Letting Go of an Old Way of Protecting Myself

When I was a child I was scared of the dark, which is common for a lot of people. As I was going off to sleep I would often feel a presence around me that felt big, cold and imposing. I would not want to close my eyes and would choose to lie on my back so I could see every corner of my bedroom.

I was hypersensitive and could feel every little change in the energy around me. I was on high alert and there was so much tension in my body. It was very difficult to go to sleep and there was only so many times I could call my parents in to check and see if anything was under the bed or in the cupboard. They never found anything sneakily hiding in my room but without a doubt I could feel that something was there lurking in the shadows even though there was no visual proof.

I found it very difficult to accept what I was feeling in my body. The anxiousness felt so big and unbearable that I began to disconnect from my body and escape into my head where I would make up stories and run scenes of lovely images in my mind. This felt comforting and I would eventually fall off to sleep.

From this time on, I often used this escape plan of leaving my body and going into the head to deal with feelings that I didn’t want to accept were there. I noticed the hypersensitivity that was there all the time. I was forever on alert, watching and waiting for the next imposing feeling to be there and then I would use my emergency escape plan which was to go into my head and distract myself with thoughts for relief.

This disconnect from my body continued into adulthood. I would constantly run conversations through my mind, making plans or daydreaming about what might happen. It was like I was a walking head completely disconnected from my body and filled with distracting thoughts while I went about the activity of my life.

While on one level, this escaping seemed comforting, there was also a constant feeling of raciness and a huge anxiety that I couldn’t ignore. I understood that I had created this disconnection by dulling my awareness and I enjoyed the relief it provided, but what I didn’t account for was the misery it also brought to my life.

Choosing to live in this dulled down way felt like a part of me was achingly missing – no wonder I was always anxious!

With the support of Universal Medicine’s Healing modalities I have been re-connecting with my body, re-building my awareness and escaping less and less into my mind. I have also reconnected to the truth that all is energy and that there has always been an unseen energetic outplay rippling underneath the physicality of life that we all have experienced but rarely speak of. For example, we have all felt what it is like when we talk with a friend who says they are fine but we can feel that behind this “I’m ok” facade there is something disturbing them.

We feel this energetic outplay all the time; we cannot stop feeling it but we can choose to live in a way, like I did, that numbs this awareness and makes us feel like it doesn’t exist. We can come back from this choice though, by connecting to our body and allowing ourselves once again to be honest about how and what we feel.

The other day I went to a whole new level with this connection and I had the most exquisite feeling of surrender where my body was leading and my mind was following smoothly along. I felt so solid and grounded; there was an unwavering confidence that my body just knew how to move and what to do next.

I also felt open to accepting all that was going on around me, no judgment, simply acceptance with a knowing that with this connection to my body I could handle anything that was to come my way.

The harmony I felt was amazing and yet so natural and it felt like every cell in my body was working as one. My mind was not racy, it was clear and focused on how my movements flowed and the centeredness I felt.

There was such a home-like quality in this level of surrender to my body, I knew without a doubt this is the way we are meant to live: the wisdom of the body leading with the mind in full presence and focusing on every minute movement that is made.

The depth of this experience has left a beautiful new point of knowing for me to build on. I have strengthened my commitment to let go of my escape plan and continue to build this relationship with my body that supports me to feel the enormous wisdom that we all hold within.

I now know without a doubt that to let ourselves feel and be aware of all that goes on around us is one of our greatest assets, because this means we can have a true understanding of the energetic outplay of all things and thus make choices that support us to stay in our connection and keep building our knowing of life.

By Bianca Barban, Registered Nurse, Melbourne

Further Reading:
Everything Is Because of Energy
The Gift of Clairsentience: Reclaiming My Ability To Feel Energy
The Nature of Energy: A Bathtub Lesson

724 thoughts on “Letting Go of an Old Way of Protecting Myself

  1. Surrendering to being in my body is a choice I might have to consciously remind myself to do. Without surrendering to my body I’m in my head, then creating more tension and complication than is needed. With surrendering comes the clarity and simplicity, and a loving way to be with myself and everyone.

  2. There are movies, cartoons, about monsters scaring children in the night. I hadn’t clocked the relevance and reality before between what we think it ‘make believe’ and what is actually happening.

  3. Without judgment life is instantly simple and in my experience the answer just appears. Yet we lace so much in life with our own version of it which makes understanding life and what is truly going on impossible…hence we end up with cartoons about monsters that don’t deliver the truth about how to support children to deal with them.

  4. I can so relate to your blog and the anxiousness that is caused when we start numbing our body to feel due to the fear of the unknown energy lurking around us. But like you share “We can come back from this choice though, by connecting to our body and allowing ourselves once again to be honest about how and what we feel.” It has been a steady unfoldment but supper supportive as I have been building a foundation to come back to my body and not be in my head, the anxiousness has begun to fade, this is so much more loving and supportive.

  5. It is so common for us to find a way to escape from what we are feeling without truly connecting and understanding what it is that we are trying to run from. Often it is an opportunity or point of evolution that we do not want to face or take responsibility for, so the willingness to surrender at these times is paramount for in the surrender, the infinite wisdom of the body knows the next movement to make.

  6. “I felt so solid and grounded; there was an unwavering confidence that my body just knew how to move and what to do next.” Great blog and observation, this is the way it is meant to be, we are meant to be connected to our bodies and then to move in such a way eliminates all self doubt, I am learning to surrender more and trust the own wisdom of my body and every time I do I feel the bigger picture and I lose the part of me that wants to make life all about me which in turn benefits everyone.

  7. I recently dropped a neighbour off to the health centre not far from where I live and waited in the reception. It was interesting to share conversations with other people about their ailments and the tension they were feeling in their body. When the stories of hardships, stresses and strains started to flow a connection was made of how we protect our body in order to deal with the onslaught of behaviours from others. It is timely that this blog shares the powerful teachings of Serge Benhayon and the simplicity of life that we can come to know if we choose not to allow that which is not true out or in.

  8. I’m feel that most of us live our lives like this
    “I would constantly run conversations through my mind, making plans or daydreaming about what might happen. It was like I was a walking head completely disconnected from my body and filled with distracting thoughts while I went about the activity of my life.”
    But it has it’s side effects as the body is kept on constant alert and running on nervous energy and this surely has to have an affect on our bodies? So is it any wonder that we use coffee and sugar to race the body even more to try and mask the nervous tension we are running the body with because we don’t want to feel our disconnection.

  9. Connection to my body has been one of the greatest teachings offered by Universal Medicine. It changes how I see myself, how I move, how I exercise, even how I breathe. It has been a marker of my health greater than I could possibly have imagined.

    1. For a long time I avoided this connection, thinking I was connecting with my body but still resolutely holding on to what I thought connection looked like, so as to avoid feeling and looking at my own choices. Slowing down, not filling every second of every day with constant activity, has strengthened this connection and given me the space to actually feel what’s going on within and around me.

  10. Fabulous article Bianca, thank you. Your description of your childhood in particular has just helped a personal penny to drop – understanding the depth to which I too was reading and feeling and not knowing what to do with that other than to escape into my head, mostly through books and then a little later on TV and mental activity. Food has been another big comfort. Thankfully, also like yourself, I’ve re-learned via Universal Medicine another way to be so I am no longer just a body propelling an over-active mind around.

  11. I have lived most of my life like this ‘I was forever on alert, watching and waiting for the next imposing feeling to be there and then I would use my emergency escape plan which was to go into my head and distract myself with thoughts for relief.’ Like you (and most people) I am very sensitive to energy and I was always on alert, in fact I lived on ‘alert’ being aware of energies that didn’t feel great and feeling that had power over me. Sometimes feeling intimidated even if I was in a room on my own! Since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have claimed myself more within my body, have a deeper and true understanding of energy and no longer live in ‘alert’ mode I still have awareness of what goes on around me in the physical and non-physical but this no longer dictates my life instead it is the love within … well more so than this has ever been and always work in progress : )

    1. It is so refreshing to be having this conversation isn’t it?! To actually say out loud that there are things we feel and things we see, that they sometimes don’t match or make sense. This level of alertness that never really turns off is draining to the point of chronic disease. So let’s keep these conversations going!

  12. Bianca, this is great to read and very helpful, my son has trouble sleeping at night sometimes because he feels scared, it feels lovely to be able to share with him that ‘with this connection to my body I could handle anything that was to come my way.’

  13. “I was hypersensitive and could feel every little change in the energy around me. I was on high alert and there was so much tension in my body.” This is a level of awareness that never goes away. I feel we just learn how to read situations better in life experience and deepen our understanding of how to be ok with the intensity. Observing it and not absorbing it, as a wise man once said. It makes so much sense.

  14. Protecting is such great topic to discuss as it can reveal much of the unnessesary in life. How we are used to protect ourselves from hardness instead of love. Which in fact, it makes more sense to protect ourselves from a love and abundance, than to actually close ourselves off from it , which makes us feel unsafe in the first palce, and than put up a wall or behavior to protect ourselves second. it simply makes no sense. But it is beautiful to out date it, and call it for what it is , as we all know it is simply a choice were we can love ourselves as it is our One and Only true protection. The one we actually need.

  15. Hi Bianca – like you I know I am deeply sensitive and can feel a lot. I feel what is going on around me and I too have tried to go to my head to avoid the feeling. But in that I am not myself, not open, not connecting to my body. What a waste. Now I know that it is OK and natural to be sensitive and feel everything and when I claim that It Is possible to feel something but observe it rather than take it on, that brings a settlement to my body,

  16. Thank you Bianca. Lately I have noticed moments when I will ‘zone out’ and even though I am in one place in the room with people, for example with friends, work colleagues or family, my thoughts can be elsewhere. And this actually feels strange, and makes me wonder why would I want to be anywhere else but with all these amazing people, and especially with myself?

  17. Bianca, this is really lovely, ‘the wisdom of the body leading with the mind in full presence and focusing on every minute movement that is made.’ I notice that when I focus on my movements – how I cross my legs, how I place my hands and feeling my feet as I walk for example, that this feels very simple and powerful, I get to feel my femininity and loveliness and it means that I am present in my body and not in my head thinking all sorts of unnecessary things.

  18. i know how that feels, to know something is there, and yet have no one supporting you to give voice to that experience. I am so glad to have come across the works of universal medicine so that i can be validated in what i always knew was going on.

  19. its so obvious that as children we are not dumb, we really do know and feel all kinds of things. the way the world is set up is so disregarding of this however, and falsely set up that adults are the ones who ‘know’ and that kids are not naturally feeling to be aware of all that is going on in life, and just don’t know always know how to express or deal with things that are so undeniably occurring in their lives, Kids instinctively know who to be around and who doesnt feel right- if given a chance they can tell us so much about what is going on.

  20. I can very much relate to escaping into mind – and although it was the comfort I was seeking, it was not always lovely thoughts that I entertained, it could actually be totally horrible and negative and certainly not the kind of thoughts I would willingly choose to have. How is that possible?! I thought I was escaping from the nasties and the horribles of the world, but somehow I trapped myself in a world full of unpleasant thoughts that I had no idea where they came from so I reasoned it must have been me. We become an easy prey for the astral to have its way when we vacate our body and refuse to feel what we feel.

  21. I could so relate to what you have shared here Bianca, especially around escaping into ones head as a young girl. This was a form of protection and not wanting to truly feel what was going on around me. As well as not wanting to really stay connected to the amazing little girl i was. I would daydream, have entire conversations in my head with people and replay situations, all the while not at all appreciating who I was or have any connection with my body. This has now changed immensely, thanks to the amazing presentations and support from Universal Medicine.

  22. I can remember being anxious of the dark as a child, and would always want a light left on when I went to bed. I could sense there were energies around that wanted to frighten me, but it was not something I ever shared with ayone. As I got older I would listen to music or drift off into some fantasy in the hope that I would go to sleep before anything could scare me. So it was very confirming to learn from presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that what I was feeling was not something I had made up, but was in fact very real. Children feel everything and we should never dismiss what they are telling us when they talk about what they can see, even though we as adults may not see what they are talking about.

    1. It is remarkable that such a huge number of us adults have been deeply hurt by having our awareness and expression dismissed and even at times ridiculed as a child (although no one can be blamed for this as for generations we have not known any better). It seems we do such a great job at becoming numb to our hurts and making ourselves forget what happened that we end up doing exactly the same to the young ones in our own lives! It is a great blessing that so many have been supported by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to heal the hurts they have been carrying and to reconnect to their innate awareness and understanding of the energetic dynamics at play through life.

  23. It’s crazy how we need to surrender so that our natural way can lead in every moment. The mind is a controlling force and the power we have allowed is such that humanity have come to believe that it is who they are, to the degree that the body is totally over-ridden and completely disconnected from. Serge Benhayon has exposed the choices we have been making and the wisdom of the body that is there to be chosen – this is to be celebrated, this is evolutionary.

  24. I can very much relate to what you are sharing, and it is like a breath of fresh air when I am able to make the choice to surrender and feel my every movement, knowing that it is right. It is our true way to live, living from the movements of our body a movement in sync with what we think, conscious presence is such an important tool to practice.

  25. So true Bianca, it is all intrinsically linked… to be open and able to be seen in full, to see others in full, and to feel everything that is going on in life around us, at every level, down to the subtlest energetic changes.

  26. Our children tell us many times of things that they see and hear whilst on their own in their bedrooms, and it cannot be put down to imagination because how is it that nearly everyone has had an experience they remember or an experience as an adult they can recall.

    Reading this has triggered a childhood memory of not wanting to get close to the bed because it felt like there was something underneath, so I would jump on the bed, so as not to let my ankles be grabbed.

  27. When we are young, our whole body sings with the wisdom of the Universe unfiltered. So it is no accident that at a very young age ‘things in the night’ come for us, to make us scared, to make us shrink, to make us ‘turn down our light’ and thus in effect dim our awareness of the vast intelligence we belong to. This is one of the many ways we are influenced from young to live from our head alone rather than from the body that otherwise obediently works in sync with the meticulous order we are an innate part of. The great separation we all feel deep within us comes from allowing such a division to occur and from championing the human intellect at great expense to the whole body intelligence we never once questioned as a child.

  28. We spend so much of our time trying to avoid being hurt yet when we allow ourselves to feel everything that is going on in life it is awesome.

  29. In connection with our bodies, we are offered access to an infinite communication with the stars confirming our true nature of what we can live when we commit to the in-between moments of our lives, as it through this consistency that we get to accept and embody the truth of who we are.

  30. I only just realised that what you described as a child was me all over. I had never clocked the level of sensitivity I had as a child. As I have connected back to my body more, I feel how my greatest protection is to be in connection.

  31. I can completely relate to this Bianca. Having an escape plan and being constant alert. It’s very much a work in progress for me to change my default setting back to before it became my default. But with a willingness to let go and trust that I’m ok the layer of protection becomes thinner and thinner.

  32. There are so many ways we protect ourselves, when we heal one protection, another one can present for us to then let go of as well. It is in having a willingness to feel those protections that can ultimately free us from them and trust that we can.

  33. This wonderfully confirming blog about the beauty of being fully present in our body is so supportive for me. Though I know it in times I feel anxious or stressed I go into flight mode and want to leave my body. Sometimes there can be no apparent reason for this – just general everyday stresses and a walk at lunchtime requires constant coming back to being present. What I’m realising is that when I do commit to being present and with myself, allowing myself to feel all that there is to feel no matter how uncomfortable, I’m also feeling a solidness within and this I am knowing I can return to no matter what happens in my day. The more I connect the more I know it is unwavering and I can trust. An inspiration to allow all that is there to be allowed and experienced – no shutting off compartments and living in fear of their contents.

  34. Your blog shows me that the moments of escape I seek actually result in me missing out on me, I will not be able to get those moments back but I can make choices now to ensure that I am truly present in my own life.

  35. It changes everything when we accept that we are creatures that feel everything, and that doing so allows us to understand life and not be so affected by it. We are always only limited by our own willingness to admit to the sensory grandness that we all actually have. Our sixth sense should never be confined to an idea in a movie.

  36. It could very much be that the reason we have so much illness and disease is because we don’t really have an honest relationship with our bodies. If we are all disconnected with it then it’s hard to know what it’s telling us.

  37. In my experience too by staying connected with my body and what I’m feeling this gives me the opportunity to understand situations in a much clearer way and have access to the wisdom of the body in how to deal with or respond to life. And shutting down from what I’m feeling actually creates anxiousness in me because I’m disconnecting from something that I know is there but am trying to push away, and in that dis-connection am not really equipped to handle whatever is going on…

  38. There is in fact no escaping energy even when we try to numb it, ignore it or pretend we do not feel it. Energy is who we are and what the world is made of, hence why evasion is impossible. Our connection to our bodies are our greatest tool through which, if we are willing, we can be guided to know the truth at all times. We all already respond to the truth in our bodies to some degree through putting warm clothes when we are cold, or sensing that something is not right with another, so the more we honor and build this relationship, the more we can read the quality of energy at play in any moment and know how to respond with truth accordingly. This is true power.

  39. I can so relate to being a “walking head completely disconnected from my body” for that is exactly how I lived; in fact most around me were living in the same way, separated from who they truly are as well. I can see that to be connected was way too painful and also, if I did know how my body was feeling I would have had to begin to make some changes in my life. I am delighted that I finally came to understand that living connected to my body is actually the way we are made to live and being disconnected will only end up with a body that is suffering greatly which is crazy because it is without doubt our best, wisest and most loyal friend.

  40. Often we are not supported to connect to our feelings when we are young as a form of protection and then as adults we tend to fear what we can feel. This often opens us to use various things to numb what we feel and disconnect from our body.

  41. It’s amazing how we try so hard in life to ignore the un-ignorable, for we are feeling beings and cannot change this…

  42. Great wisdom this is to develop our connection to our body and to heed its call, impulse and revelation.

  43. Accepting and developing conscious awareness of the “unseen energetic outplay rippling underneath the physicality of life” is like putting the skin on the bones of life.

  44. We believe we are protecting ourselves when we deny what we are feeling but in fact it is the complete opposite as it lays us wide open to energetic attack.

    1. Beautifully and simply said Elizabeth – when we feel what we feel there is no need to try and quell, distract or escape ourselves, which is a huge part of the ills in the world.

  45. I would not want to close my eyes and would choose to lie on my back so I could see every corner of my bedroom.’ I was exactly the same i would not want to turn on my side and have my back to part of the room as I felt very vulnerable. This shows just how sensitive we are of energy and are aware of our surroundings but yet we use so much to block this out or dull it down like tv and food etc. What if we allowed ourselves to be sensitive and aware all of the time without trying to turn this down?

  46. As children our sensitivity is often dismissed or even ridiculed, no wonder we shut down and don’t want to acknowledge it. When we realise it is safe to feel again and to express those feelings we are on the way back to reclaiming ourselves and our own power. All the while we might be tempted to react to the outside world but as we strengthen our connection to our bodies and the fire within we build a solidness and a confidence that cannot be shaken.

  47. THank you for sharing Bianca.
    IT keeps me wake in the steps to take to deepen my awareness as there is till this part that likes to stay unaware, a part I dont want to deal with. I feel Will feel deeper into iT why I choose so. I know that Will help
    Me to make my next step.

  48. Wow, astonishing. We could easily observe and clock how we become protective around people who display anger, or have a jagged outer appearance but rarely do we clock when we become protective of unseen energies.The stories that we tell as children of seeing presences and feeling unsafe in the dark should be more ackowledged! for we would see how these unseen energies are effecting our lives.

  49. Energy is a fact – we live in it, we are it and we express it. The more openly we talk about energy the less we will be frightened of what we feel around us and give our power away to that. It’s especially important to talk to children openly about energy so they feel their power in life and not feel small in comparison to what they feel around them.

  50. When we make life about energy first and foremost, there is nothing that cannot be felt in our bodies unless we choose to and then align to something that would only offer a temporary relief from the hurt of not being ourselves.

  51. Someone once said that when you do not feel like a son of God then you know something is not right. Often we settle for feeling ok but it’s great to know that underneath the façade of life there is another life happening that effects the life we experience as our everyday life. That is the unseen world that perhaps cannot be seen but it can sure be felt and I feel it’s important to recognise that. If not we will keep on searching for the answers in the seen world but we forget that things happen first in the unseen world, energetically.

  52. What a great understanding you share Bianca – that hypersensitivity can trigger the need to escape. You did it with your mind; others choose to act out or withdraw or bury themselves in books, and perhaps as adults choose escape via drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work and so on. Acknowledging the reality of entities with children – and how to deal with them – would go a long way to alleviating this particular path of anxiousness.

    1. Indeed Victoria, we have to learn our children that entities are real and not something we make up as what is told a lot and in doing that we will empower them to cherish this clairsentience and to make it part of heir lives instead of having to go into all kinds of behaviours to dull them away from that feeling that will always be there.

  53. ‘It was like I was a walking head completely disconnected from my body…’ I used to feel like that too – completely divorced from my body with my mind running the show. My body was just a mode of transport for my mind and was either a nuisance, or acceptable if some sort of physical indulgence was on the table. I too chose disconnection when the answer was always to re-establish the connection, and from there go deeper. It took years of practice – and only once I discovered Universal Medicine – to be able to reconnect and 10 years on, it’s an awareness I need to be on to every single day. There’s a lot in our world that’s designed to pull us away from ourselves.

  54. The escape plan of going into our mind or into the doing, whatever is ours, and in that to disconnect from that clairsentience which is naturally in us, makes us imprisoned in a three dimensional world while we belong to a multi dimensional world in which it is about energy first and not about its physical outplay which is secondly at best.

  55. In not wanting to feel we actually make life harder for ourselves.. we start disconnecting from our bodies and escaping into our heads where it feels safer, but actually we’re less protected as we then can’t feel energy around us, and have lost our knowing of how to respond to it. When we allow ourselves to feel and accept everything that is there to feel, we are much better equipped to deal with anything.

  56. Bianca, this is really helpful, ‘I also felt open to accepting all that was going on around me, no judgment, simply acceptance with a knowing that with this connection to my body I could handle anything that was to come my way.’ I have noticed that if I do not judge what is going on around me and do not react to it then I can stay with myself and feeling lovely and steady no matter what is going on, if I judge people and situations and react then I feel anxiousness and unease in my body.

  57. Allowing ourselves permission to express how we truly feel is precious, and as a society we have a long way to go in this regard…for this is true freedom of speech.

  58. Learning that our sensitivity and awareness is actually our greatest strength, as it exposes the absolute truth of all things, is a learning through confirmation that we can and need to offer our children and ourselves.

  59. Night time was an ongoing horror story for me as a child… And that intense fear of the dark continued until a doorway within was opened up with the extraordinarily beautiful wisdom and guidance of Serge Benhayon, and when I walked through this doorway, the understanding of my true nature shone through all darkness

  60. I couldn’t agree more – feeling everything keeps us far more safe than protecting ourselves and numbing ourselves. It is how to handle all we feel without running for the hills that is the challenge and that takes an understanding of what we are feeling. Your blog and the honest conversations through so many of the Universal Medicine courses supports us to see how to make this practicle application in our lives.

  61. When I start to put pressure on myself for whatever reason I escape and I leave my body as everything else is in this moment or situation considered more important and the body is second. I am aware what I am choosing and how horrible my body feels afterwards. When I accept I am sensitive and that by my choice to escape I avoid to feel that I know how to be and what to do. Accepting my grandness, why not?

  62. I had a very similar experience as a child, spending hours in tension at bedtime, staring at the hallway or at the cupboard door. And when I fell asleep there were snakes, sharks and crocodiles everywhere so it wasn’t much better! Reading this blog I realised that this childhood experience of big and overwhelming anxiety and the energetic feeling not matching what was physically there (creating doubt), contributes to the suppression of our awareness being anxious. I find most people these days are anxious to varying degrees but very few are aware of it. Did we all disconnect from it when we were little, as we didn’t know how to cope? This lack of awareness or denial of the anxiety means that it is never addressed or healed. I have found the pattern of escaping into our heads is key, as it is not being present and aware in our bodies that creates anxiety.

  63. It is so sinister that energies stop us from being fully in our body and feeling the loveliness that we truly are and clever in that by causing anxiousness can create us to go into our heads … therefore not fully being present and connected to our body. We are powerful when we are truly connected and living from the body and whole body intelligence. I too used to feel similar energies in the room when I was younger however over the years and with the help of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I now feel so more connected and solid to my body and am starting to live the wisdom that is felt from my body (this is a continuous learning process) the more we are this the less outside energies have a so called hold over us. Awesome to hear how this has changed for you and you now have this knowing ‘I knew without a doubt this is the way we are meant to live: the wisdom of the body leading with the mind in full presence and focusing on every minute movement that is made.’

  64. I can relate to a lot of what you have written about Bianca, jumping onto the bed so that whatever was lurking under the bed couldn’t grab my ankles, and then later living from my head, as if in a walking daydream. Sometimes we get so caught up in the make believe that the lines become fuzzy as to what is real and what is made up in the mind.

  65. “accept what I was feeling in my body’ This is massive and key to truly living ourselves, life is so much more simple when we read what’s really going on and not make it personal.

  66. Being honest about what we are feeling in our body builds our awareness and quality of presence that supports us to initiate true and lasting change to our way of living and our lifestyle choices.

  67. “A knowing that with this connection to my body I could handle anything that was to come my way”. It may sound boring to ‘be with your body’ but it gives you the most extraordinary sense of ease and steadiness that allows you to deal with whatever comes your way. I am also realising more and more that it is better to stay in my body where I can feel and discern want is going on around me than skip off into my head where I am less aware of what I am feeling but affected all the same.

    1. I have found the same Fiona, I also find that the more I stay present with my body and what is going on the moment I actually deal with what is before me and so the less I then carry around with me. I can then more clearly have the sense that that is done and completed so now what is next, rather than the incessant thoughts or I should have said this or that, or what if etc, etc..

  68. You are so right Bianca that if we can let go and be aware of all that goes on around us this is our greatest assets and can be so much fun because you can never be fooled by what someone is saying because you read the energy they are expressing with.

  69. I know that I have had a strong knowing and reading abilities since I was very young and would often be told that I was being silly by what I shared and what I felt. It is from this time that I shut down this natural ability because I felt I was being naughty, but the truth I have now become to see is that we all have the ability to read and observe life and it is a true strength to be able to move from this knowing without judgement or fear and to see the world for what it is and know that we can continue to move from our bodies connection and feel what is going on around us but to not let it take over or hinder our natural way.

  70. I am learning, coming back to the awareness (by my willing), that everyone feels everything.
    No matter if one says it or denies it. To feel and see beyond what we are facading, and to stay true with what we will without wanting a visual approvement. Gaining trust and confidence from our connection to the Universe, God -‘all we are,’love” and all that we come from – ancient knowingness.

  71. We can either view our sensitive awareness and ability to observe in great depth as a negative burden, or our best asset. It’s all dependent on whether we want to turn a blind eye to the current state of society, or if we can feel the responsibility AND how we can bring light and a high quality to everything we observe in our environment.

  72. Without a doubt there is so much to be aware of and feel in life, most of which we do not always want to feel because it hurts to see others around us acting in ways that are not only disrespectful at times but also purely lying and not just to others but to themselves. But indeed with feeling the rawness of all that is going on around, there is indeed an empowerment to knowing what is in fact occurring and what’s more there is great sense of feeling beyond all the yuck of human life that there is a beauty to everyone you meet just as there is a great beauty within yourself.

  73. It is interesting, I have found the more we seek to protect ourselves, the more we expose ourselves to hurt, shut people out and the more likely we are to have unloving thoughts and behaviours.

  74. It took me many years to realise that I was living with a suit of armour to protect myself against what I perceived the world might throw at me next and I know without a doubt that the suit building began as a child; a child like you who was terrified of the dark. The fear was so great that I would hold my breath, with the breath holding staying with me right until recently. Now being able to stay with me, connected to my body and breath gently when any challenges arise means that I no longer need to protect myself but instead simply respond to what is being presented.

  75. How many of us get into a situation where we are uncomfortable with a feeling in our body and so try to get rid of it, by checking out, comfort eating, putting our head in the sand, even creating a different problem so we don’t have to experience that one in full. I would say a round 100%. But imagine if we were taught at school that this is the single biggest marker or indicator of our health and wellbeing and so critical information to be used to help us chart a course through life.

  76. There was one bedroom that I had as a child where I too would look under the bed and in the cupboards before going to sleep. I knew there was a lot of unseen activity in that room and I experienced it several times but was able to satisfy myself that i would be all right because, for the most part, I was not seeing anything. This then puts a lot of emphasis on sight and can foster a mistrust in the innate knowingness that we are choosing to ignore.

  77. There’s no other place to go but to the full awareness of what we feel. Otherwise, we may fall in the trick of freeing ourselves from the tension of feeling something uncomfortable or threatening, This freeing it’s nothing but a relief, a façade that masks the truth of that we are completely engulfed by what we were escaping in the first place.

  78. Daydreaming was my escape plan as a child also Bianca. The anxiety that comes from escaping into the head I now liken to driving a car whilst sitting on it’s roof. Of course this is going to cause anxiety just as deserting our body does.

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