I recently took the time to reflect back on understanding my life, the choices I have made, and how these choices affected me.
Writing the blog ‘From A False Foundation of Abuse to a True Foundation of Self-Love’ allowed room for me to take time to truly reflect on understanding life in a true sense, and for the self-appreciation that I now know I deserve.
I have gone from someone who only thought about keeping her children warm, fed and safe (or what I deemed to be safe at the time) while giving no thought or concern to my own well-being, to a woman who now naturally does this for herself. This is nothing short of an amazing transformation. I went from hating myself deeply with every thought and action to having a conscious understanding of why I was doing this and replacing these thoughts with more understanding and care for myself. This inner appreciation slowly made way for much more Love and beauty to expand in my body.
Meeting Serge Benhayon & Reintroducing Love into my Being
I remember sitting down with a man named Serge Benhayon ten or so years ago and him mentioning the word Love. I posed the question to him “what is Love?” He replied it is what a child feels when they sense a person’s sadness and, if choosing to hug them or smile at them, just feeling and acknowledging the sadness but not taking it on, to be something they then carry around with them.
At the time I could not relate. I was so far from understanding what Love meant – I thought it was something to be received from others or given to others, not something I could tenderly nurture and grow for myself. I know now what Love is and how amazing, energising and healing it feels in my body. I can feel love throughout my body, through tingly sensations where all areas of my body come to life. I feel a huge sense of completion and joy and I am very content.
Knowing love in my body and freely feeling this only lasts if I keep expanding myself by following through with any true impulses or feelings I have – when I feel them. At the moment I understand an impulse to be a feeling that comes to me, which quite often requires me to put it into some kind of action or expression. This may be a simple thought or feeling such as stopping and hugging my son or husband with all that I am.
I know it is an impulse/thought/feeling that will help me grow: what confirms this to be a true impulse is the contrast when I feel a sneaky thought or feeling inside of my head that is very dismissive, saying things like:
- “I can’t do that.”
- “Now’s not the time.”
- “You will look silly.”
- “They do not want this at the moment.”
or something along those lines. The reasons these afterthoughts are so damaging is because they are thoughts that try to keep me in an old way of being without allowing new ways of being and doing things – which then allow me to live life in a more loving way.
Understanding Life is a Celebration
To understand what I understand today not only makes life enjoyable but makes it a celebration, simply because of how I feel in my body. If you had told me this was possible twenty years ago, I would have thought you were insane or on better drugs than me.
When I listen to the effect my choices have on my body, and I feel tension or unease around a choice I am making, I know it not to be right for me. In that, I am learning to be more aware of my choices simply by listening more to my body.
Now I rarely get affected if someone is acting in a way separate from the truth of who they are, because I know who I am. I see they are exactly the same as me first – before I see the choices that take them away from who they really are. I now own a parcel of joy called me… and there is nothing like it in this world. I can connect with others and be together with them in all the Joy we are, whether or not they are aware that they too are that Joy – and in that, I am learning to truly appreciate others, and truly appreciate me.
From A False Foundation of Abuse to a True Foundation of Self-Love