by Rod Harvey and Sue Kira
Rod’s Story
Sue and I met about eight years ago and bonded instantly (actually, the physical bonding was enjoyed a little later). Since that time we’ve been inseparable and have had a wonderful relationship based on mutual respect and admiration and a deep love for each other. During this time we have never had an argument (who needs arguments when a discussion will sort out differing points of view).
We also both enjoyed salsa dancing and played in a samba carnival drumming group. Life together has been marvellous and we’ve had lots of fun times and adventures while supporting each other through the stuff of life.
About two and a half years into our relationship we began to attend presentations by Serge Benhayon from Universal Medicine. From Serge’s presentations and workshops we developed a deeper understanding of ourselves and humanity. While the dynamics of our relationship did not vary greatly on a surface level, as time moved on the depth of our love changed – there was more tenderness and making love took over from sex.
With love making the need to ‘perform’ was not necessary and there was no need for an outcome (excuse the pun). Initially I found that awkward as it presented a deeper level of intimacy, but after a while it became the enjoyable norm. Making love is not just about the bedroom, it’s about moments throughout the day – the gestures and things you like to do for each other without the need for recognition or reward.
A year ago we married. Initially, when we started to make ‘wedding arrangements’ we got caught up in who to invite, what music to play and so on till we both started to feel a resistance and realised that we were heading back into the ‘normal’ consciousness that’s around traditional weddings. Once we realised that, we made it simple with a handful of friends, our (adult) kids and the neighbours under a tree in the front yard followed by lunch supplied by those who attended (and no presents). Simple, enjoyable, lovely and over by 5pm so we could kick back and watch a movie.
Through Universal Medicine we have learnt to love ourselves more and through that, our love for each other has grown. As a wise man said once or twice – “it’s impossible to love another more than you can love yourself”. Thanks Serge, we’re enjoying the benefits of your wisdom!
Now I wonder what my wife will say…
Sue’s Story
As Rod is my third husband, you can imagine that I was getting choosier about who I was going to have in my life. Third time lucky as some would say. So I was off to a good start with the fact that both of us had been in relationships / marriages before that didn’t last and knew more about what we wanted in life which really was about having a mutual respect and love for one another as well as ourselves.
But even with this I could see that because of the unresolved emotional problems of the past, there was still potential for things to not work for us either. Fortunately, we found Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed), and it was within the workshops and presentations that we were able to unfold more of the truth behind how we felt. By learning how to ‘feel’ more rather than think, we came to understand ourselves more deeply which in turn helped us to grow as a couple.
As Rod said, we never have any arguments, never did, but it was now more about clear, loving, communication, rather than me just not saying anything for fear of conflict, which is how it used to be in previous relationships. I can say that if it hadn’t been for UniMed and Serge we wouldn’t have the depth of love in our relationship that we now have. I had previously thought that I was in love with other men, but really that was just emotional love, but until you can truly feel love for yourself you cannot begin to feel true love for another. This is true love, but it is a love that we also share with humanity equally (but I choose to sleep and make love with only Rod, of course).
When we make love, we have our eyes open, connected to each other, rather than the eyes closed ‘focused on genital’ version of sex or so called ‘love making’. Essentially it’s also about first having a loving connection with yourself and not wanting or needing anything from the other person, whereas in the past it was about seeking intimacy through a physical act.
But we also make love every day in every way (sound like a song from Miranda Benhayon) with moments of passing gestures and by being ‘present’ with each other when we are together. It is easy being in a relationship where there is nothing but love… and while it is not about everything always being ‘perfect’, there is a connection and a true intimacy in this relationship deeper than any I have ever known.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Thank you both for sharing how developing a loving relationship with ourselves first is what enriches our relationship with our partners and others. Making love then becomes a quality of our loving connection lived and shared with our partners throughout the day, which is then confirmed as such when our bodies come together to make love.
A beautiful sharing of true love in a relationship. When we hold back from expressing what we feel in order to avoid an argument then we are just having an argument with our own body that is calling for us to express our truth.
Yes, it is so important to love oneself first, only then can we truly love another, ‘Through Universal Medicine we have learnt to love ourselves more and through that, our love for each other has grown.’
Rod and Sue this is gorgeous to read, seeing you both it is obvious the great love and respect you both share for each other. Couples like you are so needed in a world that has forgotten to live with true love and instead have settled for a lesser version – emotional love. Once you experience true love you open up the grandness and endless supply of love that is always available.
Emotional love is mostly all we see out in the world so even if we have a sense of this not being ‘it’, it can be difficult to know where to go with this when there are no reflections or role models of there being another way. Enter Serge Benhayon and the rest of the Benhayon family. Thanks to them I have living and evolving role models of what true love looks like. Every part of my being knows this is true and I am now living this for myself – a constant unfoldment and joy.
I can see how I too have been fooled by emotional love not just in previous relationships but in my relationships with others too but as I develop self love the emotional love begins to stand out within me and within others. It begins to feel uncomfortable and a tension is felt because it is not true.
This is a beautiful sharing, one that I find inspiring and supportive. I love how the focus of your relationship together is about ‘making love’ in how you are choosing to be with each other. Forever expanding your connection to your own love and having nothing stopping you from sharing it with your partner.
Beautiful to hear from two sides of the story – thank you for sharing the intimate details of the love you share in your relationship, Sue and Rod.
Would be awesome to be taught that you can’t love another more than you love yourself in school. I’ve felt like I’ve loved some people in my life so much that it hurt when they were not around. i know today, that’s not true love, that’s co-dependence. Equality in a relationship is so so important, but it really does come from the individual first loving and appreciating themselves before the other.
Reading this blog, the love you speak of Rod and Sue, is so gentle, so honouring and so steady – and very inspiring to feel, thank you.
The absence of arguments does not automatically mean that there is love in a relationship, it could be just a very good arrangement. But what makes all the difference to a relationships is the presence of love in all the interactions and not just when I want to get laid, but an ongoing persistent quality that sets the tone for the entire relationship.
It is gorgeous that as you deepened the connection with yourselves first… unfolding more of who you are, that this allowed you to deepen the love between you and naturally unfold the expression of that love to reflect that new depth and quality.
“but until you can truly feel love for yourself you cannot begin to feel true love for another.” It is such a throw away line really but holds a lot of truth. There is a massive difference between emotionally being in love with each other, for me also known as needing someone in my life, and truly loving another, where there is a love felt in my heart that I hold the other in so to speak. The latter one is just gorgeous to experience as it is giving myself equally love as the other.
Making love all throughout the day sounds like my kind of melody, thanks for sharing both Rod and Sue.
Thank you Rod and Sue for sharing simply the deep love your have for each other and how that has deepened since coming to Universal Medicine, as our love grows for ourselves it grows for each other, what a beautiful couple reflecting how love can be in relationships.
Sue you shared: “By learning how to ‘feel’ more rather than think, we came to understand ourselves more deeply which in turn helped us to grow as a couple.” Perhaps the “to feel more rather than thinking” is a missing link in so many not working relationships and with your sharing you offer them a new possibility to re-connect and grow as a couple again.
Self-love is the key in all our relationships, not just in couple relationships. Self-love supports us to let others in, to connect with all we meet, no matter how small or short the exchange is – love can be expressed (flow) with a simple smile or a meeting of the eyes with a stranger….
“it’s impossible to love another more than you can love yourself’. Says it all really!
“Essentially it’s also about first having a loving connection with yourself and not wanting or needing anything from the other person, whereas in the past it was about seeking intimacy through a physical act.”
This is most beautifully and exact expressed, when we are in harmony with ourselves there is no need to perform or to seek but simply the expression of what is there already and the celebration of this beingness.
Thank you Sue and Rod for your blog. A couple dedicated to self love, and to love and respect together is a very powerful couple for the community. We learn so much by watching and observing others, and I feel the way you live would be very inspiring for those around you.
I love how you wrote from both of your perspectives and amalgamated it into this blog, relationships like yours and many in the student body reflect an entirely different way to being with another where need is no longer the foundation.
This is so beautiful to read, and so confirming the feeling that love starts with ourselves, not something outside of us. It is a great journey to discover this love, and really get to feel that a partner for that matter is not needed.
Thank you Rod and Sue, a delightful duet that sings of true love and building a relationship on openness and gentle intimacy throughout the day and every day. “Through Universal Medicine we have learnt to love ourselves more and through that, our love for each other has grown.”
Absolutely Mary, love is forever expanding its light!
Thank you Rod and Kyra the love is felt in what you both write and what a great way of sharing your love with the world. A love forever expanding that is for sure.
Absolutely, very inspiring. This is one blog l will read over as a marker for my own experience.
lts so beautiful to feel the depth of intimacy you have built with each other. Most inspiring to imagine a world like this.
This blog in a way says so much yet doesn’t say much at all. Thank you sharing the simple details of your relationship, it has highlighted what principles are needed to have any type of loving relationship.
I love how you both share that you do not have arguments and as you said Sue that it is not that you ‘hold your tongue’ but about open communication. I have found that too, I have not had an argument with my partner either which I feel is mainly because we are very committed to loving each other, being in an argument does feel ugly. Communication feels like the other very important factor, when something feels a bit tensed between us we talk about it with the commitment to bring it back to love which is amazing to feel and a true blessing to be part of.
This is great to read and very inspiring, I can feel how true love starts with loving myself, and making love is in everything we do together and for each other.
Rod and Sue in between sharing the magic of your relationship you also share some big truths here such as “it’s impossible to love another more than you can love yourself” and not wanting and needing our partners to fulfill our expectations. They are essential aspects of any truly successful relationship.
The authenticity of the love you live with each other shines through your words. Thank you Sue and Rod for sharing the love and harmony you have between you through this blog.
What an inspiring blog Rod and Sue! Although I was married for well over 20 years, I didn’t get to experience the making love that you share here – which I realise now stemmed from me not having a loving relationship with myself and which was reflected in how I was in my relationship with my partner and how we experienced our relationship together. I’m now currently single but look forward to the potential opportunity to experience making love in an intimate relationship with another, and in the meantime I am learning to make love my daily choice with myself.
Great point draganabrown – ‘relationship’ – this word can bring up so many different emotions and feelings. We all want it but it seems so difficult. I do find it amazing looking back on what I have been accepting within relationships, and I am so grateful to Serge Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon, Emmalee Benhayon and Michael Benhayon and Sue and Rod for being true role models of what a true and loving relationship looks and feels like. There is no way back to accepting the unacceptable.
Yes NL, I can feel that this is true and your relationship is growing as you both keep growing and evolving. What a beautiful opportunity for you both to live that love and express it with each other. It is truly inspiring to see a couple appreciating each other every day, without perfection.
Thank you both for sharing the love that you live each day. This is really beautiful to read and inspiring to know that it is possible and to not settle for anything less.
Sue and Rod, I can sense the joyful delight you are sharing with yourselves and each other through reading this blog. Your confidence in your relationship, stemming from an individual inner connection to yourselves, is inspirational to others. Thank you.
Sue and Rod, thank you for this very open and honest sharing. It is lovely to read a blog from both people in the relationship. Love is definitely about presence and quality first with self then with others. I completely agree.
Thank you Sue and Rob for sharing your relationship with us and for broadening the concept/words ‘making love’ to much more than only the physical act. Although I am not in a relationship at the moment I still experience making love. When I am completely with myself, feeling I am love and then connect with another it can be there in the eye contact or in a smile.
What a gorgeous blog. I can really feel how building love for myself is what will allow me to truly love another. And that sounds amazing – not the emotional love with all it’s hooks, but a true love with an intimate partner.
This is so lovely to read and very inspiring. The ease and simplicity of how you are with each other is beautiful to feel. I’ve always felt that intimate relationships were all too complicated but when we make them about connection, presence and tenderness the complication slips away. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, I didn’t realise this blog is from 2012! It feels so timeless and current – I guess that’s how truth is; timeless and the quality endures and doesn’t change. Thank you Rod and Sue for sharing your lovely story. I find it very inspiring and I look forward to experiencing a relationship like that one day. Really making it about sharing and expressing love firstly. And all else is built from that commitment to that love.
Exactly Esther, I agree, a “timeless” piece, and they will be saying the same thing in 3015!
Rod and Sue truly lovely to read as well as very inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful relationship. I love how you stopped yourselves from being caught in the wedding planning trap, and made it really simple, I can tell you made it all about love and not about the event.
My relationship with my husband has, and continues to be transformed by the work and teachings that Serge Benhayon shares. I am learning what it truly means to make love, and, as was shared, it is not limited to the bedroom nor to the physical act Xx
A beautiful sharing of the love Sue and Rod live everyday – very inspiring!
Beautiful to read guys. I loved reading about your marriage- ‘over by 5pm so we could kick back and watch a movie.’ Super simple and seemingly made ordinary as a huge gesture doesn’t seem needed when the relationship is already filled with love. I also found what you shared about the loving gestures done for each other through out the day apart of making love too, many more relationships need these loving gestures, yet as you both have said, with out first love for yourself you aren’t able to have love with another, and so it goes with the loving gestures..
I love your points here Emily, yes the simple wedding sounds so awesome. It’s not about the dress, the expense, the grandeur of the gestures, but the Love between the two people. And once that’s there, the details are just that – details, but not the main focus. The point about loving gestures I love – yes, how loving are we with ourselves throughout the day? What loving gestures towards myself could I build into my day? A beautiful point to expand and allow to unfold within our relationships with ourselves.
A beautiful sharing of the’ wholeness’ available to us all in living the Truth of Love and Loving. l have had a picture of Love as growing outwards but this has shown me that whilst it magnifies, it is the depth or deepening of the love that is magnified for all to share. The constant and consistent nurturing of love of self and other is evident in every word.
Thank you Rod and Sue for sharing the journey of your love together and how it has grown and expanded since coming to Universal Medicine. It is so inspiring to read about a couple who start from the point of loving themselves and then each other and everyone else. What a gift for us all.
If there was a drivers license for relationships, the exam would consist of one question: “Do you love yourself?”
It beautiful to read about the loving connection you both have. As the self love has grown so to has the depth of love you have for each other, and it’s wonderful to read how you both express this to each other throughout the day. Thanks Rod and Sue for your beautiful sharing.
Thanks Rod and Sue for sharing your stories. Deeply inspiring to read and feel the reflection of true love, opposed to emotional love which is what is so often role modelled in movies and magazines. You guys are the real deal and as others have commented on this thread, inspiring for those of us who are single to not settle for anything less.
When reading of this love between Rod and Sue, not only is it deeply inspiring, it has a quality of calmness and steadiness. “Love” is often role modelled without these qualities with high emotions and intensity.
Great point nikkimckee: love in media or films or books is often portrayed with the need for high emotions and intensity. I feel the quality of calmness and steadiness is much more healthy and worth aspiring to.
Thank you for sharing your love with all of us.
I love this blog. I can feel your chemistry. What your words transpire is that life in a relationship can be so simple!! You have lots to teach the world.
Well said, I agree! Bring it on Rod and Sue. The world needs role-models like you so much.
Thank you emfeldman, you speak out of my soul- what these two shared seems to be light and easy …I love that..and the connection between you two is deeply felt- awesome 🙂
Absolutely we can all learn from what Rod and Sue have posted on this site, also when I see them dance the connection and love exudes from them both.
Thank you for sharing your stories. It was really beautiful to read how, owing to the Universal Medicine presentations, you came to understand yourself more deeply, which in turn allowed you to discover true intimacy with each other. The love you share is deeply felt.
Thank you for an awesome blog with two perspectives. It’s very inspirational to read how you have evolved together. I can so relate to this: “I had previously thought that I was in love with other men, but really that was just emotional love”, but I’m on my way to truly feel love for myself so I can begin to feel true love for another.
I loved your comment – it’s so honest. The reality is many people do experience arguments, but regardless the commitment to keep developing and deepening the relationship and to bring it back to love is inspiring.
It’s great to hear from a couple who are bucking the trend and making life about love, and not about issues and settling for an arrangement!
Thank you for the beautiful sharing and reflection of the love-making couple that you present. A shining light to all.
I deeply appreciate the honesty Rod and Sue share – that their relationship to many could have seemed great, but now as evidenced, is truly loving. They share that it is not about perfection, but a willingness to evolve the relationship together and from their with all others, not loosing site of the fact that it starts with self.
Gorgeous Sue and Rod, I love how clearly and simply you’ve both shared your journey with your loving relationship.
Sharing your love in this article is indeed, such a joy to read…simply beautiful
What a wonderful example of love.
So simple, your blog cuts all the complication out of relationships and your love for each other shines through.
I have just come accross this awesome blog written by Rod and Sue – nearly 2 years ago now. But this is forever relevant and true, as we all want to have loving relationships. Knowing Rod and Sue and having observed and felt their loveliness and them connecting with each other and everyone is so beautiful to be around. Thank you both for sharing how you have deepened the love for yourselves first and then made your relationship only about love and expressing that love. You are very inspiring to me, along with more and more loving couples we know choosing to live this way, not afraid to show and claim their love for each other – all the while allowing to be loving with anybody who is willing to be that and allowing the love in. How beautiful to live that way.
Like Judith I also loved to read all the comments here too and could relate to them very strongly – thank you all.
Thank you Danielle for all you shared and expressing that when there is no need and expectation, but love, relationships become easy.
Thank you Dragana for sharing how we used to accept unloving relationships – which were really reflecting how unloving we were with ourselves in the first place.
I have so enjoyed reading this blog again and all the comments. They clearly show that we all now know what a truly loving relationship is because of examples we are seeing being lived by an ever increasing number of couples at Universal Medicine gatherings. None of these relationships look the same either, as each has their own flavour of expression particular to that couple. That is what I have found most inspiring. There is no one way to live Love – either with ourselves or with another in a paired relationship and it is up to my husband and me to find our way of living the Love we are in the ‘us-ness’ of us.