can contribute something that will instigate true change and evolution in our society. We can awaken ourselves to the fact that greatness can be accomplished without knock down drag out fights, at every level of life form the most personal to the institutional level.
Absolutely Adam and Rachel, we cannot blame our politicians for they have to work in a crushing system that is the result of the competition worshiping Adam outlined so clearly. I agree making a change from within is the most responsible thing to do, and many try earnestly as the system fights against them and humanity. What we can do is expose the destructive elements of competition wherever we see it, in the workplace, families, playgrounds, and social events. And then share with the world examples of people working harmoniously together, and what can be achieved.
I have recently discovered how working in harmony can be in a business setting. It is amazing what can be achieved when people work together. Competition in the business world (or anywhere) is such a waste of time. If you take the focus away from yourself the power of a group working in harmony is incredible.
So true Nikki competition is all about self and when managers use it to excel in business they destroy so many things along the way. There is another way of working that can get results it involves people making the choice to take responsibility.
Very true nicolesjardin. When people step into responsibility the bar is raised. Not only is more harmony possible, what can be achieved increases and the feeling of how we work and how we feel about our work changes quite dramatically.
Exactly! I’ve begun to experience this also… Working in harmony and without competition feels totally different… There is a lightness, equalness and expansion which is not felt with competition.
Well said Nikki and Nicole, competition, when used as a fuel to ignite workers into productive action, doesn’t in fact lead to an end product that is able to truly support anyone.
So true Nikki, competition in business is such a waste of time and yet it is practically THE agreed to business model for most organisations in the private sector. Why is such a simple thing as true collaboration and cooperation such a difficult thing to achieve in the workplace?
It is difficult to achieve because for most people it is about self and that is what society encourages. To get a promotion or a pay rise you have to prove yourself and pit yourself against others. With true collaboration and cooperation everyone achieves amazing things and then who would get the promotion? Going against the accepted model isn’t always easy but it only takes one bright light to lead the way. Others soon notice.
It’s a very ingrained and highly normalised behaviour we have ins society Nikki and its roots run so deep because practically everything is about getting ourselves ahead and not truly working together.
Yes, I agree Nikkimckee. Amazing things can be achieved when a group works in harmony. Competitiveness seems to work in the short term but in the long term it exhausts everyone and the productivity and quality is therefore compromised.
‘ Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor the loser.’ So true. The winner has to keep on winning to feed his appetite for winning. The loser feels down every time he loses. There is no brotherhood in this – only separation from our fellow humans. Thanks for this great blog Adam.
This is the key point here sueq2012 in that ultimately no-one wins out in competition, because even if one does ‘win’, there is the constant pressure to maintain the ‘win’ to avoid the ‘loss’. The sad thing is that we herald competition in so many areas in society (whether directly or indirectly) and often for ‘good’ causes, and we are encouraging this at earlier and earlier ages. It’s certainly time to get honest about the fact that there is NO brotherhood or equality in this.
Hear hear Brendan! Not only does ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ affect the individual, and not only could we be achieving so much more as a society by working together ‘without’ competition, but we need to be asking… how much harm ‘is’ actually occurring under the espousal of the notion that competition is healthy when by it’s very nature, competition promotes inequality.
So true Adam, children come into the world with a foundation to really value themselves but in many cases “just being” is not nurtured, but rather a push to do and achieve. This can drive a lack of self-worth which can then fuel comparison and competition and be taken into our adult lives. But thankfully we don’t need to keep continuing in this illusion but rather value ourselves and each other from a true foundation.
Wow! I could read this blog over and over. It is so wonderful to actually read something that is not only not glorifying sport but exposing all the false beliefs that we have about how great it is for us. I recently spent the second half of a kids soccer match discussing this topic with one of the mums. It is so true that the adults can’t see the harm of sport because they are so entrenched in it too. I heard all the usual reasons why sport is great; that it is character building, good for fitness and great to learn team work. If we learn team work through sport, which we all do from a young age and through school, why are our workplaces such a mess, with stress and bullying a common occurrence?
It’s so true, competition only brings separation between people and fosters comparison and jealousy. There is not one ounce of true confidence developed in this form of competition. Confidence is developed from a deep presence and connection with our body in the way we move and exercise. So pushing the body to compete is at the expense of the connection and absolutely shatters true confidence.
“… high level sports people, who once retired, have no foundation within themselves to fall back upon, once stripped of that which consumed their whole identity. Their inability to re-integrate into everyday society and their struggles with substance abuse stand as testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.” We do see this time and time again. Even though we may privately see the truth behind a decline of a high level sportsperson, the actual impact of competitiveness never appears to make for public health discussion, it make headlines initially like “Tragic…” then its usually swept under the carpet. Why is it always about who wins? Which only fosters it about being ‘better than’ another, which, causes great separation between people, rather than a game having the potential to unify everyone, marveling at the skill, the ability of every individual playing together as one. This may sound utopian, but sport does have the potential to one day be like this.. but really, at this point in time, this competitiveness on the field which is seen, heard and tangibly felt is what actually happens off field but perhaps more silently. The change has to start with us individually.
Sport is effectively a polite form of war, and as such it will never be anything but competitive by nature. Take a bunch of kids and let them hit the ball at an open net, and they will share and have fun till the sun goes down. Put a goalie in the way, and their shots become instantly more aggressive, some miss the net under pressure, and others tense up as they come in to take a shot, when 5 minutes before they were loose and relaxed. Our bodies do not react well to competition at all, proving the fact that it is not actually our natural state of being, but rather a way of being that takes endless hours of training to overcome the tension that it puts our bodies into. Even golf, championed as the great gentleman’s game, that can actually be played by one’s self, is not immune to competition, for in the absence of anyone to compete with, one often ends up competing with themselves – crazy.
I agree Adam, it’s crazy how many people play golf to try and better their own score.
I love the question that you post ‘what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?’ We are so used to compete, argue, haggle, making deals, that truly working together seems to be far fetched, something that is not even considered.
I wonder what makes sport, competition and fiery debate so entertaining. And what is entertainment? Basically it is the creation of emotions, isn’t it? How empty we are of our true selfs to be able to express longing for happiness, sadness, anger, rage, nervous tension and anxiety etc.?
There is a lot you have shared in this blog Adam that exposes sport and competition for the not so healthy behaviours that it is and fosters in all of us. By championing competition we are fostering comparison in our children and ourselves and then everything is set up for the human being to believe that it is already starting out as lesser to someone or something or some ideal place to be at. I was never all that interested in sports, the feeling of loosing felt awful as the self judgements came in of not being enough but the winning I would say was worse. It was a high that wanted me to preform again and again and again. While I wasn’t ‘sporty’ at school I was ‘arty’ and this same competition was there as well, to draw the best, get the most attention and later on in life online it became about getting the most ‘likes’ and comments for my efforts. Competition is not restricted to just sport, the parliaments or work place, I feel it runs much deeper and into all area’s of life.
This is a wonderful article Adam, so many pearls of wisdom, it is amazing to consider that all children are born with the foundation of confidence and that the way we make them live strips that away from them, and then we try and rebuild it through a false channel such as sport. It is crazy when you think about it, we can talk about encouraging children to just be themselves but how many of us truly nurture this, allowing fully and accepting each individual as they are. Our education system does certainly not encourage this and perhaps there is a link there in why parliamentarians are unable to rouse themselves beyond the immaturity that is political debate, because there is not the level of self worth needed to allow any humbleness in the system, and the endless potential that working together could then deliver.
Competition: words have meaning and this one encapsulates so much. It is omnipresent in all areas of society. It sets us up against each other from the very beginning, it is a never ending race to beat someone in business, in study, in research, on the sporting field. We seek achievement rather than fulfilment in simply being who we are meant to be.
What an absolutely incredible article Adam – imagine how our world would be if we had this understanding from birth. I shall use this as a resource or an inspiration to bring to my teaching where competition is rife in all aspects of education. I will spread this awareness as far and wide as I can as it is a message and understanding the world needs to hear. True intelligence is spoken here. Thank you.
thankyou Gina. Competition is a disease that enters every corner of life. And like any disease it serves to wither away the true inner strength that comes from the knowing that one’s true inner worth is something one is born with, and never to be found by rising above another.
Yes absolutely Adam – I also love exploring and observing this with famous musicians. The outcomes on their lives are exactly as you have articulated with sports people, and these musicians influence and inspire so many of our youth. Listening to their music hooks them in to feel they need to look for outside acknowledgement and acceptance and takes them away from feeling the ultimate win which is the incredibleness of who they are.
Yes, Adam, even the Australian federal parliament has had enough of years of fiery debate. After all that fighting the politicians seem to be noticeably nicer to each other in 2015.
Absolutely brilliant blog Adam, I totally agree with all the others, this is very powerful and if only the so called intellectuals of our day could really get a handle on this subject and realise that if all the energy put into competing with each other was put into helping and cooperating with each other the results would astound,and that would lead to innovation, evolution and change.
Thanks kevmchardy, and Therin lies the heart of the problem. Intellectual debate is what often dominates the political arena and yet not only does such debate mean that the speakers often end up losing touch with the society they are meant to act on behalf of, but equally their arguments become contaminated with the emotional poison they purport to reside above. This is the irony that comes with championing the mind as being the source of our greatest intellect.
Well written Adam, during the recent UK elections I was so disappointed that all I continually heard was the arguments from one party that another party was not being truthful or some such. All I wanted to hear was the truth but it was not forthcoming. My whole being longs for a politician who will speak truth!
Great blog Adam, clear and powerful to the core – this is very refreshing and confirming to read after attending a schools sports day – where hurt was palpable and everything was based on competition and success – in all truth there was no real fun or joy felt in it.
True and really powerfull what You are expressing here.
Competition is a seemingly safe distraction from what life really is about. If competition would stop, suddenly there would be no need to be different anymore – and being special through being different from others is what our whole society and economy is about.
A world without competition and full equality would definitely be another world.
Great blog Adam, competition is indeed something that robs us of the trust we have in ourselves.
Absolutely Adam – competition is a dark drive that gives you a temporary and debatable feel good moment at another’s expense if you win and a crushing of confidence if you lose… whilst all the while eating away at any true self worth with each step further into the illusionary belief that it is found in the win and not in the heart.
A powerfully written blog Adam. And a huge topic it certainly is that you are touching on here. In fact competition is so deeply ingrained in us that it has crept into nearly every single facet of society both on big and minor levels. It seems so normal to most to compete, almost like there is a ‘healthy’ level of competition. But like you present it here, I have come to an understanding too that there can be NO such thing as a ‘healthy’ level of competition! For all competition harms with rewards of seeming success.
The concept of letting go of competition is huge, and when contemplated , it seems that competition underscores so many facets of our society, from cooking to culture, from singing to sewing, from outback agricultural vegetable competitions to the Olympics. If we simply pause, and feel what it would be like not to have competition engrained in us, what would our expression in all its forms be like?
Without constant reconfiguring to random external templates, and with shifting the reference points to internal awareness and connection, there would be a profound re-alignment of consciousness, and this is what Universal Medicine is presenting.
The first step with articles like this one is to allow people who believe competition is innately part of being human, part of our DNA make up to wonder if perhaps it is not. People need to be curious and ask your question cjames2012: what would it be like not to have competition engrained in us? What would it feeeeel like? Yes, this is what Universal Medicine is presenting.
The idea that competition is part of the human nature is simply not true. It is a literary construction by de Mandeville that was taken later by Adam Smith and its famous invisible hand as the best foundation of our way of living. The idea of competition is really insidious given that denies from the word go that we are equal in nature but different in expression. It denies our true nature. Recognising this is huge and making the fact that we are equal our foundation gives a total different perspective of life compared to the competitive version.
Very well put Eduardo, although we could say it is also true that competition actually has become part of human nature, even though it is not part of our true inner nature. It has become normal, even though it is in truth not natural, and one has only to look at a small babe to understand that. Of course, when we introduce the concept to a child that their worth is actually based on what they do, then of course competition inevitably follows, as each child competes for the attention of their parents. We have learnt to see love as something that is not inside of us, but something that is given to us conditionally, and in our emptiness we accept this bastardised version of love as something worth fighting and competing for, even if it is at the expense of others.
I remember recently watching the world cup soccer in Brazil and seeing the crazy ,excited lead up with the Brazilian nation bathing in all the glory ,nationalism and pride of being major players and hosting the event. To see the personal and national devastation of the the people and country after they lost was really showing to me the ridiculous nature of sport and how we put so much emphasis on a business /past time that leaves people feeling so devastated as the losers. It is like we are hooked on the emotional highs and lows of this type of roller coaster ride. It feels along way from the brotherhood and unity this war torn world desperately needs.
This is such a powerful expose that completely shatters the illusion around sport and ‘healthy competition’ it is so true what you share Adam around children already have an innate confidence and knowing that is there from the beginning and such a great point that competition and sport erodes this. I have never felt it so clearly and truthfully exposed before. Fantastic blog.
This is an excellent blog Adam, and so true. We see it all the time yet this way of being is still being championed unquestioningly. It seems absurd. I appreciate this when you say
“Of course to do so would reveal the fact that underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.”
You sum it up so well.
The fiery debate is not debate at all. Debates would be putting forward a well thought out position and explaining it. What I see politicians doing is using bullish behaviour, shouting each other down and using bullying tactics, throwing in some name calling and personal attacks. Just like the sledging we see and question on the sports field.
It all seems so very primitive and hardly evolved.
True Amanda, although it does not stop with parliament. Too often we have a tendency to look at Government in separation to the rest of society, but there is in truth no part of society that is not part of society. By this I mean that if there is a certain prevalent culture that exists within government, be it a culture of corruption, or in this case a culture of bullying and intimidation, then inevitably we will find that such a culture also exists within the rest of society. For Government is but a microcosmic reflection of the greater whole, and a point well worth remembering when we next seek to criticise and judge our politicians. This is not to say that we should not call the Government of the day to account for the standards they purport to hold, as you are correctly doing so in your comment, but always we should reflect on the way we live equally so, and look at the part we play in contributing to the ill’s of society. And that includes by being apathetic and/or holding back from standing up from what we know to be true.
This is a great blog Adam. Competition and Fiery debates have never made much sense to me. Sport and competition are one of the pillars we measure success by and very proudly so, particularly here in Australia. In the end Competition and Fiery debates are simply entertainment, a distraction from feeling and finding ones true confidence in being who you are and living that in every moment of your day.
This is a wonderful topic for discussion. You hit the nail on the head Adam when you expose the fact that underneath competition and comparison lays a feeling of not being good enough hence the need to prove ourselves. As a society we ought to be addressing the reason by this is so widespread and address it as it has a huge impact on most people’s lives.
“underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” Great to expose this when most of our societies are founded on it, nearly every family is brought up with it and educational institutions are often full of it however hidden it may appear.
A great observation Adam. The aggressive competition acted out in Parliament in London with all sides trying to score points against each other is horrible and achieves nothing but to put barriers between people who have been elected to work together to deal with the deep divisions and inequality in the country.
The belief that playing sports build positive moral character has been challenged of late with lecturers in the field revealing that there is very little evidence to support this statement. In fact it is proving quite the opposite. The winning element of sport creates a dynamic of hypocrisy and dishonesty with one set of rules for on the field that are contradictory to moral standards and behaviour that we see off the field.
In my experience there have been certain codes that have tried to introduce a non scoring element to under 7 year olds but I have to say who is kidding who? The kids and the parents were definitely keeping score. The competition element has in made the experience less enjoyable.
Nicole, as a former junior coach, I tried numerous times to remove competition from the game. However, it is very difficult to achieve when the whole intent of most sport games is to beat another, and thus belittle them. We teach our kids to behave politely and to show good manners in the face of defeat, but this just creates the illusion that they are not affected, and teaches them to be dishonest with what they feel. The truth is they feel crushed in defeat. Everyone cheers the victors, and most parents I have seen take great delight in seeing their child succeed on the sporting field, despite their protestations to the contrary, and children know this and can easily see through the facade of fair play and sportsmanship.
Adam what you have expressed here is so exposing – dare I put it in writing but who is truly supported by competitive sports? Players bodies are destroyed some even as teenagers before they enter the elite level, left to live in chronic pain. What is the impact on our children when they are playing games where they feel crushed in defeat but are being told they shouldn’t feel that way. Being exposed to more of it just get you used to it doesn’t mean it won’t effect you just means it gets buried deeper.
That is a huge list when you start to compile it and yet it is something we participate in almost religiously when it comes to mainstream sports. I have seen people be more dogmatic about what football their child will follow than what religion the child may be.
What this is teaching our kids is exactly that: that winning, even through thrashing our body, far outweighs what is accomplished through looking after our body and enjoying a task for the enjoyment and fulfilment that task brings, be it cooking, talking or playing a game.
Self care doesn’t rate, or at least nowhere near the so called ‘desired’ top qualities of the human being. This is a monumental shame.
The belief that playing sports build positive moral character has been challenged of late with lecturers in the field revealing that there is very little evidence to support this statement. In fact it is proving quite the opposite. The winning element of sport creates a dynamic of hypocrisy and dishonesty with one set of rules for on the field that are contradictory to moral standards and behaviour that we see off the field.
In my experience there have been certain codes that have tried to introduce a non scoring element to under 7 year olds but I have to say who is kidding who? The kids and the parents were definitely keeping score. The competition element has in made the experience less enjoyable.
“What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose? Of course to do so would reveal the fact that underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” This is really important. Having just had a general election in the UK – where competitive debate was key – having a country and politics run on the above lines of cooperation – for the universal good – would be amazing – Letting go of self.
I definitely agree with Adam and many of those commenting on this blog that the whole concept of sport building confidence is a bit strange as it leads to more and more competition and the roller coaster of constant searching for recognition through it. The confidence is already naturally there when people are met with love and understanding. The team work and group work is probably what children love most about sport before they sell out to the competition side of it.
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” How often do we hear a justification for sport (or other activities) being “it builds their confidence”? I have three young kids and have often struggled with this balance. There is no doubt that sometimes they allow themselves to contract and shrink away from stuff and do need a bit of encouragement to make that step – a step that they can easily make and a step that expands their expression when they do make it. So, it is my experience that they do need a bit of encouragement at times. But the way I try to do it is by getting them to connect with their confidence – not through ‘building their confidence’. Because there is no question, as you say, Adam that they already have that confidence, so nothing needs ‘building’. It’s easy to tell whether we (me and whichever kid) have got it right because you can feel when they have connected to what was already there – a big, knowing grin comes over their face as they accelerate in to whatever it is that they have just taken that step towards. I can step away and they keep going – no more encouragement needed. But if I get it wrong and have gone into the “confidence building” method, then you can feel the fear and tension in their body and once they have made one step they still need encouragement to make the next, and the next and the next. It is super clear that it isn’t their natural expression – that they are pushing themselves outside of themselves. In fact, they need more encouragement with each step because they are getting further and further away from their true foundation. This is the seed that feeds the need for yet more and more competition, recognition and affirmation. So, yes, I 100% agree with you Adam – there is a true foundation of confidence already in our children. And yes, competition erodes this foundation.
Ottobathrust, for many years I coached young kids to play hockey, and what I observed was that left to their own devices, all kids displayed a level of confidence that was not based on their ability but their capacity to draw joy out of what they were doing. It was only when the parents came in, or we made it outcome based by introducing competition that they became self conscious of how “good” they were compared to others. It was at this point that I noticed that the joy and fun would start to disappear.
It is really interesting to watch kids play sport on their own unsupervised, such as when they are there early for training. Mostly, they do not compete, but rather set up games for themselves that are not based on competition, such as just hitting the ball with each other at an empty net.
That’s a beautiful story Adam, I have had the same experience with my kids. Sometimes, through my own false constructs and beliefs, I want them to play a game I did when I was a young, I inadvertently introduce competition into their games. Once I caught onto what I have done, I quickly try to undo it as you can literally watch things change and them almost turning on each other when this is introduced.
I feel you’ve made an important point here Otto when you say that the further a child moves away from their true foundation, the more encouragement is required and perhaps this is where the trying comes in, in order to please others thus taking them further away again from themselves. And so it goes.
This is brilliant Adam I love how you get underneath what is going on and to the heart of the matter that we erode what we have with these attempts at building self esteem! That is so helpful to understand in raising myself and my daughter!
Awesome blog Adam. Yes it is very sad when we think we need to build confidence into our children when this confidence is already there. It is crazy that we take away this foundation instead of raising and teaching our children to simply honour, trust and nurture their own sense of true worth.
Really great to read this blog thank you Adam. From what I have observed throughout history, an adversarial approach has never built harmonious communities.
You’re right Jeanette, rarely is harmony created, rather momentary peacefulness where we manage to openly tolerate each other, but inevitable something happens and the status quo is cut and everything blows up again. It’s a yoyo effect.
Indeed, the amount of attention all athletes receive is over the top. As written by Adam, this is only sending the wrong message to children about competitiveness. It is high time for us all to realise what kind of impact “affirming competitiveness” has on our society.
Adam what you have shared completely shatters the idea of healthy competition in sport and life as there is nothing healthy about people feeling less or better than another. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
With this dynamic running throughout society, it is clear that “This is why winners must keep on winning to fill the empty void within them, until they are eventually spat out by the system that once made them great.” There are so many losers, the people that do not feel they can keep up are the obvious initially, but this great blog exposes how everyone truly loses when competition is at play. I see this type of behaviour taught every day at my children’s school, they are told to attempt to surpass each other, it is ingrained in the way that we educate children…we set up everyone to fail in the longer term. It is wise to consider that there can be no ‘winners’ in life if everyone else is a ‘loser’ and success is an illusion without love.
Very true Samantha. It is engrained in the way we teach children at school, especially through sport. For many years I coached junior sporting teams, and what I noticed was this – when you leave children to their own devices, they are more than happy just to stand around a goal post, knocking the ball into the net. In other words, they just play. But then we organise them into teams against each other, and they are forced into competition, they change of course. But what this showed me was that, left to their own devices, and away from the approving eyes of mum and dad, away from the pressure to perform or meet expectations, competition was not natural to their way of being.
A great comment Samantha. I love the truth you share.
“It is wise to consider that there can be no ‘winners’ in life if everyone else is a ‘loser’ and success is an illusion without love.”
Now that is what is required at school instead of the push to be the best.
“In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation..” well said Adam, great blog. Our foundation is self worth and there is no need to build any self esteem which is just coming from the outside through competition, making yourself feel better than another and proofing your individuality.
I reckon that the world could be a far more amazing place if we took out competition… it really is so unhealthy and definitely character destroying! even for the winner, they soon learn that’s how they get attention and if they don’t win they are nothing so they do all they can to win… but in an imperfect world there will be times when they don’t win, as a part of life and those people, I can only imagine how empty and depressed they would feel. Why are we taught so much from young that it is about what we DO and not WHO WE ARE. Teaching competition is already giving people major issues that will experience throughout their lives.
The irony about the person who is ultra competitive is that they are ultimately seeking the recognition from those that they seek to outdo. I was ultra-competitive for much of my life until, with the help of Universal Medicine, I sought to understand what was truly driving me, and I can say for a fact that, although it was never actually my intent, I ended up pushing a lot of people away, especially in the sporting world, and with my brothers, even though that was never my intent.
Nailed it Adam – a competitive person is seeking recognition from exactly those they are trying to annihilate. How is it possible society can make sense of this? I suspect if the question was posed most would laugh it off and change the subject very quickly. The sporting industry, like the alcohol/ wine industry relies on people not questioning.
Brilliant Adam. Written with such authority and with so much exposing truth, I couldn’t help feel this needs to be published in the “wide world of sports” so to speak. Breaking down the illusion of fiery debate as a successful means of communication and also exposing the truth behind sporting ‘success’ are two huge subjects for society to digest. I also appreciate the understanding given to Serge Benhayon and the successful career in society’s terms that he walked away from in order to truly serve humanity. Not to be underestimated, the phenomenal power behind that choice.
Ha ha Jo! you mean “wired” world of sports. But seriously, success is only ever talked about as something that is defined by what we do outside of ourselves, by our achievements. How often do we celebrate the success of being true to ourselves, and the success that comes with the knowing that we need nought but the beauty of our own connection to know life?
…just imagining what sport would look like if it was to be participated in by a group of people who knew themselves inside and out, and had no need to win. How infuriated would the audience become with their heroes not pushing themselves past human endurance, just so the onlookers can get their thrill?
Just imagining the politician who refuses to play the game and makes their debate about truth and not scoring a point. How confused would some people in the electorate become, as we have come to equate politics with having a stoush, generally based on personal insults and abuse. Julia Gillard’s comments about “fiery debate” give away the fact that resolving an argument and working through dissent are imagined to be markers of progress. Are we willing to see that we are not moving anywhere at all…just stamping up and down on the spot as we cling to our personal beliefs and “fight” for them by any means. When the fight ceases, and the dust has settled nothing has changed, because none of it was based on truth.
So much sound and fury. So many turns of our planet around the sun…and so little change to show for it.
Well exposed Adam. It took me a long, long time to start letting go of this need to defend and justify that I am right. It is so ingrained in our upbringing, it is like a survival instinct and it puts so much hardness in our bodies – the harm that this causes is unfathomable.
I agree Judith. Not only a hardness, but an edginess that makes us jump at everything that is said, as though it is an attack. Competition places us constantly on guard, vigilant and wary. The complete opposite of the warm, allowing openness that is innate in us from the start.
Yes Rachel, I can relate to this edginess, this being on guard – it doesn’t even allow room to feel the other person and let them in. The wall of protection goes up already just in case…. and as you say this does not allow for a true connection, openness and warmth…. I am starting to grasp how insidious competition truly is, it keeps us locked up in separation for as long as we choose to be part of it.
Well said Adam. How much simpler life would be if what was championed was the true worth we all are able to connect with within ourselves, supporting and sharing together that we are equally as brilliant in being who we truly are.
How true Giselle, and what a world we would be living in if these simple actions were part of all of our everyday lives. A world that is still possible for generations to come.
When I was doing sport when I was younger all I could feel was that I didnt really want to play because of the pure fact of competition, I knew it was un-natural. The whole time I was playing school sport or little athletics the only thoughts and feelings I could seem to have were “im not good enough, They are better than me, and thank god I didnt finish last” This kind of expression in people does not encourage us to be unified in humanity at all, It has the opposite effect.
Very true Harry. I had my first experience of sport when I was 6 and was made to partake in a sprinting event on sports day. It was my first taste of competition and looking back it was traumatising.I had no idea what was going on – the excitement, the screaming, the sudden need to perform. Of course, in later years I learnt to thrive on it, but all along competition was confirming to me that I actually had no foundations of true self worth – the opposite of what we are taught to believe. For if I had true self esteem, why would I compete with another? I would already feel complete.
Yes, Harry and Adam, that is the crazy part: if we would allow ourselves to connect back to our own completeness, there would be no need at all to compete. In working in different organizations I observed how most people working for the government don’t like competition at all and are open about that. Whereas in the bank they ‘live’ for it. Definitely a different experience in their childhood with competition, with either winning or losing.
And everybody enjoys watching sport and are in the illusion when we compete against another country it is bonding us?!
I’ve watched many 6 year olds falling over during their first sprint race at the school athletics carnival. I’ve no doubt this was because they were racing and in competition rather than just running to feel the wind in their face. Short of taking the day off school when the carnival is on, it’s all but impossible for the kids to not be forced to partake in a race, it’s seen as good clean fun wholesome exercise, such is our education system.
I can’t quite remember my first dabblings with competition, but as a child I became very competitive. This continued until my early twenties. Then one day, I realised that I was so tired of pitting myself against others. When we’re in competition we are constantly measuring ourselves against others and it is endless. Not to mention tiring. I then dropped out of all competitive sport and stopped being competitive in all the obvious ways. It has been a long road becoming aware all the subtle ways competition can play out. But the relief I felt when I dropped competitive sport was huge.
Yes the damage we do in the playgrounds and on the kids sporting fields with competition is immeasurable – how different would our society be if competition was eradicated?
Great blog a great insight.
So well exposed Adam. In this blog I am realising in relation to the sport side of your blog, as much as we can see the ‘loser’ is upset and hurt that they didn’t win, the ‘winner’ is also not in a great place either but they expected to be because they won. At the end of the day the ‘loser’ at least understands why they are upset but the winner, in their own empty company will more likely not understand why they are lonely and depressed and not think that they need support because they will think they shouldn’t seek help when they are the winner, the highest on the pedestal.
Great point Ariel – the loser can see why they feel bad, but much harder for the winners to see why their initial euphoria at the win has gone, replaced by a need to do it again.
“Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.” So well exampled by the sports scenario where there are top athletes who become majorly depressed after retiring from competition.
Absolutely Fiona, top athletes are considered the best of the best but then when they retire and step down from the podium of accolade they feel the emptiness of all that they have invested in and the depression ensues. When you consider it in this light how successful are they really??
This is a brilliant blog Adam. That the recent cricket world cup win from Australia was followed by an encouragement by former player Shane Warne to the winners to basically drink a lot of alcohol, suggests to me that the sporting success achieved was not enough of a reward. Why do we not question what we really feel in sport, where conquests are always followed by the “what next?” question. As it is ultimately unfulfilling to achieve through being better than another. Alcohol is a logical next step to help smother these unfulfilled feelings of dis-satisfaction that competition brings. That has certainly been my personal experience from a great many years playing sport.
Great point Stephen. I’ve heard coaches ‘motivating’ their players after a big win to ‘not rest on your laurels ‘, ‘to keep going etc’. It’s like on some level it is known that the win they’ve just had is not sustaining. The big win must be followed closely by big celebratory parties, lots of ‘naughty’ food and drink as a reward. Winning is never enough.
It does make you question the nature of winning, when excessive alcohol is essential to mark the victory and celebrate the crushing of others. And after that there is nothing, a great emptiness that must be filled by the next victory…next conquest… and another round of drinks.
The acceptance and adulation that comes with being good at a sport is hard to resist and yet it is ultimately an empty pursuit and a fickle one at that. It’s pretty sad to give up that solid inner knowing of your true worth for the excitement of that adulation when we can clearly see the devastating mental effects of the aftermath, also the physical damage that many are left to deal with the rest of their lives.
How beautiful it would be if we could remind everyone of their absolute preciousness and worthiness to be cherished and loved and it all comes from within.
Adam thanks for blasting that belief out of the water! And to add another element of truth which will make sport and parliament look even more fascicle than it already does is this… the day shall come around again when we collectively remember that we are all fragmented pieces of the one body of God. So how ludicrous that we have spent so much time competing against what in actual fact is ourselves! Hilarious sort of! x
Competition is in every sphere of life, it is exhausting to engage in and even to watch. Away from sport and parliamentary debate, I see it everyday when passengers push their way into the train, making it difficult for those who want to exit. Civility goes out the window and it is a sad way to start or end the working day.
The impact of competition is really quite huge. As a society we really have underestimated it.
Interesting read this morning. I was visiting an elderly couples house just yesterday and parliamentary question time was on in the background. As we chatted I found myself saying the exact same things as you have posed here Adam. Do they have to talk to each other like that? Does it have to be a slinging match? What if they just really worked together and asked what is needed and as a group just went for it? Competition is absolutely about bettering oneself and making yourself seen to be the best. Such a shame at the expense of what could really be. The issues talked about in question time were important, and vulnerable people were thrown around like pawns in a game of who is better than who. Glad you have brought this up Adam, it is very important to start talking about it and the impact competition is is having on everybody.
Great blog, Adam. What a wonderful suggestion ‘ what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together? What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?’ If only that were the true purpose felt by our politicians, to serve the people and work towards a greater common purpose, rather than furthering their own careers.
A great blog which is icebreaking the thick consciousness around competition and sport. In its more generic form, which is comparison, competition comes into every facet of life. At its extreme, what shocks me is when a person or animal is severely injured, mistreated, maimed, or killed in the act of competition, it is often defended as heroic, as if fallen in battle. The ludicrousness is we never plan or want war, do we? So why would it be courageous to engage in a planned or arranged ‘battle’? It feels really stupid to me.
I loved your point Adam that in trying to build up our children’s confidence by praising them for what they do, we are in fact destroying their sense of self worth by making them feel that it’s not about who they are, but what they do. If more time were spent confirming our children for who they are, competition would not even be an issue.
Thank you Adam. I love coming back to this subject, competition, it is so at the core of our society, and it feels so wrong, and can create so much hurt and pain. I was teaching at a workshop last weekend, there was a feeling of particular delicacy, with people really feeling the depth of expression in connection with themselves, and directly outside the back door of the community hall we were teaching in, there was a full-on rugby match going on, with lots and lots of sound effects 🙂 , lots of urging each other on to win (and other things).
A bit of a contrast!
A very powerful and insightful blog Adam.
What resonated with me were your words about the blind leading the blind;
“In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with”
Beautifully expressed Adam, thank you.
So awesome to read this Adam as it truly turned the idea of confidence on it’s head and exposed competition for what it really is. Confidence is not built but something that we do innately possess from the day we are born and it is only when we return to this fact that we can live free from the shackles of competition as it will no longer serve any purpose.
As I began to read this blog I could suddenly feel the amazing possibility of parliamentarians all working together for the common good; letting go of all their self seeking agendas and their need for recognition and in turn recognising that there are many others who would benefit from the skills and wisdom that they bring; that working as a team would bring much greater results than fighting each other to have their own agendas fulfilled. What an incredible example they would be setting to the rest of society, offering them the same harmonious possibility. Just imagine if the energy used in parliament, businesses, sports teams and other organisations, to fight each other for the top spot, the most money, the most recognition etc. was used in another, more unifying way, what could actually be achieved and what then would flow on from this. To work as a group for the benefit of all instead, of as an individual for self, has in my opinion the power to “move mountains” and there are certainly many man made “mountains” in the world that need moving.
When I was heavily into AFL, and my team ‘won’ the match or ‘the grand final’ – I so loved them winning and celebrating it but I also found it hard to watch the losing team sitting there quite dejected. It felt uncomfortable but that’s just the way it is heh?!? There are winners and there a losers – deal with it! And when I truly sit with it, I realise how ingrained this quality and belief is in our consciousness and that from a football match or a fiery debate – there is the drive to be the winner – to be out in front – to get what you want – without much care for those that you leave/trample on to get there. Great blog Adam to start bringing this conversation to the kitchen room tables that we do not have to live this way and could you imagine if we used that energy that we take to ‘defeat one another’ to actually truly work together – and work through differing opinions – which could be truly possible.
Thank you Adam for exposing competition for what it truly is. It is crazy how much we champion sports and competitions and that it is never enough, that we always have to do more and better. But nobody ever stops and asks why, why do we have to be always better, why are we never satisfied. We see it as something human and continue going. But what if it is actually something that does not at all come close to who we truly are and we just use it to fill the emptiness we feel inside for not allowing ourselves to bring to life our full being?
It is amazing that we encourage our children to participate in competitive events to ‘build confidence’ when it actually fosters a lack of self confidence. I see the light that shines out of them and I wonder why we don’t encourage them to see and feel that. What more could they need to be confident.
I agree Adam, it is a testament to Serge Benhayon confirming the type of man he is that he would choose, yes choose to walk away from the glamour and riches of his previous profession to living a life of service for one and all. I know I (and many people) wouldn’t be where we are today if Serge Benhayon had not made this change.
Competition is in so many areas and harms us constantly. It starts in schools, where pupils are measured by what they bring and how much they have learned and they are not met for who they are, radiant beings. Thank you Adam, for your amazing blog.
Beautifully said Adam. That competition debases what is true and creates a striving for a totally illusionary ideal is exemplified in music. From the very first examinations in piano, to the first singing competitions, from the first eliminating trials to the first performances, leading to the degrees, eisteddfods, with all the vested interest of the parents and teachers, all the way to the Gala TV performances and competitions, the essential truth of how music can really serve humanity is lost and buried in this morass of prizes, awards and rejections.
There is however a connection and reflection offered by Universal Medicine that shows how music can truly serve.
Adam, this a great article debunking the competition that we so champion in our society, which in truth has stripped away our innate nature of confidence and true power, which we all have within ourselves.
Great illustration of the harm of competition, imagine if all the energy and money that is put into competative events world wide was put into a unified goal of harmony and love, we would all be so much better off.
What a great article Adam- very Powerful. And it is great to understand what goes on behind so called “successful” competition, and how this can have negative consequences on our lives. Not to mention what we are falling short from: true unity.
What I loved about this blog was how clearly and with such strength you expressed the truth re how harming competition truly is Xx
Yes we grow up with the term ‘competition is healthy’. Your article exposes that clearly it is not and that in fact it separates us from ourselves, from each other, as a country and as humanity. How can this be healthy?
Beautifully written, Adam. When I listen to the radio and listen to the live parliament (which I can only handle for about 5 – 10 minutes because of the open hostility between the politicians and lack of attention to policy, I am shocked by the way that the “highest level”of our country conducts itself. Not only do they seem to behave like out-of-control school children, it would seem that 95% of the time is based on blaming the other party for the country’s problems, or attempting to bully, undermine or demean the opposition in an attempt at one-upmanship. How powerful would it be if we spent that 95% of the time coming together to work with a unified purpose to support true change? This is the government of the future, and the sooner that competition is seen as the destructive force that it is, the sooner this future will become our reality.
This is a topic close to my heart – and I suspect many Australians. How can the constant barrage of abuse that fills Question Time when parliament sits, be considered anything other than childish, disrespectful, embarrassing and shameful behaviour?
Let’s be clear – if we are being truthful, fiery debate does not and will not ever equate to slander, defamation and personal attack of other members… And yet this approach is a staples in the politicians’ diet, perceived to be a powerful driver of “innovation, evolution and change”.
Even at the very top, a prime minister is not able to articulate the huge difference between progressive forward thinking discussion and what is basically a schoolyard bullying match. Abuse is deeply entrenched in our culture from top to bottom, left to right.
The need to compete and be better than our fellow man or woman runs so deep to the point we can be blindly and unconsciously be competitive without being aware. Our societies have been built on competition and we can view ourselves or each other as weak if we don’t comply. Thank goodness we have role models like Serge Benhayon that teach us that we don’t have to compete with anyone to make a true difference in the world. Our political systems would learn much from this model.
Amazing Adam to hear competition revealed for the poison it is so clearly. If people everywhere stop trying to beat each other, in every way, that would truly be a victory for mankind. The real game being played here is simply us against each other.
Competitive sport always bothered me because I did not like the feel of the energy of people trying to beat (rather revealing word!) each other, and of the body crunching that goes on. Then there’s one winner and a whole bunch of losers who, as you say Adam, feel bad about themselves or about the winner. People even suicide over losing. Maybe most losers don’t go to that extreme, but it shows what effect the ‘losing’ has in one’s body and mind. “What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?” Yes! I know that this works, from having run a group (not a sporting team but an environmental group) based on the principles of equality, co-operation with ‘the other side’ and greater common purpose. We had fun and we metaphorically moved mountains. And most of all, everyone felt equal and valued. Also one time my partner and I played Chinese Checkers non-competitively with a child – the aim being to find fun and inventive ways of helping other people get across the board. We don’t need competition to have fun, be productive and feel great about ourselves and each other – it is possible in every sphere of life from politics to sport to business to any kind of personal or communal achievement.
Thanks for highlighting the language of ‘beating’ someone – made me stop and consider some of the language of sport – ‘thrashing’, ‘annihilate’, ‘doing battle’, ‘going head to head’, giving them a ‘hiding’, ‘smashing’, ‘pummeled’, and even ‘slaughtered’. The language of sport is the language of war – very revealing.
It is a vital point you make, Adam, that the ability of elite athletes to re-integrate into everyday society is certainly debatable and their struggles with substance abuse following seemingly ‘successful’ careers ‘stand as testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.’ Athletes are glorified, heralded as gods of their sport, untouchable heroes, shining examples etc etc. Performing at an elite level always seemed quite pointless to me; I haven’t been able to understand why some found it so important to be the best in the world. My question was always, ‘What then?’ or ‘Who even remembers who came first?’ The trade offs to get to the top are so great – damage to bodies through injury and overworking muscles, damage to relationships, careers to name a few – it is an illusion that all is rosy once there too, just dig a little under the surface and as you write you’ll find a host of people with low self esteem and little or no foundation of themselves to fall back on once the cameras stop rolling. I would like more people to ponder on this, not just sport at the elite level, but the trickle down effects to base/beginner level sport and competition.
From someone who always wanted to be the best in the world, I could not agree more with how you have painted it. The irony is that the “best in the world” most often have the lowest self esteem, and it is this lack of self worth that drives them to be the best, to prove something to themselves and others. They crave the acceptance of the world, yet ironically do not realise how in turn they actually push people away due to their competitive nature. The love they receive from their fans is false and ephemeral, and this is why they continuously need to strive new heights to reignite the love of their fans. Unfortunately, their fans only love them for what they do, and when they fall, there are few that wish to know them once they are washed up and spat out by the system that made them great.
You nail the illusion of sports and politics – Competition not bringing us anything but emptiness and an illusionary foundation of self-confidence. As you wrote about your parliamant – that it all happened DESPITE the fiery debate -imagine what is possible if we leave out the competition and truly work together?!
I certainly grew up learning that competition was healthy. That we need to learn how to accept defeat, learn from the mistakes we make, and then work harder next time to increase our chance of winning. But winning what? What do we actually get from the title of winning? As you’ve exposed here Adam, it’s a temporary feeling of artificial self acceptance. It’s another form of addiction, to keep the high of up, you have to keep winning. When you really feel how empty competition is, you realise how crazy we are and how tricked we’ve allowed ourselves to be.
Great blog and very true. How much could be achieved for the country if those parliamentary debates actually focused on achieving a common goal, as opposed to being distracted by belittling and undermining opponents?
A truly inspirational blog. As an ex-elite athlete myself I can relate to the fact that no amount of success is ever enough to satisfy you when you are empty within and lacking true confidence. You can make it look good on the surface and fool people but once you take the success away either through losing or injury or the end of a career, it does not take long for the cracks to show. Perhaps this is a new way to look at the phrase ‘sore loser’? Maybe it is because the loser in any competition is forced into a bit of reality check and faced with their own inner hurts for a moment rather than being constantly distracted with striving and winning?
The allure of sport can be huge at times, and needing that drama and recognition is sometimes what we crave when we are not feeling our own love and tenderness.
I agree Ben, from having played a lot of competitive sports, I realised after meting Serge Benhayon, that I was just looking for acceptance and recognition. The more I decided to make choices that truly supported me the more I could let go of the need for that acceptance and recognition.
Great blog, Adam, thank you. Having 3 boys, I have spent many hours sitting on the side line of many different sporting venues. One thing that continues to shock me is how spectators, parents, react when the game isn’t going as they would like. Particularly for rugby, it’s as though the ‘children’ playing become pawns that spectators feel quite entitled to hurl abuse at and as for the poor referees, they seem to never be able to make the ‘right’ call. The ‘other side’ suddenly becomes a foe to be beaten, crushed, and then we can walk away victorious. It’s so unpleasant to sit there and feel the animalistic, violent energy. When I would clap for the other side and make positive comments on how the ‘other side’ was playing, those around me would look at me as though I had two heads. No just one big heart.
Thanks Adam. For true change to occur we need to start firstly with ourselves as Serge Benhayon has done. From this we can begin to truly inspire others to know that true confidence comes from within and that competitiveness at any level does nothing but harm as it continues to add to the illusion that supports the emptiness within.
Gee, we’ve all been conned, if the foundation of true confidence has naturally been there since birth!!
Wow Adam, an awesome blog. You say ‘underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centered individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.’
I have never liked any form of competition.
This self centered-ness that we display in these situations prevents us all from truly connecting.
It seems that our self-worth must be restored before any form of group gathering, whether it be sport, politics, education and even family, can truly evolve.
Wow, the power in this blog is tangible Adam. Competition is one big illusion and nobody wins that’s for sure and you have made this very clear. As you say the foundation of true confidence is in us by birth and it never leaves us.
Very powerful to read this Adam and feel the truth about competition and it’s never-ending manifestation throughout life.
It is indeed very powerful Lee. Thank you Adam for so clearly and succinctly outlining the harm of competition and the self centred individual society we live in.
It’s a good point Adam, there is nothing wrong with a fiery debate but in politics and sport alike the competitiveness is at the expense of another person and no opportunity is missed to take the other person down a peg or two. Nothing constructive can come from this poisonous attitude. By contrast great things can be accomplished when we work together.
The problem for me lies in the word “debate”. There is nothing to debate if we all align to common purpose. Having said that, common purpose is difficult to find in the world of politics and life, possibly because we all have our own hidden and not -so- hidden agendas that we wish to impose on the world for our own benefit. And so, yes, fiery debate is the way for the moment. The problem is that we usually do not debate to find common purpose; we debate to debase, and therein lies the problem.
A very powerful blog Adam. It is so easy to buy into the belief that playing sport would be confidence building for children, but you describe so beautifully how this in fact only serves to erode away the foundation they had at birth.
Thank you for bringing the awareness of what competitive sport delivers. It has become a pillar on what many people have falsely attempted to build their confidence on and one that is fiercely defended.
An amazing insight Adam into why competition and sport are not so healthy as everyone is lead to believe.
Adam this is a powerful blog and one that rings true for many children in the playground. To think that your self worth is measured by out doing someone speaks volumes about how far we are willing to go to feel great about ourselves.
Yeah it is really ugly and something that comes very early, one little girl would always have to be first to the school gates or first to the shops, it felt exhausting being in that constant striving to be the ‘best’. It is awesome to let go of that, though it is ever prevalent the need for recognition rather than the delicious resting in the beauty of you, it’s the latter that really supports and is worth the willingness to shift away from old patterns of competition!
What a direct and beautifully written blog. I have always loathed competitive sport but never understood why…apart from the fact that I wasn’t particularly good at it. I could see the benefit of running for your life if a lion was nipping at your heels but running for your life to beat someone else…pointless.
Awesome blog Adam, tackling a subject that most would not wish to ponder on as sport, winning and being competitive is a prop up for so many in life. It’s their only source of recognition, acceptance and even love and so will hold onto it for dear life. And all the while, there deep within them, is the only thing they will ever need, their own true unwavering love, just waiting for them to allow and accept in full.
Totally knocked out the ideal about competition and needing it to evolve ourselves as a human race. If anything it slows us down considerably.
Absolutely agree with you Luke, complete ideal that people chase, and feel depressed or feel less if they don’t win the race.. There’s not real joy in being ‘better’ than another. If anything we should encourage each others talents and be inspired rather than wanting to be better than them.
Yes I agree we try to build a foundation in children, because we cannot see they are already whole and complete. This is a very de-stabilising process as children grow up. To be told you need to do this and that to be a good person – it is so relentless from all aspects of society, we end up as parents perpetrating the same tragic mistake on the next generation. It has been a revelation to me that despite a life time of conditioning, my true foundation is still in tact and it thrives in holding myself equal with others and acting and speaking for the mutual benefit of all -not an ounce of competition in this way of being and it is wonderful to see it is ageless.
Dear Adam,
Yes competition is such an accepted way to live, it is in politics, sport, dance, work places. It is even classed as normal when referring to sibling rivalry. All of us know the harm of competition because at one time it another each of us have been on the loosing end, yet it is still fostered and encouraged. In fact this runs so deep in my life and society that now as I choose to live my life seeing all as equal it has and continues to astound me as to how much we have all lived with competition as our foundation. All of us believing that we are to keep proving that we are worthy, to do this we must put another down, this is competition. As I myself continue to debase this energy every where it appears in my life, I find that deep inside of me there is a feeling of knowing that I am a super lovely tender honoring person and feeling this I feel less the need to prove my worth because I know my deepest essence. I feel less and less the push to compete against another. This alone shows me how important it is to support others to feel that they too have the very same true foundation. It Being of love, honor and acceptance.
The need for recognition and approval runs deep when we have lost connection with just being ourselves and the lack of self-worth that goes along with it. Comparison and competition then can easily be justified or even idealized or simply seen as normal. Without Serge Benhayon´s presentations on this topic it would have been quite difficult for me to start seeing through it.
Competition feels very unnatural to me, always has. I never liked sport or competitive games and avoided them if I could. The down-side to this was that I felt I missed out on a lot of the social activity that is associated with playing sport, and so became a bit of a loner. Wouldn’t it be amazing if children were encouraged to just play, have fun, enjoy being together, without the need to compete, compare and argue.
Leaders of our country, organisations, parents are all reflecting a way of being. If that is to be in competition, self gain and individualism, that is what our children and the general population will indeed emulate and around the merry go round we go. Until there is someone who reflects something different, that we can reflect and live love, this person is Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Politics is also a bit like a sport, it is played as a game, where you play your hand to crush an opponent, take every opportunity to belittle your rivals and expose weakness in their agenda. From that basis it is a wonder that anything of true merit gets achieved in any of our political systems, in fact you could argue that it does not. We might claim to have democracy in much of the world, but on the basis of the one-up-manship that is allow to flourish, this is perhaps a very shallow form of it. A truer form of debate would require honesty and reason, where point scoring was not the aim, but instead the formation of ideas and legislation that are of benefit to all of society.
That would be so great Stephen – and make so much sense too – debating in politics to unify – to raise the debate – to build on each others responses – to speak for the all – to truly serve the people – and legislate in a way that is of benefit to all of society. A far cry from waving white papers and deriding your ‘opponents’ on the ‘other side’ of the house and seeking to publicly humiliate as much as is possible – capped off with the short mindedness/small horizon of utter self gain. Imagine the health of our nations if parliaments met to grow everyone’s awareness of any subject – to support each other – what a contrasting way of life (to today) would be possible.
Very true Adam. Competition is obvious in sport however I have been in the music industry for over a decade and even before the music talent shows on tv competition drove musicians. Jazz is a style of music dedicated to competition where only the top players go to show off there talents and skills. The musicians music to demonstrate ones self worth instead of providing loving music for all.
So eloquently written Adam, I totally agree competition has a lot to answer for…from the individual, to society, the nation and a worldwide scale it separates us from each other and the amazing potential we have if we actually worked together and stopped wasting time competing with each other.
Again, Adam after re-reading this I want to quote all of it and so I feel to say ….. thank you, thank you, thank you! Building ourselves up on the losses of others is a poor foundation for life, indeed.
Competition in sport is regaled as one of most entertaining activities that people either like to play or watch and it doesn’t seem to matter too much if someone is hurt in the process whether physically or mentally or both as long as the game goes on. The same mentality is in politics and this way of governing is to the detriment of all, it doesn’t appear to matter if the policy put forward is good or bad the opposition party in most cases will oppose it. When are we going to wake-up and realise that competition doesn’t work and that there is a different way. The only way forward for us as human beings is to work and evolve together. While there is competition there can be no harmony in society. Is this truly what we want? Universal Medicine presents a way of living that is all about living in harmony with each other and there is no room for competition in that.
Thanks Adam for a great read, this insidious competition, as you have pointed out, is in every thing we do and is put up as bettering our self and bringing people together and yet it is always at the expense of our bodies and another person – and always seeking recognition in the ever ongoing arena of winner/loser, that empty short-lived victory over another.
“what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together? What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose? Of course to do so would reveal the fact that underneath competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.” – EXACTLY.
Thank you Adam for posting this story about competition. Is our society run by competition, based on the theory of survival of the fittest? It feels to me that this is a true statement if we look around. When we indeed look at how we debate, than I can see only competition in persuasion of getting a point of view across, compared to what I feel in how it could be; building a true understanding in all participating in the debate by building on everybody’s contribution. The outcome of the competitive way of living with each other is not bringing us true and sustaining answers to the issues that are facing society. It only provides a short moment of relief that needs to be improved and adjusted continuously. How would life be if we start living without competition and instead start to live in equality, knowing that we all bring a unique element to life that will benefit us all.
I love the feel of the ‘other way’ that you present here nvanhaastrecht – I can feel the very real possibility of valuing each our own uniquely flavoured – but absolutely equal contribution to all that we are presented with to attend to in society when we live in respect of and in connection with ourselves and so everyone. I love the feeling you describe in debate of us all building on each others equal contribution – I can feel this would bring us together – unite and value. Very cool.
I also loved to compete and watch sport, little realising the damage that was occurring, to myself, the group of people I was playing with, and to those observing – seeing & feeling the reflection of how we were in that state of competition.
I agree that a lot of people are fed up with the fighting and general behaviour of politicians but never stop to realise the link between the behaviour of politicians in parliament and our own. The competitive behaviour is often a magnified reflection of what is happening to some degree in our own communities – what we see going on in parliament is what is actually happening at an individual level in our society, and vice versa.
This is where the teachings of Universal Medicine help me to understand that it is so vital that I work on my own personal growth and behaviour, for not just my own development but also as a responsibility to all those around me.
I used to think sport and other forms of competition were so cool. But I have come to realise that (despite sport being such a pillar of western society) we were never supposed to compete with each other on any level – we are here to collaborate and raise each other higher but never by stepping on someone else to get there.
So true Marika. Your mention of competiveness with board games reminded me of a friend as a child who so strongly identified with winning – she would get violent if she lost. For me it was nothing to do with winning (or ‘slaying my opponent’ as she used to say!) – so to stay in one piece I would negotiate through to carefully let her win – without her noticing – or the rage would be explosive. Madness that any child can be so unmet for who they are that they are this desperate to beat (step on/annihilate) someone to somehow prove to themself they have worth. ???!! Madness and So much less than who we are – (and not much fun either!!!).
Having been consumed in competition from year 4 soccer matches during recess time, to the foray of elite yachting, once you pull the plug on being competitive, everything changes. ‘Baseless’ is a great word to describe the feeling one gets when their sense of self doesn’t rely on the instant external feedback from doing well, or not so well, in an area of competition. Great article Adam.
Interesting all that fiery debate in parliament is delaying getting on with the work they need to do and is more about an opportunity for parliamentarians to show the audience and their peers how clever they are. ‘Healthy debate’ is nothing but a show, a bit of entertainment and yes, a sport! It’s appalling the behaviour we see going on in parliament – it is all about self and nothing about the constituents these people are supposed to represent and care for. There is nothing to champion in any kind of debate for it is exactly that, a sport and has nothing to do with coming together as a group to find what is true and what is being called for by the masses these people are supposed to represent.
The illusion of the goodness in competition runs deep and is quite a hook. Even now I can still feel the draw to measure myself by how much I have achieved and how things look, much like a parliamentarian does likewise by the grandness of their speech or being able to evade questions and dodge giving true answers. Very little of day to day life is aided by being competitive, there is much more quality to be had in our lives by our ability to connect with others and work as part of a group towards common outcomes. This is what life is really all about.
I actually heard a football commentator admit the other day that the behaviour played out in sport is an example of how human behaviour is played out in the world. However, he accepted it as normal. So many know the patterns we create, but are content to go on doing the same, as there is a kind of helplessness and inability to do anything but try and solve it by sticking plaster. But Universal Medicine presents to us a new approach that could turn the world on its head and bring harmony and well-being.
‘I actually heard a football commentator admit the other day that the behaviour played out in sport is an example of how human behaviour is played out in the world.’ – Wow Joan, that’s shocking. Much too often we use ‘survival of the fittest’ and competition to get our way in life, which is quite animalistic if you think about – aren’t we humans meant to be the most ‘civilised’ species?
Yes, Susie, I was interested he said it, as it exposed something that others do not often admit, but he stopped there, as is often the case, for it is accepted by most as normal and OK, and often been claimed as a safety valve to prevent violence in the real world. What is so, so shocking is the fact that he had seen and understood what is going on but had not asked ‘why?’,or ‘is that acceptable, and what does that say about us as human beings and what can we do about it?’ It certainly isn’t very “intelligent!”
‘Competition serves neither the victor nor the loser…..’ They can so easily swap places in a moment. The excitement of winning gives way to the despair of losing. Emotional turmoil results. What an exhausting way to live. In such effort to win, the body suffers. Witness the injuries sustained by sportsmen and women, both amateur and professional. Yet the focus is to fix the body and return to the sport as soon as possible, to beat their opponent, and this is lauded in our society currently. This is all one huge illusion, as Doug commented. Co-operation is the way forward. I am reminded of the fable where there is a huge bowl of food, but all those around the table have such long spoons that they cannot get the food into their own mouths. The only way to get fed is for them to feed each other across the table with their long spoons; then everyone gets fed and has sufficient for their needs.
great metaphor, it reminds me of a muppet skit I used to love on TV when I was young. There were two muppets trying to get fruit of a tree. One muppet was short and could not reach. The other had super long arms to reach the fruit, but no elbows to speak of, so he could not reach the fruit. Only when they worked together and the long armed muppet grabbed the fruit, and the short armed muppet with elbows put the fruit in his mouth, could they both thrive.
If this was a metaphor for competition, both would have fought for the fruit. The long armed muppet would have got to the fruit first, but unable to feed himself, would have starved, and the fruit would have been rotten before the short armed muppet could get to it. Desperate and hungry, the short armed muppet might have then chopped the tree down, and that would have been the end of that.
Brilliant point Sue; a life of constant competition – always trying to get the edge over others and ‘win’ – can be extremely exhausting.
‘They become strangers to their own company’ … that is so True. With the drive and focus on winning and search of deep recognition and acceptance – you become lost and void of your soul and your primary focus is what you can ‘do’ to gain all of that. I can remember the way that it was slowly introduced subtly so as a child; that you’re there having fun and then game by game you are brought to a deeper understanding that it is not so much about fun but about your technique and how to beat the opposition. To put up with any discomfort or pain that you may undertake and dedicate yourself to the team winning. No wonder I lost me in the process and forgot about the tender, gentle, loving Woman that I am.
Absolutely Natalie; if we make winning, beating others and achieving our only focus we can become quite lost in craving recognition.
Such wise words Adam.
” In unison towards a greater common purpose ”
Ultimately it is down to me/us to ‘ponder on’ and see through the illusion of ‘winners and losers’, to then openly express this clearly to others.
Thank you, Adam. I love re-reading this blog and the great truth that it presents. Your comment about our self worth being directly related to the quality of our achievements rings very true.
This is a great exposing of what competition really is Adam, and how it is completely and falsely seen as a solution by so many, who have been blinded to the truth that competition actually harms everyone. There is only ever one winner and everyone else becomes a loser – even this is an illusion because the winner is only a ‘winner’ for a moment and then they feel the emptiness of the win and become a ‘loser’ too. We have been pursuing this false ideal for too long, it is time to realise that working together as equals with no competition is the way for the future.
How mad, has competition in professional sports taken us out of reality? There was an American sportsman that beat his wife in an elevator and an attempt was made to cover up what had happen, however the CCTV footage from the elevator got released.
When has innovation in Professional sports had a place other than to make more money? it has long ago lost its way!
I love your question “What if we stopped championing competitive debate as the bastion of truth and allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose?” It is genrally assumed it is useful to have an opposing party in government so that the ruling party is kept in check, it is also assumed that you need rivals in business in order to have a motivation to excel. But this is already assuming a lack of responsibility, accountability and commitment to start with. If those issues need addressing let us address them and not create a situation that compromises a possibility of openness, mutual respect and co-operation, for these latter qualities will provide a far more supportive foundation for society than competition and trying to outsmart another can ever offer.
Adam when I look around in my life and with those people I know and work with, competition is everywhere. For as long as I can remember I was told “a bit of healthy competition” is what is needed. I hadn’t considered this before but that shows us we know competition is not healthy, however just putting the words “healthy” in front of it does not change anything. We all know that “diet” coca-cola is not actually healthy or good for us but sometimes go along with it. Just as competition is competition no matter how we dress it up. Working in a sales environment now that is a tricky one to manage as so much is driven on “healthy competition”.
I have experienced this sense of competition recently at work when my colleagues and I were launching a new product and our sales targets were being watched very closely. Firstly the pressure to do well was immense and created an environment based on outcome rather than natural connection with people, and secondly it created separation within our team which felt cold and empty. There is nothing wrong with selling a product, but from my experience it feels healthier to work as a team and focus on connecting with people first, and the sales come second. What kind of world are we contributing to if we are constantly in competition with each other and if a customer is purely a means to an end?
Ah yes Rebecca I have been a customer in stores where it feels as though such target based programmes are running. I have also gone to stores where I have received real assistance to find the product which will be appropriate – a purchase being secondary. I know which store I would prefer to do my business with in the future.
What a blog this is, competition is indeed a prop, doing nothing more than serving the self. My own experience of competition was of its sheer emptiness, I never felt any joy from winning, it is a short lived elation that needs to be constantly fed and can only be achieved by making someone else lesser. By contrast, working in a non competitive team for a common outcome just seems so much more fulfilling.
Competition seems a fundamental basis of our society but is a false foundation and ultimately destroys and crushes us all. Thank you Adam, for a really great Blog, sharing this competitive behaviour we are all exposed to and brought up with and the harm it really causes.
I’ve been recently watching some small children who can play so beautifully together most of the time, until the competition comes in – when I then observe them to change almost instantaneously, vying to beat each other. It is such a contrast to how lovely they were behaving just seconds previously. And as a society, it is generally encouraged to behave like this, throughout all areas of sport and life, instead of a win/win situation, it feels like a lose/lose scenario to me.
I agree Gill, “it does feel like a lose/lose scenario!”
I appreciate your phrase “all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.”
I know first hand the impact of competition on me: I lose my inner confidence and start feeling dependent on that outcome. I also cut myself off from the other person because I do not like knowing that if I win they will be distraught that they have lost. So it is undermining even if there are winners at the competition.
And I also know from first hand how awful it feels when we are going for a win and we end up losing. Competition is disempowering whichever way you look at it.
My school had similar prize giving and competition encouraging focus. It would be awesome to bring attention and appreciation to real qualities, like honesty and integrity. Instead of giving prizes it would be great to nurture the appreciation and develop the understanding of how to build that in our life.
We were playing a game in the woods at school yesterday, which started out cohesive, fun and inclusive. Then one of the children hooked onto the notion of there being a winner and the whole dynamic changed. The children tensed and instantly pitted themselves against one another. Outwardly it was still a game and we could pretend that it was all still fun, but the transformation was shocking. It was like the world had clouded over. This is the madness of competition and it affects every area of life.
We have accepted that competition is healthy and encourages us to be successful in life, it gives us a drive and determination to achieve something. You only have to watch children in a play ground, if they are playing together it is a joy to watch, but as soon as it becomes competitive, jealousy, comparison, and tears follow not far behind. Children naturally know that competition does not feel right for them, but will override their feelings to please and to be recognised.
Recently I watched as my class prepared and were asked to put themselves forward for being house captains for their school houses. This house system is an old tradition that stems back to “Empire” to prepare leaders for the future. For the children, the usual nerves in the preparation of the event were present and the usual questioning of themselves if they would be good enough to do what was needed. The delivering of each pitch to each house was followed by a voting system. The fall out that followed in terms of tears, upset and sheer disappointment of the majority that didn’t get chosen wasn’t unexpected, or the euphoria of the three that got picked, but what was quite incredulous was how the whole class fell apart in their behaviour for the following two weeks. The whole experience literally split the class and the way they communicated to each other was so hurtful and extreme to the way they normally behave. It actually got quite ugly. The only change to their routine was this event and the ripples of this experience deeply laced each pupil. We accept these competitive school events as normal part of life and champion them as good thing. Observing the detail of this experience in reality I saw that competition blocks understanding and connection between pupils, seriously dents self esteem, makes those that were successful feel guilty for it, sending ripple effects of negative behaviour afterwards.
Great observation of the dynamics that are set off by competition Rachel. It is no wonder the world is in the state it is, because competition is championed in every circle.
Like so many not so great things we have come to accept as normal in society (alcohol and coffee dependance, conflict, sugar consumption etc.) competition is a beast that needs to be exposed for the damage it does. It is divisive and ugly, pitting humans against humans, when we so desperately need to work together. The myth that it somehow gets people to their full potential is just that, a myth, and needs to be exposed for what it truly is: an ugly way to keep people apart from one another. To reach our full potential we just need to live in relationship with ourselves, fully appreciating all that we are and bring, alongside everyone else and their qualities, committed to life and to being a responsible and purposeful member of humanity.
This feels so true Matilda, ‘competition is a beast that needs to be exposed for the damage it does. It is divisive and ugly, pitting humans against humans, when we so desperately need to work together.’
Simply and beautifully put, Brendan.
Thank you Adam for such a clear analysis of the falseness and harm that competition brings.
It truly is amazing the amount of importance that is given to sports all around the world. The amount of money and time invested in it could be used in many other needed areas in life, like education for example. How about we invest in educating that competition creates separatism and you are always going to be less or more than another depending on the outcome? No one would every be considered equal in this equation.
It is quite interesting how I have noticed competition running through lots of areas where I hadn’t realised it previously. You have explained very well, Adam thank you, how we know there is competition in sport, that second place isn’t good enough and the winner needs to keep winning to maintain their fulfillment. I am now seeing competition running as a thread which I hadn’t noticed before, through many interactions, not only with young people in school life, but also in conversations between women and men in daily life, with siblings, with partners, and in the workplace. It is quite ugly.
Ah yes Gill, the ‘having the last word syndrome’. I recall the pressures of the conversations at business dinners.
The release to realise now that all I have to do is be – me, accepting all that I am myself, not reliant on others’ opinions.
I keep coming back to this amazing blog (thank you, Adam) because I feel the importance and possibility of re-writing the rules about competition. Every time I read it I feel supported to say ‘no’ to so many of the assumptions made about competition: that it is a natural state of our human-ness; that it is something to develop so that we reach our full potential. With competition there is always comparison and whilst we adhere to a competitive framework in society, we are stepping on each other to stay ahead. This is madness.
Great article Adam. I have watched the debates in the House of Commons and questioned exactly what you say. How does anything get decided or built upon when they make constant personal attacks and forgo their responsibility to the country to make laws and come to agreements that serve constituents? And these are the people running the country.
It is no wonder that polls say people have lost faith in politics and yet, as a society we have created competition in every sphere of life and so this belittling of another to feel good about ourselves. We teach our children to feel good about themselves by comparing themselves to another and outdoing them in at least something whether it is sports or spelling. There has to be something a person is better at than someone else for this is how we measure worth. Children are not recognised for being amazing for just being themselves. I know I am appreciating myself and others more and more for just being ourselves.
I agree with you Karin. It is very ugly seeing the end results of society being in competition in every sphere of life. This has such a damaging effect with children comparing and pushing themselves to be better than another from a very early age, rather than just being accepted and confirmed with love, for being amazing, for just being themselves. What a different world we could live in as this is exposed, and acceptance and equal-ness becomes the ‘new normal’.
To trade our true foundation of self worth for an outer impostor which is dependent upon constant reinforcement from the outside is an upside down trade indeed.
This is well said Matilda and as I also work as a primary school teacher I can vouch for your words. We do, “make children competitive because it is a way for them to be acknowledged, so they, and we all, end up getting hooked on doing rather than being!” I also observe that when I take out the element of competition children relax, feel calmer and less pressured and even less stressed. The quality of their work actually improves!!! Imagine if as adults we could live this way? How would it be to cut stress out of our lives because the element of competition was taken away and therefore the notion that we have to do better to win, or to get ahead was not there. Don’t most of us feel failures in life if we aren’t ahead of the game? Some of us give up, some of us keep pushing and striving to achieve, some end up chasing our tails and some of us just never stop! Either way we end up sick, depleted and fed up. The notion of competition is the underlying concept that drives the manic way our lives run. It’s time we saw the harm we do to ourselves by keeping the false belief that a little competition is good for you. It is not good for us in fact, I can see that it is very harmful.
Working in a school I am super aware of how we layer competition into everything and I would be rich if I had a penny for the number of times I have heard ‘Children are naturally competitive’. This is balderdash…we make them competitive because it is a way for them to be acknowledged, so they, and we all, end up getting hooked on doing rather than being. When I take the competition out of the classroom, the games, the playground, the children collectively relax and open up to the possibility and joy of just being them, no rosettes or medals required!
That is beautiful to read. We all know it to be true and we all genuinely feel better for it when we are held in this way. It is now up to us to bring this back as a normal way of being as opposed to the competitiveness we are taught.
Such a true point, Matilda. I wonder how any other things we say are aspects of human nature but are taught as children? Naturally selfish, put our blood family first, …..?
This is an amazing study Matilda…what are children like in a classroom where competition is consciously NOT the protocol? I would love to see reports on classrooms run like yours.
So awesome you are a teacher like this. I too, would be rich if I had a penny for all the times I’ve heard: ‘Children are naturally competitive,’ and ‘children love competition.’ I don’t think so! I have seen many children very upset or lose themselves in over excitement when competition is introduced. The teachers, who often have children not wanting to engage in classes, find competition an easy way of getting a class excited which they interpret as engagement and learning when really, the children are just hungry for recognition and wanting to avoid being ‘bottom of the class’ and has nothing to do with being interested in the subject matter.
How beautiful to be in a class where, as a child, one feels secure and safe in the acceptance and appreciation of just being oneself. The angst in their bodies can go and guess what? They are able to attend to what is being taught without comparing themselves to how their classmates are getting on. They are able to say what interests them, what achievements they’ve made or ask for help without fear of ridicule but support from other pupils, not just the class teacher. Pretty awesome.
I so want to be in your class!
You make a great point here Karin about children and competition. I remember at school that yes it was all about coming first for the recognition it provided but also remembering how awful it felt to be last and the devastation that brings to a small child. I remember being told “show me a good loser and I will show you a loser” such a damaging phrase taken on by so many. Very refreshing to see this approach changing.
I agree Matilda, there have been many things in life I have really enjoyed and been good at, but never continued with because to go anywhere with those things you have to go into competitions and I have always hated them. It’s just an opportunity for me to get anxious about the outcome; if I lose it will be devastating, but it will be equally devastating for someone else if I win. I find it far more enjoyable and as you say, relaxing, when the pressure of competitions and performing is taken away.
Matilda this is great what you share, the more people that take competition out of the class room, how beautiful it will be for the children. We will see more children flourish and be who they truly are without any fear of being rejected or feeling less.
It is so true. I can remember when I was little, the joy of just playing games when I felt no need for recognition and how much fun it was to just enjoy the company of others doing what we were doing.
Great to bring a spotlight on competition and sport and ask some hard questions. Are the values around competition we as a society hold really true? Although I have loved sport and competition all my life, I am now feeling that they actually hold us back from developing into a loving and caring society. Why after thousands of years haven’t we moved on from War? Perhaps our love affair with competition and sport is part of the answer.
Good point Doug, war is about triumphing and dominating another nation – don’t we do that in the World Cup and the Olympics too? It all has the same flavour, a winner or victor and a loosing team or nation, a failure. Is this truly the most intelligent expression of a species who can build space rockets and walk on the Moon? Surely there must be more to us than that, surely we can evolve into a species that can seek true co-operation, true community and true equality between nations, in the best and true interest of all of concerned, not just the winner.
Great way to look at things Doug, I hand’t seen it like that before.
Great question to pose Doug, why have we not moved on from war? Maybe sport and competition is a civilised form of war (although there are some football matches where the veil wears thin). What a great service we would do ourselves on a global level if we chose to relinquish sport in favour of true national and international relationships.
Great point Doug as competition does seem to carry the same energy as war. Two sides battling it out, leaving one less and one triumphant and totally leaving union and equality behind.
I think you may be onto something here! Could competition be part of the answer as to why we do not have a loving and caring society? It also begs the question: where does competition come from? Why do we feel the need to be better than another person? Is it just a matter of self worth and us feeling better about ourselves? I know I used to be quite competitive, and when I did well, people noticed me and it confirmed my worth as a person, and when I did badly, it did the opposite.
Wow Doug, that is MEGA!
Great blog and worth pondering on deeply as a society… As it stands we have not known any better, and as you say it has been the blind leading the blind. But we have now an opportunity to break this cycle that has been destroying us as individuals and as a whole – to support true confidence as you say and show that competition will only ever create separation and self worth issues.
Gosh, just to consider the possibility of breaking the cycle of competition is inspiring. Thank you, Natalie.
Very true Natalie, and this is a great discussion, for too long society has accepted competition as normal with considering the harm that it is a part of by allowing it. Crushing a fellow brother just to feel on top is an awful way to experience sport, and now we can say it so.
This is so true Amina, ‘crushing a fellow brother just to feel on top is an awful way to experience sport’.
Sport and competition are causes of dissatisfaction and divide us and leave many feeling lesser when in fact we are all one and the same love inside.
If only sport was to purely support our bodies and bring a more loving way to live healthy, and was inclusive for us all to feel and enjoy.
And we all have this love of brotherhood at our very heart, to return to whenever we choose. How amazing it is to relinquish the stress and madness of competition and just play.
It’s a sad reflection when you see people who beat themselve up, because they have not won, or how parents at sporting events watching their children competing, and shouting at them, if they are playing badly. Where has the joy of working together as a whole gone? It’s not always winning, but the taking part, that is the enjoyment.
Right on Adam, that competition is not natural to the human being.
To the human spirit however, it is a different kettle of footballs. This creature will crush anything or anyone for a teaspoonful of recognition, including the body in which it dwells. Ugly indeed, and ruthless.
Thank you for laying it out so succinctly.
Love the way you turned the comment on its head about the fiery debate. It’s crazy how easily competition and self gain can get in the way of working together and perhaps building something for all. Great exposure here
From your comments, Ryan, I can feel how small competition is alongside a choice to work in true collaboration with each other, no winners or losers, just a common commitment to serve humanity. Competition is an irritating thorn in the side of an elephant!
This is so sweet to read, Shirley-Ann. I can really relate to this as I, too, was so non-competitive and more naturally drawn to our equality. I had this one friend that was hell-bent on winning everything, and tried to turn every game we played, or every conversation, into a competition. I drove her nuts, too. I remember with any board game even, that I became very very skilled at deliberately letting her win, but in a way that let her think I wasn’t, or the ensuing tantrum was immense. How silly, hey?… and how unnatural.
Any pleasure in that moment of winning anything against another is so fleeting and then so yucky if we allow ourselves to feel the emptiness of the accolade and the crushing of a fellow human being. And the madness has got to the point that one gold medal at the Olympics is not enough, you have to come home with a pocketful to be really ‘up there’. This is a never ending, never satisfied way of striving – whatever the costs.
Absolutely Matilda, where does it end? Will we ever be satisfied? How good is good enough? How far do we need to push? Competition takes so much effort which is needless if we consider that we are already everything we need to be.
You nailed it Adam – I was vice captain of sports when I was high school and ran myself ragged knowing that if I won my race, and only then, would I be worth something to my team, the teachers and my school! Very toxic indeed! Thank you for exposing this Evil.
Competitive sport always left me feeling angry and exhausted. Thank you for calling out how there is no such thing as ‘healthy” competition.
I love your blog Adam, it is so true and very exposing of the ignored fact that, sport can be extremely harmful on your health, emotionally and physically.
My younger years at primary and high school where sport was compulsory left me feeling sorely lacking in self worth as a result of not feeling good enough in whatever sport I had to endure.
Getting into houses with colours and being identified by your house colour as either successful or not depending on who was at the top was very disempowering. Others saying, I’m in ………..house and we are at the top when its most definite someone will be at the bottom feeling the emptiness of all of that.
I remember my son coming home from school one day upset because he had been moved from the house he was in which were at the top, to the one at the bottom, and telling me his friends were teasing him about it.
It seems like something is quite out of balance here if an external thing that can be quite taxing on your body in more ways than one should be championed as something to strive for, something that tells you who you are.
Did we not know who we were when we were 3 or 4 and loved the simplicity of us just being us without any outside stuff to prop us up, just feeling the yumminess of our natural loveliness and innocence and allowing that out.
And then we were bombarded with sport and competition, the apparent measure of who you were or not according to how well you did or didn’t do.
A conversation filler at parties or get togethers, everyone spewing out their associated achievements and awards, but what about the ones who don’t like sport, are they considered an un-achiever or boring.
We start off this naturally gorgeous person first before anything comes in to tell us otherwise and that is absolutely enough and a most welcome breath of fresh air for us all to return to when the world tries to tell us otherwise.
Yes, true connections 2013… Children do feel the whole belonging to a “house” taxing and if they are not in the winning house they feel less. If they are in the winning house there is a drive to stay there. It’s interesting to know that the school house system was set up in the major fee paying public school first as a way to prepare their pupils for “Empire and to be great leaders of the Empire.” Britain of course is no longer one and yet the tradition has remained. Perhaps the house system has remained because of some nostalgia, or that we don’t question the origins of our traditions? Either way does the house system in school really serve our children and does it support them to feel equal?
An amazing blog
Brilliant exposing on competition and its consequences Adam. Great to bring out the insidious destroying nature of something that has been championed in society for eons.
The follow on comments are brilliant and so true, such food for contemplation.
The “testament to the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying” can be witnessed in almost all children, in all playgrounds and sports fixtures. The elation in winning so heightened because of the intensity of having to… and the crushing and disappointment is so deep when loosing. Just looking at the winners and losers faces at the end of a “friendly” match amongst seven to eleven year olds says it all. If the same team keep losing their confidence is destroyed and those that win have to keep winning to keep their confidence up! There is never a point at which each child is allowed to stop and feel that they are enough as they are. There is a push and drive to keep proving themselves to everyone around them through competition. It doesn’t end on the sports field either but in every aspect of school life. We champion competition as a healthy part of life, but on further inspection it can be harmful! Perhaps children need a health warning before entering any competition?
Great comment Rachel. I know with your experience with children you have first hand experience of this. This way of playing sport is so ingrained into our society that it is hard to imagine how we could do it another way in schools. It is obvious that every child needs to be celebrated for who they are, and not because they ‘win’ something.
I was talking to someone the other day who felt life would be very boring without competition. We discussed its impact on the winner (feeling temporarily better) and the loser,(feeling very put down). He could not entertain they there could be a time without competition so the conversation finished, but I got a real sense of how strong a person can feel with their ingrained beliefs and that there was a choice for him to feel something different.
Thank you for writing this Adam. Competition is so deeply ingrained in us from such an early age as being normal, even ‘healthy’, and confidence building (as you say), and yet it is indeed a false confidence, a ra ra version of what is simply there in our hearts to live.
As a parent of school age children, I see them already being influenced by this culture, it is nurtured in them to be competitive with their peers both inside and outside the classroom. What a beautiful world we will live in when each and every one of us realises that we need not compete, but rather simply live our joy and greatness alongside one another.
Well said Anna; a beautiful world indeed!
Ryan what you have expressed is spot on. Thank you. And Amina I love you exposing the twist and how we are trapped.
Competition is an interesting subject. Even though I don’t obviously compete in any type of sport I find that competition is there in me in little ways. Sometimes I notice that in a simple conversation I can be trying to ‘score points’. When I notice this it is a relief to let it go and just allow myself to be present with someone else without the need to prove myself. I can feel how competition is simply a way of covering up a feeling of not being good enough, and creates a hardness and separation. It feels like sport and other competitive activities are just an outer manifestation of this.
Beautifully said, Rebecca, thank you. It is brilliant to expose the quiet ‘secret’ competitive patterns we have in our everyday lives: in conversation, in the way we dress ourselves, in our parenting choices etc., and to take responsibility for how these individual moments then feed the mad divisiveness of big sport competition.
Yes Rebecca, I agree completely. I have felt this too, it is so insidious and horrible. Whatever form of competition it, ‘ is simply a way of covering up a feeling of not being good enough, and creates a hardness and separation.’
Well said Rebecca – I agree.
Great blog Adam thank you. This insatiable drive of competition is so insidious in so many things, in the workplace and sport and lots of people commend it as a healthy drive that’s in the very core of their lives without feeling their own true self worth. Your comment that it serves neither is so true.
Well shared Ryan, competition is a destroyer and is full of illusion. Potential of a person , a team and an organisations comes from working together in unity and equality.
Adam what a great blog! Competition is so rife in all aspects of life. You only have to turn on any social media and watch it all play out. Working with children, I witness the absolute joy and harmony they express with one another one moment and the disconnected and fierce competition that comes out once sport is mentioned.
This is an amazing blog, Adam. From my time through school, I can really feel the pressure put on, especially boys, to take part in sports – otherwise you effectively are nothing.
So true Oliver. Most Boys schools sell themselves on their sports program/facilities. The very last thing that boys need!! As Ryan and many others here have beautifully expressed, nothing of good comes from sport. What I am noticing with my two boys is it’s not just the the sport itself and what goes on on the sporting field…it seeps into every area of their school day. Pack energy / peer pressure – call it what you will – is very prevalent amongst boys and girls at school. And this is exactly what is fostered and festered by sport. You are in or you are out. Winner or loser. Good or bad. Friend or Foe. Cool or not cool. Very damaging. At such an early age.
So true Otto I can definitely confirm how the energy seeps into all area’s of the day, and if you step back from the pack pressure it is so overwhelming to conform to the way that actually each and every one of the boys know isn’t true, but yet when together they act against that knowing.
Gosh, all too true, Adam… how saddening that this is how our population is brought up in this world; all fueled from trying to do the right thing. In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation – which begins in the playground where we foster the child to value themselves by how good they are in comparison to another by the institution we know as sport.
Thank you Adam for a brilliant article opening up the discussion of competition in our society as a basis and way of life we are brought up with, and has become the normal. Competition takes us away from ourselves and what we innately know.
Very well said Ryan.
This blog is pure gold, thank you Adam for outing the ridiculous system we live in that is based on competition and people beating each other. That word in itself has two meanings and I am often struck by the irony of the fact that we see it as a good thing to beat another person/team/nation and yet if we actually physically beat another we perceive it as wrong. However, as you so rightly point out the outcome is in truth the same, by making one a winner and the other a loser we are in causing fact harm but in a less obvious way.
Great point Fiona – ‘ I am often struck by the irony of the fact that we see it as a good thing to beat another person/team/nation and yet if we actually physically beat another we perceive it as wrong’.
Awesome blog and comment and expose on how ridiculous sport and competition actually is. A recent study in Europe has found that most of the so called benefits that people think they get from sport e.g. teamwork, fitness, self-esteem etc are actually over-rated and they found no proof to support the myth that competitive sport does any of these things. In fact it leaves many broken both physically and mentally as you describe. As an ex-elite athlete myself I can testify that there is a big difference between false confidence gained by comparison with others and true confidence which comes from self worth add connecting to that innate confidence that we are born with.
Great expression – thankyou Adam. My parents encouraged me to compete, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. My school was all about high achievers in what ever form, sport, academic ability, performing arts etc. As I knew I would not achieve those high ranks I gave up even trying. My Mum was a Scrabble expert and delighted in winning. It was years before I ever enjoyed a game with her, knowing eventually that it didn’t matter who “won”, but just enjoyed playing with the arrangement of letters to make words. I now volunteer in a primary school and, depressingly, I still see children being rated with stars and points, competing against each other, rather than striving for the good of all.
A really amazing article Adam, thank you for capturing so simply the dysfunctional relationship we currently have with sport and competition. The way you describe the constant dependancy on winning, and the damaging effect of losing is very clear in the examples you give. So much emphasis is put on children in schools to be good at sport, I remember because I was never any good at my physical education lessons even though I’m actually not bad at exercise or sport. And thats because I didn’t find any of my lessons where actually making me any more healthy or exercised, which should have been the goal, they where so focused on the sport and the competition. For most kids the lesson either became a place where you did everything to win to be recognised and hold you place as the best, or a place full of embarrassment and humiliation because you just weren’t good at winning or playing sport. Either way over time self-esteem is seriously knocked. Thank you so much for sharing.
Very well said Rebecca, and really interesting to hear. Thank you for sharing, this helps me to understand more what school sports must be like for my children and how I can support them better.
I agree Ryan. My experience of competition has always been how to be better than others and also how not to feel so crushed by others. It was very crushing as a child when we didn’t do so well and lost games. I remember now the times when it was actually fun playing a sport were the few times when we didn’t really care whether we won or lost, just played for the enjoyment of each other and the sport – unfortunately not that often as sport is a setup to not foster unity.
That really is truly awesome Marika. Great to read, and what a turn around transformation. I love: “instead of relying on others to fill oneself up from the outside in, we can choose to love and care for ourselves from the inside out”.
Gorgeous.
Brilliant Adam, I so relate to what you say. And competition is so rife in society and in me. My competition is more work related but it’s the same thing, when it becomes about being better than or beating another then as you say no one wins, we all loose as we’ve once again gone for the false idol of external recognition over our own self worth. And yes it starts young, and we really do undermine that true natural confidence all kids have by asking them to focus out and not come from within – crazy. But you know what’s great that inner confidence or truth is always there if we but stop and connect to it.
That’s a great point Monica, the true natural confidence within us all never leaves us, so it’s never too late to connect back to it. The beauty being that there is no trying involved, just an acceptance of yourself.
Love this Stephen. Well said
Great point Monica about confidence, no one who competes in competition is truly confident with themselves, for if they were there would be no need to compete against another to prove themselves.
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.” This is so true, and to me the pinnacle of the piece. We do not need to try and get anywhere or be anything, just return to the gorgeousness and power that we already are and carry that through in every moment.
Exactly Jenny, so well said. We adults, (who ended up bowing to the pressures to ‘build up’ our ‘self esteem’ by leaving who we are and our natural true confidence to ‘proove’ ourselves via external deeds), have simply to return to that which was there at the beginning. And our children, well, they already have it all (the ‘gorgeousness and power’ as Jenny says) and if they are raised knowing and living this, they will see through so much that is common place in our world today, but not truly in keeping with the natural confidence and connection we are from. And one day, this might even filter through to politics…. Imagine a political debate that was to support all involved to reach common understandings, to elevate the whole debate and to UNITE and not to ‘win’, or proove yourself ‘right’, or ‘better’. With natural confidence alive and well, competition would be dead in the water. More hear hear and less waving of white papers. The pinacle of this article though hugely simple, if lived, would change the face of the world as we know it to our incalculable benefit.
Very true Jenny.
Yes, this sentence from Adam I too feel is the pinnacle Jenny. As you say,’ We do not need to try and get anywhere or be anything, just return to the gorgeousness and power that we already are and carry that through in every moment.’ Its that simple.
Yes. A big and powerful truth.
I was never much good at sport. I remember trying to get onto the swim team and having to race a friend for the place. I won and I remember feeling that I was better than him and also remember feeling his disappointment. It also felt empty. It’s strange how the word sport is used to describe a sense of fairness. Things like “be a sport” or being “sportsmanlike”. The seemingly ‘fair’ rules are set so that we can compete and create unfairness.
Such a great point about our language Jinya and how competition within rules, despite being crushing to all involved, ‘loosers’ and ‘winners’ alike, is associated with fairness. When we stop and feel whats really going on with winning and loosing, etc, it really is super strange “how the word sport is used to describe a sense of fairness”, or someone who displays qualities we commonly attribute as fairness, such as being a ‘good sport’, or when asking someone to do something in comradeship, ‘be a sport and …”.
I competed in sport for years and I can testify to the fact that during that time it brought me no confidence, presence or expansion of my character in winning or losing. All it did was create a way of living that allowed me to escape from my fears about not being good enough. Since giving up sport I can now start to build a true foundation to live from where I accept that I don’t need to achieve and be recognised to have self worth.
A beautiful expose of the true intent of ‘sport’ and the culture that it fosters. I have always felt uncomfortable around sporting events and I am now realising that it is the culture that it encourages, from both spectators and sportsmen alike that I am feeling. It feels that it brings people together in a feeling of exclusivity which at the same time divides them from anyone else who does not share their particular allegiance.
I love Conor and Sue’s comments here. Competition in politics, sport, academia, (the so called pillars of our society) is based on the underpinning of there being an ‘us’ and a ‘them’ – there being ‘winner/s’ and ‘losers’ and there being a ‘success’ that is measured externally and relatively in comparison to others. Competition has an inbuilt foundation of division. I love how Sue and Conor reflect on the ‘waste of time’ and discomfort around the competitive culture and the exclusivity. Interesting though that perhaps it gets away with it because of the ‘allegiance’ that Sue mentions. Its so natural to want to belong, and work together, but society currently only offers this in small pockets, teams, political parties, etc, where there are others excluded. We are tricked to being in the pockets of ‘unity’ when ‘division’ is actually at the core of the whole charade.
So clearly and simply put. We think that by belonging to a team (on the sports field, at work…) that we are unified in some way, but every team leaves somebody out (the opposing team, the competitor at work…) and is in truth separative. Working with Universal Medicine I have, for the first time, felt the possibility of true unity for the whole of humanity, with no need to morph ourselves to fit in, but with appreciation of the unique qualities we have and how they serve.
Beautifully said Matilda and I can joyfully ditto that experience.
Yes Kate, ‘Competition has an inbuilt foundation of division.’ and ‘ Its so natural to want to belong, and work together, but society currently only offers this in small pockets, teams, political parties, etc, where there are others excluded. We are tricked to being in the pockets of ‘unity’ when ‘division’ is actually at the core of the whole charade.’ Spot on, we are tricked. Great that we are now exposing this illusion that has kept us separate and less than who we truly are.
Thanks Kate, Sue – It is quite amazing to see competition is at the very base or “pillars” of society. Everything is indeed about winning or loosing and the more you acquire the more you are “successful” even if many others including yourself have suffered and lost out in that foray.
Yes, competition does have “an inbuilt foundation of division” and it divides us in EVERY aspect of our lives. You are right Kate, when you say, “We are tricked to being in the pockets of ‘unity’ when ‘division’ is actually at the core of the whole charade.”
Very true Sue, competition does nothing but divide us, and there is enough division already in this world.
Such a great point Sue: sport definitely does ‘bring people together in a feeling of exclusivity which at the same time divides’, this is true for both the athletes and the sport fans.
Cracking article, Adam – you speak Truth with great power and authority.
I have always thought that, if nothing else, competitive sport is a waste of energy: you have two teams/individuals pouring all of this energy, labour, effort into beating one another, but for what? All you end up with is a winner and a loser – how and whom does this serve?
Answer: it doesn’t truly serve anyone: it only falsely props up the ego of the winner, and keeps the distracted multitude of spectators, distracted.
Why not direct this energy into something that TRULY serves all?
absolutely Ryan and so we are under the illusion that competition is needed to enjoy a game, succeed in work etc.. and yet the very core of this illness is set up so that we are not truly enjoying one another and therefore are forever in the need to be better or more than another, in order to be seen.
Wow, so well said Amina. What a trick.
Yes Amina, its pretty horrific. Competition has been portrayed as being so great, yet in reality it is so destroying to ourselves.
Real profundity in what you present, Adam – that each generation perpetuates the false belief that self esteem and self worth come as a result of effort put into achievement and in so doing, buries the truth of the fact that we are born with all the confidence we need. A great reminder that the true essence we are born with is still there to be reconnected to whenever we are ready and so choose.
Thanks for the blog Adam but quite shocking really when you stop to think how we develop our children to be in competition and from quite an early age without ever stopping to consider if there is another way – to live.
A great blog Adam, exposing the evil of competition in all walks of life and how this continually perpetuates – “we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth.”
I love your comment that the confidence we seek is what we are born with, and in trying to build self esteem we go further away from that which we already have – madness! So thankful to have come across Universal Medicine to remind me that there is nothing to seek, only that to return to.
Beautifully said.
I loved this too. How living this truth would completely transform our world. That all we are looking for is already there just waiting to be connected to.
I agree Vanessa, it’s amazing to know it’s not what we do but who we are that will give us the confidence we feel we need, thank you.
Adam I find your article to be such a true representation of what is currently happening in society. How can we continue to make heroes of sporting athletes? We glorify what they achieve and send a message to our young that they need to beat another in order to succeed. I know of people who have had some form of big highlight in their life through there aceivments but get stuck on it, trying to relive their past glory. This leaves them quite stagnated and as you have mentioned, can quite easily lead to substance abuse.
Do we really want to set our children up to strive for recognition outside themselves?
I love this comment Adam I find you are spot on with this …”.competition is the insatiable drive of the self-centred individual, who, devoid of the understanding of their own true worth, is desperate to prop up their own self-esteem at the expense of another.”
And coming from a former athlete the wisdom in your experience is gold.
After most of my life seemingly avoiding competition, I realised I only chose to not compete because I was not sure I would win! The energy of it was still running and colouring my choices. Since then I have realised the handicapping nature of the energy of competition. It feels horrible in my body, my thinking is self-centred and my choices are devoid of the love I could otherwise express. I end up focusing on some prize instead of the love, joy, harmony I could be sharing with another, or the expansion in our lives we could together achieve. Adam, your article is brilliant. You have described the insidious nature of this way of living so very well.
Great article Adam and very powerful! I hardly ever got involved in sport competition, but for me competition came into different form always looking for recognition from friends and family!
That is such a great point Alexandre – I know I have used competition in different ways than in sport, for me it was always related to education and getting good grades.
I grew up attending very competitive schools, be it sport, spelling, maths, art. Everything was about winning and there was only a small percentage of the students that actually won anything and it seemed to be the same students every year, especially where sport was concerned. A lot of the students used to dread sports day and reluctantly took part and signed up for things we did not want to do, as it was compulsory – even the teachers had no enthusiasm and were fed up trying to get the students interested.
From the start of term we were assigned to a House (a bit like Harry Potter) and the whole year we were encouraged to compete against the other houses in all subjects and at the end of the year awards were given. In the morning assemblies we were constantly reminded who was in the lead and which student was contributing the most to the points – you get the picture.
It is my experience that forcing children into competitions of any sort is demoralising and not character building, as is often expressed.
I have similar memories from school too Julie. I recall the competitiveness in my school years and it only served to cement in a lack of Self-worth as I felt I never could measure up to the academic expectations and the children that did win. I’m sure schools still have this approach sadly fueling the competitiveness in our society.
I too attended a school just like the ones the three of you have shared about. We were all split into 4 houses (or teams) that were from then on pitched against one another. Competition was the game.
I recall at times my house would lose and how demoralising it was because we were told how unworthy and useless we were as a result. And I also recall when my house did win, an arrogance and pride that we were the ‘better ones’. A few times that I questioned it I was firmly slammed down. It was all about being loyal to the rules and intent on winning, everything about not letting the house down. But this did not allow much real care for the people within the house, and it certainly did not foster any care for anyone in a different house.
I am convinced that everyone deep down did know that the competition was an anti-love game, because there was great effort made to place siblings or close relations within the same team.
Thank goodness I came across Universal Medicine and have started to understand that teamwork is about working in co-operation with one another, each bringing your fullness and thus providing an inspiration for one another that each can build on. I also know that for my heart to be truly satisfied any situation has to be equally loving for everyone involved, and competition in any form, under any guise, fails very short of this fundamental criteria.
At school we have a similar system to what you shared Golnaz; we have 5 different houses that are all put against each other in a competition to decide who is the ‘best’ house. At the end of the year, money is given to the house that wins the ‘Overall Cup’, where points are achieved for sporting wins and good marks on tests… It is very interesting to see how the entire schooling system is based around competition and teaching children that winning comes with great rewards, whereas to lose is a humiliation.
Amazing article Adam and thank you for opening the debate and all the comments that have come from this. I was particularly struck by the phrase: ‘Ultimately competition serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence’. The foundations that our society is currently built on are all about competition and separation but when a major disaster strikes the whole world is able to overcome their differences and work together for the greater good so the potential is there and we have all felt it. Your article is a great way of raising awareness and starting the non-competitive debate.
Thank you Adam for showing how ingrained competition has become in almost everything we do and to the detriment to ourselves.
The Icelanders, who were the Vikings that settled in Iceland in the 9th century, had a government that they called the Althing, It still is called Althing to day. The elders believed that all were equal and there was no single person in charge. The rule of law was common agreement. They were also the first race of people, in the 10th century, who by their law, required parents to educate their children to read and write, and at the start of the 20th century to attend school. Have you ever seen an Icelandic winning any world sports anything?
I have learnt something new here Steve about the Icelanders, Vikings and Althing. Competition and sport never appealed to me and now I understand more about the reason why. Great blog Adam, thank you.
I love your observation, ‘…competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.’ I remember when I was young I was a fast runner and good swimmer and so was encouraged to compete in school races. I didn’t particularly want to compete, at the time I felt there was no choice to ‘opt out’. In time I remember a feeling of being ‘used’ as my name would automatically go down on the list and the more I raced the less confidant I felt about myself and the more I resented taking part in sport. When I left school I was relieved that I did not have to compete anymore and made sure I didn’t get involved in any team games but that feeling of competitiveness remained. Believing that I had to compete in this world stayed with me and so I would ‘compete’ and strive in other areas to be the best – all the while feeling increasingly insecure about myself. I found this feeling of competitiveness or ‘achievement’ as we like to word it is not just around sport, it is many areas of our lives – the grades at school, the job application, the clothes we put on to look our ‘best, even down to ‘getting the boyfriend!’ I have found these all had elements of competitiveness. Gaining or achieving at the expense of other feels very separate and ugly to me now and something I would no longer choose for myself or encourage in my children.
Great point Susan: “gaining or achieving at the expense of other feels very separate and ugly”, and totally agree that competition is not exclusive to sport but can creep into every aspect of life
Absolutely Jess – ‘competition is not exclusive to sport but can creep into every aspect of life’.
Great article Adam. It also highlights that to ‘achieve’ at competition either in the parliamentary debating chamber or the sports field you have to have an audience for the achievement to be recognised. The true business of government is done in unobserved committee rooms with all opinions coming together to discuss the relevant issue. Where would be the point of sporting events if there was no crowd to rah rah the winners and dismiss the vanquished. It all comes down to what you think other people will think of you. Always on the treadmill of recognition in striving for self worth.
Very very true Mary, if we take away the audience, then what is the point of it all? It certainly is not to truly achieve anything, because once we have a winner and a loser, the aim then becomes about being the next winner, as opposed to focusing on and addressing our real issues. Both things, competitive debate and competitive sport act as decoys from the real issues we need to be addressing such as health, crime, slavery, poverty, corruption and abuse.
You have hit the nail right on the head, Mary. It is essential for all shades of opinion
to be explored in government, in order to arrive at the best conclusions, but when reduced to ‘gladiatorial combat’ for the sake of a ‘blood thirsty’ audience, the end no longer justifies the means.
Wow Susie that is so shocking. I remember at my school we used to have exams every year. And then at the end of term, the whole school was gathered in this vast assembly hall and the exams results were read out in front of everyone. But it wasn’t “Otto Bathurst; 2 A’s, 1 B, 3 C’s, 2 D’s” or whatever….No….it was calculated as a competition. So, someone would come first and someone would come last. The headmaster would read the list out in front of EVERYONE. Starting at the bottom. But, as if that wasn’t humiliating enough for those at the lower end of the pile, there was even deeper humiliation for those that had done really badly in their exams. They weren’t even on the list. They were called GTF’s…..and wait till you hear what that stands for….General Total Failure. I kid you not. And this was supposedly one of the best colleges in the country, in the world. That is how those that struggled with the academic were treated. Horrific. (And that is just the tip of the iceberg – one day I’ll write a fuller blog).
Ow Susie and Otto, it is horrendous reading how we are indoctrinating the younger generations in this way. I vaguely recall my own school being similar . A special system got introduced that penalised people like me who had good grades but did not want to compete: a secondary mark for “effort”. So I would consistently get A or B for actual studies, and E for effort. Also we were all split into 4 groups called “Houses” and the 4 houses very agressively competed with one another. Every house member’s marks for their “conduct” got pooled together, so if your conduct was not exemplary you let the house down!! This ensured a lot of pressure from house members who wanted to be winners as well as from the teachers. Quite frankly aweful.
Wow that is absolutely horrendous Otto. I look forward to your blog, there is much to be exposed on how schools pressure students to achieve good grades but often turn a blind eye when it comes to their mental and physical wellbeing.
Please do Otto, write about, it needs exposing – the pressure we put on our children under to perform and win crushes them, even the winners. True education is about teaching us how to work together, work as a team to support and expand the whole group. When we encourage one person to dominate, we harm everyone in the classroom.
I am really looking forward to this blog you are gonna write. How is it fair to be called a ‘General Total Failure’.
Thank you for sharing this Otto. Being shamed in front of others has been a very painful and humiliating experience for me during my life. However with the support of presentations by Universal Medicine I have learnt to be more open with this and have begun to truly heal many of these past experiences. Prior to this, I would have buried uncomfortable feelings and experiences, letting them fester and debilitate my body…… No more – I now have a deeper respect and appreciation for myself. In truth, so much has changed – there is deeper appreciation of myself growing daily and I feel stronger and clearer with just being me, and with far less concern about how others are perceiving me.
Please WRITE THE FULLER BLOG Otto – this needs exposing for the well-being of generations to come.
This is a very powerful article as is exposed much in the way the world currently operates, we use competition are a way to motivate ourselves and enjoy what we are doing and yet anything with even an ounce of competition is indeed truly harming for the person choosing this along with everyone they are in contact with while this action is being played out. This is a much needed discussion as we need to really look at where and how we act to support the next generations in the understanding that there is another way to act that leaves everyone as equals instead of crushing your fellow team member.
Very true Amina, we harm ourselves greatly in the name and game of competition and it never truly achieves anything, as you say it only crushes people. We do have a responsibility to show our children that there is another to live, a way that openly encourages and supports one another to grow and flourish for the benefit of the whole community, both locally and internationally.
This is a beautiful comment Rowena, how lovely to show our children there is another way to live, ‘a way that openly encourages and supports one another to grow and flourish.’
Absolutely – I completely agree with you Amina, a very powerful article on a massive subject that exposes so much. For me this line said it all, “The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth”. I have never understood the endless, futile debates that lead absolutely nowhere.
Yes, I agree completely Amina.
This article is brilliant Adam, and so exposing of our obsession with sports and its so-called merits of ‘team-building, confidence boosting, creating self-discipline, etc.’ All of these things can be fostered in many other ways, and as you so clearly stated, our children are born with true poise, presence and a foundation of self-esteem. Creating a system of looking at winning over another as the basis of your self-worth is obviously not only destined for disappointment, but also is sad in that we then feel good at the expense of another person, who can be crushed emotionally when they lose; as so much importance is based on winning and being better than someone else.
I grew up playing almost every sport available and was at an elite level of fitness and athleticism before dropping all sports altogether, about 5 years ago. What I noticed is that no matter how good I was, it was never enough, as I had created a life that was so heavily dependent on my athletic accomplishments and only felt as good as my last achievement, no matter how extreme or elite it was. This began to feel like an addiction (like a drug) to me and I realized there was no end in sight, as I was pushing my body (literally) way beyond what felt healthy or sustainable for it – doing extreme adventure races and triathlons over ridiculous courses.
It’s amazing to look back to that time and see how abusive I truly was to my body, all because I had not built a foundation based on taking care of myself and knowing that I do not have to do anything to prove myself or my self-worth (unlike the message that comes with sports). It was too easy as a gifted young athlete to use sports to get attention and praise from others and I am appreciative of the teachings of Serge Benhayon and this beautiful blog by Adam for exposing the falsity of this competitive nature, that is very much NOT a born aspect of being human.
Thanks for sharing your experience Michael, it is so true that are ‘our children are born with a foundation of self-esteem’, I know this to be true from my 4 year old son who knows how amazing he is and if I tell him this he replies ‘I know’. So to introduce the idea to children that there are winners and losers seems completely crazy.
I love that your son replies ‘I know’ when you tell him how awesome he is Rebecca, my daughter does this too, very matter of factly. Today was the first event for next years group of kids starting at the local primary school, when my daughter heard it was a ‘sports day’ – she wanted to know, ‘whats sport?’, ‘thats not where some people get prizes is it and some kids get told they won and some get told they didnt’. A very astute observation, but said with some concern. This time it was just a fun day with no racing or competition, but the use of the word ‘sport’ for one so young held clear connotations that were in such contrast to the amazingness she knows she is.
I agree Rebecca, there’s some awesome stuff we’re born with, and there’s some less awesome stuff that’s introduced after we’ve arrived – like competition.
I love what you say here Michael that Adam has expressed in this powerful blog —
“exposing the falsity of this competitive nature, that is very much NOT a born aspect of being human”.
How un-natural is sport and yet we champion it and give it the power it has today because the truth is those who follow need this as it makes them feel a part of something bigger than they feel they are.
It is awesome to come to where you are now, Michael. Especially after having been so dedicated to sports. I love the power in what you said about “no matter how good I was, it was never enough”. This statement alone stands out to me as the driving force behind every competition. No matter how high you get in your achievements if your drive is to beat someone else, then there is a continuous push to be better and better and better, with no regard for yourself. And when the body eventually says, “I can’t do this anymore”, due to age or injury, there is a crushing disappointment and almost a mourning that takes place for the ‘what could have been’. Amazing to have caught yourself before reaching that point!
I love what you’ve highlighted here Michael and Narren. Particularly from the experience of someone who has been at the top end of elite sport. To say: ‘no matter how good I was, it was never enough’ is so revealing of the fact that no matter how many trophies we may accumutale, how many accolades, or even world records or gold medals, nothing on the outside can ever compare to the wonder and completeness of staying with that natural confidence and fullness we all started off with as children.
The more we seek outside, reaching and pushing for that next imagined ‘esteem’ ‘building’ moment (to fill the void left by having turned from our true natural worth to ‘build’ ‘self estem’ in the first place) – the further we actually go from that which we have been tricked into thinking we are seeking….what a set up. As Adam revealed, we cannot ever ‘build’ ‘esteem’ in ‘doing’ or acheiving or anything outside of us, even at the so called ‘pinacle of success’. What a Topsy turvy way we have subscribed to, and yet so easily seen through in this one awesome revelation.
This is a really beautiful expression, Michael, especially the last line that competition ‘is NOT a born aspect of being human.’ So true, and yet there is a widespread belief that it IS a ‘born aspect,’ when people say ‘he was born to play sports’ or she/he inherited his father’s/mother’s athletic genes.’
I agree Julie, being competitive at the expense of others is not an innate aspect to us, rather something that is fed and perpetuated by us thinking that things need to be that way.
Michael, I love the point you make about kids already being born with true poise, presence and a foundation of self-esteem. If they were encouraged to keep that, rather than compete their way to the top (of what), we would be looking at a very different society.
Thank you Michael, for your sharing. Anything that we use to avoid dealing with our hurts is like an addiction, because we keep choosing it over and over, even though deep inside we know it is not loving to beat another or abuse our bodies in this way. It is so wonderful that you have come ‘back to basics’ to look at what you were holding onto, so that now you can develop the loving relationship with yourself that you were longing for in those earlier days.
Wow Adam – you have really captured the ugly truth of what competition has the power to do, and exposed the belief that the loser is the only sufferer, when competition really ‘serves neither the victor nor loser to know themselves in essence.’ In a recent assembly at my school I was horrified that the message the head teacher wanted to get across to us on the second day back after the holidays, was that you either win or loose, there are no 2/3/4th places.. to lose is to have nothing, but to win is to have it all. Shocking how even at a young age the belief is seized upon us that winning is always the end goal, when as you rightly said in your blog – both winning and loosing puts us in a state of comparison and takes us away from appreciating how amazing we are (without basing it on a ranking or status).
That is shocking, to have that presented as the only option, for by the very nature of competition, there will always be winners and losers – what a message to put across to young people, that if they don’t win, they are simply failures. The fall out from such a message is huge, as how are we supposed to support and encourage the children who don’t win and end up feeling they have failed?
Absolutely Rowena.
This is so true Rowena, ‘there will only be winners and losers – what a message to put across to young people.’
great point Rowena, letting go of a competitive approach to life for young and old would truly change the way in which we all communicate and live together. A deeper sense of brotherhood would possibility start to be lived.
The winners and losers speech is one of the biggest lies we are told. My experience of winners and losers is that it is more often than not the so called “losers” that seem more content than the so called “winners”. This perhaps tells us that it has nothing to do with the supposed winning or losing, but more about how appreciative you are of what you have got, whatever that might be.
Bang on Stephen.For ‘winners’ in any field, be it business, politics, sport, or just our daily lives, once is never enough, there always has to be more in the striving for recognition. How much more fulfilling it is to be appreciative of what you’ve got. There is no striving, and life unfolds beautfully.
Yes, exactly Stephen. As Adam so beautifully puts it, people who are so driven to be winners are “devoid of the understanding of their own true worth” and so their amazing success often equates to the deep level of unhappiness they feel inside.
It is shocking (but not surprising) to hear it so currently and starkly put: that this message about winning and losing is still so forcefully delivered in schools. Knowing that it does the opposite of serve anyone, creating divisiveness, comparison and separation amongst fellow students, fellow human beings. I often observe the isolation of a ‘winner’ and the palpable hostility or jealousy from others. It is madness to perpetuate this.
I agree Matilda, it sets people up in buying into the belief of failure or achievement which we can so clearly be seen as being false if we honestly look at the world we are living in today.
When one student wins student of the year in reception, it instantly separates the group into those who are successful and those who are not! In celebration of achievement you see…. hmmm but what we don’t see with our eyes or more importantly feel with our heart is how the other children felt who didn’t achieve as much or quite as well as those that did win. It is utter madness and so far from what our natural state of harmony is.
Sound point Susie!
Thank you for sharing this amazing blog. This shows how people who are classed as high up, have no consideration for how athletes are just shifted along as soon as some one who is faster, stronger or can jump higher comes along.
It’s interesting to ponder on “character building”. It makes me question … What character are we building?
A character sounds like something you create outside of yourself, a persona, an image that does not reflect the whole of you, just parts or perhaps even traits that you like in others and feel is lacking in you or would like to have. It is also something an actor does, someone who is acting out the mannerisms and characteristics of someone else. Writers do it too, they create characters to fit into their a story, you never get a complete person in totality. The characters are fictitious and made up even if the story is about a real person.
If you build a character outside of yourself then it makes total sense that the character can also be destroyed, because it was never really the whole you in the first place!
The deceit that ‘competition’ is a necessary part of culture is exposed in this blog, with truth and clarity. Thank you Adam.
Great expose Adam. Sport, competition and debate is all about building self esteem, not self worth. We have been fooled into thinking they are one and the same thing.
Adam, this article is relevant in all of our lives and highlights so clearly how competition and “achievement” truly erode self-worth. In my observations, many schools get their identity through sporting achievements and the pressure on students to “achieve” in this way is incredible. To make different choices can be very isolating for a student and truly exposes just how much competition and achievement are the foundations of our schools, whether it be in the classroom or on the sports field.
However, this is not just about students, as a parent, a student of Universal Medicine and a student of myself, I have realised just how much of my identity and self-worth was being fed through the achievements of my own children, academically and on the sports field – that was exposing! Thank you again Adam, I will continue to ponder on the many aspects of your thought-provoking article.
Fabulous blog Adam, exposing the fact that competition is not character building, but rather character destroying. This can be a really difficult point to accept as we have all grown up believing that competition was healthy and that even losing or ‘failing’ was character building. I have witnessed firsthand how competitive situations can either inflate self-esteem or leave it crashing downwards and I totally agree that either way, it erodes true self-esteem.
Lots of great points and I say the word carefully because our language is so full of points and scoring points that we’ve got to the stage when how we relate to one another is ensnared in sports terminology where the scoreboard is all that counts. The interesting thing is that in business or life we find unusual alliances as a result of a common enemy and, when it suits us, dispense with the adversarial winner takes all – epitomised in politics today. So we pretend to discard the rivalry but underneath it’s still there and with a bit of scheming and given half a chance we revert back to playing to ‘outdo’ the other person. Thinking that it was time to change this energy in a business I’m involved in has been a game changer (yes sport again). Six months ago there was anxiousness and suspicion between groups of shareholders – fast forward and all this has changed as a result of a series of meetings that I’ve been involved in. Now all parties know that they can work together and thus the whole business can evolve. And the inspiration behind all this is Serge Benhayon who Adam so rightly names as seeing through the sporting illusion and opening my eyes as well. Good call Adam (and there’s another sporting word creeping in).
Thank you Michael for your inspiring comment and sharing about your shareholders and making true change happen by working together so that the whole business can evolve and this benefits all.
Serge Benhayon really is an inspiration because before he came along I could not see the sporting illusion.
Thank you Adam for an outstanding blog which from the comments I have read to date confirms sport really is harmful to our world.
This article so clearly exposes how we falsely exchange the true self worth we are born with for it’s poorer cousin – self esteem, and end up with manic levels of competitiveness in the wake of that decision. Awesomely said, Adam.
Gosh I really love how you have differentiated between self worth and self esteem – spot on!
There are many powerful points in this blog Adam. It all boils down to the fact that we are the foundation at birth, and as you say it gets eroded away. It’s an interesting journey looking into my foundation and finding what’s there, and I’m realising that competition and comparison serve no-one.
So so well said Adam.
“The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth. In trying to ensure our children grow up with self-esteem, we ironically ensure the erosion of that foundation – which begins in the playground where we foster the child to value themselves by how good they are in comparison to another by the institution we know as sport”.
At primary school sports days, I used to cry every year, a lot. We were a collection of small country schools that were pitted against each other in an ‘us and them’ style annual contest (‘battle’) that was apparently ‘healthy’ and even ‘character building’. Thing was, we were young, and mostly all still had our ‘character’ well intact, so there was nothing to build, only to dismantle and erode.
So I cried when someone lost, and I cried when someone won. I cried when each school made up nasty chants about the other being losers, and about being the best. I laughed a lot when one lad from our school showed me how he had been collecting all these lovely colourful stones all day, and had them in his short pockets: he had come last in his race by a good half a lap of the oval, but was oblivious, preferring his gorgeous rocks, until his dad pulled him aside and gave him a ‘character building’ talking to about the importance of being a winner, a ‘man’, a ‘team player’, not a ‘loser’. My young friend was clearly shattered – even though his dad was doing what so so many parents would consider to be the ‘right thing’. I refused to race every year, all through primary school, and beyond into secondary school. My parents were not at all into me ‘not fitting in’ and got concerned there was something ‘wrong with me’. I was certainly very sensitive, but really it was what was considered so normal, at primary schools virtually the world over, that was so abnormal to a young girl who knew equality, because she felt it.
As my children find their own ways through the minefield that is school sport and all that it is loaded with, they have the support of a parent who is willing to listen to their experiences, and with them, to see through the pseudo ‘fun’ of being a ‘good sport’. They are far better equipped than I to also understand that this is the way things operate for now in the world, but that we can just see it for what it really is, as not truly ‘healthy’, and certainly not ‘confidence building’. They know who they are, and that being in the blue team or the red team, or this school or that, or winning or losing, or taking part, does not (and cannot) define them, or make them any more or less amazing than they already are, (which is very amazing by the way).
Wow, it is so lovely to read your comment Kate, how beautiful that you’re children have your support and understanding around sports day and that you tell them that winning or losing doesn’t define them or make them more or less amazing.
I loved reading your article Adam, and the following comments. All so true! When you so clearly expose the depth of harm these activities cause us it feels so blatantly obvious – how could anyone disagree? The enormity of this lie though is such that it’s very deeply woven into our culture and the illusion is strong. Thankfully with articles like this and through the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we’re shown quite clearly that there is another way – Equality and Unity = Love.
This is great Adam, I loved reading your article. What you have written is true.
Powerful article Adam. I have often wondered what could happen if politicians actually worked together and got themselves and their petty party politics out of the way. Maybe not in my lifetime.
Great Article Adam, and great point. It’s always accepted that the arguments and debates are what drives the country forward in progress. However the underhanded nature and manipulation that often goes on is hidden from what we, the public, get to truly see. It is interesting to consider that such bickering and “fighting” is seen as the way forward – something I’ve never considered possible would be parliament working together “for the greater common purpose”.
Thank you Adam for this article. What you describe, politicians working together for the common good of all, is not utopian. It is the natural outcome when a person is not trying to defend their patch, their idea, their determination to get their way.
How much energy and resource do we waste in such fighting? Has a grand, inspiring and truly beneficial decision ever arisen from argument? When will we realise that the outcomes of “fiery debate” have rarely worked for a sustainable period of time, and for the benefit of all?
I agree and think this is really well said Rachel and Adam.
Your article is powerfull Adam, simply and clearly opening up a very fresh and much needed approach to competition. The insidious ness of competition peppers through all aspects of our lives, holding us back from true well being. Thank you, and I add my voice to Gayles’ you are a true wordsmith.
This is an absolute powerhouse of an article that nails and totally exposes the ridiculousness of the current approach to politics with the one-upmanship and point scoring. Nothing of note ever get achieved because as you point out so brilliantly Adam the politicians are so consumed by themselves and what they can get out of the system.
I am blown away by what you have written here Adam Warburton and coming from you as a former athlete is says a lot about what sport is really about and the pillars that underpin this competition coming from no true foundation with no true confidence which we are all born with. Sport removes us away from our natural state and it is no surprise how much it is endorsed and fostered now in the world and the vast sums of money that are paid to sports people.
Recently on the train in central London, our information screen was disturbed to give the world cup results instead of train arrival times. Interesting to see how far we have gone and think it is the norm that we are all wanting to know the world cup results at 7am on a saturday morning! I say that the world has lost the plot and its time to look deeper and get back to what really is important.
What is the point if when you retire as you say ‘they find struggle to find solace in their own empty company’.
Thank you Adam for such an inspiring article – I love the way you write with such simplicity and saying it as it is.
This is an amazing and very powerful article exposing the evils of competition, where they begin and how they play out in life. Whether in the sporting arena or in parliament they take us further from the truth – that in our essence we have no need to compete for we can feel our own true worth. We have no need for personal gain at the expense of others for we can feel we are an equal part of the whole. Thank you Adam.
There are many points worth considering here but what struck me most was that true confidence is there at birth and it is not something as parents we need to build. Having children I can see how I have fallen for the selling point of my kids doing a particular activity because ‘it will build confidence’. This article exposes how destructive competition is and how early it is in our lives once we start making life about what we ‘do and can achieve’ rather than all we already are. Thank you, Adam for expressing with ease how competition is woven through many areas in life.
Fantastic article Adam, it reminded me of my own sporting achievements which were impressive to me at the time, but unsustainable in the long term because of the enormous stress it put on my body. When I stopped I was left feeling deeply empty, as the coaching, programme and way of life had hidden the void from me. And so I had no idea what the next step was… I spent years trying to fill that gap with drinking, drugs, relationships and work.
It was at work that I could see the possibility of re-creating a programme and way of life that felt similar to what I had got from sport, in particular the ability to compete with others and feel better about myself as I ‘climbed the greasy pole’. Over the years I have finally come to realise that work cannot fill that emptiness inside either, merely distract me from it.
And slowly I am learning to understand that there is actually no emptiness to fill because I have always been enough as I am already… and that has been true from the moment I was born! There is no need to fight with each other.
Great reply Simon, sport is such a big distraction whether we are involved in playing it or a fanatical fan, as is being a workaholic or any other ‘-aholic’. It’s hard to see this when we are involved in it, but standing back to observe or looking back you see a different picture. I agree that there is no emptiness to fill and we are enough already.
The battlefield, the chamber, the sports field, the boardroom…the perimeter and surface change but the true situation doesn’t – people working against each other for no real goal. It is amazing to think that as a child it is often the case that we are encouraged and “supported” into these lions dens and promptly judged on failure, until you settle for whatever variation you find you can deal with. But by then it is already too late. With a desperate society ready to pay millions into the pockets of aspiration and that then abused. It is no wonder that we, as Otto describes, do not see change in the global family.
But taking stock through insight such as this Adam, the momentum starts to change. As more and more individuals appreciate just how exhausting and tense these competitive situations are, and start to take responsibility for stopping their own cycles of low self esteem and judgement. We can look forward to celebrating a humanity that focuses on togetherness and one outcome. It’s going to be an amazing event in itself and well worth a stadium.
I have recently become aware of how there is subtle competition in my life, especially with girl friends, and how ugly it feels when I notice it. It might be that I see a friend with a new bag, or a friend looking really gorgeous, and I feel like ‘she’s better than me’, or I wish I was more like that, and I’m left feeling jealous or less than that person. I have since been inspired by many Universal Medicine students and practitioners, especially Natalie Benhayon and Sara Williams to really appreciate myself, and now, when I see my friends and any other women and men around, I do not feel the competition if some one is looking great, I actually just love seeing them that way, and it feels great. I know it’s because I feel more confident about who I am, and do not need to be in competition with another to feel better about myself.
Thank you Adam for this revealing article. You show really well how our true foundation of confidence has always been there from birth and how it can be believed it is something we need to build, work on or strive for.
I have always thought of retired sports figures as living the life of Riley once they retired, but you have exposed to the bone the truth of the lack of self worth which drives someone to become a sports star in the first place, a lack which goes nowhere and is actually allowed to grow through the competition of sport. This really exposes the excessive behaviour and lifestyles of so many sport stars as well, which ends up being celebrated by the press, and then also becomes an aspiration for others who wish they too could be like them. So, obviously, if they cannot have the money, fast cars, and extravagant lifestyle, they may want to at least be like them in what ever way they can, and the competitive nature is free. How insidious!
So many retired sports heroes have broken bodies. The lifestyle soon fades if they don’t find a second career either in press as a reporter/commentator, or behaving so badly that they are reported upon for their peccadilloes.
Your comment “competition is not character building, but rather character destroying.” is so true, but it must be hard to see and admit that when it’s been so championed. However, your blog is a great to break through that. Thank you.
I completely loved reading this article and feel you have brought to the fore much for us and society to consider.
What an amazing article Adam and that you have been able to link the fact that the competition in sport is the same as the fiery debates in parliament. It is rare that those things that we think are good in society and that we aspire to are actually exposed as being very harming. What you say is true. I have been one who has loved fiery debate and was certainly identified by being able to be good at sport, however over the years all I see is that it has had me locked up in my mind, with a constant drive to be more or be better without any real connection with people. Certainly not a way to heal the ills of the world.
Adam this is such a great article and it exposes so well the seed of ‘winning and competition’ that is sown at an early age and how we have let it grow into such a strong ideal or belief that it is only ever championed, and never questioned. This sentence really resonated with me, “The sad thing is that we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth”. If we could see this in our children then we would allow them to be themselves, and nurture their natural confidence, a confidence that comes from their own true essence and not from anything outside of them.
Right on Adam nail on the head stuff.’ I don’t know if you have ever seen the House of commons debates here in England but it would be pure comedy if it was’t of such a serious nature and these people make the decisions that directly effect the lives of so many. This line grabbed me the most: ‘For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?’Or if governments from around the world could truly work together, which begs the question. Why can’t we? Why is it that there is so much conflict between people? On the news last night I saw a Ukrainian women caught up in the conflict that is happening there at the moment, she was in tears, pleading for the bombing and killing to stop. Why do we need to take over someone else’s country or force our beliefs on others? Is this linked to a more extreme form of competition?
Amazing article Adam exposing the falseness of sport, competition, parenting, parliament and life, all from a foundation of something to achieve that we are not, rather than we are all enough when we are born and the confirmation of this love.
You put it so clearly and simply thank you.
This is a great exposure of what is really at play Adam. You have presented so clearly and with such wisdom on what is before our very eyes every day and yet we still fall for its trick and champion this behaviour whilst as you say the person in the limelight may have anxiousness building, awaiting the time when the popularity ceases and they have to face themselves for who they are and not who they have made themselves to be.
How awesome it would be if we were all invited to see who we truly are from an early age as opposed to pushing ourselves (and being encouraged) to the best runner, the best achiever at this or that etc etc and instead encouraged to work together with equal value of our talents rather than one standing out to be the best which brings with it an air of false confidence and grandness whilst apparently leaving all others less than.
Adam, thank you for sharing and exposing competition for what it is. We are taught to measure ourselves by what we are doing in comparison to another which sets us up to fail, as there is always going to be someone else better and also someone worse than ourselves. On the inside we are all the same and the only way to truly move forward is to see this equality in all and work together and not try to beat others as then no one wins.
This is such a powerful conversation. My Dad always used to say that no-one should be allowed in to parliament if they were under 50 and hadn’t lived, worked, achieved, in the real world! The main point of his proposal was that, then, no-one would be there because they were needing the recognition and achievement, because the had already ticked those boxes. Thus the chance of them being there for true service would be much greater. My father was slightly off the mark because he wasn’t recognising the innate confidence we are all born with….and, in my experience, peoples need for recognition doesn’t fade with age! But you can see what he was getting at. I love what you share Adam. The insanity of the notion that competitive debate champions truth. It’s lunacy. As you say, it’s a miracle that anything does get done….but then no surprise that, in truth, nothing changes. Because until we are able to work in true brotherhood, as an equal group, nurturing and allowing our own true confidence, and that of each other…then, nothing will change.
So true Otto. Nothing will change for the betterment and truth for all as long as our governing bodies are based on the separative tendencies of competition. It’s no surprise that governments are reactive to situations rather than actually setting a foundation for true growth. That said, we can blame governments but it all does come back to individual responsibility and expressing our truth against the systems that we have known for long do not work and never truly have.
This is an amazing article, and so well written. It’s all so obvious when it is exposed in this way. Thank you for a great read and some great points.
Thanks Adam for writing this exposing article on competition. Its so true that we are taught to value ourselves based on how good we are in comparison to another. It is so damaging and I see it in young people from an early age. They give up trying because they feel they are not ‘good enough.’ Imagine a world where we ‘allowed ourselves to co-operate in unison towards the greater common purpose.’ That would be something.
I agree Debra, this was also the part that stopped me: ‘For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?’ and this can be applied to all aspects of life, not only politics and sports. Comparison and competition divide people and this article is great for showing how they play their role in our society, from generation to generation. Great article Adam.
As I read this article I kept on saying ‘ouch’ to all the clearly visible facts about not only sport, but in raising children, and in my own self criticism and drive for perfection, astutely revealed here as empty and loveless. Thankyou Adam for this.
I find it strange that competition is idealised in the way it is as if we cannot see the harm that it engenders and the fact that it removes the possibility of living together in harmony. You are so right Adam, when you describe it as an illusion and a very clever illusion it is. The competition in sport, politics, business etc is more often than not a team thing and the illusion is that the team co-operates and works together as one. We buy into this lesser illusionary version of brotherhood and harmony, which is in reality just a group of individuals who live life putting self, family and team first. Living like this blinds us to the possibilities of truly all working together in co-operation and harmony.
Absolutely Doug. Competition does indeed blind us to the potential and possibility of humanity working together in true harmony.
When in competition comparison rules, preventing any sense of unity amongst people. “For what could be achieved if parliamentarians truly worked together?” For parliamentarians substitute any member of any meeting, council, school , uni, hospital, religion, culture, country etc. The world would be an awesome place. Thanks for this great post Adam.
What a powerful observation you make, Adam, that our natural confidence is eroded by the belief we have to build our children’s confidence. Gosh. I feel this so strongly my heart aches.
Beautiful Adam, thank you for your very insightful and exposing article. It is very true, we enter into these activities in the belief they will develop our confidence, but in reality they debase everything we were born with. As our focus settles on what we can achieve rather than who we naturally are, ultimately it can only lead us to failure, because there will always come a point in our lives when we can no longer accomplish the things we were so good at. What could happen in our society if we began to focus on who we are first and foremost and as you say, develop a parliament based on co-operation and problem solving for the benefit of all, instead of jesting and jostling for power that currently takes place.
What a great article Adam. It is sure and about time we return to our true foundation we are born with and build on that. I love the paragraph ‘ In the end it is the blind leading the blind, with neither the coach, nor player, nor parliamentarian understanding that all they do under the guise of achievement serves only to whittle away the true confidence one was originally born with.’ Bring back the true confidence in people that’s what society is missing.
Absolutely spot on everyone. And…imagine how our world would be if we stopped competing country v. country – whether in sport, business, armaments or leisure? Competition separates us and takes us further and further away from Brotherhood amongst all men, women and nations.
And most people believe competitive sport stops wars developing by acting it out on the sports field, I hear it said again and again in the media. If we compete we compare, and comparison magnifies the emptiness inside that needs to be filled. It is all the wrong way round. A brilliant article turning all the accepted norms on their heads, and a wake up call for us all to observe the comparison and competition within ourselves that we act out in different more subtle ways.
Adam, by exposing the folly of competition and the resulting damage to people, you have given us much to consider.
Your words – “we falsely believe that true confidence is a foundation that we need to build in our children, when in truth the foundation is already there at birth” – offers a new approach to parenting in which there is no pressure for parents to mould children to be something they are not. In turn this will bring much more freedom and joy to parenting.
Adam, you are a true wordsmith. To take us from the chambers of parliament onto the sports fields and into our own inner sense of the value, or lack of, in these two arenas is no easy task. But you’ve done it smoothly and powerfully in Sport, Competition and Fiery Debate. Well, done……we all end up as winners from reading and understanding what you have presented. No debate.
Absolutely agree with you, Gayle. This is a masterful piece of writing exposing the high levels of illusion running society’s ideals about what greatness is, and the extent to which we have lost the true meaning of the word – thank you Adam for this blessing.
Absolutely great exposing piece here on competition which you write so clearly, thank you Adam. ‘Competition for progress’ is indeed endemic – every day I see the emptiness of comparing and of never feeling good enough that drives people towards competition in the work-place between colleagues, clients, competitors in the market. Competition or ‘being competitive’ is actively encouraged and actively promoted as being the way to progress oneself towards success or up the career ladder. Many successful and top business people have come from the sporting fields/are athletes and now run their businesses (and drive staff) along the same principles of self-serving-winning-and-never-mind-who-we-stamp-on-in-the process. As long as the result is achieved. We see sports coaches brought in to coach business leaders, to only feed and exacerbate the cycle of self-serving interests.
‘Beating the competition to win the deal’ may create the revenue, desired promotion and be pleasing for staff and managers, but as you say Adam – what has it truly cost the person and those around them in terms of the changed characters, low self-esteem, tension, fractiousness, aggression, and stress, let alone sheer exhaustion ‘the race’ leaves behind?
Like the equally great article by Suzanne Anderssen which inspired your article — the office is exactly like the same and no different to the school playgrounds where ‘winning was everything’ and gave the winning child popularity, notoriety, inclusion or acceptance… and the losing child craving this, to give us businesses and workplaces that are full of one-up-man-ship, self-inflated arrogance, and false confidence. It’s an unfortunate reality that these ‘people who are winners’ get selected for the top jobs and the task of managing others, to once again ‘win’.
Winning is not everything – because it is not love, that by its own nature is all-encompassing and inclusive of all. So what this seed of competition does is actively work on separating or removing a person away from the the natural love they are, and in this way promotion of ‘healthy competition’ can only be seen as being the promotion of ill-health, and anything but healthy!
Your article is inspiring Adam and makes plenty of room for pondering on ‘competition’ – imagine if we run our businesses, economies and governments on the principles of not competition but love. Imagine if our education systems and teachers taught and encouraged love with and amongst their pupils. Imagine if as children we were loved for who we are and not by what we did, accomplished, got right or won. A very different place to what we have today.
Yes Zofia I can relate to there being lots of one-up-man-ship in the workplace. It is very unpleasant and really gets in the way of working together for the greater good.
Hi Zofia, you make some great points. Many of the top business people come from the sporting field and bring in the ideal that it is ok to win regardless of who they may trample on along the way…winning is the most important thing…..winning the contract, or business deal. School, and the school playground is where we can begin to learn that being better than another or beating another gains attention and acceptance, and we start to look for this later in life. Society champions so called ‘healthy competition’, yet it is always at the expense of another and is not so healthy as we learn to strive for winning and being successful in life regardless of another fellow being. I like your line ‘Winning is not everything because it is not love’ is so true, and when I read this the need to be better than melts away, because winning is about self and not the inclusion of everyone. The education system is a great place to start to learn that winning is not the be all and end all of life, and that competition breeds separation. If children learn that love unites all, and that there is no need to compete or be the best at something, this will lay a true foundation for future generation to build on.
Great follow on comment Zofia. Spot on when you say, ‘Winning is not everything – because it is not love, that by its own nature is all-encompassing and inclusive of all. So what this seed of competition does is actively work on separating or removing a person away from the the natural love they are, and in this way, promotion of ‘healthy competition’ can only be seen as being the promotion of ill-health, and anything but healthy!’ Competition is creating separation on all levels, how evil it therefore is.
Adam, your insight into the real consequences of competition is brilliant and spot on. One only needs to switch on the ABC and view Question Time in Parliament to see the painful way supposedly intelligent, professional adults speak to and about each other.
From the moment parents praise their toddlers for eating or dressing faster than their brother or sister, we do erode the natural foundation of confidence and being that we erroneously think competition will give us. We need to call it out and expose competitiveness for what it really is – a temporary state of arousal – then might we actually begin to progress, live and work together in cooperation and equal support.
‘A temporary state of arousal’ that requires another and then another and then another, never satiated and needing to be more extreme as time goes by. Hmmm, that sounds like drug addiction: ‘Competition’ – Class A narcotic – very dangerous, destroying brotherhood worldwide.
How true Adam, how much valuable time and energy is wasted through the competitive games society plays. It’s as though we are spending our time sitting in a cave and competing for space in the dark when we could all be out in the sun living a real life of serviceable purpose by just being ourselves. This is truly exposed to us by the living habits of wild animals who just ‘do their thing’ without any concern for competition between themselves other than to find their daily food and environment to survive and always live in harmony with all other species because that’s the way it is meant to be.
Adam, what a great expose on competition and what we herald throughout society as something to strive for, to celebrate and to be encouraged. And yet, what is it that we are actually encouraging and supporting and what is the end result of this activity? It does not take much to look at, as you say, the winners who after their period of time in the limelight are no longer winners in the eyes of themselves or the public and / or the losers who are either devastated at their loss, or in the drive of overcoming their loss and striving for their next win. The truth is, competition marks the fact that there will always be a winner and always a loser, so if in fact, we were to claim equality for all, we would have to ask ourselves, where is the equality in competition?
As you so rightly express, the truth is we are born with a foundation of natural confidence, a confidence that says we don’t need to ‘do’ anything in order to be accepted or to feel o.k. about ourselves, and that instead of encouraging this natural confidence, we create and encourage competition that tells us from a very young age that we are not good enough unless we are achieving something or can prove that we are better than someone else. Competition ‘does’ run deep, and the true can or worms to be opened here is when we realise that competition does not only run throughout sport, but that it runs rife throughout society in almost every aspect of our lives – from competing with ourselves to competing with others (to be a better parent, better at our jobs, have better relationships etc. etc.) – all in the guise of having to prove ourselves. Your blog highlights the fact that it is time to come back to this foundation of natural confidence – and to realise the harm and devastation that results when we move away from this and introduce competition – and that it is high time we begin to look at returning to our true foundation, our true confidence, and to build on that…