I used to think being a woman was about looking beautiful, having my nails painted and pampering myself. And that nurturing myself was having massages often and having a pedicure. I was always very focused on having a great body – muscular and lean and I took pride in displaying that body that I had worked hard for to show to others how I was taking care of myself. I pretty much strutted it around.
I remember running my body into the ground in order to maintain this image I had painstakingly created for myself which included maximising a gym membership and taking yoga classes – all in the quest to be as beautiful as all of the women I saw on magazine covers.
I felt the pressure to be perfect, flawless, fit and pretty in order to have a happy life and the man of my dreams.
Growing up, I pretty much relied on what I read in teenage and women’s magazines for the endless advice and tips on how to be a woman (as I wasn’t receiving the information from another source) such as what I needed to look like and how to have great abs in ten days (because I didn’t have great abs, I was carrying some ‘podge’ around the middle). I found in these magazines pretty much everything that was expected of me as a woman.
It was about bettering and improving and creating myself from the start. I don’t remember anyone telling me I was already beautiful and that I didn’t need to do anything to become that… perhaps it may have saved a life time of trying so hard to live up to a perfect image if they had.
Esoteric Women’s Health introduced a whole new perspective on what being a woman could possibly be about. I had never heard of a woman caring deeply for herself and honouring herself. It had always been about creating the picture and then maintaining the image, how others would see me and that would tell me if I was on track or not.
What was this honouring about? I had never heard of it, in fact I had never fathomed appreciating myself let alone accepting and liking what I saw when I looked in the mirror – rather it was ‘what can be improved’, what is wrong with me, what is less than perfect.
There is so much that I have now come to appreciate about myself and about other women thanks to the information that has been offered through Esoteric Women’s Health. This information has been very supportive and I have come to realise through the experiences that other women have shared, that they have also faced similar challenges as women in society.
As a result of the enormous support provided through Esoteric Women’s Health, which includes attending Esoteric Women’s presentations, receiving Esoteric Breast Massages and Esoteric Ovary Massages, I have let go of a lot of unloving notions that I had about myself. I have come to appreciate my inner beauty and I no longer feel the need to change myself, better myself or compare myself to other women.
I have let go of a lot of jealousy of other women which I came to realise that I had been feeling as a result of comparing myself to other women all of the time.
By getting to know who I really am and not trying to live up to anything has also helped my relationships with others and I am far more open and understanding as a result. I have learnt to listen to my body and not to ignore it. When I’m tired I stop – I had never considered this was even a choice before – there was always so much to be done that I would push myself to do it all. I now make time for myself every day and I take far greater care of myself and my body than I ever have as a result of Esoteric Women’s Health. This feels really good to do.
I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me, not some image of what a woman should be and that my worth is not measured by my appearance or for what I do. It has taken such a burden away now that I’m no longer feeling the pressure to have to always live up to something or someone… that was very exhausting.
I now know taking care of myself to be something far deeper than simply painting my nails or pampering myself. By making choices that support me throughout the day, listening to my body and my own knowing, I am loving and appreciating myself more every day… and I feel amazing.
By Deb McInnes
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Deb as I was growing up as a woman, I made it about the physical body and never about me. Which is something women in society do not understand, always looking outside of them selves when the inner quality is the one that needs nurturing. Social media, TV, magazines, movies, and the list could go on, shows how a woman needs to be, often portraying an image that is unachievable. It’s a no wonder we have an epidemic of women’s issues.
When we truly know how to nurture ourselves, then all those pictures of what it needs to look like for a woman, is out the window (so to speak). It is then that we realise what a true woman is, and when we live from this our lives become different.
Esoteric Women’s Health is a platform to offer to other women that there is another way, and enriching for those looking for another way to live. And as already stated, it is ‘as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me’.
The pampering, the massages, the baths, all these things mean nothing if they are not done as who we are and with the appreciation of who and what we bring. And how true that pampering or wearing nail polish does not define us as women, as there is so much more to us than that, however, perhaps the expression of how we do these things and in what quality is the key – are we doing these things in adoration of self? or to tick a box? There in lies the difference, monumentally different in terms of the experience as well as the reflection on offer to all others equally so.
Henrietta, this busts the images of being pampered in spas etc. I have always been dubious of going to weekends away for spas, and retreats, they gave this false illusion of life of escaping from it all, when the reality is we have been escaping from ourselves.
What we need to realise is that its not about out there, its about that, that is within, then true nurturing and loving ourselves begins. Its a momentum that needs to start somewhere and we build on it, without making it an arduous or mammoth task of it. Then when it unfolds, more is offered to us, it is beautiful if we allow it.
Deb, this is so true that as women we are conditioned to look in a mirror and see fault, and need for improvement, rather than a deep appreciation and adoration of who we are.
Being a woman is a precious experience, not for the shape of it, but by its profoundness.
“I felt the pressure to be perfect, flawless, fit and pretty in order to have a happy life and the man of my dreams.” This is such a common picture to chase and the outcomes health wise and for our self worth are not great. What Esoteric Women’s Health has supported me to feel is that as a woman I am sacred, that the quality of sacredness is within me to be lived from, and I am part of the Universe, that my being is much greater than human alone, and I can bring that inner divinity to life. No picture can match the beauty I feel to live this.
We all have an inner beauty that is naturally there, and can shine out for all to see and feel when we choose to connect with it, ‘By making choices that support me throughout the day, listening to my body and my own knowing, I am loving and appreciating myself more every day… and I feel amazing.’
Beauty does indeed lie within us all and is simply waiting for us to express it.
When we look at models in the ‘glamour’ magazines, how many of us stop to consider that maybe the photographs have been enhanced. I remember years ago it was discovered that a very famous actress that was on the front cover of an equally famous magazine insisted that they made her look taller than she was and of course this enhanced her figure. In real life she was quite small. Perhaps if we were more discerning of what we see and read we wouldn’t be so easily fooled?
There are all kind of images we may buy. Some may be pretty. Others not that much. Some may be pretty obvious. Others not much. Yet, images invite us to move in a certain way to walk towards it. Domination happens through movement.
I would say as a man that we get fed pictures and images also about what it means to be a real man and we are constantly trying to live up to these ideals and feeling the pressure of that. So it is great to hear that there is a way to live where we are settled and content just being who we are without feeling the pressure or need to live up to something that is false and contrived to begin with.
I am so deeply appreciative of the service Esoteric Women’s Health offers me in life. I too had not considered I could celebrate that I am a woman and that being a woman is as simple as caring for myself and bringing a quality to everything I do each day.
When we set ourselves up to look like a picture we stop or override the communication between our body and us, which leads to us becoming everything we are not, through Esoteric Women’s Health I have discovered that listening to my body is far more productive and gives me a feeling of being inwardly settled, which means I am able to be true to myself, rather than chasing after pictures which never satisfy me anyway, because there is always another picture that follows which now I know is a fool’s game.
What I get from this is a real deepening of appreciating the details in life and not trying to achieve goals, but build something sustainable that offers support in every day life and moments, it is not about the image but the actual authenticity of who you are and celebrating that.
“I don’t remember anyone telling me I was already beautiful and that I didn’t need to do anything to become that…” Life is full of pictures of what a woman should be and look like and we all try to live up to that, giving ourselves no time to stop and feel what we truly feel inside about what it is to be a woman. Even though some may say to each other they are beautiful this often comes on a superficial level as pleasing and to be liked. What we need is appreciating each other for the beautiful woman we are beyond our looks and what we can do, someone who sees through all that and sees the beauty that is always there no matter what.
When we look into the mirror and only see our imperfections and flaws that ‘need to be improved’, we will always fail to appreciate our qualities and equally feel our potential.
There is so much information out there about what it means to be a woman (or a man), yet in my experience very little of this information rings true. We must be very discerning before aligning to any advice etc., for it is our well being at stake here.
When we really stop to feel what in-fact we are comparing ourselves to in another woman, we would be shocked at how empty at times that image can be. We tend to look at physical features and don’t take into account how the other person lives, how they sustain or got those looks, how they are in relationships, how they feel about themselves behind closed doors etc. Imagine hearing this as a young girl, “I was already beautiful and that I didn’t need to do anything to become that…”, our world would be a different place.
This was lovely to read as it confirms how I have been feeling this morning, nominating the tension I feel in trying to live up to expectations vs the freedom and lightness of letting that all go and listening to how I feel to be in life. The focus on indulging in being hard on myself over perceived expectations is only there when I stop appreciating how lovely it is to follow how my body feels to live and be.
Yes, it seems there is always more and always a stick ready to beat ourselves up with should we be looking for that. Nominating the tension and letting it go to the freedom and lightness of simply listening to what is next feels far more supportive.
Comparing ourselves to the images in a glossy magazine results in finding fault with what you see of yourself in the mirror but when you feel the natural inner beauty of who you are then this shines out from your eyes and is reflected in every move you make.
Lovely to hear how you are giving yourself permission to be the real you and no longer trying to live up to being something else, ‘I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me, not some image of what a woman should be and that my worth is not measured by my appearance or for what I do.’
These pictures and images we invest in are exhausting and just keep us thinking we are not enough, so we end up forever trying to better ourselves, this is a trap and keeps us from our innate beauty and amazingness.
Living up to expectations really is a silent burden. isn’t it? It is so tiring and emotionally debilitating that this conversation could be an amazing healing, just by considering the possibility that waiting for others to accept us, so living to a picture of what we believe a woman to be, harms us. What a proposal.
We all need to be ‘that woman’ who doesn’t allow expectations or pictures to even come close to what she feels within…. reflecting to other women that it is completely normal to do so.
Deborah this article is very supportive and inspiring for all women, I am sure most women can relate to everything you have shared here and the false pictures we have around what it is to be a woman. Thank you for debunking these pictures and moving forward appreciating and honouring the true woman you are.
I have had to learn to appreciate myself, but it’s a habit worth developing. I used to focus on the exterior e.g. my weight and size, how I dressed, my hair, my nails etc. From the outside I looked pretty together, but inside I was in a lot of turmoil and quite unhappy. Bringing my focus inward to how I feel has been one of the biggest life changing decisions I have made and I continue to enjoy discovering the real me as I discard all the false ideas and belief I had about what being a woman meant.
I often find myself living up to a picture or an expectation I place on myself. I’m not sure why … it’s a trick to always be then doing something to fix it or make it better — a self-creating wheel of identification. It is a choice to inevitably not be aware to be responsible for the real task that needs to be completed. My understanding is the avoidance of the pain of knowing this should of been completed many cycles ago. If you look at it from the bigger picture, since we are all a part of it, the support will be there to complete it however, the support is a choice within that must be found and defined by you.
This is beautiful: “There is so much that I have now come to appreciate about myself and about other women thanks to the information that has been offered through Esoteric Women’s Health.” This is so hugely different from how you, and myself too, felt after reading the popular women’s magazines that are out there. Often from these magazines we feel we are not right, have to go out to change things and be more. Yet Esoteric Women’s Health is totally the other way around it inspires us to appreciate and accept who we are and where we are at. This is what is truly needed in the world.
I agree Lieke, appreciation confirms and strengthens all that we already are, and ideals such as body image or outer beauty are superficial and unattainable, they actually don’t matter, because when we have that connection to ourselves and the beauty within there is nothing to compare, and we feel an equality with all others. It’s very beauty-full.
To aspire to and put pressure on yourself to look like a model on the front cover of a magazine is a completely unrealistic expectation when you consider the picture we see has been airbrushed to the max to make them look so perfect.
How crazy is it that we are not taught from young that our connection to ourselves is so crucial, that this is the connection to God? How crazy is it that our mothers were not taught this either. It is no wonder magazines and media stepped in, no one else was parenting! I am so pleased the conversation has started through Esoteric Womens Health and there is a chance now for more people to rediscover the amazing beauty of femaleness. Right inside themselves.
The way we feel comes from a connection within and not about how we look or from what we can achieve on the outside.
It is exhausting and pointless living up to creating a picture, or maintaining an image of who we should be based on another’s beliefs…. and it’s so empowering to just connect to who we are and learn to honour and express that in all its glory.
This sounds like something we should all embrace. I see women (and men also) running around not really knowing they are worth looking after and it’s almost as if they are not really sure how to or if they even have the permission. The lack of daily rituals in looking after ourselves has really made us lagging behind in terms of health and wellbeing and we try to keep up by drinking coffee or just trying to ignore the fact that we are very tired. If we keep this going not many will make it to work because we will be too tired and exhausted so having an organization promoting true health would be very beneficial and Esoteric Women’s Health seems to be just that.
Thank you Deb for showing so honestly that falling for the picture that to better and improve our lives is not it. With sharing your experiences you showed us that there is another way and for me it is like an invitation for all to chose the same.
‘I don’t remember anyone telling me I was already beautiful and that I didn’t need to do anything to become that’ … this line sums up how most of us are raised, how our mothers and grandmothers have been raised, we are all products of the striving and looking out there to improve how we are, to become the women we feel we need to be, but we absolutely ignore the women we are, and we strive and try to live up to an image we create for ourselves and observe around us, but we miss that key ingredient, us, and the fact that it’s all there inside us ready and waiting to come out and be expressed. Being the women we truly are is a returning back to us, to what is inside us and living in a way that supports us to express and be us in the world. Esoteric Women’s Health is revolutionary in reminding us of this core truth, we don’t need to become anything, we already are the women we are and we have everything in us as those women. It does indeed take a huge burden off our shoulders when we feel and understand this truth, I know it’s one I’m embracing daily and as I do I live the grace and beauty of the woman I am.
All these things that we think is us being a women is what often gets in the way of us truly feeling the blessing that it is being a women. This only comes through the way we care, nurture and honour ourselves and not living up to any ideal or belief. It may not necessarily look different on the outside, but the effects on who we are as women is huge.
Yes, we cannot work to a picture. It has to be our relationship with the quality we are choosing to live in our lives. That quality is in our everyday movements and therefore impulses the subsequent choices.
I find it interesting that women reduce themselves to their outer-ness. In other words, what they look like and that self-nurturing is a cosmetic thing only. Of course, painting nails and wearing make-up is fun and allows us to express who we are by the colours we choose and the way we do things – but we’ve reduced care and honouring to just this. There is so much more going on – to me, true nurturing is deeply knowing my cycles, it’s moving in a way that honours how I feel in each moment, being in touch with the wisdom of my body and not holding back how sexy and joyful I feel in my own skin.
“…true nurturing is deeply knowing my cycles,…”
This is beautifully said and I agree when we can honour and feel our cycles again we have gained a lot as women. We are so trained to achieve, to aspire, to better, to improve, which are all linear movements that lead us from A to B – we could not be further from living and honouring our cycles.
To me, it feels like women are an industry of products and we as the real women are sold images of these products through so many media mediums. It’s such a thick illusion to break through, but with the support of Natalie Benhayon and Esoteric Women’s Health, women are beginning to actually honour who they are without the images and need to fit in to a category or look.
This is a very inspiring read as you can literally feel the burden of all the ideas of what a woman should look like literally dropping off you, allowing you to just love being you! No wonder you have more energy as it literally is exhausting chasing the carrot that never can be caught.
This is great, Deb to read about your turn around in your relationship with you….going from what the outer was supposed to be like in order to be a woman to tuning in to the wisdom that was already within you. No more living up to imposed ideals! Esoteric Women’s Health is transforming the lives of so many, returning us all to a natural and very powerful way simply by reclaiming our bodies.
Thank you Deb, great to read about how you have turned your life around, how amazing is that you now feel the “love and appreciate yourself more every day”. For more on Esoteric Women’s Health go to;
http://www.esotericwomenshealth.com/blogs.html
i also deeply appreciate Serge Benhayon, the Women’s groups and the Universal Medicine practitioners, other women, who offer Esoteric Breast Massage for supporting me to feel the joy and precious power of being a woman. Gone are the jealousy and comparison of thinking I was not enough compared to the glamorous images in magazines and from many well polished and groomed women I could see.
Great question; What does it mean to be a woman? There is so much false beliefs and expectations out there that makes it so easy to fall into the trap of not knowing what is true, and what it is to be a woman. With the support of Esoteric Women’s Health and meeting Serge Benhayon, I have stripped away many layers of the ‘what is not’ and the false beliefs I had taken on. To be a woman, is simply just to be myself and allow the sweet little girl I always was to express…
‘I don’t remember anyone telling me I was already beautiful’. This is a really telling point and the place of entry for our advertising and media to milk the deep level insecurity and need for approval and recognition that’s inherent in pretty much every woman who doesn’t already know her own value.
“What does it mean to be a woman?” A question I could never answer or even get real answers from the outside world. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and subsequently Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health that this mysterious question was able to be answered from within my own body of wisdom. It wasn’t anything that could be told to me by anyone, but something I have felt for myself with some lovely guidance and support along the way.
“I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me”. This phrase sums it up – understanding what this really means has changed my life. Deepening my acceptance of it is my daily livingness. Thank you for sharing this message for all women in the world to so clearly understand and share in.
Deb gorgeous to read how you supported yourself to be just you, without the trying, it’s so easy to get caught out there in the doing and when we do we miss us and taking care of us. The idea to stop when we are tired is so simple yet revolutionary, I read it feeling and saying of course, but then stopped and recognised that while I honour this so much more than before I can still push through, so it’s about allowing more space to take care of myself.
This is such a great sharing Deb. I love how you have spoke about learning to ‘stop’ when you are tired. It is such a basic and fundamental way to live life – to not run our selves into the ground, yet it is not as self evident as it may seem. Women everywhere are burnt out and pushing themselves constantly. I was one of them, and didn’t even realise how much I was pushing myself. This has now changed through all I have learned too. Living a more honouring life, is definitely the way for me.
‘I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me’. So simply expressed and yet so true, for I also have given myself permission to just be me….. which possibily answers your question in the title; what does it mean to be a wowan?
Deb what you point out here is so important. Esoteric Women’s Health has been groundbreaking for myself and so many others in learning to live and express as the women we are, with complete freedom and honouring. Let this amazing organisation and group of women not be taken for granted, as the wisdom and love that is on offer to support women is truly remarkable
You have a very clear and simple way of expressing Deborah and the permission to be you is evident in the way you write.
I hadn’t actually realised how invasive those women’s magazines are. How amazing that in such a short time the scales have fallen from our eyes on this and we have accepted that the innate beauty of a woman comes from within and not from doing.
I have also come to understand that being a woman is just accepting ourselves exactly as we are, there is really nothing to do but allow our true beauty to be seen and to shine.
Thank you for your beautifully written testament to Esoteric Women’s Health. Since this blog was written we now have the Women In Livingness magazine which doesn’t waste an inch of space on anything less than presenting what it is to be a True Woman. A marked contrast in a sea of women’s magazines out there creating an unattainable way of being, Women In Livingness magazine confirms what you already are, a beautiful woman in essence always, never false, always presenting what is true.
I can fully relate to everything in this article. Where would we be if the only guide to being a woman was through reading Woman’s Day, Vogue and such magazines? I thank God every day for Esoteric Women’s Health.
What you’ve shared Deb would be most woman’s story I am sure – doing everything we can to be what the magazine’s tell us to be. Esoteric Women’s Health has supported me, as it has you, to feel the beauty that is within me always – it is not a physical beauty although it does express outwardly – but a beauty from deep within.
Esoteric Women’s Health has completely flipped upside-down on it’s head what being a woman in this world today can look and more importantly feel like. There are so many roles and pictures that we are forced into playing so as to appear that we are being accepted (good worker, daughter, ‘one of the guys’ etc) all of these are not ‘being a woman’. What EWH has shown me and as you have also shared here Deb is that ‘a woman’ is a quality that is felt in the body and that this quality IS enough, it IS valid and strong, there is a place for her in this world and our lives to come from this quality. Breaking away from those roles and pictures is not an instantly achieved feat but I am deeply appreciative of being willing and supported to continue such a process.
Yes Deb. a question I too had not really asked myself. What does it mean to be a woman? I too got lost in women’s magazines, observing the other women at work in my teens. Is this what you do? It was like this is the way……look good, capture a man, have kids and end up happy ever after. Was so lost in ideals and beliefs back then that I became a sheep and just followed the herd. None of it worked or made sense. I took on roles cause I didn’t know what else to do. I had lost the connection with myself and my stillness. Now I am listening more to my body and have a deeper appreciation for being the woman I am and honouring that.
Very beautiful to read Deb. Thank you, having to live up to something or someone else is indeed so exhausting! I am also finding how it is great to let myself be me and be as equally as amazing as another woman who is also herself in that.
Beautiful blog, makes me realize how much women (and men too) create an image of self, to not just be and accept who they are and feel the beauty deep within.
Definitely Benkt, the sting of comparison is sharp on both ends. Those receive it and those who deliver.
You sum it up so beautifully, Deb:
‘I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me, not some image of what a woman should be and that my worth is not measured by my appearance or for what I do.’
I absolutely agree, letting go of ideals and beliefs has made all the difference for me too.
I don’t know another woman that has not grown up with their own version of an ‘image’ of what being a woman looks like. Perhaps now, finally these times can change where our girls can have role models in their life that are truly honoring of their own beauty, based on their connection within, appreciation for who they innately are can become a natural way of living, and the world will get to feel what true beauty is.
Yes Giselle- we are so fortunate to have Natalie Benhayon who is founder of Esoteric Woman’s health, to be such an amazing role model. Her talk at the last Woman in Livingness workshop in February was very inspiring, and group work so empowering and healing for me, that I can’t wait to attend the next WIL workshop on August 2, in Prahran.
You can book at http://www.esotericwomen‘shealth.com/melbourne
I’ve already booked.
Deb I love how you have shifted from wanting to look like an external image ( super fit etc) and now you know you are doing ok if you just listen to your body, honour how you feel, and make choices that support you.
Great blog Deb. It had never occurred to me that appreciating me and accepting who I am was something that would change completely how I feel about myself and how I am with myself, but it has and there is not an ounce of doing that is required. I am forever grateful to blogs such as yours and the presentations of Esoteric Women’s Health.
I agree Jen for the more we share with each other how we can deepen our love and care for ourselves, the more loving our relationships can be with everyone.
I grew up with through my teens and early twenties with women’s magazines as my reference point to what the lastest trends were for women of our times … Mostly it seemed it was about how to have a great body, get the man and job/career you wanted and have as many orgasms as possible. All very goal orientated and driven … None of it worked surprisingly enough or I resisted what was on offer because I couldn’t really relate as somehow I was left out of the picture or I never felt I measured up. There was always something, some way of being that seemed impossible to meet. Meeting Serge Benhayon was the first person I met that helped me make sense of what it was to be in my femaleness, to find the stillness within me and live from there. It has been wonderful to watch this experience develop into Esoteric Women’s Health, a foundation for all women and men to really connect and understand what it is to be a woman and the qualities that expression brings when lived truthfully and honestly without perfection. What an absolute blessing Esoteric Women’s Health is for us all.
The first Esoteric Women’s Health group i attended we were asked what did it mean to us to be a woman? I was shocked because in that question being asked of me I realised I did not even think of myself as a woman most of the time – just a person. So just the simple fat I now live my life feeling and expressing myself as a woman is absolutely life-changing. And that was just the start!
This is such an awesome blog Deb as it reflects the difference between the way many of us as women have identified as women and what being a true woman is really about. It’s not in the things that we wear or do, it is in the way in which we care, nurture, honour and love ourselves as women. In coming to the true knowing that we all have beauty, wisdom and nurturing within us and it is not about what we do, but the quality within which we live as women. Just beautiful.
Great Blog Deb, there was so much juicy stuff in there!
So much gold ie. So many great pointers about what it is to be a true Woman and how we can start to support ourselves to True Health!
I don’t think I had ever even contemplated on what it was to be a woman until I encountered Esoteric Women’s Group. Meeting those women who were already making self-loving, nurturing choices was very inspiring to really understand there was this quality beyond the appearance and mannerism that defined every woman.
I never considered this either Fumiyo – What does it mean to me to be a woman? I have been stopped by this question recently as I realised that even though I go about my day as a women, it’s been something that I have largely ignored. Esoteric Women’s Health, both modalities and events has been crucial for me in developing my relationship as me as a woman. This is definitely ongoing but always supportive.
Thank you Deb I loved your blog , but what a lot of work at not being you. To a beautiful turnaround finding the true beauty that lives within.
Fascinating, Deb. You express something very inspiring here: Esoteric Women’s Health provides a platform for true information about being a woman. And that is starting with the fact that we are already complete from day zero.
And isn’t it great that women can now have a true platform from which to be women? It’s been missing for so long from our lifestyles. The tawdry magazines and messages from TV or other lost women on how to be a woman were a very poor alternative.
I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me, the real me… a lovely reminder that it is that simple!
Gorgeous description of your transformation Deb. Really revealing of so many aspects of life so many women get tricked by, focusing outward, and not within. Tangible to feel the weight lifted off you as you drop all the boxes you were ticking and instead that lovely feeling you describe of ‘permission to be me’. Lovely warm sharing rich with perspective and whole new way with life.
Yes agree Kate, she does indeed seem to have permission to just be “ME”
Yes, how lovely when are able to surrender to the beauty within us as enough…so much more than enough. Thank you Deb, every precious woman needs reminding of this truth.
Thanks Deb, very refreshing! It was a phrase towards the end that made me stop was “I have learnt to listen to my body and not to ignore it.” You were working on your body all the time (making sure that your image was perfect), but at the same time ignoring it altogether. It was no connection with your self. Hence, it makes perfect sense that your main relationship with other women was competition.
When we look ‘out there’, everything is telling us that we are not good enough as we are and if we do certain things, have the right body, get the right job, meet the right partner, then we will be happy. This is such an illusion and most of us fall for it. As you mention, living in pursuit of an ideal is exhausting! How inspirational that you have let that all go and that other women have a chance to see that they too can make the same choices should they so wish.
It is beautiful that you have been able to focus on what is true rather than ‘creating the picture and maintaining the image’ which sadly seems to be the norm today, so It was really lovely to read of your journey in learning to appreciate and honour yourself for who you naturally are rather than ‘should’ be. Thank you for sharing this.
It is so freeing when we recognise, and choose to let go of the jealously and comparison we may hold towards other women. We then get to appreciate, embrace and honour our inner beauty, which resides in all women.
Deb I feel what you wrote could be written by any woman – it’s universal, we put so much effort into being what we think we need to do to be women and what gets us noticed when all along it’s already there, like you said, “I have come to understand that being a woman is just as simple as giving myself permission to be me.” That is so profound. 🙂
Thank you Deb, it’s amazing how we can look to the outside for reassurance and get lost in the process by taking on everybody’s opinion of what it should be like to be a woman, and let’s face it there are millions of ideals out there of what a woman should be. I like most of the population have tried these ideals and like you said they don’t work, and never can work. They only create more unsatisfaction and craving. I am discovering the only way to truly feel what it is to be a woman is by dropping those imposed ideas and feel the beauty-full woman that’s already inside, this is true learning!
Like Deb, I struggled with ‘being a woman’ How was that different from being anything, or anybody, else? And being a woman was the only way I knew to be, wasn’t it?. But I was really trying to be all things to all people, leaving very little for myself. It’s still work in progress, but more and more I am feeling and expressing that it’s really simple. Being a woman is simply – connecting to, and being, me.
Hi Deb, yes I too did find I had grown up with women’s magazines as my general guide to how I should be… Add into the mix years of trying to be perfect at classical ballet and there you have a recipe for self loathing. It’s been a relief in the greatest way as I relearn that I am actually OK as I am, and in fact more than OK – I am amazing right here, now today.
Wow I could totally feel all the pictures we try to live up to and the beauty of you finding you are so much more beautiful than any of that. Thank you.