Being an Individual or a Life of Love?

I was very much focussed on being exclusively individual before I came to study and be a student of Universal Medicine. All I cared about was myself. I wasted money while not caring about anyone else. Now my life has completely turned around to one that is re-learning to be a life of love; one that is developing to be deeply loving, deeply caring of myself and humanity… a truly joyful, amazing, incredible, truly charitable, giving back to the community way of living.

Looking back on my life – and I’ll stay with the more recent times, say the past 10 or 11 years – I just wanted to be recognised and seen as being a great yoga teacher, or a famous artist. I might have thought I cared about other people. Yet – if you had asked me at the time – I would have said I did. That was how far gone I was, but truth be told, it was all for “Look at me out the front of the class, look at what I can do with my body, look at how good my art is.” I fed on the recognition, the pictures, ideals and beliefs. I thought I had to be a certain way to fit in.

During this period I also worked in the health and wellbeing industry as a fitness instructor, and you would assume those in a caring, health profession really cared for other people. It may look like that on the outside, and we might believe that we do, but in my experience, many don’t: it’s all built on recognition. How good do I look, my body is better than yours, being recognised for having a great ‘looking’ body, how many clients do I have, how many people come to my classes, how much money am I making? Me, me me: recognition, recognition, recognition.

Same as when I was involved in the art world. There was no making art to serve a purpose. That’s not how it’s set up. The whole art world and art university foundation is built on individuality, recognition and self – not a care for what work is being put out there, nor the energy it is made in; not a care for humanity and other people. The final night Degree Art Show at Uni, the same as any exhibition or show, is all about being seen, being recognised, being better than everyone else, becoming famous, to the point that most of the world’s artists don’t care about the quality of the work they put out, or anyone else – as long as it gets them recognised.

My friendships were based around partying. I didn’t care about the energy I was in or choosing, walking past a primary school in the morning after being out all night, and how that affected everyone else. I only cared about how bad I looked and how ill I felt.

I thought nothing of turning up to the home I shared with my parents on several occasions after being out all night. When I look back now, that attitude and imposition I brought into the house was awful. And I had the audacity to blame my parents at times. I thought nothing of phoning them and asking them to send me things, pay for things for me. I didn’t care about them. Now that is irresponsibility, all about me, and lack of love in full swing.

I had no true friendships. They were based on what we could get from one another, keeping us in the comfort of what we chose, be it irresponsibility, alcohol, lack of commitment to life, keeping us in the same behaviours and patterns. No one would speak up and say, “Hey, this isn’t okay.” I was in unloving and abusive relationships. By abusive, I mean partners who cheated on me, who held me up by the neck against a wall, and also the type of abuse that many of us accept as normal in our everyday relationships: raised voices, arguing, verbally fighting, not speaking to each other at times, being in and out of the same relationship even though we know it is not right, simply not truly adoring and cherishing each other. I didn’t love myself enough or at all to say no to abuse from others or myself.

I never had a proper job. I worked full time, but knowing deep down, though not on the surface, the positions and wages never truly sufficed to pay the bills or to be able to rent a place of my own. Part of this was lack of self-worth. This kept me in irresponsibility, a great excuse to never fully commit to life. I also didn’t care about what state I turned up in at work. Sometimes if I had been out all night partying, I didn’t care about the customers, other members of staff and how my choices may affect them. All I cared about was myself. But I thought and believed I really cared about people.

I loved being an individual, like… I loved it. I relished the recognition, I loved being different. This probably started at school. I can remember wearing stripey colourful jumpers, not part of the school uniform, again being recognised for being ‘different’, being recognised for something, and what I could get out of it.

The really scary thing, if this isn’t enough, is the money I spent over a very short period of time feeding individuality, which provided no true change to myself, other people, or how I was living. This is what really shocked me when I came to have a look at it and it is very sobering to read.

This is over a period of two years:

Yoga teacher training £3500
Extra Yoga courses £2000
Yoga Classes £1,200 minimum
Partying in its heyday peak £100-300 week (let’s average it out £3000 for the year as I didn’t party every week –though it was more)
Working at an art festival £1000
Music CD’s £1000
Self Help – New Age books £200

This is only the tip of the iceberg but add up just this and it comes to –  £11,900. Now that makes me feel sick. Now I look back and see money totally wasted on nothing but feeding individuality. That’s a deposit for a house and a whole lot more. Now there is no regret: there’s just a very huge ‘ouch’ learning, and the knowing that I have been very irresponsible. That will not be done again, ever, in any lifetime.

All of the above may to some sound too harsh, that I’m taking it too far, surely some of that was ok, right? For me, it is actually very freeing, to speak with an absolute honesty and understand that the insecurity I have felt for most of my life that drove me to seek all of that recognition – even at the expense (pun intended) of my health – is underpinned by a desire to be individual.

In essence what this meant for me is that I preferred to run away from hurts of not being truly seen for the beautiful light I was as a child, being the individual therefore meant I could do whatever I wanted to myself or others because “I was hurt.” I totally get that mentality having lived through it all as said above, but there is so much more to life when we can truly let this go and not be a part of the way society is that just keeps the same hurts, insecurity and recognition going.

And now – oh my, how the tides have turned, with a completely different ripple effect.

Since coming to Universal Medicine events in 2011, my life has completely changed. It has transformed beyond my wildest dreams; it’s turned upside down. It is amazing – like truly amazing, beyond belief.

I now have a full time job I have been in for four years, which I absolutely love and adore, and am very committed and responsible in. I feel joy in my job. I rent my own beautiful apartment, I have a car I paid for, learnt to drive and paid for this myself. I am in an amazing, committed relationship with a very sweet, adoring and gorgeous man – a relationship that is truly loving, adoring and evolving every day. We are best of friends and we love talking every single day about incredible things – things that really matter. We talk about what hurts us, we support one another, have fun; we have amazing kids, and the relationship never ends – it keeps evolving.

In terms of my parents, I ask them for nothing except for support at times if, for example, I am ill. I deeply love, care for, and adore them: they are so precious to me. I visit them several times a week, speak to them on the phone, have incredible conversations with them about life. I listen to them, to what they need, cook them dinner, talk and hang out. I hold my parents in absolute love.

I have let go of so many family hurts – hurts from my childhood; I am learning to respect people’s choices. I have healed huge hurts with my sister and hold her in absolute love. My relationship is evolving with the rest of my family, where I am learning to respect them and their choices and understand them more deeply.

I can spend a Saturday night cosied up with myself and just feeling. No TV on, no food to snack on, simply lying on the couch feeling the most incredible yumminess in my body: or I can be with my partner and kids, hanging out, tucked up in bed by 9pm, and it feels amazing. So joyful and there is nowhere on earth I’d rather be. There is no feeling on or in this world that can even touch the sides when it comes to feeling the love and divinity in my body.

I work as a volunteer on global projects with people from all around the world. I run community courses and workshops in my own local area. I now know what true charity is and that is giving back to the community, be it locally or globally. I do this through these volunteer projects, writing, editing, admin work, website work, public online resources pages for my day to day line of work that people can use to support them in their workplace; connecting with people all around me, from in the supermarket, to the gym, people at work, everyone I meet. For me that is true community and true charity.

What money have I spent supporting me to live more deeply connected to my body? To re-turn to a way of living, The Way of The Livingness, I know to be the absolute truth, a way of living that is truly joyful and evolutionary with no perfection?

Money Spent over the past 6 years:

Universal Medicine courses £2000
Books £240
Healing Sessions £2500
Healing symbols and products £250
Music £160

A grand total of £5,150 in 6 years. That’s three times as many years than what was spent in my two year calculation for developing individuality.

You do the math.

The past six years have seen my life completely transform beyond words… and I know there is way more to deepen to: it’s a Livingness that can be felt and everyone reaps the benefits.

By Anon

Further Reading:
Individuality and Oneness
Desire is a seeking of individuality
Seeking Connection and True Relationships

51 thoughts on “Being an Individual or a Life of Love?

  1. What does individuality feed? where does the force come from that drives us? What is the emptiness within that is incessant in it’s demand to be fed? This is a life devoid of the fullness of Love that begins with knowing we are already ‘everything’

  2. As they say:
    – Plumbers usually have water pipes leaking at home
    – Gardeners usually have an over grown garden
    – Cleaners have a dirty home
    – Doctor and nurses smoke and drink
    And the list goes on … just because we are in an industry does not mean that we know to live this. True wisdom does not come from insight alone, for it comes from being able to apply the insight and live this in a practical way to inspire others of what can truly be lived.

  3. Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and transparently. And for making nonsense of individuality and our manufactured versions of caring. The lightness I felt when you started writing about life now was very tangible.

  4. The ‘ME’ factor can be very strong in us – behind it lies many hurts and it can take a lot of work to heal the hurts that then allow us to drop the protection and allow the connection with the “I” that includes the all.

  5. How can something that is energetically impossible ( individualism) have such a stranglehold on billions of people? That’s a question worthy of profound consideration and pondering.

  6. As I got caught up in a tide of people in a mass queue on the London under ground today, I could feel the individuality the unawareness of those around, the cold way that everyone was pushing as their way was the more important way, I got the feeling of how wrong it is that we have been brought up like this when really our very nature is to love and be tender and caring with all those around us.

    1. But we have to watch we aren’t judging others – that is ultimate individualism as well, as in what right do we have to demand another be a certain way. There’s defiantly no love in that, it’s us projecting our issues. We need to bring more openness and understanding.

  7. There was a pit in my stomach as I read through this blog. The depth to how much our lives are about ourselves is quite astounding. Who am ‘I’? What am ‘I’ going to do? What do ‘I’ want? What will make ‘me’ happy? What defines ‘me’? There’s no surprise that ‘individualism’ starts with an ‘I’. But what is beautiful, is that when we let go of that and begin to live in such a way that is not about the ‘I’ but ‘the all’ we not only see ‘our-selves’ as part of the all, we give back AND get everything we could have ever wanted and more. We have it significantly backwards. Thank you for an honest, genuine, confronting and needed blog, thank you for being willing to see and thank you Universe Medicine for making such a life possible.

  8. When life is all about me, me, me we become totally absorbed in wanting recognition at any cost, even at the expense of ourselves. We even see illness and disease as a viable option to keep the self individual, I know that statement may be hard to comprehend for some but having been there I know how much recognition you can get from being ill.
    Mine started when I was eight when I got the flu, suddenly there was all this attention from my mother. She became the mother I wanted caring, loving, paying attention only to me. I got a special present (doll with lots of clothes), my sister wasn’t allowed to bother me and could not have any of my lucazade no matter how much she pretended to be nice to me. I enjoyed the attention and making my sister jealous, lying on the couch during the day and being waited on hand and foot. It’s easy to see how we set ourselves up to crave attention and recognition and it doesn’t matter how we get it.

  9. A person who sees themselves as an individual first and foremost is someone who has temporarily forgotten that they are an aspect of God that has chosen to live in an ungodly way. Which is most of us.

    1. That’s it Alexis – and this is how our society operates and has always operated too. From the first days at school we are taught about individuality, competition and comparison. How different would life be if we were nurtured to hold onto our one-ness with God?

  10. When I first started reading your blog what came to me was once we have healed childhood hurts it is far easier to make life one of purpose and others and not ourselves and then I read this further into the blog and what you shared here confirmed what I felt ‘In essence what this meant for me is that I preferred to run away from hurts of not being truly seen for the beautiful light I was as a child’.

  11. This is great to ponder on: are we working for recognition or are we truly there for others? As you say, working in the health or caring industry really does not guarantee we do truly care about others even though we are as a society totally ignoring the fact that how we are when we work, and how we are when we don’t work, does affect the people we work with – and this is always either harming or healing.

  12. Beautiful to read such an inspiring transformation from self to a life full -as it should be, if we so choose. Thank you for sharing about loving people and holding people in love, yes to a world with that as a base value.

  13. In order to live a life of love we have to be very dedicated to serving ourselves but this is in a very different way to being focused on individuality. Often being focused on individuality is at the expanse of the body whereas living a life of love calls on us to deeply honour and cherish our bodies so that they can, in turn be the channels through which the light of the soul is able to pass.

    1. From living a life as an individual to reaching an inner understanding that there is more to life if as you say we deeply honour and cherish our bodies so that they can, in turn be channels through which the light of the soul can pass. As the light of the soul passes through we are touched ourselves so we do not miss out on the blessing that everyone receives when the light of the soul is lived on earth. This way of living is non imposing and very beautiful because everyone benefits.

  14. It is very interesting to consider how much time, energy and money we spend on things that actually don’t support us and how little we commit to things that actually truly do support us to have more love in our lives.

    1. How many people do we know that their purpose is self? In London, it is almost an unwritten law to never talk to other passengers. What would happen if we were open with everyone we meet and what would our body be like from letting go?

      1. I think that’s because people are so hurt, lack trust which I totally understand. I guess it’s about allowing people to be, not judge. The truth is we don’t need to talk to people to be open to them.

  15. What really stands out is the constant persuit of self in our actions and the belief that we are there for others, when in actual fact everything is about us. This is an honest example of how driven self is. Thank you Anon.

  16. The fun starts when we aren’t in that prison of the individual. It is very restricting and we are going against our true nature when motivated by individualism. The people who I know who aren’t working for themselves, but for humanity, are beaming with vitality and joy. They are living the truth of themselves.

  17. This is what the media really need to report on, of course they don’t as there lie filled manifesto is far more stimulating – why print the truth when it sell more to lie?

  18. Looking back and taking stock is a hugely beneficial exercise that builds awareness of how we are living. We cannot make a change if we are not first aware of how we have chosen to live/eat/communicate etc. For example I fill in a diet diary a few times per year – and this brings my awareness to what I am actually eating and how much of each food I am eating. From here I can then see more easily if there is an imbalance or a need for things to shift. Same for relationships and communications and business – we can look back and take stock with the purpose to grow and evolve. This does always need to be done in a way that is loving and not critical in order to be of true motivation for deepening our relationship with self.

  19. When we are comfortable with how we live and are not seeking to grow or evolve then it is easy to get stuck in life and then protect the very things that hold us back. We get good at justifying and insisting that the way we live is fine, when there is another way to live that allows us to grow and take more responsibility. Hence we resist growth because of the discomforts that we do experience with any growth. Understanding this is important but the real chance comes from living the change.

    1. What I get from this is some insight into how easy it is to slip into cruising and comfort, taking our eye off the fact that life is always about learning and growing. This ongoing forever relationship with learning is not a must do drive kind of thing, but an openness to learn, develop and deepen our understanding of life, ourselves and others.

  20. Taking stock of all the ways that we have spent money and realising how much we may have wasted or how much we may have truly invested is a good exercise for anyone to do at any point in life. After all money is energy and affects us in so many ways.

  21. We can’t see clearly when we’re embroiled in the pursuit of individualism because the identity hungry part of us will not allow itself to be outed. It’s only when we start levering ourselves out of the Lie of Creation (as you have done Anon) that we start to get some perspective, enough in fact to be able to view previous choices and ways of being with clarity. Little by little truth starts to trickle in until such time that we are all standing in the same clearing together and are able to view the lie of how we’ve been living with total unfettered clarity.

  22. Anon you write with such conviction, a no holes barred account of two completely different ways of living. No doubt, no uncertainty just the absolute knowing of how you’ve lived in the past and how you’re living now. Stunning stuff!

  23. I feel that our society is built on look at me, what I can do which is this craving for some sort of recognition, is it possible that we refuse to see for ourselves how amazing we actually are and as this has never been confirmed to us we have this huge lack which is the confirmation that we are love, we come from love, we then seek outside ourselves for someone, anyone to recognise us to make up for the lack we all feel and can never stop feeling until we fill ourselves up with the love that is there waiting for us to return to?

    1. Is it that we ‘refuse to see for ourselves how amazing we actually are’ or is it more accurate to say that we’re not able to see for ourselves how amazing we actually are? Life is a cleverly constructed maze of smoke screens that serve to purposefully and perpetually throw us off the scent of who we innately are.

  24. When we turn our life around we can appreciate the choices we have made and the inspiration we offer to others.

    1. We need to be careful when considering what ‘turning our life around’ is in truth. The identity hungry spirit can feast for a lifetime on someone who has ‘turned their life around’ if the energy with which they brought change in, is in fact no different to the energy in which they were living before. I have fallen for the ‘better than’ illusion as in ‘now that I am exercising and eating healthily that means that I am living a better life than I was before’. The truth is there is no better than in the world of energy, there is only truth or not truth. Everything can be broken down into coming from one of those two categories, there’s no invisible stairway that leads to a better life. Truth is something that we step back towards, it doesn’t exist outside of us in ‘turning our life around’ but our life can turn around as a result of re-connecting to truth.

  25. Our whole society is based around us all thinking soley about “I” and “me”. But the crazy irony is this separation is not real. There are religions and philosophies that look to kill the ego – but Universal Medicine the first one I found to explain our grander unity and connection.

    1. If we could all put on a pair of ‘truth goggles’ we would be astounded to see that we are the one united blanket energy of God, no divides anywhere, just the seamlessness of Him Himself.

  26. To be honest what I’ve found is all the misery is linked to individuality, it doesn’t seem like it because we are so good at medicating how empty it is, keeping ourselves entertained, etc, and “happy”, but once we return to soul, feel universal in nature, and become aware of our connection to everyone and the influence that has then joy is present, because being responsible to the all we are a part of, not cut off, brings purpose and a richness to life. Being connected to everyone is our natural way,

    1. Well said Melinda – the joy and sense of union that we get from allowing a connection with self and others in incomparable to anyhing else we can seek from the outside. And yet when we cannot feel that connection we are desperate to fill the void and not feel how unhappy we truly are. Individuality is marketed as the soothing balm for this emptiness, but in reality responsibility is the true answer – though this is hard to fathom when stuck in the dis-connection.

  27. Until recently, I hadn’t fully understood that the way to live a life of love was to not be an individual. When I find myself annoyed about something or feeling a tension around a situation more often than not it’s because I’m grasping onto individualism for dear life. Actually, life begins when we can move away from individuality.

  28. What transformation of responsibility and commitment you show how it is possible for anyone to turn our lives around when we change the choices we make in our lives. I know I have wasted a lot of money on alcohol and overindulgence in my youth, and that is a part of my learning how we can so easily make the changes. I haven’t done the maths but we can all feel it when a transformation takes place.

  29. I can relate so much to this blog. When life is all about me it feels like a bottomless pit that is never satisfied. Now, the love I feel in my life is amazing, and there’s always more, but it doesn’t feel empty or lacking.

    1. Leigh – you have nailed it by calling life a bottomless pit that we can never feel satisfied in when we are making life about the “me’. And then how much that can change in the blink of an eye when we realise that we are all equal and begin to bring true quality to our lives and to those around us equally so.

  30. I love how everything has changed for you and how you now respect, care for and love yourself and others. It was lovely to hear how your relationship with your parents has changed.

  31. To me what you are sharing here comes down to choices, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has offered another way to live one that is not based on individuality but based on reconnecting to the love that resides within us all and the joy that our bodies feel when we have that reconnection. There’s is nothing to compare to that sense of joy that bubbles up from within
    life become instantly very grand and so worth living.

  32. Great to look at what we invest in in life and what that investment brings to us and to all those around us. I recognise the same patterns having been present in my own life and also the change that is easily accessible when we decide to understand a little more of what and why things are happening, to then make different choices of what we feel is important.

  33. Great blog Anon, I can completely relate to your experience. I also had a life very much based on individualism in the past when now, I am embracing working for humanity. I have had a full time job for two years now and very much enjoying it, and this, since I started being a student of Universal Medicine 10 years ago.

    1. ‘Working for humanity’ can be impulsed by the spirit and therefore really all about us as individuals ‘what can I bring to humanity/ what does working for humanity reflect about me/how I see myself as a result of ‘working for humanity’ or it can be impulsed by our soul in which case there is no I and no self because we realise that to truly serve humanity then you have to be the best functioning funnel in order to allow the maximum amount of God to flow through. And although some could identify with being a very good funnel, it’s much less likely because when you get to that point you realise that that’s all we all are, fleshy funnels.

  34. To look back with such appreciation at those deep learning curves I call them is, a great gift, very inspiring and a beautiful confirmation of just how far you have let go of so many old ingrained, un-serving patterns that, are no longer a part of your life and others lives. The joy and love that replaces many self absorbed individual processors is beyond words. Recognising the cloak of illusion has been cast from our early years in most cases as, we comply and look up to those we believe that offer us the ‘right way’ to go about living life. Get a ‘good’ job, earn more money get yourself recognised and out there no matter what it takes etc, trusting at the time this is what we do! even if along the way we get clear messages from our body (drinking, partying and more) showing us the complete opposite. So much of what you share resonates deeply within this body and being so deeply honest as you have is the only way to start clearing the accumulation of lies and deceit we hold onto until! Universal Medicine came into our lives to share that there is ‘another way’ to live life and to experience the vastness of wisdom of what life is truly offering us all in equal doses. Thank You Anon.

    1. In much the same way it’s incredible what is able to just be when we let go of the fabricated lie of ‘self’ because in truth self does not exist, we have to work consistently in order to keep the lie of self alive because if we didn’t then we would all just fall back into the vastness of God that we all already are. Self makes us stand out in relief from the eternal backdrop of God.

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